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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode. In her Space, we.

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Speaker 3: Have to give ourselves permission to be self defined and

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Speaker 3: to determine for ourselves what we have the capacity to do,

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Speaker 3: and to take care of who we are, to not

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Speaker 3: let our excellence be defined by anybody else. And when

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Speaker 3: it comes down to our relationship show, sometimes, despite how

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Speaker 3: difficult they can be, we have to learn how to

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Speaker 3: love ourselves and love other people from a distance. Sometime.

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Speaker 4: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 4: or even a fresh perspective. If you have any Aha moments,

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Speaker 4: or if you feel comforted throughout the episode, Lady, please

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Speaker 4: leave us a review and tell us what we're doing

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Speaker 4: right so we can stay on track. Also, we release

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Speaker 4: episodes every Friday, so.

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Speaker 5: Be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit her space

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Speaker 5: updates about our live events and all the new beginnings

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Speaker 5: that we have for this year.

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Speaker 6: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women

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Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college

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Speaker 1: professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic converse stations on everything

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Speaker 4: from fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space

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Speaker 4: where black women can just flee.

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Speaker 6: Hey, lady's doctor Dom here from the her Space podcast.

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Speaker 6: Do you have a burning question you're dying to get

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Speaker 6: feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective on a

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Speaker 6: situation you're facing? If so, visit her spacepodcast dot com

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Speaker 6: and click ask doctor Dom under the start here option.

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Speaker 6: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them

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Speaker 6: at random.

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Speaker 4: All right, ladies, today we have a very very special

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Speaker 4: guest in her Space, so let's just jump right on in,

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Speaker 4: all right. Doctor Moody is a licensed clinical psychologist, lifestyle

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Speaker 4: and relationship coach, and professor. She has dedicated her work

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Speaker 4: to promoting emotional, psychological, and spiritual wellness, particularly for African

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Speaker 4: American and other diverse populations, as well as increasing mental

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Speaker 4: health education and awareness and access. Doctor Moody obtained her

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Speaker 4: PhD in clinical psychology with an emphasis in multicultural community

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Speaker 4: clinical psychology, and is licensed to practice in Texas and

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Speaker 4: the District of Columbia. She is the co creator and

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Speaker 4: co facilitator of the Sister Circle Experience, a therapeutic group

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Speaker 4: and wellness retreat for Black women, and is currently serving

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Speaker 4: as a professor at Texas seven University. Doctor Moody, welcome

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Speaker 4: to her space.

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Speaker 3: Thank you for having me, been looking forward to it

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Speaker 3: all week.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so welcome.

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Speaker 1: Our quote of the day, you alone are enough. You

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Speaker 1: have nothing to prove to anybody. That quote comes to

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Speaker 1: us from our beloved Doctor Maya Angelie. Doctor Moody, When

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Speaker 1: you hear that, what comes up for you.

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Speaker 3: The number of Black women that I know who suffer

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Speaker 3: from the not enoughness, the idea that who I am

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Speaker 3: is not enough despite our being the most educated race

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Speaker 3: and gender, despite all of the things that we've managed

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Speaker 3: to accomplish, not just most recently, I'm not even going

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Speaker 3: to mention the impact that we've had on the entire

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Speaker 3: presidential I'm just I'm not even going to go into

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Speaker 3: detail about that. But what it is that we have

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Speaker 3: had the capacity to actually produce and accomplish inspite unreasonable

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Speaker 3: odds and to steal. Internally feel like we're not enough,

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Speaker 3: that in the event that we stop producing, that we'd

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Speaker 3: be expendable. And when I think about the idea of

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Speaker 3: black girl magic and the notion that we are generally

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Speaker 3: socialized to martyrdom so much so to the point where

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Speaker 3: we are not appreciated or praised for who we are

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Speaker 3: but the resources that we actually provide, And so in essence,

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Speaker 3: there is this unconscious kind of tendency to feel like

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Speaker 3: we always have to produce in order for us to

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Speaker 3: be accepted, and that who we are is not enough.

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Speaker 3: We are not worthy of appreciation, we are not worthy

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Speaker 3: of acknowledgment, We're not worthy of being seen for who

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Speaker 3: we are. We're not worthy of being loved and cherished

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Speaker 3: for who we are, but only for what it is

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Speaker 3: that we have to produce or in essence, it reminds

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Speaker 3: me of how much of a role that we've played

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Speaker 3: in terms of being able to nurture everybody else and

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Speaker 3: not giving ourselves the opportunity to become our absolute best selves,

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Speaker 3: to feel like we're worthy of being able to take

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Speaker 3: care of ourselves, and that generally has implications for what

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Speaker 3: our function looks like and for our wellness. So overall,

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Speaker 3: when we think about the concept of enough and the

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Speaker 3: idea that those are generally standards that we allow other

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Speaker 3: people to set for us, and we look at what

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Speaker 3: it is, like I said, what is it we've managed

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Speaker 3: to accomplish? Then it is so disheartening because the reality

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Speaker 3: is that I don't know that there's a whole lot

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Speaker 3: of people who could pull off we managed to pull

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Speaker 3: off board of resource or support. I don't believe that

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Speaker 3: it's a reality for everybody else. I don't.

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Speaker 4: That's a really, really good point, doctor Moody, And I

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Speaker 4: just wanted when you said that, it made me think

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Speaker 4: about when I took a sabbatical last year, and on

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Speaker 4: day one, it was such a privileged thing to be

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Speaker 4: able to do, like you're paid, You're going on sabbatical

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Speaker 4: and all like they wanted to. I was just like,

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Speaker 4: who am I when I'm not working?

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Speaker 7: Like?

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Speaker 4: Who am I when I'm not showing up to do

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Speaker 4: something right? And I kind of had this little crisis

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Speaker 4: in the midst of this privileged opportunity. So why do you, like,

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Speaker 4: where do you think that comes from? What do you

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Speaker 4: think I know it may differ across the different communities,

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Speaker 4: but like for Black women that you've met with, what

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Speaker 4: do you think that comes from? That feeling of unworthiness

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Speaker 4: and I'm not enough if I'm not doing something right

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Speaker 4: or producing.

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Speaker 3: It is a narrative, honestly, that we get from a

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Speaker 3: number of different levels. You think about even in terms

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Speaker 3: of how girls are reared in the household as opposed

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Speaker 3: to boys. The boys have a tendency to be loved

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Speaker 3: and the girls on the other hand, in particularly for

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Speaker 3: African American communities, like I say, I'm you know, burst

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Speaker 3: in what happens with everybody else, but with us, there's

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Speaker 3: a different level of responsibility that we tend to undertake,

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Speaker 3: and a part of it teaches us that there is

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Speaker 3: responsibility on our part to take care of the people

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Speaker 3: that we're attached to. We watch it happen with our

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Speaker 3: matriarchs and the older women in our families. I mean,

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Speaker 3: think about it. It happened in slavery when men were

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Speaker 3: emasculated intentionally. Then we kind of had the responsibility to

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Speaker 3: step up in the interest of being able to assure

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Speaker 3: that everything stayed afloat that remained And in spite of

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Speaker 3: the fact that we may have made progress in terms

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Speaker 3: of what that actual accomplishment or what the progress may

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Speaker 3: have looked like in terms of, yeah, we might have

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Speaker 3: better jobs, there might be a bit more representation in

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Speaker 3: corporate America and things of that nature. But the reality

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Speaker 3: is that even what that looks like for us as

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Speaker 3: opposed to other populations, it is still in essence not enough.

