Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast Hey Suck Army. Welcome to
Speaker 1: a brand new year of Help I Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two versions of De Suck Suck Suck. I
Speaker 1: don't know how we made it. I gotta be honest,
Speaker 1: I don't know how the hell we're still doing this podcast.
Speaker 1: It's great. I love it. You know, it's funny. I've
Speaker 1: had two people coming too the coffee shop within the
Speaker 1: past few days who have both said that they are
Speaker 1: part of Suck Army, not even like they listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast or oh yeah, I know, you know you
Speaker 1: do the podcast with Dan. They were like, no, we
Speaker 1: are Suck Army. I gotta start selling like Suck Army
Speaker 1: merch or something in the coffee shop. Oh yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: as long as you don't mind if I make money
Speaker 1: off your likeness, I'm I'm doing it. Also, I gotta
Speaker 1: I gotta point it out every time there's a new
Speaker 1: year and we're still doing this podcast. This is the
Speaker 1: fifth calendar year that we've been doing Help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. We haven't been doing it for five years technically,
Speaker 1: but it started in we're still going strong in where
Speaker 1: the Bothered Day Howard starts. That's you know, there have
Speaker 1: been a lot of podcasts that have started and did
Speaker 1: just in our life span alone. So um, I just
Speaker 1: I'm always proud to to to say that, but I'm
Speaker 1: even more proud to announce No, we're changing it up
Speaker 1: this year in two. Each week will be joined by
Speaker 1: a female guest co host to help us navigate some
Speaker 1: interesting dating topics and provide more insight and give us
Speaker 1: a female's perspective. To kick it off, We've got the
Speaker 1: best of the best. You know or you love her.
Speaker 1: She's from Peter Weber season of The Bachelor. It's Kelly
Speaker 1: Flann again. Hi Dot, how are you guys. I'm excited
Speaker 1: to be here. We're excited to have you, Kelly, and Kelly,
Speaker 1: you are the first guest on Help I Such a
Speaker 1: Dating and we're kind of like revamping the whole format.
Speaker 1: We're bringing in more personalities, more dynamics, more entertainment because
Speaker 1: we all know that Dean and I we get a
Speaker 1: little boring, actually get a lot boring a lot of times,
Speaker 1: so we need people to like really carry our ass
Speaker 1: throughout this entire podcast. So that's what we're hoping. We're
Speaker 1: bringing in fresh blood to carry us through. So help
Speaker 1: I suck at dating is still around, Hopefully I can
Speaker 1: help out a little bit. Still single over here, guys,
Speaker 1: which is mind boggling. So Kelly, obviously everybody knows you
Speaker 1: from the Bachelor franchise. You're very known for dating Peter Weber.
Speaker 1: After his season ended, you guys broke up, and now
Speaker 1: you say you're still single. So how is the dating
Speaker 1: world going right now? Um? I mean I've been going.
Speaker 1: I've definitely been going on dates. I'm gonna keep it
Speaker 1: private in terms of who we want names, numbers, security members. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll give you guys a funny story though. So, um,
Speaker 1: you know, I moved down to Miami and every time
Speaker 1: I come up to Chicago, like I have to stay
Speaker 1: with my family, and my family is very protective, the
Speaker 1: very nosy. They're very much so in my business. So Kelsey,
Speaker 1: we're and I we come up here and um, you know,
Speaker 1: we're seeing these guys or whatever from Chicago and we're
Speaker 1: like going on a double date. So my brother is
Speaker 1: like kind of over here. They're like seeing us get
Speaker 1: ready and they're like, who are you going with and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not telling you, like mind your
Speaker 1: own business, stay out of it. And so they're very,
Speaker 1: very nosy. So we're walking out of the apartment or
Speaker 1: the condo and I see like the door guy following
Speaker 1: us out, and I'm like, why is this door guy
Speaker 1: like following us out? Like what's going on? Like this
Speaker 1: is just a creepy start, Like my brothers aren't here.
