Speaker 1: He friend Chris Hello, what's up? Well?
Speaker 2: Hey, what's up man? How you doing?
Speaker 1: Man? I could be better? But I'm living about stuff?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm all right? But what what is it? I
Speaker 2: mean ship? I feel like if it's cool with you,
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't mind if we uh get into
Speaker 2: it here. I'm game, I'm game today. What Why could
Speaker 2: you be doing better? Chris Man?
Speaker 1: I just, I just I feel like I have big
Speaker 1: dreams but like little dedication to follow through with them.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes any sense?
Speaker 2: Sure that makes sense? What are your What are your dreams?
Speaker 2: Chris Well?
Speaker 1: I want to I want to create music that emotionally,
Speaker 1: that that helps people. I come from a childhood where
Speaker 1: I mean truth told man, all I really had to
Speaker 1: get me through my life was God and music. And
Speaker 1: I mean music. There was a tangible thing for me
Speaker 1: that was always there for me. And like I want to,
Speaker 1: I want to create music that helps people like the
Speaker 1: music I listened to help me. I guess.
Speaker 2: What kind of music was it that helped you?
Speaker 1: I mean different cons? I don't. I don't like okay,
Speaker 1: literally anything from heavy metal, conscious rap, like alternative rock.
Speaker 1: It's just everything.
Speaker 2: Conscious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know like like j Cole, Kanye West, stuff
Speaker 1: like that. Mm hm.
Speaker 2: And how how did this music help you?
Speaker 1: Well? It it kind of gave me bear with me.
Speaker 1: It gave me the delusion that I should keep trying,
Speaker 1: even though everything around me told me that I should
Speaker 1: give up.
Speaker 2: To put it politely, Uh, interesting, do you mean just
Speaker 2: you mean give up on like living?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What what were the things around you telling you to
Speaker 2: give up on living?
Speaker 1: Well? I mean I'm gonna go deep with me, mister Gick.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm fine with it, Okay. So just to
Speaker 1: give you an idea of my life, one of the
Speaker 1: earliest memories I have is of my dad picking up
Speaker 1: a fan and throwing it at my mom while she
Speaker 1: was in the bast of I was like when I
Speaker 1: was four years old, and like just living in the
Speaker 1: house with a bunch of drug users, living in a
Speaker 1: bunch of chaotic situations. Truth be told, man, I was
Speaker 1: one of I was more so raised than I was
Speaker 1: or not raised. I was grown more than I was raised.
Speaker 2: Like.
Speaker 1: My family provided me the basic necessities, and they, you know,
Speaker 1: gave the mirage to everyone else that was a good
Speaker 1: old happy family. But you know, I'd go to my
Speaker 1: parents like I'd go to my mom's and ask her
Speaker 1: just about anything, and she would always be too busy
Speaker 1: or not right now? Or why are you always asking
Speaker 1: things like this? And I just had very little. I
Speaker 1: have very little emotional support. I guess that's why I
Speaker 1: do appreciate music, because that was one of the few
Speaker 1: things that did emotionally support me, even though I didn't
Speaker 1: know the artists personally. They're one telling me like keep going,
Speaker 1: you know, fight the storm, or you know whatever, stuff
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: Did you have anyone besides the musicians that were hiding
Speaker 2: you with some kind of guidance or support, Like did
Speaker 2: you have any friends or like fucking like an uncle
Speaker 2: or something like that.
Speaker 1: I had a grandpa. I mean he passed away whenever
Speaker 1: I was fifteen, I think, But I mean really not,
Speaker 1: not really. I was a really annoying kid. I wasn't
Speaker 1: want to be class clown, like I wanted people to
Speaker 1: laugh at the jokes I said. But a lot of
Speaker 1: times if I would have raised my hand in class,
Speaker 1: people would like audibly grown like they just it was
Speaker 1: well known that people didn't like me. I was like,
Speaker 1: I guess a good analogy would be that I was
Speaker 1: always the last kid to get picked to like get
Speaker 1: picked their team sports because it wasn't like I couldn't play,
Speaker 1: It's just they didn't even want me around. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm at the age now where I realized that the
Speaker 1: reason I was acting like that is because I was
Speaker 1: trying to get I was seeking attention from school, proping
Speaker 1: from the lack of attention I got from home.
Speaker 2: So when you were that kid, were you able to
Speaker 2: make friends with any of the other weird kids, Because
Speaker 2: I feel like there's always like kind of a group
Speaker 2: of like annoying kids that like get together and like
Speaker 2: they can like fucking kind of be annoying amongst one another.
Speaker 1: If I did, it was only at school, and it
Speaker 1: would usually just be the people who would move, like
Speaker 1: moved in from out of town. It's dumb. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't want to sit here and like
Speaker 1: say that it's all their fault. Like I understand now
Speaker 1: looking back at it, that was definitely an asshole, annoying kid.
Speaker 1: But it's just I mean, it's it was part of
Speaker 1: my life. You know.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think I don't I don't think you're
Speaker 2: saying that it's anyone else's fault. I don't. I don't
Speaker 2: even think you should say it's your final I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't even think fault is like a thing. It's
Speaker 2: funny listening to you too. I'm gonna be honest, like
Speaker 2: I was probably not that nice of a guy when
Speaker 2: I was in like middle school, elementary school, maybe even
Speaker 2: parts of high school, you know, and uh, I I
Speaker 2: think that just like I don't know, man, being like
Speaker 2: like that, like what I don't Once you get older
Speaker 2: and you kind of start to build start to understand
Speaker 2: that like everyone is the way that they are for
Speaker 2: some reason that I mean, it's for some reason. It's
Speaker 2: like outside of themselves, right, Like you're running around right
Speaker 2: you know, uh, trying to get attention that you're not
Speaker 2: getting at home, and it's like, damn, you know, I
Speaker 2: don't know, man. That's like when I when I died,
Speaker 2: I'm like, those are the things, that's the only that's
Speaker 2: the main thing I'll regret, like times I was like
Speaker 2: a dick or you know, like yeah, especially like in
Speaker 2: those younger years when it's like you got like children
Speaker 2: who have very little empathy just naturally because of the
Speaker 2: fact that they're kids. And then uh, you know, other
Speaker 2: kids who are just trying to fucking figure out how
Speaker 2: to exist and be be seen in some positive light.
Speaker 2: And it's like a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. The wait I looked at it now
Speaker 1: is it's it's basically like I just came to the
Speaker 1: realization one day, like if I was born into your body,
Speaker 1: lyle with your parents and your family, I would literally
Speaker 1: be who you are today.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, I agree. And it's the craziest
Speaker 2: It's it's the one of the most existential mysteries that
Speaker 2: I have can't really wrap my head around, is that
Speaker 2: I there's no reason why I'm me and you're you,
Speaker 2: you know, or like I like, I'll or like you said,
Speaker 2: I I don't know. I'll walk by someone like living
Speaker 2: on the street and I'm like, there's no real there's
Speaker 2: no reason really why I'm me and there them, And
Speaker 2: you could say, like, I don't know. This is now
Speaker 2: we're getting into a conversation about like free will versus determinism,
Speaker 2: But low key I'm a little with you, dude. I'm
Speaker 2: I'm I'm a bit of a determined I'm a It
Speaker 2: doesn't make me feel good to think about and I
Speaker 2: don't think and it doesn't make me feel empowered to
Speaker 2: think about. But I'm a little deterministic, uh as a
Speaker 2: treat sometimes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I argue what you're saying. I think, No, I believe
Speaker 1: in deism, but I think I think it's there's a
Speaker 1: weird blend of free will and determinism. It's almost like
Speaker 1: like you have the you have the ability to make
Speaker 1: whatever choices you want in life, but there's certain things
Speaker 1: that I guess you could say were just destined to
Speaker 1: happen regardless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to see.
Speaker 1: Sorry, no, no, you go ahead, Like like if I
Speaker 1: wanted to right now, I could go and I could
Speaker 1: literally drive across the country and never say anything to
Speaker 1: anybody again. But at the end of the day, is
Speaker 1: it like was that my free will to do it?
Speaker 1: Or was I always going to do it? I just
Speaker 1: chose to do it today.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then well then you can get into the
Speaker 2: thing of like, well, whatever way that you were raised
Speaker 2: in your environment and the the neurons and whatever the
Speaker 2: I don't want to nern is and why I'm saying it,
Speaker 2: but whatever the thing is that makes you you you
Speaker 2: and your personality, Like how much of that ship like
Speaker 2: like there are certain things within you that are giving
Speaker 2: you the hesitation to just drop everything and move across
Speaker 2: the country, or how much of that is your free
Speaker 2: will versus just you following how you're naturally inclined, Like, uh,
Speaker 2: that's why I don't like when people say stuff like
Speaker 2: doing things out of character, because everything everyone does is
Speaker 2: within their character because they did it, I guess. But
Speaker 2: also your character can hold a variety of competing things.
Speaker 1: But I kind of tapping into something that I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about a lot lately, Like I like reading people.
Speaker 1: I guess I don't really have. It's kind of a
Speaker 1: subconscious thing. I guess everyone does, but I do it
Speaker 1: a lot like I read people, And I've come to
Speaker 1: realize that a lot of people put on a social
Speaker 1: facade because they don't want to seem quote unquote weird.
Speaker 1: But if you like, look at every human being there is,
Speaker 1: We're we're all fucking weird. Like we all have weird shit.
Speaker 1: We do we it's just some of us are better
Speaker 1: at hiding it than others. Kind of a question I've
Speaker 1: been pondering on lately, like what is normal? You know,
Speaker 1: Like we were all raised to act normal, but we
Speaker 1: were all raised differently too, so we all have different
Speaker 1: standards of normal. So by default, by having different standards
Speaker 1: of normal, we're all kind of weird just in that
Speaker 1: one idea lit alone by the things we say and
Speaker 1: do and our normalisms and all that stuff.
