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Speaker 1: Welcome to jay Dot, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Here everyone content morning before we start the show. This

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Speaker 1: episode contains a lot of discussion about sexual violence. So

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Speaker 1: if there are children around or you're sensitive to this

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Speaker 1: subject matter, please take caution or skip this episode. Peace

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Speaker 1: of love, y'all. Jill Scott presents Jay Dot. IM with

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Speaker 1: my sister queens Age and I'm Jill Scott. What's up everybody? Uh,

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Speaker 1: today we're gonna talk about some heavy shit, y'all. Who're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about some heavy shit? Yeah? We are going

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Speaker 1: to talk about what ladies? Damn? Is it another way

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Speaker 1: to say this? But I guess not. Um, We'll be

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Speaker 1: talking about the mechanics around sexual assault and the evolution

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Speaker 1: because things are changing. Better keep keep up with the

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Speaker 1: rules sexual assault. Okay, so first of all, let's define it?

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Speaker 1: What is it? What defines sexual sexual assault? This is

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Speaker 1: according to the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline. The overall

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Speaker 1: definition of sexual or indecent assault is an act of physical, psychological,

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Speaker 1: and emotional violation in the form of a sexual act,

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Speaker 1: inflicted on someone without their consent, and can involve forcing

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Speaker 1: or manipulating someone to witness or participate in any sexual act.

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Speaker 1: May I destroy you? I may destroy you? Why do

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Speaker 1: I always mess it up? Yeah? Yeah, I mean so

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Speaker 1: I may destroy you. Was on the HBO, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it focuses on the aftermath of what happens in

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Speaker 1: the mind of a sexual assault victim. And it also

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Speaker 1: talks about the many ways in which consent can be

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Speaker 1: violated and definitely talks about the the aftermath of sexual

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Speaker 1: assault and what happens like emotionally and mentally to victims.

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Speaker 1: But it also discusses some of the gray area around consent.

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Speaker 1: And I would even say gray area. It's just helping

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Speaker 1: us to further understand the word consent. I personally feel

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Speaker 1: that we have just really scratched the surface on this conversation.

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Speaker 1: We and my opinion, are the first generation out of

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Speaker 1: the emergence of a natural conversation around what rape or

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Speaker 1: rape culture is. So there was no way for us

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Speaker 1: as a generation to even get this totally right. We're

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Speaker 1: just too close to the cut off to where no

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Speaker 1: one talked about women at all. Two, they just begin

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Speaker 1: to talk about women. We were the date rape era.

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Speaker 1: That was like our evolution of rape. But that's when

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Speaker 1: they decided that you could be on a date and yes,

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Speaker 1: it will be rape. That's what our generation very interesting.

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Speaker 1: Can you think about it? Well, they we just started

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Speaker 1: talking about that. And here's the thing. I'm born in

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Speaker 1: seventy eight and in nineteen seventy nineteen seven. Between nineteen

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Speaker 1: seventy and seventy seven, you're talking about around that that

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Speaker 1: that decade, that's when you first started getting even black

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Speaker 1: domestic violence shelters like that's those are. That's how late

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Speaker 1: to the game the conversation has been around women and

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Speaker 1: violence in this country, and then we don't even want

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Speaker 1: to talk about what it is about Black women and

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Speaker 1: violence in this country and particularly being victims of our

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Speaker 1: own men. Hello. So yeah, a lot. But the consent thing,

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Speaker 1: I think is the order of the day. M hmm,

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Speaker 1: what is it? What does it look like? I think

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Speaker 1: I was just watching a futuristic show where they they

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Speaker 1: actually decided that It's like it's part of getting your

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Speaker 1: birth control. I can get what I was watching sex

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Speaker 1: and they take a pill and they say I can sit,

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Speaker 1: and then the birth control comes out so they can

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Speaker 1: use it. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't show on Hulu uploaded.

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Speaker 1: I think it might have been uploaded. Yeah. Wow. At

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Speaker 1: this point It's like you have to make a video

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Speaker 1: or a voice recording or something where you both say

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Speaker 1: that this is what we want to do and this

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Speaker 1: is what we're going to do. Because remember, Jill, even

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Speaker 1: if you decide this is what you're going to do

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Speaker 1: it now we have to agree that I want to

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Speaker 1: do this actual act. Right if you do an act

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Speaker 1: on me exactly, if you do an act on me

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Speaker 1: that I didn't want to do, that is again a

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Speaker 1: form of sexual fault, like, yeah, I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: a missionary style, but I don't want to do it.

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Speaker 1: Running back, well, I don't know if it's see see,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. See. I think it's important that we

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Speaker 1: don't lies it's situation. I don't mean to. I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: because and I know you didn't mean to. I know

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Speaker 1: you were coming from it from the spirit of that.

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Speaker 1: I know that the tendency is when we start thinking

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Speaker 1: about how to to dig deeper into these things, the

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Speaker 1: tendency is to pick out the most minute situation as

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Speaker 1: being the rule. And I think it's not necessary I

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Speaker 1: mean not minute, but the most you know, specific situation

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Speaker 1: to to make it the rule. Like I mean, we

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Speaker 1: can't we can't do a doggy style and have to

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Speaker 1: have a mission for that. I think really what it

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Speaker 1: all boils down to is how we communicate with each

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Speaker 1: other and how substitative we are to each other's reactions

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Speaker 1: to certain things, and how we communicate with one another,

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Speaker 1: and also to coming out of the of a society

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Speaker 1: that just values the safety of women. I just think

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Speaker 1: it's a cultural shift thing, not just uh, okay, now,

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Speaker 1: it's okay for you to kiss me. Now, it's okay

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Speaker 1: for you to touch me. Now, it's okay for you

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Speaker 1: to so and so. If the general idea is that

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Speaker 1: the woman has agency over her body and that that's

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Speaker 1: a culturally acceptable thing, you will treat that entire interaction

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Speaker 1: from m hmm. You know what I'm saying. It's sound.

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Speaker 1: You know, you're You're right, It's it just I feel

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Speaker 1: like it sounds easier than it is coming from a

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Speaker 1: male perspective. And mind you, I don't mean to come

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Speaker 1: from a male perspective, but we don't have one here,

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Speaker 1: so I'm just trying to think like, yeah, like okay,

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Speaker 1: so you gotta okay. Yeah, but the male perspective is

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Speaker 1: like us sitting here trying to find the white perspective.

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Speaker 1: Why do we have to worry about the male perspective?

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Speaker 1: I mean, at this time, we're the ones who are

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Speaker 1: in the position of society that says that we don't matter.

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Speaker 1: We're in the position of society that says we don't

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Speaker 1: have a voice. We're in the position of society where

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Speaker 1: we're over sexualized. And so why why do they why

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Speaker 1: do we have to worry or center how this affects them?

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Speaker 1: They have to discuss that. What are you going to

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Speaker 1: do to avoid that situation? Well, I asked you all

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Speaker 1: that because mothers fine, Because that's my point. I think

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Speaker 1: that we have to consider them to some degree because

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Speaker 1: we have men that we love all around us, uncle's, brother's, cousins, grandfather's,

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Speaker 1: you know, as men that we love. So, for instance, Um,

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Speaker 1: years ago, my favorite uncle in the whole world, Um

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Speaker 1: was accused of rape. He was accused of rape, and

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Speaker 1: he was arrested and he was going to prison, according

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Speaker 1: you know to what this woman said, and for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: probably because he didn't rape her, she decided on in tears,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I was just mad at him. I

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Speaker 1: wanted him to be my man and I said this,

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Speaker 1: but he never did this and admitted this was in

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Speaker 1: the early seventies, so it was right before maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: the late sixties. And um, she admitted that that never happened.

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Speaker 1: But I think about it and who he is and

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Speaker 1: the kind of man that he was, you know, Um,

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Speaker 1: this was blues child. This was a kind hearted man.

