Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to Jersey Jays. I am Jackie Goldschneider.
Speaker 1: I'm Jennifer Wessler.
Speaker 2: And today we are talking about Vallan Valentine today.
Speaker 1: Very exciting and we have the two.
Speaker 3: Hottest guests on and yes I get carried away. Okay,
Speaker 3: Yes they're cute. They're very Cute're very cute.
Speaker 2: It's Evan Goldschneider and Jeffrey Fessler.
Speaker 1: Do you call him jack or Jeffrey.
Speaker 3: Depends what mood I'm in, jeff Jeffrey. There's other choice
Speaker 3: words that I use that will go unmentioned here, but yeah,
Speaker 3: we both answered it just about anything.
Speaker 2: So all right, Well we'll get into everything with them,
Speaker 2: but before that, let's catch up a little because I
Speaker 2: did see you.
Speaker 1: At fashion Week this week, but I saw you didn't.
Speaker 2: I mean, everything was so crazy, we didn't get to
Speaker 2: talk too much.
Speaker 1: How was your week? Did you have fun? I wasn't.
Speaker 3: It wasn't a fashion week. I had a week event,
Speaker 3: so I think you probably did a lot more than
Speaker 3: I did. But I loved it. You were the one
Speaker 3: that I was at per Grave event and it was
Speaker 3: just it was amazing. It was so much fun. I
Speaker 3: haven't been to a lot of fashion shows, so I'm
Speaker 3: a total newbie in this category. And yeah, it was
Speaker 3: really really cool. The Graven is an amazing new brand,
Speaker 3: and I have been loving their clothing for a while
Speaker 3: now because I got a package from them, probably going back,
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe six months ago, and have absolutely
Speaker 3: loved what they sent me, and just looking at their
Speaker 3: new collection, it is so gorgeous. It is so high quality,
Speaker 3: it is so luxurious. Materials are amazing. I loved that
Speaker 3: fashion show. Oh good, Yeah, it was really fun.
Speaker 2: I mean I think we were both front row, and
Speaker 2: the models are so beautiful and the clothes were so nice.
Speaker 2: Sort of transports you to a different world for the moment.
Speaker 2: You forget that the whole world's on buyer and like
Speaker 2: everything sucks once you walk out the tour.
Speaker 3: But I thought the first part also was. I mean,
Speaker 3: I didn't again, I didn't have my expectations. I didn't
Speaker 3: have I didn't really know what I was walking into.
Speaker 3: I've only been to a few of these, but I
Speaker 3: mean they were serving caviar on blinis. What are those
Speaker 3: little wait, what are the little pancakes called? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: think they called Bellini's Bellini's right, and they were serving
Speaker 3: belinis because it was at Kasta Chipriani. We're drinking Bellini's
Speaker 3: and all like the most beautiful, fabulous people. And you
Speaker 3: saw Rachel my daughter working. She looks amazing. So Jen's
Speaker 3: daughter graduated college last year.
Speaker 2: She graduated Delaware and now she is working in pr Ryes.
Speaker 3: She works in the city. Then, yeah, she just like
Speaker 3: looks like a city check. Now, oh really she's well
Speaker 3: sophisticated working girl. Yeah, Julia Hart. And she didn't even
Speaker 3: know that it was really Julia Hart, but came in
Speaker 3: and complimented her on her outfit and she knew who
Speaker 3: she was, just like, mom, that's and she was sort
Speaker 3: of like try and pull together. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's tooly hard. She was so flattered.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Julia is the sweetest. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was a great event. And yeah, now back to life.
Speaker 2: I have one more this week and then back to
Speaker 2: regular life. Back to the unglamorous life. No, just kidding,
Speaker 2: everything's glammory.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: So other than that, do you uh well, we'll save
Speaker 2: some of this for with the guys. But but do
Speaker 2: you do you celebrate Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Not really, I mean no, well, we have like a
Speaker 3: couple of traditions that we can save it for our
Speaker 3: discussion with the guys that are just silly. But no,
Speaker 3: we don't do anything big. We don't make big dinner
Speaker 3: plans to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you know we used to. But it's funny.
Speaker 2: Now my fourteen year old daughter's got a little guy
Speaker 2: that she's been dating for like three months, and my
Speaker 2: sixteen year old almost seventeen next and a month and
Speaker 2: a half, has a girlfriend, and so now they want
Speaker 2: to both take their you know, others out to dinner,
Speaker 2: and so we and Evan are kind of like, well,
Speaker 2: I think we're just going to be like driving people
Speaker 2: all night.
Speaker 1: So I have to say, did you do this with
Speaker 1: the little one?
Speaker 3: So when mine were little, every holiday it was I
Speaker 3: had to set something up with I don't know, bloomed
Speaker 3: and then they had these little presents and there was
Speaker 3: candy when they woke up, and then you remember you
Speaker 3: have to like make all little bound hines for them
Speaker 3: to bring to school for the class.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, yes, and they were Actually there was
Speaker 2: a lot because I always had to do two at
Speaker 2: a time because just that's the twins, right, So I
Speaker 2: always had to do like forty six of them and
Speaker 2: like write out the messages and then like seal them
Speaker 2: with the candy and everything, and like it took a
Speaker 2: lot of time.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I miss those days. Got it goes so fast.
Speaker 1: Oh that sounds very cliche, but it goes so fast.
Speaker 2: But we'll go through everything with the guys. I mean,
Speaker 2: and you know, back when we were first date, like
Speaker 2: everything everything had to be like super special. But then
Speaker 2: you know, you we actually keep our love alive, but
Speaker 2: not so much in life. You know, when it's on
Speaker 2: a date in a time, you know, like it's we
Speaker 2: don't do things like just because it's a certain day,
Speaker 2: but just birthdays, maybe anniversary, yeah, just birthdays, although you
Speaker 2: know I'm not a big birthday person. What else, And
Speaker 2: you're your son's in law school. He's doing well. My
Speaker 2: son is in law school. My son is stressed. I
Speaker 2: don't know if you were like this, Jack, but he is.
Speaker 2: I mean, he doesn't get stressed. And it's been a lot.
Speaker 2: And it's also now the internships after first year, so
Speaker 2: he's dealing with all of that and they are now.
Speaker 2: So I don't know if anybody even cares about this,
Speaker 2: but he's in his he just started his second semester
Speaker 2: of his first year, and he needs to start applying
Speaker 2: for internships for the summer after his second year.
Speaker 1: Yep, which I don't. I'm like, now, what even even
Speaker 1: started hill first year? He'll be fine.
Speaker 3: But he you know, he's really not stress case like
Speaker 3: Rachel and I are stress cases.
Speaker 1: But he's stressed. No, it is very stressful.
Speaker 2: And then, but you know, you could do so many
Speaker 2: things with the law degree.
Speaker 1: For example, I'm on a podcast in the real house.
Speaker 1: That's right there, you go.
Speaker 4: Thanks, all right.
Speaker 2: Well, welcome to our handsome husbands, Jeff and Evan. Thank
Speaker 2: you guys for being here.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: I God, So, I want to jump right in so
Speaker 2: Fessler's I actually.
Speaker 1: Don't know as close as we are, Jenna, I don't
Speaker 1: know how you guys met. I don't tell me you
Speaker 1: and you don't remember. Really, I think I do. My story, Jeff,
Speaker 1: you want to tell it?
Speaker 2: I want to tell Yeah, you guys, tell me how
Speaker 2: you met, first im questions, first date, how.
Speaker 1: You feel like, give me all of it. It is
Speaker 1: actually a really good story. Go ahead, jeffy Okay.
Speaker 5: So I had used as about seven to nineteen ninety seven,
Speaker 5: so I had used a dating service. A couple of
Speaker 5: times called it just lunch in New York and one
Speaker 5: day ome in the office.
Speaker 3: They wait, so it's just lunch, said it. They set
Speaker 3: professionals up on lunch date. So the the I actually
Speaker 3: think it's still around. But the idea is like, Okay,
Speaker 3: if you're a busy professional, you don't have time for dinner,
Speaker 3: but everybody has time for lunch or a drink. So
Speaker 3: the premise was, excuse me fixing professionals up on lunch dates.
