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Speaker 1: Hello Sunshine.

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Speaker 2: Hey fam Today on the bright Side, we're talking pop

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Speaker 2: culture and later, flirt coach Ben Camrauss is here to

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Speaker 2: tell us how we can all bring more big flirt

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Speaker 2: energy into our lives. It's Flirty Friday, June seventh. I'm

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Speaker 2: Simone Boyce.

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Speaker 1: You said that so flirty.

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Speaker 3: I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright side from

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Speaker 3: Hello Sunshine.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Danielle, it's Friday. We're kicking off the weekend with

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Speaker 2: big Olympics news. I am so excited about this. We

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Speaker 2: know that the Paris Olympics are fast approaching, but for

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Speaker 2: the first time ever, we will be able to watch

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Speaker 2: the Paris Games in movie theaters across the country.

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Speaker 1: This is the coolest thing since sliced bread.

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Speaker 2: This is the coolest thing.

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Speaker 1: Awesome.

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Speaker 2: I am so excited for this. Like clear my schedule.

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Speaker 2: You know, my family and I we do Friday night

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Speaker 2: movie nights. My oldest son is obsessed with movies, and

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Speaker 2: so we have this tradition, like we get candy and

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Speaker 2: popcorn and we all sit down and like you know,

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Speaker 2: really focus on the movie together. It's a thing we

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Speaker 2: do together. I can't wait to do this with my kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to bring them to the Olympics. Introduce them

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Speaker 2: to the Olympics this way.

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Speaker 1: It's so cool.

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Speaker 3: I don't know who thought of this, but whoever did

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Speaker 3: is brilliant because I think it's re energizing and reinvigorating

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Speaker 3: people to a go to the movie theaters and b

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Speaker 3: watched the Olympics in a really celebratory way. Like I

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Speaker 3: remember when I was a kid watching the Olympics with

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Speaker 3: my family. It was an appointment, Like we were all

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Speaker 3: so excited to watch. We would watch in the family room.

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Speaker 3: I would sit on the ground and I just was

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Speaker 3: like so excited. I think this has the opportunity to

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Speaker 3: bring that excitement back. Okay, while we're on the topic

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Speaker 3: of sports, we have to talk Caitlyn Clark. In a

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Speaker 3: WNBA game on Sunday night, Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark

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Speaker 3: was followed by Chicago skyguard Kennedy Carter and it got

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Speaker 3: so many people talking. She Caitlyn Clark played at Iowa.

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Speaker 3: For anybody who didn't watch March Madness, was the former

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Speaker 3: University of Iowa star and she became the all time

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Speaker 3: college leading scorer last season and is one of the

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Speaker 3: reasons that the WNBA is getting so much more media coverage,

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Speaker 3: but she's not playing at.

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Speaker 1: The same level that she did in college.

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Speaker 3: And there's a lot of conversation about the WNBA veteran

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Speaker 3: players giving her a hard time because she came into

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Speaker 3: the league with all this hype and all this prestige

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Speaker 3: and they're trying to like take her down a notch,

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Speaker 3: which happens all the time in the NBA. Like it

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Speaker 3: happened to Lebron and Kobe, it happens to everybody.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, this story has really taken on a

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Speaker 2: life of its own. It's been the lead story on

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Speaker 2: so many cable networks, broadcast networks. Danielle, I know you

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Speaker 2: have some strong opinions on this. What's your take.

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Speaker 3: Women that have been covering the WNBA have really been

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Speaker 3: longing for mainstream coverage for the WNBA. Just to put

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Speaker 3: this into perspective, When I first started covering women's sports,

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Speaker 3: women's sports received three point two percent of the airtime.

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Speaker 3: In twenty nineteen, that doubled to six percent. But like,

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Speaker 3: do you know how many sports shows talked about every

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Speaker 3: second of Tom Brady's career and then glossed over Srina

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Speaker 3: Williams game winning moments.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just so icky.

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Speaker 3: And now the WNBA is receiving a little bit more

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Speaker 3: mainstream coverage for the first time, and a lot of

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Speaker 3: these sports anchors and reporters and hosts are male, and

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Speaker 3: they don't know how to talk about it. And Jamel

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Speaker 3: Hill wrote a really great piece in The Atlantic that

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Speaker 3: came out this week, and she talks about the double

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Speaker 3: standards in sports media that men are allowed to brag

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Speaker 3: about how much they don't know about women's sports and

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Speaker 3: it's not considered disqualifying. Like, can you imagine if Jamel

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Speaker 3: Hill or Carrie Champion or CHRISA. Thompson or Aaron Andrews

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Speaker 3: bragged about not knowing something about the NFL or the NBA.