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Speaker 1: This was an intelligent man. This was a man too

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Speaker 1: that went on to marry a woman so and love

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Speaker 1: her so splendidly. Even now it makes me, you know, emotional,

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Speaker 1: how beautiful he loved his woman, and how he cared

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Speaker 1: for his children and his mother. You know, this was

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Speaker 1: not his nature. That wasn't who he was. But had

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Speaker 1: that young woman, you know, going on with with that

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Speaker 1: story out of bitterness or whatever, um, you know, being

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Speaker 1: cast aside for somebody else or or nothing else, you know, Um,

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Speaker 1: he probably would have spent the most part of his

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Speaker 1: life in somebody's prison. Now, when you go into somebody's

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Speaker 1: prison when rape is the charge, you can already assume

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Speaker 1: what's gonna happen in there? And how And I know

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Speaker 1: that women are like, oh, why do we have to

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Speaker 1: think about them? Because because we've been a fact, because

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Speaker 1: has been a fact. And and to be honest, with you.

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Speaker 1: Guys are to be totally for right, Like I've been

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Speaker 1: on the other side of that Jill when she didn't

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Speaker 1: come back and say no, I was lying, like I

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Speaker 1: when I first went to college, my boyfriend was accused

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Speaker 1: of rape by a white woman in Jersey. It was

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Speaker 1: one word against another, and he ended up serving a

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Speaker 1: prison sentence of six years, coming out and being like,

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Speaker 1: how do I use this cell phone? So you and

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Speaker 1: then and then to be totally up front with you.

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Speaker 1: The odd part about all of it was as he's

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Speaker 1: going through his trial, I'm going through my trial because

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Speaker 1: I just got sexually assaulted on my college campus. So

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Speaker 1: sitting there and witnessing as a victim and then being

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Speaker 1: on the side of the accused, it was just a moment.

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Speaker 1: It was a moment. And knowing about like the rape

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Speaker 1: shield laws and knowing that victims are protected, which they

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Speaker 1: should be, uh within there within the twenty four hours

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Speaker 1: of their situation, where you cannot speak on what happened

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Speaker 1: that twenty four hours of their life, even if like

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Speaker 1: my ex at the time, that girl had had sex

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Speaker 1: with multiple dudes within her twenty four hours and did

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Speaker 1: cocaine and did all these other things. That could not

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Speaker 1: be spoken about because that is a rape shield. That's

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Speaker 1: the same shield that I'm being protected in Atlanta as

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at my teenage you know. So it's it's

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Speaker 1: just it's so heavy and always and that's why I

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Speaker 1: think we do have to look at it, like you'll said,

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Speaker 1: in a sense of a holistic type of way and

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Speaker 1: understanding from all sides of how this ship works. It's

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Speaker 1: I think it's a lot of it has to do

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Speaker 1: with us, with us educating our sons and educating the

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Speaker 1: men around us, um and trying to find the words

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Speaker 1: to make it real simple and plain, real simple and plain.

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Speaker 1: If the if the N word ever comes out, and

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Speaker 1: that's no, if the N word comes out at the end,

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Speaker 1: it's time to get up and get your ass out

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Speaker 1: of there. Just get out, apologize and roll. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I did not mean in any way to disrespect you.

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Speaker 1: I thought that this was where we were going. This

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Speaker 1: is uncomfortable to you. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. That's where

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Speaker 1: we have to teach them. I really think that that's

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Speaker 1: the route to know. You're right about that. I wish

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Speaker 1: you would have just said get out. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think not having I mean having having conversations with our

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Speaker 1: sons around consent is absolutely essential. Um and even looking

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Speaker 1: at it from a holistic point of view, I think

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Speaker 1: is important as well. But for black people and for

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Speaker 1: black men and women, it's very important that we can't

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Speaker 1: really have a conversation about the male experience, particularly when

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Speaker 1: it involves the justice system, uh where it without talking

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Speaker 1: about racism. So these things are going to have to

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Speaker 1: get addressed as a separate issue, but it has to

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Speaker 1: be addressed. So I think a lot of times what

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Speaker 1: ends up happening for us as Black women, we tend

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Speaker 1: to center not center, want to address the male's needs

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Speaker 1: in that situation because we want to protect him from racism,

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Speaker 1: and so unfortunately, what that does is it puts an

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Speaker 1: added weight on us as women and added emotional labor

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Speaker 1: and labor around being the victim to carry. So what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying is that, yes, it's important that our sons

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Speaker 1: are protected from a justice system that will happily put

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Speaker 1: them away for anything, anything, for anything, But that is

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Speaker 1: also an element that is some that is linked together,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time too, it's separate. At some point,

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Speaker 1: our men and men in general must carry society's burden

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Speaker 1: or the burden of their own privilege. And so because

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Speaker 1: for black men, they have a privilege in this conversation

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Speaker 1: and they have a marginalization in this conversation, it is

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Speaker 1: just dually difficult for them. Yeah, just as it is

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Speaker 1: difficult for us. So I just you know, So it's

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Speaker 1: not a matter of just being like, forget men, they

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Speaker 1: don't matter here. They absolutely do matter. But it is

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Speaker 1: important that as women, and particularly as Black women, all women,

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Speaker 1: but particularly as Black women, that were very clear on

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Speaker 1: not making the racial aspect of it um part of

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Speaker 1: our labor in this situation because as women were just

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Speaker 1: victims just do not have the same rights that non

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Speaker 1: victims do, even when the victims are actually men as well,

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Speaker 1: damn Asian, So we're always protect them. M hm. I

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Speaker 1: want the brotherhood, That's what I want. I missed that.

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Speaker 1: I want that. I want to be able to say

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Speaker 1: that so and so was inappropriate with me or try

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Speaker 1: to do something that I didn't want, and I need

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Speaker 1: those brothers to go and whoop his motherfucking ass. That's

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Speaker 1: what I want. I want that consequence was getting your

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Speaker 1: motherfucking ass whooped. And I say it the way I

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Speaker 1: said it, come on now, when the consequence was that

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Speaker 1: cats kind of held themselves together a lot more. But

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Speaker 1: because you know, Willie Nilly, we're just out here and

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Speaker 1: I have to say, you're not gonna like this. You

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Speaker 1: are not gonna like it when when we put ourselves

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Speaker 1: in harm's way, it's like it's like standing on a

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Speaker 1: train track. You know what I'm saying. Why my dear,

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Speaker 1: my dear sister friend, you can't go to this man's

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Speaker 1: room at two o'clock in the morning. You can't. You

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Speaker 1: can't do that. You cannot. You're putting yourself on the

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Speaker 1: train track and you're expecting, you're expecting to be safe.

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Speaker 1: You have to have some accountability for your safety. You

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Speaker 1: have to. You cannot mess around and and be with

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Speaker 1: a group of guys that that you're not, that you

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Speaker 1: don't know very well and have very little clothing on

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Speaker 1: and think that they're going to be accountable for you.

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Speaker 1: You can't. You're gonna hate this. You're gonna hate it

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Speaker 1: because you don't hate it. I don't hate it. I

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Speaker 1: don't hate it. I think that it is just a

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Speaker 1: reason why we're still having this conversation. Because we gotta

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Speaker 1: graduate beyond this idea that, yeah, we have to be

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Speaker 1: concerned about our own safety. Of course you don't. You

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Speaker 1: don't just walk down an alleyway. But I think we

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Speaker 1: have graduated in this country past this conversation of individual

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Speaker 1: accountability into um the accountability of the systems themselves. So

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Speaker 1: we don't want to discuss why we live in a

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Speaker 1: city where you can't walk down the alleyway. We just talk,

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Speaker 1: We just tell ourselves, don't walk down the alleyway. But

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Speaker 1: what we should be discussing is why there's so much crime.

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Speaker 1: Why are we afraid to walk down an alleyway. Why

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Speaker 1: is the alleyway not safe? Why are the people who

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Speaker 1: are making the alleyway not safe resorting to making people

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Speaker 1: I'm safe? This is These are the questions we have

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Speaker 1: to begin to more focus on because we've been talking

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Speaker 1: telling women, We've been telling women since at the beginning

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Speaker 1: of time that you're responsible for you. You can't be

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Speaker 1: around men, you can't do this, you can't wear this.