Speaker 1: It's just by the way I used it. Also, there
Speaker 1: you go, yeah, I might have met you, Jack. I know.
Speaker 2: I've actually been furiously searching my emails from back then,
Speaker 2: but email was so new, really, I mean it wasn't
Speaker 2: new new, but like you really didn't do all of
Speaker 2: it through email. So I can't find my emails back
Speaker 2: from like two thousand and one, two thousand and two.
Speaker 2: But I bet you you and you you were my
Speaker 2: person there.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine? Yeah, I was the director of Y
Speaker 3: and then the director of Jersey. All right away, go on,
Speaker 3: Jeffrey John.
Speaker 4: All right.
Speaker 5: So I'm sitting in my office and I get a call.
Speaker 5: It was a Friday afternoon. I think I get a
Speaker 5: call and it's Jen and she's like, you know, I
Speaker 5: see that you used. It's just lunched. Do you want
Speaker 5: to come back? I go no, it was horrible. I'm
Speaker 5: not doing that again. And she was like, just you know,
Speaker 5: I want you to come in and want you to
Speaker 5: meet me. And for some reason, I was like, you
Speaker 5: know what, I have nothing to do. It's Friday afternoon,
Speaker 5: all right, I'll go over and see.
Speaker 3: I was the new director there, so you try to
Speaker 3: so you wanted him to meet you for purposes of
Speaker 3: like it's joining. It was as a numbers game, right, like, okay,
Speaker 3: somebody joined. That was the idea to get more people
Speaker 3: to join. So you called old clients to see if
Speaker 3: they were renew Okay.
Speaker 6: So well I went over.
Speaker 5: I walked in and I was you know, I met
Speaker 5: her and I was like wow, that was my first
Speaker 5: thought was wow, she looks amazing. And we started talking
Speaker 5: and she, you know, does her gen thing with talking
Speaker 5: making you feel great, you know.
Speaker 6: The whole thing. And then she goes, what is your type?
Speaker 6: And I said, look in the mirror.
Speaker 3: Oh, and I just well, can I just jump in
Speaker 3: to say that if you know Jeff Fessler, I mean
Speaker 3: you two. Do you know that is not no Jeff
Speaker 3: Fessler thing to say. So, like, looking back on it,
Speaker 3: you know, I remember it happened, and I was like,
Speaker 3: ha ha haha. Another guy thinking he has all this
Speaker 3: you know game. Meanwhile, Jefffessler, no offense. My love has
Speaker 3: a zero game. So that was like a very big deal.
Speaker 4: He did that.
Speaker 1: He did, Oh yeah, well it didn't work.
Speaker 5: Actually, well, yeah, no, it didn't work because then she
Speaker 5: goes she said, well, I'm in a Hampton's house and
Speaker 5: I have a boyfriend.
Speaker 6: And then blah blah blah.
Speaker 5: And this was like May, and I'm thinking there was
Speaker 5: no way she have a boyfriend in May in a
Speaker 5: Hampton's house. You may be maybe at the end of
Speaker 5: the summer, but not now. So I kept pursuing it.
Speaker 5: And you know, first date, what was the first date was.
Speaker 3: Four seasons drink at the four Seasons, right, It was
Speaker 3: like not a date he was sending me. I was like, no, listen,
Speaker 3: I'm you're a client. It's not professional. I don't do that. Meanwhile,
Speaker 3: I really took the job to find a husband. But whatever.
Speaker 3: So I was like no, and then he's like, well,
Speaker 3: we just meet up whatever, have a drink whatever. And
Speaker 3: I remember we went to the we met at the
Speaker 3: Four Seasons, and I was like, this is not like
Speaker 3: we could be friends. This is not going to be
Speaker 3: a love connection. He was shorter than me. Sorry, honey,
Speaker 3: I'm just telling you. My one thing was that I
Speaker 3: wanted a tall guy that was like, didn't I didn't
Speaker 3: care if he was wealthy or you know, really over well,
Speaker 3: he just wanted him taller than me because I always
Speaker 3: felt like kind of like a big girl.
Speaker 1: So careful what you wish for, ladies. So when did
Speaker 1: you know that you were in love?
Speaker 3: Well, we just became friends. I was like, listen, this
Speaker 3: is not going to happen. I'm you know, let's just
Speaker 3: be friends. We could hang out. And we started to
Speaker 3: hang out and like every Thursday. So for all you
Speaker 3: young people listening, Thursday night was friends seinfeld E r
Speaker 3: Night and back in the day. So he would come
Speaker 3: over every Thursday and I would I was like such
Speaker 3: a little beach. I was like, listen, go to chicken kitchen,
Speaker 3: pick up chicken, come over to my apartment, don't make
Speaker 3: eye contact. I'm very tired. If you want us to
Speaker 3: be friends, fine, sit there, we'll eat chicken. And watch
Speaker 3: Seinfeld and when yours over, get the hell out. I
Speaker 3: mean it, like he must have really liked me. It
Speaker 3: was like that was like my whole attitude, like fine,
Speaker 3: you're a nice guy, we'll be friends.
Speaker 2: Whatever, And then how long until you guys were a couple?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 5: And then then what happened was you know, she was
Speaker 5: still said, still remain friends. And then one day she said,
Speaker 5: why don't you come into the office and look through
Speaker 5: the files?
Speaker 1: Ill girl, you other women?
Speaker 6: And I said, all right, sounds good to me, and.
Speaker 1: I did, yeah, And then what happened. Yeah, I wasn't
Speaker 1: I was not pleased. That was it.
Speaker 3: I was not pleased. Yeah, but it was you know.
Speaker 3: So then he wanted to be fixed up, and I
Speaker 3: was like, what do you want to fixed up? You're
Speaker 3: madly in love with me? What are you what are
Speaker 3: you talking about? Right at the time, I was dating
Speaker 3: this other guy and who it was totally unrequited love.
Speaker 3: I was crazy about him and he was not crazy
Speaker 3: about me. But started to even out a little bit,
Speaker 3: and like one day I saw him and Jeff in
Speaker 3: the same day and I kissed that guy, and then
Speaker 3: I kissed Jeff Wessler and I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 3: and wait a second, wait a second, like Jeff Wessler
Speaker 3: And it was it was like as soon as I
Speaker 3: liked him, and then I then I loved him in
Speaker 3: about three minutes, and about three minutes later I was like,
Speaker 3: where's my ring? And this is gonna have to happen now.
Speaker 1: Sorry, you guys. How old were you when you got married?
Speaker 1: I was thirty.
Speaker 3: I was thirty one when we got married, thirty when
Speaker 3: we got engaged, right, Jeff. And then last question, and
Speaker 3: we'll pivot. What where'd you get married? Marine Beach and
Speaker 3: Yacht Club, New York Outdoors? Uh, And it was not outdoors,
Speaker 3: it was, but it was on the water and it
Speaker 3: was just a million years ago and it was just beautiful.
Speaker 2: Oh beautiful. Well your turn, all right, Well havn't gone.
Speaker 4: I'll let you tell the story.
Speaker 1: Oh, now do you remember the night we met?
Speaker 4: Of course, brother Jimmies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were Brother Jimmies.
Speaker 2: Anyone who's from New York City or they or went
Speaker 2: to New York City in the nineties early aughts, and
Speaker 2: they call it right, everyone remembers Brother Jimmy's. It was
Speaker 2: like for those who don't know, it's like a beer
Speaker 2: bar through and throw. It's like a barbecue joint. And
Speaker 2: they serve these fish bowls full of like mystery liquids, alcohol,
Speaker 2: one hundred straws coming out, dirty plastic toys inside, and
Speaker 2: like they're designed for lots of people to share them.
Speaker 1: It's so fun.
Speaker 2: They play like great you know, classic rock, great music.
