Speaker 1: Episode four forty five. I deserve mentality is financially toxic.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity, and liver a your life. Here
Speaker 2: your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen,
Speaker 1: my name is Jill, and today we are talking about
Speaker 1: this mentality that we often have to rationalize or justify purchases,
Speaker 1: where we say to ourselves, I deserve this, I deserve
Speaker 1: And we're going to flip it on its head a
Speaker 1: little because a lot of the times when people say, no,
Speaker 1: you don't deserve that if you can't afford it, where
Speaker 1: we say, no, you actually deserve more than what you
Speaker 1: think you deserve. And by the end of this episode,
Speaker 1: we want you to understand why and why this I
Speaker 1: deserve mentality is actually limiting you from what you truly deserve.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not to say that you don't deserve anything, you
Speaker 3: deserve it, or are not worthy or worthwhile, and we'll
Speaker 3: get into that, but kind of poking some holes in
Speaker 3: the ways in which we kind of talk to ourselves
Speaker 3: allow ourselves to enjoy little pleasures, little treats.
Speaker 1: But first, this episode is brought to you by little
Speaker 1: fires everywhere. No, not the book or the TV show,
Speaker 1: but the internal fires you are putting out every day.
Speaker 1: If you feel like the decision of what to buy
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Speaker 1: get all the free gifts that come with pre ordering.
Speaker 1: And we have some classes coming up about saving money
Speaker 1: on transportation, saving money on home renovations, rent home buying,
Speaker 1: and then our two favorites are at the very end,
Speaker 1: building a full year meal plan and a full year
Speaker 1: spending plan. So buy What you Loovebook dot com. These
Speaker 1: are free classes, free demonstrations you will not want to miss.
Speaker 4: It's the hose you you didn't know you needed.
Speaker 1: Is that? Yeah, that drink of cool water from at
Speaker 1: the end of the summers, at the end of summer,
Speaker 1: putting out those little fires that are everywhere.
Speaker 3: I've been having fun with these live events too, these
Speaker 3: little incentives and bonuses for pre ordering the book. They've
Speaker 3: been enjoyable because the best part is we're not telling
Speaker 3: people anything. You're not joining, so we can hopefully get
Speaker 3: you to do something for us. This is our thank
Speaker 3: you to you for having bought the book, and it's
Speaker 3: just as so fun.
Speaker 1: Yes, So if you are interested in kind of spending
Speaker 1: psychology and spending mindset, then we have a ton of
Speaker 1: episodes for you. We also have distilled it into our
Speaker 1: book by what youlovebook dot com, but some episodes you
Speaker 1: can queue up in the meantime while you're waiting for
Speaker 1: the book to ship. Episode three eighty three Overcoming Emotional
Speaker 1: Spending with Megan Dwyer and episode three ninety seven how
Speaker 1: cognitive biases cause us to overspend with Amanda Montel. That
Speaker 1: was a very fun one, uh, And I love talking
Speaker 1: about complexity bias and how it causes us to always
Speaker 1: try to add more to solve our problems instead of
Speaker 1: just simplifying all the time. Even still like me today,
Speaker 1: I still will initially just try to add something to
Speaker 1: solve the problem, and I have to stop myself and
Speaker 1: just contemplate simplicity first. So it's always good to have
Speaker 1: the reminder, even when you feel like you know the
Speaker 1: answer to have a reminder a good, good thing.
Speaker 3: But stick with us here because we're talking about something
Speaker 3: a little bit spicy here. The article we're going to
Speaker 3: go through is by Katie Rossler, and it is titled
Speaker 3: questioning Your Worth the I Deserve This fallacy, and she
Speaker 3: essentially talks through this mindset of I deserve this, that
Speaker 3: thought that creeps in when maybe we're eyeing up purchasing
Speaker 3: a new outfit, or contemplating celebrating with an expensive meal,
Speaker 3: or binge watching our favorite TV show instead of going
Speaker 3: to bed when we really probably deserves sleep, and really
Speaker 3: talks a lot about kind of growing up in the
Speaker 3: United States. I know we have listeners all over, but
Speaker 3: the majority of you are in the US, and I
Speaker 3: think we see this mindset most prevalent here in the
Speaker 3: States of using this mentality to kind of give freedom
Speaker 3: or find leeway. There really isn't a whole lot of
Speaker 3: freedom to it, actually, but it's what makes us feel
Speaker 3: like justification in making some of these decisions that can
Speaker 3: ultimately not actually be great for our wallets. They're not
Speaker 3: creating the greatest of habits for us, and can kind
Speaker 3: of lead to this exchange that we then enter into
Speaker 3: with ourselves. I think that's the biggest hole to poke
Speaker 3: here is that we then see it as oh, I
Speaker 3: have to earn this thing. I need to be able
Speaker 3: to deserve it in order to have it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think for me, it's important to remember that
Speaker 1: the things that we just take for granted that are
Speaker 1: socially acceptable to purchase or to just have or consume
Speaker 1: never naturally got there. The things that our cultural norms
Speaker 1: always started out as marketing campaigns. So even down to
Speaker 1: like eating eggs at breakfast, people didn't just come over
Speaker 1: to America eating eggs at breakfast. That was a marketing
Speaker 1: campaign from I guess egg, Big Egg, from Big Egg,
Speaker 1: from Big Chicken. I don't know, but it was a
Speaker 1: marketing campaign either either by that or by the bake,
Speaker 1: by Big Bake, and I'm not I don't remember. But
Speaker 1: and it's the same with it. I deserve mentality. The
Speaker 1: marketing campaigns that say you you deserve it, you deserve this,
Speaker 1: you deserve that. They are for decades and decades, different
Speaker 1: companies have been using it. And so that's how it's
Speaker 1: so ingrained in us. It's not something that is just
Speaker 1: natural to our humanity. So recognizing that first and foremost,
Speaker 1: then you can move on from that and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this may feel natural, it's not natural. It's normal, and
Speaker 1: so we don't have to go we don't have to
Speaker 1: go against what's natural to go against what's normal.
