Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast
Speaker 1: last week.
Speaker 2: Uh oh.
Speaker 3: Not in the new House.
Speaker 1: Oh no. Why do I always feel like I've done
Speaker 1: I'm wrong. I don't know what is that. There's some
Speaker 1: sort of ambush thing I'm always waiting for with you too,
Speaker 1: I think that I don't know, we can dig deeper
Speaker 1: with Amy maybe and have a group sash interesting because
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're like, am I I was thinking you
Speaker 1: were a say am I fired? Or about that? Because
Speaker 1: we're friends forever. So if I'm not on the podcast,
Speaker 1: it's like I'll be sad because I love everyone. But
Speaker 1: I'm also like, that's fine, right, Yeah, I mean not
Speaker 1: in a way. I just the bottom can fall out
Speaker 1: in radio anytime, and since I did radio, I think
Speaker 1: I'm just always ready for that. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's funny because I'm the girl that's like, don't send
Speaker 3: me a dot dot dot Like if she sends if
Speaker 3: I get a dot dot dot on the text, I'm
Speaker 3: like and I'm fired.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't like it when Jana goes, hey are
Speaker 1: you around in ten? Oh? Well, I think we talked
Speaker 1: about that a couple of weeks ago, and I did
Speaker 1: it to Kat but I'm also the same human with
Speaker 1: that too, So I girls, I get it. I'm counting
Speaker 1: my bad Okay, yes, so this is the last I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you, though, I've really loved staying in this cottage.
Speaker 3: It's adorable.
Speaker 1: It's a two bedroom, one bath. The only issue is
Speaker 1: you guys, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 3: Oh no, open yeah, yeah, I don't there was one bathroom.
Speaker 1: Tell me, can we do we have Do we have
Speaker 1: a minute to talk about number two with the number
Speaker 1: one girls? Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So this is always tricky to me because I feel like, okay,
Speaker 1: so like I oh, first of all, in order to go,
Speaker 1: I'm just we're just gonna what are we gonna call it?
Speaker 1: It's good Mark Kramer. No, No, that sounds like there's
Speaker 1: a story there. There's a story that's vaulted for a
Speaker 1: few of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, I feel like I can't comfortably go to the
Speaker 1: bathroom unless there's like at least like two locked doors
Speaker 1: between me and the other whoever is next in my house? Right?
Speaker 3: I don't even lock the door.
Speaker 1: So this is my question. So when you poop? Oh
Speaker 1: never seen you poop?
Speaker 3: I mean maybe, but it's really like I'm saying like
Speaker 3: maybe something are.
Speaker 1: No, I'm just saying that supplements we get use to
Speaker 1: get you out of that.
Speaker 3: Little I highly doubt it, but I mean I'm sure
Speaker 3: at some point, like in a hotel, you know, I
Speaker 3: just like in the hotels they have like clear doors on,
Speaker 3: like there's got to be I do that. I feel like, yeah, anyway,
Speaker 3: I don't lock the door.
Speaker 1: No, Like I can't even go when the three of
Speaker 1: us are out traveling and you guys are like a safe,
Speaker 1: cozy place for me. Not until everybody leaves the room
Speaker 1: and gives turns their keys into me.
Speaker 3: Janna is like, hey, guys, I need you all to
Speaker 3: talk and I needs to talk real loud, and then
Speaker 3: she goes in.
Speaker 1: This is how fast it is. Danna goes in, closes
Speaker 1: the door, and she goes dropping out, and Jane opens
Speaker 1: the door and she's all done. The thing is, though,
Speaker 1: is that I don't I think and I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but the most uncomfortable thing even when
Speaker 1: I'm like in a restroom and someone does like but
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, sorry, girl, that sucks.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I feel bad for the person, but are you? But
Speaker 1: That's why I'm always like talk loud whatever, Alan like
Speaker 1: puts on a shower, like he'll he'll like run the
Speaker 1: water in this small thing. Like he usually goes upstairs.
Speaker 1: Like I kind of got when he moved into the
Speaker 1: last house. I kind of got what he was doing.
Speaker 1: Like he'd go upstairs and he's like, I'm just making
Speaker 1: the kids beds because he's so cute, he like makes
Speaker 1: the kids' beds. But I'm like, no, I think now
Speaker 1: you're just going up there, like that's your like, that's
Speaker 1: his time, that's his You're you're going up there to poop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're making a bedroom and dropping the kids off of
Speaker 1: the bool?
Speaker 2: Is that what you have to do?
Speaker 3: Does it take him around? Does that issue off since
Speaker 3: it takes you two seconds?
Speaker 1: Oh no, So I don't even really know, like I
Speaker 1: know when he does go, because again he'll turn the
Speaker 1: thing on or he'll go upstairs like in the other houses.
Speaker 1: But here it's like you can just tell because it's
Speaker 1: like again it's maybe a nine hundred no eight hundred
Speaker 1: square foot cottage we're in right now. And so but
Speaker 1: when I have to go, so I still like, will
Speaker 1: dry heave to like smells and stuff? Do you dry well? Obviously?
Speaker 1: Because it's disgusting. But it doesn't matter. I can't even
Speaker 1: like any like even the other day, Alan tried to
Speaker 1: kiss me and like his like moisturizer smell, like it
Speaker 1: smells just really get me mm hmmm. And so I
Speaker 1: like have to like run out of the bathroom, you know,
Speaker 1: but then I have forget to like go back and
Speaker 1: check that like all things went down.
Speaker 4: Oh no.
Speaker 1: And then he said the other day, He's like, Babe,
Speaker 1: did you use the bathroom? I was like, no, one
Speaker 1: of the kids went before, and he's like he's like real,
Speaker 1: because the kids haven't been here in two days. He's
Speaker 1: like he's like, I got them ready this morning. I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, Well then then when then Jays had
Speaker 1: to run back in to go to the bathroom, and
Speaker 1: I was like, why is it so hard to be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I totally took a dump. I forgot to like go
Speaker 1: back in to make sure nothing was like still there.
Speaker 1: I know, it is interesting, especially because like we have babies.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm like, I don't bother me, Like Preston
Speaker 1: has legitimately seen me deliver three babies, and I'm still
Speaker 1: like lock that door and don't come over here. I know, sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: this is like but it is a real thing, and
Speaker 1: I don't understand why exactly why because we could go
Speaker 1: I mean during the heyday, I could just be in
Speaker 1: the middle of a field and go pee if I
Speaker 1: needed to. You know, I think it feels less sexy
Speaker 1: and like I don't want him to see like because
Speaker 1: it is because it is. Yeah, but it's also human,
Speaker 1: just like periods and everything else. But anyways, so but
Speaker 1: I still don't want anybody to see that. Having said
Speaker 1: all that, as much as I love this place, I
Speaker 1: cannot wait to go have a separate bathroom for moments
Speaker 1: like this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he can have his own poop bathroom.
Speaker 1: He can have your own poop bathroom. Yeah. And then
Speaker 1: guess what what Easton's coming?
Speaker 4: Next time.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that Eastern was coming, and I got
Speaker 1: a surprise face time. He was with Preston in l
Speaker 1: A and he goes, I'm coming to see you, and
Speaker 1: I said, wait, what it's like Eastern Christmas.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's going to set us up. We're going to
Speaker 1: have a whole new look. So next time you see us,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a.
Speaker 4: Whole new look.
Speaker 1: Should we like start getting dressed for this. No, okay,
Speaker 1: this is what I like about. Talk to me Bo's baby, like,
Speaker 1: are we going to have a real set? And now
Speaker 1: we should actually look the part because I really like
Speaker 1: Aaron running stay at home mom. No, but we're gonna
Speaker 1: have it's going to be like we're really going to
Speaker 1: just make it look good, y'all. We're gonna have a
Speaker 1: nice big TV that we can see and we're staring
Speaker 1: at this little you know, it's going to be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be great. I do miss the ring light
Speaker 1: and I just say that really pretty light that we
Speaker 1: had at your house. Look at something I would feel
Speaker 1: better and think just a little something. But anyways, oh
Speaker 1: you guys. I just got my results on a second
Speaker 1: I didn't open it yet. Of what my test results?
Speaker 1: Did I pass the gluecas test? Didn't you fail? Uh?
Speaker 1: One of my kids?
