1 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,995 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:23,595 --> 00:00:28,275 Speaker 1: There is no such thing as being slightly Nazi. Donald 3 00:00:28,275 --> 00:00:32,155 Speaker 1: Trump quote, Kanye West was actually very sharp and very 4 00:00:32,235 --> 00:00:34,035 Speaker 1: very smart. I was impressed by a lot of what 5 00:00:34,115 --> 00:00:39,395 Speaker 1: he said. Elon Musk quote, welcome back to Twitter, my friend, 6 00:00:39,475 --> 00:00:45,195 Speaker 1: Kanye West. The House Judiciary Republicans quote Kanye Elon Trump. 7 00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:49,875 Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson quote, We've rarely heard a man speak so 8 00:00:49,955 --> 00:00:54,795 Speaker 1: honestly and so movingly about what he believes. Congressman Paul 9 00:00:54,875 --> 00:00:58,635 Speaker 1: goes Our quote, pray for Kanye West. They will throw 10 00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:01,355 Speaker 1: everything they have at him simply for speaking the truth. 11 00:01:02,355 --> 00:01:09,915 Speaker 1: Greg Gutfeld quote, very special intellectual renaissance. Benny Johnson quote, 12 00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:13,915 Speaker 1: Kanye West is a cultural icon. Janine Pierro quote. I 13 00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:17,755 Speaker 1: was blown away by Kanye West. Tim Poole quote, I 14 00:01:17,795 --> 00:01:21,715 Speaker 1: think you could actually win the presidency. Will Kine quote. 15 00:01:21,755 --> 00:01:25,635 Speaker 1: This was unvarnished authentic. There's such authenticity to that that 16 00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:29,995 Speaker 1: it just makes me want to hear more. Jason Whitlock quote, 17 00:01:30,355 --> 00:01:33,995 Speaker 1: Kanye is a very important voice. I'm going to make 18 00:01:34,035 --> 00:01:41,155 Speaker 1: an analogy. Kunta Kente in roots Kanye West quote, I 19 00:01:41,155 --> 00:01:44,875 Speaker 1: I see I see good things about Hitler, also that Jews. 20 00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:47,875 Speaker 1: I love everyone, and Jewish people are not gonna tell me. 21 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:53,835 Speaker 1: You can love um, you know us, and you can 22 00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:56,195 Speaker 1: love what we're doing to you with the contracts, and 23 00:01:56,235 --> 00:01:58,395 Speaker 1: you can love what we're you know what we're pushing 24 00:01:58,395 --> 00:02:03,835 Speaker 1: with the pornography. But this guy that invented highways, invent 25 00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:05,675 Speaker 1: at the very mike her phone that I use as 26 00:02:05,715 --> 00:02:08,515 Speaker 1: a musician. You can't say out loud that this person 27 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,995 Speaker 1: ever did anything good. And I'm done with that. I'm 28 00:02:12,035 --> 00:02:16,115 Speaker 1: done with the classifications. Every human being has something of 29 00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:20,475 Speaker 1: value that they brought to the table, especially Hitler. There 30 00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:24,795 Speaker 1: is no such thing as being slightly Nazi. I know 31 00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:26,555 Speaker 1: you've heard all of this by now, and I know 32 00:02:26,675 --> 00:02:28,995 Speaker 1: you know that all those quotes from the Fox News 33 00:02:29,035 --> 00:02:31,835 Speaker 1: idiots and the other right wing lunatics and the other 34 00:02:31,915 --> 00:02:35,915 Speaker 1: anti semites like Trump fawning over Kanye West were from 35 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:39,635 Speaker 1: before the appearance in which Kanye West was so appalling, 36 00:02:40,315 --> 00:02:44,875 Speaker 1: so condescending, so worthless as a human being that it 37 00:02:45,035 --> 00:02:50,275 Speaker 1: shocked even Alex Jones. I gotta watch my accounts because 38 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:55,075 Speaker 1: they've been frozen by the Jewish banks, so I need 39 00:02:55,115 --> 00:02:58,275 Speaker 1: to watch my mills. Why people are evil Nazi. So 40 00:02:58,715 --> 00:03:00,675 Speaker 1: I mean, I I disagree with both statements, but I 41 00:03:00,715 --> 00:03:02,755 Speaker 1: get I don't. I don't like the word evil next 42 00:03:02,795 --> 00:03:06,875 Speaker 1: to Nazis. I think we need to look at Oh 43 00:03:06,915 --> 00:03:09,475 Speaker 1: my goodness, just because you don't like one group doesn't 44 00:03:09,475 --> 00:03:11,875 Speaker 1: mean the other. Look. I love Jewish people, but I 45 00:03:11,955 --> 00:03:17,435 Speaker 1: also love Nazis. Oh man, Well, I had to disagree 46 00:03:17,475 --> 00:03:21,875 Speaker 1: with that. But listen, we're gonna go to Brake. There 47 00:03:21,995 --> 00:03:25,835 Speaker 1: was West in that nice Munich Olympics terrorists ski mask, 48 00:03:26,515 --> 00:03:30,515 Speaker 1: having already self defenestrated his career, now climbing back up 49 00:03:30,555 --> 00:03:32,715 Speaker 1: the side of the same building, crawling back in through 50 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:36,795 Speaker 1: the same window and then throwing himself back out through 51 00:03:36,835 --> 00:03:38,915 Speaker 1: the same window. And the Nazis, in my view, war 52 00:03:38,995 --> 00:03:40,395 Speaker 1: thugs that shout people down to a lot of really 53 00:03:40,435 --> 00:03:42,595 Speaker 1: bad things, but they did good things too. We're gonna 54 00:03:42,635 --> 00:03:46,035 Speaker 1: stop dissing the Nazis all the time. Okay, We're We're 55 00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:52,235 Speaker 1: gonna get to that parst this word from Tesla. What 56 00:03:52,435 --> 00:03:55,395 Speaker 1: is amazing is not that Kanye West said all this, 57 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:59,355 Speaker 1: not that it was so bad that after it was over, 58 00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:03,515 Speaker 1: even the House Judiciary gop the Jim Jordan's account that 59 00:04:03,555 --> 00:04:07,875 Speaker 1: tweeted Kanye lawn. Trump on October seven actually deleted that 60 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:11,835 Speaker 1: tweet because apparently that's the line for Jim Jordan's announcing 61 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,915 Speaker 1: you love Hitler and love Nazis, and not that hours later, 62 00:04:15,995 --> 00:04:18,795 Speaker 1: Kanye West tweeted a photo of the symbol from a 63 00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:22,875 Speaker 1: crackpot religion, which is a cross between a swastika and 64 00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:27,155 Speaker 1: a star of David. It is that, after this career 65 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:35,955 Speaker 1: ender that should have offended everybody in the country, still 66 00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:38,555 Speaker 1: virtually none of the Republicans and right wingers who were 67 00:04:38,555 --> 00:04:43,715 Speaker 1: extolling West weeks or even days ago said anything. Still yet, 68 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:51,835 Speaker 1: even though I must credit Tim Poole who did. And 69 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:56,595 Speaker 1: then West tweeted some tribe about Jesus, and Elon Musk replied, quote, 70 00:04:56,635 --> 00:04:59,395 Speaker 1: Jesus taught love, kindness, and forgiveness. I used to think 71 00:04:59,395 --> 00:05:01,395 Speaker 1: that turning the other cheek was weak and foolish, but 72 00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:04,835 Speaker 1: I was the fool for not appreciating its profound wisdom. 