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Speaker 3: We get in environments where, even though there are a

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Speaker 3: lot of these environments that are alleged meritocracies, regardless of

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Speaker 3: what it is that we produce, and when we stand

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Speaker 3: next to our peers who are more of the dominant culture,

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Speaker 3: then there are still expectations for us to produce more

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Speaker 3: with huwer resources and less support. So the idea that

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Speaker 3: we are not enough it is reinforced on so many

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Speaker 3: different levels to the point where it becomes internalized and

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Speaker 3: we in essence repeat the dialogue. It's the story that

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Speaker 3: we tend to tell, and it gets to the point

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Speaker 3: where it's almost like, much like you said, if I'm

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Speaker 3: not producing, then who am I? We don't really get

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Speaker 3: the opportunity to be able to explore that, and not

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Speaker 3: only explore it, find out who it is how it

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Speaker 3: works for us. But we don't get the opportunity to

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Speaker 3: love and to take care and to cherish who it

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Speaker 3: is that we are because the story, in essence is

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Speaker 3: that unless you're given something, then you're not valuable.

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Speaker 1: WHOA I was gonna sit with that right there for

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Speaker 1: a moment. Of the story that we receive is that

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Speaker 1: if we are not giving to other people, then we.

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Speaker 7: Have no value. When we know.

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Speaker 1: The exact it's true.

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Speaker 3: So but that's that's a part of the thing what

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Speaker 3: I'm exploring right now is the idea that in essence,

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Speaker 3: despite what it is that we see that we're capable

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Speaker 3: of being able to produce it, we challenge the idea

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Speaker 3: that we are enough. We challenge it. We do because

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Speaker 3: we continue to overproduce. We do, and sometimes I question

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Speaker 3: if whether or not other people are more aware or

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Speaker 3: confirmed in what our value is in downplay because it

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Speaker 3: in essence pays off for them.

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Speaker 7: Oh that part right there.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let's dig into that part right because

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Speaker 1: what I'm hearing is, as black women, when we show up,

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Speaker 1: we have a tendency to go above and beyond right.

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Speaker 1: And if you tell everyone in the room that there

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Speaker 1: are three things that need to be done, we will

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Speaker 1: not only do those three things, but we will also

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Speaker 1: figure out how to help our teammates in the room

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Speaker 1: get to their three things. And we might add a

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Speaker 1: fourth and a fifth or maybe even a sixth thing

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Speaker 1: on top.

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Speaker 3: Of that, and doing it with one hand, type on anybody, right.

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Speaker 1: And then we still feel like we're not enough. And

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Speaker 1: then what happens is is the people around us tend

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Speaker 1: to think that, oh well, instead of doing three, they

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Speaker 1: should be doing sick.

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Speaker 3: I think the logic behind that is layered. There is

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Speaker 3: something that we represent in terms of strength, which we

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Speaker 3: recognize is not necessarily historically been a good thing for us,

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Speaker 3: because it does not give us the option of being human.

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Speaker 3: We don't get to stop, we don't get to take

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Speaker 3: care of ourselves, we don't get those particular options. But that,

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Speaker 3: in essence, for some people comes off as intimidating and

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Speaker 3: a lot of times what ends up happening is it's

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Speaker 3: like people put you on the pedestal and until Okay,

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Speaker 3: well I bet you can't do this, and then I

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Speaker 3: bet you can't do that, and we rise to the

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Speaker 3: occasion one time after the other. I also try to

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Speaker 3: take into consideration some of the things that we internalize

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Speaker 3: about ourselves that are are the negative things, like the stereotypes,

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Speaker 3: the things that we as far as standards are concerned.

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Speaker 3: You're not enough because you don't look like what I

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Speaker 3: think you should look like. You're not enough because you're

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Speaker 3: not submissive enough. You you know, the the angry black

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Speaker 3: woman stuff, and you are not as emotionally available as

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Speaker 3: I need you to be. Whatever the story is, there's

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Speaker 3: some things that we believe about ourselves that have a

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Speaker 3: tendency to seed and cultivate contention between us that also

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Speaker 3: feeds that particular narrative. So addition to that, we are

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Speaker 3: also socialized to be more competitive with each other as

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Speaker 3: opposed to supportive.

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Speaker 8: Tea. Okay, I'm not trying to interrupt the show, but

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Speaker 8: I had this random idea I want to share with you,

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Speaker 8: and I don't want to forget it.

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Speaker 7: Tell me, tell me, what is it?

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Speaker 8: Okay?

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Speaker 9: So you know how at the start of every New Year, birthday,

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Speaker 9: new move anniversary, new month, knew anything, people find themselves

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Speaker 9: wanted to have a reset, but they're not sure where

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Speaker 9: to start.

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Speaker 2: I sure do What are you thinking?

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Speaker 9: What if we hosted a workshop where we could interact

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Speaker 9: with our listeners to talk about stuff like self care

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Speaker 9: and self love, oh and g.

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Speaker 10: And we could even have a session about manifestation, leaving

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Speaker 10: toxic relationships and becoming our best selves.

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Speaker 2: Girl, I am so excited. I'm sold.

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Speaker 10: We could call it the Vibrate Higher Empowerment Workshop.

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Speaker 11: Yes, yes, that is it. And we could even host

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Speaker 11: a live quarterly wind down to check in and build

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Speaker 11: community as we vibrate hire all year.

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Speaker 7: Yo. I love it, I love it.

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Speaker 2: I'm sold. Let's do it. Lady. If this sounds like

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Speaker 2: fun to you, visit New Year.

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Speaker 10: Workshop dot com and join us for the Vibrate Higher

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Speaker 10: Empowerment Workshop. If you want to release baggage, set intentions,

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Speaker 10: and manifest the life you desire, this is just for you, lady.

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Speaker 8: That's New Year Workshop dot Com.

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Speaker 2: We can't wait to connect with you.

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Speaker 3: So there's some ideas about each other that we have

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Speaker 3: that also make us look at and integrate each other

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Speaker 3: as opposed to actually praise and lend some support to

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Speaker 3: because again the reality is that people can't pull off

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Speaker 3: what it is that we manage to pull off. But

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Speaker 3: at the same time, those roots are so deep. The

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Speaker 3: roots are so deep, and because we have the capacity

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Speaker 3: to do so many things, it ends up being where

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Speaker 3: if we are not used to being acknowledged for those

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Speaker 3: kind of things, let me kind of show the people

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Speaker 3: who do give us that level of acknowledgement, like, something's

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Speaker 3: be wrong with you because I see other people being

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Speaker 3: able to pull off stuff or this one has that,

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Speaker 3: and that person has that going on, and how do

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Speaker 3: they get to have a life in a family and

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Speaker 3: then they have you know, they live in this kind

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Speaker 3: of house and they got this kind of stuff going on,

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Speaker 3: but not taking into consideration what the circumstances are for

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Speaker 3: us and what it is that we end up having

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Speaker 3: to manage and order for us to be able to

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Speaker 3: produce what for what looks like coming from other people

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Speaker 3: as these you know, absolutely fabulous like seamless lives, Like

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Speaker 3: why we don't have that? While the dynamics don't always

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Speaker 3: lend themselves to our being able to have the exact

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Speaker 3: same things as other people. But again, if you look

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Speaker 3: at from the concept of pulling yourself up by your

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Speaker 3: own bootstraps, no boots, no straps, but managed to be

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Speaker 3: stepping up and down the street like major dads in

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Speaker 3: the bread, I mean making it look graceful, like Okay,

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Speaker 3: this is easy. Everybody should be able to pull us

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Speaker 3: off while pulling a community of people behind you. Give

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Speaker 3: me a break.