Speaker 3: And that's not to say that we are discounting at
Speaker 3: all intrinsic value or worth. It's recognizing that a lot
Speaker 3: of times, the I deserve this mentality is attaching value
Speaker 3: or worth to having achieved something first in order to
Speaker 3: deserve it, right, I had to have a long day
Speaker 3: in order to allow myself to binge watch TV. I
Speaker 3: have to have already deprived myself so much from buying
Speaker 3: new things that now I feel like I deserve this
Speaker 3: treat of a new outfit. I have to feel as
Speaker 3: though I haven't. I've practically starved myself, so now I deserve.
Speaker 3: So it's usually the unhealthy way of approaching this mentality
Speaker 3: is it's attached to our deeds and whether or not
Speaker 3: we've done enough to then give ourselves this type of reward.
Speaker 3: But the problem with then the types of rewards that
Speaker 3: we attach to it is that it's creating overspending, impulse spending.
Speaker 3: Some of these unhealthy habits for ourselves are our sleep,
Speaker 3: our nutrition, and it can ultimately lead to overall dissatisfaction.
Speaker 3: It doesn't actually land at the what we truly do deserve.
Speaker 3: And so I think, as with all things, finding that
Speaker 3: radical middle of detaching ourselves from this I deserve mentality
Speaker 3: without letting go of the recognition that we do have
Speaker 3: intrinsic worth and value. There are things we deserve. They
Speaker 3: just don't need to be attached to a near of
Speaker 3: what have you done?
Speaker 4: What have you accomplished?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and on the same same wavelength, realizing that what
Speaker 1: you deserve is more than a little treat, what you
Speaker 1: deserve is more than this thing someone is marketing you too.
Speaker 1: We use it. That just made me think of like,
Speaker 1: we use a lot of rationalization to justify our actions
Speaker 1: and our purchases. And I have been waiting on this
Speaker 1: new laptop backpack for several weeks. I don't have Amazon Prime,
Speaker 1: so I don't have two day shipping, so I've had
Speaker 1: to wait. And I keep telling people about this and
Speaker 1: slipping up and saying like, yeah, I needed a new
Speaker 1: laptop backpack, when in reality I didn't need it. I
Speaker 1: we say need to justify, like we have to earn
Speaker 1: our you know, our purchases in some way. The fact
Speaker 1: was is I wanted a new laptop backpack. The one
Speaker 1: I I have right now is disintegrating. I never zip
Speaker 1: up my backpacks, so this one just flaps all the
Speaker 1: way open, and the one I bought, like, even if
Speaker 1: I don't zip it up, it'll still kind of stay closed.
Speaker 1: And I wanted that, And there's nothing wrong with wanting things.
Speaker 1: And so so often we use words like uh oh,
Speaker 1: I need to upgrade this, or like I need you know,
Speaker 1: a new this or that or a bigger this, or
Speaker 1: I deserve this because I did this, Like we can
Speaker 1: separate our needs and what we quote unquote deserve, Like
Speaker 1: we have to take those words almost out of the
Speaker 1: equation to really be neutral about what we're buying.
Speaker 3: And give space to be able to spend on wants.
Speaker 3: It's not about only spending on needs or only achieving
Speaker 3: something that you feel you deserve, but really recognizing your
Speaker 3: values are worth, honoring your life is worth, and what
Speaker 3: is the best way of showing value and honor to
Speaker 3: your season, to your finances, to your wants and needs?
Speaker 3: Because those two are very blurry to be honest with
Speaker 3: you and then be able to allocate in that way
Speaker 3: rather than kind of attaching it in this more kind
Speaker 3: of twisted way. One of the quotes in here that
Speaker 3: I wanted to highlight that I found pretty helpful in
Speaker 3: teasing a part this idea. They say, in challenging the
Speaker 3: I deserve this mindset, we can begin to create a
Speaker 3: life marked by real enjoyment and well being, which is
Speaker 3: what we truly deserve. We can break away from the
Speaker 3: cycle of overspending and unhealthy choices and journey towards a healthier, smarter,
Speaker 3: and happier life. We can create the life we have
Speaker 3: always wanted by no longer giving in to the I
Speaker 3: deserve this voice.
Speaker 1: We are often conditioned to think we deserve things when
Speaker 1: we deserve so much more, and focusing on those things
Speaker 1: really does get us to the thing we deserve, not
Speaker 1: a poor substitute for it.
Speaker 3: I also want to highlight some of these helpful questions
Speaker 3: that they outline in the article on figuring out kind
Speaker 3: of how to retrain our minds and so. One of
Speaker 3: them is, where is the I deserve this voice so
Speaker 3: strong that it takes control.
Speaker 4: Of what you do.
