WEBVTT - Rumor Has It 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:05.040 Wind Down with Jane Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:10.200 her radio podcast. So there's a lot of rumors circling 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:20.040 the interweb, and I wanna just kind of, um, how 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:24.400 do I say, talk about one of the rumors right now? 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:27.200 And we actually have someone in the waiting room to 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:32.479 talk about one of those rumors. So let's there's two, 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.639 so let's bring the one rumor in. Um, she's our 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:44.040 surprise guest coming on the show, and our surprise guest 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:55.280 is drumroll please, m is this thing on? That's the 0:00:55.400 --> 0:01:07.320 most perfect Sarah? I know? That was I said, and 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:11.080 our secret guest is and then we did a drum roll, 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:15.319 and then you go, is this thing on? No? I 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.000 genuinely like, oh, I didn't see myself. I didn't know 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:24.000 what was going on. Hi, Hi, honey. You guys know 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:28.840 that our one and only Sarah now Gretzky. Yep, our 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.320 one and only Sarah Gretzky. Um. So, girlfriend, there is 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:39.200 a rumor circulating the internet that you are pregnant, and 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.760 I just you know, we got to talk about it. 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.479 Is it true? You know? I'm just glad I could 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:48.840 come on and speak for myself. Yes, that is a 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:53.400 true That is a true rumor you've been hearing Sarah 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:58.520 Gretzky is pregnant. Um, this is your rainbow baby, I know, 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:06.320 and it's a it's a girl. Man, it's so weird, 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:10.160 Like I feel so weird, even like I don't know 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:16.200 how many weeks are you right now? So I am 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.240 also like that's what I'm still getting used to, the 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:22.320 weak's thing. Like no one tells you how confusing that is. 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:27.960 I am almost I'm like sixteen and a half. Oh 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:31.480 my gosh, okay, So I just I have I have 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:35.760 a few things. When so you found out first that 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:40.320 you well for so how do you find out you're pregnant? So, 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:46.440 oh my god, what a journey. So I you know, 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:50.400 I did clone in in December and that did not work. 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:52.240 I mean it did what it was supposed to do 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:55.280 for my body, but it didn't. We did not conceive. 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:57.079 If you don't know what that is, just it's a 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.200 quick google. I don't. I can't get into this thing, 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:09.079 both honestly, honestly both. So um, you know, I mean, 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:12.360 you know, when you're trying quote unquote whatever trying is, 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:16.880 you've got tests laying around all all times of every day, 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:21.640 every hour, and I genuinely I did not think I 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:26.720 ovulated that month, And so I was we were in Colorado, 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:28.920 and I was just feeling off, which is like normal 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:32.400 between COVID and the altitude. I was just feeling weird, 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:38.080 and I was like, cents certain it was like altitude sickness. 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.080 And I called my sister because I was like, like 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:42.760 I was. I was already crying because I was like, 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:47.240 I hate that when i feel off, I automatically think, oh, 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:50.360 maybe I'm pregnant, you know. I hate that. I want 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:52.839 to feel that, but it could be COVID, it could 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.440 be anything, but my mind goes there. And she was like, well, 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:57.920 then just take a test and put that out of 0:03:57.960 --> 0:03:59.840 your mind and then go drink some water and hydrate. 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:02.280 So I was in the bathroom on face time with her. 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.400 I took a test, and I swear to God, I 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.280 like fainted screaming. I thought I was like having like 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:11.640 a massive diarrhea, Like he didn't not know what was 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:14.240 going on in the bathroom because I was like screaming, 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:18.880 crying because I saw like a faint, like there was 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:20.919 a line there. But I was like, my mind's playing 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:23.080 tricks on me, and I turned the camera and back. 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.640 It was like, that's a fucking line, Like, like god, 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:31.279 So it wasn't exciting or romantic. Tie came barging in. 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:33.359 He's like, is everything okay? Are you fine? And I 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:36.280 was like, do I need to wipe your butt? He 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.279 literally was like no, no, this is tight. He knocks 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:41.200 on the door and he like opens it and he's like, 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.400 are you okay? And I was like on the floor 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.279 and so and then when we found out that it 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:53.200 was a girl, you found that out by yourself, yes, So, 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.359 I mean with everything, like and I have been staying 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:00.200 with his parents for the last couple of months, so, 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:03.120 like everyone's just kind of been all over the board. 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:06.440 We really did not tell anyone I was pregnant. It 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:10.279 was actually crazy how the two of us were able 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:14.800 to keep that. Um. I think again, after a miscarriage, 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:18.600 it it hits differently. As much as you promise yourself 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:20.960 you're not going to let it affect you, it does. 