WEBVTT - Protecting Your Joy 0:00:04.773 --> 0:00:11.213 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:16.973 --> 0:00:20.973 Welcome back, everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. Darren Waller, 0:00:20.973 --> 0:00:22.973 one year co host. I'm here as always with my 0:00:23.013 --> 0:00:26.173 brother and my friend, mister Donnie Starkins, and we have 0:00:26.213 --> 0:00:29.493 an amazing guest today on with us. Somebody who's from 0:00:29.533 --> 0:00:32.493 their last name. He may recognize them as a member 0:00:32.493 --> 0:00:35.613 of a legendary gospel family, but somebody that's carved her 0:00:35.653 --> 0:00:39.493 own path, not only singing but acting as well. And 0:00:39.693 --> 0:00:42.013 we'd love to welcome missus, Deborah Joy Wine us to 0:00:42.013 --> 0:00:45.853 the show. Deborah Joy. Deborah Joy, how you doing not Deborah? 0:00:46.093 --> 0:00:49.373 I love it, Deborah Joy projecting, I love it. 0:00:49.533 --> 0:00:50.773 Hi, how are you all? 0:00:51.933 --> 0:00:53.893 We're doing fantastic good. 0:00:54.253 --> 0:00:56.333 I'm very happy to be here. Thank you for having me. 0:00:56.973 --> 0:00:59.053 Oh yeah, it's lovely to have you here. 0:01:00.693 --> 0:01:03.253 When we talk about comeback Stories and the adversity that 0:01:03.373 --> 0:01:05.213 people have faced in their orn along the way, we 0:01:05.213 --> 0:01:07.173 felt like we always had to go back to the 0:01:07.253 --> 0:01:10.413 childhood to you know, get some answers and to see 0:01:10.493 --> 0:01:13.253 where everything started. And so could you paint a picture 0:01:13.293 --> 0:01:16.133 of what growing up was like, where it was, what 0:01:16.213 --> 0:01:19.133 your family situation was, what was going on in your head. 0:01:19.373 --> 0:01:22.373 Just take us through it, Okay. 0:01:22.493 --> 0:01:27.493 Growing up, I am from Detroit, Michigan, born and raised 0:01:28.173 --> 0:01:31.533 into a very very big family. So family is truly 0:01:31.613 --> 0:01:35.973 all I've ever known. Grew up in church, love the Lord. 0:01:36.773 --> 0:01:41.053 That is truly my foundation. We were probably in church 0:01:41.093 --> 0:01:46.453 more than we were in school. It's just it was 0:01:47.293 --> 0:01:51.213 it made me really who I am today. But grew 0:01:51.293 --> 0:01:54.693 up in church, and I was always with my family, 0:01:54.773 --> 0:01:58.173 my brothers, my aunts, my uncles, all of my family sang. 0:01:59.733 --> 0:02:02.573 And when I was getting ready to graduate from high school, 0:02:03.493 --> 0:02:05.853 I knew that singing was not something I loved. 0:02:05.893 --> 0:02:07.973 I wanted to act. And when I told my family, 0:02:08.933 --> 0:02:09.493 they were. 0:02:09.333 --> 0:02:12.613 Like, oh, okay, well what else do you want to 0:02:12.613 --> 0:02:15.773 do because they had never seen me do it. But 0:02:15.893 --> 0:02:19.013 for some reason, it was just it was a passion, 0:02:19.133 --> 0:02:21.613 it was a dream. It was something that was just 0:02:21.773 --> 0:02:23.773 in my bones that I could not let go of. 0:02:24.453 --> 0:02:26.573 And so I went to Wayne State, which was also 0:02:26.613 --> 0:02:31.173 in Detroit with Wayne State University, and I majored in theater. 