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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Andy and Samantha and welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: I never told you a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: It is time for another edition of Sminty Fiction. As always,

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Speaker 1: do not panic if this is not your thing. UM,

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Speaker 1: just something we're doing. What's a month or so um

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Speaker 1: where we do a traumatic reading. Yeah. I like to

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Speaker 1: think it's a traumatic reading um with the soundscaping of

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Speaker 1: our amazing super producer Christina, who deserves all of the

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Speaker 1: recognition and props because she makes these sounds so good.

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Speaker 1: She she really really does yes in a good way.

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Speaker 1: And this one has no real chugger warning. But it's

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Speaker 1: a little sad, I guess. So if you're tender emotionally

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Speaker 1: for whatever reason, maybe not for you, I think it

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Speaker 1: will be fine. I think it's kind of goofy honestly,

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Speaker 1: but you know, And as always a disclaimer. I wrote

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Speaker 1: this for an idea me and my ex had where

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Speaker 1: we were going to have five people to submit ideas

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Speaker 1: for a music video of one song and play all

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Speaker 1: of the film submissions at once simultaneously on different screens

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Speaker 1: in the same room, so you could like look at

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Speaker 1: all the different screens playing and see all these different

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Speaker 1: interpretations of this one song. We got the idea from

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Speaker 1: a museum exhibit we really liked, so I wrote this

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Speaker 1: um but yeah, it's not super refined or edited or anything. Also,

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Speaker 1: a lot of these were written with the intent of

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Speaker 1: being simple in mind, so it's like a single narrator,

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Speaker 1: which is sad because I want Samantham to be more

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Speaker 1: involved in these. I should give you the next one.

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Speaker 1: It should be you. I would love it. I would

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Speaker 1: love it. Speaking of different interpretations, that would be great.

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Speaker 1: I just do my own interpretation of it all. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I would love it. I would love it. And yes,

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Speaker 1: I did want to release this one as it comes

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Speaker 1: at as Christmas Eve, because we are in the midst

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Speaker 1: of cuffing season, which is a term I originally learned

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Speaker 1: from you someone else that yesterday, yes, which it is

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Speaker 1: essentially what like dating time. Essentially you want to be

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Speaker 1: cuffed or snuggled up with someone because it is cold

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Speaker 1: and it's the holiday, right, Okay, okay, And I did

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Speaker 1: just I also just learned about dating terms like situation ships,

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Speaker 1: which is quote a romantic or sexual relationship that is

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Speaker 1: not considered to be formal or established, and roaching, meaning

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Speaker 1: someone is sleeping around with a lot of people while

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. Roaching is new. Yeah, well I'm learning

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Speaker 1: new terms all the time. When it comes in the

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Speaker 1: dating world, I actually want to I want to come

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Speaker 1: back to that and do like a kind of terminology

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Speaker 1: update about these things and what isn't Yes exactly, but

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Speaker 1: that is four later. For now, please sit back, relax,

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Speaker 1: and enjoy this fiction called the Right to be forgotten.

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Speaker 1: There once was a man named Will, and Will was

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Speaker 1: in love. Her name was Hannah. Will and Hannah were perfect.

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Speaker 1: They adored each other, the kind of love that is

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Speaker 1: pure and fun and steady and unyielding and beautiful, the

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Speaker 1: kind that makes people jealous. They took goofy pictures together

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Speaker 1: and went on adventures and stayed in and knew each

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Speaker 1: other truly, heart and soul complete. There was no Will

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Speaker 1: without Hannah. They got married in a blur of bright,

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Speaker 1: bright happiness. He remembered thinking wildly it was impossible to

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Speaker 1: feel this happy, and that he was worthy of it,

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Speaker 1: and they were going to live happily ever after. But

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Speaker 1: they didn't. Then Hannah was gone, and Will's world was shattered.

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Speaker 1: All meaning was lost. Nothing made sense without Hannah. There

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Speaker 1: was no point without Hannah. Tears, a bone deep grief

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Speaker 1: and an unending well of physical aching loss, Sitting aimlessly, staring, staring,

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Speaker 1: staring at a picture of them together, so wonderfully, willing

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Speaker 1: to be silly around each other, so happy, so complete.

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Speaker 1: It was night. He'd woken up suddenly, gasping a handover

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Speaker 1: his racing heart, dreaming of Hannah that he was screaming

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Speaker 1: for her to come back, but she couldn't hear him.

