1 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: for joining me for session three twenty two of the 12 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,959 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our 13 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: conversation after a word from our sponsors. Which friend are you? 14 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: And your sister circle? Are you the wallflower, the peacemaker, 15 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: the firecracker or the leader? Take the quiz at Sisterhoodheels 16 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: dot com slash quiz to find out, and then make 17 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: sure to grab your copy of Sisterhood Heels to find 18 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: out more about how you can be a better friend 19 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 1: and how your circle can do a better job of 20 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 1: supporting you. Order yours today at Sisterhood Heels dot com. 21 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: How many of us can say that we have a 22 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: friendship that is five years old, ten years old, or 23 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: even fifteen years old. If you thought that was rare, 24 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: how about being friends for most of your lives. Lifelong 25 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: sisterhood is a rare yet beautiful phenomenon that brings new 26 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: meaning to the term ride or Die. For today's session, 27 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: we're joined by lifelong besties of twenty six years le Maya, 28 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: Akita and Keihley, dubbing themselves AMW for America's Most Wanted. 29 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: This girl group has navigated moves around the country, the 30 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 1: raising of children, and busy careers, all while still making 31 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: time for sisterhood. In our session today, you'll hear the 32 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: AMW crew talk all about their growth as a friend 33 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 1: group from college to adulthood, ways to stay connected when 34 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: your besties live far apart, and how they've managed to 35 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: maintain their sisterhood in the midst of personal life developments. 36 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: And as a special bonus, the interludes for today's episodes 37 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: are selected excerpts from my book, Sisterhood Heels, which is 38 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: available to purchase wherever books are sold. If something resonates 39 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: with you while enjoying our conversation, Please share with us 40 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: on social media using the hashtag TBG in session or 41 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: join us over in the Sister Circle. To talk more 42 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: about the episode. You can join us at community dot 43 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. 44 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Maya, and I'm here to introduce my posse, 45 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 2: a trio called amw Who are we? A gang member, 46 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 2: a soccer player, and a Southern bell. We met in 47 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,240 Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven at wake Forest University. Actually only one 48 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 2: of these descriptions is accurate. Keeley the Southern bell who 49 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: wore a sweatshirt that read Southern Girls Don't Sweat. We listen. 50 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 2: Assumed that Keita, with her lean, athletic build and muscular legs, 51 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 2: must be on scholarship as a soccer player, and that 52 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 2: may and me was a gang member from the notorious 53 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 2: Tray four because I wore a red bandana. First impressions aside, 54 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 2: we fostered a decades long friendship that has helped us 55 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 2: navigate some of the most wonderful and difficult times of 56 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 2: our lives. Meet Keighley, an attorney and our resident fashion 57 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 2: e Stemp Kita, an EEO diversity expert and our resident 58 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 2: voice of reason. And me, Maya, a PhD student and 59 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 2: teacher and our resident dreamer. Our journey includes cartwheels and 60 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 2: espresso shots on the quad annual Wonderful Weekends, moves all 61 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 2: over the country, overseas and back, miscarriage and pregnancies, marriage 62 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 2: and dating, and more recently, cancer diagnoses in the loss 63 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,799 Speaker 2: of parents. We're all busy these days with working school, family, yoga, teaching, 64 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 2: raising kids and young adults, and of course commiserating on 65 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 2: all the bullsh constantly thrown in Black women. We get tired, 66 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 2: but we keep going, squeezing every drop out of life. 67 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: We are America's most wanted a moniker given to us 68 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 2: in nineteen ninety eight by the unfortunate girlfriend of a 69 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,840 Speaker 2: first class boy. But we can tell you more about 70 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 2: that later. 71 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,720 Speaker 1: I know Drake made it popular to proclaim no new friends, 72 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: but I have to strongly disagree with this sentiment. Being 73 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: open to new sister friends at any stage of our 74 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: lives should be a goal we all aim for. The 75 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: truth is you probably haven't met all the people who 76 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,159 Speaker 1: will love you, and being open to finding new people 77 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: who can add to the rich relationships you might already 78 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: as a kind and loving act Towards your Own Healing, 79 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: Page one ninety one. 80 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 3: Well, we're all friends from wake Forest University and we're 81 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 3: on the freshman hall together. And wake Forest is a 82 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,719 Speaker 3: primarily white institution, so when you have three black women 83 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 3: on the same freshman hall, it is easy to identify. 84 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,159 Speaker 3: And so when I saw two women on my hall 85 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 3: that looked like me, I was like, oh, okay, well 86 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 3: who do we have here? And so le Maya dressed 87 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 3: in preparation I guess to do some heavy lifting, had 88 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 3: on a bandana. I think you had on like a 89 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 3: baggy outfit, maybe like some baggy jeans or shorts or something. 90 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 4: I was like, okay, I'm right because we're moving in too, 91 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 4: a dor mega and so I was. 92 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 3: Like, she is got some street cred. And then Akita, 93 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 3: she looked very instill. It was very athletic. She was 94 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 3: long a lean, had on like I think they were 95 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 3: soccer shorts. There's some type of athletic shorts. So I 96 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 3: was like, well, huh, is she like on a soccer team? 97 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,120 Speaker 4: One? 98 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 3: And I had picked her to be an athlete, and 99 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 3: so I am. 100 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 4: The Southern bell. 101 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 3: So those were my initial impressions on the two ladies 102 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 3: on the call now that are now to my best friend. 103 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 4: Amw. We will not incriminate those that gave us that moniker, 104 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 4: but we have taken it and it has lived with 105 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 4: us and it has developed. But we were once greeted 106 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 4: on the quad on our way to the cafeteria by 107 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 4: someone that said, oh my gosh, it's America's most wanted. 108 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 4: Because we had solidified our status on campus by this point, 109 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 4: we did not know we were America's most wanted. But 110 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 4: we'll take it. As all of our beautiful black women 111 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 4: are America's most wanted, we will take that for the sisterhood. 