WEBVTT - Tasmin Carter: Reclaiming Her Life 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.360 Hey, y'all, welcome back to She Pivots. This is Tasmin Carter. 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:17.599 Welcome to She Pivots, the podcast where we talk with 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.919 women who dared to pivot out of one career and 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:25.320 into something new and explore how their personal lives impacted 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:29.320 these decisions. I'm your host Emily Tish Sussman. 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:33.400 Today. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.839 I'm honored to have Tasmin Carter on the show to 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:38.280 share her story and with the world for the first 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:42.519 time ever. Her story is one of resilience, strength, and 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:47.199 empathy after going through some unimaginable hard times. When I 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:49.919 first met Tasmin, the first thing I recognized was her 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.760 warmth and kindness. It radiates around her and you'd never 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:57.360 know the hardship she's gone through. Tasmin is the daughter 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:00.120 of an affair between her mother, who is black, and 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:03.000 her father, a white man with a family from the Midwest. 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:07.400 It was a complicated relationship for Tasman that would eventually 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:11.000 come full circle for her later in life. Beyond her parents, 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:14.840 her childhood was equally tumultuous. She was placed into foster 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.760 care when she was a young teen. Then at just seventeen, 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:20.600 she made the heart wrenching decision to place her baby 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:24.440 for adoption. With no high school education and nowhere to go, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.280 Tasman was homeless, staying with anyone who would take her in. 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.520 But she knew this couldn't be it for her, so 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:34.880 she worked tirelessly to earn her ged and started applying 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:39.319 for temp jobs. Smart and hard working, it's no surprise 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.039 that the very first company she worked for loved her 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.360 and kept her on full time. Single handedly pulling herself 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:50.280 out of an incredibly dire situation, Tasmin began to build 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:54.200 a life and a family. She got married, had her son, 0:01:54.560 --> 0:01:58.360 got divorced, then put herself through night school and finished 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:03.760 after twelve years. Then Tasman's life took another dramatic turn 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.720 when she is diagnosed with stage three cancer, a battle 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:12.520 she faced with unwavering faith and courage. Now Tasman has 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:16.600 channeled her own experience and started Forward Hope, a nonprofit 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:19.160 dedicated to providing a home to those who have aged 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.280 out of the foster care system. This is just scratching 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:26.400 the surface of tasman incredibly inspiring story. This truly is 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:29.639 an episode you won't want to miss. Before we get 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.200 into Tasman's story, I want to take a moment. To 0:02:32.280 --> 0:02:35.239 note that this episode contains references to abuse and other 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:36.280 sensitive topics. 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:45.120 Please listen with care. My name is Tasman Carter. I 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.520 am an executive assistant at Tiaa, a financial services firm. 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:53.000 Okay, so we're going to wind all the way back. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.080 Tell us about little Tasman. Where were you born? What 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:56.880 was her family like? 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:01.280 So, little Tasman was born in Charlotte, North Carolina, the South, 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:03.560 born and bred. I love to say it that way. 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:08.720 I am the third daughter of my mom and the 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:12.680 third child of my dad. I am the product of 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:19.119 a biracial relationship, which was highly unusual in the seventies 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.720 in the South. And in addition to that, my dad 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:26.519 was married, always was married. So he do someone other 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:28.840 than your mother? Yes, So he ended up fathering a 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:31.640 child in the South that his family was unaware of. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:33.920 He met my mom when he came in town on 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:37.440 a business trip and she was singing in the lounge 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.000 of the hotel that he was staying at, and she 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:42.280 got off the stage to take a break and he 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:45.360 called her over, and you know, it was like, hi, 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:47.760 you know, what's your name? And so they ended up 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:51.560 talking and he goes, what's your sign and she goes, 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.080 I'm a Taurus. He goes, what's your birthday and she 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.280 goes April twenty first, and he was like, that's my 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:58.440 birthday too, and she was like, no, you're lying, pull 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.480 out your license, pulls out the line, and then thus 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.360 begins the two year affair, which I. 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:07.000 Was the result of. Your mother must have had a 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:09.440 lot of of charismas like a lot of spice. 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:12.560 Did she bring that into the rest of her life. No, Actually, 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:14.760 I'm going to say so. She ended up being the 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.560 single parent of three daughters, and I think that that 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:19.600 takes a little bit out of you, trying to do 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:21.960 everything on your own. She would be married a couple 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:24.719 of times here and there, but never anything that had 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.560 lasting effects to it. So life just kind of got 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:31.240 the best of her. So she still has it, but 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:33.880 I don't think she ever used it to the potential 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:34.560 that she could have. 