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Speaker 1: Hi, this is Jolan Victoria. Thanks so much for listening

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Speaker 1: to the podcast and thanks.

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Speaker 2: For supporting the ministry.

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Speaker 1: We believe you're going to have an awesome twenty twenty four, healthy, productive,

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Speaker 1: and favor filled.

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Speaker 2: God bless you today and enjoy the message. God bless

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Speaker 2: you always a joy to come into your homes. We

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Speaker 2: love you.

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Speaker 1: If you're ever in our area, I hope that you'll

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Speaker 1: stop by and be a part of one of our services.

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Speaker 1: I promise you this will make you feel right at home.

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Speaker 2: You'll love our new facility.

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Speaker 1: You can come celebrate what God has done for us

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Speaker 1: right here at Lakewood, and just love to have you

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Speaker 1: be a part of it.

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Speaker 2: But thanks for tuning in today.

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Speaker 1: I like to get started each week with something kind

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Speaker 1: of funny, and I heard about this couple. They were

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Speaker 1: driving down the road and they saw this sign that

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Speaker 1: said Nacodochius forty miles ahead, and they began to argue

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Speaker 1: about how to correctly pronounce the name Nacodochus, and the

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Speaker 1: husband got so upset he finally said to his wife,

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Speaker 1: when we get there, I'm going to stop and prove

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Speaker 1: to you that I'm right. And they sat silently. The

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Speaker 1: next thirty minutes as they drove, and when they finally arrived,

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Speaker 1: he pulled into the first fast food restaurant. He and

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Speaker 1: his wife barged up there to the counter, and he

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Speaker 1: said to the young lady, my wife and I have

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Speaker 1: been arguing for.

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Speaker 2: The last thirty minutes.

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Speaker 1: Can you tell us, very slowly and very clearly, how

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Speaker 1: to pronounce the name of this place. The young lady's

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Speaker 1: eyes got real big, and she leaned over the counter

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Speaker 1: and said, Burger Keen, all right, hold up your Bible.

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Speaker 1: Say it like you mean it. This is my Bible.

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Speaker 1: I am what it says.

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Speaker 2: I am.

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Speaker 1: I have what it says I have. I can do

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Speaker 1: what it says I can do. Today I will be

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Speaker 1: taught the word of God. I boldly confess. My mind

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Speaker 1: is alert, my heart is receptive. I will never be

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Speaker 1: the same. In Jesus' name, God bless you. We've been

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Speaker 1: talking about not letting people control us and learning how

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Speaker 1: to set boundaries. Boundaries are like fences. We put up

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Speaker 1: fences around our property to show people how far that

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Speaker 1: they can come. And it doesn't mean that we're being unfriendly,

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that we're being rude. It's simply a way

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Speaker 1: of saying this is the line that you cannot come beyond.

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Speaker 1: And in the same way, if you don't have boundaries

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Speaker 1: in your own life and especially in your relationships, then

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Speaker 1: you're just asking for trouble because this world is full

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Speaker 1: of controllers and manipulators. Now, I don't mean to sound

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Speaker 1: like everybody's bad, because they're not. Many times they don't

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Speaker 1: realize they're doing it. They've been raised by people that

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Speaker 1: have done it and this is all that they know.

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Speaker 1: But God wants us to live our lives free. And

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Speaker 1: we're never going to really enjoy life as long as

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Speaker 1: we're being a people pleaser, or as long as we're

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Speaker 1: trying to control everybody.

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Speaker 2: And this is what so many people are doing today.

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Speaker 1: They're trying to run the universe, trying to make their

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Speaker 1: grown children do what they want, manipulating people at the

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Speaker 1: office in order to get their way, or they'll throw

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Speaker 1: a fit at home, hoping that their spouse will feel

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Speaker 1: guilty and eventually give in.

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Speaker 2: But friends, that's a miserable way to live. It's a heavy.

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Speaker 1: Burden trying to run everybody's life around you. And being

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Speaker 1: free means you are free not to control everybody. It

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Speaker 1: means you don't have to have your way all the time.

