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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly

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Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small

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Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you

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Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is

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Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session three sixty two of the

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our

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Speaker 1: conversation after a word from our sponsors. Earlier this spring,

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls hosted our first ever live podcast

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Speaker 1: event at Variety Playhouse in Atlanta, Georgia, Healing in real time.

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Speaker 1: On that special night, in a room full of our

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Speaker 1: loyal fans and supporters, we explored what it looks like

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Speaker 1: to live healthy online and offline. I'm still so full

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Speaker 1: from getting the chance to connect with all of you

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Speaker 1: in person, and for those who couldn't make it, we

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Speaker 1: recorded the conversation for you to enjoy from the comfort

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Speaker 1: of your own home. My two friends and colleagues and

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Speaker 1: members of my group Chat, doctor Ayana Abrams and doctor

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Speaker 1: Joy beckwe joined me on stage to discuss what it

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Speaker 1: looks like to set boundaries around what gets shared on

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Speaker 1: social media, what happens when the IRL spills onto the web,

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Speaker 1: and what's to do when social media trends trigger old hurts.

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Speaker 1: And that's not all. We didn't forget about the audience questions.

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Speaker 1: We'll be releasing those in a special bonus episode on Friday,

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Speaker 1: So stay tuned, get ready, grab a snack, find somewhere

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Speaker 1: at comfy, and enjoy the show. And as you're listening,

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Speaker 1: let us know what you're thinking about it. Share your

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Speaker 1: thoughts with us on social media using the hashtag TBG

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Speaker 1: in session, or join us over in the Sister Circle

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Speaker 1: to talk more about the episode. You can join us

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Speaker 1: at community dot therapy for Blackgirls dot Com. Here's the show,

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Speaker 1: y'all know what I have to do it? Thank you,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, y'all know I had to come out to

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Speaker 1: the hometown favorite right. Thank y'all so much for being here.

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Speaker 1: It is incredible to imagine that seven years ago. This

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Speaker 1: week I pressed publish on the very first episode of

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls, and so to see you all

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Speaker 1: here this evening is just truly the stuff that dreams

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Speaker 1: are made of. I really appreciate you for coming and

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Speaker 1: for rocking with the podcast for as long as you have.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so to my fabulous friends. Thank y'all for

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Speaker 1: joining me this evening. Of course, yes, the group chat

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Speaker 1: has come out of the group chat, we're on stage.

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Speaker 2: So you both have been.

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Speaker 1: Guests on the podcast multiple times. We've had lots of incredible,

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Speaker 1: juicy conversations. But for those of you who people who

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Speaker 1: may not be famili can you introduce yourselves and tell

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Speaker 1: us a little bit more about your work. We'll start

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Speaker 1: with you, doctor a So.

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Speaker 3: I am doctor Aana Abrams. I am a licensed clinical

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Speaker 3: psychologist based here in Georgia. I have a small solo

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Speaker 3: mental health practice called Ascension Behavioral Health, where I help

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Speaker 3: people who are navigating mood disorders, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder.

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Speaker 3: I specialize in racism based trauma and more specifically helping

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Speaker 3: black women navigate spaces in a safer way, and I

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Speaker 3: also specialize in couples and marital issues.

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Speaker 2: Well and I'm doctor Joy back with. I am also

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Speaker 2: a licensed clinical psychologist here, I'm a resident radio expert.

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Speaker 2: I am also hey, I'm also a team psychologist for

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Speaker 2: a local professional supports group, and I am the co

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Speaker 2: founder of Kafore Psychological Health Institute here where trauma is

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Speaker 2: my specialty. But I also see individuals who have challenges

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Speaker 2: with depression and anxiety, just relationships in general. I work

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Speaker 2: a lot with entrepreneurs, acthletes, entertainers, just those who have

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Speaker 2: a high performance lifestyle who want to be well from

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Speaker 2: the inside out.

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Speaker 1: Beautiful, beautiful, important work. Thank you for your work. So

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Speaker 1: the theme of the evening is healing in real time,

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Speaker 1: So I would love to hear We'll start with you,

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Speaker 1: doctor Beck with what does that mean when you hear

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Speaker 1: that phrase? What comes to mind for you? Healing in

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Speaker 1: real time?

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Speaker 2: It's now, it's real, it's authenticity, and it is it's community,

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Speaker 2: and it's community, it is what is present in this moment.

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Speaker 2: So of course we talk about a sisterhood and healing

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Speaker 2: the power of sisterhood to heal, but it's right now,

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Speaker 2: it's not waiting till tomorrow. It's there's authenticity, there's some

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Speaker 2: self awareness there in terms of what is it that

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Speaker 2: you're going through, what is it that you're dealing with,

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Speaker 2: And it's bringing that thing to the forefront right now,

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Speaker 2: facing it and getting through it. So anything to end

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Speaker 2: say at.

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Speaker 3: It's about, you know, also recognizing in those opportunities of

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Speaker 3: the now right that there are opportunities all around you

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Speaker 3: to really think about how you're showing up, who's showing

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Speaker 3: up for you and who's not, and how to navigate

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Speaker 3: some of those spaces. But remembering that there's always these

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Speaker 3: opportunities that are sprouting right around you to really think

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Speaker 3: about what you want out of your life.

