WEBVTT - You've Got Decisions: Am I a Cheater? 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:00.960 Speaks to the planet. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:02.520 I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:04.920 guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.319 third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:11.360 back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:14.840 Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions, 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:17.560 Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.319 B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine. You got the 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:22.919 Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts. We got 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:25.479 Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:28.440 her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:31.200 more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts. 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.160 We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.400 plus the food truck court to keep you fed while 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:38.919 you visit us. All right, listen, you. 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:40.440 Don't want to miss this. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:43.320 Tap in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:45.479 dot Com Flash Podcast Festival. 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:49.000 If you would like to have us answer your questions. 0:00:49.200 --> 0:00:52.519 And you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:59.120 a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got, Decisions, You've. 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:06.560 Got Decision baby again. I just love to moan, Hey a. 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:09.320 Moan. 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:16.840 All right, boom, it's another You Got Decisions episode where 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:20.200 we are giving our advice to your questions. If you 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.319 want to send us in a question, make sure you 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:26.640 send it on over to Decisions Pod at gmail dot com. 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:28.319 We may read it aloud. 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:31.680 You are always anonymous, so you don't have to keep 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:35.319 putting keep me anonymous, y'all. I swear they think they 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:39.119 were want their work job. No, they still say keep 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:39.880 me anonymous. 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:40.240 Please. 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:42.080 We will not say your name. 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.679 We are just hoping to help people find answers in 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:50.440 very similar situations. And this week a listener wants to 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.200 know if they are a cheater now. 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:54.600 Before we get there. If you got to ask, you 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:55.280 probably are. 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.640 That's one of those things where it's really black and white. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:02.000 Like I know, there's like gray areas of things, But 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:03.280 am I a cheater? 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:04.880 Actually? 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.239 That is a great area. Let's your partner decide. My 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.240 partner will tell you if you're a cheater. But today 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:16.240 you're asking myself. I have tempest X, who is the 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.959 writer of No Holds Bart, the book with Weezy and 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:21.680 I that you need to go ahead and get today 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.519 if you haven't, ye help us make New York Times bestseller. 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:27.239 And then, of course Eden, are you miked up over there? Wolf? 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:28.680 Oh? 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:29.200 Yes? 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:29.960 And Wolf? 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.119 By the way, the ladies have been loving the both 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:36.240 of you, are y'all being on the comments, they'd be like. 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.119 Who I know Eden was licking this way. 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.440 We're gonna get match at tattoo soon. 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:41.880 Yeah, y'all gotta listen to that episode. 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.720 If you haven't go to the You've Got Decisions that 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.000 asks if a tattoo is a deal breaker, It's somewhere 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:49.120 on this goddamn feed. 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:51.560 Y'all will laugh if you haven't listened to it yet. 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.760 All right, so let's get into it, Hey, ladies and gentlemen. 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:58.280 I love this show and have been listening since I 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:03.840 was sixteen. Now I'm nineteen, in college and in a relationship. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:05.520 I need some advice. 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:09.400 This is my first official relationship, but not the first 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:14.079 guy I've entertained. The situation I need advice on is this. 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.359 My boyfriend and I have been officially together for four months, 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.880 but before that, we were in a talking stage and 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.880 situationship for about seven months before he actually asked me 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:29.000 to be his girlfriend. During that time, I did talk 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.880 to and entertain other guys here and there to keep 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:32.720 my options open. 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:35.840 Yes, I asked if we were exclusive and he said no. 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:40.400 However, I never had physical relations with anyone other than him. 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:44.960 Oh oh, so entertaining is probably dating. She's young, y'all know. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.000 I know. Look at y'all looking lost. I know. 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.240 Seven months is a long time to wait for someone 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:53.080 to commit, But I gave him grace because he was 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.600 still healing from past relationships. 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:59.400 Right, all right, God, both of all outreas. 