WEBVTT - Changing the Narrative Around Stay-at-Home Motherhood 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:05.239 Hey, bright Side, besties, Hello Sunshine. 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:08.200 Today on the bright Side, we're talking to mother Untitled 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:12.800 founder and CEO, Neja Rouche. She's redefining stay at home 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:18.160 motherhood with her revolutionary digital community. It's Wednesday, May First. 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:20.000 I'm Danielle Robe. 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:22.600 And I'm Simone Boyce and this is the bright Side 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.520 from Hello Sunshine. 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:26.320 Happy Wednesday. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:30.520 You know, Simone, yesterday we were talking about tennis because 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:34.000 we were key king about Zendeia's new film, Challengers and 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:36.559 all of her fabulous tennis inspired fashion. 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:39.440 I am ready for my country club era. I just 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:41.600 want to put it out there right now. Catch me 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:42.440 at the club, y'all. 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:44.720 I'm ready to see you in all of your tennis 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:49.680 fashion too. Tennis was my quarantine sport and I haven't 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.879 picked up my racket since. But my mom got me 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:55.640 into pickle and I think that the next step of 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:59.560 this is padel. Have you heard of this padel? What 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:03.800 is It's the fastest growing racket sport in the world. 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:07.160 It's sort of like a mixture between tennis and squash, 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.240 and it looks like a pickle court, but you have 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:12.959 glass walls around you. It's really really popular in Spain. 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:15.880 I think it's like the biggest sport after soccer in Spain, 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:17.160 and now America is catching on. 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.480 Have you played Padel? 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:20.600 No, I haven't played. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.560 I just keep hearing about it, and I feel like 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.360 maybe it's a good date spot now. I always see 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:27.920 in movies people do like running clubs, and it just 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:30.600 seems really hard to talk and run at the same time. 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:32.840 I feel like Pickle or Padel I have a much 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:34.160 better shot at meeting a man. 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.520 I think you might be right. I mean, these racket 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.679 sports are all over my feet all the time. It 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.120 seems like all of them across the board are exploding 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:45.160 in popularity, and it's a really interesting question to ask why. 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:46.160 Why do you think that is? 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:48.480 I think it all started during COVID. 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:51.240 It was a game that people were really playing because 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:54.600 it took up less space than tennis, Like not everybody 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:57.640 had access to a tennis court. You can just pick 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:00.200 up a paddle quickly play, and then people fell in 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:03.760 love with it. I also think it's accessible for all levels, 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:07.040 Like my mom was incredible and I was not so good, 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:09.040 and we could still play together even though she would yell. 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:13.760 At me sometimes get the ball. Do you have an idea? 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:16.000 What do you think. I think it's that. 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.120 I also think maybe I'm just getting older and my 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.600 friends are getting into boomer sports. Maybe that's like, maybe 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:24.280 we're just at that phase in life. 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.160 You know, my mom's going to be so mad at 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:27.800 you for calling it a boomer sport. 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:31.080 Listen, I don't make up these terms. Okay, so don't 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:35.440 come for me, Deanna. But I do love that millennials, 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:39.760 elder millennials are seeking out community in this way. I 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:41.920 think it's a really healthy way to build community. And 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:45.000 like you said, you might meet the love of your 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:48.079 life on a padel court. Have you thought about who 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:53.480 would be on your pickle celebrity draft team, like your 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.120 ideal celebrities to play a pickle with? 0:02:56.639 --> 0:03:00.519 I mean, obviously I'm having an all women team offense 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:02.400 to the men, but women are just like better at 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:06.480 most things. So can I draft our executive producer Rees Weatherspoon. 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:07.639 Can she be Team Haden? 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.400 Yes, one hundred percent. I feel like she plays right. 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:15.760 I kind of want like a Hello Sunshine pickleball or 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:16.600 Podel squad. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:18.080 Wait, this is genius. 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:20.320 We need to talk to the powers that be because 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:22.400 I see a lot of alignment here. I see a 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:25.040 lot of synergy here. Another thing that I'm seeing all 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:27.440 over my social media right now is this list of 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:32.680 phrases that quote successful women use in the workplace. This 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.360 is an article that I came across by Every Girl. 