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.400 Like you even said, every time you pee, every time 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:26.280 you like, I mean, sorry to get graphic, but it's 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.200 like every time you pee, you're checking to see if 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.120 there's blood every time, and every time your stomach you 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.440 just you want to believe it and you don't want 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.320 to let the devil win, but like in the back 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.480 of your mind, you just start you're reserved. And so 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:43.200 we didn't tell anyone, and I always knew, no shame 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:46.080 to anyone, but I always knew I just didn't want 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.080 a gender I want. I mean, I didn't want to 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:50.920 gender reveal in the sense that me and I find 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:53.760 out with everyone else in that sense, only because I 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.479 think the last year there's been a lot of surprises 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.440 the last year. I just wanted to have a moment 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:03.039 between he and I personally where we could we could 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:08.000 do this together. So yeah, my doctor called me and 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:10.080 he's been amazing and he's really been through it all 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.520 with me, and I could just kind of tell, you know, 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.159 They're like do you want to know? And I'm like yeah, 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:18.280 and he was like it's a girl, and I just froze. 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.880 I just I just like I I didn't even I panicked, 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.200 fully panicked, full sweat and he's like, are you there? 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:28.120 And then I tried to not cry and I was 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:31.080 like yeah, and he's like, okay, I have a good day. 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.679 So then I just went and bought a little pink 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:36.120 rolf lrn Onesie and wrapped it up for Tie and 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:39.520 then I told him later um. And then it made 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:41.479 it special because then we could tell both of our 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:44.320 parents separately, and it was like it was for them, 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:48.000 like his mom lost it, my mom lost it. So 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:53.040 it just made it It was I'm like dreaming and 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:55.480 like I even like talking about it now. It feels 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.520 so weird because I still am like is this like 0:06:58.600 --> 0:07:01.679 a thing? So what do you what do you say 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.839 to the girl? What do you say to you? Because 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.240 you were the girl about, you know, just suffering a 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:14.000 miscarriage and not having hope that you're going to be 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.360 a year later kind of in this situation. So it's 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:18.080 like what do you say to what do you say 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.240 to you know, old Sarah, your go what do you 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:23.240 say to the girl that has just recently miscarried and 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.560 has like, you know, that feeling of like just brokenness 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.000 and no hope, and like what do you say to 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:33.440 that girl? So I kept a I kept a journal 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:37.120 after the miscarriage, not even on purpose. I just like 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:39.800 realized I wanted I wanted to remember how it all 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:41.960 felt in a weird way. I wanted to remember where 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:43.320 I was because I knew I was going to get 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:45.720 out of it, and I went back and was reading it, 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.400 and I was like, to answer your question, what would 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:51.920 I say to her? What do I say to anyone listening. 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:58.520 It's so hard to take any advice or to to 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:05.200 picture anything other than heartbreak, But like, just know that 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:10.040 it gets better and take everything. Take everything as a win. 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:12.080 I mean, if you get to go on a weekend 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:14.040 get away with your best friend, or if you get 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.120 to go now dine outside, have a date with your 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:20.239 husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, like take every 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.640 little thing as a win because it all started to 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:25.560 you know, and everyone says when does it get better? 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:27.800 When does it get better? And you even said, like 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.160 there is no time frame. Everyone's different. For me, it 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:35.080 started to get better in like the fall when I 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.880 just started realizing like, okay, that was not the plan, 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.520 Like there is a plan and that was just not it. 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:46.280 Like just I was able to finally live. Because it 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.440 is all consuming, as much as you don't want it 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.880 to be, and as much as everyone tells you. You know, 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:53.360 people can tell you everything all day long till they're 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.320 blue in the face, but you have to just know 0:08:56.520 --> 0:09:00.360 in your gut that whatever it is it will better. 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.320 And that's what I wish I could just tell myself. 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.640 I mean, when Kloman didn't work in December, I spent 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:08.480 and I thought it was better too. I was like, 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:10.400 oh my god, I'm feeling so much better. I mean, 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:14.080 I cried all Christmas. I cried, and I just wish 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.440 I could go back and be like, it's just not like, 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:22.480 just let it go, breathe and just live because whoever 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.679 you're surrounded with, like Ty doesn't want to see me 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:27.840 like that. It kills him. You know, like as hard 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:30.440 as it is to go about your day and just 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.000 think of all the positives, just think of the positives. 