Speaker 1: I won't lend my body out, be out everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and I will always out Way if you
Speaker 1: feel it with your hays in the here she's some
Speaker 1: love to the poet there say good one day and
Speaker 1: time did you and die out? Welcome back to out Way,
Speaker 1: everyone at least to hear. This week's episode is a
Speaker 1: guest story. So when we have guests on, we invite
Speaker 1: on a listener or friends of mine and Amy that
Speaker 1: we think could just share or enlighten in some way
Speaker 1: by telling their story. And is a listener of out
Speaker 1: Wave and she's also a student of Mine and Fork
Speaker 1: the Noise, So in the past year she's done for
Speaker 1: the Noise fundamentals as well as Fork the Noise, Hunger
Speaker 1: and Fullness. She did the v I P option, which
Speaker 1: means she comes to our live monthly calls. And the
Speaker 1: reason I asked her to come on was because in
Speaker 1: our last monthly call, she told a story that left
Speaker 1: all of us with our jaws dropped. And she told
Speaker 1: the story that really highlighted how far she's come in
Speaker 1: just a year. And the story itself is about eating
Speaker 1: a donut in a coffee shop with a friend and
Speaker 1: all the ways that diet culture can either ruin that
Speaker 1: experience for the person that's eating the doughnut or how
Speaker 1: it also impacts the other people around who are on
Speaker 1: a diet that are just looking at the doughnut thinking oh,
Speaker 1: I wish I could have that. So the story left
Speaker 1: a lot of people asking Anna a lot of questions,
Speaker 1: how did you get there? I want to do that.
Speaker 1: She was kind of like that one moment of like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's what freedom looks like, That's what I want, But
Speaker 1: how do I get there? So I invited Anna on
Speaker 1: to tell the story and to also just share her
Speaker 1: entire story, which involves dieting since she was eight years old.
Speaker 1: So for somebody who is so ingrained mentally into looking
Speaker 1: at a food and knowing how many calories are in
Speaker 1: it or how many points it's worth to have this
Speaker 1: moment of freedom, I think really just shows us what
Speaker 1: we're all capable of. We can all do it, but
Speaker 1: we gotta put in a little bit of work, and
Speaker 1: we got to want to put it in and says
Speaker 1: some amazing one liners in here, so please listen out
Speaker 1: for all the amazing things that she has to say
Speaker 1: about the scale, about self esteem, about how you don't
Speaker 1: have to lose weight in order to feel confident. And
Speaker 1: this is somebody who has lived it, has weight cycled,
Speaker 1: has gone through the ups and downs, and for the
Speaker 1: time being, is on the other side showing us what
Speaker 1: life can look like free of disordered eating. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to Outweigh. So excited to have an on today. Welcome man,
Speaker 1: Thank you very excited to be here. So I've already
Speaker 1: kind of let everybody know, but you're a fork an
Speaker 1: student of mine, and you're a student of life, I
Speaker 1: should really say, and you so bravely done so much
Speaker 1: hard work that I just really wanted to invite you
Speaker 1: onto Outweigh because I think that you're super relatable to
Speaker 1: our listeners. I think everything that you've gone through, the ups,
Speaker 1: the downs, the winds, the struggles, the every day is
Speaker 1: essentially who our Outweigh listener is. And you provide inspiration
Speaker 1: with a sense of realness, and I think we could
Speaker 1: all kind of learn something from you. So thank you
Speaker 1: for showing up willingly and giving me a little bit
Speaker 1: of your time as well. Absolutely, and I do first
Speaker 1: want to say thank you to you and Amy, because
Speaker 1: with really, without Outweigh, I don't think I would have
Speaker 1: progressed as quickly as I have throughout this whole journey.
Speaker 1: And being able to listen to everyone's stories each week,
Speaker 1: it's just so inspiring and hopeful. So I'm really excited
Speaker 1: to hopefully help someone else too. Oh my gosh, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think I realized like the impact
Speaker 1: of Outweigh as much as I love doing it and
Speaker 1: hearing it. You know, Amy and I like record the
Speaker 1: EPISO sisodes, we edit them, we put them out to
Speaker 1: the universe, and then we sometimes don't know where they land.
