Speaker 1: Could you imagine somebody taking a shoelace and the time
Speaker 1: your balls and penis what would your reaction.
Speaker 2: Be to get tying them together?
Speaker 3: I was imagining like.
Speaker 1: A cockering or a cage type vibe. It's like, maybe
Speaker 1: like take the balls and you I'm not our good.
Speaker 3: At arts and craft. You know what we do here
Speaker 3: destroy shame around sex by talking about sex. Now, let
Speaker 3: me tell you something messy. So I was thinking about,
Speaker 3: you know, when was the first time I had a
Speaker 3: sex talk.
Speaker 1: Some of you might know something you might not know.
Speaker 1: I'm working on my stage show, my new stage show
Speaker 1: called ho Church, which I had done a workshop of
Speaker 1: it last January, and I am about to do another
Speaker 1: workshop in New York next month, but then we're doing
Speaker 1: the full production at the end of the year. So
Speaker 1: if you're in New York, keep a lookout because I'm
Speaker 1: about to be telling all my business on stage. So
Speaker 1: the concept of the show is, you know, kind of
Speaker 1: redefining and re understanding or reshaping what church is and
Speaker 1: what it means. If you don't know, I'm a PK
Speaker 1: pastor's kid. My grandmother was a minister, and my mother,
Speaker 1: which we'll talk about on some episode is a born
Speaker 1: again Christian. We've been a strange for about fifteen years.
Speaker 1: So the show is kind of my exploration of like
Speaker 1: what was church and what is church to me?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: If you listen to our episode with your fight Master
Speaker 1: a few weeks back, we talked about like the inner
Speaker 1: Cathedral and this idea that you know, church to me
Speaker 1: is honestly, whatever the fuck you wanted to be right.
Speaker 1: Wherever you feel celebrated, loved, where you feel at peace,
Speaker 1: where you feel at home, that's church. A Beyonce concert
Speaker 1: is church. Great sex is church. You know, eating a
Speaker 1: slice of pizza with some pepperoni and a drizzle of.
Speaker 3: Branch baby, that's church.
Speaker 1: Okay, So part of the Hoe Church that I'm writing is,
Speaker 1: you know, what is my origin story?
Speaker 3: And where did I learn about sex?
Speaker 1: And I was trying to think of about like when
Speaker 1: was the first time that I learned about sex? And
Speaker 1: no one really gave me a sex talk. Obviously there
Speaker 1: was certainly no sex talk about queer sex.
Speaker 3: And as we all.
Speaker 1: Know, or a lot of us know from our schooling,
Speaker 1: any kind of sex education there was was certainly not
Speaker 1: female focus, was not vulva focus, was not pleasure focused,
Speaker 1: but it was about safe sex. So I'm recalling that
Speaker 1: when I was maybe in seventh grade, my classrooms and
Speaker 1: I came back inside from recess, walked into our classroom,
Speaker 1: and at the front of the classroom, on like one
Speaker 1: of our desks was this wooden a dick. It looked
Speaker 1: it looked like a wooden dick. It was like really phallic.
Speaker 1: And we all walked and we're like, yeah, that looks
Speaker 1: like a dick.
Speaker 3: What is that dick doing there? Like, you know, twelve
Speaker 3: year olds, We're like, what the fuck is this.
Speaker 1: Five minutes later, my teacher, my homeroom teacher, shout out,
Speaker 1: mister Verraldi, wherever the fuck you are. I walked in
Speaker 1: with a nurse and said we were having a sex
Speaker 1: agg class. Like listen, I hope they don't do this anymore,
Speaker 1: but if you're going to have a sex ad class,
Speaker 1: I do believe you should tell the students ahead of
Speaker 1: time that that's going to happen, Like, don't let them
Speaker 1: just walk in and there's a dick or a resemblance
Speaker 1: of a dick sitting on a desk with no kind
Speaker 1: of explanation. So you know, the nurse is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is our sex ad class. She ain't say it
Speaker 1: like that, but that's me if I was a nurse.
Speaker 1: Welcome to your sex ad class, bitchus.
Speaker 3: Uh. So she proceeded to teach us how to put
Speaker 3: on a condom, and I think they give us bananas
Speaker 3: to like practice on ourselves, but like she showed us
Speaker 3: on the wooden dick and you know, talk to us
Speaker 3: about like how you know the importance of condoms and
Speaker 3: you know how like you want to make sure it's
Speaker 3: not punctured and you know it protects against pregnancy, and
Speaker 3: da da da dah. And then the class is over.
Speaker 3: Like that was it. And it's just dawned on me
Speaker 3: how much how much of sex education was steeped in
Speaker 3: promoting safe sex, if at all? Like I I went
Speaker 3: in high school, it was about abstinence, but safe sex,
Speaker 3: safe sex, but no discussion about any other part of sex,
Speaker 3: Like what happens after you put the condom one, my love?
Speaker 3: What happens you know, before we even put the condom
Speaker 3: onre what happens you know with the after gear after
Speaker 3: somebody is coming, Like there was just none of that.
Speaker 1: And so I don't know like all of this to
Speaker 1: say that I'm really interested in uh, in the work
Speaker 1: that we do here, in like redefining what safe sex
Speaker 1: is right, that it has to be more than just
Speaker 1: putting on a condom. And so for me, and you
Speaker 1: might have seen this on Instagram, I've created a little
Speaker 1: acronym for safe sex that I hope that we can
Speaker 1: like implement he and you know, I hope that it
Speaker 1: supports you on your whole journey as it is supporting
Speaker 1: me on my whole journey. But safe sex for me
Speaker 1: is satisfying, affirming, freeing, and emotionally connected. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I don't use the Kondo. I'm like, if you need
Speaker 1: to use a kind of use Coonda, like you know,
Speaker 1: you know, particularly with your partners, get yourself tested, if
Speaker 1: you know, know what your baby plans are, all this stuff.
Speaker 1: But apart from that, like, let's talk about what sex
Speaker 1: should be. I do believe sex should be safe. It
Speaker 1: should be satisfying, affirming, freeing, and emotionally connected. Now I
Speaker 1: do want to say this because we can let's work
Speaker 1: through it. What is that like when I say emotionally connected,
Speaker 1: Because some of y'all get like, but I want my
Speaker 1: anonymous ex. Yeah, that's okay, But you can look me
Speaker 1: in my eye when you braid me.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You could tell me what your favorite song is. Like,
Speaker 1: emotionally connected does not mean that we need to get
Speaker 1: married and I need to know even your last name. Girl,
Speaker 1: I don't even need to know your first name. Okay,
Speaker 1: shout out to the queers in the dark room. But
Speaker 1: like a connection, like you know, we're here together, We're
Speaker 1: taking care of each other. I have your bag because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it's still your body.
Speaker 1: Like whether this is somebody you're gonna be with for
Speaker 1: one night, for a couple of nights, for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life, it is still your body. And how
Speaker 1: you use it and how you have it used.
Speaker 3: Matters.
Speaker 1: It just matters. And so as you pursue sex in
Speaker 1: whatever form, whether it is penetrated, whether it's oral, whether
Speaker 1: it's anal vulva, whether it's you know, we're defining sex
Speaker 1: as you know, just a massage, or however you're defining it,
Speaker 1: I really hope that you aim for it to be satisfying,
Speaker 1: for it to be affirming, for it to be freeing,
Speaker 1: and for it to be emotionally connected. Satisfying as in
Speaker 1: what is it that you want sex to look at
Speaker 1: and feel like? Affirming as in the way that you
Speaker 1: desire to have your body used or to use your
Speaker 1: body is okay. If you're like girl, I need a playlist,
Speaker 1: and I need candles that are scented, and I need,
Speaker 1: you know, soft sheets, be affirmed that that's okay.
Speaker 3: If you're like girl, I need to be in the
Speaker 3: alleyway and I want to be.
Speaker 1: Watched by ten other guys, or you know, I want
Speaker 1: to be in a circle jerk or a vulva jerk, Like.
Speaker 3: Are there volvo jerks?
Speaker 1: Yeah, vulva owners, y'all be doing volvo jerks. But if
Speaker 1: that's what you want, you should be affirmed to know
Speaker 1: that that's okay.
