Speaker 1: Still the Place with Laura Layton, Courtney Thorn Smith.
Speaker 2: And Daphnew's aiga an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 3: Well we're back for a Melroe's Minutes.
Speaker 4: Hi, guys.
Speaker 3: A couple of things came up on that last episode
Speaker 3: that made us really think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well it was the getting together of Billy and Allison,
Speaker 2: who've been living together as roommates platonically. They've each like
Speaker 2: seen each other have different dates and different relationships.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Allison says, you know, I've watched you to clip
Speaker 1: your toenails how many times?
Speaker 4: Going from friends to romantic.
Speaker 3: Well, now they've made it. They've had a number of
Speaker 3: discussions about moving their relationship.
Speaker 2: They have different plans, but they want to so they've
Speaker 2: acknowledged that attraction.
Speaker 4: They're going to go for it.
Speaker 2: So we were thinking, have I asked you guys, and
Speaker 2: I'm curious of if people out there, how often how
Speaker 2: common is that to be friends with somebody first for
Speaker 2: a lot?
Speaker 1: Well, we were also overlapping that with keeping the spark
Speaker 1: alive that Michael sort of loses interest. So two things like,
Speaker 1: you've have a friend the two couples on our shows
Speaker 1: and to romance, how do you keep that exciting? And
Speaker 1: new because your friends, you've lived together, how do you
Speaker 1: get excited about someone?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so let's start with the first one, because that's
Speaker 2: really interesting to me about the billion Allison, Let's start
Speaker 2: with that, Like, how if you guys are friends and
Speaker 2: you're used to being in a room and being together,
Speaker 2: is there always like a crush? Was there a spark
Speaker 2: before that you just didn't answer and then suddenly you're
Speaker 2: gonna go with the spark.
Speaker 3: I think it's so funny that, like when we were
Speaker 3: talking about this away from the podcast, and I think
Speaker 3: Daphne you said you'd never like dated a friend or
Speaker 3: like you never started out as friends and then had
Speaker 3: some of you, which I think I think is sort
Speaker 3: of interesting because Courtney and I both Yeah, I think
Speaker 3: we've done that, had that experience, but it also experienced
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 4: So I just want to know, like how you care.
Speaker 1: That's because you're both my friends, So watch your back's
Speaker 1: billion Alison?
Speaker 3: Or are we could make a plan and discuss it
Speaker 3: ahead of time? Should we take our relationship to the
Speaker 3: next level?
Speaker 4: Was it awkward for you guys?
Speaker 3: Maybe tomorrow night flipping toenails and then all of a
Speaker 3: sudden you have to.
Speaker 4: Make out with them was that what we know? What
Speaker 4: is weird about it?
Speaker 1: And it's fun to think about because I was thinking
Speaker 1: about it with you know, Billy and Allison. And it's
Speaker 1: true because especially if you're a good friends and you've
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time like sitting on the couch
Speaker 1: talking and you hang out with friends, that all of
Speaker 1: a sudden you're sitting on the couch and it's like
Speaker 1: are we holding hands now?
Speaker 3: Are we making out?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 4: Like you're into that.
Speaker 1: It's almost like you get to that space in a
Speaker 1: romantic relationship where you're through the initial like we can't
Speaker 1: keep our hands off each other, and then you're sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch watching TV.
Speaker 4: But you go from sitting on the couch watching TV.
Speaker 2: Too like making out every Yeah, so what is that
Speaker 2: like for your experiences?
Speaker 3: So I've sort of fall into the camp lake, you
Speaker 3: know how there's that question like when Harry met Sally,
Speaker 3: can can men and women just be friends? You know
Speaker 3: that that question? I think that's sort of where it
Speaker 3: lands for me, is that I think if you have
Speaker 3: a really great friendship, or in my experience, had great
Speaker 3: friendship with the guy that he clearly wanted to be
Speaker 3: more like more in the relationship and it wasn't Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it wasn't like out of the question. For me,
Speaker 3: it just kind of wasn't like a spontaneous oh yeah,
Speaker 3: of course, Like it was just I guess maybe try
Speaker 3: and then. But for me, like I feel like it
Speaker 3: ruins the friendship. Like to me, it's kind of my
Speaker 3: experience of it, it ended up ruining the friendship, and
Speaker 3: it wasn't like the right plan to try to have
Speaker 3: it be a romantic relationship. For me, the friendship was
Speaker 3: really meaningful in what it was, but I felt like
Speaker 3: the guy wanted more and I was like, Okay, I
Speaker 3: guess I'll give that a shot, but it's just that
Speaker 3: that spark wasn't there or whatever that you say.
Speaker 4: So and for me it ended up and then you
Speaker 4: couldn't stay friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it changed everything. Yeah, I was like, oh bummer.
