Speaker 1: Hello, hey, Lyle.
Speaker 2: How's it going? Man?
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 3: Is this?
Speaker 1: Max?
Speaker 2: This is this is.
Speaker 1: What is happening with you?
Speaker 2: Well, when I first dialed in, I was down thirty
Speaker 2: thousand dollars on the day. I'm a bit of a
Speaker 2: cryptocurrency trader and or degenerate gambler you could call me.
Speaker 2: And I'm now only down ten thousand on the day.
Speaker 2: So since I've been on hold for an hour, I've
Speaker 2: gotten twenty thousand dollars of today's loss is back.
Speaker 1: All right, So to kind of I have not one
Speaker 1: hundred percent sure what you just said, But lifetime are
Speaker 1: you Where are we at.
Speaker 2: In casino gambling? I'm down millions of dollars uh. With
Speaker 2: cryptocurrency and investing, I'm up a good amount. What's a
Speaker 2: good amount, two to three million in the last year
Speaker 2: before that? Maybe half that?
Speaker 1: All right? So you're currently sitting on that's a life.
Speaker 1: I see. You're currently sitting on like two million dollars.
Speaker 2: Hey, I have about two to three million. It's in
Speaker 2: crypto currency. But I I day trade in that sometimes
Speaker 2: in a week or two I can swing six figures easily,
Speaker 2: maybe more.
Speaker 1: The day trading doesn't make sense to me. Because don't
Speaker 1: you have to pay like every time you sell off,
Speaker 1: don't you have to pay taxes?
Speaker 2: No, you don't. With well, with cryptocurrency that it's kind
Speaker 2: of like a uncharted water is in a bit of
Speaker 2: a gray area. You can use. You can trade into
Speaker 2: these as other assets that represent, you know, the US dollar,
Speaker 2: but that are not actual US dollars. They're called stable coins.
Speaker 1: Gambling is an interesting addiction to me. I'm excited to
Speaker 1: talk to you. I see you. We're doing you're doing
Speaker 1: the casino.
Speaker 2: I've been gambling. I've been gambling forever. I'm thirty four
Speaker 2: years old. When I was fifteen years old, I bought
Speaker 2: a blackjack table from a friend's older brother, and I
Speaker 2: was dealing that like in the movie boiler Room. Remember
Speaker 2: that actor I forget his name, But I was dealing
Speaker 2: out of my house in high school, making a few
Speaker 2: hundred dollars every week from friends.
Speaker 1: And how long you said, you're a professional of this,
Speaker 1: so you don't have it, so you don't have any
Speaker 1: other job?
Speaker 2: No, no other job.
Speaker 1: How long have you not had any other job?
Speaker 2: I worked jobs on and off for short periods of
Speaker 2: time in my twenties. But when I kind of got
Speaker 2: a taste for big wins. It's kind of ruins the
Speaker 2: way I value, you know, a dollar. It can discuss
Speaker 2: some people the way I look at money kind of
Speaker 2: look at money just as units, seeking to acquire more
Speaker 2: of these units, so they totally disconnected emotionally from the
Speaker 2: value of a dollar to most people.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Okay, So with that being said that you look
Speaker 1: at money as units, you're totally disconnected to the value
Speaker 1: of a dollar. Tell me what do you do with money?
Speaker 1: Do you spend any money?
Speaker 2: I do? I do. I have a girlfriend who I
Speaker 2: live with, and you know, I treat herd of things
Speaker 2: and we go on trips and it's nice. One of
Speaker 2: the benefits of this lifestyle is being totally free time
Speaker 2: wise to do whatever I want. But it can also
Speaker 2: be like my you know, a double edged sword, and
Speaker 2: I can get so involved in these markets that I
Speaker 2: forget to enjoy life even though I have the freedom
Speaker 2: to go do whatever I want.
Speaker 1: If that makes me, no, that makes total sense, right,
Speaker 1: because you're I mean, would you like you know, I
Speaker 1: want to hear from you, and I I say me
Speaker 1: putting words in your mouth, But would you consider yourself
Speaker 1: like a gambling addict?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would consider myself a savage, savage addict in general.
Speaker 2: But but but I used to use drugs. But I'm
Speaker 2: thirty four now I haven't in about half a decade.
Speaker 2: Whatever I find stimuli, I've become addicted to it. But
Speaker 2: that's been as way far back as I can remember,
Speaker 2: since I was, you know, under ten years old.
Speaker 1: Right. See, it's interesting to me because you sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2: No, no, I'm just saying my addict, whatever stimuli or
Speaker 2: phase that I go through. Although gambling is now to
Speaker 2: two plus decades, different forms of gambling for two plus decades,
Speaker 2: there's always I'm always I'm just an addict, like you know,
Speaker 2: I'm always searching for the next stimuli.
Speaker 1: It's interesting to me because you know, you have, you know,
Speaker 1: millions of dollars which frees you from the chains of
Speaker 1: like a nine to five job, which you know a
Speaker 1: lot of people need to be able to pay for
Speaker 1: fucking eating food and drinking water and living. But you
Speaker 1: are still chained to the markets. So even though you
Speaker 1: have freedom in some areas, illitated by a mental hold
Speaker 1: in other areas, which is an interesting particular.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'll give you an example, and my priorities and like,
Speaker 2: are so out of whack. Here as an example, if
Speaker 2: I have to go do something for someone else or
Speaker 2: for myself, or travel somewhere, or I'm chronically tardy and
Speaker 2: I have no concept of time, and other people think
Speaker 2: that I'm either lazier don't care, and maybe they're right.
Speaker 2: But for example, if I if I have like trades
Speaker 2: in and overnight trades crypto currency trades twenty four hours
Speaker 2: a day, right, then the market never stops for crypto.
Speaker 2: I will literally I'm biologically programs with an alarm system
Speaker 2: to wake up several points throughout each night, like as in,
Speaker 2: wake up at three am, check out these four positions,
Speaker 2: adjust if needed, wake back up at five am. But
Speaker 2: if I need to get up for like a job,
Speaker 2: or to do something that's quote unquote responsible or non
Speaker 2: related to these addictions you know this life or profession
Speaker 2: or addiction, whicheveryone you want to call it, then I
Speaker 2: you know, I have no care and can't wake up
Speaker 2: and we'll sleep through alarms and yeah, my priorities are
Speaker 2: all out of black.
Speaker 1: And you say it's been like this for years, like
Speaker 1: since you were fifty.
Speaker 2: As long as I can remember. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 2: see I see. I see it twice a week. I
Speaker 2: have like a one hour FaceTime with a with a
Speaker 2: renowned like addiction specialist therapist UH based out of New
Speaker 2: York City. We do it on FaceTime since COVID. But he,
Speaker 2: I mean, he helps me in ways, but I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm unhelpable in many ways. It's just like learning.
Speaker 2: It's the nature of my beast, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So tell me about these FaceTime sessions you have with
Speaker 1: this guy. What kinds of things does he tell you?
Speaker 2: We we end up talking about the markets for about
Speaker 2: half of every session or longer. That's that's usually an
Speaker 2: inevitable outcome of almost every session. But I mean we
Speaker 2: try to focus on on reminding me to stay grounded
Speaker 2: with things like physical exercise, focusing you know, time and
Speaker 2: energy and attention on my girlfriend, who who I neglect
Speaker 2: sometimes because of you know, my profession.
Speaker 1: And have you told this guy that you FaceTime with?
Speaker 1: Have you told him you know your position about how
Speaker 1: you feel unhelpable? And if you have, what does he
Speaker 1: say in response to that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, he he commends me on the progress
Speaker 2: that I've made, But sometimes I think he's giving me
Speaker 2: too much of the cup half full, you know, I get.
Speaker 2: I guess my I'm thirty four now. My twenties were
Speaker 2: a little bit more chaotic, you know, like in and
Speaker 2: out of casina. I have crazy stories about like living
Speaker 2: in Las Vegas for two years comped like three hundred
Speaker 2: out of three hundred and sixty five days in Las
Speaker 2: Vegas casina. Those and crazy stories just living living life
Speaker 2: in a fast play that sometimes outsiders think it seems
Speaker 2: like it would be fun to live like that, but
Speaker 2: I promise you it's not.
Speaker 1: So.
Speaker 2: I think he kind of commends me for all. Right. Now,
Speaker 2: I have my office in my house with my girlfriend,
Speaker 2: and I've evolved to some extent. It's not like I'm
Speaker 2: running around the world in and out of casinos like
Speaker 2: I used to when I played poker for a living
Speaker 2: and did other things.
Speaker 1: Well, that makes sense to me that he would commend
Speaker 1: you for that, because I mean, you were at this
Speaker 1: point that you're describing that's very bad, and you're thirty
Speaker 1: four now. I don't know how many years ago this was,
Speaker 1: but you are on a if you take that time
Speaker 1: and you take this time, you were on an upward
Speaker 1: trajectory toward I guess you could call it a healing
Speaker 1: or or towards being in a less fucked up crazy state.