Speaker 3: So what are the areas in which you find yourself
Speaker 3: saying I deserve this the most often? And it'll probably
Speaker 3: be pretty indicative of maybe what's going on in your
Speaker 3: life at the moment, what feels the most stressful, maybe
Speaker 3: potentially where your values lie or maybe where your impulse
Speaker 3: spending happens to be. But asking that first question will
Speaker 3: be really enlightening. And then from there considering how has
Speaker 3: this voice made you question your worth by thinking you
Speaker 3: deserve things only when you've earned it or you've had
Speaker 3: a bad day, So how has the voice made you
Speaker 3: question that? And again teasing these things apart, Okay, let's
Speaker 3: talk now about some of the ways that we can
Speaker 3: think differently because we don't just want to We're not
Speaker 3: just about deprivation, right or like eliminating something out of
Speaker 3: our thinking patterns, but then replacing that with things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's really the goal of replacing the you know,
Speaker 1: challenging this I deserve mentality is to replace it with
Speaker 1: something more positive and healthier. And so we are going
Speaker 1: to look at another article, and this one is from Fitsvilleferte.
Speaker 3: And well done. We don't speak Spanish, but she's trying.
Speaker 1: I deserve mentality dealing with this harmful money mindset, and
Speaker 1: a lot a lot of people, maybe not a lot,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people do really talk negatively
Speaker 1: about the I deserve mindset and really make us feel
Speaker 1: a lot of shame and guilt. So when we've had
Speaker 1: a long day and we want to treat ourselves, we
Speaker 1: feel like guilty for treating ourselves. And so how can
Speaker 1: we still quote unquote treat ourselves to something that really
Speaker 1: gets at the root cause of either our exhaustion or
Speaker 1: our stress. Thinking about asking those questions like what is happening?
Speaker 1: Where is this I deserve voice so strong? Why is
Speaker 1: it strong? But what and what can I do to
Speaker 1: really treat the root cause and not just the symptom?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, This article gives I think just two helpful areas
Speaker 3: to consider. The first is practicality over recklessness. So we're
Speaker 3: not talking about not care for ourselves or allowing ourselves
Speaker 3: to engage in things that are going to be life
Speaker 3: giving or RESTful to us, but really being certain and
Speaker 3: intentional about what those things are. So they give some
Speaker 3: helpful examples here of let's say that you know ahead
Speaker 3: of time this week is going to be pretty stressful
Speaker 3: for me. I've got multiple events, important meetings scheduled, and
Speaker 3: so you have decided that you will care for yourself
Speaker 3: then at the end of the week by engaging in
Speaker 3: something that's enjoyable. That may still be carving out time
Speaker 3: to watch your favorite TV show or eat your favorite meal,
Speaker 3: whatever it may be. It just is shifting the mindset
Speaker 3: a bit and detaching it from no, I've earned this,
Speaker 3: I deserve this. I'm going to treat myself to how
Speaker 3: can I best care for myself and meet my needs
Speaker 3: that I'm anticipating are going to be happening for me.
Speaker 3: It's not as if all of the actions are even
Speaker 3: changing that dramatically, but I think the mindset is a
Speaker 3: massive shift that can be a lot more kind to
Speaker 3: ourselves and a lot more intentional, giving much more forethought
Speaker 3: to what will I then need. It's similar to our finances, right,
Speaker 3: like I see these things coming, how can I prepare
Speaker 3: for them? We can't prepare for everything. But what's going
Speaker 3: to be the best way to meet this need with
Speaker 3: my money? What's going to be the best way to
Speaker 3: meet this need with my time? And wherever we can
Speaker 3: kind of plan ahead and think through rather than having
Speaker 3: a knee jerk or impulsive reaction. Really measuring ourselves in
Speaker 3: the same ways that we measure our finances, measuring our
Speaker 3: emotional and relational capacities and currencies of what will this
Speaker 3: cost me? And how can I then care for myself
Speaker 3: as a result of this, not just because I not
Speaker 3: I deserve this treat, but I deserve to be cared for.
Speaker 3: I deserve to meet my needs head on and not
Speaker 3: kind of grasp for them and take guesses at them
Speaker 3: and be told what's going to meet my needs to
Speaker 3: have somebody else tell me what I deserve, like I
Speaker 3: get to decide that and what's going to most care
Speaker 3: for me in the midst of whatever my days, weeks,
Speaker 3: and months hold.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Similarly, we deserve to honor our season as well.
Speaker 1: So maybe it's not an external reward, but maybe it's
Speaker 1: buying pre prepped froom from the grocery stores that you
Speaker 1: don't have to cook during a busy week, or not
Speaker 1: that you don't have to cook, but you don't have
Speaker 1: to prep you can just throw things on a sheet
Speaker 1: pan into the oven. Stuff like that. I deserve to
Speaker 1: have rest with my family and not feel guilty that
Speaker 1: I'm not cleaning or renovating or doing something like that.
Speaker 1: So I think really like reframing this, Yes, okay, I deserve,
Speaker 1: but what do I deserve? And naming it, writing it
Speaker 1: down what do I deserve? And it's going to look
Speaker 1: small at first, but it's going to get bigger the
Speaker 1: more you practice it. It's something like knowing what you
Speaker 1: truly deserve comes almost with like in Maslow's hierarchy of needs,
Speaker 1: like ascending to that self actualization portion, like feeling like
Speaker 1: you're living in your full potential. That's kind of where
Speaker 1: we're getting at when we're practicing you know, what do
Speaker 1: I deserve? What do I truly deserve? And we've got
Speaker 1: to practice that a lot before we can get to
Speaker 1: what is truly going to make me feel like I'm
Speaker 1: living in my purpose? And so the other point in
Speaker 1: this article is rewarding yourself with what you truly deserve.
Speaker 1: And I'll just say so often we only talk about
Speaker 1: external motivators and external rewards, especially in personal finance, because
Speaker 1: those are just the easiest things to talk about. So
Speaker 1: I have a rough day, So on Friday, I'm going
Speaker 1: to treat myself to a dinner out on the weekend,
Speaker 1: I'm going to treat myself to the farmer's market, what
Speaker 1: have you. But truly, external rewards only last for so long.
