WEBVTT - Melrose Minute: The Friend Zone?

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<v Speaker 1>Still the Place with Laura Layton, Courtney Thorn Smith.

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<v Speaker 2>And Daphnew's aiga an iHeartRadio podcast.

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<v Speaker 3>Well we're back for a Melroe's Minutes.

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<v Speaker 4>Hi, guys.

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<v Speaker 3>A couple of things came up on that last episode

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<v Speaker 3>that made us really think.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Well it was the getting together of Billy and Allison,

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<v Speaker 2>who've been living together as roommates platonically. They've each like

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<v Speaker 2>seen each other have different dates and different relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Allison says, you know, I've watched you to clip

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<v Speaker 1>your toenails how many times?

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<v Speaker 4>Going from friends to romantic.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, now they've made it. They've had a number of

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<v Speaker 3>discussions about moving their relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>They have different plans, but they want to so they've

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<v Speaker 2>acknowledged that attraction.

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<v Speaker 4>They're going to go for it.

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<v Speaker 2>So we were thinking, have I asked you guys, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm curious of if people out there, how often how

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<v Speaker 2>common is that to be friends with somebody first for

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<v Speaker 2>a lot?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, we were also overlapping that with keeping the spark

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<v Speaker 1>alive that Michael sort of loses interest. So two things like,

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<v Speaker 1>you've have a friend the two couples on our shows

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<v Speaker 1>and to romance, how do you keep that exciting? And

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<v Speaker 1>new because your friends, you've lived together, how do you

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<v Speaker 1>get excited about someone?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so let's start with the first one, because that's

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<v Speaker 2>really interesting to me about the billion Allison, Let's start

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<v Speaker 2>with that, Like, how if you guys are friends and

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<v Speaker 2>you're used to being in a room and being together,

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<v Speaker 2>is there always like a crush? Was there a spark

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<v Speaker 2>before that you just didn't answer and then suddenly you're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna go with the spark.

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<v Speaker 3>I think it's so funny that, like when we were

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<v Speaker 3>talking about this away from the podcast, and I think

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<v Speaker 3>Daphne you said you'd never like dated a friend or

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<v Speaker 3>like you never started out as friends and then had

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<v Speaker 3>some of you, which I think I think is sort

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<v Speaker 3>of interesting because Courtney and I both Yeah, I think

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<v Speaker 3>we've done that, had that experience, but it also experienced

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<v Speaker 3>a lot.

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<v Speaker 4>So I just want to know, like how you care.

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<v Speaker 1>That's because you're both my friends, So watch your back's

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<v Speaker 1>billion Alison?

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<v Speaker 3>Or are we could make a plan and discuss it

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<v Speaker 3>ahead of time? Should we take our relationship to the

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<v Speaker 3>next level?

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<v Speaker 4>Was it awkward for you guys?

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe tomorrow night flipping toenails and then all of a

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<v Speaker 3>sudden you have to.

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<v Speaker 4>Make out with them was that what we know? What

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<v Speaker 4>is weird about it?

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<v Speaker 1>And it's fun to think about because I was thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about it with you know, Billy and Allison. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>true because especially if you're a good friends and you've

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<v Speaker 1>spent a lot of time like sitting on the couch

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<v Speaker 1>talking and you hang out with friends, that all of

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<v Speaker 1>a sudden you're sitting on the couch and it's like

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<v Speaker 1>are we holding hands now?

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<v Speaker 3>Are we making out?

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<v Speaker 1>Now?

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<v Speaker 4>Like you're into that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's almost like you get to that space in a

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<v Speaker 1>romantic relationship where you're through the initial like we can't

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<v Speaker 1>keep our hands off each other, and then you're sitting

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<v Speaker 1>on the couch watching TV.

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<v Speaker 4>But you go from sitting on the couch watching TV.

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<v Speaker 2>Too like making out every Yeah, so what is that

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<v Speaker 2>like for your experiences?