Speaker 1: So it makes sense so that you're on the oppert
Speaker 1: and back.
Speaker 2: Then I would mix in hardcore drugs ps. I would
Speaker 2: mix in hardcore drugs to my lifestyle and existence back then,
Speaker 2: which has been at least five or six years since
Speaker 2: I've dabbled in that, in.
Speaker 1: That wrong what what is the what? What is it?
Speaker 1: What is the lowest point that you've been at? You
Speaker 1: would say.
Speaker 2: The lowest point was I'm trying to think maybe getting
Speaker 2: arrested in Las Vegas for a frog like a fraudulent
Speaker 2: charge on a hotel room under the influence of meth.
Speaker 2: I think that might be a lull mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you got from there to now you have
Speaker 1: the house and the girlfriends, and uh you sound like
Speaker 1: I mean, you sound like you're still doing a lot
Speaker 1: of you know, kind of crazy stuff, but that at
Speaker 1: least you are living a somewhat normal life around it.
Speaker 2: No drugs. Nicotine is the only you know, the vape
Speaker 2: is the only thing. I'm kind of a physical substance
Speaker 2: I'm still addicted to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the time about your girlfriend, had you meet her?
Speaker 2: I met her in Las Vegas, U, And I kid
Speaker 2: you not. Around the time of that low that I
Speaker 2: just referred to, she had come to visit me in
Speaker 2: Las Vegles. I had a friend of mine fly her
Speaker 2: and his girlfriend who's who's her best friend out to
Speaker 2: Las Vegas to meet me. And I've been in Las
Speaker 2: Vegas for eight months when they came to meet me.
Speaker 2: And do you remember in the in the Matrix movie,
Speaker 2: I can't remember which one it was, but Neo and
Speaker 2: all of them are in the Nebukaneza. They're in the
Speaker 2: ship in like the scorched futuristic world with all the
Speaker 2: robots control and they're on that ship of just like
Speaker 2: the ruined Earth, and the ship kind of comes out
Speaker 2: up out of the clouds and like it's freeze framed
Speaker 2: really slow on like Neo on Trinity, and they're they're
Speaker 2: above the scorch clouds and they see like Heaven and everything,
Speaker 2: like it's like beautiful of the scorch clouds and it's
Speaker 2: just like a five ten seconds and then then the
Speaker 2: ship crashes back down if you remember that scene, and
Speaker 2: the Matrix ship goes back into the clouds, down into
Speaker 2: the scorched Earth. That was kind of like my girlfriend's
Speaker 2: one week visit to come to see me in Las Vegas,
Speaker 2: that her meeting her on that one week trip was
Speaker 2: like this breath of reality and fresh air. Then when
Speaker 2: she left after visiting that week, I went back down
Speaker 2: into the figure of chaos and the scorch ruined earth.
Speaker 1: And so and so with that in minds, like, you know,
Speaker 1: to this day, you not doesn't sound like you're in
Speaker 1: Vegas anymore, and you don't do casino Gambley, but you
Speaker 1: don't crypto stuff. To this day, does she still kind
Speaker 1: of represent that for you, like a bit of calm
Speaker 1: and the storm.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm forever grateful for her to like seeing
Speaker 2: something in me back then, you know, five years ago.
Speaker 1: And it's a relationship like with her now.
Speaker 2: Good, bad and ugly, but probably more good than bad
Speaker 2: and ugly.
Speaker 1: M What does she do?
Speaker 2: She works for Trader Joe's.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool cool, and what what is her sort of
Speaker 1: thoughts and feelings about what's going on with you?
Speaker 2: I think, you know, she tries you. Sometimes there's periods
Speaker 2: of that are better than others. But I mean it's
Speaker 2: hard for her to argue with the results when things
Speaker 2: are going really well and financially, we're in a sound place.
Speaker 2: I think that, But I think she wants me to
Speaker 2: spend more time with her, yeah, and care for you know,
Speaker 2: care for her in ways that that I sometimes am lacking.
Speaker 1: Well. You know, it's an interesting point you make just now,
Speaker 1: and you sound like you're very I mean, you've been
Speaker 1: dealing with this for like, you know, twenty years, so
Speaker 1: you sound like you're very self aware about the sort
Speaker 1: of mental ins and outs surrounding this whole thing because
Speaker 1: you've been everywhere mentally with it. But when you say
Speaker 1: it's hard for her to argue when things are going well,
Speaker 1: and again you've probably heard this before, but what exactly
Speaker 1: is the barometer of things going well? Is it always
Speaker 1: like if we're waiting a bunch of money, that inherently
Speaker 1: mean the things are going well.
Speaker 2: No? No, I think things are going better when I
Speaker 2: take a break and we go play golf or go
Speaker 2: out to eat, or go on a trip and I
Speaker 2: take time. I think I'm happier when I take time
Speaker 2: away from it. But it's always in the back of
Speaker 2: my head, and it's always one foam pull away to
Speaker 2: like be right back in it. I guess that's the
Speaker 2: quandary or conundrum that I'm in these days is not
Speaker 2: that I'm in these like hyper aggressive, risky situations that
Speaker 2: I used to be in regarding my aforementioned time spent
Speaker 2: in Vegas and other places and on drugs. But nowadays
Speaker 2: I could kind of pull out the destructive you know,
Speaker 2: time consumpting, consuming behavior and it's all on my smartphone.
Speaker 2: One pull of the phone away, if that makes sense,
Speaker 2: and trying themselves.
Speaker 1: Interesting. So so that's a very interesting point you make,
Speaker 1: because with the casinos, it's like, if you're away from Vegas,
Speaker 1: if you're in let's say, it says you're in New York.
Speaker 1: So if you're in New York and you're away from Vegas,
Speaker 1: you're away from the casinos. I mean, I guess there's
Speaker 1: online gambling and all that different ship. But it sounds
Speaker 1: like this ship is I.
Speaker 2: Don't do that. I don't do the online but go ahead, sir.
Speaker 1: But but it's but it sounds like this ship has
Speaker 1: evolved to even if you it used to be, you know,
Speaker 1: with the with the casinos, if you weren't around it,
Speaker 1: it was a little bit better. But now it's evolved
Speaker 1: to this ship is in your pocket. All the time
Speaker 1: if you want it to be.
Speaker 2: For sure, for sure, and whichever way of the market's moving,
Speaker 2: I can bet in that direction. And and and it's yeah,
Speaker 2: it's very intoxicating and can be very time consuming. I
Speaker 2: mean I've done well these past couple of years, and
Speaker 2: even even since like the bear market kind of came
Speaker 2: upon us the last five to six months, I've been
Speaker 2: doing well. But you know, you can't always bat one
Speaker 2: hundred percent of the time, you know, when one hundred
Speaker 2: percent of the time, and and there's there's things to
Speaker 2: focus on. And I see some of the chats saying,
Speaker 2: I know you don't want me to read the chat
Speaker 2: that they've been saying. To imagine, imagine the licenss. Dude
Speaker 2: could have to be cashed out the money and didn't
Speaker 2: waste his time, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know that's that's that's what everyone has
Speaker 1: in the back of the months. Why I have in
Speaker 1: the back of my mind is like you have if
Speaker 1: you have, because he's the thing. I don't know a
Speaker 1: lot about how investment works, but I know that if
Speaker 1: you have three million dollars and you give it to
Speaker 1: the right fucking dude, or whatever the fuck can put
Speaker 1: it in the right whatever. You could probably I don't
Speaker 1: know how old you are. I'm completely talking out of
Speaker 1: my ass with no numbers at all, but you could
Speaker 1: probably do something safe with it, and like you still
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to work anymore because you could probably put
Speaker 1: it in a place that makes it, you know, regenerate,
Speaker 1: so you could cash out and be cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could do less risky things. And with the
Speaker 2: majority of that I am. I'm just what's called staking
Speaker 2: the majority of that and earning an interest that pays
Speaker 2: out daily in a in a less risk averse made
Speaker 2: on a non risky manner. But I still have about
Speaker 2: one million of it on the table, so to speak.
Speaker 1: Okay, that to me, if you have three million dollars
Speaker 1: and two million of it you're keep it in a
Speaker 1: safe place, and one million of it, you're a less
Speaker 1: fucking party baby.
Speaker 4: Ye maybe I.
Speaker 1: Would. Yeah, That's why I think your therapist is telling
Speaker 1: you that you've evolved, because to me, that seems like
Speaker 1: an evolved position to be in, because you know, I've
Speaker 1: heard from people, not like people personally, but people like
Speaker 1: following the internet and shit, who like have been gambling
Speaker 1: annets and whatnot. I think that they're lowest. They're not
Speaker 1: doing that. They're like, yo, fuck it, put it all
Speaker 1: on black roll, the roulette, who gives a shit type
Speaker 1: of I mean, that's that's the really concerning place to be.
Speaker 1: And you sound like you, I mean you sound like
Speaker 1: maybe at one point you were there, but you've evolved.
