Speaker 1: Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2: Hey fam Today on the bright Side, we're talking pop
Speaker 2: culture and later, flirt coach Ben Camrauss is here to
Speaker 2: tell us how we can all bring more big flirt
Speaker 2: energy into our lives. It's Flirty Friday, June seventh. I'm
Speaker 2: Simone Boyce.
Speaker 1: You said that so flirty.
Speaker 3: I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright side from
Speaker 3: Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 2: Okay, Danielle, it's Friday. We're kicking off the weekend with
Speaker 2: big Olympics news. I am so excited about this. We
Speaker 2: know that the Paris Olympics are fast approaching, but for
Speaker 2: the first time ever, we will be able to watch
Speaker 2: the Paris Games in movie theaters across the country.
Speaker 1: This is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Speaker 2: This is the coolest thing.
Speaker 1: Awesome.
Speaker 2: I am so excited for this. Like clear my schedule.
Speaker 2: You know, my family and I we do Friday night
Speaker 2: movie nights. My oldest son is obsessed with movies, and
Speaker 2: so we have this tradition, like we get candy and
Speaker 2: popcorn and we all sit down and like you know,
Speaker 2: really focus on the movie together. It's a thing we
Speaker 2: do together. I can't wait to do this with my kids.
Speaker 2: I'm going to bring them to the Olympics. Introduce them
Speaker 2: to the Olympics this way.
Speaker 1: It's so cool.
Speaker 3: I don't know who thought of this, but whoever did
Speaker 3: is brilliant because I think it's re energizing and reinvigorating
Speaker 3: people to a go to the movie theaters and b
Speaker 3: watched the Olympics in a really celebratory way. Like I
Speaker 3: remember when I was a kid watching the Olympics with
Speaker 3: my family. It was an appointment, Like we were all
Speaker 3: so excited to watch. We would watch in the family room.
Speaker 3: I would sit on the ground and I just was
Speaker 3: like so excited. I think this has the opportunity to
Speaker 3: bring that excitement back. Okay, while we're on the topic
Speaker 3: of sports, we have to talk Caitlyn Clark. In a
Speaker 3: WNBA game on Sunday night, Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark
Speaker 3: was followed by Chicago skyguard Kennedy Carter and it got
Speaker 3: so many people talking. She Caitlyn Clark played at Iowa.
Speaker 3: For anybody who didn't watch March Madness, was the former
Speaker 3: University of Iowa star and she became the all time
Speaker 3: college leading scorer last season and is one of the
Speaker 3: reasons that the WNBA is getting so much more media coverage,
Speaker 3: but she's not playing at.
Speaker 1: The same level that she did in college.
Speaker 3: And there's a lot of conversation about the WNBA veteran
Speaker 3: players giving her a hard time because she came into
Speaker 3: the league with all this hype and all this prestige
Speaker 3: and they're trying to like take her down a notch,
Speaker 3: which happens all the time in the NBA. Like it
Speaker 3: happened to Lebron and Kobe, it happens to everybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, this story has really taken on a
Speaker 2: life of its own. It's been the lead story on
Speaker 2: so many cable networks, broadcast networks. Danielle, I know you
Speaker 2: have some strong opinions on this. What's your take.
Speaker 3: Women that have been covering the WNBA have really been
Speaker 3: longing for mainstream coverage for the WNBA. Just to put
Speaker 3: this into perspective, When I first started covering women's sports,
Speaker 3: women's sports received three point two percent of the airtime.
Speaker 3: In twenty nineteen, that doubled to six percent. But like,
Speaker 3: do you know how many sports shows talked about every
Speaker 3: second of Tom Brady's career and then glossed over Srina
Speaker 3: Williams game winning moments.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just so icky.
Speaker 3: And now the WNBA is receiving a little bit more
Speaker 3: mainstream coverage for the first time, and a lot of
Speaker 3: these sports anchors and reporters and hosts are male, and
Speaker 3: they don't know how to talk about it. And Jamel
Speaker 3: Hill wrote a really great piece in The Atlantic that
Speaker 3: came out this week, and she talks about the double
Speaker 3: standards in sports media that men are allowed to brag
Speaker 3: about how much they don't know about women's sports and
Speaker 3: it's not considered disqualifying. Like, can you imagine if Jamel
Speaker 3: Hill or Carrie Champion or CHRISA. Thompson or Aaron Andrews
Speaker 3: bragged about not knowing something about the NFL or the NBA.