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:40.280 And you know, we've talked about on this show how 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.920 we've learned to advocate for ourselves over the years at 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.400 work and what's worked for us and what hasn't worked 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:47.000 for us in our careers. But I thought it was 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:51.320 interesting that they actually put together this list of phrases, 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:55.240 and they organize them in these categories that make it 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:59.080 a little easier to understand. So some phrases are organized 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:03.240 by ways to express either disagreement or agreement with people 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:06.040 that you work with. Some of these phrases help you 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:09.080 manage conflict better, and then some of these help you 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:10.080 advocate for yourself. 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.240 So I'm going to read a few of them that 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:12.920 stood out to me. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:14.960 Yeah, I want to know which ones you liked. 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.920 Here's one that I really like. They said, I don't 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.640 see it this way, and here's why. This is one 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:24.159 that empowers us to share our opinions even when they 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:27.120 differ from other opinions in the room. And then you 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:30.200 can kind of back that up with concrete reasons with evidence. 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:34.640 I think that's always important. Thanks for your patience. I 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:38.840 really like this one whenever you're delayed, or you're running late, 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:42.440 or you're late turning in an assignment or something, because 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:46.280 that helps us move away from apologizing unnecessarily. M hm. 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:47.520 You know what's so funny. 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.040 I'm going to use a version of this or disagree 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:54.159 to agree because I thought that this article was full 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:58.080 of terrible advice. I like that it gave us shortcuts 0:04:58.120 --> 0:04:59.880 because I think it's really hard to think on this 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:04.599 spot when you feel shocked or you're uncomfortable or you 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:07.640 don't know what to say at work. But I don't 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:11.400 like the phrases that they shared. One of them was 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:12.599 I deserve a raise. 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.800 No one, absolutely, nobody who has been in the workforce 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.960 is going to agree that you walk into your boss's 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.400 office and say I deserve a raise and that works 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:25.360 like that is terrible advice. 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:27.400 I don't think they're saying that you walk in and 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:29.720 just say I deserve a raise. I think that that 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:32.599 is the starting point for the conversation, I deserve a raise, 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:33.279 and here's why. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.560 You need to provide concrete reasons as to why saying you. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:40.359 Deserve something at work or in our relationship is a 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.040 sure fire away for people to feel like you don't 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:46.360 deserve something. It's just a terrible communication tactic. 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:48.360 Oh, I actually disagree. 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:51.320 I think you're advocating for yourself if you state your 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:52.560 desires clearly like that. 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:55.400 I think it's better to ask a question to say 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:57.480 because you have to put it back on them, so 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.640 you can say, what would it look like or what 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.480 do I need to do to receive a ten percent 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:04.880 raise by the end of the year. You're letting them 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:07.360 know where you'd like to get and how they can 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:09.599 help you get there, and then if you don't get there, 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:11.640 you know that you need to make a shift. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.400 I think that's great advice too. I just think that's 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:16.760 earlier on in the process. When you walk in and 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:19.760 say I deserve a raise, you're already you've already asked 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.560 the questions to get yourself there, and you're you already 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:25.240 have the concrete reasons as to why you've earned it. 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:25.600 Yeah. 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.120 I think if you have to go in and say 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.640 I deserve it, you're you're already lost. There was also 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:33.120 one more that stood out to me. They said, I 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:36.160 appreciate you taking the time to chat today. And I 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.839 actually had a mentor to share this with me. He 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:42.680 said that it's better to say I'm grateful for the 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.320 opportunity to connect, or I'm grateful for the opportunity to meet, 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.600 because it puts you more on an even playing field. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:51.320 It's mutual versus sounding eager. 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:52.920 Yeah that's a good one too. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.800 Yeah, I just thought this whole list was eager, beaver. 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:58.039 So I get that. 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:00.280 I hear that when I take a step back, can 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:02.880 think about the intention behind this article or the purpose 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:07.400 behind this article. I think it is trying to reach 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:10.239 women who have had a hard time advocating for themselves 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.760 in the workplace. And we have a tendency to use 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:17.000 more tentative language in the workplace than men, and it's 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:19.040 often because we feel like we have to cater to 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:24.240 fragile egos that exist in positions of power in the workforce. 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:27.800 And it's also because women are often punished for going 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:32.920 against that stereotype of being the warm, nurturing woman SNAs 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:37.040 for some moan, that's really that likability penalty that we've 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:40.240 talked about. So it's unfortunate that we even have to 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:44.119 discuss this, But I appreciate the intent behind this piece. 