1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,240 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,080 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. For a few months 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: she called me mayor, mayor, mayor, mayor mayor, and then 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,479 Speaker 1: it started. And then one night I was cuddling her 5 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 1: and she's like mommy, and then she goes, can I 6 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 1: call you mommy? And literally my heart, I was like 7 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: so trying to keep it together, like not act like 8 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,079 Speaker 1: it was the biggest deal of my entire life, like 9 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: the best thing that could have ever happened to me 10 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 1: in the history of time. And I was like, yeah, 11 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:29,120 Speaker 1: you can call me whatever you want, mommy or may 12 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: may or, mayor mayor, And inside I'm like, sure, wants 13 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: to call right now? Hi, everybody, and welcome back to 14 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:48,239 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib. Today's episode. I have two wonderfully incredible friends 15 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: on We have Patton Oswald and Meredith Sallenger. You know 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: them from like eight million things, and they are on 17 00:00:54,640 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: the episode talking about step parenting, grief law, us, lots 18 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: of really big things. But Patton and Meredith are also 19 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: like two of the funniest people I know and incredible parents. 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 1: So there's just so much packed into this episode. And 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 1: if you don't know who they are. Meredith Sounder is 22 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 1: an actress. She's a writer, producer who began her professional 23 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,119 Speaker 1: acting career. You guys at the age of ten, you 24 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: totally know her. She was a literally Annie in the 25 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: movie We All Watch, directed by John Houston. She's also 26 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: been on Will and Grace, Anger Management, twenty four Dawson's Creek, 27 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: Gray's Anatomy and You Can Hear Her, and as a 28 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: voice in Star Wars My Little Pony. Patton Oswalter Incredible 29 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: Husband is a comedian, actor, and writer. He's known for 30 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 1: his award winning comedy specials and like so many memorable 31 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: film and TV roles, he starts right now. Is Principal 32 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: Durban on the NBC Universital comedy A p Bio, and 33 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: he recently served as the lead voice of Facts the 34 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: Dog in Illuminations This Secret Life of Pets To. His 35 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: latest stand up special, I Love Everything, was released on 36 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: Netflix in May, and he was nominated for an Emmy, 37 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: Grammy and Critics Choice Award for that. In two sixteen, 38 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: he won an Emmy and Grammy for his Netflix special 39 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: Talking for Clapping. Also, you guys who are all listening, 40 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: You're obviously podcast fans, So you've got to listen to 41 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: their brand new podcast called Did You Get My Text? 42 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: It's brilliant and hilarious like they are. Please welcome to 43 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib, Patton and Meredith. I have a quick question. 44 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: Do you use any of the video as assets? Okay, 45 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: I really should, so I didn't have to do any 46 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, but look at this. It's a date 47 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: night now for you guys. You look fucking great, Meredith 48 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: like you are so stunning, it's bant You guys started 49 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: a podcast that is at the time of this yes, 50 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 1: go ahead, go ahead, and I no, No, he's blowing 51 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: his nose. Okay, go ahead, Sorry, okay, you never have 52 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: we want that. That's authentic, Patton. That is authentic podcasting. 53 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 1: At the time of the recording, you guys have released 54 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: three of your own podcast episodes, correct, correct, and it's 55 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: called did You Get My Text? Which I did like 56 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 1: my artistic reading of it. Thank you, Thank you. You 57 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 1: got a little too straight with that, and you got 58 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: to throw it away. Don't indicate all right, you've got 59 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: to throw it away. Oh yeah, that's right. How is that? 60 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,919 Speaker 1: Yes exactly, Patton? Tell us how you guys started this 61 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: podcast tell me about where it came from. Even before 62 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: the pandemic. You know, I'm always working during the day 63 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: in my office writing and she's up doing her She's 64 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: organizing a million different events. So even though we're in 65 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: the same house, we're just texting half the day, and 66 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: then we will meet at the end of the day 67 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: and go, did you get my text? And then we 68 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: laugh about because I couldn't walk forty ft and show 69 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: you or tell you what I wanted to tell you, 70 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: so oh my god, we just decided to build a 71 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: thing about, oh yeah, tell this this is well. Really, 72 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: last night we were we were both in bed, but 73 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: like I was facing the other way, and he kept saying, oh, wait, 74 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: don't want to show you something, and then I kept 75 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: having to turn back to like look straight in my 76 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: next I go, could you just text it to me? 77 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: And literally we were in bed, but we were facing 78 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: the opposite direction. I was like, get comfortable, and then 79 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 1: he's like, wait, look at this, and then I'd have 80 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: to get uncomfortable and then recomfortable. We are literally becoming 81 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: First of all, I get it. I get it all 82 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 1: too closely to my own personal life with with Adam Shapiro, 83 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: in our bed. But I feel like we are slowly 84 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: becoming those characters in the movie Wallaballa a little bone 85 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: or shrinking inside of our giant blobby bodies. And we're yeah, exactly, 86 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: and we're just like scrolling screens and like sipping to 87 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: Starbucks or sippy cups or like whatever the hell it is. 88 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,280 Speaker 1: It's just that's what's becoming. When you watch old footage 89 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: from the sixties when they have like a rat and 90 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 1: a lab and if it hits to lever, it gets 91 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,239 Speaker 1: a little treat and just sits there hitting the leverage. 