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Speaker 1: Happy Friday, Chip, Happy Friday. How's your week then?

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Speaker 2: So so good? I mean it's starting.

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Speaker 1: To be fall.

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Speaker 3: It's very chilly in Nashville. I don't know what's happening

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Speaker 3: in the rest. Yeah, it's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I love the seasons, feel like they're changing.

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Speaker 4: The sun still out. It's a little chilly. I voted yesterday.

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Speaker 4: Everything feels big game.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh I like your in Sinc. Sweatshirt.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate that.

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Speaker 2: You know, for a.

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Speaker 4: Podcast, it's always nice to point out things that people

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Speaker 4: can't see. But no, it's been a good week.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe it's already the end of the week.

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Speaker 2: It flew by.

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Speaker 1: Oh here we go again, Chip and time.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, you know, I don't have any plans this weekend,

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Speaker 4: so it's going to be a nice long weekend.

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Speaker 3: That's actually really nice. I have the same like, nothing

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Speaker 3: really big on the agenda and just chilling. Sounds amazing

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Speaker 3: to me. Well, as we talked about last week, we

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Speaker 3: are going to start kind of a new structure. It's

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Speaker 3: not really that different, but where we talk about something

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Speaker 3: that's in line with what I referenced on Wednesday or

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Speaker 3: what the topic was Wednesday, and this Wednesday, I had

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Speaker 3: Karen el.

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Speaker 1: Dad on the podcast.

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Speaker 3: She's a personal and executive coach, but she and I

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Speaker 3: really talked about like the toxic patterns that can come

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Speaker 3: from really focusing on perfectionism overachieving and that moment when

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Speaker 3: you know, it's that age old tale that we hear

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Speaker 3: where someone finds all the success in the world, they

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Speaker 3: get all their dreams come true that they've been chasing forever,

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Speaker 3: and they get to the top and they're lonely, they're empty,

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Speaker 3: they're sad, there's no happiness there. It's like, then, what's next?

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Speaker 3: What are you going to chase next? And so we

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Speaker 3: really talked about why you're not going to find happiness

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Speaker 3: in the external and where kind of our society.

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Speaker 1: Gets that wrong.

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Speaker 3: And when I told you about that topic, you said, ooh,

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Speaker 3: we should talk about that in reference to dating and

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Speaker 3: sex and relationships. And I said, what do you mean,

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Speaker 3: how does that work? So tell me what you think.

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Speaker 4: Well, where I initially went was, you know, initial attraction

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Speaker 4: is often about the external. You know, you see somebody

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Speaker 4: first before you get to know them, you know, whether

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Speaker 4: it's at a bar on the street, on TV, on

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Speaker 4: an app, whatever, And I think there is a lot

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Speaker 4: of misery in love and relationships as a result of that,

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Speaker 4: because we're kind of sold this idea that we need

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Speaker 4: to date beautiful people and if you're not beautiful, you

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Speaker 4: aren't worthy. And I think it causes a lot of

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Speaker 4: sadness in the world because so many people are not

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Speaker 4: conventionally attractive on the outside. Probably more people than that are,

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Speaker 4: but most people are really beautiful on the inside and

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Speaker 4: have a lot to offer, whether it's their humor, their character,

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Speaker 4: their creativity, their warmth, all of these qualities that are

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Speaker 4: really important, especially if you want to build a life

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Speaker 4: with somebody. You know, they all say we're all ugly

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Speaker 4: when we are old, you know, like we get ugly

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Speaker 4: as we age, and I think that's a really important

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Speaker 4: thing to remember if you're single and looking, because you know,

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Speaker 4: of course we all want to fucking punch up so

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Speaker 4: that we like are dating above our grade. But why,

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Speaker 4: Like what is driving that? And I'm guilty of doing

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Speaker 4: the same thing, and it's you know, I'm turning forty

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Speaker 4: nine next month, I'm unmarried, I've never been married, I'm single, and.

