1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,600
Speaker 1: Hey, this is any and Samantha and welcome stuff. Whe

2
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:21,200
Speaker 1: ever told your production of iHeartRadio, and since it's Pride Month,

3
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,040
Speaker 1: we have to keep up with our tradition of bringing

4
00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:29,880
Speaker 1: back a classic of me talking about being asexual. I've

5
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,080
Speaker 1: rerun most of them already. We try not to rerun

6
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,080
Speaker 1: classics twice, but it does happen, sometimes by accident, sometimes purposely.

7
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,000
Speaker 1: But we have not brought this one back yet. This

8
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,080
Speaker 1: was actually from last year, and it was after our

9
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,000
Speaker 1: book came out, and I was talking about how I

10
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,640
Speaker 1: felt like I had kind of a second coming out

11
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,800
Speaker 1: after the book came out, and the strangeness of coming

12
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:58,920
Speaker 1: out publicly like that because I hadn't told my mom

13
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,720
Speaker 1: like it was just and all of you listeners have

14
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:08,199
Speaker 1: been so great. You've been so gracious, Samantha, You've been wonderful.

15
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:12,320
Speaker 1: My mom was wonderful when I told told her about it.

16
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,200
Speaker 1: But now I've gotten Now, I feel like I've entered

17
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:19,160
Speaker 1: another stage where I'm more willing to say it. If

18
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:25,440
Speaker 1: a stranger's around, which is kind of risky. It feels

19
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,200
Speaker 1: kind of risky at least, but I mean usually it's

20
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,440
Speaker 1: somebody that I'm at least I feel like they're good.

21
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,319
Speaker 1: And as we've said, even in the LGBTQ plus community,

22
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,959
Speaker 1: you can't know for sure. But I have said it

23
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:45,440
Speaker 1: kind of more casually in conversation recently, and I've even

24
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,280
Speaker 1: said it where I was at a restaurant recently with

25
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,720
Speaker 1: my mom and I was talking about it, and the

26
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:55,680
Speaker 1: waiters were definitely like right there listening. They didn't say anything,

27
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,600
Speaker 1: they were very nice. So I was just like, oh, I, yes,

28
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:04,680
Speaker 1: I will have this. I shall go about my conversation

29
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,480
Speaker 1: because it's even though my mom knows, it's still kind

30
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,680
Speaker 1: of hard to talk to her openly about it. And

31
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,040
Speaker 1: she's never made me feel uncomfortable about it or anything

32
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 1: like that. It's just I just don't talk about it.

33
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:20,200
Speaker 1: So I've entered a new stage since this one. I'm

34
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,600
Speaker 1: still and I actually really resonated with something Raquel said

35
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,120
Speaker 1: and the recent episode we did with her, which if

36
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,680
Speaker 1: you haven't heard, go listen to it. She's always amazing

37
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,880
Speaker 1: for She was talking about age and kind of queer

38
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,160
Speaker 1: communities and how it's a little different, and I do

39
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,760
Speaker 1: sort of feel that way because I feel like I'm

40
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,120
Speaker 1: doing all this growth in this area, so I feel

41
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,760
Speaker 1: a little young in that way where I'm still like, oh,

42
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,480
Speaker 1: let's try maybe today I'll talk about it in a

43
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:55,400
Speaker 1: public space like our restaurants. Oh, even though I talk

44
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,760
Speaker 1: about it on a public podcast all the time.

45
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,600
Speaker 2: But I don't feel public all the time.

46
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,240
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel public. And it also feels like the

47
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:09,000
Speaker 1: people who are here get it right. Yeah, unless someone

48
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,480
Speaker 1: stumbles upon this somehow, and I just don't think if

49
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:18,880
Speaker 1: they read the the description is possible. But anyway, please

50
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:28,079
Speaker 1: enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is and Samantha. I'm

51
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,440
Speaker 1: not going to stuff I never told you a production

52
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:43,240
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio, and today we are going to be doing

53
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,600
Speaker 1: kind of an update on my experience of being a

54
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,680
Speaker 1: sexual and being out as being a sexual or ace

55
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:55,480
Speaker 1: because I always forget. October is LGBTQ plus history month,

56
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,360
Speaker 1: so I knew June was Pride month. But when I

57
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,119
Speaker 1: was in college, I was in Atlanta. This was still

58
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,520
Speaker 1: when I was communiting from De Lanica, which is like

59
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,880
Speaker 1: an hour away, and I ended up accidentally in the

60
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,280
Speaker 1: Pride parade in October and I didn't know what was

61
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,360
Speaker 1: going on because I thought June was Pride month. And

62
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,400
Speaker 1: that's when that happened, and I got all of this

63
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,599
Speaker 1: glitter on my car and all of these feathers on

64
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,640
Speaker 1: my car, and it was actually a lovely experience, but

65
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,640
Speaker 1: I was so confused. I've learned a lot since then.

66
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:25,800
Speaker 1: I've come a long way.

67
00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:28,599
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm with you because I again not growing

68
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 2: up in like very queer community understanding is. In fact,

69
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,520
Speaker 2: I was in a pretty anti queer community until I

70
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,920
Speaker 2: was out of college. But like, I didn't realize it either,

71
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,760
Speaker 2: and I thought it was always October because when I

72
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,280
Speaker 2: was like, when I finally like understood what's going on,

73
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,280
Speaker 2: all the celebrations that I went to was in October,

74
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,000
Speaker 2: including the Pride Parade, and I was like, oh, And

75
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,600
Speaker 2: then learning that, I was like, wait, no, this is

76
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 2: not actually Pride Month.

77
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,279
Speaker 3: What's that? What what's happening?

78
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,360
Speaker 1: So I had the opposite, Oh that's fun. Well we've

79
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,560
Speaker 1: both come al then come a long way, baby, we.

80
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 4: Have.

81
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:07,960
Speaker 1: So this one is going to be a lot of

82
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,600
Speaker 1: me talking, which is good because Samantha is still recovering

83
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,640
Speaker 1: from COVID so you get to hear me talk a lot.

84
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,719
Speaker 1: I might cry a little, I don't know. Speaking of content.

85
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:24,440
Speaker 1: Warning for discussions of rape, sexual assault, ableism, and suicidality.