Speaker 1: They had to go to dinner, so I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't think it has to do with them. So
Speaker 1: we go to dinner. It's great, it's amazing. Um at
Speaker 1: the end, you know, I have lime disease, so I
Speaker 1: like can't eat sugar candy carps. So it's so embarrassing
Speaker 1: to try to go on these dates. And I'm like
Speaker 1: eating a freaking cucumber and they're like you still hungry.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, don't worry about it, like just can't
Speaker 1: eat anything in this restaurant. But whatever. Um, So it
Speaker 1: gets a little embarrassing there. And then at the end,
Speaker 1: the waitress comes and she's like puts like this cake
Speaker 1: in front of me, and I'm like, we didn't order dessert,
Speaker 1: what's going on? And she was like happy birthday, like
Speaker 1: you know, your brother Tom couldn't make it, and he's
Speaker 1: really sorry, and I was like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: So now these guys are like, who's Tom, Like, so,
Speaker 1: did he like pay off the doorman to follow you
Speaker 1: or something? He paid off the doorman to follow Okay,
Speaker 1: So then it gets worse. So then these guys are
Speaker 1: like who's Tom? And it's like creepy, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be Like my brothers are really
Speaker 1: weird and intrusive, and they're sending us desserts and I
Speaker 1: have no idea how they found out what restaurant we're at.
Speaker 1: So I find out that they called my sister to
Speaker 1: see where my location was and then they sent a
Speaker 1: dessert to that dinner place. And then I have to
Speaker 1: explain to these guys. And then I get a text
Speaker 1: from my brother being like knowing what kind of car
Speaker 1: he drives, and he'll be like, hey, I'll tell the
Speaker 1: valet to pull up the car, and I'm sitting there
Speaker 1: being like I am never going to be able to date,
Speaker 1: Like I'm never going to be able to date normally. Like, so,
Speaker 1: do you have one brother or two brothers? Oh? My gosh,
Speaker 1: four brothers Okay, So have they always been like super
Speaker 1: overprotective of you? Yeah, and they just like don't approve
Speaker 1: of anyone. So I just like don't like them getting
Speaker 1: too much involved because I just know their disapproval it's
Speaker 1: gonna be there, So I just don't like to tell
Speaker 1: him much unless it's something serious. Have you ever had
Speaker 1: a guy come up to you and say, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: you're brothers, like just really uh uh like scared ba
Speaker 1: or like you know, they sat him down, have a conversation.
Speaker 1: What am I thinking of? What's the word I'm thinking of?
Speaker 1: Where like a brother would sit down, Yeah, like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have a talk with you, you know, kind of
Speaker 1: like you know Michelle had. Michelle's parents had with the
Speaker 1: two guys yesterday. They sit down, they have to talk
Speaker 1: and they're like, hey, what's your intentions? Do you love
Speaker 1: my sister? Have your brothers ever done that? I think
Speaker 1: in a different way, I don't think they would like
Speaker 1: sit down like do you love my sister? They expect
Speaker 1: every guy to be like yeah, like what guy is
Speaker 1: going to be dumb enough to be like no. I
Speaker 1: think they hit them on a more like manipulative route.
Speaker 1: It makes sense, do you mean, they they'll like test them.
Speaker 1: Like for example, I remember, Man, I won't say names,
Speaker 1: but maybe people could assume. I remember my brothers were
Speaker 1: just like one of my exes was so excited to
Speaker 1: like continue to go to Vegas and like continue to
Speaker 1: go to like nightclubs, and my brothers were like, red flag,
Speaker 1: Yeah I heard big nightclub guy. Hey, we weren't naming names,
Speaker 1: no names here, but you know the excitement for that.
Speaker 1: My brothers used to do that when they're younger, but
Speaker 1: now they're at an age where they're like, all right,
Speaker 1: you know, like Vegas, Vegas, whatever, have fun, but at
Speaker 1: the same time, like they're not as amped up for
Speaker 1: that lifestyle anymore. So, UM, I guess when they see
Speaker 1: that stuff. I was sitting there, I was like, oh man,
Speaker 1: this failed, Like this test just failed. Uh. I mean
Speaker 1: I'm the same way too. I've said on this podcast
Speaker 1: many times one of my favorite things about dating Kalin
Speaker 1: is that we share the same sentiment of like never
Speaker 1: wanting to go out and club or go to bars. Well,
Speaker 1: we go like bars every once in a while, I guess,
Speaker 1: but like the nightclub scene is just not part of
Speaker 1: our relationship, and I agree. It's a red flag if
Speaker 1: someone you're dating is like very set in their ways
Speaker 1: on that type of stuff, because it's like mostly mostly
Speaker 1: that stuff just leads to bad decisions in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, and it's an unhealthy lifestyle too, for sure.