Speaker 3: I think the last one. I failed the first one
Speaker 3: but then passed the second one, so I was.
Speaker 1: Never I failed one. I really one? Yeah did you?
Speaker 1: And I went back and it was fine, but it's
Speaker 1: so gross and then when you get back was awful.
Speaker 1: You're there for like all day? All right, drum roll
Speaker 1: please you passed? It's not loading in this little gotage
Speaker 1: that could so uh oh great, I passed. You don't
Speaker 1: have to go drink it, and the space because she goes, well,
Speaker 1: the problem was is I they say fasting, you don't
Speaker 1: have to fast, but that you should have low sugar
Speaker 1: going into it. But the only thing that helps my
Speaker 1: belly is orange juice and peaches, which is gonna make
Speaker 1: you fail that. Yeah, right, So I'm like, okay, I
Speaker 1: don't want to throw up. Had the kids that morning,
Speaker 1: Alan was doing his thing, and so then I'm like,
Speaker 1: I was starting to feel really sick, so I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take baby SIPs of OJ and then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have I went to Whole Foods and got
Speaker 1: a zero sugar because they're like just low sugar, So
Speaker 1: I got a zero sugar cattle in a crunch cereal.
Speaker 1: So then I started munching on that, and then like
Speaker 1: three hours before I didn't have anything. But she's like,
Speaker 1: did you fast?
Speaker 3: And I go, oh, did you immediately know you're lying?
Speaker 1: I don't know, but she was a lot of times
Speaker 1: they just want you to say what they need you
Speaker 1: to say, and they understand that you at your third baby,
Speaker 1: know what you need to do yeah, so that I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I fail, I'm gonna just call my doctor and
Speaker 1: be like, so I had a whole gallon of orange shoes. Anyways,
Speaker 1: so we have a guest today coming on. I love
Speaker 1: the show. I watched the show selling Sense. You got
Speaker 1: me into the show, and I love Amansa. She's probably
Speaker 1: one of my favorites same, but I'm also how do
Speaker 1: I say this? I feel like she's got so much
Speaker 1: that she wants to say but doesn't say yes m
Speaker 1: hm when it comes to like her past relationships, and
Speaker 1: then it's like I could see her eyes working in
Speaker 1: moments like when Krishelle and Nicole are having their issue.
Speaker 1: I feel like she holds it together really well. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, I'm like, if she was to unleash,
Speaker 1: I'd want to listen because she's probably has a lot
Speaker 1: to say.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I always wonder if it's just because she's
Speaker 3: like single mom in it and she's just trying to like,
Speaker 3: you know, keep it together because of her kids, or
Speaker 3: if that's just her personality or you know, I'm all
Speaker 3: I am very curious about that.
Speaker 1: But I just asked her, what do you want to
Speaker 1: ask her?
Speaker 3: That, but also I feel like if you were on
Speaker 3: the other side of it, and I love this about
Speaker 3: her though it's not a negative thing, like i'd be terrified.
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, you know, like in a good way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like she's a bad her on my side, waiting to erupt.
Speaker 1: She's in the waiting room, so.
Speaker 2: Let's just get her on.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do it. Hold on, Hey, I just love you.
Speaker 1: Look at you.
Speaker 4: Oh god, thanks. I don't feel c I will take that.
Speaker 1: Receive it. I just learned something the other day, is anybody, no,
Speaker 1: this is.
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: So I'm not good at taking compliments. No, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like weird. But my husband it's like kind of
Speaker 1: been the thing for him. He's like, how come your
Speaker 1: girlfriends will be like, oh, you look so cute, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, thanks girl, I needed to hear it,
Speaker 1: you know. But if he says it, I'm like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. So the other day my girlfriend said that
Speaker 1: if you say you if somebody gives you a compliment,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to go received, and it makes it kind
Speaker 1: of like joke.
Speaker 4: I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: It like makes it a joke if nobody can see
Speaker 1: me when they listen to this, but it's like you
Speaker 1: have to like bring your hand in like you grabbed something.
Speaker 1: And I just feel like that's just not going to
Speaker 1: work for me.
Speaker 4: I feel like my kids would be like, what are
Speaker 4: you doing? You just feel weirder. Every day you'd get weirder,
Speaker 4: Like today, I was taking my kids to school, and
Speaker 4: my son had like a little bit of a It's
Speaker 4: the second week of school. They started last Wednesday. It's
Speaker 4: the second week of school. I'm going to call him
Speaker 4: out right now. I've already gotten a call from the principal.
Speaker 2: Wait, how old?
Speaker 1: How old are the kids again?
Speaker 4: So my son's twelve, when my daughter's so seventh and eighth,
Speaker 4: and they're both amazing kids. But it's just I don't
Speaker 4: know if you guys have boys, girls, one of each both.
Speaker 4: Like everybody's trying to warn me, like, oh, your daughter's
Speaker 4: a teenager now, she's probably sassy and rolls her eyes,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, she's like the perfect child. She's like,
Speaker 4: that's a great, perfect child. And my son's a great kid.
Speaker 4: But it's just he's a boy. Like there's something missing.
Speaker 1: There's just a law team, because that's what we're missing.
Speaker 1: We're missing like a whole. It's the same like we
Speaker 1: need a legal team for my son and he's only five.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, you've got a long way to.
Speaker 4: Go in my son's room today after So we'll go
Speaker 4: back to the weirdness on the way to school today
Speaker 4: because like I kind of went off on him on
Speaker 4: the way home from the school yesterday. I was like
Speaker 4: not going to say anything. I was gonna. I was like,
Speaker 4: just wait until you get home. Don't say in front
Speaker 4: of no Onah knows my daughter. Don't talk about what happened.
Speaker 4: And it wasn't like a huge big deal, but it
Speaker 4: was like he was a phone call the second week
Speaker 4: of school and I'm like really, Breaker, like already and
Speaker 4: it was like something minimal, but I couldn't hold it in.
Speaker 4: It was like what and diarrhea of the mouth. And
Speaker 4: then that's morning on the way to school.
Speaker 1: Oh fitting for our early conversation, go ahead.
Speaker 4: I felt bad about it and I was like I
Speaker 4: put my hand in the back seat and I was
Speaker 4: like Breaker, it's like and he takes my hand. I'm like,
Speaker 4: are we going to have a good day to day?
Speaker 4: And he's like, yeah, I try to have a good day.
Speaker 4: My hand I don't know why I hold my hand.
Speaker 4: It just felt right and he was just like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: And so if I do this and receive compliments like
Speaker 4: a Petuli necklace and crystals in my hands at all times,
Speaker 4: away from just like totally losing all hope and anything
Speaker 4: except for spirituality.
Speaker 3: I asked my fourteen year old son the other day,
Speaker 3: I said, Hey, kyn do you want to talk about
Speaker 3: your feelings? He looked at me and he goes feelings
Speaker 3: and I was like, okay, never mind, and there's that.
Speaker 4: It.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so wait, how long have you been single? Mom
Speaker 1: in it for.
Speaker 4: Well, technically since they were one and two. That's when
Speaker 4: I got a divorce, but like since baby Daddy like
Speaker 4: disappeared from the face of the earth four years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so for.
Speaker 4: Seven years I was you know, it was a week
Speaker 4: on and a week off, so I didn't. Now I'm like,
Speaker 4: did I ever call myself a single monk? Because that
Speaker 4: felt way different. You know, you got I got a break.
Speaker 4: I got a one week break at least to like
Speaker 4: do all my stuff, work extra hard while with my friends,
Speaker 4: and then suddenly, like overnight, it was like, oh, just kidding,
Speaker 4: it's all on you. So that was four years at
Speaker 4: the end of August.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how was that with the kids, like telling them like,
Speaker 1: hey dad, it was I can't even imagine.
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, they were, shoot, my daughter was about
Speaker 4: to turn ten, because that was a big deal. It
Speaker 4: was like they had been talking about her double digit
Speaker 4: birthday and it was like leading to so she was
Speaker 4: almost ten, and then I guess my son was eight.
