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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to stuff I Never told you production of iHeart Radio.

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Speaker 2: And welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always,

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Speaker 2: if you choose to drink, please do so responsively.

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Speaker 1: Are you sipping on anything, Samantha.

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Speaker 3: I'm keeping it to a diet soda.

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Speaker 4: Because you've had issues water issues. Yes, that's a true story.

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Speaker 4: Right now, our water is off. The cab County is

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Speaker 4: not doing well. That's all I'm gonna say. Oh no, no.

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Speaker 1: It's correct.

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Speaker 2: Well, today's Halloween as we record this, we'll be after

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Speaker 2: Halloween as you hear it.

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Speaker 1: But I am drinking exciter. Oh nice.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm trying to get in the mood. I've watched

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Speaker 2: a lot of horror movies already. I got my pumpkin carved.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 3: It is very dark outside right now during afternoon times,

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Speaker 3: as well as cold. Is it please morning?

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Speaker 2: I know my phone. It's pretty menacing when you wake

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Speaker 2: up and you see that little hazard.

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Speaker 1: Sign and you're like, whoa wait, I don't know is happening.

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Speaker 2: It's happening, which is actually kind of a fitting segue

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Speaker 2: into what I wanted to talk about. So originally I

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Speaker 2: had a different topic to talk about today for the

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Speaker 2: Happy Hour, it was going to be an unhappy Hour.

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Speaker 2: That's going to be the Monday Mini, so you can

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Speaker 2: look out for it, Unhappy Monday, Unhappy Monday. I think

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Speaker 2: a lot of you will find it, maybe not unhappy illuminating,

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Speaker 2: But we decided to move it because it was more

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Speaker 2: research than we normally do for these. So what I

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Speaker 2: wanted to talk about it's sort of a grab bag,

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Speaker 2: which I think is a fit for Halloween.

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Speaker 1: Treating bag.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like a trigger treating bag. But one of the

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Speaker 2: things I've been meaning to talk about for a while

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Speaker 2: is something that my therapist calls catastrophizing, which I do

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Speaker 2: a lot, and I feel like fits in with Halloween.

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Speaker 2: But that's essentially when you like immediately assume the worst

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Speaker 2: thing has happened, Like whatever it is, the worst thing

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Speaker 2: has happened. So today, like you kind of emailed later

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Speaker 2: than you would normally email, and I was like, something

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Speaker 2: terrible has happened to Samantha, And I don't know what

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Speaker 2: it is, but I know that I'm catastrophizing. So I

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Speaker 2: try not to project that on you and be like,

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Speaker 2: are you okay?

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Speaker 1: I have ever heard from you?

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Speaker 2: I love that, Yeah, but I literally, like, I know,

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Speaker 2: it's sort of a joke with especially younger people, younger generations.

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Speaker 2: If I get a phone call, I assume someone has died,

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Speaker 2: like it is the worst thing. That it's just happens

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Speaker 2: in my head, which is funny because I feel like

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Speaker 2: I'm a really optimistic person actually, but I do always

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Speaker 2: have in the back of my head like how it

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Speaker 2: can be this, It could be this. And I think

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Speaker 2: when it comes to horror movies that that's one of

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Speaker 2: the reasons I really like them, is that I get

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Speaker 2: to watch it and sort of see that play out

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Speaker 2: and feel like, okay, like I really for the tension

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Speaker 2: that I'm just feeling, like every day when I don't

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Speaker 2: get an email, when I do get an email every

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Speaker 2: day it is Halloween. But one of the things so

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Speaker 2: I went to and I've promised we're not making this

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Speaker 2: into a haunted house recap show, you know, I would

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Speaker 2: love to desperately. I went to Atlanta local haunted house

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Speaker 2: that is famous last night, called Another World, and it

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Speaker 2: was so fun and I got so scared and I

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Speaker 2: was like really screaming, like the guttural scream, and I afterwards,

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Speaker 2: I just felt so bad. I was like, was I

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Speaker 2: ruining other people's time? Was I, oh, no, I've like

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Speaker 2: touched this person at one point, and what if they

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Speaker 2: didn't like to be touched. I don't like to be touched?

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Speaker 1: What was I think?