73 00:05:04,835 --> 00:05:08,355 Speaker 1: And if Elon Musk was indeed suggesting forgiveness for West 74 00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:13,915 Speaker 1: after he praised Hitler and attacked the Jews, then Elon 75 00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:18,155 Speaker 1: Musk needs a CT scan and a team of neurologists immediately, 76 00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:24,635 Speaker 1: because there is no such thing as being slightly Nazi. 77 00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:29,555 Speaker 1: And it is all well and good to reference the 78 00:05:29,635 --> 00:05:33,035 Speaker 1: mental or emotional illnesses of people like Kanye West if 79 00:05:33,035 --> 00:05:36,155 Speaker 1: they are relevant to something like this the ultimate Meltdown. 80 00:05:36,515 --> 00:05:40,515 Speaker 1: But at some point the illness becomes almost irrelevant. If 81 00:05:40,555 --> 00:05:44,715 Speaker 1: the ill person refuses to seek treatment, the illness cannot 82 00:05:44,755 --> 00:05:51,475 Speaker 1: become an excuse for the words, these words, these horrible words, 83 00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:56,515 Speaker 1: become the person. Kanye West is not an entertainer or 84 00:05:56,595 --> 00:06:00,795 Speaker 1: musician anymore. He is not a cultural lightning rod anymore. 85 00:06:01,155 --> 00:06:04,915 Speaker 1: He is not a businessman anymore. He is simply the 86 00:06:05,035 --> 00:06:09,155 Speaker 1: creature who announced with pride and defiance that he loves 87 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:15,315 Speaker 1: Hitler and the Nazis. And as a gentile of largely 88 00:06:15,435 --> 00:06:19,275 Speaker 1: German heritage, I feel this cannot be said often enough. 89 00:06:20,115 --> 00:06:23,075 Speaker 1: Those who praise the hatred and madness of Hitler and 90 00:06:23,155 --> 00:06:28,955 Speaker 1: Nazism must be metaphorically crushed, and if they get back 91 00:06:29,035 --> 00:06:33,275 Speaker 1: up and repeat their hatred, they must be metaphorically crushed again. 92 00:06:34,315 --> 00:06:38,435 Speaker 1: And if somebody else is inspired in the future by 93 00:06:38,515 --> 00:06:42,115 Speaker 1: Kanye West to repeat the hatred again, just as Kanye 94 00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:45,155 Speaker 1: West must have been inspired by some past anti Semite, 95 00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:47,275 Speaker 1: that somebody else in the future must in turn be 96 00:06:47,315 --> 00:06:53,835 Speaker 1: metaphorically crushed. Even after years in which we collectively as 97 00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:57,835 Speaker 1: a society lapsed, in which the vigilance against this kind 98 00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:02,915 Speaker 1: of glorification of racial and religious hate lessened just enough 99 00:07:03,675 --> 00:07:08,635 Speaker 1: that these creatures us, we're not metaphorically crushed. We left 100 00:07:08,755 --> 00:07:14,035 Speaker 1: the door just slightly open somewhere, and Kanye West came in, 101 00:07:14,795 --> 00:07:20,075 Speaker 1: and Nick Fluentes came in, and Marjorie Taylor Green came in, 102 00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:24,355 Speaker 1: and Tucker Carlson came in, and Donald Trump came in. 103 00:07:28,555 --> 00:07:30,715 Speaker 1: And it's not just that, obviously it is time for 104 00:07:30,755 --> 00:07:33,915 Speaker 1: all of them to go out again. It is that 105 00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:37,035 Speaker 1: we have to stand at this door all the time, 106 00:07:38,155 --> 00:07:39,715 Speaker 1: just as we have to stand at the door through 107 00:07:39,715 --> 00:07:42,835 Speaker 1: which the racists would sneak back in, just as we 108 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:45,315 Speaker 1: have to stand at the door through which the homophobes 109 00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:49,155 Speaker 1: would sneak back in. We have to stand there all 110 00:07:49,155 --> 00:07:54,155 Speaker 1: the time, year after year, decade after decorated generation after generation, 111 00:07:54,195 --> 00:07:56,635 Speaker 1: and we have to keep the full weight of our 112 00:07:56,755 --> 00:08:02,155 Speaker 1: society pressed up against all of those doors. Because the 113 00:08:02,195 --> 00:08:07,795 Speaker 1: easiest thing for human beings is to blindly blame the others, 114 00:08:08,915 --> 00:08:13,635 Speaker 1: whoever the others are. It is the exact route Germany 115 00:08:13,635 --> 00:08:15,995 Speaker 1: took in the nineties and the nineteen thirties. It is 116 00:08:16,035 --> 00:08:18,995 Speaker 1: the root Kanye West and Nick Fuentes and Donald Trump 117 00:08:19,075 --> 00:08:23,875 Speaker 1: and the House Judiciary. GOP took just a little blind hatred, 118 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:28,835 Speaker 1: just a little scapegoating, not a Holocaust, just a little 119 00:08:28,995 --> 00:08:35,435 Speaker 1: anti Semitism. There is no such thing as being slightly Nazi. 120 00:08:37,395 --> 00:08:40,035 Speaker 1: When I was a kid, I went to school with 121 00:08:40,035 --> 00:08:44,795 Speaker 1: other kids who had lost cousins and uncles and other 122 00:08:44,875 --> 00:08:49,395 Speaker 1: people with names and faces and memories they had created 123 00:08:49,475 --> 00:08:55,155 Speaker 1: within their family lost in the Holocaust. The most famous 124 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:59,035 Speaker 1: person in our town was a sculptor named Jacques Lipschitz, 125 00:08:59,995 --> 00:09:02,955 Speaker 1: who had escaped the Nazis in France, and who was 126 00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:06,395 Speaker 1: so grateful for the haven he found among us that 127 00:09:06,475 --> 00:09:08,835 Speaker 1: he created a massive sculpture that sits in front of 128 00:09:08,835 --> 00:09:14,915 Speaker 1: the town library to this day. I knew because of 129 00:09:14,915 --> 00:09:17,795 Speaker 1: the story of Jacques Lipschitz, because of the stories of 130 00:09:17,875 --> 00:09:20,035 Speaker 1: the other kids who had lost members of their family, 131 00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:24,635 Speaker 1: I knew that the hatred was carried by many of us, 132 00:09:25,555 --> 00:09:30,115 Speaker 1: perhaps by all of us, like a dormant virus, that 133 00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:33,755 Speaker 1: if we did not control it, if we did not 134 00:09:33,995 --> 00:09:36,915 Speaker 1: condemn it, if we were not vigilant against it, it 135 00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:46,075 Speaker 1: would appear to us again as it now has, and 136 00:09:46,155 --> 00:09:49,395 Speaker 1: my father knew it far more practically. He was twelve 137 00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,955 Speaker 1: when the Nazis declared war on us. He lived in 138 00:09:53,035 --> 00:09:56,155 Speaker 1: a largely Jewish neighborhood in the Bronx, and with the 139 00:09:56,195 --> 00:10:00,795 Speaker 1: spelling of our family name, he and I were invariably 140 00:10:00,835 --> 00:10:04,355 Speaker 1: mistaken for being Jewish. My dad joked early on to 141 00:10:04,475 --> 00:10:06,275 Speaker 1: me we would get all the prejudice, but none of 142 00:10:06,275 --> 00:10:09,995 Speaker 1: the holidays. And then he would remind me that the name, 143 00:10:10,515 --> 00:10:15,035 Speaker 1: that the assumption about the name, meant that our responsibility 144 00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:19,195 Speaker 1: against anti Semitism was greater than that even of the 145 00:10:19,275 --> 00:10:25,875 Speaker 1: average American. And then one day, when I was about nine, ten, 146 00:10:26,475 --> 00:10:31,235 Speaker 1: maybe eleven, my dad had a big job interview scheduled. 