WEBVTT - How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You) 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.120 Hey everyone, it's Jayshetty and I'm thrilled to announce my 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:07.200 podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:11.040 my On Purpose podcast live and in person. Join me 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:15.200 in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:19.360 surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:23.680 or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:28.080 designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:30.920 I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:34.840 cell now. Head to Jayshetty dot me and get yours today. 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:40.320 Every text, every moment of silence, every look feels like 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:44.720 a test of your worth and their love your messaging. Hey, wait, wait, wait, 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:46.440 what did you mean by that? Hey? Are we on 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.479 the same page? Do you really want to see me? 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:50.159 I'm not sure If you don't want to see me, 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:55.280 it's okay, right that desperation is not a state through 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.200 which we manifest and attract love. The number one health 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:07.280 and wellness five Jay Setty, Jay Chetty Jetty, Hey everyone, 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:11.959 welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jayschetty, and 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.200 I am so grateful that you're here. I have to 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.560 start with I am so excited that I'm taking on 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:22.120 Purpose on tour this year, and I want you to 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:25.760 come and see me. Head over to Jayshetty dot Me 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:30.679 Forward Slash Tour. That's Jayshetty dot Me Forward Slash Tour 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:33.200 so that you can come and see me live. I 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:35.280 can't wait for you to see our special guests. We're 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:39.760 going to have experts, celebrities, thought leaders. It's going to 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.480 be really deep, profound work, and it's going to be 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:44.800 a lot of fun. Bring your friends, bring your family. 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.880 I can't wait to see you now. Today's episode is 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:54.840 all about how twenty twenty five becomes the year we 0:01:55.080 --> 0:02:01.160 manifest love. Whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:06.080 whether you're dating, this episode is for you. If you're 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:11.000 someone who for so long feels like they've tried everything 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:15.240 and anything to find love, This episode is for you. 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.600 If you're someone who's in a long term relationship but 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:22.359 you want to infuse it with more love, this episode 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:27.000 is for you. And if you're someone who's dating right now, 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:32.120 exhausted with the apps, got so much going on, this 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:37.000 episode is for you. The first question I want to 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:42.160 share with you is who would you be today if 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:46.200 you knew you were going to meet the person you 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:49.919 will love for the rest of your life. Who would 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.440 you be if you knew you were going to meet 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:54.799 the person you would love for the rest of your 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:58.399 life today. Let's say you were going to meet them 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:04.960 in three hours, in five hours, in six hours. What 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:08.080 would you do differently? What would be the focus of 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:11.760 your life? How would it change the way you feel? 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:15.919 Not just what you would do. How would it change 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.320 the way you feel, the way you feel about love, 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.160 the way you feel about happiness, the way you feel 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:27.280 about life? Would you have an extra skip in your step? 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:30.200 Would you be that much more alert? Would you be 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:33.520 that much more positive? Would you be that much more kind? 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:38.080 What would it feel like if you knew the person 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.960 of your dreams, the person you would spend the rest 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:44.080 of your life with, was three hours away from you. 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.280 How would you feel and how would that change the 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:53.440 way you Behave just feel that in your body for 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:58.520 a moment. Maybe it makes you smile, Maybe it makes 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:02.560 you slightly nervous, Maybe you can feel the butterflies. Maybe 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:07.120 you shed a tear because it's been such a painful journey. 