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Speaker 1: We've been telling women that for centuries, and yet they

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Speaker 1: still get raped. So but is there something to that.

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Speaker 1: I'm just asking you. You You mentioned the alley but in

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Speaker 1: in Jail's example, excuse me for playing moderated here, but

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Speaker 1: she kind of gave the hotel room date, Like, what

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Speaker 1: is what is the answer to that part. If y'all

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Speaker 1: think that women will and I know you don't think this,

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Speaker 1: let me start with that, it's more like a figurative thing.

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Speaker 1: If y'all think that women are not gonna get raped

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Speaker 1: just because we eliminate going to hotels late at night, bro,

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Speaker 1: that is not the majority of the way this thing happens.

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Speaker 1: I'll get in the brotherhood aspect of it, too, is that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we in our minds, I think we think the brotherhood

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Speaker 1: is more realistic than it really is. When my mother

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Speaker 1: was coming up in the nineteen fifties, trust and believe

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Speaker 1: my uncle went to jail for trying to kill him

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Speaker 1: a man who tried to rape my aunt. You feel me,

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Speaker 1: So I get what you're saying. That brotherhood did exist.

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Speaker 1: It did exist, but it existed simultaneously with the culture

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Speaker 1: that did not protect women at all. In the fifties,

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Speaker 1: girls weren't safe, some of them in their own homes,

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Speaker 1: with their own brothers, with their own uncles, with their

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Speaker 1: own daddy's And that's where that's where it gets the

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Speaker 1: most tricky because it's not like, in no way I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm at I was raped, so I grasp all of this.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it was my fault. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that it's any woman's fault. I'm saying that you

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Speaker 1: don't walk down New York City streets with your purse

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Speaker 1: open and your money hanging out. You have to be

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Speaker 1: mindful and protect yourself. You have to because we have

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Speaker 1: not dealt with the systems. We have not looked into

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Speaker 1: what is going on on our television screens, or on

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Speaker 1: our phones or in our music. We're not dealing with that.

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Speaker 1: And until we actually make it, make make a staple

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Speaker 1: of how you know you think about women, or the

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Speaker 1: mentality of our men, of all races and ages, until

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Speaker 1: we deal with that system that is clearly fucked. Until

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Speaker 1: we deal with that, then we have to be mindful

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Speaker 1: and do the best we can to protect ourselves. I

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Speaker 1: like it when women know how to fight. I like it.

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Speaker 1: I like it when a woman is proficient with her weapons.

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Speaker 1: I like it if somebody can hold a knife and

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Speaker 1: and take somebody all the way down. I like it.

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Speaker 1: And this is what I'm saying, that it's imperative that

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Speaker 1: we know how to to protect ourselves as much as

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Speaker 1: possible and not put ourselves in harm's ways. I'm so

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Speaker 1: with you. I'm with you on that. Absolutely, we don't disagree.

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Speaker 1: I just personally feel that we are already and have

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Speaker 1: been for decades, coming at this problem from that point

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Speaker 1: of view. Yes, there are some women that are gonna

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Speaker 1: fall through the cracks in that conversation, just as anyone would.

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Speaker 1: But I do believe that this is the work that

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Speaker 1: we as women have consistently been doing. That our mothers did,

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Speaker 1: that our grandmothers did, This is the work that we've

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Speaker 1: always been taught. It's time for us to focus on

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Speaker 1: the work that's not already being done. And that's kind

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Speaker 1: of where my head is on it. But I don't

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Speaker 1: disagree with you or that. I love the fact that

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Speaker 1: you even incorporated the idea of self defense and understanding

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Speaker 1: how to wield a weapon, how to take care of yourself,

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Speaker 1: how to protect your family. But um, and so, I

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Speaker 1: absolutely I'm absolutely in agreement with that part of it.

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Speaker 1: I just, you know, want to make sure that we're

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Speaker 1: talking about that. But I also want to mention this

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Speaker 1: as well. There was a really interesting art exhibit that

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Speaker 1: that existed. I want to say, like last year where

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Speaker 1: this woman um hung either onto the wall or from

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Speaker 1: the ceiling, clothing that rape rape victims were wearing at

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Speaker 1: the time that they were raped. And I think it's

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Speaker 1: really important for us to continue to remind ourselves that

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Speaker 1: we do sometimes live in this vision of what we

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Speaker 1: think rape is that might actually be based on society,

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Speaker 1: our own particular experiences. Because as I've also been raped,

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Speaker 1: I'm a victim of date rape. I've been in that

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Speaker 1: situation as well. So I'm just gonna say that I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes we we we believe and begin to believe

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Speaker 1: some of the scenarios that aren't actually indicative of the norm.

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Speaker 1: The norm is usually not somebody who's dressed in a

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Speaker 1: quarter We are right, we weren't. All three of us were.

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Speaker 1: I was wearing jeans and a T shirt from the

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Speaker 1: Cold Stone. So I'm just saying, like all of this,

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Speaker 1: this typically doesn't happen that way. This is actually the

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Speaker 1: story that men tell that we find ourselves consistently retelling.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that there were some women who

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Speaker 1: went up to a hotel room with whomever and was

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Speaker 1: in this or out late with a bunch of dudes,

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Speaker 1: you know, and and and found herself in a situation

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Speaker 1: where she wasn't safe. So I do agree with that.

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Speaker 1: Safety is is, Safety is number one, and being mindful

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Speaker 1: is super super important because you're walking around with a

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Speaker 1: gold mine. And plus just at this point, you're walking

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Speaker 1: around with every man's fantasy. And and and you know,

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Speaker 1: as straight guys, you know pleasure, you got it, you're

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Speaker 1: carrying it with you. You got a bag full of

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Speaker 1: diamonds in your panties and anybody and everybody you know, um,

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Speaker 1: and and because of the society is so sick. If

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Speaker 1: you wonder, if you question it, if it is, then

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Speaker 1: then go on a porn site and and look up

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Speaker 1: rip her or look up yeah, yeah, that's that's when

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Speaker 1: a man rips a woman, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: And that's a thing, and it's it's millions and fuse,

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Speaker 1: if you question in this there is a thing. There's

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Speaker 1: something happening and has always been happening in this society

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Speaker 1: where women are are pulled apart in pieces, little tiny

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Speaker 1: pieces too. Uh makes me ill. And not to mention

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Speaker 1: the different levels of you know, a black woman being

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Speaker 1: assaulted versus a woman of another color, and the reaction

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Speaker 1: from authorities, you know what I mean versus it's it's

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Speaker 1: a whole mind fuck of I might not get in

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Speaker 1: trouble as much because because she's black, but checked this,

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Speaker 1: we're also not having a much wider discussion about the

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Speaker 1: fact that people who are disabled are actually sexually assaulted

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Speaker 1: at a much higher level, and that we're not talking

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Speaker 1: about women who don't identify um of don't are not

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Speaker 1: feminine identifying, or we're not talking about trans women, and

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Speaker 1: we're not talking about you know what. These are all

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Speaker 1: situations that that literally do not fit into this narrative

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Speaker 1: that we always end up right back at this narrative

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Speaker 1: you know about that's very heteronormative, that's particular to this

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Speaker 1: one particular thing. And I think when we're talking about

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Speaker 1: sexual assault in particularly against women, but also remembering also

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Speaker 1: to that men, men are sexually assaulted. My son's freshman year,

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Speaker 1: there was a student at More House that sat outside

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Speaker 1: and a protest on um on a mattress saying this

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Speaker 1: is the mattress I was raped on because he couldn't

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Speaker 1: get any justice. Right. So I'm saying that we have

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Speaker 1: to begin to open up this conversation in such a

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Speaker 1: way so we start to see the vast different stories

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Speaker 1: of sexual assault, so that we really begin to understand

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Speaker 1: that in many instances, so you know, your sexuality and

401
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: and the and the people who have violated is they

402
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 1: are getting an okay from a society that says you

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Speaker 1: are not protected. And the more of these groups you

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00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: identify with, the more unprotected you are. If you are

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Speaker 1: a woman, if you're a black woman, so if you're

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Speaker 1: a black woman who was disabled, who is also non binary,

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Speaker 1: or like all of these but all of these different

408
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Speaker 1: things will make you even more susceptible to these things.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, from a systemic point of view, and

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Speaker 1: I hate to keep going back to that, but really,

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Speaker 1: for me, that's where my heart is on this subject,

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Speaker 1: because um, I just recognized that we are in a

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Speaker 1: state of emergency and we're just becoming really aware to

414
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Speaker 1: the enormity of the problem and how sown and woven

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Speaker 1: it is into our everyday practices and lives. And I'm

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Speaker 1: I for one, am trying to change all the language

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Speaker 1: that I use around it because I feel like it

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Speaker 1: starts with the with the way I tell the story.

