1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Jayshetty and I'm thrilled to announce my 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 1: podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,040 Speaker 1: my On Purpose podcast live and in person. Join me 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, 6 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. 8 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on 9 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,840 Speaker 1: cell now. Head to Jayshetty dot me and get yours today. 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: Every text, every moment of silence, every look feels like 11 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 1: a test of your worth and their love your messaging. Hey, wait, wait, wait, 12 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: what did you mean by that? Hey? Are we on 13 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 1: the same page? Do you really want to see me? 14 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 1: I'm not sure If you don't want to see me, 15 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: it's okay, right that desperation is not a state through 16 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: which we manifest and attract love. The number one health 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: and wellness five Jay Setty, Jay Chetty Jetty, Hey everyone, 18 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jayschetty, and 19 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,200 Speaker 1: I am so grateful that you're here. I have to 20 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 1: start with I am so excited that I'm taking on 21 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: Purpose on tour this year, and I want you to 22 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 1: come and see me. Head over to Jayshetty dot Me 23 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: Forward Slash Tour. That's Jayshetty dot Me Forward Slash Tour 24 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 1: so that you can come and see me live. I 25 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 1: can't wait for you to see our special guests. We're 26 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 1: going to have experts, celebrities, thought leaders. It's going to 27 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: be really deep, profound work, and it's going to be 28 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: a lot of fun. Bring your friends, bring your family. 29 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you now. Today's episode is 30 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: all about how twenty twenty five becomes the year we 31 00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: manifest love. Whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, 32 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: whether you're dating, this episode is for you. If you're 33 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: someone who for so long feels like they've tried everything 34 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: and anything to find love, This episode is for you. 35 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: If you're someone who's in a long term relationship but 36 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 1: you want to infuse it with more love, this episode 37 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: is for you. And if you're someone who's dating right now, 38 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: exhausted with the apps, got so much going on, this 39 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: episode is for you. The first question I want to 40 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: share with you is who would you be today if 41 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: you knew you were going to meet the person you 42 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: will love for the rest of your life. Who would 43 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: you be if you knew you were going to meet 44 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:54,799 Speaker 1: the person you would love for the rest of your 45 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,399 Speaker 1: life today. Let's say you were going to meet them 46 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 1: in three hours, in five hours, in six hours. What 47 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 1: would you do differently? What would be the focus of 48 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 1: your life? How would it change the way you feel? 49 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: Not just what you would do. How would it change 50 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: the way you feel, the way you feel about love, 51 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: the way you feel about happiness, the way you feel 52 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: about life? Would you have an extra skip in your step? 53 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: Would you be that much more alert? Would you be 54 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 1: that much more positive? Would you be that much more kind? 55 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: What would it feel like if you knew the person 56 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: of your dreams, the person you would spend the rest 57 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: of your life with, was three hours away from you. 58 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 1: How would you feel and how would that change the 59 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: way you Behave just feel that in your body for 60 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 1: a moment. Maybe it makes you smile, Maybe it makes 61 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: you slightly nervous, Maybe you can feel the butterflies. Maybe 62 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: you shed a tear because it's been such a painful journey. 63 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: Think about that for a second. How would it feel 64 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 1: embody that how would it feel. I want you to 65 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: remember this feeling because I want you to bring yourself 66 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: back to this whenever you feel you're drifting away. It's 67 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: this energy that attracts and manifests the partner that you want, 68 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: because it's this excitement, this enthusiasm that is the magnet 69 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: to attract that. Right when we talk about manifesting, what 70 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: we're trying to do is become a magnet so we 71 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: can attract things in our direction. The energy, the vibrancy, 72 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: the frequency of attraction. Is this the genuine belief, the 73 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: natural feeling, the organic manifestation that it's just around the corner. 