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Speaker 2: Like, I just got so in my head about it,

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Speaker 2: And you know, I don't a lot of times I

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Speaker 2: think that that it is just you in this case,

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Speaker 2: me projecting whatever it is you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: But other times I'm like, I don't know, because.

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Speaker 2: I've never had that conversation specifically with my friends, like

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Speaker 2: do you care if I like cling to you?

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Speaker 1: Or I don't know?

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Speaker 2: But I got really in my head and then I

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Speaker 2: started thinking about So I was thinking about how I

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Speaker 2: don't feel like i'm a because I become so confident

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Speaker 2: that I'm asexual and I'm ace and I'm like really

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Speaker 2: not interested in things. I feel like I've become really

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Speaker 2: confident in a way that maybe I shouldn't be. That

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Speaker 2: everyone knows that and they don't see me that way

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Speaker 2: or they get it, which I know we've talked about before.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about like.

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Speaker 2: When you think a man is married and you're like, okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm good, Like I'll be fine, and that's not the

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Speaker 2: case at all. But now I'm starting to worry that

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Speaker 2: I have been like coaxing along with this understanding that

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Speaker 2: it sort of goes back to the conversation, which I

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Speaker 2: feel is very tired. But we've had it on here

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Speaker 2: before and people continue to have it, like can you

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Speaker 2: have a platonic guy friend relationship? And I just feel

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Speaker 2: like I can so confidently because I'm not interested.

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Speaker 1: I am not interested.

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Speaker 2: But now I'm starting to worry that maybe I shouldn't

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Speaker 2: be so confident in that. And the only reason I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking about this is because I saw a lot of

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Speaker 2: couples last night at the Haunted House, and I just

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Speaker 2: it like started thinking about the times I've been at

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Speaker 2: haunted houses and have grabbed onto guy friends because I

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Speaker 2: was scared, but like nothing else, but you know, like

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Speaker 2: what was I wrong? Was I wrong to do it?

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Speaker 2: Were they thinking that was something else? Or whereas I'm

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Speaker 2: just literally like you are a friend and I am

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Speaker 2: grabbing on to you. So I don't know, And I

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Speaker 2: also embarrassing to admit, but my fan fiction, a much

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Speaker 2: reviewed fan fiction, thank.

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Speaker 1: You, It's coming to an end, and there is romance

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Speaker 1: in it.

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Speaker 2: And there was a scene in the last one where

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Speaker 2: they had a fight and everyone chooses a side, and

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Speaker 2: I was reading through what the comments were about choosing

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Speaker 2: the side, and I was just so taken aback by

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Speaker 2: some of it because I was like, that is not

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Speaker 2: how I would have seen that at all, And that

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Speaker 2: makes sense, like we all come from different backgrounds and

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Speaker 2: experiences and all of that. But it really got me

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Speaker 2: thinking because then I was doubting like everything I'd ever written,

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Speaker 2: but I could I don't think they were without merit,

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Speaker 2: Like nothing they said I felt was like wrong. But

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Speaker 2: then I really was like, okay, because I was seeing

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Speaker 2: it from this one really specific point of view, even

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Speaker 2: if I wasn't convinced that was the right point of view,

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Speaker 2: but I'm seeing it from this one. And it led

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Speaker 2: me down a spiral, Samantha that I started to think,

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Speaker 2: like all of these interactions I've had, especially with men,

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Speaker 2: where I'm so confident that there's nothing because I don't

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Speaker 2: want anything, and like they, I've been out open about it,

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Speaker 2: like I'm a sexually I'm not into it, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: I even feel pressure to tell women they're dating into it,

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Speaker 2: which is weird.

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Speaker 3: Do you say I'm more likely to be atracted to

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Speaker 3: you than him, so really good.

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Speaker 1: I try not to say anything at all because I

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Speaker 1: think it's weird. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just I think it made me feel I don't think.

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Speaker 2: I think what I'm having is anxiety, to be honest, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but it made me feel like I was questioning things

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Speaker 2: that I've just taken for granted that we're we all know.

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Speaker 1: This right, like this is good, this is cool, and.

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Speaker 2: Despite evidence where I've seen that that's not the case

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Speaker 2: and episodes we've done where I've read messages where I

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Speaker 2: know that's not the case, I'm just I feel like

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Speaker 2: I'm doubting a lot more stuff that I used to

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Speaker 2: be much more confident in.