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.320 A month before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:06.240 I tested the waters one last time with someone new, 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.160 but quickly realized I didn't like anyone as much as 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:12.200 I liked him. That's when I decided to put all 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:15.600 my eggs in his basket. Okay, a little while into 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:18.560 our relationship, he went through my messages and saw that 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.520 I had talked to other people during our seven months 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:25.560 of talking and dating. Now he says I cheated on 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.680 him and keeps throwing it in my face. What But 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:31.720 I don't believe I did, because he never officially asked 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:35.280 me to be his girlfriend. We were in a situationship, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:39.040 which isn't an official relationship with clear rules. 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.799 What do you guys think? Am I a cheater? 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:43.080 No? 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:45.240 So I have two parts that I want to take 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:45.560 from this. 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.039 Oh, first off, let's start with the question, and then 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.320 there's another tidbit that I want to get into that 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:57.000 is new for me with my relationship. But the do 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:02.640 you guys think I'm a cheater? And his reaction, I'm 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:04.760 gonna tell you something, you're not gonna want to hear 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:12.320 him making it seem like you're cheating because he went 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.880 through messages of you entertaining men. 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.080 While you weren't really with him. 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.760 I agree, is a clear indication that, bitch, he's cheating 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:22.040 on you. 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.080 Oh, I don't know about all that. 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.800 Let me tell you why. In my last relationship, I 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:29.599 actually agree. 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:35.200 In my last relationship, damn, he was convinced that every 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:37.279 time I was on a trip, every time I hopped 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:41.360 on a plane on a dick, when the reality was 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.440 he was actually entertaining women every time I was out 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.599 of town. And so he projected what he knew his 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:51.359 actions to actually be to you to making it seem 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:55.040 like and making it like literally wanting to argue with 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:58.240 me about something I was not doing, almost to where 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:01.200 a little piece of me was like well, he's gonna 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:03.520 think I'm doing it anyways, I may as well just 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:06.240 fucking cheat because the nigga think I'm cheating and I'm not. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.000 I'm not entertaining anyone. I'm busy. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:12.560 And so what I ended up realizing in hindsight was 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:17.320 literally when he traveled, he was actually fucking another bitch. 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.159 I thought he went to Panama for suits. He was 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:22.840 in Panama would have been big yea, literally, you know 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:26.599 what I mean. So he projected his own actions onto 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:31.920 me a lot. And so he literally said, y'all weren't exclusive. 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:35.000 And so for him to be making this big fuss 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:39.320 about messages that he knows predated the relationship is guilt 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.800 seeping through his fucking pores that he's doing that same 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:43.440 thing right now. 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:49.520 And so in his mind, this is this is making it. 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:53.000 It's validating his actions because now he's saying, well, you 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:53.640 cheated on me. 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.000 Or even if not, he's being very controlling. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.080 That is also a red flag, like why why is 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:03.200 he getting on you when you weren't together. He was 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.920 the one who made the decision. Didn't he need the time? 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:08.840 He didn't he was healing, He was healing. 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:10.360 Oh I don't like Edam's. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:14.240 Faith as the other man in this uh in this panel. 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:15.239 As the only man in this panel. 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:19.080 Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's fact over there. 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:19.480 See. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.440 When I first started to hear all this, right, I 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:23.960 was like, this is some bullshit they say right now, right, 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:30.240 but as man talking right, I started getting a little 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:32.840 bit mad. But then I started getting mad realizing something. 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:34.920 She just realized. No, not me. 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:37.800 I realized, I, look, he probably got cheated during COVID. 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:42.280 Oh my god, because I'm realizing this shorty was projecting 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:46.360 a lot when I was out doing nothing, and I'm like, 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.160 and it was a it was a complicated situation too, yes, 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:51.400 And I just realized I might have been getting cheated. 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:55.160 You might have been getting gas lit, Purdue into a 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.680 porsonary getting tired because they're doing the wrong thing. And 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.640 so that's what that's what happens lot, right, Like, when 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:04.600 you're doing something you don't you don't want, or you 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.800 shouldn't be doing while you're in a relationship, either you 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:12.680 start projecting and pointing fingers because the only thing to 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.640 validate you doing or you being in the wrong is 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:16.200 if they're. 