WEBVTT - Valentines Day Expectations 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:09.680 Welcome, Welcome to Today Show. It's your Girl as usual 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.440 and you're listening to exactly a Mada. Thank you for 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:17.880 downloading and subscribing. I am a hopeless romantic. I'm a libra. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:20.560 It's a librettany. I believe in love, I believe in 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:25.200 fairy tales. I believe and all that crap that I 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:27.200 don't want to say it doesn't exist. But okay, it 0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:29.840 hasn't happened for me, And it only happens like the 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:32.760 first three months and then they start showing the true 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:35.760 connors and then things change. But for those that have 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:40.199 a beautiful relationship, a beautiful marriage, this is such a 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.000 great time to really show each other that because today 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:47.280 we're talking about Valentine's Day and all the expectations and 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:50.319 pressures that come with it. I feel that a lot 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.280 of times we do have these really high expectations of 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:55.600 all the things that are significant other is supposed to 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:58.520 do for us on Valentine's Day. Is like we kind 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:00.959 of not pay attention to everything that they've done during 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:03.960 the whole year, even the small little things, And on 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.720 Valentine's Day, we want them to buy us a car 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.800 by us, a house by us, a Cartella, take us 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:11.520 us to dinner and take me to a yard, buy 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:15.279 me at Bernina. What do you think this is? No? No, no, wait. 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:17.400 But at the same time, I mean like I'm a 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:20.240 bad bitch. I deserve all of that and then some battle. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.440 That can also be a lot of pressure on men 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:26.960 vice versa men too. Men also that men also expect 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.720 women on Valentine's Day a lot of times to go 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:32.399 out their way. They can buy me a Rolex. Not 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:36.279 everybody's ready for all of that. So whatever the expectations, 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.640 maybe today we're gonna break it down. We're gonna talk 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:42.480 about it, and I want to know YouTube do you 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.400 feel like you have high expectations for Valentine's Day? And 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:49.040 if so, what are they but joining us today? We 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:54.720 have a sex researcher, speaker, writer dctor Jenna. How are you, 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:59.520 my love? All right? Doing so well? Happy to be here? Awesome, 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:03.200 awesome some I have all the hearts on my on 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:05.480 my shirt for Valentine's Day, so you don't have to 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:09.639 feel bad. Sports for you as well? Thank you? How 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:11.600 do you? How do you feel about Valentine's Are you 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:16.320 a Valentine's Girl? I'm not a huge Valentine's Girl, because 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:20.200 it's a made up holiday. For one, right, it's a 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:25.120 Hallmark made up holiday. You're right, And I personally prefer 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:29.520 to celebrate my love every day of the year as 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.720 opposed to kind of having a dedicated day that we're 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:34.880 supposed to do something special for each other. The way 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:38.040 I look at my relationships is I want to make 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:41.880 every day every time that we're together special and I 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:46.720 don't think Valentine's needs to be any more special than that. 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:50.560 But I understand people have different ways of looking at it, 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.120 and it is certainly a good thing to have things 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:57.080 to celebrate in your relationship and to make certain days 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:01.160 special days. I agree to make more days special days 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:05.280 as opposed to one day. I totally agree. So talking 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:08.200 about you know, when it comes to a Valentine's Day, 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:10.120 I really do believe that a lot of people have 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:14.080 unrealistic expectations of what Valentine's Day is. And by the way, 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:16.000 let's not forget that Valentine's is not just about your 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:18.960 significant other. It's about love overall. It could be love, 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:20.880 the love for your family, the love for your children, 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.840 the love for many things. Obviously, we mainly focus on 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:27.239 the love for our spouse, our girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever. 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:31.760 But do you feel that people have like high expectations 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:35.320 or unrealistic expectations when it comes to this day. I 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.920 think some people do. I think it's often the product 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:42.360 of them not getting what they need the other days 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:45.120 of the year, and so there's a lot just placed 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:49.800 on this one day that kind of brings out all 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:53.520 of the all of the needs that we have that 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.560 are kind of going neglected throughout that that time. And 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:01.840 but you know, again, different people will have different experiences 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:08.400 with that. The dynamic really depends also. Sometimes, right, some 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:11.760 people are very excited about that and will create a 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:15.520 really beautiful experience for each other on that particular day, 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:18.360 and it can really be an amazing day that they 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:23.040 spend together. But yeah, I think often the expectations for 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.200 some people can be a little too high. Well I'll 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:29.640 tell you this much. I ain't gonna say no names, 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:34.160 but I've been with people that on Valentine's No Man, 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:41.640 Nothing Nothing panel during the whole year, you expect me 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.719 to turn into this porn star and do all this 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.320 extra stuff and be supportive and do all these things, 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:49.680 And I'm like, the least thing you can do sometimes 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:52.880 in life, it's not even about how expensive things are 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:56.960 or how big the act was, it's just the intention, 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.480 do you know what I'm saying. So I understand how 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:03.000 valentine This Day um can be a day that you 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:05.320 expect your significant other to do something nice for you. 