Speaker 1: The only work for so long. If you've ever tried
Speaker 1: to go on a diet, if you've ever tried to
Speaker 1: pay off debt, if you've ever tried to do anything
Speaker 1: big where you've only prioritized rewarding yourself with external rewards,
Speaker 1: you'll find that within a few weeks to a few months,
Speaker 1: it's just not doing it for you anymore. It's not
Speaker 1: worth doing the hard thing to get that external reward.
Speaker 1: The only reason we should be pursuing external rewards is
Speaker 1: to develop internal motivators, so these internal joys that we
Speaker 1: will do something for the sake of doing it. So
Speaker 1: it took me a while to frugality because I didn't
Speaker 1: like saving money in a bank account for the sake
Speaker 1: of having big numbers on a screen right for an
Speaker 1: unknown future. I really love and I'm obsessed with frugality
Speaker 1: now because I know my actions are really great for
Speaker 1: the environment, They're really great for my health and my home.
Speaker 1: To keep it simplified and uncluttered, it helps me with
Speaker 1: my schedule. There's less cleaning like there are so many
Speaker 1: internal benefits that I have recognized over eight years of
Speaker 1: doing this that now it is a joy for me.
Speaker 1: But at first I had to develop that. And so
Speaker 1: going back to the practicing what you deserve, you can
Speaker 1: start out with these, you know, little treats if that's
Speaker 1: something you're doing a lot right now, but just make
Speaker 1: a plan to phase out of them as you are
Speaker 1: working on developed almost I don't want to say it's
Speaker 1: like self worth, but just definitely like knowing more and
Speaker 1: more like what you deserve.
Speaker 3: I think at least making sure what are the little
Speaker 3: treats attached to. I think this is really similar to
Speaker 3: our values based spending conversation. Are the coffees, the dinners,
Speaker 3: the impulse spending? Are they attached to actual values that
Speaker 3: you have or are they just kind of floating out
Speaker 3: and not really truly meeting the need. So again, it
Speaker 3: could be that you still engage in some of these
Speaker 3: same practices, but you have a greater level of awareness
Speaker 3: of why you're doing them, the ways that they are
Speaker 3: meeting your needs, fulfilling you, or maybe you're deciding that
Speaker 3: there's shifts you're going to make, there's replacements that are
Speaker 3: going to happen, because no, it doesn't actually give you
Speaker 3: the thing that you deserve. It leaves you feeling like
Speaker 3: you feel guilt about spending on that, regret purchasing that thing,
Speaker 3: or it didn't actually provide you the rest that you wanted.
Speaker 3: And so this is much more of a call to
Speaker 3: what's actually valuing to us in the ways that we
Speaker 3: spend our money, and I think even over arching, like
Speaker 3: as it relates to finances, I deserve to be debt free.
Speaker 3: I deserve to be able to invest in my retirement accounts.
Speaker 3: I deserve to be able to afford a roof over
Speaker 3: my head. I deserve to be able to purchase healthy,
Speaker 3: nutritious groceries and a few things that my taste buds
Speaker 3: just really like. On the side, I deserve I do
Speaker 3: deserve some chippies with the sandwich chippies.
Speaker 1: And so do you that I know you deserve chippies.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I know what that's attached to, and it
Speaker 3: is just giving myself joy in the middle of the
Speaker 3: day alongside my lunch.
Speaker 1: Well salty crispy joy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think when we can create this pause
Speaker 3: and slow down a little bit and kind of question
Speaker 3: a little bit of our narrative, what we're saying to ourselves,
Speaker 3: the reasons that we're allowing ourselves to spend. We can
Speaker 3: then make those better spending decisions, those better habit decisions
Speaker 3: that we can feel really good about and actually benefit us.
Speaker 4: Do you know what else benefits us every single time?
Speaker 1: That we truly deserve that this is a core value
Speaker 1: of your worthiness.
Speaker 4: The bill of the week.
Speaker 5: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 5: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 5: is William. Maybe you've paid off your mortgage, Maybe your
Speaker 5: car died and you're happy to not have to pay
Speaker 5: that bill anymore. Best bills Bills, bill claim. This is
Speaker 5: the bill of the week.
Speaker 6: Hi, Jen and Jill, longtime listener, first time caller. I
Speaker 6: absolutely love these Bill of the weak portion of the podcast,
Speaker 6: and I've always wanted to submit something. And while my
Speaker 6: submission isn't necessarily a bill, it is a tip that
Speaker 6: I wanted to pass on to the Frugal Friends community
Speaker 6: and share how I was able to get nine hundred
Speaker 6: and seven dollars and four cents from the Treasury Department.
Speaker 6: Now I don't remember if I got this tip from
Speaker 6: the Frugal friends community, but I wanted to check it
Speaker 6: out myself before spreading the word. But if everyone goes
Speaker 6: to missingmoney dot com, they can check this website to
Speaker 6: see if they have any unclaimed properties that belongs to them.
Speaker 6: A Missing money dot com is the official unclaimed property
Speaker 6: website of the National Association of State Measurers. All you
Speaker 6: need to do is go to this website searched by
Speaker 6: your name, you know, check to see if there's it
Speaker 6: might be under former names as well, and what states
Speaker 6: you've lived in, and see if if you are owed
Speaker 6: any money by the Treasury Department. When I looked, I've
Speaker 6: lived in a couple of states and have various different
Speaker 6: loans that have been out there. But when I looked,
Speaker 6: I was able to find nine hundred and seven dollars
Speaker 6: and four cents from an old car loan and an
Speaker 6: old apartment leasing company that still owed me funds.