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Speaker 1: He blinked away the image, eyes adjusting to the dark. Nothing,

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Speaker 1: always nothing. He was alone. He sat up slowly, the

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Speaker 1: familiar cocoon of grief in casing him. He got up,

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Speaker 1: went to the fridge and poured himself a glass of water,

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Speaker 1: gulping it down. A picture of the two of them, blissful, unknowing,

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Speaker 1: smiled back at him. Then his skin started to prickle.

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Speaker 1: Cold crept up his spine. Behind him, a woman set

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Speaker 1: up in the bed, a woman who had not been there,

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Speaker 1: who could not be there. It was Hannah. She looked

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Speaker 1: the same, but different, hazy around the edges, soft focus.

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Speaker 1: She watched him, solemn still. She was wearing her favorite pajamas,

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Speaker 1: bright suns and stars and moons that clashed with her

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Speaker 1: serious expression. Will turned, he stared in her direction, set

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Speaker 1: his glass down, slowly made his way over to her.

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Speaker 1: Sat on the bed next to her, hid his face

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Speaker 1: in his hands, hid the tears streaming down his cheeks,

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Speaker 1: tears that should be impossible, with how much he cried

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Speaker 1: in the past days, weeks, months. When he opened his eyes,

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Speaker 1: the woman was gone. He laid down and pulled the

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Speaker 1: covers around him and laid awake until the light turned

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Speaker 1: purple and blue, and the sun rose, and he rose

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Speaker 1: with it to face another meaningless day. The toaster dinged.

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Speaker 1: Hannah was waiting in the kitchen, smiling. Will blinked once twice,

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Speaker 1: reached into the cabinet, retrieving a jar of peanut butter.

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Speaker 1: He started slathering on his toast and m haze. Autopilot,

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Speaker 1: a zombie as he had been since he lost Hannah,

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Speaker 1: and a creator was left in his soul. Be stirring.

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Speaker 1: The jar knocked over. Will jumped at the sound, staring

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Speaker 1: at the overturned jar warily, he reached the upright it,

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Speaker 1: so did Hannah. Their hands almost touched, but Hannah pulled

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Speaker 1: away at the last second. Will ignored her, Tired of

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Speaker 1: the fathomless grief, she brought unwilling and unable to face her,

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Speaker 1: but he'd never been good at ignoring her, and she'd

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Speaker 1: always been persistent. He was sitting in traffic listening to

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Speaker 1: a voicemail from his boss. Take your time, We understand,

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Speaker 1: she says, though Will knows they don't. He hangs up

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Speaker 1: none again, all the sound around him falling away in

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Speaker 1: its shadow. Next to his ear, a woman laughed. He jerked,

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Speaker 1: looking around, afraid of what he'd see and what he wouldn't,

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Speaker 1: but there was no one. After a long moment, he

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Speaker 1: brought his frantic breathing under control and turned back to

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Speaker 1: the road. Tense. No one was there, he told himself.

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Speaker 1: He sat at his desk, feeling fake, incorporeal, as though

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Speaker 1: he might fade from existence at any second. A coworker approached,

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Speaker 1: her eyes shining with compassion that could not penetrate the

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Speaker 1: sheaths of sadness around him. How are you, she asked.

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Speaker 1: He didn't respond, and after a moment she left. He

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Speaker 1: turned back to his laptop, eyes burning, throat tight, so

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Speaker 1: utterly dead inside, and wondering if it might be better

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Speaker 1: to be dead outside too. An image of Hannah pops

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Speaker 1: up in his social media feed. Smiling happy, he snaffed

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Speaker 1: the lid of his laptop shut. He stands abruptly his chair,

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Speaker 1: rolling away loud in the quiet space. He left his

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Speaker 1: steps quick, imagining Hannah was right behind him, the weight

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Speaker 1: of her gaze unbearable. He drives home, turning up the

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Speaker 1: radio as loud as it will go, a spirit to

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Speaker 1: drown everything out, to drown her out. The song is

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Speaker 1: so loud he can barely hear his own voice as

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Speaker 1: he joins in, builting out the lyrics. Determined to feel

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Speaker 1: something else, to think of anything else, or not think

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Speaker 1: at all, to prove to himself that he could be happy.

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Speaker 1: He glanced at the passenger side, and Hannah was there,

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Speaker 1: shouting the words along with him. His heart stuttered to

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Speaker 1: a stop, and he jerked the wheel, another driver honking

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Speaker 1: at him. He swallowed, tamping back his panic. Ramrod still

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Speaker 1: determined not to look back at the passenger seat, even

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Speaker 1: though it took everything he had not to. When he

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Speaker 1: got home, he shakily opened his laptop, navigating to the

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Speaker 1: pictures folder. He delanned, leading them with self destructive impulsivity,

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Speaker 1: determined to erase her from his life. Hannah watched him

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Speaker 1: from the door her arms crossed. He refused to look

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Speaker 1: at her. She pushed herself off the frame, slowly taking

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Speaker 1: the seat next to him. He tensed, but did not turn.

