1
00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:05,000
Speaker 1: Knowing your kids, don't just me knowing their.

2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:09,520
Speaker 2: Names, dead ass, because half the time we be calling

3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,760
Speaker 2: every name but the name.

4
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,879
Speaker 3: Of the child that you want in that moment.

5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,520
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about that when when I said it.

6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 3: But you're right though, right.

7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:21,080
Speaker 2: But for me, it's although we encourage communication with our children,

8
00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:27,080
Speaker 2: you still have to be the probing parents sometimes, dead ass.

9
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,520
Speaker 1: Deadass.

10
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,000
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.

11
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,160
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

12
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,120
Speaker 3: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

13
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,880
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

14
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,840
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

15
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,400
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

16
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,760
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

17
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,640
Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.

18
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,240
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

19
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,240
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

20
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,960
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day.

21
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,200
Speaker 4: So when we say dead we're actually saying the facts,

22
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,720
Speaker 4: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

23
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:06,240
Speaker 4: the truth.

24
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,960
Speaker 1: Were about to take pilot off to our whole new level.

25
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:16,480
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now. Storytime, Baby, what you got

26
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:16,880
Speaker 3: for over?

27
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,920
Speaker 1: The time I got something that happened real recent.

28
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,000
Speaker 2: I feel like so many of our like we've been

29
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,399
Speaker 2: talking a lot about parenting recently, because this is kind

30
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,959
Speaker 2: of the season that we're in, Yeah, with our kids

31
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,720
Speaker 2: being in so many different phases, and we're just like

32
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:29,760
Speaker 2: so many revelations.

33
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,600
Speaker 3: I feel like that's happened in the past year.

34
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like we've been away from them so

35
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,840
Speaker 5: much that it's like when we come back to them,

36
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,280
Speaker 5: it's like, man, how did I miss all of this?

37
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 1: I mean that kind of leads me to my story.

38
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,760
Speaker 5: The story happened actually last night before we filmed this

39
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:48,120
Speaker 5: one this morning. But I'm just watching Jackson like throughout

40
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,920
Speaker 5: the the whole day, and I'm just looking at him

41
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,840
Speaker 5: and I'm like, yo, you good, bro, And he gets

42
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 5: to put the head back like yeah, I'm good. So

43
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:56,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, okay.

44
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:57,840
Speaker 1: They goes on.

45
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,160
Speaker 5: I see he's very pensive, you know, he's doing when

46
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,920
Speaker 5: this a lot and rubbing his eyes like you're good, bro,

47
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,720
Speaker 5: you're good, and he's like, yeah, I'm good, dad, I'm good, Dad,

48
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,520
Speaker 5: I'm good. So finally at night he's getting ready to

49
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,799
Speaker 5: go to sleep, so all right, buddy, give me a

50
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,680
Speaker 5: hug right, so goes to give me a hug, and

51
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,720
Speaker 5: rather than let him just give me a hug and

52
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,400
Speaker 5: walk away, I hold on to him. And when I

53
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,959
Speaker 5: hold on to him, I feel him kind of relaxed

54
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,239
Speaker 5: in my arms for a minute, and then.

55
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 1: I feel like that like pull him back, and I said,

56
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:27,200
Speaker 1: what's up?

57
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,839
Speaker 5: His eyes are all red and I could tell he's

58
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,239
Speaker 5: trying to like hold back tears. And I said, do

59
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 5: you want to talk to me about something? He says, Oh, no,

60
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,000
Speaker 5: I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. I said, just go

61
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,519
Speaker 5: upstairs and talk. We walked away, went upstairs to talk,

62
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 5: and he let me know exactly what he was going through.

63
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:51,120
Speaker 3: So for karaoke karaoke time, can he picked the carry out?

64
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,079
Speaker 3: What version do you want to see?

65
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 2: The version that is more commonly known within the black community.

66
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,560
Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, from a movie that you didn't watch, by

67
00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 1: the way.

68
00:02:58,960 --> 00:02:59,919
Speaker 3: Not until I met you.

69
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:00,440
Speaker 1: Yes.

70
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,280
Speaker 2: And I still was kind of like, I think I

71
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 2: watched it too late because it wasn't funny when.

72
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:05,320
Speaker 1: I watched it.

73
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,400
Speaker 5: Well, I mean that happens with classics, right, Like if

74
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,880
Speaker 5: you watch stuff twenty years after it was made, that

75
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,119
Speaker 5: version of comedy is no longer.

76
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,520
Speaker 2: Funny, right, sorry, Right, So when I watched it then

77
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:16,840
Speaker 2: I was kind of like, I don't get it. So

78
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,680
Speaker 2: I think I did myself with the service. I should

79
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,639
Speaker 2: have watched it then. Yeah, watched it again after the fact.

80
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,079
Speaker 5: But at least you still understand the cultural significance. Oh,

81
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,560
Speaker 5: for sure, they all will understand it. When I say this,

82
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,080
Speaker 5: I believe chulding on our future teaching.

83
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:36,280
Speaker 1: Wellway, y'all know that's wrong.

84
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:41,960
Speaker 5: Showed them all the beauty, get them all the strang

85
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,040
Speaker 5: If y'all don't know, we're talking about coming to America, guys,

86
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:49,800
Speaker 5: sex you chocolate.

87
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,560
Speaker 1: But no, Kate picked that.

88
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,000
Speaker 5: Song because we're talking about our children and them actually

89
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,480
Speaker 5: being the future and knowing that they will not make

90
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,480
Speaker 5: it to the future. If we don't see them, that's effects.

91
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,720
Speaker 5: And when I mean see them, I means see.

92
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,160
Speaker 3: Them, see them, feel them. Yes, we'll be back.

93
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,200
Speaker 2: Let's pay some bills, and we're gonna expand a little

94
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,160
Speaker 2: bit more on storytime and how I came into the

95
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,400
Speaker 2: story time and we both sat and had a talk

96
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 2: with Jackson before bed last night just to kind of

97
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,039
Speaker 2: prep them for the week.

98
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:24,159
Speaker 3: So we'll be back, y'all stick around, all right, we're back.

99
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,680
Speaker 2: So storytime, we're talking about Deval having a moment with

100
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,120
Speaker 2: Jackson where you know, he was really trying to be

101
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,640
Speaker 2: in control of his emotions, which is something that we're

102
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,120
Speaker 2: very big on in the household.

103
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,239
Speaker 1: And it was part of the story you don't know about.

104
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,279
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you.

105
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,320
Speaker 2: Tell me about it too, so maybe fill me in

106
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,880
Speaker 2: then and then i'll tell you when I came into

107
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,200
Speaker 2: the mix.

108
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,599
Speaker 5: So we were downstairs, it was me, Josh, Matt, and Cheeto,

109
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,560
Speaker 5: and Cheeto was telling us his stories about being a

110
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,080
Speaker 5: single man in La and those stories led to us

111
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,159
Speaker 5: talking about, y'all, you have to be careful as a

112
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,160
Speaker 5: man to make sure no one takes advantage of you.

113
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,160
Speaker 5: And while we're talking about these stories and things that's

114
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,520
Speaker 5: happened to dudes, and it's all comedic and it's fun,

115
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 5: and you know, Cheetoh's a good storyteller, Josh and Matt

116
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,240
Speaker 5: a comedic, So we laughing and joking. And while we're

117
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:10,000
Speaker 5: laughing and joking, I noticed that Jackson's gotten real quiet.

118
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,160
Speaker 5: So we're getting ready to come up to that's when

119
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,480
Speaker 5: y'all were like, you know, y'all ready to come up

120
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,320
Speaker 5: thereirs and eat oh.

121
00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:16,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, we heard you guys were having a really in

122
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,560
Speaker 2: depth conversation downstairs.