Speaker 2: And I was there on a Thursday with my best
Speaker 2: friend at the time, who's still one of my closest friends,
Speaker 2: and uh, and I saw Evan. The funny thing is
Speaker 2: that he was where. Evan's the biggest Jets fan ever.
Speaker 2: Do you know we named one of our children after
Speaker 2: the Jets. Middle name is Jet. And he was wearing
Speaker 2: a Giant's hat and I always ask him, why were
Speaker 2: you wearing a Gian Evan? Why are wearing a joint set?
Speaker 7: Because every team, if I wear their their hat or
Speaker 7: their shirt, I bring bad luck to it. And I
Speaker 7: have a lot of shot in Freuda in my life
Speaker 7: as being a Jet fan. Any team that wins, I'm
Speaker 7: jealous of the thing with brother Jimmy's. By the way,
Speaker 7: if you think about it, it's like the exact opposite
Speaker 7: of it's just lunch you go to It's just lunch
Speaker 7: to find somebody that you could fall in love.
Speaker 1: Right, I know where you can see Jimmy's like out.
Speaker 4: You know, find somebody for the night. That's the intention.
Speaker 4: You don't expect to find your wife.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I was actually sitting at the bar with my
Speaker 2: friend Hannah because we used to go every Thursday night
Speaker 2: we had we were friends at the bartender and the
Speaker 2: staff there, and she wanted to or or something from
Speaker 2: the menu. So I made eye contact with Evan. But
Speaker 2: I was not in the best headspace at that time.
Speaker 2: I was, you know, I was anorexic. I was not
Speaker 2: like very secure, you know, and I I saw him,
Speaker 2: and I thought that guy will never like me.
Speaker 1: And I hate that.
Speaker 2: That's my first thought that when I saw and my
Speaker 2: first impression is that guy would never like me. But anyway,
Speaker 2: so she's looking through the men and you, and then
Speaker 2: I hear a voice behind my shoulder and he says,
Speaker 2: I hear the filet mignon is delicious. And I turned
Speaker 2: around and it was him, and I was just so
Speaker 2: shocked that he came over to talk to us.
Speaker 1: But it was very very smooth, that's very cute. It
Speaker 1: was cute.
Speaker 2: And then from there we went so our first date,
Speaker 2: he took me to a Mexican restaurant and I marry Anne.
Speaker 2: So I was in a phase of not eating. No,
Speaker 2: what was it called it went away? It's called Zerella.
Speaker 4: It was called Zerella. It's charming.
Speaker 1: We had our first day there.
Speaker 2: He ordered an appetizer for us to share and it
Speaker 2: was fried and I had a very long internal struggle
Speaker 2: over whether to eat the fried food and let the
Speaker 2: guy think I was normal, or not eat the fried
Speaker 2: food and stick to my diet. So that's what I
Speaker 2: took away from our first date. But we ended up.
Speaker 2: He decided to stay for the craye and we ended up.
Speaker 2: I think our third date we had drinks at just
Speaker 2: like your four Seasons day we had. We had drinks
Speaker 2: that the man's are in, and that's where we kind
Speaker 2: of like, we're like, this is this is something real?
Speaker 4: Well, the second date was good too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the second date was good too, But the third date.
Speaker 4: Was yeah, that was good. What was your third date?
Speaker 1: What did you think when you saw her?
Speaker 7: I don't remember my first impression, but obviously if I
Speaker 7: went up to her, I was attracted to her.
Speaker 4: I have to be honest, like, at that point in
Speaker 4: my life. It was.
Speaker 7: It was late two thousand and three. I had been
Speaker 7: drinking a lot for a long time. You're kind of
Speaker 7: like that stage in your life where you're twenty nine
Speaker 7: years old and I just saw something that I liked
Speaker 7: started talking to her, but you know, I was I
Speaker 7: was drunk. I came straight from the gym. I think
Speaker 7: I had my gym bag with me too. I was
Speaker 7: wearing that stupid giants hat. But I obviously liked her physically,
Speaker 7: and then getting to talk with her was even.
Speaker 2: One last story about that night, and then we'll move
Speaker 2: on to Valentine's Day. But so Evan said to Evan
Speaker 2: values his sleep a lot more than I do. I'm
Speaker 2: not a big sleeper. Evan is a big sleeper. And
Speaker 2: so he said to me at a back out eleven
Speaker 2: thirty or right with it.
Speaker 1: About eleven thirty, he said, midnight.
Speaker 2: It was really midnight, and I used to go out
Speaker 2: until like two in the morning. So he said to me, listen,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell my buddies that I'm going to
Speaker 2: grab a slice of pizza and then come back. But
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going home
Speaker 2: because i want to go to sleep. So he took
Speaker 2: my number whatever, we exchange information, and then he left.
Speaker 1: And then one of.
Speaker 2: His friends comes up to me, like fifteen minutes later,
Speaker 2: and he goes, listen, I got bad news for you.
Speaker 2: I hope you didn't like that guy, because I think
Speaker 2: I think he gohested you. I think he left. And
Speaker 2: I said, oh, no, I know he's not coming back.
Speaker 2: I think he lied to you, not to me. And
Speaker 2: he's like, no, no, no, I think he lied to you, and
Speaker 2: I said, no, no, no, I.
Speaker 1: Think he lied to you.
Speaker 2: Anyway, he never came back, but he did call.
Speaker 1: Well listen.
Speaker 3: That says a lot Jack, because back in the day,
Speaker 3: at that age of some guy said that to me,
Speaker 3: I would have been like, all right over, not interested.
Speaker 1: No, I was so interested. I knew.
Speaker 2: I knew my mother would like this one. Tell me
Speaker 2: about your first Do you remember your first Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: No? Do you know? Really had no idea.
Speaker 2: I remember ours. We went to a place I don't
Speaker 2: know if it's still around. It started with a p
Speaker 2: what was it called?
Speaker 4: It called public? It was down. I think it was
Speaker 4: probably like in the East village or around there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I wore this pretty flowery dress. I was
Speaker 1: so excited.
Speaker 2: I don't think i'd ever really had like a real
Speaker 2: proper Valentine's Day college my college boyfriends, but not really
Speaker 2: like an exciting bound.
Speaker 7: I remember my first male Valentine's Day. Jeff would appreciate
Speaker 7: that men's.
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day steaking a blow What is a male Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: I don't know a male Valentine it's like.
Speaker 4: Every year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I never heard of.
Speaker 2: That, Jeff, of you, I'm not writing it down in
Speaker 2: my calendar. It's a steaking a blowjob.
Speaker 6: In March twenty third.
Speaker 4: That I remember very well. We want the sparks, and then.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, the listening public doesn't need to know.
Speaker 4: That talking about the Sparks was the steakhouse.
Speaker 1: No, I live right down the street from Sparks forty
Speaker 1: six and second, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: Where so there was like a big mafia murder there right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: outside Sparks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very old school for people.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I just all those those days seem
Speaker 3: so long ago. Liked, right, we're making it up because
Speaker 3: it just I just picturing that street and Jeff and
Speaker 3: I hanging out. I had this apartment that was like
Speaker 3: the size of I don't have a room small enough
Speaker 3: in my house to show you how small it was.
Speaker 3: It paced a brick wall and it was a teeny
Speaker 3: tiny little studio. And I kept like in the underwear
Speaker 3: in the city forty six and second, I kept my
Speaker 3: underwear under a drawer, in a drawer under my bed,
Speaker 3: like something I would pull out. Jeff Fessler thought that
Speaker 3: he saved me.
Speaker 1: He had this.
Speaker 3: Apartment in Gottenburg, New Jersey. So right, so he bought
Speaker 3: this apartment in this place called the Galaxy, this high
Speaker 3: rise views of the city, and he thought that he
Speaker 3: was saving me from this little cell that I lived in.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, loved it. I loved it. I loved having my
Speaker 1: own own little space. Was the person I had.
Speaker 3: I lived with roommates for years, so it was like mine.
Speaker 3: It was my own apartment, and it was just there
Speaker 3: was a doorman, it was safe.