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Speaker 4: That part is on point that came up on one

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Speaker 4: of our last episodes to Doctor Mudy, this idea of like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

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Speaker 2: We don't have no groups.

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Speaker 4: We won't have no straps, like and you said something

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Speaker 4: about socialization, and it made me think about how I

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Speaker 4: don't know if you ladies heard this, but when I

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Speaker 4: was younger, you know, a lot of the older women

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Speaker 4: would say things like, oh, you need to learn how

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Speaker 4: to cook and.

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Speaker 2: Clean so you can find a good man.

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Speaker 4: Like it's always put on us, and it's like you

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Speaker 4: got to be strong, you know, it's like be strong

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Speaker 4: to what extent, right, And then we always heard in school,

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Speaker 4: especially if you got to work harders than everyone else,

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Speaker 4: you gotta work harders in your accounting parts. And then

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Speaker 4: it makes me also think about how we hear these

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Speaker 4: stories from certain medical doctors where they view black people

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Speaker 4: as stronger. Right, so now it's like, well, my pain

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Speaker 4: isn't good enough to be validated and I can't get

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Speaker 4: medicine because so I mean, you think about all of

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Speaker 4: that in addition to what you were saying about socialization.

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Speaker 2: It's like, well, god, damn, you know, all this on

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Speaker 2: our shoulders. It's a lot. So how I'm mad at

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Speaker 2: doctor Moody. How do we do that?

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Speaker 3: One of the first things that we have to do

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Speaker 3: is to challenge those particular ideas. I mean, sometimes we

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Speaker 3: just have to do some reality testing. If you just

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Speaker 3: tell the whole story, well, I don't we have a

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Speaker 3: house that she has, and you don't necessarily have the husband,

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Speaker 3: and I don't have the same job that she has.

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Speaker 3: That kind of stuff. I mean, when we're talking about

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Speaker 3: these things, we kind of have to talk about the

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Speaker 3: circumstances that allow for that. The reality is that despite

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Speaker 3: the hand that we had and actually creating literally physically

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Speaker 3: building everything that exists to these United States, generational wealth

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Speaker 3: is not real for us. So we don't pass down

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Speaker 3: money as a matter of fact, if you look at

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Speaker 3: the reality still in twenty twenty, how many people are

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Speaker 3: burying family members for gofunding accounts. So there isn't people

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Speaker 3: whose parents are putting away money and trust funds. It's

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Speaker 3: not that when you, okay, well, when you decide that

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Speaker 3: you are going to buy a house, that your parents

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Speaker 3: have twenty five thousand dollars to give you to help

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Speaker 3: you with a down payment or anything like that. So

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Speaker 3: those are the kind of things that we kind of

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Speaker 3: take for granted, and even when it comes down to

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Speaker 3: what it is that we manage to accomplish, even in academia,

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Speaker 3: the reality is that whether or not you even have

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Speaker 3: the capacity the potential to get into schools that perhaps

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Speaker 3: might put you in positions to be corded for, you know,

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Speaker 3: these great jobs, then it might not necessarily have anything

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Speaker 3: to do with what your capacity is. But you grew

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Speaker 3: up in an environment where you went to a public

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Speaker 3: school that did not help you to actually maximize your potential,

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Speaker 3: so you didn't gain entry and to a university that

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Speaker 3: might have helped to really show up what it is

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Speaker 3: that you have to offer. So didn't you weren't necessarily

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Speaker 3: offer that job or you went to school where, hey,

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Speaker 3: nobody's over here giving our internships, So we don't know

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Speaker 3: anything about the internships that might help me to get

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Speaker 3: in better positions. So we'd also don't take into consideration

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Speaker 3: the fact that, hey, a lot of us experience role

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Speaker 3: strain and that it's not just ourselves that we end

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Speaker 3: up taking care of, especially with my affinity for historically

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Speaker 3: black colleges and universities having I can't tell you how

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Speaker 3: many students that I've had who've come to school and

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Speaker 3: they come to school completely on financial aid, but they're

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Speaker 3: financial aid they don't get to use just for what

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Speaker 3: is that they need to go to school and to live,

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Speaker 3: but they're trying to help to take care of their families.

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Speaker 3: And I got to go home home and do such

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Speaker 3: and such to make sure my kid brother has uniforms

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Speaker 3: for school, and they help my mom pay bills and

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Speaker 3: things of that nature. So there are a bunch of luxuries,

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Speaker 3: and I'm calling them luxuries because from our perspective, that's

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Speaker 3: kind of what they end up looking like. There's not

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Speaker 3: a whole lot of stuff that we have access to

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Speaker 3: that sets us up to be in the same positions

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Speaker 3: as other people. Yet we have a tendency to make

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Speaker 3: it there more often than not, and we really don't

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Speaker 3: take any consideration than the amount of work that it

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Speaker 3: actually takes to do that. So what we really have

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Speaker 3: to do is first of all, tell the entire story

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Speaker 3: and give ourselves permission to be human and to really

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Speaker 3: be able to determine for ourselves. Okay, wood for me

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Speaker 3: is awesome. Wood for me constitutes excellence and accomplished because

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Speaker 3: when I look at what's happening over here with these

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Speaker 3: people who have been handed everything, then they have a

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Speaker 3: completely different set of standards. They're working with some different circumstances,

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Speaker 3: and for me, I kind of need to be a

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Speaker 3: bit more realistic with myself. And though it's cute to

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Speaker 3: be able to say consistently made something from nothing, at

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Speaker 3: the end of the day, what did it cost you?

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Speaker 3: What does it cost you? So we have to give

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Speaker 3: ourselves permission to be self defined and to determine for

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Speaker 3: ourselves what we have the capacity to do, and to

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Speaker 3: take care of who we are, to not let our

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Speaker 3: excellence be defined by anybody else. And when it comes

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Speaker 3: down to our relationship shows sometimes despite how difficult they

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Speaker 3: can be, we have to learn how to love ourselves

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Speaker 3: and love other people from a distance.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes to the men on that you said roll strained,

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Speaker 4: and I was just like, oh, can you talk of

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Speaker 4: it about roll strain?

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Speaker 2: But then I wanted to ask you too as.

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Speaker 4: Well, is there anything you can think of that you've

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Speaker 4: accomplished that might be like non traditional and like I

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Speaker 4: want to see the corporate sense, but just some can

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Speaker 4: we give examples of, like what does that look like

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Speaker 4: for you? Where you know, as your role as a

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Speaker 4: black woman, you've accomplished something that others may not think.