123
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:19,719
Speaker 3: What it was about.

124
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,839
Speaker 5: I seen that Jackson was quiet, and I took him upstairs,

125
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,080
Speaker 5: and that's why I was like, Yo, you're good. He's like, yeah,

126
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 5: I'm good, and that's when I seen his eyes well

127
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,800
Speaker 5: up and I was like, yo, talk to me, what's up.

128
00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:30,359
Speaker 5: And he had mentioned that he was just thinking about

129
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,160
Speaker 5: like life, and I was like, like, what you mean

130
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,760
Speaker 5: about life? And he was just like, you know, I

131
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,520
Speaker 5: hear y'all talking about, like, you know, be careful for

132
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,320
Speaker 5: women or people taking advantage of you, and it's just

133
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,560
Speaker 5: a lot to take in.

134
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,359
Speaker 1: And I said, jack you're twelve.

135
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,159
Speaker 5: We're talking about the club scene where you have to

136
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,120
Speaker 5: be at least twenty one to get in. So that's

137
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,760
Speaker 5: nine years, right, So you're not going to understand this.

138
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,279
Speaker 5: But I think it's important for you at twelve to

139
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,960
Speaker 5: sit in a room full of men who I trust.

140
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,440
Speaker 5: These are all my close friends, and if something is

141
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,960
Speaker 5: bothering you or you're unsure, ask you know, like I

142
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:05,640
Speaker 5: asked a question.

143
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 1: You should have said, cheetoh, like what do you what

144
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,240
Speaker 1: do you mean? You know?

145
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,160
Speaker 5: And if Josh made a joke, you usually be like,

146
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 5: j Josh, what do you mean by that? Like, you know,

147
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,880
Speaker 5: try to understand, because also he doesn't understand what's jokes

148
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,960
Speaker 5: and what's real, right, So sometimes and what I'm realizing

149
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,600
Speaker 5: is that when he hears some of the jokes, he

150
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,240
Speaker 5: doesn't understand that he's just a joke. So now he's

151
00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,279
Speaker 5: thinking like, oh shoot, I gotta be an alert for that.

152
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,080
Speaker 5: And now it's it's overwhelming, so much to focus on.

153
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,160
Speaker 3: He hasn't even scratched the service of the half of

154
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:33,640
Speaker 3: those things.

155
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:37,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then that's when, you know, I came back

156
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,200
Speaker 5: downstairs and I had a full conversation with him in

157
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,599
Speaker 5: front of Matt and Josh and Cheeto, and I said, bro,

158
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,320
Speaker 5: you know, tell everybody you know how you feel. So

159
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:47,960
Speaker 5: and he told Me's like I was just a little

160
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,400
Speaker 5: concerned and overwhelmed. And then I could see on Cheetoh's

161
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,599
Speaker 5: face because Cheto, you know, he doesn't have kids. You know,

162
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,960
Speaker 5: Josh and Matt around our kids, and Josh has a

163
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,159
Speaker 5: daughter who's eight. I believe, so Josh, Gosh understands what

164
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,600
Speaker 5: it is to raise a child. So the minute Jack

165
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,040
Speaker 5: started talking, he went into dad mode. You know, Matt

166
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,760
Speaker 5: winning the uncle mode. They just looking at him and

167
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,080
Speaker 5: he's saying how he feels, and I'm, you know, kind

168
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,520
Speaker 5: of reiterating how he feels. And Josh the first one

169
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 5: to jump in. It was just like, bro, like, we're

170
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,720
Speaker 5: not gonna judge. You asked a question, you know, stuck

171
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,160
Speaker 5: his hand out to give jackson pound. Then I watched

172
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,800
Speaker 5: Jack's chest kind of go like yeah, because he didn't

173
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,640
Speaker 5: want to feel judged. And I said, well, why didn't

174
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,440
Speaker 5: you want to say something to asked a question? He said, well,

175
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,720
Speaker 5: I didn't want to sound stupid, And he said I

176
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,440
Speaker 5: also didn't want to be a punk because it was

177
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:31,440
Speaker 5: making me emotional.

178
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:32,840
Speaker 1: So I was just holding in. I was just going

179
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,640
Speaker 1: to go upstairs.

180
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,240
Speaker 5: And that's what made me want to have the conversation

181
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:40,080
Speaker 5: on the podcast about being able to see your kids,

182
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,480
Speaker 5: not just be you know, I see my son, he's

183
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,800
Speaker 5: right there. No, I can see something that's going on

184
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:45,120
Speaker 5: with you.

185
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,680
Speaker 1: And then when we went.

186
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,840
Speaker 5: Upstairs to talk, he started to share more about some

187
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,240
Speaker 5: anxieties he was having about life in general, and about

188
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:57,920
Speaker 5: how overwhelming sometimes basketball and coding and tutoring and sometimes

189
00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,760
Speaker 5: the pressure can be coming. That's when you walked in

190
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,800
Speaker 5: the I see. So it wasn't just about basketball and coding.

191
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,000
Speaker 5: It was about being twelve and feeling like he always

192
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,400
Speaker 5: has to get lessons taught about what to be aware

193
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,920
Speaker 5: of and the world can be daunting sometimes.

194
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:12,680
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely.

195
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 2: I mean that middle school age is such a critical

196
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:19,600
Speaker 2: age and period for the development of boys and girls, right,

197
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,120
Speaker 2: And we speak freely in front of our children a

198
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,400
Speaker 2: lot of the times when we do have, like you said,

199
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,840
Speaker 2: trusted adults who can now say, hey, let's rally around.

200
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,080
Speaker 2: We talk about like having men in our corner who

201
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 2: can be around our children at a live show, remember,

202
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,600
Speaker 2: Carter asked, right, yes, yeah.

203
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 3: She said, you know I have.

204
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 2: She's in the same sex relationship, and she said, I'm

205
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:45,720
Speaker 2: not a man, but my fiance has a son who's twelve,

206
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,360
Speaker 2: and I can't teach him how to be a man,

207
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,920
Speaker 2: So what's the best way to be able to help

208
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:50,959
Speaker 2: rally around him.

209
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,599
Speaker 5: I'm glad you brought that up, because I should have

210
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,360
Speaker 5: said it that night, that I am a man, and

211
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,079
Speaker 5: I think I'm the most masculine, manly man that I

212
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,840
Speaker 5: could be, but I still surround my son with other men,

213
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:00,600
Speaker 5: and that's.

214
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,560
Speaker 2: Where I'm going with it, you know, because sometimes Jackson

215
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,319
Speaker 2: doesn't want to hear from dad. Again, think about how

216
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,040
Speaker 2: many times you've told him some things and he's now

217
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,480
Speaker 2: heard it from a different perspective, from Jay or from

218
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,280
Speaker 2: Roger or somebody else, and then it clicks differently because

219
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,199
Speaker 2: it's a different perspective that's just echoing what you think.

220
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,160
Speaker 2: So the fact that you have and we have a

221
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,680
Speaker 2: village of strong men who we trust around our son,

222
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,800
Speaker 2: I think is invaluable.

223
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,839
Speaker 3: But also Jackson's not the kid that.

224
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:32,440
Speaker 2: Takes things for surface value either. Like he is a thinker.

225
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:36,120
Speaker 2: He's a thinker, he internalizes, he's an EmPATH. So because

226
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 2: of that, it is very necessary I think, for him

227
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,360
Speaker 2: especially to have those touch bases, which you then in

228
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,280
Speaker 2: turn had. And then I walked into him saying like, Okay,

229
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,560
Speaker 2: what's too much? What are some things that are on

230
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,559
Speaker 2: your plate right now that maybe we have to alleviate

231
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,520
Speaker 2: so that way you can enjoy And he said, you know,

232
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,040
Speaker 2: I just want sometimes to come home and play with

233
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,839
Speaker 2: Cairo and Kaz and Koda. And I'm like, and you

234
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,280
Speaker 2: should be able to do that. Yeah, bro, you're twelve.