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<v Speaker 3>So I've sort of fall into the camp lake, you

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<v Speaker 3>know how there's that question like when Harry met Sally,

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<v Speaker 3>can can men and women just be friends? You know

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<v Speaker 3>that that question? I think that's sort of where it

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<v Speaker 3>lands for me, is that I think if you have

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<v Speaker 3>a really great friendship, or in my experience, had great

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<v Speaker 3>friendship with the guy that he clearly wanted to be

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<v Speaker 3>more like more in the relationship and it wasn't Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>and it wasn't like out of the question. For me,

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<v Speaker 3>it just kind of wasn't like a spontaneous oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>of course, Like it was just I guess maybe try

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<v Speaker 3>and then. But for me, like I feel like it

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<v Speaker 3>ruins the friendship. Like to me, it's kind of my

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<v Speaker 3>experience of it, it ended up ruining the friendship, and

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<v Speaker 3>it wasn't like the right plan to try to have

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<v Speaker 3>it be a romantic relationship. For me, the friendship was

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<v Speaker 3>really meaningful in what it was, but I felt like

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<v Speaker 3>the guy wanted more and I was like, Okay, I

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<v Speaker 3>guess I'll give that a shot, but it's just that

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<v Speaker 3>that spark wasn't there or whatever that you say.

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<v Speaker 4>So and for me it ended up and then you

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<v Speaker 4>couldn't stay friends.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it changed everything. Yeah, I was like, oh bummer.

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<v Speaker 1>But did you feel like he was saying I want

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<v Speaker 1>more and it's more or nothing?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't think it was that. It was just

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<v Speaker 3>changing the nature of our relationship and try and deliberately

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<v Speaker 3>like sort of changing it and trying to see, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>is this more ruined the first version of our relationship,

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<v Speaker 3>Like it just changed it forever. It just wasn't the same.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the first thing you that marks a difference, right,

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<v Speaker 2>you act on that holding, you kiss them, you guys kiss.

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<v Speaker 4>Each other, right then all of a sudden and just.

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<v Speaker 3>Like okay, that's different now, And like, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>To me, I don't understand about it is I have

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<v Speaker 2>such definite feelings for somebody or I don't. Like it's

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<v Speaker 2>just so organic and it's so like I have an

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<v Speaker 2>attraction or I don't. So I don't understand the I

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<v Speaker 2>love this guy and I have an attraction as a friend,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I guess it can grow out of that.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I've been with somebody for eighteen years now,

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<v Speaker 2>so there's been a whole you know, scope of feelings

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<v Speaker 2>and attractions and relating to each other. But I guess

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<v Speaker 2>I I don't underst I don't know. I don't get

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<v Speaker 2>it like giving it a go as someone who I

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<v Speaker 2>just don't feel that attraction to, or maybe it does.

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<v Speaker 4>That's why I'm curious. When it's happened.

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<v Speaker 1>For me, it's that you have a guy friend and

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<v Speaker 1>you end up spending a lot of time together and

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<v Speaker 1>spending so much time together and you call each other

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, and they're your first call in the morning

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<v Speaker 1>and your last call at night, and you start to think.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, this is silly.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, why do I want to go on a date

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<v Speaker 1>with someone with whom I don't have much in common

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<v Speaker 1>when this person's my best friend. Now, having said that,

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<v Speaker 1>you are right, Daphne in that there is such a

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<v Speaker 1>thing as chemistry, and I've had the experience of even

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<v Speaker 1>if the chemistry builds, like you start to think or

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<v Speaker 1>start to talk about it, that it doesn't actually work.

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<v Speaker 1>And then it's really uncomfortable because it's you know, you

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<v Speaker 1>missed that initial coming together attraction and you're like, ooh,

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<v Speaker 1>I just really want to be sitting on the couch

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<v Speaker 1>with this person. I don't want to be kissing. And

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<v Speaker 1>then if one of you wants to be making out

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<v Speaker 1>and the other one is like, ooh, that's not what

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted.