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:46.160 Oh yeah, one hundred percent. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:49.360 I think it's great to have keywords or phrases in 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:52.440 your pocket because it's really hard to come up with 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:55.360 it on the spot. And I also want to be 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:59.640 really clear that I have learned these phrases over the 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:03.119 last ten twelve years by saying all of the wrong 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:08.800 things for years and really having to navigate those strange waters. 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:12.240 Do you feel like you've become more assertive over the 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:13.080 course of your career. 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.840 Yes, And I figured out exactly why. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:23.000 I interviewed a child psychologist, doctor Eliza Pressman, and I 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.679 asked her how you raise a confident kid, and she said, 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:30.160 competence breeds confidence. Doing things well or just doing them 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.199 at all, even if you're doing them poorly, breeds confidence. 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.680 And so I can very distinctly say that at the 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:38.720 beginning of my career I didn't have that confidence because 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.800 I wasn't practiced, I didn't have the experience, and I 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:45.600 honestly didn't have the skill set to really back it up. 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:49.319 And now eleven years later, I walk into a room 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:53.040 and I know that I'm competent, and so I feel confident. 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:56.720 I like that a lot competence breeds confidence. 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:00.319 You know. It's the words of someone else recently made 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.760 me realize how assertive I've become. Tell me, actually, someone 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.000 that we work with I had worked with her in 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.959 the past about I want to say, five years ago, 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.960 and when we started working together in this environment, she 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:16.360 was like, Wow, I didn't realize you were that assertive. 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.760 I've never seen this side of you whenever I've been 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:21.800 standing up for my ideas or pitching ideas in our 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:25.400 in our office. And I was like, huh, that's so interesting, 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:29.000 and it made me realize I probably have become a 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.800 lot more assertive in the five years that we haven't 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.480 worked together, But it was interesting to me that someone 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:36.000 else picked up on that growth. 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:39.680 Yeah. Well, first of all, kudos to you. That's like, 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.520 it's nice to recognize that. And also, you can say 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:47.120 anything you want, you just have to say it with 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.840 some tact. And that's also something that I've learned by 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.040 making mistakes at work. 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:54.920 You know. 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:57.960 I know I talk about therapy a lot on this podcast, 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:01.360 but therapy has made me a better communicator in life, 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.080 and so I do feel like it's given me some 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:07.080 words in a vocabulary to deal with conflict. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.440 Also, all right, we're gonna pivot to a different kind 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:13.920 of conflict now tell me. So. People online are posing 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:17.079 this hypothetical question, and this whole trend has just been 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:20.240 cracking me up. Here's the question, would you rather be 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.640 trapped in the woods with a man or a bear? 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:27.240 I don't understand this whole equip like, obviously a man. 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:29.440 Why would I ever want to be trapped with a bear? 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:31.840 I think that I. 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.319 Think that women are just using this as an opportunity 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.240 to say, like, I've had encounters with men where I 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.520 don't feel safe, and this is kind of like a funny, 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:43.600 lighthearted way to go around having to go about having 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:44.480 that conversation. 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.320 But I totally agree with would you who would you 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:48.160 rather be trapped to? 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:48.280 With it? 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:50.320 I'd rather be trapped with a man. For sure. I 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:53.400 can take any man. I'm confident I have. 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.439 I have a fault, maybe a false sense of confidence 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.120 that I can take any man. When I solo traveled, 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:03.160 nobody he really tried me because I'm six feet tall, 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.800 So like I just maybe it's a false sense of confidence. 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:07.920 But I walk through the world thinking that I can 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.080 take down to any man anytime that I want. 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:11.840 Yeah, you absolutely can. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.160 The funniest to me is when women are asking their 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:19.880 husbands would you rather be stuck in the in the 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.160 woods with a manner of bear? And then the husband's 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.280 pick a bear? That to me is crazy. 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.200 Wait, I should I should ask my husband to answer 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.960 for this question. Now I don't think he's home. Shoot, okay, 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:32.120 I'm going to ask him that though, because that's hilarious. 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:33.320 Please get back to us. 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:39.920 After the break. 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.400 We're talking career pauses and pivots with Neha Rush. 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:44.480 Stay with us. 