Speaker 3: Freeing.
Speaker 1: I hope that when you have sex, you're allowed to relax,
Speaker 1: that you're allowed to exhale, that it doesn't feel like
Speaker 1: you have to tense, It doesn't feel like you're chasing validation,
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel like you're chasing being liked or wanted,
Speaker 1: but that you can just be, that you can just exist.
Speaker 1: That it's freeing and then again, emotionally connected.
Speaker 3: We don't have to get married, but.
Speaker 1: Look me in my motherfucking eyes if you're gonna breed me, okay,
Speaker 1: ask me. Oh my day was before you put this
Speaker 1: dick in my mouth?
Speaker 2: That's all you know?
Speaker 3: Oh shit? Okay.
Speaker 1: By the way, welcome to the show. This is tell
Speaker 1: me something messy. I'm your host, Brandon Kyle Goodman. Most
Speaker 1: people call me messy mom, but you kid call me nurse.
Speaker 1: Hah yeah, bitch, call me nurse and say it just
Speaker 1: like that nurse.
Speaker 3: That's how I know it's about me. That's how I
Speaker 3: know you calling me.
Speaker 1: And by the way, stick around to the end of
Speaker 1: Hose with heart for our first Messy Community Challenge. It's
Speaker 1: like a workout challenge, but for our hearts, mind, and spirit.
Speaker 3: I'm very excited. I love you. Let's get the show started.
Speaker 3: Where's that doorbell? Maybe you know what that means. It's
Speaker 3: time for I guess now why they get situated and
Speaker 3: before we do our hole manifest out and get up
Speaker 3: into this messy key key a little bit of homekeeping.
Speaker 3: Now y'all may know by now, but maybe you knew here.
Speaker 1: We're trying to get to one hundred and fifty ratings
Speaker 1: and reviews on Apple.
Speaker 3: Podcasts and Spotify.
Speaker 1: Podcast before this month is out, because it just helps
Speaker 1: us grow this show.
Speaker 3: It helps get you know that we gotta play with
Speaker 3: this motherfucker algorithm. You understand it.
Speaker 1: So if you have it, and I know a lot
Speaker 1: of you haven't because there are thousands of you here
Speaker 1: and only like ratings. So if you haven't it, just
Speaker 1: take a second give us that five star rating and
Speaker 1: you can write us a little review. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be anything in depth.
Speaker 3: It could literally just be like this show is lit baby, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is the one to check out, very simple. It
Speaker 3: really again does help the show. So thank you, and
Speaker 3: and if you have it, please check the link in
Speaker 3: the show notes and vote for us. Our show is
Speaker 3: nominated for a Queer t Award. If you don't know
Speaker 3: query award, it sounds like exactly what it is. It
Speaker 3: is awarding all things queer okay, and we are nominated
Speaker 3: for best Podcasts and you can vote every day until
Speaker 3: February twenty fifth, So click the.
Speaker 1: Link in the show notes and give us a little vote.
Speaker 1: It takes one little second. But I really do appreciate you.
Speaker 1: I listen, I say it, but I can't say it enough.
Speaker 1: I can't do this without you the show exists because
Speaker 1: you are here listening and engaging, and it just means
Speaker 1: so much to me that you trust me with this
Speaker 1: hour of your life, that you trust me week after week,
Speaker 1: and that you join me and my guests for these conversations.
Speaker 3: Honey, you know what. These raunchy, howie, but also heartfilled
Speaker 3: and hopefully enlightening and educational conversations. So thank you all.
Speaker 3: Right now, time for the whole manifest out. Grant me
Speaker 3: the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
Speaker 3: the wisdom to know that sex is not just about penetration,
Speaker 3: the audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the
Speaker 3: strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl,
Speaker 3: or fuck bay, for it is better to masturbate by
Speaker 3: myself in peace than to let someone play in my
Speaker 3: motherfucker face. That the community say hoolujah. Kit Fury, born
Speaker 3: and raised in Miami, Florida is a Jamaican American comedian, writer,
Speaker 3: and podcaster, one half of The Read podcast, a comedy
Speaker 3: show that has garnered over two hundred and fifty million
Speaker 3: listens worldwide. Work Bitch.
Speaker 1: The show celebrated its ten year anniversary in twenty twenty
Speaker 1: three and has been highly awarded, such as winning Iheart's
Speaker 1: Best Comedy Podcast in twenty twenty one and Vulture's Top
Speaker 1: Comedy Podcast of twenty twenty two. The show celebrated its
Speaker 1: ten year anniversary in twenty twenty three and has been
Speaker 1: highly awarded such as winning Iheart's Best Comedy Podcast in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one and Vultures Top Comedy Podcasts of twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two.
Speaker 3: Y'all please heelp me. Welcome, kid Fury.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: How are you? How you doing?
Speaker 1: Before we get our messy key key started, we have
Speaker 1: some messy mandates, so here they are. Things get to
Speaker 1: be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared have the right
Speaker 1: to evolve, shift change today tomorrow, ten years from now
Speaker 1: at work. And if during the Kiki something feels too
Speaker 1: personal or unintentionally offense, we'll use the safe word foolsball,
Speaker 1: which gives us a moment foosball, which gives us a
Speaker 1: moment to pause, pivot, you know, address it accordingly.
Speaker 3: That's not good. Yes, you want to play a loup breaker. Sure,
Speaker 3: it's like an icebreaker, but with.
Speaker 1: Loup we're gonn play again a smash or pass smash
Speaker 1: your past sex with socks.
Speaker 3: One, socks on my feet, on your feet, on their
Speaker 3: feet on my feet, smash, okay, because I like my
Speaker 3: feet to be more. Okay, that's on his feet. You
Speaker 3: want it off? You want that naked? Yeah, you need
Speaker 3: to be able.
Speaker 2: To hold one.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying, I have wood floors. You need to
Speaker 3: be able to I don't want you slipping inside like
Speaker 3: Grioby socks.
Speaker 2: Guys on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeahs as long as you are able to complete
Speaker 3: our mission together then.
Speaker 1: And that's period, then you don't care however you I
Speaker 1: I think socks on is a hot aesthetic, but by
Speaker 1: the end of sex and when it's having to come,
Speaker 1: I want socks off, like I want to feel naked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's it. Okay, smash your pass ball tapping.
Speaker 2: I don't think I've experienced Okay.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I experienced it, and I didn't think I would like it,
Speaker 1: but I loved it. I was in a steam room
Speaker 1: and this sixty nine, which is probably the only reason
Speaker 1: I allowed to happen, because he was.
Speaker 3: So I'm sure that person allows stops him doing anything.
Speaker 1: He sat down next to me and he was like
Speaker 1: drinking me off, and then he just like did on
Speaker 1: my balls and.
Speaker 3: It was imagine it was it was oh, but it
Speaker 3: was just like oh. And then he did it again.
Speaker 3: But I was like, oh, I kind of like this.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid to do it on other people or to
Speaker 1: ask people to do it, because I know somebody got
Speaker 1: people got heavy hands.
Speaker 3: You try to fuck somebody up, you know.
Speaker 1: But I did enjoy it that one time. So I'll
Speaker 1: say I'll say smash.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna you know what, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna say, smash because it hasn't happened yet, So why
Speaker 3: passed on experience?
Speaker 2: I passed on the opportunity.
Speaker 3: Okay, work, okay, smash the past, couch sex ish smashish smash.
Speaker 2: I don't mind starting on the couch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then you need the space. Yeah. I like
Speaker 3: a couch moment. I think it's hot again.
Speaker 1: It like, you know, like we're sitting on the couch
Speaker 1: watching porn, watching whatever, like starts there, but then it's
Speaker 1: like I need to get you hell out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, last one, smash your pass biting biting? Yeah,
Speaker 1: have you ever been bit? Somebody into biting?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say smash. It is though, the intensity. Obviously,
Speaker 3: it can't be too intense, like too painful, like a
Speaker 3: nice you know, in the heat of the moment type
Speaker 3: of a bite that bite on the neck, bite on
Speaker 3: the neck, maybe the ear, yeah, nipple maybe even But.