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.159 But I also believe that now with technology, social media 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:11.839 and everything else, we have focused Valentine's Day more on 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.480 an expression to showcase and show off for other people 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:17.560 that you don't even know on your social media platform. 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:19.880 I know a lot of people that do the most. 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:24.919 They call the flower store themselves and they book themselves 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.440 their own flowers and their own everything, just to show 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:29.480 off to other people that they are loved and not 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:31.800 really think that that's what that's supposed to be about 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:34.520 in the first place. But for people who are single, 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:39.240 like myself, sometimes it depends on the day. What advice 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.960 would you give them? I would say, spend it with friends, 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:49.640 have a fun singles day, dinner, party, whatever you want 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:54.000 to do that. And especially if you're someone who does 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:58.200 kind of have hopes for Valentine's Day being something that 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.720 is spent with a partner, then not having that experience 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:06.279 might leave you feeling kind of you know, lonely and 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.679 and sad on that day, and so don't let that happen. 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.880 Do something that would make you feel like you are loved, 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:16.560 even if it's not by a romantic partner in that moment. 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:19.160 If it doesn't matter to you, on the other hand, 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:22.520 just do whatever else you would be doing that day. 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.000 It doesn't have to be considered a special day. I 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.320 mean literally, we made that a special day a few 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.440 years ago because Hallmark decided that they want to sell 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:34.760 more cards. Right, but what about what about it if 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:37.320 you are in a new relationship, And that's a good question. 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:40.200 If you start dating someone and you're in a new relationship, 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.720 how soon is too soon to buy them a gift? 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.160 Are you obligated to buy them a gift? And if so, 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:46.840 like how big is it supposed to be? Are you 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.479 supposed to impress them the first time? Or it could 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.560 be like anything like let's say we started dating like 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.720 a week ago, not a week ago, two weeks ago? Bam, 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.880 Valentine's Day comes. What is it I'm supposed to do? 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:01.839 Am I supposed to like O D on this gift? 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:03.440 Or am I supposed to do something light or not 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:06.480 do anything at all? I would definitely say, don't O 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:10.040 D on the gift. That's too soon, too presumptuous. Right, 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:14.120 it's not a you know, that's for women. Right, you're 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:15.920 saying that for women or for men, because for many 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.920 better o D. Like, if you really want me to 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:20.840 really like me and everything, should show me what you're 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.160 working with. No, no, no, we don't have time to waste. 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:25.679 I really want me show me from the beginning meta. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:36.680 Here's some pearls, here's some diamonds. We're tired of giving 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:41.680 her as just about just to just to please. Sometimes 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.000 you do. But sometimes if you really like someone and 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:45.640 you're really trying to settle with them and you're trying 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:47.960 to do something, I would say that to me, it's 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.600 not even so much about the diamonds per se, because 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:53.200 I'm talking ship. I mean, it's more about the effort. 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.160 You know, whatever it is that you do, just show 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:58.400 that you put some effort. You know it could be 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.680 the smallest little thing, but just put some effort. You 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.920 know that that shows more and it means more to 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:07.320 a lot of women than anything else. It's not even 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.280 so much about how much it costs. It's just the 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:10.680 fact that you went out of your way to do 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.160 something nice for someone that you love or someone that 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:15.160 you like, or someone that you're interested in. Does that 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.320 make sense? Yeah, I mean I would say, you know again, 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:19.600 you were saying like two weeks and that's a little 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.160 too soon and too presumptuous to go with a big gift. 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:25.920 I mean, if you're certain that this is the one 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:28.880 after two weeks, then I guess you could make a 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.000 big graind So when when do you know that they're 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:35.320 the one? Well, I would recommend people not make those 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:41.440 big decisions until their infatuation has started to wane. So 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.560 when we first get together, when we first get super 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:47.280 excited about someone, the first stage of love called infatuation 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.959 or in love or has a lot of different names, 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.640 that shoots up very quickly when we get excited about someone, 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:59.920 especially with their consummating, that experience, that new blossoming love. 