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Speaker 1: So when I think about healing in real time, I

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Speaker 1: am often thinking about like what's going on around us,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like social media and technology Look at

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Speaker 1: that deep breath she just said, social media and technology

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Speaker 1: has really in some ways both complicated and also enhanced

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Speaker 1: I think what it looks like to heal in real time.

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Speaker 1: So we know that there can be some drawbacks to

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Speaker 1: kind of sharing your healing in real time online, but

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Speaker 1: what are the possibilities, Like what kinds of good things

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Speaker 1: come from us maybe healing in real time online?

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Speaker 3: You know, one of the the biggest benefits that I

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Speaker 3: see of technology and social media use is access to

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Speaker 3: people in spaces that you don't have around you.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: We are in a quote unquote loneliness epidemic. Right, research

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Speaker 3: has shown that we are struggling right, larger community, smaller communities.

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Speaker 3: So what online spaces offer us is an opportunity right

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Speaker 3: to meet like minded people, to feel validating in ways,

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Speaker 3: and maybe we might not access in our homes, in

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Speaker 3: our neighborhoods, in our school systems, at work. So just

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Speaker 3: being able to see people who look like you right,

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Speaker 3: doing things that are similar or doing things right that

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Speaker 3: are really motivating to you is also really important for

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Speaker 3: us to be able to kind of bounce back and

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Speaker 3: forth off of Yeah, so.

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Speaker 2: I would agree with that. I think going back to

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Speaker 2: the loneliness epidemic, I think what social media, what being

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Speaker 2: online offers us is an opportunity to be able to

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Speaker 2: connect authentically. If we think about for those of us

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Speaker 2: who post and who post authentically and allow these vulnerable

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Speaker 2: moments to show, we think about what does that do

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Speaker 2: for us vulnerability in terms of what can next us,

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Speaker 2: what brings us together, and what allows us to feel

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Speaker 2: closer after that connection? And I think that's what it does.

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Speaker 2: It allows real to recognize real and you're seeing this

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Speaker 2: person it's like, okay, you know what she's like me

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Speaker 2: or I'm also struggling with that, and so it allows

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Speaker 2: us to be real and to be relatable, and if

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Speaker 2: it's done in a right way, in a healthy way,

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Speaker 2: it allows us to be able to heal together. It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I struggled with that too. Okay, Okay, what worked for you?

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Speaker 2: And so something about the connection the community, real recognizing real,

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Speaker 2: and being able to relate together with people who you

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Speaker 2: may not be able to relate with otherwise, because if

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Speaker 2: not for social media.

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Speaker 1: So you mentioned if it's done in the right way,

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Speaker 1: in the healthy way, can you give us some guidelines

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Speaker 1: for what that looks like? What is right and healthy

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Speaker 1: in terms of like authentically sharing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah you said it, Okay, I was just trying to

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Speaker 2: be fair friends. So I think it depends on what

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Speaker 2: we're talking about. Here are boundaries in terms of what

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Speaker 2: it is that we share, when we share, how we

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Speaker 2: share it. But I'm the school of like, people cannot

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Speaker 2: respect what we don't set right. So you're talking about

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Speaker 2: these boundaries in place and knowing who it is that

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Speaker 2: you are what are you comfortable putting out there? But

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Speaker 2: also knowing your audience, right, and so knowing who am

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Speaker 2: I speaking to? Who are my followers? And if you're

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Speaker 2: just wide open, you know, it's this information that I'm

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Speaker 2: okay with being out there because once you put it

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Speaker 2: out there, it's done, like you can't get it back, right.

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Speaker 2: So being really clear on do I need to share this,

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Speaker 2: why do I need to share this? Is this who

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Speaker 2: I want to share it with? Right? And then also

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Speaker 2: like what am I hoping to get as a result

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Speaker 2: of sharing this? Am I looking for likes? Am I

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Speaker 2: looking for clicks? Am I looking for validation? Or a girl?

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Speaker 2: Did I think my shoes were cute? So and that's

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Speaker 2: okay too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I really love that point about knowing who your

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Speaker 3: audience is. And what I'll add to that is there's

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Speaker 3: a piece of knowing who your audience is but also

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Speaker 3: understanding and accepting that there are a lot of people

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Speaker 3: on your pages that you do not know, right, So

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Speaker 3: there's a way in which they're It's kind of we

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Speaker 3: call them like parasocial relationships, right, that we can be

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Speaker 3: connected to people, we can share similar interests, we can

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Speaker 3: you know, share similar experiences, in a way, right, but

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Speaker 3: also recognizing that there is a difference between me and

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Speaker 3: this person. I only know what they post about themselves

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Speaker 3: and what they're choosing to post. They only know what

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Speaker 3: I am choosing to post, which is different than they

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Speaker 3: know me and I know them, right, So it's about

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Speaker 3: knowing who your audience is, but also knowing that you

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Speaker 3: don't know all who they are, and how do you

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Speaker 3: kind of honor and respect that as well in terms

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Speaker 3: of what you're taking in some stories that we tell

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Speaker 3: ourselves about people's lives that we don't know factually, and

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Speaker 3: also how we navigate boundaries around people that are making

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Speaker 3: inferences about our lives that they don't know factually.