Speaker 2: Oh, they would lose their jobs immediately. I mean, women
Speaker 2: don't get the same chances that men get in that respect.
Speaker 2: I have watched a lot of the discourse around this moment,
Speaker 2: and something that stands out to me is to be
Speaker 2: this protective sentiment around Caitlin Clark and people in the
Speaker 2: media sports broadcasters have been really willing to jump to
Speaker 2: her defense and protect her in light of this foul
Speaker 2: during that game on Sunday night. But what a lot
Speaker 2: of female sports broadcasters are pointing out, people like my
Speaker 2: friend Monica McNutt, who's been covering basketball and women's sports
Speaker 2: for years. They're saying, listen, this is just athleticism. This
Speaker 2: is a physical sport. This is a competitive game, and
Speaker 2: we wouldn't be having the same reaction if it were
Speaker 2: men doing this. We don't have the same reaction, We
Speaker 2: don't blow it out of proportion. So I think you're right.
Speaker 2: I mean they are. Actually there's so many layers to this,
Speaker 2: and I think that people like Monica McNutt and Carrie
Speaker 2: Champion and Jamel Hill are right to point out the
Speaker 2: double standards here.
Speaker 3: So there's like a competitive element of this that you mentioned,
Speaker 3: which is like there's a debate about their trash talk
Speaker 3: and their sportsmanship. And I think it's because we're used
Speaker 3: to seeing women perform with their bodies instead of compete
Speaker 3: with their bodies.
Speaker 1: And it's all really exciting.
Speaker 3: It's making the WNBA more fun to watch, in my opinion,
Speaker 3: and like the fans are invested in it. Male fans
Speaker 3: are starting to become more invested in it. Male anchors
Speaker 3: are starting to talk about it more. And I just
Speaker 3: think that we've been waiting years for this kind of
Speaker 3: attention and eyeballs, and now here they are. So I
Speaker 3: actually think all of this is really positive. Like the
Speaker 3: more we're talking about it, the absolute better.
Speaker 2: Well, this summer is heating up. I mean we're only
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks into June and we've got games,
Speaker 2: we've got triumph, we've got even a little bit of conflict.
Speaker 2: I think all we need now is some romance, and
Speaker 2: that's what we're going to be talking about on today's show.
Speaker 2: And Danielle, I have to bring up this show to
Speaker 2: you that I started watching. It's an older show. It's
Speaker 2: really good. It's about four girlfriends living in New York
Speaker 2: City and one of them is a columnist and she
Speaker 2: writes about her sex life and lives of other women
Speaker 2: and their sexual encounters and it's just so entertaining. It's
Speaker 2: called Sex and the City. Have you have you heard
Speaker 2: of it? I'm so confused. Why are you bringing this
Speaker 2: up now?
Speaker 1: You know that I own the box.
Speaker 3: Set and that I've watched every episode twelve times.
Speaker 2: Why didn't you ever tell me to watch it before?
Speaker 2: It's so good?
Speaker 1: Did you start watching it?
Speaker 2: Finally? I did? I did started to watching it. I'm
Speaker 2: getting caught up to sweet I still I'm on season three.
Speaker 2: I have a long way to go, but I'm here
Speaker 2: for it. I'm into it.
Speaker 1: Land don't rush it, enjoy every moment.
Speaker 3: And this is perfect because after the break we're talking
Speaker 3: to flirt Coach Ben Camras. He's here to talk to
Speaker 3: us about the art of flirting, how to take the
Speaker 3: pressure off, and the best ways to make a connection.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Welcome back.
Speaker 3: We've got another round of Catching Feelings where we dive
Speaker 3: into all things dating and relationships, and today we're talking
Speaker 3: about flirting.
Speaker 2: Summer, aka the flirtiest time of year is right around
Speaker 2: the corner, and single or not, maybe you want to
Speaker 2: level up your flirting girl energy and bring some fun
Speaker 2: into your relationships. So here to help us get flirty
Speaker 2: is our newest bright Side Bestie, flirt Coach, Benjamin Cameras.
Speaker 2: Welcome Benjamin.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, I am so excited to be here and
Speaker 4: talk about flirting today.
Speaker 2: Okay, Benjamin Flirting Coach, a flirt coach. This is a
Speaker 2: new title for me. How does one earn this title?
Speaker 2: Is it appointed to you? Is it a self proclaimed title?
Speaker 4: It is definitely self proclaimed. Embracing my true identity who
Speaker 4: I really am, which is to help the world flirt.
