Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome to Today Show. It's your Girl as usual
Speaker 1: and you're listening to exactly a Mada. Thank you for
Speaker 1: downloading and subscribing. I am a hopeless romantic. I'm a libra.
Speaker 1: It's a librettany. I believe in love, I believe in
Speaker 1: fairy tales. I believe and all that crap that I
Speaker 1: don't want to say it doesn't exist. But okay, it
Speaker 1: hasn't happened for me, And it only happens like the
Speaker 1: first three months and then they start showing the true
Speaker 1: connors and then things change. But for those that have
Speaker 1: a beautiful relationship, a beautiful marriage, this is such a
Speaker 1: great time to really show each other that because today
Speaker 1: we're talking about Valentine's Day and all the expectations and
Speaker 1: pressures that come with it. I feel that a lot
Speaker 1: of times we do have these really high expectations of
Speaker 1: all the things that are significant other is supposed to
Speaker 1: do for us on Valentine's Day. Is like we kind
Speaker 1: of not pay attention to everything that they've done during
Speaker 1: the whole year, even the small little things, And on
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, we want them to buy us a car
Speaker 1: by us, a house by us, a Cartella, take us
Speaker 1: us to dinner and take me to a yard, buy
Speaker 1: me at Bernina. What do you think this is? No? No, no, wait.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I mean like I'm a
Speaker 1: bad bitch. I deserve all of that and then some battle.
Speaker 1: That can also be a lot of pressure on men
Speaker 1: vice versa men too. Men also that men also expect
Speaker 1: women on Valentine's Day a lot of times to go
Speaker 1: out their way. They can buy me a Rolex. Not
Speaker 1: everybody's ready for all of that. So whatever the expectations,
Speaker 1: maybe today we're gonna break it down. We're gonna talk
Speaker 1: about it, and I want to know YouTube do you
Speaker 1: feel like you have high expectations for Valentine's Day? And
Speaker 1: if so, what are they but joining us today? We
Speaker 1: have a sex researcher, speaker, writer dctor Jenna. How are you,
Speaker 1: my love? All right? Doing so well? Happy to be here? Awesome,
Speaker 1: awesome some I have all the hearts on my on
Speaker 1: my shirt for Valentine's Day, so you don't have to
Speaker 1: feel bad. Sports for you as well? Thank you? How
Speaker 1: do you? How do you feel about Valentine's Are you
Speaker 1: a Valentine's Girl? I'm not a huge Valentine's Girl, because
Speaker 1: it's a made up holiday. For one, right, it's a
Speaker 1: Hallmark made up holiday. You're right, And I personally prefer
Speaker 1: to celebrate my love every day of the year as
Speaker 1: opposed to kind of having a dedicated day that we're
Speaker 1: supposed to do something special for each other. The way
Speaker 1: I look at my relationships is I want to make
Speaker 1: every day every time that we're together special and I
Speaker 1: don't think Valentine's needs to be any more special than that.
Speaker 1: But I understand people have different ways of looking at it,
Speaker 1: and it is certainly a good thing to have things
Speaker 1: to celebrate in your relationship and to make certain days
Speaker 1: special days. I agree to make more days special days
Speaker 1: as opposed to one day. I totally agree. So talking
Speaker 1: about you know, when it comes to a Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: I really do believe that a lot of people have
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations of what Valentine's Day is. And by the way,
Speaker 1: let's not forget that Valentine's is not just about your
Speaker 1: significant other. It's about love overall. It could be love,
Speaker 1: the love for your family, the love for your children,
Speaker 1: the love for many things. Obviously, we mainly focus on
Speaker 1: the love for our spouse, our girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever.