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Speaker 1: It starts with my language. It starts with how I

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Speaker 1: discussed this with victims, you know what I mean? And

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Speaker 1: even with myself because I don't know about y'all. I

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Speaker 1: got raped on a date, so I it took me

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Speaker 1: ten years. Yeah, I got raped by a teenager too,

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Speaker 1: on a date. But now I was in college to

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Speaker 1: even admit that I had been raped. What what? That's different?

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Speaker 1: And I know it's different for it. Some compensate rate

427
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: struggle with that victim word. I struggle with that one.

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Speaker 1: I do I do how survivors probably the better word

429
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: for sure? Did you guys? We y'all told y'all mom's

430
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: did y'all get to My mom said to me, she

431
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: was like, you know, it's really hard to find a

432
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 1: woman who hasn't had this experienced Babe, like this is unfortunately, Uh,

433
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: it seems like a part of being a woman. Remember

434
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 1: my I'm telling me that the math it's three women,

435
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: three women talking. That's what this is. That's what this

436
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: whole j dot Ill experiences. It's three women communicating and

437
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:46,920
Speaker 1: each one of us has been sexually assaulted. Well damn yeah,

438
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: I mean for some reason, when I first had my kids,

439
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 1: I I don't know who gave me this, but they

440
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 1: were like, somebody gave me the statistic and they were like,

441
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 1: one out of every four woman is sexually assaulted. And

442
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: I found this out after I had the twins, when

443
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: I officially have four daughters, and so I had to

444
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: live with the numerical reality that one of my daughters

445
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: would be sexual sex damn aging. That's deep, that's heavy. Like, listen,

446
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,640
Speaker 1: I love black men. My life is a testament to that.

447
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: But I will be I will be fine in life

448
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: if I never have to actually verbalize that again, because

449
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, my life says that

450
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: it is better that I spend my time centering in

451
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: around the liberation of black women, because if black women

452
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: are liberated, black men will be also. I'm not sure

453
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, I feel like I gotta go home

454
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: and think on its homework. You know. I love y'all. Yeah,

455
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 1: And and this is the we are don't so we

456
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 1: have the capacity to agree, to disagree, and to keep

457
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,919
Speaker 1: it pushing and find ways to understand each other. And

458
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: that's the fan fantastic. I'm not sure I watched UM.

459
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,640
Speaker 1: It depends on the liberation. Let's say, for instance, we're

460
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: talking about UM we're talking about Black women and education

461
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: and how we are super educated out here now, I

462
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: mean most sisters I know, you know have some kind

463
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: of masters or or PhD. I mean absolutely, we're killing

464
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: the game. And while our men go to prison like

465
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: we are being liberated, and we're liberating ourselves in a

466
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: lot of ways. But the majority of our of our

467
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 1: men end up going to somebody's jail house. And so

468
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: as we are liberated, does not mean that it's occurring,

469
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: um see to me, to me, formalized education, to me

470
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,719
Speaker 1: is not necessarily a form of liberation. If if if

471
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: that means we have to go out and make sixty

472
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: three cents to the dollar, then to me, how is

473
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: the How am I liberated by my by my education?

474
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 1: I mean to me, white women say so. So I'm

475
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: just saying that I want to be clear. Black men

476
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: are important. Black men matter. I love black men. They

477
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: deserve love, they deserve healing, Yes, they deserve all of

478
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: those things. I am saying that I myself must begin

479
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: to use my energy and my emotional labor to the

480
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: liberation of black women because we fall much lower down

481
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: on the totem pole, and that that's the way liberation

482
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: and equity works, you address the person who is the

483
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: most vulnerable, which also means that me, as a heterosexual

484
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: black woman, I have to recognize my privilege and I

485
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: have to make sure that when I'm in certain spaces

486
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 1: to say, hey, we're here talking about black women. Where

487
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: the trans black women. So so there's a there's a

488
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: moment for me where I this is a moment for

489
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 1: me that came even just in the last couple of years,

490
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 1: where I started to understand or started to decide where

491
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 1: I was going to put my mental and emotional energies

492
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 1: right and um, and that's just a personal decision, but

493
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: it's not an indication of any love. That's less, it's

494
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: not at all, not at all, not at all. I

495
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: want um, my husband and my son to feel free, free.

496
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: We talked about freedom at one point in another and

497
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: another show. Ultimately I want them to have freedom. But

498
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: I realized too that the world will liberate a male

499
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: before it will liberate me. So then when does that stand?

500
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: And then when I decided to say there's been no progress,

501
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 1: they'll say, well, no, we gave this to those men,

502
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: to the men we're worry about them, Like, come on, guys,

503
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: we're more likely to die during childbirth. We're more likely

504
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 1: to have you know, hell of different you know, physiological

505
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: co problems. If there's no one to give birth to

506
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: these men, how do we preserve their lives if we

507
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: can't give birth to them far I think it's exhausting

508
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 1: being a black woman. You've been a tenant and know

509
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: it every day. If I could get to if I

510
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: can take to the n Ministry's, and if I could

511
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: take two, I will certainly try to get in there.

512
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. There is an illness

513
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 1: in society when it comes to sexuality. There is a problem. People.

514
00:31:55,240 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: Everybody's bucking, you know, just just bucking. They have no

515
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: concept of what it's like to connect to another person.

516
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: There's something that's magnificent and beautiful about that. And now,

517
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 1: of course you can switch it up and bucka you

518
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's a sexuality. So yeah, you're

519
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: gonna get it, you know, in many different ways. But

520
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: he shouldn't just be this one way where the woman

521
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: is completely submissive or you know, beaten down. I hear that.

522
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: I hear the guys I got male friends. I listened

523
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: to them talk. You know, then what did they say, um, oh,

524
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's some kind of beat it up.

525
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 1: You know, it's all their words for sex are violent words.

526
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 1: Oh no, I was listening to something on the other

527
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: day and he was like, he's gonna burn it and

528
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: ansenerated to the point I was like, you're gonna because

529
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: I don't even like what it's anything hot down there,

530
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 1: even when it's wedding. What are you talking about? What

531
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 1: was the song? I want to do is that he

532
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: was gonna cenerate the pussy. That's okay here, but he was.

533
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: I'm sorry he might be on the phone having a

534
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: whole special conversation. I'm sorry. As as a writer, I

535
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 1: just think that there's a lot of ways to be

536
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: sexual that don't necessarily have to use the words. You

537
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like be up off of that, Mike. Okay,

538
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that too much? God, she was just it

539
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: was for effect, because that's how the soul sound. I

540
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: love whisper. That used to be my chance. I love

541
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: it too. My favorite part would go FLD. All of

542
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 1: these women are dancing. I don't love I'm sorry that

543
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: including inappropriate. This was supposed to be a very special

544
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: J dot L presents a sexual because let me stop

545
00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: presenting sexualist. So I mean about it, but listening, guys,

546
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: seriously though, but listen that the playfulness of it and

547
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: and the playfulness of it and and and whole child,

548
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 1: we as women enjoy sex, We enjoy all of that.