Speaker 2: I agree with you, No, I think i'bout that shit too. Somebody, uh,
Speaker 2: somebody asked me the other day if I think that
Speaker 2: they're weird, and I told them that I can't really
Speaker 2: answer that question because I think that I don't really
Speaker 2: believe in like you're saying, any kind of like objective
Speaker 2: baseline of normality. I guess there's like societally, there's like
Speaker 2: a societally, there's a societal consensus of normality, and I
Speaker 2: guess you can kinda determine what that societal consensus of
Speaker 2: normality is and then what breaking away from it would be.
Speaker 2: But there's no I don't even think there's like a
Speaker 2: global sense of normality, right because whatever what's normal in
Speaker 2: America is not normal in fucking North Korea. What's normal
Speaker 2: at your house growing up is different from what's normal
Speaker 2: a mind like it's there's too many And also we
Speaker 2: don't we don't live in the consent since we just
Speaker 2: live in our own fucking world. So no, I agree
Speaker 2: with you. It's weird. It's one of those it's one
Speaker 2: of those like an existential thoughts that makes me feel
Speaker 2: like I can't grasp on to anything, right. I guess
Speaker 2: the only the antidote to it seems to me to
Speaker 2: be to kind of define your own baseline of normality,
Speaker 2: and maybe that's a little bit where your free will
Speaker 2: can kick in.
Speaker 1: For me, it's like being that recognized that a lot
Speaker 1: of people put on an act, and I saw it
Speaker 1: that the way to kind of ground me is just
Speaker 1: to literally be me and to not really give a
Speaker 1: fuck about what people think about me. I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: I do care about what people think about me on
Speaker 1: some deep level, but I also have like this switch
Speaker 1: in my mind where I can go from where I
Speaker 1: like deeply care in all like like what's the word
Speaker 1: called like rumin this, I think that's ruminate. I'll ruminate
Speaker 1: over a conversation. But then like once I've reached a
Speaker 1: certain point with some people or when I realized they're
Speaker 1: being like extra, I just I can I can shut
Speaker 1: off that part of my mind. And it's kind of
Speaker 1: just like you know, I'm me, and if you don't
Speaker 1: like me, then that must mean we weren't meant to
Speaker 1: be friends. So I hope you have a good life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. And dude and dude people, I've I've thought
Speaker 2: this my whole fucking life. Is that people will cling
Speaker 2: deeply to like societal baselines of normality in terms of
Speaker 2: how holding to them makes them somehow like objectively better
Speaker 2: than you, you know, And then they'll kind of like
Speaker 2: want you to like be at their level, not even consciously,
Speaker 2: just like while you're talking to someone, like maybe your
Speaker 2: brain will be like, oh am I cool enough to
Speaker 2: be with this person because they're like so cool because
Speaker 2: of this that and the other reason that we've elected
Speaker 2: is cool or worthy. You're valid, Like is my existence
Speaker 2: compared to this person's existence like valid?
Speaker 1: You know. But I've noticed that from where I'm at.
Speaker 1: I live in small town, USA, down south. I didn't
Speaker 1: I never really noticed it as a kid, but one
Speaker 1: of my I used to talk to him. We're not
Speaker 1: really friends anymore. He it's an old best random mine.
Speaker 1: He comes from like a wealthier family, and he broke
Speaker 1: you down to me one day, him and a few
Speaker 1: other people there really is like a class, a social
Speaker 1: class system, especially with people who were like I guess
Speaker 1: you want to call them old money. Like there's people
Speaker 1: where if you don't, if you're not in their presence
Speaker 1: with a suit and tie, they automatically look down on you,
Speaker 1: mm hmm, And it's yeah, that's that's kind of Those
Speaker 1: are the people I don't play too, Like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I couldn't give a ship what they think about me,
Speaker 1: because they're going to think what they think about me regardless.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you don't have to. They don't. The the
Speaker 2: the the universe, there's the universe has no like judge,
Speaker 2: jury and executioner on like validity. You know, So like
Speaker 2: if a guy and his friends and whatever have decided
Speaker 2: that your uh validity or worth is based upon your
Speaker 2: whether or not you're wearing a fucking suit or whatever,
Speaker 2: then you know, I mean, God bless I mean, look,
Speaker 2: God bless them. Right, can live in their universe and
Speaker 2: be happy in that universe, and that's their universe, but
Speaker 2: you don't have to like ruminate on your relation to
Speaker 2: that universe, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think the thing the people are usually only
Speaker 1: roommate on are people I genuinely care about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: But I guess that's part of the reason why I
Speaker 1: was common, because I, like, I don't really have that
Speaker 1: many people I could consider friends here. Lately, I've got
Speaker 1: a lot of older people who are you know, we're friends.
Speaker 1: But it's not like I can go out and have
Speaker 1: a couple of drinks with them and go to the
Speaker 1: beach and hang out. It's more like I see them
Speaker 1: on occasion, they get the inspiration, and then we talk
Speaker 1: every now and then.
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, man, how old are you.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty four.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I thought you were like like nineteen or something.
Speaker 2: Oh no, said no. I thought, I guess I was.
Speaker 1: I was you.
Speaker 2: I was interpreting that you were saying that you can't drink.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, no I can't. I just mean, like, like,
Speaker 1: I genuinely that the people I have around me that
Speaker 1: are my age go to a church that I go to,
Speaker 1: and they it's a part of it's it's kind of
Speaker 1: when I brought that class system because I noticed it
Speaker 1: with them, like they come from not a more fortunate
Speaker 1: like not like rich household, but a more fortunate household
Speaker 1: than me. I guess the way I could put it
Speaker 1: is like preppy, white kids, Like they act nice to
Speaker 1: my face, but I can read it, like I can
Speaker 1: read from their body the whole time. They're just talking
Speaker 1: to me to be polite. And I've I've noticed that
Speaker 1: with a lot of people my age as well. There's
Speaker 1: some who kind of stand out. But I feel like
Speaker 1: my honesty kind of drows those people away because I
Speaker 1: can be I'm trying to hold it back now, but
Speaker 1: I could be a pretty fucking open book with people,
Speaker 1: and I know it makes them uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Okay, So when you say your honestly drives people away,
Speaker 2: what I mean, what does that? How does that play out?
Speaker 2: What does that look like?
Speaker 1: Like we'll sit there and talk and you know, they'll
Speaker 1: tell me about some issues that they've had, and I,
Speaker 1: you know, we'll talk about it, and then I'll bring
Speaker 1: up some issues I've had and it's I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's it feels like they don't know how to talk
Speaker 1: to me because they think that I think differently than
Speaker 1: them because I came from a different background than them.
Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to remember a conversation I had with
Speaker 1: this guy one time.
Speaker 3: But the the theme of the conversation was basically, yeah,
Speaker 3: you've had a harder life that must stuck then, and
Speaker 3: he was like, in a way apologizing that he still
Speaker 3: lived with his family.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes any sense, but I mean,
Speaker 1: I live on my own. I've been living on my
Speaker 1: own since eighteen.
Speaker 2: But you mean like he felt he felt like guilty here, yeah,
Speaker 2: yeh yeah yeah, Okay, that's a good way of putting it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I think there's that, and plus my eighty HDA
Speaker 1: can to take over and like I could say, like
Speaker 1: one example was with a guy who I guess we're
Speaker 1: still considered friends, but more so friends that he talked
Speaker 1: to every four or five months. He introduced me to
Speaker 1: his girlfriend, and he made the mistake of saying, bro,
Speaker 1: don't worry how you talk around her. You know, he's
Speaker 1: a teacher. She's like one of the bros. And so
Speaker 1: you know, I was talking to her like she was
Speaker 1: one of the bros. And ever since then, I you know,
Speaker 1: it went from me and him talking every month and
Speaker 1: him going out with me to he'll stop by and
Speaker 1: say hello every now and then.
Speaker 2: What were you What were you saying? What were you saying? Uh?
Speaker 2: Where You're like, okay, yeah, she's one of the bros.
Speaker 2: We can just like, what were you saying?
Speaker 1: Well, me and him were running around their golf cart
Speaker 1: in our town one day, and there's this specific alley
Speaker 1: in my town where I've lived a lot of crazy
Speaker 1: fucking parts of my life, and one in particular. Just
Speaker 1: tell me if I need to stop, because I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's appropriate or not, but I was. Let's
Speaker 1: just say, I was over at my stepmom's friend's house
Speaker 1: and this random lady comes in, and after she comes in,
Speaker 1: my stepmom and her friend go to the store. Let
Speaker 1: her go walk into the store, and within five minutes
Speaker 1: of meeting the lady, she is giving me oral sex
Speaker 1: on the couch of my stepmam's friends. But I told,
Speaker 1: I told it, you know, I told him and his
Speaker 1: girl that while we're going down the road, and I
Speaker 1: was sing it because it makes me laugh when I
Speaker 1: think about it, because it's it's fucking crazy like that
Speaker 1: whole situation.
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, okay, all right, all right, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: put a I'm truly going to put a pen in
Speaker 2: the girlfriend's response to this story. But first of all,
Speaker 2: I don't understand this story. Okay, as far as I'm
Speaker 2: as far as I know, this story is a random
Speaker 2: lady comes into your house and gives you a blowjob.
Speaker 1: Okay, I moved. I'm gonna kind of I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be quick, but I start from ground zero. I had
Speaker 1: to move to Florida for a little bit, and I
Speaker 1: moved back from and within two days I'm moving up.
