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Speaker 1: He friend Chris Hello, what's up? Well?

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Speaker 2: Hey, what's up man? How you doing?

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Speaker 1: Man? I could be better? But I'm living about stuff?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm all right? But what what is it? I

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Speaker 2: mean ship? I feel like if it's cool with you,

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Speaker 2: I don't, I don't mind if we uh get into

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Speaker 2: it here. I'm game, I'm game today. What Why could

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Speaker 2: you be doing better? Chris Man?

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Speaker 1: I just, I just I feel like I have big

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Speaker 1: dreams but like little dedication to follow through with them.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes any sense?

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Speaker 2: Sure that makes sense? What are your What are your dreams?

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Speaker 2: Chris Well?

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Speaker 1: I want to I want to create music that emotionally,

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Speaker 1: that that helps people. I come from a childhood where

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Speaker 1: I mean truth told man, all I really had to

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Speaker 1: get me through my life was God and music. And

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Speaker 1: I mean music. There was a tangible thing for me

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Speaker 1: that was always there for me. And like I want to,

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Speaker 1: I want to create music that helps people like the

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Speaker 1: music I listened to help me. I guess.

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Speaker 2: What kind of music was it that helped you?

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Speaker 1: I mean different cons? I don't. I don't like okay,

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Speaker 1: literally anything from heavy metal, conscious rap, like alternative rock.

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Speaker 1: It's just everything.

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Speaker 2: Conscious.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know like like j Cole, Kanye West, stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. Mm hm.

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Speaker 2: And how how did this music help you?

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Speaker 1: Well? It it kind of gave me bear with me.

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Speaker 1: It gave me the delusion that I should keep trying,

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Speaker 1: even though everything around me told me that I should

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Speaker 1: give up.

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Speaker 2: To put it politely, Uh, interesting, do you mean just

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Speaker 2: you mean give up on like living?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: What what were the things around you telling you to

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Speaker 2: give up on living?

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Speaker 1: Well? I mean I'm gonna go deep with me, mister Gick.

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm fine with it, Okay. So just to

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Speaker 1: give you an idea of my life, one of the

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Speaker 1: earliest memories I have is of my dad picking up

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Speaker 1: a fan and throwing it at my mom while she

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Speaker 1: was in the bast of I was like when I

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Speaker 1: was four years old, and like just living in the

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Speaker 1: house with a bunch of drug users, living in a

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Speaker 1: bunch of chaotic situations. Truth be told, man, I was

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Speaker 1: one of I was more so raised than I was

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Speaker 1: or not raised. I was grown more than I was raised.

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Speaker 2: Like.

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Speaker 1: My family provided me the basic necessities, and they, you know,

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Speaker 1: gave the mirage to everyone else that was a good

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Speaker 1: old happy family. But you know, I'd go to my

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Speaker 1: parents like I'd go to my mom's and ask her

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Speaker 1: just about anything, and she would always be too busy

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Speaker 1: or not right now? Or why are you always asking

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Speaker 1: things like this? And I just had very little. I

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Speaker 1: have very little emotional support. I guess that's why I

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Speaker 1: do appreciate music, because that was one of the few

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Speaker 1: things that did emotionally support me, even though I didn't

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Speaker 1: know the artists personally. They're one telling me like keep going,

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Speaker 1: you know, fight the storm, or you know whatever, stuff

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Speaker 1: like that.

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Speaker 2: Did you have anyone besides the musicians that were hiding

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Speaker 2: you with some kind of guidance or support, Like did

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Speaker 2: you have any friends or like fucking like an uncle

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Speaker 2: or something like that.

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Speaker 1: I had a grandpa. I mean he passed away whenever

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Speaker 1: I was fifteen, I think, But I mean really not,

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Speaker 1: not really. I was a really annoying kid. I wasn't

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Speaker 1: want to be class clown, like I wanted people to

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Speaker 1: laugh at the jokes I said. But a lot of

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Speaker 1: times if I would have raised my hand in class,

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Speaker 1: people would like audibly grown like they just it was

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Speaker 1: well known that people didn't like me. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I guess a good analogy would be that I was

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Speaker 1: always the last kid to get picked to like get

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Speaker 1: picked their team sports because it wasn't like I couldn't play,

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Speaker 1: It's just they didn't even want me around. But you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm at the age now where I realized that the

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Speaker 1: reason I was acting like that is because I was

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Speaker 1: trying to get I was seeking attention from school, proping

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Speaker 1: from the lack of attention I got from home.

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Speaker 2: So when you were that kid, were you able to

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Speaker 2: make friends with any of the other weird kids, Because

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Speaker 2: I feel like there's always like kind of a group

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Speaker 2: of like annoying kids that like get together and like

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Speaker 2: they can like fucking kind of be annoying amongst one another.

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Speaker 1: If I did, it was only at school, and it

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Speaker 1: would usually just be the people who would move, like

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Speaker 1: moved in from out of town. It's dumb. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't want to sit here and like

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Speaker 1: say that it's all their fault. Like I understand now

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Speaker 1: looking back at it, that was definitely an asshole, annoying kid.

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Speaker 1: But it's just I mean, it's it was part of

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Speaker 1: my life. You know.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't think I don't I don't think you're

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Speaker 2: saying that it's anyone else's fault. I don't. I don't

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Speaker 2: even think you should say it's your final I mean,

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Speaker 2: I don't even think fault is like a thing. It's

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Speaker 2: funny listening to you too. I'm gonna be honest, like

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Speaker 2: I was probably not that nice of a guy when

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Speaker 2: I was in like middle school, elementary school, maybe even

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Speaker 2: parts of high school, you know, and uh, I I

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Speaker 2: think that just like I don't know, man, being like

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Speaker 2: like that, like what I don't Once you get older

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Speaker 2: and you kind of start to build start to understand

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Speaker 2: that like everyone is the way that they are for

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Speaker 2: some reason that I mean, it's for some reason. It's

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Speaker 2: like outside of themselves, right, Like you're running around right

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Speaker 2: you know, uh, trying to get attention that you're not

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Speaker 2: getting at home, and it's like, damn, you know, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, man. That's like when I when I died,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, those are the things, that's the only that's

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Speaker 2: the main thing I'll regret, like times I was like

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Speaker 2: a dick or you know, like yeah, especially like in

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Speaker 2: those younger years when it's like you got like children

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Speaker 2: who have very little empathy just naturally because of the

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Speaker 2: fact that they're kids. And then uh, you know, other

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Speaker 2: kids who are just trying to fucking figure out how

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Speaker 2: to exist and be be seen in some positive light.

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Speaker 2: And it's like a recipe for disaster.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. The wait I looked at it now

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Speaker 1: is it's it's basically like I just came to the

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Speaker 1: realization one day, like if I was born into your body,

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Speaker 1: lyle with your parents and your family, I would literally

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Speaker 1: be who you are today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, I agree. And it's the craziest

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Speaker 2: It's it's the one of the most existential mysteries that

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Speaker 2: I have can't really wrap my head around, is that

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Speaker 2: I there's no reason why I'm me and you're you,

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Speaker 2: you know, or like I like, I'll or like you said,

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Speaker 2: I I don't know. I'll walk by someone like living

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Speaker 2: on the street and I'm like, there's no real there's

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Speaker 2: no reason really why I'm me and there them, And

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Speaker 2: you could say, like, I don't know. This is now

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Speaker 2: we're getting into a conversation about like free will versus determinism,

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Speaker 2: But low key I'm a little with you, dude. I'm

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm a bit of a determined I'm a It

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Speaker 2: doesn't make me feel good to think about and I

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Speaker 2: don't think and it doesn't make me feel empowered to

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Speaker 2: think about. But I'm a little deterministic, uh as a

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Speaker 2: treat sometimes, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I argue what you're saying. I think, No, I believe

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Speaker 1: in deism, but I think I think it's there's a

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Speaker 1: weird blend of free will and determinism. It's almost like

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Speaker 1: like you have the you have the ability to make

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Speaker 1: whatever choices you want in life, but there's certain things

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Speaker 1: that I guess you could say were just destined to

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Speaker 1: happen regardless.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to see.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, no, no, you go ahead, Like like if I

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Speaker 1: wanted to right now, I could go and I could

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Speaker 1: literally drive across the country and never say anything to

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Speaker 1: anybody again. But at the end of the day, is

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Speaker 1: it like was that my free will to do it?

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Speaker 1: Or was I always going to do it? I just

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Speaker 1: chose to do it today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And then well then you can get into the

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Speaker 2: thing of like, well, whatever way that you were raised

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Speaker 2: in your environment and the the neurons and whatever the

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Speaker 2: I don't want to nern is and why I'm saying it,

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Speaker 2: but whatever the thing is that makes you you you

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Speaker 2: and your personality, Like how much of that ship like

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Speaker 2: like there are certain things within you that are giving

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Speaker 2: you the hesitation to just drop everything and move across

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Speaker 2: the country, or how much of that is your free

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Speaker 2: will versus just you following how you're naturally inclined, Like, uh,

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Speaker 2: that's why I don't like when people say stuff like

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Speaker 2: doing things out of character, because everything everyone does is

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Speaker 2: within their character because they did it, I guess. But

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Speaker 2: also your character can hold a variety of competing things.

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Speaker 1: But I kind of tapping into something that I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about a lot lately, Like I like reading people.

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Speaker 1: I guess I don't really have. It's kind of a

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Speaker 1: subconscious thing. I guess everyone does, but I do it

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Speaker 1: a lot like I read people, And I've come to

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Speaker 1: realize that a lot of people put on a social

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Speaker 1: facade because they don't want to seem quote unquote weird.

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Speaker 1: But if you like, look at every human being there is,

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Speaker 1: We're we're all fucking weird. Like we all have weird shit.

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Speaker 1: We do we it's just some of us are better

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Speaker 1: at hiding it than others. Kind of a question I've

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Speaker 1: been pondering on lately, like what is normal? You know,

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Speaker 1: Like we were all raised to act normal, but we

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Speaker 1: were all raised differently too, so we all have different

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Speaker 1: standards of normal. So by default, by having different standards

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Speaker 1: of normal, we're all kind of weird just in that

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Speaker 1: one idea lit alone by the things we say and

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Speaker 1: do and our normalisms and all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: I agree with you, No, I think i'bout that shit too. Somebody, uh,

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Speaker 2: somebody asked me the other day if I think that

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Speaker 2: they're weird, and I told them that I can't really

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Speaker 2: answer that question because I think that I don't really

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Speaker 2: believe in like you're saying, any kind of like objective

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Speaker 2: baseline of normality. I guess there's like societally, there's like

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Speaker 2: a societally, there's a societal consensus of normality, and I

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Speaker 2: guess you can kinda determine what that societal consensus of

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Speaker 2: normality is and then what breaking away from it would be.

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Speaker 2: But there's no I don't even think there's like a

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Speaker 2: global sense of normality, right because whatever what's normal in

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Speaker 2: America is not normal in fucking North Korea. What's normal

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Speaker 2: at your house growing up is different from what's normal

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Speaker 2: a mind like it's there's too many And also we

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Speaker 2: don't we don't live in the consent since we just

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Speaker 2: live in our own fucking world. So no, I agree

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Speaker 2: with you. It's weird. It's one of those it's one

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Speaker 2: of those like an existential thoughts that makes me feel

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Speaker 2: like I can't grasp on to anything, right. I guess

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Speaker 2: the only the antidote to it seems to me to

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Speaker 2: be to kind of define your own baseline of normality,

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Speaker 2: and maybe that's a little bit where your free will

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Speaker 2: can kick in.

