WEBVTT - Same Cloth... Different Men 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:06.600 Hello, gorgeous, it's Lala Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally, Lala. Hello, 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:10.680 my loves, Welcome back to Untraditionally, Lala. I have the 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:18.280 whole pod here today. Eatin. How you doing it? 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:19.320 You deserve it? 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.720 What's going on with your baby? I'm just in my feelings. 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:28.960 Are we discussing it this podcast? Are we saving it 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:32.880 for an unlikely affair? Like? What are we doing? I'm processing? 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:34.920 So let's see how it unfolds. I may have to. 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:38.199 I mean, if I start talking about it, I might 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:40.080 cry and then you might see me get really angry 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:40.960 like I did last night. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:46.760 But well, I will say one thing. Last night I 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:52.720 realized that Amber and I are identical human beings. In short, 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:55.880 it's your story, but I will say this, someone did 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:59.040 her dirty. And when I tell you, she's on FaceTime 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:02.400 laid back like this. He says one wrong thing and 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:06.360 she goes, I don't know who the fuck you think 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:09.880 you're dealing with, but I'm not dealing with you fucking around. 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:13.600 I was like, we are cut from the exact same cloth. 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:15.720 It was beautiful to watch, but then I tapped into like, 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:19.000 you know, we really should work on having more productive 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:20.600 conversations with people. 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.160 No, sometimes listen, there's there's a room for a productive conversation. 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:27.039 Not with that man in this moment. There is no 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:28.759 room for a fucking conversation. 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.240 MM I agree. I agree. I can't stay home. I'm 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:32.840 a female. 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.080 God made me a female, and I can only like 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:37.880 I can't even imagine, like this is me I was. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:39.759 I was sober and so it's like, you know what 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.360 I was. I was calm enough. I wasn't unhinged. That 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.160 was not I wouldn't you were not that. It was 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:44.840 not unhinged. 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:47.600 That was just like at all, don't fuck around. I 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:50.800 think we wanted to catch him in more lies because 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:53.240 women want more lives and more lives. It's like, okay, 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.480 well the other ten don't really count. Let's see if 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:58.160 you can lie eleven times like that's just who we are. 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:02.920 Oh yeah, I'm mourning a lot. Keep talking anyways. 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.160 All is well in the world. All is well in 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:10.000 the world. Ocean has a loose tooth, you guys, I 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:13.320 didn't realize it starts before five and a half. Yeah, 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:15.960 the loose teeth. I felt like I had until at 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:19.280 least six before my baby lost her first tooth. 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:21.000 It needs to come out though, because the other tooth 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:24.000 behind it really wants to. It's like the tooth behind 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.800 its coming out between two teeth, So she may lose 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.160 both of the front twobe fairly quickly. 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.520 Okay, I just am excited for her to lose her 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:36.840 two front ones. Well, not even that they're great, just 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.040 because it's so funny to see kids with just no 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:39.959 two front teeth. 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.560 Oh, you're going to the cuteness and I'm going to 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.840 the esthetic of the gray teeth. I'm like in pearly 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:46.799 wife to show up. 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:50.040 I can't wait to either gray teeth. 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:55.120 It's her and when she introduces herself because she noticed 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:57.320 that when I took her to her first day of 0:02:57.360 --> 0:03:00.240 pre K, I told the school, by the way, either 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.040 great not because because everyone was like, she's got bottle rot. 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:05.440 I'm like, no, she hit her face, so I felt 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.560 it was on me. So I explained to everybody, like, 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:09.239 by the way, her teeth are grain, and then I'd 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:12.320 have to tell her and you're beautiful. They're beautiful, baby. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.560 So now when she meets people, she goes and I 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:16.760 have two great teeth because I was riding a bike 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:21.320 and hit my face on the ground. She's so freaking cute. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.000 But my fear and I don't know if you had 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:28.440 this Amber, but because your kids were still young when 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.480 you left our ex but a little bit older, in 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.960 a different stage than Ocean obviously. But I'm like, I 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:38.360 don't want her to lose that tooth when she's with him, Like, 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:39.920 I want to be a part of the I know 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.440 she goes mom. If I lose it with my dad, 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:44.760 I will tell him he's not allowed to touch it and 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.120 I must take it home to my mom where it's safe. Oh. 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:51.400 I was like, tell him that. Tell him that. Also 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:53.240 tell me how much he leaves you, because I'll double it. 