74 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: And guess what, whether you do meet the love of 75 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: your life in three hours or not, it's just a 76 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: beautiful place to live. It's a happier mind, it's a 77 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: healthier body, it's a more healed heart. Isn't that where 78 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 1: we all want to live? Isn't that what would truly 79 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: be a magnet for the right person. This is the 80 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: year you manifest love. If you follow the simple guidelines 81 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: that I'm about to share today, it will change your life. Now. 82 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: I want to start off with what we usually do. 83 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: We don't live in the state that I just talked about. 84 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: We live in one of two states as humans because 85 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 1: we love extremes. We either live in a state of 86 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: desperation on one end, or we live in a state 87 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: of detachment. So desperation is, oh my gosh, I need 88 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: to find love. I need to go on a date. 89 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm never going to find someone. Oh 90 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: my gosh, everyone's getting married. Oh my god, I'm so behind. 91 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, am I ever going to find someone? 92 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: That's desperation? And you don't have to tell me. We've 93 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 1: all experienced that. We've all been there, we know what 94 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: it feels like. But then sometimes we do the opposite, 95 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: the detachment. I'm too busy, I'm focused on my career. 96 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: I don't need love. It's not that important. It will 97 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: work itself out. I'm not paying it any attention. And 98 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: whether we mean that, whether we truly believe that, we've 99 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: all been on that side too, And guess what, here 100 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: we still are, whether you're in a relationship or not, 101 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 1: here we still are without love. If you're in a relationship, 102 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: desperation looks like I wish my partner would give me 103 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: more attention. Why don't they care about my birthday. Oh 104 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: my god, we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, We 105 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: didn't do anything for Christmas. You know, they just don't 106 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: care about me, right, we know what that feels like. 107 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: And then if you're in a relationship, detachment feels like, 108 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: oh no, we're independent. Now. You know he's got his 109 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: thing going on, I've got my thing going on. We 110 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: do not really need each other. Those are both not 111 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 1: states of love. They're both not peak human states. But 112 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 1: you can live in peak human state, and I want 113 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: you to. So let's talk about that. Desperation doesn't work 114 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: because it leads to a lot of challenges. The first 115 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: is desperation can make you ignore red flags. Right when 116 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: you're desperate, you convince yourself that bad behavior is just 117 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: a phase, or that they can fix it. Sometimes you 118 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: don't even notice the bad behavior. You just go, oh, no, 119 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: but they're so wonderful, oh wow, Like, no, but they 120 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 1: did this thing. You find all the excuses that justify 121 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 1: how you feel, also known as confirmation bias. You notice 122 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: the things that confirm the feeling you want to have. 123 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: How many times have you done that with someone? You 124 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: confirm the feelings, and you notice the things that confirm 125 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 1: the feelings that you want to have. It's amazing how 126 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: that works, isn't it. And then when that relationship breaks down, 127 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you notice all these other things 128 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: and you go, I knew that was there. I don't 129 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: know how I missed it. I saw it, I don't 130 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: know how I missed it. It almost seems like it's 131 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: hiding in plain sight. So desperation means sometimes we ignore 132 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: red flags. Desperation sometimes means we overgive. We pour all 133 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 1: our energy into someone, hoping our efforts will be enough 134 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:42,559 Speaker 1: to make them stay. We overgive, and then when they undergive, 135 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: we make them feel bad that we overgave, when actually 136 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 1: it was our choice. It was our desperation, it was 137 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: our insecure attachment that was doing it, And that way 138 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: it doesn't work out. Sometimes when we're desperate, I'm sure 139 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: you have friends who've done this. We settle for less, 140 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: We lower our standards to avoid being alone. How many 141 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: friends or family members do you have right now who 142 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: you know have not manifested love because they were desperate, 143 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: because they really believe that being alone was so terrible 144 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: that they ended up settling for less. And I've seen 145 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: people really settle for less, sadly, so much less than 146 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: they deserve because they're desperate. Desperation is not a state 147 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: through which you can attract and manifest the love of 148 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,559 Speaker 1: your life. It isn't a state for that. Another thing 149 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: desperation leads to is overthinking everything. Every text, every