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, Um, so you know they do it more
Speaker 1: of the minibut way. And then like I was going
Speaker 1: on a date here and Kelsey was staying back on
Speaker 1: this one. But like the way how smart my brothers are,
Speaker 1: it's bad. Like they were just interrogating Kelsey to like
Speaker 1: try to get information out, like being like but in
Speaker 1: a way that's not just like straight up like in
Speaker 1: a way that she would almost have to like mess up. So, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard. Is that one of the reasons you moved
Speaker 1: to Miami because you wanted to have a little bit
Speaker 1: more freedom dating? Yeah. The only problem is they know
Speaker 1: a lot of people down there in Miami to do
Speaker 1: so I just never catch a break. Well, your brothers
Speaker 1: are everywhere, They're everywhere. Yeah, they're like the CIA. Uh,
Speaker 1: they have infour minutes all around the country. You just
Speaker 1: moved to Miami. How long you've been in Miami for?
Speaker 1: So I've been there, um for the past like a year,
Speaker 1: but I just got my place. My parents were up
Speaker 1: in Chicago there snowboard, so I was staying at their
Speaker 1: place until they came down and then I got my
Speaker 1: own place, um in downtown Miami. So have you said,
Speaker 1: have you noticed a difference in the dating pool between
Speaker 1: Chicago and Miami yet? Um? Yeah, I feel like in Chicago,
Speaker 1: I've been here for so many years, you kind of
Speaker 1: know all the people that like like to do the
Speaker 1: same stuff as you. That sounds weird, but it's like
Speaker 1: it's actually a small city. Um. And in Miami, I
Speaker 1: feel like there's so many people coming from all over,
Speaker 1: whether it's like Seattle, California, and New York Chicago, Like
Speaker 1: it's just it's more of a melting pot now from
Speaker 1: people all over. It's not just like Miami Miami. So,
Speaker 1: um yeah, I met some good guys down there. But
Speaker 1: we gotta we gotta because there are a lot of
Speaker 1: men that listen to this podcast, a lot of a single,
Speaker 1: very very you know, successful men listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1: What is your type then? Because you know, let's say
Speaker 1: there's a handsome single man listening to this podcast and
Speaker 1: he's like, how do I get Kelly's attention. Um one,
Speaker 1: I need someone who's like very just like intelligent, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like I I am a nerd
Speaker 1: at heart, and I love someone to just kind of
Speaker 1: teach me new things, you know. I I would say,
Speaker 1: I'm very open minded in a lot of senses, and
Speaker 1: just for someone to come in and be able to
Speaker 1: teach me new things and like kind of trust their
Speaker 1: judgment is something that I really value. Um also just
Speaker 1: like being you know, being kind. But I also like
Speaker 1: witty people because I could be very sassy and I
Speaker 1: need people to like keep up with my wit and
Speaker 1: not necessarily take it so personal when I'm like throwing
Speaker 1: little flirty jabs. Yeah, little jabs. You said something that
Speaker 1: always piques my interest, which is you said you're a
Speaker 1: nerd at heart. And I feel like in my experience
Speaker 1: before Ashley and I got married, when I was doing
Speaker 1: when you know, in the single world, a lot of
Speaker 1: women would be like, oh, I'm a nerd at heart,
Speaker 1: and then I, thinking like, oh she's a nerd she
Speaker 1: can relate, would go on and talk about you know,
Speaker 1: Batman begins for like a good hour and a half,
Speaker 1: and she was like oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, I misinterpreted. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of guys go through this because guys are real nerds
Speaker 1: at heart. Like I know, I'm an extreme Like you know,
Speaker 1: I can talk about Spider Man No Way Home for
Speaker 1: about seven weeks. But when you say you're a nerd
Speaker 1: at heart, what does that mean? Because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of guys want to know. Okay, when a girl says, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm a nerd, what are you a nerd of? I
Speaker 1: think just like, for example, you know right now, with
Speaker 1: like I've always been really into um, just health in general,
Speaker 1: like just knowing how our body works. So I can
Speaker 1: go on for hours about that and just just like
Speaker 1: staying healthy. Like me and my my best friend his
Speaker 1: name is Chase, Like we go at it because he's
Speaker 1: just like the McDonald's kind of guy. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're not helping yourself, and like I can go on
Speaker 1: for you know, I could research that kind of stuff
Speaker 1: and just how our body works a lot. That's like
Speaker 1: one thing. Another thing is like travel, Um, I love
Speaker 1: to see how other cultures live. And I learned so
Speaker 1: much about myself by doing that. Um, you know, I've
Speaker 1: been like all over the world and some of the
Speaker 1: coolest places I've been where more of the Third world
Speaker 1: countries and just being able to see like a Ghana
Speaker 1: and how they live and how happy they are and
Speaker 1: how they have like nothing in their life. Um, it
Speaker 1: just makes me really grateful to step back and being like,
Speaker 1: holy crap, like my life. You know, I need to
Speaker 1: be great for everything I have in my life. But um,
Speaker 1: what else? I think? Like health is one traveling. I'd
Speaker 1: like to point out that this is a distinct difference
Speaker 1: between the male brain and the female brain, because when
Speaker 1: you say nerd, you're talking about philanthropy, travel, health, and wellness.