92 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: That's no different than us just swiping the screen. It's 93 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 1: the same movement, same motion. And by the way, how 94 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: unbelievable are our children at this? Man? Your children are 95 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 1: just teeny tiny? Yes, I have teeny tiny And that's 96 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,479 Speaker 1: how you know. The iPhone is literally the most genius 97 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: invention of our time, if not all time. Like my 98 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: son's amazing. I used to hand him my iPhone in 99 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: the backseat to play DJ. We would play this game 100 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: where he would open up Spotify and he would get 101 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 1: to play songs and stuff like that, and then he 102 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: would say, at three years old, Mom, can you get 103 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 1: this for me? And I would say, what are you 104 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 1: looking at? And he had already made his way to 105 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: the Amazon icon clicked on it without being able to 106 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: spell or anything. Click below to see what purchase I 107 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: had just made that might be in the wheelhouse of 108 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 1: a toy, and then look at other toys like that toy. 109 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: I mean, he's three, kid, Alice totally DJ's in the 110 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,839 Speaker 1: back of our car anytime we take a road. She 111 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: was playing it actually just through the phone for so long, 112 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: and that sound drives me crazy. I'm like, I can't 113 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 1: listen to it coming from a phone. It has to 114 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,279 Speaker 1: come through the speakers of the car. We figured that out. 115 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: But yeah, Alice is our DJ first and foremost. Okay, 116 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: let's start at the beginning. I'm sure you guys are 117 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: so bored of telling this story, but you have to. 118 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. How did you meet? Meredith has the abridged version. 119 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: It's perfect. I'm gonna let me tell it because she's 120 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 1: so good at it. Go for it. Okay, Well, basically 121 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 1: one of my dearest friends since I'm fifteen years old, 122 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,840 Speaker 1: as Martha Plimpton. She's an actress and she had invited. 123 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: She always has these fabulous dinner parties at her house 124 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: with all eclectic, very interesting people, and she had invited 125 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: like fifteen people to her house for a dinner party 126 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 1: on a on a text thread on Facebook, so you 127 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: can see everybody who was invited. Everybody went except Patton. 128 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: I had texted Martha well the whole thread actually the 129 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: next day, and I was like, great dinner party, Martha, Dude, 130 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,679 Speaker 1: you miss the best fucking lasagna. To Patton. He happened 131 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 1: to be online at the same time, and we started 132 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: private messaging each other because he saw my thing and 133 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: he wrote to me, and I was online right then, 134 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: and we wrote back. I texted back, and we ended 135 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: up texting that day for two hours. Totally not flirty, 136 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 1: just like no, it was just it was like it 137 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 1: was like really yeah. And then at the end of 138 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: the two hours, he's like, um, this was fun. Same 139 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: time tomorrow and I was like all right. And then 140 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: the next night, at like nine o'clock, I like went 141 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: on Facebook, Patton, I'm impressed. Well, I don't think he 142 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: was being flirty. He wasn't being flirty, no, but it's cute. 143 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 1: But neither one of us were being flirty. No, it 144 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: was more like, oh, I get to talk to someone 145 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: in the dark at the end of the day again 146 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: like that. That's what I missed. It was that feeling like, oh, 147 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: I just talked to somebody really cool and it was great. Yeah. 148 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: And and Trump had just been elected. So we started 149 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: texting in February, like February of so he had been inaugurated, 150 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: and it was like right when, it was like, holy 151 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: sh it, he's a fucking Russian asset um like all that. 152 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: From the beginning, over the course of a month and 153 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: a half, it was just friendly, very interested about life. 154 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: And at one point I had um I had said 155 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: something along the lines of because he posted a picture 156 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: of his daughter and I was like, she's so cute. 157 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,280 Speaker 1: I think she's the same age as my niece. And 158 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, anti marks jordinary. All my friends kids are 159 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: my babies. I have like nine kids. I had two 160 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,679 Speaker 1: car seats in my car before I even met Patton 161 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: for all the kids in my life. Are you kidding, Oh, Katie, 162 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: I am literally Mary Poppins. And then I said to him, Michael, 163 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry she lost her mom And I'm so 164 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: sorry you lost your wife. And then it kind of 165 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 1: got serious and then like a couple of weeks into it, 166 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: We're talking about a movie and I was like, oh, 167 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: that actress is beautiful and he's like, you're beautiful, and 168 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, what the ikes like, Oh no, 169 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: is this flirty? Like are we being flirty right now? 170 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: And I got really anxious and like, oh god, oh 171 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,319 Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to be that person. I got nervous, 172 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: and then like I think we didn't There was like 173 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,319 Speaker 1: one night we didn't text, and I was like, oh God, 174 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,840 Speaker 1: what is this? And then I was like, he's amazing 175 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: and so smart, and I think I love him. And 176 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: then I had lunch with my best friend and we 177 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: were sitting there and I was and I burst into 178 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: tears and she's like, why are you crying? And I 179 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: said because I think I love him, and she's like, then, 180 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,719 Speaker 1: why are you crying? And I said, I'm gonna meet 181 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: him and I'm I'm not gonna like him when I 182 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: se him in person. I'm a horrible person and I'm 183 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: never getting married. Was forty seven. Geez, you look fucking amazing. 184 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: So just for context, so you were forties, Oh my god, truly, 185 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: if the gods are looking down, please God help me 186 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,880 Speaker 1: look like meritith self. Thank you very much, thank you, 187 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. Well. I had fallen in love 188 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: and I think he had to and we met in person. 189 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,719 Speaker 1: It was you, Patton, had you? Yes? Yeah? I mean 190 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 1: I had fallen in love with and it was the 191 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: purest way to fall in love with. I could talk 192 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 1: to this person forever, like beyond how she looks. We 193 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: weren't talking on the phone. It wasn't video. It was 194 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: just the texting and that back and forth was so 195 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: um lively and and and like agile and and nourishing 196 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: that I was like, yeah, it was a real deep 197 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: like oh I am in ninety degrees now, you know, 198 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: I would so love to find out if we could 199 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 1: contact Facebook and just like download our conversation, print that out. 200 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: You better figure that out for a big fat wedding 201 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 1: anniversary present. You got to make a book out of it, right, 202 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: it's like three months of two hours. I'm sure they 203 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 1: have all of our information. I wouldn't worry about them 204 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: not having any records on us. Yeah, was it a 205 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: group conversation that you two were like, Okay, we're ready 206 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 1: for you to meet Alice, because I know this is 207 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 1: the real deal. Yeah, I listen. This is very strange. 