Speaker 4: That's why I'm here, and ultimately to help the world
Speaker 4: just make more connections. And I had a whole career
Speaker 4: before this where I was a city planner, commuting to
Speaker 4: my office job every day and just knew It's not
Speaker 4: like there was necessarily something better or more out there
Speaker 4: for me, but something different. I knew I wasn't on
Speaker 4: the right path. And even when I was a planner,
Speaker 4: I was so interested in exploring connections and how we
Speaker 4: design our cities and our built environments in such a
Speaker 4: way as to maybe inspire connections or not. Something that's
Speaker 4: been so important in my own life as just the shy,
Speaker 4: introverted person like something I really struggled with, And so
Speaker 4: I just love helping people put themselves out there and flirt.
Speaker 3: I am so interested to hear that you were shy
Speaker 3: and introverted, because when you think flirt coach, I almost
Speaker 3: think of like a meme of someone batting their eyes
Speaker 3: and being really extroverted and over the top. But yeah,
Speaker 3: you have these really interesting ways of teaching people how
Speaker 3: to flirt in a way that works for them. How
Speaker 3: did you personally learn how to flirt.
Speaker 4: I see now, it's something that has come naturally to me.
Speaker 4: I didn't know it was flirting growing up or when
Speaker 4: I was a kid, but always looking to make those
Speaker 4: intentional connections, being a really good listener and just really
Speaker 4: looking to bring a smile to someone's face, being able
Speaker 4: to share energy. Right when I leave an interaction, I
Speaker 4: just want to make an impression, so to speak, just
Speaker 4: be like, Wow, we had a really good conversation, had
Speaker 4: a moment, And that's so much of what the flirt
Speaker 4: is about. It's just about having a connection. And so
Speaker 4: coming into it when I was very shy and introverted
Speaker 4: and socially anxious all the things, and still am. So
Speaker 4: even this is challenging. It's definitely outside of my comfort zone.
Speaker 4: But I hope to be a source of inspiration for
Speaker 4: people that may have been helding themselves back or perhaps
Speaker 4: putting a lot of pressure on themselves that the flirt
Speaker 4: has to be a performance of sorts. No, let's dispel
Speaker 4: all of that. And I love just breaking it down
Speaker 4: and giving people practical tools they can use to make connections. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I I come at it in so many different ways.
Speaker 3: It takes me back to college because we used to
Speaker 3: go out three nights a week, and I would go
Speaker 3: to these bars with my friends, and I didn't like
Speaker 3: to go out. I didn't like to drink, and I
Speaker 3: would end up in a corner sitting with one person
Speaker 3: for three or four hours, and I'd look over at
Speaker 3: my friends and they'd be laughing at me, like, what
Speaker 3: is she doing? Why is she with this one person
Speaker 3: the whole night? She's over there with her listening face.
Speaker 3: And they always felt like I was flirting with them
Speaker 3: and I wasn't. Why do you think listening can come
Speaker 3: off as flirting?
Speaker 4: It's so important because so much about flirting and about
Speaker 4: listening is about consideration. One of my big things is
Speaker 4: going into the flirt with no expectations. You're not going
Speaker 4: into the flirt necessarily, especially if this is someone you've
Speaker 4: never seen before, to just immediately compliment, compliment, get the
Speaker 4: number right, first date kind of thing. No, taking all
Speaker 4: the pressure off of yourself in that way, and just
Speaker 4: looking to make that connection and consider where is this
Speaker 4: person coming from, where are we meeting, what is the
Speaker 4: energy like, and so just bringing it down to really
Speaker 4: the baseline and making it always about connection. I just
Speaker 4: feel like it's so important as we are out there
Speaker 4: dating and looking to enter into relationships, and certainly when
Speaker 4: we're in relationships too, I think the flirt is just
Speaker 4: as important.
Speaker 2: So flirting is a skill. Some people have it, others
Speaker 2: might need to just work on that skill a little
Speaker 2: bit more. And I have to tell you, I thought
Speaker 2: I was a good flirt until I started hanging out
Speaker 2: with this one girlfriend of mine and I watched her
Speaker 2: work and I was just in awe. I was like, Damn,
Speaker 2: she's so good at this. She sealed the deal, like
Speaker 2: she's just a master at it. So what is it
Speaker 2: that separates the great flirts, the professionals from the amateurs.