112 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: My sister friend, Defisa and I had many conversations while 113 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 1: in grad school at the University of Georgia about how 114 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 1: it was fun to date and think about married life, 115 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: but that it was our relationship with one another where 116 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,839 Speaker 1: sweetness was really found. The conversations we were able to 117 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: have with one another, the support, laughter, and ease, all 118 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: felt like what life partnership should really be. I've been 119 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: so excited to see more people thinking about their relationships 120 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: with their girls in this way. For all the wonderful 121 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: things that can come with romantic love, our relationships with 122 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: our girls are often where we really come alive in 123 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: many ways. Our girls are where we can exist outside 124 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: of any life role we're expected to take on. Yes, 125 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: I am someone's wife, I am someone's mother, I am 126 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: someone's therapist. But when I'm with my girls, I'm just 127 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: with my girls as they are with me. Introduction page nineteen. 128 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, so many really good memories. I'm going 129 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 3: to talk about cartwheels on the quad. So there was 130 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 3: lots of work to be done at WAKE, and I 131 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,119 Speaker 3: don't know was it final exam period or some period 132 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 3: of time where we all were just like up, like 133 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,440 Speaker 3: working NonStop, and there was the Starbucks on campus. So 134 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 3: we said, we're going to go to Starbucks and we 135 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 3: are going to take I don't know how many shots 136 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 3: of I was about to say tequila, but not tequila. 137 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:11,119 Speaker 3: That was creater. 138 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 4: That was late night. 139 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 3: This was espresso. We had taken all these shots of 140 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 3: espresso because we were like, we're gonna be up, We're 141 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 3: gonna get this work done. And then we were so 142 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 3: wired none of us could sit down at our desk 143 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 3: to do any work. So we go out to the 144 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 3: quad and we're just like, I don't know, who knows 145 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 3: what we're doing but at a certain point we were 146 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 3: doing cartwheels on the quad in the middle of campus 147 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 3: when we're supposed to all be in our respective door 148 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 3: rooms or the library doing all this work. That we 149 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 3: took the shots expresso for it. So it's just so 150 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,320 Speaker 3: many of those hysterical memories that we look back on 151 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 3: year after year and just giggle again, like it was 152 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 3: that day. 153 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 4: I want to talk about the trash can Wars because 154 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 4: we literally just had this reminder a couple of months 155 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 4: ago with one of my daughters who had a similar event. 156 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 4: But we used to have this annual thing on campus, 157 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 4: and I don't even know where it started, but it 158 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 4: was annual. It was a water gun fight. So we 159 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 4: started with water gun fights. We would surprise each other, 160 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 4: not just the three of us, like pretty much it 161 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 4: was all I want to say, It was all black 162 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 4: people on campus. It was an unspoken organized event where 163 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,079 Speaker 4: we just knew we had to carry our water guns 164 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 4: or we need to be prepared to get got before class. 165 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 4: So somehow that war for us escalated with a core 166 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 4: group of guy friends who one of us is married 167 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 4: to today, La Maid and her husband, he and his roommate, 168 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 4: and somehow it escalated to trash can wars, and so 169 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 4: this is how you know you were like comfortable and 170 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 4: you were with your people because you do stupid stuff 171 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 4: like this. I don't think we can get in trouble 172 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:49,440 Speaker 4: for this now, but we would take trash cans and 173 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 4: line them up against the boy's door, and so when 174 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 4: they opened the door, the whole trash can just flooded 175 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 4: into their dorm room. Do not ask us where the 176 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 4: brainch out for this operation came from, But don't worry. 177 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 4: They got us back. But we just found joy in 178 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 4: being free and silly and goofy and just connecting with 179 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 4: our community in very crazy ways on campus. But we 180 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 4: had a good chuckle about trash can wars recently, so 181 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 4: I thought I shared that one. 182 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, that one is one of the ones that we 183 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,599 Speaker 2: still talk about today. Because my husband was like, I 184 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,319 Speaker 2: couldn't believe that y'all puts spoiled milk under our door. 185 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 2: So my husband and his roommate, they stayed in the 186 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 2: dorm across from us, and we poured like I don't 187 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 2: know where we got rotten milk from, but we can, yeah, yeah, 188 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 2: and we poured it under there like we opened up 189 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 2: the cart and I poured it under there. Okay, we 190 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 2: were just ridiculous. Another memory that I think of that 191 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 2: just always makes me smile is the night we decided, 192 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 2: but we're not just gonna go to then, we're gonna 193 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 2: go to the Hands fully decked out like we're going 194 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 2: I don't even know where we thought we were going 195 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 2: and who Hands was a restaurant, I'm not sure it's 196 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 2: still in existence. But we got on like all black. 197 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 2: One of us had on a crop top, I can't 198 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,719 Speaker 2: remember who we had on like leather. We did our 199 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 2: makeup like we had real special eyebrows that we had 200 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 2: drawn on. I think I had a mold that I 201 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: put out like it was so much and we were 202 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 2: just like, yeah, this were we getting ready to do. 203 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 2: So we just dressed up and you know, all this 204 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 2: real special attire and went out to eat and like 205 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 2: that was our Saturday night and we just had so 206 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 2: much fun doing. 207 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 4: Stuff like that. 208 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 2: And again, not sure which one of us was like, hey, 209 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 2: let's go do this, but we were all down. We 210 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 2: were like, yes, we get. 211 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 3: Ready to do this. 212 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: We're all gonna do this, and we're all gonna have 213 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 2: fun and we're just gonna go out in these streets 214 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,199 Speaker 2: in Winston looking like this. 215 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: Healing can come in surprising ways. It doesn't always have 216 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 1: to look like heartfelt, teary, I deeper than deep conversations, 217 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: although it's okay if it does. What about the year 218 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 1: you and you girls headed out of town for a 219 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: long weekend and had the time of your lives. You 220 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: remember how refreshed and re energized you felt when you 221 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: got back home, I mean, once you finally slept. Y'all 222 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 1: still talk about it to this day, don't you. That 223 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: wasn't just a turn up or a really good time. 224 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 1: That was healing. Throughout the course of our lives, this 225 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: pattern of being there for one another repeats itself over 226 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: and over again. As we heal our sisters, they heal 227 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 1: us Introduction, page twenty. 