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:13.440 Think about that for a second. How would it feel 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.839 embody that how would it feel. I want you to 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:21.640 remember this feeling because I want you to bring yourself 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:26.760 back to this whenever you feel you're drifting away. It's 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:33.440 this energy that attracts and manifests the partner that you want, 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:38.400 because it's this excitement, this enthusiasm that is the magnet 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:41.839 to attract that. Right when we talk about manifesting, what 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.560 we're trying to do is become a magnet so we 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:49.000 can attract things in our direction. The energy, the vibrancy, 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:56.960 the frequency of attraction. Is this the genuine belief, the 0:04:57.080 --> 0:05:04.359 natural feeling, the organic manifestation that it's just around the corner. 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:08.039 And guess what, whether you do meet the love of 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.760 your life in three hours or not, it's just a 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:15.000 beautiful place to live. It's a happier mind, it's a 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:20.360 healthier body, it's a more healed heart. Isn't that where 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:23.200 we all want to live? Isn't that what would truly 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:26.960 be a magnet for the right person. This is the 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:31.320 year you manifest love. If you follow the simple guidelines 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:36.040 that I'm about to share today, it will change your life. Now. 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:39.440 I want to start off with what we usually do. 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:43.240 We don't live in the state that I just talked about. 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:47.640 We live in one of two states as humans because 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.720 we love extremes. We either live in a state of 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:56.560 desperation on one end, or we live in a state 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:00.680 of detachment. So desperation is, oh my gosh, I need 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:02.360 to find love. I need to go on a date. 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:04.240 Oh my god, I'm never going to find someone. Oh 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.040 my gosh, everyone's getting married. Oh my god, I'm so behind. 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.120 Oh my gosh, am I ever going to find someone? 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:13.200 That's desperation? And you don't have to tell me. We've 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:16.400 all experienced that. We've all been there, we know what 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:19.440 it feels like. But then sometimes we do the opposite, 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:22.880 the detachment. I'm too busy, I'm focused on my career. 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.760 I don't need love. It's not that important. It will 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:29.920 work itself out. I'm not paying it any attention. And 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.479 whether we mean that, whether we truly believe that, we've 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:36.480 all been on that side too, And guess what, here 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:38.520 we still are, whether you're in a relationship or not, 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.160 here we still are without love. If you're in a relationship, 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:44.680 desperation looks like I wish my partner would give me 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.920 more attention. Why don't they care about my birthday. Oh 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:49.760 my god, we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, We 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:52.600 didn't do anything for Christmas. You know, they just don't 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:55.800 care about me, right, we know what that feels like. 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:58.240 And then if you're in a relationship, detachment feels like, 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:01.640 oh no, we're independent. Now. You know he's got his 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.480 thing going on, I've got my thing going on. We 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:06.080 do not really need each other. Those are both not 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:12.000 states of love. They're both not peak human states. But 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.320 you can live in peak human state, and I want 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:20.040 you to. So let's talk about that. Desperation doesn't work 0:07:20.680 --> 0:07:24.000 because it leads to a lot of challenges. The first 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:29.600 is desperation can make you ignore red flags. Right when 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:35.760 you're desperate, you convince yourself that bad behavior is just 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:39.600 a phase, or that they can fix it. Sometimes you 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.440 don't even notice the bad behavior. You just go, oh, no, 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.120 but they're so wonderful, oh wow, Like, no, but they 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:49.160 did this thing. You find all the excuses that justify 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:53.920 how you feel, also known as confirmation bias. You notice 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:57.040 the things that confirm the feeling you want to have. 