Speaker 2: It was a live stream yesterday where Drake, you know,
Speaker 2: the rapper Drake was lost twenty million dollars in forty
Speaker 2: five minutes in front of his you know, fifty thousand
Speaker 2: people on Twitch or whatever. It's like sets the worst
Speaker 2: example up for people watching to see people just punt
Speaker 2: away money like that.
Speaker 1: But he has one hundred million dollars done they and
Speaker 1: so if he loses twenty If you have one hundred
Speaker 1: million dollars, you lose twenty million dollars. You kind of like, ah, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know how much he has, but you can't afford
Speaker 2: you to gamp away money like that, even like, even
Speaker 2: if you're Elon Musk, you don't want to be punting
Speaker 2: away twenty million dollars every five minutes, like he's literally
Speaker 2: in an hour punted like twenty or thirty million. Actually,
Speaker 2: I think it was.
Speaker 1: See you've evolved, You're Drake's point of reason. Hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: well this is interesting to me. It's weird that your
Speaker 1: therapy I love. I love that I do this all
Speaker 1: the time with people where they come to me with
Speaker 1: like issues that are totally worthy of real therapy and
Speaker 1: they have been the real therapy and they kind of
Speaker 1: break down what their experience was talking about this issue
Speaker 1: in real therapy. And it's funny to me that your
Speaker 1: therapist is telling is talking to you about the markets.
Speaker 1: I mean, they don't tell you anything. I mean, this
Speaker 1: is classic like addiction behavior that there's a billion people
Speaker 1: trained to deal with, and I wonder what the training is.
Speaker 2: Now he challenges me. He's a good therapist. He challenges
Speaker 2: me as much as he can. But by the end
Speaker 2: of a one hour session, we have one a week now,
Speaker 2: he said, until recently had two a week. By the
Speaker 2: end of the session, I have him talking about the markets.
Speaker 2: I guess that's just me more than him. But but
Speaker 2: what we we we definitely try to address my real
Speaker 2: issues and real.
Speaker 1: Well I'm gonna I mean, it's just I'm also going
Speaker 1: to kind of repeat what your therapist said. And I
Speaker 1: know that you. Uh sounds like when you first said
Speaker 1: that your therapist said this to you, you took it
Speaker 1: not you didn't maybe believe him or whatever it was.
Speaker 1: But from the way you're talking about these things, it
Speaker 1: does sound like you have evolved. It obviously doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like you are like completely cured of your issue. I
Speaker 1: don't know, because I'm not an addiction person. I don't
Speaker 1: know anything about that shit like what you know. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna comment on whether or not you are quote
Speaker 1: curable or whatever the fuck, but you have evolved. Objectively,
Speaker 1: if we're looking at a chart, you know you have evolved.
Speaker 1: You are on an upward trajectory. So I understand why
Speaker 1: he's saying that, And I don't think that you should
Speaker 1: you know, uh uh disregard him saying that, because it's
Speaker 1: true you have evolved, and uh man, I hope that. Uh.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you know, before we go moving forward,
Speaker 1: what is it that you want out of life? I'm curious.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think about that question, Austin, I contemplated. Austen,
Speaker 2: I would say, objectively, the simple answer is just to
Speaker 2: be happy and content and to strive for those things,
Speaker 2: even when day in, day out, no matter where one
Speaker 2: is that there's always a good reason to cry about
Speaker 2: things or not be content. But I think, just what,
Speaker 2: regardless of my situation, just work on being content and
Speaker 2: living life with some balance. I think that's it. I
Speaker 2: don't have too much of like a tall wishless.
Speaker 1: Other than that, I think that that's a perfectly good wishless.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I appreciate it, Lyle. Thank you. Gus to go, Max.
Speaker 1: Anything you want to say to the people of the
Speaker 1: computer before we go, No.
Speaker 2: Just good things, good things everyone here.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me, of course, thanks for calling Max.
Speaker 2: All right, take care.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hellos this gek Yeah is Quentin?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4: What's going on.
Speaker 1: Man, Quentin? Quin and Quentin? Nothing much, just being a
Speaker 1: geck on the computer. What's going on with you?
Speaker 5: Nothing else? Just being a man in the woods of
Speaker 5: the thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Can
Speaker 1: you tell what's going on? Well?
Speaker 5: You know, so it started. I was living with my parents.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm twenty two years old. They let me
Speaker 5: live with them because I originally got kicked out up
Speaker 5: from my dad in twenty eighteen. As soon as I
Speaker 5: graduated high school and they let me move in with them,
Speaker 5: and I stole a dad cart from them, and then
Speaker 5: they called me an act and then they kicked me out.
Speaker 2: Up.
Speaker 5: Now I'm in the woods and it's tent.
Speaker 3: And things are you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hmmm, So you were living with your parents and
Speaker 1: you stole a DAPT card from them, they kicked you out.
Speaker 1: Now you're living in a tent in the woods.
Speaker 4: Correct.
Speaker 1: How long have you been living in the tent in
Speaker 1: the woods for?
Speaker 3: Mmmm?
Speaker 5: About two weeks?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Two weeks okay, and uh, I have a bunch of
Speaker 1: questions for you. How long? How have those two weeks been.
Speaker 5: Interesting? I mean I've gotten a job to somewhat still
Speaker 5: in the meantime, you know, the free time I have.
Speaker 5: It's it's been hard, you know, mentally and like physically,
Speaker 5: I mean, it's been hot, it's been raining, like it
Speaker 5: just finished reading. I've learned a lot about myself, you know.
Speaker 5: It is the isolation. It's it's new to me. I'm
Speaker 5: you know, I'm used to having people around me. Still,
Speaker 5: you know, how many friends right now? And how many
Speaker 5: I can talk to?
Speaker 1: You know. It's yeah, there's a few things about this. Uh, well,
Speaker 1: you're in New Jersey. I mean, I guess it's it's
Speaker 1: it's June. So you're fine for now, because I was
Speaker 1: gonna say in uh yeah, New Jersey. You know, it's
Speaker 1: not like you live in the West Coast where it's
Speaker 1: sunny all the time. New Jersey. You've got the summer
Speaker 1: and then after that you cannot be living in a
Speaker 1: tent in the woods.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 5: Uh yeah, I mean that's that's why I got this job,
Speaker 5: hopefully that you know, how many get back on my feet.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: So it says that you've been learning a lot about
Speaker 1: yourself through the isolation. Is that true?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what have you learned?
Speaker 5: I mean, I learned how much I really do like
Speaker 5: talking to people and the company of other people. I've
Speaker 5: learned that I get a lot of my personality from
Speaker 5: like being around other people. And you know, I'm not
Speaker 5: the same person. You know, you become who you are
Speaker 5: who you surround yourself with. If that made any sense.
Speaker 1: Sorry, yeah, no, that makes a ton of sense. It's
Speaker 1: interesting to hear you say that, because I I feel
Speaker 1: like I've talked to people who say things like, oh,
Speaker 1: I went into isolation and I learned something. A lot
Speaker 1: of the times it's a lot about like, you know,
Speaker 1: learning about themselves when they're alone. But and this kind
Speaker 1: of is that, but you're only with the app only.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is with the absence of other people,
Speaker 1: you then are learning about the importance to you of
Speaker 1: being around other people, which you only can learn when
Speaker 1: they're gone, because when they're there, you don't notice what
Speaker 1: it's like when they're gone, so you don't notice how
Speaker 1: uable it is, right Yeah. And I think it's awesome
Speaker 1: that you know, because this is not a great situation
Speaker 1: for you to be in. And I think it's awesome
Speaker 1: that you're using it as a way of learning more
Speaker 1: about yourself and gathering some form of value from what
Speaker 1: is not a great situation.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, that's that. It's you mean, I've had people
Speaker 5: offer me, you know, like hey, you want to come
Speaker 5: do some mess and you know all that, but like,
Speaker 5: you know, it's not really what I want to not
Speaker 5: the path I want to take, you know. I want
Speaker 5: to I want to get back, you know, I want
Speaker 5: to get myself a place. You know, I want to
Speaker 5: be a contributing member of society.
Speaker 1: What does being a contributing member of society look like
Speaker 1: to you?
Speaker 5: Just someone who can you know, who has their own thing,
Speaker 5: you know, whether it's an apartment car like right now,
Speaker 5: I can't even get like a car right now, orndy
Speaker 5: that because I have my license suspended and I have
Speaker 5: to pay however much to get that back.
Speaker 4: And there's a whole Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: How long do you plan to be out here for?
Speaker 1: Do you have a sort of game plan moving forward
Speaker 1: of how you're going to get out of the woods?
Speaker 5: So far, I've my main thing I've been looking into
Speaker 5: is buying like a you know, like a trailer, like
Speaker 5: a camper and literally like staying at a fool like
Speaker 5: an all season camp round or something like that with
Speaker 5: like electric and plumbing and all that. I feel like
Speaker 5: that's probably a good option. I was looking into motels
Speaker 5: and hotels, but they're real dirty and they you know,
Speaker 5: they cost a lot. Those are more of a luxury,
Speaker 5: you know, which I never really realized. But I'm also
Speaker 5: learning I have to sacrifice the things that I want
Speaker 5: versus the things I need.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what types of things that you want or you're
Speaker 1: having to sacrifice.