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:38.120 I really think that's it, because yeah, Sarah, I am 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:42.280 so when you sent me the photo, I mean I 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:46.840 I screamed. So you were in Canada like when this 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.120 was all and I'm like, I am not going to 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:51.920 call this bitch on set like she's like and then 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.400 she You're like out at this zoo, You're like doing 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:56.679 things at like these are full days you're having and 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:59.440 I'm ties like, how have you not? I'm like this 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.600 is that also was another reason why we didn't tell people. 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:04.480 I'm like, COVID makes it so weird. I wasn't seeing 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:06.200 anyone face to face, Like what was I gonna do 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.480 send a text to every person? So finally when you 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:11.560 were like home, I saw you were doing stories and 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:14.080 you're like, ask me a question. I'm unpacking. I'm like, okay, 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:17.120 she's sitting down like she's home, and I was like, 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.480 she's gonna die. And you're like, oh my god, I 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.400 know you called you face time to me right away, 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:25.839 and I was like, I don't know, is this real? Yeah? Apparently, 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:30.920 so like just screaming, I'm so proud. I'm so happy 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:35.640 for you guys, Like I mean, you're you're glowing obviously, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.480 and I just I can't wait to meet this little girl. 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.200 I can't wait for Jolly and her to have little 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:46.360 late dates and like it's so it's so weird, and 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.560 I have to constantly like even doing this, I was 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:52.440 like hyping myself up because I'm like, I mean, I 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:54.480 didn't post on Instagram to like last week because I 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:57.080 was just so it's such a and then I and 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.559 then you feel for everyone because you know, for every 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:03.320 person who's excited for you, there's someone who just absolutely 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.880 hates me. Yeah, because even I would scroll when I 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.480 would see people. I'm like, well even your own sister, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.520 Like when your sister got pregnant, it's like you want 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:12.400 to hate your own sister, but you you you know, 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.000 the jealous of your freaking sister. You know, of course 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:19.120 and natural that was a wild ride. But that's why 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.240 it's just so hard, because I'm like, and that's why 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:25.400 I wanted to say, like I get it, Like, trust me, 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.640 this did not come easy. I am not someone who 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:29.400 tried for two months and was so lucky and it 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.320 just happened. And I don't even know how it happened. 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:34.880 And you know this, this took us about a year, 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:38.320 a little over a year, so like it does you know, 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:41.240 it wears on you, but I don't know. I'm I 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:46.880 have faith and I now know every single thing, my 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.160 whole life is already planned out for me by someone else, 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.000 and I'm just living it and hoping for the best. 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:58.000 And I just hope this girl has good hair. Well 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.120 it's so cool that, like you're story, it's just come 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.000 full circle, like on this show and with us and 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:06.400 all his friends and part of each other's lives, going 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.880 from talking about time not proposing to now you guys, 0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:12.480 you know, having a little baby, and so we're just 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.440 so happy. I'm proud of both of you and I 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.280 just yeah, we like, we want to see you. So 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:20.199 however we can see you if you're when you're when 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:21.800 you're ready, just let us know. We want to we 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:25.160 want to come see you. And um, but for all 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:28.240 those listening, Sarah has an awesome podcast that she does 0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:30.200 call the net Chicks, and they just talked about different 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:33.240 shows and it's fun. Here, give your give your best elevator. 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:38.360 If you like wind Down, it's nothing like wind Down. 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:42.600 We don't talk about anything personal. No, I'm kidding. Um, 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.720 we just talk about yeah, TV shows, movies, things that 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:49.880 we're watching, whether it's Bravo, whether it's Hbo, Netflix, Hulu. 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:52.439 We just Natalie's my co host and it's the two 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:55.000 of us. We just kind of um. Last year was 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:57.880 dark and scary, and we wanted an outlet for people 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:01.080 to literally forget where they were, what they were and 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:03.800 just laugh with us and talk shows. And I mean, 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.280 half the time you're texting your family what are you watching? 