Speaker 1: But do you feel that people have like high expectations
Speaker 1: or unrealistic expectations when it comes to this day. I
Speaker 1: think some people do. I think it's often the product
Speaker 1: of them not getting what they need the other days
Speaker 1: of the year, and so there's a lot just placed
Speaker 1: on this one day that kind of brings out all
Speaker 1: of the all of the needs that we have that
Speaker 1: are kind of going neglected throughout that that time. And
Speaker 1: but you know, again, different people will have different experiences
Speaker 1: with that. The dynamic really depends also. Sometimes, right, some
Speaker 1: people are very excited about that and will create a
Speaker 1: really beautiful experience for each other on that particular day,
Speaker 1: and it can really be an amazing day that they
Speaker 1: spend together. But yeah, I think often the expectations for
Speaker 1: some people can be a little too high. Well I'll
Speaker 1: tell you this much. I ain't gonna say no names,
Speaker 1: but I've been with people that on Valentine's No Man,
Speaker 1: Nothing Nothing panel during the whole year, you expect me
Speaker 1: to turn into this porn star and do all this
Speaker 1: extra stuff and be supportive and do all these things,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, the least thing you can do sometimes
Speaker 1: in life, it's not even about how expensive things are
Speaker 1: or how big the act was, it's just the intention,
Speaker 1: do you know what I'm saying. So I understand how
Speaker 1: valentine This Day um can be a day that you
Speaker 1: expect your significant other to do something nice for you.
Speaker 1: But I also believe that now with technology, social media
Speaker 1: and everything else, we have focused Valentine's Day more on
Speaker 1: an expression to showcase and show off for other people
Speaker 1: that you don't even know on your social media platform.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people that do the most.
Speaker 1: They call the flower store themselves and they book themselves
Speaker 1: their own flowers and their own everything, just to show
Speaker 1: off to other people that they are loved and not
Speaker 1: really think that that's what that's supposed to be about
Speaker 1: in the first place. But for people who are single,
Speaker 1: like myself, sometimes it depends on the day. What advice
Speaker 1: would you give them? I would say, spend it with friends,
Speaker 1: have a fun singles day, dinner, party, whatever you want
Speaker 1: to do that. And especially if you're someone who does
Speaker 1: kind of have hopes for Valentine's Day being something that
Speaker 1: is spent with a partner, then not having that experience
Speaker 1: might leave you feeling kind of you know, lonely and
Speaker 1: and sad on that day, and so don't let that happen.
Speaker 1: Do something that would make you feel like you are loved,
Speaker 1: even if it's not by a romantic partner in that moment.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't matter to you, on the other hand,
Speaker 1: just do whatever else you would be doing that day.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be considered a special day. I
Speaker 1: mean literally, we made that a special day a few
Speaker 1: years ago because Hallmark decided that they want to sell
Speaker 1: more cards. Right, but what about what about it if
Speaker 1: you are in a new relationship, And that's a good question.
Speaker 1: If you start dating someone and you're in a new relationship,
Speaker 1: how soon is too soon to buy them a gift?
Speaker 1: Are you obligated to buy them a gift? And if so,
Speaker 1: like how big is it supposed to be? Are you
Speaker 1: supposed to impress them the first time? Or it could
Speaker 1: be like anything like let's say we started dating like
Speaker 1: a week ago, not a week ago, two weeks ago? Bam,
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day comes. What is it I'm supposed to do?
Speaker 1: Am I supposed to like O D on this gift?
Speaker 1: Or am I supposed to do something light or not
Speaker 1: do anything at all? I would definitely say, don't O
Speaker 1: D on the gift. That's too soon, too presumptuous. Right,
Speaker 1: it's not a you know, that's for women. Right, you're
Speaker 1: saying that for women or for men, because for many
Speaker 1: better o D. Like, if you really want me to
Speaker 1: really like me and everything, should show me what you're
Speaker 1: working with. No, no, no, we don't have time to waste.
Speaker 1: I really want me show me from the beginning meta.
Speaker 1: Here's some pearls, here's some diamonds. We're tired of giving
Speaker 1: her as just about just to just to please. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you do. But sometimes if you really like someone and
Speaker 1: you're really trying to settle with them and you're trying
Speaker 1: to do something, I would say that to me, it's
Speaker 1: not even so much about the diamonds per se, because
Speaker 1: I'm talking ship. I mean, it's more about the effort.
