WEBVTT - READING GECKMAIL WITH MY DAD 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:04.519 Hello, everybody, Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast. Today's episode, 0:00:05.160 --> 0:00:09.080 we're doing gek mail. Gek mail is a thing where, 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:14.560 you know, normally on this podcast, people will call me 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:19.320 on the phone and I'll have conversations with them about stuff, 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:24.040 and it'll be a dialogue. But this time, I'm reading 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:28.480 emails that people have sent me. And I have a 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:34.360 special guest on today's episode. I am down in Georgia 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:39.760 visiting my father, and I decided, I was like, you 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:41.720 know what I've mentioned, I'm trying to get more guests 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.479 on the podcast, and you know what, screw all the celebrities, 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:49.720 screw all the you know whatever. I had. I had 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:53.720 my sister on, and now today I have my father on. 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:56.760 I was happy to interrupt my nap to be on 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:57.400 your podcast. 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:02.920 I was happy you could interrupt your nap too. I 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:04.600 feel like there's a lot of times where I'm like 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:08.640 talking on this podcast and I can like hear. This 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:11.560 will be interesting for me because there's a lot of 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.600 times where like I'm talking on this podcast and I 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:19.399 can hear in my own voice that I'm talking similar 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:23.520 to you. So the audience will now be able to 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:25.319 tell me if that's true. 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.680 That happens all the time to me where I'm talking 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.160 and I feel like my father is talking through me 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:37.399 all the time. That happens. Really, yeah, it's very and 0:01:37.480 --> 0:01:41.560 I think it's actually pretty common in the world that 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:47.600 people channel their parents, first of all through genetics and 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:53.880 then you know, just through orientation. You know, I was 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:56.640 thinking about this the other day. Actually, I was thinking 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:01.440 about this yesterday when you and I'm pretty open with 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:04.880 you about things that happened in my life and how 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:09.760 I feel about things and what I do. And there's 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.120 multiple reasons for that. One reason for that is I 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:18.000 love you, I trust you, I feel very close to you, 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:22.480 so it's just natural to have that kind of interaction. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:27.040 But there's another kind of a parental reason that I 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:32.480 do it, which is, you know, at this stage, you're 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.799 totally in adults. You make all of your own decisions. 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:40.720 You come and go and do whatever makes sense to 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.519 you in your vision of the world in your life, 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:50.160 and I completely respect that. So you know, the parent 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.799 child roles don't disappear. So the question is what can 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:57.600 I do as your parents that would add value for 0:02:57.680 --> 0:03:03.440 you and to me just being totally transparent with who 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:05.840 I am and what I've done and why I've done 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:09.400 them gives you an opportunity to say, Okay, this is 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:14.960 I could have a complete model of how I want 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:18.160 to be as as I moved through life, or how 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.360 I don't want to be as I move through life. 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:26.440 And I can't imagine a better thing to give you besides, 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:32.440 you know, bequeathing you all of my worldly possession. It 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:33.840 will happen at some times. 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.120 Well I hope it doesn't happen for a long time, 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:41.520 but no, I appreciate that because I feel like the 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:44.600 it's interesting to say you channel your father through yourself, 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:49.240 because yeah, I also feel like I like, like, am 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:51.600 you know, similar to you in many ways because I 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:55.200 have your genes and so to hear when you're you know, 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:58.280 transparent with me about your life and you know whatnot, 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:04.240 I feel like I get more clarification on like my 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:08.720 own brain because I'm talking to someone who genetically has 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:12.840 a similar brain to me. And to see how like 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.640 your life plays out and how your thoughts and your 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:18.880 feelings play out, it it's it's it's very helpful. It 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:21.520 is it is far more helpful to me than all 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:22.800 of your worldly possessions. 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:26.960 Yeah, and you know, you know, people who don't have 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:31.880 children one hundred percent legitimate lifestyle choice. Yeah, no criticism 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:37.920 of them at all. Yeah, But when you have a 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:43.160 child and you participate in that child's life and you 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:48.440 see him or her grow up, you start to recognize 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:54.640 in that child pieces of yourself. You know that that 0:04:54.640 --> 0:05:00.440 that you have passed on, and then you somewhat recognies 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:06.599 parts of your parents that are also reflected in the 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:08.279 child and in yourself. 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:10.560 Interesting and think about that. 