1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:02,400 Speaker 1: Hey, they're folks. 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 2: That is Tuesday, August nineteenth, and today is my forty 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 2: eighth birthday. And I am told, according to research, that 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: I just wrapped up the worst year of my life. 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 2: And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. 6 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 2: Does it feel like to you over the past year 7 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 2: that I've had a bad year, I've been a bad 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 2: move that this is a low point for me the 9 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 2: past year. 10 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 3: I don't know. 11 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 4: I think we've had some struggles and I think we've 12 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 4: come out of them pretty swimmingly. 13 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 2: But it's not a we thing me. 14 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 3: It's a youth me. I think you've had. I think 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 3: you've had a year that's had some ups and downs. 16 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: Yea, hey, that's every year. 17 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 2: No, no, no, we're talking about something specific here, and we 18 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: will give you all the exact number, the exact number 19 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 2: when they say we are all at our absolute lowest 20 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,639 Speaker 2: at adults. But no, they were saying Rose that as 21 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 2: an adult in terms of my happiness, my happiness, did 22 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 2: you see me bottoming out in happiness this past year? 23 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 3: No, I saw you bottoming out truly as a friend. 24 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 4: I think probably in your early forties, like maybe more 25 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 4: like forty four, forty five forty three like that, that 26 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 4: was where I saw you bottoming out, So I actually 27 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 4: think you're on the upswing. 28 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: So mine started earlier. 29 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 3: Yes, you're advanced, as you are in most things. 30 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,119 Speaker 1: No, this is a. 31 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 2: Different one, but yes, it's it's interesting to see robes 32 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 2: that we There are a lot of people out there 33 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 2: at whatever stage they are in life. You you do 34 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 2: this happiness curve, and I guess it kind of makes sense. 35 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 2: But would you agree, generally speaking, that we all in 36 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 2: the early decades of adulthood, starting at dust essentially twenty, 37 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 2: the happiness starts going down, down, down, down, down, down down, 38 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 2: And they say, forty fifties we bottom out, and then 39 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 2: we finally start getting happier again, fifty sixties, seventies. Does 40 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 2: that make sense to. 41 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 3: You, It does, having lived through some of that. Yes. 42 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 3: They call it a U curve for happiness. 43 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 4: Whereas your peak is kind of round, like your late teens, 44 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 4: early twenties, and then you, yeah, start to go down, down, down, 45 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 4: and then you peak again at seventy and they say 46 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 4: from seventy to eighty six. You start to go down 47 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 4: a little bit at that point too, but you still 48 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:28,399 Speaker 4: it's nice to think, Okay, fine, we're bottoming out right 49 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 4: about now, and then now you're on the uptick back 50 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 4: up to another fun, amazing high similar to that which 51 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 4: you had in your late teens early twenties. 52 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 2: Isn't that discouraging? 53 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: Though? Didn't you? 54 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: I didn't do as deep of a dive as you 55 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 2: did on the eight what'd you say? 56 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 1: It was? 57 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 4: Seventy seventy is supposed to be your happiest age, like 58 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 4: that's the peak in life. 59 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 2: In life, the happiest we're ever going to be is 60 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 2: at seventy years old, Yes. 61 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 4: But the most miserable we're ever going to be is 62 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 4: actually kind of a shocking number. 63 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 3: I guess it's probably why people call it a midlife crisis. 64 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 4: There have been names for this period in our lives 65 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 4: for generations, and it's been kind of described as a 66 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,359 Speaker 4: crazy transition, so to speak. 67 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 2: Okay, but wait, but it's depressing to be at the 68 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 2: age I am right now and to be told that 69 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 2: the happiest I'm ever going to be is when I 70 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 2: am seventy. Nobody appreciates Who wants that? Who wants to 71 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 2: go through life at this point? At any point? You 72 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 2: telling us that I got to wait into who wants 73 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: to hear you know you're on the thirty forty that 74 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 2: I got to wait until then. 75 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 4: But you know, it's exciting that there's better. I guess 76 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 4: the best is yet to come, there's better days ahead. 