0:02:31.693 --> 0:02:36.493 And my family, particularly my brothers and my parents came 0:02:36.533 --> 0:02:41.493 to my first show at Wayne State and they were like, Okay, 0:02:41.533 --> 0:02:44.453 this is what you do. But for a lot of 0:02:44.453 --> 0:02:49.213 my family. That just wasn't the entertainment business as far 0:02:49.293 --> 0:02:51.293 as acting and the things that you could see on 0:02:51.373 --> 0:02:55.053 screen and the things that people would do that wasn't 0:02:55.093 --> 0:02:57.413 truly something that people of faith would do. 0:02:59.373 --> 0:03:01.013 But for me, that was. 0:03:02.373 --> 0:03:04.813 What I felt God had put in my heart, in 0:03:04.853 --> 0:03:07.773 my spirit, in my soul, and so I just followed 0:03:07.773 --> 0:03:12.293 the dream that I fully believe God gave me, even 0:03:12.293 --> 0:03:14.053 though there were a lot of doubts in my family, 0:03:14.733 --> 0:03:18.013 and not doubts that I could do it, but doubts 0:03:18.013 --> 0:03:20.693 that I should do it, doubts that it was what 0:03:20.733 --> 0:03:24.293 God had for me. But I believe that God gives 0:03:24.293 --> 0:03:27.533 you the vision for your life and others will catch 0:03:27.573 --> 0:03:29.813 on eventually, and if they don't, they don't. But it's 0:03:29.813 --> 0:03:31.853 all good. You are following what God has given you. 0:03:32.213 --> 0:03:36.173 But it was very, very difficult. A lot of times 0:03:37.213 --> 0:03:39.813 I would look at my family and think, maybe they're right, 0:03:40.613 --> 0:03:44.493 maybe I'm in the wrong place. Is God gonna bless this? 0:03:44.573 --> 0:03:46.853 Can he bless this? Does He really know my heart? 0:03:47.493 --> 0:03:52.173 Does He know that I love him? Just wondering that 0:03:52.493 --> 0:03:55.053 if a life of faith and the dreams that I 0:03:55.173 --> 0:04:02.973 had could coexist. So that was sort of my journey 0:04:02.973 --> 0:04:05.493 growing up, and I'm a big family girl, a big 0:04:05.693 --> 0:04:09.853 family girl. Like if my family was singing somewhere, I 0:04:09.893 --> 0:04:12.373 was the number one fan. I was the person screaming 0:04:12.453 --> 0:04:14.653 like I had never heard them sing before. I was 0:04:14.653 --> 0:04:17.013 the person dancing in the aisle. I was the person 0:04:17.093 --> 0:04:20.973 cheering when you needed to be quiet. And that is 0:04:21.213 --> 0:04:23.213 the person that I still am today. I was always 0:04:23.293 --> 0:04:26.613 going to champion everybody in my family because I believed 0:04:26.613 --> 0:04:30.373 in them, and so I found it difficult when I 0:04:30.413 --> 0:04:33.733 got to a place of really focusing in on the 0:04:33.733 --> 0:04:35.533 thing that I really felt like God had given me 0:04:35.573 --> 0:04:39.093 to do, and I didn't see all of them cheering 0:04:39.093 --> 0:04:39.973 in the background for me. 0:04:41.493 --> 0:04:43.453 But that was that was my life growing up. 0:04:44.933 --> 0:04:48.293 I know that takes a lot of courage to to 0:04:48.453 --> 0:04:51.533 step into at some point because I remember me as 0:04:51.573 --> 0:04:55.213 a kid. I knew I had, you know, gifts and 0:04:55.253 --> 0:04:58.453 callings in music and in other areas, but I knew 0:04:58.453 --> 0:05:00.573 I was I was really good at sports as well, 0:05:00.573 --> 0:05:01.933 and that's what you know, people kind of know me 0:05:01.973 --> 0:05:02.453 for now. 0:05:02.533 --> 0:05:06.053 But I didn't have the courage to be different. 0:05:06.893 --> 0:05:09.733 I was so afraid of not being seen as normal 0:05:09.813 --> 0:05:11.413 or not being able to fit in and just be 0:05:11.573 --> 0:05:15.453 loved and accepted that. I was like, I'm just gonna 0:05:15.453 --> 0:05:18.093 do what everybody else says. It's cool what everybody else 0:05:18.093 --> 0:05:21.133 says is is, and that's a little different than your journey. 