WEBVTT - “I Can Hear My Knees” | Having a Body 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.080 More More, More, More Better. 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:06.680 Hi, everyone, producer isis here. I have some very cool 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:10.520 news to share before we jump into today's episode, More 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:13.440 Better with Stephanie and Melissa has been named a finalist 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:17.279 in four categories at the Signal Awards. We're up for 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:22.520 Best Comedy Episode for our vindication episode with the amazing 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:27.920 Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and how To Diversity, Equity and 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:33.080 Inclusion and Buddy Podcast. We're so grateful to be recognized 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.520 alongside so many talented creators, and we couldn't have done 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:38.680 this without you, our listeners. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:40.720 So here's where you come in. 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:45.159 There's a Listener's Choice Award in each of our four categories, 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:47.720 which means you can vote for us four times. 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:49.400 Here's how it works. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:53.600 Head to vote dot Signal Award dot com. That's v 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:58.040 O T E, dot S I G N A l 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:03.520 A w a rd dot com. Search for More Better 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:06.679 and you'll see us pop up in four categories. 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:08.320 Click into each. 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.920 Category one by one and cast your vote. 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:12.520 Voting is open. 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:14.840 Through October ninth, and it takes just a couple of 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:17.759 minutes to support us in all four We would be 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:19.240 so honored and. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.000 Grateful for your votes. 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:25.919 Thank you, so much for being the best listeners ever. 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:29.440 Now let's get into the show. 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:37.200 Yeah, thumbs up from Sophie and her hot hot computer, 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:38.800 her Jacob Elordy. 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:41.679 Computer, her jacob Alordi computer. 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.800 It's call your laptop Jacob Alordi because it's so doesn't. 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:46.280 Even have to talk. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:48.840 Sephanie loves a tall boy, a tall drink of water. 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:52.040 Yes, you should have seen me at the US Open. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:56.400 I'm like shaking, oh my hands in your element. 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.480 Sorry, we're recording that you can use that, you can 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:03.240 use it. Here we go, guys, we watched the trailer 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:04.200 for Wuthering Heights. 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:04.520 Anyway. 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:05.720 Welcome to More Better. 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:15.440 More Better, More. 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:19.560 Better. 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:26.520 Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.280 to have it all together and start getting real about 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:31.400 how little we know about everything. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.360 Yeah, we're just trying to get by day. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:36.320 Is that our tagline? 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:43.520 Day? I can't remember? Anyway, How are you doing? I'm great? 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:44.160 How are you? 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:48.040 Let's not pretend we didn't just record. We also just 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.520 recorded a different episode, guys, so we have been talking 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.480 to each other. Let's discuss what we were just watching, 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:58.520 which is the Margot Robie, Robbie and Jacoba Loordi trailer 0:02:58.560 --> 0:02:59.560 to Wuthering Heights. 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:02.920 Robby, I don't actually that trailer made me realize that 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:08.200 I don't remember the storyline to Wavering Heights, or it's 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.720 just so goddamn different that it didn't trigger anything for me. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:13.920 I feel like it's very different. 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:16.440 I feel like it's an a a loose adaptation. 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:21.080 You know, a lot, a lot of looseness in that trailer, 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:21.720 I'll tell you that. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:26.760 Yeah, a lot of a lot of tightening happening. I 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:29.760 think there's probably gonna be some naughtiness. There were some 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:32.640 images of eggs, probably to have to do with like 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.800 fertility and Wathering Heights was a good book. It was 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.640 very romantic. That's what I remember. I'm gonna reread it. 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:41.880 I feel like the trailer for the movie was very 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.119 horny as opposed to a romantic. 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:46.720 Yeah, I'm not mad at it. Though they can be both. 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:49.040 It can be both. Romance can be honey and. 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:52.800 Vice versa, vice versa, vice versa, which is correct? 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:56.920 I don't know vice versa. I think vice versa. Anyway. 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:59.200 I'll go see it in Valentine's Day, Honey, I will 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:02.400 be in line and Opening Night in my bottles. 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:03.920 Should we make it a girls' night. 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:06.160 We absolutely should. We have to get we have to 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:10.880 get all dressed up like it's ren Fair to get 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:14.160 calls new We have to, we have to know, we 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.600 have to. Oh my god, now we have to. I'm 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:19.159 obsessed with this idea. Guys, please join us in theaters 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:22.520 across the country. We're not in this movie. We're not 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:24.240 in it. We have nothing, we have nothing to do, 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.680 we have nothing to do with it. We're just excited 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.800 for it to come out. And you know, just see 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.640 Jacob Lordy not wait Town, put. 