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Speaker 1: For me, it's like being that recognized that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people put on an act, and I saw it

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Speaker 1: that the way to kind of ground me is just

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Speaker 1: to literally be me and to not really give a

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Speaker 1: fuck about what people think about me. I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: I do care about what people think about me on

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Speaker 1: some deep level, but I also have like this switch

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Speaker 1: in my mind where I can go from where I

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Speaker 1: like deeply care in all like like what's the word

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Speaker 1: called like rumin this, I think that's ruminate. I'll ruminate

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Speaker 1: over a conversation. But then like once I've reached a

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Speaker 1: certain point with some people or when I realized they're

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Speaker 1: being like extra, I just I can I can shut

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Speaker 1: off that part of my mind. And it's kind of

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Speaker 1: just like you know, I'm me, and if you don't

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Speaker 1: like me, then that must mean we weren't meant to

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Speaker 1: be friends. So I hope you have a good life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. And dude and dude people, I've I've thought

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Speaker 2: this my whole fucking life. Is that people will cling

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Speaker 2: deeply to like societal baselines of normality in terms of

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Speaker 2: how holding to them makes them somehow like objectively better

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Speaker 2: than you, you know, And then they'll kind of like

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Speaker 2: want you to like be at their level, not even consciously,

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Speaker 2: just like while you're talking to someone, like maybe your

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Speaker 2: brain will be like, oh am I cool enough to

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Speaker 2: be with this person because they're like so cool because

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Speaker 2: of this that and the other reason that we've elected

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Speaker 2: is cool or worthy. You're valid, Like is my existence

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Speaker 2: compared to this person's existence like valid?

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Speaker 1: You know. But I've noticed that from where I'm at.

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Speaker 1: I live in small town, USA, down south. I didn't

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Speaker 1: I never really noticed it as a kid, but one

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Speaker 1: of my I used to talk to him. We're not

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Speaker 1: really friends anymore. He it's an old best random mine.

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Speaker 1: He comes from like a wealthier family, and he broke

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Speaker 1: you down to me one day, him and a few

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Speaker 1: other people there really is like a class, a social

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Speaker 1: class system, especially with people who were like I guess

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Speaker 1: you want to call them old money. Like there's people

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Speaker 1: where if you don't, if you're not in their presence

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Speaker 1: with a suit and tie, they automatically look down on you,

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Speaker 1: mm hmm, And it's yeah, that's that's kind of Those

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Speaker 1: are the people I don't play too, Like, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't give a ship what they think about me,

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Speaker 1: because they're going to think what they think about me regardless.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you don't have to. They don't. The the

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Speaker 2: the the universe, there's the universe has no like judge,

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Speaker 2: jury and executioner on like validity. You know, So like

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Speaker 2: if a guy and his friends and whatever have decided

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Speaker 2: that your uh validity or worth is based upon your

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Speaker 2: whether or not you're wearing a fucking suit or whatever,

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Speaker 2: then you know, I mean, God bless I mean, look,

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Speaker 2: God bless them. Right, can live in their universe and

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Speaker 2: be happy in that universe, and that's their universe, but

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Speaker 2: you don't have to like ruminate on your relation to

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Speaker 2: that universe, you know.

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Speaker 1: But I think the thing the people are usually only

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Speaker 1: roommate on are people I genuinely care about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.

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Speaker 1: But I guess that's part of the reason why I

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Speaker 1: was common, because I, like, I don't really have that

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Speaker 1: many people I could consider friends here. Lately, I've got

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Speaker 1: a lot of older people who are you know, we're friends.

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Speaker 1: But it's not like I can go out and have

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Speaker 1: a couple of drinks with them and go to the

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Speaker 1: beach and hang out. It's more like I see them

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Speaker 1: on occasion, they get the inspiration, and then we talk

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Speaker 1: every now and then.

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Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, man, how old are you.

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Speaker 1: I'm twenty four.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, I thought you were like like nineteen or something.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, said no. I thought, I guess I was.

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Speaker 1: I was you.

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Speaker 2: I was interpreting that you were saying that you can't drink.

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, no I can't. I just mean, like, like,

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Speaker 1: I genuinely that the people I have around me that

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Speaker 1: are my age go to a church that I go to,

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Speaker 1: and they it's a part of it's it's kind of

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Speaker 1: when I brought that class system because I noticed it

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Speaker 1: with them, like they come from not a more fortunate

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Speaker 1: like not like rich household, but a more fortunate household

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Speaker 1: than me. I guess the way I could put it

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Speaker 1: is like preppy, white kids, Like they act nice to

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Speaker 1: my face, but I can read it, like I can

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Speaker 1: read from their body the whole time. They're just talking

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Speaker 1: to me to be polite. And I've I've noticed that

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Speaker 1: with a lot of people my age as well. There's

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Speaker 1: some who kind of stand out. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: my honesty kind of drows those people away because I

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Speaker 1: can be I'm trying to hold it back now, but

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Speaker 1: I could be a pretty fucking open book with people,

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Speaker 1: and I know it makes them uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So when you say your honestly drives people away,

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Speaker 2: what I mean, what does that? How does that play out?

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Speaker 2: What does that look like?

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Speaker 1: Like we'll sit there and talk and you know, they'll

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Speaker 1: tell me about some issues that they've had, and I,

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Speaker 1: you know, we'll talk about it, and then I'll bring

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Speaker 1: up some issues I've had and it's I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's it feels like they don't know how to talk

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Speaker 1: to me because they think that I think differently than

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Speaker 1: them because I came from a different background than them.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to remember a conversation I had with

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Speaker 1: this guy one time.

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Speaker 3: But the the theme of the conversation was basically, yeah,

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Speaker 3: you've had a harder life that must stuck then, and

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Speaker 3: he was like, in a way apologizing that he still

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Speaker 3: lived with his family.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that makes any sense, but I mean,

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Speaker 1: I live on my own. I've been living on my

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Speaker 1: own since eighteen.

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Speaker 2: But you mean like he felt he felt like guilty here, yeah,

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Speaker 2: yeh yeah yeah, Okay, that's a good way of putting it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I think there's that, and plus my eighty HDA

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Speaker 1: can to take over and like I could say, like

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Speaker 1: one example was with a guy who I guess we're

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Speaker 1: still considered friends, but more so friends that he talked

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Speaker 1: to every four or five months. He introduced me to

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Speaker 1: his girlfriend, and he made the mistake of saying, bro,

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Speaker 1: don't worry how you talk around her. You know, he's

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Speaker 1: a teacher. She's like one of the bros. And so

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Speaker 1: you know, I was talking to her like she was

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Speaker 1: one of the bros. And ever since then, I you know,

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00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 1: it went from me and him talking every month and

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Speaker 1: him going out with me to he'll stop by and

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Speaker 1: say hello every now and then.

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Speaker 2: What were you What were you saying? What were you saying? Uh?

341
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: Where You're like, okay, yeah, she's one of the bros.

342
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Speaker 2: We can just like, what were you saying?

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Speaker 1: Well, me and him were running around their golf cart

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Speaker 1: in our town one day, and there's this specific alley

345
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Speaker 1: in my town where I've lived a lot of crazy

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00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 1: fucking parts of my life, and one in particular. Just

347
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Speaker 1: tell me if I need to stop, because I don't

348
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 1: know if it's appropriate or not, but I was. Let's

349
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Speaker 1: just say, I was over at my stepmom's friend's house

350
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Speaker 1: and this random lady comes in, and after she comes in,

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Speaker 1: my stepmom and her friend go to the store. Let

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Speaker 1: her go walk into the store, and within five minutes

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Speaker 1: of meeting the lady, she is giving me oral sex

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Speaker 1: on the couch of my stepmam's friends. But I told,

355
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 1: I told it, you know, I told him and his

356
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Speaker 1: girl that while we're going down the road, and I

357
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 1: was sing it because it makes me laugh when I

358
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Speaker 1: think about it, because it's it's fucking crazy like that

359
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 1: whole situation.

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Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, okay, all right, all right, I'm gonna

361
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Speaker 2: put a I'm truly going to put a pen in

362
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: the girlfriend's response to this story. But first of all,

363
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Speaker 2: I don't understand this story. Okay, as far as I'm

364
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 2: as far as I know, this story is a random

365
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Speaker 2: lady comes into your house and gives you a blowjob.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I moved. I'm gonna kind of I'm trying to

367
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Speaker 1: be quick, but I start from ground zero. I had

368
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 1: to move to Florida for a little bit, and I

369
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: moved back from and within two days I'm moving up.

370
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: My dad and my stepmom got into this huge argument.

371
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Speaker 1: It was like physical and all that. I had to

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Speaker 1: call the cops on them. He ended up leaving and

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to stay at the house because I

374
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Speaker 1: was tired of his bullshit. So I went with my

375
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Speaker 1: step mom and we went to her friend's house. And

376
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Speaker 1: it was like the second day I was there. I

377
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 1: had smoked weed for the first time in like two years,

378
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 1: and we're hanging out out of nowhere. You know. We're

379
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Speaker 1: at my stepmom's friend's house, all right. Their friend comes

380
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 1: over and starts talking with them and says a bunch

381
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Speaker 1: of stuff. But my stepmom and her friend who owns

382
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Speaker 1: the house, went to go to the gas station.

383
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Speaker 2: Okay, so your stepmom's friend's friend is over and you're

384
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Speaker 2: staying over at the stepmom's friend's house. R Okay, So.

385
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Speaker 1: When they go to the gas station, It's just me

386
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: and this lady who just walked in, so I've never

387
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 1: met before in my life. We're watching TV and she

388
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 1: goes on her Facebook and pulls up a photo of

389
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: a younger version of her. Give him one. I'm high,

390
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,639
Speaker 1: like hi, shit, like I ain't smoke weed in years.

391
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: That's first like high as fucked. She she shows me

392
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: the picture, She's like, don't you think she's cute? And

393
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 1: you know I wasn't. I mean, what the fuck el

394
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: was am I supposed to say? I said, yeah, she's cute.

395
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: One thing led to another brother and her.

396
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: This lady just randomly is giving like what like what

397
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 2: happened afterwards?

398
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: So she shold me her thing on her Facebook. It

399
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: was a younger picture of her. If she told me

400
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: it was her, and then all the blue she was

401
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,479
Speaker 1: like if she asked me if I was still a virgin,

402
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 1: and I said, yeah I was, because I was like

403
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: I was like sixteen at the time. Oh Jesus, and uh,

404
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 1: one thing lets her another. She takes off her bro

405
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: and and you know he tried to she well, I

406
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: mean you tried to commit oral sex on me, except

407
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: that was so high I couldn't even get hard. So

408
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: after like two minutes of her trying, I just went

409
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: into the other room where she just fucking left.

410
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 2: Dude, Jesus christ Man, how old was this lady?

411
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: He told me she had a nine year old daughter.

412
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: I think she was at least like forty or fifty.

413
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 2: Jesus christ What was that the last time you ever

414
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 2: saw this lady?

415
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 1: No, the last time I saw her. She was riding

416
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Speaker 1: the bicycle through town.

417
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: Did you did you say? Hi?

418
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 1: Was so fucking weird to me, Like, you know, in

419
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: the moment, you know we're back, dude, you know, and

420
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: you're in the moment, you sitting there trying to get

421
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: what you can whenever post nut clarity comes later, What

422
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 1: the fuck was that?

423
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 2: Okay? Okay, okay, Chris, right, yeah, okay, See, so uh basically,

424
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: so basically basically, you're hanging out with your friend and

425
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 2: his girlfriend. You just tell her a story about you

426
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 2: getting molested then and then she's like, I don't want

427
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: to talk to this guy anymore.

428
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: Well, she looking back on it, I didn't normal about

429
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: it because she the way the way my friend explained

430
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 1: it to me is that she's a teacher. She's heard

431
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: a lot of crazy shit and we were just riding around.