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Speaker 1: I used to be much more like, Okay, we're good,

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Speaker 1: we're good, and maybe we are. It's just the doubt.

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Speaker 2: It's the doubt that's getting me, and I feel like

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Speaker 2: it's impacting some of my relationships right now because I'm

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Speaker 2: being very like almost cagey, like Okay, what do you mean?

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Speaker 2: What do you know? Do you want I hang out

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Speaker 2: or do you not want to? I'm good, we don't

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Speaker 2: need to hang out.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm being very what is it you want out

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Speaker 1: of this?

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Speaker 2: Which is not a good way to think about hanging

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Speaker 2: out with people, right, which is, you know, scary Halloween thoughts,

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Speaker 2: inspired by a haunted house, inspired by a haunted health.

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Speaker 3: Did you go with someone?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: No, I went with the group I went to with

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Speaker 2: Disney World, so there was my friend's boyfriend there, right,

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Speaker 2: But it was more just what I was witnessing and

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Speaker 2: some other interactions I've had with Youds recently, or I'm

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Speaker 2: just it feels like I'm missing some piece of understanding

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Speaker 2: about how people in I don't know, I think everyone

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Speaker 2: feels that way, but I feel like I'm saying what

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Speaker 2: I mean, but it's being interpreted as something else. And

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Speaker 2: I thought that when I had become more open about

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Speaker 2: being a sexual, that maybe that wouldn't be the case

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Speaker 2: with friends, not with strangers. And I want to stress this.

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Speaker 2: I don't have a specific I just have. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm just doubting myself. There's just insecurity, anxiety and doubt.

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Speaker 2: I don't have a specific instance where this happens. But

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Speaker 2: I just started to think when I was reading these

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Speaker 2: fan fiction comments, and when I was reading when I

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Speaker 2: was at this horror on an house, I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm not seeing the world the same way they're seeing it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not seeing it the same And I think.

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Speaker 2: That was a good I've always known that, but I

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Speaker 2: feel like I I needed to have that moment in

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Speaker 2: the kind of asexual lens. I'm like, Okay, I'm really

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Speaker 2: not saying this like you're saying this, and continue to

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Speaker 2: move forward and learn from that and hopefully not stress

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Speaker 2: out about it. So I do honestly, reading these fan

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Speaker 2: fiction comments meant that people have such different opinions, and

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Speaker 2: that's sort of I guess maybe that's the thing, is like.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to make.

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Speaker 3: You know, though, like fan fiction begin with and I

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Speaker 3: say this with love, they it began because they wanted

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Speaker 3: an alternative to what was actually there, and they disagreed

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Speaker 3: with the origins, so therefore they had to create their

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Speaker 3: own narrative. So if that's the case, the likelihood, the

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Speaker 3: very high likelihood that they also don't like the narratives

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Speaker 3: done by someone else, even though it's close, maybe closer

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Speaker 3: to their perspective is good, tould be pretty high. So

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Speaker 3: I think that's that's gonna be a problem.

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Speaker 1: Well, no one said they don't like it.

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Speaker 2: It's just that they pick a person and they're like

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Speaker 2: he was right, they were wrong, which it makes sense.

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Speaker 2: That's like the shipping part. That's the team this or

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Speaker 2: team that. And none of them have been mean or

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Speaker 2: anything like that. I was just surprised at some of

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Speaker 2: their takes on oh he was being manipulative or oh

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Speaker 2: they were doing this, or like which is and almost

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Speaker 2: all of them I kind of love this, even though

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Speaker 2: sometimes it hurts because I'm like, oh no, what if

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Speaker 2: I'm eternalized this bad behavior. Almost all of them are

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Speaker 2: are very like positive isn't the right word, but they're

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Speaker 2: talking about a healthy relationship.

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Speaker 1: They're like picking apart onhealthy habits.

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Speaker 2: And then I'm like, well, oh no, do I have

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Speaker 2: this unhealthy habit?

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Speaker 1: And we all have those.

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Speaker 2: But it's just it's really interesting because sometimes I'll be like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you're right comment or I messed up, you're right, and

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Speaker 2: then I'll read another comment on the other side and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh no, I gotta go back to those wrongboard.