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.319 You should watch this, you should watch this. So now 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.679 we're telling you what to watch, what not to watch, 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:14.080 and uh, yeah, we we just try and you know, 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.360 bring a little sunshine on a rainy day. Well, it's true, 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:21.880 it's awesome. So Sarah Gretzky, I love you so much, 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.480 so happy for your congratulations on your baby girl, and 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.080 thank you. Um I'll text you on the side for 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:31.640 dates and see it. I know I need to hug 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.199 and and thank you and thank all of the Wine 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.120 Down people because honestly, like if I didn't, I mean, 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.040 you were the only person I really knew at this 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.040 during all of this, so you helped so much. And 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.240 I just you, guys, get yourself a friend who who 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:48.400 knows what what the what the f is going on, 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:51.800 because it makes life a lot easier to have someone 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:54.800 you know support you and guide you and and all 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.000 the and and if they have a podcast, you know 0:13:57.080 --> 0:14:05.880 that helps too, So you talk to you somelf. Oh 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:08.880 my gosh, I'm so happy for her. So that was 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.800 I just love her. She's the best. I'm just again 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:16.240 the fact that her entire stories coming full circle. And yeah, 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.559 it's true. God has a bigger plan for him. We 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.600 knew it was inevitable, but it's hard during those times 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:24.560 when it's not coming to fruition. So for sure, I'm 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:28.800 so happy for them. Well, we have a really awesome 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:35.760 guest Um today and we're reading their book Um Vertical Marriage. 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:37.600 We're almost done with it. It's Dave and Ann Wilson. 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.520 And just a little backstory about Dave Um. He's actually 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:46.160 the pastor at UM, the church that my family goes to. 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:50.840 And while uh so, we got the book from them 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:54.960 from my my mom and her husband and we started 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.040 reading it and we just love it so much. So 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:00.760 there's a there's a lot of you connection to a 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:03.120 higher power in this. That's what it's called a vertical marriage, 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:05.040 and there's a lot of They're so real and they 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:06.760 have a sense of humor when they talk about it. 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:09.200 You know, we were compared a lot to our book. 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.360 And before we get him on, before we're about to 0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:14.240 take a break, but I'm gonna read something to kind 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.800 of get you guys interested. This is something that Dave 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.960 said as I read the Apostle Paul's famous statement to 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.760 live is Christ and to die is Gain. I was 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.800 struck with this thought, I would rather be dead than 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:30.160 married to Anne. Let's take a break and get him 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:50.760 on there. He is, Hey, Davey doing good? How about 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.120 you guys? We're so good We are so excited to 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:58.280 be talking to you guys. Um. Yeah, we're just thank 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:00.920 you for We feel very honored to view on our show. 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:04.480 So thank you so so, so so so much. We 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:06.920 are too, We're glad to be here. We feel honored 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:10.280 to be with you guys. Well we um, we know 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.280 that you guys have a new book. UM that that 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:15.920 just it's it's did it just come out or is 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:19.040 it when? Does it come out? Yesterday? Okay, just came 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:21.200 out yesterday? Okay, So I definitely want to talk about 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:23.560 that book. But is it cool if we go back 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.960 to the other book as well, Vertical Marriage, Because you know, 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:30.360 one of our things that we do UM once a 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.640 week is you know, we've been reading from your book 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.440 and we're so close to being done and we've just 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.600 we've learned a lot, but we've written down a bunch 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.520 of stuff that we just we just want to ask 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.680 you because you know, as we're going through our marriage, 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:49.120 we see so many similarities in y'all's young marriage and 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:52.480 I'm just like, I don't know, this is just so cool. No, 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:54.840 it's awesome. And you know, we're just kind of prepping 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.600 our listeners before we got you guys, on here, and 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:00.480 we fell in love with your book from the beginning 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.200 because there's those aha moments where we're reading it out 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:06.040 loud to one another and we're like, that's me, like 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.080 I'm so Dave or I'm so in in this, and 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:11.560 you know that's that relation. There is just what keeps 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:15.520 keeps readers engaged, right, And we love the humor that 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:17.520 you add to it too, where you're able to laugh 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:20.280 at your own selves and be like, what the heck 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:23.600 was I thinking? So that just continued to to keep 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.280 us engaged. And so I know our listeners again we're 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.080 gonna talk about no perfect parents, but Vertical Marriage really 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:34.119 just connected with us, especially since you know, our belief 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:36.199 in Christ and the Higher Power was something that Jan 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:39.720 and I opened up in our book about losing for 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.879 a long time, and really over the past couple of 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:46.080 years together, we've we've leaned more into that. So this 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.960 was the perfect book for us because it's just it's 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.959 there's so much connection to a higher power, hence the title, 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:54.960 and uh, you know, we just want our listeners to 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.760 kind of understand where all that comes from for you guys, 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:02.119 and why you called it the vert marriage. Can't you 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:05.120 just say, how inspiring it is that you guys read 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:08.199 do each other at night. I was like, oh, we 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:10.639 need to start doing that. I don't know if we 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:15.080 were we can get up to that level, you know. 