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<v Speaker 3>It's brutal and.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe that's what you're talking Aboutlaura.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, yes, really, and it just changes the friendship.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, one persons so excited and you're like, can we

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<v Speaker 1>get to the point in a relationship where we're just

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<v Speaker 1>sitting on the couch a yet it's like it can

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<v Speaker 1>be really uncomfortable so it's a real risk, like you

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<v Speaker 1>can really risk a friendship, but for me, to the

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<v Speaker 1>point where you're spending all your time with them, so

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<v Speaker 1>it sort of sink or swim. It's like either we

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<v Speaker 1>go for it or we have to separate to the

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<v Speaker 1>point where we can meet somebody else, because if we're

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<v Speaker 1>taking up each other all of each other's intimate time,

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<v Speaker 1>we kind of have to see if it's more or not.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think that's why I've never been friends like

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<v Speaker 2>that close of a friends with a guy, because I

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<v Speaker 2>I have always hung out with really followed that attraction

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<v Speaker 2>and then it happens so fast. So I've never even before,

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<v Speaker 2>even when I was young, I never had like a

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<v Speaker 2>best buddy that was a guy. It always was like

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<v Speaker 2>a situation or and then oh he asked me out,

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<v Speaker 2>or he didn't, you know what I mean, Like, I've

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<v Speaker 2>never I didn't have brothers growing up. I have one

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<v Speaker 2>have brother who's twenty years younger, so I didn't. I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have my dad wasn't around a lot, so I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't now that I'm thinking about it, I just didn't

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<v Speaker 2>have a lot of male energy around. So when I

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<v Speaker 2>started seeing men and in a little bit in high school,

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<v Speaker 2>but then in college and after that, it wasn't like.

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<v Speaker 4>A buddy buddy situation. I didn't don't don't even know

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<v Speaker 4>how to do that. They were like a foreign alien

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<v Speaker 4>to me, and I was like, I want to know

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<v Speaker 4>what that is, you know, And so I had to

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<v Speaker 4>move them in and we started so we.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. So then I had to learn how to

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<v Speaker 2>be friends. In fact, in the beginning, I remember one

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<v Speaker 2>of my earlier boyfriends was like, you can't break up

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<v Speaker 2>with me every time we have a fight, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>why not? Get the hell And so I had to

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<v Speaker 2>learn I'm not even joking, like, oh, there's all this

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<v Speaker 2>other area to relate to the other person. So my

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<v Speaker 2>friendship comes later. Yeah, it has always come later, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's something that you have to learn. And if it

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't come natural, like it sounds like it came with you,

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<v Speaker 2>guys came really natural to be friends.

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<v Speaker 3>I have a lot of guy friends, or even in

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<v Speaker 3>my youth, you know, I guess that just was a thing.

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<v Speaker 1>It is a thing, but it often comes up right

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<v Speaker 1>like it does.

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<v Speaker 3>I have had that.

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<v Speaker 2>Ruin.

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<v Speaker 1>I only have one close male friend where it never

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<v Speaker 1>became more or different, and that's the friendship that survived. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and we were just sort of saved by circumstance, meaning

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<v Speaker 1>we would be dating other people, and so the friendship

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<v Speaker 1>matured through the attraction phase and just became we're friends forever.

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<v Speaker 1>We sort of missed over it, but I got to

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<v Speaker 1>tell you now that we're talking about, like it actually

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<v Speaker 1>ruined a lot of friendships. But I also think it's

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<v Speaker 1>really challenging if you're single to be best friends with

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<v Speaker 1>a guy. It's just too complicated, right, So now my

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<v Speaker 1>really intimate relationships are with women, like those are my

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<v Speaker 1>intimate friendships. And I have some good guy friends who

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<v Speaker 1>I see occasionally, but I don't have any guy friends

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<v Speaker 1>that I hang out with all the time like I

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<v Speaker 1>used to.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that was a young woman's game.

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<v Speaker 3>Once you do move in with someone, which you seem

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<v Speaker 3>to do right away, I do right away, immediate.

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<v Speaker 4>For Daphne on the sewing gate, right away, and you

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<v Speaker 4>know what this.

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<v Speaker 3>Means to you.

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<v Speaker 4>And by the way, like we're together eighteen years later,

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<v Speaker 4>and that was.

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<v Speaker 3>A good first day.

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<v Speaker 4>But I do remember when we first moved in, and

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<v Speaker 4>I've lived.