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Speaker 2: What am I doing wrong?

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Speaker 4: How do I move through the process of dating and

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Speaker 4: focus on the things that are truly important to me,

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Speaker 4: even though I want to marry a hottest fuck dude,

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Speaker 4: but in the end, that's really not the most important.

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Speaker 4: But for some reason, I have a block and when

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Speaker 4: I'm on dating apps it's window shopping.

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Speaker 2: I'm not reading what.

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Speaker 4: These people say, but I probably should because truly that's

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Speaker 4: what's more important than what these people look like. But

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Speaker 4: I am going and just swiping right on the ones

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Speaker 4: who I think are good looking, interesting.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Because when you first presented this to me, I

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Speaker 3: was like, what is triggering this thought process? And I

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Speaker 3: guess what it is for you is you are actively,

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Speaker 3: like out there dating and so maybe you're noticing some

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Speaker 3: patterns or behaviors within yourself that you're like, wait a second,

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Speaker 3: maybe these things aren't working. Because from my standpoint, I

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Speaker 3: was like, well, the attraction matters, and so to me,

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Speaker 3: as much as I would love to say forget about

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Speaker 3: looks whatever, I don't think that that's realistic either. And

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Speaker 3: I actually don't think that that would be something that

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Speaker 3: you could contain in a long standing relationship, Like I

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Speaker 3: think that it does matter to be attracted to your partner.

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Speaker 3: So what are you seeing, like pattern wise, or why

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Speaker 3: is this? Is there a story connected to this? Why

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Speaker 3: is this coming to the forefront of your mind?

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Speaker 4: Well, you know, obviously I'm trying to relate back to

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Speaker 4: your Wednesday podcast. So it's where my mind went, Like

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Speaker 4: I have in relationships, thought that like when I have

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Speaker 4: fallen for someone, thought that they were in credibly attractive,

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Speaker 4: and then once the love has faded.

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Speaker 2: I look at pictures of them, I'm like, they're not

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Speaker 2: even cute, you.

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Speaker 4: Know what I mean. And and to me, that's a lesson

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Speaker 4: in what I was most attracted to them wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 4: the physicality. And I think that I beat myself up

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Speaker 4: about my physicality and blame that for me being single.

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Speaker 4: So it's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.

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Speaker 4: And you know, also there's the show Love Is Blind

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Speaker 4: is on like season one billion.

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Speaker 3: You know, well, I've been watching the new season and

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Speaker 3: I'm super into it.

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Speaker 1: So I was glad. You want to say, I'm way behind.

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Speaker 4: I've only watched the first two seasons, but I totally

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Speaker 4: get the show. But what I you know, I love

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Speaker 4: the concept of it. What I wish is that the

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Speaker 4: people were less attractive or at least half of them

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Speaker 4: were like between a one and a five, because I

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Speaker 4: think it would give us.

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Speaker 2: A better peek behind the experience.

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Speaker 4: I mean everyone, no one on that show is a ten,

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Speaker 4: you know, but everyone is like somewhere between a six

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Speaker 4: and a eight. They're all like attractive, and I would

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Speaker 4: love to see somebody really be pushed outside of their

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Speaker 4: comfort zone when it comes to the physicality and they're

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Speaker 4: falling in love with someone that they have no idea

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Speaker 4: what they look like, and then be forced to sort

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Speaker 4: of question that in themselves when they finally see the person.

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Speaker 3: It does happen, though, See this is what's so interesting

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Speaker 3: because you brought that up. And the funny thing about

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Speaker 3: that show to me is it is pitched to us

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Speaker 3: as do looks really matter? Is love actually blind? And

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Speaker 3: while that is the quote unquote where they fall in love,

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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think you can fall in love

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Speaker 3: in like two weeks personally, but you can become very

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Speaker 3: interested and connected to a person maybe, And so like

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Speaker 3: what they're pitching is that that connection is not based

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Speaker 3: on physical attraction at all, because you're in these pods,

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Speaker 3: you see each other whatever. But the thing is they

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Speaker 3: go through that big reveal and then that reveal. If

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Speaker 3: that happens and the door opens, which has happened, I

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Speaker 3: mean it happens one time this season, the door opens

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Speaker 3: and there's no physical attraction, that relationship fails.