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.839 On some ren fair outfits. Oh my gosh, that tall 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:42.919 drink of water, and be uncomfortable watching erotica in a 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:43.919 theater full of women. 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:50.680 It's my favorite place to watch erotica. Guys, we're what 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:53.360 have you done lately between now and the last time 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:53.760 we talked? 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:54.480 It's more better. 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:57.320 Well, you know, I got a mammogram today. 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.000 What you got a mammogram? 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:02.040 So I got my I got my titty squeeze. Speaking 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:05.000 of erotica, the. 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:09.480 Least, the least erotic thing that you can do, I will. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.560 Actually I do have a funny I guess funny story. 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:15.440 It was this is very If you know me, you're 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.440 like of course this happened to you, Melissa Famero. So 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:22.400 I'm wearing this little cute, little cotton T shirt dress, right, 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.279 and I go for my mammogram. And here's the thing. 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:27.960 I think when I first made an appointment, I like 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:32.680 went between these two places and maybe couldn't get an 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:34.800 appointment at one and went to another one. And then 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:37.320 but the one that I couldn't get an appointment with 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:40.240 set me a reminder like it's time to schedule a mammogram, 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.200 and I was like, okay. So I walked into this 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:43.960 place and I was like, this isn't where I went before. 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:47.560 And I was like, have I been here before? But 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:50.359 I've been to that building because it's like a medical building, 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:54.080 so I was it was all very confusing anyway. So 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:55.719 she brings me to the dressing room and she's like, 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:57.760 your gown's in there. Gives me you know, they say 0:05:57.760 --> 0:05:59.480 this like a million times a day, and then my 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:01.960 appointment like in the afternoon, and so she's going through 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:05.200 it kind of quickly, and I'm half listening because I'm 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:06.440 in my mind still thinking. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:07.520 Is this the place I went to before? 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:10.720 Yeah? So then I go in and I look and 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.760 it's not a gown, but a shirt that they give you, 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:18.880 and I'm wearing a dress, so it is a shirt 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:22.440 that ends at your waist and I'm wearing a dress. 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:25.800 Okay, so now I'm. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:27.440 Not I know what I would do, but I can't 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:30.800 wait to hear what you did. 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:36.320 So I'm standing there paralyzed, thinking do I put this 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:40.480 shirt on and go out in my thong and just 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:45.560 act like this is normal? Or do I figure out 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:49.240 how to wrap this dress around my waist. So what 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:53.800 I end up doing is I the neckline of this 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:57.680 dress is a little was a little high, and I'm like, 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.080 I don't know if I can squeeze my shoulders and 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:03.880 arms through this. But I was like, what choice do 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:06.840 you have, bitch, because how are you going to tie 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:11.600 this leaveless T shirt dress around your waist? Like that 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:14.960 makes no sense, and also you can't walk out into 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:19.080 the hallway with your ass out that also seems crazy. 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:25.320 So I stretched the neck and squeezed my arms through 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:28.160 it and left it around my waist. 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:29.440 Like a little skirt. 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:33.080 Yep, like a little skirt. But while all this was happening, 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:38.000 the woman was like Melissa. I was like, oh, yes, 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.000 one minute, because I'm taking far longer than all the 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:43.240 other women take to just take off a goddamn shirt 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:46.440 and put on that god wrap shirt thing that they 0:07:46.480 --> 0:07:48.400 give you that you end up taking off in the 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.080 room anyway, Right, Yeah, So that's that's what I did. 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:55.760 So then I left thinking, how do I remind myself 0:07:55.960 --> 0:08:00.440 next year to not wear a dress, wear pain ladies essay, 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:05.960 wear pants or shorts or skirt to your mammogram appointment, because. 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:06.440 You gotta. 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:11.560 When you put well. 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.920 I obviously wasn't thinking about the logistics of the appointment, 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.720 and I think maybe I just thought it was like 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:23.680 a gown, But then that doesn't make sense. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.000 I just do you think about it, have asked for 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:27.640 a gown? You probably could have asked for a gown, 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:28.200 but you were like. 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:34.880 I'm gonna make this work. This warning it's. 