Speaker 1: You know, whatever it is that you do, just show
Speaker 1: that you put some effort. You know it could be
Speaker 1: the smallest little thing, but just put some effort. You
Speaker 1: know that that shows more and it means more to
Speaker 1: a lot of women than anything else. It's not even
Speaker 1: so much about how much it costs. It's just the
Speaker 1: fact that you went out of your way to do
Speaker 1: something nice for someone that you love or someone that
Speaker 1: you like, or someone that you're interested in. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? Yeah, I mean I would say, you know again,
Speaker 1: you were saying like two weeks and that's a little
Speaker 1: too soon and too presumptuous to go with a big gift.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're certain that this is the one
Speaker 1: after two weeks, then I guess you could make a
Speaker 1: big graind So when when do you know that they're
Speaker 1: the one? Well, I would recommend people not make those
Speaker 1: big decisions until their infatuation has started to wane. So
Speaker 1: when we first get together, when we first get super
Speaker 1: excited about someone, the first stage of love called infatuation
Speaker 1: or in love or has a lot of different names,
Speaker 1: that shoots up very quickly when we get excited about someone,
Speaker 1: especially with their consummating, that experience, that new blossoming love.
Speaker 1: Consummating means what, like you were actually enjoying it living
Speaker 1: it started, Well, it could be, that could be. Certainly,
Speaker 1: It's one way of consummating a very powerful way of consummating,
Speaker 1: and especially once you do bring in you start to
Speaker 1: have sex with that person, that will even more expand
Speaker 1: and explode that love and it will be very high,
Speaker 1: usually for somewhere between three months and two years, depending
Speaker 1: on how good the connection is, depending on how often
Speaker 1: you see each other, how often you consummate, depending on
Speaker 1: how kind of intensely you're you're tied in with each other.
Speaker 1: But it will start to drop after maybe three months,
Speaker 1: maybe six months, maybe a year, maybe a year and
Speaker 1: a half. About the two year mark is usually when
Speaker 1: infatuation will start to wane, and that's when you decide.
Speaker 1: I think the safest way is that when you decide
Speaker 1: to make big life decisions like get me married, or
Speaker 1: buy a house together, or decide to have a kid together,
Speaker 1: if if you want to make those life choices, Because
Speaker 1: when we first get infatuated with someone, during those three
Speaker 1: months to two years, one of the things one of
Speaker 1: the symptoms of infatuation. We literally talk in science about
Speaker 1: the infatuation as a as a disease almost because you
Speaker 1: can catch it and then you have symptoms. You catch
Speaker 1: feelings and then you have the symptoms of infatuation. One
Speaker 1: of the most dangerous ones is the rose colored glasses
Speaker 1: that we have when we first get together with someone.
Speaker 1: You only see the positives. Oh yeah, like the ship
Speaker 1: don't stink. That's when you want to sit down in
Speaker 1: the bathroom with them, and you know, you smell their farts,
Speaker 1: and anything that they do is, oh, that's so cute,
Speaker 1: and everything you find it nice and cute and romantic. Exactly,
Speaker 1: that's natural. It happens to all of us in the beginning.
Speaker 1: And then after a while, once the infatuation starts to
Speaker 1: wear off, you start to see it with regular glasses, right,
Speaker 1: you start to see the good and the bad words
Speaker 1: and all. And then if you see wards and all,
Speaker 1: and you still say, you know what, I can work
Speaker 1: with these words. You know these words are not terrible.
Speaker 1: I still like you the still the positives outweigh the negatives.
Speaker 1: Then I would say, is when you bring in the oh,
Speaker 1: my god, is there anything that we can do to
Speaker 1: skip that part? Like you know, I'm so sick of
Speaker 1: this ship. So I just wants to know and ladies,
Speaker 1: I know there's some girls out there that can connect
Speaker 1: with my feelings and my emotion. I'm sick of seeing that.
Speaker 1: What is it, the red rose glass thing? I don't
Speaker 1: want to see. I don't want to see it no more. Okay,
Speaker 1: I just want to see the bullshit from the beginning.