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:04.000 Consummating means what, like you were actually enjoying it living 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:09.880 it started, Well, it could be, that could be. Certainly, 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:13.040 It's one way of consummating a very powerful way of consummating, 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.680 and especially once you do bring in you start to 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:19.440 have sex with that person, that will even more expand 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:23.520 and explode that love and it will be very high, 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:28.120 usually for somewhere between three months and two years, depending 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.840 on how good the connection is, depending on how often 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:33.920 you see each other, how often you consummate, depending on 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:37.680 how kind of intensely you're you're tied in with each other. 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:42.880 But it will start to drop after maybe three months, 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:44.960 maybe six months, maybe a year, maybe a year and 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:49.679 a half. About the two year mark is usually when 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:53.920 infatuation will start to wane, and that's when you decide. 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:57.320 I think the safest way is that when you decide 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:00.680 to make big life decisions like get me married, or 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.400 buy a house together, or decide to have a kid together, 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.160 if if you want to make those life choices, Because 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:11.680 when we first get infatuated with someone, during those three 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.199 months to two years, one of the things one of 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.920 the symptoms of infatuation. We literally talk in science about 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.760 the infatuation as a as a disease almost because you 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:23.360 can catch it and then you have symptoms. You catch 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:25.920 feelings and then you have the symptoms of infatuation. One 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:29.679 of the most dangerous ones is the rose colored glasses 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.520 that we have when we first get together with someone. 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.640 You only see the positives. Oh yeah, like the ship 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:38.880 don't stink. That's when you want to sit down in 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.600 the bathroom with them, and you know, you smell their farts, 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.760 and anything that they do is, oh, that's so cute, 0:10:44.840 --> 0:10:48.760 and everything you find it nice and cute and romantic. Exactly, 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:51.360 that's natural. It happens to all of us in the beginning. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:54.720 And then after a while, once the infatuation starts to 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:57.920 wear off, you start to see it with regular glasses, right, 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:01.000 you start to see the good and the bad words 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:03.880 and all. And then if you see wards and all, 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.000 and you still say, you know what, I can work 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:08.480 with these words. You know these words are not terrible. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.760 I still like you the still the positives outweigh the negatives. 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:18.520 Then I would say, is when you bring in the oh, 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:21.120 my god, is there anything that we can do to 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.880 skip that part? Like you know, I'm so sick of 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.440 this ship. So I just wants to know and ladies, 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.720 I know there's some girls out there that can connect 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.559 with my feelings and my emotion. I'm sick of seeing that. 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.320 What is it, the red rose glass thing? I don't 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.880 want to see. I don't want to see it no more. Okay, 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.160 I just want to see the bullshit from the beginning. 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:44.080 Show me your true colors, that being SEP, show me 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.320 that your trash, show me the good things, the bad everything, 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:50.160 So then we don't have to waste two years being 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.800 together to then realize, oh, this is not gonna work out. 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:54.840 Is there anything you can do or do you really 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:59.000 just have to go through that process. You can be 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.959 more objective in seeing it. Look, we can see it. 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:08.000 We can force ourselves to take off Yeah, if there 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.400 are red flags, like pay attention to what the red 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:13.760 flags are and then try to take a step back, 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:16.559 try to take off the rose colored glasses. It's not easy, 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:19.280 but we can do it and have friends help you. Right, 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:21.880 talk about, okay, this is what I see. These are 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.920 some of the potential red flags, and then think through them. 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.920 Is this something that one is changeable? Like is this 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:32.079 something that could potentially change too? Is this something your 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:36.320 partner says that he or she would like to change, right, 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.760 because they could. It could be something that is changeable. 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.080 If but they're they're like, this is not changing. I 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.520 love this thing about myself and it's not going anywhere. 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:45.880 Then obviously that's a problem. And then the third thing 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.960 is let's say it is changeable, your partner is willing 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:52.320 or interested in changing. The question is how long will 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:55.679 it take them to change that thing? And do you 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:58.679 have the time and patience to deal with that, because 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:00.600 it's going to be usually a gradual will change. If 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.000 we're talking about something that's more kind of entrenched in 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:06.240 them as a person, that usually that will take some time. 