Speaker 1: I felt.
Speaker 3: I just loved living there. And to this day he
Speaker 3: just is like, I rescued you. I'm like, no, I
Speaker 3: rescued you, Okay, well did you move in?
Speaker 1: So you moved in with.
Speaker 3: Him once we got engaged. Yes, yes, that's I was
Speaker 3: actually doing it. I was like, I really wanted that ring.
Speaker 3: So I was like, listen, I would never ever live
Speaker 3: with a guy before I was engaged, like just trying
Speaker 3: to pull everything.
Speaker 2: Well, I think you need to by the way, I
Speaker 2: would advocate for that. I think that you need to
Speaker 2: know if you can.
Speaker 3: Live with somebody well before engagement, well together, what maybe
Speaker 3: after engagement you can always.
Speaker 1: Break off and engage. Do you guys work together?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gonna spend all that money on a ring
Speaker 2: for somebody that you don't know.
Speaker 1: If you can live with. I mean, yeah, I guess, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would advocate for it, but yeah, we we lived together. Well,
Speaker 2: you know, it was like a matter of like like
Speaker 2: our leases running out kind of thing, and like what
Speaker 2: do you do?
Speaker 1: Do you re sign for another year?
Speaker 2: We'd already been dating for six months, you know, so
Speaker 2: do you wait or seven months? Do you wait another year?
Speaker 2: You know at our age, we were already Yeah.
Speaker 3: We engaged. It happened very quickly. Once it happened, like
Speaker 3: I was ready. I wanted to get knocked up before
Speaker 3: a while. I wanted to nail him in. I was like, really,
Speaker 3: oh my god, Like once I realized because I was
Speaker 3: thirty and I mean I used to have these dreams,
Speaker 3: these baby dreams where I would wake up and just
Speaker 3: be so upset that the baby wasn't there, like these
Speaker 3: really maternal yeah, like the it really my biological clock
Speaker 3: was loud.
Speaker 1: And so once we got engaged, I was like, let's
Speaker 1: do this. Let's go. I wanted done.
Speaker 3: Now, let's go. And then we got married and he's like, well,
Speaker 3: can we travel a little this is all happening. I
Speaker 3: was like, no, we have to get pregnant now, like
Speaker 3: we got pregnant fast everything. Once I knew that it
Speaker 3: was going to be Jeff, I was like, make this
Speaker 3: happen well.
Speaker 1: Evan and I were like, let's travel.
Speaker 2: And then it's funny because we got married in August
Speaker 2: of six, right, so February of seven, just a few
Speaker 2: months later, we go on vacation and we had planned
Speaker 2: to like wait a little bit before having kids because
Speaker 2: I had just turned thirty and I wasn't in a
Speaker 2: huge rush.
Speaker 1: I was a young lawyer.
Speaker 2: And we go to Mexico and I'm laying at the
Speaker 2: pool and there's this old lady laying next to me
Speaker 2: and we start talking and she says to me, she
Speaker 2: goes and I told her that I just got married
Speaker 2: a few months ago, she says, when are you going
Speaker 2: to try to have a baby. I said, no, We're
Speaker 2: going to travel a little first, and she was Adam
Speaker 2: and she was like, no, do not wait. She actually
Speaker 2: happened to live even though I met her in Mexico,
Speaker 2: she happened to live a few blocks from me in
Speaker 2: the city. She was like one of these long time
Speaker 2: Upper West Siders. Side note. I stayed in touch with
Speaker 2: her forever until she passed away about two years ago.
Speaker 1: And her name was Lois.
Speaker 2: She was lovely, but she was like one hundred years old,
Speaker 2: and she was like, no, don't wait, you might have
Speaker 2: trouble getting pregnant.
Speaker 1: You never know.
Speaker 2: She gave me the name of a doctor and I
Speaker 2: left the pool and I said to Evan, we need
Speaker 2: to get fred.
Speaker 1: I didn't now, we need to go see this doctor now.
Speaker 2: I literally made the appointment from Mexico, went as soon
Speaker 2: as we came home, and we ended up using that
Speaker 2: doctor and I ended up having problems. So it was
Speaker 2: good that we went. But you know, whatever trajectory brought
Speaker 2: us to having the children that we have was the
Speaker 2: right one one. But we did intend to travel a
Speaker 2: little bit more. I don't think everyone was thrilled with
Speaker 2: the timing.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean it was all bad that not as
Speaker 3: it wasn't as long go as it was longer for
Speaker 3: us than it is for you guys. My point is
Speaker 3: that like that time seems so it was so fabulous
Speaker 3: and fun and exciting and just feels like another life,
Speaker 3: like we have one that we talked about. You know,
Speaker 3: we talk about what we're going to talk about before
Speaker 3: we actually talk about it here on the pod. So
Speaker 3: we said, you know, would you change anything about your wedding?
Speaker 1: That's one of the questions here, right, Yeah, would you
Speaker 1: change anything about our wedding?
Speaker 4: Yes? I would have done a destination wedding.
Speaker 2: Really, Oh, I don't think I would with like.
Speaker 7: Like four people and then and then God, just because
Speaker 7: it's I feel like a wedding is done on behalf
Speaker 7: of other people and it's just you don't have to,
Speaker 7: you know, you don't have to have a huge wedding
Speaker 7: to kind of prove your love for somebody else and
Speaker 7: to do all that work, which you did most of it,
Speaker 7: like ninety nine percent of it, of finding the flowers,
Speaker 7: finding the band, finding everything, and then narrowing it down
Speaker 7: to like the three of which I helped choose. I
Speaker 7: just think it's a lot of work and a lot
Speaker 7: of money for something that you know, the marriage would
Speaker 7: be just as strong and you'd have maybe even a
Speaker 7: better experience if you'd gotten somewhere.
Speaker 4: Exotic to get.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then you have a video.
Speaker 4: Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the the first first song.
Speaker 1: But for first dance, why what was it?
Speaker 6: What was it? It was? It was the Carpenters. We've
Speaker 6: only just begun.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that song.
Speaker 2: Why would you change it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Dance? Oh yeah, the first dance.
Speaker 4: Effects at last.
Speaker 2: We had through the years, ironic because we had only
Speaker 2: known each other for like two years.
Speaker 3: We wanted he wanted it last, And looking back, I
Speaker 3: hate our wedding song. I chose it because some girl
Speaker 3: who worked it. It's just lunch who was at our wedding,
Speaker 3: but she said, you know what would be a great
Speaker 3: I always wanted this would be the best wedding song.
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, okay, And like, looking back,
Speaker 3: it just was not the right choice. But yeah, we
Speaker 3: always laugh about it when it last comes on.
Speaker 2: So we were going to we were going to coordinate
Speaker 2: a dance for our first for our first dance, and
Speaker 2: we went to a dance school together and I am
Speaker 2: not a very good dancer at all. And we had
Speaker 2: a lovely relationship.
Speaker 1: Evan and I were.
Speaker 2: Like deeply, madly in love and never ever fought. We
Speaker 2: still hardly ever find And we went to dance school
Speaker 2: and had the biggest fight, like we just hated every
Speaker 2: second of it.
Speaker 1: Do you remember, Oh my god, I can't believe you
Speaker 1: guys did that. That was so bad.
Speaker 2: We could we just could not coordinate and we had
Speaker 2: a big fight and we were like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I forget it. We'll just generically dance. So I was
Speaker 2: saying we did through the Years as our first dance,
Speaker 2: which is ironic.
Speaker 1: Because that's also one of my absolute faces. I know.
Speaker 2: But we had only known each other for two years,
Speaker 2: so what through what?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a thing. I know. It's more of an
Speaker 1: anniversary song were we talking about, you know?
Speaker 2: So the thing I would change about our wedding is
Speaker 2: that there were just so many people there that I
Speaker 2: didn't know and that Evan didn't know. Actually, I remember
Speaker 2: sitting at our dais and somebody came over to congratulate us,
Speaker 2: and when they walked away, I said to Evan, who
Speaker 2: is that? And he goes, I don't know, they're on
Speaker 2: your side. I said, no, no, they're on your side.