Speaker 1: So hearing that just really makes me pause for a
Speaker 1: second and really see why we do this, and it's
Speaker 1: it's for you, for you to now pass the torches.
Speaker 1: This community is unlike any other community. So thank you
Speaker 1: for being a listener and for reminding everybody that it
Speaker 1: takes active work, you know, not just that WIGH, not
Speaker 1: just my program. It takes showing up for yourself and
Speaker 1: a willingness that you certainly have. So let's just kick
Speaker 1: off today to just talk about your relationship with food
Speaker 1: leading up to the last year or two. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: so I have a very interesting long story with foods,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to try to shorten it up as
Speaker 1: best as possible. But my first diet I went on
Speaker 1: when I was eight, and it was weight Watchers, So
Speaker 1: I was counting points with my parents. And then, you know,
Speaker 1: I never want to throw my parents under any kind
Speaker 1: of bus as they were definitely doing the best they
Speaker 1: could with both of them, who have struggled with their
Speaker 1: weight and body of parents their entire life and really
Speaker 1: who still are um, However, eight years old to start
Speaker 1: counting points, um, that's really what started the diet mentality
Speaker 1: in my life. And then from basically eight to probably
Speaker 1: teenage years, I was on and off multiple diets. We
Speaker 1: did weight Watchers, we did all kinds of just like
Speaker 1: low calorie options. This was in the nineties and in
Speaker 1: the nineties was really heavy with that free kind of thing.
Speaker 1: So that was our new thing, was that free and
Speaker 1: we did them as like a family. Um. And then
Speaker 1: we also experienced over exercising as well. At a very
Speaker 1: young age, my father and I started heavily writing bicycles.
Speaker 1: When I was probably twelve or thirteen. We would go
Speaker 1: forty miles at a time, which right now just sounds
Speaker 1: absolutely crazy. It's just way too much, especially for a
Speaker 1: really a little kid. But through diet and exercise, that
Speaker 1: was really where my relationship with food really turned. Um,
Speaker 1: I was no longer really a kid. I was really
Speaker 1: more obsessing with food already. And I remember being a
Speaker 1: kid and being you know, maybe ten or eleven, in
Speaker 1: a grocery store and buying foods like snack Wells and
Speaker 1: I don't even know if they still sell those anymore,
Speaker 1: but they're like a low calorie cookie option, while my
Speaker 1: peers were eating like just lunchables and just chips ahoy,
Speaker 1: and like normal kid food. That already set me apart
Speaker 1: from my peers. And I think I started working with
Speaker 1: low self esteem really to begin with. So we'll kind
Speaker 1: of fast forward a little bit. Throughout really middle school,
Speaker 1: high school, I struggled the entire time. Um, I did
Speaker 1: every single possible diet you can imagine in that time.
Speaker 1: For I remember being in biology class. It was like
Speaker 1: a nutrition class on how nutrition works. Going back, I
Speaker 1: really wish that I could have really learned something, because
Speaker 1: it's honestly it's a lot of what Lisa teaches in
Speaker 1: kind of forth noise of how how does nutrition actually work?
Speaker 1: It's very interesting. But we were supposed to write down
Speaker 1: our our food for like a few days or something,
Speaker 1: and I was on the Special K Challenge, and I
Speaker 1: remember I had to go and tell my teacher that
Speaker 1: I'm on the you know, I'm on a Special K challenge,
Speaker 1: so I'm only eating Special K food right now. And
Speaker 1: that was pretty much what my middle school, high school
Speaker 1: really looked like. I would say it took a turn
Speaker 1: for the worse in college. Um. In college, I went
Speaker 1: to a junior college first, and I was really struggling,
Speaker 1: I think mentally with the fact that all my friends
Speaker 1: went to a university and I went to a junior college. Um.
Speaker 1: And I really did that, of course, to save money,
Speaker 1: because that's the most economical way to go to college.
