WEBVTT - ANGELA TUCKER: Closure 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:11.560 Flow down and love someone who It's a line. The 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:14.920 woman I'm about to have a conversation with has a 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:18.400 remarkable story. She is going to share her story about 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:21.360 her journey growing up in a wonderful family in a 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:26.120 community that was loving, caring, supportive. Her adoptive family are 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:30.320 just like the best people ever. But she looked nothing 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.920 like the family that adopted her. And we're going to 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:36.720 talk about her journey of finding her birth parents, what 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:40.240 that looked like, and what she discovered within herself along 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:44.599 the way. With me in the studio today. To engage 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:49.519 in conversation in our podcast is somebody that's not a 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:54.120 famous recording artist. I wanted to talk to everyday people 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:59.840 who are doing extraordinary things. And Angela, welcome to love someone. 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:01.920 With the line, I'm so excited to be here. 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:04.160 I'm so excited to be here. I saw you outside 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.200 the studio and I was hollering at you. I think 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.200 you heard me, but I recognized you, and I felt 0:01:09.200 --> 0:01:14.080 like I know you because I've watched your your movie 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:21.640 two times now, and I like finding unique things to watch, 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:25.119 like I don't own a television, but at night after 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.200 I finished the show, if I can't wind down I 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.840 look for documentaries, and I don't even know how your 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:36.280 documentary came up on my computer, but the title of 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:40.920 it is Closure, And I had no idea what it 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:45.280 was about. It just the title intrigued me. And quite honestly, 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:49.080 you're a beautiful woman, and that your beauty like intrigued 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:51.280 me because there was a picture of you and the 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.560 title of the documentary. So I said, let's see what 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:54.520 this is about. 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:58.120 That must have been really startling for you, being an 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:02.840 adoptive mother and just happening upon this story about transracial adoption. 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:07.880 Being an adoptive mother, you know, with an incredibly mixed family, 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:14.920 we're multi generational, multiracial, and I thought, well, I'll just 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:18.040 watched a few minutes of this. I watched the entire documentary. 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.280 I watched it, and I laughed with you, and I 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.000 cried with you, and I rejoiced with you. And the 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:26.520 next day I got up and I wrote to my 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:31.640 executive producer of our podcast too, also happens to be 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.399 my sister, and I said, oh, my gosh, I want 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:37.080 to get to know this lady. I want to talk 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:42.160 to her and hear your story, Angela, and have you 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:46.640 share a little bit of your story, but even more 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:51.440 how you are using your story and your history to 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:56.079 change the world for good. So welcome to our podcast. 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:56.880 Thank you so much. 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.679 So tell us a little bit about your How old 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:04.640 are you? I'm thirty three, thirty three, yeah, And how 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:07.080 old were you when you were adopted? I was about 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:10.200 a year old and it was a private adoption through 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:11.320 an adoption agency. 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:16.920 Well, I was adopted through the state. However, the private 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:20.120 agency who was in charge of me after I left 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:24.360 the hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee, wasn't able to find any 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:28.960 families that were open to the mariad of medical problems 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.600 that I was said to have, and so they opened 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:35.440 it up to the whole United States. Anybody that was 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:37.920 willing to adopt me could and so my parents were 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:41.120 adopting through the state. But they found out about me. 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:42.840 And how did they find out about you? 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:48.760 My parents had adopted several children already with disabilities, and 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:51.800 so I don't know if the agency knew about them, 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:54.920 but somehow they knew of a family who was well 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:58.600 connected with doctors and would be able to support the 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:03.040 needs that I was supposedly going to have. At the time, 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:08.600 the doctors had written that I would have spastic quadriplegia, 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:10.600 that I would never walk. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:15.560 And miss basketball star. Yeah, I saw, and in the 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:19.240 documentary there's a little bit on that, not very much. 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:24.000 But your parents worked really hard when you were a baby, right, 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:29.360 doing physical therapy and massaging and stretching, And the diagnosis 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:32.080 went from not going to walk, going to be in 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:35.440 a wheelchair. And how many of your siblings are in wheelchairs? 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.320 I know at least one is just one. 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:39.239 My sister Shauna has cerbal palsy. 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:44.320 Yeah, And so it went from from that diagnosis to well, okay, 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:47.480 well maybe she'll be able to walk with aids, with 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:53.840 walkers and crutches and braces, to playing basketball. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.599 Which I love and was my outlet. I really think 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:01.240 it was a misdiagnosis, which happens frequently when and kids 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:04.800 don't have parents in the hospital, that dates are wrong 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:09.000 on the paperwork, and I am. I think that I 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.679 had a lot of drugs in my system that made 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.440 my limbs really tight. So that, yeah, my foster parents 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.600 too had to do so much work physical therapy, but 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.640 I'm not sure that it was anything more than that. 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:25.960 So you were taken from the hospital to a foster 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.640 family yep, and I saw they're in the documentary Wonderful family. 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.040 Who shot the documentary my husband. I just had to 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.039 get that up there. What's his name, Brian? 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:37.599 And at the time he was not a filmmaker. I 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.840 really just wanted someone to capture these moments when I 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:44.800 was first meeting my birth family, because I was so overwhelmed, 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.760 and I knew that I wasn't going to remember things 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:51.440 that are really important, like what color is the siding 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:54.800 on my birth mom's house and was her grass mode? 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:58.719 And like things that seem insignificant were really important to me. 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.040 And so I was like, Brian, you just can you. 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.760 Just video this? Yeah? So how long had you known 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:07.200 Brian when you started? Because I could tell just from 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.320 the quality of the videos that when you started you 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.080 didn't think, let's turn this into a doctor. 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:14.599 No, we were just using a little flip camera. Brian 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:18.039 and I had been married maybe three or four years, 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:20.800 but all the time through our marriage and while we 0:06:20.800 --> 0:06:24.320 were dating, I was searching for my birth parents. 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:27.840 So you had questions. So you were you went from 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:32.560 the hospital, left there relinquished? Did your birth mom relinquish 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:33.520 you in the hospital. 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.080 It's all so fuzzy I'm not sure. I'm trying to 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:38.400 understand the details. 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:41.799 That sounds like she doesn't know either, right, Yeah, because 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:43.839 she was not in a good state of mind then, right, 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:46.320 So you were left at the hospital, you went into 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.159 a foster home that knew they weren't going to adopt you, 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:52.640 but cared for you, yes, and then you were placed 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:56.560 with your family, who live in uh, what's now a 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.880 pretty big town, but at the time, thirty years ago 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:00.960 a small town. 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:04.239 Yeah. Fifty thousand people in Bellingham, Washington. 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:07.320 And forty nine thousand and nine hundred of them all 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:11.160 right are white, our Caucasian? How is that? Growing up? 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:16.560 Representation is so important. But growing up you don't know 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:18.960 what you don't know. And I had a wonderful family. 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.520 Your parents are saints, by the way. I could tell 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.600 in the documentary that they just love you so much. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:29.320 They do, but they really don't like being called that. 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:31.720 No, they don't, and you know, because they're like, this 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.440 is this is our family. There are my kids. We 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:37.480 didn't do anything extraordinary, and I love that about them. 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.320 I don't think they're saints for adopting, you know, multiple kids. 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:44.120 I think they're saints for juggling everything that they did. 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:45.240 I still that's where the. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.960 Saintthood comes yes, because I know what it's like to 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:50.640 juggle one or two kids with special needs and doctor's 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:54.280 appointments and therapy. And they at one time had how 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:57.560 many kids in the house that all were going to doctors, 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:01.120 going to therapists, going to counseling, going to hospitals. 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:02.560 Maybe ten? 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:06.840 Yeah. See, that's where the sain hood comes in. That's amazing. 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:10.640 And now you're all grown. How old is the youngest? 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:12.120 Still, I'm the youngest. 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.840 You're the youngest, Yes, but I was not the last. 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:16.400 To come to our family, right. 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:20.320 But yeah, so they not only they broke all the 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:23.840 adoption roles, but I feel like your mom and I 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:25.760 are kindred spirits in so many ways. 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:26.960 I think she'd love to hear that. 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:30.600 Yeah, she sent me a present, thank you for bringing this. Yes, 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.359 so she makes these weighted fuzzy blankets. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:36.160 Yeah, I mean the weighted blankets have been so helpful 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:40.679 for me, even going through the search now in reunion. 0:08:41.360 --> 0:08:45.880 My birth dad recently passed away, which was really confusing 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.240 and difficult because I didn't know him super well. 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:51.520 But we look exactly, I exactly like it. 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:54.560 I mean, he's the first person I've ever seen that 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:55.400 I look like. 