Speaker 2: We had no idea who happen people there were, so I.
Speaker 3: Feel like we we did, I mean, well like you though, Jackie.
Speaker 3: I was in the throes of an eating disorder at
Speaker 3: the time time, So I do if there's also something
Speaker 3: I would change, Like I could not eat that cake,
Speaker 3: no way, and that was like a whole weird thing.
Speaker 3: And I brought along my own food to my own wedding. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so yeah, like that's what I changed that. I don't
Speaker 3: know would I change anything at all?
Speaker 1: Let us hear so.
Speaker 3: But okay, so let's talk about what has changed though
Speaker 3: over the years in terms of you guys, go first,
Speaker 3: So go first. Do you still do you still do
Speaker 3: like romantic stuff?
Speaker 2: How do you keep your like your love like kind
Speaker 2: of like exciting and romantic?
Speaker 1: Jeff Essler, I'll let you answer. Be you still celebrate,
Speaker 1: Let's start with that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'd buy cards, get her some chocolates.
Speaker 1: I'll tell them about the chocolates. I don't like flowers either.
Speaker 3: Not weird, but also all I ever wanted growing up
Speaker 3: was a little girl was like one of those big
Speaker 3: pink heart shaped boxes chocolate from CBS, like a Russell
Speaker 3: Stoffers with the bows. So he that's like all I
Speaker 3: ever wanted was some was a boy to bring me.
Speaker 2: Well, Aiden's girlfriends about it home, true, because that's what
Speaker 2: I got.
Speaker 1: I love that. So are you That's what I want? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you do anything? No, we don't do much. I
Speaker 1: mean like McCard it gets me, okay, yeah.
Speaker 6: Get yeah, cards, chocolate's.
Speaker 1: We go out to dinner. We did for a long time. No,
Speaker 1: we really do a long time.
Speaker 6: I don't think we ever we did. I don't think
Speaker 6: we ever did.
Speaker 2: I mean it's just hard now because like most of
Speaker 2: the time it's on a weeknight. This year it happens
Speaker 2: to be on a Friday night. But even on this
Speaker 2: Friday night, like our older boys have a game at seven,
Speaker 2: and then Alexis wants to go to dinner with her
Speaker 2: little boyfriend, and then Aiden wants to go out to
Speaker 2: dinner with his girlfriend after his game.
Speaker 1: So I mean, when are we gonna go? You know,
Speaker 1: I'll hold your hands at the basketball game. What else
Speaker 1: are we gonna do? You know?
Speaker 4: I think that's the best. Yeah, I think that's great, and.
Speaker 2: I think it is what you make it, you know,
Speaker 2: and we could always do it related.
Speaker 3: Well, So these questions that we have also coming you guys,
Speaker 3: are really more about not just Valentine's Day, but like
Speaker 3: relationships are specifically ours and how they've changed over the years.
Speaker 3: And we wrote down a bunch of questions. Jackie actually
Speaker 3: wrote down most of them. I'll give you that credit,
Speaker 3: But like, what do you do to keep the love alive?
Speaker 3: Has the meaning of love changed over the years? How
Speaker 3: often do you talk about your relationship to each other?
Speaker 3: I think those are really good questions because ours, our
Speaker 3: relationship has certainly evolved. We've been through we've been married
Speaker 3: over twenty five years now, so.
Speaker 1: In what ways?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, whoever watched the Housewives this first season
Speaker 3: I was on, been only on two, but heard me
Speaker 3: talk about the fact that Jeff and I were separated
Speaker 3: for a year and a half. That happened at like
Speaker 3: year seven of our marriage, and for me, I don't
Speaker 3: know that changed things. I'm not recommending this, so whoever's listening,
Speaker 3: I'm not telling you to get separated, but for us,
Speaker 3: I feel like everything changed after that or the better.
Speaker 1: What do you Jeff, do you think.
Speaker 5: You appreciate you You appreciate but you don't have anymore.
Speaker 5: I mean, you appreciate it more because you've lived through
Speaker 5: the fact that you may never have it again and
Speaker 5: then and then you get it back.
Speaker 1: Not many people do.
Speaker 3: We felt very lucky, right, you are very lucky. Yeah, no,
Speaker 3: I know, we really are. I mean we just couldn't
Speaker 3: make it happen. Like we just neither one of us
Speaker 3: really wanted to go to the lawyer. Neither one was
Speaker 3: really wanted to, you know, and Jeff was Jeff so
Speaker 3: like whatever I said, I was like, we would tell
Speaker 3: We would tell the lawyers like I don't care, like
Speaker 3: Jeff will be fair with me, and the lay like,
Speaker 3: oh you don't know.
Speaker 1: That's like, no, no, you don't know. Jeff, Jeff Fessler.
Speaker 3: He's not screwing me and he's not screwing his kids,
Speaker 3: and both we would like try to make an appointment
Speaker 3: to go to the lawyer or the media. We would
Speaker 3: blow it off and go like to Chili's and sit
Speaker 3: and just hang out. We just didn't neither one of us,
Speaker 3: I think, really wanted to get and.
Speaker 2: Did you have to have like a solid conversation like
Speaker 2: let's just, you know, call off the dogs and get
Speaker 2: back together and move back.
Speaker 1: Remember, Jeff, do you remember that, like us deciding to.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it was when wasn't it when I
Speaker 5: went to the Jamaica with the kids and you went
Speaker 5: to Saint Bart's with my boyfriend?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yes, and.
Speaker 6: Yeah and you and you wanted.
Speaker 3: To exactly I so, yeah, they were at like some
Speaker 3: beaches Jamaica and I was at like the Eden Rock
Speaker 3: and Saint Barts. But it just wasn't right and the
Speaker 3: thought of I don't know, this is really not all
Speaker 3: Valentine's That's okay, it's a material and other people go
Speaker 3: through it, so it's real life couple stuff. And yeah,
Speaker 3: so yeah, I just missed them, and I would have.
Speaker 3: I just wanted to be at whateverever beaches Jamaica, wherever
Speaker 3: they were. Yeah, that was I guess that was the beginning, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: this is not.
Speaker 1: Just why where were you before? The same town, same town,
Speaker 1: new house, okay, all right?
Speaker 3: And then like although we had so many good memories
Speaker 3: in that the first house, though, like beginning of our
Speaker 3: marriage is like we had a bad marriage. It started
Speaker 3: to disintegrate a little bit. I guess maybe you're six,
Speaker 3: but it's not like we babies.
Speaker 1: It was fun, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well then I think that's maybe a cautionary tale
Speaker 2: that you have to like keep the level, Like you
Speaker 2: have to communicate, you have to tell each other. So
Speaker 2: Evan and I are big on Evan and I are
Speaker 2: big on telling each other I love you. We we
Speaker 2: say I love you when we get off the phone
Speaker 2: with each other, when we see each other, and good morning,
Speaker 2: like we do. We're a big I love you family.
Speaker 2: We're kind of gushy. One of our sixteen year olds
Speaker 2: is pulling away, but the other ones are all like mushy, gushy.
Speaker 3: R Jeff's not mushy, but the rest of the three
Speaker 3: of us are mushy, so he has no choice.
Speaker 1: No, we've turned Evan into a big mushball. But we
Speaker 1: we do.
Speaker 2: You know, I enjoy like a date night.
Speaker 1: We just don't get many of them. It's hard.
Speaker 2: You have to prioritize that, and we gets a little
Speaker 2: like life gets very overwhelming. Our kids' schedules are crazy,
Speaker 2: and then you have your own shit, right and like
Speaker 2: so you have to carve out these these times and
Speaker 2: these nights to reconnect with each other. We've only had
Speaker 2: like two nights away without kids, like since we've gotten married. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't mean like two nights total. I mean like
Speaker 2: two nights in time, maybe like once or twice a year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll have.
Speaker 4: A lot of that in a few years, which is great.