432
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I've got a bunch of

433
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 1: stories down this alley. Y'all want to go down, we can.

434
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: I'll tell you all some of them. I told him that,

435
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: and all I know she acted normal about it. All

436
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,479
Speaker 1: I know is after that day, I've seen the guds

437
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 1: twice in over a year.

438
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Jesus Christ.

439
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just here's the other one in that same

440
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 1: house at when I was sixteen. I never did it,

441
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: never will do it. Never. Ever, my stepma's friend showed

442
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: me how to smoke crack off of a coke can,

443
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: and that shame fucking house.

444
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 2: Was it the same it? Was it the same fucking lady?

445
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: No, it wasn't. It wasn't the lady who tried to

446
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 1: It was her friend who owned the house. I guess

447
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: was written it at the time. Yeah, all right, No, they.

448
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 2: Were so wait, did you did you did you smoke

449
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 2: the crack?

450
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, never my dad. So I'm known

451
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 1: since thirteen that my dad smokes or used to smoke

452
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 1: mys And so I told myself, like, if it comes

453
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: in the shape of a rock, I'm not fucking with it,

454
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 1: all right, Like I'll smoke weed, I'll drink, I'll know,

455
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 1: I'll fucking eat mushrooms, but I'm not doing any of that.

456
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: Ship mm hmmm mm hmm, so hmm.

457
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 2: Okay, So, so you told your friends that story and

458
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 2: sole Sally, you're having a heart Do you having a

459
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 2: hard time just like making friends? Let's get back to that.

460
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you think go ahead?

461
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 2: Go ahead?

462
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: I think it's because I think there's a mixture of it.

463
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of people don't know how

464
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 1: to read me. At first, I don't because I have

465
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: really bad rest and fish face. But I recognize that

466
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: people get to know me, they actually enjoy my presence,

467
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: but there's some kind of disconnect, at least with people

468
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: my age. Like I get along really well with people

469
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 1: older than me, and I've been told that I'm the

470
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: quote unquote old soul and all that shit. But me,

471
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: that's cool and all that. I want to I'd like

472
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: to connect with people my age, But I guess there's

473
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: also the social anxiety part of me that doesn't really

474
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: know how to. Because I didn't really like in the

475
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: government I grew up in. I didn't even want to

476
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: bring friends over because I didn't want them to see,

477
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 1: I didn't want them to see my dad's house filled

478
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: with roaches and rats and drugs and shit. And I

479
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,239
Speaker 1: didn't want them to see my mom's house where I

480
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: was constantly being yelled at and literally called fat ass

481
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: every day of my life. Like so I just kind

482
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: of self isolated as a kid, Like I would talk

483
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: to people at school and like they would tell me

484
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: that they would tell me that they want me to

485
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,479
Speaker 1: come over and hang out, and then they call all

486
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: the plans and all that. But whenever the time would

487
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: come and I try to call them the day of,

488
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: they would just ignore me, like over and over and

489
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: over again. And I guess I don't know if that's

490
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: like subconsciously passed down to me now, but I find

491
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: it difficult to put myself out there to really anybody.

492
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 3: Hm hmmmm.

493
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: Like again, I could be really honest with people, like

494
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: I'll use myself as an open book. I learned with

495
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: age try to dial that back a little bit. But

496
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: when I say put myself out there, I guess like

497
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: be emotionally vulnerable and suggest to the other person, like, hey,

498
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: we should be friends. Like I don't really know why,

499
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: but it kind of a daunting ideas to.

500
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 2: Me, Well, I mean, I got a few thoughts on that, is, uh,

501
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 2: I think at you go to church, right, yeah, Okay,

502
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 2: you're a man of God. You're a man of God. Well,

503
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 2: you're a man of God, but you're also an admittedly

504
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: peculiar gentleman with admittedly peculiar sense of humor and sense

505
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: of thought, which I think are good things to have.

506
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 2: Is it that the reason I ask about church is because,

507
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: I mean, friendships are in some ways mechanical in the

508
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 2: sense that they're just like exposure over time. So like

509
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 2: the people that you're regularly seeing at church every Sunday

510
00:31:52,840 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 2: or or more. If you're, uh, if you're going the regularly,

511
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 2: like do you have you not found anyone there that

512
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: you sort of like naturally connect with.

513
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: The two people I naturally connect with one is like

514
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: eighty and the other is like fifty five.

515
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, wait eighty and fifty five.

516
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

517
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay.

518
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: I go to ton of a smaller church, and I've

519
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: actually I've really been considering moving churches. I'm probably going

520
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: to soon, but I just noticed, at least in my church,

521
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: all the college age kids who are around my age

522
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:47,719
Speaker 1: or it's it's like, you know, at a church, You're

523
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: supposed to be a family. When I'm around them, I

524
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,479
Speaker 1: feel like I'm more of a family friend than a

525
00:32:54,520 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 1: family mm hmm. Like it's it's kind of like they

526
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: don't miss me in my absence, but they'll say, hey, Chris,

527
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: we missed your last Sunday and that'll be it. Mm hmm.

528
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 2: Okay, tell me more about just your life, Chris, Like

529
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 2: what do you what do you? What do you do?

530
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 2: Like if you go to school?

531
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 1: Do you work? Hm? I work for a contracting company.

532
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: I'm a team lead for it. It's basically a symbol

533
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: like furniture and grills and all that for Loew's and

534
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 1: home depots. Mm hmm. It's pretty good money. It keeps

535
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 1: me busy all the time. And when I'm not doing that,

536
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: I'm djan DJ. Yeah. I don't know if you remember,

537
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm the guy who called a few

538
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: months back about I don't know you talked a lot.

539
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 2: Of people, but oh oh, I didn't realize we talked before.

540
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, we we have. I'm a guy who almost died

541
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: on acid. If that rings any bills, uh, it's not.

542
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't worry about it. Huh.

543
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe I've tibe, maybe I've unfortunately talked

544
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,240
Speaker 2: to too many people who have almost died on acid.

545
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 2: But I'm glad to be talking to you now. Okay,

546
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 2: you DJ, so I have so well. Actually, you know

547
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,360
Speaker 2: what is uh, I mean a few things right, is

548
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 2: you're already doing a lot of things that get you

549
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 2: out into the universe. You know, you're not like, uh,

550
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: you're not a basement dweller. You spend a lot of

551
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 2: time in person around other people.

552
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,919
Speaker 1: Well, I do wan dej, but at my full time job,

553
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: I'm mainly just in the back room by myself. Like

554
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: I listened to podcasts and music all day. That's kind

555
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: of how I got into your podcast because I got

556
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: tired of listening to Joe Rogan so I just went

557
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: on YouTube and yours came up. And you know, it's

558
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: just a little side note. I appreciate what you do, man,

559
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: because like some of the guests you had on have

560
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 1: made me feel really fucking normal. There's a weird baseline there,

561
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: but it's helped me realize a lot of shit I

562
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: think of is not you know that weird, but I

563
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 1: mean it is difficult because again, you know, I'm in

564
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 1: the back room, and I've got headphones on all day

565
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: and there's just the only time people talk to me

566
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: is if they need something out of me. Now, there's

567
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: not really a lot of at work finter, mostly because

568
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 1: I can't even really afford to. I get paid by

569
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: the piece, So anytime I spend not working is it's

570
00:35:58,280 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 1: time I'm losing money.

571
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 2: Do you feel are you like one of those kind

572
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 2: of like uh uh, proud lone wolf guys, or do

573
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 2: you like feel lonely and long for connection?

574
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: I used to be like that, but I long for connection.

575
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 1: I do I feel like deep down everybody does. I

576
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: mean we're social creatures by nature. Yeah, something I think

577
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 1: about a lot. I guess it's kind of in comparison

578
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 1: to that idea is like, even when we're born a woman.

579
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's been done before, but it's preferably that

580
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,439
Speaker 1: whenever a woman's given birth, there's at least one other

581
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 1: person there. You know, modern America, there's a team of

582
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: people there because yea even be born, you know, it's

583
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 1: kind of preferred that you have other people.

584
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 2: It takes a village for real.

585
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 1: And something that really reinforced that thought for me was

586
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: on that night that I did almost dive acid. I

587
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 1: had this weird visual. Let's just say I took twelve

588
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: times to recommend amount of dose acid. I took I

589
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: regular tabs one hundred micrograms. I took around twelve hundred

590
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: microgrounds of liquid LSD at one time. And during that

591
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: whole experience, I had the vision that I was in

592
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: outer space and I could go anywhere I wanted in

593
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 1: the universe. And I remember thinking like, this is so cool,

594
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: it's so amazing. And I went to turn to tell

595
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: whoever I thought was next to me, like can you

596
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 1: believe it? And when I turned, no one was there.

597
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: And when no one was there, I realized like I

598
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 1: could have everything I wanted. So if I don't have

599
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: anyone to share it with, what's the fucking point? Yeah?

600
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 2: One hundred percent, man, one hundred percent. So your whole

601
00:37:56,040 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 2: thing I okay, So let's go back to this whole

602
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,800
Speaker 2: thing of like you feel like you only get along

603
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 2: well with older people, Like you have an eighty year

604
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 2: old your best friends are eighty and fifty five and

605
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 2: you're twenty four. Is that accurate?

606
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 1: Well, I mean kind of my best My best friend

607
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 1: right now is probably he's sixty one. He's my boss too,

608
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 1: So if you consider him a friend, mm hmm. I

609
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: mean I did used to have a friend group that

610
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: was in my age. We've met, like we became a

611
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 1: group my senior year, but it it kind of just

612
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 1: fell apart with Tom, Like one of the guys ended

613
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: up leaving and getting married. Everyone like three or four

614
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: of them just stopped talking to us, and it eventually

615
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 1: boiled down to me and this dude. I still consider

616
00:38:55,080 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: it like a brother, but he's not the same person anymore.

617
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: And I guess I'm not either. And he's kind of

618
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 1: a covert narcissist, I'm sure, or I hope you do.

619
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: You know what that is?

620
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sure? What makes you say he turned into that?

621
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 1: Well, I think he was. I think he was like

622
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: that all along. It just took me years to realize,

623
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:31,880
Speaker 1: but I realized that whenever we talk it it's always

624
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: about him.

625
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

626
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: Like he would constantly talk about things he did or

627
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: social dynamics in his household, and I would go along

628
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,839
Speaker 1: with like, yeah, that's cool, man, that's cool, and it'd

629
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 1: be a little pause and then I call him one

630
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: day or I would say, you know, I made a

631
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 1: thousand dollars and eight hours today, bro, And he wouldn't

632
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: even say, oh, that's cool. He wouldn't even acknowledge it.

633
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 1: He would just go in the like go and be

634
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: proud about something else he did. And it boiled down

635
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 1: to like when we get when we get into arguments

636
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: as friends. You know, we were friends for years and

637
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: friends will do that. Through the years, the arguments went

638
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: from you know, it was basically like if I ever

639
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 1: tried to argue with him, I was the gas lader

640
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 1: and I was trying to manipulate him. So the last

641
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: time we talked, we were playing Rocket League, and so

642
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 1: I hit the ball backwards and then he instinctively hit

643
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: the ball again and it went into the net. And

644
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: after he hit the ball into the net, he started

645
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: literally screaming at me, screaming at me, and I was like,

646
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, I might have hit the ball backwards,

647
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: but you hit it in the net. Like, it's not

648
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 1: my fault. You hit in the neck. And he just

649
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: went off and was like, no, I'm tired of you

650
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: always saying that I'm never right. Your gas slighted me

651
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 1: about this. You know, it's your a fault. I just

652
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: I was in a three year relationship with my ex fiancee,

653
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: and she would do that same shit to me. So whenever,

654
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: whenever he started doing it, I actually went into chat

655
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 1: GBT and I like put in our whole conversation and

656
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 1: I asked chat GBT like am I gas lighting? Like

657
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: am I doing this? And I'm just not even aware

658
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 1: of it? And I mean it told me that, see,

659
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: what he's doing is the textbook definition of fucking gaslight.