Speaker 1: I was really struggling. And that's really when I started
Speaker 1: binge eating. And really before that time frame, I really
Speaker 1: hadn't been ate much, or even if I had, it
Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily recognized as bench eating. It was maybe just
Speaker 1: eating a little too much or you know, eating more
Speaker 1: of the quote unquote wrong foods as my household would say,
Speaker 1: but the bench eating really started in early college. Throughout
Speaker 1: all of college, I probably gained and lost the same
Speaker 1: twenty pounds. Often my self esteem was very low. I
Speaker 1: found myself in an abusive relationship. Actually it was like
Speaker 1: a perfect storm of my self esteem was low, and
Speaker 1: then that the man I was with would would kind
Speaker 1: of make it the self esteem worse, and then he
Speaker 1: would make it better. So it was like a very
Speaker 1: eye opening experience. And then when that ended, I was
Speaker 1: starting to get better. But then I went on another diet,
Speaker 1: and this diet was one of the most restrictive I've
Speaker 1: ever done. Um And I think this is kind of
Speaker 1: starts a new journey that I had with restrictive eating,
Speaker 1: because really prior I would binge and restrict and over exercise,
Speaker 1: and I this is just the worst thought for me.
Speaker 1: But I used to always think if I could just
Speaker 1: not eat much for a week and just kill it
Speaker 1: at the gym, I would be where I wanted. But
Speaker 1: I never felt like I had enough quote unquote discipline
Speaker 1: to do that. And all of these things that I'm
Speaker 1: saying in today's world are are just so different, and
Speaker 1: there are things that I never would have thought of
Speaker 1: back then I was so disordered. So not only was
Speaker 1: I in the throes of disordered eating, I did have
Speaker 1: been cheating disorder, which was really kind of two separate things.
Speaker 1: And so then throughout really once I graduated college, then
Speaker 1: I actually met my husband, and I think in that
Speaker 1: way we've talked a little bit about relationships and eating
Speaker 1: disorders and disordered eating. And it was interesting because when
Speaker 1: we first started dating, my husband loves to eat, and
Speaker 1: he loves fast food. It's like his favorite thing. I
Speaker 1: would always get really mad and upset and I'd be like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't eat that. Why don't you understand? And looking
Speaker 1: back at it now, you think of the fact that
Speaker 1: he looks at food fairly normal, um really without any baggage,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at food as oh, fast food was bad.
Speaker 1: I can't have that, or you know, I was always
Speaker 1: counting calories. I did all the apps. I think I
Speaker 1: had a few somewhat stable years really between my wedding,
Speaker 1: because when I did get married, I still had disordered eating,
Speaker 1: but it was more or less, I would say, fairly
Speaker 1: under control. I wasn't obsessing as much. I was still
Speaker 1: counting calories for most part, and I still tried to
Speaker 1: work out, and I've always tried to work out, UM,
Speaker 1: but then that kind of started a whole separate thing
Speaker 1: where I got into a different kind of program that
Speaker 1: actually made the bench eating disorder really resurface and come
Speaker 1: back even worse. So I went on a plan that
Speaker 1: encompassed working out and um what they call healthy eating.
Speaker 1: And it was healthy eating, but it was very restrictive,
Speaker 1: and I got into this mentality and I want to
Speaker 1: say for probably a year where I would eat great
Speaker 1: Monday through Friday, and then about Friday night the wheels
Speaker 1: fell off and I would just go crazy. I eat
Speaker 1: everything that I didn't eat during the week. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: work out because I it really made it into my
Speaker 1: mind that you're on plan Monday through Friday, and then
Speaker 1: Friday night you were off plane. And those words became
Speaker 1: my life. We would plan things like I would miss
Speaker 1: out on things during the week because I was I
Speaker 1: was on plan. I was just being good. Really, just
Speaker 1: thinking back at that, it's just such a sad way
Speaker 1: to live. I did that for a few years, and
Speaker 1: then there became another very restrictive diet. But this diet
Speaker 1: was even more restrictive. The most restrictive plan I've ever done,
Speaker 1: and I thought I was doing great. Um. The plan
Speaker 1: was actually developed by a doctor. So here's some more
Speaker 1: diet culture for you. Plans that are thrown at you
Speaker 1: as health created by doctors that we are supposed to trust,
Speaker 1: and really made my bene eating worse. But I actually
Speaker 1: didn't realize it was worse until it was over. So
Speaker 1: I was on this plan for nine months and I
Speaker 1: lost fifty pounds and I felt amazing, super confident and
Speaker 1: just like I could conquer the world. And then I
Speaker 1: had a few months of heavy travel, lots of events,
Speaker 1: lots of things to do. Um. And that plan that
Speaker 1: I was on was not only very restrictive, but there
Speaker 1: was no room for what you would call cheating. So
Speaker 1: you were basically a hundred person on plan or you
Speaker 1: were off, and it put yourself in a very ketogenic state. Um.