0:05:21.213 --> 0:05:25.093 But just as far as talking to the getting to 0:05:25.093 --> 0:05:26.853 the place of courage and stepping out and saying, hey, 0:05:26.853 --> 0:05:29.533 this is my journey and being comfortable in your own skin. 0:05:29.653 --> 0:05:32.413 I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin until probably 0:05:33.053 --> 0:05:36.773 twenty seven years old and having to go through a lot, 0:05:36.853 --> 0:05:38.853 God having to take me through a lot. So to 0:05:40.053 --> 0:05:43.333 see that courage that you must up, like how how 0:05:43.413 --> 0:05:45.733 is that possible? Like how do you? How do you 0:05:45.813 --> 0:05:47.933 arrive there? For somebody like is it they have to 0:05:47.933 --> 0:05:49.413 go through their own journey to get there? 0:05:50.653 --> 0:05:55.853 Absolutely think I think it's I think it's going through 0:05:55.893 --> 0:05:58.253 your own journey. 0:05:58.293 --> 0:06:05.093 But I think it's really love you. 0:06:06.373 --> 0:06:10.373 I have found that it is very difficult to move 0:06:10.453 --> 0:06:14.333 forward towards your destiny, your dreams, your goals when you 0:06:14.573 --> 0:06:18.453 don't fully love you, and I mean love every piece 0:06:18.493 --> 0:06:20.373 of you, the piece of you that you think, oh, 0:06:20.413 --> 0:06:22.293 I need to change that. That's not good because we 0:06:22.333 --> 0:06:24.613 all have flaws, we all have things that as we 0:06:24.693 --> 0:06:29.773 grow we're like, oh, maybe that's not the best character trait. 0:06:31.413 --> 0:06:34.093 But if we don't see it and recognize it and 0:06:34.773 --> 0:06:40.053 love ourselves, it is hard to make a change. And 0:06:40.133 --> 0:06:43.013 so I think the thing that I would tell people 0:06:44.453 --> 0:06:47.213 to find the courage means to find the love of you. 0:06:47.973 --> 0:06:50.373 And I think when you love you and you love 0:06:50.653 --> 0:06:54.133 who God has created you to be, as you grow 0:06:54.293 --> 0:06:57.253 and as you journey in this life, you'll see the 0:06:57.293 --> 0:06:59.853 things that Ah, Okay, I think I want to change that. 0:07:00.213 --> 0:07:00.933 And that's fine. 0:07:01.453 --> 0:07:04.093 Okay, you know this, this was okay for now. But 0:07:04.213 --> 0:07:06.653 you know, I think I'm moving higher. I think God 0:07:06.733 --> 0:07:08.573 is taking me somewhere different. I think I'm growing in 0:07:08.613 --> 0:07:10.573 a different way, and I want to let that go. 0:07:10.653 --> 0:07:14.413 I want to shed that. That's been the biggest thing 0:07:14.453 --> 0:07:17.133 that has helped me, and that has been It's come 0:07:17.173 --> 0:07:18.893 in phases, you know what I mean. 0:07:19.053 --> 0:07:21.293 I didn't just like. 0:07:21.373 --> 0:07:24.213 Oh, I'm still going to go to school for theater 0:07:24.573 --> 0:07:26.413 and it's going to be fine. 0:07:26.693 --> 0:07:27.853 I didn't feel that way at all. 0:07:27.933 --> 0:07:30.653 I did it, but I did not feel like I 0:07:30.693 --> 0:07:34.213 was courageous at all. I just was like, I think 0:07:34.253 --> 0:07:40.133 I'm by myself, but I did my BFA. I'm the 0:07:40.133 --> 0:07:43.013 first person in the Wining's family to get a bachelor's degree. 0:07:44.293 --> 0:07:45.613 So I got my BFA. 0:07:45.853 --> 0:07:48.053 I spent a month in Moscow at the Moscow Art 0:07:48.053 --> 0:07:50.373 Theater School, and then I moved to La got my 0:07:50.573 --> 0:07:53.493 MFA in acting from cal Arts. I just kept going, 0:07:53.613 --> 0:07:55.973 kept going because I felt like if this was the 0:07:55.973 --> 0:07:57.773 gift that I knew God gave me, I just wanted 0:07:57.773 --> 0:07:58.453 to make it sharp. 0:07:58.453 --> 0:08:00.773 I wanted to make it great. I wanted to be excellent. 0:08:02.213 --> 0:08:04.693 So all of that is part of the journey of 0:08:06.413 --> 0:08:07.293 loving yourself. 