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Speaker 3: This is the problem with instant feedback. That's like it

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Speaker 3: it calls for too much, like insecurities and call outs.

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Speaker 3: They're like, oh my god, maybe because then yeah, it's

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Speaker 3: your perspective. And then when someone else gives you a

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Speaker 3: different perspective, You're like, oh, and if it's not necessary,

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Speaker 3: like if it's not a call out for the better,

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Speaker 3: like in humanity, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 3: it's gonna be fine. Luke's gonna be fine. Probably not

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Speaker 3: with your world. But like.

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Speaker 2: No, but again, like nobody said anything. It's more me,

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Speaker 2: Like I feel I feel like I'm lost at see,

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Speaker 2: so I just feel more confident than ever that I

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Speaker 2: don't know what the hell relationship looks like.

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Speaker 3: I mean, at least got competence in that. That's that's

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Speaker 3: the point. A win's a win. A win is a win. Okay,

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Speaker 3: confetence there, all right, Great, that's one. That's the one.

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Speaker 3: We're clapping for that one. But the fact is, like

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Speaker 3: relationships have changed for everyone. It's not the same anymore.

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Speaker 3: It's not the same. Like if you want the old

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Speaker 3: school romance, go back to your nineteen ninety sitcom and

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Speaker 3: just stay there because it's changed drastically, Or do a

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Speaker 3: KA drama because K drama is still very sis head

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Speaker 3: normative nineties romance, so go for that. But like it

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Speaker 3: doesn't exist anymore like that, or if it does, it's

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Speaker 3: still different, so I think that's unusual.

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Speaker 1: Abe.

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Speaker 3: Your anxiety is also probably coming from the fact that

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Speaker 3: you've been going non stop, yeah, and now that you're

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Speaker 3: finally slowing down, you feel like you're missing something, yeah,

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Speaker 3: which I do this a lot. I do this a

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Speaker 3: lot where my heart starts racing and I feel like

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Speaker 3: I'm about to something's gone wrong and everything's going bad.

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Speaker 3: And then I think about everything I've said and everything

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Speaker 3: I've done, and I'm like, oh my god, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I've heard this person's feelings. I've heard this, I did

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Speaker 3: this wrong, I've made a huge mistake with this. And

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Speaker 3: then it turned out to be uh, yeah, oh I

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Speaker 3: drink too much coffee that day, or oh I didn't

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Speaker 3: sleep at all that night, because when you think, like

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Speaker 3: again that day that one of the big like when

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Speaker 3: I had a recording session with one of the biggest

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Speaker 3: you know, podcasts that we know, and I'm like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I did everything I like, I ended it.

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Speaker 3: I had a two day meltdown. I cried, and then

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Speaker 3: a week later I was like, what What's wrong with you?

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Speaker 3: And then realized I was just I'd moved into my house.

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Speaker 3: I had a guess that family member as a guest.

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Speaker 3: I was trying to do that episode which lasts four

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Speaker 3: hours after six o'clock because they are on Pacific Coast time,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, god, I really do and then realizing oh,

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Speaker 3: it really wasn't that big of a deal.

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Speaker 1: Much much later.

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Speaker 3: But the immediate panic is I failed humanity, Like the

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Speaker 3: hell is the level in my head?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean it is. It is me like

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Speaker 2: I am stressed and I am worked up. I feel

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Speaker 2: to the core.

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Speaker 3: And I.

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Speaker 2: There is no one or nothing, nothing has happened, no

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Speaker 2: one has done anything. Those comments were nice, like in

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Speaker 2: your head, I think I just feel really like I

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Speaker 2: don't like I don't have the ground beneath me as

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Speaker 2: moving or something right. And I had such a good

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Speaker 2: time at this high of the house, and I think

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Speaker 2: that again, going back to what we were talking about,

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Speaker 2: I love that I can do I can be big,

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Speaker 2: like I can do my guttural scream and jump and

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Speaker 2: do all this stuff. But there's a reason why I

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Speaker 2: feel like I can't do that generally is because I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm doing I'm.

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Speaker 1: Being too big or I'm taking too much attention. So

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Speaker 1: I just like I got my head about it.