Speaker 4: We have.
Speaker 1: Rush.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so do what do you guys do? What do
Speaker 2: you do with all that empty nest or time? Is
Speaker 2: it easier now to prioritize each other or is it
Speaker 2: harder without the kids there to kind of like glue
Speaker 2: you together.
Speaker 1: Easier?
Speaker 3: But also, Jeff, don't you think like it's just saw
Speaker 3: something literally on before we came on do this. I
Speaker 3: saw something on TikTok about this guy talking about the
Speaker 3: best marriages or the marriages that have companionships, like all
Speaker 3: of that, you know, sparks and the tummy rolling and
Speaker 3: the craziness of when you first fall in love changes period.
Speaker 3: I don't care what anyone says, you don't have that
Speaker 3: for a lifetime with someone. I don't think you guys.
Speaker 3: Maybe you guys do have it, and I just don't
Speaker 3: know that for a lifetime. It just it just changes.
Speaker 3: But like now, so when you say prioritize each other,
Speaker 3: even if it's we Jeff and I the kid's gone,
Speaker 3: it's just we like each other so like all the
Speaker 3: other stuff, but I just we just have fun together,
Speaker 3: whatever it is. It's like, and we travel together, we
Speaker 3: have fun together, and we're not like all over each other.
Speaker 3: I mean we at any given night just in his
Speaker 3: office and I'm upstairs watching TV, right, I mean we
Speaker 3: don't like we don't write, but I mean I feel
Speaker 3: like somebody said also maybe mel Robins, like I don't
Speaker 3: want to be madly in love. I want to be
Speaker 3: peacefully in love something like that. But I feel like
Speaker 3: that's how our relationship has changed. Like it's just we're
Speaker 3: just more first and foremost above everything else. Like we're
Speaker 3: best friends and I'm doing all the talking, Jeff, So
Speaker 3: feel free to jump in. Please tell them all how
Speaker 3: much you would doore me.
Speaker 6: You don't have the pressure anymore with the kids.
Speaker 5: Not around to like you know, just I mean, you're
Speaker 5: you're focused on each other.
Speaker 2: What are your best times together?
Speaker 4: Is it?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: What are your like when you realize, oh, this is
Speaker 2: the right person for me and we've just you went
Speaker 2: to that.
Speaker 1: I'm curious, Yeah, Like, do you have those moments traveling. Yeah, traveling.
Speaker 1: I was going to say that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't get to we haven't gotten to travel
Speaker 2: to too many exotic places. We just started, so we
Speaker 2: went a few places before we had kids, but we
Speaker 2: really just started taking our kids far away. So we
Speaker 2: went to Rome with them last year, and we're going
Speaker 2: to Barcelona with them this year. But those those really
Speaker 2: are the best times well with their kids for sure,
Speaker 2: Like by ourselves. We always kind of did because they
Speaker 2: always were in Sleepway camp. So we take like least
Speaker 2: one trip the year, Oh you had sleep boy kids.
Speaker 2: We don't write we sleep with kids. But we're literally
Speaker 2: ever ever alone. We also have like a bunch of
Speaker 2: friends that go away together always in the summers, and
Speaker 2: we never joined them. Maybe one day I would like to.
Speaker 3: But and I feel like though we are so very
Speaker 3: specific in the way that we travel together, we are
Speaker 3: exactly on the same rhythm, like you have to be.
Speaker 3: We want to do this much sight seeing. We based
Speaker 3: a whole trip around three meals and this much sight
Speaker 3: seeing and then this much chilling out time. I don't know,
Speaker 3: it's just that those are our best times for sure.
Speaker 3: I haven't jump in.
Speaker 4: Right about uh no, so I have a philosophical thing.
Speaker 7: So I think when you're single, you're like one hundred
Speaker 7: percent that's selfish. When you get married, before you have kids,
Speaker 7: it's like fifty percent selfish, and then immediately when you
Speaker 7: have that first kid, it's like one hundred percent selfless
Speaker 7: and zero percent selfish. So what I look forward to,
Speaker 7: I'm not trying to rush it, is when the kids
Speaker 7: are all in college, because then you can become back
Speaker 7: to that.
Speaker 4: Fifty to fifty.
Speaker 7: Maybe it's a little bit less because you still have
Speaker 7: kids that demands on your time, but the stuff that
Speaker 7: I love is yeah, yeah, there's the banality of life
Speaker 7: right where a lot of people do the same things
Speaker 7: every day and that's fine and that's great, But it's
Speaker 7: really traveling and seeing the world and doing it with
Speaker 7: someone that you love that's the best.
Speaker 4: So you know, that's the best part.
Speaker 2: You know. I would just hope I met my best
Speaker 2: self when I have a good balance of friendships, family, time,
Speaker 2: and work. And right now, you know, also, like work
Speaker 2: is very up in the air. So Jen and I
Speaker 2: were just discussing, like our contracts are up in I
Speaker 2: think this.
Speaker 1: Week, this week, oh is it this week?
Speaker 4: Job?
Speaker 2: I don't know, I think, yeah, I think our Bravo
Speaker 2: contracts are up this week. We still don't know what's
Speaker 2: going on with the show.
Speaker 1: I mean, and either way it'll be fine.
Speaker 2: But you know, like right now, I don't feel like
Speaker 2: I have that career part down because I don't know
Speaker 2: what's going on with the Bravo job, which does take
Speaker 2: up a lot of your time. You know, It's funny
Speaker 2: because when you watch these shows and someone's like, what
Speaker 2: do you do for work? Well, like, it does take
Speaker 2: up a lot of your time and you do get
Speaker 2: paid for it, so that is kind of work, but
Speaker 2: like it's not work because that's what you're You're on
Speaker 2: your job talking about what you do for work, so
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, you can't say that
Speaker 2: that's your job, but like in reality, that is a
Speaker 2: large portion of how you.
Speaker 1: Make your money when you're on one of these shows.
Speaker 2: So right now, I don't really feel like I have
Speaker 2: closure with where I am with work until I know
Speaker 2: what's going on with well.
Speaker 3: I think also, like Jack, you're you're a worker, like
Speaker 3: you always want to have a million things going on.
Speaker 3: I need I need to have a million things going on.
Speaker 3: I like it, but also like our husbands, I think both.
Speaker 3: I think, Evan, you're like this too. But Jeff is
Speaker 3: an insane workaholic and I don't even say that.
Speaker 1: I'm not even.
Speaker 3: It's not like a compliment like oh my husband's he
Speaker 3: just is. He has like a sickness. It's not even.
Speaker 3: And I think it stems from this weird financial insecurity
Speaker 3: that for some reason he thinks that any moment we
Speaker 3: could be homeless. I don't know what goes on there,
Speaker 3: but anyway, I think that it's the greatest thing when
Speaker 3: at least for us, like Jeff is so absorbed in work,
Speaker 3: we're not on of each other as empty nesters like
Speaker 3: he's got and I always had. Yeah, well, I mean,
Speaker 3: what do you think, Evan.
Speaker 7: I always want to be busy with some outside pursuit,
Speaker 7: whether it's teaching or my current job, definitely, but I
Speaker 7: want to start scaling down. So I don't want to
Speaker 7: be I don't want to be a seventy five year
Speaker 7: old and twenty five years and you know, be working
Speaker 7: ten hours a day that's one hundred percent because I
Speaker 7: can't take the money with me. I live once. I
Speaker 7: don't live for work. I don't live for money. I
Speaker 7: don't live for material goods at all. You can probably
Speaker 7: tell by the way I dress. What I care about
Speaker 7: is relationships and experiences.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 7: So you know, one you know, in forty years or whatever,
Speaker 7: I'm nearing the end of my life. I wanted to
Speaker 7: be with no regrets, but forever I'm not gonna be
Speaker 7: able to do that.
Speaker 2: You do need money in order to live the course
Speaker 2: life that you want to live.
Speaker 5: I think.
Speaker 2: Teachers at Georgetown, I don't. I don't think many people
Speaker 2: know that. Evan teachers two classes this.