208 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: But my sister ended up marrying a widower as well. 209 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: He had two little girls, and then they ended up 210 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 1: having two of their own babies. But my nieces lost 211 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: their mom when they were eight and three. So the 212 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: eight year old, who is now twenty six, I was 213 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: talking to her and I said, I'm dating this man. 214 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,199 Speaker 1: He has a little girl. Tell me your advice on 215 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: what I should how I should meet her, what what 216 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: was the thing that was good or bad? She said, 217 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: don't meet her like your boyfriend and girlfriend. And Hi, 218 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,680 Speaker 1: nice to me, I'm already your dad's girlfriend. So Patton 219 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: and I talked about a lot of things. And you know, 220 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: Patton and I are both actors, and of course he 221 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 1: knows a lot of actors. And Alice used to watch 222 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: my Little Pony and Patton would say, I know Pinky 223 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 1: Pie or I know Rainbow Dash, and then that Rainbow 224 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: Dash girl would call Alice and be like, it's rainbow Dash, Hi, Alice, 225 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: like the coolest what Ever. I did a movie when 226 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 1: I was a little girl. I was fourteen. I did 227 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,959 Speaker 1: a movie called The Journey of Natty Gan, which is 228 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: a Disney movie about a very independent little girl and 229 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: she's super cool and tough and amazing. And Patton showed 230 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,839 Speaker 1: Alice the movie. They watched it together, and then afterward 231 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 1: he said to her, you know, I know that girl 232 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 1: in that movie. She's really cool if you want to 233 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: meet her, and and she was like, oh my god, 234 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,040 Speaker 1: yes please. He's like, all call her, maybe maybe she 235 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: could come over and meet you. And so the day 236 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: I came over, it wasn't like Patt and I were 237 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: together at all. I came over for a play date 238 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: with Alice. It wasn't about Patton at all. And so 239 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: I came over and I had this huge box of 240 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 1: little wooden fairy houses and like puff balls and glitter 241 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: and paint and feathers, and we were going to make 242 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: fairy houses and put them in the trees in her 243 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,560 Speaker 1: backyard and have an arts and craft stick. And so 244 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: I brought it all out and we're all sitting outside 245 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: and we all made and it was so much fun. 246 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, you're the coolest kid I've ever 247 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: met in my life. And she's like, this was so fun. 248 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, we could do this again if you want, 249 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: and she was like yeah, And I was like, we 250 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,600 Speaker 1: could even have a sleepover and she's like, oh my god. Yeah. 251 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 1: A few days later I came over with a sleeping bag, 252 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: totally ignoring Patton. This is genius. Alice and I hung 253 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,079 Speaker 1: out all day. We like did adventures and stuff, and 254 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: then that night I slept in her room. She a 255 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 1: little bed and I slept on the floor next to 256 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 1: her bed. Pattens outside the door, going like being very funny. 257 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 1: We were giggling inside. He's like, you girls, be quiet, 258 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: like as if it was a sleepover with two little kids. 259 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: Land up, and then he left in Alice and I 260 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: were like whispering, like let's not get in trouble. And 261 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: before I went to bed, she handed me a stuffed animal, 262 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: which was an otter, and she goes, you can sleep 263 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: with my honor if you want, and I was like okay, thanks. 264 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: And then in the morning I wake up and she's 265 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 1: like looking at me. She's her big eyes looking at me, 266 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: and I go, hi monkey, and she goes, hi hotter. 267 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: And then I was like, let's go find Mr Mouse. 268 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: I don't know why I called you Mr Mouse, honey, 269 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: probably because of Ratitui, but anyway, we just had the 270 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 1: best time and then we all went to Disneyland together 271 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: and it was like mostly me and her, And then 272 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: after a while, Patton had said something to her like, 273 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: I can see you really like Meredith and I know 274 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,719 Speaker 1: she is wild about you, and I'm starting to kind 275 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: of like her too. Would that be okay if? And 276 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 1: She's like yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes that's 277 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: how we started. Wow. So you and Alice really worked 278 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 1: on your own relationships separately. Wow? Has there ever been? 279 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: Oh god, I would have been So were you guys 280 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: so stressed out? Was it stressful or was it just joyous? 281 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: Was it nerve racking for me? It was joyous. It 282 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: was very joyous. But here's, um, here's a nice story 283 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: about my stupidity. Um. The day that I told that 284 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 1: story to Alice, that that she just told me, She's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 285 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: it was Father's Day. Let's FaceTime mereth Let's tell her. 286 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: And I'm thinking I'll play a fun little prank. This 287 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: will be a cute little thing. She's at her parents 288 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: house in Malibu. I FaceTime her. It's just angled on me. 289 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: She can only see me, and Alice is sitting right here, 290 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: right off screen. And what I did was like, so 291 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 1: I told Alice about us, and she's like, yeah, I go, well, 292 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: I mean it went, it went okay, like into tears 293 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: and she started crying. She's like said something I know 294 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: I because then I went. But what she said was 295 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: then I turned the and I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, 296 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 1: yeah yeah, and but Butica Meredith was so on pins 297 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: and needles. I didn't take that into consideration, like an idiot. 298 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 1: It was just gonna be like one little moment of 299 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: hesitation and then yeah, yeah, one little moment of like, 300 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: you know, they said that you got some bad feedback. 