Speaker 1: Just somebody told me about I think I was actually
Speaker 1: here what I was talking about. Somebody talking about they
Speaker 1: like like teeth marks down.
Speaker 3: There, like arms and like their legs.
Speaker 1: And they were teaching me how to do it, and
Speaker 1: it was very I was like, oh work, I'm glad
Speaker 1: this is but it is like a I wouldn't trust
Speaker 1: anybody again, heavy teeth I don't want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's something that definitely again like a say for
Speaker 3: it in communication. Yeah, all right, well baby, you won
Speaker 3: the game.
Speaker 1: Really, yes, you and my unconditional love because season one,
Speaker 1: well you know the podcast is called tell Me Something Messy,
Speaker 1: so kid, tell me something messy.
Speaker 2: My goodness.
Speaker 3: Okay, well let me start this Bice saying where's my camera? Grandma?
Speaker 3: This isn't the one for you. I know that you
Speaker 3: know you graciously and beautifully support me in silence on
Speaker 3: the on the internet, in silence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I prefer.
Speaker 3: Them to not tell me that they're engaging. This is
Speaker 3: the one to skip. This is the one to skip.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Should we take a moment Grandma?
Speaker 3: Good bye? Okay, So this is I'm just gonna go
Speaker 3: right headed into it. I'm figuring out where my prostate
Speaker 3: is located and how to get to know her and
Speaker 3: really and build a bond and a friendship. So for clarity, yes,
Speaker 3: I'm not scared of dick. I'm not.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm I'm fully grown.
Speaker 3: But clarity, I'm not scared of dick. Put it on
Speaker 3: a fucking shirt.
Speaker 2: Yes, I am an adult. Okay.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying here is that I'm learning to receive
Speaker 3: pleasure from anal stimulation on my own because up till now,
Speaker 3: really at my grown age, for me sex when bottoming,
Speaker 3: my pleasure has mostly come from the pleasure that the
Speaker 3: receiving their receiving. Yes, yes, which is still I think
Speaker 3: gonna be a huge fundamental part of what pleases me.
Speaker 3: But yeah, really, I would just get turned on by
Speaker 3: the connection with the person, right, and not so much
Speaker 3: that whereas you know, as I've gotten older and I'm
Speaker 3: watching more porn and I have friends that are just
Speaker 3: like they when we talk about sex from the bottom perspective,
Speaker 3: or experience the bottom experience. I'm just like, Okay, some
Speaker 3: things aren't clicking for me the way they are clicking
Speaker 3: for you. Like I want I want it to feel
Speaker 3: like I can use these niggas for their body too,
Speaker 3: you know, absolutely, yes, Like what about me? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I think it's just yeah, there's just things that that
Speaker 3: we would discuss talking about sex, specifically about anal stimulation,
Speaker 3: and you're like, I'm I'm not really experiencing that yet.
Speaker 3: So it's like, oh girl, it's up to you to
Speaker 3: do that work. So how are you doing the work
Speaker 3: or what's the work that you're doing? So I invest
Speaker 3: in a quality prostate stimulator or whatever that's called, just
Speaker 3: lots of everything. Yeah, it's just kind of like a
Speaker 3: like probe has a little vibrating section, but I'm not
Speaker 3: graduating to the vibrating. I'm just getting started locate her,
Speaker 3: introduce ourselves, you know what I mean. Gift Yeah, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm just kind of getting my bearings with that and
Speaker 3: seeing if I'm coming to any new revelation.
Speaker 2: So far, so good, so far, so good.
Speaker 3: Yes, any new revelations coming in or yes? Because you
Speaker 3: know something, tell me it's been a while like a
Speaker 3: ridiculous amount of time since I've had an orgasm while
Speaker 3: being penetrated.
Speaker 2: So it was like, oh that, okay, hello.
Speaker 1: You do you think it's like do you think it's
Speaker 1: the niggas you fucking that aren't doing it? Or do
Speaker 1: you think it's you not understanding where to put them
Speaker 1: or what do you It's a mixture.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think though a lot of it is going
Speaker 3: to be on me in terms of being like, hey, hello,
Speaker 3: this is what I need, This is what I need
Speaker 3: more of this right there? You're hot your cold former, Yes,
Speaker 3: that that is.
Speaker 1: The hardest part I think for all of us is like,
Speaker 1: especially if you're receiving, so whether you're you know, the
Speaker 1: bottom volva owner, like if you're receiving, I think learning
Speaker 1: how to give feedback because you're still like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: not actually sure with the feedback. I know this saying
Speaker 1: it or I think this might not be it, but
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to tell you to get to
Speaker 1: where I want you. So that is the solo exploration
Speaker 1: of like putting it up there or playing with it
Speaker 1: and being like Okay, I like it fast, I like
Speaker 1: it on my stomach, I.
Speaker 3: Like it back.
Speaker 1: Do you have a favorite position where like I have
Speaker 1: experienced some kind of euphoria or something close to it.
Speaker 3: Probably missionary, missionary, Yeah, yeah, probably missionary, especially because like
Speaker 3: the higher or further back your legs or I feel
Speaker 3: like it's like deeper like reach and probably find that area.
Speaker 3: But then again to what I was saying before, I'm
Speaker 3: in full view of you. I can see your facial expressions,
Speaker 3: you're you're sweating, I can touch your chest, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean?
Speaker 2: Literally, yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Think I am. I am too, I like need that connection.
Speaker 3: I like want to.
Speaker 1: I had a guy out who's to fuck me, and
Speaker 1: missionary was always my favorite, but he wouldn't look at me,
Speaker 1: so he.
Speaker 3: Fuck me, like closing his eyes and looking away. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm like, we don't we ain't got to
Speaker 3: get married, baby, I'm already married. But like like I'm
Speaker 3: not trying to trap you, Like, can we look at
Speaker 3: each other?
Speaker 1: Can we have a moment? I think that that's I
Speaker 1: don't know, people get scared of that. Yeah, why do
Speaker 1: you think people are scared of that? M I mean,
Speaker 1: I can give you basic answers, but like, what's the
Speaker 1: what's the note under the under the note?
Speaker 3: I think intimacy and like vulnerabil there's a lot in
Speaker 3: the eye and in the face, being witnessed, being yeah,
Speaker 3: being witnessed, being seen, all of those things I think
Speaker 3: can be a little intimidating for people and then distracting possibly,
Speaker 3: And then on the flip side of that, I think
Speaker 3: it could just be that some people, you know, a
Speaker 3: person might be trying not to bus That's.
Speaker 1: Fair because I will say, like if I'm if I'm
Speaker 1: topping and I'm looking at the person, I'm attracted to them,
Speaker 1: and like where the vibe is connecting, like this hard missionary,
Speaker 1: like you pounded them in the right whatever, it can
Speaker 1: be hard to keep that alone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes let me look away, breath pull out, just
Speaker 3: like a little.
Speaker 2: Bit some of the real quations. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 2: could be a lot of time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that. Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2: That's why I'm here. I'm an open book.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: Shall we do some messy mail please?
Speaker 3: I'm all about that if you listen to my podcast. Yes,
Speaker 3: all right, here we go.
Speaker 1: I hooked up with the bear Daddy and he took
Speaker 1: a shoelace and tied my balls and penis.
Speaker 3: What do you think about that.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine somebody taking a shoelace and the tying
Speaker 1: your balls and penis?
Speaker 2: What would your reaction be toget tying them together?
Speaker 3: I take? I mean I I was imagining.
Speaker 1: I was imagining like a cockring or a cage type vibe.
Speaker 1: It's like maybe you like take the balls and you
Speaker 1: wrap I'm not our good at arts and craft, but
Speaker 1: it's like you wrap it around the balls and then
Speaker 1: you come around the penis.
Speaker 3: Maybe I haven't really experienced like bondage or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Do you want to I'm open to it. Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: open to it.
Speaker 2: So this sounds.