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Speaker 2: Right, I get that. So it does matter, yes, but they're.

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Speaker 4: Often they're sort of on the same level looks wise,

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Speaker 4: you know, so I would like to see there to

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Speaker 4: be a bigger discrepancy between you know, it's like the

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Speaker 4: classic all American you know, quarterback, and then it's like

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Speaker 4: a mousey, nerdy girl.

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Speaker 2: And to challenge sort of the notion that.

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Speaker 4: Beautiful people are only attracted to beautiful people, because right

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Speaker 4: now they're not given the shot to even challenge that

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Speaker 4: because everyone's kind of on the same level, if that

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Speaker 4: makes any sense. So it's very easy to be like

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Speaker 4: to write it off quickly if there's no physic call attraction.

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Speaker 4: Whereas if you walked into the room and someone that

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Speaker 4: you thought was classic, who you in your mind would

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Speaker 4: have never physically been attracted to, but you've really liked them,

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Speaker 4: and you see it and you know it's only about

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Speaker 4: the fact that they look not what you hope they

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Speaker 4: look like, then you have to like turn inside and

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Speaker 4: be like am I vain because I really liked everything

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Speaker 4: about this person until that moment.

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Speaker 3: You know, I think what's really interesting here is another

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Speaker 3: interesting case study in society. But you're a gay man

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Speaker 3: and I'm a woman, And this is a generalization, so

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying that I'm prefacing this, but I do

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Speaker 3: think gay men lead with physical attractiveness. That is, like

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Speaker 3: all my gay friends, everyone that I know specifically, though,

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Speaker 3: gay men are very big on looks. And as a woman,

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Speaker 3: I'm listening to you and I'm like, actually, like it's

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Speaker 3: taken a minute for me to get comfortable saying I

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Speaker 3: am very attracted to that person and like physically, and

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Speaker 3: let that be a part of the bigger picture for me,

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Speaker 3: because like I think women typically can become attracted to men,

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Speaker 3: Like if you're a woman that dates a man, can

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Speaker 3: become attracted to a man based on personality, humor, like

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Speaker 3: there's a lot more, and I think women maybe live

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Speaker 3: a different sort of life with that. Like maybe this

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Speaker 3: isn't maybe that's also a generalization, but like I know,

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Speaker 3: for me, I have not always dated people just based

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Speaker 3: on looks specifically, Like there's a lot of men who

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Speaker 3: have dated who it's you know, they've gotten way cuter

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Speaker 3: to me the more I've gotten to know them, and

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Speaker 3: so we've dated and then as I've gotten older, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: but that is a that is a big like I

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Speaker 3: want to date someone that I'm very physically attracted to

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Speaker 3: because sex is really important to me and that's like

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Speaker 3: a big part of the relationship that maybe I was

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Speaker 3: missing in the past, like having that connection. But again,

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Speaker 3: we've just been on different journeys, whereas like you're saying, Okay, wait,

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Speaker 3: I'm living in this world that feels very surface and whatever,

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Speaker 3: and you, as a huge men are definitely looking for

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Speaker 3: something deeper than just looks.

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Speaker 2: Correct.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and the aging also like.

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Speaker 4: Back to your gay straight comparison to like, I am

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Speaker 4: not the picture of the stereotypical gay man with the

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Speaker 4: abs and the everything. Like I wish I had all

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Speaker 4: that shit. I'm working on it, but that's never really

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Speaker 4: driven me. And so I think because I know what.

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Speaker 2: I offer is different than that.