Speaker 1: My dad and my stepmom got into this huge argument.
Speaker 1: It was like physical and all that. I had to
Speaker 1: call the cops on them. He ended up leaving and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to stay at the house because I
Speaker 1: was tired of his bullshit. So I went with my
Speaker 1: step mom and we went to her friend's house. And
Speaker 1: it was like the second day I was there. I
Speaker 1: had smoked weed for the first time in like two years,
Speaker 1: and we're hanging out out of nowhere. You know. We're
Speaker 1: at my stepmom's friend's house, all right. Their friend comes
Speaker 1: over and starts talking with them and says a bunch
Speaker 1: of stuff. But my stepmom and her friend who owns
Speaker 1: the house, went to go to the gas station.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your stepmom's friend's friend is over and you're
Speaker 2: staying over at the stepmom's friend's house. R Okay, So.
Speaker 1: When they go to the gas station, It's just me
Speaker 1: and this lady who just walked in, so I've never
Speaker 1: met before in my life. We're watching TV and she
Speaker 1: goes on her Facebook and pulls up a photo of
Speaker 1: a younger version of her. Give him one. I'm high,
Speaker 1: like hi, shit, like I ain't smoke weed in years.
Speaker 1: That's first like high as fucked. She she shows me
Speaker 1: the picture, She's like, don't you think she's cute? And
Speaker 1: you know I wasn't. I mean, what the fuck el
Speaker 1: was am I supposed to say? I said, yeah, she's cute.
Speaker 1: One thing led to another brother and her.
Speaker 2: This lady just randomly is giving like what like what
Speaker 2: happened afterwards?
Speaker 1: So she shold me her thing on her Facebook. It
Speaker 1: was a younger picture of her. If she told me
Speaker 1: it was her, and then all the blue she was
Speaker 1: like if she asked me if I was still a virgin,
Speaker 1: and I said, yeah I was, because I was like
Speaker 1: I was like sixteen at the time. Oh Jesus, and uh,
Speaker 1: one thing lets her another. She takes off her bro
Speaker 1: and and you know he tried to she well, I
Speaker 1: mean you tried to commit oral sex on me, except
Speaker 1: that was so high I couldn't even get hard. So
Speaker 1: after like two minutes of her trying, I just went
Speaker 1: into the other room where she just fucking left.
Speaker 2: Dude, Jesus christ Man, how old was this lady?
Speaker 1: He told me she had a nine year old daughter.
Speaker 1: I think she was at least like forty or fifty.
Speaker 2: Jesus christ What was that the last time you ever
Speaker 2: saw this lady?
Speaker 1: No, the last time I saw her. She was riding
Speaker 1: the bicycle through town.
Speaker 2: Did you did you say? Hi?
Speaker 1: Was so fucking weird to me, Like, you know, in
Speaker 1: the moment, you know we're back, dude, you know, and
Speaker 1: you're in the moment, you sitting there trying to get
Speaker 1: what you can whenever post nut clarity comes later, What
Speaker 1: the fuck was that?
Speaker 2: Okay? Okay, okay, Chris, right, yeah, okay, See, so uh basically,
Speaker 2: so basically basically, you're hanging out with your friend and
Speaker 2: his girlfriend. You just tell her a story about you
Speaker 2: getting molested then and then she's like, I don't want
Speaker 2: to talk to this guy anymore.
Speaker 1: Well, she looking back on it, I didn't normal about
Speaker 1: it because she the way the way my friend explained
Speaker 1: it to me is that she's a teacher. She's heard
Speaker 1: a lot of crazy shit and we were just riding around.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I've got a bunch of
Speaker 1: stories down this alley. Y'all want to go down, we can.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you all some of them. I told him that,
Speaker 1: and all I know she acted normal about it. All
Speaker 1: I know is after that day, I've seen the guds
Speaker 1: twice in over a year.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just here's the other one in that same
Speaker 1: house at when I was sixteen. I never did it,
Speaker 1: never will do it. Never. Ever, my stepma's friend showed
Speaker 1: me how to smoke crack off of a coke can,
Speaker 1: and that shame fucking house.
Speaker 2: Was it the same it? Was it the same fucking lady?
Speaker 1: No, it wasn't. It wasn't the lady who tried to
Speaker 1: It was her friend who owned the house. I guess
Speaker 1: was written it at the time. Yeah, all right, No, they.
Speaker 2: Were so wait, did you did you did you smoke
Speaker 2: the crack?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, never my dad. So I'm known
Speaker 1: since thirteen that my dad smokes or used to smoke
Speaker 1: mys And so I told myself, like, if it comes
Speaker 1: in the shape of a rock, I'm not fucking with it,
Speaker 1: all right, Like I'll smoke weed, I'll drink, I'll know,
Speaker 1: I'll fucking eat mushrooms, but I'm not doing any of that.
Speaker 1: Ship mm hmmm mm hmm, so hmm.
Speaker 2: Okay, So, so you told your friends that story and
Speaker 2: sole Sally, you're having a heart Do you having a
Speaker 2: hard time just like making friends? Let's get back to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you think go ahead?
Speaker 2: Go ahead?
Speaker 1: I think it's because I think there's a mixture of it.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of people don't know how
Speaker 1: to read me. At first, I don't because I have
Speaker 1: really bad rest and fish face. But I recognize that
Speaker 1: people get to know me, they actually enjoy my presence,
Speaker 1: but there's some kind of disconnect, at least with people
Speaker 1: my age. Like I get along really well with people
Speaker 1: older than me, and I've been told that I'm the
Speaker 1: quote unquote old soul and all that shit. But me,
Speaker 1: that's cool and all that. I want to I'd like
Speaker 1: to connect with people my age, But I guess there's
Speaker 1: also the social anxiety part of me that doesn't really
Speaker 1: know how to. Because I didn't really like in the
Speaker 1: government I grew up in. I didn't even want to
Speaker 1: bring friends over because I didn't want them to see,
Speaker 1: I didn't want them to see my dad's house filled
Speaker 1: with roaches and rats and drugs and shit. And I
Speaker 1: didn't want them to see my mom's house where I
Speaker 1: was constantly being yelled at and literally called fat ass
Speaker 1: every day of my life. Like so I just kind
Speaker 1: of self isolated as a kid, Like I would talk
Speaker 1: to people at school and like they would tell me
Speaker 1: that they would tell me that they want me to
Speaker 1: come over and hang out, and then they call all
Speaker 1: the plans and all that. But whenever the time would
Speaker 1: come and I try to call them the day of,
Speaker 1: they would just ignore me, like over and over and
Speaker 1: over again. And I guess I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: like subconsciously passed down to me now, but I find
Speaker 1: it difficult to put myself out there to really anybody.
Speaker 3: Hm hmmmm.
Speaker 1: Like again, I could be really honest with people, like
Speaker 1: I'll use myself as an open book. I learned with
Speaker 1: age try to dial that back a little bit. But
Speaker 1: when I say put myself out there, I guess like
Speaker 1: be emotionally vulnerable and suggest to the other person, like, hey,
Speaker 1: we should be friends. Like I don't really know why,
Speaker 1: but it kind of a daunting ideas to.
Speaker 2: Me, Well, I mean, I got a few thoughts on that, is, uh,
Speaker 2: I think at you go to church, right, yeah, Okay,
Speaker 2: you're a man of God. You're a man of God. Well,
Speaker 2: you're a man of God, but you're also an admittedly
Speaker 2: peculiar gentleman with admittedly peculiar sense of humor and sense
Speaker 2: of thought, which I think are good things to have.
Speaker 2: Is it that the reason I ask about church is because,
Speaker 2: I mean, friendships are in some ways mechanical in the
Speaker 2: sense that they're just like exposure over time. So like
Speaker 2: the people that you're regularly seeing at church every Sunday
Speaker 2: or or more. If you're, uh, if you're going the regularly,
Speaker 2: like do you have you not found anyone there that
Speaker 2: you sort of like naturally connect with.
Speaker 1: The two people I naturally connect with one is like
Speaker 1: eighty and the other is like fifty five.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, wait eighty and fifty five.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay.
Speaker 1: I go to ton of a smaller church, and I've
Speaker 1: actually I've really been considering moving churches. I'm probably going
Speaker 1: to soon, but I just noticed, at least in my church,
Speaker 1: all the college age kids who are around my age
Speaker 1: or it's it's like, you know, at a church, You're
Speaker 1: supposed to be a family. When I'm around them, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm more of a family friend than a
Speaker 1: family mm hmm. Like it's it's kind of like they
Speaker 1: don't miss me in my absence, but they'll say, hey, Chris,
Speaker 1: we missed your last Sunday and that'll be it. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Okay, tell me more about just your life, Chris, Like
Speaker 2: what do you what do you? What do you do?
Speaker 2: Like if you go to school?
Speaker 1: Do you work? Hm? I work for a contracting company.
Speaker 1: I'm a team lead for it. It's basically a symbol
Speaker 1: like furniture and grills and all that for Loew's and
Speaker 1: home depots. Mm hmm. It's pretty good money. It keeps
Speaker 1: me busy all the time. And when I'm not doing that,
Speaker 1: I'm djan DJ. Yeah. I don't know if you remember,
Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm the guy who called a few
Speaker 1: months back about I don't know you talked a lot.
Speaker 2: Of people, but oh oh, I didn't realize we talked before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we we have. I'm a guy who almost died
Speaker 1: on acid. If that rings any bills, uh, it's not.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't worry about it. Huh.
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe I've tibe, maybe I've unfortunately talked
Speaker 2: to too many people who have almost died on acid.