Speaker 1: So that was a fun little check to get.
Speaker 6: About a month or so after I put was able
Speaker 6: to verify my identity.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we love missing money dot com. We
Speaker 1: found out about them from Lisa Rowan, who we have
Speaker 1: had on the show. She is a professional mentor of mine.
Speaker 1: She proofread our books. She is an author of money
Speaker 1: hacks and years ago told us about missing money. And
Speaker 1: I cannot tell tell you how many listeners have listened
Speaker 1: to that episode and the replay of it we did
Speaker 1: several years later and have found money on that site.
Speaker 1: It's not a fluke, it's not a scam. It is legit.
Speaker 3: It is the US Department of Treasury's website that they
Speaker 3: are connecting you to. And it is what happens when people,
Speaker 3: usually various companies, businesses, organizations, aren't able to reimburse you your
Speaker 3: money for whatever reason. They don't actually have your address
Speaker 3: or your contact information anymore. You've stopped service with them
Speaker 3: too long ago that now that they are realizing that
Speaker 3: they owe you back certain amounts of money, and so
Speaker 3: it then gets just reported to the US Treasury. There
Speaker 3: is I want to say, is it millions of dollars
Speaker 3: of kind of like unclaimed funds. It's huge. It's a
Speaker 3: lot of money that is unclaimed. And nearly everyone that
Speaker 3: I know who has checked out the website, either they
Speaker 3: or a friend or family member, has this missing money.
Speaker 3: And it's very similar examples to what are below. The
Speaker 3: wee caller just shared, like insurance reimbursements, or you canceled
Speaker 3: out a credit card and then you got a refund,
Speaker 3: or your landlord owed you money back. Who knows what
Speaker 3: it is, but this is then where that money gets
Speaker 3: reported to, and once you can verify your identity, you
Speaker 3: get a check in the mail.
Speaker 1: In active stock and brokerage accounts. On claim safe deposit
Speaker 1: button boxes, they say there are millions of properties, so
Speaker 1: not like actual homes or anything, but millions of claims
Speaker 1: totaling billions of dollars. They reclaimed three billion in paid
Speaker 1: claims in the last year, and one in seven people
Speaker 1: have unclaimed property. Two thousand dollars eighty dollars is the
Speaker 1: average claim value. So if you have not been to
Speaker 1: missing money dot com, get in there, get your money,
Speaker 1: and use twenty five dollars of that money to head
Speaker 1: to Buy what you Love book dot com and buy
Speaker 1: our book as a thank you. Please.
Speaker 3: I was going to say leave us a review as
Speaker 3: a thank you if you've gotten money, but I like
Speaker 3: that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've essentially paid for the book.
Speaker 3: Yes, if you learn the tip from us, that's the
Speaker 3: way you can just give us a little bit of
Speaker 3: a thank you, a little bit of a kickback.
Speaker 1: It's not required. We're still our friend, but it's the
Speaker 1: nice thing for a friend to do.
Speaker 3: If you are listening and you have a bill that
Speaker 3: you want to share it. If it's about finding missing
Speaker 3: money or paying off a bill or a bill you
Speaker 3: don't mind paying, or your name is Bill, we want
Speaker 3: to hear from you. Frugal Friends Podcast dot com slash Bill.
Speaker 3: We can't wait for it. And now it's time for.
Speaker 4: The lightning round.
Speaker 1: We should do a friend letter about missing money. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you guys have ideas for friend letters. Wednesdays is
Speaker 1: our saving hacks email and so we do stuff like
Speaker 1: this on Wednesdays. If you have freebies that you know of,
Speaker 1: you got to give it to us a little. That's
Speaker 1: a little harder because those are a little more timely.
Speaker 1: But that's Mondays. So we are totally open. Jill at
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends podcast dot com.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's my emails she's given out.
Speaker 1: Given you hers, not mine because it's not my forte anymore.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, please do email me.
Speaker 1: All right, today's lightning round. What is the most recent
Speaker 1: thing you thought you deserved? So it didn't have to
Speaker 1: be something you bought, but you just like thought you deserved.
Speaker 4: It, Jill oh Man, I was going to tell you
Speaker 4: to go first.
Speaker 1: Ooh. I don't know if I thought I deserve this.
Speaker 1: I did buy a Starbucks drink through the drive through
Speaker 1: last week. So kindergarten. It's the third week of kindergarten
Speaker 1: and the last we had out of ten days only
Speaker 1: of the first two weeks, only one did kind of
Speaker 1: not kick and scream, and then this week he did
Speaker 1: it one day and today was the third day in
Speaker 1: a row that he went in on his own, and
Speaker 1: my gosh, like so proud. But so last week I
Speaker 1: was kind of at the height of my because it's
Speaker 1: just me getting both kids ready in the morning and
Speaker 1: I go to bed dreading waking up, like having to
Speaker 1: drag him into a place he doesn't want to be.
Speaker 1: And I was at my breaking by this time last week.
Speaker 1: And I deserved a little treat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And did you get yourself a little I.
Speaker 1: Did, yeah. And so that's like when seasons are short,
Speaker 1: and it's like a six dollar treat like once you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm not I know what the root cause of
Speaker 1: my stress was, and I just had to wait it
Speaker 1: out right, and I gave myself a little treat in
Speaker 1: that it's not like an unhealthy coping mechanism I have
Speaker 1: every single Thursday. So there's a difference in that, and
Speaker 1: so so yeah, I think maybe that is I didn't
Speaker 1: justify it because I deserve it. I justified it because
Speaker 1: I knew, like, dang it, this has been a rough
Speaker 1: two weeks, and I'm going to reward myself with like
Speaker 1: a little coffee. And then I just I left my
Speaker 1: family and walked around publics.