228 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 2: One of the things I think about post college is 229 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 2: the times that we get together. They're really special because 230 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: of course we're living in three different parts of the 231 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 2: country and it's been like that for a while. But 232 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 2: the times that we're able to come together, they're just 233 00:12:47,480 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 2: they're magic. And I remember using a Kita in Texas 234 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 2: when she lived there for her baby shower, and I 235 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,199 Speaker 2: remember the look on her face because she truly was. 236 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: She was surprised. 237 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,440 Speaker 2: She didn't know we were going to be there. And 238 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 2: I'm sure they have a similar story about my fortieth birthday. 239 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,840 Speaker 2: But those moments, and it's just like, these are my people, 240 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 2: these are my sisters, you know, and I just I'm 241 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 2: just so thankful that we have that. But we make 242 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 2: it happen even though it's, you know, tough, and everybody 243 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 2: has schedules, and we always show up for each other 244 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 2: and we need to. 245 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 3: I agree, and I guess may and you brought up 246 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 3: your birthday, which is definitely one of the highlights, so 247 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 3: we hit. I don't know where we come up with 248 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 3: these ideas. I mean, granted, fortieth birthdays are a milestone 249 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 3: for most, but for us, we decided we're getting together 250 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 3: on each other's fortieth birthday. Did we decide that as 251 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 3: a group or Akita? Did you and I decided because 252 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 3: what we did was we surprised Lemaya. So we've lived 253 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 3: in separate states, like Lemya said, for a long time, 254 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 3: and each of us, in our different lives, have different 255 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 3: opportunities to get together with other girlfriends, and I think 256 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 3: some of us don't have as many opportunities the other 257 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 3: because of kids and just where they are physically and 258 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 3: where they are in life. But we said, for La 259 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 3: Maaya's birthday, we are getting her out. We're going to 260 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 3: do something fun. And we also always call every time 261 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,440 Speaker 3: we get together a reunion, so we said, we're going 262 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 3: to have this reunion. So we concocted this entire plan, 263 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 3: and we showed up at le Maaya's door on her 264 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: birthday weekend fortieth birthday, rung the doorbell, and of course 265 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 3: her husband was involved in the plan because we needed 266 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 3: her to be in place at the right time, and 267 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 3: we snuck her away to have a weekend of fun, 268 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 3: which ended up only being what a day and a 269 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 3: half due to snow, and we went to Ashville and 270 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 3: had a great girl's weekend, just like hanging out, doing 271 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 3: nothing in particular, but just having a chance to be 272 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 3: together and reconnect, which I agree has been so fruitful 273 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,960 Speaker 3: for me, so rejuvenating to kind of get together with 274 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 3: your real good girlfriends, your good good girlfriends, and just remember, reflect, 275 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 3: trip out, figure out what's new, what's challenging us today, 276 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 3: and to kind of encourage this. 277 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 4: For each other and celebrate each other. I agree, and 278 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 4: I think it's important to note. We communicate daily and 279 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 4: we do so through an app called Marco Polo. But 280 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 4: when we have these retreats, of these reunions, we still 281 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 4: have so much to talk about. And so that's just again, 282 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 4: it's just like a reiteration of these are my people 283 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 4: and they give me life. And you know, we've talked 284 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 4: about wonderful moments getting together, and we've had some tough 285 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 4: times too, We've had some significant loss And Toequila's point, 286 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 4: there's not an event, there's not a moment. When I 287 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 4: lost my mom about three years ago, they were right there. 288 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 4: They were right there and it wasn't a question of 289 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 4: when or if or how. And for them, I am 290 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 4: always forever grateful because it never is a question of 291 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 4: winter for how, they will always be there and I 292 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 4: know they will. 293 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 1: Be Longevity within a sister circle is often a blessing, 294 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: and it also means that you've likely experienced some significant 295 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: life stuff together as well. Research indicates that having a 296 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 1: strong support system is a significant factor in being able 297 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: to rebound following a life stressor To ensure that our 298 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 1: systems stay intact, it is important to know how to 299 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: support each other through difficult experiences. Page one. 300 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 4: Having lost my mom, just even just difficult decisions that 301 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 4: we've gone through in life and had to make. And 302 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 4: I'm raising two children as a single mother, and you know, 303 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 4: I need my village and they are absolutely the city 304 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 4: hall of my village. Right, But the form of support 305 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 4: doesn't always have to be physical. The form of support, 306 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 4: you know, is certainly through the phone. It's certainly a 307 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 4: phone call. I am probably the last one on the 308 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 4: screen to answer my phone. I'll acknowledge that. But when 309 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 4: I see the missed phone calls and when I see 310 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 4: the text messages, I know that they're there. I know 311 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 4: that they're thinking. I'll get random cards in the mail right, 312 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 4: and it's just the acknowledgment that, hey, you're going through something, 313 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 4: so okay to be stressed out, it's okay to be tired. 