Speaker 5: Like nicotine, like smoking cigarettes, lead alcohol, I mean, you know,
Speaker 5: just a little leisure of things, you know, getting like
Speaker 5: snacks every time I go store. You know something like that.
Speaker 1: Do Okay, So you said that you find it very
Speaker 1: important to be around other people, and that's something that
Speaker 1: you're learning about isolation beyond here in the woods. What
Speaker 1: is your social life like right now? Are you hanging
Speaker 1: out with other people, are you finding opportunities to be
Speaker 1: around people, or are you focusing on your cell phones?
Speaker 5: So so far, I think I'm mainly focusing on myself.
Speaker 5: I haven't really had the urge currently to go out,
Speaker 5: and you know, because I just want to get make
Speaker 5: sure I can get myself back on my phoebe before
Speaker 5: I start worrying about you know, other people or you know.
Speaker 5: It's I understand that I should do things that are
Speaker 5: fun and you know, go out and do things that
Speaker 5: keep me happy. But it's also something like it's like
Speaker 5: another sacrifice I had to make, yeah, to be other
Speaker 5: do those things.
Speaker 1: Forgive me if I asked you this already or if
Speaker 1: I interrupted with a different question, But do you do
Speaker 1: you have a sort of game plan in your mind
Speaker 1: as to what you're gonna do moving forward?
Speaker 5: Yeah, like I was saying, I mean the trailer. Besides
Speaker 5: that getting a trailer, I want to get a possible apartment. Also,
Speaker 5: I was thinking military as as an option, like the
Speaker 5: army or something, because you know, they give you through
Speaker 5: all that and you get a pension, you stay in
Speaker 5: for however many years, you get a bonus and all
Speaker 5: different things.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: It's a that's a good way to look.
Speaker 1: But did you say already with your job is now?
Speaker 4: I work on a farm?
Speaker 1: Work on a farm? Okay? Do you how do you?
Speaker 1: How do you like that?
Speaker 5: Yeah, like a vegetable farm. I like it because I'm
Speaker 5: not always doing the same thing over and over. It's
Speaker 5: not real repetitive. I have ADHD, so like staying in
Speaker 5: one spot doing the same thing over and over just
Speaker 5: kills me. So it's it's nice.
Speaker 1: If you could do anything at all, what would you do.
Speaker 5: Anything? As it could you the library.
Speaker 1: On that, I guess I meant, you know, primarily for
Speaker 1: a living or or or I guess not even for
Speaker 1: a living. Like if you could design, if you could
Speaker 1: design your life in any way, shape or form, how
Speaker 1: would you design it? Man?
Speaker 5: That's a that's a that's a deep question. I mean,
Speaker 5: just yeah, owning my own business and just having having
Speaker 5: a family, you know, just having a house I own,
Speaker 5: and you know, being able to you know, support my
Speaker 5: myself and my family and my kids. You know, it's
Speaker 5: really what I want in life.
Speaker 1: You know, I I asked you that. Sorry, go ahead, No.
Speaker 5: I wasn't sure if that's exactly who you're asking.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no. I I guess I asked
Speaker 1: you that because you know, man, look, we haven't and
Speaker 1: talking for that long, it's only been eight minutes, but
Speaker 1: I can kind of tell that you have, like I
Speaker 1: could tell you got like a good head on your
Speaker 1: shoulders about all this shit. I mean, you're in a
Speaker 1: very tough situation. And again we've only been talking for that,
Speaker 1: you know, for so long, but you seem very level
Speaker 1: headed about it all. And you know, you mentioned you
Speaker 1: were like people. These people are trying to like, you know,
Speaker 1: get me to do meth with them and whatnot, but
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that path. And you seem
Speaker 1: like you're very focused on how to move forward, and
Speaker 1: you have like tangible plans and you're really thinking about things,
Speaker 1: and you're you're I don't know, you seem like you
Speaker 1: have a good head about all this stuff, and I'm
Speaker 1: very impressed with it. And the reason I asked you
Speaker 1: about why if you could design your life in any
Speaker 1: way it could be is because you know, you have
Speaker 1: a good mindset about things, and you're very young, and
Speaker 1: I do believe and you know, and your answer to
Speaker 1: the question of if you could design your life in
Speaker 1: any way it wasn't fucking crazy, you know. It was like,
Speaker 1: I want to have a family, and I want to,
Speaker 1: you know, be successful and financially well off. And you know,
Speaker 1: you're a young guy and you got a good head
Speaker 1: on your shoulders. So I genuinely do believe that, you
Speaker 1: know how, I don't know how long it's going to take,
Speaker 1: but I think you'll get there if you keep acting conscientiously.
Speaker 1: It's a good word that I would just that I
Speaker 1: would I would use for the situation because you seem
Speaker 1: like you're a conscientious person. You're thinking about the next day,
Speaker 1: You're thinking about, you know, all the options available to you.
Speaker 1: You're thinking about the pitfalls that you're trying to avoid,
Speaker 1: you know, going into So I wouldn't even put this
Speaker 1: in like some weird like, oh you're gonna bootstrap it
Speaker 1: to success kind of thing. But you're just like, you know,
Speaker 1: very in a slowly, methodically, daily, conscientious way, acting about
Speaker 1: your life. And I think that you'll get to wherever
Speaker 1: you want to if you keep doing that every day.
Speaker 4: I appreciate.
Speaker 5: This calls. Honestly. I feel like it's helped me a lot,
Speaker 5: you know, able to get stuff off my shoulders, you know,
Speaker 5: and get off my chest and have someone to talk to.
Speaker 5: I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really appreciate you, uh, sharing all this stuff
Speaker 1: with us. Man, is there is there anything else that
Speaker 1: you want to say to the people of the computer
Speaker 1: before we go.
Speaker 5: Everybody, use your twitch primes, check out the Therapy Get
Speaker 5: Go podcast.
Speaker 1: That's it. God, Quentin, thank you, dog, and very much
Speaker 1: good luck to you.
Speaker 5: Thank you, man, have a good one.
Speaker 1: Take care. I meant what I said to that guy.
Speaker 1: Very conscientious sort of thinker, and you know, I try
Speaker 1: not to make judgments of people in any way ship
Speaker 1: before them after only being on the phone with them
Speaker 1: for uh, not too long. But I felt I felt
Speaker 1: that from him, and he seemed like he just I
Speaker 1: didn't know he was in you. I know he's in
Speaker 1: a shitty situation, but you didn't get the sense that
Speaker 1: you're so worried about him because he's he's you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like he's he's on a good path forward.
Speaker 1: I could just tell in the way he was like
Speaker 1: talking about ship and I wish him good luck. I
Speaker 1: hate that he has to go live in the tent
Speaker 1: in the woods. But it was just little things like
Speaker 1: he had answers to my questions about what he wants
Speaker 1: to do moving forward, and how he was thinking about
Speaker 1: his life outside of this, and you know, he's trying
Speaker 1: to gain wisdom from his situation, which is says a
Speaker 1: lot about who he is. And yeah, I like that guy,
Speaker 1: and I think he's going to be okay, and I
Speaker 1: hope he's going to be okay. Thank you for calling Quinn. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you?
Speaker 3: I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good as well? What's your life like?
Speaker 3: Pretty boring?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Pretty boring? Now? Why is it boring?
Speaker 3: I had a pretty crazy life like a couple of
Speaker 3: years ago, and then, as you know, like when crazy
Speaker 3: things happened, you kind of get depressed. And then I
Speaker 3: got on medication and now it's now it's just boring.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, listen, let's let's take a step back here.
Speaker 1: When you say you had a crazy life two years ago,
Speaker 1: what are we what are we talking here?
Speaker 3: I moved to California, and did porn.
Speaker 1: Interesting, how old are you when this happened?
Speaker 3: Nineteen? I'm twenty six now, so it was like five
Speaker 3: years ago.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you moved to California to do porn when
Speaker 1: you're nineteen? And what inspired that decision?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 3: I had a cat and the cat got killed by
Speaker 3: my roommate's dog in front of me, and then I
Speaker 3: kind of had a breakdown and I got a call
Speaker 3: and they were like, hey, do you want to do porn?
Speaker 3: And I was like, I guess so, and then they
Speaker 3: flew me to California.
Speaker 1: Okay, so I have a few questions here what you said.