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:59.600 I'm on Ocean's shit list right now. Let's just be real. 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.200 And by the way, it's like dealing with a little 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:04.040 Lalla when you're on her ship list, You're like. 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:11.240 What did I do? What does she say? You always 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:13.120 want to participate on the podcast when you don't have 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:14.760 a mic, Then I put a mic in front of 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:18.480 you and you become become cute. I want to hear 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:21.159 how she vented to you. But I every time she 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.479 sees Amber. When we went to Montana, she had no issue. 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:27.000 She loves Amber. But when Amber appears at our house. 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:31.200 She knows that it means Amber is sleeping in mom's 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:33.720 bed with me, and Ocean has to sleep in her 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:36.400 own bed, And so she gets very funky with Amber 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:38.440 and goes, how long are you going to be here? 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.200 And then right in front of Amber, will say, Mom, 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.719 I don't like when Amber comes here? Why does she 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:46.760 always come here? And I have to teach her like 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:48.479 that is rude. How would you feel if someone said 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:50.920 I don't like when Ocean's here? How long is she 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:53.279 going to be here? She said no, But Mom, I 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:54.800 want to sleep in the bed with you anyway, she's 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.440 so cute. I put her in her room. She stomps 0:04:57.520 --> 0:05:00.880 up the stairs, Amber and iron bed dealing with that. 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:03.400 But hold on, I have to take it back because 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.920 after all that happened, Ocean goes over and is asking 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.520 for help, and. 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:11.800 She goes Amber and Lauren la goes go over and 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:12.680 help her. She'll like, you. 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.239 Go help her. She's gonna like your face. Amber. 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:24.560 You have to Oh. She was getting the checking somewhere. 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.760 Lying so much, and then she has so three sleeps, 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:30.279 but tonight counts mom, so there's only one two more. 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:35.200 There's gonna only be one more sleep I'm like, mm hmmm, yeah, yeah, and. 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.080 You mean well, but but then you said, you said 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:39.560 to her, what we're taking a bath. She's like, but 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:43.479 Amber's family, and we don't treat family that. She goes, huh, 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:46.720 she does that little stink face. Huh, Like what she goes, 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:47.719 how is she family? 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.280 She doesn't even live with us, which makes sense because 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:53.400 she's got the geeeds living with with her and tt so. 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:55.160 And I said, well, your dad doesn't live with you, 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.200 and he's family, And then that really got her mind. 0:05:57.360 --> 0:05:58.960 Out of state just because I live out of state, 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:00.720 she thinks that, like, we're. 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:01.600 Not your dad lives. 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:07.160 Ocean, He's still family, Disney. I had to explain to her, 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.160 this is the mother of your sisters. And then she 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.599 does that thing where she goes, that's weird. I'm leaving 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:15.760 where she taps into like a teenager. I'm like, what 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.120 the fuck is this? So then we're in bed, she 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.880 stomps up and she goes, mom, I have a letter 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:25.520 for you, and she leaves it on me, walks out 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:27.279 the door, looks at me, and I blow her kiss 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:29.640 and she shuts the door. I look at it. She's 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:35.520 drawn herself crying with a broken heart, and then it says, Mama, 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:39.240 I've said it on the podcast a million times. The 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:43.159 girl bathes with me, face masks with me. I don't 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:45.880 even I don't have one moment. And that's great. I 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:48.880 love it so much. But she's got to be able 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.640 to adjust when she's at my house. And I get it, 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:54.320 she already has to adjust at the other house. But 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:56.040 this is not a huge day. She doesn't want to 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:57.960 share her mom. She does want to share mom, and 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:01.200 I understand that, and I do everything in my power 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:05.040 to make her understand that. Like, I'm still right here. 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:08.240 I haven't gone anywhere. I did go down there because 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:09.640 she came back up and said, I need to have 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:12.360 a serious talk with you, Mom. Can you please come downstairs, 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:14.760 because she goes, I need to tell you something. Don't 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.720 tell amber, and then she whispers in my ear, I've 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:21.880 been crying. So I went downstairs with her and we 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.360 had a little chat, and she had drawn something, and 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.840 she goes, this is how I will manage my emotions. 