86
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,320
Speaker 1: We're not going to go too in depth into anything,

87
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,560
Speaker 1: but some of it's pretty I would say it was

88
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,160
Speaker 1: pretty triggering, and I do want to put this at

89
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,760
Speaker 1: the top. I sort of hate that this happens, but

90
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:40,120
Speaker 1: it does. We're talking about ACE stuff in here, but

91
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,880
Speaker 1: all queer people face similar things. This is not to

92
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:47,279
Speaker 1: detract attention from or say that it doesn't happen to

93
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:52,160
Speaker 1: other people. It's it does. It absolutely does, and we

94
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: should talk about that. But for this I am talking

95
00:05:54,960 --> 00:06:00,800
Speaker 1: about my kind of personal experience. So yeah, yes, it

96
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:05,279
Speaker 1: is LGBTQ plus History month, and October also has National

97
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,080
Speaker 1: Coming Out Day and ACE Awareness Week, which is the

98
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 1: last week of October. It was first started in October

99
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,200
Speaker 1: twenty ten, and I wanted to do a bit of

100
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:18,840
Speaker 1: an update on my experience since coming out on this podcast. Honestly,

101
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:23,960
Speaker 1: that's where I happened. But because the book has come

102
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,320
Speaker 1: out and I came out and there, I sort of

103
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,560
Speaker 1: feel like I came out again and it's been a

104
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: difficult for me. I have gotten a lot of support,

105
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:39,040
Speaker 1: I will say that, but I've definitely gotten a lot

106
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,279
Speaker 1: of what I talked about in the book, which is

107
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,200
Speaker 1: a lot of like mocking and dismissing, and I've also

108
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 1: gotten a lot of questions about it people who are

109
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:49,040
Speaker 1: legitimately curious. So I thought I would just go over

110
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,400
Speaker 1: some basics here first of all, like we're going to

111
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:59,280
Speaker 1: go over this, but I identify as asexual bi romantic. There

112
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,000
Speaker 1: are you have your sexual orientation and then there's the

113
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,560
Speaker 1: romantic orientation. I think a lot of people don't know that,

114
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:09,560
Speaker 1: so they get confused. Recently, Lauren and I did Lauren

115
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,400
Speaker 1: stepped in and did an episode while Samantha was on

116
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 1: vacation and Lauren and I were in a box e

117
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:22,160
Speaker 1: Lost Vega's Interesting Box talking about X files. When people

118
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,000
Speaker 1: arete in and they were confused because they're like, you

119
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:28,280
Speaker 1: were attracted to Scullion Molder, but you're asexual. I can

120
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,760
Speaker 1: feel attraction. It doesn't have to be sexual, especially for

121
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:37,840
Speaker 1: fictional characters, especially if I like have an emotional if

122
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,360
Speaker 1: there's something about them that I emotionally relate to or

123
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,440
Speaker 1: connect to, then I feel the attraction. It's usually not

124
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,680
Speaker 1: sexual most of the time. Like if in my fantasies

125
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,600
Speaker 1: of fantasies, I would like hug Luke Skywalker, like that

126
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,760
Speaker 1: is what happens. It's not sex but she.

127
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:53,760
Speaker 2: Just wants to cuddle them.

128
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,400
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to cuddle and maybe kiss. That's it.

129
00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:00,720
Speaker 1: That's that's all. I'm blushing just the hear about it.

130
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,080
Speaker 1: So I get that. It's I'm not like trying to

131
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,320
Speaker 1: make anybody feel bad because I didn't know this until

132
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 1: I was on the show. I've told that stories several times,

133
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,920
Speaker 1: so I get I totally get it. So let us

134
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,600
Speaker 1: go over some basics. So from see you and why

135
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,880
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you say the letters, I don't know.

136
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: Here's a quote. Asexuality has been defined as a sexual

137
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:31,160
Speaker 1: orientation characterized by persistent lack of sexual attraction to any gender.

138
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:36,520
Speaker 1: It is often called the invisible orientation, and while the

139
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,880
Speaker 1: current estimate is that about one percent of the population

140
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,680
Speaker 1: is ACE, some think that's on the low end because

141
00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,040
Speaker 1: people either don't know about it or they don't feel

142
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,120
Speaker 1: comfortable labeling themselves that way for one reason or another.

143
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,920
Speaker 1: From the James Madison University, The asexuality spectrum or ACE

144
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:57,800
Speaker 1: umbrella is also complicated. The ACE umbrella covers many different

145
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,559
Speaker 1: types and degrees of sexuality. There are three three most

146
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:05,760
Speaker 1: common subsections of asexuality demisexual, gray sexual, and asexual. The

147
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,680
Speaker 1: simplest of the three is asexual, which means that one

148
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:13,280
Speaker 1: is not sexually attracted to people. Demisexual is similar to asexual,

149
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:16,199
Speaker 1: and that demisexuals are not sexually attracted to people until

150
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,600
Speaker 1: a deep emotional connection is formed. Gray Asexuals, on the

151
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:25,080
Speaker 1: other hand, experience sexual attraction very irregularly, sometimes with years

152
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 1: in between occurrences. It is also worth mentioning that some

153
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,800
Speaker 1: asexuals are willing to have sex in order to please

154
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,720
Speaker 1: or become closer to their partners, and these individuals are

155
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,320
Speaker 1: referred to as sex favorable. Others are unwilling to have

156
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,400
Speaker 1: sex or are disturbed by it and are referred to

157
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,120
Speaker 1: as sex repulsed. And I know we've talked about this

158
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:48,839
Speaker 1: before in other episodes about asexuality allosexuals or alos or

159
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,120
Speaker 1: people who experience sexual attraction. So I think this is

160
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,440
Speaker 1: important here where people get confused, and I've probably not

161
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,720
Speaker 1: communicated it well. When I say I'm attracted to people,

162
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,880
Speaker 1: usually what I do mean is the cuddling and kissing part.

163
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,960
Speaker 1: Don't mean like the the sex card. So some people

164
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,839
Speaker 1: have written in and so that it sounds like you're dimisexual,

165
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,240
Speaker 1: but it's not. I wouldn't call it a sexual traction.

166
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,360
Speaker 1: It is a physical attraction. I'm like, oh, pretty, I

167
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:17,680
Speaker 1: would like to hold close now please. But it's not

168
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,080
Speaker 1: like a sexual I.

169
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,840
Speaker 2: Think you're like an alien. You speak, so we're gonna

170
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,199
Speaker 2: I would like to touch that, please, We're.