Speaker 2: But I'm glad to be talking to you now. Okay,
Speaker 2: you DJ, so I have so well. Actually, you know
Speaker 2: what is uh, I mean a few things right, is
Speaker 2: you're already doing a lot of things that get you
Speaker 2: out into the universe. You know, you're not like, uh,
Speaker 2: you're not a basement dweller. You spend a lot of
Speaker 2: time in person around other people.
Speaker 1: Well, I do wan dej, but at my full time job,
Speaker 1: I'm mainly just in the back room by myself. Like
Speaker 1: I listened to podcasts and music all day. That's kind
Speaker 1: of how I got into your podcast because I got
Speaker 1: tired of listening to Joe Rogan so I just went
Speaker 1: on YouTube and yours came up. And you know, it's
Speaker 1: just a little side note. I appreciate what you do, man,
Speaker 1: because like some of the guests you had on have
Speaker 1: made me feel really fucking normal. There's a weird baseline there,
Speaker 1: but it's helped me realize a lot of shit I
Speaker 1: think of is not you know that weird, but I
Speaker 1: mean it is difficult because again, you know, I'm in
Speaker 1: the back room, and I've got headphones on all day
Speaker 1: and there's just the only time people talk to me
Speaker 1: is if they need something out of me. Now, there's
Speaker 1: not really a lot of at work finter, mostly because
Speaker 1: I can't even really afford to. I get paid by
Speaker 1: the piece, So anytime I spend not working is it's
Speaker 1: time I'm losing money.
Speaker 2: Do you feel are you like one of those kind
Speaker 2: of like uh uh, proud lone wolf guys, or do
Speaker 2: you like feel lonely and long for connection?
Speaker 1: I used to be like that, but I long for connection.
Speaker 1: I do I feel like deep down everybody does. I
Speaker 1: mean we're social creatures by nature. Yeah, something I think
Speaker 1: about a lot. I guess it's kind of in comparison
Speaker 1: to that idea is like, even when we're born a woman.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's been done before, but it's preferably that
Speaker 1: whenever a woman's given birth, there's at least one other
Speaker 1: person there. You know, modern America, there's a team of
Speaker 1: people there because yea even be born, you know, it's
Speaker 1: kind of preferred that you have other people.
Speaker 2: It takes a village for real.
Speaker 1: And something that really reinforced that thought for me was
Speaker 1: on that night that I did almost dive acid. I
Speaker 1: had this weird visual. Let's just say I took twelve
Speaker 1: times to recommend amount of dose acid. I took I
Speaker 1: regular tabs one hundred micrograms. I took around twelve hundred
Speaker 1: microgrounds of liquid LSD at one time. And during that
Speaker 1: whole experience, I had the vision that I was in
Speaker 1: outer space and I could go anywhere I wanted in
Speaker 1: the universe. And I remember thinking like, this is so cool,
Speaker 1: it's so amazing. And I went to turn to tell
Speaker 1: whoever I thought was next to me, like can you
Speaker 1: believe it? And when I turned, no one was there.
Speaker 1: And when no one was there, I realized like I
Speaker 1: could have everything I wanted. So if I don't have
Speaker 1: anyone to share it with, what's the fucking point? Yeah?
Speaker 2: One hundred percent, man, one hundred percent. So your whole
Speaker 2: thing I okay, So let's go back to this whole
Speaker 2: thing of like you feel like you only get along
Speaker 2: well with older people, Like you have an eighty year
Speaker 2: old your best friends are eighty and fifty five and
Speaker 2: you're twenty four. Is that accurate?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean kind of my best My best friend
Speaker 1: right now is probably he's sixty one. He's my boss too,
Speaker 1: So if you consider him a friend, mm hmm. I
Speaker 1: mean I did used to have a friend group that
Speaker 1: was in my age. We've met, like we became a
Speaker 1: group my senior year, but it it kind of just
Speaker 1: fell apart with Tom, Like one of the guys ended
Speaker 1: up leaving and getting married. Everyone like three or four
Speaker 1: of them just stopped talking to us, and it eventually
Speaker 1: boiled down to me and this dude. I still consider
Speaker 1: it like a brother, but he's not the same person anymore.
Speaker 1: And I guess I'm not either. And he's kind of
Speaker 1: a covert narcissist, I'm sure, or I hope you do.
Speaker 1: You know what that is?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sure? What makes you say he turned into that?
Speaker 1: Well, I think he was. I think he was like
Speaker 1: that all along. It just took me years to realize,
Speaker 1: but I realized that whenever we talk it it's always
Speaker 1: about him.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like he would constantly talk about things he did or
Speaker 1: social dynamics in his household, and I would go along
Speaker 1: with like, yeah, that's cool, man, that's cool, and it'd
Speaker 1: be a little pause and then I call him one
Speaker 1: day or I would say, you know, I made a
Speaker 1: thousand dollars and eight hours today, bro, And he wouldn't
Speaker 1: even say, oh, that's cool. He wouldn't even acknowledge it.
Speaker 1: He would just go in the like go and be
Speaker 1: proud about something else he did. And it boiled down
Speaker 1: to like when we get when we get into arguments
Speaker 1: as friends. You know, we were friends for years and
Speaker 1: friends will do that. Through the years, the arguments went
Speaker 1: from you know, it was basically like if I ever
Speaker 1: tried to argue with him, I was the gas lader
Speaker 1: and I was trying to manipulate him. So the last
Speaker 1: time we talked, we were playing Rocket League, and so
Speaker 1: I hit the ball backwards and then he instinctively hit
Speaker 1: the ball again and it went into the net. And
Speaker 1: after he hit the ball into the net, he started
Speaker 1: literally screaming at me, screaming at me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, I might have hit the ball backwards,
Speaker 1: but you hit it in the net. Like, it's not
Speaker 1: my fault. You hit in the neck. And he just
Speaker 1: went off and was like, no, I'm tired of you
Speaker 1: always saying that I'm never right. Your gas slighted me
Speaker 1: about this. You know, it's your a fault. I just
Speaker 1: I was in a three year relationship with my ex fiancee,
Speaker 1: and she would do that same shit to me. So whenever,
Speaker 1: whenever he started doing it, I actually went into chat
Speaker 1: GBT and I like put in our whole conversation and
Speaker 1: I asked chat GBT like am I gas lighting? Like
Speaker 1: am I doing this? And I'm just not even aware
Speaker 1: of it? And I mean it told me that, see,
Speaker 1: what he's doing is the textbook definition of fucking gaslight.
Speaker 1: And it's like, whenever you're wrong, you don't admit you're wrong,
Speaker 1: you admit someone else is wrong, and you can't be
Speaker 1: you can't be wrong. And so long story short, I
Speaker 1: went off on him. I told him that, you know,
Speaker 1: he needs to get over his fucking self and if
Speaker 1: he wants to be my friend, he's got to cut
Speaker 1: the ship. And then he threatened to walk out of
Speaker 1: my life forever and all this shit, and so I
Speaker 1: told him, that's what you want to do. I'd rather
Speaker 1: be fucking happy and alone than deal with your bullshit
Speaker 1: all the time. And yeah, that was That was the
Speaker 1: last time I talked so well, one on one at least.
Speaker 2: So, what's your what's your dating history? Like you said
Speaker 2: you had a fiance.
Speaker 1: Just to be told I've I've been in maybe three
Speaker 1: quote unquote serious relationships.
Speaker 2: That's a lot of connections.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, uh yeah, no, no, go ahead, go ahead
Speaker 2: and run me down.
Speaker 1: Well, the first one was whenever I was like eleven, okay,
Speaker 1: and I think quote unquote serious because we were like
Speaker 1: best friends, so we never hugged and kissed or nothing
Speaker 1: like that. We talked each other boyfriend or girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Tell me this is not another adults, it's not.
Speaker 1: She was older than me, but only by a year.
Speaker 1: All right, Good, that'd be kind of fucked if it was, though,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't it.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, all right, so yeah, go ahead. All right,
Speaker 2: So there was the girl when you were eleven, and
Speaker 2: I get I get why that doesn't really count to you.
Speaker 2: So yeah, keep keep continue to run down.
Speaker 1: Well, the next one was an online relationship and that
Speaker 1: ended because like he was in a she was in
Speaker 1: like a cult Christian religion, like it's based on Christianity,
Speaker 1: but it's very culty, like women aren't supposed to wear pants,
Speaker 1: men are, We're supposed to wear shorts, type of cult
Speaker 1: type stuff. And she was afraid to tell her dad
Speaker 1: about me, and her, so we could never go on
Speaker 1: dates or anything, so I should broke it off with her.
Speaker 1: And then after her, well, shit, I couldn't. This one
Speaker 1: wasn't really a serious relationship. But after her, I got
Speaker 1: a text message from a chick. Me and her took
Speaker 1: each other's virginity. I got caught in her dad's bed
Speaker 1: one day and she moved from Southeast Georgia to fucking Seattle,
Speaker 1: Washington within a week. Yeah, that was a mind fuck.
Speaker 1: The last relationship I was zoon was with my fiance.
Speaker 1: I've known her since I was sixteen or fifteen, but
Speaker 1: we got together whenever I was seventeen, and we actually
Speaker 1: lived together and one bedroom, one bad house with no
Speaker 1: living room. Anytime we were home, we were literally in
Speaker 1: the same bed all day. I don't know. After after
Speaker 1: three years, I realized that I didn't really like her,
Speaker 1: and then STREET be told I was in a sense,
Speaker 1: I was just kind of using her to get out
Speaker 1: of my dad's house, and it really messed me up.
Speaker 1: And when I realized that I it was actually one accid.