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Speaker 1: So both of you spoke to this idea of kind

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Speaker 1: of like knowing your audience. I have so many questions

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Speaker 1: around this one. You said, like, don't post anything because

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Speaker 1: you don't know like when it's going to expand beyond

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Speaker 1: your circle. I wonder if you can talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit about like maybe the mental health impact of going

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Speaker 1: viral in some of those ways, right, because in an

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Speaker 1: effort to connect and to share and to maybe warn

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Speaker 1: other people, it can expand far greater than you ever imagined.

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Speaker 1: So what is the mental health impact of that? Do

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Speaker 1: you think?

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes we post things not knowing that it

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Speaker 2: can go viral, or even for those who are like

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Speaker 2: I hope I go viral, it's like, do you understand

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Speaker 2: what that means? Right? We open ourself up to judgment,

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Speaker 2: to criticism, to comments, and as strong as you think

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Speaker 2: you may be, and you may be strong, there are

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Speaker 2: moments where you're like, Okay, I was not ready for that.

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Speaker 2: And what you thought was like, oh, look at this,

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Speaker 2: Like you're opening yourself up to the opinions, the judgments,

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Speaker 2: the thoughts of other people. And so now something that

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Speaker 2: perhaps we didn't expect to be as big. Now you're

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Speaker 2: losing sleep. Now you're anxious about it, right, You're afraid

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Speaker 2: to go out because of this, And so now you're

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Speaker 2: sad and pressed because now these people who I don't

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Speaker 2: even know, who really don't even know me, they just

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Speaker 2: know a piece of my life that I've decided to

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Speaker 2: show them. They have, you know, all of these thoughts

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Speaker 2: and comments or whatever. So we have to be careful because, yeah,

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Speaker 2: something that seems like a good idea in the moment,

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Speaker 2: you just once it's out there, you lose you can

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Speaker 2: lose control of it. I agree.

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Speaker 3: You know something that I don't think people anticipate about

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Speaker 3: the is virality a word you can't go with it

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Speaker 3: is I think the virality of this that right is

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Speaker 3: And this is for people who are you know, content

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Speaker 3: creators and people who want to build platforms and brands,

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Speaker 3: and people who didn't expect this they just post something

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Speaker 3: that happened today. Is that oftentimes what I will notice

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Speaker 3: is that there then becomes this drop afterwards if your

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Speaker 3: next post doesn't do which your last post did, right, so,

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Speaker 3: there can be a lot of anxiety and distress about

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Speaker 3: now I have to keep up with this, and now

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Speaker 3: there might be an expectation that I keep creating something

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Speaker 3: or making something like this, and that turns into a

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Speaker 3: lot of stress for people, particularly if you are a

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Speaker 3: content creator. It kind of starts you on this or

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Speaker 3: kind of puts you on this hamster wheel of creation

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Speaker 3: and now wanting to mimic what happened before and still

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Speaker 3: kind of looking for the clicks and the likes, and

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Speaker 3: then you know, thinking about the messages that you're telling yourself.

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Speaker 3: If you don't get the same you know, support or

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Speaker 3: tension that you did on that post and really thinking

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Speaker 3: about again, these are all the things that come with

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Speaker 3: that hype right around what it means to maybe feel

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Speaker 3: liked by a like on a post, and those are

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Speaker 3: two different things. A like on a post does not

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Speaker 3: mean that people like you, that's all right, So really

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Speaker 3: being mindful about that discernment. That's a quotable, y'all, y'all

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Speaker 3: tweet that out.

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Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break. Why do friendship

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Speaker 1: breakup sometimes hurt more than romantic ones? How do I

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Speaker 1: make friends in a new city? Is it true that

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Speaker 1: women can't actually be good friends to one another? I'm

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Speaker 1: exploring all of these questions and so much more in

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Speaker 1: my book, Sisterhood Heals, now available in paperback at your

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Speaker 1: local individ in bookstore, our ancesterhood Heals dot com. Grab

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Speaker 1: a copy for you and your girls, and let's talk

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Speaker 1: about it.

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Speaker 3: Are there any content creators in the room? Can you

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Speaker 3: raise your hands? Okay, so so several people here.

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Speaker 2: One of the things I wonder about with content.

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Speaker 1: Creation is once you become a content creator, like this

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Speaker 1: is the way you are supporting yourself. Is there really

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Speaker 1: a time when you are turning off the ideas of

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Speaker 1: content creation, Like I worry that everything then becomes an

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Speaker 1: opportunity for content, And so I wonder then how you

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Speaker 1: stay grounded and like what mindfulness can you practice as

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Speaker 1: a content creator?

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Speaker 2: Any thoughts about that? Well, I'm not a content creator,

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Speaker 2: but I think listen, I mean, I think you've got

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Speaker 2: to have some really strong boundaries, like when it is it,

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Speaker 2: I mean it's almost like anything else, like you're pouring

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Speaker 2: your heart into it. But at what point does that stop?