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Speaker 4: Like, and this is not to say like there is

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Speaker 4: not someone that looks like that that offers the same things. God,

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Speaker 4: I hope he's out there and I find him, you know,

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Speaker 4: But it's I just think, like we all need to

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Speaker 4: sort of challenge that notion that maybe what we're looking

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Speaker 4: for isn't in the package that we're looking for.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's so funny to me.

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Speaker 4: I know two friends that have married guys, two female

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Speaker 4: friends that have married guys that both of them when

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Speaker 4: they met them, they were like, I met the ugliest

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Speaker 4: guy last night, and I'm going to marry him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Women they're like, oh my god, he is so ugly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but he is the most amazing human being I've

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Speaker 4: ever met. Both of them are like very strong relationships.

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Speaker 4: They've been married for years. They're very happy. Yeah, And

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Speaker 4: so I think sometimes when you remove that card from

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Speaker 4: the deck, the pretty card, there is suddenly more opportunity

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Speaker 4: for the other things to matter more.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's you know, it's so interesting. Okay, so I'm

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Speaker 3: sitting here for the listeners. My boyfriend's pretty hot. Like

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Speaker 3: I'm not like my current boyfriend is hot, Like I'm

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Speaker 3: not trying to be like whatever, but he is. And

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Speaker 3: I've known him for a decade. So, like, what was

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Speaker 3: really interesting to me about when we started dating is

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Speaker 3: it was because I actually got to know him like emotionally, mentally,

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Speaker 3: and all those things. I had such judgments on who

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Speaker 3: he had to be as a human because he was

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Speaker 3: hot for most of our relationship, Like do you know

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Speaker 3: what I'm saying, right right, right, No, it's so interesting

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Speaker 3: because he almost had to win me over, like the

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Speaker 3: opposite way, right, because I'm like, as a hetero woman,

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Speaker 3: hot dudes are typically players. They're typically assholes. They're gonna

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Speaker 3: cheat on you. Like you just have these you know,

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Speaker 3: generalizations that are really unfair, honestly, because I didn't really

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Speaker 3: know like who he was or how he operated in relationship, right,

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Speaker 3: but I just decided like, oh, well, he does have

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Speaker 3: six a six pack in like he is really cut

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Speaker 3: and like hot, he must be a player, he must be,

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Speaker 3: must be these things. So all in all, really it

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Speaker 3: could work either way, like we're making it, like, don't

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Speaker 3: just be in a relationship because of physical attraction, but

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Speaker 3: also don't not be in one right right because of

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Speaker 3: anything external? Like actually getting to know people is very important,

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Speaker 3: and it's really difficult these days because one of the

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Speaker 3: main ways people meet people is dating apps, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know, look, I can only speak to

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Speaker 4: my own experiences too, you know, it's I can't know

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Speaker 4: what it's like to be in anyone else's shoes when

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Speaker 4: it comes to dating. But I think, you know, my

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Speaker 4: insecurity has come into play because of my own physicality

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Speaker 4: and the.

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Speaker 2: Same exact thing.

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Speaker 4: It's like, I probably haven't hit on enough hot guys

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Speaker 4: in my life because I think that they are only

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Speaker 4: going to care about the physicality part of it, you know,

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Speaker 4: And so I'm not here to say that that, like,

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Speaker 4: looks are not important to me because they are, Like

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Speaker 4: I want people to I want to walk in the

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Speaker 4: room with a guy and everyone be like, damn, look

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Speaker 4: what Chip pulled, you know, but it's not the most

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Speaker 4: important thing.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: Let's go back to the way you just said that, though,

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Speaker 3: because I think that's actually the point you're trying to make.

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Speaker 3: You said, look what Chip just pulled? So you're attaching

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Speaker 3: worth to that, like all of a sudden, you're okay

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Speaker 3: because you can pull this hot guy, right, which is

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Speaker 3: the way that a lot of us operate. And the

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Speaker 3: reality is is like, really, yeah, sure, looks matter, but

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Speaker 3: to me, it's more attraction matters, right, Like are you

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Speaker 3: attracted that person? And that can come from a you

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Speaker 3: know a ton of things, and you don't want to

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Speaker 3: just base that on looks because as you said, that fades. Also, everybody,

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Speaker 3: even supermodels, becomes a human after a certain amount of time.