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:54.000 All right. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:58.320 Today we are changing the narrative around stay at home moms. 0:11:58.640 --> 0:11:59.120 Danielle. 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:03.120 So many women, including myself, at one point, fear starting 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.719 a family will be a career ender. Right. 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:06.640 Oh yeah. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.520 I used to think if I don't make it quote 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.600 unquote by thirty, it's over for me because I want 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:13.840 a family one day, and how will I ever have time. 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:18.040 This dang thirty milestone bothers me because I feel like 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.680 everything opens up after thirty. 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:20.080 Yeah. 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:21.680 The best part is you wake up at thirty and 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:23.880 you're like, oh, I'm the same person as I was yesterday. 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:27.360 Yeah, and I actually care less about what people think. Yeah, 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:31.360 my goals are clear. Well, our guest today is doing 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:34.640 something that I believe no one else out there is doing, 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:38.960 starting a conversation that is long overdue. She's changing the 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:43.120 cultural conversation around stay at home motherhood. She's the founder 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.480 of mother Untitled and she's here to talk about career pauses, 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:49.600 motherhood and what we gain by taking a step away 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.040 from work. Her name is Naha Rouche and we are 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:54.640 so excited to have her here today. 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:58.160 On the bright side, Nayh, welcome to the show. I'm 0:12:58.200 --> 0:12:59.959 so happy to be here. Thank you both. 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:03.000 How do you explain mother Untitled to people who haven't 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:03.720 heard of it yet? 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:07.680 I really explain it as the first resource to empower 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.079 women on career pauses or down shifts with a sense 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.920 of confidence and clarity, support to walk through it and 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:19.079 come out the other side. Connected to possibility. The community 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:23.079 itself is a cohort of ambitious women in any spectrum 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.440 of the gray area between stay home and working mother 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.760 So some of them are on full pause, some of 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:29.840 them have downshifted to part time work. 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.000 I mean, it's really comprehensive. You have a weekly newsletter, 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.120 a website with tons of resources for moms, like guides 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.800 for how to leave or return to work. There's a 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:42.120 directory of mental health and career experts. There's even a 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.200 jobs board to help women find flexible work. 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.160 Okay, I think we need to rewind a little bit. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.080 So will you take us back to twenty seventeen, seven 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:53.920 years ago when you created this community mother untitled Why 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:55.839 did you feel called to launch this? 0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:00.920 I had put in a decade in brand strategy, I'd 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.559 gone to business school. I really believed that my career 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.720 was thriving and it was ongoing, and I had my 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.800 first child, and I was sitting in a white rocking 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:16.160 chair thinking, oh, like finally, And I think it was 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:18.360 this sense of not having to try so hard. At 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:20.880 that point, I downshifted into part time work and eventually 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:23.880 would pause. But I didn't downshift to make room for 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:27.320 motherhood because I thought it was a better choice for him. 0:14:27.600 --> 0:14:28.720 I wanted more of that for me. 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.680 And so then I was walking around the flat Iron 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.520 six months in, and I was meeting all these incredible 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:40.000 women who were making their own similar pauses and downshifts, 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.600 and they were starting their own ventures, and none of 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:45.880 it matched the caricature that we were being fed about 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.320 this day at home parent. And meanwhile, mid I had 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.200 my first child at the height of the Lenan movement 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:52.760 and the girl Boss era, so the idea of women 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:56.200 choosing to pause or downshift felt really antithetical to that, 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.160 and so the women I were meeting felt a shame 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:00.400 and stigma about it. And part of it is that 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:06.600 there was no platform representing them as modern, empowered women 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:10.160 who still had decades of career ahead of them. So 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:14.040 I started planting the seeds for the platform in January 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:15.000 of twenty seventeen. 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.160 Nayhow when I was in my twenties, I was one 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.600 of those women who thought my career as a broadcaster 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:22.520 is going to be over when I become a mom. 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:25.440 I made this really big decision to just completely walk 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.120 away from my job and not return from maternity leave. 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.360 So whereas yours was a downshift, mine was a true 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.400 like hard stop. And then I found you and mother untitled, 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:38.760 and I realized I wasn't alone when I quit my job, 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:42.000 and your community has offered me so much belonging in 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:46.080 peace and support. But I'm curious, what are some of 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.440 the limiting beliefs that you had to let go of 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:53.000 in order to walk away from your career, at least 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:53.520 for a time. 