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Speaker 2: And basically my other part of my life where I'm

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Speaker 2: connecting with my family, my friends and I'm hanging out

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Speaker 2: because okay, I'm okay if you have to take a

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Speaker 2: picture of our food, but every time, right, and now

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Speaker 2: I got to like take five and six different pictures

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Speaker 2: of you smiling and eating and then videoing and may

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Speaker 2: not be right. That's a whole lot. And so I

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Speaker 2: think that we're talking about it. I'm here for you.

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Speaker 3: She's talking, y'all. Is what she's talk about.

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Speaker 2: Where our food blog? Is it? Right? I know? And

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Speaker 2: so I think we're talking about like healthy boundaries where

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Speaker 2: you understand, like I have to turn this off at

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Speaker 2: some point. Right, it is how I live, It's how

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Speaker 2: I make my living, but it does not have to

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Speaker 2: necessarily be your life where now it's starting to spill

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Speaker 2: over to these other areas where I don't want to

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Speaker 2: go out to eat with you because you're taking these pictures.

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Speaker 2: I think it's about healthy boundaries.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I agree, but not only boundaries in terms

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Speaker 3: of making decisions about what will be content and what

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Speaker 3: will not be content versus kind of flowing all over

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Speaker 3: the place. But you know, I was hearing what doctor

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Speaker 3: Joey's asking in terms of, like, now, when I I'm

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Speaker 3: on social media, everything that I'm seeing other people doing,

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking about how I can do something like that. Oh,

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Speaker 3: that's a good idea, and that's a good idea. Let

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Speaker 3: me create a folder that does this or this or this. Right,

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Speaker 3: So what does it mean to also offer yourself some

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Speaker 3: mental space where social media cannot be about work or

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Speaker 3: creating or ideating but you just get to scroll in

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Speaker 3: some way. But that would also take some practice for you,

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Speaker 3: which might look like separating time out. Okay, there's a

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Speaker 3: time in which I am looking for ideas right about

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Speaker 3: what I might want to recreate in my own way,

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Speaker 3: and there's a time in which I'm not doing that.

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Speaker 3: I am just looking at pages of people who I

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Speaker 3: actually know or things that I want to learn about

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Speaker 3: on social media, particularly when it comes to like TikTok is,

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Speaker 3: like the whole educational sector of I use educational loosely,

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Speaker 3: but really separating that time out about when this is

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Speaker 3: for me, right, and just my ability to use this

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Speaker 3: as pleasure versus when I actually want to do something

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Speaker 3: with what I'm coming across. But it would actually, it

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Speaker 3: would have to be really intentional because the goal of

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Speaker 3: social media is to pull you in regardless they know

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Speaker 3: what they are doing with the ads or with the shops,

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Speaker 3: the TikTok I don't buy so much stuff off, Okay,

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Speaker 3: they know what they're doing, right, So it's also about

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Speaker 3: you being really mindful of I'm going to set aside

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Speaker 3: this time for this kind of engagement, and I'm going

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Speaker 3: to set aside this time for this kind of engagement.

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Speaker 2: And I think just to add to that to when

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Speaker 2: we're thinking about burning out, when we're thinking about the

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Speaker 2: fact that a lot of us are always so tired

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Speaker 2: or so exhausted, and if you really go back to it,

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Speaker 2: it's like, well, if you're a content creator or whatever,

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Speaker 2: it's like if You're always receiving information. You're always online,

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Speaker 2: You're always thinking of the next best post or the

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Speaker 2: next best idea. It's like, when are we turning that off?

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Speaker 2: And then what am I doing in order to refeel

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Speaker 2: my tank? You can't. I mean, for a lot of people,

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Speaker 2: going to social media is their little outlet when they're

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Speaker 2: not doing other work. But if you're on there all

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Speaker 2: the time, Like, what do I do that actually refeels

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Speaker 2: my tank? You know? Do I hug a tree, do

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Speaker 2: I go out with friends, do I go out to eat?

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Speaker 2: But you know, knowing what you need before you need it,

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Speaker 2: so that you can do it because we are burning

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Speaker 2: out because we're always receiving information, right, it's information overstimulation overload.

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Speaker 1: So you both talked about like some of the benefits

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Speaker 1: that can come with sharing authentically. I wonder if there

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Speaker 1: is like some kind of gauge people can use, like

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Speaker 1: how far in your healing journey, so to speak, should

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Speaker 1: you be before you share something that may be super vulnerable.

