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Speaker 1: Kuty misconnections. That was me staring. There's only two places

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Speaker 1: to find true love in this world. One is over

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Speaker 1: at the Pillsbury dough Boys bachelor pad. Oh, and you

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Speaker 1: think dad Bod's hot right now? Pillsbury dough Bods slaves,

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Speaker 1: nothing says love and like rolls. The other is on

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Speaker 1: the pages of craigslist dot org. We scour that website

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Speaker 1: base to tip every week to find the best misconnections

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Speaker 1: that they have to offer, top to bottom. However you

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Speaker 1: like it. Let's start with your first misconnection titled just

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Speaker 1: follow the Arrows Man for woman thirties Ikea, Oh God,

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Speaker 1: the stupid arrows. I still get lost, he says. I

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Speaker 1: usually don't remember much when I blackout drink, but I

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Speaker 1: remember you. You were the tall blonde with a polka

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Speaker 1: dot skirt and a cute crap top. I was the

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Speaker 1: man half your height with a mullet haircut and a

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Speaker 1: cart filled to the brim with toilet plungers. Oh. I'm

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Speaker 1: honestly not sure how that happened, But I blame Ikia

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Speaker 1: for allowing alcohol to be served in a place where

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Speaker 1: children roam free. That part, I mean that would literally

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Speaker 1: be every restaurant every children allowed out in the world.

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Speaker 1: After spotting you, my beautiful blonde beacon, I took a

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Speaker 1: dose of my liquid Courage parentheses Smirnoff smoothie and approached

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Speaker 1: you and said the first thing on my mind, Rick Tigogla.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a name for Swedish shower curtain rings

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Speaker 1: because I was staring at them. You looked at me,

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Speaker 1: confused and said, sorry, I don't speak Swedish. A lady

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Speaker 1: with legs and a sense of humor, I laughed, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I offered you a swig of my vodka

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Speaker 1: berry concoction. You declined and walked away, and I tried

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Speaker 1: to follow you, but I got cut off and swept

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Speaker 1: away by a large Filipino family. Swept away with Filipino family.

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Speaker 1: Next thing I remember, I was poked awake by an

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Speaker 1: employee and told the love seats are display only, fellow.

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Speaker 1: I thought this was a free country. That's why concerned.

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Speaker 1: It took me another three hours to finally find the exit.

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Speaker 1: I actually feel that. I mean, that's me sober. By

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Speaker 1: that time, you were just a memory. Feel free to

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Speaker 1: ride back. That signed also also a l s oh.

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Speaker 1: I think he was gonna add something else maybe against

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Speaker 1: Let's go to our next connection. This one's titled X

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Speaker 1: marks the spot Woman for Man fifties y m C

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Speaker 1: A treasure hunt. I was the blonde, middle aged woman

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Speaker 1: wearing the cheetah print bikini that showed my mid drift

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Speaker 1: with more to love in the middle. Oh hey girl,

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Speaker 1: I assumed you worked there because you were fishing a

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Speaker 1: soggy band aid out of the pool, green water gross

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Speaker 1: with that white plastic net and eagles nest of a beard.

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Speaker 1: I thought you resembled a pirate captain. Oh yar, And

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Speaker 1: for some reason, even though I've never been attracted to pirates,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't wait for you to shiver my timbers. Eh.

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Speaker 1: For me, it was love at first sight. Or maybe

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Speaker 1: I was high from the high amounts of chlorine. Oh

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Speaker 1: maybe At one point I thought if I pretended to drown,

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Speaker 1: you would jump in and save me. Is that silly?

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Speaker 1: That is appriate. That's why I flopped into the pool

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Speaker 1: and made exaggerated choking noises. Oh no, a hybrid car.

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Speaker 1: But all you did was look up and say get

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Speaker 1: out of the shallow end pools not open till seven

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Speaker 1: tail between my legs. I climbed up the ladder and

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Speaker 1: dried off on the lounge chair. Before I knew it,

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Speaker 1: I'd fallen asleep, and when I woke up, you were gone.

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Speaker 1: I'll try again next week. Maybe I'll dress up as

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Speaker 1: a mannequin and see if you know how to do CPR.

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Speaker 1: Dress up like human. That's signs sandy, maybe like she

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Speaker 1: draws lines around her mouth, as if she's a marionette puppet.

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Speaker 1: Maybe something more than chlorine. And that This next mix

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Speaker 1: connection is titled you had me at sh Man for

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Speaker 1: Woman forties Library. The moment I went through the book detector,

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Speaker 1: I laid my eyes on the prize you, oh, stocky

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Speaker 1: but feminine librarian with the hair of a ballerina and

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Speaker 1: knuckles of an auto worker. I was the light skin

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Speaker 1: gentleman attempting to check out the masterpiece Joshua Jay's amazing

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Speaker 1: book of Cards, trick, shuffle, Stunts and Hustles by none

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Speaker 1: other than the Joshua J. Joshua. As I unpacked my

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Speaker 1: twelve decks of cards to practice on one of your tables,

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Speaker 1: I saw you spying me. Intrigued, No, I motioned for

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Speaker 1: you to come hither. As I attempted the four hundred

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Speaker 1: card Rainbow Bridge delight. Oh God, that sounds like a mess.

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Speaker 1: In the middle of the trick, I decided to switch

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Speaker 1: it up and impress you even more with the Mexican

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Speaker 1: death spiral. Oh that sounds cool though. That's when the

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Speaker 1: cards betrayed me, as the air conditioning unit above took

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Speaker 1: the King of Diamonds for a ride and ruined the

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Speaker 1: entire thing disaster. You proceeded to shush me as I

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Speaker 1: laid on the ground in a pool of diamonds and spades.

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Speaker 1: How is he still not the weirdest person at the library?

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Speaker 1: And I upped the ante by promising you alone time

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Speaker 1: if you could find the missing face cards somewhere on

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Speaker 1: my body. You were not amused, as you ushered me out.

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Speaker 1: I dropped the ace of spades with my number on it.

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Speaker 1: Oh actually I dropped seven of them. Oh so far,

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Speaker 1: no call. But I shall not give up that easily.

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Speaker 1: Next Tuesday, at one pm, I'll be attempting the Bulgarian

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Speaker 1: Mountain Cross with even more debts. Then I shall win

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Speaker 1: your heart gallantly, Yours forever, Signed Garrett. The great librarians

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Speaker 1: do not get paid enough. No to do with that.

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Speaker 1: Those are your Craigslist misconnections. We got your phone tab

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Speaker 1: coming up in just a few minutes. Brooking Jeffrey in

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Speaker 1: the morning