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<v Speaker 2>With other men too, and I was just like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my god, it's they're totally different, you know, their bath

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<v Speaker 2>I think you have to have your own bathroom.

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<v Speaker 4>If that's positive.

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<v Speaker 1>Bathrooms are super cute. We're important if you can, ever

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<v Speaker 1>you can possibly have separate bathrooms, Yeah, if you can.

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<v Speaker 2>It's separate for sure. One entrance with two different apartments

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<v Speaker 2>would be lovely.

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<v Speaker 4>I would love that next door. Even better houses with

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<v Speaker 4>separate houses would be amazing. I think I think I'm

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<v Speaker 4>onto something there, to be honest, because you.

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<v Speaker 3>Know, there's set.

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<v Speaker 1>A friend of mine was talking to an architect friend

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<v Speaker 1>and they were saying, the new thing is you have

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<v Speaker 1>your own space.

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<v Speaker 3>Even that are like a duplex where.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, that's what I'm saying now we're talking.

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<v Speaker 2>But definitely your own bathrooms, and definitely you just have

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<v Speaker 2>to learn to find the sexiness even though you've seen

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<v Speaker 2>all the other stuff. I've heard people say, like when

0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.280
<v Speaker 2>you're getting ready to go out to dinner, you just

0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:35.960
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be in the bathroom if you only

0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:38.079
<v Speaker 2>have one at the same time. You don't want to

0:10:38.320 --> 0:10:40.440
<v Speaker 2>get too familiar and comfortable with each other.

0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:41.640
<v Speaker 4>You just don't.

0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.079
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'm a believer in keeping the bathroom

0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:47.719
<v Speaker 1>door closed. People says, you know what, real intimacy is

0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:49.359
<v Speaker 1>being in the bathroom.

0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:53.400
<v Speaker 4>Together or pee with the door open. Yes, I agree.

0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:56.199
<v Speaker 4>I'm not a not a fan. I think for some

0:10:56.360 --> 0:10:58.200
<v Speaker 4>people that's the height of romance.

0:10:58.320 --> 0:10:59.600
<v Speaker 1>I am not one of those people.

0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's hard to unsee certain Yeah.

0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:05.439
<v Speaker 1>I see enough of my dogs going to the bathroom.

0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't need to bring that into my human life.

0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:10.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's funny because I would like to see

0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:14.680
<v Speaker 2>in our comments if people want to comment on their tricks,

0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:18.080
<v Speaker 2>because I think that it's a really good ongoing problem

0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:18.960
<v Speaker 2>issue for people.

0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:20.760
<v Speaker 4>If you're going to live with someone and if your

0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:21.920
<v Speaker 4>marriage is going to last.

0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.040
<v Speaker 1>And stay romantic and sexy and fun.

0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:29.360
<v Speaker 3>As someone who's about to celebrate twenty seven years of marriage.

0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:32.440
<v Speaker 4>Well give us your number one secret.

0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:37.440
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to admit that we have separate bathrooms. Yeah,

0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.920
<v Speaker 3>can I know not everybody has that luxury, and I do.

0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:43.680
<v Speaker 2>I do. They can always use the one down at

0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:47.520
<v Speaker 2>the gas station if they If you don't, they can.

0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:50.400
<v Speaker 4>Where they leave the seats up. Anyway, Guys, they can

0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:53.439
<v Speaker 4>go outside. They're fine pretending campaign.

0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.680
<v Speaker 3>It's got a perfect solution, all right, give.

0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:57.720
<v Speaker 1>Them a shovel and a leaf.

0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:01.200
<v Speaker 4>He'll be fine. Behind the shed.

0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:01.720
<v Speaker 1>You're good.

0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:04.319
<v Speaker 4>I put your shaving stuff in a little hanging mirror.

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:06.360
<v Speaker 4>All right, good, this is good.

0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:10.000
<v Speaker 3>All right, Well that was that was super fun, alright,

0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:10.800
<v Speaker 3>super fuch fun.

0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:11.760
<v Speaker 4>You guys as always.

0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:13.079
<v Speaker 3>All right, You're gonna.

0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.120
<v Speaker 4>See you in a few days.

0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:14.800
<v Speaker 1>Bye.