Speaker 4: You know. At first, it was like, I mean I
Speaker 4: still have no idea, like literally no idea what happened
Speaker 4: other than he filed a paper with the court at
Speaker 4: one point saying that he just couldn't do it anymore
Speaker 4: and he like relinquished all rights and responsibilities. But for
Speaker 4: like a year and a half before I knew that
Speaker 4: paper existed, it was, you know, I got a book
Speaker 4: called When the Brain Breaks and talked about how your
Speaker 4: brain can get sick, like your body can get sick,
Speaker 4: and maybe Daddy's brain is sick right now. He needs
Speaker 4: time to heal his brain so that he can come
Speaker 4: back and be the daddy that you know he is.
Speaker 4: And you know, that went on for like a couple
Speaker 4: of months, and then it was like it was brutal,
Speaker 4: Like at the beginning, if one of them wasn't crying
Speaker 4: them so to sleep at night, the other one was,
Speaker 4: and then I would go to bed and cry myself
Speaker 4: to sleep. And this was just like a cycle for
Speaker 4: you know. That was like for a few months of
Speaker 4: just like trying to answer questions that I didn't know
Speaker 4: the answers to. And then they just sort of stopped asking.
Speaker 4: But obviously I would always check in. We still check in,
Speaker 4: We still talk about it. They have a talk doctor,
Speaker 4: you know, they talk about their feelings, and it's just
Speaker 4: we've kind of settled into this new reality. You know,
Speaker 4: we've had four years to just accept it. It doesn't
Speaker 4: get any easier, like emotionally when I think about it.
Speaker 4: But I think they're doing better than me, to be honest,
Speaker 4: I think they're so kids are so resilient. I mean
Speaker 4: everybody always says that, but I think as parents we
Speaker 4: take on like all their feelings, like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: they must be feeling this, this and this, And I
Speaker 4: don't think that they really feel as bad about a
Speaker 4: lot of the stuff. Is like I think that they do,
Speaker 4: and so that you just, you know, you kind of
Speaker 4: interpret like what you think that they're feeling, and then
Speaker 4: it just makes you feel.
Speaker 1: Like crap, I can't even imagine that piece. And that's
Speaker 1: whenever I do watch the show too, I'm always just
Speaker 1: like I just you're so authentic in being the single
Speaker 1: mom and everything that you have to juggle. I almost think,
Speaker 1: like when I look at you and I see the
Speaker 1: other girls problems, it's almost like in my brain if
Speaker 1: I was you, I'd be like you girls don't even
Speaker 1: understand half of like what a problem is when you're
Speaker 1: trying to and like that piece I can't even imagine,
Speaker 1: Like how you close your don't you don't say that
Speaker 1: you know a lot, And it's like you you really
Speaker 1: hold your composure when you can be like you have
Speaker 1: no idea what hard looks like, and you're what you're
Speaker 1: having to do for your kids and you and then
Speaker 1: holding that unknown space for for your family, Like that's
Speaker 1: got to be so hard.
Speaker 4: It's pretty hard. I mean, you're right, Like a lot
Speaker 4: of the there's other single moms on.
Speaker 1: The sure, like Nick Cannon's.
Speaker 4: Their situations are a little different, Like yeah, and I
Speaker 4: had Doraberry, I like really do Doraberry, And she's a
Speaker 4: really good mama like you. I could tell him two
Speaker 4: seconds like she was I didn't want to like her.
Speaker 4: Like I was like, this is my this is my seat,
Speaker 4: my uh yeah, my seat my season season I guess yeah,
Speaker 4: season six. I was like, there's this new girl and
Speaker 4: she's a brunette and she's pretty, and she's a real
Speaker 4: estate agent. She's got this kid and she's a single mom.
Speaker 4: And I was like, she's gonna come in here and
Speaker 4: act like we have so much in common and we
Speaker 4: have nothing in common. She has one kid, she's got
Speaker 4: a baby daddy that probably gives her all this money,
Speaker 4: and like I just was like ready to not like somebody,
Speaker 4: because that's like my thing. I like everybody. And then
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, it's the mediator and I'm like the
Speaker 4: voice of reason and I was like I need to
Speaker 4: like stir some shit up. It didn't work. She walked
Speaker 4: in and like in two seconds after, everybody was like
Speaker 4: asking her a million questions and she just took it
Speaker 4: like a champ and like her situation is her situation
Speaker 4: and she's very happy with it. And I could tell
Speaker 4: him and she loved her son, and I was like, crap,
Speaker 4: I really like her, but we but saying all that
Speaker 4: to say, we still have nothing in common except for
Speaker 4: that we both have. We're not married to the people
Speaker 4: that we had our kids with, Like I'm not getting
Speaker 4: Lamborghini's for my birthday, and you know, I'm I don't
Speaker 4: get child support from the missing man in the world.
Speaker 4: She's a really good mom. But yeah, it's kind of
Speaker 4: hard because you know, you everybody's expected to like dress
Speaker 4: the same, like, you know, we have to dress super
Speaker 4: cool and we got to always look great, and we've got
Speaker 4: to be on time. And it's a big one for
Speaker 4: me and telling tons of houses and doing all and
Speaker 4: I'm like I can barely even like decorate my own
Speaker 4: house and I can barely get myself out to like
Speaker 4: it's just and then people are complaining about like the
Speaker 4: most random stuff to me that it's just like, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 4: you guys have no idea, like come over for just
Speaker 4: three days. This has been three days at my house
Speaker 4: and like walk in my shoes and you'd be like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is this is like.
Speaker 1: No do so going through everything that you've gone through,
Speaker 1: and you know, the they there was My therapist always
Speaker 1: says like your body holds a score. So people that
Speaker 1: I've been in abusive relationships or traumatic relationships or situations
Speaker 1: that things that you've gone through that that stress causes.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's one of a girlfriend of mine whose
Speaker 1: husband also cheated on her and had just been years
Speaker 1: of like you know, working through that, and she's been
Speaker 1: in the program like for esenon that she got cancer,
Speaker 1: like and she they think that's just stress of you know,
Speaker 1: everything that you're going through. So I'm curious, like, do
Speaker 1: you think that because you've had a lot of health issues,
Speaker 1: do you think that comes from all the stress that
Speaker 1: like your body has had to hold and carry.
Speaker 4: I do, actually, and and thank god I didn't have cancer.
Speaker 4: I had a huge cancer scare last year and it
Speaker 4: wasn't cancer, but I ended up having something else that
Speaker 4: almost killed me over the summer, and it's it was
Speaker 4: still to this. I just had to follow up my
Speaker 4: follow up appointment, one of my follow up appointments yesterday
Speaker 4: with the spine surgeon and he's still like this is
Speaker 4: I was only the second patient in the history of
Speaker 4: his practice, of all his medical school of Cedar Sinai
Speaker 4: that had this type of blood infection that got to
Speaker 4: the location that it got to on my spine. It
Speaker 4: was like, there's to me and somebody else in this
Speaker 4: other person was way older, like in their seventies. This
Speaker 4: is like a disease that people don't normally get that
Speaker 4: are just for all intents and purposes healthy, younger, younger, ish.
Speaker 4: You know, people a lot of people that do like
Speaker 4: a lot of intravenious drugs because it comes from it
Speaker 4: can come from like a foreign object, like if you
Speaker 4: get a lot of like IV treatments, or you're getting
Speaker 4: a lot of needle like a lot of older people
Speaker 4: that get dialysis get it. Obviously none of the above,
Speaker 4: you know, I didn't fit the mole for any of
Speaker 4: those things. They have no idea where I got this
Speaker 4: bacterial infection that ended up being all through my body
Speaker 4: and my blood and then sitting on my spine and
Speaker 4: it was literally eating my spine, deteriorating the vertebrae and
Speaker 4: my spine. And I have, you know, a therapist and
Speaker 4: a spiritual therapist and psychics and which is in warlocks
Speaker 4: and gurus. I like have a whole team of people
Speaker 4: that I talked to. And one of the things that
Speaker 4: one of the psychics was like, you know, before I
Speaker 4: even went into the hospital, before we knew exactly what
Speaker 4: it was, it was sort of like she envisioned this
Speaker 4: just mass of toxic trauma basically like sitting on my spine,
Speaker 4: and I was like, that feels so like that could
Speaker 4: totally be it, just like all the trauma from not
Speaker 4: just from like my divorce, in my children's father situation,
Speaker 4: just like my life in general from the time I
Speaker 4: was a kid, I've had a lot of traumatic experiences
Speaker 4: and I really felt like it just had sort of
Speaker 4: just festered in this like disease. And so now that
Speaker 4: it's gone, I'm hoping that everything is going to change
Speaker 4: and I get to be the woman that I've always
Speaker 4: wanted to be and things are just going to only
Speaker 4: look up. But yeah, I really do believe that because
Speaker 4: like where else was it And it just feels like
Speaker 4: that makes so much sense. It was just bacteria and
Speaker 4: just like all waiting in my spine, the one thing
Speaker 4: that you need to like hold the weight to the
Speaker 4: world on your shoulders, like to carry everything.