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Speaker 1: You can adapt. You can adjust. For instance, if every

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Speaker 1: time Victoria and I go out to eat, we have

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Speaker 1: to go where I want, or I'll very subtenly let

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Speaker 1: her know that I'm not happy, I'll make her feel

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Speaker 1: just guilty enough so that next time I'll get my way.

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Speaker 2: That's being a controller.

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Speaker 1: I'm manipulating her in order to get what I want.

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Speaker 1: Don't play those games. Be bigger than that and give

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Speaker 1: people the room to be who God has made them

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Speaker 1: to be.

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Speaker 2: And maybe you're on the flip side of that.

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Speaker 1: Your spouse or the person you're in relationship with is

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Speaker 1: always doing what he wants. And I'm not saying to

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Speaker 1: just be a door mat and let them run over you.

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Speaker 1: Now you've got to stand up to a controller. You

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Speaker 1: need to confront that and say, hey, listen, let's take turns.

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Speaker 1: Don't be so selfish. But you have to recognize when

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Speaker 1: somebody always has to have their way. They're always trying

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Speaker 1: to give you their opinion, making you do what they want.

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Speaker 2: That's a controller.

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Speaker 1: And I've seen parents that have grown children, but they're

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Speaker 1: still telling those children how to spend their money, how

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Speaker 1: to raise their kids. What car to buy, what neighborhood

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Speaker 1: to live in. Now, listen, parents, those children have grown up.

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Speaker 1: Now you've got to let them go and stop trying

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Speaker 1: to run their lives. There's nothing that will ruin your

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Speaker 1: relationship with your grown children any quicker than always telling

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Speaker 1: them what to do, and too much advice, although you

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Speaker 1: may mean well, is eventually just going to drive them away.

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Speaker 1: You have to give your grown children the freedom to

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Speaker 1: make their own choices, and even the freedom to make

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Speaker 1: their own mistakes. Sometimes that's the only way they're ever

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Speaker 1: going to learn. I'm not saying to never give them advice,

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Speaker 1: but if when you do, you can tell they're not

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Speaker 1: receiving it, things are heating up.

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Speaker 2: It's turning into a debate.

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Speaker 1: Well, you need to be big enough to just back

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Speaker 1: off and let it go, because if you're constantly giving

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Speaker 1: people advice, constantly telling them what to do, in the end,

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Speaker 1: it's going to build up resentment. I remember the first

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Speaker 1: house Victoria and I were about to buy.

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Speaker 2: My father didn't agree with it. He didn't think it was.

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Speaker 1: Right for us, but he didn't tell us right at

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Speaker 1: the first. In fact, he had a friend of ours

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Speaker 1: call me a man that deals in real estate, and

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Speaker 1: we discussed the pros and cons and we ended up

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Speaker 1: not buying that house. But I didn't find out till

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Speaker 1: later that my father was not for it. See, Daddy

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Speaker 1: was trying not to run my life. He was looking

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Speaker 1: for that fine line of when two and when not

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Speaker 1: to be involved. And of course it's good to give

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Speaker 1: your children counsel. It's good to share your opinions and

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Speaker 1: advice with them, but you too are going to have

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Speaker 1: to find the balance to not go overboard and make

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Speaker 1: them feel like you're pressuring them and trying to control them.

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Speaker 1: After all, the scripture says a man shall leave his

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Speaker 1: father and mother and become one with his wife. Too often, parents,

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Speaker 1: our children have left the house, but we haven't let

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Speaker 1: them go. We're way too involved in their affairs. And

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Speaker 1: I know it's because you love your children. It just

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Speaker 1: because you want the best for them, And that's why

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Speaker 1: this can be so blinding. And I really believe some

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Speaker 1: of you don't have good relationships with your grown children today,

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Speaker 1: and it's because of this.

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Speaker 2: You're too involved. You're always telling them what to do.

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Speaker 1: I talked to a young lady a while back, and

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Speaker 1: she told how she doesn't like to go over to

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Speaker 1: her mother's house anymore because her mother is always telling

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Speaker 1: her how to eat, what to eat, and what not

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Speaker 1: to eat. Growing up, she had struggled with her weight

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Speaker 1: and her mother had been very involved in her diet.

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Speaker 1: And this mother meant well, she had good intentions.

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Speaker 2: But when your little.