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Speaker 3: In your eyes, all rely reetty, shit everybody, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, Like we're none of us are just

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Speaker 3: pretty all the time or perfect all the time. So

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Speaker 3: you just like don't want to just have it that

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Speaker 3: I'm obviously rambling now, but like we don't want to

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Speaker 3: just be based on that. And it's like, but you

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Speaker 3: also don't want to attach your worth to what someone

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Speaker 3: looks from the outside. It's really about like what is

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Speaker 3: y'all's connection, what's the relationship?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 2: Correct?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not to say that I don't improperly put

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Speaker 4: some importance on those things, because I do, and I

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Speaker 4: know that that's a mistake that I've made. So you know,

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Speaker 4: as I'm turning the corner to fifty years old, I'm

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Speaker 4: still single. I need to start making better choices about

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Speaker 4: you know, what I really really want out of a PARTI.

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Speaker 1: Well, what do you really want to have a part?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I want somebody that I can rely on.

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Speaker 4: I want someone that I can trust. I want somebody

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Speaker 4: who is independent and allows me to be independent. But

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Speaker 4: prioritizes me at the same time, if that makes sense,

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Speaker 4: because that's I mean, that would be reciprocal. Yeah, of

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Speaker 4: course it would be amazing if he was super handsome.

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Speaker 4: But I'm also like at this point where what I

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Speaker 4: truly find attractive in people is kindness and humor and

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Speaker 4: drive and creativity and things like that. So you know,

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Speaker 4: I wish that there was more opportunities for me to

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Speaker 4: sort of discover people without seeing what.

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Speaker 2: They look like.

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Speaker 1: You know, you go on love is Blind?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, do they do gay on love is Well?

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Speaker 1: God, no, but they should. Why is there no gay

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Speaker 1: love is blind?

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Speaker 2: And that's really interesting?

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Speaker 3: Don'ts and get that started? Yeah, you would be so

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Speaker 3: good because you would be so fun in the pods,

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Speaker 3: Like everybody would love talking to you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, do we just hello? Are y'all a gay?

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Speaker 1: Love is blind? That is not cool?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of not.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Well, so we'll get started on that. But I

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Speaker 3: also was going to ask you, like, okay, when you

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Speaker 3: when you're saying like what you want, I will say

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Speaker 3: one of the things that really helped me over the

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Speaker 3: last couple of years in dating was someone told me, like,

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Speaker 3: just straight up, you don't seem like you know, like.

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Speaker 1: Fully what your values are.

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Speaker 3: And if you don't know what your values are, you're

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Speaker 3: going to keep bringing in people that don't align because

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Speaker 3: it's like, again, if it's like if you don't know

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Speaker 3: who you are or what's really like what at the core,

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Speaker 3: what are your foundational values that really matter to you,

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Speaker 3: Because then the rest of this stuff that like flows

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Speaker 3: around with people and dating, I don't know if that

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Speaker 3: really matters, like looks being one of them.

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Speaker 1: So if you're if you're really clear.

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Speaker 3: On what your values are, what you really want from

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Speaker 3: a relationship, what you really want from life, then it

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Speaker 3: does seem that you can set a better intention even

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Speaker 3: when you're like on dating apps, to finding someone that

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Speaker 3: aligns with those values being clear with them up front,

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Speaker 3: like this is the thing, like if you want kids

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Speaker 3: saying that and standing by yourself, not kind of like

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Speaker 3: waffling back and forth and being like, oh, well they

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Speaker 3: don't you know, like everyone's different, but you do need

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Speaker 3: to kind of have those core things intact. And that

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Speaker 3: has changed the name of the game for me. I

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Speaker 3: didn't realize how much I was like veering off into

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Speaker 3: unknown territory of people, which is completely different value systems,

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Speaker 3: and that was never gonna.