549
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: So I just think it's one of those things where

550
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: the potential of what sexuality can be and what it

551
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: can be outside of these umbrellas, the big umbrellas, the patriarchy,

552
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 1: white supremacists, whatever. But but even down to like violence,

553
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,760
Speaker 1: and when we come from underneath those umbrellas, there's freedom.

554
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: There's sexual freedom and intimacy there. But when you said

555
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: the thing about connection and also to sexual assault is

556
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,959
Speaker 1: also not even about sex. We all know it's about

557
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 1: power and control, but again and and and manipulating power dynamics.

558
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: But then again you were saying the thing where it

559
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 1: was like about connections. As a society, we are not

560
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,280
Speaker 1: good at that. So it goes down to every little

561
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 1: thing which is not good at it. No, that is

562
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 1: a that is a very big problem and a concern.

563
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 1: What is it? What is it is? Is that that

564
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 1: the television? Is it the porn? I've I've often thought

565
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 1: it was a porn. You know, it just limits and

566
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 1: minimizes what what sex actually is. There's a beauty in

567
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:31,359
Speaker 1: this thing, and where just being nasty, just nasty. I'm

568
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,959
Speaker 1: a freak. I'm a freak. I'm a freak guy. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

569
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 1: I'm trying to tell you that there's more, There's so

570
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: much more than that, and that the problem is the

571
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: mentality and what's being poured into our men um. You

572
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: know that puts us in a dangerous in a dangerous

573
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: This is propaganda. It's an illness because it's an illness.

574
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: It's a mental illness when you think you can just

575
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 1: jump on somebody like you don't know what I mean,

576
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 1: You don't We have no thoughts about how this person,

577
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 1: this human being that is so attractive to you right now,

578
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: may feel You don't. You don't recognize that they have

579
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: emotions and feelings too, that they and you don't want

580
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: her to feel good at all. You don't care how

581
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 1: she feels at all. Well, I said, we're assuming that

582
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: this is about sex, and it's about like I feel like,

583
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: it is about power dynamics. It's not really about sex,

584
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 1: and it depends on who is doing the assaulting. Correct

585
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: like everybody probably you know, I've got different reasons and

586
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: different backgrounds. I'm sure everybody has under that say about

587
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: the men in our society that they feel powerless. Yes,

588
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 1: those men probably, they probably were victims of assault themselves.

589
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 1: I mean, look at the whole r Kelly situation where

590
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 1: it came to like had been ongoing, had been have

591
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 1: been molested for many, many years, and because of the

592
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: society says it's okay for I meant a man to

593
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 1: be hyper sexual even when his high school teacher said,

594
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: I knew that the boy was over sexualized, but it

595
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 1: didn't turn a light on in her head because guess what,

596
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 1: he was a teenage boy and they're supposed to be

597
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 1: hyper over sex like that. So by the time not

598
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: ebumped into bumping grind, it was just like, oh, that's

599
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: the jam. It was already a following illness I had

600
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: going to see my guy in the collegist and um,

601
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: we're just talking, Yeah, of course we must see them. Um.

602
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: We were talking and she said that her son, um,

603
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: I've switched guy in collegees since but um at the

604
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: time she said that her son um half of the

605
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 1: school had her pies. And we're talking about you know,

606
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 1: high school, you already starting off with a venereal disease.

607
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: Got darn it. She said that they were passing it

608
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: around to each other like like skittles. Mm hmmm. Yeah. Well,

609
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: sexuality is just going to evolved if you think about

610
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:02,879
Speaker 1: it like this is so the things that we did

611
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: in high school are it's like times. Well, first of all,

612
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 1: they don't have sex education in the schools anymore. Now

613
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: I forgot. They don't know. That's number one. That's that's

614
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 1: it right there. It's like there's no sex said in

615
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: the schools anymore. Used to be something we had to take.

616
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 1: That's number one. They don't even know what hurtpiece is.

617
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: Some of these kids don't even know what HIV is. Wow,

618
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: I can't even deal with that thought. I don't even know.

619
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:32,280
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, that's that's a lot. And it's forever.

620
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: You don't you don't get rid of her piece. It's

621
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 1: for longer, longer than a baby. M h. I'm not surprised,

622
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: I am, for one. Me for one, I'm not surprised.

623
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: And I think what what we're what we're looking at

624
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: is people get mad about certain artists or whatever, and

625
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: how highly sexual they are and if when, whatever the

626
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: spectrum is. But these are the same people, like I said,

627
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: who will happily watch the schools take sex it out

628
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 1: of the out of the out of the system. These

629
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: are people who will happily not have a single conversation

630
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: with their child around pleasure and but happy to have

631
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 1: a conversation with their child about birth control which they

632
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 1: ain't never gonna use. And you know, and we don't

633
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: ever want to be real. We're not want to be

634
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 1: real about how many times we ourselves have had unprotected sets.

635
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: People don't want to talk about that either, you know.

636
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 1: And even if it's one time, one time is enough.

637
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 1: Didn't that when we tell the kids, you know, I

638
00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 1: have no I've never had a problem telling people that

639
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: because I've also said it's gotten me to a place where,

640
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: you know, got in to a hospital room and pro

641
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: choice MS made me pro choice you know, mistakes some

642
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: teenage pass I think we should be honest about that.

643
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 1: We're not, though we're not. Though I do not think

644
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: that we're in a time and you would think that

645
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: we would be in a time where we're being fourth

646
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 1: white and honest with kids and young people about sex

647
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: and sexuality. And we are not especially I gener like

648
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: now that we're the it's an us. Yes, we shouldn't

649
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: absolutely have the right to. We're in a great position

650
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: to tell the three kids. Yeah, generation, it's part of

651
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 1: a list of Genet's failures that we're gonna have to

652
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: come to terms with. Yeah. Well, everybody tells the generation

653
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: following in some form of dest like the way as

654
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:58,959
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I remember when I spoke about Bill

655
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: Cosby and it came up whoa. I mean that was

656
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: that was a hard time because because so many women

657
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: were angry with me and they felt like I was

658
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:17,879
Speaker 1: pro rape, which is ridiculous, ridiculous. I don't know, how

659
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: do you formulate these things? How could I? I don't

660
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 1: want anything. It's not a thing. It's not a thing

661
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: at all. But at the time, um, before his uh,

662
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 1: before I got out what do you call it? Um?

663
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: Not the trial, it was him admitting um. He didn't

664
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 1: admit it. He in a sense to me, he admitted it.

665
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: You know like if a if a pedophile says, oh

666
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 1: I love it when little girl sit on my lap.

667
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 1: And I'm not a pedophile, but but I don't care.

668
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 1: You just said that you love when little girls sit

669
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 1: on your lap. So now even if I had any

670
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: questions about it, now I cannot ignore that statement. I

671
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: can't let go of that. Who says that? Like who

672
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: says that? Yeah, and that's what happened with with Mr Cosby.

673
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 1: You're talking about the Spanish flight thing where he talked

674
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: about but there was there was a dot not the

675
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: stand up. There was a interview saying that he had

676
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,760
Speaker 1: done it before, that he had given women Spanish flights before.

677
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: And I was like, Uh, as much as you know,

678
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: I'm here because you have changed my life and and

679
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 1: and broaden the strokes of my life. You know, far

680
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: as seeing what college was, how would I know I'm

681
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: in North Philly. I don't know about college, you know,

682
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 1: seeing what an HBC you felt like, seeing what family

683
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 1: could be, seeing art on the walls, you know, just

684
00:42:54,400 --> 00:43:00,360
Speaker 1: expanding my horizons and jazz on TV, just marrying Makay

685
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 1: but like my god, But it turned it really ties

686
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: back into the conversation we were having earlier about Yes,

687
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,320
Speaker 1: racism does play a part and how our men are perceived,

688
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 1: particularly when they do it something wrong or if they

689
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:21,280
Speaker 1: are in a situation where they have to be reckoned

690
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 1: with either with the law or socially right, so the soul,

691
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 1: even socially, they're going to be dealt with differently. But

692
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,719
Speaker 1: as women we have to continue to center ourselves in

693
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: the conversation so that we don't take on the weight

694
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:37,959
Speaker 1: of having to say, okay, because he's dealing with racism, now,

695
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 1: I have to give him this room where he will

696
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: most likely be victimizing women black women, because because the

697
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: reality is like, yes, sir, you are dealing with racism,

698
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: but so mine a man, I sold mine and you

699
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: wronged me, and you wronged me, and I'm sorry. This

700
00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: is not more seconds, so it don't I'm gonna use

701
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: that when you wrong me. Yes, there and there that is.