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Speaker 1: Tears burned in his eyes. Hannah's pixelated face stared back

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Speaker 1: at him, her usual blinding smile, almost obscured by the

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Speaker 1: gray notification, asking him if he was sure he wanted

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Speaker 1: to permanently delete these items. He hovered the mouse over

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Speaker 1: the image indecisively as Hannah watched. He closed out of

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Speaker 1: the notification, breathing raggett. He called his best friend, Overcome

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Speaker 1: with desperation, he hesitated, heart racing before he said, I've

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Speaker 1: been seeing her Annah. His friend was clearly taken aback where,

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Speaker 1: he asked, everywhere? Little whispered in my apartment, my office,

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Speaker 1: my car, my bed, like a ghost or something. His

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Speaker 1: friend asked. Will didn't respond, He couldn't, and the words

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Speaker 1: hung dead between them. His friends said he was worried

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Speaker 1: about him, that loss can mess with people. Asked if

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Speaker 1: he was okay. He wasn't okay. Hannah was gone, of course,

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Speaker 1: he wasn't okay. He was eating take out, mindlessly, watching

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Speaker 1: something on TV, something he'd never seen before, but didn't

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Speaker 1: care about. So as not to trigger any memories of Hannah,

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Speaker 1: but she was there anyway. She was at his side,

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Speaker 1: standing over him, shouting, muffled, distorted. He turned the volume up.

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Speaker 1: The next morning, he woke out of a restless sleep

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Speaker 1: to the sound of water running the shower. He realized

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Speaker 1: after a moment dread and anticipation gripped him, and, as

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Speaker 1: if in a dream, he stood and slowly made his

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Speaker 1: way to the bathroom, heart drumming in his ears. As

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Speaker 1: he got closer, he could hear a woman humming. He

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Speaker 1: held his breath as he gently pushed the bathroom door open.

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Speaker 1: Through the shower curtain, he saw the of the wet

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Speaker 1: of a woman. He jerked away, leaning heavily against the sink,

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Speaker 1: heart galloping panting. He squeezed his eyes shut, took a

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Speaker 1: slow breath, then another. The humming cut off abruptly as

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Speaker 1: to the sound of running water. Still, he kept his

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Speaker 1: eyes shut for a long moment before he had the

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Speaker 1: courage to open them. The woman was gone. She was gone.

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Speaker 1: That should be a relief, right then, why did he

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Speaker 1: feel such monumental loss. His whole body trembled as he

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Speaker 1: turned back to the sink. His eyes landed on a

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Speaker 1: glass with two toothbrushes in them. Suddenly he picked one

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Speaker 1: up and threw it away. Will softly drank his beer.

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Speaker 1: It was night and he was cooking. Music played. The

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Speaker 1: tears in his eyes made the light bow too bright

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Speaker 1: and too blurry. He saw her and smiled. She was

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Speaker 1: laughing and joking and dancing like they used to. But

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Speaker 1: she's not real, he told himself, She's not real. The song,

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Speaker 1: soft at first, gets louder and at him. That night,

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Speaker 1: he couldn't sleep. Hannah wasn't there. He unlocked his phone,

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Speaker 1: the blue light garish in the dark. He was crying again,

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Speaker 1: but he almost didn't notice. He shook when he opened

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Speaker 1: the video he'd been avoiding ever since. His life was

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Speaker 1: torn asunder. The sight of her, shining, happy, laughing, twirling

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Speaker 1: around in a wedding dress brought a gas to his lips.

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Speaker 1: Fairy lights illuminate her in the dark. Will sobbed at

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Speaker 1: the soothing sounds of her life that were now like

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Speaker 1: a knife, ripping him apart and exposing him. Her smile,

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Speaker 1: her happiness, a condemnation. Another man stepped into frame, beaming

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Speaker 1: at her, hugging her to him. Will's heart stuttered dropped.