147 00:10:31,235 --> 00:10:33,755 Speaker 1: He was going into New York for the last of 148 00:10:33,755 --> 00:10:37,675 Speaker 1: a series of conversations with J. C. Penny to become 149 00:10:37,715 --> 00:10:41,555 Speaker 1: the head architect for the entire J. C. Penny chain 150 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:45,395 Speaker 1: of stores nationwide. This was a man from a family 151 00:10:45,555 --> 00:10:49,395 Speaker 1: so poor that though he was offered a full scholarship 152 00:10:49,675 --> 00:10:54,715 Speaker 1: to the Cornell Architecture College, he had to pass because 153 00:10:54,795 --> 00:10:57,195 Speaker 1: if he did not go to work at eighteen, it 154 00:10:57,195 --> 00:10:58,955 Speaker 1: would have meant his younger brother would have had to 155 00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:02,555 Speaker 1: drop out of high school and go to work at sixteen. 156 00:11:04,075 --> 00:11:08,435 Speaker 1: This job had architect at a company as large as J. C. Penny, 157 00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:12,395 Speaker 1: would have put him and us on Easy Street for life. 158 00:11:13,995 --> 00:11:16,035 Speaker 1: Dad told us he might be Lady didn't know how 159 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:17,875 Speaker 1: long the interview would be. He would be meeting with 160 00:11:17,915 --> 00:11:20,555 Speaker 1: the full board of directors. My mom and I kissed 161 00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:24,275 Speaker 1: him goodbye, and we held our breaths. And so when 162 00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:26,915 Speaker 1: we heard his car in the driveway, and it was 163 00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:29,715 Speaker 1: not even noon and he had returned, we knew something 164 00:11:29,795 --> 00:11:33,835 Speaker 1: was very, very wrong. And I saw it the moment 165 00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:35,435 Speaker 1: I saw him step out of the car, he was 166 00:11:35,555 --> 00:11:40,555 Speaker 1: read read. My mother said I should go to my room. No, 167 00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,995 Speaker 1: he insisted, I want you to hear this. I want 168 00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:47,355 Speaker 1: you to know this exists. I want you to know this. 169 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:53,355 Speaker 1: I want you to know it exists today, he said. 170 00:11:53,355 --> 00:11:56,435 Speaker 1: The interview had started normally enough, and my dad, who 171 00:11:56,435 --> 00:12:00,475 Speaker 1: could be as charming as anybody ever born, especially to strangers, 172 00:12:00,755 --> 00:12:03,635 Speaker 1: especially in a work setting, he was confident he was 173 00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:06,035 Speaker 1: winning them over. They were going to offer him this job. 174 00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:08,755 Speaker 1: And then one of them asked him how he spent 175 00:12:09,515 --> 00:12:13,555 Speaker 1: his weekends, and he didn't think much about the question. 176 00:12:13,595 --> 00:12:16,035 Speaker 1: He talked about it how he often worked seven days 177 00:12:16,075 --> 00:12:18,075 Speaker 1: a week, or if he had the day off, he 178 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:20,315 Speaker 1: took his family to a ball game, or he played 179 00:12:20,315 --> 00:12:23,715 Speaker 1: with his son. And then one of them asked specifically 180 00:12:23,755 --> 00:12:30,875 Speaker 1: about how he spent Sunday morning. Where typically was he 181 00:12:30,955 --> 00:12:36,435 Speaker 1: on Sunday mornings. Somebody else in the meeting asked about 182 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:43,195 Speaker 1: Saturday mornings. Where did he go on Saturday mornings? And 183 00:12:43,315 --> 00:12:45,875 Speaker 1: my dad said, to me and my mother, that's when 184 00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:49,835 Speaker 1: I understood, he said. He looked at them and said, gentlemen, 185 00:12:49,875 --> 00:12:52,195 Speaker 1: I now know what you're getting at. No, I am 186 00:12:52,235 --> 00:12:54,755 Speaker 1: not much of a churchgoer, but I don't think that's 187 00:12:54,795 --> 00:12:57,115 Speaker 1: what you want to hear. What you want me to 188 00:12:57,155 --> 00:13:01,195 Speaker 1: tell you is that despite my name, I am not Jewish. 189 00:13:01,315 --> 00:13:06,035 Speaker 1: And that's true. I am not Jewish, he said. One 190 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,435 Speaker 1: of the j C. Penny board members laughed and leaned 191 00:13:08,435 --> 00:13:10,315 Speaker 1: back in his chair and said, boy, is that early. 192 00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:12,955 Speaker 1: We really want to offer you this job. You're perfect 193 00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:16,155 Speaker 1: for it. And then came the anti Semitic jokes, and 194 00:13:16,275 --> 00:13:18,555 Speaker 1: my dad said he stood up and said, I'll repeat, 195 00:13:19,155 --> 00:13:22,675 Speaker 1: I'm not Jewish, and I'm also never in my life 196 00:13:22,675 --> 00:13:26,755 Speaker 1: going to work for people for whom that question matters. 197 00:13:28,755 --> 00:13:31,995 Speaker 1: He then quoted himself to us, complete with F bombs 198 00:13:32,635 --> 00:13:35,955 Speaker 1: and m F bombs, and I went white as a sheet. 199 00:13:36,715 --> 00:13:39,435 Speaker 1: And my father looked at me and said, good, you 200 00:13:39,475 --> 00:13:42,715 Speaker 1: should be shocked. You should know that is when this 201 00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:45,915 Speaker 1: language is justified, it will leave an impression on you 202 00:13:45,995 --> 00:13:49,355 Speaker 1: as to how important this is. It is always there, 203 00:13:49,755 --> 00:13:53,475 Speaker 1: he said, It is always beneath the surface. And as 204 00:13:53,555 --> 00:13:56,675 Speaker 1: often as we think we have gotten rid of it 205 00:13:56,795 --> 00:14:01,595 Speaker 1: for good, still it's there, and I've had to fight it. 206 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,515 Speaker 1: I just had to fight it today, and you will 207 00:14:05,555 --> 00:14:12,875 Speaker 1: have to fight it tomorrow. So Kanye West and those 208 00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:21,355 Speaker 1: who support him burn in hell, because there is no 209 00:14:21,515 --> 00:14:42,595 Speaker 1: such thing as being slightly Nazi still ahead, Baseball loses 210 00:14:42,635 --> 00:14:44,715 Speaker 1: one of its legends, a man who, in the days 211 00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:49,835 Speaker 1: before performance enhancing drugs was as controversial as it got. Boy, 212 00:14:49,835 --> 00:14:53,275 Speaker 1: I missed those days. It's Friday's with Thurber, and very 213 00:14:53,315 --> 00:14:55,915 Speaker 1: few of his stories leave the practical, mundane world of 214 00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:58,595 Speaker 1: his crazy family and friends. And then there is the 215 00:14:58,675 --> 00:15:01,955 Speaker 1: black magic of Barney Haller, where we go through the 216 00:15:01,995 --> 00:15:06,195 Speaker 1: garrick now and become Warbs. It is as weird as 217 00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:12,235 Speaker 1: that sounds. And CNN's layoffs. CNN fires Chris Salizza. Why 218 00:15:12,315 --> 00:15:16,555 Speaker 1: that's bad news for Joe Biden. That's next. This is Countdown. 