235
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 2: You're twelve, you know. But again, we did did an

236
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,920
Speaker 2: episode of a podcasts I think previously where we talked

237
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 2: about kind of overparenting and trying to make sure that

238
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 2: we just don't screw our kid up. So it's like,

239
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,040
Speaker 2: we can foresee all of these things that are going

240
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,520
Speaker 2: to potentially happen, so you're trying to prevent them from

241
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:22,080
Speaker 2: happening by overparenting and not allowing your child to just

242
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,440
Speaker 2: enjoy the process of life. So that was an eye opener,

243
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,760
Speaker 2: I think for you and I last night. You know,

244
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,400
Speaker 2: when I came upstairs and I saw that he was

245
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,680
Speaker 2: really emotional, and we just wanted to make sure that

246
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,920
Speaker 2: he knew that he was fully supported in whatever it

247
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,040
Speaker 2: is what he wanted to do. He was like, Mom,

248
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,920
Speaker 2: is it cool if I take a little break from coding,

249
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,559
Speaker 2: maybe startup in the summer again?

250
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:42,880
Speaker 3: Why I don't have as much basketball.

251
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, bro, say less, I only do these things

252
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 2: and enroll you in these things because you show.

253
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 1: I'm yeah do that as a mom.

254
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,880
Speaker 5: You definitely don't say you gotta do this, you say

255
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:54,520
Speaker 5: you want to do this.

256
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,800
Speaker 1: I'm an find out where I'm.

257
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,360
Speaker 2: Gonna find the best place. I'm a research I'm gonna

258
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,400
Speaker 2: pull out all the reinforcements. But it's according to what

259
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,160
Speaker 2: you want to do. I'm never going to push anything

260
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 2: on you. So I said, you wanted to take a

261
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,440
Speaker 2: break from coding in a previous football season because it

262
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,080
Speaker 2: was a lot, we can take a break during basketball season.

263
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,280
Speaker 2: And he says it, okay if I take it up

264
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:16,120
Speaker 2: during the summer because I don't have school. Absolutely, absolutely,

265
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,400
Speaker 2: because when I do take something like that away, though,

266
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,720
Speaker 2: I want him to also understand that we're not quitting,

267
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,360
Speaker 2: we're just referring, and so you're better able to do

268
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,559
Speaker 2: it because you do also have to be well rounded,

269
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,520
Speaker 2: Like you have to be a great student, you have

270
00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:29,400
Speaker 2: to be a good athlete, you have to have other

271
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 2: things happening to make you a well rounded individual. So

272
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,000
Speaker 2: I'm happy that he felt comfortable. Like you said, you

273
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,200
Speaker 2: see that like calm come over him when he feels like, damn,

274
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,439
Speaker 2: my mom and dad have my back and I can

275
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,760
Speaker 2: talk to them about anything.

276
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:44,200
Speaker 1: Well.

277
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,760
Speaker 5: That's also why I said preface it by saying, make

278
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,800
Speaker 5: sure you see your children. Because Jackson and I also

279
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,439
Speaker 5: had a brief conversation. I said, I didn't want to

280
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,040
Speaker 5: push it too much, but we were talking about the

281
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:56,720
Speaker 5: dating process and I saw him getting emotional and getting

282
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,920
Speaker 5: kind of like overwhelmed. So then we went upstairs and

283
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,600
Speaker 5: I said, hey, you're doing this that I said, you know,

284
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,160
Speaker 5: are you attracted to women? Are you attracted to men?

285
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,800
Speaker 5: Like I had that conversation too, and he's like, no,

286
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,439
Speaker 5: I'm attracted to women. Why And so I'm asking because

287
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,280
Speaker 5: you got emotional when we were talking about the dating process.

288
00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 5: I also don't want you to ever feel like you

289
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,720
Speaker 5: have to be something that you may not be because

290
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,920
Speaker 5: you want us to felix accepsolutely.

291
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,680
Speaker 1: So you know, I'm accepted. I'm attracted to women.

292
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,440
Speaker 5: I just want And I said, I'm just asking because

293
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,800
Speaker 5: I want you to know now that if you're not

294
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 5: and that if you are attracted to them, and this

295
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,280
Speaker 5: is something that we can talk about and it's something

296
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,440
Speaker 5: that you can walk in and you can feel safe here.

297
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,120
Speaker 5: But it's important to see your children when they're going

298
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,760
Speaker 5: through something and make it clear to them that no

299
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 5: matter what you're going through, I'm here.

300
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,240
Speaker 3: Oh for sure, I'm here.

301
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,200
Speaker 5: When he talked about, you know, being overwhelmed, I said, dude,

302
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,880
Speaker 5: if you want to quit basketball tomorrow, stop, you're twelve.

303
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,160
Speaker 5: You know you don't have to play basketball your whole

304
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:56,000
Speaker 5: life right, and when I tell parents because I have

305
00:12:56,080 --> 00:13:00,480
Speaker 5: a unique perspective being a mentor for twelve years touring

306
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,400
Speaker 5: young men and women over five between five hundred and

307
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,400
Speaker 5: seven hundred young.

308
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:05,760
Speaker 1: Men and women.

309
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,360
Speaker 5: I've watched these men and women, young men and women,

310
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,959
Speaker 5: go through so many different versions of themselves, and I've

311
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,679
Speaker 5: watched how they've changed. I've also noticed how middle school

312
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,760
Speaker 5: is that fork in the road. Yes, the middle school

313
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,520
Speaker 5: is that that time where if they don't believe that

314
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,280
Speaker 5: someone in their life is in their corner.

315
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,480
Speaker 3: Or they're not confident in who they are becoming, they're.

316
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,319
Speaker 5: Going to find someone to advocate for them. And that

317
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,520
Speaker 5: advocation I don't even know if there's a word advocacy.

318
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,640
Speaker 1: Advocacy and come from the streets, and I don't want that.

319
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,360
Speaker 2: For my kids or from a very poor source, right

320
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,080
Speaker 2: meaning their friends who are also not equipped.

321
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,120
Speaker 5: That's what I mean by the streets right outside, not

322
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:46,960
Speaker 5: a glimpse.

323
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,240
Speaker 2: To be able to tell them anything. Social media, whatever

324
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,360
Speaker 2: it is, because it's but so much that you can

325
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,120
Speaker 2: protect your children from. So that's why so much of

326
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,120
Speaker 2: it starts at home. And I think that's why you

327
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,239
Speaker 2: and I are so like hands on in that sense.

328
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,560
Speaker 3: With them people.

329
00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,720
Speaker 5: I want to see my kids, to see them through

330
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,600
Speaker 5: I want to say, I want to every every day

331
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,960
Speaker 5: my boys come home. They have a responsibility. You got

332
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,320
Speaker 5: to confine me, find your mother, say what's up. I

333
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,040
Speaker 5: want to hug you right after school. I want to

334
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,319
Speaker 5: look in your eyes right after school. I was school today.

335
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,120
Speaker 5: And if I asked you out of school today and

336
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,360
Speaker 5: your head go down and you look, what's up?

337
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,440
Speaker 1: What's what happened in school?

338
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:18,000
Speaker 3: Exactly?

339
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000
Speaker 1: If you're smiling, then I know everything is good.

340
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,880
Speaker 5: When I look in your eyes and your eyes are

341
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,040
Speaker 5: a little glossy and you look a little yellow wish,

342
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, you ain't feeling good.