Speaker 1: And so when you're in that kind of state, they
Speaker 1: would advise you don't want to get out of that
Speaker 1: because it takes so long to get back in it.
Speaker 1: And so it was just reinforcing this diet culture in
Speaker 1: my brain. Let's pause for just one second. You said
Speaker 1: so many things that I don't want to forget. Let's
Speaker 1: just start with the keto thing. I just want to
Speaker 1: highlight that I see so many people bragging is kind
Speaker 1: of a funny word, but um, I see so many
Speaker 1: people who go on a keto diet. There are a
Speaker 1: few weeks in I guess they're, you know, all in,
Speaker 1: they find their way into ketosis and the weight just
Speaker 1: starts falling off right, and they're telling their friends and
Speaker 1: their siblings and they're this, and they're that, and this
Speaker 1: is the best diet because they're eating and here goes,
Speaker 1: you know, the weight so easily, and the mindset with
Speaker 1: it is I can do this forever. And from where
Speaker 1: I'm sitting, because I've worked with so many people and
Speaker 1: you know, I've seen this play out just like your story,
Speaker 1: it is not actually sustainable because you have to stay
Speaker 1: in it forever. And that means you're on plan quote
Speaker 1: unquote of the time. And while that might feel really
Speaker 1: fine for a month or two months or maybe even
Speaker 1: for you and maybe six months before you kind of
Speaker 1: woke up and we're like, wait a second, this isn't living.
Speaker 1: I just want to call out that when we say
Speaker 1: diets don't work, we might not be saying that the
Speaker 1: diet won't lead to weight loss, but there's an element
Speaker 1: or a time that will come where it's no longer
Speaker 1: working with you, either mentally or perhaps physically, whether that
Speaker 1: weight comes back and it actually isn't working for the
Speaker 1: intended goal, or the rest of your life is changing
Speaker 1: and eating in a certain way no longer works, and
Speaker 1: you now are left tool lists again how to keep
Speaker 1: off this weight that you like without being on this
Speaker 1: quote unquote plan that was supposed to be a lifestyle. Right.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to highlight that when we say
Speaker 1: diets don't work, it might not mean that the weight
Speaker 1: doesn't come off, or that that restrictive eating or whatever
Speaker 1: diet it is won't lead to weight loss. But when
Speaker 1: we look at them over time, which is very hard
Speaker 1: to see in the initial phases, when people are super
Speaker 1: loud and proud, that element, I think is is being missed.
Speaker 1: Do you agree in absolutely? And I do want to
Speaker 1: mention that throughout this entire journey of almost twenty years,
Speaker 1: all I ever thought about was the weight. That was it.
Speaker 1: Once I stopped focusing on the way eight that was
Speaker 1: really when I started living and I woke up to
Speaker 1: all of this, and throughout this whole journey. I had
Speaker 1: actually been in therapy multiple times and none of it
Speaker 1: ever quote worked for me, because secretly I didn't really
Speaker 1: care if I got better. I didn't care that I
Speaker 1: had benjinging disorder. What I cared about was get rid
Speaker 1: of the bening resource so I can lose weight. When
Speaker 1: is this going to work? So I can lose weight?
Speaker 1: And then when I finally got over that was when
Speaker 1: it really my mind was really starting to heal. And
Speaker 1: I also just wanted to highlight that your story is
Speaker 1: so amazing because you have been calorie counting in some
Speaker 1: shape or form since you were eight years old. It's
Speaker 1: just so ingrained to you to look at a food
Speaker 1: and strip it down away from anything beyond do I
Speaker 1: want that? Do I not want that? Into? Is it
Speaker 1: worth it? Should I have it? How? What is it? Well?