77 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 4: That's actually still a really hopeful thing to know that, 78 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 4: what if your happiest day was eighteen, or your happiest 79 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 4: year is twenty, that would be depressing. I don't think 80 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 4: it's depressing at all to think that we have another round, 81 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 4: another season, another era of joy and. 82 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 3: Peace. 83 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 4: I think, really, I think is something that I believe 84 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 4: many people don't realize is actually what we're all looking for. 85 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 4: We're looking for excitement and all of that fun stuff 86 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 4: and the wild ride and adventure. But actually it's peace, 87 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 4: and I think we get that after we've lived enough life. 88 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 2: But don't you think about all the fun things you 89 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 2: wanted to do, The partying you wanted to go do 90 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,559 Speaker 2: in Vegas, the trips you wanted to take, the yachts 91 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 2: you wanted to be on, the European vacation. 92 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 3: Are you describing me right now? 93 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 2: Because that you no what I'm saying. All of these 94 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,119 Speaker 2: things you would like to experience when when you're young, 95 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 2: when you're beautiful, when you're in love, when you're at 96 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 2: your peak, it seems, at least physically or mentally or 97 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 2: even how you're engaged in the world, it seems like 98 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 2: that's the time you want to be able to enjoy 99 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 2: it all. To think that now I can enjoy it, 100 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 2: but now I'm seventy. 101 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 4: But maybe you appreciate it more if you had all 102 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:56,920 Speaker 4: of those things in your teens and twenties. And yes, 103 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 4: some people do, and you often see them hit depression. 104 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 4: It's kind of like Olympians, right, once you've reached the 105 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 4: peak and the top too soon, what's there left? 106 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,679 Speaker 3: And so that is when depression falls into place. 107 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 4: I think this might just be a natural order that 108 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 4: makes a lot of sense, because if it all happened 109 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,600 Speaker 4: too quickly, too soon, I think there would be a 110 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 4: huge deflation that followed. So if you have something still 111 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,680 Speaker 4: to look forward to and aspire to, even if you 112 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,600 Speaker 4: might not be at your physical prime, you have the 113 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 4: wisdom and the experience to appreciate it. And isn't that 114 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 4: kind of what makes things special when you can appreciate them, 115 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 4: that is what makes the difference. 116 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 2: I was agreeing with you, and all of it I 117 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 2: was just playing devils. 118 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 3: See I thought I was convincing you. I got all passionate. 119 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: But in our mind. 120 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have agreed with that maybe ten years ago, 121 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 2: but I have a different right experience at this point. 122 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 2: But I think most people might look at that and 123 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 2: think about I don't think our first intuition is to say, oh, 124 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 2: I have something to look forward to. When I hear 125 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 2: that we're all happiest at seventy, I think most people 126 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 2: would think, well, man, what am I missing? Or I 127 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 2: got to wait that long? Or it sounds like so 128 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 2: much of life then is misery. 129 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: You've got to wait that long? 130 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 3: You know what? 131 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 4: I do think so much of it is expectation, but 132 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 4: it it it also so that can create, you know, 133 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 4: a problem if you think so. I think that is 134 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 4: where the midlife comes into the like the duldrums or 135 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 4: the midlife crisis, or the lowest point in our lives. 136 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 4: I think it comes from having failed expectations. When you're young, 137 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 4: and you're in your late teens and early twenties, you 138 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 4: think about what you will be, could be, might be, 139 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 4: and then when you are in your late forties early fifties, 140 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 4: you realize what you didn't accomplish and what you probably 141 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,919 Speaker 4: never will accomplish, and then you get to come to 142 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 4: terms with it, you become at peace with it, and 143 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 4: then you actually get to really appreciate, enjoy what you 144 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 4: do have. You're not focused on what you don't have. 145 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 4: I think a lot of our twenties and thirties and 146 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 4: forties are chasing what. 147 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 3: We don't have. And once you kind of accept that 148 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 3: what is just is, that's where the real peace and 149 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 3: joy and happiness follows. Oh man, that's undepressing. 