Speaker 1: I I have a few questions about everything you just said. Okay,
Speaker 1: first of all, you said you got a call and
Speaker 1: they were like, do you want to do porn? What
Speaker 1: do you mean? You got like a rand You got
Speaker 1: a call from a random phone number and the person
Speaker 1: on the other line was just like, do you want
Speaker 1: to do porn? How does that work?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 3: Yeah, this roommate kind of impacted my life in a
Speaker 3: lot of ways. She was on a daity in the
Speaker 3: site and she was talking to this guy and he
Speaker 3: asked her she wanted to do nude modeling, but she
Speaker 3: was like, no, I have a roommate who might though,
Speaker 3: and she gave him my number. And then I was
Speaker 3: at work and I got this call on my break
Speaker 3: and they were like, hey, we heard you might be
Speaker 3: interested in this. And it turns out it was porn,
Speaker 3: not just nude modeling.
Speaker 1: So your roommate gave this person your phone number without
Speaker 1: your knowledge. Yeah, were you upset about that?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: I I guess because she knew. I was like VI
Speaker 3: really out of control. Like I I had tried to
Speaker 3: do stripping like a week before, but I didn't like it,
Speaker 3: so I like ran out. But yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It was weird.
Speaker 1: So how because I feel like you wouldn't have mentioned
Speaker 1: it if it wasn't. How is you seeing your cat
Speaker 1: being killed related to you taking the call to do porn?
Speaker 3: Because I kind of just gave up. It was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think it definitely like triggered a
Speaker 3: manic episode or something, and I was just I was
Speaker 3: just going crazy after that.
Speaker 1: Had you had any interest in doing porn beforehand? Or
Speaker 1: was it just a totally brand new thing that presented
Speaker 1: itself to you and you just said fuck it and
Speaker 1: went to go do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, it was.
Speaker 3: It was random, it was very rare. I was working
Speaker 3: at a grocery store. And then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, m hm, and so you're working at where where
Speaker 1: did you move from Colorado and you just saw a whim?
Speaker 1: Did you move to California immediately? Did you just sort
Speaker 1: of take a flight out there as like kind of
Speaker 1: a test run? First?
Speaker 3: It was like, yeah, it was just like a test run.
Speaker 3: I was through an agency who the guy was like
Speaker 3: a talent scout for a corn agency, and they paid
Speaker 3: for my flight out there. They paid for my like testing,
Speaker 3: like SDD testing. And then yeah, they slew me out
Speaker 3: there and I lived in what was called a model house,
Speaker 3: which was basically just the agent's house, and he had
Speaker 3: all these girls living there with him. And it was
Speaker 3: like a month that I was out there.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you were out there for just.
Speaker 3: A month mm hmm. And then I and then I
Speaker 3: went back.
Speaker 1: What was that first month like?
Speaker 3: It it was like a daze, like I don't even
Speaker 3: know what was happening. I I don't know. I I
Speaker 3: grew up really really religious and like kind of like sheltered,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden, I was in this
Speaker 3: whole new world with like these crazy people, and like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, it was weird.
Speaker 1: With these crazy people. Did did you meet anybody maybe
Speaker 1: the other girls or anything like that who you felt
Speaker 1: like you did form any genuine relationships with.
Speaker 3: There was a couple that I that I've formed like
Speaker 3: pretty good relationships with that there was not really anything
Speaker 3: outside of like our work that we like talked about
Speaker 3: or anything. I don't know. It kind of you kind
Speaker 3: of like a lot of people kind of like to
Speaker 3: keep like their private life private in that industry, right,
Speaker 3: So we didn't really even know each other's real names.
Speaker 1: Interesting, so you went by a stage name mm hm.
Speaker 1: And how long were you out there shooting porn for.
Speaker 3: I did it for like a year and a half.
Speaker 3: I left, So this was in twenty fifteen that I
Speaker 3: went out there, and then I left like the industry
Speaker 3: and like two thousand and seventeen, and then I was
Speaker 3: doing like nude modeling, and then I was doing professional cuddling,
Speaker 3: and then I just went back home. So I was
Speaker 3: in California for a while, just like selling myself.
Speaker 1: I guess professional cuddling is that the thing where like
Speaker 1: people can just hire you to cuddle them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, that's the whole different weird thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, uh.
Speaker 3: Did you say what was that?
Speaker 1: Like? Yeah, it was all right.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think there's good customers and uncomforty customers.
Speaker 1: You know, what would an interaction with an uncomfortable customer be?
Speaker 1: Like if you don't mind me asking.
Speaker 3: They just like like they and like you should have
Speaker 3: just hired a prostitute, you know, like they just try
Speaker 3: to get away with stuff. Sure, sure, Like why are
Speaker 3: you even on this website? You go to a different website.
Speaker 2: M h.
Speaker 1: So you did cuddling, you did nude uh modeling, and
Speaker 1: you did actual porn and this was for you said
Speaker 1: the whole all in all about a year and a half.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: What was your kind of like day to day life, Like,
Speaker 1: give me an average day in this year and a
Speaker 1: half of yours.
Speaker 3: It depended like what the what my job was? I
Speaker 3: guess like during porn, like I would only do like
Speaker 3: a couple shoots a week during like the porn, but
Speaker 3: that was like every week for a year.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 3: You would like wake up and then I didn't have
Speaker 3: a car, so I have the agency had a driver
Speaker 3: and they would drive me to some random house and
Speaker 3: then they would like do my makeup, and then you
Speaker 3: would meet the person that you're shooting with and be like, hey,
Speaker 3: what's up, And then you show each other your tests
Speaker 3: and then they do the shoot and then say okay,
Speaker 3: find everybody, and then you go home and relax. I
Speaker 3: don't know, it's like a regular workday.
Speaker 1: Sure, So this year and a half, I mean this
Speaker 1: was about five years ago that you were doing all
Speaker 1: this stuff, and now that you've had a lot of
Speaker 1: time to sort of think about it in a retrospective,
Speaker 1: what are your feelings about this year and a half.
Speaker 3: I kind of wish I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: Why is that.
Speaker 3: Because it was such a short amount of time that
Speaker 3: it didn't really like I didn't like save enough money
Speaker 3: to like invest or anything or I don't know, it
Speaker 3: didn't really positively impact my life, but it definitely negatively did,
Speaker 3: like with like having bad feelings towards sex now and
Speaker 3: not that anything happened to me in porn, but because
Speaker 3: I was in that headspace in California as like nothing
Speaker 3: really matters, I definitely put myself in bad situations. And
Speaker 3: also like my family they I live with my family
Speaker 3: now and like everything's fine, but there's part of me
Speaker 3: that's like, oh, like you know, and I know that
Speaker 3: I was there, and like, I don't know, So did.
Speaker 1: This have some sort of adverse effect on your relationship
Speaker 1: with your family?
Speaker 3: I already kind of had a bad relationship with them.
Speaker 3: They kicked me out when I was eighteen for smoking weed,
Speaker 3: and I think I kind of like broke them, Like
Speaker 3: that's what my mom says, that I like broke my dad.
Speaker 3: And then now they're all nice to me. So I
Speaker 3: guess it kind of helped, like they were like.
Speaker 1: Well, so when you say when you say you broke them,
Speaker 1: you're you're meaning that almost in like a in a
Speaker 1: positive way, like like you know, we can't stay mad
Speaker 1: at you for these things, and you know, right, we
Speaker 1: forgive you come on over here type of way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they call me like the prodigal child because they're
Speaker 3: super religious, so they're like, oh, you came back from
Speaker 3: your wayward ways and now now we can all love
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 4: And like.
Speaker 1: That's interesting though, that you had a strained relationship with
Speaker 1: them and they kicked you out. And obviously I'm sure
Speaker 1: that their religious background and you know, the stuff you
Speaker 1: were doing out there I didn't mix super well. Uh,
Speaker 1: and probably caused some conflict. But it's interesting to me
Speaker 1: now that you guys that you not live with them,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like you do you do you have,
Speaker 1: you know, to this day, a good relationship with them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's it's all right. It's like I can't
Speaker 3: be like bullying myself, but like I'm glad that I
Speaker 3: do have a relationship with them.
Speaker 1: I can ask how did because you alluded to this
Speaker 1: a little bit, but how did your brief porn career
Speaker 1: affect your sort of relationship and feelings about sex in general?
Speaker 3: It made it very transactional, I think, and like pretty impersonal.
Speaker 3: I don't know it. And then like there's when people
Speaker 3: find out about that, then they just want to like
Speaker 3: take advantage of you. They're like, oh, she's really easy then,
Speaker 3: and then like that's all they really think about.
Speaker 1: M is that are do those those feelings of you know,
Speaker 1: did those feelings that you just expressed, did that Do
Speaker 1: you feel that way today? With it being five years ago?
Speaker 3: Not as much. I'm working on it. I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's so it's definitely is pretty difficult.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm. At the end of the year
Speaker 1: and a half, what was it that kind of broke
Speaker 1: the camel's back and made you decide to go back home.
Speaker 3: I was severely depressed and anxious, like I don't I
Speaker 3: some stuff happens, not important, but like when I I
Speaker 3: know you're not a therapist, I'm sorry. It just I
Speaker 3: had a traumatic experience with sex and I was just
Speaker 3: I couldn't even get out of bed. So I was like,
Speaker 3: maybe maybe I need to go home. I can't take
Speaker 3: care of myself anymore.