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:08.600 So then you have to ask yourself, Okay, how much 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:11.840 time and energy and patients do I have for this 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:15.959 particular thing. So basically Dr John and just let you know, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.160 don't go crazy buying, buying the most. You're doing the 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:22.040 most for someone that you're still looking at them, you know, 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.560 with the lovely eyes that you're still like, you know, 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.320 do something nice, but nothing that you're gonna be in 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:31.320 debt for the next thirty years, so, you know, do 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:38.559 something that's meaningful. Still do something meaningful. But now I'll 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:43.120 tell you this, do you feel um that for Valentine's Day? 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:46.280 People feel like there's pressures to do something different when 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:49.560 you know, in bed, like sexually like because I've seen 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.640 this a lot. Oh it's Valentine's Day, So I'm gonna 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.120 wear laundry. First of all, bitch, you've never put on 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:57.960 no damn LAUNDERI okay, you've never bought a laundry outfit 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:00.600 in your life, but okay, they gat today you want 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:04.600 to put it like red Lingerie, a tro and do 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.960 like you know, they get your sexy stripper dance and 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:09.679 they'll say you went and you went to the sexy 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:13.920 freaky store and you bought waves and all types of stuff. 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.200 Do you feel like people have, you know, feel that 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:20.760 pressure that they have to go overboard sexually on that day? Yeah. 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.400 I feel like, just like with the gifts and like 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.400 doing something special non sexually, there is that same kind 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:30.240 of pressure to do something new or different or special sexually. 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:35.000 And I really think people should think of special things 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.520 to do with each other. I just don't see why 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.720 that needs to be relegated to this one day of 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:44.720 the year, because that is again, you know, last time 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.840 we talked about monogamy, non monogamy and all that. If 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.720 you want to have a fun, hot, long term hot 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:57.120 monogamous relationship, yeah, you're gonna have to bring in some 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:01.640 of these new, different, exciting, kind of adventurous things in 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:05.000 order to keep that hot and exciting. You don't have 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.400 to step outside, you don't have to be with other people. 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:09.840 That's one way of bringing novelty. But another way of 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:12.600 being novelty is doing these different kinds of things. And 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:14.120 so I would, but I would say do it in 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:17.520 a more consistent basis once a year on Valentine's Day, 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:19.680 and I don't know, on your anniversary or your birthday 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.280 or your partner's birthday. That's just not enough for me. 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:25.880 Like for me, look, I like, I've done the I've done, 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.320 I've done the lingerie. Are you into lingerie? I like 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:32.920 lingerie when my partners in it. So when the dynamic, 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.600 Like the current guy that I'm dating now, he loves 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.960 lingerie and I love putting it on for him. The 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:40.960 guy I dated previously didn't care about lingerie at all, 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.360 So like I didn't, you know, I didn't care much 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:45.560 about it either. I just feel like, first of all, 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.600 laundry is so expensive. Men, men that are listening to 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.360 this podcast, you better listen to this that I'm gonna 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:51.640 tell you right now. I don't get the way they 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:55.200 stayed laingdry is very expensive. If we buy lingerie and 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.680 put it on the moment you see, oh my gosh, 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.160 she's still hot, take it off, take it off all 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:05.240 make me take it off, so enjoy seeing my lingerie 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:08.440 put it and let me be sexy with it. That's 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:12.160 one yes to they learn how to play with lingerie. 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.000 Like actually, the guy that I'm dating now, as I said, 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:17.200 he loves lingerie and he loves to play with it. 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:21.120 So we the entire night. I'm still wearing the lingerie 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:23.960 the entire night. And were yes and so many things, 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:34.720 but yeah, it's very fun to play with it. I agree. 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.520 You should. You should, You know, experiments sexually more often, 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.960 you know things more often, figure out things that work 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:41.760 out for you. What we used to work out for 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:43.480 me I can't do right now is I will take 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:45.680 a couple of shots. Sometimes you feel a little bit 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:48.000 and get more relaxed, or maybe you feel a little 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.080 you know, nervous or intimidated to try something new, have 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.880 a drink, you know, maybe you want to dance. Lighting. 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.400 Lighting also creates a certain mood that makes you feel 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.640 a little bit more comfortable. It doesn't have to be bright, 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.880 as lower the lives a little bit. You might want 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:03.720 to turn a couple of candles, or you do, say, 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.760 create your own ambience so that you feel comfortable to 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:10.919 sexually explore, experiment, do different things. That's funny. One of 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.679 my friends is also a psychology professor. She's writing a 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:17.240 book right now called How to Train Your Boyfriend. I 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:21.120 need that book. I think so many of us need 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:23.399 that book. I can't wait for her to finish writing it. 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:28.000 But she talks about it in there, about positive reinforcement. 