Speaker 3: Like it is in that ballpark? Yeah? Sorry, pun absolutely
Speaker 3: and so like I mean, if you I'm curious, like
Speaker 3: it was it the fact that he used shoelace step
Speaker 3: bothered you? Was it the experience altogether that was new
Speaker 3: and fascinating? Because I mean, this sounds like for a
Speaker 3: couple of people, even though a few people I know personally,
Speaker 3: if I were to say, hey, you know, I heard
Speaker 3: this happy someone, they'd be like, yeah, sounds great. Does
Speaker 3: this sound great to you? I'd want to know why shoelace? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't want to know why why shoelace? But that
Speaker 3: could be a thing. It could be.
Speaker 1: I'm curious because I'm like the texture of a suit shoelace.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I guess that depends on the shoelace because someone
Speaker 1: have ridges. I'm a little more plastic.
Speaker 3: But I feel like it could one.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'd be impressed by it. So that
Speaker 1: would be a turn on, like if somebody was like,
Speaker 1: let me grab you, and then that would be impressed
Speaker 1: by it, and so that would keep me turned on.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't know if i'd want
Speaker 1: to repeat it though, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's one of those things where it's like, you know,
Speaker 3: God willing I make it to U Shady Pines and
Speaker 3: I'm like a one time back to Oh my god,
Speaker 3: remember this man gots some rush air Force one. It's
Speaker 3: just like over and over again, though I'm not sure why.
Speaker 3: Got it A good story, A good story. It's a
Speaker 3: great story exactly. Yeah, Yeah, this one says, which I
Speaker 3: wonder what's your what's your take on this? Said?
Speaker 1: I slept with my ex boyfriend's best friend a year
Speaker 1: after we broke up. He cheated so I'm always curious
Speaker 1: about people fucking people's best friends, Like I'm always so
Speaker 1: curious about what that relationship is. Like a year later,
Speaker 1: I go, fuck his best friend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't sound like your problem, like like your
Speaker 3: it's not nice. It is, it isn't nice, but it's
Speaker 3: not your problems.
Speaker 2: Necessarily, that's not your best friend. You can go with that.
Speaker 2: No more like.
Speaker 3: Out of it. It's between it's between them two. Now
Speaker 3: you're right. I don't know, probably beloved, but yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3: I was trying to be like, oh, because you know
Speaker 3: ethics more of you know, the man cheated, you got
Speaker 3: him back, okay, but like.
Speaker 2: His best friend has some explaining.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I just the best friend part of it. I mean,
Speaker 1: like not for for the person, but like the best friend, Like, damn,
Speaker 1: you're gonna fuck your best friend's ex.
Speaker 3: That ship is nasty.
Speaker 2: That's nasty work. That's that's nasty work.
Speaker 1: That's nasty work. But to the to the caller, oh
Speaker 1: this is somebody want some advice. They said, I met
Speaker 1: a guy, turns out he's a doctor. How do I
Speaker 1: keep him on my roster and still do hoolish activities?
Speaker 3: What is your advice for that how do you keep
Speaker 3: him on your roster and still do hoish activity.
Speaker 1: I think doctors are the biggest hoes, and I think
Speaker 1: that because they know my body, they got access to
Speaker 1: the man. It's like, I honestly think you keep them
Speaker 1: on the roster by telling them you're you down for
Speaker 1: some whole ship.
Speaker 3: I was literally going to say that, yeah, like, what
Speaker 3: makes you so sure that this person is like some
Speaker 3: sort of prude or would not be interested in being
Speaker 3: on the roster? Yeah, just because they're a doctor, regardless
Speaker 3: at my grown age again, I'm just like, look, do
Speaker 3: you kind of tell people what you want and what
Speaker 3: you don't want and let the chips follow.
Speaker 1: The Honestly, you can't handle my whole activities, and we're
Speaker 1: probably not a match because there is somebody there that
Speaker 1: you would match with.
Speaker 3: But like, if you can't handle it, then like I'm
Speaker 3: not It's like, don't keep it from them because.
Speaker 2: It's gonna come out eventual exactly, So you might.
Speaker 3: As well just say it up front, like I like
Speaker 3: some kinky or holy shit, are you down? Are you not?
Speaker 3: So off your back?
Speaker 1: But I will say I've been to some of the
Speaker 1: nastiest parties and there were doctors there, like people that
Speaker 1: I know for sure, doctors and nurses and nasty judges.
Speaker 3: Literally literally like people like sex, and you would be
Speaker 3: surprised how many of them.
Speaker 2: Especially queer people.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm not going to be like, oh god, no, yeah,
Speaker 3: I think you's just say you just say it, just
Speaker 3: say it.
Speaker 2: This one.
Speaker 1: I think there's one more, which is we talked about this,
Speaker 1: which I'd like to talk more about. Hooked up with
Speaker 1: a friend, gave him head, but then he wouldn't kiss.
Speaker 3: Me after very off before I'm assuming I so I so, okay,
Speaker 3: I went to a party.
Speaker 1: It was a sex party. I think it was a
Speaker 1: party that was literally called a sex or something like that.
Speaker 1: So I went to the party and uh, it was
Speaker 1: an afters so you know you're not afters, like you know,
Speaker 1: people won't be nasty. So I get there and like
Speaker 1: you know, swings are happening, people are fucking, and one
Speaker 1: of my friends walks in. Somebody that I'm friendly with
Speaker 1: walks in and we've always like flirted. We're not like besties,
Speaker 1: but like we've always like flirted in passing, and so
Speaker 1: oh here's an opportunity to like, so I like went
Speaker 1: to suck his dick, and then I went to make out.
Speaker 3: With him and he said, oh no, no no, and like
Speaker 3: wouldn't didn't want to continue, like wanted me to keep
Speaker 3: sucking you dick, but like don't want to get tell
Speaker 3: me why I get that? Is it because we were
Speaker 3: at the party and a second a lot of other
Speaker 3: people's did. No. I think it might just be well,
Speaker 3: first of all, some people are not big kissers. I'm
Speaker 3: not one of those people. I do kissing, but some
Speaker 3: people are not really big on kissing, but they will
Speaker 3: eat and ask like a dig vice versa all day long.
Speaker 2: And I don't argue those people like doors, you know, but.
Speaker 3: I think that another thing about it could be that
Speaker 3: your friends and like the kissing part of it is
Speaker 3: more intimate and personal than just the act of sex
Speaker 3: or Shanitalia being stimulated, Like getting up there and kissing
Speaker 3: is like, oh you really kissing your rand. I'm just
Speaker 3: kind of like, I don't think I would give a
Speaker 3: shit if it's like, oh, we both happen to be here,
Speaker 3: this is the thing that's going on here. But I
Speaker 3: could see for some others it could be a little
Speaker 3: too intent. I never thought about that but that makes sense.
Speaker 3: Kissing I feel like I can't. Kissing is both.
Speaker 1: Intimate to me and it's also like, I don't look
Speaker 1: it's fun, and so I don't think I have the
Speaker 1: same uh stakes around it, but I can imagine that
Speaker 1: somebody would where it's like, oh I can get my
Speaker 1: dick suck. That feels impersonal, but once we start kissing,
Speaker 1: that feels more personal. And so then okay, all right,
Speaker 1: So I forgive this friend of mine because I was like,
Speaker 1: I'll never talk to again.
Speaker 3: Have you rooked up with friends?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: What are your like? How did that happen? Or how
Speaker 3: did that?
Speaker 1: Because I think that's all always a question is like
Speaker 1: is it okay to hook up with your friends?
Speaker 3: I say, don't hook up with all your friends, but
Speaker 3: don't them all.
Speaker 1: But you know, if there's like a couple of friends
Speaker 1: that you have a sexual I think that it's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: With some friends that I have felt that connection our
Speaker 3: chemistry with, it's kind of like, let's just get this
Speaker 3: done and out the way, and this is the thing,
Speaker 3: there's a thing here, Let's just do it. Let's just
Speaker 3: do it. Because I've noticed, like a lot of friends
Speaker 3: of mine have said like they want to, but I
Speaker 3: don't want to mess our friendship up.
Speaker 2: I don't, And I'm like, well, I.