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.480 So let me just tell our listeners people who have 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:03.120 joined up love someone with Delilah. I'm talking with a 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.160 beautiful young woman, Angela Tucker, African American love the natural hair. 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:12.320 It was fun to follow you in your documentary My Hairstyles. Yeah, 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:15.480 you have great hairstyles. You have great hair. She and 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:19.840 her husband did a documentary quite by accident. Started out 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:21.720 just as a personal thing, and then they turned it 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:26.840 into a documentary called Closure that journeys. It's like a journal, 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:31.760 a video journal of your journey to find your birth family. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:35.920 And we're going to come back and talk about that 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:39.840 because there are some things that really resonated in my 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:43.360 heart about the beginning of the journey and the struggles 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:45.840 you face to find your birth family. We'll be back 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:49.800 with Angela in just a moment in the studio today 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:54.199 for our podcast. Is Angela Tucker, who is a beautiful 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.640 you could model. You're so kind, you have such a 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:02.760 radiant smile. Thank you a fun style. I noticed that 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.880 in the documentary. I don't know if you like, don't 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.360 shoot me now, because I gotta go change my clothes. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:10.160 You all, it's so cute oh thank you. 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.200 That was the thing that was hard is I would 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:18.200 be lying in bed at night with my hair wrapped, and. 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.000 You know, like it starts a videotape. 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.080 Well, I would have some thoughts about like my deepest 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.480 thoughts come when we're about to go to sleep, and 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:27.240 I would be thinking out loud, like I'm never going 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:29.400 to find my birth parents. This is never gonna happen, 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:32.920 and like lamenting to him, my husband, and he would 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.720 be like, got hold on, let me go set up 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:39.240 a camera. Oh, like no, And at that time, since 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:42.600 we didn't think the film was gonna go on Netflix 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:46.160 or Amazon Prime or anything, I was like, Yeah, this 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.240 is gonna be my home video, so you can. You 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:50.200 can film me and I'll keep talking to you. I 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:51.480 think that's the magic of. 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:53.360 It, it is that people love that. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.240 It was just really honest. 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:58.520 So let's talk about that. The beginning steps. How old 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.640 were you when you decided for reels that you were 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.640 going to search for your birth family? 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.199 Think I was about twenty one, And. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.800 One of the things that resonated with me was when 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:12.599 you first told your family supportive or not so much. 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:18.520 Very completely supportive, supportive even prior to twenty one, because 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:22.080 I'd always had so many questions about my birth family, 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.440 and it was always met with, we are curious about 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.319 your birth family too. We want to know where did 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:30.760 you get your athletic abilities from? Where did your big 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:34.480 smile come from? That felt really supportive, like I knew 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:36.800 they would be along the journey with. 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:40.040 Me, and they were along the journey the whole way. 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:44.040 However, it wasn't until I watched what my husband had 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:47.720 filmed an interview with my mom. I was watching it 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:51.800 on screen and she said that she did fear being 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:55.679 replaced by this birth mother if I found her. I 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:58.440 had never heard her say anything like that, And I 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:02.360 think that's beautiful because if I had known that, I'm 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.160 not so sure I would have searched, because I don't 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:09.240 adoptees don't want to hurt our parents, YEA or anybody. 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:13.880 And so I'm grateful that she was able to separate 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:15.800 her feelings from my needs. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.960 Right that's true love, I mean that right there is 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.160 true love. Love is saying your needs are more important 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:26.079 than my wants. So you go on this search, and 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:30.680 I love how you found your birth dad. His name 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:31.920 is so unique. 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.960 So unique. So his his birth name is Oterius, but 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.560 the city who has fallen in love with him, and 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:44.200 he's kind of an icon, but he is Sandy the 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:44.719 flower Man. 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:48.880 But in your search, all you had was Oterius, right, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:54.000 no last name? Right, Oterius is not a real common. 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:57.920 Name, thank goodness. Because my birth mom, her name is 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:01.400 Deborah Johnson, and I knew her last name was Johnson. 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.360 And I'm like, okay, this is not going to be easy. 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:08.040 So well, yeah, okay, So but with the name Oterius 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:09.920 and their last names, how did you know your birth 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.400 mom's last name? Because most of them are redacted. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:14.080 I think someone forgot to redact. 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.400 But Oterius's last name. I love this. 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:17.360 It was redacted. 