702
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. If you can take

703
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,479
Speaker 1: it your way, If you can have it your way.

704
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 1: What would you like for sexual offenders? UM? For for pedophiles? UMM?

705
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 1: I vote for um. Damn It so tough because yesterday

706
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 1: I would have said death, castration, castration and clicktoral removal.

707
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 1: I guess it's the same. I guess that's castration. I'm

708
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 1: just saying because women, there are women who do it, yea.

709
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 1: And but again, that does that deals with the sexuality

710
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: part it doesn't deal with the power and the mentality

711
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: of that. Yeah for me, Yeah, for me, this is

712
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: this is a tough question for me, because a tough

713
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:29,800
Speaker 1: question this year. This year I just started to shift

714
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 1: my ideas around um incarceration almost completely. So, um, if

715
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: you want to decarsorate, then you can decarceerate just you know,

716
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: these people, but not these people. So if I had

717
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 1: to reimagine a society in which jail boy is not

718
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: a thing, I would say that, Um, well, I'll say

719
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,919
Speaker 1: this prior to jail not being a thing. If jail

720
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: is gonna always be a thing, I would say I

721
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 1: would first start prosecuting in people who have who who

722
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:04,359
Speaker 1: commit sexual assault, because for the most part, they don't

723
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 1: get prosecuted. That's true that they do in some sense,

724
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 1: some senses of the word both a lot of times

725
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: they don't even get reported, let alone prosecuted, and and

726
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 1: and and that goes along, right, and that goes along.

727
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 1: But that's only if the person who does it to

728
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: her is black. So you also have a situation with

729
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 1: that and molestation. But if I try to imagine a

730
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: world where there's no jail, my first thinking is that

731
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 1: there has to be a psychological evaluation and an emotional evaluation,

732
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,319
Speaker 1: because usually what you're going to find is some sort

733
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 1: of trauma. If we had a society that based that

734
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: was based on healing trauma, I mean across the board

735
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 1: and providing resource, I think there is a way in

736
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 1: which we can help and heal people have who have

737
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 1: victimized others. There are people who may have certain issues

738
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 1: that may be tied to mental ill this that can't

739
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: necessarily be fixed in that way. But if you have

740
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: to separate them from society, you don't have to separate

741
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: them separate them from society in squalor. You don't have

742
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 1: to separate them from society and ways that actually make

743
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 1: their condition worse. There's ways to if you if if

744
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: we didn't look at mental health facilities as prisons, if

745
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 1: mental health facilities were set up exactly how mental health

746
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: facilities should be set up, they would be that would

747
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 1: be uh to me, a good solution for people who

748
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 1: are dealing with something that is very linked to and

749
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 1: in most instances linked to, some sort of emotional or

750
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 1: traumatic experience in which they have now become the violator

751
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:48,759
Speaker 1: which changes into a mental illness, which is you know,

752
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: some people do say that depending on your background in

753
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: the situation and sexual it cannot be. Yeah, especially when

754
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: you talk about pedophilia, because they talk about there's there's

755
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,879
Speaker 1: ways in which that cannot be that just cannot be fit,

756
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: you know. So yeah, I mean I would start there though,

757
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:07,320
Speaker 1: That would be my start, And that is the evolved

758
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 1: ager from this from this year, reading a lot of

759
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: Angela Davis and kind of delving deep into this whole

760
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 1: decarceration conversation. So that's kind of the lens I'm in

761
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:26,880
Speaker 1: about that word ration, abolition, decarceration, no more prisons, no

762
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 1: more jail, not in the way that they look now.

763
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: I think there's some I think things that wild um,

764
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: the wild animals or rabbit animals, um. You know, if

765
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: you can't get them the medication that they need, that

766
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 1: they have to get put down because they are a

767
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: harm to everyone around. Oh I do, I do. I

768
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,879
Speaker 1: can't trust white people with that decision, and that don't

769
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 1: need to be put down, and that's an issue. That's

770
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: an issue. So basically, what we're saying over all is

771
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: that the problem is the system, the system of the problem,

772
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: and aldays how we deal with things we don't I

773
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,280
Speaker 1: don't know, if we deal with things like people are human,

774
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: even when you go to admit or go to someone

775
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: to say that you've been um sexually assaulted, how you're

776
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 1: treated afterwards, you know? Um yeah, the system? I think, Okay,

777
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 1: so it looks like that's what this is. But as

778
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 1: I always say, how do you eat an elephant? One?

779
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:42,279
Speaker 1: Which one we were gonna take to buy that? There's

780
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: a lot of places. It's a fatast album. It's a

781
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: fat You should really start you should really start with

782
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: um Angela Davis, Our Prisons Obsolete? Go ahead, I'm serious.

783
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:56,880
Speaker 1: I don't. I want to know what you've got this

784
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: d incarceration? I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, start with

785
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: Angela Davis. She has a book called Our Prisoners obsoletem

786
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: really really really good place to start on that conversation.

787
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 1: I think that there has to be more conversation about, um,

788
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: what's wrong with them? You know what I mean? We

789
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 1: we've been on what's wrong with them before and and

790
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: and we'll be on what's wrong with them for quite

791
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 1: some time. I think that we have to deal with

792
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 1: what's wrong with them? You know, what would make you

793
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 1: what would make you want to um harm somebody in

794
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: that way, if we know that it's not about pleasure

795
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 1: and sexuality, that we know that this is about power. Um,

796
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 1: you have to question why is it that the men

797
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: in our society and others don't feel powerful or they

798
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 1: they're looking to feel powerful? What is what is that

799
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: that's uh messing with your mind? Boom power? Yes, because

800
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't asked you know that you're that power is fleeting,

801
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: you harm someone and then you're going about your business.

802
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 1: But that's why I think we've been kind of touching this.

803
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 1: But it just needs to be a conversation. I know

804
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 1: it needs to be a conversation men and women generally,

805
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 1: but there are some conversations that I think that black

806
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 1: men and women need to have between us to create

807
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:24,880
Speaker 1: a sense of strength and foundation that's stronger than what

808
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: we have. There are some conversations that are lacking about

809
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 1: us feel are not protected and the reasons as to

810
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: why they are. They are helping us feel this way,

811
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 1: like there's a just I feel like it's just it's

812
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 1: pushed us closer and closer to this conversation. Oh yeah,

813
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 1: I mean you know that I believe that most things

814
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: that happen in shifts in culture start in language and

815
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 1: how people communicate with each other. So that is absolutely

816
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 1: the work that needs to be done, particularly in our community,

817
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:04,239
Speaker 1: because there's there's a hard it's very difficult to see

818
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 1: the difference. I think that a lot of people, black

819
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,839
Speaker 1: men and black women, they just dump us all into

820
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:13,439
Speaker 1: one pot. There's got a lot of black people over there,

821
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 1: and we got issues, situations that we have to work

822
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:18,839
Speaker 1: out on. People don't even know. I'm like, I mean,

823
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: we as a black women were exhausted because we're sitting

824
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:25,280
Speaker 1: here protecting men, protecting our trends, me our gay community.

825
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 1: Like what you just said, d children, pect about them women?

826
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 1: Do you mean protected white women to and then last,

827
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 1: but not least, come on, come on my shoulders, and

828
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 1: then last, then protect ourselves. And that's right back where

829
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: where we started. And I still feel the same way.