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Speaker 1: Girl grows up, she probably doesn't want you telling her

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Speaker 1: what to do all the time. It was fine for

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Speaker 1: a time, but we have to recognize at one point

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Speaker 1: that goes from right control to wrong control. And sure,

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Speaker 1: we are to train and guide our children while they're

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Speaker 1: under our care, but if we don't learn to let

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Speaker 1: them go, give them a little space, give them the

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Speaker 1: freedom to make their own choices, then it's going to

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Speaker 1: build resentment. It can stifle their growth, and it is

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Speaker 1: certainly going to strain our relationship. Some of you would

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Speaker 1: see your relationships go to a new level if you

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Speaker 1: just take a step back and quit telling those people

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Speaker 1: how to run their lives all the time.

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Speaker 2: And if you feel like.

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Speaker 1: Your parents are doing this to you, they're too controlling,

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Speaker 1: giving you too many opinions, too much advice, I would

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Speaker 1: just challenge you to take the initiative and go to

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Speaker 1: them and address it. Don't let it ruin your relationship

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Speaker 1: for the next twenty years. Set a boundary.

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Speaker 2: You can do it in love.

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Speaker 1: Just say mom, dad, I love you, ciate your advice,

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Speaker 1: but you've got to do me a favor and quit

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Speaker 1: trying to run my life all the time, because when

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Speaker 1: I don't do what you want, I feel bad and

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Speaker 1: I respect you, but you've got to give me the

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Speaker 1: freedom to make my own choices.

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Speaker 2: See, just be open and honest.

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Speaker 1: That's what it means to set a boundary. One principle

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Speaker 1: that I've learned to live by is never give your

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Speaker 1: opinion unless somebody ask, and even then realize most of

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Speaker 1: the time they don't really want your advice. They just

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Speaker 1: want you to tell them what they want to hear.

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Speaker 1: And people today are way too opinionated. You hear them

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Speaker 1: all the time. Well, if I were you, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: do that. If I were you, I wouldn't buy that car.

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Speaker 1: If I were you, I wouldn't be dating that man. No,

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Speaker 1: you don't really know what you would do because you're

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Speaker 1: not in their shoes. And it's good to give advice,

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Speaker 1: but don't be overly opinionated. Like that cartoon I saw

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Speaker 1: was this big gorilla had his fist up in the

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Speaker 1: air and a real mean face, and the caption said,

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Speaker 1: if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

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Speaker 1: The scripture says in First Thessalonians four, verse eleven, may

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Speaker 1: g it your ambition to live a quiet life and

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Speaker 1: to mind your own business. For some of you, that

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Speaker 1: was worth the drive out today. Mind your own business,

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Speaker 1: not your grown children's business, not your neighbor's business, not

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Speaker 1: your co worker's business. Mind your own business, and never

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Speaker 1: give your opinion unless you're asked. And parents, we need

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Speaker 1: to make sure that we allow our children to follow

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Speaker 1: their god given dreams. I see so many parents that

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Speaker 1: are living out their own dreams through their children, you know,

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Speaker 1: pressuring them to go to this college, get into this career,

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Speaker 1: work for this company. Now, that's never healthy. Proverbs twenty

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Speaker 1: two to six says train up a child in the

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Speaker 1: way that he should go in keeping with his individual gift.

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Speaker 1: Notice that's saying your child has a specific gift. There's

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Speaker 1: something he's inclined toward. And our job as parents is

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Speaker 1: to help our children discover their gift and then encourage

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Speaker 1: them in that area.

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Speaker 2: And here's the key.

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Speaker 1: Their god given gift may not be what you prefer.

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Speaker 1: I know my father always wanted me to preach. I

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Speaker 1: knew that from the time that I was a little boy.

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Speaker 1: But I never had the desire, and my parents never

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Speaker 1: pressured me.

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Speaker 2: I believe that they would have. It would have driven

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Speaker 2: me away.

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Speaker 1: And if you'll let your children follow the God given

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Speaker 1: dreams and desires in their own heart, they will end

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Speaker 1: up exactly where they're supposed to be. But if my

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Speaker 1: father had just pressured me and pressured me, and finally

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Speaker 1: I just gave in because I didn't want to disappoint

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Speaker 1: my dad, I don't believe i'd be standing here today.