0:08:08.013 --> 0:08:10.333 I found that I am doing the thing that I know, 0:08:10.453 --> 0:08:12.493 I love, that God has given me to do. So 0:08:12.973 --> 0:08:14.933 I think that I fell in love with that piece 0:08:14.933 --> 0:08:17.573 of me, the hard work, the discipline piece of me. 0:08:18.693 --> 0:08:23.173 And then as things started to pick up, and you know, 0:08:23.253 --> 0:08:27.373 things were happening and I was doing the very thing 0:08:27.373 --> 0:08:31.453 that I love, I still got different things from people 0:08:31.533 --> 0:08:37.213 close to me that I deemed mentors, people that I 0:08:37.253 --> 0:08:41.813 would go to and talk to about everything in life, 0:08:42.093 --> 0:08:45.773 Upset that I was doing what I was doing, Upset 0:08:46.093 --> 0:08:50.373 sort of at my career trajectory and at the choices 0:08:50.413 --> 0:08:54.253 that I had made. And so it wasn't until about 0:08:54.293 --> 0:08:58.253 maybe I just turned forty, So it wasn't until maybe 0:08:58.773 --> 0:09:03.333 thirty like thirty five, I started feeling it. I was like, 0:09:03.373 --> 0:09:07.893 you know what, it's fine. I have my husband, I'm good, 0:09:08.093 --> 0:09:09.973 I know what God has given me, and I'm going 0:09:10.013 --> 0:09:15.573 to courageously walk into this new life, this journey. I 0:09:15.613 --> 0:09:20.453 am going to fully be me, no exceptions. I'm not 0:09:20.453 --> 0:09:23.413 feeling bad because someone else doesn't agree. 0:09:23.493 --> 0:09:25.933 But then, baby, when. 0:09:26.013 --> 0:09:30.653 I was about to have my baby, I had just 0:09:30.693 --> 0:09:36.053 turned thirty eight, and I did this pregnancy reveal with essence, 0:09:37.173 --> 0:09:41.413 and I thought it was fabulous. And then someone very 0:09:41.413 --> 0:09:43.533 close to me didn't like that and told me that 0:09:43.693 --> 0:09:47.053 was not of God and all these things, and I thought, oh, 0:09:47.133 --> 0:09:50.453 that was the last bit of shedding that I needed. 0:09:51.013 --> 0:09:53.693 I am boldly standing in who I am. I want 0:09:53.693 --> 0:09:55.973 to tell you can't tell me nothing. I had a 0:09:56.173 --> 0:10:00.773 baby at a age where everyone says, this is. 0:10:02.453 --> 0:10:03.453 What do they call it? 0:10:03.453 --> 0:10:08.893 It's they call it a certain type of pregnancy, a geriatric. 0:10:09.933 --> 0:10:10.253 Baby. 0:10:10.253 --> 0:10:13.053 They call you geriatric after like. 0:10:13.133 --> 0:10:17.133 Thirty three or something, and so they're already saying it's 0:10:17.173 --> 0:10:22.373 a geriatric pregnancy. They're already saying I had a I 0:10:22.453 --> 0:10:25.693 had a fibroid that was twenty two centimeters. So when 0:10:25.733 --> 0:10:28.573 I got pregnant, the doctor's initial response was, Oh, we 0:10:28.573 --> 0:10:30.213 should get rid of this, because there's no way this 0:10:30.253 --> 0:10:32.133 baby you'll be able to grow with this fibroid. 0:10:32.333 --> 0:10:33.813 We need to get rid of it start over. 0:10:34.453 --> 0:10:38.133 And I looked at my husband and he was like, well, 0:10:38.333 --> 0:10:40.893 is she going to be okay? And the doctor said, well, 0:10:40.893 --> 0:10:43.093 she'll be fine, but she'll probably be in the worst 0:10:43.093 --> 0:10:45.413 pain of her life. And I said, well, if it's pain, 0:10:45.533 --> 0:10:49.813 then we're gonna fight, We're gonna hold on. And was 0:10:49.813 --> 0:10:52.893 it painful, Yes, the worst pain of my life. Did 0:10:52.933 --> 0:10:56.293 I feel like I was living on eggshells because the 0:10:56.373 --> 0:10:58.573 doctor said, I don't know if you'll make it past 0:10:58.613 --> 0:10:59.373 eighteen weeks. 0:11:00.253 --> 0:11:00.973 Absolutely. 0:11:01.133 --> 0:11:04.453 I had to have a surgery in the middle of 0:11:04.613 --> 0:11:07.053 my pregnancy to make sure the baby didn't come too soon. 0:11:07.613 --> 0:11:09.773 And the doctor was like, get me to twenty eight weeks. 