660
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: And it's like, whenever you're wrong, you don't admit you're wrong,

661
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: you admit someone else is wrong, and you can't be

662
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: you can't be wrong. And so long story short, I

663
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: went off on him. I told him that, you know,

664
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: he needs to get over his fucking self and if

665
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: he wants to be my friend, he's got to cut

666
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: the ship. And then he threatened to walk out of

667
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: my life forever and all this shit, and so I

668
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 1: told him, that's what you want to do. I'd rather

669
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: be fucking happy and alone than deal with your bullshit

670
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: all the time. And yeah, that was That was the

671
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: last time I talked so well, one on one at least.

672
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:21,960
Speaker 2: So, what's your what's your dating history? Like you said

673
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,280
Speaker 2: you had a fiance.

674
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:34,760
Speaker 1: Just to be told I've I've been in maybe three

675
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: quote unquote serious relationships.

676
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 2: That's a lot of connections.

677
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, I don't know.

678
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,439
Speaker 2: I mean, uh yeah, no, no, go ahead, go ahead

679
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: and run me down.

680
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: Well, the first one was whenever I was like eleven, okay,

681
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: and I think quote unquote serious because we were like

682
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: best friends, so we never hugged and kissed or nothing

683
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: like that. We talked each other boyfriend or girlfriend.

684
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 2: Tell me this is not another adults, it's not.

685
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: She was older than me, but only by a year.

686
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: All right, Good, that'd be kind of fucked if it was, though,

687
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 1: it wouldn't it.

688
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, all right, so yeah, go ahead. All right,

689
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 2: So there was the girl when you were eleven, and

690
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 2: I get I get why that doesn't really count to you.

691
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 2: So yeah, keep keep continue to run down.

692
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 1: Well, the next one was an online relationship and that

693
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: ended because like he was in a she was in

694
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 1: like a cult Christian religion, like it's based on Christianity,

695
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: but it's very culty, like women aren't supposed to wear pants,

696
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 1: men are, We're supposed to wear shorts, type of cult

697
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: type stuff. And she was afraid to tell her dad

698
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: about me, and her, so we could never go on

699
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: dates or anything, so I should broke it off with her.

700
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: And then after her, well, shit, I couldn't. This one

701
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: wasn't really a serious relationship. But after her, I got

702
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: a text message from a chick. Me and her took

703
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,919
Speaker 1: each other's virginity. I got caught in her dad's bed

704
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: one day and she moved from Southeast Georgia to fucking Seattle,

705
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 1: Washington within a week. Yeah, that was a mind fuck.

706
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: The last relationship I was zoon was with my fiance.

707
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: I've known her since I was sixteen or fifteen, but

708
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:53,760
Speaker 1: we got together whenever I was seventeen, and we actually

709
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: lived together and one bedroom, one bad house with no

710
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: living room. Anytime we were home, we were literally in

711
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: the same bed all day. I don't know. After after

712
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 1: three years, I realized that I didn't really like her,

713
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: and then STREET be told I was in a sense,

714
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 1: I was just kind of using her to get out

715
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:22,839
Speaker 1: of my dad's house, and it really messed me up.

716
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 1: And when I realized that I it was actually one accid.

717
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 1: When I realized that it was my first ego desk,

718
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: I realized that I was using her, and I was like,

719
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: didn't really give a shit about how she felt. So

720
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 1: that changed my whole perspective on the relationship, and I

721
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: decided to actually love her and like dedicate myself to

722
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: her as best as I could. But as time went on,

723
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,840
Speaker 1: I just I realized that it's better for me to

724
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 1: not even be in a relationship with someone if I don't.

725
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 1: We just didn't click after a while. And it's kind

726
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: of interesting because so my sister had a baby shower

727
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,279
Speaker 1: and she never showed up to it, and when she did,

728
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: I started filming. The relationship really fall apart. And so

729
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 1: I actually said a prayer to God, I mean just

730
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:18,280
Speaker 1: about verbatim, and I said, God, I want a career

731
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: in music, whatever that ends up being, and I want

732
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 1: a loving wife who wants to have kids with me

733
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 1: and will die with me. I said, if that means

734
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 1: that this girl has got to go, then so be it.

735
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: And about three or four days later, I get home

736
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: from work and all her shits out of our apartment. Hmm.

737
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 1: And two years later I get I get this job djaying.

738
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: But you know, after the relationship end it ended. I

739
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 1: decided that I was going to spend the three years

740
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 1: I took away from her and spend it being single.

741
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: And so, uh, I was celibate for three years. Huh

742
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 1: and those three years ended back back in October, and

743
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: so now I'm I'm kind of out in the market

744
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: for that.

745
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 2: And back in October, was this kind of like a

746
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,280
Speaker 2: one night stand thing or was this a lady you had?

747
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: You know, at least some I didn't have to be

748
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 2: uh you know you're fucking uh No, someone you had

749
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 2: some form of, like, you know, deeper connection with.

750
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: No, it didn't end it because of a girl. I

751
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: just it was literally, like I said, a time frame.

752
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 1: I guess technically you could say I still am sole it.

753
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 1: But I told myself I wasn't going to go out

754
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: looking for women or do anything. But I was basically

755
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 1: going to invest that time and on myself for three years.

756
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, so it was the end of Okay

757
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 2: back in October is when you you didn't have sex

758
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 2: with someone, you were just you just you just were like, uh,

759
00:47:56,920 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 2: I am declaring myself market I'm declaring my penis open

760
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 2: for business.

761
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: There you go, Okay, and what does that.

762
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 2: Look like for you? Where are you going out? Are

763
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: you on apps?

764
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm on tender and Christian mingle and Facebook dating.

765
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,280
Speaker 1: It's kind of funny though, because I downloaded all those

766
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,399
Speaker 1: and like two or three weeks ago, I was at

767
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 1: a gig. I was actually doing a Christmas party for

768
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: home Depots, doing my thing, and towards the end of

769
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 1: my set, this waitress sends her friend over and her

770
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 1: friend says that the waitress thinks I look cute, which is,

771
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,840
Speaker 1: I mean, a fucking first for me. But this girl

772
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: was like gorgeous, like beautiful. I couldn't believe it. Like

773
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 1: I thought I looked ugly as shit going in there.

774
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that she thought I was. Yeah, so

775
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 1: I got her number and all that, and I even

776
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:56,959
Speaker 1: gave her a hug by the end of the night

777
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: and get it, like she wanted to get to know me,

778
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,439
Speaker 1: and till the next day where she just fucking left

779
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: me on red for like three days straight.

780
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 2: Yeah you can't. Yeah, yeah you can't. And I've learned

781
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 2: this in my own uh uh dating endeavors, because I

782
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 2: get like that, I fall. I think I fall pretty quick.

783
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 2: You know, you can you really you can't. You You

784
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:35,360
Speaker 2: either can't get too emotionally invested too deeply fast, And

785
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 2: I mean like you know, first meet, first date kind

786
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,919
Speaker 2: of fast, you know what I mean, Or you can,

787
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:46,720
Speaker 2: but but you know, you got to accept that you uh,

788
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 2: you might get left on a red And also you

789
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 2: can't I mean, you can't be upset with it, right,

790
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 2: I mean, if you meet somebody once, it's like you're

791
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 2: a stranger to them, you know, like they don't uh,

792
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 2: you know, you got to accept your role in their

793
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 2: life as a as a stranger ultimately.

794
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: Of course, sure, Like I even it's it's kind of

795
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: funny because after the giggle was over, before I left,

796
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: I actually set him know the prayer to God, and

797
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I don't want to waste

798
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,439
Speaker 1: my time if this is if this is the girl

799
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: you got in mind for me, and let me know soon.

800
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 1: And if it's not, no, I say, if this girl

801
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: of mine you've got a mind for me, let me know.

802
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 1: If it's not, let me know soon. And I mean

803
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: I was, I was notified pretty quickly. But don't it

804
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 1: didn't I understand, Like it didn't mess me up when

805
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,919
Speaker 1: it happened, but it wasn't really about her, Like I'm

806
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: over it now, Like I could give a fuck about

807
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 1: her at this point she's a stranger again. But and

808
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 1: at that time, the way she did it, it was

809
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:57,319
Speaker 1: like it almost like sent my nervous system into a

810
00:50:57,360 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 1: flashback to all those other times I was rejected as

811
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: a kid, and it.

812
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure.

813
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,919
Speaker 1: I mean it fucked me up for a good day,

814
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: Like it had me crying, but it wasn't. I wasn't

815
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: even crying about her. I was like crying about this

816
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 1: the emotional state I was in.

817
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll do that. That'll do that. I'll

818
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 2: send you on a kind of an emotional roller coaster.

819
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 2: And yeah, you're not even like upset about like this

820
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,359
Speaker 2: lady specifically, You're just kind of like, damn, why am

821
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 2: I on this?

822
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:28,719
Speaker 1: Uh?

823
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,440
Speaker 2: I don't like being on this train?

824
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 1: You know.

825
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 2: It kind of yeah, harkens you back to like you

826
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:38,560
Speaker 2: could be, fucking man, I could be. You could be

827
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 2: you could be a full fledged adult and have some

828
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 2: form of rejection that makes you feel like you're in

829
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: like middle school again.

830
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: Really, I mean absolutely, dude, It's like it put me

831
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:53,720
Speaker 1: right back in that place. Yeah, And like it's support

832
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 1: of all of me is because I try to I

833
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 1: like to think of myself as the logical person and

834
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: all that, But whenever emotions like that, almost like all

835
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 1: logic leads a fucking window, and it's just kind of

836
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 1: a you know, you just kind of got to go

837
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 1: with your nervous system.

838
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,479
Speaker 2: Let me tell you the let me tell you the great. Well,

839
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's so great, but uh powerful

840
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 2: maybe uh realization I have learned in my life over

841
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 2: and over and over again, and I'm sure you have too.

842
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of people listening to this have

843
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 2: uh made this realization over and over again. The nervous

844
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 2: system of the body does not respond to logic. You

845
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 2: can like it just doesn't respond to logic, right, You

846
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 2: could be like you can try to like logic yourself

847
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 2: out of like emotional pain or or even like or

848
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 2: like convince yourself you don't care about something or someone,

849
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 2: convince yourself that you're that you're gonna feel a certain

850
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 2: way in a certain situation, or you're not gonna feel

851
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 2: a certain way in a certain certain situation, and you

852
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,960
Speaker 2: can you can logically decide that you shouldn't feel a

853
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 2: certain way and all this and the other thing, and

854
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,240
Speaker 2: your fucking central nervous system is gonna do whatever's gonna do. Anyway,

855
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 2: it doesn't give a fuck about your logic, you know.

856
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, for real, it's kind of crazy.

857
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 2: I have two more things for you before we go.

858
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: One.

859
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 2: I do have to know what's going on on Christian Mingle.

860
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 2: What's the vibe, what's happening?

861
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 1: What?

862
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: Who are these people? What are the people like?

863
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 1: What?

864
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 3: Oh?

865
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:45,600
Speaker 2: What's going on?

866
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 1: What?

867
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 2: Does I just want the rundown on Christian Mingle.

868
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: It's I don't like it. You get like five likes

869
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:57,440
Speaker 1: and they push a subscription on it, and normally that

870
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 1: it's to put it nice. The females on there are

871
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 1: not my type.