Speaker 1: This due to my body, you know? And like you said,
Speaker 1: I love how you how you really frame that your
Speaker 1: parents were doing your their best, as I think so
Speaker 1: many parents were doing their best in a time where
Speaker 1: we weren't having conversations like this, and wait was the focus,
Speaker 1: and a lot of parents feel or felt that if
Speaker 1: they could just help their child with their weight then
Speaker 1: their self esteem would improve. But your story really highlights
Speaker 1: that when we tell a child that you know, food
Speaker 1: leads to this, and therefore you need to control your food,
Speaker 1: we really are robbing them of their own abilities to
Speaker 1: make choices that are best for them, and that is
Speaker 1: how we knocked down self esteem. I think you know,
Speaker 1: you didn't have the liberation to just eat what your
Speaker 1: friends were eating. You had snackles in your house. You
Speaker 1: were made to feel different, even though all your parents
Speaker 1: wanted for you was to feel not different. And I
Speaker 1: think the intent is really important to acknowledge because I
Speaker 1: think forgiveness for self, for others, for compassion, you know,
Speaker 1: all these things are really important emotions that we must
Speaker 1: carry with us if we truly want to heal ourselves,
Speaker 1: heal our families, and heal future generations, which you know,
Speaker 1: the two of us both have children on the way
Speaker 1: right now, so opening up that that conversation a little
Speaker 1: bit more, I just think it's amazing that you are
Speaker 1: where you are and how ingrained the counting really is
Speaker 1: to you over the last you know, however, many years, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I still catch myself counting in my head. Thank
Speaker 1: you for saying that. I think It's an important acknowledgement
Speaker 1: because I don't know if that much time counting seeing
Speaker 1: food in these certain ways. Can you know maybe it
Speaker 1: changed a little over the years as to how you
Speaker 1: quantified food. I don't know if that could ever really
Speaker 1: fully go away, but you can catch it and work
Speaker 1: through it a little bit more, which is different. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let's can tinue with your story. Sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 1: So after my very restrictive plan was finished, and it
Speaker 1: was finished because I had basically lost all the weight
Speaker 1: I had wanted, then I went on a trip to Jamaica,
Speaker 1: my best friend got married. Then after that we my
Speaker 1: husband turned thirty, so we also went on another trip.
Speaker 1: It was nice because I was able to live and
Speaker 1: throughout that time, UM, I really quit weighing myself because
Speaker 1: prior to this, which I haven't touched on, I was
Speaker 1: an avid scale user, and I am talking about multiple
Speaker 1: time today obsession. I'd get home from Mark and I
Speaker 1: would weigh and I then I would subtract however much
Speaker 1: I thought was appropriate for my day, maybe one pound
Speaker 1: or whatever, and I'd say, Okay, that's good, I did
Speaker 1: good today, and then that would set up my evening. Um,
Speaker 1: and so I lived and died by the scale, and
Speaker 1: then it became a sacred obsession of well, now I'm
Speaker 1: scared to weigh because I know that I haven't been
Speaker 1: doing well, and so I'm just going to avoid it.
Speaker 1: And I will say that that year of my life
Speaker 1: was one of the best years I've ever had. One
Speaker 1: thing I did learn was you don't need to lose
Speaker 1: weight to be confident, because throughout that year I don't
Speaker 1: really know how much I gained because one other thing
Speaker 1: that I did learn was when you basically stopped restricting,
Speaker 1: you're going to gain weight. It's just how the body
Speaker 1: works because you're holding so tight. And then you open
Speaker 1: your life back up. And that's how it felt to me.
Speaker 1: My life was so small, and then I opened it
Speaker 1: back up. And that was in twenty nineteen. And then
Speaker 1: at the end of twenty nineteen, we went to see
Speaker 1: my husband's family and they live in Texas, UM and
Speaker 1: I were thinking, Okay, after this, I really need to
Speaker 1: kind of get back on it in and really start
Speaker 1: doing better, because I spent the whole year of twenty
Speaker 1: nineteen just really having a great time, which is fantastic.
Speaker 1: And then came and I actually went back to heavily
Speaker 1: restricting and counting, and I actually skipped out on events.