Speaker 1: Show me your true colors, that being SEP, show me
Speaker 1: that your trash, show me the good things, the bad everything,
Speaker 1: So then we don't have to waste two years being
Speaker 1: together to then realize, oh, this is not gonna work out.
Speaker 1: Is there anything you can do or do you really
Speaker 1: just have to go through that process. You can be
Speaker 1: more objective in seeing it. Look, we can see it.
Speaker 1: We can force ourselves to take off Yeah, if there
Speaker 1: are red flags, like pay attention to what the red
Speaker 1: flags are and then try to take a step back,
Speaker 1: try to take off the rose colored glasses. It's not easy,
Speaker 1: but we can do it and have friends help you. Right,
Speaker 1: talk about, okay, this is what I see. These are
Speaker 1: some of the potential red flags, and then think through them.
Speaker 1: Is this something that one is changeable? Like is this
Speaker 1: something that could potentially change too? Is this something your
Speaker 1: partner says that he or she would like to change, right,
Speaker 1: because they could. It could be something that is changeable.
Speaker 1: If but they're they're like, this is not changing. I
Speaker 1: love this thing about myself and it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: Then obviously that's a problem. And then the third thing
Speaker 1: is let's say it is changeable, your partner is willing
Speaker 1: or interested in changing. The question is how long will
Speaker 1: it take them to change that thing? And do you
Speaker 1: have the time and patience to deal with that, because
Speaker 1: it's going to be usually a gradual will change. If
Speaker 1: we're talking about something that's more kind of entrenched in
Speaker 1: them as a person, that usually that will take some time.
Speaker 1: So then you have to ask yourself, Okay, how much
Speaker 1: time and energy and patients do I have for this
Speaker 1: particular thing. So basically Dr John and just let you know,
Speaker 1: don't go crazy buying, buying the most. You're doing the
Speaker 1: most for someone that you're still looking at them, you know,
Speaker 1: with the lovely eyes that you're still like, you know,
Speaker 1: do something nice, but nothing that you're gonna be in
Speaker 1: debt for the next thirty years, so, you know, do
Speaker 1: something that's meaningful. Still do something meaningful. But now I'll
Speaker 1: tell you this, do you feel um that for Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: People feel like there's pressures to do something different when
Speaker 1: you know, in bed, like sexually like because I've seen
Speaker 1: this a lot. Oh it's Valentine's Day, So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: wear laundry. First of all, bitch, you've never put on
Speaker 1: no damn LAUNDERI okay, you've never bought a laundry outfit
Speaker 1: in your life, but okay, they gat today you want
Speaker 1: to put it like red Lingerie, a tro and do
Speaker 1: like you know, they get your sexy stripper dance and
Speaker 1: they'll say you went and you went to the sexy
Speaker 1: freaky store and you bought waves and all types of stuff.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like people have, you know, feel that
Speaker 1: pressure that they have to go overboard sexually on that day? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like, just like with the gifts and like
Speaker 1: doing something special non sexually, there is that same kind
Speaker 1: of pressure to do something new or different or special sexually.
Speaker 1: And I really think people should think of special things
Speaker 1: to do with each other. I just don't see why
Speaker 1: that needs to be relegated to this one day of
Speaker 1: the year, because that is again, you know, last time
Speaker 1: we talked about monogamy, non monogamy and all that. If
Speaker 1: you want to have a fun, hot, long term hot
Speaker 1: monogamous relationship, yeah, you're gonna have to bring in some
Speaker 1: of these new, different, exciting, kind of adventurous things in
Speaker 1: order to keep that hot and exciting. You don't have
Speaker 1: to step outside, you don't have to be with other people.
Speaker 1: That's one way of bringing novelty. But another way of
Speaker 1: being novelty is doing these different kinds of things. And
Speaker 1: so I would, but I would say do it in
Speaker 1: a more consistent basis once a year on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, on your anniversary or your birthday
Speaker 1: or your partner's birthday. That's just not enough for me.