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Speaker 2: Oh, they would lose their jobs immediately. I mean, women

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Speaker 2: don't get the same chances that men get in that respect.

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Speaker 2: I have watched a lot of the discourse around this moment,

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Speaker 2: and something that stands out to me is to be

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Speaker 2: this protective sentiment around Caitlin Clark and people in the

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Speaker 2: media sports broadcasters have been really willing to jump to

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Speaker 2: her defense and protect her in light of this foul

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Speaker 2: during that game on Sunday night. But what a lot

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Speaker 2: of female sports broadcasters are pointing out, people like my

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Speaker 2: friend Monica McNutt, who's been covering basketball and women's sports

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Speaker 2: for years. They're saying, listen, this is just athleticism. This

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Speaker 2: is a physical sport. This is a competitive game, and

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Speaker 2: we wouldn't be having the same reaction if it were

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Speaker 2: men doing this. We don't have the same reaction, We

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Speaker 2: don't blow it out of proportion. So I think you're right.

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Speaker 2: I mean they are. Actually there's so many layers to this,

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Speaker 2: and I think that people like Monica McNutt and Carrie

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Speaker 2: Champion and Jamel Hill are right to point out the

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Speaker 2: double standards here.

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Speaker 3: So there's like a competitive element of this that you mentioned,

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Speaker 3: which is like there's a debate about their trash talk

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Speaker 3: and their sportsmanship. And I think it's because we're used

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Speaker 3: to seeing women perform with their bodies instead of compete

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Speaker 3: with their bodies.

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Speaker 1: And it's all really exciting.

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Speaker 3: It's making the WNBA more fun to watch, in my opinion,

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Speaker 3: and like the fans are invested in it. Male fans

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Speaker 3: are starting to become more invested in it. Male anchors

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Speaker 3: are starting to talk about it more. And I just

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Speaker 3: think that we've been waiting years for this kind of

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Speaker 3: attention and eyeballs, and now here they are. So I

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Speaker 3: actually think all of this is really positive. Like the

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Speaker 3: more we're talking about it, the absolute better.

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Speaker 2: Well, this summer is heating up. I mean we're only

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Speaker 2: a couple of weeks into June and we've got games,

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Speaker 2: we've got triumph, we've got even a little bit of conflict.

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Speaker 2: I think all we need now is some romance, and

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Speaker 2: that's what we're going to be talking about on today's show.

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Speaker 2: And Danielle, I have to bring up this show to

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Speaker 2: you that I started watching. It's an older show. It's

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Speaker 2: really good. It's about four girlfriends living in New York

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Speaker 2: City and one of them is a columnist and she

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Speaker 2: writes about her sex life and lives of other women

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Speaker 2: and their sexual encounters and it's just so entertaining. It's

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Speaker 2: called Sex and the City. Have you have you heard

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Speaker 2: of it? I'm so confused. Why are you bringing this

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Speaker 2: up now?

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Speaker 1: You know that I own the box.

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Speaker 3: Set and that I've watched every episode twelve times.

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Speaker 2: Why didn't you ever tell me to watch it before?

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Speaker 2: It's so good?

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Speaker 1: Did you start watching it?

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Speaker 2: Finally? I did? I did started to watching it. I'm

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Speaker 2: getting caught up to sweet I still I'm on season three.

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Speaker 2: I have a long way to go, but I'm here

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Speaker 2: for it. I'm into it.

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Speaker 1: Land don't rush it, enjoy every moment.

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Speaker 3: And this is perfect because after the break we're talking

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Speaker 3: to flirt Coach Ben Camras. He's here to talk to

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Speaker 3: us about the art of flirting, how to take the

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Speaker 3: pressure off, and the best ways to make a connection.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Welcome back.

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Speaker 3: We've got another round of Catching Feelings where we dive

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Speaker 3: into all things dating and relationships, and today we're talking

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Speaker 3: about flirting.

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Speaker 2: Summer, aka the flirtiest time of year is right around

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Speaker 2: the corner, and single or not, maybe you want to

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Speaker 2: level up your flirting girl energy and bring some fun

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Speaker 2: into your relationships. So here to help us get flirty

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Speaker 2: is our newest bright Side Bestie, flirt Coach, Benjamin Cameras.

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Speaker 2: Welcome Benjamin.

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Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, I am so excited to be here and

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Speaker 4: talk about flirting today.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Benjamin Flirting Coach, a flirt coach. This is a

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Speaker 2: new title for me. How does one earn this title?

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Speaker 2: Is it appointed to you? Is it a self proclaimed title?