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Speaker 1: I would have been out of God's timing. I would

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Speaker 1: have been living to just please people, and I think

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Speaker 1: that I would have missed out on God's best And

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Speaker 1: in part it would have been my fault for being

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Speaker 1: a people pleaser. But it also in part would have

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Speaker 1: been my father's fault for trying to control me and

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Speaker 1: manipulate me. And that's why parents, it's so important that

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Speaker 1: we be extremely careful in this area, because when we're

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Speaker 1: too controlling and too opinionated, we can keep our children.

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Speaker 2: From fulfilling their God given destiny. And Victoria and I.

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Speaker 1: Of course we would love to have our children follow

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Speaker 1: in our footsteps and carry on the ministry in some way,

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Speaker 1: but I know that I can't call them, only God can.

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Speaker 2: So I stay open.

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Speaker 1: I found a lot of times what we want for

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Speaker 1: our children is so much less than what God wants.

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Speaker 1: And in the natural, I hope Jonathan and Alexandra minister

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Speaker 1: like me, but I realize they can minister through movies,

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Speaker 1: they can minister through music and song, they can minister

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Speaker 1: by treating people that are sick. We've got to stay open.

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Speaker 1: Don't be a controller. Just trust your children into God's hands.

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Speaker 1: He's got an individual plan for each one of them. Now,

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Speaker 1: I would encourage as well, parents, don't be overly concerned

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Speaker 1: if your children, you're a young person, you're teenager. They're

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Speaker 1: not as spiritual as you think think they should be

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Speaker 1: right now. Hell, my children they don't know enough scriptures,

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Speaker 1: they don't pay attention in church all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I've always got to ride them joy. Well, it's good

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Speaker 1: to encourage your children, but keep that in balance and

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Speaker 1: always remember how you were when you were their age.

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Speaker 2: You probably weren't that much different.

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Speaker 1: I know when I was growing up, I sat on

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Speaker 1: the front row of our church beside my little sister April,

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Speaker 1: and the whole service we played Tic tac toe.

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Speaker 2: And look at me today, God's made me the pastor.

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Speaker 2: There is hope for.

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Speaker 1: Your children, who knows what God can do for them.

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Speaker 1: Growing up, I love to play practical jokes, and I

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Speaker 1: was always doing something to somebody in church, you know,

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Speaker 1: teasing my sister Lisa, or making a funny face at

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Speaker 1: my sister April. But the problem was my mother had

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Speaker 1: eyes in the back of her head. And we'd all

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Speaker 1: be there on the very front row of the church,

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Speaker 1: four or five of us kids, and my mother would

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Speaker 1: have her hands up in the air and her eyes closed,

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Speaker 1: and I would make sure that she wasn't watching, And

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Speaker 1: at just the right time, I reach over and do

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Speaker 1: something to Lisa, and sure enough, my mother, without missing

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Speaker 1: a beat, she would bring this hen down. She would

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Speaker 1: grab my arm right here and pinch the fire out

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Speaker 1: of me, and then just so calmly, she'd put that

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Speaker 1: arm back up in the air. She'd still have that

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Speaker 1: smile on her face. I used to think, how in

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Speaker 1: the world does she do that? How did she see them? Finally,

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Speaker 1: thank God, one day I got out from under that control,

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Speaker 1: and today I'm free. But don't let people control you,

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Speaker 1: and don't be a controller. One thing we have to

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Speaker 1: realize is the more we try to make somebody do something,

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Speaker 1: the more we try to control them. Most of the time,

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Speaker 1: the more they don't want to do it. When I

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Speaker 1: was in my early twenties, I was playing baseball four

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Speaker 1: or five nights a week. We'd have a tournament almost

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Speaker 1: every weekend. And of course I was single. I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a lot of family obligations. But my friend was

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Speaker 1: married and he had a newborn child, and his wife

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Speaker 1: just couldn't stand him playing that much. I mean, he

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Speaker 1: was always gone. She talked to me about it, and

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Speaker 1: I agreed with her it was too much. But the

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Speaker 1: funny thing was she tried and tried to get him

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Speaker 1: to change.