171
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:31,280
Speaker 1: Gonna talk about that. I'm playing into the Stereotypeoo. So

172
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:35,280
Speaker 1: here's a quote from Growth think Tank. Asexuality is a

173
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,160
Speaker 1: spectrum which means that all asexual people and their experience

174
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,800
Speaker 1: of asexuality are different, and that it affects people of

175
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,520
Speaker 1: all ages, genders, and backgrounds. For example, some asexual people,

176
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,880
Speaker 1: the sex positives, may have sex without it necessarily giving

177
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,640
Speaker 1: them pleasure or constituting a need to have a child,

178
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,520
Speaker 1: out of curiosity to please the partner, a bit like

179
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:58,120
Speaker 1: eating without being hungry. Some asexual people consider themselves to

180
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,400
Speaker 1: have a libido, but is not directed towards a particular partner.

181
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:05,760
Speaker 1: They are called sex positive. Others reject sex, identifying themselves

182
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,600
Speaker 1: as sex repulsed. Finally, some people feel only indifferent to sex,

183
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,840
Speaker 1: the sex neutral or sex and different. Most asexuals experience

184
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,880
Speaker 1: romantic attraction to others and may therefore be in a

185
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,600
Speaker 1: relationship a romantic asexuals, on the other hand, have no

186
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,679
Speaker 1: desire to have sex and no desire to be in

187
00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:27,320
Speaker 1: a relationship. Finally, some asexuals have never had sexual desire

188
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,160
Speaker 1: or relationships, while others have had sexual desire and then

189
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,560
Speaker 1: identified themselves as a sexual lader. In life, asexual people

190
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,000
Speaker 1: are often referred to as ace and a romantic people

191
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,840
Speaker 1: as arrow. The Ace of Spades has thus become one

192
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,960
Speaker 1: of the symbols of the asexual community, as has cake,

193
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,760
Speaker 1: in reference to the phrase cake is better than sex.

194
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, if I knew that one.

195
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought about getting that flag putting it up.

196
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,720
Speaker 1: But I don't like cake that much. So it's sort

197
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:03,160
Speaker 1: of like if it was, like, why you.

198
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,040
Speaker 2: Don't even like that?

199
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:14,280
Speaker 1: No, sure, I guess. But oysters, Oh my gosh, Samantha

200
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,439
Speaker 1: and I are going to get oysters later. I'm so excited.

201
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:23,160
Speaker 1: So going back to the James Madison University, here's another quote.

202
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,319
Speaker 1: Two major misconceptions are that asexuals are celibate and that

203
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,560
Speaker 1: asexuality is a choice. This is equivalent to saying being

204
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,720
Speaker 1: straight are gay as decision. Someone makes The misconception that

205
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,800
Speaker 1: asexuality is a choice belittles those who identify on the

206
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:42,240
Speaker 1: asexuality spectrum. Another common misconception is that asexuals cannot fall

207
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,960
Speaker 1: in love. This misconception is a result of people confusing

208
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,079
Speaker 1: or failing to understand the difference between romantic orientation and

209
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:53,439
Speaker 1: sexual orientation. Lastly, one of the most damaging and harmful

210
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,199
Speaker 1: misconceptions about asexuality is that asexual people are simply confused

211
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,840
Speaker 1: and inexperienced, and they will change their lines once they've

212
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:05,840
Speaker 1: had sexual experiences. Not only does the viewpoint dismiss a sexuality,

213
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:12,439
Speaker 1: but it also perpetuates rape culture and corrective rape yes misconceptions. Aside,

214
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,839
Speaker 1: there is even more active and voluntary discrimination against those

215
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,840
Speaker 1: who identify on the asexual spectrum. Many people do not

216
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,880
Speaker 1: see asexual people as humans because people believe that sexual

217
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:26,199
Speaker 1: desire is a fundamental part of human nature. In actuality,

218
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,360
Speaker 1: asexual people are judged, insulted, and in some cases assaulted

219
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 1: because of their sexual identity. Heartbreakingly, a marriage can legally

220
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,280
Speaker 1: be terminated if a perfectly happy and loving couple does

221
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,480
Speaker 1: not have sex, and, as surprising as it seems, couples

222
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,880
Speaker 1: in which one or both partners are asexual can be

223
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,520
Speaker 1: denied adoption rights even if they are not a same

224
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,120
Speaker 1: sex couple. Asexuals can also be denied housing and jobs

225
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,520
Speaker 1: because of their sexual orientation. Much like the rest of

226
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,400
Speaker 1: the LGBTQ plus community, the asexual community is also subject

227
00:13:53,400 --> 00:14:00,280
Speaker 1: to mockery for their sexual identity. And then here's something

228
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:04,080
Speaker 1: specific to the medical community. Quote. All of this is

229
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,559
Speaker 1: heart wrenching, but there are still worse forms of discrimination

230
00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,559
Speaker 1: that asexuals face. Discrimination by healthcare professionals is not uncommon.

231
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,960
Speaker 1: Many professionals believe that asexuality is a mental disorder, are

232
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: a symptom of an illness, mental or physical. Others have

233
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 1: been prescribed corrective therapies such as hormone supplements, and instructed quote,

234
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,240
Speaker 1: to have sex until they like it. One example a

235
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,600
Speaker 1: lot of people pointed out was the case of Julie Decker.

236
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,720
Speaker 1: So here's a quote about that. Julie Decker was subjected

237
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,800
Speaker 1: to this fate by a friend of hers and her

238
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 1: statement to hupost, she disclosed that her friend knew she

239
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,040
Speaker 1: identified as asexual, even so he looked her face and said,

240
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,000
Speaker 1: I just want to help you. Decker went on to

241
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,480
Speaker 1: receive comments to her story like I could turn sexual,

242
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,880
Speaker 1: just give me an hour, and you are autistic. You

243
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 1: are broken. She has even received rape and death threats

244
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,040
Speaker 1: such as, man, I want this chick to get raped,

245
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 1: please die of aids. Thanks, I'm going to rape this

246
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,880
Speaker 1: one and show her the joys of orgasm. Just kill

247
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,520
Speaker 1: yourself please in a very painful way. And asexuals are

248
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: just people who haven't been raped hard are often enough

249
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 1: these anonymous comments and a powerful message about what is

250
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 1: valued in terms of sex and sexuality. And then here's

251
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,680
Speaker 1: another quote from that huff Post article. Asexuality is not

252
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 1: a thing. You're just ugly and no one wanted to

253
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,560
Speaker 1: date you, so you made up a thing to cuddle

254
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 1: your lonely self after you cry into your pillow. Also,

255
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,280
Speaker 1: I hope you get raped. It has a dual benefit.