moment 150 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: of silence, every look feels like a test of your 151 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: worth and their love. Your messaging go hey, wait, wait, wait, 152 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: what did you mean by that? Hey? Are we on 153 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: the same page? Do you really want to see me? 154 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,079 Speaker 1: I'm not sure If you don't want to see me, 155 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: it's okay, right That desperation means we're overthinking everything. That 156 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: overthinking energy is not a state through which we manifest 157 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: and attract love. We manifest and attract more overthinking, more anxiety, 158 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: more stress, more drama. And we've all been there as well. 159 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: When we're desperate, we often lose ourselves. We change our hobbies, 160 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: change our opinions, We change our personality to match whatever 161 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 1: that person wants. And we've seen where that leads. That 162 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: person eventually decides to choose their own way, and we 163 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: feel hard done by because we changed who we were 164 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: to keep them in our life. Don't change who you 165 00:10:53,760 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: are to keep someone in your life. Don't become who 166 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: they are to hope they will stay. Be who you are, 167 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: and see who stays to grow with you. It's so 168 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: fascinating to me how so many of us trade and 169 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 1: lose our identity in the desperate desire to have love 170 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: in our lives, only to realize that that energetic state 171 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: doesn't create love. It creates loss, loss of ourselves, and 172 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 1: loss of that person because that person won't stick around 173 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: because they'll also get a sense that you're not yourself. 174 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: Or when you get a sense that you're not yourself 175 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: anymore and you finally share who you are with them, 176 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 1: they'll be hewt broken about that. A lot of us, 177 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 1: when we're desperate, we rush things, We skip steps. We 178 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:57,439 Speaker 1: imagine a future before there's a solid foundation. Think about 179 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: that for a second. How many times have you ever 180 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: imagined future before there was a solid foundation. A lot 181 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 1: of us, when we're desperate, we seek validation constantly. We 182 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: crave assurance. We read too much into small gestures. We're 183 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: desperately searching for proof that we're loved right. We want 184 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: to see that, We want to feel that at every 185 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 1: moment we need it. That desperate act doesn't create love. 186 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 1: It creates neediness, it creates dependency, it creates stress for 187 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: the other person. And if we're desperate, we avoid boundaries. 188 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: We're too scared to say no, to stand up for ourselves. 189 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: We're scared we're going to push someone away, so we 190 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: pull them closer by pushing ourselves away. Right, think about 191 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: that for a second. You're so scared you're going to 192 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: push someone away that you pull them closer. But the 193 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:55,479 Speaker 1: way you do that is you push yourself away from yourself. 194 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: You get so far away from yourself, so you can 195 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: be so close to someone else, only to push them 196 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: further away because they never really got to know you. 197 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: And finally, when we're desperate, we stay in toxic situations. Sadly, 198 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: I know too many friends, too many people who will 199 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:21,559 Speaker 1: accept physical, verbal, emotional abuse, staying in a toxic situation 200 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,560 Speaker 1: without love because we're too scared of being alone. So 201 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: that's what desperation does. And as you can see, what 202 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: I'm trying to paint is a picture of the state 203 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: that is created as opposed to the state that we 204 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: live in when love is just around the corner. Notice 205 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: how like light and hopefully happy and filled or fulfilled 206 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: you felt when I started talking at the beginning of 207 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: the episode, and now I'm kind of feeling a bit 208 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 1: heavy right It's heavy. 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Maybe you've been hurt before and now 234 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: you're acting too cool for school, but you're pushing other 235 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 1: people away. When we're acting detached or we are detached, 236 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: we sometimes miss opportunities. We brush off someone who truly cares. 237 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:52,280 Speaker 1: We convince ourselves that it's not a big deal. And 238 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: I've seen that happen too often. People just say, oh, yeah, 239 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm doing my own thing right now, 240 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 1: and you miss out on a really beautiful possible connection. 