Speaker 1: Well, it is not lost on me that it's literally
Speaker 1: like you're the backbone of your family and that whatever
Speaker 1: you're carrying is on your backbone. So that's interesting, But
Speaker 1: also like walk me through, like how did you even
Speaker 1: know anything was happening. Like what I mean, I know
Speaker 1: that you thought you had like a back pain, but
Speaker 1: how many days does that go through? Like how do
Speaker 1: you all of a sudden go Okay, I need to
Speaker 1: get to someone, because I think as mothers we kind
Speaker 1: of like put our health off for as long as
Speaker 1: we possibly can.
Speaker 4: I put it off way too long. In fact, I
Speaker 4: so I had we had you know, we'd been filming
Speaker 4: the season seven. We finished filming, and then I had
Speaker 4: like all these plans, like We've got all this new
Speaker 4: furniture that was coming to the house, and we've got
Speaker 4: all these plans for summer, and we're gonna go on
Speaker 4: vacation and like all the stuff that you don't get
Speaker 4: to do when you're you know, working, working, working, and
Speaker 4: the kids are in school. And literally, like about two
Speaker 4: weeks after filming, I just I was at Mary's house
Speaker 4: one night. Everything was fine, We're like decorating her house.
Speaker 4: I woke up the next day I couldn't get out
Speaker 4: of bed, Like I couldn't step out of bed. My
Speaker 4: back hurts so bad. And I was like I just
Speaker 4: thowt my back had gone out, you know, like maybe
Speaker 4: I'd moved some furniture too much or like something and so,
Speaker 4: but I literally couldn't step. I was like was holding
Speaker 4: on too like the dresser to like kind of limp
Speaker 4: to the bathroom. And then I stayed in bed like
Speaker 4: two days with that. I ended up having doctor come
Speaker 4: to my house and was like, yeah, your your back
Speaker 4: is out. So I had to get like a doctor's
Speaker 4: excuse for like some interviews and stuff that I couldn't
Speaker 4: make too. Couldn't make it too. That went on for
Speaker 4: like a couple of weeks. It was like I could
Speaker 4: limp around, but it wasn't like I could still. I
Speaker 4: was still mobile ish. Long story short about it was
Speaker 4: like a month of this. Well the first time actually,
Speaker 4: let me remind about eight days into that, I went
Speaker 4: to the emergency room at a different hospital. I won't
Speaker 4: even mention it because now it's like interesting that they
Speaker 4: did an MRI and they sent me home and said
Speaker 4: I was having a backspasm, and they gave me steroids
Speaker 4: and ibuprofen and like muscle relaxers. So I went home
Speaker 4: with all of that and it got better for about
Speaker 4: a week. Not better like great, but better enough to
Speaker 4: get around. And I thought, Okay, it's just a back spasm.
Speaker 4: Like it's gonna work its way out. And then it
Speaker 4: got really really bad, to the point that I couldn't
Speaker 4: get off the couch. Like I had an assistant at
Speaker 4: the time, and she was like, you know, having to
Speaker 4: cook for the kids, and she would have to help
Speaker 4: me up to go to the restroom, and I just, yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know why I didn't go back to the hospital.
Speaker 4: I just in my head thought it was a backspasm.
Speaker 4: I'd never had it before, so I thought it would eventually,
Speaker 4: like you know, work its way out. And then I thought, well,
Speaker 4: maybe it's something more. Maybe I have like a slip
Speaker 4: disc or like a bulging disk or something. So I
Speaker 4: had a chiropractor come to my house and he would
Speaker 4: touch my back in one spot and it would like
Speaker 4: lock up in another and he would touch it and
Speaker 4: he was like, I can't work on you. I don't
Speaker 4: know what's going on. But your body is spasying because
Speaker 4: it's protected. It's normally because it's protecting something something more serious.
Speaker 4: You need to go get like an MRI. And so
Speaker 4: that's when I went to get an MRI, like an
Speaker 4: imaging center, and they told me they saw a giant
Speaker 4: mass at the bottom of my spine and they thought
Speaker 4: it was a tumor, and so they said to go
Speaker 4: to Siedar SINAI like right away and get a scan.
Speaker 4: And within like twenty four hours, I couldn't walk. So
Speaker 4: I couldn't even I couldn't. I had to call a
Speaker 4: friend to come over to my house. I couldn't get
Speaker 4: off the couch to get into the car to go
Speaker 4: to Cedar sina. I was crawling for two days. I
Speaker 4: crawled from my sofa to the kid's bathroom this is
Speaker 4: closer than my bathroom. And my friend came over and
Speaker 4: she was like, like, what are you doing? Like I
Speaker 4: was in the most pain I've ever been in, like
Speaker 4: literally like biting the pillow on the couch, like screaming
Speaker 4: in pain at night, and she was like, if you don't,
Speaker 4: if you're not ready by nine thirty tomorrow morning, I'm
Speaker 4: calling the ambulance, Like this is crazy, and I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think back now, I'm like, yeah, how how did
Speaker 4: I get to that much pain to where I like
Speaker 4: literally couldn't walk. I was crawling, but you just I
Speaker 4: just kept feeling it was going to get better, and
Speaker 4: you know, so I went to Cedar SINAI and I
Speaker 4: was on June second, and they did a scan and
Speaker 4: they admitted me that day. Like I didn't go home
Speaker 4: until July third. I was there for thirty one days.
Speaker 4: So they did the scan and they they too thought
Speaker 4: it was a toombor. I took my scan that I
Speaker 4: had gotten from the you know, from the Imagy center,
Speaker 4: and they looked at it and they were like, we
Speaker 4: need to do like a different type of scan, and
Speaker 4: they did it. And they and the doctor the spine
Speaker 4: the guy that ended up doing my spine surgery, doctor Kim.
Speaker 4: He didn't come in and talk to me the first
Speaker 4: day because he thought that it was like a massive
Speaker 4: tumor and he was going to have to like talk
Speaker 4: about that, and so he waited for the blood results
Speaker 4: because they were like, maybe it could be infection, and
Speaker 4: it ended up being like this massive bacterial infection that
Speaker 4: was all through my blood. So they started me on
Speaker 4: intravenous antibiotics immediately, and yeah, for thirty one days, I
Speaker 4: was on every four hours. I was getting intravenous antibiotics.
Speaker 4: When I was released from the hospital, I had a
Speaker 4: pick line I still had. I just got that out
Speaker 4: like three weeks ago. I had it for almost four weeks.
Speaker 4: When I got out of the hospital, that had a
Speaker 4: line that goes through like it goes across your arm
Speaker 4: and drops into your chest and it's ivy and they
Speaker 4: come and they change it every twenty four hours. A
Speaker 4: nurse came, and I'm still on oral antibiotics three pills,
Speaker 4: three times a day for the next five months to
Speaker 4: make sure that the infection doesn't come back. I had
Speaker 4: a blood transfusion more than one in the hospital because
Speaker 4: I lost so much blood a couple of times after surgery.
Speaker 4: I mean, it was like when I was in the hospital,
Speaker 4: I didn't realize how serious it was because I was
Speaker 4: kind of like in a drug induce just like I
Speaker 4: was out of it. I was in so much pain.
Speaker 4: I was taking medicine i'd never even heard of until
Speaker 4: you know, I was in the hospital. But then once
Speaker 4: you pull through, they're like telling you how serious it was.
Speaker 4: And they told me if I'd stayed home one or
Speaker 4: two more days, I wouldn't be here. So that was like,
Speaker 4: holy shit. Yeah, it was a wild summer. And now
Speaker 4: the kids are back in school and I feel like
Speaker 4: I literally got finished filming, laid on the couch, the
Speaker 4: kids got out of school. I went to the hospital.