150 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: Fun. 151 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 4: I can tell by your face that that did not 152 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 4: inspire you in any way, that actually depressed you. 153 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 2: I get absolutely, of course get what you're saying and that, 154 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 2: but it takes a while to come around to that. 155 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 2: You mentioned that the number might surprise people, the number 156 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 2: they do have one. It's really precise. It's not just 157 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 2: a year. It's down to the decimal of what age, 158 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: that we are at our absolute lowest, and that we 159 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 2: are the unhappiest in life. And I just came out 160 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 2: of it not too long ago, but experienced it in 161 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 2: my forty seventh year. 162 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. Are we giving the number now? 163 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: Yes? 164 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 2: I want to see where this comes from this is 165 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 2: an actually economics professor of research and a David blanche Flower, 166 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 2: but he's been cited for several years now. The research 167 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 2: was back in twenty twenty, but it was huge. Five 168 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 2: hundred thousand people were done in this massive research survey. 169 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: He gave us the answer. 170 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 2: So this is why we have on average robes. What 171 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 2: age are we at our. 172 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 3: Unhappiest forty seven point two? 173 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: So what was I doing late October early November last year, 174 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 2: because that would have been my forty seven point two age. 175 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 3: Obviously that is an average. 176 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 4: Like I said, I believe from having known you very 177 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 4: well for the last ten years, I did see you 178 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 4: at a very rock bottom place, and it was a 179 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 4: few years before forty seven point two. 180 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 3: I think you have been on the. 181 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 4: Upswing, although we did have some turbulence coming out of that. 182 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 4: But I have heard you describe yourself to people. 183 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 3: Correct me if I'm wrong that you are the happiest 184 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 3: and healthiest you've ever been. 185 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the healthiest part is the key, but yeah, 186 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 2: oh my goodness. 187 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: Yes. 188 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 2: And to your point, it late late thirties thirty eight 189 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,200 Speaker 2: to forty two was some ugliness. It was some that 190 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,439 Speaker 2: was some dark, dark times for me, I would describe 191 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: some of that as my darkest and then yes, coming 192 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 2: out forty two, forty three, forty four, Yeah, I'm finally 193 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 2: coming out. 194 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 3: How old were you when I met you? I'm trying 195 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,200 Speaker 3: to remember I was forty one. 196 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: Then I must have been twenty four. 197 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 3: You're hilarious. 198 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 4: You were thirty seven, thirty six, thirty seven, Okay, so yes, 199 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 4: I knew you then, but it wasn't until I think 200 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 4: your early forties where I saw you really hit like 201 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,959 Speaker 4: you were headed in that direction and then you hit 202 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,200 Speaker 4: rock bottom. So yes, I did see that, and I'm 203 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 4: you know, it's I. 204 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 3: They do say you ebb and you flow. 205 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 4: Obviously it doesn't have, you know, just a straight line 206 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 4: either in either direction. 207 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 3: But yes, I can. 208 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 4: I can account for my late forties as being absolutely 209 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 4: the most tumultuous of my life for sure, and hitting 210 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 4: rock bottom. Yes, without a doubt, that happened for me 211 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,839 Speaker 4: about that exact time. 212 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 3: But it's interesting because. 213 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 2: There were there was stuff that was going on in 214 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 2: our life outside of correct control, correct, but that is 215 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 2: not what we're talking about in this type survey thing 216 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 2: that was. Now you're speaking of a very specific event, 217 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: and that's happening that does not happen to most people 218 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:14,959 Speaker 2: they're talking about here. 219 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: No, no, you gotta throw that out. 220 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 2: Yes it was tumultuous, and you're laying forties that had 221 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 2: nothing to do with what those researchers talk about. 222 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 4: You know what, I would actually say that there have 223 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 4: been moments in the last couple of years where it 224 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 4: through a lot of work, and yes, maybe experiences put 225 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,760 Speaker 4: me in the position to do deeper dives on my 226 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 4: mental health. But I would say that these last couple 227 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 4: of years have been tough for me. But I now 228 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 4: I genuinely feel like I am on the upswing. 229 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: Now. 230 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,559 Speaker 4: I feel like I have turned that corner, so to speak, 231 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 4: the you of the happiness curve, because I have genuinely 232 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 4: been a happy person. I think I am naturally happier 233 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 4: than most in terms of just having a natural disposition. 