Speaker 1: When a guy thinks of a NERD, I immediately go
Speaker 1: to comic books, superheroes and different you know, yeah, because
Speaker 1: you're a big anime guy. Right, I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: a big anime fan, but when I think of nerd,
Speaker 1: I just think of anime for some reason. I don't
Speaker 1: know why. Yeah, I think it's just I think when
Speaker 1: I say nerd, like I understand your perspective, and it's
Speaker 1: definitely different subjects. I think I like to just learn,
Speaker 1: like whether you have a different profession than me, Like Jared,
Speaker 1: I can get very nosy, like I'll sit you down
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, tell me about your life, and
Speaker 1: like I didn't keep asking questions like people are like
Speaker 1: you know, I've kind of been known in the friend
Speaker 1: group that sometimes I can get in trusive because I
Speaker 1: just want to know, Like I don't like the cerface
Speaker 1: level conversations like tell me about your life and tell
Speaker 1: me about your upbringing or whatever, like your cool stories,
Speaker 1: like everyone's got a cool story, why not learn from it?
Speaker 1: Or I don't know. I think I think next time
Speaker 1: you get asked that question, I'm not saying the answer
Speaker 1: was wrong. I think maybe you should replace the word
Speaker 1: nerdy with passionate because that seems like it's more like
Speaker 1: a passionate thing, but that can also be misinterpreted for
Speaker 1: like something sexual, like I'm a passionate girl, Deine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess it really depends on how much you like
Speaker 1: the guy, whether you want to say passionate or not,
Speaker 1: because then, like you said, it could be misinterpreted. So
Speaker 1: it's whether you want it to be misinterpreted it or not.
Speaker 1: I have something, So we're gonna take a quick break.
Speaker 1: But before we take a quick break, I'm sure this
Speaker 1: has already been out there and floated out there and
Speaker 1: written about, but it just popped in my head. So
Speaker 1: we have Michelle's season of the Bachelor, it just ended,
Speaker 1: Clayton's season of The Bachelor is about to air in January,
Speaker 1: and then of course we'll have a new season of
Speaker 1: The Bachelor coming when film March ap or whenever it
Speaker 1: starts filming. Kelly Flanagan, you are an attorney. You're very intelligent,
Speaker 1: very conversationalist. You have incredible hair. Incredible hair. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is this feels like a no brainer, and I
Speaker 1: don't know why hasn't popped in my head. Kelly Flanagan,
Speaker 1: you need as long as you're still single to be
Speaker 1: the next Bachelor. It's like it's almost too obvious. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Well, Jared, that is like the you know,
Speaker 1: biggest compliment I've received a while. I think you may
Speaker 1: if that's the biggest compliment you've received, you maybe need
Speaker 1: to reconsider who you're going on dates with. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: I take that back. He's right. Contextually speaking, I guess
Speaker 1: it's a it's a good one. Yeah, I'm not wrong.