Speaker 1: Like for me, look, I like, I've done the I've done,
Speaker 1: I've done the lingerie. Are you into lingerie? I like
Speaker 1: lingerie when my partners in it. So when the dynamic,
Speaker 1: Like the current guy that I'm dating now, he loves
Speaker 1: lingerie and I love putting it on for him. The
Speaker 1: guy I dated previously didn't care about lingerie at all,
Speaker 1: So like I didn't, you know, I didn't care much
Speaker 1: about it either. I just feel like, first of all,
Speaker 1: laundry is so expensive. Men, men that are listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast, you better listen to this that I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you right now. I don't get the way they
Speaker 1: stayed laingdry is very expensive. If we buy lingerie and
Speaker 1: put it on the moment you see, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: she's still hot, take it off, take it off all
Speaker 1: make me take it off, so enjoy seeing my lingerie
Speaker 1: put it and let me be sexy with it. That's
Speaker 1: one yes to they learn how to play with lingerie.
Speaker 1: Like actually, the guy that I'm dating now, as I said,
Speaker 1: he loves lingerie and he loves to play with it.
Speaker 1: So we the entire night. I'm still wearing the lingerie
Speaker 1: the entire night. And were yes and so many things,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's very fun to play with it. I agree.
Speaker 1: You should. You should, You know, experiments sexually more often,
Speaker 1: you know things more often, figure out things that work
Speaker 1: out for you. What we used to work out for
Speaker 1: me I can't do right now is I will take
Speaker 1: a couple of shots. Sometimes you feel a little bit
Speaker 1: and get more relaxed, or maybe you feel a little
Speaker 1: you know, nervous or intimidated to try something new, have
Speaker 1: a drink, you know, maybe you want to dance. Lighting.
Speaker 1: Lighting also creates a certain mood that makes you feel
Speaker 1: a little bit more comfortable. It doesn't have to be bright,
Speaker 1: as lower the lives a little bit. You might want
Speaker 1: to turn a couple of candles, or you do, say,
Speaker 1: create your own ambience so that you feel comfortable to
Speaker 1: sexually explore, experiment, do different things. That's funny. One of
Speaker 1: my friends is also a psychology professor. She's writing a
Speaker 1: book right now called How to Train Your Boyfriend. I
Speaker 1: need that book. I think so many of us need
Speaker 1: that book. I can't wait for her to finish writing it.
Speaker 1: But she talks about it in there, about positive reinforcement.
Speaker 1: Instead of using punishment to try to train the kind
Speaker 1: of behavior that you want in your partner, using rewards
Speaker 1: usually works better. And so things like right, sexual favors
Speaker 1: or acts that they particularly like. Trying that in clever ways,
Speaker 1: but you have to do it cleverly. Can't be too
Speaker 1: obvious right, otherwise it's not gonna quite work. You have
Speaker 1: to do what works for you. And what you've been
Speaker 1: doing hasn't worked. You better read this book and try
Speaker 1: to figure out and look and see if the rewards
Speaker 1: and the positive affirmations work. So whatever works. Another thing
Speaker 1: that you just talked about the poco poco giving, and
Speaker 1: it's not necessarily about sort of giving them everything or
Speaker 1: them giving you everything. It's giving each other everything all
Speaker 1: at once. Kind of shortens the lifespan of the hotness
Speaker 1: in a relationship because they are all of these things
Speaker 1: that we can do a think public stuff. This there's
Speaker 1: so many different things. If you're bringing those in slowly
Speaker 1: but consistently regularly, right as you get together with someone,
Speaker 1: instead of having anal and threesomes and you know, whips
Speaker 1: and everything the first couple of months, let it out.
Speaker 1: Talk about those fantasies. Bring them into your relationship as
Speaker 1: a as an idea, so that you can think and
Speaker 1: fantasize and all that, but don't do everything all at once. Stag.
Speaker 1: And that's and that's the same thing that happens now
Speaker 1: for Valentine's Day. For Valentine's Day, a lot of people
Speaker 1: want to do the balloons, and you want to do
Speaker 1: the rose petals and all those things that are very romantic.