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Speaker 2: She nagged him, she threatened him. She sat around the

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Speaker 2: house and saw she.

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Speaker 1: Tried everything, and it seemed like the more she did that,

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Speaker 1: the more determined he was to keep playing.

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Speaker 2: And I found that's human nature.

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Speaker 1: When we nag and complain, when we try to control

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Speaker 1: and force somebody to do something, many times it just

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Speaker 1: builds resentment and we end up with the exact opposite results.

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Speaker 1: I believe a better approach would be to go to

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Speaker 1: him and just say, honey, I know you enjoy playing

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Speaker 1: ball and I want you to be happy, but I'd

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Speaker 1: love for you to spend more time at the home

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Speaker 1: and then just turn it over to God and say, God,

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Speaker 1: I know I can't change him, only you can. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to live my life frustrated. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna go around having a pity party treating him bad.

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Speaker 2: God.

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Speaker 1: I'm just giving him to you. That's all you can do.

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Speaker 1: You cannot force people to change. What I'm saying today

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Speaker 1: is control usually only makes things worse. I've seen ladies

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Speaker 1: that are trying to get their husbands to come to church.

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Speaker 1: They're constantly nagging the man, harping on them. They make

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Speaker 1: sure they got the Bible open on the breakfast table

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Speaker 1: every morning, got all these subtle hints happening, trying to

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Speaker 1: get him to come. But really, I believe a better

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Speaker 1: thing to do is to just love the man, leave

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Speaker 1: him up to God, quit preaching to him every minute,

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Speaker 1: quit quoting every scripture to him, and just be fun

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Speaker 1: to be around. Make him want what you have. See,

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Speaker 1: you cannot pressure people into changing. Control drives people away.

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Speaker 1: Many times you'll get just the opposite results. Sometimes we

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Speaker 1: try to control people out of selfish reasons. I know

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Speaker 1: this couple, and the man really loves to play golf,

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Speaker 1: but this lady, for nearly ten years, tried to get

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Speaker 1: him to change. She would throw fits and have pity

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Speaker 1: parties and pressure him, but he never would. And at

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Speaker 1: some points you have to realize, maybe God put the

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Speaker 1: desire in him. Maybe that's what he does to relax

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Speaker 1: and keep his life in balance. And if you want

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Speaker 1: to spend more time with him instead of trying to

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Speaker 1: control him and make him change.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you adapt, Why don't you adjust?

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Speaker 1: That's what this lady did. She took up playing golf.

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Speaker 1: She told me, Joel, I nagged and complained him for

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Speaker 1: ten years, and one day it dawned on me that

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Speaker 1: he was not going to change.

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Speaker 2: So I changed.

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Speaker 1: I decided I couldn't beat him, so I was going

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Speaker 1: to join him. Now I play golf and we play

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Speaker 1: all the time together. If that doesn't work for you,

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Speaker 1: then find you some friends or find some way to

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Speaker 1: enjoy that free time. But it's a miserable way to

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Speaker 1: live trying to control everybody. Well, I've got to control

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Speaker 1: my children. Make sure they come to my house for

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Speaker 1: Christmas this year. But I don't start now. They may

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Speaker 1: go to their in laws. I'm gonna let them know

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Speaker 1: I'm expecting them. I'm preparing a big meal. No, learn

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Speaker 1: to take the pressure off of people. If your child

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Speaker 1: is married, most likely they have two obligations on every holiday.

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Speaker 1: And I'm all for getting together and for family, but really,

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Speaker 1: what does it matter in the big scope of things

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Speaker 1: if they can't come to your house on one particular day.

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Speaker 1: Thank God that they're alive and they're healthy and they

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Speaker 1: can come to see you three hundred and sixty four

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Speaker 1: other days. We make a big deal out of things

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Speaker 1: that are not a big deal, and don't use that

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Speaker 1: guilt trip. Well, you know what I did for you

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Speaker 1: growing up. I bought you your first car, I sent

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Speaker 1: you to college. I baby since your children every time

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Speaker 1: you ask no, let them be free and recognize if

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Speaker 1: they can't come, it's not because they love you any less,

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Speaker 1: It's just logistics. And do you know if you pressure

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Speaker 1: them and make them feel guilty and they end up coming,

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Speaker 1: please understand that is not strengthening that relationship. You're driving

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Speaker 1: a wedge between it. It would be better for them

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Speaker 1: to come every other year and do it because they're happy,

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Speaker 1: because they want to, then to come every year because

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Speaker 1: you have forced them and manipulated them. I know in

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Speaker 1: our family, we used to buy everybody Christmas gifts during

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Speaker 1: the Christmas season. We didn't want anybody's feelings to get hurt.

