1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Stuff Mom Never told You. From how Stuff 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Caroline, 3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: I'm Kristen. Kristen. I have noticed in the news that, uh, 4 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,599 Speaker 1: there's some young people doing something that I had never 5 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: heard of before that have to do with the texting. No. Surprisingly, 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: well maybe it could be involved, but no. I read 7 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: about young people selling their virginity online, and I think 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: this is crazy town. But when I looked it up, 9 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: when I looked back farther, there were so many other 10 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: instances of people doing this for various reasons. The most 11 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: recent pair were Katerina Miglioni and Alex stepping Off. These 12 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: were kids in their twenties selling their virginity. There was 13 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: a woman a couple of years ago named Natalie Dillon, 14 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 1: although that was a pseudonym, who was doing it for school. 15 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: Uh those other two you did it for to be 16 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: in a movie like and get money and all this stuff. 17 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: So it's crazy to me, like, why why these young 18 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: people would choose to do this? And it's certainly at 19 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: least in Natalie Dylan's case, lit up the blogosphere as 20 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: to like, you know, people were just going crazy over 21 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: why she would do this, that they didn't like that 22 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 1: she was trying to tie it into feminism. They didn't 23 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: you know, approve of her reasoning and all this stuff. 24 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: So I thought we should take a look at virginity 25 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: auctions and why the heck anyone would try to auction 26 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: their virginity off in the first place. Yeah, And by 27 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: auctioning off of virginity, it is essentially someone buying the 28 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: chance to have sex with that person for the very 29 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 1: first time. And which you know, for anyone out there 30 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: who has had sex before a lot of times, like 31 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: the first time, but like you wouldn't. I would not 32 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: pay the money these people unpaid to have that uh 33 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: sex again, not to be t m I about it, 34 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,360 Speaker 1: because it's I mean, it's your first time. You just 35 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,960 Speaker 1: don't it's not you're not experienced. Um. And also reading 36 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: all this stuff about these virginity auctions and the reaction 37 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: to that, to it, it's incredible that as in the 38 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: era of fifty Shades of Gray, that virginity in a 39 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: way is still a taboo. Um. So but let's let's go. 40 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,959 Speaker 1: Let's let's start from the present and work back a 41 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: little bit. Let's talk about via the film in which 42 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: Katerina and what was the fellow's name, Alex Katerina and Alex, uh, 43 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: we're part of this documentary. The whole thing is kind 44 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: of shady to me. Yeah. Well, so there's this Australian director, 45 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: Justin sise Lye who came up with the idea for 46 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: a documentary in which a man and a woman would 47 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: each offer their virginity to the highest online bidder. So 48 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,639 Speaker 1: he puts ads out seeking people, puts a website up, 49 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: and he's adamant, like in all of the like Business 50 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: Week kind of Q and A with this guy, he's 51 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: adamant that he's not just interested in sex, young people 52 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,519 Speaker 1: having sex, young people being taken advantage of anything like that. 53 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: He says that his main interest is in change, and 54 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: in documenting this whole hubbub, he wanted to portray the 55 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 1: changes that these people are going through the entire time. 56 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm I have the willies from just 57 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: thinking about it because you but yeah, I mean, obviously, 58 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,959 Speaker 1: like Justin cisely is smart in knowing what will get 59 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: media attention. And if you make a documentary called Virgins Wanted, 60 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: then hey, that's a good job. You're gonna get some 61 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: some easy pr on that, but also the fact that 62 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: there is this assumption that heterosexual intercourse because that it's 63 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: all in like very heteronormal terms as well. They're looking 64 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: for a dude for her and a lady for him, 65 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: and the but the but the idea that having having 66 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: intercourse once changes you. I think it's also one of 67 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: the since why virginity in a way is still this 68 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: cultural taboo, myth, huge thing that we just can't let 69 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: go of. But I feel like I'm getting ahead of myself. Well, no, 70 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: you're exactly right, and we will get into that. But 71 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: I think it's important to point out how much cash 72 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:23,280 Speaker 1: these people raked in. Uh So. The bidding ran from 73 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: September to October, and the pair were scheduled to lose 74 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 1: their virginity in the air in an airplane to avoid 75 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: prostitution laws of any country. Uh And about mid November, 76 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: and I have no idea. I tried to google updates. 