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:17.280 So one of the things that I was reading, and 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:19.520 I can't remember which chapter it was in, but and 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:21.879 you said, you know, this was kind of like the 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:24.800 where it started for you guys was when you were 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.240 in the car and you said that you didn't have 0:18:26.280 --> 0:18:30.080 feelings for Dave anymore. And you know when I was 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.639 when we were reading into your chapter more you guys 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:34.720 talked about in chapter four, it was about you know, 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.520 you had your weekly date nights, so when you have 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:39.440 and I kind of started thinking, I'm like, okay, well 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.760 we do our weekly date nights. And I'm like, now 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:45.000 I'm scared that, like and when we have that anniversary 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:47.960 that I'm like, if I'm to go and I don't 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:49.560 have feelings for you anymore, I'm like, where did it? 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:53.600 Where did where was the mishappen? That? Like? Having you 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:56.280 had you made the time, but then you know ten 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:58.560 years later you're like, but I don't have feelings for you. 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:01.639 So it's like, where did the where did that come in? 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:06.960 I'll let Ann answer because I still had feelings. Let 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:10.639 the record show Dave still loved. That's a great question 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:14.000 because we were still going out. It was more sporadic 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:17.240 back then. But I realized we kind of stopped talking. 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:19.399 You know, we had a couple of kids. They were little, 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:24.240 and you're exhausted anyway when you're going out, um, and 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:27.800 we just stopped talking about how we were doing. And 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:31.600 then Dave was starting this church that we planted, and 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.679 we were both doing it, but he was gone all 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.480 the time. We just started fighting about you're not home, 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.359 like you're gonna miss it, You're gonna miss these kids, 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.520 you're gonna miss growing them growing up. And I was 0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:46.959 feeling I need your help. So I was getting resentful. 0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:50.760 Even though I loved that we were fulfilling this dream, 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:53.280 I felt like he was doing it without us, and 0:19:54.600 --> 0:19:57.840 we started fighting about that and we just couldn't agree. 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:00.760 He I would say, you're gone the time, and he 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.280 would say show me in the calendar, like I'm not. 0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:06.080 I'm not gone all the time. And so what happened 0:20:06.160 --> 0:20:08.640 was we just kept fighting and it would go nowhere, 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:12.840 and I stopped trying, and I realized, like I just 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:15.960 shut down my heart. At first, I was super angry, 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:19.080 and then I got really bitter, and then the bitterness 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:24.280 turned to basically resentment, and then it went to nothing. 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:28.000 And so it took a while to get there because 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:30.000 after a while I was like, oh, you're going again. 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:34.160 Who cares? I'm always used to this, and that's when 0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:36.720 it can get really scary. And we all have ups 0:20:36.760 --> 0:20:39.960 and downs in our marriages, but when you're at that 0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:44.520 place where you have nothing, that's when it's like it's 0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:48.199 like the dashboard of your cars going off, like you 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:51.080 need to get the engine checked of your heart. And 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:54.800 that's where we were. And so Dave, I felt like, 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:57.720 how did you know? How did you not know how 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:00.480 bad we were? You know, Dave's like we were point 0:21:00.520 --> 0:21:03.120 five out of ten and I was saying, no, we're 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:06.600 a point five out of ten. And the fact that 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:09.320 you didn't know that, I just thought, that's because you're 0:21:09.400 --> 0:21:12.960 not even engaged with how we're doing. You know, hearing 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:17.200 this now, you know this was thirty years ago. Um, 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:20.439 I was an idiot. I mean, as I listen to 0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:23.240 this and like, how in the world did I miss this? 0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:26.840 And I did? And I think it's not an excuse 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:30.920 but I think I was finding so much life outside. 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:33.919 You know. I was traveling with the Detroit Lions as 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:36.600 their chaplain, I was leading Bible studies, were starting to 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:40.480 church that grew pretty quickly. People were pattent patting me 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:43.280 on the back, and I felt, you know, now, looking back, 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:46.680 I just found my life out there rather than here. 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:51.720 And yeah, we were fighting. There were constantly yelling we 0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:53.920 go out on a date and we didn't talk about 0:21:53.920 --> 0:21:57.159 this relationship. No, we didn't talk about a relationship. We 0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:00.840 talked about the kids. We talked about my our jobs. 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:04.159 You know, again, every couple does this. And yet if 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:06.840 you don't pay attention to the most important relationship in 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:09.159 your life, which is your marriage, the rest is going 0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:12.199 to fall apart. And that's what was happening. And I 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:14.280 didn't even see it, you know, and we wrote about 0:22:14.320 --> 0:22:18.800 it in the parenting book you know later. It's because 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:22.600 your life gets consumed by your kids, which is wonderful. 0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:25.240