Speaker 1: I feel very passionate about this. I think on help
Speaker 1: I suck it dating first episode, we need to start
Speaker 1: this campaign, which I'm sure has already been started, but
Speaker 1: I'm just oblivious to it. Kelly Flann again, how old you? Kelly?
Speaker 1: Oh my, you're this is perfect. This is as long
Speaker 1: as this is something you'd be interested in doing. Holy shit,
Speaker 1: it's all the stars are aligning. I feel like this
Speaker 1: needs to happen right Maybe we can go online like
Speaker 1: petition dot org and start a petition to get Kelly
Speaker 1: as the next Bachelor at I've Suck Army this podcast.
Speaker 1: I would say all twelve of our listeners would go
Speaker 1: and sign it right away. We probably get thirteen people
Speaker 1: who listen to this podcast just because we play on
Speaker 1: the twelve listeners plus me and you, so there's fourteen.
Speaker 1: Maybe convince some producers to go sign it. We might
Speaker 1: get up. Um I would you, Well, let's ask you,
Speaker 1: would you be down for that? Let's say, you know,
Speaker 1: fast forward six months, you're still single, but you're still dating,
Speaker 1: and they come and approach you with the idea, would
Speaker 1: you be interested in it? Um? I think anyone always
Speaker 1: would consider it right now, Like Dean, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I just I'm trying to take care of my health.
Speaker 1: I think that like um, I think the stress from
Speaker 1: it all and again it was new. I think the
Speaker 1: stress from it all really took a toll on me
Speaker 1: and like put me in like a deep spot where
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, like, my health isn't good because
Speaker 1: you know the majority of illnesses are like from stress.
Speaker 1: And I never really looked at it. But now looking back,
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, like, just going on the show with
Speaker 1: the breakup, how messy things got. Um it was. It
Speaker 1: definitely took a toll on me. So you know, the
Speaker 1: next like six months, I'm doing this protocol and focusing
Speaker 1: on health, but you never know. I gotta say, though,
Speaker 1: I do think as stressful as that scenarios for anyone
Speaker 1: that goes through it, it's I would say, uh, a
Speaker 1: lot of this stress was placed on everyone that was
Speaker 1: on that season because uh, not that Peter is like
Speaker 1: a bad guy in any sense of the word, but
Speaker 1: I just think that he created a lot of undue
Speaker 1: stress on people. So I do think if you were
Speaker 1: to go on your own season, it would be stressful.
Speaker 1: And it's one right, but I think it would be
Speaker 1: unfair to compare the two. That's just that's just my
Speaker 1: hunch on it. Um. I want to I want to
Speaker 1: ask you, so, what what is lime disease? What is that?
Speaker 1: What is that? I never knew you had that too.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. It was actually funny like being
Speaker 1: on when I was on the show, there was like
Speaker 1: weird things always happening to me, Like my throat was closing.
Speaker 1: When I was in Costa Rica. I remember getting up
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night and like running to
Speaker 1: the doctor being like, hey, something's not good, like my mute,
Speaker 1: like something in my autoimmune systems like messed up. But essentially,
Speaker 1: what lime is, it's just a virus um and it
Speaker 1: has a shield on it, so it's hard to kill
Speaker 1: because like think about it's called biofilm is the shield,
Speaker 1: so you could kill it off, but you need to
Speaker 1: kill off that biofilm. Now that biofilm is created by sugar,
Speaker 1: so I can't have any sugar carbs to essentially get
Speaker 1: rid of it. But it just kind of messes with
Speaker 1: like my autoimmune system. So like days I'm like exhausted,
Speaker 1: or other days I just have like my throat closing up,
Speaker 1: or it's just like triggering a bunch of different things
Speaker 1: in me um. And so it all depends on what
Speaker 1: you eat. You're saying no cards, no sugar. That's basically
Speaker 1: like everything I feel like, yeah, it's not healthy. I'm
Speaker 1: doing that for three months, um, and then I could
Speaker 1: start incorporating it. But I need to get rid of
Speaker 1: that like shield. So this is like a new thing.
Speaker 1: This isn't like something you were born with. Um. I
Speaker 1: don't know how long I've had it. I think that
Speaker 1: a lot of people have in their system and then
Speaker 1: it get triggered. It gets triggered. I like stressed, So
Speaker 1: that's why I was kind of insinuating. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: from the show where I was like super stressed and
Speaker 1: it just like can't make me hard, right, And so
Speaker 1: hopefully you're living more of a stress free life nowadays.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to do. I'm not I'm trying
Speaker 1: to take a seat on the back burner. Actually, it's funny, Dean.