Speaker 4: Truly, everyone has that entner flirt that they can unleash
Speaker 4: it any time. It definitely can come with practice, it
Speaker 4: can be a learned skill. But one of the things
Speaker 4: that I find is in the flirt it's about the
Speaker 4: sharing of energy, so being able to give it and
Speaker 4: then also be able to receive it back. I know
Speaker 4: that was one of the hardest parts for me, is
Speaker 4: say you're looking to make it. Can you're sharing a
Speaker 4: compliment something like that, expressing interest in some way. Well,
Speaker 4: then when it gets turned around on you and you
Speaker 4: get some of that interest and attention back. That might
Speaker 4: be the part that's scarier when you start to freeze
Speaker 4: up a little bit. So playing with that intention and
Speaker 4: receptivity in the flirt, that giving and sharing of energy
Speaker 4: and attention and really being okay with receiving it back,
Speaker 4: that's something that is going to make a really really
Speaker 4: good flirt.
Speaker 3: I feel like we're using broad terms giving receiving, Like,
Speaker 3: I want to know how you think we need to flirt.
Speaker 3: You have these five sort of dimensions. Can you break
Speaker 3: them down for us?
Speaker 4: Yeah, the five d's. The five dimensions of the flirt
Speaker 4: are the energetic dimension. You've got the intellectual, the spiritual,
Speaker 4: the emotional, and the physical. And so why I developed
Speaker 4: this is to really help people understand perhaps how they
Speaker 4: like to flirt, what maybe some of their natural flirt
Speaker 4: skills or tendencies are, and then also how they're being
Speaker 4: flirted with. So a classic example is say you're out
Speaker 4: in public, you're at a bar, a cafe, something like that,
Speaker 4: and someone comes over, taps you on the shoulder maybe
Speaker 4: and is just like immediately interested in you, physically complimenting
Speaker 4: your attractiveness. Something like that. Well, we've got a one
Speaker 4: dimensional flirt. We've got a one d flirt there that's
Speaker 4: only flirting in the physical dimension, and I want to
Speaker 4: see all five these. I want to see it layered.
Speaker 4: I really designed this in many ways to help answer
Speaker 4: one of the top questions I get, which is how
Speaker 4: do I know if someone is flirting or being nice?
Speaker 4: Kind of the classic question. Well, let's break it down.
Speaker 4: How many dimensions of the flirt do you see present?
Speaker 4: If it's just one dimension, well, we kind of know
Speaker 4: what that person's intentions are, or at least where they're at,
Speaker 4: where they're flirting from.
Speaker 1: So how many dimensions do you need for it to
Speaker 1: be a flirt?
Speaker 4: I mean, I want to see at least three. I
Speaker 4: want to see some maybe the physical dimension paired with
Speaker 4: some emotional and energetic Right, So we're asking some questions,
Speaker 4: We're expressing interest beyond just appearance. We're getting into sort
Speaker 4: of who are you kind of thing, ask some of
Speaker 4: those deeper questions, exploring some meaning, exploring a connection, and
Speaker 4: sharing that energy all the while.
Speaker 2: As a journalist and someone who has studied communication now
Speaker 2: for many years, I see so many overlapping qualities between
Speaker 2: good communication and what you're describing as flirting, like, first
Speaker 2: of all, listening genuine curiosity.
Speaker 3: I have to tell you from my personal experience, men
Speaker 3: will think I'm flirting with them and I'm not. I'm
Speaker 3: just being a journalist. How do you disengage the energy
Speaker 3: when you don't want to receive the flirt?
Speaker 1: What do you think of a lite way is to disengage?
Speaker 4: I hear this sometimes, and it's just about asserting that
Speaker 4: boundary when and if you need to and being totlly
Speaker 4: okay with you know what. I'm just not in the
Speaker 4: mood for this flirt. I'm not really feeling the energy
Speaker 4: or attention. And it's all good, right. You got to just, yeah,
Speaker 4: exit the flirt if and when you feel like you
Speaker 4: need to.
Speaker 2: You have to flee the flirt.
Speaker 4: Yes, flee the flir.
Speaker 2: What are some of the most common mistakes people make
Speaker 2: when flirting?
Speaker 4: They go into it sometimes too hot and fast, like
Speaker 4: way too strong. Like let's just say you're at a
Speaker 4: coffee shop or something and you see someone that you
Speaker 4: perhaps find attractive they sort of caught your eye kind
Speaker 4: of thing, instead of like walking right over to them,
Speaker 4: tapping them on the shoulder, perhaps catching them off guard.