77 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: I couldn't find any more recent updates, you know, as 78 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: of December. But Katerina's top bidder was a Japanese man 79 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: going by the name Natsu, who offered seven hundred and 80 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 1: eighty thousand dollars. Alex's top bitter. This is a a 81 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: Russian man. Alex's top bitter was a Brazilian woman going 82 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: by the name any B who offered Yeah, and that 83 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:10,160 Speaker 1: huge pay difference that worth in quotes um for male 84 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: virginity versus female virginity is also something that we will 85 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: circle back to because that also gets at the heart of, 86 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: you know, the implicat the major implications of the fact 87 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: that we still talk about virginity so much and get 88 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,279 Speaker 1: so worked up about virginity which even you know, you 89 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: could like really isn't even a thing. But again, I 90 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: keep getting ahead of myself because there's so much to 91 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: talk about. Um. And not surprisingly, Katerina has received more 92 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: scrutiny than Alex. There was a pro their profiles of 93 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: each of them, and the one for Alex painted him 94 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: as this kind of sad and depressed kid who wanted 95 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: to have sex so that he could get more, you know, 96 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: gain more self confidence and wants to find love, whereas 97 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 1: Katerina is just being slut shamed left and right. Yeah. Yeah, well, 98 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: she said that she wanted to start an NGO and 99 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,279 Speaker 1: invest in a public housing project in her hometown in Brazil, 100 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 1: but even the director himself Justin Sisily said he was 101 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: skeptical of this, to which I say, like, you know what, 102 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: if you're going to auction your virginity off, who really cares? Like, 103 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: I don't know who cares what you do with the money, honestly, 104 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: but uh. Cleon Daska Lakis, who's an ex hockey player 105 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: who runs net raffle dot org, which is a site 106 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 1: that raises money for online charities, pointed out that some 107 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 1: charities might actually refuse the money because he says, this 108 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: type of transaction is setting a dangerous precedent not to 109 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: mention a call for global prostitution on a one time basis. Okay, 110 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,919 Speaker 1: I think that that is a little bit overblown. I 111 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: think that's also it's missing the point in a lot 112 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: of ways, um. And I think that we can get 113 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: to that point a little bit more when we talk 114 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: about the two thousand nine case of Natalie Dylan, which 115 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,160 Speaker 1: again is a pseudonym who that year and now on 116 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: Howard Stern's show along with Dennis Hoff, who was the 117 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada, that she 118 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,520 Speaker 1: was going to option off her virginity to pay for 119 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: her master's degree in Family and Marriage therapy and as 120 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: part of a quote unquote sociological experiment. Yeah, she she 121 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: posted a column in The Daily Beast where she says 122 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: that I wanted to study the public's response. She said 123 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 1: that she was doing her upcoming thesis project on the 124 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: value of virginity and said that as a Women's studies 125 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: undergrad she learned that the concept of virginity quote is 126 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: just a tool to keep the status quo intact. Deflowering 127 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: is historically oppressive. Early European marriages begin with a dowry, 128 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: in which a father would sell his virginal daughter to 129 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: the man whose family could offer the most agricultural wealth dad's, 130 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: she says, we're basically their daughter's pimps. Well, and one 131 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: thing though, that is that is troubling about that dowry analogy, 132 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: speaking of it as a relic of a bygone air ruh, 133 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: is that Hey, guess what, that stuff still exists. We 134 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: aren't living in some kind of like post feminist society 135 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: where uh that does not still go on? And even 136 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: like India is um one place where a lot of times, 137 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: even now, money is typically exchanged between families when couples 138 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: are getting married, and a lot of times dowries have 139 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: and still do equate too many times the households annual income. 140 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: Uh so I'm just saying, you know, Dylan, do a 141 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: little bit of history work first, but continue. Yeah. Well, 142 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 1: so she's basically saying, like, all right, if if historically 143 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: women have been you know, quote unquote pimped out by 144 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: their fathers, what's to stop me from benefiting from the 145 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: value that society places on my virginity. So she's basically 146 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: saying that she wanted to turn her virginity quote into 147 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: something that allows me to gain power and opportunity from men. 148 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: So using something that you know, whether or not she 149 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: herself places any value on it, she knows that society 150 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: does that men do, and she wants to see how 151 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: much money she can get from the sale of this 152 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: quote unquote virtue. Well, and her argument about um, you know, 153 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: using this in a way that allows her to gain 154 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: power and opportunity with men does echo a lot of 155 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: feminist arguments in favor of sex work, saying, hey, you 156 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 1: know what I can I can strip, I can have 157 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: sex for money. I'm just you know, using being using 158 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: the during the tool of patriarchy for my own benefit. 