256
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,840
Speaker 1: You'll get laid finally and put into your place as well.

257
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:39,000
Speaker 1: So so there are some I laugh because I want

258
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 1: to cry. There are some specific types of abuse that

259
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:47,880
Speaker 1: were outlined. Again, these are not specifically unique to asexual people,

260
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,160
Speaker 1: but they are in this case things that a sexual

261
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,800
Speaker 1: people face a lot. This is Trumwomen's Law dot org

262
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,160
Speaker 1: saying there is something wrong with a victim, or that

263
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,200
Speaker 1: the victim is broken because they are asexual. Telling a

264
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: victim that something is wrong with their body and that

265
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 1: is why they are a sexual. Oh, and I should

266
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 1: have specified these are all about sexual assault victims who

267
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,240
Speaker 1: are asexual. Mocking the victim's body or making the victim

268
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 1: feel bad about their body, responding or not responding to

269
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,600
Speaker 1: sexual acts, touching the victim's body without permission or in

270
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,320
Speaker 1: or in a way the abuser knows makes the victim uncomfortable.

271
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: Threatening the victim with rape or sexual assault to cure

272
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 1: the victims asexuality, telling the victim that they are a

273
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,600
Speaker 1: sexual or are confused about being a sexual because no

274
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 1: one wants to have a relationship or sex with them.

275
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,120
Speaker 1: Threatening to tell the victims friends, family, or coworkers about

276
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 1: their a sexuality without their permission, and stopping are forbidding

277
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 1: the victim from speaking to other asexual people talking about asexuality,

278
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 1: are attending in person or online support groups for asexual people.

279
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:50,240
Speaker 1: And then here's a quote from Gallop. The little but

280
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,560
Speaker 1: growing research that there is in this area has uncovered

281
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 1: strong bias against ace people relative to cis gender and

282
00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,960
Speaker 1: heterosexual people, and even to cis gender, lesbian, gay, bisexual people.

283
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,400
Speaker 1: Asexual people were found to be the target of more prejudice, avoidance,

284
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,359
Speaker 1: and discrimination. If all the sexual minorities studied as people

285
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 1: were the most dehumanized, viewed as machine like, cold and emotionless.

286
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 1: This demonstrates the need to address anti asexual bias and

287
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,159
Speaker 1: that as people are at the risk of experiencing violence, abuse, discrimination,

288
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: And then they went on to say, here's some things

289
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:29,199
Speaker 1: they found that people thought about asexual people. They are

290
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 1: less than human or against human nature. They are deficient

291
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 1: or broken, that it is a result of mental illness

292
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,240
Speaker 1: or sexual abuse, have not just met the right person yet,

293
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 1: are confused or going through a phase, cannot experience love

294
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:48,159
Speaker 1: and I have relationships. Are just proves that asexuality is

295
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 1: a choice rather than an orientation, don't face oppression and

296
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,680
Speaker 1: are just damaging the LGBT plus cause. And I did

297
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: want to point out to you we're not really talking

298
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 1: about it here, but many people get discriminated against in

299
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,240
Speaker 1: one way or another in the romantic spectrum, and especially

300
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:12,080
Speaker 1: arrow people a romantic people. So just something to keep

301
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 1: in mind.

302
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 2: Actually, that's something that I've heard dismissed by people that

303
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 2: I know. I was kind of surprised and they're like

304
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,439
Speaker 2: really open minded. I say, open minded is like they

305
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 2: would call themselves allies. And then having that whole rhetoric

306
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,880
Speaker 2: which we had twenty years ago about bisexuality that it's

307
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,919
Speaker 2: just it's made up, or that they can't decide so

308
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 2: they're just putting a label on it, which is interesting

309
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 2: in itself. I'm like, Wow, so this is that new

310
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,639
Speaker 2: form where now bisexuality is getting more acceptance, still not

311
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 2: completely accepted. We know that there's a lot of discrimination bisexuality,

312
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 2: but it's a whole new kind of like, oh, it's

313
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:54,120
Speaker 2: just one more thing they're adding to that spectrum, which

314
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 2: I found interesting. I was like, why does that bother you?

315
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,480
Speaker 2: Has nothing to do with you?

316
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 1: That's kind of my whole thing. All I'm like, I'm

317
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 1: essentially I stay in and read my friend section, Like

318
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 1: what am I doing?

319
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,199
Speaker 2: Like she is a lovely person to be around all

320
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 2: the time. Like there's no like I don't understand.

321
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have seen I've seen a lot against arrow

322
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 1: people prejudice because people are like that doesn't that's again

323
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 1: like against human nature.

324
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 2: It's such a weird vibe, Like it's not like I know,

325
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 2: it seems like there's a less of a problem when

326
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 2: you call like for people to call out their friends

327
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 2: who are rapist or like misogynists. Like I've seen that,

328
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 2: like when we have that conversation where people don't want

329
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 2: to believe that so many people could be someone who

330
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 2: would assault someone because I mean that that the likelihod

331
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 2: of the knowing somebody is so high that they don't

332
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,159
Speaker 2: want to believe that. But like and so they're therefore

333
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 2: they accept that as a thing and being like, oh no,

334
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 2: we're gonna pretend like that doesn't think even though it

335
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,920
Speaker 2: violates people, They're gonna they're gonna like not see that

336
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 2: and being like, oh no, not a problem, and then

337
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 2: see this as a problem. What it really is the

338
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 2: opposite of that, Like they're living their happy goal loocky lives.

339
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:12,159
Speaker 2: I don't understand right why that's affecting you.

340
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we did talk about this in our one

341
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 1: of our Ace or past Ace episodes. But I do

342
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: get especially with like men kind of being douchebags in

343
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,719
Speaker 1: a lot of dating situations for women. Not I don't know,

344
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: but there is there has been a history of men

345
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,439
Speaker 1: being like, oh, I don't want the emotional part. So

346
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 1: I think that's getting twisted up with people who are

347
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 1: truly arrow and I get that in terms of people

348
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,400
Speaker 1: who have been burned by that before. But I think

349
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:52,439
Speaker 1: that's part of the issue is there's no visibility and

350
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 1: when people say that, they are immediately dismissed. I'm not

351
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 1: saying there aren't bad players, because there absolutely are in asexuals,

352
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,520
Speaker 1: a romantics, there are everywhere, but but.