234 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 4: I really have always said I didn't really it's it 235 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 4: takes a lot for me to get low or to 236 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 4: get really depressed or feeling low. So I've appreciated that 237 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 4: and I've recognized that. But when you when I'm not okay, 238 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 4: it's really obvious to me. You know, I've not lived 239 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 4: with that in a way that I have, So I 240 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 4: don't know. I definitely feel like I have come around, 241 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 4: but it is that moment of kind of reckoning what 242 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 4: is my value? And I think when we're younger, we 243 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 4: think our value is what we have, our potential, what 244 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 4: we do for a living, but it's not how. 245 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 3: We treat people or how we treat ourselves. 246 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,839 Speaker 4: So I do think I have come around to valuing 247 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 4: people and things in life in a way that actually 248 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 4: makes sense. 249 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: So what was your low number? 250 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 3: I really do think it was forty nine? 251 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 2: I really do, well, yes mine, wow, mind much earlier 252 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 2: than you did. 253 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 4: But that's why we're good, because you know our age difference. 254 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 4: It sinks up now it works perfectly. See it's all 255 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 4: making more sense to me now. 256 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 2: And some of you, you actually robes, hit on it 257 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 2: just a little bit, but there are and once you 258 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 2: say them out loud, it makes sense. Why is it 259 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 2: that it's forty seven? Why is it that it's forty 260 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 2: seven point two? Why is it that it's late forties? 261 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: Why is it? 262 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 2: And what is happening in your life now? What has 263 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 2: already happened in your life? They probably put you at 264 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 2: that number. The reasons there are three very specific ones 265 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 2: as to why forty seven point two is your low point? 266 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 2: All right, we continue now with Yes, the birthday boy. 267 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 2: You're not supposed to call yourself then, are you? 268 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 3: I'll call you the birthday boy. I think you can. 269 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: Where's the birthday boy. 270 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 2: I don't walk into a room and announce myself. Hey, 271 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 2: the birthday boys here. 272 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 3: I would. 273 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's weird, but I would just say, when it 274 00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 4: is your birthday, you can kind of do whatever you want. 275 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 3: Why right, Why don't. 276 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 2: You give me that three hundred and sixty four days 277 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,199 Speaker 2: of the year and then my birthday out, because then. 278 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 3: It wouldn't be special and birthdays are special. 279 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, it would be special because that's the day I 280 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:10,559 Speaker 2: would behave. 281 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 4: No, then it wouldn't feel special at all because every 282 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,559 Speaker 4: day would be your day. 283 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 3: And it is. 284 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 2: But yeah, we're continuing about this research. Yes, that says 285 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 2: I just had just coming out of the worst year 286 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,079 Speaker 2: of my life, because the research said that forty seven 287 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 2: is particular. 288 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 1: In particular, forty seven. 289 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 2: Point two is the lowest point of happiness in adulthood. 290 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 3: Correct. 291 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 2: You robe started to reel off some of these reasons 292 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 2: for it and didn't even realize you were doing so. 293 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 2: But when you start to think about the why why 294 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 2: would it be that age you've already said it, go 295 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 2: go ahead. What would you say right now? And it's 296 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 2: not a trick question. 297 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 3: Oh, I would say because because you had expectations that 298 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 3: weren't met, would be the number one thing what you valued, 299 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,319 Speaker 3: perhaps you did, you don't own, like what you thought 300 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,959 Speaker 3: you needed, you didn't have. You didn't get to. 301 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 2: Your first one. You haven't moved up in life, you 302 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 2: haven't quite made it, or you realize you're never. 303 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,319 Speaker 1: Gonna make it right. 