Speaker 1: When I realized that it was my first ego desk,
Speaker 1: I realized that I was using her, and I was like,
Speaker 1: didn't really give a shit about how she felt. So
Speaker 1: that changed my whole perspective on the relationship, and I
Speaker 1: decided to actually love her and like dedicate myself to
Speaker 1: her as best as I could. But as time went on,
Speaker 1: I just I realized that it's better for me to
Speaker 1: not even be in a relationship with someone if I don't.
Speaker 1: We just didn't click after a while. And it's kind
Speaker 1: of interesting because so my sister had a baby shower
Speaker 1: and she never showed up to it, and when she did,
Speaker 1: I started filming. The relationship really fall apart. And so
Speaker 1: I actually said a prayer to God, I mean just
Speaker 1: about verbatim, and I said, God, I want a career
Speaker 1: in music, whatever that ends up being, and I want
Speaker 1: a loving wife who wants to have kids with me
Speaker 1: and will die with me. I said, if that means
Speaker 1: that this girl has got to go, then so be it.
Speaker 1: And about three or four days later, I get home
Speaker 1: from work and all her shits out of our apartment. Hmm.
Speaker 1: And two years later I get I get this job djaying.
Speaker 1: But you know, after the relationship end it ended. I
Speaker 1: decided that I was going to spend the three years
Speaker 1: I took away from her and spend it being single.
Speaker 1: And so, uh, I was celibate for three years. Huh
Speaker 1: and those three years ended back back in October, and
Speaker 1: so now I'm I'm kind of out in the market
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 2: And back in October, was this kind of like a
Speaker 2: one night stand thing or was this a lady you had?
Speaker 2: You know, at least some I didn't have to be
Speaker 2: uh you know you're fucking uh No, someone you had
Speaker 2: some form of, like, you know, deeper connection with.
Speaker 1: No, it didn't end it because of a girl. I
Speaker 1: just it was literally, like I said, a time frame.
Speaker 1: I guess technically you could say I still am sole it.
Speaker 1: But I told myself I wasn't going to go out
Speaker 1: looking for women or do anything. But I was basically
Speaker 1: going to invest that time and on myself for three years.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, so it was the end of Okay
Speaker 2: back in October is when you you didn't have sex
Speaker 2: with someone, you were just you just you just were like, uh,
Speaker 2: I am declaring myself market I'm declaring my penis open
Speaker 2: for business.
Speaker 1: There you go, Okay, and what does that.
Speaker 2: Look like for you? Where are you going out? Are
Speaker 2: you on apps?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm on tender and Christian mingle and Facebook dating.
Speaker 1: It's kind of funny though, because I downloaded all those
Speaker 1: and like two or three weeks ago, I was at
Speaker 1: a gig. I was actually doing a Christmas party for
Speaker 1: home Depots, doing my thing, and towards the end of
Speaker 1: my set, this waitress sends her friend over and her
Speaker 1: friend says that the waitress thinks I look cute, which is,
Speaker 1: I mean, a fucking first for me. But this girl
Speaker 1: was like gorgeous, like beautiful. I couldn't believe it. Like
Speaker 1: I thought I looked ugly as shit going in there.
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that she thought I was. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I got her number and all that, and I even
Speaker 1: gave her a hug by the end of the night
Speaker 1: and get it, like she wanted to get to know me,
Speaker 1: and till the next day where she just fucking left
Speaker 1: me on red for like three days straight.
Speaker 2: Yeah you can't. Yeah, yeah you can't. And I've learned
Speaker 2: this in my own uh uh dating endeavors, because I
Speaker 2: get like that, I fall. I think I fall pretty quick.
Speaker 2: You know, you can you really you can't. You You
Speaker 2: either can't get too emotionally invested too deeply fast, And
Speaker 2: I mean like you know, first meet, first date kind
Speaker 2: of fast, you know what I mean, Or you can,
Speaker 2: but but you know, you got to accept that you uh,
Speaker 2: you might get left on a red And also you
Speaker 2: can't I mean, you can't be upset with it, right,
Speaker 2: I mean, if you meet somebody once, it's like you're
Speaker 2: a stranger to them, you know, like they don't uh,
Speaker 2: you know, you got to accept your role in their
Speaker 2: life as a as a stranger ultimately.
Speaker 1: Of course, sure, Like I even it's it's kind of
Speaker 1: funny because after the giggle was over, before I left,
Speaker 1: I actually set him know the prayer to God, and
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I don't want to waste
Speaker 1: my time if this is if this is the girl
Speaker 1: you got in mind for me, and let me know soon.
Speaker 1: And if it's not, no, I say, if this girl
Speaker 1: of mine you've got a mind for me, let me know.
Speaker 1: If it's not, let me know soon. And I mean
Speaker 1: I was, I was notified pretty quickly. But don't it
Speaker 1: didn't I understand, Like it didn't mess me up when
Speaker 1: it happened, but it wasn't really about her, Like I'm
Speaker 1: over it now, Like I could give a fuck about
Speaker 1: her at this point she's a stranger again. But and
Speaker 1: at that time, the way she did it, it was
Speaker 1: like it almost like sent my nervous system into a
Speaker 1: flashback to all those other times I was rejected as
Speaker 1: a kid, and it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I mean it fucked me up for a good day,
Speaker 1: Like it had me crying, but it wasn't. I wasn't
Speaker 1: even crying about her. I was like crying about this
Speaker 1: the emotional state I was in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll do that. That'll do that. I'll
Speaker 2: send you on a kind of an emotional roller coaster.
Speaker 2: And yeah, you're not even like upset about like this
Speaker 2: lady specifically, You're just kind of like, damn, why am
Speaker 2: I on this?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: I don't like being on this train?
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It kind of yeah, harkens you back to like you
Speaker 2: could be, fucking man, I could be. You could be
Speaker 2: you could be a full fledged adult and have some
Speaker 2: form of rejection that makes you feel like you're in
Speaker 2: like middle school again.
Speaker 1: Really, I mean absolutely, dude, It's like it put me
Speaker 1: right back in that place. Yeah, And like it's support
Speaker 1: of all of me is because I try to I
Speaker 1: like to think of myself as the logical person and
Speaker 1: all that, But whenever emotions like that, almost like all
Speaker 1: logic leads a fucking window, and it's just kind of
Speaker 1: a you know, you just kind of got to go
Speaker 1: with your nervous system.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you the let me tell you the great. Well,
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's so great, but uh powerful
Speaker 2: maybe uh realization I have learned in my life over
Speaker 2: and over and over again, and I'm sure you have too.
Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of people listening to this have
Speaker 2: uh made this realization over and over again. The nervous
Speaker 2: system of the body does not respond to logic. You
Speaker 2: can like it just doesn't respond to logic, right, You
Speaker 2: could be like you can try to like logic yourself
Speaker 2: out of like emotional pain or or even like or
Speaker 2: like convince yourself you don't care about something or someone,
Speaker 2: convince yourself that you're that you're gonna feel a certain
Speaker 2: way in a certain situation, or you're not gonna feel
Speaker 2: a certain way in a certain certain situation, and you
Speaker 2: can you can logically decide that you shouldn't feel a
Speaker 2: certain way and all this and the other thing, and
Speaker 2: your fucking central nervous system is gonna do whatever's gonna do. Anyway,
Speaker 2: it doesn't give a fuck about your logic, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for real, it's kind of crazy.
Speaker 2: I have two more things for you before we go.
Speaker 1: One.
Speaker 2: I do have to know what's going on on Christian Mingle.
Speaker 2: What's the vibe, what's happening?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Who are these people? What are the people like?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Does I just want the rundown on Christian Mingle.
Speaker 1: It's I don't like it. You get like five likes
Speaker 1: and they push a subscription on it, and normally that
Speaker 1: it's to put it nice. The females on there are
Speaker 1: not my type.
Speaker 2: Who's your type?
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound shallow, but like pretty females,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't think you're alone and wanting to be physically
Speaker 2: attracted to the person you want your partner to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's I guess there's also like an
Speaker 1: emotional it's mhm okay. The way I kind of put
Speaker 1: is like, you could be a ten out of ten,
Speaker 1: but if if you're emotionally a three, you are automatically
Speaker 1: a three in my head. So I guess I'm looking
Speaker 1: for the needle in the haystack that's at least to
Speaker 1: me the attractive ten out of ten and a minimum
Speaker 1: emotional eight out of tea.
Speaker 2: I think that I I think that's what everyone wants.
Speaker 2: I think I think everyone wants somebody that they're physically
Speaker 2: but you know, men and women. I think everyone wants
Speaker 2: somebody that they're uh physically attracted to and like as
Speaker 2: a person. I don't think that that's a I don't
Speaker 2: think that's a niche desire by any means.
Speaker 1: You would be surprised, mister kick me would be surprised.
Speaker 1: I met a lot of I've met a lot of
Speaker 1: men who are like they don't care if they just
Speaker 1: want what they can get. They don't care about anything
Speaker 1: but looks. I've met a lot.
Speaker 2: Of people like that, they don't care about anything but looks.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying not to I'm trying not to
Speaker 1: be shallow. I'm trying to think of a PC way
Speaker 1: of putting it. But like, so forgive me. But I
Speaker 1: mean the girl could be damage rocks and like cheat
Speaker 1: on the god, but he won't care because he's a
Speaker 1: ten out of ten that he can go in like
Speaker 1: boast about to hall his buddies. Yeah, I try to
Speaker 1: avoid people like that, but unfortunately with my line of work,
Speaker 1: I run into a few of them.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have a weird question. Is there anyone on because,
Speaker 2: like you know, on all these on all the dating apps,
Speaker 2: you can kind of like write like what you're looking for?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Is there anyone? Have you ever come across a profile
Speaker 2: on Christian Mingle where it's like, I'm actually not looking
Speaker 2: for marriage, I want a casual hookup situation, but I
Speaker 2: want them to be Christian.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there probably is. It wouldn't surprise.