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Speaker 3: Is a big deal but because of your unique sity situation.

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Speaker 4: And the one that I think about is like registering

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Speaker 4: my siblings for school, like as a college student trying

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Speaker 4: to go to school but having to take care of

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Speaker 4: these younger siblings and like going to send their birth

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Speaker 4: certificate and stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: So do you have just.

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Speaker 4: Something else that other ladies can like latch onto as

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Speaker 4: they listen for those examples.

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Speaker 3: Attempting to take care of parents' business because they are

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Speaker 3: not clear on what their options are living in California,

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Speaker 3: being in graduate school, and never forget, my parents are

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Speaker 3: still at home in New Orleans and a whole lot

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Speaker 3: of the mindset is their relationships with let's say, medical

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Speaker 3: professionals tend to be pretty paternalistic, so they don't ask

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Speaker 3: a lot of questions, they don't advocate for themselves. They

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Speaker 3: really don't know what's best for them. They don't hold

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Speaker 3: people accountable, and they don't get the information to find

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Speaker 3: out what options they really have as far as their

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Speaker 3: care is concerned. So they basically kind of take the

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Speaker 3: word of the medical professionals. And there have been times when,

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Speaker 3: especially being a psychologist, understanding kind of like what this

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Speaker 3: integrated medical care stuff has a potential to look like,

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Speaker 3: particularly for like aging parents, It's like, yeah, no, did

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Speaker 3: you ask this question my dad's doctor. My parents have

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Speaker 3: had the same doctor for like one hundred and fifty

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Speaker 3: five but jillion years, I swear. And my dad had

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Speaker 3: colon cancer and a friend of his told him, you know,

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Speaker 3: when he kind of mentioned some of the symptoms, told

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Speaker 3: him that you should talk to your doctor about it.

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Speaker 3: The doctor was like, oh, okay, well, no, we don't

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Speaker 3: see anything, and his friend encouraged him to get a

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Speaker 3: second opinion. The second doctor told him they found like

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Speaker 3: a baseball sized polyup, and it was like, okay, if

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Speaker 3: you don't take care of this now, you got about

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Speaker 3: four months. So the sad part is that my dad

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Speaker 3: wanted to go back to the doctor. There's the same doctor.

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Speaker 3: There was a sense of loyalty that they felt to

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Speaker 3: this particular doctor and as opposed to them feeling like

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Speaker 3: they could manage their business as adults. I had to

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Speaker 3: be calling back and forth to check people on what

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Speaker 3: I know was supposed to be happening. Are you what

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Speaker 3: about their medication? Have you followed up with whoever the

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Speaker 3: oncologist is If you decided to stay with this person

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Speaker 3: who told you that nothing happened and missed all of

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Speaker 3: the signs, I don't understand how you could put your

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Speaker 3: care in people's hands. So ultimately trying to figure out

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Speaker 3: how to and my parents, who weren't that old at

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Speaker 3: that particular time, because they're still doing great, like right

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Speaker 3: now in terms of their cognitive functioning, so it's not

440
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 3: like they were you know, it was any dementia or anything,

441
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 3: but just the idea that they felt subservient to these

442
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 3: particular people and that they didn't have license or you

443
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 3: just kind of don't ask questions of the doctor. You

444
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 3: just do what they tell you to do. So having

445
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 3: to take care of those kind of things and manage

446
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 3: their business from California in order to assure that my

447
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 3: parents were receiving the care. And I'm not even saying

448
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 3: they had to be the absolute best care, but the

449
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,880
Speaker 3: reality is that there were some things that they had

450
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: rights to that they were paying for those particular services,

451
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 3: and the fact that they weren't advocating for themselves meant

452
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 3: that somebody else had to step in and take care

453
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,640
Speaker 3: of it. And that's just the one wow of the examples. Wow.

454
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, and you're doing that, and I want

455
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: our listeners to be clear that you were taking care

456
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 1: of this when you were in graduate school, a program

457
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: that is not and you were also thousands, one hundreds

458
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: of miles away in California managing this, And so I

459
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: just think about, yes, how magical we really are, and

460
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 1: how in those moments when you were in graduate school,

461
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 1: while you are sitting there trying to take care of

462
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: your parents, you showing up the class was enough, right? Yeah,

463
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 1: I mean, I knowing you to doctor Moody and I

464
00:24:54,480 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: go back, so knowing you you were still on top

465
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: of your school work, showing up in class and leading discussions, right.

466
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, that hasn't changed. That has Yeah, that that hasn't

467
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 3: And often considering when went to graduate school with the

468
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 3: conversations were about and the extent to which they literally

469
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 3: had let me say that they were not necessarily appropriate

470
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 3: for mental health services for people who look like me.

471
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 3: So a lot of it was Okay, I hear you,

472
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,439
Speaker 3: but I have a challenge for that, what about this?

473
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 3: What about that? So trying to advocate for people who

474
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 3: look like me for appropriate care for people who look

475
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: like me in Los Angeles walters in school, as well

476
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 3: as on the phone back and forth with what should

477
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 3: actually be happening with my parents. Yeah, so it's been

478
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 3: a bit of a fight. I didn't have the luxury

479
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 3: being able to focus on just the work because it

480
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 3: couldn't be just work for me because the reality of

481
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 3: collectivism and the necessity of and to take care. It

482
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 3: wasn't like that was folklore for me. That that was

483
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 3: I mean it, it is what we do. We have

484
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 3: to show up. And of course, in the meantime, you

485
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 3: know how we do in the meantime, serving on several

486
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 3: committees at school, and I'm working on research outside of

487
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 3: school and serving with professional organizations and doing community work.

488
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 3: So yeah, it was it was a lot.

489
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 2: It was.

490
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 3: It was a lot. It was a lot. And guess

491
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 3: what my peers weren't doing all of it. Yeah, they weren't.

492
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 1: It's not And if for one moment you were not

493
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: present in class, then it became a problem. And then

494
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: my guess is, because this is what happened to a

495
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 1: lot of us, is that now all of a sudden,

496
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 1: because they questioned that one time that you couldn't be

497
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 1: fully present because of all the other ship you had

498
00:26:55,640 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 1: going on outside, now you end up question yourself.

499
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, because you think about it, there is a

500
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 3: responsibility on our part to be very careful in mixed

501
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 3: company to not reinforce the stereotypes. So, and you know

502
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 3: who I am, and I have the capacity to be

503
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 3: very passionate about the stuff that I care about, and

504
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 3: it comes out so the notion that I have to

505
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 3: consider how I can present my frustration without reinforcing the

506
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 3: angry black lady stereotype and giving them calls to completely

507
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: dismiss whatever it is that I'm saying because I'm crazy. Yeah,

508
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 3: so there's that piece. And the one time that you

509
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 3: happen to not be available where you don't you're not

510
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 3: fully present in class, So well, how does she manage

511
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 3: to get here anyway? Does she deserve to be here?

512
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: Right?

513
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

514
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 4: She really wants this, right, and they don't know that

515
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 4: when you look at not that we're comparing, but I mean,

516
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 4: if you're for the sake of this conversation, if you're

517
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 4: comparing the place, it's like you have this whole other

518
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 4: world and communities and and people that are like really

519
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 4: on their shoulders, right, and so it's just we need

520
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:04,880
Speaker 4: to give ourselves a more credit.