Speaker 1: Maybe this Valentine's you might want to try to do
Speaker 1: something a little bit different, something that's not necessarily as romantic.
Speaker 1: It doesn't always have to be, uh, something that's so predictable.
Speaker 1: Try something different, explore and who cares if you can't
Speaker 1: be open with your partner to sexually experiment or not.
Speaker 1: And everything doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, to just
Speaker 1: um play overall. If you can't feel comfortable with that person,
Speaker 1: it's already going down the hill from there, you know,
Speaker 1: and if and here's something else that's important now for
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day as well, if your partner doesn't take the initiative,
Speaker 1: you'll take it. Why And and it happens a lot
Speaker 1: of times men are waiting for women to be the
Speaker 1: one to, you know, give me an eye, or give
Speaker 1: me this, or give me something so that I know
Speaker 1: that you want it. And the same thing happens with women.
Speaker 1: A lot of times. You may be horny, you may
Speaker 1: want to do something erotic or exotic or whatever, and
Speaker 1: you're just here waiting for him to give you, you know,
Speaker 1: the green letter. Sometimes you just have to, you know,
Speaker 1: be the one to take control of the situation, don't
Speaker 1: you agree? Absolutely? Absolutely. Unfortunately, we live in a culture
Speaker 1: that teaches us that men are the ones that always
Speaker 1: need to take the initiative when it comes to sex.
Speaker 1: And it's really unfortunate because on one hand, they also
Speaker 1: want to feel desired, so they also want their girlfriends
Speaker 1: and wives to show them that they want them, that
Speaker 1: they want to suck them right, So you're taking something
Speaker 1: away from men when women are just waiting on men
Speaker 1: to initiate everything. And also then we don't get what
Speaker 1: we want when we want it. If we just went,
Speaker 1: we just wait on the men to initiate. So it's
Speaker 1: just so important for us to have sexual agency to
Speaker 1: say I want this and I'm gonna go get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I totally agree this Valentine's Day. Be open minded. Don't
Speaker 1: wait for your partner to just do all the work.
Speaker 1: You do some of the work too. And like I said,
Speaker 1: every thing doesn't necessarily have to be about finance. Everything
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be about this was so expensive, just
Speaker 1: being creative. I know a lot of people that financially
Speaker 1: can't even afford to go out there and buy a
Speaker 1: Teddy Bear for their significant other, but they do their best.
Speaker 1: They put effort, and effort has to come from both sides.
Speaker 1: Whether you're married, whether you're dating, whether you're just getting
Speaker 1: to know someone, whatever it is, it has to be
Speaker 1: about effort. And if you don't have anyone and you
Speaker 1: don't care to have anyone at this moment because you're
Speaker 1: too busy enjoying yourself, that's cool too. You know. It's
Speaker 1: it's not just about sex or your significant other. It's
Speaker 1: about friends, friends and family, going out, you know with
Speaker 1: your friends and having dinner and having drinks and loving
Speaker 1: on each other in a positive way. Um, that's also
Speaker 1: an amazing and positive thing now that we were talking
Speaker 1: about experimenting and having all this fun with your partner.
Speaker 1: Is there any advice for couples who want to try
Speaker 1: something different in bed um that don't necessarily know how
Speaker 1: to start or give the initiative. Yeah, well, of course
Speaker 1: it depends on what it is that they're trying to try.
Speaker 1: But the first thing I would say is get educated
Speaker 1: on what this thing is that you're trying to try
Speaker 1: and do. What's the best way to do it. There
Speaker 1: are some online courses that people can take to teach
Speaker 1: them some stuff. You can read some books. You can
Speaker 1: go to a workshop and learn some of these things,
Speaker 1: especially the more kinky things that kind of require some skill,
Speaker 1: like how do you even you know, hold the paddle
Speaker 1: and where do you hit and where do you not hit?