Speaker 1: A lot of people who have fine, um, you're you
Speaker 1: get really sensitive to mold too, and their number one
Speaker 1: recommendation is to live the van life. Why I just
Speaker 1: like go to an air climate and drive around or
Speaker 1: what just so you're away from like mold. Because like
Speaker 1: when your immune systems down, you're super sensitive and mold
Speaker 1: and I'll trigger you. So the best way is to
Speaker 1: go live out of a van and nature and you're
Speaker 1: good to go. And you decided to move to a
Speaker 1: city where it's eighty degrees and a humidity twelve months
Speaker 1: out of the year, I know I did move into
Speaker 1: a new building, though I made sure of that. Nice nice, Well, um, well, okay, Well,
Speaker 1: hopefully you figure out lime disease. That sounds pretty brutal.
Speaker 1: I like, you can't imagine being restricted dietarily, like just
Speaker 1: having to go to a restaurant, like picking and choosing
Speaker 1: things on the menu. So I feel for you. I
Speaker 1: hope everything gets better. We are gonna take one quick
Speaker 1: break and we're gonna jump into some headlines real quick,
Speaker 1: because obviously it's nice to get Kelly's perspective on a
Speaker 1: lot of these things instead of just minding Jared's them opinion.
Speaker 1: So stick through the break, we'll be right back. We
Speaker 1: have a couple of headlines that I do want to
Speaker 1: talk about in depth with Kelly and yourself. The first
Speaker 1: one I'm going to talk about because it's about Spider Man,
Speaker 1: and seeing how I talked about it in the first segment,
Speaker 1: why not go right into it. So Syndia and Tom
Speaker 1: Holland were told that they shouldn't date, and they were
Speaker 1: told this by a Spiderman producer. So Spiderman No Way
Speaker 1: Home producer Amy Pascual Pascal p A. S C A. L.
Speaker 1: Pascal Pascal admitted I think. Pascal admitted that she once
Speaker 1: told Tom Holland and Zendia that dating one another would
Speaker 1: be a bad idea, and of course In Day and
Speaker 1: Tom Holland are now dating. Quote. I took Tom and
Speaker 1: Zendia side separately when we first cast them and gave
Speaker 1: them a lecture, don't go there, just don't try not to.
Speaker 1: She said. This might seem extreme, but there's a track
Speaker 1: record for the Spiderman films where the stars end up
Speaker 1: romantically involved. Toby McGuire and Kristen Dunn stated after playing
Speaker 1: Spiderman and Mary j respectively. Pascual says she gave the
Speaker 1: same speech to Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone when they
Speaker 1: played Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider
Speaker 1: Man back in two thousand and twelve. Quote. I gave
Speaker 1: the same advice to Andrew and Emma. It can just
Speaker 1: complicate things, you know, And they all ignored me now.
Speaker 1: Tom Holland and Zenda were photographed by pap Barazzi kissing
Speaker 1: at us stop light in l A back in July,
Speaker 1: after years of rumors that there were much more than
Speaker 1: just friends. They have since been slightly more open about
Speaker 1: their relationship, but still keep things between them very private.
Speaker 1: In an interview with g Q in November, Tom Holland
Speaker 1: talked about the importance of keeping some things for themselves.
Speaker 1: He said, quote, one of the downsides of our fame
Speaker 1: is that privacy isn't really in our control anymore. And
Speaker 1: a moment that you think is between two people that
Speaker 1: love each other very very much, is now a moment
Speaker 1: that is shared with the entire world. Zendia went on
Speaker 1: to agree with this, saying the equal sediment we both
Speaker 1: share is just that when you really love and care
Speaker 1: about somebody, some moments or things you wish were your own.
Speaker 1: I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a
Speaker 1: special thing, and something that you want to deal with
Speaker 1: and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two
Speaker 1: people that love each other. So my question to you,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, should you date someone you work with? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: I just want to take a step back and appreciate
Speaker 1: that you said sediment instead of sentiments. But it's okay,
Speaker 1: It's okay, dude, Rhode Island Public School System. Do you know,
Speaker 1: first of all, you're gonna you're gonna pick out the
Speaker 1: one thing I messed up on. I just read that
Speaker 1: entire thing very well, if I may myself. Once you
Speaker 1: said sediment, all I could think about was rocks and sediments.