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:17.880 Also in the wrong and you going through a phone 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.200 any mind that through and then it. 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:22.480 Cancels each other out right, You're right. 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.480 Not only is it the red flag that he's making 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.080 this argument prior to you, it's a red flag that 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.000 he feels the need, four months into your relationship to 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:33.240 be going through your phone why you've. 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.000 Been together find I'm gonna say this every single time. 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.880 Anytime you go through a phone, you won't find something, 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.480 So it don't matter. It won't even be the context. 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:44.959 Cause yeah, it ain't even gotta be me texting another nigga. 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.000 It could be me and my group chat talking about time. 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:51.640 When you know what I mean, It's like you're you're 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:56.320 gonna find something that makes you angry. 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:57.200 Let's not even get into it. 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.120 If you're looking for that, you you might be mad 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:01.000 that a nigga in my d I can't control that, 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:01.800 this nigga slid. 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:03.000 Y'all still use Facebook? 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:03.520 No? 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:05.760 I want to. I want to. I want to tell 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:07.200 you that Facebook is for the cheaters. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:09.199 Let me tell you what Facebook is for the cheater. 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:11.480 So let's say if you log in or you logged 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:15.280 out of Facebook on one device or let's say your computer. Now, 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.800 Facebook will let you log in, right, They'll they'll be 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:19.480 like cool, you could just say yes on this device, 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:22.360 you long in cool. Now you need an extra code 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:24.200 to get into the chat history. 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:27.439 Oh yeah, damn it's given Snapchat. 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:30.520 Yeah, I mean kind of yeah. So like now that's 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.640 definitely for the cheatings. I'm gonna say, if a man 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.480 is going to go through your phone he wants to 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:38.040 find something, yes, or he got something. He's high, he's 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:41.760 he's got something, or a woman whoever. I love your 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:43.840 face was like I was tight, this. 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:46.600 Big dounds nuts. And then as I kept explaining myself, 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:47.880 you were like it changed. 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:51.040 Oh shit, I'm the victim. I realized I was the 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.200 victim the whole time in this story. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:55.480 Well before we get to the next part of this 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.600 letter that I want to get into, where do you 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.679 stand with do you believe that she is a cheater? 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:07.800 It's oh you wait, you say you said yes, she's cheating. 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.520 Oh she was cheating because she was entertaining other men 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.360 while they were in a situation. She's not cheating. 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:18.680 She's she's not cheating. Okay, yeah, happened before you. 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.080 By all, I mean, I ain't gonna hold you and 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.360 y'all don't heard it. It's why the fuck I got 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:28.640 a boyfriend. Now, he literally heard I was entertaining another 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.680 nigga and he said, oh, she's slipping away. I gotta 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:31.320 make this official. 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:34.520 So he did, Oh no, no, no. So I shared the 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:37.320 story on Patreon. Oh this is alone Patreon. 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.400 Basically while we were in while we were in Vegas together, 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:44.240 mind you, after breakfast club happened, I had to tell 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:45.679 him I had sex in Saint Croix. 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:49.160 I fucking shared it on the breakfast club. However. 0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:52.960 You ready, We're at our last dinner in Vegas thereing 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:56.160 av and ords, and this nigga facetimes me mind you 0:10:56.280 --> 0:11:00.240 with an Island emoji. So I'm like, man, don't know 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.360 why this nigga calling me, but my phone is straight up. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:05.480 So he sees this nigga calling yeah, and I'm like, man, 0:11:05.559 --> 0:11:06.760 I dinner, I ain't gonna answer. 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:09.600 Whole energy shifted. Hell yeah. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:15.560 He literally he literally asked me at dinner, Damn, since 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:18.160 you've been here with me, have you talked to him? 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.559 Ooh? 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:22.600 I said, well yeah, I showed him my outfit and 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:29.199 everything for the av A Awards, and it hit him 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:30.160 like a ton of breaks. 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:33.160 If y'all want to hear the full story, it's on Patreon. 