241 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: The third is you overcompensate. You act like you're too busy, 242 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:13,560 Speaker 1: you're too focused on other things than love. And while 243 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: that's not a bad thing, I think it's amazing when 244 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: people get focused on their careers, when they go deep, 245 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: I think it's beautiful. But if in the back of 246 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: your mind, you're like, I just really want to be 247 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: in a relationship, I wish I could find that person. 248 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: You're kind of detached and desperate at the same time, 249 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: which is the worst situation to be in. The reason 250 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: I'm painting these states is because I want us to 251 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: realize the difference. When we get into the optimal state, 252 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: then I'm going to share with you in a moment. 253 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: I want to share with you that optimal state of 254 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: attraction and manifestation, and I want you to realize that 255 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: the states of desperation and detachment don't create that dynamic 256 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 1: energy that we need in order to be a magnet. 257 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: The fourth thing we do is we build walls, not boundaries. 258 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 1: Instead of healthy limits, we shut up entirely. We think 259 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 1: it's safer that way. It's almost like, instead of getting 260 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: blinds for the sun pouring into your house, which is 261 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: a healthy way to manage it, you end up putting 262 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,360 Speaker 1: up walls around your house. That's what we all do. 263 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: We put up walls, not boundaries, right, and we think 264 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 1: it's safer that way, but it's not safer. We need 265 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 1: that light, We need that connection. We need to expose 266 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 1: ourselves to a tiny bit of pain, a tiny bit 267 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: of stress, a tiny bit of discomfort and struggle. Another 268 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 1: thing we do when we're detached is we seek distractions. 269 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: We pretend we don't need anyone we party to fill 270 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,920 Speaker 1: the void. We take up loads of new hobbies. By 271 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 1: the way, these are all great things, but not if 272 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: they're coming from a place of trying to avoid that 273 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 1: which we're looking for. We project this sort of indifference. 274 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,760 Speaker 1: We claim we don't care, but our actions often reveal 275 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: that we're scared to admit we do. Right, You pretend 276 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 1: you don't care, but really you're scared to admit that 277 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,960 Speaker 1: you actually do. And that means we end up sabotaging 278 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:20,639 Speaker 1: potential relationships. Right, We find reasons to end things early. 279 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: We convince people that it wasn't meant to be. We 280 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: convince ourselves that it wasn't meant to be. So when 281 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: you're desperate, you're pulling something close when it doesn't make sense, 282 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: and when you're in detachment, you're pushing something away when 283 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense. Listen to that again. When you're desperate, 284 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: you're trying to pull things closer than they're meant to be, 285 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: and when you're detached, you're trying to push things further 286 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 1: away than they're meant to be. You're not allowing what 287 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: is meant to be to be in your life, and 288 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,439 Speaker 1: what does that do? It means we often feel lonely 289 00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: in private, behind closed doors, behind the bravado. When it fades, 290 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 1: loneliness starts to creep in, and we're there on our 291 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 1: own on a Friday night, saying we're okay, saying we're strong, 292 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 1: saying we're not in need, but we are feeling desperate. 293 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: And a lot of us oscillate between this desperation and detachment. 294 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: We think, Oh, everyone says you find someone when you're 295 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 1: not looking for them. Right, let me pretend to be detached. 296 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,159 Speaker 1: Oh wait, that didn't work. Or I need to be 297 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: desperate again, or I really need to tell all my 298 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: friends I'm desperate again, I'm really seeking. Oh wait, that 299 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 1: didn't work. All right, let me just be detached again. 300 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 1: Maybe that will work. I am sure you've met people. 301 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,120 Speaker 1: I'm sure your friends and family are just constantly oscillating 302 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: between these two states, and finally we convince ourselves that 303 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: love is a weakness. We're scared of connection, we're scared 304 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 1: of being hurt. And what I find is that as 305 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,200 Speaker 1: humans were good at oscillating between light and dark, we're 306 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: not good at viewing them at the same time. And 307 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: it's rare. If you think about a solar accla, a 308 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: solar eclipse is when you see the layer of the 309 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 1: moon and the sun. It's a very rare sight. But 310 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: that's what we need to do, right. We know what 311 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: to do in the darkness, we know what to do 312 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 1: in the light. We rarely see both together, and so 313 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,720 Speaker 1: that's what we need to do. We need to find 314 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 1: out that middle path of detachment