Speaker 4: Let's work into it a little bit. So establishing the
Speaker 4: flirt nonverbally first can be so much fun. You're catching
Speaker 4: eye contact, you're sort of smiling and grinning a little bit.
Speaker 4: Are you sort of playing with a piece of jewelry
Speaker 4: or maybe your hair, a piece of clothing, playing with
Speaker 4: that intention and receptivity of interest first and getting that
Speaker 4: permission and consent to then all right, let's go have
Speaker 4: a conversation, and then starting at it from just even hello,
Speaker 4: my name is right, how are you? It's you don't
Speaker 4: have to necessarily reinvent the wheel with some extravagant, over
Speaker 4: the top pickup line. It's because you're just looking to
Speaker 4: make that connection first and foremost, is this someone that
Speaker 4: wants to have a conversation back.
Speaker 2: You brought up consent and permission, and I think that
Speaker 2: that's so important even with flirting, because flirting can make
Speaker 2: some women or just people in general feel unsafe.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's something I'm definitely really aware of and I
Speaker 4: always want to be mindful of, just knowing how I
Speaker 4: navigate the flirt as a gay man and flirting with
Speaker 4: other gay men primarily, but the flirt is not created
Speaker 4: equal in that way, and so I want to be
Speaker 4: very aware and mindful of just how we're giving and
Speaker 4: receiving flirts, knowing we navigate it differently and have different
Speaker 4: experiences just based on who we are in many.
Speaker 3: Ways, you know, so much of the flirt happens online nowadays.
Speaker 3: I love emphasizing the real life flirt. How do we
Speaker 3: put this into practical terms? So if I'm in a
Speaker 3: grocery store and I see someone cute, what.
Speaker 1: Should I do?
Speaker 4: One thing I love is just making an observation. So
Speaker 4: if you're sort of in your head thinking about, oh,
Speaker 4: I don't know what to say, or you're already psyching
Speaker 4: yourself out like they're going to reject me kind of thing,
Speaker 4: they won't be interested. No, we're not going there yet.
Speaker 4: We're not approaching them and looking to flirt with the
Speaker 4: specific intention or purpose of I have to get their number. Remember,
Speaker 4: no expectations. It just comes back to the connection. And
Speaker 4: so if you're unsure what to say, making it an observation.
Speaker 4: So what do they have in their cart? What does
Speaker 4: it look like they may be making for dinner that evening?
Speaker 4: Or perhaps did you see something interesting the cult your
Speaker 4: eye or do you have did you grab a similar item,
Speaker 4: or where you are you in the store, what music
Speaker 4: is playing in the store. So just making an observation,
Speaker 4: and that is already going to give you a point
Speaker 4: of connection because you have something in common. You're both
Speaker 4: in the same place, you're both grocery shopping, and then
Speaker 4: see how the flirt evolves from there.
Speaker 2: You actually have a lot of grocery store flirting experience
Speaker 2: because as you're building this incredibly engaged online community around flirting,
Speaker 2: you also work at Trader Joe's and have I would
Speaker 2: imagine that you've learned a lot about interpersonal dynamics through
Speaker 2: that job, right, and like learn how to make those
Speaker 2: observations and look for details, because let's just get it
Speaker 2: out there. Where Trader Joe's clerks are flirts. Okay, I
Speaker 2: don't know what it is. They put flirting in the
Speaker 2: background check process, the resume process. Y'all be flirting with
Speaker 2: me all the time. We do have that reputation.
Speaker 4: We are known for being people people. Yes, at Trader
Speaker 4: Joe's and where I am a crew member and it's
Speaker 4: so much fun.
Speaker 2: What have you learned from being a crew member there
Speaker 2: that you are able to apply to flirting expertise?
Speaker 4: It's something you mentioned earlier that stands out, and that
Speaker 4: is to be curious, because you just never know where
Speaker 4: someone is at what they're going through on any given day.
Speaker 4: And that's one of the things I just I always
Speaker 4: try and be helpful. I'm always looking to make those
Speaker 4: points of connection. And right you come in my line,
Speaker 4: I'm going to ask you some questions, just get to
Speaker 4: know you a little bit. I'm hoping to put a
Speaker 4: smile on your face as you're leaving the store, like
Speaker 4: I just want to be a part of the reason
Speaker 4: that you had a better day, and so to be curious,
Speaker 4: to go into it always with the beginner's mind and
Speaker 4: just dropping the expectations, dropping the assumptions, and just looking
Speaker 4: to make that connection.