Speaker 4: I got out of the hospital, and now everybody's back
Speaker 4: in school, and I'm like, what happened?
Speaker 2: That's crazy?
Speaker 3: How did you even mom during that time? I mean,
Speaker 3: like you're a single mom, Like, how did how was
Speaker 3: that invisible?
Speaker 4: I had? Well, I have two very It makes me
Speaker 4: emotional to talk about. I have two very self sufficient,
Speaker 4: you know, one teenager and one lean. We ordered a
Speaker 4: lot of Postman, like when I was home on the
Speaker 4: couch for that moment, it was a lot of Postmates
Speaker 4: and a lot of ubering them to wherever they were
Speaker 4: going to like playdates and things. They were still in
Speaker 4: school at first, so they had a driver that would
Speaker 4: like take them to school and home. And then and
Speaker 4: then when I went to the hospital, my dear friend
Speaker 4: of mine just moved into my house and she just yeah,
Speaker 4: she moved in and took care of them for the
Speaker 4: for the month that I was there. So it was
Speaker 4: and they I didn't see them because when I was
Speaker 4: at the house, it got so bad like the last
Speaker 4: few I mean times kind of like a blur now,
Speaker 4: but like it was so bad at a point, Like
Speaker 4: I remember one time one night they were making food
Speaker 4: in the kitchen. I was laying on the sofa and
Speaker 4: I just couldn't like hold it in, and I was
Speaker 4: like like screaming in pain. And I didn't want them
Speaker 4: to see me like that because you know, I didn't
Speaker 4: want to freak them out, but just like reassuring them
Speaker 4: that I was okay, it was just a backspasm. I
Speaker 4: was going to go get it checked out whatever. And
Speaker 4: then when I went into the hospital it looked even
Speaker 4: well it was worse, but and it just looked really bad.
Speaker 4: I would FaceTime them, but I didn't want them to
Speaker 4: come up to the hospital to see me. I mean,
Speaker 4: I had tubes coming out, you know, I had IVS
Speaker 4: and two in one arm, like sometimes one in my
Speaker 4: hand and oxygen and after the surgeries, you have like
Speaker 4: tubes coming out of you everywhere. And I was like,
Speaker 4: this would just really freak them out. So I would
Speaker 4: FaceTime them and like just pretend like, you know, it
Speaker 4: was okay and we were taking care of it. But
Speaker 4: I really didn't know. I wasn't super scared. In the hospital,
Speaker 4: Like I said, they don't really give you the give
Speaker 4: you enough information like what you need to know. But
Speaker 4: I was so under educated on like what how serious
Speaker 4: this was. Like while I was in it, I was
Speaker 4: just kind of going through the motions, you know, But
Speaker 4: afterwards I was like, holy wow, I thought was really
Speaker 4: really bad. One night I spiked a fever of like, ah,
Speaker 4: this was I was supposed to get out of the hospital,
Speaker 4: and like the next day and in the middle of
Speaker 4: the night, I spiked a fever of one hundred and
Speaker 4: five and like I'd never even heard of anybody having
Speaker 4: a fever that high. And that was for like a day.
Speaker 4: I had one hundred five, and then the next day
Speaker 4: it was one hundred four, and then it finally got
Speaker 4: down to one hundred three, and they had that. At
Speaker 4: that point, I got scared because this infection is a
Speaker 4: sticky infection, so like it stuck to my spine. A
Speaker 4: lot of people it's called ostiomlitis, and that's when it
Speaker 4: attacks the moone a lot of people it'll stick to
Speaker 4: like it's common more common, like a foot or like
Speaker 4: bones in your leg or something, but the spines, like,
Speaker 4: you know, more serious. But the first thing that they
Speaker 4: checked when they found out it was a bacterial infection
Speaker 4: was my heart. Because it's a sticky infection, it sticks
Speaker 4: to your heart. It can you can die quickly. And
Speaker 4: so when I spiked the fever, this is after I'd
Speaker 4: been in the hospital, like, you know, twenty six days
Speaker 4: or something, and I was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 4: went to my heart because that's what they thought like
Speaker 4: I was like convulsing massively sweating, but I was freezing
Speaker 4: and my blood pressure was like sky high, my heart
Speaker 4: rate was like out the roof, and my temperature was
Speaker 4: one hundred and five. And I was like, I remember
Speaker 4: laying there like, shit, I haven't seen my kids, like
Speaker 4: this is this could be really bad, and they it wasn't.
Speaker 4: It was I was having like some random, strange reaction,
Speaker 4: very rare reaction to one of the medicines that they
Speaker 4: had given me, and so I just needed to like
Speaker 4: get out of my system. But yeah, and so my
Speaker 4: kids were a little bit in the dark about everything.
Speaker 4: But when I got out of the hospital, I saw
Speaker 4: my son first. He was in the driveway randomly when
Speaker 4: I got home, and he just like fell into my
Speaker 4: arms and started weeping. Yeah. He was like, I didn't
Speaker 4: think you were going to come home from the hospital,
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my god. I didn't realize
Speaker 4: how scared they were.
Speaker 1: Well, it's also hard because you're the only one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they had this. My daughter's god emotional.
Speaker 1: This is wine down. Well, we cry every episode, so
Speaker 1: if you didn't cry, we wouldn't be doing our jobs.
Speaker 1: This is actually no.
Speaker 4: But my my daughter, she's a little tougher I think,
Speaker 4: or she we usually arener, just tougher. He yeah, but
Speaker 4: he seemed like he was tougher, like she seemed more sad,
Speaker 4: like when I was in the hospital and missed me
Speaker 4: more and stuff when we would talk, and he seemed
Speaker 4: to totally just like have it together and like he
Speaker 4: was trying to be like the little man of the house,
Speaker 4: you know. And then but when he saw mom, like
Speaker 4: he just and my back really hurt. I he and
Speaker 4: he's tall, my kid is My kids are huge. They're
Speaker 4: both five ten and they're twelve and thirteen. Oh wow,
Speaker 4: and I'm and I thought I was like tall for
Speaker 4: a girl until these kids, like I just look short.
Speaker 4: And he just like fell on me, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: it hurts so bad that he was like weeping, and
Speaker 4: I was like, geez, that must have been so scary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you did such a good job of protecting
Speaker 1: them too, you know. I think that's incredible, and it's
Speaker 1: got to be really hard, like you talk about I mean,
Speaker 1: this is months, right, so even you have a month
Speaker 1: in the hospital, but you have months before that, so
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you have to like come
Speaker 1: back to life in the real world. I put it
Speaker 1: in air quotes because your world to me is so
Speaker 1: layered and sometimes not as reel as it should be,
Speaker 1: that it's just observing from my sweet little city, you know,
Speaker 1: my seat in Nashville. But like, tell me, how do
Speaker 1: you transition from like this life altering moment of health.
Speaker 1: If you have health, you have everything to moving into
Speaker 1: filming a season with these people, then like how does
Speaker 1: that even? How do you even move yourself back into
Speaker 1: your world emotionally?
Speaker 4: So I'm still I think that's why I'm so emotional,
Speaker 4: Like it's been a struggle of this. So we stopped
Speaker 4: filming season six, and then I got sick for a month,
Speaker 4: and then I was in the hospital for a month.
Speaker 4: And now I've been out of the hospital almost a
Speaker 4: month or no over a month. But it's like I'm
Speaker 4: still I feel like we just stopped filming, Like my
Speaker 4: world the whole summer is just a it's like a
Speaker 4: chunk of my life just got taken away, like and
Speaker 4: it's I'm still trying to get back. We're not filming yet.
Speaker 4: We're still a hiatus until I don't know, and we
Speaker 4: haven't been given like a shoot date, but you know,
Speaker 4: we've had photo shoots and interviews and things like that,
Speaker 4: and it is very strange. I'm trying to play catch
Speaker 4: up to all of the things and all the plans
Speaker 4: that I had before we stopped filming, but with like
Speaker 4: this much energy, like no energy. I just only was
Speaker 4: released yesterday. I had a follow up appointment. I was
Speaker 4: only released yesterday. To lift over to lift more than
Speaker 4: five pounds, so like I can't bend, I can't twist,
Speaker 4: I can't lift more than five pounds, you know, getting
Speaker 4: in and out of the car, Like everything is different.
Speaker 4: I'm still on antibiotics, which have been like I've been on.