301 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: That was what was so worse, And I started sobbing uncontrollably, 302 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: like I found the love of my life. This kid 303 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: is like my perfect dream child. Anyway, it all turned 304 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: out great. It's literally like I ordered this child from heaven, 305 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: Like you know when you go to the American girl 306 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: doll store and you can like pick a doll that 307 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: looks like you and like saying, and then you can 308 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,720 Speaker 1: get her personality if they want to be supported. She's 309 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 1: like everything I could have ordered. Oh, Patton, thank god 310 00:15:45,080 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: you found someone who's like natural internal. So talking about 311 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: our lovely Alice, who is she twelve? Is she twelve 312 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: she's twice. I want to hear about does she calls 313 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 1: you some does she call you mom? Or she calls 314 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: you some variation on mom I think I've seen it. 315 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: And she calls me mommy. And at the very beginning 316 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 1: when we first met, because my name is Meredith and 317 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard to say and lots of little I mean, 318 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: I have so many kids in my life and they 319 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 1: all call me something. So when I first met her, 320 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: I was like, my name is Meredeth, but you can 321 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: call me mayorcy or. She's like, I'm gonna call you 322 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: mayor mayor. And then like for a few months she 323 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: called me may mayor, mayor mayor, and then it started. 324 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: And then one night I was cuddling her and she's 325 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: like mommy, and then she goes, can I call you mommy? 326 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: And literally my heart, I was like so trying to 327 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: keep it together, like not act like it was the 328 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 1: biggest deal of my entire life, like the best thing 329 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: that could have ever happened to me in the history 330 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: of time. And I was like, yeah, you can call 331 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: me whatever you want, mommy or may may or, mayor mayor, 332 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 1: And inside I'm like, she wants to call me mommy, 333 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: I'm a die right now. And it was magnificent. Yes, 334 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: she calls the money and she calls Michelle, mama, Meredith. 335 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: Had you always wanted to be a mom? Was it 336 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: something that you were one of those little girls that 337 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 1: like always wanted to be a mom, or was this 338 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: something you never thought about. If it happened, it happened. 339 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: If it didn't, it didn't. I've loved children since I'm little. 340 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,680 Speaker 1: When I was twelve years old, my dad and stepmom 341 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 1: had a baby and he became my baby. You're very maternal. 342 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: I'm so maternal. I but I just love being with kids, 343 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: and I'm on their level. I play with them, and 344 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: it's my whole hunt to present joy. So I think, yes, 345 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: I always wanted children, But then I was like never 346 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: dating anyone that was worthy. All the boys, all the 347 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: idiots that I dated, they're all fabulous and wild and 348 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: crazy rock stars and musicians and actors and surfers and 349 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:50,120 Speaker 1: beat boxers and meadows. Not father material, absolutely not father material, 350 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: and not people that i'd want to bring home to 351 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: my dad. Were you feeling like a ticking clock or 352 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: was it something like, well, maybe I'll date someone lovely 353 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: who has a child. No no, no, no, no. I 354 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: didn't even think i'd get married. Like now it's forty seven, 355 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,560 Speaker 1: and I was so sick of dating. I've been on 356 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: more blind dates than anyone on the planet. I know 357 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: everyone in Los Angeles truly, because everybody set me up 358 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: with them. You're such a catch. I would have done 359 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: the same had I known you. Then, Oh my god, 360 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: I would have set you up with like every single 361 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: person I know. Okay, keep going. I went on a 362 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: billion blind dates and then at one point I'm like, 363 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: screw this, this is ridiculous. Nobody's I hate everybody, Like no, 364 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: everyone bothers me. There's something wrong with I just didn't 365 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: like anybody. If it wasn't Barack Obama, it's nobody. I 366 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 1: love him more than anyone in the world. By the way, 367 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,640 Speaker 1: it's okay, Patton knows, well, yeah, what's not to love? 368 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: Good Lord? Pattens down with it, Pattens down. Cotton's like. 369 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: I was like, if I could marry someone even close, 370 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: and pattents like just under so he knows anyway. Um, 371 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: And my mom was like, you're never gonna meet anyone 372 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,160 Speaker 1: home in your house in your pajamas, And I literally 373 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: met my husband at home in bed, in my pajamas. 374 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 1: We texted each other for two hours a day for 375 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: three months straight, like the most intense conversations you could 376 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: ever have, and I was in my pajamas and that perfect. 377 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: It was the best We have never done an episode 378 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:16,080 Speaker 1: about what it's like to be a stepparent and what 379 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: it's like to have that sort of a relationship from 380 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 1: your perspective, Meredith, and how it's going. Step parents in 381 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,080 Speaker 1: general get a really bad rep I don't know why 382 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,919 Speaker 1: it is, but in every movie since the beginning of time, 383 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,920 Speaker 1: they're evil, they're terrible, they don't fit in. If it's 384 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: a stepdad, you're boring is fun and you're like, you're 385 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: like the worst, You're hot, you're evil, you're terrible, you're 386 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 1: competing with the child. Like it's very weird. Well for us, Um, 387 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: it's an interesting thing. And I always feel like other 388 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,359 Speaker 1: people might think I'm being disrespectful with what I'm about 389 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:02,160 Speaker 1: to say. Um, here's the thing. Alice and I when 390 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 1: we first got together, there was a week where Patton 391 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,680 Speaker 1: was sick and he was sleeping in a different room 392 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: from me, and Alice would come in bed with me 393 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 1: every night and we would read. And one night she 394 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: brought me this little yellow journal. She said, will you 395 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: read this to me? And I was like sure, and 396 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,679 Speaker 1: I opened it up and it's Patton's handwriting and it 397 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,919 Speaker 1: says Michelle loved at the top, and then there was 398 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 1: like points like midship ice cream, the color green. It 399 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: was three pages of all this stuff, and she said, well, 400 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,439 Speaker 1: read this to me, and I opened and I saw. 401 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 1: I was like, you're sure you want me to read 402 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: this to you? Yes, please read this to me. And 403 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: so we went through the whole thing and as we 404 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: were reading, I was like, she like, Midship ice cream, 405 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: that's my favorite. Oh my god, your mom and I 406 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: were so, you know, like I really consider Michelle my partner. 