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:38.319 When my people pleasing like good, good girl, good student, 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:41.480 beside of my personality comes out that I think is 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:43.960 like healed and like gone. And then I'm in a 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:46.079 doctor's office and they're calling my name and I'm like, 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.880 god damn it, squeezing the dress down to my waist 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.439 to make this work. I can't ask for anything. I'm up. 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.920 I'm up next the reality busy. You could have been like, 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.160 I'm sorry, I just didn't think I wore a dress. 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.040 I just didn't thank you. I could have. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:01.319 It. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.200 We have down here building them. 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:03.600 Sure I can. 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.000 So we have little like medical pants for you to 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:09.560 throw on, like yeah, probably, but Nope. Instead, my anxiety 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:10.400 just went make it work. 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:14.280 I've I've left. 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.240 I've definitely been there before where I'm like, oh no, 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.200 I've worn the wrong thing, you know, or like they'll 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:23.080 they'll be like, please strip down to your underwear and 0:09:23.120 --> 0:09:24.840 I'm like, what don't wear I need today? 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:29.959 So so yeah, but I get to know each other 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:30.960 good real quick. 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:31.920 I've asked. 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:34.200 Since then, I've been like sometimes I'm like, do you 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:37.880 have any of those paper phons that I could have? 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.920 And they're like sure, I'm glad you wouldn't. Got your 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:41.439 mamma Grandma. 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.720 That reminds me I needed to get my mammogram and 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:45.040 a colonoscopy. 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:50.959 Honey, girls, schedule doctor's appointments? Is that time a year. 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.120 It's time for the colonoscopy. I don't want to do it, 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:58.400 but I also don't want to have something wrong. 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:00.520 Oh yeah, you got to do it. 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:02.880 No important, I gotta do it it's got I gotta do it. 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:03.640 Do it. 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:05.840 You gotta do it. You gotta drink the bad drink. 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:06.839 You've done it. 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:08.120 I haven't done it yet. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:13.000 Okay, all right, well full report? Yeah, please all full 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:17.079 report when I get it. Yeah, I'm I'm probably due 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.160 for that soon this year, next year. 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:19.720 I don't know. 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:20.600 I feel like. 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.920 They've up, they've upped the I used to be forty 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:25.480 five that you needed to get a cool and mask, 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:26.480 and now it's forty. 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:29.640 Oh yeah, I do need. 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:33.400 My general practitioner told me so shit, So I got 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:34.200 a schedule mine. 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:42.600 Okay, more better. Today we're talking about bodies. 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:47.520 Today's topic is from a listener from Joetta. Let's roll 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:49.000 the tape as they say. 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:55.320 Hey guys, my name is Joetta. I absolutely love your podcast. 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.320 To be completely honest, I've never been a podcast person. 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.240 I always feel like it's background noise, I can't pay attention, 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:05.240 and it's just like a waste of time. But I 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:09.600 heard about your guys' podcast and I watch Brooklyn nine 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:13.040 nine on repeat. Absolutely love you guys on the show. 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:14.520 So I was like, you know what, I'm going to 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:17.040 take a chance. So what I would like to be 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.160 more better at is loving my body for the way 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.079 it is. I have gone through a lot of health issues. 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:27.320 I've been diagnosed with endometriosis and public floor dysfunction, and 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:29.880 my body's just not the way it was and I 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.120 don't think it ever will be. And it's been really 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:35.800 hard to accept that and look at myself and love myself. 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.320 And I remember in past episodes you guys were talking 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:41.760 about that that you get maybe gone through similar things, 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:46.240 and that like you have your styles tailored to how 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.360 you are and you just don't need those toxic resolutions 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:53.000 of being weighing less and all this kind of stuff. 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:57.000 And I just would love some advice or tips and tricks, 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.679 as you guys say, to love my body for how 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:03.440 it is and accepting it and maybe tailoring my style 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:08.120 towards it. So any advice would be helpful. I absolutely 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.720 love you guys. Thank you so much for making this podcast, 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:12.880 and I can't wait to hear about it. 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:20.800 Iii Ah, She's our little bibe Joeta did the Bie 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.200 Joe up. Thank you for all those nice things you said. 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:28.760 Yeah, and also, like, as someone his body's changed a lot, 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.720 I feel you, dude, It's so it's like it's so 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.920 weird because you're like you're seventeen, you're like, okay, cool, 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.880 this is it. And then you're seeing me too, and 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.800 it's like, oh no, this is it. And then you're 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:40.800 twenty six and you're like, oh okay, this is it. 