Speaker 3: We need to take a quick break, but we'll be
Speaker 3: right back. Stay with us.
Speaker 1: And we're back.
Speaker 3: What are the best nonverbal ways you can flirt with someone?
Speaker 3: And what if you can't tell if someone is flirting
Speaker 3: back or not.
Speaker 4: Definitely it's going to be body language. One of the
Speaker 4: things that can stand out is just with the way
Speaker 4: you're orienting your overall bodies, so like your feet and
Speaker 4: your shoulders, if you're sort of turned to the side
Speaker 4: or a little bit crossed or have that closed body
Speaker 4: position that might signal that you're not super open, But
Speaker 4: just being a little bit open and expressive can help.
Speaker 4: Playing with the eye contact where I call it the
Speaker 4: flirt double take, but it's where you make that point
Speaker 4: of eye contact and then take it away. Maybe you
Speaker 4: look somewhere else. You're tilting your head a little bit.
Speaker 4: But when it comes to is this a flirt or not?
Speaker 4: I don't want you in your head over analyzing. Oh
Speaker 4: my god, I just they just said this thing, or
Speaker 4: oh what should I say next?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Do they like me? Are they interested? That is going
Speaker 4: to completely take you out of the flirt. You're totally
Speaker 4: thinking your way through the flirt now, and I would
Speaker 4: much rather someone get out of your head and into
Speaker 4: the flirt. I know it's a really hard transition to make.
Speaker 4: We live our lives from our head, but if we
Speaker 4: can start to live our loves more from the place
Speaker 4: of our heart, I just I love it. I love
Speaker 4: the flirt so much. That's what I have to say.
Speaker 3: Okay, but how about the opposite of this. Is there
Speaker 3: a way to come in too hot? Because when you're
Speaker 3: telling me about some of this body language. I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I could never do that.
Speaker 4: You can come into hot if this is someone right
Speaker 4: you don't know, you've never seen before, depending on where
Speaker 4: you're meeting, and tapping them on the back of the
Speaker 4: shoulder or something like that, and you haven't even made
Speaker 4: eye contact, they're not even aware that you're there, or
Speaker 4: you're coming in and you're immediately like, oh, I think
Speaker 4: you're just so hot. I think you're so pretty. Can
Speaker 4: I get your number?
Speaker 2: What? What?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: No, that is not that's a question. That's not a flirt.
Speaker 4: So if you're coming in with an explicit expectation that
Speaker 4: the flirt has to end with a specific result or outcome,
Speaker 4: that's when you're coming in too hot, really, regardless of
Speaker 4: what actions play out in the flirt.
Speaker 2: And flirting can also be used even when you're in
Speaker 2: a long term relationship, right Like so for people like
Speaker 2: me who've been married for over a decade, now, how
Speaker 2: do we sharpen our flirting skills even in the context
Speaker 2: of long term relationships?
Speaker 4: So much of the flirt, like for me, I often
Speaker 4: describe it as a warm, tingly feeling, Like when you're
Speaker 4: in the flirt and you start smiling, you get sort
Speaker 4: of that giddy gren like you maybe even get a
Speaker 4: little bit warm feeling. It's just exciting. Well, that's your energy,
Speaker 4: that's your vibration being raised in real time. That's the
Speaker 4: experience that you're feeling in that moment. So if you
Speaker 4: perhaps are kind of in a routine, things are somewhat consistent,
Speaker 4: breaking it up. One of the examples I love and
Speaker 4: this comes from my mom and my stepdad and this
Speaker 4: is so much fun. So they got just this pack
Speaker 4: of action figures from probably the Dollar store something like that,
Speaker 4: and they will hide them all over the house. You'll
Speaker 4: find them very randomly. Sometimes you may find a bunch
Speaker 4: in one day. Sometimes if it was a good hiding space,
Speaker 4: it may be a week. But then on that action
Speaker 4: figure it'll say something like I love you, or date
Speaker 4: night tonight, or we're watching our favorite show tonight, let's
Speaker 4: like catch up on episodes or something like that. And
Speaker 4: so it's just bringing a little bit of excitement, anticipation,
Speaker 4: some momentum, perhaps breaking up a day to day routine
Speaker 4: sort of what life may look like consistently and bringing
Speaker 4: in just a little bit of flirt energy. Big flirt energy, Yes,
Speaker 4: big flirt energy.