Speaker 1: So is this pre pandemic begins and you're you're back
Speaker 1: on the plant. Yes, And it's very very cliche. It
Speaker 1: was resolution, of course, and I actually I am not
Speaker 1: really a huge resolution person. I make yearly goals, and
Speaker 1: instead of doing my usual yearly goal, which I did,
Speaker 1: create a goal that was not weight focused. But then
Speaker 1: I had a weight focused goal and it was get
Speaker 1: back to where I was. And I didn't want to
Speaker 1: go back on the very restrictive plan, not because it
Speaker 1: was a restrictive, because it was very expensive and my
Speaker 1: husband and I were going to be building house in
Speaker 1: that year, and so I really couldn't afford to go
Speaker 1: back on it. And so I started heavily restricting yet again,
Speaker 1: and I actually would miss out on things and events
Speaker 1: would pop up at my favorite winery and I would say, oh,
Speaker 1: I wish I could go to that, but I can't
Speaker 1: because I don't know how many calories are in these
Speaker 1: wine slushies that I love. And then the pandemic started,
Speaker 1: And looking back at this, I just continuously kicked myself
Speaker 1: for why did you skip out on events? Not having
Speaker 1: any idea what the future was going to hold. And
Speaker 1: then my first three months was really restrictive and diet
Speaker 1: focused and wait focused. And then once the pandemic started
Speaker 1: and we went home and I didn't know when life
Speaker 1: was going to go back to normal, and not only
Speaker 1: was my husband and I started working from home. We
Speaker 1: put our house on the market, we sold our house,
Speaker 1: we started building our house, and we moved out with
Speaker 1: my parents all and then um later in when our
Speaker 1: house was done, so we were able to move into
Speaker 1: our new house. But I just remember thinking, I really
Speaker 1: wish I would have went to those winery events. I
Speaker 1: wish I would have done events with my best friend.
Speaker 1: My best friend then moved away actually during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: and so there were all of these events that I
Speaker 1: could have done, but I was waiting on the weight,
Speaker 1: which I just wish I hadn't done. However, one thing
Speaker 1: that was truly amazing about the pandemic for me was
Speaker 1: the fact that I was now staying home and working
Speaker 1: from home and I was able to find podcast I
Speaker 1: had never really listened to podcast before. The only other
Speaker 1: podcast I've listened to was The Office Ladies about the
Speaker 1: deep dive of the show The Office, which is my
Speaker 1: favorite show, and prior to that, I had not really
Speaker 1: had any experience of podcast. And it was through exploring
Speaker 1: four Things with Amy, and then came Outwagh and then
Speaker 1: came really the transformation, and then came forth the noise,
Speaker 1: and then came for the noise, hunger and fullness and
Speaker 1: throughout I would really say May two today, so one
Speaker 1: full year, I have made more progress in eating disorders
Speaker 1: and disordered eating and really just my mental well being
Speaker 1: and overcoming diet culture than I had in the nineteen
Speaker 1: years previously being on a diet. Basically throughout learning and growing,
Speaker 1: I'm now able to really see diet culture and witness it.
Speaker 1: And I was actually at a coffee shop about a
Speaker 1: month ago with um, one of my friends. I hadn't
Speaker 1: seen her in a very long time, and we were
Speaker 1: at a coffee shop and I had gotten a coffee
Speaker 1: and doughnut and the donut looked good. I love cake donuts,
Speaker 1: they're might I pretty much only want a cake donut
Speaker 1: if I get one, And so I got a donut, which,
Speaker 1: first of all, just the sheer fact that I went
Speaker 1: to a coffee shop and bought a donut and wasn't
Speaker 1: guilty was a really big improvement. And then I sat
Speaker 1: down and the first thing my friend was saying was
Speaker 1: I'm keto and I can't eat that donut, but it
Speaker 1: looks really good. And immediately I thought, what a shame,
Speaker 1: What a shame that you tell yourself you can't have
Speaker 1: something for no real good reason. Then as we're talking,
Speaker 1: I was so excited to just see somebody, really, because
Speaker 1: besides my parents and my husband, I really hadn't seen
Speaker 1: many people. My My father's very high risk. UM, he
Speaker 1: has a heart condition, and so we lived a very
Speaker 1: conservative COVID life really until the vaccine started to roll out. UM,
Speaker 1: we were just very concerned about his health. And so
Speaker 1: I hadn't really seen anybody and basically a year, and
Speaker 1: I was just so excited I completely forgot about my donut,
Speaker 1: which again is like a huge point for me. Of
Speaker 1: normally I would be obsessing about this donut. Do I
Speaker 1: eat it? Do I not do? I? Wait? What is
Speaker 1: she thinking about my donut? Is she watching me? Should
Speaker 1: I eat the doughnut? Is she judging the way I
Speaker 1: look based on this donut? These are all thoughts that
Speaker 1: actually used to go through my head. So about halfway
Speaker 1: through our conversation, she goes, Oh, don't feel bad that
Speaker 1: I'm on keto. You can eat your donut, And I
Speaker 1: thought that is diet culture right there. The fact that
Speaker 1: you are thinking more about my doughnuts than I am.