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:15.440 And it gives you a much I feel deeper understanding 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:19.560 of yourself in the world. You know, when you see 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:25.400 when you see characteristics and traits in your child and 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:29.680 in your your parents that you may have thought was 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:33.400 within you as well, And it does give you a 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.919 fuller understanding of yourself in the world. 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:38.000 Right, Like you made a copy of yourself and you 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.640 sent it out into the universe and now you're seeing 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:46.279 how it's doing things and then you're like, uh, yeah, 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:47.560 they can give you more perspective on. 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:51.760 Right, especially when you when you see those traits reflected 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:56.880 in your parents, those because those traits that that carry 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:01.840 through three generations. I mean, that's that's deep characteristic. 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.280 Do you see any similarities between me and your dad, 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:07.520 Oh my god, so. 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:11.839 Many what well, you know, one of the things my 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:19.360 dad was really really good at was going into places 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:24.440 where he didn't know anybody, it was a strange and 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:27.880 alien place, and make himself and the people he was 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:34.560 with feel comfortable. He was really skilled at sales, and 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:41.240 part of that was his ability to make himself comfortable 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:46.560 in unusual in different situations, and make the people he 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.880 was with feel comfortable, you know, in that situation and 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:54.120 with him. And I mean, I think that's something that 0:06:54.160 --> 0:06:58.880 you are very gifted at. I appreciate that, as is 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.560 evidenced by all of the things that you've done professionally 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.200 over the last half dozen years. 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:09.640 I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Hmm hmmm. 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:13.920 And it and it suggests to me that and it 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:18.120 prompts me to consider whether I have that characteristic. 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:20.480 Of course you have that characteristic. 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:24.080 You know. And so so, why do we care what 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.560 we're like? Why does it matter that we know what 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:31.720 we're like? It matters because if we could recognize things 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:39.800 in our selves that are our real parts of us, uh, 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:42.520 and we want and we like that, we can lean 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.360 into that in the in the things that we do 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:49.440 and we could be more successful in our lives, in 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:56.600 our relationships, in our careers, in our you know, social life, 0:07:56.960 --> 0:08:01.720 in our hobbies, in our creative pursuits. You lean into 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:02.320 your strength. 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:04.920 Yeah, well that's the thing about like, that's why the 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:09.960 self knowledge is helpful, because well sell like self awareness 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:14.000 of like your self awareness, I feel like like introspection. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:15.440 And I don't know if you have this too, but like, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.600 sometimes I feel like I get too introspective for my 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:20.920 own good, that I'm like like living in my head 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:23.400 instead of like in the world, you know, like analy 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.240 like thinking it Like, do you ever feel like thinking 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:26.360 about yourself too much? 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:31.440 Nose? No, to me, that's not a problem unless I'm 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:34.720 having destructive self talk. 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:38.120 Oh of like, oh I'm not good. Like unless if 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:40.320 you're built, like you're building a narrative of yourself where 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:40.800 you suck. 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:48.600 Yes, that's right. But otherwise, you know, your thoughts, you 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.240 could have just wonderful thoughts about yourself and how you 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:56.200 fit into the world. And I don't see a problem 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.000 with doing that unless you have destructive self talk. 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.640 How how often are you having destructive self talk? At 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.680 the age of sixty six? Every day, every day, every 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.920 day It hasn't gotten easier over time? Have you gotten 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:08.880 better at dealing with it? 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:13.400 I have gotten much better at dealing with it, because 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.199 you know, when you get older, like I just retired 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:21.640 a year ago, and you know, as a younger person, 0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:26.960 I had certain specific dreams and goals, and then my 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:30.920 life changed and I focused on different dreams and goals. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.800 And now that I'm older, and all of that is 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:39.880 behind me, and the activity of having dreams and goals 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.280 is not behind me. I still have them. 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:43.800 I say, you be, the specifics of them. 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.120 Right, But the specifics of them. I can now look back, 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:48.679 and you know, to a certain extent, my life has 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.720 book ended a little bit, you know, and I can see, well, 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:53.960 all right, I wanted to do that. When I was 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:57.800 seventeen years old, I made different choices when I was 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:02.600 twenty three years old. Why did I make those choices? 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.360 What was it about me that made those choices? And 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:11.880 that's where you might say, well, why bother? Why bother? 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:14.880 And that would be a legitimate response. 