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Speaker 2: Real far.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you the therapist answer, It depends, It depends. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I would recommend, But again, this is also about this

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Speaker 3: is related to your own self awareness and some of

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Speaker 3: us think we are more self aware than we are,

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Speaker 3: which is why this will also be a bit of

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Speaker 3: a practice in terms of taking the risk to share

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Speaker 3: anything right online. You determinate that, hey, this is something

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Speaker 3: that if I haven't shared it with anybody before, maybe

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Speaker 3: I want to think about sharing it online if it's

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Speaker 3: something that I've done, you know, some processing or kind

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Speaker 3: of reflecting on, and that kind of feels like a

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Speaker 3: lower risk for me to take. If this is something

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Speaker 3: that I would be concerned about some people knowing, and

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Speaker 3: we don't have any control over that, I would be

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Speaker 3: concerned if somebody saw this, then I might caution you

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Speaker 3: around sharing it. There's a close friend's option, right, So

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Speaker 3: being able to use those gauges around what you would share,

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Speaker 3: but also going back to what doctor Jory said earlier,

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Speaker 3: really thinking about what is my intention in sharing this?

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Speaker 3: Am I looking for support? Am I looking for advice?

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Speaker 3: Am I looking? Am I trying to vent to someone?

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Speaker 3: Am I trying to sub this? Not to me anymore,

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Speaker 3: but am I trying to like sub someone else in

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Speaker 3: some way? But that's where the reflection, the self awareness

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Speaker 3: comes in. What am I trying to get from this information?

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Speaker 3: What am I trying to feel on the other side

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Speaker 3: of sharing this information, is there somebody or some depographic

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Speaker 3: that I really want to see this information and really

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Speaker 3: thinking about that before you post.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I also think about, like, what is your

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Speaker 2: feeling in the moment that you're posting, So if you

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Speaker 2: are really upset about something, like it's now the time

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Speaker 2: that I need to put that out there because again,

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Speaker 2: we can't take it back. Or if I'm feeling really,

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Speaker 2: really really great and I want to show whatever I

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Speaker 2: want to talk about something that has happened to me.

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling really wonderful. But how would you feel if

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Speaker 2: you did not get the response back that you're hoping

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Speaker 2: you get back? So being tied to those likes, being

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Speaker 2: tied to those clicks, being tied to those retweets, and

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Speaker 2: so just making sure that, hey, you're putting it out there,

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Speaker 2: what's the energy behind you putting it out there? And

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Speaker 2: will you be okay with what comes back to you?

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Speaker 2: And if it makes you anxious starting out? It's like, man,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to take my risk

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Speaker 2: on social media. If I'm already feeling some type of way,

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Speaker 2: I get it, no risk, no reward, But really checking

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Speaker 2: with yourself. So there's that self awareness, there's your feeling

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Speaker 2: behind the posts, like what your intention is for the post.

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Speaker 2: I'm hoping they're going to really like this, or this

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Speaker 2: is going to kill them, you know, a sun on

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Speaker 2: them or whatever, And it's like, really, friend, you may

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Speaker 2: want to wait just a little while before you post

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Speaker 2: that because if you don't get it, No, seriously, though

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Speaker 2: you don't get it, or people are not responding the

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Speaker 2: way that you think they should respond to this. Really,

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Speaker 2: you know, great idea that you had or this great

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Speaker 2: girls trip that you went on, It's like, how are

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Speaker 2: you going to feel about that? I just don't want

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Speaker 2: my emotion to be tied to the clicks and the

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Speaker 2: likes of other people.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And if you are able to regard depending on

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Speaker 3: whatever content you're posting, if you are able to feel

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Speaker 3: the same way about that thing regardless of other people's feedback,

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Speaker 3: then that feels a little bit safer to post. This

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Speaker 3: will still be a great girl's trip, regardless of whether

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Speaker 3: someone else thinks that we went to whatever place. This

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Speaker 3: was still a great dinner or this was still a

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Speaker 3: fantastic outfit that I really liked wear, and regardless of

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Speaker 3: what someone else thinks. But it's about again that self awareness.

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Speaker 3: Can I hold on to how I feel about this

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Speaker 3: in the face of adversity, because if it feels too

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Speaker 3: shifty like that, then it might be too risky for

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Speaker 3: you to post doctor A.

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Speaker 1: You said something about practicing self awareness. What does that

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Speaker 1: look like and what does that mean?

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Speaker 3: It's a practice. It's a practice, no surprise. I'd recommend

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Speaker 3: going to therapy to help with that. But I also

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Speaker 3: in line with that, right, self awareness I don't find

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Speaker 3: to an isolated practice. Right, It can be really beautiful

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Speaker 3: to engage in that kind of practice in community.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 3: So what it starts with a sense of practice of

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Speaker 3: mindfulness in terms of sitting and reflecting on what you

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Speaker 3: are thinking about things like thinking about your thoughts literally

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Speaker 3: this like meta process thinking about your feelings. Building language

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Speaker 3: for your feelings. I think books really help with this,

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Speaker 3: right to just kind of build our language for what

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Speaker 3: might be going on with us. Typically, the language that

434
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 3: we use for our emotions are what MED said, happy, angry, annoyed,

435
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 3: feel some type of way. We need more language for that.

436
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 3: If we're able to build that up, then that kind

437
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 3: of increases our ability to be aware of this is

438
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 3: what I'm feeling, and then the next step is how

439
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 3: do I take care of myself based on these feelings?