Speaker 1: Really it really showed me how far I've come in
Speaker 1: regards to everything about food and body image. And Lisa
Speaker 1: did mention that I am pregnant. I'm thirty weeks pregnant
Speaker 1: right now, and I think being pregnant is also very
Speaker 1: different because you are constantly growing and changing. And I
Speaker 1: actually thought it would be a much harder journey than
Speaker 1: it has been, and I think that it's been a
Speaker 1: lot easier because I've done all of this mental work
Speaker 1: and every day it's it's showing up for myself and
Speaker 1: who I want to be and who I want to
Speaker 1: show my kids that that you can be without focusing
Speaker 1: on weight or eating donuts or just just being able
Speaker 1: to enjoy life. So that's the story that and shared
Speaker 1: on our fork the Noise VI P call about a
Speaker 1: month ago or so, and I felt like the energy
Speaker 1: in the room or zoom room really just kind of
Speaker 1: elevated by telling that story because here and as somebody
Speaker 1: that's been dieting since she was eight years old, had
Speaker 1: you know, gone through the same struggles as all of
Speaker 1: us and put in about a year's worth of work
Speaker 1: and really put it in. I think like when you
Speaker 1: hear a year that might sound easy, I think to me,
Speaker 1: I just want to highlight that. And is somebody that
Speaker 1: was all in and ready to really you know, show up,
Speaker 1: do the work, flood her mind with information that was healthy,
Speaker 1: you know, and not just healthy in the terms of food,
Speaker 1: but really mentally healthy conversation. And I just saw all
Speaker 1: the eyes in the room and tears and applauses, but
Speaker 1: also a little bit of like how do I get there?
Speaker 1: And I think it's important to recognized that we don't
Speaker 1: get there overnight, and also maybe even highlight if you're
Speaker 1: willing to share, perhaps and that just because you had
Speaker 1: this one moment of feeling like a regular person that
Speaker 1: has never had issues with food or never overcomplicated it,
Speaker 1: I'm sure since then you've had moments of doubt where
Speaker 1: maybe that, like you said earlier, like the counting kind
Speaker 1: of naturally creeps back into your mind. It would it
Speaker 1: be accurate to say that it's not a straight trajectory
Speaker 1: of healing, and there are moments of self doubt and
Speaker 1: all that stuff as well. Oh absolutely, really, up until
Speaker 1: I want to stay, four months ago, I was still
Speaker 1: measuring out peanut butter to put on my English muffin
Speaker 1: for breakfast. So every day, you know, you're challenging yourself
Speaker 1: and going a little bit further, and you also, all
Speaker 1: of you listening, please look out for your wins. I
Speaker 1: think it's really easy to notice where you're still struggling.
Speaker 1: But these micro moments, these trips to the a coffee
Speaker 1: shop where we forget about the doughnut that's sitting there,
Speaker 1: you know, And that's it's really such a profound statement
Speaker 1: because the biggest fear of somebody that's too afraid to
Speaker 1: allow these foods back into their life is that they
Speaker 1: will have no willpower around them. They will binge eat,
Speaker 1: they will you know, one donut will lead to two doughnuts,
Speaker 1: because that's what history has shown them. But when you
Speaker 1: really break down, oh donut want the doughnut, Not oh
Speaker 1: I want the donut, but I shouldn't have the donut.