159 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 1: But the the whole thing of using virginity as a 160 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: commodity is troubling because it still doesn't that's different from 161 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: just having sex for money, if that makes sense. It's 162 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:53,960 Speaker 1: it's the whole thing of perpetuating the mythology of virginity 163 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: that is that is problematic to me. And I'm not 164 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 1: the only one who has found, you know, Dylan's Dylan 165 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: thesis to be a little bit wonky. Yeah, the whole 166 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: internet basically was like what. There was a slew of 167 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: blog post articles and everything written about this woman. After 168 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: her Daily Beast column in early two thousand nine, Carrie 169 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 1: Polos over at The Huffington's Post said that, you know what, 170 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 1: Dylan is just proving what we already know, that virginity 171 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: is still considered something of value. And Polis points out 172 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: that the real problem to her is that we have 173 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:33,319 Speaker 1: someone who's willing to spend, in Dylan's case, almost four 174 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: million dollars to sleep with her just because no one 175 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,479 Speaker 1: else has. So why isn't there equal media attention about 176 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: those men, about the whole cultural perception of well, she's clean, 177 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: she hasn't had any other man or any other man's baby. 178 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: You know, I can you know verify that she's clean, 179 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: so to speak. Yeah, the the whole thing, the backlash too, 180 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: is not a thing of oh well, she's selling the 181 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: opportunity for someone to have sex with. No, if she 182 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 1: wants to go to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch and have 183 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: sex with someone for money, that's fine, that's not that's 184 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: not the issue here. Um. Megan Carpenter, who used to 185 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: work over at Jezebel, wrote at the time that she 186 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: was acknowledging the patriarchal system, but rather than working to 187 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 1: end it, she's accepting its terms and using it to 188 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:24,480 Speaker 1: make money, which serves one person it serves her, in 189 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: which case, do not try to And this is me 190 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: now expounding on this. Don't, uh, you know, use feminism 191 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,199 Speaker 1: as kind of a strong man for for your own 192 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: little experiment that you're that you're pulling off here, right. 193 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: Kate Harding at salon Or at the time had an interesting, 194 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: interesting take on it. She said that virginity isn't priceless, 195 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: but it should be valueless. She says that objecting to 196 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 1: the whole concept of putting a price on a young 197 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 1: woman's virginity implies that I do believe it's priceless and 198 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: so she said that objecting to Natalie Dilan auction puts 199 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: her up there with people who you know, support purity balls, 200 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: the dances where a daughter pledges her chastity basically to 201 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 1: her father. Um. And so she says, what I want 202 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: is a world in which there are no virginity auctions 203 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 1: because there are no bidders, because nobody fetishized as a 204 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: woman's purity or actually thinks of a sexually active woman 205 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,640 Speaker 1: as dirty and spoiled. Right, And this is something that, uh, 206 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: the implications are so huge for women versus men, because 207 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: for men it's a stigma if you more of a 208 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,439 Speaker 1: stigma if you have not had uh sex with someone 209 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: you know, just go back to the Virgins Wanted documentary, 210 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: you know, Alex the guy is portrayed as you know, 211 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: kind of oh, he's so set someone bid so that 212 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: he can finally have sex, you know, whereas for women 213 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 1: it comes with having sex then comes with the additional 214 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: burden of being stigmatized. Um. And one of the reasons 215 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: why we wanted to title this episode what is Virginity Worth? 216 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: Is because it is a little bit of a twist 217 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: that title that it should not like, Kate Harding said, 218 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: I agree with that it shouldn't be not like worthless, 219 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,079 Speaker 1: sounds like a throw way. We should value our bodies 220 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 1: and have bodily integrity. But I do agree that it 221 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: should be valueless. You know, it shouldn't be an issue 222 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 1: of being so titillating right to a portion of the population. 