Speaker 4: Where did you leave your family?
Speaker 1: I don't know the road?
Speaker 4: The children, Oh gotcha? Okay, yeah, they were being parented, but.
Speaker 1: Have a father to they have a father.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 3: That's why this conversation is so nuanced, though, because we
Speaker 3: aren't saying that we can't reward ourselves or we can't celebrate.
Speaker 3: I think it's really just pairing it with the intentionality
Speaker 3: and the preparation for it, knowing this is coming up,
Speaker 3: and I'm giving myself permission to spend or do X
Speaker 3: y Z in light of these things, rather than this
Speaker 3: kind of constant habitual, I deserve this, And then it's
Speaker 3: not even a treat anymore. We just have talked ourselves
Speaker 3: into spending, spending, spending, and it never actually hits the
Speaker 3: root of the now.
Speaker 1: I knew the route and I was pursuing the route,
Speaker 1: but en route to that destination which it seems like
Speaker 1: we've gotten to, there was just the pick me up
Speaker 1: that I wanted, not needed, I wanted it and I
Speaker 1: did it for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I experienced as healthy of a version
Speaker 3: of that I deserve this as possible recently, like where
Speaker 3: I've kind of come to. I am definitely a person
Speaker 3: who typically has a hard time kind of receiving things
Speaker 3: or spending money on myself. So I think for me,
Speaker 3: some of the the barriers are like allowing myself that
Speaker 3: opportunity to be able to receive something or spend on something.
Speaker 3: So it's just my birthday. A couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 3: and Eric and I went out to a pretty expensive restaurant.
Speaker 4: It was a steakhouse that people said is really good,
Speaker 4: and I knew we were.
Speaker 3: Going to spend a significant amount of money on dinner
Speaker 3: and we did, and it did feel like kind of
Speaker 3: guilt free. But I will say I kind of used
Speaker 3: that like I don't know if I actually said like
Speaker 3: I deserve this, but it was something along those lines
Speaker 3: of maybe and maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was the
Speaker 3: like flipping the script of it's it's okay to value
Speaker 3: myself in this way.
Speaker 1: I don't think the Lightning Round is using deserved as
Speaker 1: like a negative term.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: I think like I.
Speaker 4: Mean, I wrote the question.
Speaker 1: Usually Goldie writ thing. I know, I know, I don't
Speaker 1: know what the author's intend, but I don't do you
Speaker 1: deserve it was for your birthday?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think that I'm actually reworking the wording right,
Speaker 3: speaking of wording to be I yeah, I it's okay
Speaker 3: to value myself like this. I have permission to enjoy this.
Speaker 3: I really enjoy a good steak. I think it's hard
Speaker 3: to make good steak. It's not something I'm the best
Speaker 3: at at home. So to be able to spend on
Speaker 3: that and celebrate this milestone of being middle aged, now.
Speaker 1: Here's something fun. I was a vegetarian for ten years,
Speaker 1: and today I think that the one thing that I
Speaker 1: make that Travis likes more than anything is steak. I
Speaker 1: make a really good steak. Yeah yeah, And Travising says,
Speaker 1: so he usually says nothing about my cooking, and.
Speaker 4: He just keeps his mouth shut and eats the food.
Speaker 1: Yes, And he actually has nice things to say about
Speaker 1: my steak.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, we also asked this question in the friend letter.
Speaker 3: It wasn't linked in this in this email, but I'm
Speaker 3: trying to pull it up in eight twenty six's email
Speaker 3: this poll. If you can try and find it, Jen,
Speaker 3: I'll review what question we asked to all of you.
Speaker 3: So if you're not getting the friend letter, definitely sign
Speaker 3: up for it. For Goal Friends podcast, we're.
Speaker 4: In your email.
Speaker 3: Like Jen said, let me know what kind of topics
Speaker 3: you want us to cover in the friend letter. Send
Speaker 3: me an email. But we put a poll at the
Speaker 3: end of them that we usually try in reference in
Speaker 3: our episode. So the most recent question that we asked
Speaker 3: related to this concept is what what do you feel
Speaker 3: your most deserving of?
Speaker 1: This was funny.
Speaker 3: So the options were a good night's sleep, a healthy
Speaker 3: meal twenty dollars, or a clean kitchen.
Speaker 4: What did the people say, did you like?
Speaker 1: Whelmingly? Everyone deserves a good night sleep.
Speaker 4: That's amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, overwhelmingly, And then the second by a large margin,
Speaker 1: not even close, was a clean kitchen?
Speaker 4: Interesting? What would you have said?
Speaker 1: I deserve it all? Yeah, that's what I say. There
Speaker 1: was no option for all of the above.
Speaker 4: I one all of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's what I feel.
Speaker 3: I mean, I am really motivated by money. I would
Speaker 3: have probably said it twenty dollars. Nothing would thrill me
Speaker 3: more than just to find twenty dollars on the ground.
Speaker 4: I'm always on the lookout, you know this. I'm always
Speaker 4: looking for money.
Speaker 1: It's funny, like some of the answers, because you can
Speaker 1: you can give an explanation after you answer a poll.
Speaker 1: One of them was, like, I had a hard time
Speaker 1: with this question because my first impulse was to look
Speaker 1: for a nothing option, because very often we feel like
Speaker 1: we don't deserve anything, that we have to work for everything.