521
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 3: That's what we know. Literally, but we actually that's the

522
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 3: first thing we have to do is to slow down

523
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 3: and be able to look at the larger picture. What's

524
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: interesting is that, and it is a circle group. A

525
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 3: lot of what we've been talking about is like these

526
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 3: COVID realizations that people have been having because it's forced

527
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,479
Speaker 3: folks to slow down. You can't function or overproduce at

528
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,760
Speaker 3: the same rate you've been able to before. So it's

529
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 3: when you kind of stop and look at what all

530
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 3: literally is on your plate, then it makes sense that

531
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: you're super anxious. It makes sense that you do not sleep,

532
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 3: your brain does not shut off. You got to take

533
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 3: your cap caffeine intoxication during the day, and then you

534
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 3: need to all the melotonin to get to sleep at night.

535
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 3: And that's if you get to sleep for three or

536
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 3: four hours before you jump up almost in a panic

537
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 3: about something else that you feel like you're supposed to

538
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 3: have been doing. So it's a crazy it's a crazy

539
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 3: making cycle. It's a crazy making cycle. And if again,

540
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 3: if we look at the larger picture, it would help

541
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 3: us to do some reality testing, like oh, you should

542
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 3: be doing this with in actuality. We won't lend credit

543
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 3: to ourselves that we give to other people. We don't,

544
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 3: so we have to look at what's reasonable. And I

545
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 3: don't know about everybody else, but I retired my cape.

546
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 3: I don't need to be super retired a retired mind.

547
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 3: I don't.

548
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 7: Twenty twenty that Cape said, nope, nasis.

549
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 4: Now yeah, Superwoman is not sexy, okay, overrated?

550
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, super Woman needs several seats, several

551
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 3: seats now speaking of.

552
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: It, okay, several seats. Now.

553
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 4: One conversation that Dom and I were having when we're

554
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 4: talking about this idea of some black women that may

555
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 4: talk about things going on in their life at brunch

556
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 4: but not necessarily be open to group therapy. What is

557
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 4: the story behind us? Because this is the world that

558
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 4: you two are in as psychologists, right, So tell me

559
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 4: more about Like what do you sing around bextu? I

560
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 4: was trying to think of experiences that I've had where

561
00:29:58,440 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 4: I can, honest I don't know if you'll have the

562
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 4: EXPERI where you need to go to someone, like you know,

563
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 4: a black person, whether it's in the practice, and share

564
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 4: confidential details about yourself or go to a different person.

565
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 4: And sometimes there's this idea of oh, do I want

566
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 4: to go to that person because judgment and all the

567
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 4: things that come with this. So what are you hearing

568
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 4: about those conversations?

569
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, what it seems like is that we have to show,

570
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 3: regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the amount of depression

571
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 3: that black women disproportionately experienced, regardless of the amount of

572
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 3: anxiety that we manage, we have to show up looking

573
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 3: like we got it all together, flaw lists, completely put together,

574
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 3: and guess what, we don't just do that in more

575
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 3: mainstream environments, we do that with each other. So although

576
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 3: it might sound like okay, well, we understand, like how

577
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 3: extreme a lot of the concept of the reality shows are. Unfortunately,

578
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 3: there is some truth to the notion that if you

579
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 3: knew the backstory happening with some of these people, We're

580
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 3: going to hang out on the beach and they like

581
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 3: have on They're all glammed up, like they spent two

582
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 3: hours in the hair and makeup, and it's like, are

583
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 3: you kidding me? Only to know that your life is

584
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 3: a train wreck behind that, So I think a lot

585
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 3: of it is putting on air so that you can

586
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 3: look like you have all of it together. The unfortunate

587
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: reality is that I understand that particularly a lot of

588
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 3: women who are accomplished. And when I'm gonna say I

589
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 3: say accomplished, I'm going to say superficially because you could

590
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: be Mary Jane all day long, all day long. But

591
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 3: in the meantime, what we know about MARYA Jane is

592
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 3: that empty pieces were before you know, she got married

593
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 3: to Justin. At the end, all of the empty stuff

594
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 3: on the inside was taken over her entire life. It

595
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 3: was overwhelming, overshadowing everything else. So she had all of

596
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 3: this maladaptive stuff that's going on. So if you are

597
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 3: all well put together but your life is a train wreck,

598
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 3: then people kind of get together and you feel like

599
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 3: they get points for making it look easy, but in

600
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 3: actuality they don't want to get around other folks and

601
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 3: allow for other people to perhaps be able to see

602
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 3: that maybe there's a crack somewhere in the glass and

603
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 3: maybe I don't have it all together. And you know,

604
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 3: I think that some of what we experience, some of

605
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 3: what I've heard, some of what I've heard, particularly for

606
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 3: a lot of the ladies that we see in our groups,

607
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 3: A lot of them are like the only one. A

608
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 3: lot of them they're only black, a lot in some

609
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 3: circles they're the only female, and so they are kind

610
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 3: of socializing and reinforce and validated for kind of having

611
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 3: it all together, keeping it looking like it's all together.

612
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 3: But at the same time, they experience a lot of

613
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 3: what they experience in isolation, so they feel like other

614
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 3: people don't know what it is that I'm really trying

615
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 3: to manage, especially if you're like the only one in

616
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 3: your family who has that level of accomplishment, that level

617
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 3: of status, and people are depending on you to be

618
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 3: able to help to carry everybody else, So it's not

619
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 3: like there's room for you to be able to say, Okay,

620
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,239
Speaker 3: you know what I'm really struggling in resentment around all

621
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 3: the stuff that I was accomplished and the life that

622
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 3: I want has completely escaped me. And so now I'm

623
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 3: stuck in this job with these people that I don't

624
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 3: care anything about that I have worked my entire life

625
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 3: to actually get to this place. So a lot of

626
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 3: them don't give they don't give themselves permission to feel

627
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,239
Speaker 3: to be vulnerable or to feel like they're actually being

628
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:23,560
Speaker 3: identified as flawed in front of other people walking around

629
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 3: looking perfectly put together. And so some of them might

630
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 3: be interested and having the one on one conversation with therapists,

631
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 3: but won't have the conversations in group, not understanding that

632
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 3: groops normalize it. It's like, girl, when I tell you,

633
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 3: I'll see you, when I tell you, I'll see you,

634
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 3: all of it, all of it. I see you, I

635
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: see you, and it is okay, And it is not

636
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 3: your fault. It is not your fault. It's not so

637
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 3: it's hard.

638
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: It's so hard. And I also think about like college students, right,

639
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: because both work on college campuses. And what I think

640
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: about is the number of times that I've tried to

641
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 1: hold groups just for black women on a college campus

642
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 1: on multiple college campuses have hit this and it doesn't

643
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: really work right and so to me, but I don't

644
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,280
Speaker 1: see them hanging out on.

645
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 8: Campus because you see it.