830
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 1: Do the best you can. I know, I know there's

831
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 1: lions and bears and wolves and hyenas out there. Girls, ladies, women,

832
00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 1: do the best you can to protect yourself. Be mindful

833
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:05,440
Speaker 1: of your surroundings. It's important. And I'm not trying to

834
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: blame you or anybody else. I don't even blame myself

835
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: because I can't. I know, what happened to me. I'm

836
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 1: saying to you, be mindful, be mindful of where you

837
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: are and who you're around. And if you don't know

838
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 1: these dudes, you don't want this to happen. You don't

839
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 1: You don't want somebody to jump on you and and

840
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,479
Speaker 1: treat you as as if you don't exist. You don't

841
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: want that, even if you think you're a guy's girl

842
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 1: and you're tough, even if you don't want that. So

843
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: it's a terrible feeling and it's something that haunts you

844
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 1: if you if you allow it. That's what I'm gonna

845
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,440
Speaker 1: say about that. Shout out to all the women nn.

846
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 1: Just it was a moment when my mom after my assault,

847
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,320
Speaker 1: and my mom said to me, you know, you should

848
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,839
Speaker 1: be aware that most women go through this. So if

849
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: that's the case, and I took that, and I I've

850
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,800
Speaker 1: always been opening that way at the very least with women.

851
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: I think us having conversations helps a lot, and us

852
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: knowing that we have experiences that are the same as

853
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: you're not alone out there. And then I also think

854
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:20,239
Speaker 1: at a certain point you need to discuss this with

855
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 1: the men in your life. Like I don't think that

856
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 1: we should it should be left with just the women.

857
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: I feel like the especially the love, the madness in

858
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 1: your love life, or the man or woman, whoever the

859
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: person is, you should let them know because oftentimes you

860
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: don't know the physical aspects. I know, for a long time,

861
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:39,120
Speaker 1: just to share my own personal I had a problem

862
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: like during sex, like opening my legs wide right. I

863
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,879
Speaker 1: had a midwife tell me that sometimes when women are

864
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: sexually assaulted, they don't know that there that that happens,

865
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 1: like they have issues physically in that way of So

866
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 1: I just think that conversations are key, like not keeping

867
00:54:57,080 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 1: it to yourself, like initially it's it's just so importan

868
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:02,360
Speaker 1: because the things that can happen when you keep it

869
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:07,320
Speaker 1: to yourself, can you can implode from that I agree

870
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:13,200
Speaker 1: with because I think men don't are not able to understand.

871
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:17,960
Speaker 1: I think usually in the giving people in general the

872
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt that men operate from a place

873
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 1: like oh I love my mom and my sister and

874
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 1: my home and my girlfriend, but they don't look at

875
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:32,320
Speaker 1: those women as the as survivors of sexual abuse because

876
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 1: typically that's not a conversation those women are going to

877
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 1: have with them, and so it takes away it creates

878
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: an other nous when they're talking about sexual assault. Those

879
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: are those women over there that that happens to, not

880
00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: the women who I love, right because I'm here and

881
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 1: I love them, you know what I'm saying. So I

882
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: think it's very I just you don't wanted to kind

883
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:58,320
Speaker 1: of build on what she was saying, because I totally

884
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: agree with that. Also think that compassion is so important

885
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: when you are discussing very difficult subjects. If we don't

886
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 1: have compassion, and everything is about you. When you don't

887
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 1: have compassion, you can't listen to someone who you just

888
00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 1: agree with without getting angry. And I think a lot

889
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:25,120
Speaker 1: of times in the social media spaces and there's a

890
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 1: lack of compassion, and when people discuss things, it's all

891
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 1: about quick whips and who can who can chase somebody

892
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,960
Speaker 1: the quickest or throw out the the uh you know

893
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 1: whatever facts that can grab from Google real quick, and

894
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: people go back and forth, back and forth, and it's

895
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: not really you know, it elevates the conversation nationally, but

896
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: it doesn't elevate the conversation. It doesn't make the conversation

897
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: itself elevated. So that's something that I would say is

898
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 1: only engage in these conversations in circles where empathy and

899
00:56:57,000 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 1: compassion is present. Uh, it's it's it's like and I

900
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 1: keep trying to figure out how to not be emotional?

901
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 1: How how can anybody get out of their feelings to

902
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 1: present information when it comes to being sexually assaulted, when

903
00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 1: it comes to being raped? How, I just that's that

904
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 1: challenge right there is massive? How How do you so

905
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: you know when what happens is if someone brings up

906
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 1: rape everybody that's been raped, and we've already discovered that

907
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 1: it's typically you know, um of the room, you know,

908
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 1: typically damn right now, right now, it's of the room.

909
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 1: So how how damn? How are you not emotional about

910
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: something like this? The work that it takes to not

911
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 1: be emotional and to present information that even that takes time,

912
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 1: that takes a lot of time. And I'm not sure

913
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 1: that it's it's even possible. I'm not sure about that.

914
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 1: What occurred with me happened years ago. And nonetheless, I

915
00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 1: when I think about it, I do want to stab him.

916
00:58:52,240 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 1: I do, I do, I really do, And And I

917
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 1: don't know how you know to not feel that way.

918
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 1: But the same intensity jail as it was definitely m

919
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 1: absolutely I got. I gotta tell y'all, in my situation,

920
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: I kind of did the black woman thing because you know,

921
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: like I said, I was in college, I was in

922
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 1: my I was nineteen and it was a fifteen year

923
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 1: old and I kind of went for the protection and

924
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 1: I was worried about how he even got to the

925
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:28,920
Speaker 1: point where he would have a gun on a woman

926
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,360
Speaker 1: and want to do that. So when it got to

927
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:33,600
Speaker 1: the trial, it was like, can we just figure out

928
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:38,919
Speaker 1: how to get him some help? I did. I did

929
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 1: the whole I shouldn't have been there. I shouldn't have

930
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 1: been there, and that lasted for ten years. I did

931
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 1: the same thing. Damn, I shouldn't have been there, and

932
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: I've been there when it happened. I mean, there are

933
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 1: gonna be women who are not who are not either,

934
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 1: like you said, in the emotional space, not able to

935
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: have that conversation with out going right back to that

936
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 1: to the actual trauma. And they're also going to be

937
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 1: people women, men, young people who cannot who just don't

938
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:17,560
Speaker 1: have the energy and the bandwidth to speaking out about it.

939
01:00:18,040 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: You hold tight and heel because those of us who

940
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: can should and we will because we have to look at.

941
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 1: I just want a band of brothers. I want a

942
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,880
Speaker 1: band of brothers that you know are in every city

943
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,120
Speaker 1: and you just call them and say, hey, listen, this

944
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: is what occurred. I need you to whoop this motherfucker.

945
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 1: This ask until tomorrow. I need to put him in

946
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 1: the hospital. I need him to go go go down.

947
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 1: I need stuff broken. That's what I want, Okay, I'm

948
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 1: just saying that in reality, that is that is, that

949
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 1: is what I would want. I would want that. You don't,

950
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 1: you know, causing pain, emotional spiritual pain to somebody like that,

951
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 1: Like God darnay, you just deserve it. You deserve to

952
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: get that ass all the way whooped. I just wanted

953
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 1: to be easier for for people to tell their story

954
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 1: because if you can deal with a situation when you

955
01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 1: have details sexual so so fucking murky, because nobody actually

956
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 1: talks about it. You don't even realize. Sometimes if somebody

957
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:26,760
Speaker 1: did the ship to ten other women, you know what

958
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Sometimes you don't know that anything has happen

959
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 1: until you wake up with your thigh wet. That part,

960
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 1: that part, that part, I may destroy you. That's what happened.