Speaker 1: Donuts so bad for me, it has this many calories
Speaker 1: and this whatever. Just do donut want the donut? You
Speaker 1: put the doughnut next to you, you're actually just going
Speaker 1: to eat the doughnut, or not eat the doughnut, or
Speaker 1: if you do eat the doughnut, maybe it's not all
Speaker 1: the doughnut. Whatever it is, it's not with the same
Speaker 1: like soul sucking, energy taking mindset where diet culture can
Speaker 1: kind of bring your brain where you can't even focus
Speaker 1: on your friend because all you're thinking about is the doughnut.
Speaker 1: And it really didn't steal the moment for you, but
Speaker 1: with your friend, you know, it truly highlighted how your
Speaker 1: donut it's still the moment for her, which is just
Speaker 1: such a powerful story that I think we all just
Speaker 1: needed to hear. Thank you, And I definitely also want
Speaker 1: to add that until you're ready mentally to really forget
Speaker 1: about the weight, that's what it was for me. And
Speaker 1: it was a gradual journey. And I will say when
Speaker 1: the pandemic first started, I ignored the scale because I
Speaker 1: was afraid. However, that ignoring it turned into forgetting about it,
Speaker 1: turned into I don't really care about it. And Amy
Speaker 1: had talked about this probably a month or so, going
Speaker 1: that way, about the fact that when you go to
Speaker 1: the doctors, you don't have to. You don't have to
Speaker 1: get weight. You can turn around and I will say
Speaker 1: that I do have to go a doctor. I'm still
Speaker 1: at Midley appointments. That's going to change very soon. Um.
Speaker 1: And I have actually watched my weight creep up and
Speaker 1: it actually has not been triggering for me, which is
Speaker 1: really surprising. The first time I saw it, I thought okay,
Speaker 1: and that those old thoughts came back, Oh that's not
Speaker 1: that bad. I'm doing fine, And then as each visit
Speaker 1: has actually gone through, it's actually more empowering to me,
Speaker 1: Like I want to know, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: know the way I used to care about knowing. I
Speaker 1: used to obsess. Now it's it's a totally different story
Speaker 1: where I'm thinking, okay, well this is you know, I
Speaker 1: need to gain weight. That is part of being pregnant.
Speaker 1: You don't just pop out a baby and not gain
Speaker 1: an ounce. But knowing that every pound or whatever that
Speaker 1: has gained is you know, it could be his body,
Speaker 1: it's extra blood, it's organs. I think that's also really empowering,
Speaker 1: just from a pregnancy standpoint. And somebody asked me the
Speaker 1: other day, like how much weight I gave actually, which
Speaker 1: is First of all, if you know anybody who's pregnant,
Speaker 1: please don't ask that, because it's just so incredibly rude.
Speaker 1: And I said, I don't know them, I don't care,
Speaker 1: and that overall the most free aspect I think of
Speaker 1: this whole journey of not slaving away to a scale,
Speaker 1: we still have skills in this house. I don't look
Speaker 1: at them. I don't use them. They're really just put away.
Speaker 1: One day we might need them, but we don't mail
Speaker 1: for you, you know, if it's just a source of
Speaker 1: a distraction, something that's going to pull you away from
Speaker 1: knowing or being able to take the best care of
Speaker 1: you and baby. So I love that you're staying attached
Speaker 1: to your needs and honoring that and recognizing, uh the
Speaker 1: specific ways that you need to show up for yourself,
Speaker 1: which may be different than somebody else. But nonetheless, I
Speaker 1: want to thank you so much for sharing your story
Speaker 1: and your journey and just being here on out way.
Speaker 1: We're so lucky to have you as a listener and
Speaker 1: a friend, and excited for you to have this baby
Speaker 1: as well. So hopefully we'll have you back on maybe,
Speaker 1: you know, for that postpartum journey, which I know can
Speaker 1: bring up a lot of hard stuff for a lot
Speaker 1: of women too, So thank you Anne so much, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for having me. This has been really
Speaker 1: fantastic and I hope that somebody gets something out of
Speaker 1: my story. For sure will