223 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: But I mean that gets us into the whole conversation 224 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,320 Speaker 1: of why are we obsessed with virginity? What? What is 225 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:42,319 Speaker 1: the big deal about it? So Lauren Carpenter wrote a 226 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: book called Virginity Lost and Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences, 227 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: and she talks about the etymology of virginity, which entered 228 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 1: the English language in the twelve hundreds, and by nine 229 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: we were speaking of virginity in terms of keeping it 230 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: versus is losing it. It is this thing that we 231 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: have and from about the twelve twelfth century onward, women's physiology. 232 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: This is important. Women's physiology was believed to allow for 233 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: a more complete virginity than men's because, quote as Carpenter rights, 234 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: the female body was hollow and therefore capable of both 235 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: containing the divine and being sealed to exclude all other influences. 236 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: So for centuries, a woman's virginity has been imbued with 237 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: so many, uh different things as opposed to male virginity. Uh. 238 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: And she offers the example of a popular thirteenth century poem, 239 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: Hail Maidenhead, which describes virginity as quote, the one gift 240 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: granted you from Heaven. Gave it away once, and you 241 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: will never recover another in any way like it. So 242 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 1: that was the thirteenth century version of what the whole giveaway? 243 00:14:54,800 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: The giveaway ice cream samples here, the whole milk or 244 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: cows the milk lots of dairy. Yeah, and why yeah, 245 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: why do we also equate like intercourse with cows like 246 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: somehow well, that's just weird. Yeah, And this leads into 247 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: the Reformation, during which time virginity was viewed basically as 248 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 1: a stage girls passed through on the way to marriage. 249 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: In the eighteenth century, however, there was the rise and 250 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: out of wedlock births, which became a problem for the church. 251 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: So virginity became even more cherished and cult like during 252 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: this time. And then, you know, do we even need 253 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: to go into the Victorian era of sexual repression and 254 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: what that did to people's attitudes towards sex and cross 255 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: gender relationships. So in a way the what Hannah Blanken 256 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: we've interviewed before for the podcast. She wrote a book, 257 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 1: Virginity and Untouched History, in which she talks about how 258 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: it really is more mythology than fact, and it is 259 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: something that has been used as a tool to, you know, 260 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: make sure the women aren't causing too much trouble in society, 261 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 1: making those out of wedlock babies and I don't know, 262 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: enjoying themselves or or something like that. And considering all 263 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: of that history, it really isn't incredibly surprising that only, 264 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: you know, a couple of centuries post Victorian era, we 265 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: are still kind of like, we don't, you know, virginity 266 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 1: is still this thing the capital V. Right. Well, Jessica Valenti, 267 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 1: who's the founder of Feminist NG and the author of 268 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: the Purity Myth, how America's obsession with virginity virginity is 269 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: hurting young women, had a conversation with Tracy Clark Floory, 270 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: who's a writer over at Salon. All of that to say, 271 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 1: they had a conversation about virginity, and uh, Hannah Blank's 272 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: book came up. You know, you mentioned virgin the in 273 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 1: Touch History, in which she talks about there's no actual 274 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: standard medical definition of virginity that it's completely culturally constructed. 275 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: And along those lines, Tracy Clark Floory says that it's 276 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: often a really limiting version of sexuality that doesn't include 277 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: certain types of intimacy that are pretty important, right because, uh, 278 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 1: you know, some people listening might think, like, I mean, obviously, 279 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: like you are a virgin when you you're no longer 280 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 1: a virgin when you've had sex. But that is one 281 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,719 Speaker 1: kind that's a completely heteronormative construct of one kind of 282 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: penis and vagina action, like disavowing like any other kind 283 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,959 Speaker 1: of sexual contact that people can have. Right, So basically 284 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: they're arguing, like, does that mean that gay people are 285 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 1: always virgins forever and ever? Well, I mean, according to 286 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 1: this very black and white idea of virginity that we 287 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: have here that we're talking about, apparently just a large 288 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: portion of the population is very chaste. Well, and I 289 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: think it's problematic too that there is so much emphasis 290 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: placed on penis and vagina intercourse, where you know, we 291 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 1: have young girls wanting to quote unquote protect this virginity 292 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: and are doing other things that are very adult that 293 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: still can have you know, physical implications and are arguably 294 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 1: as sexually intimate, if not more so, you know, and 295 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 1: the same thing goes for guys. To you, I'm not 296 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,439 Speaker 1: saying that guys are left out of this equation either, 297 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: but uh, it has been more of an onus for 298 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 1: for the women's right. And I mean this, we haven't 299 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: even gotten into how you can't even prove necessarily that 300 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,359 Speaker 1: someone is a virgin. And that's what was going along 301 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: with all of these virginity auctions was that the women 302 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 1: had to go through medical exams to quote unquote prove 303 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: that they had not had sex. But you can still 304 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:46,720 Speaker 1: break your hymen if you have engaged in vigorous exercise, 305 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: you know, inserting a tampon, Like just because your hymen 306 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,439 Speaker 1: is not intact, doesn't mean that you're not a virgin. 