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:16.280 Why by the analyzing? 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:19.959 Yeah, why bother analyzing? But you know, again a lot 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:22.719 of it comes down to understanding who you are and 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.840 what you're good at and leaning into it. Or what 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:32.959 you maybe could use a little improvement at and focus 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:34.240 on improving those areas. 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:36.160 So what was it. So when you were seventeen, what 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:37.199 was your dream? 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:39.640 Oh? I was I went out to California to become, 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:45.000 you know, a film director. And you know, and I'll 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:50.679 tell you in stages, I moved away from that at 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:51.600 various times. 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:53.000 Like it happened slowly. 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:59.079 It did happen slowly, And it happened before I ever 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:03.640 really liked put my heart and soul into doing the thing. 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:05.880 Oh, before you ever put your heart and soul into 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:07.280 doing whatever it was you were doing. 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.640 Right, Yeah, you know. I remember, I have a I 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:14.800 have a really good friend who his name is Fred Decker, 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:19.359 and I and I drop his name because I admire 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:24.520 him tremendously and anybody wants to look him up. He's 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:29.000 had a very interesting career as a filmmaker, as a filmmaker, 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.760 as a writer. And I remember I was at UCLA 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:39.920 and he had reserved a sound stage to make a 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:44.200 short movie. And I remember walking by it and looking 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:48.640 at it and and having this feeling that I don't 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.560 see myself in that environment. That's that's not the right 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:56.199 place for me. Yeah. So but and then I kind 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.959 of like let that go. And then I I work 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.600 after I graduated from UCLA as a waiter at Bob's 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:07.000 Big Boy restaurant, and I was going to write a novel, 0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:09.480 and as I was writing the novel, I was thinking, 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.040 I'm not feeling joy from doing this. 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:13.600 Yeah, so. 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:20.960 Those were kind of introspective things, like if I'm not 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.480 introspective about those things, I may not make the right 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:25.640 decisions for myself. 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.040 Well, it's a I don't know if I think I've 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:29.760 probably talked about it on this podcast before, but I 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:33.560 had a moment with that with with stand up comedy 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.640 where I was at a I was at this show 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:41.640 and I wasn't on the show, but I was like 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.200 a friend's show. And then I had another friend who 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:49.000 was there who also wasn't on the show, and I 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:50.880 was talking to my other friend who wasn't on the show, 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.360 and I said to him, doesn't it feel nice to 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:57.400 just like not have to worry about like performing and 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.120 like being on stage and stuff. And he looked to 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:03.319 me like I was crazy, and he was like, I'm 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:07.040 a comedian. I always want to be on stage. And 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.760 I left and I left that night being like fuck, 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:11.120 if I'm not like that, then I don't know if 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:12.360 I can do this. 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:13.400 And then it was it. 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:17.520 You know, it ended up being this interesting full circle 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:19.520 thing because I, you know, I perform as the get 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:22.040 go and stuff, but I have at like had those 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:26.040 moments where like I see somebody else like, uh, looking 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.520 like they're really enjoying doing something that I thought I 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:31.480 wanted to do, and then being like, fuck, am is that? 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:33.840 Am I supposed to feel that way? But are you? 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:37.880 But it's hard to tell because I'm like, uh, I 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:42.720 think there there must be a suffering of some kind, 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.920 like in order to write a book or do something like, 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:51.200 you do have to uh like, you can't expect yourself 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.240 to enjoy every single part of the process, can you, 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:54.640 You think? 0:13:55.760 --> 0:14:01.880 Well, fair question, and it deserves, you know, a thoughtful response, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.400 which is, all right, let's look at those two situations 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.920 that I that I told you in my life. Now, 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:13.199 I could very well have said, all right, I don't 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:19.320 see myself in that environment regarding that soundstage experience, And 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.840 I could have said, why why don't I see myself 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:26.720 in that and maybe understood myself better and gotten over that. 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:30.240 Yeah, sure baby, yeah maybe maybe. 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.600 Oh you know, same thing with you know, I was 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:37.000 writing my novel and you know, feeling no joy, I 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.920 would have thought, why am I feeling no joy? And 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.720 maybe if I'd done some investigation, I would have realized 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:47.360 that every novelist in the history of letters has hated 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:51.360 writing and just had to get past that because they 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:53.280 had a voice and they had something to say and 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:59.280 and that was important to them. So, you know, Unfortunately, 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.840 I I feel like I'm leaving your listeners with conflicting 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:05.240 approaches to me. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.640 Well the well I mean, if you know, I don't 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:15.160 think there is a correct approach. You know, I'm very 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:18.040 one of the hard things about uh, you know, one 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:19.640 of the hard things about doing this, And I don't 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:22.600 look I definitely I talk about this all the time 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:24.840 on here, Like I don't. I try not to give advice. 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:28.040 I end up doing it on certain situations I feel 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.560 like it. But I feel like I remain I remain 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:35.160 rather agnostic towards a lot of stuff on here, truly, 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:40.320 because I will think about the different ways to like 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.240 approach stuff, and I will wind up being like, oh, 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.080 I really don't know which one is the correct approach, 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.920 Like the specific issues you know of, like you know, 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:53.400 am I supposed to like suffer through the not liking 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.240 of the process of the doing of the thing, Or 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.600 am I supposed to find something where the process of 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:04.800 doing it it feels good? And I've experienced I've had 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:11.560 lots of experiences where I did, like overcome the lack 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:13.400 of desire to do something and it made like a 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:17.560 really great product that was really proud of. I'm sure 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:22.320 happy I did it. Deadlines helped with that, of course, 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:24.960 But then there was a time where I'm life, but 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:27.400 then there's ship where I'm like, oh, I can really 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.160 tell I enjoy the process of doing this thing. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:35.560 Listen. I remember being a practicing lawyer in Los Angeles. Yeah, 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:40.360 in the nineteen eighties. This was short. This was shortly 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:44.320 after let's say three or four years, you know, the 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:47.360 Cold War was still going, Yeah, in the nineteen eighties, 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:54.240 and there was a big production of nuclear war that 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.880 came out like in eighty four eighty five that really 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:01.600 was sobering about what nuclear war was going to be like. 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.960 So it's kind of like roughly on your mind. I 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:09.560 was very lucky. I had beautiful office in Century City, 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:13.400 Los Angeles, on the nineteenth floor, overlooking all of West 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.480 Los Angeles and on a relatively clear day, I could 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:19.239 see the ocean and it was just great. Yeah, And 0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:23.040 I was writing a brief that I hated writing. Yeah, 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:25.440 I did not want to write it. So I was 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:29.200 looking after the window and fantasizing that if a nuclear 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:33.320 bomb hit Los Angeles, I wouldn't have to write the brief. 0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:38.199 I ended up writing the brief and we ended up 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:43.679 winning the case. But yeah, you have to sometimes you do, 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:46.720 just have to power through those feelings. You know. 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:48.480 As funny as you've told me that story before, but 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.960 I never knew that that was like in the context 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.760 of the Cold War. I just imagined that you were 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:58.680 looking out at your office imagining that a bomb would come. 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:00.960 But I didn't know that there was a context on 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:03.120 which other theoretically could have been. 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.600 Well, now it would be like a comet or an asteroid. Yeah, 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.800 because we just watched that movie Green Lion. Then we're 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:11.520 looking forward to Greenland too, which is all about a 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.919 comet hitting the planet. And you know, and you know, 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:21.880 my wife is a crazy uh apococalypts fan fan. 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:25.040 Are you do you worry? Do you ever worry about 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:25.920 the apocalypse? 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:26.200 Never? 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.560 Is it because of the statistical unlikeness of it happening, 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:32.400 or because if it does happen, you don't have meaning 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:33.239 to worry about ever. 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:36.520 Again, you know, there's the whole concept of control. Yeah, 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:41.760 and worry. Yeah right, and we all you know, worry 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:44.639 is kind of a fundamental part of the human condition, 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:50.879 but it's a very destructive thing. And most of the 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:54.760 time we're worrying about things that we cannot control. Yeah, 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.200 all right, So then then the question is, all right, well, 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:01.479 let's get let's let's drill that and really how all 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:07.399 right if we can control something, Yeah, why should we 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:08.400 think about it at all? 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:13.919 I know it's hard, that's well, well, that's the you know, 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.679 that's the you know, the serenity prayer, right, yes, absolutely, 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:20.159 that's this. This serenity goes something like give me the 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.119 you know, it's funny sideway fucking In the episode I 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.760 did with Chloe, we brought up the serenity prayer of 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:29.560 like the the well. 