353
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 2: For people to dismiss a whole group of people in

354
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 2: the communities just because you don't like it or confuses you.

355
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 2: And it's not confusing. It's confusing when you think you

356
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 2: have one assumption of it and then you get corrected

357
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 2: and it's no longer confusing.

358
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 1: Like you learn your things.

359
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: That's great. Like for me, I definitely had a misunderstanding

360
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 2: and coming through I was like, oh, cause I think

361
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 2: I called it. I said something to you like oh,

362
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 2: you're this right, and you're like, no, oh okay, I did,

363
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 2: and it took you a myth it to be like, no,

364
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 2: that's not quite what that is.

365
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 1: Like let's see, that's the thing is Like, like I said,

366
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 1: I didn't know either. It's fine to not know.

367
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 2: But I didn't get offended by that. There's being wrong

368
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that you have to fight it, Like, no,

369
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 2: I can't be wrong, so this doesn't exist.

370
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 1: What right and I feel like a lot of this

371
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 1: does go back to what we've been talking about. What

372
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 1: we have talked about of the like if someone's upfront

373
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: with you and they say they're whatever orientation romantic or sexual,

374
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: and then later you're like, oh, really, Like if they

375
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: were upfront with you, then I don't. I don't feel

376
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 1: like you should feel that you are going to change

377
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: them or that they have betrayed you in some way,

378
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 1: or that they're lying, Like I don't, that's not I

379
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 1: was somebody who didn't know for a while and I

380
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 1: was in relationships and I didn't know. That's a different thing.

381
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: But like if somebody tells you no, if we're going

382
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: to be in this relationship, this is this is who

383
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 1: I am, this is how I feel, this is what

384
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 1: and then later you're like, oh really you what don't

385
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: do that?

386
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 2: I mean that's good for anything. And like you said

387
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 2: about relationship, because including like I don't want children, believe them.

388
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: Yes, you can come back and have that conversation later.

389
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: People can change. But if somebody says something that you

390
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 1: shouldn't just be like, oh, I will change you. Right,

391
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: they can change on their own. Maybe you can change

392
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 1: on your own. Maybe and then you have that conversation again,

393
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 1: but you don't trying to change them or not believe

394
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 1: what they said. Right, So it.

395
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: That's not new when it doesn't fall, when it falls.

396
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 1: Apart exactly exactly. So we are going to go into

397
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: some disturbing comments right here because we're going to talk

398
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 1: about some asphobia stuff, which I learned there's like four

399
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: words for asphobia, but most people know is phobia. So

400
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: this is what we're going with. So one of the

401
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: big misconceptions is an asexual person can never really be raped.

402
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 1: That's not true. Here's a quote that BuzzFeed had in

403
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 1: an article about this. In the twenty fifteen a Sexual

404
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: Community Census, a volunteer run project, forty three point five

405
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 1: percent of nearly eight thousand asas surveyed reported having experienced

406
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: some form of sexual violence, including rape, assault, and corrosion,

407
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: and we know those are usually under reported. Here's another

408
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 1: quote from that. Coming out to strangers as a sexual

409
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: or even friends, family, and partners is no small thing.

410
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 1: People wrongly take it as an invitation to suggest you

411
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 1: haven't found the right person yet, ask invasive questions about

412
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: whether you've orgasmed and assert that they're the one who

413
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: can fix you, if only you'd wizen up and let

414
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: them try. One question in particular comes up often, especially

415
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: for those who have survived sexual violence. Are you asexual

416
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: because you were assaulted? Aces also fight the misconception that

417
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: they can't be assaulted because they're never in sexual scenarios.

418
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: To begin with, If you're not sexually attracted to people,

419
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: you're not in those situations to be sexually assaulted. So,

420
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: you know, are there even a sexual victims? Devin said,

421
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: parroting a generalization she's heard, which obviously there are. You

422
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: don't need to be in a sexual situation to be

423
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: a victim or a survivor. Plus, many aces do sometimes

424
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 1: pursue romance and sex.

425
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 2: Feel like people don't understand what sexual assault or well

426
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 2: what that is in general. To think that you have

427
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 2: to be in situation that's pursued to be sexy, like

428
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 2: to be.

429
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: What it's bizarre. It feels like a very.

430
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 2: It's just all men. Is this what men says? Because

431
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 2: I can't imagine.

432
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I would guess, but I don't have the

433
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 1: numbers in front of me. But it feels a very

434
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: A lot of this is so hypocritical. And I'm going

435
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: to talk about that in a second, because it's like

436
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 1: we've heard the other side too, though, like you can't

437
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 1: have been raped because you were in a sexual situation.

438
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 2: Like right, none of does makes sense?

439
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's basically just like you.

440
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 2: Can only be raped if you forcibly said no, and

441
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 2: they're like kidnapped you. Essentially, Yes, that's right, exactly.

442
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: Does that makes sense? It doesn't. Here's here's a quote.

443
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: I found this pretty upsetting. This is for a medium.

444
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 1: In twenty twelve, I met my rapist, mister Epperson name

445
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: is for context later at an anime con sort of event.

446
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 1: He was a bisys gender allosexual man. He knew I

447
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 1: was a sexual and promised that we could go slow

448
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,199
Speaker 1: if I agreed to date him. Seeing As this was

449
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: my first ever experience with a relationship and being autistic

450
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,719
Speaker 1: and easily manipulated, I naively agreed to date him. He

451
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: predictably did not hold true to his promise and forced

452
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: me to become sexual with him early on in the

453
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: relationship by saying, well, how will I know you really

454
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 1: love me if you're not willing to make love to me.

455
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 1: He was very effective at discreetly threatening me with abandonment

456
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 1: and ostracism from the community, and more later were I

457
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: to ever say no to his advances. Some months into

458
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 1: the abusive relationship, I finally persuaded him to watch a

459
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 1: documentary on a sexuality in the hopes that he would

460
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: learn how uncomfortable I was with sex. He made multiple

461
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: comments on how effectively raping the male star would make

462
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 1: him give up a sexuality. He was a feminist, though,

463
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,400
Speaker 1: so he never called what he did rape. He referred

464
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 1: to a sexuals featured as creepy freaks. He boasted about

465
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: how he had me and turned me into a normal

466
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 1: person by threatening me and guilting me into allowing him

467
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: to do what he wanted to me. He commented on

468
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 1: what a sad, empty life the male star must have,

469
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 1: not knowing the joy of having an epson dick inside

470
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: of him. He and his mother, a cis gender bisexual woman,

471
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: were laughing by the end of the documentary about the

472
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: freaks who need help. He later admitted that he targeted

473
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: me specifically because he was interested in curing a weirdo

474
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: like me. Yep, yep, and I've heard this stuff too.