407 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:52,399 Speaker 1: I really believe that after she died, she left the 408 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: most magnificent kid you could ever leave. And if I 409 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 1: were mom, I'd be like, I need someone amazing to 410 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: raise the child. And I really feel like all of 411 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 1: my friends know the kind of person I am with children, 412 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: So I feel like Michelle sort of was like that girl. 413 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: That girl is amazing what I want her? And then 414 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: like who would Patton like, oh he might like that girl? Um, 415 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 1: And it happened to be the same girl, which was me. 416 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: Thank God. I've seen people who are married to someone 417 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 1: who lost their wife who have like a jealousy about 418 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,400 Speaker 1: the ex wife, always feel compared or something like that. 419 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: It makes me so sad to see that. It just hurts. Listen, 420 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 1: you know what I do. I think, what if God 421 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: forbid something happened to my baby, If if I had 422 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 1: had my own baby, I would want the best person 423 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: in the world, and I wouldn't be upset about it, 424 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,920 Speaker 1: and I would pray that they would do what I 425 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,159 Speaker 1: would want them to do. Well, now that's why I'm 426 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: getting emotional here, because I'm thinking, like, oh my God, 427 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,160 Speaker 1: like if that, if that was my story, And of course, 428 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: of course who could help Adam, you know, keep them 429 00:21:56,119 --> 00:22:00,080 Speaker 1: loved and fed and clothed and being good humans. This 430 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,159 Speaker 1: is the part that I think. I'm afraid people are 431 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,879 Speaker 1: going to find offensive. You asked me how I feel 432 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 1: being a stepmom. I don't think i'm her stepmom. I 433 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 1: think that when people get divorced, the kid has a 434 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: mom and a father and a new stepparent, and they're 435 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 1: the stepparent. I have a stepmom, I had a stepdad, 436 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: but I still had my mom, But Alice doesn't have 437 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: her mom. There is no one saying you gotta wash 438 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: between your toes, eat your vegetables, pick up the towel 439 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 1: off the floor, do your homework, Come talk to me 440 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 1: when you're said, let me hold you. I'm her mom 441 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,959 Speaker 1: and Michelle is also her mom. So everybody out there 442 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: who's listening to this, don't say I'm being disrespectful, because 443 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,720 Speaker 1: I love Michelle and I believe I am co parenting, 444 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: not just with Patton obviously, but with her. Michelle is 445 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,679 Speaker 1: her mom and will always be her mom, but I 446 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: am also her mom. I'm not her stepmom. Sure, for sure, 447 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 1: I feel like there's an ownership that comes with being 448 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: a mom versus being a stepmom. A stepmom really doesn't 449 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 1: get say the moms the child or the dad. The 450 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: step mom has to kind of go along with the 451 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: with the parenting plan that the mom laid out. And 452 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: I need the ownership. I need to feel this connected. 453 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 1: If I if there was any separation between she and I, 454 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: it would be heartbreaking for me. I couldn't delve and 455 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: give my whole heart if I felt like there was 456 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:27,360 Speaker 1: some sort of separation. So she's my baby, Yes, she's 457 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: also Michelle's, but she is also mine. Why can't both 458 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: be true? Exactly? I was doing research on you guys 459 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: for this interview, and something came up that was like, 460 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: you know, oh my god, we we love them, We're 461 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: so happy for them, this is so wonderful. And then 462 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: there was like a sentence somewhere that was like they 463 00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: got together really quickly, or it was quickly after see 464 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: it passed away, or something like this, and I was like, guys, guys, guys, 465 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,199 Speaker 1: people feel like they can tell you how long you're 466 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,439 Speaker 1: allowed to grieve or how long is she When is 467 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 1: it too quick to fall in love with someone or 468 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: get married or introduce somebody to your you know whatever. 469 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: I had a had a very free moment in grief 470 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: group when a woman said I got married eight months 471 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: after my husband passed away, and everyone gave me, crap, 472 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 1: you you're doing this too soon. This is disrespectful. And 473 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 1: then her friend who had been widowed like ten years before, 474 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:38,240 Speaker 1: got remarried and one said, you waited too long. There's 475 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: no correct time to do it, because there'll be someone 476 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: that will go I have problems with this. It's like, well, 477 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 1: you go have your problems, but I gotta go live 478 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, I gotta go live my life. Obviously 479 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: when someone's divorced, it's a totally different boat when the 480 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: person is still alive, and if it wasn't amicable, and 481 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,880 Speaker 1: that's really really hard. But I do think there's oh 482 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,439 Speaker 1: my god, I just think if everyone could, just for 483 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,199 Speaker 1: the sake of the kid, really adopt this idea of 484 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: co parenting and that we're doing this together. We had 485 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle on and she wrote this book. But 486 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: but she has a very blended family. You know, she 487 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 1: has her for her wife, she has her ex husband, 488 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,440 Speaker 1: but they all parent together. And even though I don't 489 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: think they're divorce was necessarily amicable because there was cheating 490 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: and things like that involved, but for the good of 491 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: the kids, I mean, my god, they're also involved. They're 492 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,399 Speaker 1: all so positive with each other and really take on 493 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,400 Speaker 1: the responsibility of parenting together rather than pit each other 494 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,359 Speaker 1: against each other for the kid. I mean, I don't know, 495 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 1: it sounds insane. I think it's sort of like what 496 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 1: you're choosing to marry. I didn't think I was marrying Patton. 497 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: I wasn't like, Oh I met Patton and I'm falling 498 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 1: in love and I'm gonna marry him. It was like 499 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,959 Speaker 1: I'm marrying them both. Like when I met Alice, I 500 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,040 Speaker 1: was like, I have to be maddel in love with 501 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,360 Speaker 1: her because I'm spending the rest of my life with her. 502 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: Is this my family? Like I was marrying my family. 