Speaker 3: You know, speaking of that, how do you determine what
Speaker 3: somebody else's flirt language is?
Speaker 4: Well, I have a flirt styles quiz. The four main
Speaker 4: flirt styles are physical, playful, sincere, and traditional, and they're
Speaker 4: going to in many ways a lot with the five
Speaker 4: dimensions of the flirt too. And so what does it
Speaker 4: seem like someone is doing when they're flirting. Are they
Speaker 4: sort of always going to what they can see, expressing
Speaker 4: interest and attraction around appearance something like that, or do
Speaker 4: they bring a lot of humor? Are they really playful?
Speaker 4: Do they seem like they have a lot like they
Speaker 4: want to have a lot of fun in the flirt.
Speaker 4: They may even roast you a little bit, right, there
Speaker 4: may kind of be a back and forth. Well, that
Speaker 4: is going to be more of the playful flirt, which
Speaker 4: is my dominant flirt style. The sincere flirt is going
Speaker 4: to be more about exploring those meaningful connections through questions
Speaker 4: and storytelling and really getting to know people in that way.
Speaker 4: And then you've got the traditional flirt, which is generally
Speaker 4: based around sort of traditional courtship rituals kind of things.
Speaker 4: So in terms of like pacing, you may opt for
Speaker 4: more phone calls and as opposed to text messages or
Speaker 4: something like that. So that's going to more so play
Speaker 4: out in terms of how you may date. But those
Speaker 4: are the forming flit styles.
Speaker 1: I actually have a follow up on that.
Speaker 3: Do you think it's always better to get to the
Speaker 3: point or better to be playful.
Speaker 4: Like when you're asking questions.
Speaker 1: When you're flirting.
Speaker 4: I love being playful with it. And so when you're
Speaker 4: able to layer it with some fun and some humor,
Speaker 4: and everybody can do it right. Everyone has their own
Speaker 4: sense of humor. And then you bring in some sincerity
Speaker 4: through storytelling and questions, and then maybe you do want
Speaker 4: to express some interests you find them attractive, and so
Speaker 4: now we're giving some compliments. We're giving and sharing that energy.
Speaker 1: What's the best way you've been flirted with for me?
Speaker 4: When someone is asking questions? Ultimately I'm with you on that,
Speaker 4: as opposed to someone coming in and just immediately like,
Speaker 4: you know, compliment number kind of thing, and so being
Speaker 4: really direct in that way and more so exploring getting
Speaker 4: to know me a little bit, Like that's what I
Speaker 4: ultimately love when someone can be an active listener back,
Speaker 4: when they can seem like they can hold the space
Speaker 4: when they're expressing interest beyond just what they're seeing or
Speaker 4: beyond what they want. When I can see that those
Speaker 4: expectations aren't there and I'm able to let my guard
Speaker 4: down and just be me, it's such a beautiful experience.
Speaker 4: Our God is up a lot of the time, and
Speaker 4: when you can let that down and be vulnerable and
Speaker 4: really just express yourself and what's on your mind, that's
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel in my heart right now. That's
Speaker 4: a flirt for me. That is the best way I've
Speaker 4: been flirted with. It doesn't happen all the time, but
Speaker 4: I love when it does.
Speaker 1: Simon, how does Michael flirt with you?
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I think physical touch. I think
Speaker 2: he will start like kind of like giving me a
Speaker 2: massage or like a foot massage. Your girl loves a
Speaker 2: good foot rub. I mean, who doesn't, So I think
Speaker 2: it's physical touch. Yeah. How about you, Danielle, how do
Speaker 2: you prefer to be flirted with?
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about that this whole interview. I like questions,
Speaker 3: but I like an observant person. You know, people in
Speaker 3: LA don't really ask me out, but if I'm in
Speaker 3: New York, I get more random people like talking to
Speaker 3: me on the street or in a bar, and in
Speaker 3: Chicago too. I think people are just like more apt
Speaker 3: to talk to you, and I like when they notice
Speaker 3: something or if you can start with humor, I'm in
Speaker 3: love with you, it's over for me. We can just
Speaker 3: get married tomorrow. So like a really great corny pickup line. No,
Speaker 3: it's all of that. I think what Benjamin said about
Speaker 3: an observation over an action that makes me feel safe
Speaker 3: because I think women are taken off guard a lot.
Speaker 3: If someone's like, hey, you're beautiful, I want to go out,
Speaker 3: it's like, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll talk about being on guard all the time.