Speaker 3: The message of us and that's not getting out of it.
Speaker 3: I deserve this mentality. We're not saying that. We're saying
Speaker 3: just focus it accurately, aim it accurate.
Speaker 1: And the truth is there should have been an all
Speaker 1: option because we are worthy of and deserve all of
Speaker 1: these things. So yeah, I think it's important that we
Speaker 1: really do look get how we think about what do
Speaker 1: what do I deserve simply because I exist, and not
Speaker 1: looking at it in a way of like I only
Speaker 1: deserve what I work for, or like I have to
Speaker 1: justify everything. I purchase with these words like I deserve
Speaker 1: or I need you know, so, I hope that's the
Speaker 1: biggest takeaway from this episode and that we will when
Speaker 1: you're catching yourself saying something like oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: so need this today or I'm going to do this
Speaker 1: because I deserve it, really think about do you is
Speaker 1: this what you deserve or do you deserve something bigger?
Speaker 1: Do you need something bigger? Are you selling yourself short
Speaker 1: because of culturally like what is normal.
Speaker 3: And the way that you care for yourself needs to
Speaker 3: be be bigger, more congruent with your actual needs and values.
Speaker 3: Thanks so much everyone for listening. We also are so
Speaker 3: grateful for all of your kind reviews like this run
Speaker 3: from Halims says best budget Podcast Happens to Be five
Speaker 3: stars one of my favorite podcasts to binge. Every episode
Speaker 3: leaves me feeling inspired to work on my financial journey
Speaker 3: and I walk away with new non cliche tips and
Speaker 3: advice that is obtainable for me to apply in my
Speaker 3: everyday life. I look forward to every new episode. Yay
Speaker 3: you Halms's kind.
Speaker 1: Well, then I hope you really loved this one. Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening, and if you really
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please take a minute to leave a
Speaker 1: rating and review. It helps potential new listeners know what
Speaker 1: they're getting these non cliche you know, ways to really
Speaker 1: optimize our consumption.
Speaker 4: Yes, see you next time.
Speaker 1: Grugal Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni Jill.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: All right, we are in prime pumpkin season. We were
Speaker 1: just talking about this recently. Okay, yes, end of September. Yes,
Speaker 1: so let's talk about pumpkin flavors, sense fall. Where do
Speaker 1: you lie on the spectrum.
Speaker 3: I don't hate pumpkin, but I am not obsessed with pumpkin. Okay,
Speaker 3: I will probably not go out of my way to
Speaker 3: engage in anything pumpkin. But if someone offers me something pumpkin,
Speaker 3: I'm here for it.
Speaker 1: Okay, get out of my life now I'm talking to you.
Speaker 3: You're you're actually obligated for me to knock.
Speaker 4: Get out of your life. Okay, here to stay back in.
Speaker 1: I am, I am macro, I'm basic podcaster, and I
Speaker 1: love all things pumpkin. I'm here for pumpkin coffees, pumpkin breads,
Speaker 1: pumpkin donuts, pumpkin overnight oats which we made on our
Speaker 1: meal prepping live if you pre ordered the book. You
Speaker 1: can still get that recording of our live meal prep
Speaker 1: demonstration that we did where I made pumpkin overnight oats live.
Speaker 1: I love pumpkin and pumpkin combined with a little cinnamon,
Speaker 1: nutmeg like just those you know, quote unquote pumpkin spices.
Speaker 1: It sends me.
Speaker 3: Now back to one of your points that you made earlier,
Speaker 3: Was it in this podcast or another one?
Speaker 1: Who's to say?
Speaker 3: When everything that? How did you phrase it? Something like
Speaker 3: everything that.
Speaker 1: We now know truly normal.
Speaker 4: Is culturally normal now has been marketed to.
Speaker 1: Us started as a marketing campaign.
Speaker 3: And holy smokes, could I say that that's true about this?
Speaker 3: But you made a statement while we were doing our
Speaker 3: meal prep live session for those who had pre ordered
Speaker 3: our book by what youlovebook dot com about how you
Speaker 3: apart from that, you just love pumpkin. And I want
Speaker 3: to know, do you think you would have found pumpkin
Speaker 3: and loved pumpkin as much if it hadn't have been
Speaker 3: for all these marketing campaigns?
Speaker 1: What a great question. Probably not. I think the marketing
Speaker 1: definitely normalized pumpkin because pumpkins by salates aren't even my
Speaker 1: favorite pumpkin thing. I don't really order them, and those
Speaker 1: were really the gateway for everyone to accept pumpkin as
Speaker 1: culturally normal, and I just view it as a blessing.
Speaker 1: Marketing is not evil. Sometimes marketing paves the way for
Speaker 1: a better future. Sure, you know, like pumpkin spice lattes
Speaker 1: walked so Trader Joe's could run with pumpkin, and I'm
Speaker 1: here for it. I go to Trader Joe's like twice
Speaker 1: a year, and I'm about to make my biannual pilgrimage.
Speaker 4: You are on today. You're making me last so much.
Speaker 1: I just love I. Like I can't wear scarves and
Speaker 1: flannels and uggs, Like I can't be that basic bee
Speaker 1: because it's Florida, but like pumpkin is in for me.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing.
Speaker 3: The Fall aesthetic just has been marketed to such an
Speaker 3: extreme too that I wonder if there could be movements
Speaker 3: for other seasons to get people on board. Some of
Speaker 3: it might just be okay, what came first. I mean,
Speaker 3: it feels as though it's culturally normal now that just
Speaker 3: Caucasian females love fall. They're just in love with Fall,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 1: Feel like it's the marketing love summer tactic.