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Speaker 3: I had a great time, such a good I'm sure

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Speaker 3: they had a great time too.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, I know the thing, and I

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Speaker 2: feel bad like even admitting this, because it's like then

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Speaker 2: maybe they'll feel bad, but I had nothing to do

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Speaker 2: with you.

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Speaker 1: It's just me, you know.

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Speaker 3: Like we need to have an in depth look about anxiety.

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Speaker 3: One of it is actually like physical, yeah, physiological, like

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Speaker 3: truly and why it affects people so differently, and then

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Speaker 3: when you take a perspective back and you're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it wasn't. That's why we talk about when medications, if

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Speaker 3: you truly need it, take it, because it really does.

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Speaker 3: Like because the part of this again is like that

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Speaker 3: level of like you've been going non stop to the

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Speaker 3: point like you couldn't remember where you were, what you

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Speaker 3: were doing. It was one day was I thought, the

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Speaker 3: other day was? I thought yesterday was Sunday. I kept

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Speaker 3: saying to people, Sunday, is everybody here Sunday?

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Speaker 1: What are you doing?

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Speaker 3: And then I realized, oh, I'm a day off. I'm

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Speaker 3: in a panic mode about like fall back, which is

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Speaker 3: a I don't want to do it, irritating as hell,

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Speaker 3: but like all these things like you've been doing ten

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Speaker 3: times more than I've been doing, and now you've kind

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Speaker 3: of stopped being So I think that anxiety of high

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Speaker 3: key moving for the past three months probably really is

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Speaker 3: like taught your body. If you're not doing constant things,

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Speaker 3: then you've forgotten something and this is your fault and

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Speaker 3: everything's falling apart.

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Speaker 1: That's not true.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we should definitely. It feels like that, we

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Speaker 2: should definitely come back and do it.

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Speaker 1: But it's also like the catastrophizing with it. Yes.

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Speaker 3: Oh so if you already have prone to that. This

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Speaker 3: is what I've discovered about myself. When you're on that level,

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Speaker 3: there's nothing rational that you can say to yourself to

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Speaker 3: take it back until you see everything. So okay, because

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Speaker 3: I did this the other day, a friend of mine

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Speaker 3: was not even late. It was like on time, but

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Speaker 3: because they're always ten to fifteen minutes early, I was

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Speaker 3: freaking out texting them, are you okay? Right then they

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Speaker 3: showed up and I was like, I'm sorry, I just

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Speaker 3: said I was really worried.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 3: But if you're on that strain of thought that that's

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Speaker 3: the worst thing. Because also we've been through some bad things. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so we're kind of trained slash traumatized to that level

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Speaker 3: that everything is something is bad.

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Speaker 1: Wrong when it's off kilter.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah it's I mean, it makes sense, I

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Speaker 2: why we both feel those things. I get it, but

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Speaker 2: it is so frustrating when like literally, it could just

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Speaker 2: be the smallest thing and I think, oh, they've died

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Speaker 2: or they hate me and they never want to.

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Speaker 1: Talk to me again. They're so mad.

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Speaker 2: Happy Halloween, Hama's anxiety corner.

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Speaker 1: We're not paranoid.

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Speaker 3: We'll talk about what would you hear?

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Speaker 1: The horror movies are helping me?

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Speaker 2: Okay, Hi, Yeah, I'm gonna try to relax. There we

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Speaker 2: go to try to relax. My cider, my pumpkin, cheers, cheers.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to my very messy thoughts about this.

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Speaker 1: Enjoyed it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm still I'm clearly still processing something. Oh well, listeners,

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Speaker 2: We always love hearing from you. If you can relate

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Speaker 2: to any of you can email us at Stuff Media,

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Speaker 2: mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us

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Speaker 2: on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or in a Seria

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Speaker 2: man TikTok at Stuff Whenever told you. We have a

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Speaker 2: tea public story and we have a book which also

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Speaker 2: to be honest is part of the stress, but you

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Speaker 2: should get it and we've loved hearing from people about it.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much, and thanks to our super producer Christina,

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Speaker 2: our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Thanks to you for listening. Stefan never told you the

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Speaker 2: production of by Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from my

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Speaker 2: Heart Radio, you can check out the I Heart Radio app,

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Speaker 2: Apple podcast or where you listen to your favorite shows.