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Speaker 4: Work, right, Yeah, I mean it's because we sacrifice our

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Speaker 4: own desires just to feel wanted sometimes, yes, yeah, no,

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Speaker 4: I think that's really important.

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Speaker 2: I think I've got a pretty good idea.

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Speaker 4: I think sometimes where I suffer when I'm looking at

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Speaker 4: the day as is sometimes I'm just torny when I'm

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Speaker 4: on there, you know. So it's like not even about value.

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Speaker 4: It's not even about the long term thing. It's just

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Speaker 4: about like short term stuff. And where I need to

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Speaker 4: start putting more of my value or my values is

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Speaker 4: in the long term. Like only think about it that way,

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Speaker 4: because it's like, shit, if I wanted to just get late,

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Speaker 4: I could just go to a gay bar, you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean, rather than sitting at home, like reading

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Speaker 4: through profiles and stuff.

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Speaker 3: And so I think I maybe tender for the other person,

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Speaker 3: you know whatever, like out of your different moments, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, or different spaces where you have different mentalities.

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Speaker 4: All right too, Because I was when I was doing

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Speaker 4: a little bit of reading about this topic, I didn't

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Speaker 4: even read the whole thing. The one word just popped

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Speaker 4: out at me from a headline, and it was it's

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Speaker 4: a member's only story on medium, so I couldn't read

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Speaker 4: the whole thing, but it says looks are more important

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Speaker 4: than we'd like to admit. And the word admit really

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Speaker 4: struck me because there's some shame in it, you know

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Speaker 4: what I mean, like, well, why are we afraid to

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Speaker 4: admit it? And it made me question, like, am I

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Speaker 4: not admitting that looks matter to me? Or do I

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Speaker 4: believe in my core that that's not the most important thing?

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Speaker 1: Well? Which one is it?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think in my core is it's truly

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Speaker 4: not the most important thing. But what I'm afraid to

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Speaker 4: admit is that I let it get in the way.

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Speaker 4: And so I'm admitting that here, like I've probably missed

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Speaker 4: a lot of amazing people that I could have gotten

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Speaker 4: to know better had I not been hung.

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Speaker 2: Up on looks.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you know saying Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Taylor Swift's You Belong to Me came on yesterday, and

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Speaker 4: it's funny too, because it's the song is kind of

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Speaker 4: on this topic, like you never really hear how good looking.

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Speaker 2: The guy is. All you hear is how good looking

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Speaker 2: the girl that he's dating is. And it sounds like.

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Speaker 1: You wear short skirts, I wear t your shirts. Whatever

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Speaker 1: the line is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's basically like Taylor.

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Speaker 4: From Taylor's point of view, she's saying like, I'm actually

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Speaker 4: a really great person. I'm normal, but you don't see

396
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Speaker 4: me the way that I see you, And so you know,

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Speaker 4: it's the classic sort of love tail. That's two really

398
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Speaker 4: attractive people who aren't meant to be together or together

399
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Speaker 4: while someone who is actually really good for that person

400
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Speaker 4: is pining for them. I'd never like heard the song

401
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 4: in that way until yesterday, So I thought that was funny.

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Speaker 1: What's your next action step? You know? I love an

403
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Speaker 1: action step.

404
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 4: You know, I probably should take an action step to

405
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Speaker 4: write down those values, you know, just put down so

406
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Speaker 4: that it's like sort of cementsum into my universe. And

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Speaker 4: you know, maybe the next time I get decide to

408
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Speaker 4: get on the apps, I'll try. I mean, I don't

409
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Speaker 4: know how you ignore the photos because it's the first

410
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Speaker 4: thing that you're serving, but actually take the time to

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Speaker 4: read stuff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, instead of just swiping unconsciously. Yeah, that's

413
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Speaker 3: the thing. Is I hear you on being like I

414
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Speaker 3: don't want to be led by that, but to also

415
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Speaker 3: negate that attraction matters is also missing the points I mean,

416
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 3: it's like going to the opposite extreme because it does.