and desperation. That's that state, 315 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: that dynamic state that we want to be in. There's detachment, 316 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:33,040 Speaker 1: but there's also desperation, but it's not desperation. In the 317 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:42,680 Speaker 1: dynamic state, it's now desire and instead of detachment, it's deserving. Right, 318 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 1: it's desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. Desperation 319 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: and detachment will push the right people away and pull 320 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 1: the wrong people close. Desire and deserving will push the 321 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 1: wrong people away and pull the right people close. When 322 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:09,119 Speaker 1: we know what we desire and we believe we deserve it, 323 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 1: that is that peak human state, as opposed to oscillating 324 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: and operating in the extremes of desperation and detachment. So 325 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 1: how do we do that? The first thing is looking 326 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 1: at these blends, these juxtapositions of seemingly opposite ideas. Love 327 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: has to be a big priority, but we have to 328 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 1: take small steps. This is how we learn to manifest 329 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,479 Speaker 1: that optimal state. We have to accept love is a 330 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 1: big priority. In twenty twenty five, love is really important 331 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: to me. Love is my number one focus in what 332 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,439 Speaker 1: I want. I'm clear about my desire. I'm clear about 333 00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:02,960 Speaker 1: that desire, and I'm willing to juxtapose it with small steps. 334 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,160 Speaker 1: I'm willing to accept that love is my number one 335 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,479 Speaker 1: priority and I know I need to take small steps 336 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,480 Speaker 1: toward it. The challenge is what we do. Is we go, oh, 337 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,119 Speaker 1: I don't admit loves my number one desire. That's so uncomfortable, 338 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: that's so cringe, that's so awkward, that makes me so lame. 339 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. What have we done? 340 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 1: We've just we've completely suppressed our desire. So now we're 341 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 1: faking detachment because we're scared of looking silly. So it's 342 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: not a big priority. We're pretending it's a small priority, 343 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: and we're trying to take big steps. So I'm just 344 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,439 Speaker 1: going to focus on my career. Or we're desperate, so 345 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: we're saying, oh my god, it's not just a desire, 346 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,919 Speaker 1: it's desperation. And so we're saying, Okay, it is a 347 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 1: big priority, but then we're trying to take these massive, 348 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 1: big leaps towards it. It's the opposite ideas we need 349 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 1: a big priority accepting love. I desire love. I desire 350 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 1: real love. I deserve real love. Repeat that, I desire 351 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 1: real love and I deserve real love. But I'm going 352 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 1: to take I'm ready to take the small steps towards it, 353 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 1: the weekly date routine. I'm willing to take the small 354 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:15,119 Speaker 1: steps by asking my friends and committing and connecting with people. 355 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: I'm willing to take the small steps of not rushing 356 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 1: it and seeing where things go with someone. I'm willing 357 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 1: to take the small steps that even if it didn't 358 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: work out on the first date, I'm okay with taking 359 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: a second. I'm okay with trying it out, even when 360 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,640 Speaker 1: things feel like it's not quite working out. I'm open 361 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:36,680 Speaker 1: to the small steps. I'm not waiting for that first big, 362 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,479 Speaker 1: miraculous moment of chemistry that makes me feel like this 363 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: person is perfect and everything's perfect. But really I'm just 364 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:49,400 Speaker 1: lying to myself. Small steps, big priority. The next way 365 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: to become a magnet is to be patient for love 366 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,879 Speaker 1: but impatient for dating. Usually what we are is that 367 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:03,400 Speaker 1: we're impatient for it all, or we're saying we're patient, 368 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: but we're feeling impatient. How can we be patient for 369 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:12,200 Speaker 1: the big things and impatient about the small things, patient 370 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,800 Speaker 1: for love to develop, but impatient to connect, build connections, 371 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 1: meet people, be out there, connect. Often we do the opposite. 372 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 1: We go, oh yeah, I'll see when a date comes up. 373 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,679 Speaker 1: So we're patient for the dates, but we're impatient about love. 374 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: I really want to be in love. I really want 375 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: to be in love, but I don't want to go 376 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: out on any dates. I don't want to put in 377 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: the work. Impatient about dates, patient about love. Say it 378 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,679 Speaker 1: out loud, I'm patient for real love. I am patient 379 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,479 Speaker 1: for real love. I'm impatient to try and meet more people. 