872
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 2: Who's your type?

873
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound shallow, but like pretty females,

874
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 1: I don't.

875
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 2: I don't think you're alone and wanting to be physically

876
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 2: attracted to the person you want your partner to be.

877
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's I guess there's also like an

878
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: emotional it's mhm okay. The way I kind of put

879
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: is like, you could be a ten out of ten,

880
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: but if if you're emotionally a three, you are automatically

881
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: a three in my head. So I guess I'm looking

882
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 1: for the needle in the haystack that's at least to

883
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 1: me the attractive ten out of ten and a minimum

884
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 1: emotional eight out of tea.

885
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 2: I think that I I think that's what everyone wants.

886
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 2: I think I think everyone wants somebody that they're physically

887
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 2: but you know, men and women. I think everyone wants

888
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 2: somebody that they're uh physically attracted to and like as

889
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 2: a person. I don't think that that's a I don't

890
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,239
Speaker 2: think that's a niche desire by any means.

891
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 1: You would be surprised, mister kick me would be surprised.

892
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 1: I met a lot of I've met a lot of

893
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:31,560
Speaker 1: men who are like they don't care if they just

894
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: want what they can get. They don't care about anything

895
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 1: but looks. I've met a lot.

896
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 2: Of people like that, they don't care about anything but looks.

897
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 1: Right.

898
00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

899
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying not to I'm trying not to

900
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: be shallow. I'm trying to think of a PC way

901
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 1: of putting it. But like, so forgive me. But I

902
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,399
Speaker 1: mean the girl could be damage rocks and like cheat

903
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 1: on the god, but he won't care because he's a

904
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: ten out of ten that he can go in like

905
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:05,239
Speaker 1: boast about to hall his buddies. Yeah, I try to

906
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 1: avoid people like that, but unfortunately with my line of work,

907
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 1: I run into a few of them.

908
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 2: Okay, I have a weird question. Is there anyone on because,

909
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 2: like you know, on all these on all the dating apps,

910
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 2: you can kind of like write like what you're looking for?

911
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 1: Right?

912
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 2: Is there anyone? Have you ever come across a profile

913
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 2: on Christian Mingle where it's like, I'm actually not looking

914
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 2: for marriage, I want a casual hookup situation, but I

915
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 2: want them to be Christian.

916
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there probably is. It wouldn't surprise.

917
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 2: Like ause I would, because that's the kind of website

918
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 2: where I'm like, I don't know, could you even put

919
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 2: that as an option? Could you even put like figuring

920
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 2: out your dating goals or whatever? Whatever the Christian Mingle

921
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 2: version of that is. I guess that kind of makes

922
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 2: that I could see why that would be appealing to someone.

923
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:10,319
Speaker 1: I think there is, it's just for me, Like, I

924
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,840
Speaker 1: don't know, I truth be told, I've kind of just

925
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 1: stopped reading bios because I realized, you at least I'm

926
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: wasting my time doing it, like I'm just gonna dislike

927
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 1: the girls I don't find attractive and like the ones

928
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 1: I do. And on the fucking two percent chance they

929
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,080
Speaker 1: like me back. I'll assess the situation then.

930
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:40,680
Speaker 2: Anyway, Uh okay, My second thing, my last thing is

931
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 2: I'd like to leave this conversation with some kind of

932
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 2: you know, Chris, listen, Chris, I think you're a I

933
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 2: think you're a nice guy. I think you're at chill dune.

934
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 2: I think I think you're a smart guy. I think you, uh,

935
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: clearly have values. I think that you're you know, deep thinker,

936
00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 2: and you got a lot of great qualities my friends,

937
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 2: and I want to I just want to I don't know,

938
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe a last minute brainstorm of some

939
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 2: kind as to uh, like what could you do? You

940
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 2: just gotta I think making And we've talked about this

941
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 2: to to death on this show, but you know, making

942
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 2: friends again, it's just like exposure over time, right, So, like,

943
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 2: can you think of any thing outside of your normal

944
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 2: day to day routine that you could start to regularly

945
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 2: invest yourself in. I mean music's a great one, as like,

946
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 2: cause I don't and what what what town? What city

947
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 2: do you live in? You know, if it's like a

948
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 2: small one, you just you know, you have to give

949
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,160
Speaker 2: me the longitude latitude. But like where you're near.

950
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 1: I'm about I think I'm like a good hour and

951
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: a half from making Georgia.

952
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 2: Okay, are you like, are you like middle of nowhere

953
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 2: at Georgia.

954
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 1: I'm fucking I'm in the deep South where they sit

955
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 1: here and thought light latest brothers?

956
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 2: All Right, is there any is there any hope or

957
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 2: chance or even the desire or you know, I know

958
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:24,919
Speaker 2: money's tight, but is there any any anything of you

959
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:30,040
Speaker 2: getting out of there?

960
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:33,800
Speaker 1: There? There is, It's just with my DJing work, it's

961
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 1: all based out of the town I live in, and

962
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 1: I like, I'm not an independent DJ. I work for

963
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 1: a guy who's been doing it for over forty years,

964
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 1: and he actually gets the gigs for me. It's kind

965
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 1: of ironic because I spent my whole childhood telling myself

966
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: that when I turn eighteen, I'm getting the fuck out

967
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 1: of Georgia. But I'm kind of at this situation now

968
00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: where I like to think of it as I'm in bating,

969
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 1: like I'm getting as much knowledge as I can in

970
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 1: this business so that you know when the time comes,

971
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:11,920
Speaker 1: Like he's my boss is sixty one right now, so

972
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 1: I figured ten fifteen years from now, whenever he retires

973
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna move. I think my next move would

974
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 1: be like Savannah, Georgia.

975
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 2: Okay, because here's the thing. If you want to start

976
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 2: building a robust social life of some kind, you got

977
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:30,680
Speaker 2: to go where the people are. And it doesn't it

978
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 2: just sounds like you're naturally not around that many people.

979
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm not. And again a big issue with that.

980
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 1: It's just my full time job.

981
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

982
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 1: Even if I were to move to Savannah but still

983
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: worked the full time job, I would kind of be isolated. Still.

984
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 1: That's why you know, I've got my hope in DJing.

985
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 1: I've I'm very self critical, so I don't really believe it,

986
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 1: but I get told over and over again. Then I'm

987
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 1: a good DJ, and you know, people tip me and

988
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 1: pay for overtime. So I guess. I guess when I'm

989
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 1: down here, I need to really work on like I need.

990
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 1: I need to work on building like a social network.

991
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 1: It's it's it's fucking complicated because I don't know. I

992
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 1: don't know, man, Like I want to make more friends

993
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 1: than I would like to be. I'd like to work.

994
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: I'd like to DJ full time for the rest of

995
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 1: my life. But you know, that's where it comes into

996
01:01:33,400 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 1: networking and knowing a lot of people. Mm hmmmm.

997
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,360
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, look, I'll say this because only only

998
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 2: you know your situation. I'm not going to tell you

999
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 2: to quit your job or whatever and run away from home,

1000
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 2: but I'll say that. I'll say this, Chris, I think

1001
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:00,360
Speaker 2: you're I think you're a nice student. I think that

1002
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,360
Speaker 2: what's between in my eyes, what's between you and making

1003
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 2: friends and whatnot, is again just like the fact that

1004
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:13,080
Speaker 2: you're just not naturally exposed to that many people by

1005
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 2: nature of your life. You know, I'm not, uh, and

1006
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 2: I and I and I I guess I. I I

1007
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:31,160
Speaker 2: hope that you through whatever means exist within your existence

1008
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 2: and UH hope, I don't know, maybe you find the

1009
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:39,320
Speaker 2: inspiration to create those means. Should should we move away

1010
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:47,000
Speaker 2: from both of our unhealthy obsession with determinism? Uh? I

1011
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 2: hope you find or create some kind of means to

1012
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:53,440
Speaker 2: like build some life for yourself where you're you're just

1013
01:02:53,560 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 2: naturally around more people because I don't from talking to you.

1014
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 2: And trust me, we've had people on this show before

1015
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:08,720
Speaker 2: that I've talked to and I'm like, I can understand

1016
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 2: with no judgment, of course, but I can understand why

1017
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 2: people might have a hard time being around this person

1018
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,880
Speaker 2: and you don't. I've been talking for an hour. I

1019
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,240
Speaker 2: don't strike you as you know, a tough guy to

1020
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 2: be around. So for you, I think it's it's again

1021
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 2: just gonna be about like building a life where you're

1022
01:03:31,560 --> 01:03:34,320
Speaker 2: naturally around more people. However you can do that. And

1023
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 2: I was like keeping an open mind, right because again,

1024
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 2: you you walk around if you walk around being like,

1025
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 2: oh I don't get along with other people my age,

1026
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 2: it's like, well you you might miss you might miss something.

1027
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 2: Because also, people don't give you everything all. That's another

1028
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:54,640
Speaker 2: thing I've learned as I try to make more connections

1029
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:57,280
Speaker 2: in my life is that people don't give you everything

1030
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,480
Speaker 2: all at once. So if you're having a converse with

1031
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:06,160
Speaker 2: someone and this is a fucking guy, I was. I

1032
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 2: I work out of this coworking space where I edit,

1033
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:14,760
Speaker 2: and uh, this is a guy there. And the first

1034
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:16,520
Speaker 2: time I met him, I was I hated him. I

1035
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,680
Speaker 2: was like, this is and I didn't hate him, but

1036
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, this is like a normy, boring,

1037
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:25,120
Speaker 2: like tech guy. Like I don't want to fucking talk

1038
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 2: to this guy as we have no nothing in common whatever.

1039
01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 2: And then one night, like I just I actually really

1040
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 2: I was like kind of put all of that aside

1041
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 2: and I like decided to like really engage with him,

1042
01:04:39,280 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 2: and uh we had a we had a really great

1043
01:04:43,480 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 2: conversation and we connected over a bunch of different things

1044
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 2: that I didn't even think, uh we would be able

1045
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 2: to talk about because I was being so uh preemptive beforehand.

1046
01:04:55,200 --> 01:05:01,400
Speaker 2: So you know, uh not everyone never everyone know yeah, no, no,

1047
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 2: no one's gonna give you everything all at once, So

1048
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 2: you know, try to try to naturally be around more

1049
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:12,080
Speaker 2: people and try to keep in mind that they're not

1050
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:15,680
Speaker 2: gonna reveal themselves to you completely off the bat, and

1051
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 2: so you got to keep somewhat of an open mind.

1052
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 2: And that's the that's the that's the that's the that's

1053
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:26,760
Speaker 2: the therapy Gecko. That that's that's as much therapy Gecko

1054
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:30,400
Speaker 2: as this as the ninety one grams of caffeine in

1055
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:34,080
Speaker 2: this diet Mountain dew will will allow me to provide

1056
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:35,280
Speaker 2: for you today.

1057
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 1: Chris, Well, I appreciate your telling, mister Gek, and I'll

1058
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 1: definitely he definitely gave me some good advice there, like

1059
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 1: putting myself around more people more and kind of understanding

1060
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:52,440
Speaker 1: that they you know what I took from it, it's

1061
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 1: basically like they're not you know, like you said, they're

1062
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:57,919
Speaker 1: not gonna give you their full cells all at once.

1063
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 1: It's almost that they kind of have to get to

1064
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:04,560
Speaker 1: trust you and then trust themselves around you in order

1065
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:05,840
Speaker 1: for them to really open up.