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Speaker 4: It is definitely self proclaimed. Embracing my true identity who

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Speaker 4: I really am, which is to help the world flirt.

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Speaker 4: That's why I'm here, and ultimately to help the world

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Speaker 4: just make more connections. And I had a whole career

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Speaker 4: before this where I was a city planner, commuting to

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Speaker 4: my office job every day and just knew It's not

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Speaker 4: like there was necessarily something better or more out there

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Speaker 4: for me, but something different. I knew I wasn't on

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Speaker 4: the right path. And even when I was a planner,

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Speaker 4: I was so interested in exploring connections and how we

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Speaker 4: design our cities and our built environments in such a

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Speaker 4: way as to maybe inspire connections or not. Something that's

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Speaker 4: been so important in my own life as just the shy,

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Speaker 4: introverted person like something I really struggled with, And so

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Speaker 4: I just love helping people put themselves out there and flirt.

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Speaker 3: I am so interested to hear that you were shy

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Speaker 3: and introverted, because when you think flirt coach, I almost

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Speaker 3: think of like a meme of someone batting their eyes

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Speaker 3: and being really extroverted and over the top. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: you have these really interesting ways of teaching people how

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Speaker 3: to flirt in a way that works for them. How

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Speaker 3: did you personally learn how to flirt.

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Speaker 4: I see now, it's something that has come naturally to me.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know it was flirting growing up or when

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Speaker 4: I was a kid, but always looking to make those

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Speaker 4: intentional connections, being a really good listener and just really

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Speaker 4: looking to bring a smile to someone's face, being able

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Speaker 4: to share energy. Right when I leave an interaction, I

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Speaker 4: just want to make an impression, so to speak, just

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Speaker 4: be like, Wow, we had a really good conversation, had

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Speaker 4: a moment, And that's so much of what the flirt

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Speaker 4: is about. It's just about having a connection. And so

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Speaker 4: coming into it when I was very shy and introverted

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Speaker 4: and socially anxious all the things, and still am. So

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Speaker 4: even this is challenging. It's definitely outside of my comfort zone.

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Speaker 4: But I hope to be a source of inspiration for

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Speaker 4: people that may have been helding themselves back or perhaps

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Speaker 4: putting a lot of pressure on themselves that the flirt

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Speaker 4: has to be a performance of sorts. No, let's dispel

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Speaker 4: all of that. And I love just breaking it down

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Speaker 4: and giving people practical tools they can use to make connections. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I I come at it in so many different ways.

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Speaker 3: It takes me back to college because we used to

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Speaker 3: go out three nights a week, and I would go

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Speaker 3: to these bars with my friends, and I didn't like

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Speaker 3: to go out. I didn't like to drink, and I

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Speaker 3: would end up in a corner sitting with one person

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Speaker 3: for three or four hours, and I'd look over at

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Speaker 3: my friends and they'd be laughing at me, like, what

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Speaker 3: is she doing? Why is she with this one person

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Speaker 3: the whole night? She's over there with her listening face.

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Speaker 3: And they always felt like I was flirting with them

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Speaker 3: and I wasn't. Why do you think listening can come

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Speaker 3: off as flirting?

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Speaker 4: It's so important because so much about flirting and about

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Speaker 4: listening is about consideration. One of my big things is

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Speaker 4: going into the flirt with no expectations. You're not going

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Speaker 4: into the flirt necessarily, especially if this is someone you've

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Speaker 4: never seen before, to just immediately compliment, compliment, get the

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Speaker 4: number right, first date kind of thing. No, taking all

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Speaker 4: the pressure off of yourself in that way, and just

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Speaker 4: looking to make that connection and consider where is this

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Speaker 4: person coming from, where are we meeting, what is the

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Speaker 4: energy like, and so just bringing it down to really

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Speaker 4: the baseline and making it always about connection. I just

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Speaker 4: feel like it's so important as we are out there

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Speaker 4: dating and looking to enter into relationships, and certainly when

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Speaker 4: we're in relationships too, I think the flirt is just

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Speaker 4: as important.

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Speaker 2: So flirting is a skill. Some people have it, others

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Speaker 2: might need to just work on that skill a little

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Speaker 2: bit more. And I have to tell you, I thought

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Speaker 2: I was a good flirt until I started hanging out

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Speaker 2: with this one girlfriend of mine and I watched her

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Speaker 2: work and I was just in awe. I was like, Damn,

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Speaker 2: she's so good at this. She sealed the deal, like

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Speaker 2: she's just a master at it. So what is it

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Speaker 2: that separates the great flirts, the professionals from the amateurs.