307 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 1: Like there's all these other issues in this right because 308 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,880 Speaker 1: and we've we talked about this on a long ago 309 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,280 Speaker 1: podcast specifically dealing with hyman's but it's not People imagine 310 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 1: it as some kind of cellophane wrapper over our vagina, 311 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 1: when in fact, it's more like a doughnut of tissue 312 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 1: that simply with time wears a way. So if you 313 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: are you know, if you're an old, an old galon 314 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: you've never had sex like your hyman would would not 315 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: look as quote unquote intact as it would. So when 316 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 1: thinking about this whole concept of virginity, auction, and the 317 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: the worth of virginity again, I I just think that um, 318 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 1: even even flirting with the idea of putting a price 319 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:50,120 Speaker 1: on it only reinforces all of these things that still exists, 320 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: not only in Western society but around the world. If 321 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: we're talking about money exchange, if we're talking about um, 322 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,399 Speaker 1: sexual stigma, if we're talking about the these myths about 323 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: like what the himan does and how you can medically 324 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,439 Speaker 1: prove whether or not someone is a virgin, which is 325 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 1: completely impossible, as any like sexual practitioner will tell you 326 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: sexual practitioner. That makes it sound like like what we 327 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: just practice all the time. UM, well yeah, I mean 328 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 1: it is. Virginity is a social construct, a cultural construct, 329 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:27,920 Speaker 1: and women like Natalie Dylan are saying, well, I'm just 330 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: gonna stick it back in your face, like I'm just 331 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,680 Speaker 1: gonna take advantage of your social perceptions and earned two 332 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,440 Speaker 1: million or three four million dollars four million dollars in 333 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 1: the process. Well, and she did not end up doing 334 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: it the winning bitter. I guess he turned out to 335 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 1: be married and his wife found out and was not happy. 336 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,119 Speaker 1: But then last we heard she had found someone else. 337 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:53,199 Speaker 1: To these stories kind of trickle off vaguely. Yeah, yeah, 338 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,919 Speaker 1: but yeah, I I I think it's an interesting conversation 339 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: to have on gender and sexuality. Well, and maybe they 340 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: go off to Caroline because uh, you know, there's so 341 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,440 Speaker 1: much lead up to the grand finale, which is yeah, 342 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: well we we had sex and that was it. Yeah. 343 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 1: So yeah, well I know that in the most recent 344 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 1: with the Justin Slicely documentary, like no sex toys allowed, 345 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: no additional partners and condoms had to be used, Like 346 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: it was very much like you are just buying the 347 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:32,719 Speaker 1: experience of having sexual intercourse with a virgin on a plane, 348 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: on an airplane, so they get a mile high club. 349 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 1: I was gonna make a Snake's on my plane joke, 350 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 1: but never mind. Oh I like that one better. Well, UM, 351 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: I am going to be very curious to here from 352 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,400 Speaker 1: listeners on this um and we're not again like this 353 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 1: is not saying that people should not be careful with 354 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: their bodies and respect their bodies and uh, you know, 355 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,640 Speaker 1: pay attention to things like consent if you aren't ready 356 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: to have X. We're not saying like, everybody, go have 357 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 1: sex right now. We haven't had sex. You just need 358 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,160 Speaker 1: to to do it um or just saying that it's 359 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: time to high time to really um examine. What are 360 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: we talking about when we're talking about virginity and why 361 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 1: do we get so worked up about it? Let us 362 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,159 Speaker 1: know your thoughts, mom. Stuff at Discovery dot com is 363 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 1: where you can send them, and we've got a couple 364 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: of letters to share with you. But before we do that, 365 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: we've got a quick word from our sponsor that brought 366 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: you this episode, and it is from Jack Threads dot com. 367 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,959 Speaker 1: So yeah, Jack Threads, it's awesome. They have clothes on 368 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 1: sale for the trendy dudes in your life. And considering 369 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: it as the holidays, what better time to go check 370 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: out Jack threads dot com slash mom for brands like then, 371 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: Sherman and Penguin check them out. They have a lot 372 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:55,000 Speaker 1: of skate, surf and streetwear for the guys in your life. Again, 373 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 1: that's Jack Threads dot com slash Mom, and don't forget 374 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: to have over there soon because everything on the site 375 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 1: is eight percent off because, as they say, full price 376 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: is for suckers. Now back to our letters. Well, I've 377 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: got an email here from Kirsten and she's from South Africa. 