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to be on guard when you're
Speaker 2: walking through the streets. Like cat calling is like for
Speaker 2: some reason some men think that that's flirting. It's not.
Speaker 2: But that's just one of the things that just puts
Speaker 2: us on edge. So I think you're right, like a
Speaker 2: really thoughtful observation can kind of take the edge off.
Speaker 3: If you are attracted to the person that comes up
Speaker 3: to you, it doesn't really matter, like you're just gonna
Speaker 3: be like, you're gonna go with it, and if you're
Speaker 3: not interested, you're gonna be annoyed and put away. It
Speaker 3: feels like you just have to have like the hutspu
Speaker 3: to say the first thing, just make the first move, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: I agree, making the first move, and then right once
Speaker 4: we work into the conversation, into the flirt a little bit,
Speaker 4: then you might bring in some of that physical dimension
Speaker 4: of the flirt and start to layer it a little
Speaker 4: bit more because now you've opened it up with some storytelling.
Speaker 4: I hope if you're still in it right, feeling more
Speaker 4: comfortable getting to know each other, and then we can
Speaker 4: start to explore some other points of interest.
Speaker 3: I think people aka myself would really love to hear
Speaker 3: what you think a good digital first flirt is, how
Speaker 3: do you connect with somebody online?
Speaker 4: You can layer the flirt in many ways, in many
Speaker 4: of the same ways you would in person too, So
Speaker 4: following each other first and foremost, that's like baseline first layer.
Speaker 4: So they're at least going to get that notification probably
Speaker 4: of oh so and so followed me, and then start
Speaker 4: to leave a little bit of that digital trail. So
Speaker 4: we're liking a post, we're watching a story, we're reacting
Speaker 4: to a story, start to convey a little bit of interest,
Speaker 4: like hey, I'm here, I see what you're posting, and
Speaker 4: then we can start commenting if perhaps you wanted to
Speaker 4: do it publicly, or if you don't want to do that,
Speaker 4: sending them their own post or asking them a question
Speaker 4: on their story, so it creates now a DM. I
Speaker 4: think that's one of the best ways if you're looking
Speaker 4: to slide into the DMS is comment on a story
Speaker 4: something they've already posted. It's not as public as a
Speaker 4: feed post, but it's going to get you into the DMS,
Speaker 4: and then we can play with Okay, are they just reacting?
Speaker 4: Are they just liking it? Harding it? Do they have
Speaker 4: something to say back? Now we're in the DMS and
Speaker 4: we can play a little bit there. So I think
Speaker 4: the general progression and how to layer the flirt online
Speaker 4: is to get into the DMS.
Speaker 2: If that's the case, then Danielle and I have flirt
Speaker 2: all the time. Benjamin, thank you so much. It's been
Speaker 2: so fun flirting with you today.
Speaker 4: Thanks y'all so much for having me on the bright
Speaker 4: side to talk about flirting. This was really really wonderful.
Speaker 1: Thanks Benjamin.
Speaker 3: Ben Jamin Cameras is a flirt coach and influencer. For
Speaker 3: more flirty feels, follow him on social Media at Benjamin Cameras.
Speaker 2: That's it for today's show. On Monday, we'll be starting
Speaker 2: off the week with financial feminist Tory Dunlap. She's giving
Speaker 2: us all the ways to get more bang for your buck.
Speaker 2: Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3: The bright Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and
Speaker 3: iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon.
Speaker 2: Production by Arcana Audio. Courtney Gilbert is our associate producer.
Speaker 2: Our producers are Steph Brown, Jessica Wank, and Olivia Briley.
Speaker 2: Our engineer is PJ. Shahamatt, and our senior producers are
Speaker 2: Izzy Keithaniya, Jennie Yamoka and Amy Padula.
Speaker 3: Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzika. Arcana's
Speaker 3: head of production is Matt Schultz.
Speaker 2: Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for
Speaker 2: Hello Sunshine.
Speaker 3: Julia Weaver is the supervising producer, and Ali Perry is
Speaker 3: the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palazzola is our showrunner.
Speaker 3: This week's episodes were recorded by Graham Gibson, Carl Catl,
Speaker 3: Jessica Crinchitch, Bahith Fraser.
Speaker 2: Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lighthauser.
Speaker 3: Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson.
Speaker 2: I'm Simone Boyce. You can find me at Simone Boyce
Speaker 2: on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 3: And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok. That's ro
Speaker 3: o b A.
Speaker 2: Y see you, Monday fam. Keep looking on the bright side.