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Speaker 1: Got to a point where we're buying for about twenty

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Speaker 1: five different people, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grandparents.

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Speaker 2: Man, I love my family, but I don't love them

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Speaker 2: that much, at least I'm honest with you.

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Speaker 1: But you know, we found that everybody in the family

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Speaker 1: was feeling the exact same way.

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Speaker 2: It was taking all of.

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Speaker 1: Our time and energy. And one day we said, hey,

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Speaker 1: let's just draw names and buy a gift for one child,

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Speaker 1: and if for some reason we can't all get together

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Speaker 1: for the holidays, no big deal.

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Speaker 2: Let's take the pressure off.

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Speaker 1: Now. I'm asking you today to set some people free.

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Speaker 1: Quit trying to control your husband and make him do

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Speaker 1: what you want. Quit trying to control your family and

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Speaker 1: make them be at every holiday, Quit trying to control

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Speaker 1: your friends. Quit putting your demands on everybody quit making

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Speaker 1: them do things out of obligation.

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Speaker 2: I want you to go out of.

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Speaker 1: Here today freer than you've ever been before. And I

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Speaker 1: know this can be a sensitive area, but be careful

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Speaker 1: about somebody that always has a word for you. Do

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Speaker 1: you know people can even use the scriptures to try

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Speaker 1: to control you. They can use spiritual things to try

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Speaker 1: to pressure you into doing what they want.

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Speaker 2: Well, I've got a word for you.

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to do this and that, and I know

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Speaker 1: that can be good, But number one, you need to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you really know that person. Don't just

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Speaker 1: let anybody give you instruction. The Scripture says to know those.

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Speaker 2: That labor among you.

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Speaker 1: You need to ask yourself, who is this person, what

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Speaker 1: is his background, where does he go to church?

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Speaker 2: What kind of fruit does he have in his life?

401
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Speaker 2: Do a little research. I see too many people.

402
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Speaker 1: Being led astray all because somebody over spiritualizes something I

403
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,680
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe they mean well, but that can very

404
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: easily get into being a controlling, manipulating spirit. Hey, you say, Joel,

405
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: they're so nice and kind and they know all the scriptures. Yeah,

406
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Speaker 1: but the Bible talks about being aware of wolves in

407
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Speaker 1: sheep's clothing and if somebody's gonna lead you away, they're

408
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Speaker 1: not gonna come in looking like a wolf.

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Speaker 2: They're gonna look like.

410
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Speaker 1: The nicest, kindest person in the world. And usually people

411
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Speaker 1: like that. The word they have for you is God

412
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Speaker 1: told me you're supposed to help me. You're supposed to

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Speaker 1: give me your paycheck this month. Man, I saw your

414
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Speaker 1: face in a dream. God told me you're gonna pay

415
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Speaker 1: my rent. Now you need to tell them. If God

416
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Speaker 1: wants me to pay your rent, he can tell me

417
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Speaker 1: we're on speaking terms. I had a lady tell me

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Speaker 1: not too long ago, and she was very, very sincere,

419
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Speaker 1: but she said, Joe, this man came to me and

420
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Speaker 1: he said, God told him that I was supposed to

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Speaker 1: leave my marriage and go off in a relationship with him.

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Speaker 2: What do you think? And I said, well, just put

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Speaker 2: it this way.

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Speaker 1: If you look up the word flaky in the dictionary,

425
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Speaker 1: you'll see his picture right next to him.

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Speaker 2: That's as far off as you can get.