Speaker 3: Understand that if you think that I, maybe or maybe
Speaker 3: you one of us is not capable of having sex
Speaker 3: without a relationship or without emotion shifting. I don't really
Speaker 3: feel that way. I can completely have sex with someone
Speaker 3: that I find attracted to and still be cool with
Speaker 3: them and let the sex be the sex, if that's
Speaker 3: what we're communicating and we're clear about, right.
Speaker 2: Yes, So in that's situation.
Speaker 3: So sometimes it's like you meet someone and you might
Speaker 3: even have like a sexual chemistry or flirty relationship when
Speaker 3: you meet and become friends, but never do anything anything.
Speaker 2: Yes, So sometimes I'm just kind.
Speaker 3: Of like if the right time, right place, or that
Speaker 3: if they unity opportunity toize it's a game night, a vacation.
Speaker 1: Cleaning up the board pieces, and then you know, I
Speaker 1: fall into your hole. I had a friend who I've
Speaker 1: had for years and years, like we've known each other
Speaker 1: for years, as I just said, but we've like never
Speaker 1: been able to have a sexual thing, and then we
Speaker 1: were able to recently, and I actually found it so healing,
Speaker 1: Like I found it so beautiful because it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I do care.
Speaker 3: We have that friendship in that bond, and I do
Speaker 3: care about you. Neither of us are trying to be
Speaker 3: in a relationship, so I'm already in. So it felt
Speaker 3: like it got to be the emotional connection is there,
Speaker 3: which we're emotional connection girl is and so like the
Speaker 3: friendship already has that, and so the sex was able
Speaker 3: to be this beautiful healing thing that wasn't like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's going to fuck us up or like now we
Speaker 3: got to talk and have like a serious conversation. It
Speaker 3: was just like no, we like fucked, like yeah, so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wish more people were fuck there for Honestly,
Speaker 1: is that a hot take controversial?
Speaker 3: I think it's a hot take by definition, but I
Speaker 3: don't think it's like a controversial opinion at all. I
Speaker 3: think that though sex as straightforward and normal and human
Speaker 3: and healthy as it is, it is complicated for a
Speaker 3: lot of people. And look, different people have different ideas, concepts,
Speaker 3: feeling surrounding it. So I get why some people it's
Speaker 3: like I can't cross that round. But you know, in
Speaker 3: my opinion, it's like you are sharing your body and
Speaker 3: experience and something with someone that you.
Speaker 2: Are attracted to or care about or.
Speaker 3: Both, And that doesn't have to necessarily be indicative of
Speaker 3: anything much more than that unless you want it.
Speaker 1: To sex mean for you or like what is it?
Speaker 1: Because I'm sure it's changed over time, but like, what
Speaker 1: does sex mean for you?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: I don't know?
Speaker 3: It means like power, and not power over a person,
Speaker 3: but like power, yeah, individual like power and spirituality, right,
Speaker 3: because again, it's so human, it's so human, it's so
Speaker 3: natural and and vulnerable, and it's so there's so much
Speaker 3: that is true to me into any individual person. I
Speaker 3: don't think that we really tap into outside of sexual
Speaker 3: desire or experience or whatever. Now there's anything wrong with that,
Speaker 3: but it's just kind of like a really beautiful, normal
Speaker 3: way to become very very close to yourself. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 3: possibly other people who you feel, you know you can
Speaker 3: trust and so on and so forth.
Speaker 2: So I guess like power to me is just like
Speaker 2: a really beautiful human thing that we can do.
Speaker 3: I like, then we can.
Speaker 1: Think about us starting this conversation with like you exploring
Speaker 1: your prostate, because when I learned how to douche, I
Speaker 1: found such a power in learning how to do that.
Speaker 1: It was like, well, I'm learning about my body and
Speaker 1: how it works and how it operates, and like learning
Speaker 1: how to use sex toys. It's like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: a way for I think sex we're taught is about
Speaker 1: the other person, and also oftentimes, especially if you're a
Speaker 1: bottom or your receiver, about pleasuring the other person, pleasuring
Speaker 1: a man specifically, Yeah, and never about your own pleasure
Speaker 1: and your own power, and like how do I figure
Speaker 1: out where that dick should go?
Speaker 3: So it makes me feel good? And so there is
Speaker 3: a level of power that sex has given back to
Speaker 3: me in the exploration, which in itself is spiritual. It's
Speaker 3: its own religion.
Speaker 1: It's the religion I subscribe to where it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: like this our body is my body, how my body
Speaker 1: interacts with yours or all of yours is it is spiritual.
Speaker 3: It is you're right, Like when you're not unless unless
Speaker 3: you're like a heterosexual CIS male who has sex with
Speaker 3: CIS women, you are taught to kind of feel like
Speaker 3: enjoying pleasure as a thing that you shouldn't yes, like
Speaker 3: be open about, shouldn't feel, shouldn't express. And so when
Speaker 3: your folks like us who can sort of unshackle ourselves
Speaker 3: from that Yeah, there's power and spirituality in that where
Speaker 3: it's just like, oh, yeah, I not only like sex
Speaker 3: and I'm allowed to. Yeah, I like this kind of sex. Yes,
Speaker 3: And I haven't tried this kind of sex yet, but
Speaker 3: I'm open to. There's just some it's we don't have
Speaker 3: much time in these things, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: We don't, so we want to. I want to. I
Speaker 3: want to wear mine out. I'm always like you know,
Speaker 3: and maybe in my eighties, I'll still be you know,
Speaker 3: riding dicks, but like the knees won't be the same.
Speaker 3: I just know that. So I'm like, at this age,
Speaker 3: let me let me learn my body, let me let
Speaker 3: me embrace that power. Now, let me, you know, make
Speaker 3: as many dicks squirt and holes, you know, just give
Speaker 3: me that squirt as possible, and and learn something about
Speaker 3: myself in the process. In fact, maybe first and foremost,
Speaker 3: what is my relationship to myself? First?
Speaker 1: Because oftentimes sex can be used as a way to
Speaker 1: validate yourself, and it's like, you know, don't use them to.
Speaker 3: Validate you, it your self, affirm yourself. You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying. You know exactly what I was saying. That's
Speaker 3: what I'm saying it doesn't matter what it is. It
Speaker 3: like dick ass, sugar, alcohol, weed, protein, creatine, Like it
Speaker 3: doesn't really matter what it is like if you're not
Speaker 3: going after the thing or enjoying this thing for the
Speaker 3: right reasons, if you're not unpacking why this is important
Speaker 3: to you or drives you are passionate to you and
Speaker 3: what that means where it comes from, then like you're
Speaker 3: in for trouble, Yes you are. Like it's going to
Speaker 3: catch up to you. It is going to catch up
Speaker 3: to catch up to you. So regardless of you know,
Speaker 3: all the things I'm saying about enjoying our bodies, having
Speaker 3: sex with friends, if you want to this sentence or
Speaker 3: it really is. I think the reason I'm able to
Speaker 3: find power and spirituality and fun in it is because
Speaker 3: I stay tapped into my intentions, my desires, the all
Speaker 3: the threads behind those things. And so I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm able to when I am having sex or doing anything,
Speaker 3: if I'm pleasing myself, do it without the sense of
Speaker 3: like shame or inhibition or feeling like I'm going out
Speaker 3: here throwing ass around and ruining people's lives, because I know,
Speaker 3: you know, when what my intention is behind it and
Speaker 3: I'm not I know.
Speaker 1: What my intention is behind it. Having Yeah, having an
Speaker 1: intention with your body and with your sex is a
Speaker 1: game changer because it is your body, you know. I
Speaker 1: think that, like we downplay that, but it's your it's
Speaker 1: your body. So whether it's a casual and anonymous a partner, like,
Speaker 1: it's still your body that's being of service or being used.
Speaker 3: And I don't mean that in bad ways. I mean
Speaker 3: like in a great way some use, So like it's
Speaker 3: going to impact some way somehow, and you might as
Speaker 3: well know what that is, you know, so that you
Speaker 3: can do it the way you want to do it,
Speaker 3: avoid the ways that you don't want to do it.
Speaker 3: Like I And now that I know that, I'm emotional, girly,
Speaker 3: like that's where I that's my bread and butter.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not stressed about going too dark rooms all
Speaker 1: the time because I know that that might not be
Speaker 1: the way I want to have sex. I think we
Speaker 1: are so often trying to have sex the way we
Speaker 1: see other people having it on TV are peers, but like,
Speaker 1: how do you want to have sex?