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.000 It was redacted, but you could tell from the number 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.880 of characters that were painted over that it was a 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:23.719 short last name. 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.000 Yeah, we're like, it's probably four letters, five letters. We 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:31.160 got a computer and tried to get the same type 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:32.920 font to figure out exactly. 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:34.959 How many letters it might be, and it came out 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:40.359 four letters. So, armed with that information, first name, Oterius, 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.040 last name, four letters. 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.240 Then we were able to plug it into a search 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:48.640 engine in the state of Tennessee how many people named 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:51.680 Oterius are there? And this search engine brought up, I 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:55.520 think five and one with the last name Belle. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.520 So there were the four characters, four spaces, yes, and 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.440 ding ding ding it rang a bell. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.480 Well, yeah, so when we typed in Oterius bell up 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:09.120 popped this male version of myself. 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:13.520 How did that feel to look? Because Sandy the flower 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.920 Man was quite, like you said, beloved in his community, completely, 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:23.080 very very affectionate, just a loving, loving man that endeared 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.360 himself to the whole community. And when I saw in 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:32.560 the documentary his face, I was like, oh boy, no denying, 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:33.480 that's your daddy. 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:40.080 I mean, it's overwhelming. After living life, I was really jealous, 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:43.000 like of my sister, who is my parents' biological daughter, 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:46.720 who's just beautiful. My dad has these neon blue eyes 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.160 and my sister does too, And so growing up hearing 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.040 everyone say, like, your eyes are so beautiful, you look 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:56.200 just like your dad, I would just be sitting there 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:59.720 wishing that could be me. I wish I wanted to 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.640 hear that I wanted And so growing up without that 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.760 and having white people all around me and longing to 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:08.480 look like them. 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:12.720 So my five older children are all people of color, 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.840 and then I had a biological daughter who looks just 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:17.800 like me. 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:24.760 Blonde, fair skin, blue eyes like your adoptive father's eyes. 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:29.160 And when she was maybe four years old, Sheila came 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:32.880 to me and she says, Ma, Bear, I want braids 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:39.480 like Tangy. And I said, well, baby, I don't know 0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:43.600 that they sell blonde hair where I get Tangi's braids done, 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:47.240 But I'll ask next time we go and maybe you 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.160 can get braids like Tangi. And she says, no, Mop Bear. 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.160 She says, I want black braids like my big sister. 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.080 And I said, well, honey, I think that might look 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:03.840 kind of different with your very fair skin. But wow, 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:08.200 what bizarre standards we have in our society of what 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:10.040 is beautiful and what is powerful. 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.680 Yeah, it took me so long to embrace my natural hair. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.080 I'm proud of it now, but for so long I 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.480 wanted it to flow in the wind when we were 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:20.760 driving in our convertible like my mom's and my sisters. 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.680 As I got older and met black women, it was 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.520 comforting to know that black women who were raised by 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:32.280 their biological black parents also went through all these hair stages. 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:35.600 These are the things that you talk about in your 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:39.320 life every day because you counsel people who are in 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:41.800 transracial situations. 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.080 Yeah, I do a lot of teaching on transracial adoption 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:49.720 using my own experience. There is a need to change 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.680 your environment so that a child of color can grow 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:53.680 up feeling. 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.520 Strong, empowered, beautiful. 0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:59.880 Yes, and so I talk about the ways that families 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:00.480 can do that. 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:03.800 You know, my girlfriend Wendy adopted her little girl from China, 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:10.119 and she has done everything to keep her daughter connected 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:13.320 to her heritage. So what are some things that you 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:14.240 tell people? 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:18.800 Yeah, I mean, typically, transracial adoption still means white parents 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:25.200 and kids of color. So I talk a lot about whiteness. 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:30.919 So for white parents needing to understand what it means 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:35.440 to grow up in a world that reflects you, because 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:39.240 many times white folks don't see that right away, don't 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:41.520 see that they have representation all around them. And it's 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:47.200 so that providing a safe and wonderful home isn't automatically 0:17:47.280 --> 0:17:50.320 going to feel that way for their children and children. 