314 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 4: Just know that I'm here, And just to even pull 315 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 4: a card like that from the mailbox and know that 316 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 4: Lemey was thinking about something I probably hadn't even talked 317 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 4: to them about, right, Keeli will send me a quick 318 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,880 Speaker 4: note on the side and just say, you know, Keita, 319 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 4: I know you're not going to respond. I know you aren't, 320 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,919 Speaker 4: but you know, just know that I'm here. And that's 321 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 4: to your point. Twenty six years of that, a lot 322 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 4: of people don't have that in their families, they don't 323 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 4: have it in their lives, and so we are incredibly 324 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 4: blessed and we realize that. So just being and showing 325 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 4: up in any kind of way possible is what I 326 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 4: can say we've done for each other. 327 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 3: I agree. And I feel like the other thing is 328 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 3: you feel fully invested, Like these aren't just my friends. 329 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 3: I'm so invested in how they're doing, how their children 330 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 3: are doing, their children's accomplishments, their children's stumbles, like all 331 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 3: of it just feels like, oh gosh, we are going 332 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 3: through this now, we need to get it together. Now, 333 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 3: we need to figure this out. Now, we need to 334 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,360 Speaker 3: celebrate this. And so there's a lot of joy in that. 335 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 3: And like you said, when you come to the those 336 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,879 Speaker 3: times where it's challenging or where you're dealing with a 337 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,159 Speaker 3: true loss or sadness, you know that it's also a 338 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 3: safe space to come and share that, or even when 339 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 3: you're just upset and you want to vent. Because parenting, marriage, 340 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,159 Speaker 3: like all that stuff, being a member of a family, 341 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,640 Speaker 3: like all of that comes with challenges and you need 342 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 3: to be able to come to a place and be like, 343 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 3: you know what, today I am upset about this and 344 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 3: everybody's like yep, yep, yep, or they're like, now, you know, 345 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 3: you need to calm down a little bit, but we 346 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,439 Speaker 3: understand how you feel. So just being able to have 347 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 3: a safe space for that, I think is so healthy. 348 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 3: And again, I just feel so invest it, so it 349 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 3: doesn't ever feel like it's an effort, like it's like, Okay, 350 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 3: we got to make this work because we need to 351 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 3: be there for this. We need to be there because 352 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 3: the babies are graduating, we need to be there because 353 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 3: someone has passed. It's what we do not you know, 354 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 3: they expect us to come, so we need to be there. 355 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 3: It's no, we need to be present. We want to 356 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 3: be present. And I'll just. 357 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: Echo that with the whole concept of the safe space, 358 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 2: like we're one hundred percent there for each other. But 359 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: there is something about having the space to come in 360 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: and say what we need to say and not be 361 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 2: judged or like ke they said say well come on now, 362 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,800 Speaker 2: else so you're doing too much or maybe you should 363 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,639 Speaker 2: feel this way. It is so for me, it's extremely 364 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 2: like it's vital. There are times I'm like, you know, 365 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 2: we haven't been on Marco Polo in a while, like 366 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 2: what's going on? Like I need to know what's going on, 367 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 2: what's going on in right his life. And then there 368 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 2: are times when I'm so stressed or I'm so down, 369 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 2: or I'm so frustrated about something and I need to 370 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 2: just talk to them and say, like, this is what's 371 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 2: going on with me, and to have them we say, 372 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 2: just give us a hell yeah, just a hell yeah. 373 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaker 3: Girl. 374 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 2: It's enough sometimes to be like Okay, I got it, 375 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 2: I can move on. It's so important because I feel like, 376 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,199 Speaker 2: especially for me, I'm here in Virginia. We moved here 377 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 2: a couple of years ago, and I don't have a 378 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 2: strong network of friends here or anything, you know, like 379 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 2: to hang out with. And when I first came initially, 380 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 2: I mean I had nobody, and so to be able 381 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,640 Speaker 2: to talk to my girls like I've always have made 382 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 2: that transition. 383 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 4: Too much easier for me. 384 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 2: Even though physically they're not always with me, I'm not alone. 385 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 2: I always have them if I need to, and if again, 386 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 2: if something really was stressful, I could call either of 387 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 2: them and they would make it happened. They would come, 388 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,119 Speaker 2: they would do whatever they need to do just to 389 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 2: make sure that I was okay. And I want to 390 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 2: say this too, my father passed this year and I 391 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 2: wasn't even ready to be around people. 392 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 4: I wasn't. 393 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 2: I was managing and grieving and trying to get things 394 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 2: together and saying busy, and they were like, nope, we're 395 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,919 Speaker 2: getting together. What we can works for you when we 396 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 2: getting together? Like where are we going? And it was 397 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 2: just like, no, we're not going to let you kind 398 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: of power through this without like taking a moment. And 399 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 2: I appreciate that even though I wasn't. I wasn't fully ready, 400 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,720 Speaker 2: they were just like, oh, we're getting together, Come on, 401 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 2: where we're going? You know that type of thing. So 402 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 2: it's just that knowing that they're going to always be there, 403 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 2: that knowing that they're always riding with me, supporting me, 404 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 2: all that stuff. It's incredible and it shows how much 405 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 2: we have grown in this friendship since the late nineties. 406 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 1: How might your circle look and feel different with everyone 407 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: showing a similar level of commitment to showing up. I 408 00:20:55,880 --> 00:21:00,680 Speaker 1: get it. Schedules get hectic, we are often busy being takers, 409 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 1: and life otherwise continues to life in those instances. The 410 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: first thing we tend to drop is time with our girls. 