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Speaker 1: They were in love. Hannah had moved on and found

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Speaker 1: love with another man. People crowded them, laughing, smiling, the

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Speaker 1: music soft and sweet. They looked at each other. They'll

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Speaker 1: look in her eyes, the same look she used to

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Speaker 1: fix on Will, as though she really saw him and

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Speaker 1: saw the good in him, the value, and loved him,

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Speaker 1: cared for him, and she had. But now she had

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Speaker 1: moved on to another person, and Will was alone, with

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Speaker 1: only the ghost of her memories like a haunting, keeping

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Speaker 1: him from moving on. She'll fade, people told him. But

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Speaker 1: Will didn't want her to fade. There was no Will

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Speaker 1: without Hannah. He was a fragment without her. The ghost

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Speaker 1: of her would haunt him forever. Any time he laughed

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Speaker 1: or cried, or drink that beer that she loved, watched

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Speaker 1: that movie that made her laugh, or sat on their couch,

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Speaker 1: or did or felt anything because they did everything, experienced

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Speaker 1: everything together. But at least the ghost of her was

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Speaker 1: better than not having her in his life at all.

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Speaker 1: That brings us to the end of this fiction portion.

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Speaker 1: I know you're probably mad. I know you're probably mad

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Speaker 1: at the ending. I like to call this in the

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Speaker 1: reverse six cents. Oh yep. The name comes from this

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Speaker 1: legal push from a few years ago where a man

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Speaker 1: was suing companies like Google for the quote right to

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Speaker 1: be forgotten, and it's become somewhat of a term in

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Speaker 1: regards the Internet and data collection. In this whole idea

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Speaker 1: of the right to be forgotten are to know what

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Speaker 1: data is being collected and to have control over it.

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Speaker 1: And again, I don't know why, but I really like

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Speaker 1: applying these technical terms to human nature. Other titles were

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Speaker 1: The Ghost of You in a Modern Day fairy Tale,

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Speaker 1: but this one has also been on my mind because

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Speaker 1: I've been thinking about the power of breakup stories and

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Speaker 1: how a breakup can really wreck you in your life.

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Speaker 1: And I just like all those things where you see

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Speaker 1: pieces of the other person everywhere, if the life you

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Speaker 1: had everywhere, all the things and items and places that

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Speaker 1: remind you of times you spent together. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it's just it feels like a ghost to me. It

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Speaker 1: feels like something hanging over, like it's always there um

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Speaker 1: whether you want it to be or not. And I've

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Speaker 1: also been thinking because we were talking about this year

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Speaker 1: has been called the Year of the Breakup album with

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift and Adele dominating the chichs, and you and

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Speaker 1: I have talked before about you know, ending up in

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Speaker 1: someone else's song or yes, things like that, and I don't.

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Speaker 1: It's strange to me that these x is I have

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Speaker 1: in my life where I'm so convinced it's a good

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Speaker 1: thing we broke up still have this. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's power, but I still think, Oh, I wonder

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Speaker 1: what they would think if they knew I were talking

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Speaker 1: about them, or I wonder what they would think about

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Speaker 1: my conversations now about how I think relationships should look,

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Speaker 1: or else. Actually, like all of these things, it just

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Speaker 1: amazes me. It makes sense if you spend so much

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Speaker 1: time with someone, you make these memories with people, and

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Speaker 1: perhaps the part of you thinks you know it's forever,

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Speaker 1: and then it's not, and but it is. I'll just

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Speaker 1: catch myself thinking, why do I care what he thinks?

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Speaker 1: Right right? M hmm, I have? And it cracks me

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Speaker 1: up that I've had like the most stereotypical breakup story

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Speaker 1: that you can imagine, with the ice cream and the

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Speaker 1: crying and the cookies and all of this stuff. And

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Speaker 1: I never would have thought it would have been like that,

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Speaker 1: and then it would have lasted as long as it did.

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Speaker 1: Because it did. Yeah, so Merry Christmas. Say Merry Christmas,

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Speaker 1: get your suckle box of cookies and yes, yes do

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Speaker 1: whatever you know pikes. You happy is healthy for you

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Speaker 1: self care wise. We are so thrilled to have you

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Speaker 1: as a listener or all of you, so thank you

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Speaker 1: as always if you would like to contact us, and

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Speaker 1: you can our email as steffidium Mom and stuff at

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Speaker 1: I hurt me dot com. You can find us on

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Speaker 1: Twitter at moms podcast, or on Instagram and stuff I've

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Speaker 1: Never Told you. Thanks as always to our super producer

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Speaker 1: Christina making it all happen, yes, and thanks to you

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Speaker 1: for listening Stuff I Never Told The production of I

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Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcast on my Heart Radio, is

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Speaker 1: it the Eye Heartdio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

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Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows. H