378 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:21,439 Speaker 1: Oh international listener, and this is in response to an 379 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: episode I did a while ago. We're talking about scent 380 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: prints and her subject line is unattractive scent print and 381 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 1: she says, I just listened to your podcast on unique 382 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: scent Prince, and I have to say I dated a 383 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: guy several years ago who just didn't smell good to me. 384 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 1: In fact, he smelled very unpleasant. I could tell it 385 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 1: wasn't his deodorant or bad cologne, but his natural scent. 386 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,359 Speaker 1: It sounds strange, but it was almost soapy, a baby 387 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: powder smell, but not quite. Who wouldn't like a soap smell? 388 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 1: But nevertheless it grossed me out. This upset me. I 389 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: tried to ignore it and tell myself it was on 390 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: my head, but every time I would get close to him, 391 00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 1: I smelled it. Anyway, the relationship ended pretty quickly and mutual. 392 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,640 Speaker 1: Maybe he didn't like my smell either. I've only met 393 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,439 Speaker 1: one other person in my life who had a very 394 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,520 Speaker 1: unpleasant smell to me. And let's just say, I think 395 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: there's something to be unpleasant smell connecting with unsuitability that 396 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,679 Speaker 1: you guys talked about. Although both dudes were great, I 397 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 1: don't think either are suited for me at all. I 398 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 1: just want to let you guys know about that little 399 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: story because I've always thought it was strange, and I 400 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 1: have never heard anyone really talk about it before. So 401 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,439 Speaker 1: perhaps in love Caroline the Nose knows. Okay, here's an 402 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: email from Charles that combines two amazing things, Pinterest and 403 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: crazy cat People. Yeah. So he's talking about how he 404 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 1: uses Pinterest and is trying to use it more, and 405 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: he does use Twitter as well, but he says I 406 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 1: find that Pinterest is useful for keeping things i'd like 407 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 1: to remember separate from my Twitter and Facebook feeds. I 408 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: don't use the social feature on Pinterest. Really, I'm not 409 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: particularly interested in what other people are pinning. For that reason, 410 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,919 Speaker 1: I'm not concerned with the feminine slant on the public boards. 411 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,879 Speaker 1: My Pinterest is for me. Other people can look at 412 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 1: it if they want, but it's a repository of digital 413 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:09,080 Speaker 1: reminders and brainstorming material. If I want to kill hours 414 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,639 Speaker 1: and hours, I go to Twitter and Facebook. Still, I 415 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 1: find that the information tends to be more targeted and 416 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: less of a time suck also, and this is where 417 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 1: the gears change. As an owner of not one or two, 418 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,159 Speaker 1: but three cats in a small New York apartment, I 419 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,199 Speaker 1: have to say that I can officially come out as 420 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: a crazy cat guy. There aren't many of us, but 421 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: we're out there. I have at least one friend that 422 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: I'm not positive but fairly certain would self identify as 423 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 1: such as well. I probably wouldn't have been such a 424 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: crazy cat guy if it weren't for my wife. But 425 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm pooped now. Cats really are the perfect city pet, 426 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,880 Speaker 1: and far more loyal and attentive that people give them 427 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: credit for. Any who, He says, hope this shed some 428 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 1: light on the elusive New York male cat lover slash 429 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 1: Pinterest user. So thank you, Charles, You've enlightened us. That 430 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,640 Speaker 1: was delightful. Charles. I kind of want to hang out 431 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 1: and your cats sometime. Uh so let us know about 432 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 1: your cats as well. Mom Stuff at discovery dot com 433 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: is where you can send us letters. You can also 434 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: head over and start a conversation on Facebook and like 435 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 1: us while you're at it, and follow us on Twitter 436 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,880 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff podcast, and you can also check out 437 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 1: our tumbler blog and tumble with us at stuff mom 438 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 1: Never told You dot tumbler dot com. And if you'd 439 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: like to get a little smarter this week, why don't 440 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 1: you head over to our website It's how stuff Works 441 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: dot com for more on this and thousands of other topics. 442 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:38,879 Speaker 1: Does it how stuff works dot com.