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Speaker 4: Truly, everyone has that entner flirt that they can unleash

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Speaker 4: it any time. It definitely can come with practice, it

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Speaker 4: can be a learned skill. But one of the things

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Speaker 4: that I find is in the flirt it's about the

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Speaker 4: sharing of energy, so being able to give it and

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Speaker 4: then also be able to receive it back. I know

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Speaker 4: that was one of the hardest parts for me, is

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Speaker 4: say you're looking to make it. Can you're sharing a

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Speaker 4: compliment something like that, expressing interest in some way. Well,

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Speaker 4: then when it gets turned around on you and you

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Speaker 4: get some of that interest and attention back. That might

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Speaker 4: be the part that's scarier when you start to freeze

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Speaker 4: up a little bit. So playing with that intention and

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Speaker 4: receptivity in the flirt, that giving and sharing of energy

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Speaker 4: and attention and really being okay with receiving it back,

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Speaker 4: that's something that is going to make a really really

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Speaker 4: good flirt.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we're using broad terms giving receiving, Like,

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Speaker 3: I want to know how you think we need to flirt.

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Speaker 3: You have these five sort of dimensions. Can you break

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Speaker 3: them down for us?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the five d's. The five dimensions of the flirt

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Speaker 4: are the energetic dimension. You've got the intellectual, the spiritual,

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Speaker 4: the emotional, and the physical. And so why I developed

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Speaker 4: this is to really help people understand perhaps how they

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Speaker 4: like to flirt, what maybe some of their natural flirt

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Speaker 4: skills or tendencies are, and then also how they're being

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Speaker 4: flirted with. So a classic example is say you're out

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Speaker 4: in public, you're at a bar, a cafe, something like that,

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Speaker 4: and someone comes over, taps you on the shoulder maybe

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Speaker 4: and is just like immediately interested in you, physically complimenting

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Speaker 4: your attractiveness. Something like that. Well, we've got a one

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Speaker 4: dimensional flirt. We've got a one d flirt there that's

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Speaker 4: only flirting in the physical dimension, and I want to

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Speaker 4: see all five these. I want to see it layered.

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Speaker 4: I really designed this in many ways to help answer

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Speaker 4: one of the top questions I get, which is how

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Speaker 4: do I know if someone is flirting or being nice?

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Speaker 4: Kind of the classic question. Well, let's break it down.

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Speaker 4: How many dimensions of the flirt do you see present?

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Speaker 4: If it's just one dimension, well, we kind of know

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Speaker 4: what that person's intentions are, or at least where they're at,

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Speaker 4: where they're flirting from.

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Speaker 1: So how many dimensions do you need for it to

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Speaker 1: be a flirt?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I want to see at least three. I

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Speaker 4: want to see some maybe the physical dimension paired with

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Speaker 4: some emotional and energetic Right, So we're asking some questions,

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Speaker 4: We're expressing interest beyond just appearance. We're getting into sort

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Speaker 4: of who are you kind of thing, ask some of

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Speaker 4: those deeper questions, exploring some meaning, exploring a connection, and

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Speaker 4: sharing that energy all the while.

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Speaker 2: As a journalist and someone who has studied communication now

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Speaker 2: for many years, I see so many overlapping qualities between

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Speaker 2: good communication and what you're describing as flirting, like, first

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Speaker 2: of all, listening genuine curiosity.

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Speaker 3: I have to tell you from my personal experience, men

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Speaker 3: will think I'm flirting with them and I'm not. I'm

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Speaker 3: just being a journalist. How do you disengage the energy

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Speaker 3: when you don't want to receive the flirt?

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Speaker 1: What do you think of a lite way is to disengage?

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Speaker 4: I hear this sometimes, and it's just about asserting that

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Speaker 4: boundary when and if you need to and being totlly

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Speaker 4: okay with you know what. I'm just not in the

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Speaker 4: mood for this flirt. I'm not really feeling the energy

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Speaker 4: or attention. And it's all good, right. You got to just, yeah,

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Speaker 4: exit the flirt if and when you feel like you

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Speaker 4: need to.

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Speaker 2: You have to flee the flirt.

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Speaker 4: Yes, flee the flir.

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Speaker 2: What are some of the most common mistakes people make

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Speaker 2: when flirting?

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Speaker 4: They go into it sometimes too hot and fast, like

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Speaker 4: way too strong. Like let's just say you're at a

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Speaker 4: coffee shop or something and you see someone that you

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Speaker 4: perhaps find attractive they sort of caught your eye kind

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Speaker 4: of thing, instead of like walking right over to them,

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Speaker 4: tapping them on the shoulder, perhaps catching them off guard.