219 00:15:22,515 --> 00:15:30,115 Speaker 1: This is Countdown with Keith Alberman still ahead on Countdown. 220 00:15:30,275 --> 00:15:33,355 Speaker 1: I said I did not like Chris Slizza. I did 221 00:15:33,355 --> 00:15:36,315 Speaker 1: not say CNN should fire him so that John Malone 222 00:15:36,315 --> 00:15:40,275 Speaker 1: could make another fifty dollars. Here's a job you don't 223 00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:44,155 Speaker 1: see posted off in New York City rat catcher memories 224 00:15:44,195 --> 00:15:47,315 Speaker 1: of the late spitball King gay Lord Perry, and one 225 00:15:47,355 --> 00:15:50,675 Speaker 1: of the greatest and the spookiest of all the James 226 00:15:50,675 --> 00:15:55,155 Speaker 1: Thurber stories, the Black Magic of Barney Holler, coming up first. 227 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,235 Speaker 1: In each edition of Countdown, we feature a dog in 228 00:15:57,355 --> 00:16:00,755 Speaker 1: need you can help. Every dog has its day again. 229 00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:04,355 Speaker 1: I will keep pushing Elaine Boosler's offer to virtually underwrite 230 00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:08,315 Speaker 1: all standard expenses for anybody who adopts a dog off 231 00:16:08,355 --> 00:16:11,035 Speaker 1: the kill list at the New York City Pound. I'll 232 00:16:11,075 --> 00:16:13,035 Speaker 1: do so as long as she's kind enough to make 233 00:16:13,075 --> 00:16:16,875 Speaker 1: that offer. So meet Jupiter, a big, smiling tan pity 234 00:16:17,355 --> 00:16:19,955 Speaker 1: who loves dogs, loves people. Even though his last person 235 00:16:20,035 --> 00:16:22,315 Speaker 1: left him tied to a post. He just needs a 236 00:16:22,355 --> 00:16:25,355 Speaker 1: family to save him. With help from Elaine or your 237 00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:28,155 Speaker 1: pledge to help a rescue group do so Jupiter is 238 00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:31,475 Speaker 1: social suite loving. You can find them on my Twitter feeds, 239 00:16:31,475 --> 00:16:34,875 Speaker 1: and your retweet might be as valuable as your pledge. 240 00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:49,675 Speaker 1: I thank you, and Jupiter thanks you. Post Scripts to 241 00:16:49,715 --> 00:16:53,315 Speaker 1: the news some headlines, some updates, some snarks, some predictions. 242 00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:57,275 Speaker 1: Dateline Washington, thanks a lot, Joe Manchion. Senate votes to 243 00:16:57,315 --> 00:17:00,915 Speaker 1: impose a settlement to avoid a nationwide rail strike. It 244 00:17:00,995 --> 00:17:04,995 Speaker 1: does not vote to give railroad employees any paid sick 245 00:17:05,115 --> 00:17:07,075 Speaker 1: days as part of the settlement. Have you ever been 246 00:17:07,115 --> 00:17:10,275 Speaker 1: on a train? These guys work with a dedication to 247 00:17:10,475 --> 00:17:14,595 Speaker 1: safety and to customer service, and Mansion voted against them. 248 00:17:14,915 --> 00:17:19,595 Speaker 1: Screw him, Dateline Dallas and other herschel walker x Cheryl 249 00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:22,755 Speaker 1: Parsa going on the record with The Daily Beast about 250 00:17:22,755 --> 00:17:25,595 Speaker 1: her five years with the nut job. The Republicans dug 251 00:17:25,675 --> 00:17:27,835 Speaker 1: up so he would do what he's told as the 252 00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:33,075 Speaker 1: senator from Georgia if elected. Quoting her, he's a pathological liar, absolutely, 253 00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:35,675 Speaker 1: but it's more than that. He knows how to manipulate 254 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,635 Speaker 1: his dissociative disease in order to manipulate people while at 255 00:17:39,675 --> 00:17:43,555 Speaker 1: times being simultaneously completely out of control. She also said 256 00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:46,315 Speaker 1: he is unstable, that he threatened her when she caught 257 00:17:46,355 --> 00:17:48,995 Speaker 1: him cheating on her, and used his illness as an 258 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:53,515 Speaker 1: alibi to quote justify lying, cheating, and ultimately destroying families. 259 00:17:54,555 --> 00:17:59,795 Speaker 1: Typical Republican dateline CNN. The layoffs that CNN Worldwide president 260 00:17:59,835 --> 00:18:03,675 Speaker 1: in charge of eating paste, Chris Licked promised would never 261 00:18:03,755 --> 00:18:08,075 Speaker 1: happen happened hundreds of them. The network has shuttered all 262 00:18:08,235 --> 00:18:11,555 Speaker 1: live programming on its second channel, Headline News h l 263 00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:14,595 Speaker 1: N as it's now styled, and it fired its morning 264 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,875 Speaker 1: host Robin Mead, who's been on that network for twenty years. 265 00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:22,915 Speaker 1: Licked also scaled back CNN International, among others, fired Martin Savage, 266 00:18:22,995 --> 00:18:27,075 Speaker 1: news correspondent for most of the time since with CNN 267 00:18:27,075 --> 00:18:30,395 Speaker 1: and political writer Chris Plizza, best known for always having 268 00:18:30,435 --> 00:18:33,275 Speaker 1: the worst take no matter what the topic, and having 269 00:18:33,315 --> 00:18:36,195 Speaker 1: said that, having made fun of him repeatedly here. My 270 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:40,475 Speaker 1: complaint with Chris Plizza has always been professional, not personal, 271 00:18:40,915 --> 00:18:44,155 Speaker 1: especially since these layoffs coming even though CNN is still 272 00:18:44,155 --> 00:18:47,635 Speaker 1: making hundreds of millions a year in profits were made 273 00:18:47,675 --> 00:18:50,275 Speaker 1: by Chris Licht and John Malone with a plan to 274 00:18:50,515 --> 00:19:08,115 Speaker 1: kill off CNN because it platforms criticism of Republicans. This 275 00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:15,115 Speaker 1: is Sports Center. Wait, check that not anymore. This is 276 00:19:15,915 --> 00:19:21,595 Speaker 1: countdown with Keith in sports. Japan beats Spain two to 277 00:19:21,675 --> 00:19:25,195 Speaker 1: one at the World Cup, thus eliminating Germany. The response 278 00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:28,355 Speaker 1: in Germany get rid of all of the current players 279 00:19:28,755 --> 00:19:32,195 