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:37.160 But basically I looked at him and was like, what 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.839 the fuck you jealous about? Red down all the ways 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:41.520 he ain't show up for me, nigga. Of course I 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:45.760 got other niggasa, And I said, so, if you want 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:49.120 to change that, go sit with yourself. First off, get 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:50.679 out this jealousy you got right now, because I don't 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.200 know why you're jealous. Please go sit with yourself and 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.400 figure out how you see this looking, because as of 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.040 right now, I'm talking to other nigga. Yeah, and literally 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:02.960 took him a day, three hours on the phone with 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:05.440 his dad. Next week, hours on the phone with his 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:08.160 dad through the things. If y'all want to hear how 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.080 that conversation went also on Patreon, and. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:15.840 He booked his flight, came to Atlanta, and we're together. 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:19.200 Okay again, he asked, I'm gonna say it. That's the 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.640 thing that you gotta do now. It's like as important 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.160 as asking a woman to be your valentine. 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.920 You have to ask to be your boyfriend girl from whatever. 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:29.280 Oh it has to be. 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.720 That's the real shit. It's not we've been together for someone, no, 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.600 because if they don't ask, it ain't even if it's. 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.880 Not like like and That's what girls do a lot, 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:41.040 right boy my man, my man, my man to the 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.959 home girls. That's the boyfriend that nigga don't think he 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:46.760 in a relationship right, Like it has to be intentional 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.280 and then once you're in that, then which is the 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.440 faith I'm in right now? Now we start talking about 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.440 what our boundaries look like, what we can and cannot do. 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.240 I love how we keep respect for each other while 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:58.800 we know that we are together and claiming each other 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:07.520 to the world, and that's when that comes. I do 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:10.920 want to bring up another element of this because I 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:12.760 found it to be interesting and also what I'm going 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:13.960 through now in my relationship. 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.400 She says they were in a talking stage. 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:21.680 And situationship quote unquote for seven months before he officially 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.000 asked her to be his girlfriend. 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:24.120 Now. 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:29.640 She literally also says that I know seven months is 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.040 a long time to wait for someone to commit, but 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:35.480 I gave him grace quote unquote, and he was still 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:40.520 healing from past relationships. I want to remove that as 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:40.920 a thing. 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:41.680 I will say. 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:46.600 It's been beating me up that me and Actorvey went 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:50.959 about this relationship different than I've ever gone about Like 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.640 I'm just a fucking on the first night, I end 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:54.559 up liking. 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:55.679 You because the dick is so good. 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:57.280 Then now I want it again, and now they start 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.559 hanging out, Now I want you around. I'm used to 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.959 starting relationships or situationships or feeling like I love a 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:08.400 nigga based on the sex and me and connection bed 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.400 me and actor Bay complete opposite. 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.680 We was when you were sober. 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:15.920 It was when I was sober. Well, no, when we 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:17.800 first met. I was dating that couple and he thought 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:18.680 I was fucking nuts. 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:19.560 Oh that don't count. 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:20.240 We amassed it. 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:21.200 The first day was when. 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.640 The first the first date we went on, I was sober. 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:25.960 The first date, he didn't come up to my room, 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.560 not even you know, they didn't the forehead. You know, 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:31.440 they didn't kids, they don't do that. We already did 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.120 that on a headache. We already did that on an 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.000 episode and the verdict came in most people agreed with me, 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:36.800 thank you very much. 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:41.640 But we went through it took a long time to 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:42.200 get anything. 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.360 Oh I want to hear that. But oh yeah. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:48.400 So we started the relationship off though, with learning each other, 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:52.320 with becoming friends, with learning our traumas, our triggers, where 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:54.120 we are in our mental health, where we are in 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.000 our financial journeys, where we are in our careers, who 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:01.400 our friends were, who our family members are completely opposite 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:03.520 from what I ever thought would happen for me getting 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:05.520 into a relationship your life. 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.200 Yeah, I fucking like that, nigga. 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:09.960 Why is that completely opposite of what you ever thought? 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:14.360 Because most of us lean into physical attraction first, then 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:18.600 sexual attraction. It especially like if it's not a friend, say, 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.760 you even start dating first. Me and this nigga didn't 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.520 go on our first date until four months after we 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.720 had been talking on the phone for hours every day. 