Speaker 1: But did you feel like he was saying I want
Speaker 1: more and it's more or nothing?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think it was that. It was just
Speaker 3: changing the nature of our relationship and try and deliberately
Speaker 3: like sort of changing it and trying to see, hey,
Speaker 3: is this more ruined the first version of our relationship,
Speaker 3: Like it just changed it forever. It just wasn't the same.
Speaker 2: That's the first thing you that marks a difference, right,
Speaker 2: you act on that holding, you kiss them, you guys kiss.
Speaker 4: Each other, right then all of a sudden and just.
Speaker 3: Like okay, that's different now, And like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: To me, I don't understand about it is I have
Speaker 2: such definite feelings for somebody or I don't. Like it's
Speaker 2: just so organic and it's so like I have an
Speaker 2: attraction or I don't. So I don't understand the I
Speaker 2: love this guy and I have an attraction as a friend,
Speaker 2: and then I guess it can grow out of that.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've been with somebody for eighteen years now,
Speaker 2: so there's been a whole you know, scope of feelings
Speaker 2: and attractions and relating to each other. But I guess
Speaker 2: I I don't underst I don't know. I don't get
Speaker 2: it like giving it a go as someone who I
Speaker 2: just don't feel that attraction to, or maybe it does.
Speaker 4: That's why I'm curious. When it's happened.
Speaker 1: For me, it's that you have a guy friend and
Speaker 1: you end up spending a lot of time together and
Speaker 1: spending so much time together and you call each other
Speaker 1: a lot, and they're your first call in the morning
Speaker 1: and your last call at night, and you start to think.
Speaker 3: Well, this is silly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do I want to go on a date
Speaker 1: with someone with whom I don't have much in common
Speaker 1: when this person's my best friend. Now, having said that,
Speaker 1: you are right, Daphne in that there is such a
Speaker 1: thing as chemistry, and I've had the experience of even
Speaker 1: if the chemistry builds, like you start to think or
Speaker 1: start to talk about it, that it doesn't actually work.
Speaker 1: And then it's really uncomfortable because it's you know, you
Speaker 1: missed that initial coming together attraction and you're like, ooh,
Speaker 1: I just really want to be sitting on the couch
Speaker 1: with this person. I don't want to be kissing. And
Speaker 1: then if one of you wants to be making out
Speaker 1: and the other one is like, ooh, that's not what
Speaker 1: I wanted.
Speaker 3: It's brutal and.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what you're talking Aboutlaura.
Speaker 3: Like, yes, really, and it just changes the friendship.
Speaker 1: Well, one persons so excited and you're like, can we
Speaker 1: get to the point in a relationship where we're just
Speaker 1: sitting on the couch a yet it's like it can
Speaker 1: be really uncomfortable so it's a real risk, like you
Speaker 1: can really risk a friendship, but for me, to the
Speaker 1: point where you're spending all your time with them, so
Speaker 1: it sort of sink or swim. It's like either we
Speaker 1: go for it or we have to separate to the
Speaker 1: point where we can meet somebody else, because if we're
Speaker 1: taking up each other all of each other's intimate time,
Speaker 1: we kind of have to see if it's more or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's why I've never been friends like
Speaker 2: that close of a friends with a guy, because I
Speaker 2: I have always hung out with really followed that attraction
Speaker 2: and then it happens so fast. So I've never even before,
Speaker 2: even when I was young, I never had like a
Speaker 2: best buddy that was a guy. It always was like
Speaker 2: a situation or and then oh he asked me out,
Speaker 2: or he didn't, you know what I mean, Like, I've
Speaker 2: never I didn't have brothers growing up. I have one
Speaker 2: have brother who's twenty years younger, so I didn't. I
Speaker 2: didn't have my dad wasn't around a lot, so I
Speaker 2: didn't now that I'm thinking about it, I just didn't
Speaker 2: have a lot of male energy around. So when I
Speaker 2: started seeing men and in a little bit in high school,
Speaker 2: but then in college and after that, it wasn't like.
Speaker 4: A buddy buddy situation. I didn't don't don't even know
Speaker 4: how to do that. They were like a foreign alien
Speaker 4: to me, and I was like, I want to know
Speaker 4: what that is, you know, And so I had to
Speaker 4: move them in and we started so we.
Speaker 2: You know. So then I had to learn how to
Speaker 2: be friends. In fact, in the beginning, I remember one
Speaker 2: of my earlier boyfriends was like, you can't break up
Speaker 2: with me every time we have a fight, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: why not? Get the hell And so I had to
Speaker 2: learn I'm not even joking, like, oh, there's all this
Speaker 2: other area to relate to the other person. So my
Speaker 2: friendship comes later. Yeah, it has always come later, and
Speaker 2: it's something that you have to learn. And if it
Speaker 2: doesn't come natural, like it sounds like it came with you,
Speaker 2: guys came really natural to be friends.