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:00.360 How many times have you done that with someone? You 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:05.480 confirm the feelings, and you notice the things that confirm 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:09.240 the feelings that you want to have. It's amazing how 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:12.360 that works, isn't it. And then when that relationship breaks down, 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:14.240 all of a sudden, you notice all these other things 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:16.520 and you go, I knew that was there. I don't 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.200 know how I missed it. I saw it, I don't 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.000 know how I missed it. It almost seems like it's 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:26.800 hiding in plain sight. So desperation means sometimes we ignore 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:32.880 red flags. Desperation sometimes means we overgive. We pour all 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.959 our energy into someone, hoping our efforts will be enough 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:42.559 to make them stay. We overgive, and then when they undergive, 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:46.160 we make them feel bad that we overgave, when actually 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.680 it was our choice. It was our desperation, it was 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:53.920 our insecure attachment that was doing it, And that way 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:58.360 it doesn't work out. Sometimes when we're desperate, I'm sure 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:02.640 you have friends who've done this. We settle for less, 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:09.560 We lower our standards to avoid being alone. How many 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:12.480 friends or family members do you have right now who 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:16.640 you know have not manifested love because they were desperate, 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:21.480 because they really believe that being alone was so terrible 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:26.120 that they ended up settling for less. And I've seen 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:31.600 people really settle for less, sadly, so much less than 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:37.120 they deserve because they're desperate. Desperation is not a state 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:42.560 through which you can attract and manifest the love of 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:46.559 your life. It isn't a state for that. Another thing 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:53.640 desperation leads to is overthinking everything. Every text, every moment 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:57.800 of silence, every look feels like a test of your 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:01.640 worth and their love. Your messaging go hey, wait, wait, wait, 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:03.400 what did you mean by that? Hey? Are we on 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:05.440 the same page? Do you really want to see me? 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:07.079 I'm not sure If you don't want to see me, 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:13.600 it's okay, right That desperation means we're overthinking everything. That 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:18.960 overthinking energy is not a state through which we manifest 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:24.240 and attract love. We manifest and attract more overthinking, more anxiety, 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.480 more stress, more drama. And we've all been there as well. 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:33.480 When we're desperate, we often lose ourselves. We change our hobbies, 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:38.120 change our opinions, We change our personality to match whatever 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:42.760 that person wants. And we've seen where that leads. That 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:47.360 person eventually decides to choose their own way, and we 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.720 feel hard done by because we changed who we were 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:53.640 to keep them in our life. Don't change who you 0:10:53.760 --> 0:11:00.160 are to keep someone in your life. Don't become who 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:05.000 they are to hope they will stay. Be who you are, 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:09.720 and see who stays to grow with you. It's so 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:13.120 fascinating to me how so many of us trade and 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:18.559 lose our identity in the desperate desire to have love 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:22.760 in our lives, only to realize that that energetic state 0:11:23.520 --> 0:11:30.280 doesn't create love. It creates loss, loss of ourselves, and 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:34.640 loss of that person because that person won't stick around 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:37.880 because they'll also get a sense that you're not yourself. 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:41.520 Or when you get a sense that you're not yourself 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:45.000 anymore and you finally share who you are with them, 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:48.760 they'll be hewt broken about that. A lot of us, 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:52.320 when we're desperate, we rush things, We skip steps. We 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:57.439 imagine a future before there's a solid foundation. Think about 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.280 that for a second. How many times have you ever 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:05.720 imagined future before there was a solid foundation. A lot 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:10.280 of us, when we're desperate, we seek validation constantly. We 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:14.760 crave assurance. We read too much into small gestures. We're 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:19.040 desperately searching for proof that we're loved right. We want 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:20.800 to see that, We want to feel that at every 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:24.240 moment we need it. That desperate act doesn't create love. 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:28.600 It creates neediness, it creates dependency, it creates stress for 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:32.040 the other person. And if we're desperate, we avoid boundaries. 