440
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 3: What do I need when I feel like this? Who

441
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 3: do I need when I feel like this? That's all

442
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 3: this practice of self awareness, and I think friends and

443
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 3: a safe community and loved ones can really help you

444
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 3: with the checks and balances around that self awareness. I

445
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,880
Speaker 3: might view myself somewhere, I might view something some way.

446
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 3: I can ask you how'd you feel about that? Or

447
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 3: how did I seem that night? I felt like this?

448
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 3: But did it come across like that? I'm really trying

449
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,400
Speaker 3: to get better at understanding how I'm showing up right,

450
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 3: So kind of bringing your community into that practice, because

451
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 3: it's hard to do that stuff by yourself.

452
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:26,919
Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, what kind of

453
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,239
Speaker 1: guidelines would you offer for somebody how to give that

454
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: feedback to a friend?

455
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: Right?

456
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: Because I could see this conversation going left. If somebody's like,

457
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: oh girl, yeah you was real shady that night, right,

458
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 1: are there guidelines for like how you might want to

459
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 1: deliver like because that's a brave step, that's a vulnerable

460
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 1: practice to ask someone like how did I seem that night,

461
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 1: like I felt a little off. I wonder if you

462
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 1: could give me feedback, so somebody takes that step, how

463
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: can we kind of hold that with some gentleness.

464
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 2: I think for me, I think you give that feedback

465
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 2: and the way in which you would want to receive it.

466
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 2: I think it's something so special when someone says like, hey,

467
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 2: how did I come across to you or how was

468
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 2: that interaction? The fact that you would trust me to

469
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 2: come to me to ask me that question, It's like,

470
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna hold that. I'm going to do like I'm

471
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 2: going to treat that well, and I'm going to give

472
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 2: you the information in a way with some compassion, right

473
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 2: in a way that I would want to receive it.

474
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 2: So no matter how crazy it might have been, it's like, Okay,

475
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 2: it's like, thank you for asking me, and I'm gonna

476
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 2: trust that this person wants to answer. I think it

477
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 2: really does start off with don't ask me if you

478
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,679
Speaker 2: don't want the answer, right, And then there's my responsibility

479
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 2: that even if you may not be ready for the answer,

480
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 2: you did ask me, And how do I give that

481
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 2: to you with compassion, with empathy? How do I give

482
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 2: that to you in a gentle way in which I

483
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 2: would want to receive it in a gentle but honest way.

484
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And I think you can frame it if

485
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 3: you are in a new space where you're trying to

486
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 3: increase your self awareness and really wondering how you show

487
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 3: up in the world, find close friends where you can

488
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 3: say just that, Hey, I'm really looking at this thing.

489
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 3: You know, I've thought about this, I'm reading some books.

490
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 3: I'm trying to get some intel on how I'm showing

491
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 3: up to see if it's congruent. Right, So I'm engaging

492
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,919
Speaker 3: in this practice. Can you help me with that practice?

493
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 2: Right?

494
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 3: So the transparency and letting people know that you're giving

495
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 3: me this feedback would actually be really helpful. The people

496
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 3: who care about you will show up in that way.

497
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: Right.

498
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,199
Speaker 3: The caveat is that you know your people. You know

499
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 3: who can give you feedback and who can't give you feedback.

500
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 3: So you might have to do like talk to me nice,

501
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 3: don't listen now. I know you might tend to get

502
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: feedback like this, but you know this is a new

503
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 3: practice for me, So like be easy, be easy on

504
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 3: it all, right, but just being honest about that, but

505
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: also being mindful again, like know your audience you know

506
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 3: the people in your life to ask these kinds of questions.

507
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 3: Don't ask nobody who's not self aware to talk to

508
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 3: you about how you showing up. Don't set yourself up

509
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 3: and don't set them up. And now we fight in

510
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 3: so like, don't don't do that. It's not gonna work.

511
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 3: It's not gonna work.

512
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: Right. So a source of conflict that it feels like

513
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,159
Speaker 1: I've seen come up online recently if people's boundaries around

514
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 1: what gets posted online. Right, So, some people have very

515
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: strict boundaries about not posting their kids. Some people don't

516
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: want you posting like the wedding picks before they get

517
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: a chance to pick to post them. Well, I see

518
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: a lot of Yes, we've been here, So what kinds

519
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: of how can we engage with our community about these

520
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: kinds of conversations? Like how can we both assert those

521
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: kinds of boundaries, but also how can we hear when

522
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: somebody is setting that boundary for us?

523
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 2: It's boundaries. It goes back to what we said in

524
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 2: the very beginning, like, no, people cannot respect what you

525
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 2: haven't said. So I think that. So, I think it's

526
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 2: two things that we're talking about. I think the first

527
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 2: thing we're talking about is setting these boundaries. But you

528
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: have to be very clear first, going back to self

529
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 2: awareness of what your boundaries are. If you post everything

530
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 2: all the time, but then I post it, you're upset, Okay,

531
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 2: what's the rule here? So I think that, yeah, I'm confused.

532
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,360
Speaker 2: So it's being really clear on what the boundary is first.

533
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 2: And I mean, we're else talking about discretion and being

534
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 2: very It's like, come on now, we're all here in

535
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 2: our bonus, like, did you really need to post that? So?