Speaker 1: Or if you tie someone up, how do you make
Speaker 1: sure that you're doing it safely? Or you know, those
Speaker 1: kinds of things you really need to have some ore
Speaker 1: YouTube YouTube Some things YouTube can help right. YouTube unfortunately
Speaker 1: doesn't like people being taught sexual things. Sorry, it's limited.
Speaker 1: Some stuff is on like you can learn some rope
Speaker 1: time as long as you everyone is not is dressed.
Speaker 1: But there are many things that you can unfortunately learn
Speaker 1: on YouTube. That's that's a really unfortunate thing about how
Speaker 1: we've separated porn and non porn in our world, because
Speaker 1: there's nowhere where you can actually just learn from a
Speaker 1: sexually explicit mhmm kind of materials that are not porn.
Speaker 1: That are not right. We need more explicit so basically
Speaker 1: would be porn levels in terms of what you're showing.
Speaker 1: But it's not done to arouse, it's done to educate.
Speaker 1: And there are some online courses. My friend Kenneth Play
Speaker 1: has an amazing course for how to be a great
Speaker 1: lover to people with volves who are mostly women. Right,
Speaker 1: that is amazing, But that's not something you can get
Speaker 1: in school. That's not something you can get on YouTube.
Speaker 1: You kind of have to go and get it from
Speaker 1: his website. And there are other courses like that where
Speaker 1: you can learn some stuff and as I said, workshops online,
Speaker 1: offline workshops. So getting some knowledge education gives you also
Speaker 1: the confidence once you try to do it, to not
Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, what are we doing here?
Speaker 1: You know know what you're but don't you already know.
Speaker 1: Do your research, study it a little bit. If you
Speaker 1: have to watch some movies, watch the movies. If you
Speaker 1: have to take a little drink, have a little drink,
Speaker 1: If you have to stretch out a little bit, do
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you feel that you have to
Speaker 1: do in order to surprise your significant other on this
Speaker 1: Valentine's Don't feel shy, don't feel embarrassed. Don't feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, what is she gonna think? What is
Speaker 1: he gonna think. That's the biggest mistake you can do
Speaker 1: is thinking for somebody else. Don't overthink. Just if you
Speaker 1: feel it, do it, enjoy it, Enjoy your body. That's
Speaker 1: another thing that I think that is also one of
Speaker 1: the issues that a lot of times, whether it is
Speaker 1: men or women, are insecurities can get in the way
Speaker 1: where we feel like we're physically not attractive, or you know,
Speaker 1: you're thinking that, oh my god, if I put on
Speaker 1: this thong, he's gonna look at my study light or
Speaker 1: my stretch marks, or he'll be like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't matter when somebody really likes you
Speaker 1: and you, guys, whether it is that they like you
Speaker 1: or you guys have been together for a long time,
Speaker 1: or you want to do something exciting. You know, I
Speaker 1: want to do something different, something I've never done. Well,
Speaker 1: then stop overthinking it and just do it. And like
Speaker 1: I said before, everything doesn't necessarily have to be like oh,
Speaker 1: I can't afford to buy her this, or I can't
Speaker 1: afford to buy him that. It's not about money. There's
Speaker 1: so many there's so many ways that you can show
Speaker 1: love and care that don't require any money. You can
Speaker 1: make someone a little gift, you can get them, you know,
Speaker 1: one rose or one whatever that is. It is just
Speaker 1: that it's the act right, make them feel special, do
Speaker 1: them breakfast, do them dinner, whatever, especially if she knows
Speaker 1: that you don't know how to cook, or if he
Speaker 1: knows that you don't know how to cook. The fact
Speaker 1: that you put the effort, I would say, Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: is showing effort, show effort, show your love through effort,
Speaker 1: do something that you're significant. They can say, wow, you know,
Speaker 1: I really appreciate the fact that, Um, I know that
Speaker 1: you usually don't do this, but you went out of
Speaker 1: your way to do something special to make me feel special,
Speaker 1: to do something rememberable for me. And that's the most
Speaker 1: important part um and then do that every time you
Speaker 1: go on a date with them. Yeah, Valentine's Day. I
Speaker 1: cannot stress that enough. Really. I know that we like
Speaker 1: to kind of celebrate and make these big things and
Speaker 1: big gestures on these days that were given to us.