0:11:10.573 --> 0:11:14.413 And we prayed and we believed, and I was in 0:11:14.453 --> 0:11:18.733 a place where, for the first time in my life, 0:11:18.813 --> 0:11:22.413 I could not see the other side of the circumstances. 0:11:22.773 --> 0:11:26.013 I feel like in every other circumstance, whether it felt 0:11:26.013 --> 0:11:29.733 good or not, I just knew God was gonna give 0:11:29.773 --> 0:11:31.893 me to the other side. This was the first time 0:11:32.333 --> 0:11:35.253 where I was like I can't even see what the 0:11:35.293 --> 0:11:38.173 other side is. I don't know if I'm half this baby. 0:11:38.253 --> 0:11:40.093 I don't know what's happening to me, Like, I just 0:11:40.133 --> 0:11:42.733 don't know. And when we got to twenty eight weeks 0:11:42.853 --> 0:11:44.973 and we had a baby shower, I took a breath 0:11:44.973 --> 0:11:48.373 and I was like, God, you did this. And so 0:11:48.693 --> 0:11:50.213 once I had a baby, I was like, you can't 0:11:50.213 --> 0:11:53.493 tell me nothing. I'm not sure who you think you are, 0:11:53.573 --> 0:11:56.293 but I do know who God has created. 0:11:55.933 --> 0:11:56.293 Me to be. 0:11:56.773 --> 0:12:00.133 And so it took me levels. 0:12:01.333 --> 0:12:03.973 It took me moment by moment to walk through this 0:12:04.053 --> 0:12:08.573 journey and to find courage in each circumstance. 0:12:09.453 --> 0:12:11.933 So this has been a build up of courage. 0:12:14.413 --> 0:12:18.493 Wow, there's so much there going back to I was 0:12:18.533 --> 0:12:21.213 having breakfast today with a mutual friend of Darren and 0:12:21.213 --> 0:12:23.093 I is His name is David g. He's an amazing 0:12:23.653 --> 0:12:27.853 meditation teacher here out in California, and I was telling 0:12:27.933 --> 0:12:30.453 him who our guest was and he goes, you realize, 0:12:30.933 --> 0:12:34.973 you know, you're interviewing this is music royalty, you know, 0:12:35.093 --> 0:12:37.333 And he was just like breaking it down because he's 0:12:37.413 --> 0:12:38.653 just he's. 0:12:38.173 --> 0:12:41.133 Into all that and just really knows the details. 0:12:41.173 --> 0:12:44.293 And I kept thinking, like, how do you, And Darren 0:12:44.413 --> 0:12:46.813 kind of asked this question, but how do you find 0:12:46.853 --> 0:12:50.693 your own in a family of royalty like that, especially 0:12:50.733 --> 0:12:53.253 when you've got the royalty piece of it, You've got 0:12:53.693 --> 0:12:59.013 projection of people's interpretation of religious beliefs and what is 0:12:59.053 --> 0:13:00.533 the right or wrong thing to do. 0:13:00.693 --> 0:13:03.493 So yeah, I mean, I know you walked us through. 0:13:03.333 --> 0:13:05.853 That, but I'm just thinking about how challenging that would 0:13:05.853 --> 0:13:09.813 be with the domestication process of just growing up and 0:13:09.933 --> 0:13:12.253 you know, people telling us we need to do certain 0:13:12.333 --> 0:13:14.693 things in order to be successful. 0:13:15.373 --> 0:13:16.573 Oh. Absolutely. 0:13:17.613 --> 0:13:23.533 I think I've learned from watching having a front row 0:13:23.573 --> 0:13:28.533 seat to sort of what this life in the entertainment 0:13:28.653 --> 0:13:33.213 industry has looked like for my family and what I've 0:13:33.253 --> 0:13:38.533 always kept in mind, even when sometimes it was some 0:13:38.573 --> 0:13:42.173 of them telling me, oh no, no, Joy, that's that's 0:13:42.213 --> 0:13:46.133 not it. They broke barriers at a time where the 0:13:46.253 --> 0:13:49.413 music that they started singing seemed. 0:13:50.773 --> 0:13:53.053 Secular to most Christians. 