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:28.320 If you see that there is a heart in the 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.960 center that is my heart. And when I push certain buttons, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:35.120 then my emotions will fill the heart, and sometimes I 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.640 will be happy and sometimes I will be angry. And 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:42.120 I was like, got it understood. I go upstairs. She 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:44.080 comes up to ask me again, can you put the 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:45.920 Quiet Show on? I've been trying to do it through 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:48.160 her little Siri thing which I need to set up 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:51.320 for her on her TV. I go down. I get 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:54.520 her situated with the Quiet Show, and she said, Mom, 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.280 I want to let you know I've had a little 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.920 time by myself and now I'm happy. Literally she did that. 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:04.640 I said, I'm so proud of you. I'm never going 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:06.920 to be I'm upstairs. You want to come lay with me? 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:09.600 Come upstairs? She said she was fine, all was good, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:13.080 she worked through her emotions. I was very proud of her. Absolutely, 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.640 there's my long winded She is so smart. 0:08:15.800 --> 0:08:17.720 What did she do when she came into your room? 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:18.520 Yeah? What? 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:20.880 She wanted to know how many nights. 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:23.040 She thought? 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.720 I was lying? I meanwhile, I'm upstairs dealing with a liar. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.000 Why am I lying? I should have? 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:29.720 I got to tell you something. 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:30.560 You know who's lying. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.800 But I've been tracking him for the last three hours 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:37.120 and he's not at one spot he said he is. 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:42.880 That's a liar right there. Her dates old men who 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:51.520 are seen island forget you. Okay, the frog, let's go 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.880 Kermit the frog. I love my cur at least my 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:58.840 goat what at least my guys go through puberty. 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:03.520 You could get up. 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.880 Yeah, yeah, but he's six seven, so I'm gonna let 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:07.280 it slide. 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:08.160 Yeah. 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:09.440 Oh, is this the man? 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:16.240 The Google, the man, the goober? We like, he's so cute. 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:19.880 He is a goober. I like the menu Amber. They're 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:23.600 very great. I haven't met one, but we've seen pictures. 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:25.439 We've seen pictures and we're judging you. 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:33.880 You trying to make you feel better. No, you have 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:35.800 such a guys. 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:38.120 I know, my beautiful you are these men. 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:40.040 Mhmm. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.360 Here here's the like, okay, on a scale of one 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:44.240 to ten, are. 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:45.720 They make the scale? 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.040 They're in the negatives. 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:57.040 We're about to be back on the men that you date. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:02.480 Is take the out of it because all like, it's 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.280 not like I go, beauty is in the eye of 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:13.360 the beholder, doesn't matter. But they put something very different. Yeah. 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:15.680 But you you look at men and you're like, he's 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.040 really cute, Lauren, And I'm like, that guy is not 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:19.560 gonna have any hair in a year and a half. 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:24.679 So I'm solid ury Jewish guys, I can't help it. 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.520 I don't know why. I don't know. It's not even 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:32.040 about that. It's the men that you're attracting, by the way, 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:37.599 same with me. We're attracting men who the pattern is 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:39.520 the same with them all, and at some point we 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:42.360 have to go this may be a me thing, which 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:45.640 is why after this guy and I've been there where 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:48.360 your heart is in pieces, I want you to go 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.800 out and have fun with me like I want my 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:54.520 little like wing women all be yours. We like very 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:56.280 different types of men, so we'll be going to very 0:10:56.360 --> 0:11:02.880 different places, but we're attracting the same quality. Has nothing 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.800 to do with the looks, has everything to do with 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.840 the personality. Where they come in on a white horse 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:12.719 and you feel like this one's gonna be different, but 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.079 then they end up doing the exact same thing that 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.719 the one before that did and the one before that did, 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:20.400 and they plug into our wounds. We have to make 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.160 sure that right off the bat we don't tell men 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:25.679 what we've been through, because sometimes I feel like the 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:29.880 men were bringing in clock that and use it against 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:32.439 us to manipulate and do whatever it is that they do. 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:34.719 And that's that's an US issue. Because we can only 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:35.560 control ourselves. 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:41.040 So what if what if you choose the next guy 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.280 I get to go out on a date with, and 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.040 I get to choose the next guy you. 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:48.080 Go out on a date with. Oh god, I don't 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:53.599 love that. I don't love that. All right, well, just 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:55.520 because I want to be able to get laid at 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.400 the end of sorry, plug your ears, Easton, And I 0:11:57.440 --> 0:11:59.080 don't think that the guy you pick for me, I'm 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:01.560 gonna want to touch you. You don't know what I'm 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:01.959 gonna pick. 