Speaker 2: Like ause I would, because that's the kind of website
Speaker 2: where I'm like, I don't know, could you even put
Speaker 2: that as an option? Could you even put like figuring
Speaker 2: out your dating goals or whatever? Whatever the Christian Mingle
Speaker 2: version of that is. I guess that kind of makes
Speaker 2: that I could see why that would be appealing to someone.
Speaker 1: I think there is, it's just for me, Like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I truth be told, I've kind of just
Speaker 1: stopped reading bios because I realized, you at least I'm
Speaker 1: wasting my time doing it, like I'm just gonna dislike
Speaker 1: the girls I don't find attractive and like the ones
Speaker 1: I do. And on the fucking two percent chance they
Speaker 1: like me back. I'll assess the situation then.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Uh okay, My second thing, my last thing is
Speaker 2: I'd like to leave this conversation with some kind of
Speaker 2: you know, Chris, listen, Chris, I think you're a I
Speaker 2: think you're a nice guy. I think you're at chill dune.
Speaker 2: I think I think you're a smart guy. I think you, uh,
Speaker 2: clearly have values. I think that you're you know, deep thinker,
Speaker 2: and you got a lot of great qualities my friends,
Speaker 2: and I want to I just want to I don't know,
Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe a last minute brainstorm of some
Speaker 2: kind as to uh, like what could you do? You
Speaker 2: just gotta I think making And we've talked about this
Speaker 2: to to death on this show, but you know, making
Speaker 2: friends again, it's just like exposure over time, right, So, like,
Speaker 2: can you think of any thing outside of your normal
Speaker 2: day to day routine that you could start to regularly
Speaker 2: invest yourself in. I mean music's a great one, as like,
Speaker 2: cause I don't and what what what town? What city
Speaker 2: do you live in? You know, if it's like a
Speaker 2: small one, you just you know, you have to give
Speaker 2: me the longitude latitude. But like where you're near.
Speaker 1: I'm about I think I'm like a good hour and
Speaker 1: a half from making Georgia.
Speaker 2: Okay, are you like, are you like middle of nowhere
Speaker 2: at Georgia.
Speaker 1: I'm fucking I'm in the deep South where they sit
Speaker 1: here and thought light latest brothers?
Speaker 2: All Right, is there any is there any hope or
Speaker 2: chance or even the desire or you know, I know
Speaker 2: money's tight, but is there any any anything of you
Speaker 2: getting out of there?
Speaker 1: There? There is, It's just with my DJing work, it's
Speaker 1: all based out of the town I live in, and
Speaker 1: I like, I'm not an independent DJ. I work for
Speaker 1: a guy who's been doing it for over forty years,
Speaker 1: and he actually gets the gigs for me. It's kind
Speaker 1: of ironic because I spent my whole childhood telling myself
Speaker 1: that when I turn eighteen, I'm getting the fuck out
Speaker 1: of Georgia. But I'm kind of at this situation now
Speaker 1: where I like to think of it as I'm in bating,
Speaker 1: like I'm getting as much knowledge as I can in
Speaker 1: this business so that you know when the time comes,
Speaker 1: Like he's my boss is sixty one right now, so
Speaker 1: I figured ten fifteen years from now, whenever he retires
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna move. I think my next move would
Speaker 1: be like Savannah, Georgia.
Speaker 2: Okay, because here's the thing. If you want to start
Speaker 2: building a robust social life of some kind, you got
Speaker 2: to go where the people are. And it doesn't it
Speaker 2: just sounds like you're naturally not around that many people.
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm not. And again a big issue with that.
Speaker 1: It's just my full time job.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Even if I were to move to Savannah but still
Speaker 1: worked the full time job, I would kind of be isolated. Still.
Speaker 1: That's why you know, I've got my hope in DJing.
Speaker 1: I've I'm very self critical, so I don't really believe it,
Speaker 1: but I get told over and over again. Then I'm
Speaker 1: a good DJ, and you know, people tip me and
Speaker 1: pay for overtime. So I guess. I guess when I'm
Speaker 1: down here, I need to really work on like I need.
Speaker 1: I need to work on building like a social network.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's fucking complicated because I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know, man, Like I want to make more friends
Speaker 1: than I would like to be. I'd like to work.
Speaker 1: I'd like to DJ full time for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. But you know, that's where it comes into
Speaker 1: networking and knowing a lot of people. Mm hmmmm.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, look, I'll say this because only only
Speaker 2: you know your situation. I'm not going to tell you
Speaker 2: to quit your job or whatever and run away from home,
Speaker 2: but I'll say that. I'll say this, Chris, I think
Speaker 2: you're I think you're a nice student. I think that
Speaker 2: what's between in my eyes, what's between you and making
Speaker 2: friends and whatnot, is again just like the fact that
Speaker 2: you're just not naturally exposed to that many people by
Speaker 2: nature of your life. You know, I'm not, uh, and
Speaker 2: I and I and I I guess I. I I
Speaker 2: hope that you through whatever means exist within your existence
Speaker 2: and UH hope, I don't know, maybe you find the
Speaker 2: inspiration to create those means. Should should we move away
Speaker 2: from both of our unhealthy obsession with determinism? Uh? I
Speaker 2: hope you find or create some kind of means to
Speaker 2: like build some life for yourself where you're you're just
Speaker 2: naturally around more people because I don't from talking to you.
Speaker 2: And trust me, we've had people on this show before
Speaker 2: that I've talked to and I'm like, I can understand
Speaker 2: with no judgment, of course, but I can understand why
Speaker 2: people might have a hard time being around this person
Speaker 2: and you don't. I've been talking for an hour. I
Speaker 2: don't strike you as you know, a tough guy to
Speaker 2: be around. So for you, I think it's it's again
Speaker 2: just gonna be about like building a life where you're
Speaker 2: naturally around more people. However you can do that. And
Speaker 2: I was like keeping an open mind, right because again,
Speaker 2: you you walk around if you walk around being like,
Speaker 2: oh I don't get along with other people my age,
Speaker 2: it's like, well you you might miss you might miss something.
Speaker 2: Because also, people don't give you everything all. That's another
Speaker 2: thing I've learned as I try to make more connections
Speaker 2: in my life is that people don't give you everything
Speaker 2: all at once. So if you're having a converse with
Speaker 2: someone and this is a fucking guy, I was. I
Speaker 2: I work out of this coworking space where I edit,
Speaker 2: and uh, this is a guy there. And the first
Speaker 2: time I met him, I was I hated him. I
Speaker 2: was like, this is and I didn't hate him, but
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is like a normy, boring,
Speaker 2: like tech guy. Like I don't want to fucking talk
Speaker 2: to this guy as we have no nothing in common whatever.
Speaker 2: And then one night, like I just I actually really
Speaker 2: I was like kind of put all of that aside
Speaker 2: and I like decided to like really engage with him,
Speaker 2: and uh we had a we had a really great
Speaker 2: conversation and we connected over a bunch of different things
Speaker 2: that I didn't even think, uh we would be able
Speaker 2: to talk about because I was being so uh preemptive beforehand.
Speaker 2: So you know, uh not everyone never everyone know yeah, no, no,
Speaker 2: no one's gonna give you everything all at once, So
Speaker 2: you know, try to try to naturally be around more
Speaker 2: people and try to keep in mind that they're not
Speaker 2: gonna reveal themselves to you completely off the bat, and
Speaker 2: so you got to keep somewhat of an open mind.
Speaker 2: And that's the that's the that's the that's the that's
Speaker 2: the therapy Gecko. That that's that's as much therapy Gecko
Speaker 2: as this as the ninety one grams of caffeine in
Speaker 2: this diet Mountain dew will will allow me to provide
Speaker 2: for you today.
Speaker 1: Chris, Well, I appreciate your telling, mister Gek, and I'll
Speaker 1: definitely he definitely gave me some good advice there, like
Speaker 1: putting myself around more people more and kind of understanding
Speaker 1: that they you know what I took from it, it's
Speaker 1: basically like they're not you know, like you said, they're
Speaker 1: not gonna give you their full cells all at once.
Speaker 1: It's almost that they kind of have to get to
Speaker 1: trust you and then trust themselves around you in order
Speaker 1: for them to really open up.
Speaker 2: And also, you told me this whole thing about you
Speaker 2: being an open book and how you feel like that's
Speaker 2: a bad thing. But I don't know, man, You're like
Speaker 2: the environment, the environment you're in sounds like, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to be too judgmental, but the environment you're
Speaker 2: in sounds like there's not a strong enough of a
Speaker 2: sample size a variety of people for you to make
Speaker 2: those assumptions about yourself that being kind of vulnerable or
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there is inherently bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that. Like, what I guess my
Speaker 1: issue is is that I kind of dive head in
Speaker 1: head first. Are used to Now it's not that I'm
Speaker 1: not honest, is that I kind of lit out a
Speaker 1: little bit my little pieces because I've I just I've
Speaker 1: had a situation where someone has tried to use that against.
Speaker 2: Me, So you know, yeah, that'll have Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 2: that's that's what. That's what when you put yourself out
Speaker 2: that's why. Yeah, that's why that'll happen if you if
Speaker 2: you put yourself out there and you trust people and
Speaker 2: you're vulnerable with people, they will use that against you.