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Speaker 3: So it's like perfect case is you meet someone who

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Speaker 3: you have a similar value system and love their personality

419
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Speaker 3: and love who they are as a person, and you're

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Speaker 3: attracted to them physically. Like that doesn't mean they have

421
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 3: to look like Brad Pitt, but it's like all of

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00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 3: those things combined also make a person so much hotter.

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Speaker 1: It really is true.

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Speaker 4: You know, there's obviously a floor to whatever. You know,

425
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Speaker 4: Like you're like, there are certain people You're like, I

426
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Speaker 4: will never I never want to kiss that person, right,

427
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Speaker 4: So maybe that's what I should do, is figure out

428
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 4: what my floor is and those are the only ones

429
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,400
Speaker 4: that I like say no to, and then I read

430
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Speaker 4: all the rest. Okay, this is a funny example because

431
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 4: there's a huge age difference and attraction level difference. Okay,

432
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 4: and then Nicole Smith and her husband, oh, don't even

433
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,959
Speaker 4: get me starck, Like the obviously there's a lot of

434
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 4: there was a lot of money involved, but the world

435
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 4: had a really hard time believing that she could ever

436
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 4: be attracted to that man.

437
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 3: Well, I mean he's bedridden, so you know that is tough.

438
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: It was a raisin. He was so old.

439
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,120
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm kind of with the world on that one.

440
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 3: But okay, all right, if you guys have thoughts on

441
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,439
Speaker 3: this topic. I mean, I think I still stand on

442
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 3: attraction matters, but I hear you, like, it can't be

443
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 3: the driving force and it shouldn't be the only connection

444
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 3: or attraction to that person or else it is going

445
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,199
Speaker 3: to run out because it.

446
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 2: Looks face physical attraction you mean physical.

447
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: Physical, physical.

448
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I do think it matters, and I definitely

449
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 3: think it plays a role in a lot of things

450
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 3: like your sex life and whatever, like you want to

451
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 3: be drawn to your.

452
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,120
Speaker 4: Person, one hundred percent agree with you. I think I'm

453
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 4: just sort of speaking my narrative out loud. Sure, I

454
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 4: think the fear of rejection plays into it. So not

455
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 4: only do I need to write down, you know, sort

456
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: of what I value out of a relationship, but I

457
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 4: need to write down what I value in myself because

458
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 4: then it like I can you know, step up to

459
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 4: the plate with more confidence too.

460
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 3: I think that that matters so much. Like actually, in

461
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 3: thinking that with me, like I look at some of

462
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 3: my past and it was because I wasn't confident in

463
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 3: myself and like where I stood that I don't think

464
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: I dated the way that I date now. And being

465
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 3: confident in who you are what you have to offer

466
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 3: on all levels. I'm not just saying looks, but like,

467
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 3: if you're confident in yourself, I think it changes the

468
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 3: kind of relationship that you can show up for because

469
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,479
Speaker 3: you're not feeling threatened or like oh fuck, you know,

470
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 3: like I'm below this person or whatever.

471
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 2: Like I don't deserve this, I.

472
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 3: Don't deserve this, like all those narratives. Well, sounds like

473
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 3: you have a lot to think through in journal.

474
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 2: That's like I need to find a therapist.

475
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: Well, you know we support that on the Velvet Edge.

476
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,560
Speaker 2: Mam, yes, ma'am. All right.

477
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 3: If you guys have any thoughts about this, you can

478
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 3: always email us at the Edge at velvet Edge dot com.

479
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 3: You can also hit me up on instat I'm at

480
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 3: Velvet's Edge, Chip.

481
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 2: I'm at Chip Doors. She It's c H I P

482
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 2: D O R S c H.

483
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 3: And as you guys go into the weekend and you're

484
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,200
Speaker 3: living on the edge, I hope you always remember too.

485
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 2: A casual by