475
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 1: It is very there's something broken with you. I can

476
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: fix it. And it's strange because we're not going to

477
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: go into it too in depth in here, but it's

478
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 1: it's all wrapped up in this idea that you must

479
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: in some way because our society is so strange around sex, right,

480
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: especially gay sex, that it's like you must be in

481
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 1: some way messed up. And for some people that can

482
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: be true, but that's a thing to assume and also

483
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: not something you should get. It's not your business, and

484
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: maybe it's not true at all, but in either case,

485
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: just know that's messed up. That's messed up. There's another

486
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 1: A common thing that comes up is kind of a

487
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: sexual person ever be discriminated against. Here is a quote.

488
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: Aces often talk about the idea of the unassailable asexual,

489
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: which is someone whose asexuality is begrudgingly accepted by the

490
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: mainstream because there's no other plausible reason for their disinterest

491
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: in sex. Someone who's white, cis neurotypical, not too old

492
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 1: or not too young, and with no disabilities and no

493
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 1: history of sexual trauma. If someone who could seemingly have

494
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: their pick of sexual partners abstains from sex, then they

495
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 1: must not have chosen this idea after all. Aces for

496
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: more marginalized backgrounds often have more difficulty finding acceptance, let

497
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: alone becoming public faces for the community and then from swaddle.

498
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: Asexuality shares a particular tumultuous relationship with queerness. Where queerness

499
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: has been defined by sex, expressing it, having it, and

500
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: most importantly, taking pride in it. Asexuality dissenters the primacy

501
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: of sex in our culture. So again, I think this

502
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: is We've talked about this in our past episodes, and

503
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 1: I've talked about this a lot with like feminism, because

504
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: I want women to not be shamed for having sex,

505
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: and having as much sex as they want is healthy,

506
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: consensual sex. But I also feel like there should be

507
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 1: a space for you know what, I don't want that,

508
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: and it's nothing being wrong with either. And then here's

509
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 1: another one. I've heard this one a lot. Isn't an

510
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: asexual person just someone no one wants to have sex with.

511
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: I've heard people say this about me.

512
00:29:55,680 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 2: You yeah, well you also put that point wrong where

513
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 2: the weird advances that happen they're like, why are you

514
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 2: doing this?

515
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: Well, it's so funny because they say that, they immediately

516
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: are like, I'll have sex with your.

517
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: What immediately like disproving those like.

518
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: Well, I also like I don't think we should be

519
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 1: proving worse this way.

520
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, well mean that's that was the other part to

521
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: this is like when we talked about people saying, you know,

522
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 2: asexuals because they have too much trauma of that, first

523
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 2: of all, it's not just asexuals. Is everyone who has

524
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 2: trauma and they react to it differently. Everybody reacts to differently.

525
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: Someone becomes overly sexual, hypersexual is what we call it,

526
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 2: and we've seen that. I've seen that with a lot

527
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 2: of child uh sex abuse cases, like and that's a

528
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 2: big sign. Like all these different things are signs everywhere

529
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 2: that trauma affects sexuality in general, whether it goes for

530
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 2: one's part of the spectrum to the other. And it's

531
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 2: kind of like even if it is based on trauma,

532
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 2: if that's what part of their healing is, then let

533
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: it be. Like because I've said, you're right, I've heard

534
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 2: it for not only for a sexuals, but I've heard

535
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 2: it for like gay men again and then promiscuously women

536
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 2: and all these things, Like there's so many things like

537
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 2: it's because you've been traumatized me, Like you're probably not wrong,

538
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 2: but I'm also cisgender like sexual heterosexual person who was

539
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: also traumatized, Like it's a thing for everyone. It just

540
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: is I and you accept me the way I am,

541
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 2: even though I have trauma based on that as well,

542
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: Like there's so many things to that conversation. It's like, well,

543
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 2: if this is the reaction to trauma, which is not

544
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: the case, because obviously we all handle it differently, like

545
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 2: you and I are very much on different parts of

546
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: the spectrum going through civil trauma, right, so it's not

547
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 2: necessarily a reaction to trauma. Trauma just happens.

548
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: To be there, right point blank. That's yes. And that

549
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: was a big realization for me because I did and

550
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: listeners you have heard me talk about this, because I

551
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: really struggled with that. I was like, maybe it could

552
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: be this or this or this, because I've been fed

553
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: that like my whole life, like here's your drugs you

554
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 1: can take to improve your libido, here's like all these

555
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 1: things you can do because this is wrong with you

556
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: and this It was a real revelation I had on

557
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: this show where people were like, you know what kind

558
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: of at the end of the day, doesn't matter, that's

559
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: how you identify, you feel comfortable with it. You feel good,

560
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 1: then that's it, and that's how that's how I feel exactly.

561
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: And maybe coming to that realization is part of that

562
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: healing of like oh.

563
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, because for a while I was I got

564
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: this so in my head like this is yes, something

565
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,479
Speaker 1: must be wrong with me. But when I was finally

566
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: just like you know what, I feel comfortable, like this

567
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: feels right, then it was. It was a very settling

568
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: in myself moment. And here's a quote that kind of

569
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 1: relates to that from Victims Service Center of Central Florida.

570
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 1: Sometimes when someone experience the sexual violence, the construct of

571
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 1: sexual orientation is questioned. This is because society's norm is heterosexual.

572
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: When someone identifies as heterosexual, no one asks, how do

573
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: you really know if you are heterosexual? Or are you heterosexual?

574
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: Because you are sexually assaulted. I like to say that

575
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: for whatever reason you identify as ACE as valid, you

576
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: can still identify as ACE even if you think something

577
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: caused your lack of attraction. The reality is we will

578
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: never know. I believe I was born ACE, and I

579
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: am okay with that.

580
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 4: You know.

581
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 2: Thinking about that quote in itself is like we know

582
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 2: a lot of who people who are queer, but were

583
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 2: afraid to come out. Was because of the trauma of

584
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 2: being told that they can't be queer exactly, so they

585
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 2: tried to identify as heterosexual. But you're like, wait, but

586
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 2: are you It's because it's the trauma.