411 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: But if our sister circles are the lifelines we often 412 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,880 Speaker 1: know them to be, it is important to treat them 413 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: as such. While weekly get together as may not be possible, 414 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: I want you in your circles to think about what 415 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,199 Speaker 1: is possible. How active is the group chat? Are you 416 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,119 Speaker 1: marking important dates on your calendar so that you're less 417 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,639 Speaker 1: likely to forget someone's important event? What plans are you 418 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,199 Speaker 1: all making to get together soon? And how are you 419 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,679 Speaker 1: planning to protect that time Page forty five. 420 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 4: So we don't let a year go by without seeing 421 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 4: each other. That's something I think is unspoken, but it 422 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:47,400 Speaker 4: is absolutely a dedicated thing. Like we call those reunions retreats, 423 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 4: we'll pick somewhere. We've been mostly eastside for quite a bit. 424 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,159 Speaker 4: I believe we're supposed to be having the Arizona at some 425 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 4: point by way of like what, I don't know. There's 426 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 4: a couple of islands we're supposed to be making, But 427 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 4: at the end of the day, we picked places to 428 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 4: go to. I want to say the last time we 429 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 4: got together it was aside from being here with me, 430 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,199 Speaker 4: we were in Virginia, Lansdowne so we were picking a 431 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,879 Speaker 4: resort because we realized we weren't going to make it 432 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 4: to the Salamander. But we do that. We're intentional about that. 433 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,800 Speaker 4: We're intentional about sending cards in the mail. They are 434 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,520 Speaker 4: I'm not a card person, so I'm not even gonna 435 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 4: take credit for that, but you and Lamy are very 436 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 4: nuch about sending cards in the mail, text messages, gifts 437 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 4: here and there. You know, sometimes something will pop up 438 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 4: in the mail and I'm like, where does T shirt 439 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 4: come from? I hadn't even thinking about you, Like, or 440 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 4: oh my god, we mentioned this T shirt, but now 441 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 4: I got one to wear. 442 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 3: I will add to that. I think after undergrad we 443 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 3: came together most times on homecoming. So Lamiya is a 444 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 3: native of Winston Salem, where we went to school at 445 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 3: Wake Forest, and so when she graduated, she and I 446 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 3: didn't move too too far from school. So when we 447 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 3: came back for homecomings, we would always stay. We would 448 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 3: call it the Williams Retreat. 449 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 4: We'd stay at the Williams. 450 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 3: Where do we call it the Williams, not the retreat 451 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 3: in the State, the Williams of estate. Yeah, we're going 452 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 3: to the Williams of State. We're going to hang out 453 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 3: there so we can really all be together. And then 454 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,640 Speaker 3: you know, other folks that came in town for homecoming 455 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 3: would join us there. And then I think when Maya 456 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,639 Speaker 3: moved away from Winston is when we were like, Okay, 457 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,120 Speaker 3: well now we've got to really get ourselves together because 458 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 3: there's no kind of set event that we all know 459 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 3: that we want to attend. And so once she moved away, 460 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,639 Speaker 3: we were still very intentional about, like you said, not 461 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 3: having a year ago, by having retreats and getting together. 462 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 3: And I think the other thing that happens is just 463 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 3: by happenstance. When i have to travel up to the 464 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 3: DC area, I'm pretty close to Ketas, I'm like, hey, 465 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 3: coming up for a meeting. You know you got time 466 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:46,640 Speaker 3: this weekend? 467 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 4: You know? 468 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 3: Or I'll stay over an extra day just to see 469 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 3: her and the girls. So I think that's how we 470 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,119 Speaker 3: physically have made sure we got together. 471 00:23:55,119 --> 00:24:07,399 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break. So many of 472 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 1: the spaces we inhabit require us to put on armor, 473 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 1: and that can take its toll on us mentally, emotionally, 474 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,640 Speaker 1: and physically. If you watch the Supreme Court nomination hearings 475 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: for Justice Katanji Brown Jackson, It was clear that she 476 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: too had to wrestle with herself before sitting before a 477 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: group of people who obviously were trying to catch her slipping. 478 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,640 Speaker 1: The way we often have to steel ourselves in order 479 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: to be sure footed in the face of criticism, and 480 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: often flat out disrespect is way too common. After adorning 481 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 1: ourselves in armor to face the world. What a respite 482 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 1: it is to figuratively take off your brawl in a 483 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,320 Speaker 1: safe space with your girls, with one another. There is 484 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 1: no need for hardness page twenty two. 485 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,879 Speaker 4: We call it mountain up. And I think for me, 486 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 4: the first thing that comes to mind our work lives, 487 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 4: and how a lot of times, particularly for me, I 488 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 4: need to vent and I need to send an email 489 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,919 Speaker 4: before I actually send an email. And so in the 490 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,119 Speaker 4: world of just managing workplace conflict, being a black woman 491 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 4: in the workplace and dealing with microaggressions and not being 492 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 4: valued and being questioned about your expertise and things of 493 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,520 Speaker 4: that nature, we have to be mindful that our responses 494 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 4: are on and everlasting, and so I know we lean 495 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,760 Speaker 4: on each other a lot in the world of taking 496 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 4: our earrings off and using our words right and getting 497 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 4: the power of the email or the pen together. I 498 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 4: would speak to that in general and just say we're 499 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 4: always there to help each other through those very difficult times. 500 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:51,919 Speaker 3: We all appreciate how different each one of us are. 501 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,919 Speaker 3: I think we value that. I know what to expect 502 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,160 Speaker 3: from Akida, I know what to expect from the Math. 503 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 3: They know what to expect from me. And I don't 504 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,440 Speaker 3: think that we judge each other for that. I think 505 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,639 Speaker 3: we lean on each other for our strings. We laugh, 506 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 3: and we tell each other about what our weaknesses are, 507 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 3: not even our weaknesses, but our traits or characteristics that 508 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 3: can pose challenges in certain situations. We do serve as 509 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 3: a bounce, like as a mirror, as a sounding board 510 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 3: for each other to check ourselves and to see when 511 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 3: we're operating in this world where sometimes we are faced 512 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 3: with challenges, do we need to lean on somebody else's 513 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 3: strengths so that they can help us channel our communications 514 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 3: or tell us to you know, simmer down, take a seat, 515 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 3: let it go. And I think that's how our group 516 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 3: has dealt with conflict is leaning on each other's strings 517 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,440 Speaker 3: and then you know, hyping each other up when we're 518 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 3: like they say hell yeah, like you're right, that was 519 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,119 Speaker 3: a mess, you shouldn't have to deal with that, you 520 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 3: should respond in writing. I think that's how we deal 521 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 3: with conflict and use our friendship to help us individually 522 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:57,959 Speaker 3: and collectively. 