Speaker 1: But relationships, if you want to have a good, healthy relationship,
Speaker 1: you have to treat almost every date as Valentine's Day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. A lot of times you feel like you
Speaker 1: already have this person secure, so you don't feel the
Speaker 1: need to put um the work that you did in
Speaker 1: the beginning. And that's the biggest mistake, the same work
Speaker 1: that you had to put in when you first wanted
Speaker 1: to get her or when you first wanted to impress him.
Speaker 1: You need to continue doing that. You know. It happens
Speaker 1: after you have children a lot of times to you
Speaker 1: get caught up with the children and the and the
Speaker 1: lifestyle this, and now you let your body go. You don't.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of times you don't even shower.
Speaker 1: You don't even shower anymore, you don't do your hair,
Speaker 1: You're wearing the same pajamas all day. You're not even
Speaker 1: remember when you first met all the things that you
Speaker 1: did in order to impress this person because you really
Speaker 1: like them. Don't forget that feeling, go back into that
Speaker 1: go back into that space and and feel like, don't
Speaker 1: feel so so, don't feel so secure, like this person
Speaker 1: is never gonna leave you, you you know, always fight to
Speaker 1: keep them. Um, but this Valentine's name, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I see myself, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: go out with friends, trying to go out with friends,
Speaker 1: or if not, just being home. You know. Um, why
Speaker 1: do you sound so sad about that? Well, because, like
Speaker 1: I said before, I'm a lover. I'm a liberal. I
Speaker 1: believe in like hopeless love, hopelessly romantic love and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. I really wish that I could be with
Speaker 1: a significant other and have all those great things that
Speaker 1: I was talking about. But maybe not this year, maybe
Speaker 1: next year, or maybe at another moment in life, because
Speaker 1: like you said before, we don't have to celebrate it
Speaker 1: just on Valentine's Day. It could be any day during
Speaker 1: the year. Um so maybe at another opportunity. But in
Speaker 1: the meantime, for those that don't have a booth thing,
Speaker 1: it's all good because we got each other and that's
Speaker 1: what I've had. Fabulous Valentine's Days with friends and sinners.
Speaker 1: Absolutely when I didn't have someone I was dating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and actually this Valentine's Day, I'm flying in. I'm flying
Speaker 1: back from from from Colorado. So I don't think i'll
Speaker 1: even see my partner that day. Oh no, well when
Speaker 1: will you? Will you see him before or after? I'll
Speaker 1: see him before and I'll see him after. But there
Speaker 1: you go. So you already know, you know, you already
Speaker 1: know all the freaky things you gotta do to make
Speaker 1: him remember you till you come back. Oh, he remembers me.
Speaker 1: Dr Johanna. Can you please let them know where they
Speaker 1: can follow you? Sure? Find me on Instagram or Twitter
Speaker 1: at doctor Joanna. That's d r z h A and A.
Speaker 1: And that's also my website, Doctor johna dot com. All Right,
Speaker 1: you guys already know I love having her on the show.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to have her back. If you guys
Speaker 1: love this podcast and this specific episode, hit me up
Speaker 1: on Exactly a Madam on Instagram, Twitter, or check us
Speaker 1: out on YouTube. Give me your reviews, your comments. I
Speaker 1: want to hear it and I want to see if
Speaker 1: there's any questions or anything that you have for Dr Johanna.
Speaker 1: I would love to come back and do another episode
Speaker 1: where we can answer all those questions. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for joining me, for joining
Speaker 1: us uh every week like you always do every Thursday.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful because you guys are making this show
Speaker 1: the little show on I Heart. You guys are the
Speaker 1: ones making it happen every week, So I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1: Remember to share, share this podcast with all your friends, family,
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Speaker 1: know it's a girl that you're listening to exactly a
Speaker 1: mata and I will see you guys next third. Thanks
Speaker 1: and gangag