343
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:26,200
Speaker 1: Let me feel you.

344
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 2: Let me give me Let me check the temperature.

345
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 3: You know what good for that because I want to

346
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 3: get the real temperature. Like I got to touch your brain.

347
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,480
Speaker 1: In my ear? My bad I still is still ringing it.

348
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,840
Speaker 1: I hope I can't. I can't hear.

349
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 3: Can hear me?

350
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,160
Speaker 1: I can't hear? You want to? I want to know.

351
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,560
Speaker 5: It's just as parents, sometimes we get caught up in

352
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,080
Speaker 5: our own lives, and we also get caught up and

353
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,680
Speaker 5: work and stuff. That when your kids come in and

354
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,280
Speaker 5: out of the house. You don't even realize who your

355
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,440
Speaker 5: child is. I remember when I used to do social

356
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,880
Speaker 5: media checks at Prototype and it was guaranteed. I mean

357
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:04,280
Speaker 5: was it was. It was what's the word, It was mandatory.

358
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 5: It was mandatory that if you're going to join the program,

359
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,520
Speaker 5: I have to have access to your Facebook, Instagram and

360
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 5: at the time it was Snapchat. And I remember having

361
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,840
Speaker 5: a meeting with parents and I'm just like, you know,

362
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 5: we want to meet about your child social media. Oh,

363
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:22,360
Speaker 5: my child doesn't have social media. Oh but why why

364
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,440
Speaker 5: you say that my child don't even have a phone.

365
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 5: Oh you don't Coachabau. My child has a phone. Well,

366
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,640
Speaker 5: I have their phone.

367
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. I don't know whose phone

368
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,200
Speaker 1: it is, but I have it.

369
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,920
Speaker 5: And there's definitely a Snapchat and an Instagram, and there's

370
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,760
Speaker 5: definitely profile pictures, and there's definitely messages being sent between

371
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:50,000
Speaker 5: your child and members. And I think you might want

372
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,760
Speaker 5: to see it because the stuff that I'm seeing could

373
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 5: be classified as child pornography. And that's when I seen

374
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,120
Speaker 5: parents go, I forget.

375
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 2: There's probably like as a percentage. But I saw somewhere

376
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,160
Speaker 2: I think it was Ashley Chia, my girl that posted it,

377
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 2: and she said, like, your children pretty particularly once they

378
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,320
Speaker 2: reached middle age school age.

379
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 1: Middle school age, middle age school, Like, damn, go to.

380
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:20,440
Speaker 2: School, middle age, middle school age, you don't really know

381
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 2: who your child is.

382
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 3: And I laughed at that.

383
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,040
Speaker 2: Because I'm just like, damn, when I was in middle school,

384
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,080
Speaker 2: high school, then my parents really know who that was?

385
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 3: No, because I love doing ship.

386
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,440
Speaker 2: Getting into ship okay, because I was so.

387
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,400
Speaker 3: Like protected that I was like, God, I just want

388
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 3: to do all the things.

389
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,560
Speaker 5: Seventh grade is when I fell in love with Booty.

390
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:43,960
Speaker 3: That's Jackson's.

391
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,040
Speaker 5: Seventh grade is when I fell in love with boot

392
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,480
Speaker 5: That's when I started grabbing girls butts and girls, was

393
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 5: putting stuff in my pants and trying to play.

394
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:51,800
Speaker 1: Hide and go get it.

395
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 5: Like, seventh grade is when kids start to experiment with

396
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:55,880
Speaker 5: each other.

397
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 2: And you know what I'm saying that their parents something

398
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 2: completely different, Like my parents would have never been like

399
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,760
Speaker 2: my in high school that had been.

400
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,480
Speaker 5: Like quiet boy, quiet boy. They ain't know you was

401
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,840
Speaker 5: a freak, your pin your mom still don't know you

402
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 5: a freak.

403
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 3: Period.

404
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,159
Speaker 1: She was at the live podcast called Show Like This.

405
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,439
Speaker 3: For Mimi was at the lie I told her I

406
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 3: already told her. She was just like, I don't understand why.

407
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 3: I'm the only parent who hasn't been to a show yet,

408
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 3: and I don't know. I said, the Valles parents came

409
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 3: because they have a sense of humor.

410
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:27,399
Speaker 2: I said, you don't have that what I'm saying, and

411
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 2: Dad just that is just happy to be there. I said,

412
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 2: you're the one that judges, so I can't have you

413
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 2: judging me while I'm on stage performing for these people. Sorry,

414
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,920
Speaker 2: she said, she just she just closed her ears.

415
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:45,119
Speaker 5: She closed her eyes as your ass swallowed that freaking

416
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,200
Speaker 5: every show, even though they tried to cheeks, they tried

417
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,440
Speaker 5: to TD cake, except kept coming out that swallow.

418
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,480
Speaker 3: Triple is wild for that video. It was the funniest

419
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,640
Speaker 3: ship ever. She was like, I don't want to get

420
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 3: in trouble posting it. People think I didn't get your permission.

421
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,720
Speaker 3: I was like, triple post that ship.

422
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,600
Speaker 2: I was like Kermit with the head on the put on,

423
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 2: like post it and pin pin.

424
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 3: My comments is because that shit is hilarious.

425
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 1: It was funny.

426
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 3: A whole mess. All right, let's jump into some facts

427
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 3: and stats.

428
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,959
Speaker 2: We're talking about how well you know your children and

429
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:24,440
Speaker 2: making that probing parenting something that is regular in your household.

430
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,159
Speaker 2: Experts believe that a parent's intuition is real and is

431
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 2: defined as an innate ability to know what is best

432
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 2: for your child. I think all parents are pretty much

433
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,120
Speaker 2: born with that when your children or your.

434
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 3: Child is born, such is the parents intuition.

435
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 2: Parents intuition is also defined as gut feelings, the idea

436
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 2: of making decisions without analytically without analytical reasoning. Experts say

437
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 2: gut feelings are signals from the brain to the gastro

438
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:57,080
Speaker 2: intestinal track and vice versa, when.

439
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,920
Speaker 1: You feel nervous and anxious and normal to take a shit, like.

440
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,960
Speaker 3: Nah, bro, I felt like that before every show. But

441
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:05,880
Speaker 3: I didn't have.

442
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 2: To poot, but it was like, you feel like you

443
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 2: gotta go. Experts believe that nonverbal cues may account for

444
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 2: up to ninety three percent of communication. General nonverbal cues

445
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 2: include body language, hand gestures in touch, tone of voice,

446
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 2: facial expression, eye contact, space, and physical boundaries.

447
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: So huge, I.

448
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 5: Want to talk about each one of these. Body language, right,

449
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 5: I've learned this from mentoring the kids. Yeah, anytime something

450
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,200
Speaker 5: was wrong with the kids. With a child, I could

451
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 5: tell from the minute they walked in the gym when

452
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,919
Speaker 5: their shoulders were slouched when they're walking a step slower,

453
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:38,520
Speaker 5: when they're.

454
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 3: Away from the group, hanging low.

455
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 1: That's that's the first sign.

456
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 5: Sluggish, sluggish, slout shoulders, you know, not looking up.

457
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:47,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, something is wrong.

458
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 3: So I would watch they say wait of the world

459
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,200
Speaker 3: right on their shoulders.

460
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,200
Speaker 5: And I would watch how they interact with their peers

461
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,479
Speaker 5: for us. Right then I look at hand gestures in touch. Yo,

462
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 5: let me get a pound. Right, You go to give

463
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 5: a kid a pound, they give you to death fish pound.

464
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 5: You grab their hand, you know what I'm saying. You

465
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 5: go to grab their hand and they just let their

466
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 5: hand die in your hand. It's almost like they've given up.