304 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, that's one of the reason you have like this. 305 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 2: You got to come to reality about where you are 306 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 2: in your personal and professional life. And this is the 307 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 2: moment a lot of folks don't think I can start 308 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 2: over either my personal life or my professional life. So 309 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 2: I'm stuck with these decisions that I have made. 310 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 4: That is so that includes if you're not in a 311 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 4: relationship you like, if you're not in a career you like, 312 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 4: it's hard to make a change or to do anything 313 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 4: different to change the course of your life. Also, maybe 314 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 4: because a chapter of maybe your children might be dragging 315 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 4: you down. I don't know if that's a part of 316 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 4: the midlife crisis where you just the responsibilities and the 317 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 4: weight of all of it, told. 318 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 2: You we were going to get all these This age 319 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 2: group has a tendency to, as you mentioned, taking care 320 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 2: of kids. But this is the age. 321 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 3: Group that's what taking care of parents as well. 322 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: Welk in between. 323 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 3: Yep, you got two groups who need. 324 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: You you to take care of and that is stressful 325 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: as hell. 326 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 3: That's part of a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure. 327 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 4: And then I don't know if the thermone would be 328 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 4: anything like health related. Maybe your body is deteriorating or 329 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 4: you're not able to do the things you could before. 330 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 2: I think you actually nailed this one earlier at this 331 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 2: idea of regret, ah, because now you're re examining the 332 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 2: decisions you made that resulted in you being where you 333 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 2: are right now. 334 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 3: Correct. 335 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 4: Okay, do you have the unfortunate I guess maybe just 336 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 4: perspective of recognizing where you went wrong. 337 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 2: You're seeing the results of your actions and you actually 338 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 2: thinking if I'm not happy here, that's one thing. Now 339 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 2: to double up on that misery. You're actually going back 340 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 2: and saying what if? What if? What if? What if? 341 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: Damn? 342 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 3: That makes a lot of sense. 343 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: It's tough and this is the age you're doing it. 344 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 4: That makes a lot of sense, I mean. And then 345 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 4: you get through it, you recalibrate, you learn from your 346 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 4: mistakes instead of just feeling guilty about them, and you 347 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 4: start anew and you start with less guilt, and you 348 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 4: start with feeling responsible for everybody else's feelings and problems, 349 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 4: and it does give you a new sense of freedom. 350 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 3: I'm curious, how old do you feel? 351 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 4: You're forty eight, But if someone were to ask you 352 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 4: how old you feel, what would it be like mentally 353 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 4: and physically? 354 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: Mentally I am. 355 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 2: I feel about where I am and maybe even older 356 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 2: because I've just been through a lot. I know a 357 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 2: lot of people have been through a lot, but I've 358 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 2: been blessed to be able to experience a lot in business, 359 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 2: a lot in my personal life. Not all of it's 360 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 2: been good. Someone has been quite awful. But the experience 361 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 2: is to being able to travel, experience of kids, experience. 362 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 2: I've gotten so much of that to where I do feel. 363 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 2: I don't feel mentally immature in any way. Even I 364 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,200 Speaker 2: can go back and examine some of the immature things 365 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 2: I have done and see things so differently. So as 366 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 2: far as mentally I'm about on par probably okay. 367 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 3: So you okay? 368 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,439 Speaker 4: But just if I said how old are you and 369 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 4: you didn't have to think about it, how old? 370 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 3: What would you say? 371 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,919 Speaker 2: I don't know, man, you know I should No, I'm 372 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 2: given too much thought. I should have just reacted. 373 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, just react, Oh, I would. 374 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: Say, of man, I'm a mid thirty year old guy. 375 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 2: Okay, maybe earlier, because I feel fit. I feel good, 376 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:45,080 Speaker 2: I feel healthy. I don't feel challenged necessarily. I've had 377 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: an injury, a running injury, but I don't feel challenged right. 378 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 1: In that way. 379 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 2: So no, I and again as far as I oftentimes 380 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 2: see guys that are my age and I'm like, holy hell, 381 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 2: I don't look like that. We don't look similar, we 382 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 2: don't look like we're in the same age range for 383 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 2: various reasons. 384 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,920 Speaker 1: But I stay fit. So yeah, I think I feel 385 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 1: How old? Would you say? I look okay? 386 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 3: Thirty six? Okay, that's not bad. 387 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: That was kind I thought. 388 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 3: No, I think that's fair, Thank you, sweetheart. 389 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: She could have gone earlier. 