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:31.480 Instead of using punishment to try to train the kind 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.399 of behavior that you want in your partner, using rewards 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:39.600 usually works better. And so things like right, sexual favors 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:44.280 or acts that they particularly like. Trying that in clever ways, 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.000 but you have to do it cleverly. Can't be too 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:50.199 obvious right, otherwise it's not gonna quite work. You have 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:51.680 to do what works for you. And what you've been 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:54.360 doing hasn't worked. You better read this book and try 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:56.080 to figure out and look and see if the rewards 0:17:56.200 --> 0:18:01.600 and the positive affirmations work. So whatever works. Another thing 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:05.520 that you just talked about the poco poco giving, and 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.800 it's not necessarily about sort of giving them everything or 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:13.840 them giving you everything. It's giving each other everything all 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:19.840 at once. Kind of shortens the lifespan of the hotness 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:22.520 in a relationship because they are all of these things 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:26.560 that we can do a think public stuff. This there's 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.800 so many different things. If you're bringing those in slowly 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:33.720 but consistently regularly, right as you get together with someone, 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:37.520 instead of having anal and threesomes and you know, whips 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:40.640 and everything the first couple of months, let it out. 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:45.840 Talk about those fantasies. Bring them into your relationship as 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:48.399 a as an idea, so that you can think and 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:53.120 fantasize and all that, but don't do everything all at once. Stag. 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:55.000 And that's and that's the same thing that happens now 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:57.600 for Valentine's Day. For Valentine's Day, a lot of people 0:18:57.680 --> 0:18:59.840 want to do the balloons, and you want to do 0:18:59.840 --> 0:19:02.600 the rose petals and all those things that are very romantic. 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.399 Maybe this Valentine's you might want to try to do 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:08.360 something a little bit different, something that's not necessarily as romantic. 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:12.000 It doesn't always have to be, uh, something that's so predictable. 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:15.560 Try something different, explore and who cares if you can't 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:19.040 be open with your partner to sexually experiment or not. 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:22.080 And everything doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, to just 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:26.800 um play overall. If you can't feel comfortable with that person, 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.600 it's already going down the hill from there, you know, 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.040 and if and here's something else that's important now for 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:36.399 Valentine's Day as well, if your partner doesn't take the initiative, 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:39.480 you'll take it. Why And and it happens a lot 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.000 of times men are waiting for women to be the 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:45.120 one to, you know, give me an eye, or give 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:47.040 me this, or give me something so that I know 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:49.080 that you want it. And the same thing happens with women. 0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:51.280 A lot of times. You may be horny, you may 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:54.199 want to do something erotic or exotic or whatever, and 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:57.320 you're just here waiting for him to give you, you know, 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.959 the green letter. Sometimes you just have to, you know, 0:20:01.760 --> 0:20:04.240 be the one to take control of the situation, don't 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:08.640 you agree? Absolutely? Absolutely. Unfortunately, we live in a culture 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.080 that teaches us that men are the ones that always 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:13.200 need to take the initiative when it comes to sex. 0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:17.000 And it's really unfortunate because on one hand, they also 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:20.760 want to feel desired, so they also want their girlfriends 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:22.960 and wives to show them that they want them, that 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.560 they want to suck them right, So you're taking something 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:31.280 away from men when women are just waiting on men 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:35.520 to initiate everything. And also then we don't get what 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:38.160 we want when we want it. If we just went, 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:42.480 we just wait on the men to initiate. So it's 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:46.280 just so important for us to have sexual agency to 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:50.320 say I want this and I'm gonna go get it. Yeah, 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:54.840 I totally agree this Valentine's Day. Be open minded. Don't 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:57.639 wait for your partner to just do all the work. 0:20:57.680 --> 0:20:59.520 You do some of the work too. And like I said, 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:03.280 every thing doesn't necessarily have to be about finance. Everything 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:06.000 doesn't have to be about this was so expensive, just 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:09.120 being creative. I know a lot of people that financially 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:11.959 can't even afford to go out there and buy a 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:14.920 Teddy Bear for their significant other, but they do their best. 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:18.160 They put effort, and effort has to come from both sides. 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:21.920 Whether you're married, whether you're dating, whether you're just getting 0:21:21.960 --> 0:21:24.800 to know someone, whatever it is, it has to be 0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:27.920 about effort. And if you don't have anyone and you 0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:29.960 don't care to have anyone at this moment because you're 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:33.680 too busy enjoying yourself, that's cool too. You know. It's 0:21:33.720 --> 0:21:36.800 it's not just about sex or your significant other. It's 0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:41.240 about friends, friends and family, going out, you know with 0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:43.840 your friends and having dinner and having drinks and loving 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:48.199 on each other in a positive way. Um, that's also 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:50.960 an amazing and positive thing now that we were talking 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:54.080 about experimenting and having all this fun with your partner. 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.639 Is there any advice for couples who want to try 0:21:56.800 --> 0:22:00.480