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.720 I remember one time when my mom took me to 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:58.760 an African fashion show at the University in Bellingham, and 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.680 I was little and so and she went and she 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.359 was the only white person in the room, and I remember, 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:08.560 as a little kid just feeling kind of subconsciously feeling 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:14.399 proud that my mom could be in what it was 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.200 like in my place, She could be in my shoes 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.639 and not make it about her. But it was a 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:22.480 time for me to see others, but she was the 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:26.679 only person, and it felt like she was so willing 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.600 to try to experience what it felt like for me 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:30.040 every day. 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.600 I loved that, And you shared in the documentary that 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:36.280 your folks did a lot of things like that to 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:41.000 try to keep you connected and help you to develop 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:45.280 your identity. But what happened after you found Oterius your 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:46.760 biological your birth dad. 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:48.960 My birth dad had no idea that he had a child, 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.800 and so he was shocked, and so were all of 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:54.159 his siblings. 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:56.639 And he had been told, at least in the documentary, 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:59.320 you shared that he had been told that medically he 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:02.600 was not case the bowl of fathering children, right, and 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.240 he had not fathered any children before or after to 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:09.440 his knowledge. Right, and along comes this beautiful young lady. 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:13.880 So crazy, it was so exciting for everybody. I am 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:20.760 there near where he lives with my husband, who is white, 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.120 my parents who were white, one of my sisters who's 0:19:24.119 --> 0:19:28.320 white with her husband. So it's this entourage of somebody 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.680 that looks just like him, who's saying I think I'm 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.920 your daughter, and all these white folks, and I'm sure 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:37.040 it was really a strange sight, but at the same 0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:38.360 time it was undeniable. 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:39.399 Oh yeah, you know. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.240 And he took the DNA too, He took a DNA test, 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.960 but as everyone was saying, you didn't really need to 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:45.200 do that. 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:51.400 Yeah, you are a carbon copy, a beautiful, beautiful carbon 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:55.920 copy of your biological father. And he was in the documentary. 0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:58.280 He was overwhelmed with joy. 0:19:58.400 --> 0:20:02.440 Yes, he had wanted a a child, and he has 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:04.600 a big family. He has six siblings and all of 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.879 them have children, and he was the only one that didn't. 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:10.520 And when did you lose him? When did he pass 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:15.280 three weeks ago? Oh? I am so sorry. 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:20.919 And so going back to his funeral, there were so 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:27.919 many issues only developed because of transracial adoption that was 0:20:28.280 --> 0:20:31.120 coming up. You know that I didn't know so many 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:36.879 of the cultural traditions around funerals and wakes. But growing 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:40.360 up in the Pacific Northwest, the furthest corner away from 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:41.639 the Deep South. 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:44.400 Yes, and we our traditions here are in the Northwest 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:45.360 are so different. 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:48.159 But for me as a translational adoptee to look just 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:52.119 like my birth family on my dad's side and be 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:57.240 experiencing culture. Shock is complicated. And there were a couple wakes, 0:20:57.320 --> 0:20:59.639 and then the funeral the next day, and then the 0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:02.040 session because he was a marine. 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:08.199 Oh yeah, bless him, bless him. Wow, Angela, thank you 0:21:08.280 --> 0:21:13.159 for sharing the story of your birth dad. What a 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:15.760 joy that must have been to his heart to have 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:18.480 spent his whole life thinking he couldn't have a child, 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:21.040 then to discover not only did he have a child, 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:25.720 but such a beautiful, remarkable daughter. Your story's moving well. 0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:28.720 I'm very sorry to hear of his passing and sad 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:32.159 you don't have more opportunities to make memories. I'm happy 0:21:32.200 --> 0:21:35.840 you did have the opportunity to meet him. Oh terious, 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:39.359 and rejoice in your love for one another. We're going 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:41.280 to take a little break here so I can tell 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:45.240 everyone about our podcast sponsor, and when we come back, 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:48.960 I hope you'll share the part of your story about 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:53.439 reconnecting with your birth mom with us too. When the 0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:57.159 weather turns nice, the outdoor projects can get started, like 0:21:57.320 --> 0:22:00.960 painting the outside of the home. The home depot makes 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:04.720 finding your color and choosing the right paint for the 0:22:04.800 --> 0:22:09.360 exterior of your home easier than ever. The home Depot's 0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:13.480 always generous with paint samples, and once you decide what 0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:15.760 your color is going to be, you'll get all the 0:22:15.800 --> 0:22:19.080 help you need and all the supplies you need the 0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:24.280 home depot, More saving, more doing. Let's get back to 0:22:24.320 --> 0:22:30.840 our conversation with Angela Tucker and hear how she finally 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:34.720 reconnected with her birth mom. This was the hard part 0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:38.080 for me in the video because I want my kids 0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:42.840 to have connections with their biological families. And it's easier 0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:46.879 now than when you were young because the Internet, you know, 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:52.000 the Internet makes anything possible. But when you found your 0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:55.280