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.120 We're too scared to say no, to stand up for ourselves. 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.120 We're scared we're going to push someone away, so we 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:42.920 pull them closer by pushing ourselves away. Right, think about 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.640 that for a second. You're so scared you're going to 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:50.040 push someone away that you pull them closer. But the 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:55.479 way you do that is you push yourself away from yourself. 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.920 You get so far away from yourself, so you can 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.160 be so close to someone else, only to push them 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.600 further away because they never really got to know you. 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:12.640 And finally, when we're desperate, we stay in toxic situations. Sadly, 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.520 I know too many friends, too many people who will 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:21.559 accept physical, verbal, emotional abuse, staying in a toxic situation 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:26.560 without love because we're too scared of being alone. So 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.960 that's what desperation does. And as you can see, what 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.040 I'm trying to paint is a picture of the state 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.640 that is created as opposed to the state that we 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:38.800 live in when love is just around the corner. Notice 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:44.200 how like light and hopefully happy and filled or fulfilled 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.280 you felt when I started talking at the beginning of 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.160 the episode, and now I'm kind of feeling a bit 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:53.520 heavy right It's heavy. 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Detachment often looks like 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:25.360 you're too cool for school. Detachment means we push people away, 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:31.280 We act overly independent, We reject genuine connection out of 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:35.200 fear of vulnerability. Maybe you've been hurt before and now 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:38.040 you're acting too cool for school, but you're pushing other 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:42.720 people away. When we're acting detached or we are detached, 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:47.440 we sometimes miss opportunities. We brush off someone who truly cares. 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:52.280 We convince ourselves that it's not a big deal. And 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:55.080 I've seen that happen too often. People just say, oh, yeah, 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.560 you know, I'm I'm doing my own thing right now, 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:02.840 and you miss out on a really beautiful possible connection. 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:08.480 The third is you overcompensate. You act like you're too busy, 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:13.560 you're too focused on other things than love. And while 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:15.440 that's not a bad thing, I think it's amazing when 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:17.840 people get focused on their careers, when they go deep, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.160 I think it's beautiful. But if in the back of 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:22.360 your mind, you're like, I just really want to be 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.000 in a relationship, I wish I could find that person. 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:29.320 You're kind of detached and desperate at the same time, 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.560 which is the worst situation to be in. The reason 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.520 I'm painting these states is because I want us to 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:38.880 realize the difference. When we get into the optimal state, 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.640 then I'm going to share with you in a moment. 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:44.440 I want to share with you that optimal state of 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:48.200 attraction and manifestation, and I want you to realize that 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:54.000 the states of desperation and detachment don't create that dynamic 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.160 energy that we need in order to be a magnet. 0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:01.960 The fourth thing we do is we build walls, not boundaries. 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:06.520 Instead of healthy limits, we shut up entirely. We think 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:09.200 it's safer that way. It's almost like, instead of getting 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:12.840 blinds for the sun pouring into your house, which is 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.280 a healthy way to manage it, you end up putting 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.360 up walls around your house. That's what we all do. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:24.760 We put up walls, not boundaries, right, and we think 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.080 it's safer that way, but it's not safer. We need 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.200 that light, We need that connection. We need to expose 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.080 ourselves to a tiny bit of pain, a tiny bit 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:37.800 of stress, a tiny bit of discomfort and struggle. Another 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:42.240 thing we do when we're detached is we seek distractions. 