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Speaker 4: Let's work into it a little bit. So establishing the

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Speaker 4: flirt nonverbally first can be so much fun. You're catching

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Speaker 4: eye contact, you're sort of smiling and grinning a little bit.

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Speaker 4: Are you sort of playing with a piece of jewelry

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Speaker 4: or maybe your hair, a piece of clothing, playing with

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Speaker 4: that intention and receptivity of interest first and getting that

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Speaker 4: permission and consent to then all right, let's go have

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Speaker 4: a conversation, and then starting at it from just even hello,

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Speaker 4: my name is right, how are you? It's you don't

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Speaker 4: have to necessarily reinvent the wheel with some extravagant, over

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Speaker 4: the top pickup line. It's because you're just looking to

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Speaker 4: make that connection first and foremost, is this someone that

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Speaker 4: wants to have a conversation back.

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Speaker 2: You brought up consent and permission, and I think that

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Speaker 2: that's so important even with flirting, because flirting can make

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Speaker 2: some women or just people in general feel unsafe.

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Speaker 4: Yes, that's something I'm definitely really aware of and I

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Speaker 4: always want to be mindful of, just knowing how I

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Speaker 4: navigate the flirt as a gay man and flirting with

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Speaker 4: other gay men primarily, but the flirt is not created

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Speaker 4: equal in that way, and so I want to be

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Speaker 4: very aware and mindful of just how we're giving and

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Speaker 4: receiving flirts, knowing we navigate it differently and have different

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Speaker 4: experiences just based on who we are in many.

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Speaker 3: Ways, you know, so much of the flirt happens online nowadays.

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Speaker 3: I love emphasizing the real life flirt. How do we

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Speaker 3: put this into practical terms? So if I'm in a

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Speaker 3: grocery store and I see someone cute, what.

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Speaker 1: Should I do?

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Speaker 4: One thing I love is just making an observation. So

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Speaker 4: if you're sort of in your head thinking about, oh,

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Speaker 4: I don't know what to say, or you're already psyching

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Speaker 4: yourself out like they're going to reject me kind of thing,

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Speaker 4: they won't be interested. No, we're not going there yet.

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Speaker 4: We're not approaching them and looking to flirt with the

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Speaker 4: specific intention or purpose of I have to get their number. Remember,

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Speaker 4: no expectations. It just comes back to the connection. And

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Speaker 4: so if you're unsure what to say, making it an observation.

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Speaker 4: So what do they have in their cart? What does

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Speaker 4: it look like they may be making for dinner that evening?

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Speaker 4: Or perhaps did you see something interesting the cult your

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Speaker 4: eye or do you have did you grab a similar item,

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Speaker 4: or where you are you in the store, what music

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Speaker 4: is playing in the store. So just making an observation,

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Speaker 4: and that is already going to give you a point

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Speaker 4: of connection because you have something in common. You're both

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Speaker 4: in the same place, you're both grocery shopping, and then

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Speaker 4: see how the flirt evolves from there.

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Speaker 2: You actually have a lot of grocery store flirting experience

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Speaker 2: because as you're building this incredibly engaged online community around flirting,

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Speaker 2: you also work at Trader Joe's and have I would

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Speaker 2: imagine that you've learned a lot about interpersonal dynamics through

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Speaker 2: that job, right, and like learn how to make those

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Speaker 2: observations and look for details, because let's just get it

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Speaker 2: out there. Where Trader Joe's clerks are flirts. Okay, I

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Speaker 2: don't know what it is. They put flirting in the

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Speaker 2: background check process, the resume process. Y'all be flirting with

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Speaker 2: me all the time. We do have that reputation.

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Speaker 4: We are known for being people people. Yes, at Trader

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Speaker 4: Joe's and where I am a crew member and it's

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Speaker 4: so much fun.

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Speaker 2: What have you learned from being a crew member there

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Speaker 2: that you are able to apply to flirting expertise?

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Speaker 4: It's something you mentioned earlier that stands out, and that

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Speaker 4: is to be curious, because you just never know where

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Speaker 4: someone is at what they're going through on any given day.

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Speaker 4: And that's one of the things I just I always

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Speaker 4: try and be helpful. I'm always looking to make those

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Speaker 4: points of connection. And right you come in my line,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to ask you some questions, just get to

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Speaker 4: know you a little bit. I'm hoping to put a

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Speaker 4: smile on your face as you're leaving the store, like

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Speaker 4: I just want to be a part of the reason

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Speaker 4: that you had a better day, and so to be curious,

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Speaker 4: to go into it always with the beginner's mind and

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Speaker 4: just dropping the expectations, dropping the assumptions, and just looking

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Speaker 4: to make that connection.