Speaker 2: Like you it it's inherent. But part of being a
Speaker 2: person that does that is like is like accepting it
Speaker 2: as like you know, the tax. It's unfortunate, but it's
Speaker 2: it's kind of like a tax. So to say to
Speaker 2: me sometimes to say like, oh, I don't want to
Speaker 2: put myself out there because people will use it against me,
Speaker 2: it's like it's like it's like saying I don't want
Speaker 2: to I think I'm stealing this from someone. But it's
Speaker 2: like saying I don't want to jump off a diving
Speaker 2: board and because I'll fall in that pool and get wets.
Speaker 2: You know, it's like that's part of the thing. Well,
Speaker 2: like I don't want to get in the car. I
Speaker 2: don't want to get in a car because I might
Speaker 2: get in a car accidents.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, well I think I agree with you.
Speaker 1: Oh what I'm gonna take from this because I know
Speaker 1: it's been a while, it's all right, what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: Since I wear headphones a lot, I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: take them off more and like instead of instead of
Speaker 1: eating lunch by myself, I'll just go into the bark
Speaker 1: room and like, you know, try to interact with people.
Speaker 2: It's a good idea. Man.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, Tom, mister Gek. I hope you have
Speaker 1: a blessing that.
Speaker 2: Hey you too, man, God bless you, sir. You take
Speaker 2: care of Chris. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Yea, sir, you do the same.
Speaker 2: That was Chris. I liked Chris. Chris was a nice guy,
Speaker 2: sweet boy. Interesting lore of a person. Uh But I
Speaker 2: don't know a deep a deep a deep, a deep thinker,
Speaker 2: a sensitive soul who like like all of us, just
Speaker 2: wants to find their purpose in life and connect with others.
Speaker 2: And I think he'll do it, you know, I think
Speaker 2: he'll do it. What kind of djaying gigs is he
Speaker 2: doing though in the Deep South?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: What like? What is he dj like? Is he he's
Speaker 2: not doing bar Mitzvah's there's no there's he's not doing that.
Speaker 2: Is he like playing like sweet sixty to like church gigs?
Speaker 2: I guess there's no because he's not he's not like
Speaker 2: at like a Berlin Uban you know, crazy E d
Speaker 2: M dance club, or maybe he is. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe there's a big techno scene in southern Georgia. Hello.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey there, what's up man?
Speaker 2: What's your name?
Speaker 4: I'm Rocky, like Rocky.
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Rocky. What's going on with you?
Speaker 1: Uh? Well?
Speaker 4: I won eleven thousand dollars in a lottery about two
Speaker 4: to three weeks ago, and my wife of about eight
Speaker 4: to nine years ago or sorry sorry, my wife of
Speaker 4: eight to nine years she kind of spent all the
Speaker 4: money and then left me. So it's been a really
Speaker 4: tough Christmas h kind of coming up and everything.
Speaker 2: You know, she spent all the money and left you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she bought Christmas presents for her whole family and
Speaker 4: then decided she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
Speaker 4: So she had kind of a mental breakdown after and
Speaker 4: then went to a crisis intervention unit. And I did
Speaker 4: my best to try and be there for her as
Speaker 4: I could be during that time, and she blocked me
Speaker 4: on everything after and I haven't heard from her since.
Speaker 2: You know, mm, is this something that like like like
Speaker 2: are you is this something where you're like, Okay, this
Speaker 2: kind of tracks like she's done something like this before,
Speaker 2: or you're like, this is totally out of the.
Speaker 4: Blue with this much money, it's kind of out of
Speaker 4: the blue. But throughout our relationship, she's always had issues.
Speaker 4: She struggles with DPD, you know, different.
Speaker 1: She has like.
Speaker 4: Schizophrenia and stuff too, So that's kind of always been
Speaker 4: an issue, and it's I understand it's kind of my
Speaker 4: fault for choosing to be with her through the ups
Speaker 4: and downs, but yeah, it's kind of always been an issue.
Speaker 1: Mm hm.
Speaker 2: Well and when it's been an issue, how has it
Speaker 2: usually been resolved in the past.
Speaker 4: That's a really good question. Usually she kind of ends
Speaker 4: up just kind of taking off somewhere and eventually she
Speaker 4: will come back. But this time it's kind of different,
Speaker 4: you know, like blocking me on everything and and just
Speaker 4: not wanting anything to do with me. Yeah, kind of
Speaker 4: a shame. We don't have any kids or anything, so
Speaker 4: that makes it easier, but we do have six cats,
Speaker 4: so that's kind of a lot of animals for one person.
Speaker 2: You know, where what's wh where are the cats?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: They live with me in my house here. Yeah, So
Speaker 4: it's just kind of been our own little family, and
Speaker 4: I know this is the last call and everything, so
Speaker 4: I don't want it to be too depressing. But I've
Speaker 4: been sleeping on the couch for the last week or
Speaker 4: two and haven't really been able to do anything. So
Speaker 4: it's just kind of been it's been rough.
Speaker 2: How does it? How does it okay? So she said
Speaker 2: she's done this kind of shit before, like how do
Speaker 2: you normally? Like, I'll ask kind of a different version
Speaker 2: of the same question, like how do you normally respond
Speaker 2: to it? In the past, I don't cope.
Speaker 4: Well, I struggle with my own mental illness. I have PTSD,
Speaker 4: and I just kind of shut down and I sit
Speaker 4: on the couch or lay down and I will won't eat,
Speaker 4: hardly drink, and I will just cope by full of
Speaker 4: anxiety for days, you know, which isn't healthy. But everything
Speaker 4: I try to do to bring me any bit of
Speaker 4: happiness just doesn't work. I used to make YouTube videos
Speaker 4: to try and kind of bring some joy to my life,
Speaker 4: but unfortunately that didn't pan out. So I just kind
Speaker 4: of move going to other things, and now it just
Speaker 4: kind of feels like really nothing brings me joy anymore.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, what was the last thing that did bring you joy.
Speaker 4: The last thing that did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good question.
Speaker 4: It's been a while, man, besides you know, just seeing
Speaker 4: a smile on my wife's face. It's it's been little
Speaker 4: things here and there to bring joy. I suppose, like
Speaker 4: when the cat comes up to me it starts purring,
Speaker 4: or when I do eventually get into a game that
Speaker 4: I really enjoy, uh, sometimes final bring some joy.
Speaker 2: So you so this has happened a bunch of times,
Speaker 2: like where your wife has kind of like gone off
Speaker 2: the deep end a little bit and and kind of
Speaker 2: pushed you away, and and there's been like a breakup.
Speaker 2: H Yeah, and how long does that? How long does
Speaker 2: that typically last?
Speaker 4: For it can last anywhere from a week to about
Speaker 4: two or three.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how long has it been? You said.
Speaker 4: Right now, it's it's been like a week or two.
Speaker 2: And this is then this just happens all the time,
Speaker 2: Like she's just always like kind of falling off the
Speaker 2: deep end and like leave them without a trace. And
Speaker 2: then like what does she like how does it like
Speaker 2: does she like come back? Do you go to her?
Speaker 2: Like what has this normally been playing out?
Speaker 4: She does come back? But that's kind of well, unless
Speaker 4: I don't reach out or anything, which I've tried, but again,
Speaker 4: this is kind of the first time she's like completely
Speaker 4: blocked me on everything, so I haven't been able to
Speaker 4: reach out. But it's it's interesting. When things are good,
Speaker 4: they're great, they're amazing, and I couldn't be happier. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and they're not always like this. It happens usually around
Speaker 4: July or Christmas time. I don't know if it has
Speaker 4: anything to do with things she's been through in her past,
Speaker 4: but I try to be as accepting as possible, you know,
Speaker 4: But when I have my family telling me like, hey,
Speaker 4: you know, you need to you need to stand up
Speaker 4: for yourself, and in all this, my friends telling me
Speaker 4: like it's your fault for allowing her to use you
Speaker 4: like this, I understand that. But at the same time,
Speaker 4: when I married my wife, it was like, well, I
Speaker 4: married her for a purpose and to for better or worse.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: I get you, man, Oh yeah, no, I get you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean that's the that's the secret sauce of the
Speaker 2: toxic relationships is like it's like fuck, when it's good,
Speaker 2: it's like so good, and like, you know, your friends
Speaker 2: will say this and your families say this, but they
Speaker 2: don't understand it's so fucking good, you know. But I
Speaker 2: guess you know. Also your friends and your family, they
Speaker 2: have the the the pros and cons you're you when
Speaker 2: it comes to a toxic relationship. The perspective of your
Speaker 2: friends and family have the same exact pros and cons,
Speaker 2: which is that they don't know what you know, or
Speaker 2: rather no, not that, rather they don't have your perspective,
Speaker 2: so they don't see the good things right. But also
Speaker 2: and they don't see the good things right and you
Speaker 2: and you can, you can, you can go there and
Speaker 2: you feel that way and go there and understand. But
Speaker 2: they also aren't so emotionally invested in ships that they're
Speaker 2: completely blind to the jew or to the fucking bad things,
Speaker 2: you know. And also these are people who really know
Speaker 2: you and love you and like care about you, and
Speaker 2: they and also like they're not these these they're also
Speaker 2: always there, you know, your mom and your friends and
Speaker 2: your whatever. Like they're not cutting you off and bringing
Speaker 2: you back, like they're they're there when you need them.
Speaker 2: I assume, I assume you're seem like a guy, you
Speaker 2: got you know, a good solid spar systems. So these
Speaker 2: are people you can trust. I appreciate it in a way.
Speaker 2: These are people that that I think you can trust. Yeah,
Speaker 2: do you how come? How come it sounds like you're
Speaker 2: spending a lot of time alone, are you? Are you
Speaker 2: like getting together with these folks.