Speaker 1: German team. Glad to see you're taking it well. Baseball, 280 00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:34,995 Speaker 1: Gaylord Perry has died. He was eighty four years old. 281 00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,675 Speaker 1: It is impossible to recreate this time in sports when 282 00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:42,355 Speaker 1: just about the biggest controversy on the field anywhere was 283 00:19:43,235 --> 00:19:46,435 Speaker 1: whether or not baseball pitchers were secretly loading up the 284 00:19:46,475 --> 00:19:51,075 Speaker 1: ball with saliva, vassoline, whatever. Gaylord Perry not only threw 285 00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:53,755 Speaker 1: a spitball, but he realized he could also succeed by 286 00:19:53,835 --> 00:19:57,715 Speaker 1: not throwing a spitball, but making batters believe maybe he 287 00:19:57,955 --> 00:20:01,475 Speaker 1: was throwing one eleven seasons in the top ten for 288 00:20:01,595 --> 00:20:04,635 Speaker 1: wins above replacement for pitchers, twelve years in the time 289 00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:07,675 Speaker 1: ten for strikeouts, one of only two pitchers to strike 290 00:20:07,715 --> 00:20:11,555 Speaker 1: out three thousand men and throw three hundred complete games. 291 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,755 Speaker 1: Gaylord Perry won the Cy Young Awarding each league, the 292 00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:17,075 Speaker 1: second one with the nineteen seventy eight Padres when he 293 00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:19,355 Speaker 1: was thirty nine years old, and he had two of 294 00:20:19,355 --> 00:20:24,195 Speaker 1: the most extraordinary starts to season in baseball history. As 295 00:20:24,275 --> 00:20:27,795 Speaker 1: late as August twenty, nineteen sixty six, Gaylord Perry had 296 00:20:27,795 --> 00:20:32,315 Speaker 1: a record of twenty wins and two losses, then lost 297 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:35,315 Speaker 1: six of his last seven decisions in Cleveland in nineteen 298 00:20:35,355 --> 00:20:38,035 Speaker 1: seventy four. He lost his first start, then year that year, 299 00:20:38,035 --> 00:20:41,355 Speaker 1: and then one fifteen decisions in a row. I know 300 00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:44,515 Speaker 1: the win isn't the stat anymore, but he was twenty 301 00:20:44,595 --> 00:20:47,315 Speaker 1: and two one year and fifteen and one the next. 302 00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:51,115 Speaker 1: He ultimately pitched for eight different teams and is a 303 00:20:51,235 --> 00:20:54,195 Speaker 1: legend with one of them, for whom he only made 304 00:20:54,195 --> 00:20:57,675 Speaker 1: fourteen appearances, the Kansas City Royals. Gaylord Perry was one 305 00:20:57,675 --> 00:21:00,435 Speaker 1: of the guys who tried to hide George Brett's bat 306 00:21:00,835 --> 00:21:03,555 Speaker 1: during the infamous Pine Tar Game of nine eighty three. 307 00:21:03,915 --> 00:21:06,555 Speaker 1: And when I was seventeen years old and just getting 308 00:21:06,555 --> 00:21:09,595 Speaker 1: started as a radio reporter and a photographer, I was 309 00:21:09,595 --> 00:21:12,195 Speaker 1: on the field at Yankee Stadium taking pictures when I 310 00:21:12,195 --> 00:21:15,475 Speaker 1: saw Gaylord Perry, then with the Texas Rangers, walking towards me. 311 00:21:15,715 --> 00:21:18,755 Speaker 1: He introduced himself like I didn't know who he was. Hey, 312 00:21:18,795 --> 00:21:21,195 Speaker 1: can you do me a favor. I've got some friends here. 313 00:21:21,235 --> 00:21:23,155 Speaker 1: Can you take some pictures? Of us. I'll give you 314 00:21:23,235 --> 00:21:27,635 Speaker 1: fifty bucks. Fifty bucks was fifty bucks. I said, thank you, 315 00:21:27,675 --> 00:21:29,755 Speaker 1: but it'll be my pleasure. Just reimbursed me for the 316 00:21:29,835 --> 00:21:33,755 Speaker 1: role of film thereafter. Anytime Gaylord Perry was in New 317 00:21:33,835 --> 00:21:36,875 Speaker 1: York and I was at a game, he came over 318 00:21:36,915 --> 00:21:40,195 Speaker 1: and said hello and said, do you need a new 319 00:21:40,235 --> 00:21:50,275 Speaker 1: picture of me? I got traded again. I had one 320 00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,475 Speaker 1: of James Thurber's rare stories in which he dips a 321 00:21:53,555 --> 00:21:57,755 Speaker 1: toe into the cult the Black Magic of Barney Haller 322 00:21:57,915 --> 00:22:01,035 Speaker 1: Coming up first, the daily roundup of the miscrants, morons, 323 00:22:01,035 --> 00:22:04,595 Speaker 1: and Donning Kruger Effect specimens who constitute two days were 324 00:22:04,995 --> 00:22:09,155 Speaker 1: persons in the world. The Bronze City of New York, 325 00:22:09,435 --> 00:22:13,475 Speaker 1: Eric Adams, our latest Nitwitt mayor. The city has posted 326 00:22:13,475 --> 00:22:19,475 Speaker 1: a job offering New York Citywide Director of rodent Mitigation. Quote, 327 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,835 Speaker 1: do you have what it takes to do the impossible? 328 00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:26,475 Speaker 1: A virulent vehemence for vermin, a background in urban planning, 329 00:22:26,515 --> 00:22:29,755 Speaker 1: project management, or government, and most importantly, the drive, determination 330 00:22:29,795 --> 00:22:33,115 Speaker 1: and killer instinct needed to fight the real enemy, New 331 00:22:33,195 --> 00:22:37,155 Speaker 1: York City's relentless rat population. The ideal candidate is highly 332 00:22:37,195 --> 00:22:41,395 Speaker 1: motivated and somewhat bloodthirsty. Determined to look at all solutions 333 00:22:41,395 --> 00:22:46,915 Speaker 1: from various angles, including improving operational efficiency, data collection, technology, innovation, 334 00:22:46,995 --> 00:22:53,315 Speaker 1: trash management, and wholesale slaughter. Unquote. First of all, you're 335 00:22:53,315 --> 00:22:57,715 Speaker 1: not gonna beat the rats. This is their town. We 336 00:22:57,875 --> 00:23:01,875 Speaker 1: just live in it, and if you don't bother them, 337 00:23:01,995 --> 00:23:06,115 Speaker 1: they won't bother you. Secondly, how does the City of 338 00:23:06,115 --> 00:23:09,235 Speaker 1: New York simply just not hire the obvious choice for 339 00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:13,115 Speaker 1: the gig of rat Catcher, the Pied Piper of Hamlin 340 00:23:14,395 --> 00:23:17,155 Speaker 1: runner up herschel Walker. Yeah, I mentioned it the other 341 00:23:17,315 --> 00:23:19,755 Speaker 1: get girlfriend on the record, saying he threatened her. The 342 00:23:19,835 --> 00:23:22,955 Speaker 1: guy is a train wreck, but he does have an excuse. 343 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:27,595 Speaker 1: He seems to have hallucinations about fifty of the time. Quote. 344 00:23:28,035 --> 00:23:32,195 Speaker 1: He also claimed, said Barack Obama at a Raphael Warnock 345 00:23:32,275 --> 00:23:34,875 Speaker 1: rally last night in Georgia, that he used to let 346 00:23:34,915 --> 00:23:38,675 Speaker 1: me beat him in basketball, But then he admitted that 347 00:23:38,755 --> 00:23:43,315 Speaker 1: we never actually met, so I guess said the former president. 348 00:23:43,715 --> 00:23:47,675 Speaker 1: This was more of an imaginary whooping, but our winner. 