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Speaker 3: We need to take a quick break, but we'll be

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Speaker 3: right back. Stay with us.

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Speaker 1: And we're back.

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Speaker 3: What are the best nonverbal ways you can flirt with someone?

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Speaker 3: And what if you can't tell if someone is flirting

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Speaker 3: back or not.

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Speaker 4: Definitely it's going to be body language. One of the

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Speaker 4: things that can stand out is just with the way

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Speaker 4: you're orienting your overall bodies, so like your feet and

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Speaker 4: your shoulders, if you're sort of turned to the side

397
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Speaker 4: or a little bit crossed or have that closed body

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Speaker 4: position that might signal that you're not super open, But

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Speaker 4: just being a little bit open and expressive can help.

400
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Speaker 4: Playing with the eye contact where I call it the

401
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Speaker 4: flirt double take, but it's where you make that point

402
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Speaker 4: of eye contact and then take it away. Maybe you

403
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Speaker 4: look somewhere else. You're tilting your head a little bit.

404
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Speaker 4: But when it comes to is this a flirt or not?

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Speaker 4: I don't want you in your head over analyzing. Oh

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Speaker 4: my god, I just they just said this thing, or

407
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Speaker 4: oh what should I say next?

408
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Speaker 2: I don't know.

409
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Speaker 4: Do they like me? Are they interested? That is going

410
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Speaker 4: to completely take you out of the flirt. You're totally

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Speaker 4: thinking your way through the flirt now, and I would

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Speaker 4: much rather someone get out of your head and into

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Speaker 4: the flirt. I know it's a really hard transition to make.

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Speaker 4: We live our lives from our head, but if we

415
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Speaker 4: can start to live our loves more from the place

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Speaker 4: of our heart, I just I love it. I love

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Speaker 4: the flirt so much. That's what I have to say.

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Speaker 3: Okay, but how about the opposite of this. Is there

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Speaker 3: a way to come in too hot? Because when you're

420
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Speaker 3: telling me about some of this body language. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I could never do that.

422
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Speaker 4: You can come into hot if this is someone right

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Speaker 4: you don't know, you've never seen before, depending on where

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Speaker 4: you're meeting, and tapping them on the back of the

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Speaker 4: shoulder or something like that, and you haven't even made

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Speaker 4: eye contact, they're not even aware that you're there, or

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Speaker 4: you're coming in and you're immediately like, oh, I think

428
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Speaker 4: you're just so hot. I think you're so pretty. Can

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Speaker 4: I get your number?

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Speaker 2: What? What?

431
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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 4: No, that is not that's a question. That's not a flirt.

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Speaker 4: So if you're coming in with an explicit expectation that

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Speaker 4: the flirt has to end with a specific result or outcome,

435
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 4: that's when you're coming in too hot, really, regardless of

436
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Speaker 4: what actions play out in the flirt.

437
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: And flirting can also be used even when you're in

438
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 2: a long term relationship, right Like so for people like

439
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 2: me who've been married for over a decade, now, how

440
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,160
Speaker 2: do we sharpen our flirting skills even in the context

441
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 2: of long term relationships?

442
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 4: So much of the flirt, like for me, I often

443
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,640
Speaker 4: describe it as a warm, tingly feeling, Like when you're

444
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 4: in the flirt and you start smiling, you get sort

445
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 4: of that giddy gren like you maybe even get a

446
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 4: little bit warm feeling. It's just exciting. Well, that's your energy,

447
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 4: that's your vibration being raised in real time. That's the

448
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,199
Speaker 4: experience that you're feeling in that moment. So if you

449
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 4: perhaps are kind of in a routine, things are somewhat consistent,

450
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,439
Speaker 4: breaking it up. One of the examples I love and

451
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 4: this comes from my mom and my stepdad and this

452
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 4: is so much fun. So they got just this pack

453
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 4: of action figures from probably the Dollar store something like that,

454
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 4: and they will hide them all over the house. You'll

455
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 4: find them very randomly. Sometimes you may find a bunch

456
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 4: in one day. Sometimes if it was a good hiding space,

457
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 4: it may be a week. But then on that action

458
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 4: figure it'll say something like I love you, or date

459
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 4: night tonight, or we're watching our favorite show tonight, let's

460
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 4: like catch up on episodes or something like that. And

461
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:32,439
Speaker 4: so it's just bringing a little bit of excitement, anticipation,

462
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 4: some momentum, perhaps breaking up a day to day routine

463
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 4: sort of what life may look like consistently and bringing

464
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 4: in just a little bit of flirt energy. Big flirt energy, Yes,

465
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 4: big flirt energy.