1066
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:09,760
Speaker 2: And also, you told me this whole thing about you

1067
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,120
Speaker 2: being an open book and how you feel like that's

1068
01:06:12,160 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 2: a bad thing. But I don't know, man, You're like

1069
01:06:17,960 --> 01:06:22,040
Speaker 2: the environment, the environment you're in sounds like, and I

1070
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:24,120
Speaker 2: don't want to be too judgmental, but the environment you're

1071
01:06:24,160 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 2: in sounds like there's not a strong enough of a

1072
01:06:27,800 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 2: sample size a variety of people for you to make

1073
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:39,440
Speaker 2: those assumptions about yourself that being kind of vulnerable or

1074
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there is inherently bad.

1075
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:48,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree with that. Like, what I guess my

1076
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 1: issue is is that I kind of dive head in

1077
01:06:52,160 --> 01:06:56,120
Speaker 1: head first. Are used to Now it's not that I'm

1078
01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 1: not honest, is that I kind of lit out a

1079
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:06,000
Speaker 1: little bit my little pieces because I've I just I've

1080
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,240
Speaker 1: had a situation where someone has tried to use that against.

1081
01:07:08,960 --> 01:07:14,800
Speaker 2: Me, So you know, yeah, that'll have Yeah, that's that's

1082
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,800
Speaker 2: that's that's what. That's what when you put yourself out

1083
01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 2: that's why. Yeah, that's why that'll happen if you if

1084
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 2: you put yourself out there and you trust people and

1085
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,560
Speaker 2: you're vulnerable with people, they will use that against you.

1086
01:07:28,640 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 2: Like you it it's inherent. But part of being a

1087
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 2: person that does that is like is like accepting it

1088
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 2: as like you know, the tax. It's unfortunate, but it's

1089
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:45,720
Speaker 2: it's kind of like a tax. So to say to

1090
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,720
Speaker 2: me sometimes to say like, oh, I don't want to

1091
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:50,720
Speaker 2: put myself out there because people will use it against me,

1092
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 2: it's like it's like it's like saying I don't want

1093
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 2: to I think I'm stealing this from someone. But it's

1094
01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 2: like saying I don't want to jump off a diving

1095
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 2: board and because I'll fall in that pool and get wets.

1096
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:09,720
Speaker 2: You know, it's like that's part of the thing. Well,

1097
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 2: like I don't want to get in the car. I

1098
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:13,200
Speaker 2: don't want to get in a car because I might

1099
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 2: get in a car accidents.

1100
01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:20,880
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, well I think I agree with you.

1101
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: Oh what I'm gonna take from this because I know

1102
01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:26,080
Speaker 1: it's been a while, it's all right, what I'm gonna do.

1103
01:08:26,160 --> 01:08:28,400
Speaker 1: Since I wear headphones a lot, I'm gonna try to

1104
01:08:28,439 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 1: take them off more and like instead of instead of

1105
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:34,519
Speaker 1: eating lunch by myself, I'll just go into the bark

1106
01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:37,360
Speaker 1: room and like, you know, try to interact with people.

1107
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:38,400
Speaker 2: It's a good idea. Man.

1108
01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:43,519
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, Tom, mister Gek. I hope you have

1109
01:08:43,560 --> 01:08:44,240
Speaker 1: a blessing that.

1110
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 2: Hey you too, man, God bless you, sir. You take

1111
01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:48,400
Speaker 2: care of Chris. I appreciate you.

1112
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 1: Yea, sir, you do the same.

1113
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:58,080
Speaker 2: That was Chris. I liked Chris. Chris was a nice guy,

1114
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:06,439
Speaker 2: sweet boy. Interesting lore of a person. Uh But I

1115
01:09:06,439 --> 01:09:09,759
Speaker 2: don't know a deep a deep a deep, a deep thinker,

1116
01:09:10,840 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 2: a sensitive soul who like like all of us, just

1117
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:18,719
Speaker 2: wants to find their purpose in life and connect with others.

1118
01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:23,400
Speaker 2: And I think he'll do it, you know, I think

1119
01:09:23,439 --> 01:09:27,479
Speaker 2: he'll do it. What kind of djaying gigs is he

1120
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:29,479
Speaker 2: doing though in the Deep South?

1121
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 1: Like?

1122
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:32,200
Speaker 2: What like? What is he dj like? Is he he's

1123
01:09:32,240 --> 01:09:36,880
Speaker 2: not doing bar Mitzvah's there's no there's he's not doing that.

1124
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:40,519
Speaker 2: Is he like playing like sweet sixty to like church gigs?

1125
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:42,840
Speaker 2: I guess there's no because he's not he's not like

1126
01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:47,479
Speaker 2: at like a Berlin Uban you know, crazy E d

1127
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 2: M dance club, or maybe he is. I don't know.

1128
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:59,679
Speaker 2: Maybe there's a big techno scene in southern Georgia. Hello.

1129
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey there, what's up man?

1130
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 2: What's your name?

1131
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 4: I'm Rocky, like Rocky.

1132
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:09,559
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Rocky. What's going on with you?

1133
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:12,240
Speaker 1: Uh? Well?

1134
01:10:13,320 --> 01:10:17,000
Speaker 4: I won eleven thousand dollars in a lottery about two

1135
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 4: to three weeks ago, and my wife of about eight

1136
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:25,040
Speaker 4: to nine years ago or sorry sorry, my wife of

1137
01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:29,840
Speaker 4: eight to nine years she kind of spent all the

1138
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:34,719
Speaker 4: money and then left me. So it's been a really

1139
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:38,120
Speaker 4: tough Christmas h kind of coming up and everything.

1140
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:42,320
Speaker 2: You know, she spent all the money and left you.

1141
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:50,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, she bought Christmas presents for her whole family and

1142
01:10:50,840 --> 01:10:54,120
Speaker 4: then decided she didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

1143
01:10:54,680 --> 01:10:58,880
Speaker 4: So she had kind of a mental breakdown after and

1144
01:10:58,920 --> 01:11:04,040
Speaker 4: then went to a crisis intervention unit. And I did

1145
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:05,960
Speaker 4: my best to try and be there for her as

1146
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:09,640
Speaker 4: I could be during that time, and she blocked me

1147
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:13,719
Speaker 4: on everything after and I haven't heard from her since.

1148
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:24,519
Speaker 2: You know, mm, is this something that like like like

1149
01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:26,720
Speaker 2: are you is this something where you're like, Okay, this

1150
01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:29,240
Speaker 2: kind of tracks like she's done something like this before,

1151
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:31,639
Speaker 2: or you're like, this is totally out of the.

1152
01:11:31,560 --> 01:11:36,840
Speaker 4: Blue with this much money, it's kind of out of

1153
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:41,160
Speaker 4: the blue. But throughout our relationship, she's always had issues.

1154
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:46,520
Speaker 4: She struggles with DPD, you know, different.

1155
01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:48,439
Speaker 1: She has like.

1156
01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 4: Schizophrenia and stuff too, So that's kind of always been

1157
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 4: an issue, and it's I understand it's kind of my

1158
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 4: fault for choosing to be with her through the ups

1159
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:04,559
Speaker 4: and downs, but yeah, it's kind of always been an issue.

1160
01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:05,680
Speaker 1: Mm hm.

1161
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:12,840
Speaker 2: Well and when it's been an issue, how has it

1162
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:14,639
Speaker 2: usually been resolved in the past.

1163
01:12:17,439 --> 01:12:22,040
Speaker 4: That's a really good question. Usually she kind of ends

1164
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:29,400
Speaker 4: up just kind of taking off somewhere and eventually she

1165
01:12:29,600 --> 01:12:34,280
Speaker 4: will come back. But this time it's kind of different,

1166
01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:37,920
Speaker 4: you know, like blocking me on everything and and just

1167
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:45,479
Speaker 4: not wanting anything to do with me. Yeah, kind of

1168
01:12:45,479 --> 01:12:47,439
Speaker 4: a shame. We don't have any kids or anything, so

1169
01:12:47,479 --> 01:12:50,679
Speaker 4: that makes it easier, but we do have six cats,

1170
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:54,479
Speaker 4: so that's kind of a lot of animals for one person.

1171
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 2: You know, where what's wh where are the cats?

1172
01:12:59,760 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 1: Oh?

1173
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:09,640
Speaker 4: They live with me in my house here. Yeah, So

1174
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:13,320
Speaker 4: it's just kind of been our own little family, and

1175
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:16,320
Speaker 4: I know this is the last call and everything, so

1176
01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:19,439
Speaker 4: I don't want it to be too depressing. But I've

1177
01:13:19,479 --> 01:13:21,760
Speaker 4: been sleeping on the couch for the last week or

1178
01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:27,479
Speaker 4: two and haven't really been able to do anything. So

1179
01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:30,719
Speaker 4: it's just kind of been it's been rough.

1180
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,400
Speaker 2: How does it? How does it okay? So she said

1181
01:13:33,400 --> 01:13:35,600
Speaker 2: she's done this kind of shit before, like how do

1182
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:39,519
Speaker 2: you normally? Like, I'll ask kind of a different version

1183
01:13:39,560 --> 01:13:42,080
Speaker 2: of the same question, like how do you normally respond

1184
01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:46,080
Speaker 2: to it? In the past, I don't cope.

1185
01:13:46,120 --> 01:13:50,920
Speaker 4: Well, I struggle with my own mental illness. I have PTSD,

1186
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:57,240
Speaker 4: and I just kind of shut down and I sit

1187
01:13:57,320 --> 01:14:00,800
Speaker 4: on the couch or lay down and I will won't eat,

1188
01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:05,280
Speaker 4: hardly drink, and I will just cope by full of

1189
01:14:05,439 --> 01:14:10,280
Speaker 4: anxiety for days, you know, which isn't healthy. But everything

1190
01:14:10,320 --> 01:14:12,240
Speaker 4: I try to do to bring me any bit of

1191
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:16,519
Speaker 4: happiness just doesn't work. I used to make YouTube videos

1192
01:14:16,560 --> 01:14:19,639
Speaker 4: to try and kind of bring some joy to my life,

1193
01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:25,160
Speaker 4: but unfortunately that didn't pan out. So I just kind

1194
01:14:25,160 --> 01:14:28,640
Speaker 4: of move going to other things, and now it just

1195
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:31,120
Speaker 4: kind of feels like really nothing brings me joy anymore.

1196
01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:40,520
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, what was the last thing that did bring you joy.

1197
01:14:40,200 --> 01:14:41,240
Speaker 4: The last thing that did.

1198
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:46,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good question.

1199
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:54,320
Speaker 4: It's been a while, man, besides you know, just seeing

1200
01:14:54,320 --> 01:14:58,920
Speaker 4: a smile on my wife's face. It's it's been little

1201
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:02,960
Speaker 4: things here and there to bring joy. I suppose, like

1202
01:15:03,040 --> 01:15:05,400
Speaker 4: when the cat comes up to me it starts purring,

1203
01:15:05,720 --> 01:15:10,600
Speaker 4: or when I do eventually get into a game that

1204
01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:14,200
Speaker 4: I really enjoy, uh, sometimes final bring some joy.

1205
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:18,080
Speaker 2: So you so this has happened a bunch of times,

1206
01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:22,000
Speaker 2: like where your wife has kind of like gone off

1207
01:15:22,040 --> 01:15:24,040
Speaker 2: the deep end a little bit and and kind of

1208
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:27,280
Speaker 2: pushed you away, and and there's been like a breakup.

1209
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:31,200
Speaker 2: H Yeah, and how long does that? How long does

1210
01:15:31,240 --> 01:15:32,080
Speaker 2: that typically last?

1211
01:15:32,120 --> 01:15:39,240
Speaker 4: For it can last anywhere from a week to about

1212
01:15:39,439 --> 01:15:42,040
Speaker 4: two or three.

1213
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how long has it been? You said.

1214
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:52,759
Speaker 4: Right now, it's it's been like a week or two.