349 00:23:47,755 --> 00:23:52,555 Speaker 1: Amy Roebock of ABC News and MSNBC. Years ago, Amy 350 00:23:52,635 --> 00:23:55,355 Speaker 1: Roebock was briefly one of the backup hosts of Countdown, 351 00:23:55,715 --> 00:23:57,595 Speaker 1: but when she was offered the chance to take the 352 00:23:57,635 --> 00:24:00,635 Speaker 1: assignment full time and then maybe gets spun off into 353 00:24:00,715 --> 00:24:03,995 Speaker 1: her own show like we did with Matto and o'donald 354 00:24:04,155 --> 00:24:08,355 Speaker 1: and Heys. She passed, explaining to me that she was 355 00:24:08,395 --> 00:24:12,675 Speaker 1: embarrassed by Countdown and Politics and she needed to maintain 356 00:24:12,715 --> 00:24:18,555 Speaker 1: her dignity because quote I work for NBC News. Shortly 357 00:24:18,595 --> 00:24:21,915 Speaker 1: after that, Amy Robot dumped her husband and kids so 358 00:24:21,995 --> 00:24:24,675 Speaker 1: she could run off with the actor Andrew Shoe, And 359 00:24:24,715 --> 00:24:27,835 Speaker 1: now the tabloids are reporting that she has dumped Shoe 360 00:24:28,035 --> 00:24:30,795 Speaker 1: and this family and is having an affair with her 361 00:24:30,835 --> 00:24:34,795 Speaker 1: also married to somebody else. Good Morning America co anchor T. J. Holmes, 362 00:24:35,275 --> 00:24:38,755 Speaker 1: Britain's Daily Mail has a photo of Amy Roebok putting 363 00:24:38,795 --> 00:24:42,315 Speaker 1: something in the back of a car. Happily, Mr Holmes 364 00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:45,995 Speaker 1: is helping her by holding her butt to keep her steady. 365 00:24:46,075 --> 00:24:51,315 Speaker 1: I guess Amy way to maintain that dignity. Roebok two 366 00:24:51,395 --> 00:25:07,795 Speaker 1: Day's Worst Person and the World to the number one 367 00:25:07,835 --> 00:25:10,395 Speaker 1: story on The Countdown and It's Fridays with Thurber, and 368 00:25:10,515 --> 00:25:15,755 Speaker 1: only occasionally did the great American humorist bend towards the supernatural. 369 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:20,075 Speaker 1: Lots of Thurber's characters, like his fictionalized version of his 370 00:25:20,115 --> 00:25:23,875 Speaker 1: own mother claimed to get messages from beyond the grave 371 00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:27,395 Speaker 1: and stuff like that, but rarely did Thurber ever go 372 00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:31,555 Speaker 1: ac cult in the first person. This is not true 373 00:25:31,555 --> 00:25:34,555 Speaker 1: in one of my all time favorites of his stories, 374 00:25:35,035 --> 00:25:38,635 Speaker 1: The Black Magic of Barney Holler, in which a slight 375 00:25:38,755 --> 00:25:42,115 Speaker 1: accent turns into something that is just right up against 376 00:25:42,115 --> 00:25:48,035 Speaker 1: the line of being actually a little scary, but still hilarious. 377 00:25:48,675 --> 00:25:54,315 Speaker 1: The Black Magic of Barney Haller by James Thurber. It 378 00:25:54,435 --> 00:25:56,435 Speaker 1: was one of those hunt days on which the earth 379 00:25:56,675 --> 00:26:00,235 Speaker 1: is uninhabitable, even as early as ten o'clock in the morning, 380 00:26:00,635 --> 00:26:03,155 Speaker 1: even on the hill where I live, under the dark maples. 381 00:26:03,755 --> 00:26:06,795 Speaker 1: The long porch is hot, and the wicker chair I 382 00:26:06,835 --> 00:26:10,635 Speaker 1: sat in complained hotly. My coffee was beginning to wear off, 383 00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:13,955 Speaker 1: and with it the momentary illusion it gives that things 384 00:26:13,955 --> 00:26:18,635 Speaker 1: are right and life is good. There were sultry mutterings 385 00:26:18,635 --> 00:26:21,195 Speaker 1: of thunder. I had a quick feeling that if I 386 00:26:21,235 --> 00:26:25,635 Speaker 1: looked up from my book, I would see Barney Holler. 387 00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:30,555 Speaker 1: I looked up, and then there he was, coming along 388 00:26:30,555 --> 00:26:34,715 Speaker 1: the road, lightning playing about his shoulders, thunder following him 389 00:26:34,755 --> 00:26:41,195 Speaker 1: like a dog. Barney is or was my hired man. 390 00:26:41,915 --> 00:26:46,435 Speaker 1: He is strong and amiable, sweaty and dependable, slowly and 391 00:26:46,595 --> 00:26:53,915 Speaker 1: heavily confident, but he is also eerie. He traffics with 392 00:26:53,995 --> 00:26:57,795 Speaker 1: the devil. His ears twitched when he talks, but it 393 00:26:57,835 --> 00:27:01,915 Speaker 1: isn't so much that as the things he says. Once 394 00:27:01,955 --> 00:27:04,235 Speaker 1: in late June, when all of a moment, sabers began 395 00:27:04,275 --> 00:27:07,755 Speaker 1: to flat brightly in the heavens and bowling balls rumbled, 396 00:27:08,195 --> 00:27:11,195 Speaker 1: I took refuge in the barn. I always have a 397 00:27:11,195 --> 00:27:13,035 Speaker 1: feeling that I am going to be struck by lightning 398 00:27:13,275 --> 00:27:15,875 Speaker 1: and either riven like an old apple tree, or left 399 00:27:15,875 --> 00:27:18,075 Speaker 1: with a foot that aches in rainy weather and a 400 00:27:18,115 --> 00:27:23,555 Speaker 1: habit of fainting. These things happen. Barney came in not 401 00:27:23,675 --> 00:27:26,795 Speaker 1: to escape the storm to which he is or pretends 402 00:27:26,835 --> 00:27:31,795 Speaker 1: to be indifferent, but to put the side a way. Suddenly, 403 00:27:31,835 --> 00:27:33,795 Speaker 1: he said, the first of those things that made me 404 00:27:33,955 --> 00:27:37,875 Speaker 1: when I was with him faintly creepy. He pointed at 405 00:27:37,915 --> 00:27:41,355 Speaker 1: the house. Once I see this boat come down to rock, 406 00:27:41,715 --> 00:27:45,475 Speaker 1: he said, it is phenomena like that of which I 407 00:27:45,515 --> 00:27:50,315 Speaker 1: stand in constant dread, boats coming down rocks, people being teleported, 408 00:27:50,435 --> 00:27:53,275 Speaker 1: statues dripping blood, old regrets and dreams in the form 409 00:27:53,315 --> 00:27:58,355 Speaker 1: of lunum moths fluttering against the windows at midnight. Of course, 410 00:27:58,395 --> 00:28:01,915 Speaker 1: I finally figured out what Barney meant, or what I 411 00:28:01,995 --> 00:28:05,715 Speaker 1: comforted myself with believing he meant something about a bolt 412 00:28:06,075 --> 00:28:10,915 Speaker 1: coming down, the lightning rod on the house a commonplace, 413 00:28:11,035 --> 00:28:14,755 Speaker 1: an utterly natural thing. I should have dismissed it, but 414 00:28:14,835 --> 00:28:18,435 Speaker 1: it had its effect on me. Here was a stolid man, 415 00:28:18,795 --> 00:28:22,315 Speaker 1: smelling of hay and leather, who talked like somebody out 416 00:28:22,315 --> 00:28:26,115 Speaker 1: of Charles Fort's books, or like a traveler back from 417 00:28:26,195 --> 00:28:30,915 Speaker 1: oz and all the time the lightning was zigging and 418 00:28:31,035 --> 00:28:35,195 Speaker 1: zagging around him. On this hot morning, when I saw 419 00:28:35,235 --> 00:28:38,635 Speaker 1: Barney coming along with his faithful storm trudging behind him, 420 00:28:38,795 --> 00:28:42,235 Speaker 1: I went back frowningly to my copy of Swan's Way. 421 00:28:42,435 --> 00:28:45,275 Speaker 1: I hope that Barney, seeing me absorbed in a book, 422 00:28:45,315 --> 00:28:50,115 Speaker 1: would pass by without saying anything. I read. I myself 423 00:28:50,155 --> 00:28:52,915 Speaker 1: seemed actually to have become the subject of my book, 424 00:28:53,315 --> 00:28:57,715 Speaker 1: A Church, a quartet, the rivalry between Francis the First 425 00:28:57,715 --> 00:29:01,035 Speaker 1: and Charles the Fifth. I could feel Barney standing looking 426 00:29:01,035 --> 00:29:04,635 Speaker 1: at me, but I didn't look at him this morning. 