Speaker 4: Year, well three three three this year actually out.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel bad for the students.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I'm sure I feel bad for the females,
Speaker 1: definitely not.
Speaker 2: Don't feel bad for the college students, the female college
Speaker 2: students at the hot professor. Feel bad for the wife exactly.
Speaker 2: But anyway, tell us not back to love. Let's talk
Speaker 2: about love because it's a Valentine's episode. So when you, Jeff,
Speaker 2: when you buy Jena gift, does she choose it for
Speaker 2: herself and then you buy it? Or are you good
Speaker 2: at picking this out? And I will wrap this this
Speaker 2: with a story. My friend called me about fifteen years ago.
Speaker 2: She was dating her husband, and she said to me,
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do. He bought me a
Speaker 2: doonie and burke bag. Do I return it? Or like
Speaker 2: he was trying so hard he went to a department store.
Speaker 2: And I mean, but nobody carries a duney and burke
Speaker 2: bag anymore.
Speaker 1: They'll you know.
Speaker 2: So I always advocate for picking out your own gift.
Speaker 2: I don't think there's any problem with that. Some people
Speaker 2: think that's horrific. Where are you guys?
Speaker 6: Well, I've learned over the years because I would. I
Speaker 6: would buy her a gift and she'd be like, I
Speaker 6: love it.
Speaker 5: I love it, and you know, literally the next day
Speaker 5: she'd called me, well, well, you know, you wouldn't mind
Speaker 5: if I like take it back and get this or
Speaker 5: get And it happened constantly, So now.
Speaker 1: Would you mind? Were you insulted or did you not know?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 6: No, not at all. So now it's just what do
Speaker 6: you want?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: What do I want?
Speaker 3: But also like it our jeweler, like we have all
Speaker 3: like there's a wish list, so like people come in
Speaker 3: and they give their wish lists. Their spouse can come
Speaker 3: in or their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever it is
Speaker 3: and pick something out of that, it's all very manufactured
Speaker 3: and not romantic at all.
Speaker 1: But then you get what you want, so right.
Speaker 2: But then you always have this thing that you can
Speaker 2: look at and remember when they gave it to you.
Speaker 2: Like so most of my jewelry or things that Evan
Speaker 2: has given to me, and I've picked most of them out,
Speaker 2: but after that one little occasion where you pick it out,
Speaker 2: I forever look at this thing that I love and
Speaker 2: I know exactly which occasion he gave it. He got
Speaker 2: it for me, and it's still him getting it, so
Speaker 2: I don't mind it. But I think, uh, we don't
Speaker 2: do gifts for Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: We do gifts for birthdays.
Speaker 4: Oh good, good, I got it.
Speaker 7: Oh no, yeah, we do get But I once got
Speaker 7: you a gift of like a pack of massages. It's
Speaker 7: probably like fifteen years ago, and you said, oh, thank you,
Speaker 7: thank you. Oh yeah, and it sat there and said
Speaker 7: thank you, and you're like, I thought, maybe if she'll
Speaker 7: use it, and then you didn't use it, and then
Speaker 7: ever since then, I'm like, all right, I'm just going
Speaker 7: to differ whatever.
Speaker 2: You want, because I'm really bad with going for like
Speaker 2: five days because it takes up in time tired, and
Speaker 2: I'm not big on being like touched and needed and prodded.
Speaker 2: I don't love that.
Speaker 1: I don't love.
Speaker 3: Jeff doesn't at all. He doesn't like to be touched period,
Speaker 3: full stop.
Speaker 2: You never get a couple.
Speaker 1: This massage not for him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Evan, do you like massages? I'm like, not that
Speaker 2: into being touched like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, well it depends what type, but yes,
Speaker 4: I can't. Like.
Speaker 1: We went we went to Mohnk for a weekend.
Speaker 2: You ever go there, mo Honk Monk Mountain, like scrub
Speaker 2: on me and like I was sitting in the scrub
Speaker 2: and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, get it off. It was like twitching. I
Speaker 1: can't do those. I like it.
Speaker 2: I don't get facials. I don't get no facials. I
Speaker 2: just started going again. I just started going for facials.
Speaker 6: We did that tie massage and Bali on our honeymoon.
Speaker 1: Honeymoon and that miserable.
Speaker 6: That was it.
Speaker 3: That was it, because it was also probably a bad idea.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you'd ever had a massage before,
Speaker 3: and it was a kind of massage where they pick
Speaker 3: your foot up and basically spin like this insane. I
Speaker 3: loved it. I thought it was great, but yeah, he
Speaker 3: was like never again around. No, I'm just saying I'm
Speaker 3: being facetious. I'm saying like they were there, your legs
Speaker 3: are up here, and they're moving you on all these
Speaker 3: crazy ways.
Speaker 1: But I mean I loved it.
Speaker 4: Yeah I love it.
Speaker 1: I do too, Yeah I do too. But no, that
Speaker 1: was it. That's probably his last Moses.
Speaker 2: So if you were, if you were talking to so
Speaker 2: you guys have I think we have two beautiful, solid marriages,
Speaker 2: which is a lot of my friends are dropping like
Speaker 2: flies by the way. I find out about a new
Speaker 2: couple getting divorced constantly. But so I feel very fortunate.
Speaker 2: I do because I feel like we're we're pretty rock solid.
Speaker 2: And that's not to say that everything's always perfect, but
Speaker 2: we're pretty Obviously, if you were talking to a couple
Speaker 2: just starting out, what pieces of advice would you give
Speaker 2: them about marriage, love, you know, the long haul.
Speaker 5: I would say, I think the biggest thing is to communicate.
Speaker 6: That's what I've learned. You just have to communicate.
Speaker 5: And if you're if you've you know, if you've got
Speaker 5: these feelings and you.
Speaker 6: Know you're not letting them out and not telling your partner,
Speaker 6: you know that I.
Speaker 3: Don't know what he's talking about right now. When was
Speaker 3: the last time you come communicated with me? I mean,
Speaker 3: I talk about your feelings. I don't even know what
Speaker 3: you're talking about right now. Communicate I mean.
Speaker 6: Them, But you definitely talk about the feelings, all of them.
Speaker 1: I do. I Yeah, that's true. I would say that more.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Listen, we don't have the answers. I feel like a
Speaker 3: lot of what we've got very luckier. But I think
Speaker 3: that I say this to my daughter all the time,
Speaker 3: not to my son, because he's no interest in what
Speaker 3: I think in this area. But I tell Rachel all
Speaker 3: the time, like more important than what he looks like,
Speaker 3: more important than what he does, more important than like
Speaker 3: the most important thing is That sounds so obvious, but
Speaker 3: that is he a nice guy? There's this Jewish word
Speaker 3: you guys who are listening you might not know, called
Speaker 3: is he a mench? And that means is he somebody
Speaker 3: who actually cares about the people around him the world
Speaker 3: around him?
Speaker 1: Is he?
Speaker 3: And I was very got very lucky in that area
Speaker 3: because I did. There's a lot of guys that were
Speaker 3: not menches. I was just drawn to not bad guys.
Speaker 3: I was really drawn to every guy. I was completely
Speaker 3: boy crazy. But I think that part of why we
Speaker 3: have work so long. Well, I'm crazy, bitch, And Jeff
Speaker 3: is such a minch. He's such a good person, he
Speaker 3: is such a good father, he is such a good husband.
Speaker 3: So he's you know, I am out of my mind
Speaker 3: and but he is rock salt all day.
Speaker 1: I want that for my daughter.
Speaker 3: I want her to find a guy that you know,
Speaker 3: is just a good, devoted mensch, right.
Speaker 1: Because everything else can change, looks, your job, all of
Speaker 1: that change. But like the inner I think, I think.
Speaker 2: What I would tell people well is not to let
Speaker 2: little fights turn into big fights, right, like put it
Speaker 2: to bed quickly. Like so when we have like a thing,
Speaker 2: like we're pretty sure to talk it out or it
Speaker 2: turns into something bigger, right, What would you tell people?