380 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:51,200 Speaker 1: That's the balance, that's that dynamic state that blends desire 381 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:56,320 Speaker 1: and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. The next step 382 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 1: is aligne what you think, say, and do. Too many 383 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: people are thinking I'm desperate for love. They're saying I 384 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: don't need it, and doing they're not going out on 385 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 1: any dates. Too many people are saying in their head, 386 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: I am detached from love. They're saying they really really 387 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 1: want it, and then they're doing nothing. Again. Align accept 388 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:24,480 Speaker 1: in your mind this year, love is a big priority. 389 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,439 Speaker 1: Say it when you speak to people. Love is my 390 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,920 Speaker 1: number one priority, and then let it lead to your actions. 391 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: A beautiful old saying says that we experience misalignment or 392 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: we can't be in harmony of what we think, say, 393 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: and do are not aligned. Too many of us are 394 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: saying something to our friends, thinking something on our own, 395 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: and doing something completely different. Align Align Align. I am 396 00:25:55,240 --> 00:26:00,879 Speaker 1: aligned in manifesting love. I'm aligned in attracting love. Whatever 397 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: you think, be clear about it. Repeat that when you're 398 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 1: with people, no matter how hard or cringe it is. 399 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: If you can't express your desire in your mind and 400 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: out loud to your close friends and take action aligned 401 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: with it, you can't manifest. Manifestation is all about aligning. 402 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,240 Speaker 1: We're aligning with ourselves, we're aligning with the universe. Most 403 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: of us are misaligned because we're saying something completely different 404 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: to what we're doing and thinking. The next step is 405 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: living as if you already have love, Creating love in 406 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:39,440 Speaker 1: all relationships, infusing love into your work relationships, infusing love 407 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: with your friends and family, Feeling and experiencing love, noticing love, 408 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:51,119 Speaker 1: notice love, acknowledge love, feel it, see it around you 409 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,680 Speaker 1: wherever you are, when someone compliments you, when someone says something, 410 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: rather than in the back of your head thinking I 411 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 1: wish I had a partner who said that, I wish 412 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: I had someone who felt that I wish I knew 413 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: someone who felt that way about me. There are people 414 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: who feel that way about you, and yes it's not romantic, 415 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean it's not helpful. It's helpful in 416 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,920 Speaker 1: helping you create a state of love and becoming a magnet. 417 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: Remember you're trying to become a magnet where you attract 418 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: love into your life, which means you have to notice it. 419 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: That's the skill of a magnet and notices that this 420 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 1: is an energy, a feel that I want to bring 421 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: into my life and in order to do that. We 422 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: have to focus on what is important about you, what's 423 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 1: valuable about you? Can you notice those things? Can you 424 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,679 Speaker 1: highlight those things? Can you value those things in yourself? 425 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: People find it so hard to write down three things 426 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 1: they value about themselves. But I promise you, if you 427 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,160 Speaker 1: can't do that, you can't manifest love into your life, 428 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: because you'll always feel unworthy of love. Even when someone 429 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,199 Speaker 1: will stand in front of you, stare you in the 430 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: eyes and say I love you, you won't belie leave 431 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 1: it because you don't feel you're lovable. You haven't accepted 432 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:10,080 Speaker 1: that there's parts of you that are completely lovable. And finally, 433 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,760 Speaker 1: I'd suggest, what if you not healed from a previous 434 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 1: relationship that will affect the future. That's the energy to clear. 435 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,040 Speaker 1: That's what you want to work on. You don't want 436 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: to carry that into the next stage. I hope, I 437 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: wish that twenty twenty five becomes your year of manifesting love. 438 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: I know it can. And all you have to do 439 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: is follow these steps. Listen to this episode every week, 440 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 1: save it, and it will be an incredible year. This 441 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: will be the year you will become a magnet and 442 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: manifest and attract love into your life if you follow 443 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: these simple steps. Thank you so much for listening. Remember 444 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,040 Speaker 1: I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. 445 00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you're going to love my 446 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your 447 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: ex and find true love in your relationships. People should 448 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 1: be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion to your 449 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: future self, because truly extending your compassion to your future 450 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 1: self is doing something that gives him or her a 451 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: shot at a happy and a peaceful life.