523 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 1: In my experience working with black women in groups, sisters 524 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: tend to fall into one of four roles, the leader, 525 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: the wallflower, the firecracker, and the peacemaker. These roles are 526 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: not at all standing are absolute. We actually may find 527 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,679 Speaker 1: ourselves moving in and out of different roles depending on 528 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: the setting our situation, but they do give us some 529 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 1: information about how we show up in communal spaces. Here's 530 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 1: a little more about each role. The leader is the 531 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: one who offers organization to the group. She is typically 532 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,399 Speaker 1: the one making sure y'all are getting together regularly, and 533 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,439 Speaker 1: she's the one who probably organized the last get together. 534 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: The wallflower is the sister within the group who generally 535 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: sits quietly and listens as others talk. However, when she 536 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 1: does speak, it's super impactful. She is often paying more 537 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,679 Speaker 1: attention to what's not being said than what is. The 538 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: firecracker is the sister who will say the thing that 539 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 1: needs to be said, but not always gently. They, along 540 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: with the leader, tend to take up most of the 541 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,719 Speaker 1: space in the group. She's likely the life of the party, 542 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: but if the party goes off the rails, she's probably 543 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 1: the one involved in that too. The peacemaker is the 544 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: sister who will send the text message that says we 545 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 1: need to talk. If two other sisters in the group 546 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,119 Speaker 1: are having a conflict, she's likely to have individual calls 547 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 1: with both of them and encourage them to hash out 548 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: their issues. Page eighty four. 549 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 4: So I'll start. 550 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 2: I got the Wallflower, which I think is partially accurate. 551 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 2: Like I feel like absolutely like in the way in 552 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 2: the EXCEL group, I probably would have been Savannah. But 553 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 2: I speak up when I need to. It's just that 554 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 2: I don't always feel the need to speak up, you 555 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 2: know what I mean. I fore got to say what 556 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 2: I need to say. I need to say it, but 557 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 2: I don't necessarily feel the need to be the one 558 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 2: making all the statements. But I do think that I 559 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 2: tend to be more passive. I think they would agree, 560 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: but I just kind of lay low until I need 561 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 2: to lay low. 562 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 4: I just say that, go Kita. I knew you were 563 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 4: gonna make me go. 564 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 1: Man. 565 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 4: I agree, and I did take to heart that there's 566 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 4: a spectrum to the quiz and to the findings. I 567 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 4: got the leader. The part of it that resonated most 568 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 4: with me were the things that I know I need 569 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,400 Speaker 4: help on in my friendship, being seen as the strong one, 570 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 4: or letting my friends check in on me, or letting 571 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 4: them in more like not obviously they're in, they're all 572 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 4: the way in, but if there's something I'm going through, 573 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 4: I'll tend to just back off a little bit, be 574 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,240 Speaker 4: a little quiet, and I need to always remember and 575 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 4: I know, but you know, it's just the type to 576 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 4: pull in before I push back out or share what's 577 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 4: going on. So I would say all the things that 578 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 4: I need to remember as a leader resonated the most. 579 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 3: I got leader as well. And I think it's because 580 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 3: I'm always like, come on, y'all, let's do it, let's 581 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 3: get on here. If we're not on Marco, I'm always 582 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 3: popping on there, like get out here, what y'all doing? 583 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 3: What's going on? So that's the part I think for 584 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 3: the leader that resonated most with me. I think that's 585 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 3: why I got the leader. And I think it's more 586 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 3: so just like the cheerleader, like let's get together, let's 587 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 3: do some some things. Let's go buy these outfits. Let's 588 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 3: go put probably I probably say, let's put this eyeliner on, 589 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 3: like I don't know, I hope like light and levity 590 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 3: and keeping us in a space we can have some. 591 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: Fun more from our conversation after the break. So not 592 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,479 Speaker 1: only is forming strong connections with others physical, mental, and 593 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:22,680 Speaker 1: emotional bonds that can withstand time and change valuable to 594 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 1: many areas of our lives, but it is also integral 595 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: to our development as humans and connected to our very survival. 596 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: For Black women, this is especially true. It is why 597 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: I believe that the best way for black women to 598 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: thrive is through our healthy relationships with other black women. 599 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:40,440 Speaker 1: Page eight. 600 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 3: It's say one of the biggest changes that, of course 601 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 3: have occurred in both of their lives is their parents 602 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 3: and so seeing how they raise kids. You know, that's 603 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,959 Speaker 3: been fun to watch and be a part of. But 604 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 3: I think Maya, you had kids first, and I think 605 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 3: you were full fledged motherhood, and then it was a 606 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,120 Speaker 3: shift back to like self and the dreams that you 607 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 3: always knew that you wanted to have for yourself, And 608 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 3: that's been beautiful, beautiful, beautiful to watch and to see 609 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 3: your talent life as an author and you're working on 610 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 3: your PhD. Like that's been incredibly fun to watch and encouraging. 