427 00:29:04,755 --> 00:29:08,795 Speaker 1: By and bye, said Barney. I go hunt gratches indiviudes. 428 00:29:10,275 --> 00:29:15,755 Speaker 1: That's fine, I said, and turned to page and pretended 429 00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:19,675 Speaker 1: to be engrossed in what I was reading. Barney walked on. 430 00:29:20,315 --> 00:29:22,755 Speaker 1: He had wanted to talk some more, but he walked on. 431 00:29:23,915 --> 00:29:26,675 Speaker 1: After a paragraph or two his words began to come 432 00:29:26,715 --> 00:29:30,795 Speaker 1: between me and the words in the book by m By. 433 00:29:31,035 --> 00:29:36,355 Speaker 1: I go hunt grotches in de woods. If you are 434 00:29:36,435 --> 00:29:40,155 Speaker 1: susceptible such things, it is not difficult to visualize grotches. 435 00:29:40,715 --> 00:29:44,075 Speaker 1: They fluttered into my mind, ugly little creatures about the 436 00:29:44,075 --> 00:29:47,835 Speaker 1: size of whipper wills, only covered with blood and honey, 437 00:29:47,915 --> 00:29:54,115 Speaker 1: and the scrapings of church bells gratches. Who and what 438 00:29:54,595 --> 00:29:58,435 Speaker 1: I wondered, really was this thing in the form of 439 00:29:58,475 --> 00:30:02,475 Speaker 1: a hired man that kept anointing me ominously In passing 440 00:30:02,555 --> 00:30:08,915 Speaker 1: with abra cadabra. Barney didn't go toward the woods at once. 441 00:30:09,035 --> 00:30:12,035 Speaker 1: He weeded the corn, He picked apple boughs off off 442 00:30:12,075 --> 00:30:14,755 Speaker 1: the lawn. He knocked a yellow jacket's nest down out 443 00:30:14,755 --> 00:30:17,675 Speaker 1: of a plum tree. It was raining now, but he 444 00:30:17,675 --> 00:30:20,275 Speaker 1: didn't seem to notice it. He kept looking at me 445 00:30:20,315 --> 00:30:21,675 Speaker 1: out of the corner of his eye, and I kept 446 00:30:21,715 --> 00:30:23,795 Speaker 1: looking at him out of the corner of my eye. 447 00:30:24,315 --> 00:30:27,315 Speaker 1: What time is it, blease? He called to me. Finally, 448 00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:30,875 Speaker 1: I put down my book and sauntered out to him. 449 00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:34,835 Speaker 1: When you go for those gratches, I said, firmly, I'll 450 00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:37,995 Speaker 1: go with you. I was sure he wouldn't want me 451 00:30:38,035 --> 00:30:40,315 Speaker 1: to go. I was right. He protested that he could 452 00:30:40,355 --> 00:30:45,035 Speaker 1: get the gratches himself. I'll go with you, I said, stubbornly. 453 00:30:45,995 --> 00:30:48,595 Speaker 1: We stood looking at each other, and then, abruptly, just 454 00:30:48,635 --> 00:30:54,195 Speaker 1: to give him something to ponder over, I quoted, I'm 455 00:30:54,235 --> 00:30:57,395 Speaker 1: going out to clean the pasture spring. I'll only stop 456 00:30:57,475 --> 00:31:00,155 Speaker 1: to take the leaves away and wait to watch the 457 00:31:00,155 --> 00:31:03,995 Speaker 1: water clear. I may, I shan't be gone long. You 458 00:31:04,235 --> 00:31:10,795 Speaker 1: come two. It wasn't, I realized, very good abracadabra, but 459 00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:14,995 Speaker 1: it served. Barney looked at me in a puzzled way. Yes, 460 00:31:16,035 --> 00:31:20,155 Speaker 1: he said, vaguely, it's five minutes of twelve, I said, 461 00:31:20,195 --> 00:31:23,595 Speaker 1: remembering he had asked. Then we go, he said, And 462 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,075 Speaker 1: we trudged through the rain over to the orchard fence 463 00:31:26,115 --> 00:31:28,995 Speaker 1: and climbed that and opened the gate and went out 464 00:31:29,035 --> 00:31:31,875 Speaker 1: into the meadow that slopes up to the woods. I 465 00:31:31,915 --> 00:31:34,555 Speaker 1: had a pre figuring of Barney at some proper spot 466 00:31:34,595 --> 00:31:38,835 Speaker 1: deep in the woods, prancing around like a goat, casting 467 00:31:38,875 --> 00:31:43,635 Speaker 1: off his false nature, shedding his hired man's garments, dropping 468 00:31:43,715 --> 00:31:51,635 Speaker 1: his teutonic accent, repeating diabolical phrases, conjuring up gratches. There 469 00:31:51,675 --> 00:31:55,195 Speaker 1: was a great slash of lightning and along bumping of thunder. 470 00:31:55,195 --> 00:31:57,555 Speaker 1: As we reached the edge of the woods. I turned 471 00:31:57,715 --> 00:32:02,115 Speaker 1: and fled. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Barney standing 472 00:32:02,155 --> 00:32:07,515 Speaker 1: and staring after me. It turned out, on the face 473 00:32:07,555 --> 00:32:09,995 Speaker 1: of it, to be as simple as the boat that 474 00:32:10,075 --> 00:32:16,355 Speaker 1: came down the rock. Grotches were crotches crotched saplings, which 475 00:32:16,355 --> 00:32:19,355 Speaker 1: he cut down to use as supports under the peach bows, 476 00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:21,755 Speaker 1: because in bearing time they become so heavy with fruit 477 00:32:21,795 --> 00:32:24,875 Speaker 1: that there was danger of the branches snapping off. I 478 00:32:24,915 --> 00:32:28,595 Speaker 1: saw Barney later putting the crotches in place. We didn't 479 00:32:28,595 --> 00:32:31,235 Speaker 1: have much to say to each other. I can see 480 00:32:31,315 --> 00:32:38,035 Speaker 1: now that he was beginning to suspect me too. About 481 00:32:38,035 --> 00:32:40,915 Speaker 1: six o'clock next evening, I was alone in the house 482 00:32:40,955 --> 00:32:44,715 Speaker 1: and sleeping upstairs. Barney rapped on the door of the 483 00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,995 Speaker 1: front porch. I knew it was Barney because he called 484 00:32:48,195 --> 00:32:51,915 Speaker 1: to me. I woke up slowly. It was dark for 485 00:32:51,995 --> 00:32:56,675 Speaker 1: six o'clock. I heard rumblings and soft flickerings. Barney was 486 00:32:56,715 --> 00:32:59,595 Speaker 1: standing at the front door, with his storm at heel. 487 00:33:01,195 --> 00:33:03,715 Speaker 1: I had the conviction that it wasn't storming anywhere except 488 00:33:03,755 --> 00:33:06,795 Speaker 1: around my how there couldn't, without the intervention of the 489 00:33:06,835 --> 00:33:09,555 Speaker 1: devil or one of his agents, be so many lightning 490 00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:15,515 Speaker 1: storms in one neighborhood. I had been dreaming of prost 491 00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:20,035 Speaker 1: and the church at Cambre, and meadowlands dipped in tea, 492 00:33:20,155 --> 00:33:23,155 Speaker 1: and the rivalry between Francis the First and Charles the fifth. 493 00:33:23,395 --> 00:33:26,595 Speaker 1: My head whirled and I didn't get up. Barney kept 494 00:33:26,635 --> 00:33:30,435 Speaker 1: on wrapping. He called out again. There was a flash 495 00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:33,915 Speaker 1: followed by a sharp splitting sound. Now I leaped up. 496 00:33:34,675 --> 00:33:37,155 Speaker 1: This time, I thought he is here to get me. 497 00:33:38,195 --> 00:33:41,475 Speaker 1: I had a notion that he was standing at the door, 498 00:33:41,635 --> 00:33:44,635 Speaker 1: bare footed, with a wreath of grape leaves around his 499 00:33:44,715 --> 00:33:48,035 Speaker 1: head and a wild animals skin slung over his shoulder. 