0:13:53.933 --> 0:13:56.653 A lot of people thought that their music was the 0:13:56.693 --> 0:14:00.693 devil's music because it just didn't sound like traditional gospel music. 0:14:01.133 --> 0:14:02.093 But they persevered. 0:14:02.133 --> 0:14:04.133 They kept going because they felt like it was what 0:14:04.173 --> 0:14:07.733 God had given them to do, and ultimately got used 0:14:07.733 --> 0:14:12.613 that to really break barriers, to set a standard, to 0:14:12.773 --> 0:14:17.013 create a foundation that we have lived on, that we 0:14:17.053 --> 0:14:20.973 have been grateful for, I think for generations to come. 0:14:22.293 --> 0:14:24.653 So for me, I keep that in mind. 0:14:24.693 --> 0:14:27.813 While they may not see it, I know that they recognize, 0:14:28.213 --> 0:14:30.373 Oh you guys just don't see it. You don't have 0:14:30.413 --> 0:14:33.693 the vision. And that's okay, we have it. You'll catch 0:14:33.733 --> 0:14:38.053 on eventually. So I think that I've kept that as 0:14:38.773 --> 0:14:42.013 something to sort of hold on to and go back 0:14:42.053 --> 0:14:45.013 to when I'm feeling like, oh joy, this doesn't look 0:14:45.053 --> 0:14:48.453 like everybody else, it doesn't have to for me. I 0:14:48.573 --> 0:14:52.013 never singing was never my passion, that was never my love. 0:14:53.013 --> 0:14:56.413 I have sense, you know, if I talk to kids 0:14:56.733 --> 0:15:01.333 or just have a conversation really with anyone who asks 0:15:01.373 --> 0:15:03.293 how did you get into the industry, or what do 0:15:03.293 --> 0:15:06.693 you like about the industry singing. While it has never 0:15:06.733 --> 0:15:10.133 been a passion of mine, it is a gift. And 0:15:10.413 --> 0:15:13.093 I tell people use every gift that God has given you, 0:15:13.133 --> 0:15:16.213 because you don't know when you will be called upon 0:15:16.293 --> 0:15:18.493 to use it. And truly that gift is not for you. 0:15:19.133 --> 0:15:21.253 It is meant for the world. It is meant to 0:15:21.253 --> 0:15:25.573 touch somebody somewhere somehow. And so my only thing is 0:15:25.733 --> 0:15:29.333 I wish I would have also given as much time 0:15:29.533 --> 0:15:33.813 and focus and practice and discipline to my singing. 0:15:34.333 --> 0:15:38.693 But all in all, this was just. 0:15:41.013 --> 0:15:46.373 A step by step sort of situation, and people will 0:15:47.413 --> 0:15:50.613 either get on the bandwagon or they won't. But it 0:15:50.773 --> 0:15:56.933 is difficult feeling like the very people that see you 0:15:56.973 --> 0:16:02.453 don't really see you. But also look trust God. That 0:16:02.613 --> 0:16:05.333 is my biggest advice that I can give to anybody. 0:16:06.013 --> 0:16:11.253 Trust God. Trust that gut instinct that you have, because 0:16:11.253 --> 0:16:13.293 you don't want to look back and think I didn't 0:16:13.333 --> 0:16:15.453 do this when I wanted to do it because so 0:16:15.493 --> 0:16:18.493 and so said something? Who is so and so? Are 0:16:18.533 --> 0:16:20.933 you about to pay all my bills? Are you about 0:16:20.973 --> 0:16:23.253 to set me up for life? Are you about to 0:16:23.533 --> 0:16:25.893 you know, no, you're not doing any of those things. 