Speaker 4: I weaned myself off of massive amount. I'm proud of this.
Speaker 4: So I want to mention this because this is like
Speaker 4: a huge situation in the world right now.
Speaker 1: Narcotic pain We just talked about that last week. We
Speaker 1: watched that show Painkiller, and the fact of how it's
Speaker 1: like people can get so addicted. You know, they weren't
Speaker 1: addicts before, but then they when they got hurt from
Speaker 1: the back paint or whatever. Yeah, So.
Speaker 4: I was very cognizant of that when I was in
Speaker 4: the hospital, and even before I was released, I was
Speaker 4: trying to already sort of wean myself down, which was
Speaker 4: impossible because at the time I was I was getting intravenously.
Speaker 4: I mean every like, you know, four to six hours
Speaker 4: and sometimes and then every two hours. I would take.
Speaker 1: Something orally, like what did they give you for the pain?
Speaker 4: I had oxycodone, I had torrital, I had dilouded, I
Speaker 4: had morphine. I had never heard of dilouded or tortal.
Speaker 4: I'd heard a morphine, but it was like that's what
Speaker 4: people get when they like cut their arm off, Like
Speaker 4: that's like massive pain. And I'd heard of oxy cotone
Speaker 4: because that's like a massively addictive drug. When I got
Speaker 4: out of the hospital, I was only on oral pain killers,
Speaker 4: but I was taking like one hundred and twenty milligrams
Speaker 4: of oxycodone for about two months straight on top of
Speaker 4: all this other stuff. So I was very aware that,
Speaker 4: like I was going to have to wean myself. I
Speaker 4: was taking like nine of them a day when I
Speaker 4: first got the hospital, because I had to because the
Speaker 4: pain was sure. So, sir, I mean, I have you know,
Speaker 4: I had two spine surgeries. I have metal rods in
Speaker 4: my back now. One of my vertebrae was replaced with
Speaker 4: titanium because the infection completely ate through bones in my back.
Speaker 4: I still have, you know. Yesterday I had my follow
Speaker 4: up and I had an X ray. I have a
Speaker 4: really my hip is really painful, and it's because one
Speaker 4: of the joints in my hip had infection sitting on
Speaker 4: it for so long, and it's just it's just eaten
Speaker 4: like away, and it's something that there's no therapy that's
Speaker 4: going to make it better. There's no it's just he said,
Speaker 4: at some point I may have to go get like
Speaker 4: a an injection that will help the pain for like
Speaker 4: six months. But it's like it's already. It just hurts,
Speaker 4: like it just hurts all day every day, just like
Speaker 4: not excruciating, but it's just something I'm having to learn
Speaker 4: to deal with, like these new like pains. And I'm
Speaker 4: gonna be forty seven in December. I've always already getting
Speaker 4: a little creaky.
Speaker 1: Wait, December one eleven. Oh you're sad, me too, big
Speaker 1: sag energy.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 1: Well, that's kind of what I'm curious because, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of to Kristen's question where it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: when you do go back filming, it's like, I'm curious,
Speaker 1: like how your emotions are going to be with that
Speaker 1: because you you almost died, you know everything else you're
Speaker 1: going through. So it's like, are you kind of going
Speaker 1: in like just so grateful to be here or I
Speaker 1: mean obviously yes. And is it like you guys don't
Speaker 1: even have a fucking clue you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like stop talking about your product, bag your product. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like this, that and the other and like coming
Speaker 1: in like you know, just like realizing the crap out
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's I feel like I was already kind
Speaker 4: of like that anyway. So be honest, I'm a little
Speaker 4: bit nervous because you know, they like the drama on
Speaker 4: the show and they like the and I don't give
Speaker 4: a fuck about this that people argue about, like and
Speaker 4: if if I want to continue to have a job,
Speaker 4: I have to somewhat you know, participate and to participate,
Speaker 4: and I just don't have the energy, the want to
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna be honest. Like before I went into
Speaker 4: the hospital, I had a falling out with my dear
Speaker 4: friend Krishelle, like the one. I never have had a
Speaker 4: falling out like this with anybody, And you know, we
Speaker 4: had a misunderstanding. It happened kind of during season seven,
Speaker 4: and then it carried on a little bit afterwards, a
Speaker 4: lot afterwards, and I felt really really strongly about it,
Speaker 4: like I was so I was done. I was done
Speaker 4: with her. I didn't like the way she moved through
Speaker 4: the situation and we had been in I was just
Speaker 4: really I was very vocal about it, and it was
Speaker 4: like I really felt strongly about it, and she had
Speaker 4: been a really I love Chrishlle. She had been a
Speaker 4: really dear friend. And when I was in the hospital,
Speaker 4: she reached out to me and it made me so
Speaker 4: emotional and I just I wrote her back and I
Speaker 4: was like like in my head, I was like, what
Speaker 4: the fuck are we even? Are you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I just you know, and we've talked since and
Speaker 4: we're good. But I'm just like I don't even think
Speaker 4: I have one ounce of anything in me that could
Speaker 4: feed into any of it, unless I mean I can't
Speaker 4: even think of what would be a big enough reason
Speaker 4: to like really give two about some of the drama
Speaker 4: that they.
Speaker 1: But that might be exactly what we need from you.
Speaker 4: But I feel, yeah, I don't know, maybe.
Speaker 1: But again I get I get the pull that you
Speaker 1: have to do right well.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's always kind of been your personality,
Speaker 3: where you just kind of you're able to just hold back.
Speaker 1: That's what I love about you on the show.
Speaker 3: And I don't know if that is just because of
Speaker 3: all the trauma, like you said, that you've had, but
Speaker 3: you've always or it's because you're a single mama protecting
Speaker 3: your kids, you know. I don't know, but you've always
Speaker 3: been able to just hold it back.
Speaker 4: I just don't And I mean, I just have such
Speaker 4: low tolerance for things that are unimportant. And I think,
Speaker 4: I mean a lot of it. It's probably because I'm
Speaker 4: a single mom. I have more responsibility, I think than
Speaker 4: a lot of people understand. But then also I'm just
Speaker 4: a very logical human, right, I feel like I'm very literal,
Speaker 4: and I just feel like I'm kind of level headed
Speaker 4: kind of unless you trigger me. But I'm like, I
Speaker 4: just don't, like I literally look at them. Sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 4: I don't get it and I don't understand, like there's
Speaker 4: disconnects people like reading things and people and I'm just like,
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Was there someone from the show that really surprised you,
Speaker 1: like while you were in the hospital. Obviously the Krishelle text,
Speaker 1: but is there anyone else that you were you know
Speaker 1: kind of like wow, like they really showed up as
Speaker 1: a friend. Because I think when you go through moments
Speaker 1: like that, you really realize like who your friends are
Speaker 1: when you were at your lowest low.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we're all pretty close, to be honest,
Speaker 4: not all of us obviously, like Chryshell and Cole weren't
Speaker 4: our buddies.
Speaker 1: But no, I didn't get that one at all watching us,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, who cares if she did or didn't
Speaker 1: like to stop? And I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: I've got it. I was like, Okay, so maybe she
Speaker 1: did do drugs.
Speaker 2: Who cares.
Speaker 4: Want to go out and just do drugs? So true,
Speaker 4: I wasn't there. I wasn't in Palm Springs because us and.
Speaker 1: Because Jesus loves you and kept you away from Palm Springs.
Speaker 4: Or does Jesus not loving Nicole because somebody needed to
Speaker 4: stand up. Like I was mortified. I watched it when
Speaker 4: everybody else saw the show because my back was already
Speaker 4: hurting when we got the teaser or the trailers that's
Speaker 4: what they're called whatever, the screeners, and I couldn't watch
Speaker 4: it because I was in so much pain. This was
Speaker 4: after filming and I was home, and so I watched
Speaker 4: it when the world saw and I was like, I
Speaker 4: wanted to go back in time, jump through the television
Speaker 4: and be in Palm Springs and be like, what the
Speaker 4: literal fuck. I was so mortified. I couldn't believe that
Speaker 4: it was explained to me very differently than how it
Speaker 4: went down. It was like, explained very differently.
Speaker 1: That's interesting to me.