Speaker 3: Is the thing's.
Speaker 2: M hmmm.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you one of the questions we're asking everyone,
Speaker 1: which is what do you need to learn to love
Speaker 1: more about yourself?
Speaker 3: Learn more about?
Speaker 1: Like, what about yourself do you need to learn to
Speaker 1: love more? As we talk about reflections on you know,
Speaker 1: our intentions about our body and our sex, like, what
Speaker 1: is the thing that you need to learn to love
Speaker 1: more about yourself?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think just my body in general.
Speaker 3: It's it's feels so like cliche with you know, I've
Speaker 3: been in La now for two years. Yeah, and you know,
Speaker 3: men here are La is gorgeous, just like perfect, perfect bodies,
Speaker 3: and that can be a lot sometimes when I'm you
Speaker 3: you know, trying to keep up or feel like I
Speaker 3: have to aspire to that, and so recently I've kind
Speaker 3: of just been like, you know what, this is the
Speaker 3: body that I've got.
Speaker 2: It's relatively healthy.
Speaker 3: I like it sexy as you know, I can just
Speaker 3: I can do things here and there, like workout, diet
Speaker 3: and so on and so forth.
Speaker 2: But I'm not gonna like, I'm not.
Speaker 3: Going to have my mood or confidence take a dive
Speaker 3: because I don't feel like I look like this thing or.
Speaker 2: That person or whatever. You know. Yeah, So I think probably.
Speaker 3: Just overall, like my body and shape and stuff, I
Speaker 3: think I had to kind of do some rewiring I'm
Speaker 3: in the process of and outside of that, probably.
Speaker 2: Just my quirkiness, yes, the fact that I'm a little dork.
Speaker 3: I love that whirdos run the world. Misfits run the world.
Speaker 2: Truthfully, no, seriously.
Speaker 1: The people who are not quirking, like you're living a
Speaker 1: boring life.
Speaker 2: True.
Speaker 3: The other question I asked is, have you ever had
Speaker 3: sex in a port of body?
Speaker 2: Not penetration?
Speaker 3: Okay, the other day oral sex? Was it the beginning
Speaker 3: of the night, at the end of the night, in
Speaker 3: the middle, so it was still like, yeah, it was
Speaker 3: like you know, shoun I say, the name of the
Speaker 3: party you could give a big name is okay, it's
Speaker 3: a part named after a worse.
Speaker 2: Okay, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 3: And it was actually was that the first time the
Speaker 3: actually two of them. Yeah, it might have been like
Speaker 3: maybe the first or second time I had been to
Speaker 3: that party, and I bumped into someone who I hadn't
Speaker 3: seen in a very very long time, and I didn't
Speaker 3: even know that we had like a little synergy and
Speaker 3: he just kind of became my circuit party boo. I
Speaker 3: love that it's the best. It is the best because
Speaker 3: those things are so overwhelming and you have like your
Speaker 3: little all I ever want.
Speaker 1: My friends make fun of me because when I go
Speaker 1: to those parties, I like just need one person that
Speaker 1: can be like my boo for the night and.
Speaker 3: We're good and it's like all the buddy who's keeping
Speaker 3: you know, but then you also can like make out.
Speaker 1: And make our dance like like I'm not I'm actually
Speaker 1: not interested in like how many people I can make
Speaker 1: that with.
Speaker 3: I'm like, just give me one.
Speaker 2: I'm so solid. Especially you had to you know, pee.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then he went with you and and came out,
Speaker 3: and I'm just like, well I need that. That dick
Speaker 3: flopped out you so well, it didn't smell, It wasn't
Speaker 3: like it wasn't like filthy in the porter body.
Speaker 2: Otherwise I couldn't have done That's all.
Speaker 3: That's all I ask I asked. I asked for a
Speaker 3: clean Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't disgusting.
Speaker 3: It wasn't disgusting because I would have been trying to
Speaker 3: get out of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: That so it was hot and wet and dark.
Speaker 2: It was raining that day or that night.
Speaker 3: Rather, it's kind of beautiful, poetic, the sounds of.
Speaker 2: Tip tapping on top of that romance.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that kid. Thank you so much for
Speaker 3: being here. Oh my god, thank you for having me
Speaker 3: on one of the most fun podcasts I've ever done.
Speaker 1: Yes, well, you know that we are hose here, but
Speaker 1: hoes with heart. So before we get out of here,
Speaker 1: let me speak to yours. I did not say this
Speaker 1: on the pod, but I am obsessed with Fury. I've
Speaker 1: been following Kid Fury for years. If you don't know,
Speaker 1: Kif Fury is a co host of one of the
Speaker 1: most incredible podcasts called The Read. And I remember I
Speaker 1: had this memory of being in New York, so this
Speaker 1: is over ten years ago, and walking down in Chelsea
Speaker 1: on I believe it was fourteenth Street. I think it's SBA,
Speaker 1: had like a theater and they were doing I believe
Speaker 1: maybe their first big live show, which.
Speaker 3: I had no money so I couldn't come. But I
Speaker 3: remember being like, just so.
Speaker 1: Inspired by this black queer duo who were talking shit
Speaker 1: on mics and recounting pop culture and just literally being themselves.
Speaker 1: And so to all these years later, have a kid
Speaker 1: come on our show means a lot. You know. I
Speaker 1: always say this to y'all, and I say this to
Speaker 1: anyone who listen. Representation matters. A lot of times you
Speaker 1: don't know if you can do something or even consider
Speaker 1: that you can do something unless you see some version
Speaker 1: of it out there.
Speaker 3: And so I am always.
Speaker 1: Just so grateful for the lighthouses that have been out
Speaker 1: in the world as I have tried to figure out
Speaker 1: what I want to do and how I want to
Speaker 1: show up. And so you know, kid was one of
Speaker 1: those lighthouses for me. So getting to sit down with
Speaker 1: them was.
Speaker 3: Just a key. Okay. I love when Furia said sex
Speaker 3: is its own religion, and it is, and I think
Speaker 3: I was saying something about that at the top, because
Speaker 3: we're talking about the old church, that sex is church. Baby,
Speaker 3: it can be. I think it should be.
Speaker 1: And how do you make it church? How do you
Speaker 1: how do you worship at the altar of sex? I
Speaker 1: think it's really about learning about you, right, learning about
Speaker 1: your body, learning about what turns you on, learning about
Speaker 1: what brings you pleasure. I said, this is the top, right, safe, sex, satisfying, affirming, freeing,
Speaker 1: emotionally connected learning What gets you there, what allows that,
Speaker 1: what does satisfy you, what does affirm you? What does
Speaker 1: make you feel free? What does emotional connection look like
Speaker 1: to you? If you can figure those pieces out.
Speaker 3: Baby. You had church, okay, and you should worship as
Speaker 3: often as you want. For some of y'all, y'all, Lord
Speaker 3: have mercy, and some of y'all, all my friends, is
Speaker 3: every goddamn day. It's a couple of times a day.
Speaker 3: For some of us. If you like me, it might
Speaker 3: be once twice a week because I'm a busy girl.
Speaker 3: I'm a working girl.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Some of y'all be fucking in the middle of the
Speaker 1: day and I don't know how God bless, God bless.
Speaker 3: I'm in a meeting, bitch, Okay.
Speaker 1: And for some of y'all, it's once a month, or
Speaker 1: it's it, or maybe it's not even at all.
Speaker 3: You know, shout out to the ACE community.
Speaker 1: If you're like not into the kind of traditional sense
Speaker 1: of sex or penetrative sex or any kind of whatever,
Speaker 1: but redefining what sex.
Speaker 3: Is for you, is sex a conversation? Huh? Hello?
Speaker 1: It can be it's sex holding hands hello, Huh, it
Speaker 1: can be like I really really really can't impress enough
Speaker 1: about expanding what the definition of sex is and you
Speaker 1: defining it for yourself because the people out here, Oh Lord,
Speaker 1: let me get off my let me get off my
Speaker 1: little box.