0:16:26.293 --> 0:16:32.013 So recognizing someone's perspective and their ideas versus what God 0:16:32.013 --> 0:16:33.213 has given you and what. 0:16:33.093 --> 0:16:36.253 You want to do, I think that's that's the key. 0:16:38.013 --> 0:16:41.653 He come back to trusting God, and I'm the same way. 0:16:41.733 --> 0:16:44.173 I don't know how I would have gotten through the 0:16:44.173 --> 0:16:48.733 things that I've survived and just able to hold up 0:16:48.773 --> 0:16:53.733 the weight that I have on me today without him. 0:16:54.253 --> 0:16:57.013 And I feel like I love for you to dive 0:16:57.053 --> 0:17:00.253 into how you developed like an authentic love for the Lord, 0:17:00.293 --> 0:17:03.813 because I feel like even with me growing up, I was, 0:17:03.893 --> 0:17:06.013 you know, I want to My family was you know, 0:17:06.493 --> 0:17:08.893 always in church, but church felt like a chore and 0:17:08.933 --> 0:17:13.093 it felt like an obligation. And my religion was almost 0:17:13.133 --> 0:17:16.333 transactional with God, like if I if I read the Bible, 0:17:16.373 --> 0:17:20.253 if I went to you know, Bible study or midweek church, 0:17:20.453 --> 0:17:23.533 that God owed me a blessing. But and then when 0:17:23.693 --> 0:17:26.133 things got rough in my life, I didn't really I 0:17:26.133 --> 0:17:28.733 felt like God was judging me and condemning me as 0:17:28.773 --> 0:17:31.693 opposed to having that real relationship. So how how does 0:17:31.733 --> 0:17:35.293 one go about developing a love of the Lord and 0:17:35.893 --> 0:17:37.253 a loving relationship with him? 0:17:38.653 --> 0:17:42.213 You know, That's a really good question. And I think 0:17:42.253 --> 0:17:42.653 for me. 0:17:44.973 --> 0:17:50.653 It was the foundation that my family set, and I 0:17:50.693 --> 0:17:55.573 think that you don't always have to agree on everything 0:17:55.693 --> 0:17:58.733 to recognize the good in something. 0:17:59.493 --> 0:18:01.573 And I think it. 0:18:01.773 --> 0:18:05.013 Was the six Aim prayers that I did not want 0:18:05.013 --> 0:18:07.613 to go to, but our parents woke us up and 0:18:07.613 --> 0:18:12.933 made us go. Because while I don't remember just getting 0:18:12.973 --> 0:18:15.533 there and getting on my knees and praying real hard, 0:18:16.213 --> 0:18:20.293 I do remember being next to my grandma and hearing 0:18:20.853 --> 0:18:24.533 how she would pray. She talked to the Lord very 0:18:25.293 --> 0:18:28.813 matter of fact. It didn't have to be this big voice, 0:18:28.933 --> 0:18:34.373 it didn't have to be these incredible words. 0:18:34.493 --> 0:18:37.013 Her vocabulary didn't have to be through the roof. 0:18:37.693 --> 0:18:41.813 It was Lord, I love you, Lord, I thank you, Lord, 0:18:41.813 --> 0:18:43.693 I thank you for waking me up. I thank you 0:18:44.333 --> 0:18:46.893 for a mind to want to love you, to want 0:18:46.893 --> 0:18:50.893 to do right. Thank you for my family. And so 0:18:51.613 --> 0:18:55.013 I would hear the way she prayed, and I thought, oh, 0:18:55.053 --> 0:18:59.573 I can do that. 0:18:57.533 --> 0:18:58.493 That's not difficult. 0:18:58.853 --> 0:19:01.893 And then I would hear the way my grandfather, just 0:19:02.853 --> 0:19:06.373 the joy that he would have talking about the Lord 0:19:06.933 --> 0:19:10.773 and everything God had done for him, and then I 0:19:10.773 --> 0:19:13.493 would see it in my own life. So I went 0:19:13.533 --> 0:19:18.213 from hearing my parents pray, hearing my grandma pray, seeing 0:19:18.333 --> 0:19:22.053 my grandfather pray and testify to the things that God 0:19:22.053 --> 0:19:25.613 had done, things that he had seen, and then seeing 0:19:26.253 --> 0:19:30.413 God in my life pray for certain things and then 0:19:30.453 --> 0:19:35.293 they happen, and I'm like, ooh. 0:19:33.813 --> 0:19:36.133 Okay, this is okay, all right. 0:19:37.053 --> 0:19:40.053 But then I think the biggest thing for me was 0:19:40.093 --> 0:19:45.053 holding on to it when adversity came, when it felt 0:19:45.053 --> 0:19:47.933 like I wasn't enough, when it felt like everything I 0:19:48.013 --> 0:19:51.773 did just didn't add up, and like, God, where are you? 0:19:52.013 --> 0:19:57.013 I don't understand. I think my faith and my love 0:19:57.373 --> 0:20:02.573 increased circumstance by circumstance as I saw God. 0:20:03.733 --> 0:20:04.373 Through it all. 0:20:06.893 --> 0:20:12.533 You know, it's easy to praise Him when everything is wonderful. 