536
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 2: But I think I think that, Or I got my

537
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 2: bun at one, but you're what your hair done? Come

538
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 2: on now? But but I think that, But I do.

539
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 2: I think it's I think it's a clear boundary that

540
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 2: you are clear what the boundary is, you are clear

541
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 2: on what how do you feel if that boundary is

542
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 2: violated or what does it make you feel? I think

543
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 2: that's how you start the conversation. It's like, hey, what

544
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 2: is the boundary? What does this make me feel? Do

545
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 2: I feel violated? Do I feel anxious when people post?

546
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 2: So therefore, when you're talking to your friend, when you're

547
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 2: talking to your family members, when you're talking to those

548
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 2: in your circle, you can come at them number one,

549
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 2: at the right time. You know, it's hard to tell

550
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 2: somebody not to post after they've already posted it, right,

551
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 2: or you know, like you're here now, please don't post it.

552
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 2: But if beforehand you realize that we're getting ready to

553
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 2: go on this cabin trip, don't post these pictures. It's

554
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 2: great to tell me ahead of time, to tell me, like, hey,

555
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: I would like to this, you know, keep us, you know,

556
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: together some privacy. Or I feel violated. I feel anxious

557
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 2: when you post every single part of our trip. So

558
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 2: being able to understand what the boundary is. Communicate the boundary,

559
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 2: but it's also helpful if you are able to attach

560
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: the emotion to it, because as friends, we don't want

561
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 2: to hurt you. So I feel violated. I feel really anxious.

562
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 2: I feel kind of betrayed when you post all of

563
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 2: our pictures online. Right, I feel like there's a lack

564
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 2: of privacy. So being able to communicate that, understand what

565
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 2: it is, and also sharing the information. People normally don't

566
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,479
Speaker 2: do it out of malicious intent. We just live in

567
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 2: this society. Clicks, likes, retweets, pens, all of those things,

568
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 2: and so I think delivering the information in that same spirit,

569
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 2: like okay, girl, this weekend, we're not doing it, or hey,

570
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 2: it's my wedding. And I also think that we want

571
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 2: to know, like what's the boundary and how long is it?

572
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 2: Are we never posting this because I mean because I

573
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 2: was cute and I mean I got to talk about it.

574
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 2: It's true though, and I had a really good time

575
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 2: and I did got my makeup done. Don't do it.

576
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 2: I don't do it often. Okay, So you don't want

577
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 2: me to post the pictures from your shower okay for

578
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: a month or until you post them first forever? Or

579
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 2: can I post the ones where it's just me? So

580
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 2: just being really clear on what's the boundary, why you

581
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: have that boundary, the motion behind the boundary, and then hey,

582
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: what is the rule of the boundary?

583
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: Yep, that kind of transparency and when you do know something,

584
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 3: asking for that right at, asking people to support you

585
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 3: in that in whichever way. I also think that sometimes

586
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 3: it can happen where maybe something gets posted and you

587
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 3: didn't know it was going to be posted. You didn't

588
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 3: expect that, so maybe you don't like something that was posted.

589
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 3: Maybe you're out with your family and a friend was

590
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 3: there and took a picture and your child is in

591
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 3: the picture, and you didn't know that they were going

592
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 3: to post it. That's how they do, right, they didn't.

593
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 2: Know the rules.

594
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 3: You can still say to them afterwards, oh, I didn't

595
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 3: realize that you were going to post that picture that

596
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 3: had Charlie in it. Can you cover Charlie's face? Or

597
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 3: can you take that picture down? That makes me uncomfortable

598
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,959
Speaker 3: having my child posted online?

599
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 2: Right.

600
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 3: It's also about an assertiveness practice where you can go

601
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 3: and give the benefit of the doubt that they didn't know, right,

602
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 3: versus setting up this rule saying you shouldn't have posted

603
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 3: that and you should have done this, take that down?

604
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 2: Right.

605
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 3: You can't control people, but you can ask them and

606
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 3: explain in some way, oh I didn't realize that, or

607
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 3: oh I like that picture before, but I'm really insecure

608
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 3: about that side shot because my boob is out, whatever

609
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 3: the thing might be, and asking them to take it down.

610
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 3: It's also knowing that you can't control whether they take

611
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 3: it down, and that would say more about what's going

612
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 3: on between YouTube than the picture itself. But that will

613
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 3: still give you data if you do ask for somebody

614
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 3: to respect that and they don't, Right.

615
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: So I think we have one more time, time for

616
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: one more question. Okay, for three minutes. So what can

617
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: we do if we see a friend healing in real

618
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: time but they may not be taking care of themselves well? Right,

619
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,719
Speaker 1: So we maybe see them posting videos online and like

620
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: sharing a lot of their business and it doesn't it

621
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: doesn't look like they understand, like what maybe happen? What

622
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: kind of conversation or what suggestions would you have for

623
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 1: how we may approach them about that?