Speaker 1: So yeah, have you have you talked to a real
Speaker 1: therapist about all this stuff?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I less medication too.
Speaker 1: And what kinds of things do they tell you in
Speaker 1: response to all this to try to help you work
Speaker 1: through it.
Speaker 3: It's just a lot of listening. I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 3: they don't. I think they just want me to talk
Speaker 3: about it, like get it out. It's just like time
Speaker 3: heals things. I guess I don't know. And they wanted
Speaker 3: me to have a good relationship with my parents. I
Speaker 3: would see in therapists in California too, and that was
Speaker 3: a big part of it. Of like my pain was
Speaker 3: just like whenever I talked about my mom or my dad,
Speaker 3: I just start crying and stuff. So I don't know,
Speaker 3: I'm working on it. It's getting better. I didn't I
Speaker 3: didn't really mean to talk about all this. Sorry.
Speaker 1: No, I don't know. You don't have to be sorry.
Speaker 1: I mean, I I apologize if I went down a
Speaker 1: line of questions. I mean, like, how do you feel
Speaker 1: like right now talking about it?
Speaker 3: It's okay, It's all right, m.
Speaker 1: Because yeah. I mean, I know you said that you're
Speaker 1: a real therapist. They kind of just get you to
Speaker 1: try to talk about it, and that's kind of you know,
Speaker 1: what I've been doing on this phone call is just
Speaker 1: you know, asking you questions about it. But I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if that is uh, if that is
Speaker 1: helpful to you. It's I mean, I'm not a real thera.
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot in a gecko costume. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's helpful to you or if it feels
Speaker 1: bad to talk about all that stuff.
Speaker 3: No, it's okay, okay, I yeah, I just don't talk
Speaker 3: about it a lot, so I think, like, it's just
Speaker 3: with my therapist, so it's it's kind of interesting talking
Speaker 3: to another person.
Speaker 1: What's your name again, or you can give me a
Speaker 1: totally fake name that is.
Speaker 3: My name is Alexis.
Speaker 1: Alexis well, Alexis. Thank you for sharing all of this
Speaker 1: with us. Is there anything else that you want to
Speaker 1: say to the people of the computer or to a
Speaker 1: gecko before we go?
Speaker 3: I hope you have a nice time with Guatemala.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you very much, man, I appreciate that. Good
Speaker 1: luck to you. No, go ahead.
Speaker 3: They have a really pretty green bird there called a
Speaker 3: ketzel or quetzal aqual.
Speaker 1: I don't know what. I made some fucking graphic for
Speaker 1: some job that I worked that involved quetzel, and I
Speaker 1: haven't thought about quetzels. Ye just now.
Speaker 3: I hope you see one.
Speaker 1: I hope I see one too. Thank you for wishing
Speaker 1: that upon me. I'm glad to hear that your relationship
Speaker 1: is getting better with your parents, and I'm glad to
Speaker 1: hear that it sounds like, even though things in the
Speaker 1: past have been kind of rocky, at least sounds to
Speaker 1: me from you know, the you know, fifteen minutes we've
Speaker 1: been on the phone, that things are, you know, on
Speaker 1: an upward trajectory. So I'm happy for you about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's gonna be fine. I'm okay, I'm
Speaker 3: I'm working on things. It's been a while, so thank.
Speaker 1: You, of course, thank you for calling Alexis.
Speaker 3: Bye.
Speaker 1: That was Alexis, That was I. I. You know, that
Speaker 1: was interesting because I I, I mean, that's all I
Speaker 1: they do on here is talk to people, you know,
Speaker 1: talk to people about stuff. And I've had a lot
Speaker 1: of people say that just talking about things helps them.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I'm not an actual therapist. I am,
Speaker 1: as I said, an idiot in a gecko costume, So
Speaker 1: I don't know if talking about things is helpful for
Speaker 1: people or if it, like is traumatic for people. So
Speaker 1: I don't know, But what did you say? Her name
Speaker 1: was Alexis. It sounded like things were on an upward
Speaker 1: trajectory for her. I did find very interesting that her
Speaker 1: relationship with her parents got better after a while, because
Speaker 1: I've talked to a lot of people on here who
Speaker 1: came from like weird religious backgrounds, and some of them
Speaker 1: have like kind of repaired their relationship with their parents,
Speaker 1: but a lot of them just kind of are cast
Speaker 1: it away. So I'm glad to hear that at least
Speaker 1: in that apartment, things are going a little bit better
Speaker 1: for a Lexis. Thanks for calling man. Hello, Hello, Hey, Hello, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's your name?
Speaker 4: Brier.
Speaker 1: What's going on with you, Brian?
Speaker 4: Not much. I'm on the side of the highway driving
Speaker 4: from Boston to Nashville.
Speaker 1: You're on the side of the highway driving from Boston
Speaker 1: to Nashville. What's going on in Nashville that they don't
Speaker 1: have in Boston.
Speaker 4: I live in Nashville. My friend just graduated from law
Speaker 4: school in Boston, and so that graduation was yesterday. So
Speaker 4: right now I'm heading back. I'm spending the night in
Speaker 4: West Virginia with my friend. So long drive.
Speaker 1: What is it you'd like to talk about today, brih.
Speaker 4: So, I have these dreams, I guess you could say,
Speaker 4: and it's something that I've never really found anybody else
Speaker 4: that related, and I just thought I would share it
Speaker 4: because it's an interesting experience. All right. Uh, have you
Speaker 4: ever had a dream or dreams where you're in a
Speaker 4: place that seems familiar, but you know, you don't know
Speaker 4: it in your real life, but it might be just like, oh,
Speaker 4: a dream house, I'm familiar with that. I don't know
Speaker 4: if you remember your dreams? Yeah, and okay, and then
Speaker 4: like recurring dreams, right, So, I have this place that
Speaker 4: I often go to in my dreams and I kind
Speaker 4: of wake up and I'm a different person. And for
Speaker 4: the past ten years, I've been going to this place
Speaker 4: that's not just a house, it's there's a cabin in
Speaker 4: the woods, there's a whole city. There's even like a
Speaker 4: government facility. You know, it's expansive, and probably over the
Speaker 4: last ten to twelve years, over time, I've realized that
Speaker 4: this is all the same place, but instead of it
Speaker 4: being a recurring dream, the timeline is continuous. So it's
Speaker 4: like I'll go to sleep and I'll wake up in
Speaker 4: this other person's reality and I'll you know, come back
Speaker 4: to my life from the next week. A week will
Speaker 4: pass in that world. The place I think is called Cascada,
Speaker 4: So I'll have a Cascada dream, and you know, I've
Speaker 4: built relationships. I mean, there's so many things that have
Speaker 4: gone on over the last ten years.
Speaker 1: Give me an example of a person whose body you've
Speaker 1: woken up in and what was their life like.
Speaker 4: It's the same person every time.
Speaker 1: It's the same person over the course of fifteen years. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: tell me about this person.
Speaker 4: And well, Harper is kind of a loner, so she
Speaker 4: lives in the city. Her family has this cabin that's uh,
Speaker 4: so I know it is in the northeast of the
Speaker 4: United States. I just geographically know that it's on the water.
Speaker 4: But there's this town, the port town kind of thing.
Speaker 4: And then my family has a cabin in the woods,
Speaker 4: so I spend a lot of time there, but I
Speaker 4: don't think other people know about it. And essentially I'm
Speaker 4: just kind of wandering around, going on walk through the
Speaker 4: woods away from town, and I come across this facility, big,
Speaker 4: big series of buildings. So over the course of the
Speaker 4: next like two years, I figure out a way to
Speaker 4: sneak in there, or Harper does, And so she is
Speaker 4: trying to figure out what's going on. She sees that
Speaker 4: there's this whole like, I don't know, experiments kind of
Speaker 4: thing going on. People tries to figure out what that is,
Speaker 4: and it kind of unveils this whole I don't know, conspiracy.
Speaker 4: So then you know she's a go getter. She tries
Speaker 4: to make friends up in the government system with the
Speaker 4: people I don't know, prisoners, I don't even know what
Speaker 4: to call them. And then I start to try to
Speaker 4: tell people in the city about what's happening, Like.
Speaker 1: Do you do you believe this is a real person?
Speaker 4: If I'm being completely honest, it kind of feels like
Speaker 4: I'm waking up in another dimension. And I might have
Speaker 4: some like I don't know, uh string theory alternate dimension
Speaker 4: links somehow, but that is also a crazy pants theory,
Speaker 4: and it's just the only way I've been able to
Speaker 4: wrap my mind around how insane it is to have
Speaker 4: a consistent like dream escape. I don't even know experience
Speaker 4: of consciousness of this other person for years, So.
Speaker 1: Tell me, I don't know, I have who who? All?
Speaker 1: Have you told about this?