Speaker 4: Everybody is you know, I'm really close to a lot
Speaker 4: of people in the office, but I will say for
Speaker 4: somebody who lives so far away from you know, I
Speaker 4: was at Cedar Sina in Beverly Hills, Chelsea, like we're close,
Speaker 4: but she was at the hospital multiple times, you know,
Speaker 4: and she lives in Manhattan Beach, so it's not like
Speaker 4: and she's she's a mama too, Like she's got two
Speaker 4: little ones, like two and I think maybe three and
Speaker 4: two I don't know how they are now, but their babies.
Speaker 4: So I was I was not surprised because I do
Speaker 4: love her so much, but it was like it was
Speaker 4: really cool that she came up to the hospital so
Speaker 4: many times, and like she brought me like pajamas. So
Speaker 4: I just kept staying longer and longer, and I was
Speaker 4: like running out of clothes. They don't do your laundry
Speaker 4: at the hospital, so you're just you know, And I
Speaker 4: refused to wear that gown. It was just not because
Speaker 4: I'm a fashion east and I mean I like fashion,
Speaker 4: but it was just so uncomfortable and it just made
Speaker 4: it feel so much more hospital.
Speaker 1: I feel like they've made those gowns. By the way,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you girls this, but I went to Centennial.
Speaker 1: I you did.
Speaker 3: I was wondering how it went.
Speaker 1: How did you know anyways? But I have your calendar.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I went like at night time after a date.
Speaker 2: Oh no.
Speaker 1: I didn't tell anyone's else so embarrassed. I'm pregnant, so
Speaker 1: I had a little like I didn't know. I was
Speaker 1: just like super embarrassed or whatever. So I didn't tell anyone.
Speaker 1: But the ladies like are here put on the gown
Speaker 1: and I'm like and I'm in there, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's so many new buttons on these gowns, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what my head through this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like or a gomi, like hospital down or gomi.
Speaker 1: So I just stood there naked open the door. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know which bottom goes to which
Speaker 1: arms were just put this on me. I picked my
Speaker 1: head out of the curtain last time, and I was like,
Speaker 1: can y'all just come in? I need like major help.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm doing, and you're going to
Speaker 1: come in here and I'm going to have it. I know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, in the bed it's all stuck and you can't.
Speaker 1: Like you like a string up your butthole. We're never
Speaker 1: lounging an address at home anyways, so why are they
Speaker 1: putting us in a dress there? It's weird.
Speaker 4: I have dressed its even Yeah, yeah, oh, are super uncomfortable.
Speaker 4: I actually ended up at the end of it. By
Speaker 4: the end of my stay, I kept calling in my
Speaker 4: hotel room for someone. Maybe that's just you run a
Speaker 4: lot of drugs. To be fair, I was on a
Speaker 4: lot of drugs. It was the most expensive hotel room
Speaker 4: I've ever stayed in with the crappy food service. But
Speaker 4: my friend Jewels came and he like redecorated my room.
Speaker 4: Was like he's a gay guy and he's like very
Speaker 4: over the top and he was like this is disaster
Speaker 4: and he like put artwork up and he brought me
Speaker 4: like this giant inflatable. I don't even think this was
Speaker 4: legal for the hospital. It was like I think they
Speaker 4: just I'd been there for so long. It was like
Speaker 4: a queen size massive blow up bed that he put
Speaker 4: next to my hospital bed, and like these starlights that
Speaker 4: like illuminated on the ceiling that played like meditation music,
Speaker 4: and a candle warmer that smelled really good. Like the
Speaker 4: nurses would come in and be like this is dope
Speaker 4: in here. But yeah, I just I ended up moving
Speaker 4: from the hospital bed like the last week and a
Speaker 4: half that I was there, to this massive blow up
Speaker 4: mattress on the floor because the hospital beds were so uncomfortable.
Speaker 4: It was just over it.
Speaker 3: They like ruined, you maybet not doing it after a
Speaker 3: baby for like three days after a sea section and
Speaker 3: how bad that seems and then have to do it
Speaker 3: for a mile.
Speaker 1: My tailbow's still broken from my breath. Three months ago, my.
Speaker 4: Spine was what hurt in like the bed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it was Now and looking back on everything
Speaker 1: that you have gone through, what do you think is
Speaker 1: your biggest kind of like what do you say to yourself?
Speaker 1: Like to kind of I don't know, I don't want
Speaker 1: to say that because obviously you're you're incredibly strong, but like,
Speaker 1: what is your biggest takeaway from all of this?
Speaker 4: I've actually been having I keep saying I'm emotional, but
Speaker 4: I have I've been maybe I'm pmssing. I don't know,
Speaker 4: Maybe I'm.
Speaker 1: Just it's a lot, girl. You've literally have been carrying
Speaker 1: a lot for your whole life too, Yeah, just like
Speaker 1: the last year.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. And I also I have a friend right
Speaker 4: now who's very sick, and I'm like, I just like
Speaker 4: feel like I just got a second chance at life.
Speaker 4: And then I'm simultaneously watching my dear friend not like
Speaker 4: she's has stage four cancer like in three parts of
Speaker 4: our twenty six years old beautiful like supermodel, like the
Speaker 4: most amazing soul, and like she's like I'm like watching
Speaker 4: her die and I'm like, I don't know, it's weird.
Speaker 4: I'm like, Okay, I feel really blessed and really grateful
Speaker 4: and really lucky about what the fuck on the other hand,
Speaker 4: like why is this happening to this person? And I
Speaker 4: feel really, I don't know. I feel like I I've
Speaker 4: got to do more. I feel like I wouldn't have
Speaker 4: gone through all of this stuff and then come out
Speaker 4: like still happy and jolly and amanza if I wasn't
Speaker 4: supposed to do something huge with it. And like, I know,
Speaker 4: I'm doing okay things and I have a platform and
Speaker 4: we're on this show, and that doesn't feel like that's
Speaker 4: not it for me. It never has been in my head.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, Okay, I just really need to like
Speaker 4: bust my ass right now and figure out how to
Speaker 4: get to what that next big thing is because I
Speaker 4: wasn't just brought through all of this to be on
Speaker 4: And look, I love selling Sunset. I'm not trying to
Speaker 4: like diminish its glory at all, but that's not the
Speaker 4: platform that I'm going to like go out on. Like
Speaker 4: I feel like I need to really continue to like,
Speaker 4: you know, cultivate, like my motivational speaking and like all
Speaker 4: of the big plans that I have to inspire people
Speaker 4: and like, I just feel like there's no way that
Speaker 4: I've been put through all this shit and then come
Speaker 4: out shiny and new on the other side if I
Speaker 4: wasn't supposed to somehow share my experience and give people
Speaker 4: hope and help others be able to do the same
Speaker 4: and not give up in the midst of it all.
Speaker 4: So it's just kind of lit a fire under my butt,
Speaker 4: except for I can't move fast enough right now to
Speaker 4: do as about it as I want to, so but yeah,
Speaker 4: I think it's just it's just another one of those
Speaker 4: things like I'm gonna be honest, like I got I'm
Speaker 4: just kind of a hardhead. I don't think I would
Speaker 4: have worked as hard as I have before my children's
Speaker 4: father disappeared. Like that lit a fire under my ass,
Speaker 4: you know, because I was like, now I cannot feel
Speaker 4: like it is on me. I have to do the most,
Speaker 4: and I'm some part of me is like like, I
Speaker 4: guess maybe I needed that to to get myself to
Speaker 4: the potential that I know that I could be. And
Speaker 4: then here's this thing and it's like, oh, maybe I
Speaker 4: needed that to light a fire under me to get
Speaker 4: to the next, you know, step of where I'm supposed
Speaker 4: to be. There's a lot more inside of me, and
Speaker 4: I just got to figure out how to like how
Speaker 4: to get it out there to the world.
Speaker 1: Well, Amanza, thank you for just being so open, authentic,
Speaker 1: sharing your story and just I mean I want to, like,
Speaker 1: I want to give you a hug, I want to
Speaker 1: sit with you like you're just You're an incredible woman.
Speaker 1: So thank you for coming on here and just sharing
Speaker 1: your words.
Speaker 4: I want to hug you too, because you have a
Speaker 4: baby and your million come to Nashville and come hang
Speaker 4: out with us for a minute. I would love to.
Speaker 4: That sounds so good, like just humbling and like, yeah.