Speaker 3: I have a lot of guy friends, or even in
Speaker 3: my youth, you know, I guess that just was a thing.
Speaker 1: It is a thing, but it often comes up right
Speaker 1: like it does.
Speaker 3: I have had that.
Speaker 2: Ruin.
Speaker 1: I only have one close male friend where it never
Speaker 1: became more or different, and that's the friendship that survived. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and we were just sort of saved by circumstance, meaning
Speaker 1: we would be dating other people, and so the friendship
Speaker 1: matured through the attraction phase and just became we're friends forever.
Speaker 1: We sort of missed over it, but I got to
Speaker 1: tell you now that we're talking about, like it actually
Speaker 1: ruined a lot of friendships. But I also think it's
Speaker 1: really challenging if you're single to be best friends with
Speaker 1: a guy. It's just too complicated, right, So now my
Speaker 1: really intimate relationships are with women, like those are my
Speaker 1: intimate friendships. And I have some good guy friends who
Speaker 1: I see occasionally, but I don't have any guy friends
Speaker 1: that I hang out with all the time like I
Speaker 1: used to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a young woman's game.
Speaker 3: Once you do move in with someone, which you seem
Speaker 3: to do right away, I do right away, immediate.
Speaker 4: For Daphne on the sewing gate, right away, and you
Speaker 4: know what this.
Speaker 3: Means to you.
Speaker 4: And by the way, like we're together eighteen years later,
Speaker 4: and that was.
Speaker 3: A good first day.
Speaker 4: But I do remember when we first moved in, and
Speaker 4: I've lived.
Speaker 2: With other men too, and I was just like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, it's they're totally different, you know, their bath
Speaker 2: I think you have to have your own bathroom.
Speaker 4: If that's positive.
Speaker 1: Bathrooms are super cute. We're important if you can, ever
Speaker 1: you can possibly have separate bathrooms, Yeah, if you can.
Speaker 2: It's separate for sure. One entrance with two different apartments
Speaker 2: would be lovely.
Speaker 4: I would love that next door. Even better houses with
Speaker 4: separate houses would be amazing. I think I think I'm
Speaker 4: onto something there, to be honest, because you.
Speaker 3: Know, there's set.
Speaker 1: A friend of mine was talking to an architect friend
Speaker 1: and they were saying, the new thing is you have
Speaker 1: your own space.
Speaker 3: Even that are like a duplex where.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's what I'm saying now we're talking.
Speaker 2: But definitely your own bathrooms, and definitely you just have
Speaker 2: to learn to find the sexiness even though you've seen
Speaker 2: all the other stuff. I've heard people say, like when
Speaker 2: you're getting ready to go out to dinner, you just
Speaker 2: don't want to be in the bathroom if you only
Speaker 2: have one at the same time. You don't want to
Speaker 2: get too familiar and comfortable with each other.
Speaker 4: You just don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm a believer in keeping the bathroom
Speaker 1: door closed. People says, you know what, real intimacy is
Speaker 1: being in the bathroom.
Speaker 4: Together or pee with the door open. Yes, I agree.
Speaker 4: I'm not a not a fan. I think for some
Speaker 4: people that's the height of romance.
Speaker 1: I am not one of those people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard to unsee certain Yeah.
Speaker 1: I see enough of my dogs going to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I don't need to bring that into my human life.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny because I would like to see
Speaker 2: in our comments if people want to comment on their tricks,
Speaker 2: because I think that it's a really good ongoing problem
Speaker 2: issue for people.
Speaker 4: If you're going to live with someone and if your
Speaker 4: marriage is going to last.
Speaker 1: And stay romantic and sexy and fun.
Speaker 3: As someone who's about to celebrate twenty seven years of marriage.
Speaker 4: Well give us your number one secret.
Speaker 3: I'm going to admit that we have separate bathrooms. Yeah,
Speaker 3: can I know not everybody has that luxury, and I do.
Speaker 2: I do. They can always use the one down at
Speaker 2: the gas station if they If you don't, they can.
Speaker 4: Where they leave the seats up. Anyway, Guys, they can
Speaker 4: go outside. They're fine pretending campaign.
Speaker 3: It's got a perfect solution, all right, give.
Speaker 1: Them a shovel and a leaf.
Speaker 4: He'll be fine. Behind the shed.
Speaker 1: You're good.
Speaker 4: I put your shaving stuff in a little hanging mirror.
Speaker 4: All right, good, this is good.
Speaker 3: All right, Well that was that was super fun, alright,
Speaker 3: super fuch fun.
Speaker 4: You guys as always.
Speaker 3: All right, You're gonna.
Speaker 4: See you in a few days.
Speaker 1: Bye.