611 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,840 Speaker 3: And then with Keita, I think the same thing, just 612 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,360 Speaker 3: raising these two beautiful, wonderful girls with challenges face. But 613 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 3: also I think the biggest thing that resonates with me 614 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 3: about Keda is professionally, Like I remember lots of discussions 615 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 3: about the move from home a safe space with mom 616 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:36,120 Speaker 3: and with family to taking a big leap and moving 617 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,200 Speaker 3: to Maryland in DC and kind of taking a step 618 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 3: that you really wanted to take, but knowing there was 619 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 3: so many things that had to be considered and houses 620 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 3: to be sold, family members to think about, and just 621 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 3: the level of kind of thought and planning and maturity, 622 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 3: like it reminds me. It tells me like when do 623 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 3: you think things through, take time to be deliberate about 624 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,840 Speaker 3: certain certain things that you want to do in your life. 625 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 3: So I think those have been kind of phases in 626 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 3: life where I've really watched my friends and been amazed 627 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,920 Speaker 3: at how they have mastered these life phases. But I 628 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 3: think at their core they've remained the same, And I 629 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 3: think that's why our friendship has remained. Of course grown 630 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,120 Speaker 3: and matured, but we stayed so connected. I feel like 631 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 3: sometimes when you're disconnected and you come back, you see this, 632 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 3: you may see this big change. But for us, I 633 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 3: feel like it's been a growth that we've experienced together 634 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:30,320 Speaker 3: over time. 635 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:34,560 Speaker 2: I'm kind of the same way. I don't see like 636 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 2: a big core shift in the KILLI or Akita in 637 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,200 Speaker 2: terms of their personality. Kelley was a boss in ninety seven. 638 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 2: She's a boss today in terms of just having her 639 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 2: stuff together, knowing what she wants and going after Keita. 640 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,360 Speaker 2: I've always been impressed by her strength. And I know we, 641 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 2: of course are tired of the strong black woman trope, 642 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,480 Speaker 2: but Keita has gone through so much and has withstood 643 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 2: and it's still going. And I look at her and 644 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 2: I'm marvel because some of the decisions that she's had 645 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 2: to make would call somebody else to crumble, and she doesn't. 646 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 2: And she has these beautiful girls who are killing the game. 647 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 2: And I just, you know, I'm just in all. And 648 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 2: Keta also taught me way back when it's so random 649 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 2: that I remember this date, but in nineteen ninety eight, 650 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,440 Speaker 2: she told me that friends serve different purposes and I 651 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 2: so needed to hear that, and it just shifted how 652 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 2: I thought about friendships. And I had the best friend 653 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 2: from high school and I wanted to be like, well, 654 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 2: I can't have other friends because I have this best friend. 655 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,120 Speaker 2: And it just it was just like she was always 656 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 2: so much more together. She was always so much more 657 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 2: focused and mature, and she's still that way. Again, I 658 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 2: was terrified to move away from Winston Salem. Keta was like, 659 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 2: I've been all around the world. I mean, she's been everywhere. 660 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,080 Speaker 2: She moved to Texas. So I've always admired about her. 661 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 2: And again, I think with Keeley, I'm just like fangirling. 662 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 2: But with Keeley I have always admired. Again, I think 663 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 2: in large part because of the family that she comes from, 664 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 2: just the confidence. Both of them are really confident women 665 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,760 Speaker 2: that I feel like didn't have to cultivate confidence, whereas 666 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,759 Speaker 2: I had to cultivate confidence because I was taught to 667 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,080 Speaker 2: be humble, I was taught to be you know, all 668 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 2: sorts of things right. And I just admire those qualities 669 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 2: in them, and I think they helped show me a 670 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,839 Speaker 2: different way of being. And it started way back then 671 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,799 Speaker 2: and it still goes to now. I'm still in all 672 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:23,480 Speaker 2: both of them. 673 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:25,839 Speaker 4: What I'd like to contribute to this. And what I'm 674 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 4: hearing is I feel like I am now looking at 675 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,080 Speaker 4: how you all have the lack of a better word 676 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,560 Speaker 4: imprinted on me. Right, So you know in the way 677 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,840 Speaker 4: of how I am I changing because of their friendship 678 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 4: and their love and their being there. And we talk 679 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 4: about strength, but strength in times of where we need 680 00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,919 Speaker 4: that confidence and lame you hit the nail on the head. 681 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 4: What would my inner Kelly say? Right? And my killy voice? 682 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,040 Speaker 4: We do our killy voice sometimes and it's like, no, 683 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,440 Speaker 4: I'm not standing for that, or you know, with a 684 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 4: full Paul's period at the end, and what we're going 685 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 4: to do next, right, and just being resolute in an 686 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,560 Speaker 4: opinion and standing true to it no matter what. We 687 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:10,320 Speaker 4: have these things called kj's Keeley justified and anything goes 688 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 4: if you put a kJ behind it, right, And so 689 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,840 Speaker 4: I take that with me every day and when I 690 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 4: needed the most, La Maya loves love, and La Maya 691 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:23,480 Speaker 4: is La Maya loves all things. Some things you want 692 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 4: to have can may be loved. But I need that 693 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 4: in my life. Right. There's a lot of softening that 694 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,520 Speaker 4: I think has happened for me over the years from 695 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,359 Speaker 4: the both of them to be quite honest with you, 696 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 4: and just different perspective of key. You can't go in 697 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 4: there with that perspective where you can't go in there 698 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 4: carrying yourself in that way, or sometimes you do kind 699 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 4: of open up the people, right. You can't just stay 700 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 4: with us, And so I really do get different perspectives 701 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,319 Speaker 4: from both of them that have just making me a 702 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,720 Speaker 4: better person every day. Every time we grow, I'm growing 703 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,759 Speaker 4: with them and they're stretching me and growing me. So 704 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:54,480 Speaker 4: thank you. 705 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,719 Speaker 1: There is no one size fits all model for how 706 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,239 Speaker 1: to be a good sister, but I do think there 707 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,840 Speaker 1: are some things that we can do to start hype 708 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,720 Speaker 1: your sister friends up. You know how we do yes, 709 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:11,919 Speaker 1: hair girl, you look amazing. Black women have this on lock. 710 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,839 Speaker 1: It's our superpower. Compliments are known to uplift the giver 711 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 1: and the receiver. Practice giving verbal compliments daily to your sisters, 712 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 1: and don't forget about our little sisters. Page two fourteen. 713 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 3: Has already given us one for Maya. It is positive 714 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 3: she gets the positivity of war for ams of your friendships. 