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:38.000 What did you picture for your future when you were young? 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:39.359 I didn't. 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.600 I was very much in survival mode from the time 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.599 I can remember really just taking the day as it 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:49.640 came and almost bracing for each day, not really looking 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.880 forward to anything but trying to see how I could 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:57.240 survive the day or endure the day. I can't remember 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.920 a time until I was grown that I could look 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:05.240 with anticipation to the future. What was the relationship like 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.000 with your father? So I never knew who my dad was. 0:05:09.720 --> 0:05:11.760 My mom did not tell me his name until I 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:15.440 was sixteen years old. On my sixteenth birthday, I receive 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.320 a card in the mail and it says, happy birthday, 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:21.680 can't wait to see you, love your dad. I was 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:24.080 like what. So I go into my mom like she 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:26.760 proudly hands me the card to like, here, you've got 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:28.880 mail today, and I read the card and I go 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.919 what is this? And she goes, he's coming in town. 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.080 I said what, I said, what is his name? And 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:36.839 then that's when she told me his name. I didn't 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.000 even know the man's name until I turned sixty. You 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.799 curious or not even Oh? No, absolutely. I had asked 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.640 multiple times about him, like where is my dad? Do 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:47.320 I have any other siblings? Who is my dad? Why 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:50.360 do I look so different than the rest of my siblings? 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:52.640 So all I knew is that my dad was white. 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:54.960 That's all I knew. Yeah, So what was that first 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.560 time meeting your dad? That was very uncomfortable? He came 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:03.760 in town and we had dinner, and he's fifteen years 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:08.880 older than my mom, so totally different culture. He's from 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:12.720 the Midwest, we're from the South. And they were just, 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.719 you know, getting along so well, and I felt like 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:19.520 I was more of a onlooker. Oh, your mom was there, Yeah, 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:21.080 she went to dinner with us. I didn't want to 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:23.400 be with him alone. I didn't know who this man was. 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:27.279 What did he tell you about the rest of his life? 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.480 He said, And I did ask. I said, why haven't 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.120 you told your So that's when I found out he 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:35.520 was married. He told me that he was married, and 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:37.680 I said, well, why haven't you told your family that 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.160 I exist? And he said that it would kill his 0:06:41.240 --> 0:06:44.560 wife if she knew that he had been unfaithful and 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.640 had fathered a child outside of their relationship. 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.240 Yeah, how did that make you feel? Like? Nothing? 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.400 Still, she tried to maintain a relationship with her father. 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.359 It wasn't the best relationship, so he had set up 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.400 a po box for me to write too. He maintained 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:06.279 the secrecy throughout his entire life. He never divulged to 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:10.120 his family that he fathered a child outside of that 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.880 primary relationship. So he would call me from time to 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:17.960 time He would write letters for you know, birthdays and 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:24.720 major events, but it was never anything that was It 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.880 just didn't have any depth. It was very superficial and 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.360 like he would never like I never called him dad. 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:33.840 He never said I loved you. What he would say 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:35.720 at the end of the conversations was. 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:36.280 God love you. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.880 That's how he would in the conversations, God Love you. 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:45.080 Tasman's childhood was anything but stable. By just eighteen, she 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:49.160 had moved over sixteen times. They were always very quick. 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.520 It would be from not paying the rent, or her 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:58.240 being in domestic violence relationships, in needing to escape. Nothing 0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:01.840 was ever planned that I can remember. I remember days 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.800 when she would leave and say, okay, I'll be back 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.600 tonight and when I come back, I'll bring food. And 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.640 she would come home at the end of the day 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.440 with a loaf of bread and a pack of sandwich 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:16.240 meat and maybe some kool aid, and that is what 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:19.160 we would eat for that day. I remember often going 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.880 to the food pantry, always using food stamps to pay 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:28.280 for food, often just going hungry. 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:31.840 That charismatic woman that Tasman spoke about earlier didn't show 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.640 up for her in that way, let alone protect her 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.640 as Tasmin grew up, things got. 