587
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 3: It's really you know, like, let's see of it all.

588
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: It's true. And I talked about that in the book.

589
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: I was so afraid to do it. I would like

590
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 1: have nightmares when I was in seventh grade, like I

591
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: will please don't let me be gay. God, I can't

592
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: handle it, Like it's heartbreaking. And speaking of here's another quote.

593
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 1: Fifty percent of a sexual people have already seriously thought

594
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: about suicide, and fourteen percent have made an attempt, according

595
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: to a twenty sixteen study. And here's something that kind

596
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 1: of resonated with me. This is a quote from Ace

597
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: and the whole My asexuality became dangerous while trying to

598
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 1: navigate my first adult relationship. One of the first few

599
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: people I came out to was my then partner, and

600
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:22,720
Speaker 1: after his first reaction of dismissing me entirely, he became angry.

601
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: He said I had lied that it was akin to cheating.

602
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: It was the only time in our relationship that I

603
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: was afraid he would hit me. This anger from men

604
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: became an alarmingly common theme when I was single. I

605
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: struggled with disclosing in the early stages of meeting someone.

606
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: It was a deal breaker for a lot of men,

607
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to waste their time. But I

608
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 1: also didn't know these men well. I didn't have the

609
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: confidence that they wouldn't attack me personally or physically for

610
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: a perceived challenge to their masculinity. Women are taught from

611
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: an early age to manage the egos of the men

612
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: in their lives, from fathers and husbands to co workers

613
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,320
Speaker 1: and bosses. We are to keep the peace and avoid

614
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: rocking the boat asexuality. He disrupts that. Saying that you

615
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 1: aren't sexually attracted to anyone becomes a personal slight and

616
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 1: it reinforces fears that they aren't desirable, undermines the self

617
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: worth of a self conscious man, and ultimately challenges the

618
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: status and power in the society. As a woman. This

619
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: is a risky thing to do, so yeah, I mean,

620
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: it's like we've talked about that too, where you know,

621
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: we have to manage. You can't just say no, because

622
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 1: then men get mad, but then they are mad at

623
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 1: you because you didn't just say no, because you like

624
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: let them along, you tease them, you tease them. It's

625
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 1: a similar thing. Yeah, it's like unless I trust you enough,

626
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 1: and it's hard to tell people like, oh, hey, I'm asexual,

627
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: and I'm probably not gonna tell you the first time

628
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 1: I meet you. You're right.

629
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 2: There was a whole incident with a woman saying no

630
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 2: to a person and then them getting mad and then

631
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 2: him hitting out with a brick. That just happened, and

632
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 2: people blame to her say that she's always going after

633
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 2: people anyway, so she probably deserved it, and like there

634
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 2: was evidence, clear evidence. And the dude came out and he

635
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, I didn't like our attitude.

636
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 1: You're telling me no.

637
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,760
Speaker 2: Wow, they still don't believe ours.

638
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: Like her attitude? Who what? Wow? Yeah, so you wonder

639
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: why we are.

640
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 2: Right? We play along and we give you a fake number,

641
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,160
Speaker 2: and the fake a boyfriend or husband, which doesn't.

642
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 1: Often they're like, oh I'm better than that guy, Oh

643
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 1: my gosh.

644
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 4: Or they don't let you have a friend, Nope, nope,

645
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 4: they let you out. Well, okay, ran away.

646
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: Another thing that we've been talking about throughout this is

647
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: this whole idea, like, yes, you have to change, you

648
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 1: have to change the drugs I talked about, Like you

649
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 1: have the magazines that say to have sex two or

650
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: three times to be fulfilled. It's just like kind of

651
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: constant barrage of this is what it is. This is

652
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: if that's not what's going on for you. And that's

653
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: even for people who might not be a sexual just

654
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 1: not have much of a libido, like still telling you

655
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: something's wrong, trying to sell you this medication. How do

656
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 1: you know if you've never tried. And I kind of

657
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 1: hate this because this. I have had sex I didn't want.

658
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: I've never had sex I enjoyed, but I did it

659
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: because of this, and I also like I hate that.

660
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 1: But I also a lot of times I don't think

661
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: it ever clarified this because I've said I've done it

662
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: out of fear. Sometimes it's not fear of like abuse.

663
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's a fear that if

664
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: I do it once, I'm such a people pleaser, I'll

665
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 1: be tracked in this and they'll expect it, and I

666
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: know that I'll do it, So it's almost like even

667
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 1: if I'm not necessarily afraid of like some kind of

668
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: physical abuse. I'm afraid that I will just do what

669
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 1: they want because that is more important than anything I

670
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't eat or want.

671
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked about it many times where we

672
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 2: just try to get it over with quickly so that

673
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 2: we can get moved on and hope for the best

674
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 2: and then just never talk to.

675
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 3: Them again.

676
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 1: Again. I laugh because it's sad, I'm true, but yeah,

677
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:30,760
Speaker 1: I mean essentially, and I just I've been in several

678
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 1: situations where I feel like I communicated that and I

679
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: wasn't really believed, and then it did turn into resentment

680
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: because I was like, if this happens once I'm afraid of,

681
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: it'll just be expected and then I I'll just do it.

682
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: So that's definitely something that resonated with me when I

683
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: was reading about it. I do as I said, I

684
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: think people get confused about the bi romantic that they

685
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: hear that I'm attracted to somebody, although they're almost always

686
00:38:55,440 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 1: fictional characters, and they're like, so you do want s Like, no, trash.

687
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 2: Is not the same thing we're trying to do many

688
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,720
Speaker 2: people doesn't mean I want to have sex with them exactly.

689
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: I can be like, oh, look, it looks so good

690
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:12,439
Speaker 1: and that's it. That's it.

691
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 3: I just want to pet their face exactly head, oh,

692
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 3: give them a cookie literally, and like, like I said,

693
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,880
Speaker 3: this is there's so much double standards in this because

694
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 3: I keep going back to this point of like, especially

695
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 3: with women, you can't be too sexual, but you better

696
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 3: want to have sex with a man when he wants

697
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 3: it when you're married.

698
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: And all of that's being said to a lot of

699
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 1: us who have been raised believing sexist taboo and you

700
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 1: don't talk about it and it's bad. And then it's

701
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 1: like yeah, but when you get married to a man

702
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: and then when he wants it to say okay. But

703
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: then I'm like I just don't want it, and they're like, no, wait,

704
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: that's wrong too. Have you heard that to consummate a

705
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 1: marriage and most religions you have to have sex.