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.720 Well, I mean, I think it's universal, and you're speaking 0:15:56.720 --> 0:16:00.440 to it, this idea of we've gotten so much worth 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:05.440 and so much identity from our careers. Yes, right, And 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:08.280 I think whether you initially downshift and then eventually pause, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.040 or you fully pause right away, the question that I 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.560 hear is how do you answer the question? 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:14.240 What do you do? 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:16.280 I remember the first. 0:16:16.120 --> 0:16:18.800 Time someone asked me that, this woman asked me, and 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:21.920 it was so well intended, but I every part of 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.840 me shriveled inside and I word vomited on her, and 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:28.840 I realized that I'd had all these neat, little identifiers 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.040 about who I was and what I cared about in 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.800 my background, and that I'd worked hard. And then suddenly 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:36.520 when you say stay at home mom, or I'm focused 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:39.360 on family life. It still feels like in a culture 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.960 that has tied so much of our ideas of ambition, 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.360 our ideas of worth, our ideas of productivity to career progression, 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.360 when you step away from that, you have to re 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.000 architect what that means for you. 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.760 Especially because of the whole leaning era in which a 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.960 lot of us came up. I mean, that was the 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:03.360 messaging that your word, your value, is attached to your 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.560 career and that becomes your whole identity. 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:09.399 Yes, and I think it dates further back. So I 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.960 think if we look way back when the second wave 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:17.719 of feminism was happening, we left the women who were 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:22.199 choosing to focus on family life with this nineteen seventies 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:27.479 archetype right of defending tradition, and we kept doing the 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.640 work to move forward the really. 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:32.320 Strong images of women's capacity in. 0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:37.240 The workforce, and we left the woman who was choosing 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.600 to focus on the house for a period of time 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.760 with the character of a June Cleaver, and we never 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.919 really fixed that powercast. I mean, I think it crescendoed 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:51.320 with the Lenan movement and with the millennial generation like you, 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:57.280 Simone and me that were fed this idea of we 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.600 can do this. But then equally, we have huge sense 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.159 of identity that we glean from family life too, and 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:05.520 those two things started to butt up against each other. 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:08.240 And I think we were sitting at that moment now 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:10.040 of great sort of re examination. 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:14.200 You're not alone in grappling with this decision to pause 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:18.199 or to reduce outside work. Can you help define the 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:21.120 scale for us how many women are making the same decision. 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:26.280 So we commissioned a survey last year. It's called American 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:29.800 Mothers un Pause, and so the best data that came 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:33.560 out of it is that one in three women are 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:36.639 considering a pause in the next two years, one in 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:38.800 two are considering a downshift. 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:41.639 And why that's so important. 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:44.679 Is because it reminds us all that we are ever evolving. 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.880 We are more alike than we are different. And when 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:52.000 we realize that actually we're all this population that are 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:54.919 trying to make the best choice for right now, and 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.600 if we can lift the shame and stigma about any 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:00.359 one choice, we allow women to make the right choice 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.400 for right now without penalty on the other side, And that, 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:06.479 in essence is the movement of mother untitled. It's not 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.879 to say that stay at home motherhood or career breaks 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.119 for caregiving are the is the right choice. It's to 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.120 say that women are still contributing, they are still growing, 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:18.320 that many women are actually having to make this choice 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:22.199 or wanting to make this choice at any time, And 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:26.240 so how can we recognize and dignify that work so 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:29.000 that they're able to return when and if they want to. 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:31.920 When you say women are still contributing, what do you mean? 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:36.399 I think that for too long. The unbeaid labor on 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:41.560 the home was just kind of assumed as nothing tasks, 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:45.320 something that's easily outsourced or easily done by anyone and everyone. 0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:49.360 But I think at a base level, contributing means valuing 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:52.080 the care work that is being done in the home 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:54.800 so that that parent can also be able to say 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.760 I need support because no one should have to work 0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:00.360 twenty four to seven. And our research also shows us 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:04.159 that actually one in three women have never gotten any assistance, 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:07.840 including family help, so they're doing this on their own. 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:10.520