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:43.640 Worse, so I was abused from the age of three 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.760 to thirteen. At the age of thirteen, I was removed 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:49.760 from my home and put into foster care. I had 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:55.160 told my mom regularly over the years, because she had 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:59.280 three daughters, she was really a magnet for pedophiles, and 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:03.480 she never really grasped that. So me and another sister 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:05.960 would always tell her, you know, we're having to endure 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:09.320 this not only from your husband's she was married five times, 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.520 but also from their friends. So pedophiles have friends, and 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.880 they bring the friends along whenever they have free reign 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:19.360 to the children. So we told her regularly and often, 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.600 and she just refused to believe us. She would say 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.600 that we didn't want to see her happy, or we 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:30.120 were lying, or she any excuse that She just did 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.000 not want to accept that the man she had chosen 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:36.000 or who had chosen her, was capable of doing this, 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:39.520 so she left us in situations for long periods of time. 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:43.640 So I've been groomed by several pedophiles, had to endure 0:09:43.720 --> 0:09:47.520 several of their advances. But when I got to eighteen, 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.080 I've learned that pedophiles have a particular type in an 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:53.200 age group that they like. And so at that point 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.320 I was starting my body was starting to you know, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:01.240 I was heading into puberty and his grooming was and 0:10:01.320 --> 0:10:03.480 I knew that if I didn't get out of that 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:06.280 home soon, that I would be at a point of 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.800 no return, like I wasn't going to be able to 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:11.280 come back from that. I still had some resilience, I 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.800 still had some fight, I still had some you're not 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.520 doing this to me. But you know, after so long 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:21.679 of an adult not responding to your cries for help, 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.280 then you can easily get to the point where you 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.040 feel like there's no hope. So I don't know how 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:30.480 they do it today because of all the technology, But 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:34.280 back in the day, there were posters put up on 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:37.200 the walls in my school and it said if you 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.440 need help or if you just need someone to talk to, 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:41.960 you can call this number, and it was for kids. 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:44.640 And both of my sisters at this point had left 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.920 the home. So now I'm at home by myself. So 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:52.320 you're about thirteen here, and I am knowing that I 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.640 need to do something. Now she's not going to do it. 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.199 So if something's going to get done, I'm going to 0:10:57.240 --> 0:10:59.040 have to do it. So I called the number and 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.240 I was just talking to the guy was a young fellow. 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:03.880 His name was Jake. I'll never forget his name, and 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.520 he probably was in his twenties. He probably was getting 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.440 his graduate degree. And this was probably, you know, hours 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.640 towards that, because I could tell he was really young. 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.320 And when I started telling him what I was having 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:18.960 to endure at home, he started asking very poignant questions, 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:20.760 what school do you go to? So now I was like, 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.160 I'm not telling you that, like you're not wrecking my life. 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.720 Like I wanted help, but I didn't know how to 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.920 get out of the situation. But he was so good. 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.760 He asked me just enough questions to where he could 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.840 figure out where I went to school, who my teachers were, 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.240 how he could help me. And the very next day, 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:39.240 I'm at school and I get called out from one 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:42.000 of my classrooms into the guidance office and there's a 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:45.080 police officer, there's a social worker, and there's a guardian 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:47.600 at item. And that's when they informed me that I 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.600 would not be going back home. And oddly enough, as 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.840 scared as I was, my time in foster care was 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:55.360 the safest that I ever felt. 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:56.600 How you feel safe? 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.599 And secure and scared out your mind and truly is 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:05.079 an ox smron But I knew that finally I was safe. 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:08.520 Had you ever thought that you would be taken from 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.640 the home like it had been something you had contemplated could happen. No, 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:14.400 it never. 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:17.000 Occurred to me that they In my mind, in that 0:12:17.080 --> 0:12:21.040 child's mind, he was going to go and I was 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:23.760 going to get to stay. It never occurred to me 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:25.959 that they were going to take me. But when they 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.760 took me, there's what psychologists call a light bulb moment 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:33.120 or memory that you always remember all of the details, 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.199 the smells, all of that, and I'll never forget. It 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:40.079 was the very first court hearing, and this court hearing 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:43.120 was going to decide when I was going to be 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:47.200 able to go back home and under what circumstances. And 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.280 we're in there and the judge is like, did anyone 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:54.320 tell her mom that this court hearing was happening today? 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.240 And they were like, yes, we informed her by several means, 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.080 And so he kept pushing off, will go to the 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.960 next case, waiting for her to arrive, and so she 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:07.200 never showed up. So on that day they actually put 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:11.160 so the judge said, you will now be a ward 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.000 of the state, so she chose the husband. 