Speaker 3: But it's not to this same degree that fall has
Speaker 3: just vomited everywhere this time of year, Like we don't
Speaker 3: get that with any other just season, Like you've got
Speaker 3: the holiday seasons and whatever, that's its whole other category.
Speaker 3: But what if we could enter into spring, summer, and
Speaker 3: winter with this same fervor and vigor that fall has
Speaker 3: been marketed to us. And now it's getting me thinking
Speaker 3: what could those things be? Like, Okay, yes, people love
Speaker 3: watermelon in the summer, but I don't think watermelons getting
Speaker 3: its time in the sun in the same way that
Speaker 3: pumpkin is.
Speaker 1: Well, summer is also an odd season here in Florida.
Speaker 1: I think up north people savor it far poll they
Speaker 1: hate fall.
Speaker 3: Fall doesn't look the same all over either, though, And
Speaker 3: we've got this esthetic to fall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fall doesn't exist in Florida. And maybe that's why
Speaker 1: I love fall marketing, because I rely on Starbucks to
Speaker 1: tell me when fall has started. I do, and once
Speaker 1: the pumpkin stuff comes out, then I know it's fall.
Speaker 1: Otherwise it's just less hot summer yeah, or rainy summer.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I just want to be introduced to new things, like
Speaker 3: I want different squashes and I want more fruits. Okay,
Speaker 3: you have their time.
Speaker 1: While we still have our Sam's Club membership. October fifteenth,
Speaker 1: they have just gotten their autumn squash soup, which is
Speaker 1: kind of a copycat from Panera of the best soup
Speaker 1: that ever existed. Whoa, it's a pumpkin squash soup. Stop
Speaker 1: its bottomn squash?
Speaker 4: Is it? Is it?
Speaker 1: Pup?
Speaker 3: I just said I wanted other squashes, and you come
Speaker 3: at me with pumpkin again.
Speaker 1: And squash. Pumpkin's a gor It's oh right, pumpkin is
Speaker 1: a gourd.
Speaker 4: I don't know they're all the same.
Speaker 1: But it's also got other squashes in it besides pumpkin.
Speaker 4: Uh huh. But they really wanted to highlight the pumpkin.
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm just advocating for some newness, some freshness.
Speaker 3: I think the marketing campaigns need need need a refresh.
Speaker 1: I really do think you need to try that autumn
Speaker 1: squash soup.
Speaker 3: It's okay, yeah, I'd love to. That's I said. I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna hunt it down, but if it's offered to me,
Speaker 3: I'm not. I don't hate it, I'm here for it.
Speaker 3: I just I want to put these these concepts into
Speaker 3: practice for other seasons like fall and pumpkins aren't the
Speaker 3: only thing that exists that bring us joy.
Speaker 1: This is so true. Caramel, apples, apples, I think they
Speaker 1: had their decades like apples just did it, and then
Speaker 1: people got tired of apples, and now it's pumpkins turn.
Speaker 1: So give pumpkin.
Speaker 3: It's time, Jill, Pumpkin's been here for about five years.
Speaker 4: I want to say, I want to say, when what's
Speaker 4: what would be winter? What could that bring?
Speaker 1: Peppermint? Okay, it's peppermint everything. Eggnog, that's so true.
Speaker 4: Oh, I love it.
Speaker 1: I also rely on Starbucks to tell me what flavors
Speaker 1: define each season.
Speaker 4: You're going to be proud of us. Speaking of eggnog,
Speaker 4: we do.
Speaker 2: Love that knock.
Speaker 3: Every year we get Evan Williams eggnog. It's already spiked
Speaker 3: and it is the best thing on about the market
Speaker 3: Evan Williams.
Speaker 4: But they sell out. So we got this past last
Speaker 4: literally last.
Speaker 3: Year, around the holidays, we got two of these bottles
Speaker 3: because we were thinking we're gonna be hosting people. We
Speaker 3: love this. This is a way that that we enjoy celebrating.
Speaker 3: And we did not finish the second bottle, but kept
Speaker 3: it in the fridge and we're like, this is alcohol,
Speaker 3: it really doesn't It kind of preserves it.
Speaker 4: It doesn't so bad.
Speaker 3: But it now has sat there since December twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1: It is August when we are recording.
Speaker 3: Hu is still in the fridge until yesterday, because we're thinking,
Speaker 3: I don't know, well we ever have a hangering for eggnog,
Speaker 3: not in the dead of Floridas fo to summer.
Speaker 4: It has not happened.
Speaker 1: I have thought about it several times, like when I've
Speaker 1: been over here, it's like it's so good, Like should
Speaker 1: I should I?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And then Eric finally looked up yesterday, Okay, how long
Speaker 3: does this specific stuff last? And it does say opened
Speaker 3: in the fridge lasts up to six months, but we
Speaker 3: are far past that. We are about two to three
Speaker 3: months past that six month mark. It smelled fine still,
Speaker 3: but we were like, but we're not going to drink
Speaker 3: it now, and what when it comes Christmas time this year?
Speaker 4: Are we going to feel good about it even if
Speaker 4: it smells fine? Probably not? And so what did we
Speaker 4: waste ten dollars? But we finally dumped it. We made
Speaker 4: room in our fridge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you will no longer I'm seeing that you
Speaker 3: wasted in your kitchen. I did not let go of it,
Speaker 3: but also couldn't drink it, couldn't live with it, couldn't.
Speaker 4: Live without it.
Speaker 1: Classic.
Speaker 4: Oh but bring back the eggnog this this winter.
Speaker 1: I can't wait for it this season