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.160 And I guess, yes, that kind of is what happens 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.640 if you meet a nigga on a dating app or 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:34.600 you decide to go to inmates dot com and date 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.840 a prisoner. But no, in the normal rum of things, 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:40.040 you're meeting quickly. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:41.560 You're hanging out, you're attracted, you're. 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:43.200 Attracted, you're spending a lot of time together and you 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.000 fucking and then you fall into a relationship. We fell 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:51.960 into really caring for each other before sex was even introduced, 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.840 which was not and day so I just wanted to 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.360 where you said, I know, it's weird, and she said, 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.680 I know, it's weird that we just talk. You know, 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:04.680 we were in this way for seven months before a commitment. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.080 I find it beautiful to actually get to know somebody 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:08.760 before commitment. 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.120 Yah. I mean she's a teenager, she's a hall teen, 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:11.960 very young. 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.640 Nineteen and like everything moves fast and slow at the 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:19.560 same time. Yes, yeah, seven months prob Yeah, and it. 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.240 Ain't and it ain't. So what you said, it took 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.360 a while for your husband to show up for you. 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:27.120 Oh, I didn't let him kiss me for three months. 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.280 I made it's a kiss. 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.720 I made him take me on dates. He's like, I 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:33.760 never spent so much for dinners in my life. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:36.120 How many dates before a kiss like that? 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:38.800 So many? Like so many? 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.640 And he finally we were at a show watching a 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:43.640 band and he was like, he finally just grabbed me 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:44.080 and kissed me. 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.440 He's like, I can't take this anymore. This shit is crazy. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.440 Well, let's say, and there was consent. Yeah, you wanted 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.720 to consent how you described? Yeah, there was consent. Why 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.280 why did you take so long to kiss him? 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:58.000 Because I really wanted to know I had been through 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:03.240 I've already been divorced, Okay, I've been through several relationships 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:06.760 with Ben at this age and I wanted to know 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.440 that this person was going to really be. 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:10.200 My best friend. 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:13.800 That's cool, oh wow, And if we couldn't vibe and 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.720 have things in common without being sexual then But then 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:21.080 when I decided after the kiss, then I literally called 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:23.240 him and I was like, oh, we have to have 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:23.760 sex now. 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:27.520 And I never had someone show up so fast pick 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.120 me up. I was like, wait, what's all the way? 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:30.680 This time? 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.800 Called off work and then he came to get me. 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:37.400 The sex was a bomb. There you go, boo. And 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:39.960 we've been together for almost fifteen years. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:40.960 Damn god. 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:41.840 I love that. 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:43.640 I love it. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:47.199 I in my maturity, y'all aren't gonna get probably the 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:49.679 same sex stories. Weezy tried to get it out of 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.600 me on Patreon and I said, she's like, so tell 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:52.280 us how was the sex. 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.439 I said, well, bitch for together, that doesn't tell you. 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.119 Yeah, like, oh yeah, that's. 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:57.879 That's the depth getting. 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:00.920 He's a public person, so I'm being Yes, I'm being 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:05.240 very particular and very sensitive with what details I share. 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:08.960 The last nigga was an old hit like I was like, 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:11.040 I think I don't nobody know your old heads. You 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:13.040 cain't even got to Instagram nigga, fuck got it, I'm 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.760 gonna tell everybody that you like yours e. No, it was, 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.679 it was, it was. It was insensitive in me to 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:22.480 do so, and I learned from my last relationship those mistakes. 0:18:22.720 --> 0:18:27.320 I will say to our listener, to anyone listening, beware 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:31.800 of red flags with your partners. Yes, and also if 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:36.080 you know that you're not doing something wrong and you 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:40.080 were being accused of doing something wrong, nine times out 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:43.600 of ten, it's a projection and your partner is probably 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:44.240 living foul. 0:18:44.440 --> 0:18:47.439 Yeah, yeah, I agreed. 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:49.600 No, I agree. I'm just thinking about it that you're 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:50.000 a victim. 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:50.399 I know ed. 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:55.160 I'm not gonna lie. 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.520