390 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 3: Though, then you would have known she was lying. 391 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 1: But you asked that question. 392 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 2: Look, why did you were the one telling me that 393 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 2: people were giving Leonardo DiCaprio hill, Yeah, because of the 394 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 2: answer he gave to that question, what's a big deal? 395 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 4: Yes, So, Leonardo DiCaprio just turned fifty and he was 396 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 4: being interviewed and this was from another director actually, and 397 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 4: they were discussing, just back and forth from professional conversation 398 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 4: to personal. He asked him, I'm going to ask you 399 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 4: a question. You're going to answer it as quickly as 400 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 4: you can if you didn't know how old you are, 401 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 4: how old are you right now? And DiCaprio responded quickly, 402 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 4: He just said, thirty two. Okay, that's fine. 403 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 3: Talk about why he feels thirty two. 404 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 4: And this was all around him turning fifty and being 405 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 4: reflective about what it feels like to be fifty. And 406 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 4: he even joked and said, I emotionally turned thirty five 407 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,840 Speaker 4: last year. But anyway, he said he felt thirty two 408 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 4: seems innocent enough. But folks, yes, this is social media 409 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 4: for you. 410 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:18,439 Speaker 3: You gotta love it. 411 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 4: They completely jumped on to ridicule him on social media. 412 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 4: Some of them said more like it's the only way 413 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 4: he could try and justify chasing after girls under the 414 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 4: age of twenty five. That was what someone wrote went that, yeah, 415 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 4: then they said he has a problematic age gap with himself. Yes, 416 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 4: someone else wrote straight man is emotionally immature, groundbreaking stuff. 417 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 4: So yeah, people just got really snarky and unnecessarily cheeky 418 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 4: about it. But I actually feel like that was an 419 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 4: honest answer. I mean, if you asked me, I think 420 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 4: I would. I think thirty six is exactly what I 421 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,440 Speaker 4: would say. That's how old I feel. That there's nothing 422 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 4: wrong or mentally both I was. I mean, look like emostly, 423 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 4: I wasn't even thinking about it. 424 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 3: From a wisdom perspective. I mean, who I was at 425 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 3: thirty six? 426 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 4: Oh my god, Yes, I'm light years older and wiser 427 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 4: than that person. But just if you ask me how 428 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 4: I feel going out, running, hanging out with friends, just. 429 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 3: Being active, Oh yeah, I feel like I'm in my 430 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 3: late thirties at the oldest. Yeah, and I hope to 431 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 3: stay that way. I want to. I always say I'm 432 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 3: ten to fifteen years younger than I actually am. I 433 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 3: do what do you think I act? I wouldn't say immaturely, 434 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 3: I just act. 435 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 2: I always say that's one of the most attractive things 436 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 2: about you, your childlike xuberant over the simple things. You 437 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,680 Speaker 2: literally will skip through the house. Sometimes not because you're 438 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 2: in a hurry to get somewhere and I see you 439 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 2: from you don't know, even though I'm watching you. You're 440 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,479 Speaker 2: sliding and running and sliding in the socks across your 441 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 2: playing in the house. It's just little fun. They're childlike, 442 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 2: not because they're immature, but because playful kids have that 443 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 2: type of just zest and just joy about life and 444 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 2: the simple thing. 445 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 3: So yes, thank you. 446 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 4: Well, that's a huge compliment, because there is a playfulness 447 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 4: that I think we lose sometimes as we start stressing 448 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,720 Speaker 4: and worrying and being weighed down by responsibility and guilt, 449 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 4: perhaps with all of the what ifs and I should 450 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 4: have and I could have. But yes, if we can 451 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 4: keep that sense of playfulness and idleness and just being 452 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 4: in the moment, that's really what it boils down to. 453 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 4: Can you just be in the moment and find out 454 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 4: how to enjoy right now, not thinking about what you 455 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 4: have to do, what you should have done. 456 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 3: Those are the things that kill us. 457 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,440 Speaker 1: Okay, can we go now? Please? Got some party? 458 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,199 Speaker 2: Yes, Erd, I just wrapped up the worst year of 459 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 2: my life and I would like to go celebrate it now. 460 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,879 Speaker 3: That sounds good. Cheers to you babe, and cheers to 461 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 3: forty eight and being on the upswing of that U 462 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 3: curve of happiness. And thank you all for listening to us. 463 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 4: I may be Robock alongside J Holmes, have a wonderful ride.