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Speaker 1: Because number one, God will never ask you to do

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Speaker 1: something this outside his word. And if somebody is speaking

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Speaker 1: into your life, most of the time, it should confirm

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Speaker 1: what you already know. There should be a peace and

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Speaker 1: a rest about it. I'm not saying it won't challenge you.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it'll even convict you. But down in here you'll

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Speaker 1: feel a peace about it. My father told one time

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Speaker 1: a man came to him and said, Pastor Rosteine, a

435
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Speaker 1: man gave me a word that I'm supposed to go

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Speaker 1: to Africa. What do you think, Daddy said, I don't know,

437
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: but if you do go, be sure you take him

438
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 1: with you so you'll know when to come back. My

439
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: point is you can hear from God for yourself. You

440
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,679
Speaker 1: don't need somebody always telling you what to do and

441
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 1: what not to do. Get out from under all those

442
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: controlling influences. If somebody is speaking into your life, you

443
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: know again that can be good, but it should confirm

444
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: you should feel a peace about it. If it's something

445
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,479
Speaker 1: off the wall, you need to just smile and let

446
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: it go. In one ear and out the other ear.

447
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: Recognize a controller and recognize if you're being controlled.

448
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 2: A lot of times people.

449
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 1: That try to control you are people that feel like

450
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 1: you owe them something. Maybe they helped you get a

451
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: position at their company, and now in their minds, you

452
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 1: owe them. They expect you to do everything they want.

453
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 1: Go to lunch every time, they invite you, run errands

454
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:22,160
Speaker 1: for you now that's being controlled. Or maybe somebody helped

455
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 1: you out of a difficult place in life and now

456
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 1: their attitude is you wouldn't be here if it wasn't

457
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: for me. You better give me what I want. You

458
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: better give me some attention or even with the spouse. Hey,

459
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: I bought you that new car. I've got you in

460
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 1: my will. You better live up to my expectations or

461
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 1: don't fall into that trap.

462
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 2: You are where you are by the grace of God.

463
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: And yes, people may have helped you, but God doesn't

464
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: want you to live your life trying to pay somebody back.

465
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 2: That's being controlled. He wants you to be free.

466
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: Now. Of course, be good to people, be grateful, but

467
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 1: don't live your life just doing everything.

468
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 2: Out of guilt and obligation.

469
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 1: Well, I'm gonna take you out of my will if

470
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: you don't go to this college, if you don't go

471
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 1: into this career. Why I say this respectfully, But you

472
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: don't need that money. You follow what God has put

473
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: in your heart and you'll have everything that you need.

474
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 2: Or you better live with me.

475
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,120
Speaker 1: I rescued you out of that pit. You better give

476
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: me what I want. Think about where you would be. Now,

477
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: that's a controlling spirit. God does not want you to

478
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: live like that. And some of you right now you're

479
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:31,239
Speaker 1: in a relationship that's not going anywhere. You know in

480
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: your heart of hearts it's not right. But that other

481
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 1: person is so controlling.

482
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 2: He wants you to.

483
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: Keep living with him. But you know he's never gonna

484
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 1: marry you. All he's concerned about is what you can

485
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 1: do for him. That's a controller, that's a user. You've

486
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: got to get free from that. God has so much

487
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: better in store for you. You say, Joel, if I leave,

488
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 1: you know, I may not make it on my own,

489
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 1: or I may not ever meet anybody else. Now, if

490
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: you'll take that step of faith, God will honor that decision,

491
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: not only make a way for you, but he'll bring

492
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 1: somebody into your life that really loves you, somebody that

493
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: will treat you the way that you should be treated

494
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: with honor and respect, and not somebody that's just going

495
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 1: to use you for what they want. Now. I know

496
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,719
Speaker 1: it's difficult, but you've got to stand up to a controller.

497
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: If not, you'll go year after year in that same mess. Unfortunately,

498
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: it will not get better. It will continue to get worse.

499
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 1: What a shame to come to the end of your life.

500
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: You have to think, Man, I never did what I wanted.

501
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: I just lived to please people. I did everything out

502
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: of guilt and obligation. I was always being controlled. No,

503
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 1: make the necessary changes, recognize what's happening. And if you're

504
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 1: the controller in one of those relationships.

505
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,479
Speaker 2: Let me challenge you. You're not going to be blessed

506
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 2: doing that.