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:43.880 And then you're thirty and it just keeps happening. It's 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:45.840 like it just keeps happening because your body does keep 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:51.640 shifting and changing, and it's like it's such a mind fuck, 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:55.640 and we're here to help you kind of like talk 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.160 at least talk some stuff out, like think it out, 0:12:58.280 --> 0:12:59.120 think it out. 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:01.440 Think it out. That's what we do here. We think 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:01.960 things out. 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:03.800 Yeah, we talk about and we think it out. 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.800 It was basically about having a body, right, Like this 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:09.880 episode is about having a body and having a body, 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.960 what that means to each of us and how we're 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:15.600 kind of like our personal. 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.200 Versions of that. What it is now might. 0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.560 Be different than what it is next week, what it 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.040 is in a year. Melissa, talk about your experience with 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:26.000 having a body. 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:31.240 Oh my gosh, Well what you were just what you 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.640 were just saying really struck a chord with me because Yeah, 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:41.439 like I remember, puberty was a really big, huge fast 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:46.320 change for me. I was like a skiny, skinny, little 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:50.679 mini thing as a kid, and I was very active 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:56.120 and I danced, and then puberty hit and I grew 0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.400 like four or five inches in a year, like got 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.640 I got hips and boobs and butt so fast that 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:06.959 I got stretch marks that I still have to this day. 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:10.839 And I was like twelve, and I was like, the 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:17.120 fuck are these lions on my hips? Like, and I 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.680 didn't know how to dress and I felt so self 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:22.440 conscious and it was just like such a hard and 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:27.840 fast change. And you know, and then like you said, 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.120 like you go through some teen years and you're like, Okay, no, cool, 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:35.280 the well, no, teen years were rough. Actually, I don't 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:39.000 think I really started to like appreciate my body to 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:45.800 like college or like twenties. And then I was like 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:49.720 in a good stride for a while. And then I 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:53.080 got pregnant and then that was like that kind of 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:56.960 felt like puberty again, where it was this really fast, 0:14:57.240 --> 0:15:01.640 dramatic change. And I joke that like I think women 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.040 have there's like a switch that some of us have 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.480 and some don't, where like when you're pregnant, I think 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.240 there's a switch that goes off for some women that 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:12.000 is like, oh my god, I feel so beautiful and 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.640 powerful and like this is amazing and like how crazy 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.200 is this miracle of life? And then for the rest 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.280 of us, it's like I feel like a fucking science experiment. 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.240 This is such a sham. I didn't know it's going 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.400 to be like this. And every time I get used 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.640 to something, something else like dramatically, like you literally you'll 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.680 be like, okay, cool, this is it. I feel like 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:31.640 maybe cute, pregnant, and then the next day you wake 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:33.560 up and like five things have changed. 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:35.720 Yeah, like your boobs. 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:38.760 Are like crazy bigger, or like your belly grew or 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.120 you're bastard, or your ankles are swolen like whatever. It's 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:45.000 like every time I felt like I got used to 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:49.320 it or like okay, it would all like dramatically change, yeah, 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.840 and then and then like there's postpartum body, like you know, 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.920 and then it just feels like this roller coaster of 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.480 like up and down. And then you're like getting older too, 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.760 and things are shifting, and you know, even where you 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.240 gain or lose weight is different, and like I've had 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:06.640 giant boobs and I've had really small boobs, and like 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:13.000 I feel like I've had giant thighs and like really small. 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:15.840 I've had a thigh gap and I've had no thigh gap, 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:24.360 And so it is this constant bombardment, I think, especially 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.440 as a woman, where you're like trying to feel good 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:29.520 about the body that you have and the things that 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:31.560 it can do and the things that it has done. 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.800 But it feels like every five to ten years it 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:38.280 changes so dramatically that like just when you get to 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:39.400 the point where you're like. 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:44.440 I love my body, yeah, fucking perimenopause or like what 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:46.160 you know, or you get pregnant or like. 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:49.360 Fucking or you get sick, or you get injured, or 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:53.200 like some fucking shit happens. Yeah, and it's exhausting. 