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:47.600 We pretend we don't need anyone we party to fill 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.920 the void. We take up loads of new hobbies. By 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:52.919 the way, these are all great things, but not if 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:55.960 they're coming from a place of trying to avoid that 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:59.679 which we're looking for. We project this sort of indifference. 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:03.760 We claim we don't care, but our actions often reveal 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.480 that we're scared to admit we do. Right, You pretend 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:11.200 you don't care, but really you're scared to admit that 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:14.960 you actually do. And that means we end up sabotaging 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:20.639 potential relationships. Right, We find reasons to end things early. 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:24.240 We convince people that it wasn't meant to be. We 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:27.480 convince ourselves that it wasn't meant to be. So when 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:31.520 you're desperate, you're pulling something close when it doesn't make sense, 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:35.320 and when you're in detachment, you're pushing something away when 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.960 it doesn't make sense. Listen to that again. When you're desperate, 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:42.000 you're trying to pull things closer than they're meant to be, 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.600 and when you're detached, you're trying to push things further 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:48.639 away than they're meant to be. You're not allowing what 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:52.800 is meant to be to be in your life, and 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:56.439 what does that do? It means we often feel lonely 0:18:56.520 --> 0:19:02.000 in private, behind closed doors, behind the bravado. When it fades, 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:06.399 loneliness starts to creep in, and we're there on our 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:09.679 own on a Friday night, saying we're okay, saying we're strong, 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:13.160 saying we're not in need, but we are feeling desperate. 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:18.000 And a lot of us oscillate between this desperation and detachment. 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:20.800 We think, Oh, everyone says you find someone when you're 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:22.800 not looking for them. Right, let me pretend to be detached. 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:24.159 Oh wait, that didn't work. Or I need to be 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:26.280 desperate again, or I really need to tell all my 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:28.920 friends I'm desperate again, I'm really seeking. Oh wait, that 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:30.680 didn't work. All right, let me just be detached again. 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.440 Maybe that will work. I am sure you've met people. 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:37.120 I'm sure your friends and family are just constantly oscillating 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:43.080 between these two states, and finally we convince ourselves that 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:47.639 love is a weakness. We're scared of connection, we're scared 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:51.359 of being hurt. And what I find is that as 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:55.200 humans were good at oscillating between light and dark, we're 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:57.800 not good at viewing them at the same time. And 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:00.960 it's rare. If you think about a solar accla, a 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.800 solar eclipse is when you see the layer of the 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:08.639 moon and the sun. It's a very rare sight. But 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:10.359 that's what we need to do, right. We know what 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:12.000 to do in the darkness, we know what to do 0:20:12.040 --> 0:20:16.359 in the light. We rarely see both together, and so 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:17.720 that's what we need to do. We need to find 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:21.840 out that middle path of detachment and desperation. That's that state, 0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:26.840 that dynamic state that we want to be in. There's detachment, 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:33.040 but there's also desperation, but it's not desperation. In the 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:42.680 dynamic state, it's now desire and instead of detachment, it's deserving. Right, 0:20:42.760 --> 0:20:50.480 it's desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. Desperation 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:54.800 and detachment will push the right people away and pull 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:59.639 the wrong people close. Desire and deserving will push the 0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:05.000 wrong people away and pull the right people close. When 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:09.119 we know what we desire and we believe we deserve it, 0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:14.680 that is that peak human state, as opposed to oscillating 0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:20.840 and operating in the extremes of desperation and detachment. So 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.200 how do we do that? The first thing is looking 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:32.000 at these blends, these juxtapositions of seemingly opposite ideas. Love 0:21:32.720 --> 0:21:35.879 has to be a big priority, but we have to 0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:39.879 take small steps. This is how we learn to manifest 0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:44.479 that optimal state. We have to accept love is a 0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:48.800 big priority. In twenty twenty five, love is really important 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:53.520 to me. Love is my number one focus in what 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:57.439 I want. I'm clear about my desire. I'm clear about 0:21:57.440 --> 0:22:02.960 that desire, and I'm willing to juxtapose it with small steps. 