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.600 She was in and out of facilities in foster homes 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:22.560 for the next several years. Like most child welfare policies, 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:26.800 the goal is always reunification sometimes no matter the circumstance, 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:31.160 and Tasman's experience was no different. She was eventually placed 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:35.840 back into her mother's home. So after I was put 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.400 back in the home. So the marriage did not last 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:41.240 between my mom and that husband, so he ended up leaving. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:43.839 I was able to go back, but the relationship at 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:49.319 that point was not salvageable. We would live together sporadically, 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.719 but she would always I would do something and she 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:54.319 would ask me to leave, so I was always in 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:58.079 and out of the home. So by the time I 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.640 was seventeen years old, so now we've got a few 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.400 years of me being back in the house. I ended 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:09.760 up getting pregnant, and statistics say that children who age 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:13.080 out of the foster care system, sixty percent of the 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:16.280 girls become pregnant within the first year of leaving care, 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:19.960 and that was me. So I found myself pregnant at 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.680 the age of seventeen, ended up going back home. She 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.840 allowed me to come back home, but when the child 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:30.280 was six weeks old, she asked that we leave. He 0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:33.040 had his days and nights mixed up, so he would 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:36.440 be up throughout the night crying, and I didn't have 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:37.240 any place to go. 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.200 So I'm seventeen, I have a six week old baby, newborn, 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:45.120 no pampers, no formula, and a girl that I had 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:45.720 just met. 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.880 Her mom said, I will allow you. 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.120 And the baby to come and live in the basement 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.800 until you decide what you're going to do. So I 0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:59.440 was there for about four weeks and a woman that 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.320 I went to church with ended up broke ring a 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:07.120 private adoption. The family that took him for me because 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.040 I could not care for him, had agreed to open adoption, 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.680 but they did not keep their word. So in the 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:18.280 state of North Carolina, after thirty days, all of the 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:24.320 birth mother's rights are terminated. And so when the thirty 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.960 day mark was up, her husband came to the apartment 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:29.680 that I was in with my mom at the time 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.840 and said, it's time for you to move on. We're 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.800 not going to provide you any updates, any pictures. You 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:37.560 need to move on with your life and we're going 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:41.640 to move on with ours. And so from that point on, 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:47.000 They never responded to any messages, any phone calls, any letters. 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:50.760 They just kind of left me out there. And that 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:54.400 was the beginning of a very very, very dark and 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:59.200 depressed period for me. There's actually large stretches of time 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:01.800 for a few years after that that I have no 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:04.840 memory of at all. It was very difficult. I remember 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:08.160 not being able to hear a child cry. I would 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:12.560 like Mother's Day was the worst day ever. It was 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:16.800 just several years of a very deep and dark depression. 0:16:17.040 --> 0:16:19.160 And I was also homeless during that time as well, 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:22.600 just living from pillar to post. I remember one time, 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.960 I mean, I can laugh at it now, all of 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:28.320 the belongings that I had in the world actually fit 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:31.600 into a laundry basket. One laundry basket, so everything that 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.400 I possibly owned. And when I went from this house 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:37.400 to this house to wherever I could stay for a 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:40.400 couple of days, I had that laundry basket with me, 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:42.840 not even a bag, but a laundry basket. 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:53.360 Tasmin was in an unbelievably hard situation and she was 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:59.000 just seventeen. But Tasman was Tasmin optimistic, kind and hard 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:03.080 working found her way out after the break. We hear 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.240 how Tasmin went from one of the hardest times in 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:18.320 our life to breaking into corporate America. Stay tuned. I 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.159 think for a lot of our listeners that it's really 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:24.159 when you're in something hard, it's hard to see that 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.600 you may ever get out of it. At that time, 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.080 you said you were just surviving. Was there a moment 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.520 that you felt like, I can get out of this 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:33.560 and I will get out of this. 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:39.680 I was in another state and it was New Year's 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:45.800 Eve going into nineteen ninety nine, and I remember the 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.959 clock counting down. I was in a club and I 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:52.040 remember going outside onto the patio and I was smoking 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.679 a joint and I was like, Okay, I'm done. I 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:58.040 don't want this life anymore. I want to do something different. 