Speaker 7: Ma, Yeah, so you're you're right, Jeff's right about communication
Speaker 7: and listening. But it's also I think it's perspective, right,
Speaker 7: So if you have a little fight, nothing's ever like
Speaker 7: a straight line up of greatness. And Jackie makes a
Speaker 7: lot of mistakes and I always forgive her for them,
Speaker 7: but no, when I'm crazy to right, but when you
Speaker 7: when you have something that you disagree, and there's kind
Speaker 7: of a step back in the relationship the right perspective
Speaker 7: of understanding the main things of is this a good person?
Speaker 7: Is this somebody that you want to be with the
Speaker 7: rest of your life, which you know has never changed
Speaker 7: in my eyes, it's always been yes, just remembering all
Speaker 7: the good stuff and the key things, because when little
Speaker 7: things come up, I think more people than not probably
Speaker 7: take them and kind of lead to a dangerous path,
Speaker 7: whereas you've got to realize you just got to let
Speaker 7: it go and realize that you know, there there are
Speaker 7: waves in the ocean, so to speak.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So you know what, if we ever do have
Speaker 2: a time, I look at my kids and they all
Speaker 2: really look a lot like Evan. They've got a mix
Speaker 2: of both of us, but some of their strongest features
Speaker 2: are Evan's, and like I just I love them so
Speaker 2: much and I look at them and I see his face,
Speaker 2: you know, and I realize, like nothing is worth like
Speaker 2: having like any kind kind of like dispute within your family,
Speaker 2: Like that's your people. This is your safe like place
Speaker 2: of love, right, and like don't let anything from the
Speaker 2: outside world fuck that up, right, And so that's what
Speaker 2: always come back to I know, I came.
Speaker 1: From divorce, a lot of divorce.
Speaker 3: I was the child of multiple divorces, and Jeff grew
Speaker 3: up with the greatest parent, very just this it was him,
Speaker 3: and it was his sister, and it was his two parents,
Speaker 3: and they just we came from such different worlds, and like,
Speaker 3: I wanted that so badly. I think I lost sight
Speaker 3: of that at some point during our marriage, and that
Speaker 3: led to what it led to. But like, I feel
Speaker 3: very lucky to have this family and like this man
Speaker 3: who loves my kids as much as I do. And
Speaker 3: I'm not saying people shouldn't get divorced, because there's certainly many, many,
Speaker 3: many cases where it's better to get divorced than stay together.
Speaker 3: I truly believe that you don't always just stay together,
Speaker 3: but if if you can, it is there is something
Speaker 3: so fabulous to be said for it right to be.
Speaker 2: I know, my parents haven't lived together in twenty five years.
Speaker 2: They're very happily married, more happily married now.
Speaker 1: That they don't live together. That's so interesting.
Speaker 2: Did live together, Yeah, a lot of fighting when I
Speaker 2: grew up. Now not so much fighting because they don't
Speaker 2: know where the hell each other are half the time,
Speaker 2: so it works out.
Speaker 1: But this is nice. Thank you boys for joining us.
Speaker 4: Thank you for having us.
Speaker 1: Jeff, thank you Evan. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys
Speaker 1: and Jeff. Valentine's Day. What'd you get me? Honey? What'd
Speaker 1: you get me?
Speaker 2: Hi?
Speaker 6: What do you want?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 6: I already got it, already.
Speaker 1: Got on the registry at the jeweler.
Speaker 3: Yes, and Russell stopers, please pink box, lots of bows.
Speaker 2: All right, Thank you guys, You.
Speaker 1: Guys, sign off. You guys, chat with miss fassel Hair.
Speaker 3: Very cute, You're cute, very lucky, very lucky.
Speaker 2: I hope that our kids a lot of fine, a
Speaker 2: lot of people dropping like flies. And I do I
Speaker 2: do think like if you're in a bad marriage, that
Speaker 2: that's probably the way to go.
Speaker 1: You know. I don't advocate for like stay married no
Speaker 1: matter what at all, Like I just think it's it's
Speaker 1: fabulous to have this deal with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, but I mean that's not always the answer.
Speaker 3: I think it's better for your kids if you're miserable
Speaker 3: to not to get to be Yes.
Speaker 2: Probably is your mom remarried now? Yes, he's married.
Speaker 1: Now? How long have you been with her husband? Now?
Speaker 1: So twenty oh, that's time. So this was the one.
Speaker 1: This is the beast few years married.
Speaker 3: Well, my mom and my dad got divorced when I
Speaker 3: was very young, like three, and my sister was two,
Speaker 3: and then they both remarried and then that marriage did
Speaker 3: not work out for either of them. But then my
Speaker 3: mom got remarried again and he died. Oh and right,
Speaker 3: so and then my dad got married again and they
Speaker 3: got divorced. I mean, that's a whole other We could
Speaker 3: do a different pod on this, but.
Speaker 1: I experience a divorce, not in my parents, not in me. Nothing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no experience of it.
Speaker 3: And I think also divorces, people are doing them in
Speaker 3: a way that's way better, I hope. I think better
Speaker 3: for the kids now. I think, like people, there's a
Speaker 3: lot of lessons that have been learned over the years
Speaker 3: about divorce, what not to do. And when we were separated,
Speaker 3: neither one of us would say one what bad word
Speaker 3: about the other one. I mean, oh really, I loved
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 1: Year and right.
Speaker 2: The things I saw were just I mean, these divorces
Speaker 2: were bad. I was at a very wealthy Park Avenue
Speaker 2: divorce firm. I had clients, a lot of wives who
Speaker 2: were a lot younger than their very wealthy husbands. It
Speaker 2: was their first marriage, but their husband's like fourth marriage.
Speaker 2: And you know, it was sad a lot of times sad,
Speaker 2: and I just hated like when the kids were involved.
Speaker 3: So it was sad, you know. So it was not
Speaker 3: it's just not divorced. I mean as being you know,
Speaker 3: a kid of divorced. Definitely, definitely not easy. Yeah, well,
Speaker 3: let's not talk about divorce. Talk about Valentine's Day. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Valentine's Day to you any Galentines with your girlfriends. I
Speaker 3: just did a Salentines which I I you know, I
Speaker 3: had this partnership now with the Avenue at American Dream.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah about them.
Speaker 3: But I so I am working with the Avenue, which
Speaker 3: is that luxury wing of American Dream, and and just
Speaker 3: trying to I don't think people in Bergen County specifically
Speaker 3: or in the city really know. And for all of you,
Speaker 3: all of those of you who are not listening, who
Speaker 3: are listening and don't live in one of those places,
Speaker 3: this is gonna be fast and working with them anyway
Speaker 3: to sort of like show people how fabulous this area
Speaker 3: of the mall is. It's all the luxury stores it's
Speaker 3: champagne and caviar bar and this unweavil restaurant called Carpacias.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: I did this promo and I talked about Salentine's Day.
Speaker 3: Salentine's Day made up is self love. Oh I love
Speaker 3: that my bag right, yeah, I took myself right to
Speaker 3: the mall by my little self, took myself out to lunch.
Speaker 1: Was fabulous.
Speaker 3: And no, I don't know, I don't need Gallantines things
Speaker 3: going on to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got two of them this week, but we'll see.
Speaker 1: Its supposed to fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 1: I enjoy it.
Speaker 2: I think I like the Galentines better than the Valentine.
Speaker 2: I'll just be like sitting, you know. I like being
Speaker 2: with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah that my.
Speaker 2: Kids are a little less sneedy, know, I enjoy going
Speaker 2: out with my girlfriends. So yeah, and you know, but
Speaker 2: Valentine's we don't really have any plans. But anyway, Happy
Speaker 2: Valentine's Toe you Happy Valentine's Day from two Jersey Jays.
Speaker 1: From two Jersey Jays, and we will see you guys
Speaker 1: next time. Enjoy your day, guys. Bye, Hope you get
Speaker 1: lots of gifts. Bye,