706
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:07,880
Speaker 2: As well as that's your purpose.

707
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you have to have kids or else what

708
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 1: are you even doing here? What you're not You're racing.

709
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 2: Our time, not traveling all over the world and just

710
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 2: enjoying your life.

711
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: Right, And to be clear, like that hurts. That narrative hurts,

712
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: like people who can't have kids and want them, but

713
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: also plenty of people who can have kids and don't

714
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: want them of all types. Another thing, being asexual is

715
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: not against the law most places, mostly because people don't

716
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: know what it is. But that means that as people

717
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 1: who are seeking asylum are not included under the LGBTT

718
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 1: plus applicants for the status of course saying that it

719
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: is worth recognizing the other side too, because being trans

720
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 1: or homosexual is punishable and against the law in several places,

721
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,479
Speaker 1: so just to keep that in mind. In the UK,

722
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 1: it is still recognized as a matter disorder, meaning ACE

723
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: people are ten percent more likely to get pushed to

724
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: get conversion therapy, and it is not recognized under the

725
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: twenty ten Sexual Orientation Equality Act. New York's Sexual Orientation

726
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: Non Discrimination Act of two thousand and three is one

727
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: of the only pieces of legislation that mentions asexual people.

728
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 1: The American Psychiatric Association recognize a sexuality as a sexual

729
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 1: orientation in twenty thirteen. Here's another quote I want to

730
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 1: include from Growth think Tank because I've heard this a

731
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: lot too. It should be remembered that asexuality is not

732
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: a puritanical or religious movement seeking to advocate abstinence. It

733
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with morals or ethics, since it

734
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: is neither a choice nor an opinion. Asexual people are

735
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 1: not against sex, nor do they want to prevent anyone

736
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 1: from having sex. Yeah, safe consensual sex, go for it.

737
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: Of all about it. Also, a lot of comments people

738
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 1: will say are if you're talking about it, means you're

739
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with it, which I think is ridiculous. And then

740
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: here's my final quote. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that

741
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 1: is different from heterosexuality. Heteros are both heterosexual and heteromantic.

742
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: Asexuals can be cisgender, hetero romantic, and asexual, as well

743
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 1: as transgender, homo romantic, and asexual. The inclusion of the

744
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 1: asexual persons in the lgbtqiplus community therefore does not mean

745
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: the inclusion of cis gender and heterosexual persons. There is

746
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: also a myth of the cis gender and heteroasexuals claiming

747
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: to be asexual in order to infiltrate the lgbtqiplus community.

748
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 1: This reminds us of the terf discourse asserting that transgender

749
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: women or men disguised as women to integrate from this movement.

750
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,399
Speaker 1: So this was in kind of going back to something

751
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: you said earlier, but this was in relation to a

752
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: lot of kind of conspiracy theories that asexuality is just

753
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:53,719
Speaker 1: invented by straight people to get into queer spaces. Yeah yeah,

754
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: I mean, And that's the thing, as you said that,

755
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,440
Speaker 1: like bisexual people did and still face that in the

756
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: queer community, the trans people didn't still face that too.

757
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 1: So I feel like there's been progress. And like I said,

758
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 1: this isn't about comparing hardships, because we already know that

759
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 1: pitting marginalized people against each other only helps those that

760
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:23,399
Speaker 1: are pressing us. I think it is important to recognize intersections.

761
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: I think it's important to keep context in mind. But

762
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of times it kind of

763
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 1: breaks my heart because this conversation. A lot of conversations

764
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: like this devolve into well you're not really queer, or

765
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: well you're taking up space, or well why are we

766
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:44,359
Speaker 1: talking about this? One should be talking about this, So

767
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 1: I'm not about that. I feel like there's room to

768
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,439
Speaker 1: talk about all of this, and we should talk about

769
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: all of this, right.

770
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 2: I think that's the thing is like I hate that

771
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 2: you even have to acknowledge or put that as a caveat,

772
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,960
Speaker 2: because you should be able to talk about your identity

773
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 2: and what you are going through and understanding the differences

774
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 2: and why it's important to talk about these precise labels

775
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,760
Speaker 2: and or identifications.

776
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 3: And I don't think it's a bad thing.

777
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 2: Like it's odd if someone who is in the marginalized

778
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 2: communities like, but but it doesn't obtain to me, so

779
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 2: I don't it's not important. Again, this is kind of

780
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:26,439
Speaker 2: that narrative of weere like, hmm, this is why intersectionality

781
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 2: is important, and that when we say intersectional, we mean

782
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 2: room for everyone, and that we should hold space for

783
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,720
Speaker 2: everyone and to look at the bigger picture.

784
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we've talked about that a lot, Like this

785
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 1: idea of like there's not enough space. That's such a

786
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: that's just maintaining the status quo of like keeping marginalized

787
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: people in the margins, like there's space to talk about

788
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: this and everything else. So yeah, and I do think

789
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 1: it affects everyone in the queer community and not all

790
00:44:56,400 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: of this stuff. So thank you for going on my

791
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 1: crash course. I'm still learning to thank you for sharing.

792
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, I learned new things today.

793
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, Okay, yeah, I'm still learning too. I'm

794
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: still learning too, Honestly, a lot of the like questions

795
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 1: I've gotten have legitimately been really genuinely curious, like they

796
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,840
Speaker 1: want to know, and I appreciate that. So hopefully this helps.

797
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: Hopefully this helps, and I really appreciate all of the

798
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 1: support I've gotten from you, Samantha, and from listeners and

799
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: all lot. So yeah, if you have any thoughts about this,

800
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:31,880
Speaker 1: I know some of you have reached out about resources.

801
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: If you want any resources, I can send those to you,

802
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: or if you have resources, you can send those to me.

803
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: You can email us at stuff that your mom Stuff

804
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: at ihurtmedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter

805
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at

806
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 1: stuff I Never told you. We have a tea public

807
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,759
Speaker 1: store and a book where, yes I do talk about this.

808
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: You can get it at stuff you should read Books

809
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: dot com or wherever you get your books. Thanks as

810
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 1: always to our super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and

811
00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: our contributor Joey. Thank you, I love the accent. Thanks

812
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stefan never told me the restriction

813
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: of iHeart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,

814
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 1: you can check out the Heart Are you app Apple podcasts,

815
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:11,240
Speaker 1: or where you listen to your favorite ships.