715 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:39,359 Speaker 2: Because to the. 716 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 3: Point where we have said, if Lea, Maya gives you 717 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 3: a compliment, it's nice, it's sweet. But I'm gonna wait 718 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,319 Speaker 3: on that because she may compliment you on song that's 719 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,760 Speaker 3: not quite a cute Lamna you will, o man, you will. 720 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 3: But she's always looking for the post's. She will always 721 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,520 Speaker 3: give you the positive and find the positive, and she 722 00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,879 Speaker 3: is a lover of love. Keita. I want to give 723 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,719 Speaker 3: her the Planned and Precise Award, Like I'm out here, like, 724 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,240 Speaker 3: let's do it, Let's do it. He's like, what's the time, 725 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,960 Speaker 3: what are the dates? Did you get the tickets? Do 726 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 3: you have your stuff together? And I'm like, oh, well no, 727 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 3: but we're going. We're going. So she gets our Planning 728 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,799 Speaker 3: Precise Award, and may it gets our Positivity Award, and 729 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 3: we need all of that medium. 730 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,160 Speaker 4: I have to give you the most likely to justify 731 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:36,839 Speaker 4: whatever it is she wants, whatever it is, because there's 732 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 4: always a way, and I don't think there's anything wrong 733 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:40,920 Speaker 4: with that. She is again has taught me there is 734 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 4: always a way to make a decision. And if you 735 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 4: make a decision and it ends up being not the 736 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 4: outcome you want it, guess what, Kelly, gonna justify another 737 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 4: pathway and it's gonna be fine. So I'll give you 738 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 4: the kJ Award. 739 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,360 Speaker 1: The most Powerful and long lasting sister friendships are the 740 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 1: ones that allow us to feel safe. We've been sharing 741 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: our hearts and stories in many ways. We've been doing 742 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 1: this all along. Introduction, page eighteen. 743 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 2: I would say, and this is specifically for black women. 744 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,759 Speaker 2: Value your black sisters, value them, see them, show up 745 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 2: for them, but most importantly value them. 746 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,520 Speaker 3: I'll say, make time and make space. And I guess 747 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,400 Speaker 3: that's two. You want me to give you a justification 748 00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:28,480 Speaker 3: for two. But I would say, make space for people 749 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,200 Speaker 3: in your life and for who they really are. I 750 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,800 Speaker 3: think that's what creates a friendship. You be a safe 751 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 3: space for someone else. And and make time, like take 752 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,000 Speaker 3: time like it's a priority for us to see each other, 753 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,279 Speaker 3: Like eventually, we don't need to see each other every day, 754 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,640 Speaker 3: every week, every quarter. It's important for us to have 755 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 3: the space and the time to pour into each other 756 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,919 Speaker 3: every now and then in person. And so I think 757 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 3: those are important things if you want to have a 758 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:54,320 Speaker 3: long lasting. 759 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,960 Speaker 4: Friendship, I would say being vulnerable and being honest with 760 00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,799 Speaker 4: yourself about your vulnerabilities and knowing what you need and 761 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:04,400 Speaker 4: knowing that you can't and you shouldn't right when you 762 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:07,320 Speaker 4: find your people and when you find someone that fulfills 763 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,319 Speaker 4: you in whatever kind of way that you're learning from, 764 00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,160 Speaker 4: you're growing with, you're not stagnant around, then open up 765 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,320 Speaker 4: to them. And Tequila's point, leave that space and dedicate 766 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,480 Speaker 4: that time to being nurtured, but just also putting yourself 767 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 4: out there to connect with people. Right. I certainly don't 768 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:23,880 Speaker 4: know if I would have been friends with somebody I 769 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:25,359 Speaker 4: thought was going to be a gang member, But there 770 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:29,160 Speaker 4: was something in Killy that said, no matter what, this 771 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:33,560 Speaker 4: gang member needs love. Yes, but I mean just again 772 00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 4: being open and being willing to just or into and 773 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 4: to be poured into. 774 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,359 Speaker 1: Black women are big dreamers, and the beauty of our 775 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: dreams is that they are so expansive that they are 776 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,080 Speaker 1: not only about how our individual lives might be different, 777 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 1: but about how the world might be different. Page fifty six. 778 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,720 Speaker 4: Oh, I got this one. So we've already talked about 779 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,959 Speaker 4: somehow we are going to build a lunai that's gonna 780 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,200 Speaker 4: intersect all of our homes will be connected, and we 781 00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:08,000 Speaker 4: will meet on the luni. Like the Golden Girls don't 782 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,880 Speaker 4: happen one day. I don't know what state we're gonna 783 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,800 Speaker 4: be in, says She's never leaving Atlanta. Georgia's way. It 784 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:17,399 Speaker 4: might have to be there, but that's what we're gonna have. Yep, 785 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,960 Speaker 4: that's right, not to days, that's not today's on the Lemni. 786 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,000 Speaker 3: But before we hit the Lani, we're gonna take these trips, 787 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,200 Speaker 3: a big trip uninterrupted where we can just kick it 788 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,320 Speaker 3: and chill and relax. I'm gonna have my permanent residence 789 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,200 Speaker 3: in Atlanta, but I do think our Lani can be 790 00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:34,880 Speaker 3: at Batsack. 791 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,920 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, agreed. 792 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:45,360 Speaker 1: I want to thank Lemea, Akita and Keeley once again 793 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,240 Speaker 1: for joining us for this episode. Don't forget to grab 794 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,080 Speaker 1: your copy of Sisterhood Heels at Sisterhoodheels dot com to 795 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,360 Speaker 1: explore more themes like the ones we discussed today, and 796 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 1: be sure to text two of your girls right now 797 00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,600 Speaker 1: and encourage them to check out the episode. If you're 798 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,239 Speaker 1: looking for a therapist in your area, check out our 799 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,960 Speaker 1: therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. 800 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: And if you want to continue digging into this topic 801 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,239 Speaker 1: or just be in community with other sisters, come on 802 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,879 Speaker 1: over and join us in the Sister Circle. It's our 803 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,680 Speaker 1: cozy corner of the Internet designed just for black women. 804 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,080 Speaker 1: You can join us at Community dot Therapy for Blackgirls 805 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: dot com. This episode was produced by Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, 806 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,000 Speaker 1: and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank 807 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,680 Speaker 1: y'all so much for joining me again this week. I 808 00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,360 Speaker 1: look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. 809 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:45,960 Speaker 1: Take good care. Which friend are you and your sister circle? 810 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:50,360 Speaker 1: Are you the wallflower, the peacemaker, the firecracker or the leader? 811 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,960 Speaker 1: Take the quiz at Sisterhoodhels dot com slash quiz to 812 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,400 Speaker 1: find out, and then make sure to grab your copy 813 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,040 Speaker 1: of Sisterhood Heels to find out more about how you 814 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,480 Speaker 1: can be a better friend and how your circle can 815 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,360 Speaker 1: do a better job of supporting you. Order yours today 816 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,800 Speaker 1: at sisterhood Heels dot com.