467
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 5: It's like, what's what's going on?

468
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 1: What's good? Tone of voice?

469
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 5: No, no, no, I'm good, the fake smile. But they don't

470
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 5: look you in your way, They don't look.

471
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 1: You in the eyes. See. Eye contact is the mainly

472
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 1: thing with Jackson. Look at me, look at me?

473
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: How many times we say that, look at me?

474
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 5: And when I look him in his eyes when something's wrong,

475
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 5: you know what happens, tears, tears, When he's fine, he's.

476
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,440
Speaker 3: Like Cairol is the same way.

477
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 5: Eye contact is probably ninety nine percent of the nonverbal cues.

478
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,680
Speaker 5: If your child cannot look you in the eye without

479
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 5: breaking down, something is going on because they know their

480
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 5: parents know, and they don't want you to know what's

481
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:48,439
Speaker 5: going on, so they're trying to hide it. And then

482
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 5: when they looking in your eyes and their eyes start

483
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 5: to well up and you so I can see because

484
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 5: Jackson knows to say, are you about to cry? I'm

485
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 5: not a muggle cry, said Jackson, your eyes are well

486
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 5: en up. Then he stops talking and I see a.

487
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:01,200
Speaker 3: Fall, because that'd be the worst.

488
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,679
Speaker 2: Two when you're trying to not cry. And then somebody

489
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,959
Speaker 2: keeps telling you, I see you're about to cry. That

490
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: makes the cry like literally like on the verge, on

491
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 2: the tip, like about to fall. Always but these are

492
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 2: so it's so spot on. You're absolutely right about they're

493
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 2: absolutely right about all this.

494
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 1: One thing I know about Jack's two space and boundaries.

495
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 5: When Jackson doesn't want to tell me something but he

496
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 5: wants me to probe and figure out. He's always around

497
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 5: me orbiting, orbiting, and it's like he's orbiting and talking

498
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,359
Speaker 5: about something that has nothing to do with nothing, right,

499
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 5: you know, He's like he's just.

500
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 1: Kicking the can. He's moving around, and I'm just like, yo,

501
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 1: what's up?

502
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,640
Speaker 3: Trying to figure out when's the best time to say

503
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,320
Speaker 3: something about it.

504
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 5: And they often say this, Jacks, what's up? Huh huh?

505
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: When I by here the huh I know something? What

506
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,919
Speaker 1: you mean? Huh? Nothing? Nothing? Nothing?

507
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 5: Okay, But you're standing here, but you're not talking to me.

508
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 5: You're not looking at me. You don't want to play pool,

509
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,120
Speaker 5: you don't want to work out something. What's going on?

510
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:56,440
Speaker 1: No?

511
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 5: I was just you know, I'm just a little concerned

512
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 5: because all right, whatever you now, I'm starting to.

513
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 1: Say, let's talk about it.

514
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 3: That happened one time with the grade that he got.

515
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 2: He wasn't happy about and he knew I wasn't gonna

516
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 2: be happy about it, but he knows I check his

517
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 2: grades every week, so he knew it was coming. It

518
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 2: was almost Friday, and he was just like, shit, the

519
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:12,880
Speaker 2: grades are probably going.

520
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:13,199
Speaker 3: To go in.

521
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, let me get before the problem and just let

522
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 2: mom know and prepare for it and say, you know what, Mom,

523
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 2: I that was my bad.

524
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 3: I didn't do X y Z, I should have been

525
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 3: better prepared, YadA, YadA, YadA. So everything that I told

526
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 3: him that I would have told him.

527
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 2: He told me to tell like he's telling him yah, yeah,

528
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 2: because he knew exactly where I would have go with it.

529
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 2: But I'm like, that's progress because at least now he's

530
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 2: holding himself accountable.

531
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 3: He know that he didn't do anything.

532
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 2: That's the consequence for not doing your stuff, and you

533
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,920
Speaker 2: got to deal with it. As your child develops communication skills,

534
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 2: they will use a range of nonverbal cues to convey

535
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 2: messages or feeling.

536
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 5: And that's that's where we are with all of them,

537
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,959
Speaker 5: because i know we're talking about Jackson a lot now

538
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 5: because he's in that middle school range. But I've noticed

539
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 5: that with Kiro and Kaz as well. When something's not

540
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 5: right with them, they tend to probe around me because

541
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 5: they don't know how to say it. But it's like

542
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 5: they know that my dad will figure it out. And

543
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 5: I Kaz, who's the most nonverbal of all of them,

544
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 5: he'll just come and he'll just sit and I'm like,

545
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 5: what's up, what's up?

546
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: Bro? Nothing? Why not with your brothers? Quiet?

547
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 5: Quiet, just sitting there, quiet, And I'm like, you just

548
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 5: want to sit with dad for a minute, And he's

549
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 5: like yes.

550
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,359
Speaker 3: He does the same thing with me, Tom, can we

551
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 3: sit on the couch together? And I'm sure. And sometimes

552
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 3: he just wants he wants his time.

553
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: He wants his time. Yeah, so yeah, and I just

554
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 2: give him them. Like sometimes in the mornings before school

555
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 2: who have breakfast, will have a couple of minutes before

556
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 2: he has to get dressed, and he says, can we

557
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 2: snuggle on the couch and they'll come over.

558
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 5: I think that it's important for you to give him

559
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 5: that time too, because that creates a safe space where

560
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 5: they also know that something doesn't always have to be

561
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 5: wrong to be with my parents, I.

562
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 1: Just want to spend time with my parents and that's okay.

563
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: And that may be his cry in that moment for like, okay,

564
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 2: I haven't had that one on one time with my

565
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: mom in a minute, So this is me asking for that,

566
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 2: and I always make sure that I give it to him.

567
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 2: Cairo is a little bit more like he'll look at

568
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: you and he won't say anything, you know, but you can.

569
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 3: See it all his eyes.

570
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: Is like all four of them. It is in his

571
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 2: eyes and he's super sensitive.

572
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 1: He gonna let it out.

573
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 2: That's usually his biggest gripe now is losing seven.

574
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 1: Sucks. I'm like Yo, your brother is five years older

575
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 1: than you.

576
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 5: My g you're not going to beat him in one

577
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 5: on one right now in a basket where your brother

578
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 5: does not have to jump to dunk. Bro, he's web

579
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 5: beat right now, and you, Steph Curry, Okay, just relaxed

580
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 5: like he's.

581
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,400
Speaker 2: Because then he'll start rolling out all the stats, all

582
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 2: the stats. Oh my goodness. How do you distinguish your

583
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 2: parents intuition from your own fear or personal anxiety that

584
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: you have while parenting.

585
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 3: That's a good question, because I don't know.

586
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,440
Speaker 2: I think sometimes it gets muddled for me, at least

587
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 2: my parents intuition versus just like trying to save them

588
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 2: from the things that I fear happening. That's hard for

589
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 2: me as a mom, particularly because I know you've said,

590
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 2: like you got to let them live, but it's just

591
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,919
Speaker 2: like the struggle with seeing like Dan, this could potentially

592
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:20,880
Speaker 2: be a detriment, but.

593
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 3: I gotta let them do it.

594
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 2: I know the stakes are low because they're younger now,

595
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 2: but I can just foresee that being probably more of

596
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 2: an issue for me as they get older.

597
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: But that should be what you what you fall on

598
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: for me, That's what it is.

599
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 5: Ituation versus fair no, no, understanding the stakes are low.

600
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 5: So whatever they fail at now or they're not good

601
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 5: at now they're two, six, seven and twelve, is it

602
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 5: really that big of a deal. No. And I've learned

603
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 5: to curb my own fear and anxiety about feeling for myself.