466
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 3: You know, speaking of that, how do you determine what

467
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 3: somebody else's flirt language is?

468
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 4: Well, I have a flirt styles quiz. The four main

469
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 4: flirt styles are physical, playful, sincere, and traditional, and they're

470
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 4: going to in many ways a lot with the five

471
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 4: dimensions of the flirt too. And so what does it

472
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 4: seem like someone is doing when they're flirting. Are they

473
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 4: sort of always going to what they can see, expressing

474
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 4: interest and attraction around appearance something like that, or do

475
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 4: they bring a lot of humor? Are they really playful?

476
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 4: Do they seem like they have a lot like they

477
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 4: want to have a lot of fun in the flirt.

478
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 4: They may even roast you a little bit, right, there

479
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 4: may kind of be a back and forth. Well, that

480
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 4: is going to be more of the playful flirt, which

481
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 4: is my dominant flirt style. The sincere flirt is going

482
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 4: to be more about exploring those meaningful connections through questions

483
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 4: and storytelling and really getting to know people in that way.

484
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 4: And then you've got the traditional flirt, which is generally

485
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 4: based around sort of traditional courtship rituals kind of things.

486
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 4: So in terms of like pacing, you may opt for

487
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 4: more phone calls and as opposed to text messages or

488
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 4: something like that. So that's going to more so play

489
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 4: out in terms of how you may date. But those

490
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 4: are the forming flit styles.

491
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: I actually have a follow up on that.

492
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 3: Do you think it's always better to get to the

493
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 3: point or better to be playful.

494
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 4: Like when you're asking questions.

495
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 1: When you're flirting.

496
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 4: I love being playful with it. And so when you're

497
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 4: able to layer it with some fun and some humor,

498
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 4: and everybody can do it right. Everyone has their own

499
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 4: sense of humor. And then you bring in some sincerity

500
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,160
Speaker 4: through storytelling and questions, and then maybe you do want

501
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 4: to express some interests you find them attractive, and so

502
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 4: now we're giving some compliments. We're giving and sharing that energy.

503
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 1: What's the best way you've been flirted with for me?

504
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 4: When someone is asking questions? Ultimately I'm with you on that,

505
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 4: as opposed to someone coming in and just immediately like,

506
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,880
Speaker 4: you know, compliment number kind of thing, and so being

507
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 4: really direct in that way and more so exploring getting

508
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 4: to know me a little bit, Like that's what I

509
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 4: ultimately love when someone can be an active listener back,

510
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 4: when they can seem like they can hold the space

511
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 4: when they're expressing interest beyond just what they're seeing or

512
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 4: beyond what they want. When I can see that those

513
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 4: expectations aren't there and I'm able to let my guard

514
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 4: down and just be me, it's such a beautiful experience.

515
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 4: Our God is up a lot of the time, and

516
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 4: when you can let that down and be vulnerable and

517
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 4: really just express yourself and what's on your mind, that's

518
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel in my heart right now. That's

519
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,120
Speaker 4: a flirt for me. That is the best way I've

520
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 4: been flirted with. It doesn't happen all the time, but

521
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 4: I love when it does.

522
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: Simon, how does Michael flirt with you?

523
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I think physical touch. I think

524
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 2: he will start like kind of like giving me a

525
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,679
Speaker 2: massage or like a foot massage. Your girl loves a

526
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 2: good foot rub. I mean, who doesn't, So I think

527
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 2: it's physical touch. Yeah. How about you, Danielle, how do

528
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 2: you prefer to be flirted with?

529
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 3: I've been thinking about that this whole interview. I like questions,

530
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 3: but I like an observant person. You know, people in

531
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 3: LA don't really ask me out, but if I'm in

532
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 3: New York, I get more random people like talking to

533
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 3: me on the street or in a bar, and in

534
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 3: Chicago too. I think people are just like more apt

535
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 3: to talk to you, and I like when they notice

536
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 3: something or if you can start with humor, I'm in

537
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 3: love with you, it's over for me. We can just

538
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 3: get married tomorrow. So like a really great corny pickup line. No,

539
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 3: it's all of that. I think what Benjamin said about

540
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 3: an observation over an action that makes me feel safe

541
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 3: because I think women are taken off guard a lot.

542
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: If someone's like, hey, you're beautiful, I want to go out,

543
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 3: it's like, oh.

544
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll talk about being on guard all the time.

545
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 2: I mean, you have to be on guard when you're

546
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: walking through the streets. Like cat calling is like for

547
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 2: some reason some men think that that's flirting. It's not.