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:03.880 I feel like she's not gonna pick her type of 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:05.559 guy for you. She's going to pick a guy that 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:06.320 is in your realm. 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.599 But she is going like, yeah, I love this for you, 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:11.240 all dark and handsome, Ye done. 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.959 Yeah, She's not going to go find and say now 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:18.240 you're dating Yeah, well your type, and you will date him, 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.559 but it will be of her choice of in your type. 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:22.760 Can I tell you the quote that Amber and I 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:24.000 keep repeating to each. 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:25.160 Other, No, the Lady. 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.720 The Lady Gaga quote where she is accepting an award, 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.440 and I apologize to my listeners that I'm repeating this again, 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.480 but in case you missed it, because it's so iconic, 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.840 and I live by this accepting an award, and at 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.959 the very end of her speech, she says, for the 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:46.440 women out there who are trying to choose between men 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.880 and your career, just remember your career will never wake 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:52.480 up in the middle of the night and tell you 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.360 it doesn't love you anymore. And then she walks off stage, 0:12:55.480 --> 0:13:01.040 And that was so fucking powerful to me. You and 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:04.800 I have to really just know that we have found 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:08.880 at this point in time, the love of our lives, ourselves, 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:13.160 what we want, our children, and our career. And after 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:17.400 we have conquered what we need, the right guy is 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:18.280 going to come into place. 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:18.559 You Know. 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.120 What I realized lately is that it's okay to say 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.360 I want something until someone said to me recently because 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:27.439 I'm up for a role and I really want it. 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.360 And I was like spiraling after I send myself tape, 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.760 and I was like, what else can I do? And 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:36.839 then I felt like I felt gross about it, like 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.160 almost like I was retracting, like I felt rejection before 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:43.559 the rejection actually hadn't even come yet, right, I was 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.360 like having that feeling of what it would be like 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:47.040 when I get the call saying that I didn't get it, 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:49.959 and my girlfriend's like, what if you do it is 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.120 okay to say I want this job and to say that, 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.319 like for me, no one. I haven't said that in 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.080 my life before, Like I want this kind of love, 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.000 I want this kind of career, And now I feel 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:04.079 like I'm stepping into a new chapter of my life 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:04.800 and saying. 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:10.160 It's fucking okay to want something. I I never tell 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.920 people when I really want something, because if I don't 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:16.960 get it, I feel shame and embarrassment, and it's like. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:18.640 Why it's fear of failure. 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.400 Yeah, but I have not been like that sunk in 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:29.160 for me. After the final season of the show that 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:33.880 I was on, Yeah, everything changed, my confidence plummeted, and 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:38.480 everything shifted where I felt very unwanted, unworthy. I question 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:42.080 every single thing about what I say, what I do. 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:48.680 I'm like already preparing myself to not be embarrassed, not 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:53.520 feel like I like saying if I want something and 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:55.120 then I don't get it and I have to explain 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.600 to someone. It's like I don't want them in their 0:14:58.000 --> 0:14:59.800 their head to be like, well, of course you didn't, 0:14:59.880 --> 0:15:02.040 Like You're not good enough for that. So I try 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:05.200 to save myself from the embarrassment yes, yes, that's what 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.920 I've been doing, and I lately changed that. 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:10.600 And to take that a fucking step further is like, 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:15.280 fear is the anticipation of suffering. If I carried that 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:17.840 with me, if I if I fear this, what is fear? 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:19.760 It's like, oh my god, I'm gonna feel rejected. I'm 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.440 gonna feel stupid. I'm not gonna feel worthy, I'm not 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.080 gonna feel loved. I'm gonna have financial insecurity. I'm not 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.440 gonna you know what I mean. It's like that I 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.280 don't want to suffer. Suffering is too painful, So I'm 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:33.920 going to like choose fear to cover up the suffering, right, No, 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:34.600 I get it. 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.520 No more, no more, no more. 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:42.120 I don't know. Is that Pixar Billy Madison? I should 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.720 know that he says like this, no more? 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.400 Isn't it funny though, that we're all afraid of failure 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.680 and you talk to any billionaire or anything like that 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:51.920 and they're like, yeah, how to fail along to get here? 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.920 Yeah, well, it's really admit your failures when you're a billionaire. 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:58.640 I'll admit all my failures. 