Speaker 4: Not many people, but close friends know about it. I
Speaker 4: told you know. And sometimes I'll get like drunk at
Speaker 4: a party and I'll start talking about it. But it's
Speaker 4: really hard to not come across like I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just I don't want to feel judged about it
Speaker 4: because I know it's really weird, and so I don't
Speaker 4: talk about it that much. That's why I thought it
Speaker 4: might be safe to call and talk about it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, this is interesting. This is interesting. When
Speaker 1: I first I saw I saw the notes that the
Speaker 1: call screener wrote down. It said that you, you know, wake
Speaker 1: up in another person's body, But I didn't realize that
Speaker 1: it was the same person for fifteen years. Do they
Speaker 1: look like you?
Speaker 4: They have no, No, I can tell they're like taller.
Speaker 4: I think I'm like five seven five eight, and I'm
Speaker 4: really like flat, but it almost it took me a
Speaker 4: long time. I'm still honestly not one hundred percent if
Speaker 4: I'm a guy or a girl. But I know I
Speaker 4: have kind of a boyish body type, and I know
Speaker 4: I have short brown hair. Like are you.
Speaker 1: Are you talking about yourself or are you talking about Harper?
Speaker 4: No, Harper, Harper, I'm five two blondes and like not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, so you're not sure if Harper is a
Speaker 1: guy or a girl.
Speaker 4: I'm not sure if the guy or girl. I feel
Speaker 4: like I would be really aware of that a penis,
Speaker 4: but so it doesn't make you think girl. And there's
Speaker 4: also some like romantic feelings towards some guys vaguely, but
Speaker 4: I don't That also doesn't necessarily mean anything. I don't know.
Speaker 1: So you're so you as Harper, So take a sleve
Speaker 1: with me. So you, as Harper will like have like
Speaker 1: crushes in romantic feelings on other people in the dream.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so there's two there's like two of my guys.
Speaker 4: I guess, like one's a friends and another is like
Speaker 4: a co conspirator. I guess you could say. The curious
Speaker 4: thing that I've also just noticed over the past years
Speaker 4: and years is that romance isn't really a thing in
Speaker 4: this city at least. So I'm always caught really off
Speaker 4: guard by these feelings.
Speaker 1: And you have a totally different family in this correct.
Speaker 5: I.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm actually pretty sure I'm in a like
Speaker 4: Orphanish situation. I don't I don't have parents. I have relatives,
Speaker 4: but I don't ever interact with them. And I think
Speaker 4: the reason I'm even at this cabin sometimes because I
Speaker 4: always thought, like, why is she not at school? Still
Speaker 4: don't have the answer to that.
Speaker 1: But Okay, how old is she? Tell us that real quick?
Speaker 1: Is she? Is she a child?
Speaker 4: No? She was fifteen, fourteen or fifteen when I first
Speaker 4: started having the dreams. So she she's like twenty five,
Speaker 4: twenty four, twenty five now is mid twenties. Yeah, so
Speaker 4: she was a teenager when she started this, but now,
Speaker 4: you know, adults. She's built a network of like kind
Speaker 4: of like insurrection people to try and see what's going on.
Speaker 4: But like six months ago, maybe no, maybe three months ago,
Speaker 4: a volcano happened and really affected everything.
Speaker 1: A volcano happened everything.
Speaker 4: So yeah, yeah, I had a couple of dreams, and
Speaker 4: usually I had a couple of dreams about this volcano,
Speaker 4: and they were kind of vague, and it wasn't until
Speaker 4: I had three in a row Harper dreams I realized,
Speaker 4: I've always known that, like a couple of miles out,
Speaker 4: maybe I don't even know ocean stuff, there's an island
Speaker 4: and I've always been curious about the island. I'll never
Speaker 4: go there, and the volcanoes. The island was a volcano,
Speaker 4: and the volcano exploded. So basically what I'm figuring at
Speaker 4: we're at present day right now, is what's happening in
Speaker 4: Cascada is Harper is now had this communication system underground
Speaker 4: with all these people, some in the camps, some in
Speaker 4: the city, some in the forest in their secret meeting place.
Speaker 4: She's essentially trying to regroup, figure out who's alive, if
Speaker 4: anyone's alive, and see how this affected every all the plant,
Speaker 4: I mean, everything just changed. So I'm trying to essentially
Speaker 4: find my crew. But it's scary because like thousands of
Speaker 4: people just died.
Speaker 1: So so so Cascada, so Cascada. Is that the name
Speaker 1: of the place where Harper is.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the name at least of the city. I
Speaker 4: don't and I think it's like the region.
Speaker 1: But I just looked is it is it? Is it
Speaker 1: a real Is it? Is it a real location.
Speaker 4: On planet Earth? Yeah? I think it's somewhere in the northeast,
Speaker 4: like I want to say, maybe New York area, but
Speaker 4: not in New York City, but somewhere else around the coast,
Speaker 4: which is weird because I've never lived.
Speaker 1: There in there v So volcano and saw a volcano
Speaker 1: erupted and completely destroyed where she lives.
Speaker 4: So the volcano is far enough a way that yeah,
Speaker 4: it's not like POMPEII, right, but it's enough that it's
Speaker 4: decimated essentially, you know, uh, you would have had to
Speaker 4: evacuate in a timely manner to not die.
Speaker 1: And so now every time that you go to sleep,
Speaker 1: you continue the storyline that was going in the previous stream.
Speaker 1: And you've been continuing this sort of storyline for fifteen years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you ever talked to a like a psych.
Speaker 4: About this, I've like mentioned it to my therapist. But
Speaker 4: it's not really anything that's like causing I don't know.
Speaker 4: It's you know, nothing really to work through, which is
Speaker 4: kind of interesting.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm not. Yeah, it doesn't seem like a
Speaker 1: like a like a negative thing, but it doesn't seem
Speaker 1: like like it doesn't seem like a negative thing. But
Speaker 1: I feel like it'd be interesting to like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm curious about why. I'm sure you're curious about why,
Speaker 1: So it could be kind of interesting. Not even like,
Speaker 1: oh I need help with this, but just like, hey,
Speaker 1: do we know what the fuck any of this means?
Speaker 4: Right? I don't wonder if I, like a psychologist, if
Speaker 4: you would know about that. I don't know if I
Speaker 4: have to go to there's somebody specific. I looked into
Speaker 4: astral projection like communities on Reddit and stuff. That's the
Speaker 4: closest thing I've found. But it's not that either. It's
Speaker 4: just something way weird and different. I kind of want
Speaker 4: to write a book about it, you know, it.
Speaker 1: Could be it could be kind of an interesting book. Actually,
Speaker 1: I think there is something to be done creatively. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there is something to be done creatively with this. I
Speaker 1: think that would be a good, uh sort of bottle
Speaker 1: to capture it all in. So you've kind of so
Speaker 1: you've kind of explained what's going on with you, and
Speaker 1: you've explained this girl, and you've explained to this world.
Speaker 1: But to kind of add on on to you, you saying,
Speaker 1: to pick up that conversation of you saying that this
Speaker 1: is not a negative thing. How do you feel about this?
Speaker 1: How does it affect your life and your thoughts?
Speaker 4: I feel like it's kind of like a gift. It's
Speaker 4: almost like if you're in a video game, if you
Speaker 4: like randomly get an extra ability or something. You know,
Speaker 4: there's no necessary there's no benefit to it necessarily, but
Speaker 4: it enriches my life, I think, and I look forward
Speaker 4: to the nights when I have those dreams and I
Speaker 4: think it's I just think it's fascinating. Uh. I actually
Speaker 4: was able to get to do it meditatively one time.
Speaker 4: I got really into meditation and that while you were awake,
Speaker 4: and after that it was, yeah, I was like, I
Speaker 4: don't know, I did the astral projection meditation.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 4: I tried to do that stuff for a while and
Speaker 4: I never did the act like actual projection like that,
Speaker 4: but I did. I don't know. If I didn't, I
Speaker 4: could have been doing it and like sort of fallen asleep. Oh,
Speaker 4: I know, I was meditating and then I was like
Speaker 4: not really aware of what was going on. And that
Speaker 4: was in Cascada. When I woke up, I was like,
Speaker 4: I did it. But after that it was hard to
Speaker 4: go back. I didn't have it a Cascada dream for
Speaker 4: like two months, so tell us. So I just kind
Speaker 4: of let it happen naturally.
Speaker 1: What is your favorite memory from Cascada.
Speaker 4: Oh, I was just thinking about that earlier today. Okay,
Speaker 4: I think my favorite memory is there is this The
Speaker 4: beaches are really interesting. So there's this one beach in
Speaker 4: particular that I love to go to, and you go
Speaker 4: down these woods, these stone stairs, and there's sand, but
Speaker 4: there's also all these like kind of like salt licks,
Speaker 4: I guess. So the sand is really really white, and
Speaker 4: then you see like the rock faces almost look like,
Speaker 4: you know, that white. I don't know what that stuff
Speaker 4: was called, like sparkly white granity looking stuff or salt.