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.600 So I came back to North Carolin. I spent nine 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:05.280 months at a facility in the mountains, just detoxing my body, 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:10.640 detoxing my mind, getting back in touch with God and 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:16.080 just finding and accepting peace and really looking at myself, 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:21.760 not my situation, but looking at myself and deciding what 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.959 I wanted and how I was going to get it. 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:27.800 And that was the changing point. It took a while 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:32.720 for me to grieve the loss of my child. And 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.840 it took a while for me to get just the 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:38.000 effects of what I had done to my body, to 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:42.040 get past that and to want and to find peace, 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:43.240 and then I. 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:46.800 Was ready to move forward. So what did you decide? 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:48.280 What did you want? And how were you going to 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:48.520 do it? 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:53.560 I decided in this order that I wanted a peaceful life, 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:57.320 that I was not going to ever depend on another person, 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:59.320 that I was going to make my own way, and 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.240 that I was going to be responsible for it. So 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.960 I was going to get an apartment, and I wanted 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.040 to get married, and I wanted to have a child. 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:07.520 That is what I decided. 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.080 So got a job, got a temporary job at a 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:14.760 brokerage firm, And while I was at that job, one 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:17.840 of the brokers her husband was an accountant and they 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:21.679 were looking for a receptionist at his accounting job, and 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:24.280 she liked me so much she referred me for the job. 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.720 I ended up becoming the receptionist at the accounting firm 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:30.479 and ended up staying there for ten years, slowly working 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:34.040 my way up into the office manager. Wow, congratulations, thank you. 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.200 And how did you start like that very first day? 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:38.440 Like what was the first step? 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:40.080 Like I think It's important to kind of talk through 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:42.880 this because people see these big changes and they think, 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:45.160 oh my god, like that's so instamountable. I can't even 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:46.680 do this medium change in front of me, Like, do 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:49.720 you remember, like when you left the facility, did you 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:52.199 apply for a job with no address on it? Did 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:53.800 you find an apartment first? 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:53.919 Like? 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:55.200 How did you take that first step? 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:57.840 So when I left the facility and I came back 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:00.399 to Charlotte, I was sleeping on the cow coach of 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.840 my best friend and she would allow me to drop 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:06.360 her off at her job and I would take her 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.879 car and I would go fill out applications. And so 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:12.439 I went to a temp agency and they ended up 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:15.560 placing me at the brokerage firm. What did you come 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:17.440 in with You didn't have a high school degree at 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:20.399 that point, right, No, So when I got pregnant, I 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:25.000 was in high school. But there was not one single 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.320 avenue that I did not try to get that degree. 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.919 So they had an alternative school for pregnant girls. I 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:34.440 went there. That didn't work out. They offered night classes 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:39.040 at some of the schools within the area. Did that 0:20:39.119 --> 0:20:41.560 for a little bit. That didn't work out because I 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:43.720 didn't have a car and being on the bus and 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:46.640 the bus routes they weren't conducive to the school schedule. 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:48.760 So I did that for maybe one semester or two. 0:20:49.160 --> 0:20:52.280 Then the community college had classes you could take where 0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.080 you could actually walk with your graduating class. To me, 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:57.119 that was going to take too long, so I actually 0:20:57.200 --> 0:21:00.000 ended up getting my ged. Do you remember when you 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:02.320 first went to the temp agency and you were figuring 0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:05.040 out like how to put a resume together, how to 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:09.159 put an application together? What were the hurdles there for 0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:12.959 you and what were you leading with as your biggest attributes? 0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:16.879 They taught me there, So they had all these computer classes, 0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:21.240 So I learned Microsoft Work, I learned Excel, I learned 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.480 I didn't really I had a little bit of experience 0:21:25.080 --> 0:21:27.960 at the apartment complexes that my mom would live in. 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.480 One of them actually had me as their leasing agent, 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.360 so I was actually a leasing agent for a few 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:37.440 apartment complexes, so I had a little bit of experience, 0:21:37.560 --> 0:21:41.359 but not any in corporate America. It wasn't until I 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:45.600 started applying with the temp agencies that they started putting 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:50.000 me in front of people in corporate America. Yeah, very intimidating. Yeah, 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:53.119 my very first corporate jobs in Uptown Charlotte at a 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:55.960 brokerage firm, and I worked high up on the level 0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:59.840 of the skyscraper, which that was intimidating as well. And 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.760 I worked with all of these brokers, and I worked 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:05.000