Speaker 3: But but hold on, I'm gonna get up on it
Speaker 3: one second. Let me let me get up on this
Speaker 3: box and.
Speaker 1: Let me get off of it. Okay, But people out here,
Speaker 1: what have y'all think of sex? Is just about dick
Speaker 1: im pussy, okay, dick and pussy. Dick, im pussy, dick, dick, dick.
Speaker 1: That's what people have you think it's sexy about, and
Speaker 1: it is not.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So sex is what it is for you, what makes
Speaker 1: you feel again, safe, satisfied, affirmed, free, and emotional connected.
Speaker 3: That's what sex is.
Speaker 1: So figure that shit out and worship at that as
Speaker 1: often as you would like. I'm having an intention with
Speaker 1: your body and sex. You know, I really believe that
Speaker 1: there should be an intention and everything, like, Uh, my
Speaker 1: hope when I'm operating at my highest self is that
Speaker 1: everything that comes out of my mouth is intentional. That
Speaker 1: I don't say a thing to a person without knowing
Speaker 1: what my intention is, because that's how we you know,
Speaker 1: that's how things can become harmful is when people don't
Speaker 1: understand what they're saying or they're trying to say, or
Speaker 1: don't know how they're approaching things. You just say and
Speaker 1: do all kinds of random man shit and you end
Speaker 1: up being harmful. And so intention is important. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if we're been I know that we are
Speaker 1: not taught to be intentional about our bodies, about how
Speaker 1: we use our bodies and how we let our bodies
Speaker 1: be used. We're not often taught to that we have agency,
Speaker 1: that we're allowed to have, We're allowed to How do
Speaker 1: I say it not only just own our bodies, but
Speaker 1: that we are in charge of it. That it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to operate the way it works for somebody else.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to operate the way that movie said
Speaker 1: it should, or that TV show it said it should,
Speaker 1: or that you know, straight white man said it should. Right,
Speaker 1: it gets to operate how we want it to. And
Speaker 1: so creating an intention about how you want to engage
Speaker 1: in sex, what you want to learn from sex, what
Speaker 1: you want to gain from sex, how you want to
Speaker 1: use your body, hav any intention with your body and sex,
Speaker 1: I think is everything. My intention with my body is
Speaker 1: to allow it to express itself in the most expansive, free,
Speaker 1: satisfying way possible. My intention with my body is to
Speaker 1: know it intimately, that like when I feel something, whether
Speaker 1: it's physical, emotional, energetic. When I feel something, I know
Speaker 1: how to identify what that thing is. And if I
Speaker 1: don't know how to identify it, I know what resources I
Speaker 1: have available to me to help me identify what it is.
Speaker 1: My intention with my body is to treat it with kindness,
Speaker 1: to treat it with love, to treat it with respect.
Speaker 1: That is my intention with my body and my sex.
Speaker 1: To treat sex with love, kindness, and respect. Which makes
Speaker 1: me think about when Kid was talking at the end
Speaker 1: about what he could learn to love more, which was
Speaker 1: you know, I think he said, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: have my mood or confidence take a diet because I
Speaker 1: feel like it. My body doesn't look like whatever, And
Speaker 1: I think that that is crucial. I had a friend.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I said this on the show,
Speaker 1: but I said to somebody I had a friend. There's
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago I was doing a live
Speaker 1: show in la and my costume that you like, I
Speaker 1: used to be able to There was a version of
Speaker 1: myself that used to be incredibly skinny. I grew very
Speaker 1: very like tiny. My mom's tiny, I'm tiny, and so
Speaker 1: I would be able to shop in the women's section
Speaker 1: for these clothes that I was wearing on stage, and
Speaker 1: my body has changed over time and got a little bigger,
Speaker 1: and I was trying on clothes and it just nothing
Speaker 1: would fit. Nothing would fit. All the things, nothing would fit.
Speaker 1: And I was about to beat myself up. I was
Speaker 1: already beating myself up about it. And my friend said
Speaker 1: so gently and kindly, he said, bodies change. And though
Speaker 1: he said it so lovingly and without any judgment, that
Speaker 1: I just released and was able to not just accept
Speaker 1: that but respect that that my body is going to
Speaker 1: change and it's allowed to change, and how I feel
Speaker 1: about myself doesn't have to change with it, that my mood,
Speaker 1: my confidence doesn't have to change because my body has shifted.
Speaker 1: I know that a lot of people see me in
Speaker 1: the body that I have right now, which is particularly muscular,
Speaker 1: but they don't know all the different versions of my
Speaker 1: body that I've had and that I've loved and that
Speaker 1: I've honored and respected, and the versions of my body
Speaker 1: to come as I as I continue to live this life.
Speaker 1: And so I say it from my own space and
Speaker 1: from every version of body that I've had, and also
Speaker 1: somebody who is in an industry that is very a little.
Speaker 1: Obviously culturally we are very body conscious, but also to
Speaker 1: be in an industry and to have a job where
Speaker 1: your body is always up for critique and criticism, you
Speaker 1: will sacrifice your joy. You will sacrifice your life, your
Speaker 1: ability to live and experience and thrive if your mood
Speaker 1: and your confidence is tied to what you look like
Speaker 1: and what you think other people think about what you
Speaker 1: look like. So I don't know who needs to hear this,
Speaker 1: but it's not an overnight shift. It's not a switch.
Speaker 1: But get about the business of learning to love and
Speaker 1: you and respect your body right the fuck now, where
Speaker 1: it is, where it will be, where it has been
Speaker 1: loved all because all of it is you. And I
Speaker 1: really learned this lesson. I don't know why I'm gonna
Speaker 1: dive deep into this just for a second. I want
Speaker 1: to pull this thread out because this is something that
Speaker 1: comes up a lot, which is I.
Speaker 3: Remember I was in I was in like a my
Speaker 3: which I loved, my daddy thick face. And then when
Speaker 3: I got more muscular, lean, people who weren't paying attention
Speaker 3: to me and my thick face or my thick eraror
Speaker 3: started paying attention to me, And I remember feeling so.
Speaker 1: Grossed out by that, if I can be real, because
Speaker 1: it was like, well I didn't change, Like, yeah, my
Speaker 1: body change. I did a couple more pushups, and but like,
Speaker 1: I'm the same. I'm the same girl, the same girl,
Speaker 1: the same sense of humor, same you know, coziness, same kindness,
Speaker 1: the same So.
Speaker 3: Why now am I being valued?
Speaker 1: And so I think I have learned in that experience
Speaker 1: and in other experiences that I cannot attach my worth
Speaker 1: to what my body looks like. I can't attach my
Speaker 1: worth to what other people think about me. I have
Speaker 1: to know my worth from the ground up. And when
Speaker 1: it comes to other people, the only opinions I care
Speaker 1: about are the people who are for me always and
Speaker 1: on mean for me as a like they're always like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're doing right, like I want pushback. But the people
Speaker 1: who are for me as in they love me, whatever
Speaker 1: version of.
Speaker 3: Me they get, they love. Those are the people whose
Speaker 3: opinions I value.
Speaker 1: Everybody else, you know, thank you for your opinion, you know,
Speaker 1: thank you whatever it is good or bad, thank you
Speaker 1: for opinion. But I can't take it to I can't
Speaker 1: base my life around that.
Speaker 3: That is a that is a battle waiting to be lost.
Speaker 1: If that's the battle, you're fighting to be appreciated and
Speaker 1: valued and loved by everybody and to take the opinions
Speaker 1: of people who are not your people to heart. If
Speaker 1: that's where you're at, you've lost the battle. So I
Speaker 1: don't know why I'm went all off on that, but
Speaker 1: I needed to. I needed to, so I did, And finally,
Speaker 1: get you a circuit party boo.
Speaker 3: I don't know who needs to hear that, but get
Speaker 3: you a circuit party boot Okay.
Speaker 1: If you're going to a circuit party, you don't have
Speaker 1: to go. But you know, if you're going to a
Speaker 1: little party, going to a little dark remiction, go a
Speaker 1: little warehouse situation, little sex party action.