503 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 1: And of course, I mean, meet Alice and you'll wish 504 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 1: that she was your maybe too. But I bought us 505 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,879 Speaker 1: all matching wedding rings, um, all three of us, and 506 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: on the inside has like a little moonstone, which like 507 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,359 Speaker 1: represents love and you. Anyway, I always say when people 508 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:16,879 Speaker 1: ask us a matter wedding, I'm like, well, when we 509 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 1: got married, meaning me and Alice and Patton and Alice, 510 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: I say, we like me and Alice, And I always 511 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,480 Speaker 1: say to Alice, oh, remember when we got married, and 512 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 1: that's how we talked to each I am so into 513 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,879 Speaker 1: you guys. I'm so into your whole family. I just 514 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: really think this is like so fucking evolved. What you 515 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: guys did is not It's difficult. I'm sure there was 516 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: a lot of grief and things to move through, but 517 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 1: I just think for Alice, I think this was so beautiful. 518 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: So Patton, when when you started dating Meredith had you 519 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 1: ever thought about bringing another woman into the home with Alice? 520 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: Had you ever thought about getting married again or parenting 521 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: with someone again. It wasn't even that I had said 522 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 1: I'll never bring another woman and they were co parent 523 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,399 Speaker 1: I had. I had settled into this weird mode of 524 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,719 Speaker 1: existence where I was merely existing and that was fine, 525 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:11,919 Speaker 1: and I was just going to focus on making my 526 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: daughter's life as fun and vibrant and positive as I could. 527 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,679 Speaker 1: And it didn't matter what I felt like. I just 528 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,560 Speaker 1: was I'm just going to exist, and I didn't think 529 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: I would experience, you know, things like joy and stuff 530 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 1: like that. And then it started happening on a personal level, 531 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: a personal level. There were existential moments where I was like, 532 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,240 Speaker 1: maybe I'm dead. Maybe I'm dead and I don't know it. 533 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: And actually this is me my way of like putting 534 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: a spirit back into the world. And for all I know, 535 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,160 Speaker 1: Michelle is alive raising Alice. But this is the construct 536 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: that I've created to cope with. There were some There 537 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: were some scary moments, is what I'm gonna say, Oh, 538 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: are you kidding? I mean, when you go to the depths, 539 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: I think of like real, true grief. I'm sure that 540 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: everything gets spun on its head. Well, Patton describes it 541 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,399 Speaker 1: very well. You you always say this thing, and I 542 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,320 Speaker 1: find it fascinating. You say about grief that it's not 543 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 1: just grief, but it's terror. Yeah, there's a book. But 544 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: when when Michelle passed away, a friend of mine gave 545 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 1: me C. S. Lewis is a Grief Observed, which he 546 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,800 Speaker 1: wrote right when his wife died. And C. S. Lewis 547 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,119 Speaker 1: is one of the greatest writers of the twentieth centuries. 548 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:21,320 Speaker 1: And the fact that he was able to keep his 549 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 1: faculty together to write in real time what he was 550 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 1: going through with his level of eloquence. In the first 551 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,639 Speaker 1: line of that book is no one told me how 552 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: much grief feels like terror. And when I read that line, 553 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: I was like, that's exactly what it is. It's terrifying. 554 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 1: Grief feels like terror. Yeah, so that's exactly what it was. 555 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: And how was to be able to for people who 556 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 1: are listening, to be able to parent during this time 557 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 1: before the benefit of having Meredith alongside I had a 558 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 1: lot of It wasn't just so much therapy. Well, that's 559 00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 1: another weird thing. I immediately called this group at our house, 560 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: which is a grief center for UM, you know, spouses 561 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,560 Speaker 1: and children of someone who's passed, and they said, you 562 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: can't come right now. You can't come immediately. I know 563 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 1: this is gonna sound harsh. You actually need a couple 564 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: of months to process your grief and let it maybe 565 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: take you over for a little bit, because if you 566 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: come in immediately and we just get you through it, 567 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 1: you'll end up suppressing a lot of stuff that will 568 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: then hurt you weigh worse down the road. So take 569 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: the blows now, wait a couple of months, and then 570 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: come back, which was so it seemed insane to me 571 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 1: at the time, but then it makes so much more 572 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: sense now. But I had a lot of help. I 573 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: had a lot of help from her school. Michelle has 574 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: a massive Irish family that you know, came and they visited. 575 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 1: They helped out all of Alice's friends and my friends 576 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: really really stepped up, you know. So there was a 577 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: lot of like can you hand take care of this 578 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,960 Speaker 1: weekend because I can't, you know, like, there were I 579 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: remember moments I just couldn't be social like I was 580 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: back at UM. I went back to Virginia where my 581 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,480 Speaker 1: parents lived with her, and she was hanging out with 582 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 1: a couple of her friends and my friend who's their dad. 583 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,640 Speaker 1: They were going to take a tour of d C. 584 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 1: And the day of the tour, I was, we're all 585 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: going to do do it together, and I said, can 586 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 1: you take them on this tour? I'm gonna sit in 587 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: the hot like this huge, massive fear hit me and 588 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 1: I couldn't leave the room. So you know, there were 589 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: moments like that. I'm sure, Wow, we just did an 590 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,680 Speaker 1: episode about this, and and if you don't feel comfortable 591 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,640 Speaker 1: talking about it, but I just find it so helpful. 592 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: Like I'm not sure if you're religious or not religious 593 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: or what, but like how I feel like kids are 594 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: fascinated by death and they are whether they've had firsthand 595 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,240 Speaker 1: experience with it or not, because it's the great unknown. 