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.400 They had to admit him when they worked the billionaire 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.200 try It failed all right, Well that didn't work it. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.360 Yeah, go back to being a brokester and let's see 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:13.360 how you fare with rejection. Yeah, it's you're gonna hear 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.200 no more than you hear yes, and you have to 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:17.920 be completely okay with that. And I'm having to rewire myself. 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:21.680 You just completed your south note hitting your north note. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:25.480 So I look forward to seeing your evolution now my blossom, 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:29.960 your blossom, because I'm I'm in muddy territory, just trying 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:32.640 to find the lighting. What is the lotus? I'm the 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:37.000 lotus that just I just came out of the Yeah. 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:40.600 I also realized in a lot of this because I 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.680 had this guy reach out to me and he was like, Hey, 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:45.200 I'm going to be in town. I would love to 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:47.480 take you on a date. Let me know what part 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:49.440 of town you live in, and he's cute, my type 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.200 of guy. Let me know what part of town you 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.600 live in and I will make a reservation. Do you 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:55.040 think that I responded to him. 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:56.160 Oh that's sad. 0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:58.360 No, But I'll respond to the guy who won't fucking 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:03.920 show up because I don't like commitment. I'm on a whim. 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:06.560 It's something I have to look into. I have abandonment issues, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.240 but I also have a fear of commitment. It is 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:12.439 much easier when I say I like a long distance relationship. 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:15.040 I thrive there. You want to know why, because it 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:17.760 doesn't fuck with my routine. 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:18.240 Yeah. 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.320 I can do exactly what I want but still have 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.440 a connection through the phone. I can take this anywhere. 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.800 I can be with my kids, I can go be 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:29.080 have a girls' night with my friends and not worry 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.560 about you. It's really weird. It's something I need to 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:35.000 look into. I might need therapy. No, I don't think. 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:35.400 I think. 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.560 I think that you do me too much. 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.520 You said you don't like commitment, Well, what else would 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:43.600 it be. I think you say that to keep yourself safe. 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.480 I need too for the fact of what you just 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:50.119 brought up and what failure and what you want and 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:51.879 things like that. And if you say you don't want it, 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:53.359 then you're not it's a failure. 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:56.240 Yeah, both do you want it with what you just 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.680 said and afraid of failure. I feel like you're taking 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:00.800 this into relationships like if it doesn't work, is out 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:01.240 a failure? 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:05.440 Okay, I could be, but also easton, you and I 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:07.120 are on the same page with this. When you get 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.320 nervous to link up with someone, and I find when 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.919 it's long distance and you have to communicate through texting 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.639 or FaceTime, by the time we link up, I'm going 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:19.439 to feel so comfortable, Like I hate feeling uncomfortable. 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:21.960 Well, I don't think anyone enjoys that. 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:27.200 Amber. Someone could text her right now and say I 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:28.800 would love to take you on a date tonight, and 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.120 she would go, You want to know where my head 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.119 would go? Oh my gosh, I need an outfit. I 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:34.560 don't know him. What are we going to talk about? 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:36.280 What if my hair doesn't work the way that I 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:36.920 want it to work? 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:39.080 Oh my god, just something weird? What if she says 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.200 something weird throws me off and I just want to leave? 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:42.720 Oh now, I just don't even. 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:45.440 Want to go right Like so, I understand like the 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:50.440 fear of rejection, but I think this is leaning more 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:54.000 towards like once I'm in it, then I fear a 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:57.720 fear of abandonment that But then beforehand, if someonere to 0:18:57.760 --> 0:18:58.960 text me right now I want to take you on 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:03.399 a date, I would fucking spiral. Yeah, unless I have 0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:10.719 had banter with them or a beta blocker. Try twelve 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.560 God damn it. Lisa, there's just a lot to unpass. 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:21.000 I do I know you're crushing it is happening, Yes, yeah. 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:22.040 How are you feeling about it? 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:23.720 Good? 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:26.880 You got your shoes off in the studio. 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:29.120 Feeling a little anxious. 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:29.359 About what. 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.840 Before? It's when you're put on the spot. Doctor talked 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:36.840 about this today. Do you find when you're put on 0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:39.240 the spot you freeze up and you get foggy? You're 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:41.760 getting foggy? You had no problem just participating? 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:45.520