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:34.320 Give me the strength to understand the things I can control, 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:38.320 and the curse up the whatever the things that I 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:39.919 can and the wisdom to know the difference. 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:42.080 Yeah, the cur Yeah, the courage control the things that 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:46.480 I something. Help me accept the things I can't control 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.760 help me change the things I can. Help me understand 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:50.840 the difference. I think, for if you worry a lot 0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:53.399 and you have anxiety, to me at least, I don't 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:58.320 think I I've gotten pretty good at not worrying about 0:19:58.320 --> 0:19:59.320 things I can control. 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:01.320 I get worried about. 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:04.320 Things that I can control, you know what I mean? 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:06.159 And I think I think people. I think having a 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:11.800 lot of worry and anxiety is about a having trouble 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.159 knowing the difference. But also is I have a lot 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.720 of uh, But also, like I do, I have a 0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:22.440 lot of worrying about things I can control, which stops 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.159 me from controlling them. It's like it's just it just 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.639 takes up. It's like procrastination. 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:31.360 Well, but that's the great thing, right, because you can 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:36.639 translate that worry into action. Yeah, right, Action kills fear. 0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:38.680 Yeah, to procrastinate a lot. 0:20:38.720 --> 0:20:44.600 Still, I was actually not much of a procrastinator. No, 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:47.119 I never felt that way about myself. I'm feel like, 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:51.800 if I'm procrastinating about something, yeah, it's because in my 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:55.280 subconscious I haven't really decided that it's the right thing 0:20:55.320 --> 0:20:55.600 to do. 0:20:57.240 --> 0:20:59.880 Yeah, you know, I I do, But I believe that too. 0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:00.680 I believe that too. 0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:03.920 When I feel intuitively drawn to do something I can, 0:21:04.119 --> 0:21:05.439 I don't have to crass it on it. 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:08.320 And actually that kind of circles around to something else 0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:12.280 that we were kind of talking about, which was like 0:21:12.440 --> 0:21:19.959 the concepts of powering through And you know, when people 0:21:20.000 --> 0:21:23.679 have come to me and said, I don't know what 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:28.080 to do about X, Y and Z, what of the situation? 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:33.119 My first I don't have advice for anybody. Okay, My 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:38.000 first question is what do you want to do? Yeah, 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:41.159 And that's, in my opinion, the first question you should 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:44.160 ask you don't know what to do because a lot 0:21:44.200 --> 0:21:47.320 of times people really know what they want to do, 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:51.240 but they're afraid of the potential consequences. Yeah, all right, 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:56.159 then if they can't get there, I say, okay. The 0:21:56.320 --> 0:22:00.240 second question is what's the smart thing to do? That's 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:02.680 an interesting one. What's the smart thing to do? Which 0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:05.720 is not the first question. That's the second question. 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:10.640 Yeah, because you know what, those can be conflicting, Those 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:11.880 can have conflicting answers. 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:17.320 Of course, absolutely no question about it. Yeah, because look, 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:23.159 ultimately time is limited in our lives. We should do 0:22:23.200 --> 0:22:26.720 what we want if it's not hurting anyone, If it's 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:31.320 not you know, leading us to you know, destruction and despair. 0:22:31.960 --> 0:22:36.120 You know, focus on what you want to do because 0:22:36.160 --> 0:22:38.920 it's your life, and you really, I mean, you really 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:39.760 only get one of them. 0:22:40.000 --> 0:22:41.840 I know. I think a lot of the problems that 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:44.400 people on this show have, but we'll we can read 0:22:44.400 --> 0:22:48.359 some of these emails at some point is like juggling 0:22:49.200 --> 0:22:55.040 what they want to do with the ever growing external 0:22:58.160 --> 0:23:02.720 requirements of existing on the earth. You know what I mean. 0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:08.280 It's very complicated. Yeah, you know, human civilization, it's just, 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:14.280 you know, is a massive maze that gets more complex 0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:19.440 with more blind turns daily. By the way, your your 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:22.880 listeners should know that that this is how we talk. Yeah, 0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:26.080 this is this is not like, oh we're doing this 0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.840 for a podcast. This is how we talk and then 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:34.200 people might say, oh, poor Lyle. 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:36.280 So I'm really happy I asked you to do this. 0:23:36.280 --> 0:23:39.320 This is way better than me just doing this alone. Actually, 0:23:39.359 --> 0:23:43.080 you know, I wanted there's a thread of okay, all right, 0:23:43.160 --> 0:23:47.840 so just to just to close this thread of okay, 0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:54.120 so you're it's fine. You were on the you were 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:55.960 on the phone with my uncle last night and you 0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:59.760 were talking about this about how you were on the 0:23:59.760 --> 0:24:01.639 phone uncle last night, and you were you said that 0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.119 one of the great things about being older is that 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.320 you get to look at your life and see how 0:24:06.320 --> 0:24:11.080 it all played out. Yes, so now with what you 0:24:11.160 --> 0:24:12.919 told us about how you know, you went out to 0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:17.120 Los Angeles to like do all these things and now 0:24:17.200 --> 0:24:19.399 life has played out, Like, how do you what's your 0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:21.080 reflection on how life has played out? 0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:25.800 I have a great anecdote about that. Yeah, please, having 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:28.639