507
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: You're not only hurting that other person, but you're hurting

508
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 1: yourself because when you push them down, you're pushing God down.

509
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: God made that other person. You need to quit using them,

510
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 1: Quit being so selfish and having to have your way

511
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: all the time, Quit dominating every decision. Instead of just

512
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: living for yourself, why don't you start living to please

513
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: that other person. Why don't you get up every morning

514
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: and think about what you can do for them and

515
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: how you can make their life better.

516
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 2: Friends, it's never too late to change.

517
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 1: And you may have gone year after year developing bad habits,

518
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: but thank god, you can develop some good habits.

519
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 2: Today can be a new beginning. Today can be a

520
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 2: turning point.

521
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 1: Why don't you do yourself a favor and set some

522
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,719
Speaker 1: people free when you do that you will experience a

523
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: new sense of freedom. The apostle Paul said there first

524
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 1: Corinthians nine nineteen. Although I am free in every way

525
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: from anyone's control, I have made myself to be a

526
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 1: servant to all, he was saying. Because I'm free, I

527
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: can be a blessing wherever I go. That's what will

528
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: happen to each one of us. When we're really reed,

529
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: we can serve others. When we're really free, we can

530
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: be a blessing. And when we're really free, we can

531
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: live our lives happy. So I challenge you again, quit

532
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: trying to run the universe. Quit trying to control everybody

533
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 1: and everything. Take the pressure off yourself and take the

534
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,879
Speaker 1: pressure off those other people. And if somebody is trying

535
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: to control you, you need to stand up to it.

536
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 2: Do it in love, but learn to set some boundaries.

537
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 1: If you'll do your part and not be a controller

538
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 1: and not allow others to control you. I know this,

539
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: you're gonna rise higher, You're gonna be happier, You're gonna

540
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: experience that.

541
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 2: Abundant life that God has in store. Do you receive

542
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 2: it today? I know that you do.

543
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 1: We never like to closure broadcast without giving you an

544
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: opportunity to make Jesus the lord of your life. Would

545
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: you pray with me, Just say, Lord Jesus, I'll repent

546
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: of my sins.

547
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and savior.

548
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you

549
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: got born again. Get in a good Bible based church.

550
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: Keep God first place. He's going to take your places

551
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: that you've never dreamed of.

552
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 3: Three minutes can such a small amount of time make

553
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 3: a big difference to your day? To turn worry into confidence,

554
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:22,880
Speaker 3: frustration to hope, defeat to victory. Maybe you just need

555
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 3: a boost of faith.

556
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 1: When we put God first place and get our thinking

557
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,479
Speaker 1: in line with his, even a small set of time

558
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: can make a huge difference. We have a new resource

559
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: called three minute Mornings. Start your day the blessed way.

560
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 1: My challenge is when you wake up, before you leave

561
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: the house, take three minutes to speak blessings over your

562
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 1: life and to declare God's favor. Get your mind going

563
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: in the right direction. When you do that, you're setting

564
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 1: yourself up for a blessed, victorious day.

565
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 3: As our way of saying thank you for your gift

566
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 3: of any size to the ministry this month, Joel and

567
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 3: Victoria with to send you this just released life giving

568
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 3: new daily devotional. Before your feet hit the ground or

569
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 3: go out the door, have your heart experience a bit

570
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: of heaven. Set your mind on the things above with

571
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: our new three Minute Mornings devotional. With this new three

572
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 3: hundred and sixty five day devotional three Minute Mornings, You'll

573
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 3: experience God showering down his favor like never before. You'll

574
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 3: focus on the better that is coming and fully realize

575
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: the freedom of not worrying about tomorrow.

576
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 1: Victoria, I pray for you and your family every day.

577
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your prayer and support. You're

578
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: making a difference.

579
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 2: All over the world.

580
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: Remember you can watch the services online every Sunday morning,

581
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: download our daily podcast listen.

582
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 2: On Sirius XM. But until we meet again, mid the

583
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: Lord bless you and keep you.

584
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 3: Be sure to request your copy of three Minute Mornings today.

585
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 3: Visit Joelostein dot com or call eight eight eight five

586
00:28:58,720 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 3: six seven.

587
00:28:59,480 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: Joel