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.160 I'm willing to accept that love is my number one 0:22:06.200 --> 0:22:09.479 priority and I know I need to take small steps 0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:12.480 toward it. The challenge is what we do. Is we go, oh, 0:22:12.520 --> 0:22:15.119 I don't admit loves my number one desire. That's so uncomfortable, 0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:18.240 that's so cringe, that's so awkward, that makes me so lame. 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:20.280 I'm not going to do that. What have we done? 0:22:20.320 --> 0:22:24.200 We've just we've completely suppressed our desire. So now we're 0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:28.920 faking detachment because we're scared of looking silly. So it's 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.560 not a big priority. We're pretending it's a small priority, 0:22:32.400 --> 0:22:34.480 and we're trying to take big steps. So I'm just 0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:37.439 going to focus on my career. Or we're desperate, so 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:39.080 we're saying, oh my god, it's not just a desire, 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:41.919 it's desperation. And so we're saying, Okay, it is a 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:44.680 big priority, but then we're trying to take these massive, 0:22:44.720 --> 0:22:48.520 big leaps towards it. It's the opposite ideas we need 0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:53.080 a big priority accepting love. I desire love. I desire 0:22:53.160 --> 0:22:58.920 real love. I deserve real love. Repeat that, I desire 0:22:59.000 --> 0:23:02.920 real love and I deserve real love. But I'm going 0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:06.720 to take I'm ready to take the small steps towards it, 0:23:07.520 --> 0:23:10.960 the weekly date routine. I'm willing to take the small 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:15.119 steps by asking my friends and committing and connecting with people. 0:23:15.359 --> 0:23:18.200 I'm willing to take the small steps of not rushing 0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:21.520 it and seeing where things go with someone. I'm willing 0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:23.480 to take the small steps that even if it didn't 0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:25.760 work out on the first date, I'm okay with taking 0:23:25.760 --> 0:23:28.560 a second. I'm okay with trying it out, even when 0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:31.640 things feel like it's not quite working out. I'm open 0:23:32.040 --> 0:23:36.680 to the small steps. I'm not waiting for that first big, 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:39.479 miraculous moment of chemistry that makes me feel like this 0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:42.440 person is perfect and everything's perfect. But really I'm just 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:49.400 lying to myself. Small steps, big priority. The next way 0:23:49.480 --> 0:23:53.920 to become a magnet is to be patient for love 0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:58.879 but impatient for dating. Usually what we are is that 0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:03.400 we're impatient for it all, or we're saying we're patient, 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.960 but we're feeling impatient. How can we be patient for 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:12.200 the big things and impatient about the small things, patient 0:24:12.280 --> 0:24:16.800 for love to develop, but impatient to connect, build connections, 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:20.920 meet people, be out there, connect. Often we do the opposite. 0:24:20.960 --> 0:24:23.200 We go, oh yeah, I'll see when a date comes up. 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.679 So we're patient for the dates, but we're impatient about love. 0:24:26.720 --> 0:24:28.280 I really want to be in love. I really want 0:24:28.280 --> 0:24:29.760 to be in love, but I don't want to go 0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:31.639 out on any dates. I don't want to put in 0:24:31.640 --> 0:24:37.320 the work. Impatient about dates, patient about love. Say it 0:24:37.359 --> 0:24:40.679 out loud, I'm patient for real love. I am patient 0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:44.479 for real love. I'm impatient to try and meet more people. 0:24:45.920 --> 0:24:51.200 That's the balance, that's that dynamic state that blends desire 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:56.320 and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. The next step 0:24:57.080 --> 0:25:01.640 is aligne what you think, say, and do. Too many 0:25:01.640 --> 0:25:04.960 people are thinking I'm desperate for love. They're saying I 0:25:05.000 --> 0:25:07.760 don't need it, and doing they're not going out on 0:25:07.800 --> 0:25:10.480 any dates. Too many people are saying in their head, 0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:15.840 I am detached from love. They're saying they really really 0:25:15.880 --> 0:25:20.840 want it, and then they're doing nothing. Again. Align accept 0:25:20.840 --> 0:25:24.480 in your mind this year, love is a big priority. 0:25:25.760 --> 0:25:28.439 Say it when you speak to people. Love is my 0:25:28.600 --> 0:25:32.920 number one priority, and then let it lead to your actions. 0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:39.600 A beautiful old saying says that we experience misalignment or 0:25:39.640 --> 0:25:42.200 we can't be in harmony of what we think, say, 0:25:42.359 --> 0:25:45.800 and do are not aligned. Too many of us are 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:48.600 saying something to our friends, thinking something on our own, 0:25:48.880 --> 0:25:55.200 and doing something completely different. Align Align Align. I am 0:25:55.240 --> 0:26:00.879 aligned in manifesting love. I'm aligned in attracting love. Whatever 0:26:00.920 --> 0:26:04.760 you think, be clear about it. Repeat that when you're 0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:06.960 with people, no matter how hard or cringe it is. 0:26:07.000 --> 0:26:10.359 If you can't express your desire in your mind and 0:26:10.480 --> 0:26:14.119 out loud to your close friends and take action aligned 0:26:14.160 --> 0:26:18.080