604
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 5: So for me is if I've learned to not even

605
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 5: think about fear, like, I really don't care about fear

606
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 5: or failing. You're going to fail at everything you try

607
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 5: the first time. So now that I know that watching

608
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 5: my sons go through stuff and failing, to me is

609
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 5: just part of the process, so I don't have an

610
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 5: anxiety like Jackson with basketball. My biggest thing in the

611
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 5: beginning with basketball is wanting him to be so good

612
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,479
Speaker 5: because I know that I know all the secrets how

613
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 5: he can get there. I learned that it doesn't matter

614
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 5: what I know. Jackson is going to have to fail

615
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 5: over and over and over again on his own so

616
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 5: that he can learn the things I know. Now that

617
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 5: I've learned that, I don't care like I can't will

618
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 5: my son to the NBA. If he's going to go

619
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 5: to the NBA, he's going to have to want to

620
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 5: go first. Then he's going to have to fail and

621
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 5: fail and fail until he figures out his way to

622
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 5: the NBA. That's given me a sense of peace that

623
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 5: I can just support him in whatever it is you

624
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 5: want to do, even his failures.

625
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

626
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 5: And that's how I kind of curb my anxiety because

627
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 5: I just don't I don't care what they do, Like

628
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 5: I don't care what Kirokas Jackson and the Code to

629
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 5: do for fun, what they do for a profession. I

630
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 5: just want them to enjoy their life. That I've been

631
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 5: able to accept that my anxiety about what they do

632
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 5: is like non existent.

633
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: Jacksons about to start AAU.

634
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 5: He's gonna be playing on the Nike eybl circuit, the

635
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 5: toughest circuit in all the basketball. I don't care. I'm

636
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 5: just gonna be some tournaments. I'm not going to go.

637
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 5: Just because Kyro was starting track and so it was Kaz,

638
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 5: I can't go Jacks And now I'm watching him kind

639
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 5: of be like, there's not that bigger deal, Like no

640
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 5: Jack U twelve.

641
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 1: That's it playing basketball.

642
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 3: You're with the trusted adult. Go do your thing. Have fun.

643
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:30,440
Speaker 1: That's all.

644
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 3: Our biggest thing is have fun. We want you to

645
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 3: have fun.

646
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: But I will always keep my eyes on my kids.

647
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 3: Oh I get it.

648
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 5: Jackson's gonna be playing on the even Nike ybl circuit. No, no, no,

649
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 5: he's going to be with Jay. So he's going to

650
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 5: be with someone that I picked, that I trust.

651
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 3: Oh for sure.

652
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: So I don't have to.

653
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 5: Worry about what's happening because I already know Jay. So

654
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 5: my eyes are already there, yo, j just tell me

655
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 5: what happens.

656
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: That's the fact that's in the village, baby, the beauty

657
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 2: in the village. All right, y'all, we're gonna take a

658
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 2: quick break and move into listen letters.

659
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 3: But let's do some ads first and then we will

660
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 3: be back. All right. You want to go first, babe,

661
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 3: or should I?

662
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: It's up to you, baby, whatever you want to do.

663
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 3: I guess I'll dive in. What up though?

664
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 2: What up?

665
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 3: Though? Hey?

666
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,360
Speaker 2: Can't wait to see you guys in Dallas and New York.

667
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 2: Oh shit, So here we are after the fact, and

668
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,680
Speaker 2: we've seen you in Dallas in New York.

669
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 3: You hope you had a great time.

670
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 2: I couldn't celebrate my birthday in the month of January

671
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 2: due to work, so I'm making this trip my birthday trip.

672
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 3: Yes, a month late, because why the hell not.

673
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: That's the spirit baby, because I celebrated forty all the

674
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 2: way up to it and still can be celebrating in

675
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 2: the year of forty with Tobell because if it's his birthday,

676
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 2: it's my birthday too.

677
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: I knew that was coming. I knew that anyway.

678
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 2: I've been a listener for a little while now, and

679
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 2: I appreciate your podcast because it's the first time I

680
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 2: allow myself to be inspired instead of intimidated.

681
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 3: That's a really good way of looking at it. That's dope.

682
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 2: It's also helped me address my imposter syndrome and social

683
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 2: anxiety instead of allowing them to be an unnecessary barrier.

684
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 3: I love that.

685
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 2: Not getting too deep into the minute of why I'm

686
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 2: writing in today, but I just turned twenty nine, and

687
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 2: I've recently taken the time to see what i want

688
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: and what I'm meant to do. Prayer time and silence

689
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 2: and a whole lot of talking to myself revealed something

690
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 2: I'd known for a long time and gave me permission

691
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 2: to dream, dream big, and bet on myself. I used

692
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 2: to allow people to make me feel bad for being

693
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 2: all over the place quote unquote, until I realized two things. One,

694
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 2: fuck those people, absolutely, they're just comfortable with my complacency.

695
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 2: Say that shit again, yes. And number two, it's possible

696
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 2: to have a vision that will make a difference in

697
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 2: more than one area of the community. The only person

698
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 2: limiting myself was me, right a baby. It sounds like

699
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: you got everything figure about and so I wat to

700
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: question it. So I started actively pursuing those goals little

701
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,239
Speaker 2: by little. From health, I've committed to working out, and

702
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: I'm fifteen pounds down already, good stuff to write a book,

703
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 2: to looking up acting classes or beginner jobs, even starting

704
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: the foundation research for starting my own podcast and launching

705
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 2: my own small business, just to name those closest to

706
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 2: my heart.

707
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: Do you really want to start a podcast? You'd ask Trible?

708
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, astrible girl, as Trible ask Trible.

709
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 2: That being said, how do you align yourself to the

710
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 2: career of your dreams with zero resources to begin with?

711
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 3: Well, tribles a resource first and foremost.

712
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: Sometimes I find myself doing research and I feel like

713
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm searching for. I've taught myself

714
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 2: pretty much everything as far as I can remember. I

715
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 2: damn near raised myself. However, one thing God has shown

716
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: me time and time again is that doing it alone

717
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,479
Speaker 2: is a recipe for destruction. Being stuck isn't an option,

718
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 2: much like losing. So how do you align yourself with

719
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: the path that you don't know how to carve?

720
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 3: Yours? Truly? Your favorite awkward black girl, that's a great letter.

721
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 1: That's a great letter.

722
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 5: But to be honest, man, I think that that's everybody

723
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 5: struggling and they feel like they don't have resources, when

724
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 5: in actuality there's resources everywhere. I remember when I first

725
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 5: got out of the NFL, I was like, I don't

726
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 5: know how to get into acting. And then I just

727
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 5: thought for a minute, and I was like, oh shoot,

728
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 5: my aunt Adrian's been acting since I was alive. Let

729
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 5: me ask her where to start yep, and she pointed

730
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 5: me in the right direction. She asked me, she said, listen,

731
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 5: can you just take me to an audition? So I

732
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 5: drove her to an audition. While driving her to an audition,

733
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 5: she talked to me about the industry, about advocating for myself.

734
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 5: Then she said to me, I have a commercial agent

735
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 5: I want to introduce you to. That was a resource.

736
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 5: From there, thought about my aunt Chidi, because my cousin

737
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 5: kill was in TV.

738
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: It's a charity.

739
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 5: Do you have any resources? The moral of the story

740
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 5: is there are tons of resources around. People typically don't

741
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 5: know how to ask for help, or they're afraid to

742
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 5: ask for help because they might get laughed at or

743
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 5: shot down. Lastly, the greatest Internet you have, I mean

744
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 5: the greatest resource you have is the Internet. You can

745
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 5: literally google anything to figure out and once you figure

746
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 5: out what it is you want to do, you have

747
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 5: to use discernment to figure out what's bullshit and what's real.