Speaker 4: I don't even know, but the salt stuff like floats,
Speaker 4: and so people will like go on like little saltburgs.
Speaker 4: And so I remember I was on this raft with
Speaker 4: this kid and his dad and they were fishing and
Speaker 4: then this huge like six foot yellow crazy looking fish
Speaker 4: hop stup on there and I almost with my footing
Speaker 4: and fall in, and the Dad's like, you might want
Speaker 4: to step off. We're going to be catching a lot today.
Speaker 4: So I was like hopped along and I like stepped
Speaker 4: in the water. I remember, and it's like okay, but
Speaker 4: it was like really squishy, and I was like oh,
Speaker 4: and so then I hopped back up and then I
Speaker 4: just sat and I watched the little boy and his
Speaker 4: dad fish and then the sunset and then Yeah, that
Speaker 4: was just a really pleasant, mundane memory I have from CASCADEO.
Speaker 4: It was really nice.
Speaker 1: This is like a this is like a like a
Speaker 1: Miyazaki movie or something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, that's a nice way to think about it.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah. I appreciate you sharing. This is super
Speaker 1: super interesting thing. I'm glad that you have a good
Speaker 1: relationship with it too. It seems like it's something yeah
Speaker 1: that enriches your life to uh kind of you know,
Speaker 1: transport to like a like a fantasy world where you're
Speaker 1: a different.
Speaker 4: Person exact, I feel like related to like like I
Speaker 4: wonder if Jerr I'll token felt this way. I'm writing
Speaker 4: Lord of the Race. He is so goofy, But.
Speaker 1: You know, I really and novels, right, I really wouldn't
Speaker 1: be surprised if some of these people who have built
Speaker 1: like such dense universes have had parts of it come
Speaker 1: to them in dreams.
Speaker 4: I'm so curious or like Jay or whatever, Harry Potter,
Speaker 4: Lady j k Rowling, some of these really fantastical worlds.
Speaker 4: Only now that I'm having this experience, I'm kind of
Speaker 4: like seeing these worlds and like I wonder, there's no
Speaker 4: way to know, but it's yes, it's kind of interesting.
Speaker 1: Now there's no way that Adobe was a thought of
Speaker 1: the conscious.
Speaker 4: Mind exactly, and I'll have these like fantastical things like
Speaker 4: I don't know, little Iceberg, it's just the smallest details,
Speaker 4: or like the way technology works is it's similar, but
Speaker 4: it's definitely different, and it's just curious just how things
Speaker 4: are different in the most subtle, tiny details.
Speaker 1: Briar, Briar, I do hope that, Like I said, I
Speaker 1: think it's cool that you have such a a positive
Speaker 1: relationship with this thing. It's very fascinating. I'm glad that
Speaker 1: I felt like at the beginning. At the beginning, I
Speaker 1: didn't really you know, it definitely was hard to explain hard.
Speaker 1: But now then we're at the end of this thing.
Speaker 1: I feel like I get it a bit more now
Speaker 1: and it's I find it fascinating. I do hope that
Speaker 1: you find a a container for it creatively in some way,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, it says you're only twenty six
Speaker 1: years old, yeah, and it doesn't say if you've been
Speaker 1: dreaming like this for fifteen years. You know, it sounds
Speaker 1: like you have a and it's not like it's going
Speaker 1: away anytime soon. So very curious to see how this
Speaker 1: this whole thing develops as you get older. You know
Speaker 1: there might be more inspiration to come.
Speaker 4: That's what I'm thinking. So I keep your eye out
Speaker 4: for cascade of books. And also, just honestly, thank you
Speaker 4: so much for taking the time to allow me to
Speaker 4: explain it all because I know it's a lot, and
Speaker 4: that's why I don't really talk to many people about it,
Speaker 4: but it feels so nice to share that because it's fun.
Speaker 4: And I also know people call them for like advice
Speaker 4: to stuff. Thought this, I thought you'd be interested, so.
Speaker 1: Oh, no, this was perfect. This was very interesting. And no,
Speaker 1: I'm glad I did to you. No, you're you look
Speaker 1: you're totally right off the bat a little danse, But
Speaker 1: now that we have the time to get into it,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we did.
Speaker 4: Dave, Well, thank you so much. I hope you have
Speaker 4: a great rest of your night, beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Brier Light, Huh, that was very interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that. You know, a lot of the times
Speaker 1: when people have like, I don't know, stuff like that,
Speaker 1: they they like, we had this guy on the podcast,
Speaker 1: uh who called in to talk about getting abducted by aliens,
Speaker 1: and it seemed it seemed like mostly a negative traumatic
Speaker 1: thing for him. But uh uh, it was very fascinating
Speaker 1: to kind of hear the other side of the coin
Speaker 1: with this caller who uh looks at it as a gift.
Speaker 1: I think she said that even that it's a gift
Speaker 1: that she gets to go to sleep and occasionally transport
Speaker 1: herself into this fantasy world in which her unconscious mind
Speaker 1: is revealing all these magical experiences for her. It sounds
Speaker 1: kind of beautiful. I really did. I got the the
Speaker 1: like a Miyazaki kind of vibe from it, especially when
Speaker 1: she was talking about, you know, being by the water
Speaker 1: and this giant, monstrous fish and whatnot. Because we all
Speaker 1: engage in escapism. We all, you know, I mean, that's why,
Speaker 1: you know, Harry Potter and shit exist is because we
Speaker 1: want to humans enjoy entering into other universes, taking a
Speaker 1: break from their own. And I do I do understand
Speaker 1: why she sees it as a gift, because it's that
Speaker 1: this cascade place, it's all hers. It's a product of
Speaker 1: her own unconscious mind in a way that you know,
Speaker 1: like you can't own the Hogwarts that belongs to everybody,
Speaker 1: but she has her own fantasy world that just belongs
Speaker 1: to her. And and you know, I asked her if
Speaker 1: she's talked to a psych about it, and she did
Speaker 1: say that it's not a thing that's negatively affecting her life.
Speaker 1: And I didn't. We talked for about twenty minutes, and
Speaker 1: I didn't get the sense that it was a negative
Speaker 1: I didn't get any even tinge of a sense that
Speaker 1: it was a negative thing on her life. But I
Speaker 1: do wonder what that is. She says, it's called like
Speaker 1: if you if you guys want to look up this thing.
Speaker 1: She says, it's called what is it again, astral something? Yeah,
Speaker 1: fuck it, I lost it, But I think it's I
Speaker 1: think it's astral projection some shit like that. But that was.
Speaker 1: That was super interesting to hear about it. I hope that.
Speaker 1: I hope we do hear more about Cascade in the
Speaker 1: future and form of a novel, an audio tape, a
Speaker 1: comic book, a concept music album, whatever it is. Thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing, Brier. What's it's not astral projection? Oh? Okay,
Speaker 1: I fucked up? I was wrong. That was That's actually
Speaker 1: the first time I have ever been wrong on this podcast.
Speaker 1: You're all witnessing history, folks, the very first time ever
Speaker 1: that I have been wrong, possibly in my whole life.
Speaker 1: What an honor it is for you all to witness. Okay,
Speaker 1: someone said no, somebody said it's not astral projection, and
Speaker 1: then right under them, someone said no, it is astral projection.
Speaker 1: So I have no idea. Someone says, I'm fucking I'm
Speaker 1: looking it up. I have a computer. Astro glad, this
Speaker 1: says it's a company, this says it's lube. Are you
Speaker 1: guys fucking with me? I'm done with this Astro Astro
Speaker 1: perro Jack show. Um oh oh yes, yes, okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: fuck whoever? Okay, A couple of things. I was not wrong.
Speaker 1: I was not wrong. This is not the first time
Speaker 1: I ever been wrong. It is called astro project Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: holy shit, this is real. Oh, this is a real
Speaker 1: This is a real thing. This is a real thing.
Speaker 1: Astro projection astro projection is a term used to describe
Speaker 1: an intentional out of body experience that assumes the existence
Speaker 1: of a subtle body called an astral body, through which
Speaker 1: consciousness can function separately from the physical body and travel
Speaker 1: throughout the astro prane plane. What the fuck is This
Speaker 1: is crazy? The astra body is a subtle bot. What
Speaker 1: the fuck is anyone else looking at this right now?
Speaker 1: This is nuts? Is this real? Oh? Apparently it's called
Speaker 1: a Okay, hold on, I'm looking up asshole projection. Apparently
Speaker 1: that Okay, I was wrong. Apparently it's called asshole Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna google asshole projection. I'm gonna see what comes up.
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna do this. Rectal prolapse is a medical
Speaker 1: condition in which the rectum starts to push through the anus.
Speaker 2: H h.
Speaker 1: My name is Lyle and I'm a gecko and this
Speaker 1: has been therapy. Gecko. Rep Cat goes on the line
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night. The repy Cat goes
Speaker 1: doing his ride. He's teaching you Cloud and the Liver
Speaker 1: your life, but he's not really an expert.