1215
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:55,679
Speaker 2: And this is then this just happens all the time,

1216
01:15:55,760 --> 01:15:58,800
Speaker 2: Like she's just always like kind of falling off the

1217
01:15:58,840 --> 01:16:01,920
Speaker 2: deep end and like leave them without a trace. And

1218
01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:05,439
Speaker 2: then like what does she like how does it like

1219
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:08,400
Speaker 2: does she like come back? Do you go to her?

1220
01:16:08,680 --> 01:16:10,599
Speaker 2: Like what has this normally been playing out?

1221
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:17,360
Speaker 4: She does come back? But that's kind of well, unless

1222
01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:20,599
Speaker 4: I don't reach out or anything, which I've tried, but again,

1223
01:16:21,240 --> 01:16:23,439
Speaker 4: this is kind of the first time she's like completely

1224
01:16:23,479 --> 01:16:27,160
Speaker 4: blocked me on everything, so I haven't been able to

1225
01:16:27,240 --> 01:16:33,519
Speaker 4: reach out. But it's it's interesting. When things are good,

1226
01:16:33,600 --> 01:16:38,519
Speaker 4: they're great, they're amazing, and I couldn't be happier. Yeah,

1227
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:42,120
Speaker 4: and they're not always like this. It happens usually around

1228
01:16:42,240 --> 01:16:45,760
Speaker 4: July or Christmas time. I don't know if it has

1229
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,559
Speaker 4: anything to do with things she's been through in her past,

1230
01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:52,920
Speaker 4: but I try to be as accepting as possible, you know,

1231
01:16:53,160 --> 01:16:55,479
Speaker 4: But when I have my family telling me like, hey,

1232
01:16:55,520 --> 01:16:58,120
Speaker 4: you know, you need to you need to stand up

1233
01:16:58,120 --> 01:17:01,439
Speaker 4: for yourself, and in all this, my friends telling me

1234
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:04,080
Speaker 4: like it's your fault for allowing her to use you

1235
01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:07,320
Speaker 4: like this, I understand that. But at the same time,

1236
01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:10,960
Speaker 4: when I married my wife, it was like, well, I

1237
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:15,080
Speaker 4: married her for a purpose and to for better or worse.

1238
01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:15,400
Speaker 4: You know.

1239
01:17:16,800 --> 01:17:19,560
Speaker 2: I get you, man, Oh yeah, no, I get you.

1240
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:20,599
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1241
01:17:20,640 --> 01:17:22,880
Speaker 2: I mean that's the that's the secret sauce of the

1242
01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:26,120
Speaker 2: toxic relationships is like it's like fuck, when it's good,

1243
01:17:26,120 --> 01:17:29,360
Speaker 2: it's like so good, and like, you know, your friends

1244
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:30,960
Speaker 2: will say this and your families say this, but they

1245
01:17:31,000 --> 01:17:37,240
Speaker 2: don't understand it's so fucking good, you know. But I

1246
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:39,479
Speaker 2: guess you know. Also your friends and your family, they

1247
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:47,760
Speaker 2: have the the the pros and cons you're you when

1248
01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:52,280
Speaker 2: it comes to a toxic relationship. The perspective of your

1249
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:57,040
Speaker 2: friends and family have the same exact pros and cons,

1250
01:17:57,760 --> 01:18:03,240
Speaker 2: which is that they don't know what you know, or

1251
01:18:03,320 --> 01:18:07,600
Speaker 2: rather no, not that, rather they don't have your perspective,

1252
01:18:08,479 --> 01:18:12,200
Speaker 2: so they don't see the good things right. But also

1253
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:15,720
Speaker 2: and they don't see the good things right and you

1254
01:18:15,800 --> 01:18:18,880
Speaker 2: and you can, you can, you can go there and

1255
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:21,400
Speaker 2: you feel that way and go there and understand. But

1256
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:27,960
Speaker 2: they also aren't so emotionally invested in ships that they're

1257
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:33,840
Speaker 2: completely blind to the jew or to the fucking bad things,

1258
01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:38,320
Speaker 2: you know. And also these are people who really know

1259
01:18:38,439 --> 01:18:41,599
Speaker 2: you and love you and like care about you, and

1260
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:45,240
Speaker 2: they and also like they're not these these they're also

1261
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,599
Speaker 2: always there, you know, your mom and your friends and

1262
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:52,320
Speaker 2: your whatever. Like they're not cutting you off and bringing

1263
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:55,920
Speaker 2: you back, like they're they're there when you need them.

1264
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:58,439
Speaker 2: I assume, I assume you're seem like a guy, you

1265
01:18:58,520 --> 01:19:02,599
Speaker 2: got you know, a good solid spar systems. So these

1266
01:19:02,600 --> 01:19:09,720
Speaker 2: are people you can trust. I appreciate it in a way.

1267
01:19:09,880 --> 01:19:15,000
Speaker 2: These are people that that I think you can trust. Yeah,

1268
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:19,360
Speaker 2: do you how come? How come it sounds like you're

1269
01:19:19,360 --> 01:19:21,200
Speaker 2: spending a lot of time alone, are you? Are you

1270
01:19:22,000 --> 01:19:23,400
Speaker 2: like getting together with these folks.

1271
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:25,040
Speaker 1: No?

1272
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:29,519
Speaker 4: Actually, my main friend group kind of cut me off

1273
01:19:29,640 --> 01:19:32,880
Speaker 4: because I had to keep canceling plans because of my

1274
01:19:32,960 --> 01:19:38,240
Speaker 4: wife and then my family. Well, they're busy with other

1275
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:39,120
Speaker 4: things right now.

1276
01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:39,479
Speaker 1: You know.

1277
01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:41,519
Speaker 4: I try to get them to spend time with me

1278
01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:46,080
Speaker 4: and stuff, but they're often like my dad, he works

1279
01:19:46,120 --> 01:19:49,120
Speaker 4: from I think it's like he gets up at one

1280
01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:51,679
Speaker 4: am and then he doesn't go home until like six

1281
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:55,479
Speaker 4: to seven pm. You know, my mom's because he went

1282
01:19:55,640 --> 01:20:01,040
Speaker 4: taking care of my nieces and nephews. So it's kind

1283
01:20:01,040 --> 01:20:04,880
Speaker 4: of been a struggle there. I don't have transportation. My

1284
01:20:04,920 --> 01:20:08,519
Speaker 4: wife took the car, so it's kind of been a

1285
01:20:08,560 --> 01:20:10,720
Speaker 4: struggle kind of being at the house alone with all

1286
01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:14,160
Speaker 4: the cats and everything. But h I appreciate it. I

1287
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:17,800
Speaker 4: just I really reached out, really needed someone to talk to,

1288
01:20:19,080 --> 01:20:22,880
Speaker 4: and I've tried the crisis lines and stuff, and unfortunately

1289
01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:25,200
Speaker 4: they don't really want to sit there and talk with you,

1290
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:27,000
Speaker 4: you know, they just want to like get you somewhere.

1291
01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:31,200
Speaker 2: Mmm, you say your friend, You said your friend's cut

1292
01:20:31,200 --> 01:20:33,840
Speaker 2: you off. Okay, so your friend, so let me see

1293
01:20:33,840 --> 01:20:35,479
Speaker 2: your friends cut you off because they were like, we

1294
01:20:35,479 --> 01:20:37,320
Speaker 2: don't want to deal with the things going on with

1295
01:20:37,360 --> 01:20:41,360
Speaker 2: your wife and shit. And then now that she's gone again,

1296
01:20:42,479 --> 01:20:47,519
Speaker 2: are they are they? Because I like, because I assume

1297
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:51,080
Speaker 2: this has happened before where you're like, she's gone and

1298
01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:53,439
Speaker 2: then you come back and then now is it like

1299
01:20:53,479 --> 01:20:55,920
Speaker 2: a do they view you as like a boy that

1300
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:57,280
Speaker 2: cried wolf kind of a thing?

1301
01:20:58,320 --> 01:21:01,160
Speaker 4: Exactly? And there's really no I can do about that,

1302
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:04,000
Speaker 4: you know, like if my wife wants to be with

1303
01:21:04,120 --> 01:21:08,320
Speaker 4: me often, if not, I understand, you know. But my

1304
01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:11,760
Speaker 4: friends see it a different way. They're like, well, we're

1305
01:21:11,840 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 4: kind of tired of dealing with this and you're not

1306
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:17,280
Speaker 4: dealing with it, so we just don't want anything to

1307
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:22,000
Speaker 4: do with you anymore. Which I can't blame them, you know,

1308
01:21:22,080 --> 01:21:23,720
Speaker 4: if I had a friend that I kept trying to

1309
01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:26,599
Speaker 4: help and they wouldn't help themselves either, Like it makes sense.

1310
01:21:26,680 --> 01:21:29,519
Speaker 4: But again, like you said, they don't see the same

1311
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:31,559
Speaker 4: perspective that I have.

1312
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:36,559
Speaker 2: You know, they don't. But you got to remember the

1313
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:38,479
Speaker 2: other You gotta remember the other side of that coin.

1314
01:21:39,439 --> 01:21:42,360
Speaker 2: You know, you don't see the perspective that they have. Uh,

1315
01:21:42,400 --> 01:21:43,519
Speaker 2: by the way, I do think it's I do think

1316
01:21:43,520 --> 01:21:45,160
Speaker 2: it's I do. I do think it's fucked up for

1317
01:21:45,240 --> 01:21:48,720
Speaker 2: them to completely cut you off. I would a real

1318
01:21:49,200 --> 01:21:51,880
Speaker 2: like it's because here's the thing, no matter how real

1319
01:21:51,960 --> 01:21:55,040
Speaker 2: your homies are, they're gonna get fucking annoyed if you

1320
01:21:56,520 --> 01:22:02,840
Speaker 2: continually like have this back and forth thing. But they're

1321
01:22:02,880 --> 01:22:07,880
Speaker 2: gonna get they're they're gonna get annoyed, understandably so. But

1322
01:22:09,320 --> 01:22:11,439
Speaker 2: if they are real homies, which they still could be,

1323
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:17,680
Speaker 2: then they may have that christ like you have not

1324
01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:22,759
Speaker 2: wandered too far such that you cannot come back home

1325
01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:26,600
Speaker 2: kind of a thing. But I think they and that

1326
01:22:26,680 --> 01:22:30,760
Speaker 2: might be true with them, but they they're probably like

1327
01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:36,559
Speaker 2: they're probably not ready for you to metaphorically come home,

1328
01:22:37,200 --> 01:22:45,799
Speaker 2: unless if you're actually ready to come home with which

1329
01:22:46,280 --> 01:22:48,240
Speaker 2: I don't know. We've been talking for thirteen minutes, and

1330
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:53,360
Speaker 2: you're a complex human being, so only you can really

1331
01:22:53,400 --> 01:22:56,280
Speaker 2: answer that question and go on that journey to decide

1332
01:22:56,320 --> 01:23:00,760
Speaker 2: if you actually can come home so speak and not

1333
01:23:00,840 --> 01:23:03,519
Speaker 2: be trapped in this crazy cycle. And I don't I

1334
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:06,240
Speaker 2: don't have I don't really have good advice for you

1335
01:23:06,280 --> 01:23:10,200
Speaker 2: because I just know it's I empathize with you. It's

1336
01:23:10,280 --> 01:23:12,599
Speaker 2: it's a brutal, fucking cycle. Is a reason why people

1337
01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:17,120
Speaker 2: get trapped in these things. I don't, I don't, I don't.

1338
01:23:17,720 --> 01:23:20,000
Speaker 2: If I'll say, if it makes you feel any better,

1339
01:23:20,080 --> 01:23:24,080
Speaker 2: I don't think you're like a loser or naive, or

1340
01:23:24,720 --> 01:23:27,599
Speaker 2: that it's you know, your your fault or anything like that.