500 00:33:48,235 --> 00:33:52,355 Speaker 1: I didn't want to go down, but I did. He 501 00:33:52,475 --> 00:33:55,715 Speaker 1: was as usual, solid, amiable, dressed like a hired man. 502 00:33:56,315 --> 00:33:58,395 Speaker 1: I went out onto the porch and looked at the 503 00:33:58,435 --> 00:34:01,675 Speaker 1: improbable storm now on in all of its fury. This 504 00:34:01,755 --> 00:34:04,835 Speaker 1: is getting pretty bad, I said meaningly. Barney looked at 505 00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:10,395 Speaker 1: the rain placidly well. I said, irritably, what's up? Barney 506 00:34:10,435 --> 00:34:14,155 Speaker 1: turned his little squinty blue eyes on me. We go 507 00:34:14,315 --> 00:34:19,355 Speaker 1: to the gardeck now and become Warbes? He said, the 508 00:34:19,395 --> 00:34:24,675 Speaker 1: hell we do, I thought to myself quickly. I was uneasy. 509 00:34:24,715 --> 00:34:28,235 Speaker 1: I was you might even say terrified, but I determined 510 00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:31,675 Speaker 1: not to show it. If he began to chant incantations, 511 00:34:31,995 --> 00:34:34,395 Speaker 1: or to make obscene signs, or if he attempted to 512 00:34:34,435 --> 00:34:37,395 Speaker 1: sling me over his shoulder, I resolved to plunge, ride 513 00:34:37,395 --> 00:34:39,435 Speaker 1: out into that storm, lightning it all, and run to 514 00:34:39,475 --> 00:34:42,715 Speaker 1: the nearest house. I didn't know what they would think 515 00:34:42,755 --> 00:34:44,755 Speaker 1: at the nearest house when I burst in upon them, 516 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:47,435 Speaker 1: or what I would tell them, but I didn't intend 517 00:34:47,475 --> 00:34:52,235 Speaker 1: to accompany this amiable looking fiend to any garrick and 518 00:34:52,355 --> 00:34:57,555 Speaker 1: become a warb. I tried to persuade myself that there 519 00:34:57,635 --> 00:35:00,355 Speaker 1: was some simple explanation that warbes would turn out to 520 00:35:00,355 --> 00:35:03,795 Speaker 1: be as the innocuous as boats on rocks and gratches indivuds. 521 00:35:04,475 --> 00:35:07,955 Speaker 1: But the conviction gripped me in the growling of the 522 00:35:07,955 --> 00:35:12,755 Speaker 1: thunder that here, at last was the moment when Barney 523 00:35:12,795 --> 00:35:17,235 Speaker 1: Holler or whoever he was, had chosen to get me. 524 00:35:18,395 --> 00:35:20,875 Speaker 1: I walked towards the steps that led to the lawn 525 00:35:21,275 --> 00:35:26,275 Speaker 1: and turned and faced him grimly. Listen, I barked suddenly. 526 00:35:26,395 --> 00:35:28,555 Speaker 1: Did you know that even when it isn't brillig I 527 00:35:28,555 --> 00:35:31,955 Speaker 1: can produce slythy tobes? Did you happen to know that 528 00:35:31,995 --> 00:35:34,995 Speaker 1: the mome Wrath never lived that could outgrade me? Yeah? 529 00:35:35,035 --> 00:35:37,395 Speaker 1: And furthermore, I can become anything I want to. Even 530 00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:39,995 Speaker 1: if I were a warb I wouldn't have to keep 531 00:35:40,035 --> 00:35:42,075 Speaker 1: on being one if I didn't want to. I can 532 00:35:42,115 --> 00:35:45,035 Speaker 1: become a playing card at will too. Once I was 533 00:35:45,075 --> 00:35:46,915 Speaker 1: the jack of clubs, only I forgot to say my 534 00:35:46,955 --> 00:35:52,195 Speaker 1: glasses off and some guy recognized me. I. Barney was 535 00:35:52,235 --> 00:35:55,995 Speaker 1: backing slowly away towards the petunia box at one end 536 00:35:56,035 --> 00:35:59,675 Speaker 1: of the porch. His little blue eyes were wide. He 537 00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:03,115 Speaker 1: saw that I had him. I think I'll go now, 538 00:36:03,355 --> 00:36:06,595 Speaker 1: he said, and he walked out into the rain. The 539 00:36:06,715 --> 00:36:11,315 Speaker 1: rain followed him down the road. I have a new 540 00:36:11,395 --> 00:36:14,515 Speaker 1: hired man now. Barney never came back to work for 541 00:36:14,555 --> 00:36:17,755 Speaker 1: me after that day. Of course, I figured out finally 542 00:36:18,155 --> 00:36:20,475 Speaker 1: what he meant about the Garrick and the warves. He 543 00:36:20,515 --> 00:36:22,635 Speaker 1: had simply got horribly mixed up in trying to tell 544 00:36:22,675 --> 00:36:25,075 Speaker 1: me that he was going up to the garret and 545 00:36:25,155 --> 00:36:31,155 Speaker 1: clear out the wasps, of which I have thousands. The 546 00:36:31,235 --> 00:36:34,915 Speaker 1: new hired man is afraid of them. Barney could have 547 00:36:34,995 --> 00:36:37,315 Speaker 1: scooped them up in his hands and thrown them out 548 00:36:37,315 --> 00:36:42,395 Speaker 1: a window without getting stung. I am sure he trafficked 549 00:36:42,435 --> 00:36:46,075 Speaker 1: with the devil, but I am sorry I let him go. 550 00:37:00,675 --> 00:37:05,995 Speaker 1: The Black Magic of Barney Haller by James Thurber. I've 551 00:37:06,035 --> 00:37:07,555 Speaker 1: done all the damage I can do here, and so 552 00:37:07,675 --> 00:37:09,755 Speaker 1: does Barney hall Er. Thanks for listening. If you're not 553 00:37:09,795 --> 00:37:12,715 Speaker 1: following or subscribed or whatever, please do so. If you 554 00:37:12,755 --> 00:37:15,115 Speaker 1: can stop a passer by on the street and get 555 00:37:15,115 --> 00:37:17,555 Speaker 1: them to follow it as well. Here are the credits. 556 00:37:17,555 --> 00:37:20,195 Speaker 1: Most of the music, including our theme here from Beethoven's Ninth, 557 00:37:20,515 --> 00:37:23,475 Speaker 1: was arranged, produced and performed by Brian Ray and John 558 00:37:23,475 --> 00:37:27,515 Speaker 1: Philip Channel There the Countdown musical directors, All orchestration and 559 00:37:27,595 --> 00:37:30,955 Speaker 1: keyboards by John Philip Chanelle, guitarist, bass and drums by 560 00:37:31,035 --> 00:37:34,275 Speaker 1: Brian Ray, produced by T k O Brothers. Other Beethoven 561 00:37:34,315 --> 00:37:37,155 Speaker 1: selections have been arranged and performed by No Horns Allowed. 562 00:37:37,555 --> 00:37:40,515 Speaker 1: The sports music is the Olderman theme from ESPN Too, 563 00:37:40,995 --> 00:37:42,955 Speaker 1: and it was written by Mitch Warren Davis and it 564 00:37:42,955 --> 00:37:47,835 Speaker 1: appears courtesy of ESPN incorporated musical comments by Nancy Faust. 565 00:37:47,875 --> 00:37:50,955 Speaker 1: The best baseball stadium organist ever. Our announcer today was 566 00:37:51,035 --> 00:37:54,195 Speaker 1: Richard Lewis. Everything else pretty much my fault. So let's 567 00:37:54,195 --> 00:37:57,275 Speaker 1: countdown for this the six and ninety six day since 568 00:37:57,315 --> 00:38:00,795 Speaker 1: Donald Trump's first attempted coup against the democratically elected government 569 00:38:00,795 --> 00:38:03,555 Speaker 1: of the United States. Arrest him now, why al we 570 00:38:03,675 --> 00:38:07,555 Speaker 1: still can? The next new edition scheduled for Monday. Till then, 571 00:38:07,595 --> 00:38:09,795 Speaker 1: I'm Keith all Reman. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, 572 00:38:10,355 --> 00:38:19,955 Speaker 1: and good luck. Countdown with Keith Alderman is a production 573 00:38:20,115 --> 00:38:23,755 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, 574 00:38:23,915 --> 00:38:27,435 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 575 00:38:27,515 --> 00:38:28,875 Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.