548
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: But that's just one of the things that just puts

549
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 2: us on edge. So I think you're right, like a

550
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: really thoughtful observation can kind of take the edge off.

551
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 3: If you are attracted to the person that comes up

552
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 3: to you, it doesn't really matter, like you're just gonna

553
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 3: be like, you're gonna go with it, and if you're

554
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,199
Speaker 3: not interested, you're gonna be annoyed and put away. It

555
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: feels like you just have to have like the hutspu

556
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: to say the first thing, just make the first move, right.

557
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.

558
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 4: I agree, making the first move, and then right once

559
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 4: we work into the conversation, into the flirt a little bit,

560
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 4: then you might bring in some of that physical dimension

561
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 4: of the flirt and start to layer it a little

562
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 4: bit more because now you've opened it up with some storytelling.

563
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 4: I hope if you're still in it right, feeling more

564
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,360
Speaker 4: comfortable getting to know each other, and then we can

565
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 4: start to explore some other points of interest.

566
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 3: I think people aka myself would really love to hear

567
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 3: what you think a good digital first flirt is, how

568
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 3: do you connect with somebody online?

569
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,360
Speaker 4: You can layer the flirt in many ways, in many

570
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 4: of the same ways you would in person too, So

571
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 4: following each other first and foremost, that's like baseline first layer.

572
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 4: So they're at least going to get that notification probably

573
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 4: of oh so and so followed me, and then start

574
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 4: to leave a little bit of that digital trail. So

575
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 4: we're liking a post, we're watching a story, we're reacting

576
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 4: to a story, start to convey a little bit of interest,

577
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 4: like hey, I'm here, I see what you're posting, and

578
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 4: then we can start commenting if perhaps you wanted to

579
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 4: do it publicly, or if you don't want to do that,

580
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 4: sending them their own post or asking them a question

581
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 4: on their story, so it creates now a DM. I

582
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 4: think that's one of the best ways if you're looking

583
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 4: to slide into the DMS is comment on a story

584
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 4: something they've already posted. It's not as public as a

585
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 4: feed post, but it's going to get you into the DMS,

586
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 4: and then we can play with Okay, are they just reacting?

587
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 4: Are they just liking it? Harding it? Do they have

588
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 4: something to say back? Now we're in the DMS and

589
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 4: we can play a little bit there. So I think

590
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 4: the general progression and how to layer the flirt online

591
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 4: is to get into the DMS.

592
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: If that's the case, then Danielle and I have flirt

593
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: all the time. Benjamin, thank you so much. It's been

594
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 2: so fun flirting with you today.

595
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 4: Thanks y'all so much for having me on the bright

596
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 4: side to talk about flirting. This was really really wonderful.

597
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: Thanks Benjamin.

598
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 3: Ben Jamin Cameras is a flirt coach and influencer. For

599
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 3: more flirty feels, follow him on social Media at Benjamin Cameras.

600
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 2: That's it for today's show. On Monday, we'll be starting

601
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 2: off the week with financial feminist Tory Dunlap. She's giving

602
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 2: us all the ways to get more bang for your buck.

603
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app,

604
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

605
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 3: The bright Side is a production of Hello Sunshine and

606
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 3: iHeart Podcasts and is executive produced by Reese Witherspoon.

607
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 2: Production by Arcana Audio. Courtney Gilbert is our associate producer.

608
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: Our producers are Steph Brown, Jessica Wank, and Olivia Briley.

609
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,239
Speaker 2: Our engineer is PJ. Shahamatt, and our senior producers are

610
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 2: Izzy Keithaniya, Jennie Yamoka and Amy Padula.

611
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 3: Arcana's executive producers are Francis Harlowe and Abby Ruzika. Arcana's

612
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 3: head of production is Matt Schultz.

613
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 2: Natalie Tulluck and Maureen Polo are the executive producers for

614
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 2: Hello Sunshine.

615
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 3: Julia Weaver is the supervising producer, and Ali Perry is

616
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:09,719
Speaker 3: the executive producer for iHeart Podcasts. Tim Palazzola is our showrunner.

617
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 3: This week's episodes were recorded by Graham Gibson, Carl Catl,

618
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 3: Jessica Crinchitch, Bahith Fraser.

619
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 2: Our theme song is by Anna Stump and Hamilton lighthauser.

620
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 3: Special thanks to Connell Byrne and Will Pearson.

621
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 2: I'm Simone Boyce. You can find me at Simone Boyce

622
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 2: on Instagram and TikTok.

623
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 3: And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok. That's ro

624
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 3: o b A.

625
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 2: Y see you, Monday fam. Keep looking on the bright side.