0:20:15.613 --> 0:20:19.173 It is very difficult to still say thank you Lord 0:20:19.213 --> 0:20:21.533 when you're in the middle of a storm, when you 0:20:21.573 --> 0:20:24.133 are in the middle of not being able to see 0:20:24.173 --> 0:20:27.973 your way out. And I think I've learned that even 0:20:28.013 --> 0:20:34.493 through that. Like I spoke about being, I was working 0:20:34.773 --> 0:20:38.173 on set when well, I found out I was pregnant. 0:20:38.173 --> 0:20:40.173 Then I had to go and do a job. So 0:20:40.213 --> 0:20:43.973 I was working on a set without my husband, newly pregnant, 0:20:44.013 --> 0:20:48.933 in an immense amount of pain, and I literally said, 0:20:50.933 --> 0:20:53.693 I don't know where God is. What did I do 0:20:53.893 --> 0:20:57.933 to be in this wilderness? Like, I don't understand? And 0:20:57.973 --> 0:21:03.053 then I started to change my perspective and I was like, Okay, 0:21:03.893 --> 0:21:05.653 if I feel like I'm in a wilderness, Lord, what 0:21:05.653 --> 0:21:08.733 are you trying to show me? Have I not been 0:21:08.773 --> 0:21:14.053 depending on you enough? I am very happy to say 0:21:14.093 --> 0:21:17.813 that I married Well. When I tell you I love 0:21:17.933 --> 0:21:20.293 my husband, it is the best yes I've ever said 0:21:20.373 --> 0:21:24.813 in my life second to loving Jesus, I'm so very 0:21:24.853 --> 0:21:28.013 grateful he has shown me how to love myself the 0:21:28.013 --> 0:21:31.373 way I need to. So, you know, choosing a spouse 0:21:31.493 --> 0:21:35.213 is a really choose right because they can lead you 0:21:35.213 --> 0:21:39.373 into your destiny. And so I think for me, I 0:21:39.453 --> 0:21:44.733 started to see I've started to trust the gift more 0:21:44.773 --> 0:21:48.373 than the giver. I started leaning so much on my 0:21:48.493 --> 0:21:52.293 husband that I forgot about my relationship with the Lord 0:21:52.533 --> 0:21:56.853 and everything. For me, everything is flowing from him. And 0:21:56.973 --> 0:22:00.733 so I think for me, I started finding lessons in 0:22:00.813 --> 0:22:01.733 the wilderness. 0:22:01.853 --> 0:22:03.053 It's like, I don't want to be here. 0:22:03.133 --> 0:22:05.293 I don't know why I'm here, But you know what, 0:22:05.413 --> 0:22:07.693 let's figure that out so that I don't have to 0:22:07.693 --> 0:22:11.493 come here again. And so I think my love has 0:22:11.533 --> 0:22:16.813 to just continue to develop from stage to stage. 0:22:17.133 --> 0:22:17.973 But it's simple. 0:22:18.253 --> 0:22:22.133 It's loving the Lord and learning how much he loves 0:22:22.173 --> 0:22:24.933 me and trusting that even in the hard times. 0:22:26.013 --> 0:22:27.893 Darren, I got to say, Man, I'm loving how you've 0:22:27.893 --> 0:22:31.133 really made yourself at home in the big city. I'm curious, 0:22:31.493 --> 0:22:32.693 how are you getting around? 0:22:33.053 --> 0:22:36.093 You a subway guy, cab uber. 0:22:36.493 --> 0:22:38.733 I'm glad you're asked, Donnie, Man, I'm a got the 0:22:38.853 --> 0:22:42.253 honor to partner with All American Forward over in New Jersey. 0:22:42.453 --> 0:22:44.013 They've been taking really good care of me since I 0:22:44.013 --> 0:22:45.733 got out here, and that's why I love the most 0:22:45.733 --> 0:22:47.413 about it. Man, they treat me like I'm family, not 0:22:47.453 --> 0:22:49.973 just a customer trying to get a deal or just 0:22:50.013 --> 0:22:50.653 a statistic. 0:22:51.653 --> 0:22:51.813