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:59.880 Yeah, Yeah, it's exhausting. It's exhausting to sort of the 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:03.080 the reason it's exhausting is because we're and it's not 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.040 just media. Media has a big part in it, right, 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:06.080 Like media, yea is a. 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:06.800 Big part in it. 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:11.119 But we are measuring like, oh no, like can I 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:11.480 do this? 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.240 Can I do that? Like is my body? You know? 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:19.080 Like am I still young enough to fall off a 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:23.359 ladder and not break my pelvis? Am I still you know? 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.199 Can I still fall? I mean I remember doing this 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.480 play in my twenties where I was playing Juliet and 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:31.200 I had to fall on my knees on this one 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.280 part in the play and they were like, oh, is 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:37.760 do you want knee pads for under your costume? And 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:39.600 I was like no, because I was wearing these like 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:42.280 skinny leggings with like bell bottoms. 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:43.800 I was like, I don't want to ruin the line 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.840 of my costume. Me mom. 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:47.960 Now, as a forty four year old, when I go 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:49.600 up and down the stairs in my house, I can 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:53.760 hear my knees. I can hear them go crunch, crunch, crunch, 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:57.080 and like they didn't do that then, but they do 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.719 it now, and it's they do it. It's like you 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:05.600 just it's this like constant battle of like wait, hold on, wait, wait, 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:11.600 oh no, wait wait. It feels very Yeah, it's exhausting. 0:18:11.680 --> 0:18:14.000 It can be exhausting, it can be exlasting. 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:19.720 I will say that there is something about getting older 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:25.200 and kind of giving less fucks that's been nice when 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:30.560 it comes to my feelings around my body. And you know, 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:34.200 I think especially I've had this in two waves where 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:38.119 you know, you and I have talked about uh, severe 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.800 body issues that we've had when we were younger. And 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.960 issues with dysfunctional eating, and that certainly was the case 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:49.199 for me in high school. And then I had a 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:55.360 friend who landed in the hospital for anorexia, and that 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.080 was like and it was and I and it was 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:00.840 it was somebody I deeply cared about. But she was 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:02.440 a little younger than me, so she was still in 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:04.400 high school when I went to college. This was when 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:07.080 I went and I was in college, and so I 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:10.720 hadn't seen her during the thick of this. So this 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:12.560 is somebody that we went to dance school to get 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.000 We danced together, and like we were like still kind 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:19.080 of in touch, but not as much, yeah, because of 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:25.040 life and school. And I remember I heard that that 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.080 she was very sick and that she had landed in 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:29.280 the hospital, and then I saw a picture of her, 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:34.960 and I that shit scared me so deep, my god, 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:38.840 because this was someone that was so vibrant and strong 0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:43.000 in my mind, not someone I would ever guessed would 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:47.199 have gone through this. And it just like shook me 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:50.200 in a way that my brain just went, what are 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:54.639 you doing? What are you doing? Why are you restricting 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:58.960 food or trying to control or like why you're young, 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.280 you're healthy, You're at the time, I was dancing like 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:07.119 twenty hours a week, and I just had this moment 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:11.600 of appreciation that I could do all of these things 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:15.280 physically and that at the same time I had been 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:18.720 making decisions that could potentially lead me down this same 0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:21.480 scary road that she went down and trying to understand 0:20:21.520 --> 0:20:25.760 like why I was doing that and being like fucking stop. 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:28.440 Life is short, Like you got to stop, You got 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:34.159 to turn the ship around. Yeah, and I did, but 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:35.960 it was hard, and it's. 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:38.080 I was going to say that I think it speaks 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:43.000 so like how you how you specifically function as a person, 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:43.720 which is like. 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:46.520 You're very tough. 0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:49.399 And I don't know if that's like growing up in 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:52.000 Jersey or if it's like your parents, or if it's 0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:55.320 your DNA or your genetics, it's just your personality, but 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:59.399 you're very tough. And like I think it's you know, 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:02.119 you saw something and you're like, oh, fuck no, you 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:13.439 know mm hmm. That is a wake up call to have, 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:16.240 like a personal friend like struggle with something like that. 0:21:16.600 --> 0:21:19.960 But there's some of us, myself included that, like I 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:21.920 don't know that I would have had the same reaction, 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:25.560 you know, Like I think that's very a mature place 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:28.240