961
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 1: It ain't easy being a woman or a man, and

962
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:51,600
Speaker 1: I definitely did the thing, and I still do and

963
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 1: I won't um make the same mistake again, which is

964
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 1: why I'm so adamant about this. Be mindful of where

965
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:01,840
Speaker 1: you are and who you are round Be mindful because

966
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:06,040
Speaker 1: had I had the foresight, had I been mindful of

967
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 1: my surroundings, had I been mindful of And I'm not

968
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:13,920
Speaker 1: trying to blame myself, and I'm trying to be accountable too,

969
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: I should have walked the store. It's a difference. I'm

970
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:22,040
Speaker 1: not trying to blame victims. I'm not trying to make

971
01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 1: people victims. That is not my effort nor anywhere in

972
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 1: my intention. I'm saying that it is imperative for you

973
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 1: to use your mind since you've got a gold mine

974
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: in your panties. You got diamonds in there, and there

975
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,640
Speaker 1: are wolves and cheetahs that's out there trying to get it.

976
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: And like my mama said, if you gotta jump out

977
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:41,480
Speaker 1: the car, you just she said, I had to jump

978
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 1: out the car on he wasn't going the right way.

979
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:48,600
Speaker 1: Jump out the motherfucker's car. Listen. I mean, I'm just saying,

980
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 1: look people out here, but I would have to say

981
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 1: I might have to This is where we might have

982
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: to disagree on the diamonds and pearls thing. I think

983
01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:02,800
Speaker 1: presenting vagina like it like it's a treasure is has

984
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 1: I think it's part of the language. We need to

985
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:07,120
Speaker 1: shift a little bit because they want the treasure. Because

986
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 1: they want the goddamn treasure. You keep talking about. This

987
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 1: ship is jammas they call they call moody. It's just vagina.

988
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,480
Speaker 1: It's like a neo elbow. It's a part of the

989
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 1: body special. I don't know what it's b I p

990
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,800
Speaker 1: up in here, Okay, I don't know about your general

991
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:35,640
Speaker 1: and right there, listen, let me tell you a song.

992
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: Make somebody cry, make somebody motivated and get up and

993
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:47,320
Speaker 1: change their life. Hello, songs about it, and he wrote

994
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 1: songs about it. It's it's nice. It's nice. But like

995
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:55,120
Speaker 1: I said, that's why these girls is walking around thinking

996
01:03:55,400 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 1: that they didn't ruin their life by giving the damn

997
01:03:57,800 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 1: thing away, because when we keep I'm presenting it like

998
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:03,320
Speaker 1: it's this thing that it ain't, well, that's a hard

999
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 1: it's a hard meddle in there somewhere, because I do

1000
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,320
Speaker 1: want my my couchee to look like it's up on

1001
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 1: a pedeschool. But I understand what you're saying where it's

1002
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 1: like it's so far up than now they really want

1003
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 1: to breach, jump and try to find and get it.

1004
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:15,040
Speaker 1: So I don't. I don't know what to do about that,

1005
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 1: because it is special, very very It is not an elbow.

1006
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:26,080
Speaker 1: This thing. This thing, it's a tunnel. It's a past

1007
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 1: while you're alive. Well, you're alive, while you're alive. I'm

1008
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 1: riding with you like on that when that thing it's

1009
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: a wonderfully made beautifully listen, I'm gonna tell y'all. You

1010
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:55,080
Speaker 1: ask about me, listen, ask about you. It's still it's

1011
01:04:55,080 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 1: still a body part that thing is. That's a precious

1012
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 1: treasure that you have, in my opinion, and you have

1013
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:04,960
Speaker 1: to be mindful that you're carrying around something really special.

1014
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:07,640
Speaker 1: Just be mindful who you're with and even the women

1015
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:26,480
Speaker 1: that you're with, be mindful. And I'm not you know again,

1016
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,440
Speaker 1: I have to just try to be really really clear.

1017
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:35,920
Speaker 1: I'm not blaming you and I'm not blaming me. What

1018
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 1: I am saying is there is accountability to all things,

1019
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:46,200
Speaker 1: to all things. You didn't you didn't do your homework,

1020
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:51,040
Speaker 1: you didn't do your homework. You didn't motor grass or

1021
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:52,840
Speaker 1: to mode a lawn. I get it mold and the

1022
01:05:53,000 --> 01:05:55,640
Speaker 1: lawn is crazy and you h your way ume on it.

1023
01:05:56,200 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, there's come on, come on yet.

1024
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 1: I'm just there is accountability to all things. And I

1025
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 1: think it's very important for us to be mindful and

1026
01:06:08,640 --> 01:06:11,720
Speaker 1: stop walking around nilly willie with this, with these treasures.

1027
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 1: We got here because somebody's gonna jump on you and

1028
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:16,360
Speaker 1: try to get it. And if we could deal with

1029
01:06:16,400 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 1: the systematic illness, the mental illness of people who have

1030
01:06:22,640 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is, where they're trying to

1031
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:26,920
Speaker 1: get some kind of power or feel powerful for a

1032
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:29,919
Speaker 1: few minutes. We can deal with those people and put

1033
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:33,280
Speaker 1: them in situations where they can get help or they

1034
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:39,400
Speaker 1: can go the fuck away. I don't care. I don't

1035
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:42,960
Speaker 1: care if that's an island. I don't care. What you

1036
01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:46,520
Speaker 1: what you do, what you do, what you do deserve

1037
01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:51,560
Speaker 1: some kind of deserve some kind of major punishment, whether

1038
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:55,520
Speaker 1: you're harming children or women or men. If you're harming anybody,

1039
01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:59,120
Speaker 1: you need to go somewhere and everybody needs to know

1040
01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:04,360
Speaker 1: that that's your add public flogging castration a mento it

1041
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 1: can't you just tell them where they need to go

1042
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:09,440
Speaker 1: one more time? They need to go what I say,

1043
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:14,480
Speaker 1: the funk away, the funk away, go to funk away.

1044
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: That was me sending them away. Yeah, we will go

1045
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:24,040
Speaker 1: somewhere which sick self. That's what I need, That's what

1046
01:07:24,160 --> 01:07:38,280
Speaker 1: I want. God done it? How do you eat an elephant? One? By?

1047
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 1: It time? Hey, y'all, it's Eaves, a producer on the show,

1048
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:48,880
Speaker 1: So per usual. We're offering you resources related to the episode.

1049
01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: Sexual assault affects so many people, and we want you

1050
01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 1: to get the help you need or are seeking. You

1051
01:07:55,360 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 1: can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at the Rape

1052
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:03,480
Speaker 1: Abuse and Incest National Network if you need support or

1053
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:07,080
Speaker 1: to be directed to local resources. That number is eight

1054
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 1: hundred six five six hope. That's eight hundred six five

1055
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:16,479
Speaker 1: six four six seven three. The National Sexual Violence Resource

1056
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:21,200
Speaker 1: Center also offers support to sexual assault survivors and information

1057
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:25,639
Speaker 1: on sexual violence. Their number is eight seven seven seven

1058
01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:29,920
Speaker 1: through nine three eight nine five. Aside from those resources,

1059
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:33,920
Speaker 1: Jill Layah and Asia did talk about prison abolition as

1060
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 1: an impact sexual violence has on black women specifically. For that,

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Speaker 1: you can check out the book Agent mentioned Our Prisons

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Speaker 1: Obsolete by Angela Davis and you can read Sir journal

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Speaker 1: Truth's speech and I a woman. I'll drop links in

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Speaker 1: the episode description. So this was Jake dot Ill. Where

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Speaker 1: are here to spark curls san And if you are

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Speaker 1: inclined to implement something um powerful for change, powerful for

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Speaker 1: building our community, please do so, believing us leaving you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents j dot

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Speaker 1: l the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott,

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Speaker 1: Why You St Clair and Agar Graden Dancer. It's executive

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01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:36,840
Speaker 1: producers are Jill Scott, Shawn j and Brian Calhoun. It's

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Speaker 1: produced by Why You're Saint Clair and me Eve Jeff Cooke.

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Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done

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Speaker 1: by Taylor Shakana. Yeah. Shout out to Angela Nissel's brother

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Speaker 1: I know andh Philly. He has a whole class where

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Speaker 1: he teaches woman how to use their pistol. I'm definitely

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Speaker 1: one who is for it's our right Our Jay dot

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Speaker 1: Ill is a auction of I heart Radio. For more

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Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.