596 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: We don't know, There are no I mean, and it's 597 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 1: really different in each household, however you feel. But do 598 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,280 Speaker 1: you how do you guys talk about it with her? 599 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: Do you still? Is it something that she asks about 600 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,959 Speaker 1: It's an ongoing living thing rather than a let's stop 601 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 1: everything cold and have it's it's if it comes, I'll 602 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 1: let her explain it. It's weight, it's it's amazing. No, 603 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: that's the perfect thing that's been That's a huge thing 604 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: we talked about on Katie's Crib for parents. Is that 605 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:20,320 Speaker 1: any huge topics death, sex, things like that? What did 606 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 1: they say a hundred one minute conversation. It's not one 607 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: conversation exactly. There wasn't a specific thing that you say 608 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 1: there there. That was another thing that I was told, 609 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: and what I read was you're not going to sit 610 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 1: down and have a talk, and then that sets everything 611 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: to right. It will be that ongoing. You'll, you know, 612 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 1: be very upfront about exactly what happened to her mom. 613 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: Don't sugarcoat it's them. Later on, you have to then 614 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,360 Speaker 1: tell a different version, tell her exactly what happened. She 615 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 1: had a heart defect that we didn't know about, and 616 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 1: she also overdosed on drugs um and then be prepared 617 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: for her to ask the same questions a lot because 618 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,040 Speaker 1: a lot of times, even if you answer them, she 619 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,480 Speaker 1: was only you know, seven when it happened, so it 620 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,240 Speaker 1: was it took a while to her to process it. 621 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 1: But but I think that because I was so up 622 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: front and open about it, as painful as it was, 623 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: because it's really hard as a parent, you never want 624 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:20,160 Speaker 1: to be the person who is dealing harsh, world crushing 625 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,160 Speaker 1: news to your own child. You know what I mean. 626 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: You don't want to be the one that has to 627 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: do that. And I had to do that over and 628 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 1: over and over again. But that was one of the 629 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 1: reasons that that the yellow notebook that Meredith mentioned earlier. 630 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: We every night also, I would get into bed and 631 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 1: we would list three things we remembered about Michelle's that 632 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: we have this living all the minor things, major things, 633 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 1: trivial things, so that she's still kind of a person 634 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,360 Speaker 1: who's there. There are all these little strategies that you 635 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 1: you use to kind of get through it, and you 636 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,920 Speaker 1: learned these in the grief groups. That's a good question. 637 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: Either you learned so many different tactics and then you 638 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 1: adapt the ones that are gonna work for you, and 639 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,040 Speaker 1: then you cannot remember where you got them all. It's 640 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: just like where did you learn all of your skills 641 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,200 Speaker 1: in life? You just learned them by going through them. 642 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,360 Speaker 1: It just you know, it kind of happened. But yeah, 643 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 1: that was a big one for because that was what 644 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 1: some Alice wanted to do every night, was write stuff down. 645 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:19,600 Speaker 1: And what's interesting is that, um, when Patton was sick 646 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: that week, and she asked me to read the book. 647 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: The next night, she brought the book in again and 648 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: I read it to her again, and the same thing happened. 649 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,040 Speaker 1: The next night. I read it to her again and 650 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 1: then I said to her, because it was only three pages, 651 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 1: it's a full journal, it's in Patton's handwriting. Because she's little, 652 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: she can't write, or she she can write, obviously, but 653 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,840 Speaker 1: Patton wrote them down. And I had said to her, Wow, 654 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: so many of these things. Wow, your mom's so cool. 655 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,280 Speaker 1: Oh my god, she liked that. That's amazing. I could 656 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: never do that, or oh my god, I do that too. 657 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: And then I was like, if you think of more stuff, 658 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: you could write it down. You should think about all 659 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: the great things, like try to remember all the best, best, 660 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 1: best bits. And then the next time she came in, 661 00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,000 Speaker 1: she handed me the book and she said, I remembered 662 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,560 Speaker 1: more stuff, and I said, oh, good, write them down. 663 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,760 Speaker 1: And then she said, will you write them? And then 664 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,239 Speaker 1: I said, well, do you want Daddy to write them 665 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: because it's all in his handwriting and maybe this is 666 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,279 Speaker 1: between the two of you and maybe no, no, no, 667 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 1: I want you to write it. I said, are you sure? 668 00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 1: She goes yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I started writing 669 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: and I just like that. I was like, oh god, 670 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,359 Speaker 1: is this my place? I'm afraid, like this is her book, 671 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:28,080 Speaker 1: and but she wanted me to and followed her in. Yeah. 672 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,480 Speaker 1: I'm always so impressed at how much better I think 673 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,319 Speaker 1: they're going to be at it than I think they're 674 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I just follow and 675 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,239 Speaker 1: it's like they know better than we think. They do 676 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: a lot of times of taking care of themselves and 677 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,399 Speaker 1: knowing what they need, as long as we can pay 678 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,000 Speaker 1: attention enough and get out of the way enough to 679 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:50,279 Speaker 1: just follow. How are the household duties divided? Who is? 680 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 1: What is? Who the hell is doing what? Patton is 681 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,280 Speaker 1: the best husband you could ever wish and or hope for. 682 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:04,600 Speaker 1: The man is magnificent. He loves cooking her breakfast and 683 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: also she's likes better than you. But anyway, he loves 684 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: cooking her breakfast. And he he loves to do dishes. 685 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,360 Speaker 1: It's bananas. He's like, just leave them for me. This 686 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 1: is how I met the same pattern I'm with you. 687 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,279 Speaker 1: When I'm working on a new project, I'm trying to 688 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,160 Speaker 1: write something. For some reason, washing and loading dishes is 689 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,120 Speaker 1: so helpful and meditating that, and I always felt weird 690 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,120 Speaker 1: about that. And then I read in an article by 691 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,560 Speaker 1: Anthony Bourdaine he said when he would get really really 692 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,640 Speaker 1: stressed with the writing and producing the show, he go 693 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: back to his old restaurant where he was the head cook, 694 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,840 Speaker 1: and he would just do a night a shift of 695 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,839 Speaker 1: doing dishes and it would clear his head. It really does. 696 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: But other than those things, um, I'm the one who 697 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:53,239 Speaker 1: makes sure the how okay, like the make Alice runs. Okay, 698 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,759 Speaker 1: So you're organizing her schedule. Do you know where she 699 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 1: has to be on what days with what pat Yes, okay, 700 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: and like so she needs this change of clothes and 701 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: this lunch thing, and then it's got to be here 702 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,479 Speaker 1: by four o'clock. So you're organizing that. Patents a ship 703 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,399 Speaker 1: storm for that. I'm assuming, well he no, no, that's 704 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 1: not true. I think he learned a lot of that 705 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,200 Speaker 1: when he was alone for that year. He was very 706 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: good at that. I'm like the one who's like, listen, 707 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,520 Speaker 1: you gotta wash your bits, you gotta do this, you 708 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,400 Speaker 1: gotta hang up your towel. These are the reasons why, honey, 709 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 1: when you go off to camp, don't share cats with anyone. 