646
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: I think it goes back to what you were saying

647
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: about this mean to in the group therapy setting, when

648
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: you are being asked to be truly vulnerable, really let

649
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: that guard down in the space that has set up,

650
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 1: because we know is a safe, comfortable, warm, validating space

651
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: that for some black women, particularly college age, that can

652
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: be the most error find space if you are not

653
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,360
Speaker 1: in a space where you are really ready to be

654
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: seen right by multiple people who may know you in

655
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: multiple areas outside of that therapy room. Because I think

656
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: about like your sister circle, and my guess is, like

657
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,399
Speaker 1: what you were saying about some of those women who

658
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 1: are in spaces where they're the only one, well, then yes,

659
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 1: this a group therapy space is going to be exactly

660
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: what they need because they don't have it outside of

661
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: that right, But for those who have it in multiple areas.

662
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: And if you're let's say on a small college campus,

663
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:51,440
Speaker 1: particularly a predominantly white campus, then we know all the

664
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: black folks know each other. So if I see you

665
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: in group therapy and while we know that it's supposed

666
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 1: to be confidential, oftentimes the fear is if I see

667
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 1: you in group therapy and then I see you across

668
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: campus later on, are you going to share my business?

669
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 1: That's the fear that keeps.

670
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 7: Them from coming in right right.

671
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: But they're in. They kind of know that, Okay, well wait,

672
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 1: if I share your business, that means that you could

673
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: share my business because we were both in that same space. Actually,

674
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,280
Speaker 1: maybe what we could be beneficial is if we share

675
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 1: our business, because all are the business that we're sharing

676
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 1: needs to be shared so that change can happen on

677
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: multiple levels.

678
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 3: I don't know that they can get past how big

679
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: the business is a lot of times, at least how

680
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 3: big it seems, because it's almost like paper that just

681
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 3: stacks up, and it stacks up. You don't have conversations

682
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 3: about the stuff. A lot of times there's shame attached

683
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 3: to things. We talk about. This inadequacy stuff. There's so

684
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 3: many different things that kind of contribute to the weights

685
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 3: that we walk around carrying. Keep trying to figure out

686
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 3: how to dress them up better so you know, we

687
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 3: can be more fly than we are. Waited, I think

688
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 3: that there might be a whole lot more focus on

689
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: trying to hide it as opposed to considering that there

690
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 3: might be a bunch of other people who care in

691
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 3: the same thing that you got going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

692
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 2: And it makes me think, I wonder if there's.

693
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 4: An opportunity for us to sort of be engaged with

694
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 4: our story in a different way where we realize that

695
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 4: what we're going through, what happened to us, like that

696
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 4: stuff doesn't define us, that we have to we have

697
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 4: to protect it and be ashamed and embarrassed by it.

698
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 4: And then I also wanted to ask you about do

699
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 4: you notice anything, because I feel like church is one

700
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,800
Speaker 4: of the places I think about when this happens, because

701
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 4: I've talked I mean, I've been raised in church my

702
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 4: whole life, and I'm, you know, to be honest with

703
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:53,359
Speaker 4: my family is one of the families where it's like

704
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 4: you're the family on the fan, right, everything looks good,

705
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 4: but behind scenes, all hell was bringing loose, okay, And

706
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 4: so when you think about about that, it's like it

707
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 4: sometimes I like when constant black people or black women,

708
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 4: we don't want to share this stuff with our people

709
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 4: for sure, because we're like, we've really got to hold

710
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 4: up that image perfection. But if it slips out in

711
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 4: another community, then it's a little different because it's like,

712
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 4: as long as my people don't know that we're.

713
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 3: Really struggling and this is going on, do you.

714
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 2: Notice that at all?

715
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 3: As far as honey, let me tell you something about

716
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 3: church people. You want to talk about fear of judgment? Oh,

717
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 3: my goodness. The church is supposed to be as I

718
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 3: understand it, because somebody could have some different perceptions about this,

719
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 3: as I understand that the church is supposed to be

720
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:44,720
Speaker 3: where the sick folk come to actually receive healing and salvation. Yes,

721
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 3: but a lot of times the black churches don't want

722
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 3: you unless you're already healed. So if you're coming in

723
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 3: here looking sick to mean God, there's probably going to

724
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 3: be some side or conversations about what's going on and

725
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 3: why you're sick and everything else. And the unfortunate reality

726
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 3: is that what we do is well, let me not

727
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 3: identify myself as church people because I happen to be

728
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 3: a Christian. I think Christians in practice in church people

729
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,320
Speaker 3: are two completely different things. But if the church people

730
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 3: are the ones who maintain the facides and who actually

731
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 3: they deter the people who need to be in church

732
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 3: because of the judgment, and in the meantime, while they're

733
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 3: working on looking prim and proper, everything is falling to pieces.

734
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,360
Speaker 3: Everything is falling to pieces. In addition to the fact

735
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 3: that regardless of what you got going on in the

736
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 3: pull pit and who all of the secrets with the past,

737
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 3: and who are stealing the money in the back and

738
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 3: what all else is going on between the deacons and

739
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,240
Speaker 3: the deaconesses and all the rest of the other extracurricular stuff.

740
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:55,280
Speaker 3: In addition to all of that, we are telling people

741
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 3: that psychotherapy is not good, that you should just pray.

742
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 3: You just just pray if you because guess what if

743
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 3: you do go to therapy, it means, oh, ye have

744
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 3: little faith, uh huh. And in addition to that, some

745
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,720
Speaker 3: of the conversations that we don't have about, particularly around

746
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 3: the patriarchy in the church and the notion that there

747
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 3: is a tendency to hyper spiritualize the very human experiences

748
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 3: of the people who sit in in the church. So,

749
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 3: for example, one of the conversations that me and another

750
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 3: friend of I have as a matter of fact, doctor

751
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 3: Camp that we do the sister circle groups with, and

752
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,319
Speaker 3: we talk about the single black women.

753
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 2: And the like.

754
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 3: How the percentage of the actual church body that they

755
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 3: make up. And it's one thing for you to have

756
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 3: the single black women and when generationally the expectation was

757
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 3: that you get married by twenty six or you know,

758
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: twenty seven whatever. But if you forty five fifty and

759
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 3: you sit in the church, and the reality is that

760
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 3: they are very human experiences for people who have adopted

761
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 3: and internalize very traditional values. That you don't have. You

762
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 3: don't have a husband, you don't have children, and all

763
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 3: you have is your job. What that means, you know,

764
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 3: for some people's perspective, that you have more time to

765
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 3: lend to the church. But there's no consideration from a

766
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 3: very human reality and experience of what that looks like.

767
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 3: You just wait. The pause is intentional. You just wait.

768
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 3: There's no other conversation about what that might look like.

769
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 3: Because you didn't make yourself human. There are some instinctual

770
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,799
Speaker 3: things that are happening with you as an individual. There

771
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 3: are some realities that you can't control, per se but

772
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 3: there's nothing else to offer other than wait and serve

773
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 3: while you're waiting. In the meantime, there are different allowances

774
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 3: for other people's mistakes and indiscretions. But a lot of

775
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 3: times the women in the church are expected to don't

776
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: hyper spiritualize the very real human experiences because when it

777
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 3: comes down to it, a lot of the men do.