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: Actually, my main friend group kind of cut me off
Speaker 4: because I had to keep canceling plans because of my
Speaker 4: wife and then my family. Well, they're busy with other
Speaker 4: things right now.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: I try to get them to spend time with me
Speaker 4: and stuff, but they're often like my dad, he works
Speaker 4: from I think it's like he gets up at one
Speaker 4: am and then he doesn't go home until like six
Speaker 4: to seven pm. You know, my mom's because he went
Speaker 4: taking care of my nieces and nephews. So it's kind
Speaker 4: of been a struggle there. I don't have transportation. My
Speaker 4: wife took the car, so it's kind of been a
Speaker 4: struggle kind of being at the house alone with all
Speaker 4: the cats and everything. But h I appreciate it. I
Speaker 4: just I really reached out, really needed someone to talk to,
Speaker 4: and I've tried the crisis lines and stuff, and unfortunately
Speaker 4: they don't really want to sit there and talk with you,
Speaker 4: you know, they just want to like get you somewhere.
Speaker 2: Mmm, you say your friend, You said your friend's cut
Speaker 2: you off. Okay, so your friend, so let me see
Speaker 2: your friends cut you off because they were like, we
Speaker 2: don't want to deal with the things going on with
Speaker 2: your wife and shit. And then now that she's gone again,
Speaker 2: are they are they? Because I like, because I assume
Speaker 2: this has happened before where you're like, she's gone and
Speaker 2: then you come back and then now is it like
Speaker 2: a do they view you as like a boy that
Speaker 2: cried wolf kind of a thing?
Speaker 4: Exactly? And there's really no I can do about that,
Speaker 4: you know, like if my wife wants to be with
Speaker 4: me often, if not, I understand, you know. But my
Speaker 4: friends see it a different way. They're like, well, we're
Speaker 4: kind of tired of dealing with this and you're not
Speaker 4: dealing with it, so we just don't want anything to
Speaker 4: do with you anymore. Which I can't blame them, you know,
Speaker 4: if I had a friend that I kept trying to
Speaker 4: help and they wouldn't help themselves either, Like it makes sense.
Speaker 4: But again, like you said, they don't see the same
Speaker 4: perspective that I have.
Speaker 2: You know, they don't. But you got to remember the
Speaker 2: other You gotta remember the other side of that coin.
Speaker 2: You know, you don't see the perspective that they have. Uh,
Speaker 2: by the way, I do think it's I do think
Speaker 2: it's I do. I do think it's fucked up for
Speaker 2: them to completely cut you off. I would a real
Speaker 2: like it's because here's the thing, no matter how real
Speaker 2: your homies are, they're gonna get fucking annoyed if you
Speaker 2: continually like have this back and forth thing. But they're
Speaker 2: gonna get they're they're gonna get annoyed, understandably so. But
Speaker 2: if they are real homies, which they still could be,
Speaker 2: then they may have that christ like you have not
Speaker 2: wandered too far such that you cannot come back home
Speaker 2: kind of a thing. But I think they and that
Speaker 2: might be true with them, but they they're probably like
Speaker 2: they're probably not ready for you to metaphorically come home,
Speaker 2: unless if you're actually ready to come home with which
Speaker 2: I don't know. We've been talking for thirteen minutes, and
Speaker 2: you're a complex human being, so only you can really
Speaker 2: answer that question and go on that journey to decide
Speaker 2: if you actually can come home so speak and not
Speaker 2: be trapped in this crazy cycle. And I don't I
Speaker 2: don't have I don't really have good advice for you
Speaker 2: because I just know it's I empathize with you. It's
Speaker 2: it's a brutal, fucking cycle. Is a reason why people
Speaker 2: get trapped in these things. I don't, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2: If I'll say, if it makes you feel any better,
Speaker 2: I don't think you're like a loser or naive, or
Speaker 2: that it's you know, your your fault or anything like that.
Speaker 2: I think I think you're trapped in something that's really
Speaker 2: like you know, easy and susceptible to get trapped into.
Speaker 2: And I don't think you should wallow in shame or
Speaker 2: self hatred about it. I think you should have a
Speaker 2: little bit of grace for yourself, but also in having
Speaker 2: grace for yourself, like just recognize what you're in and
Speaker 2: try to not approach it from again. Like I I don't,
Speaker 2: I think you're you kind of are susceptible to a
Speaker 2: thing that it's easy to be susceptible for too. But
Speaker 2: you do have to sort of figure out when you
Speaker 2: want to help yourself, and that that is a journey
Speaker 2: that only you can take. But if if I could
Speaker 2: say anything, is that I don't think you should uh
Speaker 2: go down it from a place of like, uh, hating
Speaker 2: yourself or thinking you're a loser, because you wanted human
Speaker 2: connection and you happened to found find it in a
Speaker 2: an amazing place. It happens to people. And I hope
Speaker 2: you're doing I I I I hope you all right?
Speaker 4: Man, I really appreciate that. Thank you. It's it's been
Speaker 4: really rough, you know. Aside from that, like I've been uh,
Speaker 4: I think five days ago, I stopped snooking pot just
Speaker 4: because I feel like I got too complacent in life
Speaker 4: and I wasn't moving forward anymore. So I stopped smoking pot,
Speaker 4: struggled with a certain addiction for a little while, and
Speaker 4: like I, I completely stopped that cold turkey as well.
Speaker 2: So it's been jacking off.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you you know.
Speaker 2: You're doing all of this without smoking weed and jacking off?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're like g I Joe, You're like the
Speaker 2: fun You're like Chuck Norris, Who are this is crazy?
Speaker 2: You're got you're going, oh my god, that's Christ. Have
Speaker 2: a have a mint or something, man, Yeah, go for
Speaker 2: a walk. How do you done't even know? You know?
Speaker 2: I didn't really. I can't believe you're doing all this
Speaker 2: without jerking off. And smoking weed.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I I respect you, I really do.
Speaker 4: Thanks, Lile, I appreciate that, and I you and everyone
Speaker 4: has a great Christmas and everything. You know, it's coming up,
Speaker 4: and I'm sure other people are in similar situations, and
Speaker 4: I feel for everyone else as well. I'm very empathetic,
Speaker 4: so I understand it can be rough. So I just
Speaker 4: I feel for everyone in myself, you know. I mean,
Speaker 4: I just want to say I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: What was your name again, man, My name's Rocky, Rocky,
Speaker 2: Rocky Rocky. I hope, I hope you. I hope you
Speaker 2: find your way back. Man.
Speaker 4: Hey, thanks, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2: Uh, have a good holiday season and stay strong.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: Hey, you two take care Rocky all right? Oh that
Speaker 2: was Rocky?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I feel for Rocky. He's a man. That's crazy. That's like,
Speaker 2: that's a lot. Oh, that's a lot. That's a lot
Speaker 2: of that's a lot of withdrawal. That's a that's a
Speaker 2: lot of withdrawal at once. Truly. I mean, I wasn't
Speaker 2: just by the way, I don't like say I don't
Speaker 2: fucking say ship. I don't mean I try not, I
Speaker 2: really try not to say ship. I don't mean on
Speaker 2: this uh show, And so I really do think, Uh,
Speaker 2: that's a crazy amount that it's a crazy amount of
Speaker 2: withdrawal to take, you know, not to be not because
Speaker 2: you're it's like you're trying. You're withdrawing from what the
Speaker 2: oxytocin the addiction of a person and fucking jacking off
Speaker 2: and smoking weed. What's he doing?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 2: Man? What's that? What's he doing? I fucking feel for
Speaker 2: that guy. I hope Santa comes down his chimney and
Speaker 2: gives a blowjob or whatever Santa does. I don't think
Speaker 2: Santa does that. I do feel for that guy. Maybe
Speaker 2: he's maybe he's Jewish. Maybe he'll get Hanka, maybe Hanica
Speaker 2: Harry will come down his chimney help him out. I
Speaker 2: think it's time for me to stop talking. I think
Speaker 2: it's time for me to stop talking and end this podcast.
Speaker 2: But I enjoyed doing this. This was a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. I'm sorry this episode came out
Speaker 2: really late. It came out really late because I was
Speaker 2: busy editing, finishing up editing the Iraq video. I just oh, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: if you want to watch, I just released a video
Speaker 2: of me walking around Bagdad Iraq as a gecko for
Speaker 2: an hour. I'm probably gonna post it on Spotify at
Speaker 2: some point next week, so you'll be able to watch
Speaker 2: it here if you listen to this podcast on Spotify,
Speaker 2: but if you don't, you can watch it or if
Speaker 2: you do, or you can also watch it right now
Speaker 2: on YouTube dot com slash lyle Forever. Maybe I'll put
Speaker 2: a link in the episode description or something like that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's why this one came out late. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna try not to do that again. I just got
Speaker 2: I was just fucking up for twenty four hours, drinking
Speaker 2: diet mountain dew and typing subtitles like a crazy person.
Speaker 2: I don't know how I still have energy. Oh man,
Speaker 2: this is gonna this is gonna be a bad crash.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna have what I You know, you
Speaker 2: know how some people like they get they drink a lot,
Speaker 2: and they you know how some people fucking like they
Speaker 2: get drunk and then they like black out and then
Speaker 2: they don't remember what they said. That's what I do,
Speaker 2: except I consume a lot of stimulants and coffee and
Speaker 2: then give intense motivational speeches on the internet and then
Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck was I talking about. It's fun.
Speaker 2: It's fun. Okay, thank you for listening to this podcast.
Speaker 2: Get bless you, Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls.
Speaker 4: Every night, never goes to ride.
Speaker 2: I'm just teaching you cloud.
Speaker 1: And the memorial line.
Speaker 2: But he's not really an expert.