710 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,239 Speaker 1: I don't want you getting lice, Like I give her 711 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 1: the whole, like I'm very I'm giving her the like 712 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 1: I want you to be your best self. You gotta 713 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: be Organs, Like I talked to her about becoming her 714 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 1: best self, and he just loves her like a little bit. 715 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,280 Speaker 1: Like we just snuggle in bed together and it's just heavily. 716 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 1: She and I have our little talks every night. We 717 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: watched the show together and snuggle and before bed, and 718 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: then he goes up and gives her and we all 719 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,640 Speaker 1: sing before bed. We have a song that we all 720 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,760 Speaker 1: sing together, and yeah, it's really sweet. We share the duties, 721 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 1: but he's good at cleaning up her perspective his shift 722 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 1: because of the amount of labeling and form filling out 723 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: and organizing and scheduling she has to do, like to 724 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 1: keep in the schedule. That now when they when she 725 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,399 Speaker 1: gets like script pages for and make an acting job, 726 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,680 Speaker 1: they're like, you have like eight pages of dialogue. She goes, oh, 727 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: that's nothing yet that that like, thank god, all I 728 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,719 Speaker 1: gotta do is memorized dialogue. I don't have to just 729 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,359 Speaker 1: be an actress. Yes, exactly, it's really interesting. Yeah, it's 730 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 1: so I I always think that, Like when people ask 731 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,080 Speaker 1: me like, oh, should I have kids? Did I not 732 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: have kids? Like do I want to date somebody who 733 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 1: has kids? Like all this stuff? And I'm like, you 734 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:33,920 Speaker 1: know how great it is to have something else be 735 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,719 Speaker 1: the most important thing, like because all of your ship 736 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,160 Speaker 1: first of all, just takes his backseat, as it should. 737 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,480 Speaker 1: But be you just really get better at at what? 738 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,760 Speaker 1: At how time? Manage? Like You're like, Okay, I only 739 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 1: have this one fucking hour nap to memorize these eight 740 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,279 Speaker 1: pages or whatever you're doing for your career. This is 741 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,640 Speaker 1: the only time I have. I can't I can't stretch 742 00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,440 Speaker 1: it out. So you just get better at that. UM, 743 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,440 Speaker 1: tell me really quickly before we wrap up patent for 744 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,400 Speaker 1: anyone parenting through loss and grief like tremendous loss and grief, 745 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:11,839 Speaker 1: anything you would say, UM, be very very open and 746 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:16,680 Speaker 1: don't let um pride and giving the illusion of strength 747 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,319 Speaker 1: make you make mistakes. Be very open about I need 748 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,560 Speaker 1: help right now. I am falling apart, and don't be 749 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:24,799 Speaker 1: don't be afraid to ask for help. And then if 750 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,919 Speaker 1: you if you meet someone as amazing as Meredith, which 751 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,840 Speaker 1: you won't, but you'll meet someone close. When we parent together. 752 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,520 Speaker 1: This goes for any parents period um. Just check in 753 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,279 Speaker 1: with each other, sit down every couple of weeks or 754 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: days and just go how's it going like If there's 755 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: something that you need to go, Hey, I think you're 756 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 1: doing this wrong or this is annoying me. Don't let's 757 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:51,239 Speaker 1: stuff sit and seethe and fester. That is what destroys 758 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,879 Speaker 1: more marriages. If you have a sense of humor about 759 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: it and go, there's stuff that I do that's freaking annoying. 760 00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:01,360 Speaker 1: And she just calls it out immediately rather than going, yeah, 761 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,759 Speaker 1: I have been thinking about this for three weeks now, 762 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,960 Speaker 1: and I you know what. I tried to hold tongue. No, 763 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 1: she just instead of doing it like that where it 764 00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,320 Speaker 1: comes out as an eruption, just go sweetie, can we 765 00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 1: have to stop you just just for a second. Please? 766 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,319 Speaker 1: Can you know like that kind of thing? This is 767 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,480 Speaker 1: brilliant you guys, thank you so much for coming on 768 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,399 Speaker 1: Katie's crib. I adore you both. I think you're both 769 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 1: doing amazing jobs. You are marriage relationship goals, you are 770 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,319 Speaker 1: parenting goals, and we are so lucky to have you 771 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:32,439 Speaker 1: on Katie's crib. Thank you guys all so much. She's 772 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,919 Speaker 1: doing her tad. I have to say this, Oh, you're good, 773 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,279 Speaker 1: you're good. I'll do it later. I have to do 774 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,480 Speaker 1: it later to stop it good. She needs to be 775 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: interrupted right now. So good it sounds professional. Listeners, you 776 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:46,799 Speaker 1: can't see what I'm seeing right now, but this has 777 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,400 Speaker 1: been driving me crazy the whole podcast. Katie is filming 778 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: herself for at an angle and anyone else is the 779 00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:58,320 Speaker 1: worst angle, and you look so how you pulling this off? 780 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,280 Speaker 1: She literally I almost think she doing this to tease us. 781 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: She has picked the angle that no one shoots himself from. 782 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,439 Speaker 1: It is so unflattering, and she looks so good. You're 783 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:13,560 Speaker 1: so fucking kind, because I this is disgusting. What they're 784 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,320 Speaker 1: saying is the the camera is angled from the double 785 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,759 Speaker 1: chin angle, you guys, and I've got five of them. No, 786 00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: you look fantastic. It's driving What we have to do 787 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,640 Speaker 1: is spend our time praying to the gods that I 788 00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:34,120 Speaker 1: age like Meredith. That's God. What I want? You look bananas? Bananas? Um? Okay, 789 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,399 Speaker 1: thank you guys all so much for listening. Please tell 790 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,960 Speaker 1: your friends, share, like, subscribe, and also I want to 791 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:42,880 Speaker 1: hear from you any thought, questions, comments, guests you'd like 792 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: to hear from. You can always find me at Katie's 793 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:50,920 Speaker 1: Crib at Shanda land dot com. Katie's Crib is a 794 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,000 Speaker 1: production of Shonda land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. 795 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,600 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shanda land Audio, visit the I 796 00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,320 Speaker 1: Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 797 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:13,320 Speaker 1: your favorite ship. Smott, you can never know how until 798 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 1: you try. Until with me, you can needle right