778
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 3: Then there is room for error, then there are there's

779
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 3: a road to redemption, and the people can be redeemed

780
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,400
Speaker 3: and then take their rightful place again. But for women,

781
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 3: you sit and you wait. So, yeah, there's a lot

782
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 3: of our stuff, and it has implications for what a

783
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 3: lot of people's spirituality ends up looking like, because you know,

784
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 3: though I can celebrate other people's stuff, but if I

785
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 3: did what I was supposed to do, or let me

786
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 3: say what y'all told me to do, and all you

787
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 3: have for me yet is to you still sit and

788
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 3: you wait until you know what the Lord has for

789
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 3: youse for you, and until it shows up, you sit

790
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 3: in this pew faithfully and you serve with new level

791
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 3: of consideration for what that might actually look like in

792
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 3: terms of your human experience. So it's interesting and the

793
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 3: judgment when you don't the judgment the judgment.

794
00:42:55,120 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 2: Have you ever had the scholar of the churches church

795
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: mother's son come to church too?

796
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 3: Q oh okay or be the one who's decided, you

797
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 3: know what, I want a baby. So I'm going to

798
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 3: do IVF by myself, and I'm going to have one

799
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 3: come to church looking like you six or seven months

800
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 3: pregnant with no husband, girl.

801
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 2: In the scout. Do you understand?

802
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 1: So now we got the movie as we think about

803
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: all of these things that we carry as black women,

804
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,839
Speaker 1: and one of the things that you've been saying is

805
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 1: the need for us to really like take pause and

806
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: take care of ourselves. What do you do to take

807
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: care of yourself? And what would you recommend for other

808
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: black women to do to like take care of themselves.

809
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 3: I do not mind sharing that I have not arrived,

810
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 3: but what I I have learned to do is to

811
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 3: first of all, establish boundaries with people. And I had

812
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 3: to learn how to say no and be okay with

813
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 3: it because I don't have a responsibility and obligation to

814
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 3: carry everybody's everything. And I had to start doing spending

815
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 3: more time with myself and reflecting and paying attention to

816
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,960
Speaker 3: how I was responding to what my experiences were. I mean, also,

817
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 3: like I said, you know, I'm a practicing Christian, so

818
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 3: in terms of my spiritual relationship, then there were some

819
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 3: things that kind of had to pay attention to in

820
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 3: terms of being able to reconnect to what I understand

821
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 3: is my purpose and what things were kind of detracting

822
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 3: and pulling away from that in order for me to

823
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:46,080
Speaker 3: be able to get back on track. And so a

824
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 3: part of what I had been doing is overproducing and

825
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 3: showing up when everybody else decided that they needed for

826
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 3: me to show up, and extending more than I had

827
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 3: for whoever was that they decided that they needed, and

828
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 3: for every cause being a good I had to like, okay,

829
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 3: Jane's your path needs to be a bit more narrow

830
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 3: than this, and then take into consideration that my resources

831
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 3: are limited. So just like as a psychologist, I preach

832
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 3: that you have to take care of yourself and put

833
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 3: your own oxygen mask on before you put it, you know,

834
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 3: try to help anybody else. A huge part of what

835
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 3: I had to learn how to do is put my

836
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 3: own oxygen mask on, not feel guilty about it, and

837
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 3: be okay with other people figuring out how to do

838
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 3: whatever it is that they need to do. That's a

839
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 3: huge part of it. And every now and then, just

840
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,280
Speaker 3: like we protect time for you know, if there's nothing

841
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 3: else you know hearing people say, oh, well, you know

842
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: it's time for me to start being disciplined.

843
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:36,720
Speaker 2: Honey.

844
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 3: If I tell you nothing else, I would not have

845
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,760
Speaker 3: had four degrees by thirty. If I could not be disciplined,

846
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 3: I couldn't. So I think I've done my share of

847
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 3: being disciplined. That is most certainly not a skill that

848
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 3: I'm voud of, but the notion that I can figure

849
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 3: out how to protect time, resources, and energy to take

850
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 3: care of myself, much like the time that I protected

851
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 3: to make sure that I read articles and and to

852
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 3: make sure that I wrote what I needed to wrote

853
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 3: and finished assessments and wrote reports and all the rest

854
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 3: of this stuff in graduate school and the other stuff

855
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 3: that I did to invest in all of these other

856
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 3: external things, I've been able to take into consideration. See

857
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 3: who I am really this constellation of really interesting idiosyncrasies,

858
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 3: and like you know, I love all of that. It

859
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 3: is unique and it was divinely created, so you have

860
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 3: responsibility to protect it or you won't be able to

861
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 3: give to the world whatever it is that you created

862
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,400
Speaker 3: to give to the world. So I had to start

863
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,400
Speaker 3: taking care better care of me. And like I said,

864
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 3: because I'm very passionate about being able to give to

865
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 3: the communities that I care about and the causes that

866
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 3: I am passionate about. And a lot of times I

867
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 3: feel pulled every time there's something that's a worthy cause

868
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,479
Speaker 3: that I want to give myself. But you can't give

869
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 3: good to everything. You can't. So being selective giving myself

870
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,879
Speaker 3: permission to reprioritize and when it's time to go sit down,

871
00:46:55,760 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 3: go sit down and not feel obligated to explain. I

872
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 3: don't have to explain and I don't need nobody give

873
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 3: me permission.

874
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, that part, I love it.

875
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: That is the hard part is making sure that we

876
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: know that no is a complete sentence and that we

877
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 1: don't have to explain ourselves to anybody, and we owe

878
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:26,720
Speaker 1: no one no explanations for us saying sorry, I can't

879
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: do that, or and what I.

880
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,320
Speaker 3: Was about to say before you even said sorry is apologizing.

881
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 3: I don't know that we pay attention to how often

882
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 3: we apologize, oh, I'm sorry, whether it is sorry not

883
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 3: for interrupting, but for so much as even having a voice,

884
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 3: like oh I'm sorry, I just wanted to say. Other

885
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 3: people ain't apologizing for having a voice. Don't apologize for

886
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 3: having one don't don't, well I can't, I can't do it,

887
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 3: or how about give yourself permission to decide maybe I

888
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 3: can't do it, but I won't I'm not.

889
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not.

890
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 3: I'm not.

891
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 11: No.

892
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 3: No, it is and we don't give ourselves that. We

893
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 3: don't give ourselves and as a matter of fact, we

894
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 3: allow other people to take it on some level. Expect

895
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 3: that we have to shift that stuff up and guess what,

896
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 3: it doesn't happen in one day because it has to

897
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 3: be deprogrammed. It has to be deprogrammed. And it is

898
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 3: a good thing for us to surround and connect ourselves

899
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 3: with people who understand and who can resonate with that

900
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 3: and who reinforce it and you can reinforce it with

901
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 3: each other and put that down get.

902
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 2: We definitely do that for each other for sure. That

903
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 2: is powerful. I mean this.

904
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 4: I cannot wait to listen back to this episode. This

905
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 4: is definitely one of those episodes where I'm like, oh,

906
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,439
Speaker 4: I can't wait to listen to this. And you said

907
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 4: something about shifting and so doctor Hudu about to shift

908
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 4: up the energy.

909
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 2: Of the podcast a little bit.