748
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 5: And there are definitely ways, depending on what industry you

749
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 5: want to get into decide or to figure out discern

750
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 5: what's bullshit and what's real.

751
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great advice, I think, because, like you said,

752
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: we all just had moments where it's like, I want

753
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 2: to do this, but how do I start, especially if

754
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: it's an unconventional path or route Like for me. When

755
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 2: I was in school, for example, I was a great

756
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 2: student because I said, all right, I need to do

757
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: X Y Z classes with this many credits to be

758
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 2: able to get.

759
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 3: This degree perfect.

760
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: And then once I graduated from school and you're out

761
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 2: in the real world now trying to actually find a

762
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 2: job and make something of yourself and start the career.

763
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 2: It's that much more difficult because you're just like, Okay,

764
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 2: I don't know how to actually navigate a field that

765
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 2: doesn't necessarily have a cookie cutter blueprint of how you're

766
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,160
Speaker 2: supposed to do things, particularly the arts or performance. That

767
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 2: was hard for me in the beginning. So I understand

768
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: that mindset. But talking to specifically her saying that being

769
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 2: all over the place feeling because there's so many things

770
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,479
Speaker 2: that you want to do and you're passionate about. You

771
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 2: listed a couple of things here, writing a book, acting classes,

772
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,959
Speaker 2: beginner job foundation, to start your own podcast, small business.

773
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: Maybe it's going to require you to focus on one

774
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 2: thing in that moment.

775
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 3: So what are you most passionate about right now?

776
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 2: Because doing a lot of busy work is the ideal

777
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 2: way to what they say, move but not go anywhere.

778
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, movement is not progress moment.

779
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 5: Yes, you can do jumping jacks in place for an hour,

780
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 5: and you can move for an hour, but you haven't

781
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,959
Speaker 5: progressed anywhere. Or you can jog for an hour and

782
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 5: you can go somewhere and you can see different parts.

783
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 5: And that's just an analogy because some people doing jumping

784
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 5: jacks still helps you progress physically. But the point is

785
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 5: is that all movement is not moved.

786
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 3: The movement is exactly if it's just busy work.

787
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 5: To go back to what you said, I think is

788
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 5: very important. You have so many different things. You can

789
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 5: be a jack of all trades, but you will be

790
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 5: a master at none. And ultimately, mastery is the only

791
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 5: way you can be compensated for the work that you do.

792
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,280
Speaker 1: Yep. And in order to be a master at something,

793
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: it takes.

794
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 5: A thousand move It takes a thousand movements for that

795
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 5: movement to become muscle memory.

796
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 1: Once you have muscle memory, that's when you become a.

797
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 3: Master, and you still have to perfect it there, you have.

798
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: To perfect it.

799
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 5: But the problem is is that if you're all over

800
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 5: the place and you're working on this one day and

801
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 5: that one day and this one day, you've never took

802
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 5: your time to do the thousand movements to become a master.

803
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 2: You spread thing because you don't need about five thousand

804
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 2: movements exactly, you know what I'm saying. As you spread

805
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 2: it across all of the different things you want to do,

806
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 2: versus focusing on one thing, so that won't mean that

807
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 2: for me would be the biggest advice to you is

808
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 2: that it seems like you have a lot figured out,

809
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,240
Speaker 2: you believe in yourself. You're just like, fuck what everybody

810
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 2: else got to say? That's exactly how we feel. Just

811
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 2: try to focus that energy on something specific in that moment,

812
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 2: because think about how these things can evolve. For de Valeni,

813
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 2: for example, it started with social media, right, so we're

814
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,240
Speaker 2: doing vlogs, We're doing videos, and all that good stuff

815
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,760
Speaker 2: held us into than what a podcast? So we focus

816
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 2: on the podcast. After focusing on the podcast for a

817
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 2: couple of years, that propelled us into what the book.

818
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 3: Now I'm working on what's the business going to be?

819
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. So there was a succession

820
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 3: of things that happened over.

821
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 2: Time because we started putting the work and the energy

822
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: into one thing that helped.

823
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 3: To propel us into something else.

824
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 2: So I hope that's helpful for you, our favorite awkward

825
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 2: black girl. Thank you for coming on tour with us

826
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 2: to Dallas and New York. We hope you had an

827
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 2: amazing time.

828
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,439
Speaker 5: Number two, Hey, Kadeen and Daval, I love you guys

829
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 5: and your family so much.

830
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: We love you too. I need some advice and want

831
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 1: to get your perspective.

832
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 5: I'm twenty seven years old and have been with my

833
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 5: fiance twenty eight for ten years and engage for almost

834
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 5: two years now. My fiance has gotten to the point

835
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 5: where he just wants to go to the courthouse and

836
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 5: get married and not have a wedding or reception due

837
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 5: to finances at this time. I'd personally rather wait and

838
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 5: save to have a wedding ceremony. I don't want this big,

839
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 5: lavish wedding. I just want something small and intimate with

840
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 5: close friends and family.

841
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: Am I being so for wanting to wait?

842
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 5: My fiance states he's ready for me to be his

843
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 5: wife and move forward with building a life together. For years,

844
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 5: we've talked about getting married, and now that the moment

845
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 5: has come, I don't want this special moment to be rushed.

846
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 5: We have had ups and downs in our relationship but

847
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 5: have always managed to make it through and the love

848
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,720
Speaker 5: we have for each other is endless.

849
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: What should I do?

850
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,759
Speaker 5: When do you know you? When did you know you

851
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 5: were ready to get married? Are you ever really fully

852
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 5: ready for marriage?

853
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,879
Speaker 3: Man? This is literally us at twenty seven to twenty eight.

854
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 5: So here's the biggest advice I can give you. We

855
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 5: can't give you advice. You have to speak to him.

856
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 5: He has to speak to you. You two have to

857
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 5: decide what's in the best interest for each other as

858
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 5: a collective and individually and make a decision.

859
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:46,280
Speaker 1: If I were to sit here and say.

860
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 5: Definitely, don't get married and don't have the big wedding,

861
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 5: but then you guys regret it later on as bad advice.

862
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 5: If I tell you to have the wedding and do

863
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 5: something or do something you love, but then you don't

864
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 5: have the finances to create the life.

865
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: You want, that would be bad advice.

866
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 5: Moral of the story is only you two can decide

867
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 5: what's in the best interest for each other. And that's

868
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 5: how Kadeen and I decided what was in the best

869
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 5: interest for each other. We talked about it, we talked

870
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,439
Speaker 5: about it, we made a decision, and once we made

871
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 5: a decision, we stuck with the decision no matter what

872
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 5: happens after that. Because there's no book to life, right,

873
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 5: all you have to do is make a decision. You

874
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 5: make choices, and after you make that choice, you deal

875
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 5: with the consequences that come with that choice. The good

876
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 5: thing about being married is when you make a choice.

877
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 5: You now have a partner to deal with whatever consequences together.

878
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 5: So y'all to sit down together decide financially what's in

879
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 5: the best interests for you. And I mean, I can't

880
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 5: help a little bit when it comes to finances. He

881
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,799
Speaker 5: probably knows that he wants to create a life for you.

882
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 5: If he can't create the life that he wants to

883
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 5: create for you, because he's going to use majority of

884
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 5: those finances for one day. That's why he doesn't want

885
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 5: to do that. But I also understand after listening to

886
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 5: my wife that it was her dream to get married

887
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 5: a certain way. So what we decided to do was compromise.

888
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 5: I asked her if she wanted the house or if

889
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 5: she wanted the wedding, and that moment she wanted the wedding,

890
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 5: so did I. So we had the wedding, we already

891
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 5: had two properties, and now we got the house later.