Speaker 1: Just get cozy with us or anytime girl whatever. Past
Speaker 1: selling sunsetses is what we're to come in and let
Speaker 1: us love on you like. It's probably not much Michigan
Speaker 1: Michigan girls right here. Yeah, yeah, that's why you're so cool.
Speaker 2: Though.
Speaker 1: The Midwest Midwest girls are just different, hustle harder.
Speaker 4: I think so too.
Speaker 1: I said sorry to.
Speaker 4: Somebody that Midwest people like you could I can meet
Speaker 4: a serial killer and be like Midwest. If they were Midwest,
Speaker 4: I'll be like, you.
Speaker 1: Must have had a good reason. Girl. Please come to
Speaker 1: Nashville and let us love on you less aggressively because
Speaker 1: of your sweet back, and we could just be together.
Speaker 4: Does anybody need your house decorated or anything? I would come, girl.
Speaker 1: I'm moving in my house. I'm moving into my new
Speaker 1: house in two days, so nursery, let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're amazing. Yeah, I love it. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll d M you. Okay, all right, girlfriend, I love
Speaker 1: you all right, love you so much. Thank you friend.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I can't. I can't imagine. Guys, I
Speaker 1: you be a our best friend. I know many people
Speaker 1: we like kind of force into friendship. I know I
Speaker 1: totally slid into Tiffany's d MS. I was like, anytime
Speaker 1: you're back in h She's like, oh, I definitely would
Speaker 1: love to friend that. I'm always like chann to make
Speaker 1: them our friend, our friend. But I just I can't
Speaker 1: imagine everything. Oh all that and what crazy you know?
Speaker 1: And I think it's hard to This is one thing.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: We've talked about this a bit, but like I am
Speaker 1: just I think we all are similar ish, but like
Speaker 1: I don't ask for help when I need it hardly ever,
Speaker 1: and then I feel like when I do. It's it's
Speaker 1: hard to rely on people, and so I can't imagine
Speaker 1: being in a position where I literally cannot help my
Speaker 1: kids and have to rely on people to help me.
Speaker 1: And like what I mean, it's just like a piece
Speaker 1: of you when you're that, when we're when you're wired
Speaker 1: the way we're wired, that's its own morning too, you know,
Speaker 1: tricky layered.
Speaker 2: She had to figure it out.
Speaker 1: She's amazing. Do we get to talk about your emergency visit?
Speaker 1: You had an emergency visit, That's what she was saying.
Speaker 3: I thought you made you were touring the hospital.
Speaker 1: That's what I did. We did tour the hospital. But
Speaker 1: what's the other you brought it? I know, but I
Speaker 1: was like, yell, are welcome. I didn't tell yeah because
Speaker 1: I was embarrassed. Don't be embarrassed. I've gone. I feel
Speaker 1: like I wasted my one. You don't get anymore, baby,
Speaker 1: do you remember? Yeah, you're like way you were, way closer.
Speaker 1: I feel that way.
Speaker 3: In case something happens, I'm afraid you're like, we already
Speaker 3: had my one.
Speaker 1: I can't go the rules you create for yourself again.
Speaker 1: I don't want to inconvenience Alan. If I have to,
Speaker 1: we have to I know, which is like so silly
Speaker 1: because we had guess you're pregnant with this baby. I
Speaker 1: need to say that out loud. I never, You're never
Speaker 1: because you're pregnant with this baby, right, I know. But
Speaker 1: I just felt I felt stupid. I felt like it
Speaker 1: was a waste of time. No, again they go back
Speaker 1: to like what I've talked about was right. But but yes,
Speaker 1: So we were on a uh we were doing a
Speaker 1: double date with one of our neighbors, and uh, I
Speaker 1: had so I'm used to the round ligament pain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: get that, I know that, but I had stabbing. I
Speaker 1: mean like it was like someone was taking a knife
Speaker 1: to the middle of my belly button and I was
Speaker 1: like I had never felt that pain before. So I
Speaker 1: was like I like like, I was like this is
Speaker 1: this is that's new and it scared me. And it
Speaker 1: happened like every it was like thirty seconds to a minute,
Speaker 1: like at least like four or five times. We were
Speaker 1: already downtown and I texted doctor Norman and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm having stabbing pains in my belly button. And again,
Speaker 1: that was my first text to her ever that I've
Speaker 1: had her number. So like it I felt like that too,
Speaker 1: so I was like, I know. So it was just
Speaker 1: like and she and she goes go to the hospital, yes,
Speaker 1: because that doesn't that doesn't sound right. But then it
Speaker 1: started to stop, right, so then it was like not
Speaker 1: as bad. So then I'm like, well, just because we're
Speaker 1: going to go there, they're going to say it's fine.
Speaker 1: And then he's like, what do you want to do that?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, let's just go. And then I
Speaker 1: was like, well, I don't know though, because what if
Speaker 1: it is something? You know, then you start to thinking
Speaker 1: what if it is something because I've never felt this,
Speaker 1: Like I don't this is not what I've ever felt before.
Speaker 1: So then we ended up He's like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: make the decision for you, and we're going. I was
Speaker 1: just like okay, And in my mind I'm like thank
Speaker 1: you because I would have said just go home, right.
Speaker 1: And so then were there so I was having contractions.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's what I was gonna say. I had
Speaker 1: the same pain. I had never felt that before. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's the third or what. I had
Speaker 1: never felt it either, But I honestly be like, and
Speaker 1: anybody else that's listening, you have to pay attention. The
Speaker 1: smallest things can be the biggest things, and we just
Speaker 1: have to go in and you know what, none of
Speaker 1: those hell I've worked on the I work on the
Speaker 1: nonprofit side with doctor Norman and that whole team. None
Speaker 1: of them are ever tired of us being cautious about
Speaker 1: our bodies and babies bodies period. You can never maybe
Speaker 1: you could text her too much, but you can never
Speaker 1: reach out enough. You can never check enough. Like the
Speaker 1: tiniest things are the biggest things, and that just makes
Speaker 1: you a good mom. So you need to get in.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've done this three times. Yeah, that's where
Speaker 1: you had had contractions. Uh did you have contractions with
Speaker 1: with Jolie?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I did almost. I don't really.
Speaker 3: Remember if I had it because I didn't.
Speaker 1: And I think too because our bodies grow differently. It's
Speaker 1: the third time, so there's something that stretches differently too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's weird. But I was contracting too, and I said, well,
Speaker 1: is this like Braxton Hicks because I had never had
Speaker 1: that before. Yeah, and she said no, it's early labor,
Speaker 1: but this could go on for months. Yeah yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, because I was at twenty eight weeks, I know,
Speaker 1: so She's like, yeah, we saw a contraction on the
Speaker 1: on the thing, and I was like, well that's then that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that. So I was like, well, at least I
Speaker 1: was like, so I walk out again. I always have
Speaker 1: to have a reason for something going in so that
Speaker 1: it was not inconvenience. I was like, see I was
Speaker 1: having contractions. It's like, yea, even if you weren't, it's okay.
Speaker 1: But I know I didn't like I would just see
Speaker 1: that that's a contraction. That definitely is when they said it.
Speaker 1: But I also, I will say this because it's a
Speaker 1: new hospital to both of us. I also enjoyed that
Speaker 1: I had a dry run and I knew where to
Speaker 1: go and made me take a little ease too, because
Speaker 1: the last thing you needed to do is be like
Speaker 1: wandering around. Well yeah, so anyways, so that was that.
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you, thank you. Oh and I'm more
Speaker 1: proud of Alan, but proud of you. I know, I
Speaker 1: love the fact that he said that. But no, the
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian thing on the side note, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what happened because she had surgery Courtney
Speaker 1: Courtney sorry means Courtney. Yeah, scary, so scary fetal surgery.
Speaker 1: So I was just like, oh my god, and then
Speaker 1: it just starts to Then I started reading what what
Speaker 1: does that mean? Because I knew you could have well
Speaker 1: different so she must be under a certain because I'm like.
Speaker 3: Well, there could be certain things, Yeah, it could happen.
Speaker 1: Well, she's an older mom too, so they're just cautious
Speaker 1: about anyways. Okay, well, good episode, glad you're well, Love
Speaker 1: you guys, and we'll see you next week in the
Speaker 1: new house.
Speaker 4: Ye bye bye