624
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 2: Hey, friend, you want me to go first? Friend? Yes,

625
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 2: please take this one first. Okay, Okay, let me say

626
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 2: I think the first thing that comes to Mindy, we're

627
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 2: talking again about a love of self awareness, Like sometimes

628
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 2: I may see something that you don't see and it's

629
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 2: just like, okay, you know, she's really unraveling, or she's

630
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,959
Speaker 2: really taking this breakup hard, and all of this sub tweeting,

631
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: sub posting, it's like a whole lot going on. But

632
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 2: I think one of the things that you said was

633
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 2: if we see a friend, and it's like if my friend,

634
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: if you are my friend, I'm going to come to

635
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 2: you in love, right, I'm going to speak to you compassionately.

636
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 2: I'm not going to comment underneath the post. Right, I'm

637
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 2: not going to do that. I may even ask you like, hey,

638
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 2: you know, are you busy? I saw your online? Do

639
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 2: you want to go out and get something to eat?

640
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 2: Like again timing? And then how how am I going

641
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 2: to say this to you? Like? Okay, girl, So listen,

642
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 2: I saw that you posted this online and I know,

643
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 2: like it's being a this isn't you right, this is

644
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 2: tough right now, I understand the breakup is tough for you. Hey,

645
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: let's not post this online because I don't want you

646
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 2: to look like this out there or this looks some

647
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 2: type of way like hey, I care about you too,

648
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 2: and even though you're going through this and then being

649
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: able to offer some support, I'm here for you. I'll

650
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 2: go to therapy with you. Right, we can go on

651
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 2: walks like what is it that you need? How can

652
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: I support you during this time? But I think the

653
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 2: first thing that comes to mind to me is doing

654
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 2: it in love because you see something that perhaps I

655
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 2: can't see. And when we're being led by pain, by

656
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 2: heard by disappointment, when you're sharing things and it's like, oh,

657
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 2: I just want to be open. I just want the

658
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 2: people to know, and it's like Lloyd a minute. That

659
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: may be a little bit too much because I know

660
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 2: you and I know if you could see what I see,

661
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 2: you wouldn't want that on there. And because I love

662
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 2: and care about you, let's talk about that absolutely, right.

663
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 3: I think starting with the facts versus the feelings, right,

664
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 3: so be it. And I think it's important to again

665
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 3: in you knowing your people, there's something that we might

666
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: notice about the quality of what somebody's posting, the quantity,

667
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 3: and we might notice that they're not posting anymore. Right,

668
00:32:58,240 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 3: So if I know that you are somebody who's post

669
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 3: who you usually post daily, or you do a get

670
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 3: Ready with me, you know, every Saturday, or you do

671
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 3: something on Wednesdays, and all of a sudden I don't

672
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 3: see that for a few weeks. I can still use

673
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 3: that as some type of feedback if I am worried

674
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 3: or concerned and being able to say and kind of

675
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 3: get feedback, Hey, I noticed you're not doing your get

676
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 3: Ready with me anymore, like I did something change, or

677
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 3: like what's been going on? Just checking in on you,

678
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 3: or like I notice you're not doing your Saturday morning

679
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 3: walks where you jump on Live. I know you haven't

680
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: done that in a few weeks or you know, I

681
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 3: noticed that you've been posting a lot more about what's

682
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 3: been going on with you and such and such, like.

683
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: How's that feeling for you to post online?

684
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 3: Like are you getting a lot of feedback? Are people

685
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 3: up at your dms gauging them in terms of how

686
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 3: they are experiencing something? Before you might go in with

687
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 3: a do this differently? Do this differently? Right, because you're

688
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 3: also wanting to be mindful of people's defenses that might

689
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: come up around that, so being able to offer some

690
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 3: type of curiosity. I noticed this, tell me more about it.

691
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 3: I noticed this. Have you noticed some of those comments

692
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 3: like how do you deal with those? And then being

693
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: able to maybe open up a larger conversation about like, yeah,

694
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 3: I don't know, like that really worries me that people

695
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 3: talk to you like that, and then you spend hours

696
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 3: in the comments like is that stressful? That's got to

697
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 3: be stressful, and just being able to take it from there.

698
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 2: Right.

699
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: Thank you' all so much for that beautiful feedback. I

700
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 1: feel more prepared.

701
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 3: To have this.

702
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 2: I can also just call us we got Thank you

703
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 2: all for having this conversation with me. Thank you, thank you.

704
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 1: I want to thank Doctor Ayana and doctor Joy once

705
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: again for joining me for this event. To learn more

706
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: about them and the work they're doing, be sure to

707
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 1: visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com

708
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,240
Speaker 1: slash Session three sixty two, and don't forget to text

709
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 1: two of your girls right now and tell them to

710
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: check out the episode. If you're looking for a therapist

711
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 1: in your area, visit the therapist directory at Therapy for

712
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you want to

713
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: continue digging into this topic or just be in community

714
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: with other sisters, come on over and join us in

715
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet

716
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: designed just for black women. You can join us at

717
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 1: community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was

718
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: produced by Elise Ellis and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done

719
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 1: by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining me

720
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 1: again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation

721
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,919
Speaker 1: with you all real soon. Take good care.

722
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 2: What's