892
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 5: That works for us only because we spoke about it,

893
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 5: not because someone else told us what to do. So no,

894
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 5: I don't think you're being selfish. I think you guys

895
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 5: need to continuously talk about it and come up with

896
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:20,400
Speaker 5: a solution together.

897
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:23,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and to piggyback off of that everything you

898
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 2: said was completely accurate.

899
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 3: I agree.

900
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 2: Don't hold any standards of what you guys should do

901
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 2: based on other people and what they're doing. And it's

902
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 2: particularly hard in the social media age. Like we got

903
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 2: married thirteen years ago when social media wasn't huge or

904
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 2: wasn't a thing, but now it seems to be. There's

905
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: that you know that it's like an unspoken competition for

906
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 2: like whose wedding can go viral? And though you said

907
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 2: that you didn't want to have a big, lavish wedding,

908
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,720
Speaker 2: I don't think you should cheat yourself on the moment

909
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: and the memory and creating that experience for you and

910
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 2: your fiance. But never discount or discredit or take for

911
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:03,240
Speaker 2: granted the plan that a man has. Deval has always

912
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,919
Speaker 2: said to me that he had a plan for us,

913
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: and we've spoken about the plan. So in echoing Deval

914
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 2: saying that you guys should speak with each other about really,

915
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 2: why is it that he doesn't want to have a

916
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,720
Speaker 2: wedding and just wants to do the courthouse, he might say, Babe,

917
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 2: I have this much money saved. If we have this wedding,

918
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: it's going to take away from this nest egg because

919
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 2: I really want us to look for a house and

920
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 2: have somewhere to invest in a tangible, appreciating assets, and

921
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 2: then maybe we can have a small dealer with friends

922
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 2: and family. There can be a compromise in this. But

923
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: if your fiance is the kind of man that has

924
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 2: a plan and has ambition and knows what he wants

925
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 2: your life to look like, and he's a provider, that's

926
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 2: something for me that I think is super valuable to have.

927
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 2: As long as you guys are on the same page,

928
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 2: and it doesn't necessarily require that you guys have won

929
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 2: versus the other. Try to find a way to make

930
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,320
Speaker 2: both happen, and you can compromise.

931
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 5: I agree, But most something you said didn't make a

932
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 5: lot of sense. Don't don't sacrifice the rest of your

933
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,080
Speaker 5: life for one day. A lot of people think this

934
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 5: is what but this is important to me. So one

935
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 5: day is more important than the rest of your life.

936
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying don't have a wedding. What I'm

937
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 5: saying is, when you're making these decisions, just think about

938
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 5: the reality of.

939
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 3: That of that for sure that this.

940
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 1: Is one day and then there's the rest of your life.

941
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 3: That's a fact. But don't wait the rest of your

942
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 3: lives to write us at Deadass Advice at gmail dot

943
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 3: com because we enjoy these listener letters so much.

944
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 2: So if you have something that you're debating, you know

945
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 2: we still have Dead Ass Court kind of sort of

946
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 2: happening from the live show. This is like our version

947
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: of it here with the listener letters, we're trying to.

948
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 3: Give you guys the best advice as possible.

949
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 2: So if you want to be featured as a listener letter,

950
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at dead Ass Advice at

951
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 2: gmail dot com.

952
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D

953
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.

954
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth. We're talking about the babies

955
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 2: like we always are, knowing your kids parents intuition, being

956
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 2: the probing parents, seeing and feeling your children.

957
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,280
Speaker 3: What you got for us, babe.

958
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: My moment of truth for this one is simple. Right.

959
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 5: Probing as a parent is your right because you are

960
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 5: responsible for that human right. Probing doesn't mean that you

961
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 5: violate boundaries, you sneak in their room. Probing means you

962
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 5: can look at your children in the eyes, you can

963
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 5: hug them, you can feel them, and you can tell

964
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 5: without them having to say a word. Exactly what's going on.

965
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,719
Speaker 1: M period, dope.

966
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:38,280
Speaker 2: My moment of truth is as a parent, never underestimate

967
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: the power in nonverbals with your children. And that's just

968
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 2: connection that's looking into their eyes, making that eye contact,

969
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 2: the hug. I believe it's like something like seven or

970
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 2: twelve seconds or something like that. There's a certain amount

971
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,399
Speaker 2: of time that you're supposed to hug someone for there

972
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 2: to be that transfer connection energy and connection and the

973
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 2: release of oxytocin. Like, let's not discount how that nonverbal

974
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 2: can really really help to strengthen that connection and that

975
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 2: bond that you have with your child. And simultaneously that

976
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,240
Speaker 2: parent intuition and gut feeling that we get that usually

977
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 2: doesn't lie. So if you feel like something might be

978
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,919
Speaker 2: off with your child, trust how you feel as a parent,

979
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 2: because I think that that's something that's God given the

980
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 2: minute you have a child, that's there as a resource

981
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,320
Speaker 2: for us to stay connected to our children.

982
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 5: There's one thing I for to add I didn't tell us.

983
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 5: There's one thing I do with all of my sons.

984
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 5: I hug them and I say, did I tell you

985
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 5: I love you today?

986
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: And you do?

987
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 5: I do it to you all the time. And I

988
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 5: asked them and they'll either say yes or no. And

989
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 5: when they say yes, I say when and they have

990
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 5: to tell me when, and I say did you tell

991
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 5: me back? And the reason why I do that is

992
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 5: because when they see me now, they know my dad

993
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 5: is going to ask me this question and they feel

994
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 5: like my dad cares absolutely and they want to know

995
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:03,399
Speaker 5: that we and they.

996
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 3: Don't want days to pass before Dad.

997
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: No every day. Yes, it sounds like a lot, but realistic.

998
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 1: Think about it.

999
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 5: For you to hug your child and say did I

1000
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 5: tell you I love you today? That you can never

1001
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 5: be too busy to do that because my children will

1002
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 5: say to me.

1003
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 1: Dad, you didn't tell me you hugged me today? You

1004
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 1: love me today?

1005
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 5: And I'd be like I didn't and they'd be like no,

1006
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 5: and then I have to think about it. I'm like,

1007
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 5: come in and I'm like and I'll punch him like

1008
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 5: why didn't you come over? I can hug you, and

1009
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 5: then they grab me and we're like wrestling stuff. But

1010
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,439
Speaker 5: it also puts accountability as a parent when your child

1011
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 5: can tell you and tell me you love me today and.

1012
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 2: They just reciprocated naturally, because I get a ton of

1013
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 2: just I'm in the kitchen cooking, washing dishes, whatever, and

1014
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,280
Speaker 2: Jackson'll come put his arm around you.

1015
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 3: I love your mom. You're a great mom, like your

1016
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 3: great son. Like you know.

1017
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 2: Those moments are just they're doing and they're living exactly

1018
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 2: what we're doing and preaching, you know. So all right, y'all,

1019
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 2: be sure to follow us on social media if you

1020
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 2: are not already.

1021
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 3: Dead Ass the Podcast is our page.

1022
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen and I am and then we have Patreon,

1023
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 2: Patreon Gangganggang. That's where you see exclusive dead Ass podcast content,

1024
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 2: video after show, all decay more, exclusive ellis content. Were

1025
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 2: you at on social media?

1026
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: Baby, y'all know me?

1027
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 5: I am Deval And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

1028
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 5: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe and make sure

1029
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 5: you get your copy of We Over Me, The Counterintuitive

1030
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 5: Approach to Getting Everything you want out of your relationship.

1031
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 3: Dead Ass Baby.

1032
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:30,240
Speaker 4: Cut. Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network,

1033
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 4: and it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the

1034
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 4: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and

1035
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:37,320
Speaker 4: never miss a Thing