1341
01:23:27,680 --> 01:23:30,080
Speaker 2: I think I think you're trapped in something that's really

1342
01:23:30,080 --> 01:23:34,759
Speaker 2: like you know, easy and susceptible to get trapped into.

1343
01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:40,120
Speaker 2: And I don't think you should wallow in shame or

1344
01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:42,880
Speaker 2: self hatred about it. I think you should have a

1345
01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:49,400
Speaker 2: little bit of grace for yourself, but also in having

1346
01:23:49,400 --> 01:23:52,679
Speaker 2: grace for yourself, like just recognize what you're in and

1347
01:23:52,840 --> 01:23:57,080
Speaker 2: try to not approach it from again. Like I I don't,

1348
01:23:57,080 --> 01:23:59,559
Speaker 2: I think you're you kind of are susceptible to a

1349
01:23:59,600 --> 01:24:02,000
Speaker 2: thing that it's easy to be susceptible for too. But

1350
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:10,400
Speaker 2: you do have to sort of figure out when you

1351
01:24:10,479 --> 01:24:12,759
Speaker 2: want to help yourself, and that that is a journey

1352
01:24:12,760 --> 01:24:15,120
Speaker 2: that only you can take. But if if I could

1353
01:24:15,160 --> 01:24:17,960
Speaker 2: say anything, is that I don't think you should uh

1354
01:24:18,479 --> 01:24:22,160
Speaker 2: go down it from a place of like, uh, hating

1355
01:24:22,160 --> 01:24:27,439
Speaker 2: yourself or thinking you're a loser, because you wanted human

1356
01:24:27,560 --> 01:24:32,960
Speaker 2: connection and you happened to found find it in a

1357
01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:37,840
Speaker 2: an amazing place. It happens to people. And I hope

1358
01:24:37,840 --> 01:24:41,559
Speaker 2: you're doing I I I I hope you all right?

1359
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:46,479
Speaker 4: Man, I really appreciate that. Thank you. It's it's been

1360
01:24:46,520 --> 01:24:52,240
Speaker 4: really rough, you know. Aside from that, like I've been uh,

1361
01:24:52,960 --> 01:24:55,439
Speaker 4: I think five days ago, I stopped snooking pot just

1362
01:24:55,439 --> 01:24:58,240
Speaker 4: because I feel like I got too complacent in life

1363
01:24:58,400 --> 01:25:01,799
Speaker 4: and I wasn't moving forward anymore. So I stopped smoking pot,

1364
01:25:03,920 --> 01:25:07,160
Speaker 4: struggled with a certain addiction for a little while, and

1365
01:25:07,280 --> 01:25:10,080
Speaker 4: like I, I completely stopped that cold turkey as well.

1366
01:25:10,160 --> 01:25:12,160
Speaker 2: So it's been jacking off.

1367
01:25:13,479 --> 01:25:17,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you you know.

1368
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:21,599
Speaker 2: You're doing all of this without smoking weed and jacking off?

1369
01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:27,840
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're like g I Joe, You're like the

1370
01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:30,559
Speaker 2: fun You're like Chuck Norris, Who are this is crazy?

1371
01:25:30,680 --> 01:25:35,240
Speaker 2: You're got you're going, oh my god, that's Christ. Have

1372
01:25:35,280 --> 01:25:39,920
Speaker 2: a have a mint or something, man, Yeah, go for

1373
01:25:39,960 --> 01:25:42,920
Speaker 2: a walk. How do you done't even know? You know?

1374
01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:45,800
Speaker 2: I didn't really. I can't believe you're doing all this

1375
01:25:45,840 --> 01:25:48,040
Speaker 2: without jerking off. And smoking weed.

1376
01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:49,280
Speaker 1: Right.

1377
01:25:52,760 --> 01:25:55,080
Speaker 2: I I respect you, I really do.

1378
01:25:56,680 --> 01:26:01,280
Speaker 4: Thanks, Lile, I appreciate that, and I you and everyone

1379
01:26:01,360 --> 01:26:05,960
Speaker 4: has a great Christmas and everything. You know, it's coming up,

1380
01:26:06,000 --> 01:26:08,800
Speaker 4: and I'm sure other people are in similar situations, and

1381
01:26:09,160 --> 01:26:11,760
Speaker 4: I feel for everyone else as well. I'm very empathetic,

1382
01:26:13,560 --> 01:26:18,000
Speaker 4: so I understand it can be rough. So I just

1383
01:26:19,160 --> 01:26:21,360
Speaker 4: I feel for everyone in myself, you know. I mean,

1384
01:26:23,720 --> 01:26:25,240
Speaker 4: I just want to say I appreciate it.

1385
01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:29,439
Speaker 2: What was your name again, man, My name's Rocky, Rocky,

1386
01:26:30,360 --> 01:26:33,439
Speaker 2: Rocky Rocky. I hope, I hope you. I hope you

1387
01:26:33,479 --> 01:26:34,519
Speaker 2: find your way back. Man.

1388
01:26:36,479 --> 01:26:38,760
Speaker 4: Hey, thanks, I appreciate that.

1389
01:26:39,479 --> 01:26:43,759
Speaker 2: Uh, have a good holiday season and stay strong.

1390
01:26:43,800 --> 01:26:44,040
Speaker 1: Man.

1391
01:26:45,000 --> 01:26:50,120
Speaker 2: Hey, you two take care Rocky all right? Oh that

1392
01:26:50,200 --> 01:26:50,719
Speaker 2: was Rocky?

1393
01:26:53,120 --> 01:26:55,040
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah.

1394
01:26:55,080 --> 01:26:59,000
Speaker 2: I feel for Rocky. He's a man. That's crazy. That's like,

1395
01:26:59,320 --> 01:27:02,280
Speaker 2: that's a lot. Oh, that's a lot. That's a lot

1396
01:27:02,280 --> 01:27:04,559
Speaker 2: of that's a lot of withdrawal. That's a that's a

1397
01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:11,080
Speaker 2: lot of withdrawal at once. Truly. I mean, I wasn't

1398
01:27:11,120 --> 01:27:12,719
Speaker 2: just by the way, I don't like say I don't

1399
01:27:12,760 --> 01:27:15,160
Speaker 2: fucking say ship. I don't mean I try not, I

1400
01:27:15,320 --> 01:27:16,960
Speaker 2: really try not to say ship. I don't mean on

1401
01:27:17,000 --> 01:27:27,320
Speaker 2: this uh show, And so I really do think, Uh,

1402
01:27:27,320 --> 01:27:28,920
Speaker 2: that's a crazy amount that it's a crazy amount of

1403
01:27:28,960 --> 01:27:32,559
Speaker 2: withdrawal to take, you know, not to be not because

1404
01:27:32,840 --> 01:27:37,280
Speaker 2: you're it's like you're trying. You're withdrawing from what the

1405
01:27:37,360 --> 01:27:44,840
Speaker 2: oxytocin the addiction of a person and fucking jacking off

1406
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:49,240
Speaker 2: and smoking weed. What's he doing?

1407
01:27:50,960 --> 01:27:51,040
Speaker 1: What?

1408
01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:54,680
Speaker 2: Man? What's that? What's he doing? I fucking feel for

1409
01:27:54,720 --> 01:27:57,800
Speaker 2: that guy. I hope Santa comes down his chimney and

1410
01:27:59,560 --> 01:28:05,000
Speaker 2: gives a blowjob or whatever Santa does. I don't think

1411
01:28:05,040 --> 01:28:09,840
Speaker 2: Santa does that. I do feel for that guy. Maybe

1412
01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:14,040
Speaker 2: he's maybe he's Jewish. Maybe he'll get Hanka, maybe Hanica

1413
01:28:14,080 --> 01:28:20,960
Speaker 2: Harry will come down his chimney help him out. I

1414
01:28:21,040 --> 01:28:23,599
Speaker 2: think it's time for me to stop talking. I think

1415
01:28:23,600 --> 01:28:26,320
Speaker 2: it's time for me to stop talking and end this podcast.

1416
01:28:26,520 --> 01:28:28,559
Speaker 2: But I enjoyed doing this. This was a lot of fun.

1417
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:31,080
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. I'm sorry this episode came out

1418
01:28:31,120 --> 01:28:38,280
Speaker 2: really late. It came out really late because I was

1419
01:28:38,360 --> 01:28:44,639
Speaker 2: busy editing, finishing up editing the Iraq video. I just oh, yeah, yeah,

1420
01:28:44,680 --> 01:28:46,679
Speaker 2: if you want to watch, I just released a video

1421
01:28:47,800 --> 01:28:52,960
Speaker 2: of me walking around Bagdad Iraq as a gecko for

1422
01:28:53,120 --> 01:28:58,760
Speaker 2: an hour. I'm probably gonna post it on Spotify at

1423
01:28:58,800 --> 01:29:03,320
Speaker 2: some point next week, so you'll be able to watch

1424
01:29:03,360 --> 01:29:06,400
Speaker 2: it here if you listen to this podcast on Spotify,

1425
01:29:07,240 --> 01:29:10,000
Speaker 2: but if you don't, you can watch it or if

1426
01:29:10,040 --> 01:29:12,040
Speaker 2: you do, or you can also watch it right now

1427
01:29:12,720 --> 01:29:17,479
Speaker 2: on YouTube dot com slash lyle Forever. Maybe I'll put

1428
01:29:17,479 --> 01:29:20,599
Speaker 2: a link in the episode description or something like that.

1429
01:29:21,360 --> 01:29:23,880
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's why this one came out late. I'm

1430
01:29:23,920 --> 01:29:25,760
Speaker 2: gonna try not to do that again. I just got

1431
01:29:25,840 --> 01:29:30,679
Speaker 2: I was just fucking up for twenty four hours, drinking

1432
01:29:31,280 --> 01:29:36,400
Speaker 2: diet mountain dew and typing subtitles like a crazy person.

1433
01:29:37,800 --> 01:29:41,639
Speaker 2: I don't know how I still have energy. Oh man,

1434
01:29:42,479 --> 01:29:46,120
Speaker 2: this is gonna this is gonna be a bad crash.

1435
01:29:46,360 --> 01:29:49,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm gonna have what I You know, you

1436
01:29:49,680 --> 01:29:51,559
Speaker 2: know how some people like they get they drink a lot,

1437
01:29:51,680 --> 01:29:53,840
Speaker 2: and they you know how some people fucking like they

1438
01:29:53,840 --> 01:29:57,160
Speaker 2: get drunk and then they like black out and then

1439
01:29:57,200 --> 01:29:59,640
Speaker 2: they don't remember what they said. That's what I do,

1440
01:29:59,720 --> 01:30:06,920
Speaker 2: except I consume a lot of stimulants and coffee and

1441
01:30:06,960 --> 01:30:12,200
Speaker 2: then give intense motivational speeches on the internet and then

1442
01:30:12,200 --> 01:30:16,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck was I talking about. It's fun.

1443
01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:19,960
Speaker 2: It's fun. Okay, thank you for listening to this podcast.

1444
01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:21,880
Speaker 2: Get bless you, Bye bye.

1445
01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:26,120
Speaker 1: Goes on the line, taking your phone calls.

1446
01:30:25,920 --> 01:30:28,800
Speaker 4: Every night, never goes to ride.

1447
01:30:28,840 --> 01:30:30,240
Speaker 2: I'm just teaching you cloud.

1448
01:30:30,000 --> 01:30:31,000
Speaker 1: And the memorial line.

1449
01:30:31,400 --> 01:30:33,600
Speaker 2: But he's not really an expert.