910
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multi

911
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 4: a woman, and we believe that it's okay to be

912
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 4: classy and ratchet. You can still be elegant and dance

913
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 4: to strip plug music. We want to invite you to

914
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 4: the oh you clatchet segment now before I ask if

915
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 4: you're going to take on the challenge. Before the interview,

916
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 4: doctor Mordy was like, so I'm good to go, but

917
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 4: what's this watship part about it? So now is the time,

918
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 4: doctor Moody go down? So do you take on the challenge?

919
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

920
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 3: I ain't scared a a.

921
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 4: All right, all right, let's kick it off. We'll start

922
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 4: with a little easy question here. Okay, so what topic

923
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 4: can you talk about all day long?

924
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 3: Relationships? Relationships? Yeah, yeah, hey yeah, I.

925
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,399
Speaker 2: Have to have you back to talk about some relationships.

926
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 3: Then, so many moving parts, so many moving parts. Yeah yeah, yeah.

927
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 3: I did a lot of research on a matter of fact,

928
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 3: my dissertation focus on African American heterosexual relationships, like trying

929
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 3: to figure out what in the hell is going on?

930
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 3: How do we get here? And how do we so?

931
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, get bad? So another question?

932
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 7: Work or two steps?

933
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 2: Come on? Now, are you all familiar with my good.

934
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 3: Friend freedom honey, it has to be.

935
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 2: It's it's a part of it is it's in the water.

936
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 3: I'm from New Orleans. Yeah, yes, yes, So it's gonna

937
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 3: be a twerk. Yeah, it's not gonna be a two

938
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 3: step it's not.

939
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 2: Yes, I love it. Put my good room, Freda. I

940
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 2: love it.

941
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 3: I love it.

942
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 4: Now speaking of twerk, and okay, what song gets you

943
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 4: on the dance floor at the club or the party?

944
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 3: Oh, my goodness, are you kidding me? Back that ass up?

945
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 3: It just it's classic.

946
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 2: It is classic.

947
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 3: I'm so like, wait a minute, I can be cute

948
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,480
Speaker 3: and everything else, but let me drop this drunk. Do

949
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:48,800
Speaker 3: I need to take these shoes off with it's about

950
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 3: to go down?

951
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 2: Uh huh?

952
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

953
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,359
Speaker 4: Flat to one that has to be our like an

954
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 4: episode theme song, because I swear so many of our

955
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 4: guests are like that that happens now right.

956
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 2: I love it? I love it?

957
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:09,720
Speaker 7: Yes, Yes, Now here's one that really is. We're going in. Okay,

958
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 7: your student might not need to hear this answer, but

959
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 7: we're gonna go there.

960
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,520
Speaker 3: We're gonna see, We're gonna see because they get a lot.

961
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 7: What would your stripper name be?

962
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 2: Hm, that's a good question. You have a fun last name.

963
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 4: So I feel like you could really come up with something.

964
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 3: Oh goodness, Oh goodness, she put me on that kind

965
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 3: of front street. She put me on that kind of

966
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 3: front street.

967
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 2: That is a I don't.

968
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 3: I'm mad that I never I never even entertainment. I'm

969
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 3: mad and never entertainment. I feel like I've been limited it.

970
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 7: I love it, we have you, I love it.

971
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 2: Yes, Okay, I don't know.

972
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 3: I'm thinking it would have to have something to do

973
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 3: with thighs.

974
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 4: Oh, it would have to have soody thigh, moody thigh.

975
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 3: It would have to have something with thighs.

976
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, there we go. We got a little preview. There,

977
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 2: there you go. Last question.

978
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm listening.

979
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 2: I'm listening. I'm listening.

980
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 4: So I just said, movie guys, our last question for you,

981
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 4: doctor movie is how do you want to be remembered

982
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 4: when you think about your legacy.

983
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 3: As committed, inspirational, motivational, and committed. I self described as

984
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 3: a change agent, and I won't have anything different. You

985
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 3: can't sit me down from it, you can't pull me

986
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 3: away from it. And I challenge and charge my students

987
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:43,880
Speaker 3: to the exact same things. I don't give them the

988
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 3: luxury of not knowing. So I want to be remembered

989
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 3: for shifting paradigms, for increasing people's consciousness Anywharenes's so much

990
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 3: so to the point where once you know you can't

991
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 3: not know despite what you decide to do with it,

992
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 3: that you'll be able to see things clearer and be

993
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 3: more responsible for making a decision and informed decision on

994
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,880
Speaker 3: whether or not you will be the something that makes

995
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 3: something be different, or if whether or not you will

996
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 3: contribute to the maintenance of status status quo. Yeah, the

997
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 3: change agent. I want a Yeah, I want to be

998
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 3: remembered for being a change agent. Yeah, yeah, powerful, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

999
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 2: This conversation has been so incredible.

1000
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for sharing your insight, your gift,

1001
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 4: your humor, your stories with our audience. This was such

1002
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 4: an amazing conversation, So thank you, Thank you.

1003
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:41,680
Speaker 3: For having me. And I'm looking forward to coming back.

1004
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 7: So we have to have you back.

1005
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: And I just think about how this is like a

1006
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:51,439
Speaker 1: small little snippet, small little insight into some of our

1007
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 1: conversations that we have.

1008
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, so the big well, the few more colors,

1009
00:53:57,640 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 3: the few more colors, but absolutely absolutely yeah, yeah, I'm

1010
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 3: excited you guys are doing this. I'm excited you guys

1011
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 3: are doing I'm looking forward to coming back and sharing

1012
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:07,840
Speaker 3: with y'all.

1013
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:09,280
Speaker 2: Thank you, Doctor Moody.

1014
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 4: And if we have listeners that want to keep in

1015
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,879
Speaker 4: touch with you and learn more about you and any

1016
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 4: of your resources, where can they connect with you?

1017
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 3: You all can check me out at my website at

1018
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 3: www dot doctor Janie Moody dot com, d R J

1019
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 3: A N N I S M O O d y

1020
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 3: dot com or in doctor Jannie Moody on Facebook as well.

1021
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1022
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 4: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Heirspace podcast and

1023
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,800
Speaker 4: I have some exciting news for you. I just published

1024
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 4: my self help book, How to Glow Up as You

1025
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 4: Grow Up, your go to guide for overcoming obstacles and

1026
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 4: making lemonade. So if you've ever experienced loss, childhood, trauma,

1027
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 4: a narcissistic partner, or depression, this book is just for you.

1028
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 4: If you visit glow Up book dot com again, that's

1029
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 4: glow upbook dot com, you can order your copy today

1030
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 4: and you will surely be inspired. So I hope that

1031
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 4: you decide to join me on this journey and I'll

1032
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 4: see you soon.

1033
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,760
Speaker 6: Thanks for joining us today. In her Space.

1034
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 1: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

1035
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

1036
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

1037
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

1038
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

1039
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today

1040
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,720
Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider.

1041
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1042
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

1043
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:50,320
Speaker 4: Twitter at her space podcast, or check out our website

1044
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 4: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

1045
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:58,479
Speaker 4: after me. Although my plans may change, I will stay

1046
00:55:58,520 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 4: committed to my purpose.

1047
00:56:00,920 --> 00:56:02,359
Speaker 7: We'll see you next week, Lady