Speaker 3: You like to float around and you know you like
Speaker 3: to just like, you know, be with as many whop
Speaker 3: as possible.
Speaker 2: Beautiful.
Speaker 1: But if that's not your speed, okay, if that's not
Speaker 1: your speed, that's okay. Find you a circuit party, boo,
Speaker 1: find you a boo for the evening.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's okay.
Speaker 3: If you're like, listen, I'm not the.
Speaker 1: Girl who can float from this to this to this
Speaker 1: to this.
Speaker 3: I might need a little more connection, that is okay, Okay,
Speaker 3: affirm yourself in that all right.
Speaker 2: It, I love you.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about this messy community challenge and girl,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's gonna work, but we're gonna
Speaker 1: try it. I'm gonna try and engage all of us together.
Speaker 1: Because I had someone comment on a photo of me
Speaker 1: in the Out magazine that I recently came out, and
Speaker 1: they were saying they wondered what I did to I
Speaker 1: think make my muscles pop, is what they said.
Speaker 3: And you know, as we're talking.
Speaker 1: To kid about body stuff, and I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: talking about bodies all the time and people are always
Speaker 1: talking to me about it, I was like, I heard that,
Speaker 1: and I think it was a compliment. I'm sure it
Speaker 1: was a compliment, but then it started to make me
Speaker 1: spiral about what I look like. Here's what I've learned.
Speaker 1: Here's what I've learned from being in many versions of
Speaker 1: my body and from my time as a fitness instructor,
Speaker 1: which also allowed me to work with many versions of bodies.
Speaker 1: And y'all, no, I'm an actor. I'm on camera a lot,
Speaker 1: and so you know, my job is about what I
Speaker 1: look like, and my peers and my colleagues are jobs
Speaker 1: or about what they look like. And so what I've
Speaker 1: learned is everyone is critical, the muscular girlies, the skinny girlies,
Speaker 1: the plus sized girlies, everyone. Everyone is talking about their
Speaker 1: body in disparaging ways, and those flames are fanned by media,
Speaker 1: the beauty industry, and also in our own communities, people
Speaker 1: naming innocent comments like whether they're negative or they're positive,
Speaker 1: that pull at the threads of our self worth.
Speaker 3: So here's the challenge for us. One week, one week
Speaker 3: from this Thursday or whenever you hear this to next Thursday. Okay,
Speaker 3: one week of not commenting on bodies, positive or negative, friends, celebrities,
Speaker 3: and most importantly you. The way you might innocently be
Speaker 3: critical of others is likely how you are critical of yourself.
Speaker 3: Possibly worse. If you're like me, it's very much worse.
Speaker 3: So let's come up with other things to point out
Speaker 3: about ourselves and each other. If you hear a thought
Speaker 3: come up about your body or others, I want you
Speaker 3: to interrupt it. Stop telling people they look like they
Speaker 3: gained weight or lost weight, or you look like you've
Speaker 3: been working out. I want you to Here's what I'm
Speaker 3: gonna help you out. I want you to write.
Speaker 1: Now, pull up your notes app or your journal, or
Speaker 1: take note of this timecode, and you can come back
Speaker 1: to this when you have a second as I'm going
Speaker 1: to just offer you a few new options of things
Speaker 1: to say, and I hope that it will inspire you
Speaker 1: to come up with some of your own. All right, So,
Speaker 1: if you're like, I hate how my tits look, turn
Speaker 1: that into I love how I show up for my
Speaker 1: friends in their time of need. I love the sound
Speaker 1: of my laughter. I love the sound of their laughter.
Speaker 1: You look so good, right, which sounds innocent, but a
Speaker 1: lot of times that is directly related to our body,
Speaker 1: turns into your glowing what's bringing you joy today? Your
Speaker 1: body is amazing right again, which can activate for positive
Speaker 1: or negative, turns into whenever I see you, I light up,
Speaker 1: I think you're inspiring, or even more simply, your body
Speaker 1: is amazing turns into you are amazing, or you look amazing?
Speaker 1: Is you are amazing, you look beautiful, you are beautiful.
Speaker 1: Take out whatever might reference the body and just talk
Speaker 1: about the person in their humanity. If you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: too fat or too skinny, turn that into I'm grateful
Speaker 1: to be breathing. I'm grateful for how my community loves me.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the.
Speaker 3: Joy Real Housewives, Assault Lake City brings me ls t lst. Okay,
Speaker 3: I want to lose weight or I want to gain
Speaker 3: weight turns into I am enough right now? As I am.
Speaker 3: This will be hard. This is not about toxic positivity,
Speaker 3: but it really is about working that muscle, being intentional
Speaker 3: about how you talk about yourself. Failure should be expected. Okay,
Speaker 3: perfection is not the goal.
Speaker 1: Awareness is failure and to me is a code word
Speaker 1: for growth. So grow, my love. Award yourself just for
Speaker 1: noticing when you slip. So if you do, go damn.
Speaker 3: I look to this or to that or I hate
Speaker 3: how this and you notice it, give yourself a pat
Speaker 3: in the back. That's huge, that's massive, and pivot replace
Speaker 3: it with a new thought.
Speaker 1: Do it for one week. Reset every day. Remind yourself
Speaker 1: in the morning with a notification on your phone or
Speaker 1: post it on your front door. That's how I do it,
Speaker 1: know talking about bodies, others or my own. Review your options,
Speaker 1: the ones I just gave you and the ones that
Speaker 1: you might come up for yourself, and.
Speaker 3: Hour by hour, don't think about the whole week. Just
Speaker 3: take it hour by hour. If you need to take
Speaker 3: it second by second. Do that, okay.
Speaker 1: Just be intentional about how you talk to yourself and
Speaker 1: others about body. Tell your personal community that you're doing
Speaker 1: it right. So if you're going out to brunch and
Speaker 1: people start talking about bodies, listen, this is what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: If y'all want to join me, join me. But otherwise
Speaker 1: I'm just not I'm not doing that for one week.
Speaker 3: I'm on a fast.
Speaker 1: It's a cleanse, okay, a reminder that you are more
Speaker 1: than your body. And I want you to engage with
Speaker 1: me about this, so you can email me or dm
Speaker 1: me throughout the week the good shit, the hard shit,
Speaker 1: the unprocessed shit, like if it's working, if it's hard,
Speaker 1: if it's.
Speaker 3: Rather easy, email me, dm me. I want to hear
Speaker 3: about it, and we will talk more about it next week.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited about this messy challenge and I really
Speaker 3: can't wait to hear what you discover. Again, there are
Speaker 3: no there's no right, there's no wrong. There's just curiosity
Speaker 3: and compassion. I love you. If you are enjoying this
Speaker 3: podcast and you are vibing with me and our guests,
Speaker 3: please please please do not forget to rate and review
Speaker 3: and subscribe to the podcast, give us this five stars,
Speaker 3: write us a little. That show is so good y'all
Speaker 3: should check it out.
Speaker 1: Also, send it to your group chat, send it to
Speaker 1: people who you think would also vibe. Spread the mess
Speaker 1: really helps the show. You can find me on Instagram
Speaker 1: as well at Brandon Kyle Goodman. You can find our
Speaker 1: podcast at tell Me Something Messy.
Speaker 3: And you can join our community on.
Speaker 1: The Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,
Speaker 1: recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,
Speaker 1: your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell
Speaker 1: Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also
Speaker 1: call us at six six nine sixty nine messy. That
Speaker 1: is six six nine six nine six three seven seven nine.
Speaker 1: Rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe
Speaker 1: and aspiring HOE friends. Really really helps the show out.
Speaker 1: All right, Until next time, ask about the politics of
Speaker 1: that dick before you make it spit, make sure they
Speaker 1: eat the kitty, buffore day, beat the kitty before fucation
Speaker 1: or succation, come unication. And in case you haven't heard
Speaker 1: it yet, today you are so deeply loved, I Love
Speaker 1: you bye. Thank you so much for listening to Tell
Speaker 1: Me Something Messy. If you all enjoyed the show, send
Speaker 1: me episode to someone else who might like it. Tell
Speaker 1: Me Something Messy was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins,
Speaker 1: and Yours Truly. Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app or anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.