Speaker 1: So anyways, Kelly, what do you think you're It's a
Speaker 1: good question. You did a great job, Jared, what do
Speaker 1: you think Kelly? There goes that van life for Dean.
Speaker 1: All you can think about is rocks. You know, rocks,
Speaker 1: big rocks, small rocks, pink rocks, whatever. Um. I personally, well,
Speaker 1: i'll start us off here. I personally, I don't think
Speaker 1: you should date someone that you work with. But what
Speaker 1: do you guys think? I don't think you can control it?
Speaker 1: Like you like who you like? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like if you show up to work every single day
Speaker 1: and you have a crush in that person, like, are
Speaker 1: you really going to be Like No, I can't just
Speaker 1: because you work with them, Like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: think that's limiting yourself a little bit. But I don't
Speaker 1: think you can, and I don't think you could really
Speaker 1: like force yourself not to just because you're in the
Speaker 1: same work environment. I. Um So, after graduated college, I
Speaker 1: worked at this job in Denver, like a suit and
Speaker 1: tie office job kind of thing, and they had a
Speaker 1: very strict no dating co workers policy. And I remember
Speaker 1: I got fired one well like the one day that
Speaker 1: I got fired whatever, and the very next day I
Speaker 1: started dating one of my coworkers. So, um I will say,
Speaker 1: I think it's like, yeah, right, and it got exciting,
Speaker 1: and then a week later we were like, why are
Speaker 1: we dating? We don't even like each other, we have
Speaker 1: nothing in common. Um So, I I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think it would be awkward to like show up to
Speaker 1: work and have to like deal with someone that you like.
Speaker 1: I mean, imagine Jared, who's like, who's one of your
Speaker 1: ex is? Like, imagine you show up to Audrey's and
Speaker 1: Kayla is they're working as a barista. Just be a
Speaker 1: little uncomfortable. You know, it would be extremely uncomfortable, But
Speaker 1: it's so you fun in the moment. It could be
Speaker 1: fun in the moment. Well, it's definitely fun in the moment.
Speaker 1: You can be super passionate. Yes, because it's the aboo.
Speaker 1: It's something that you're not supposed to do, which makes
Speaker 1: you want to do it even more. But just like anything,
Speaker 1: it's a great word, but it's one of those things
Speaker 1: that I think, again, great in the moment, but then
Speaker 1: as time goes on, it only gets worse. Like, listen,
Speaker 1: we're very open on this podcast. I'm sure we've all
Speaker 1: had those nights where it's very fun and it's a
Speaker 1: great night, and then the next day you're like, that
Speaker 1: might have been a big mistake. Ye, And so I
Speaker 1: think dating someone you work with is fun in the
Speaker 1: moment and listen, if it's like a long lasting relationship,
Speaker 1: then sure. But then, like I've had friends who have
Speaker 1: had to quit their jobs because their coworkers and they're
Speaker 1: not supposed to date, but they just want to be together,
Speaker 1: so they ended up like moving departments and doing whatever
Speaker 1: they had to do to start dating. The irony of
Speaker 1: this entire conversation, too, is going on the Bachelor Bachelorette.
Speaker 1: That's literally exactly what you're doing is dating your coworkers.
Speaker 1: It's a show about dating your cower. True, Yes, I
Speaker 1: like it. Yeah, other than Bachelor, have you guys, ever
Speaker 1: dated a co worker? Dina, know you said you dated after,
Speaker 1: but have you ever dated someone while you work together? Um,
Speaker 1: Like I was gonna say, yeah, in high school, I did.
Speaker 1: I was a lifeguard. I dated a lifeguard that worked
Speaker 1: with me. I never have to be honest, I've done
Speaker 1: long distance with all my all my boyfriends length. You
Speaker 1: could have like a zoom call meeting with a co
Speaker 1: worker from many distance. You know, it's like a work
Speaker 1: from home thing. I guess I don't know you Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I like officially dated them,
Speaker 1: but definitely when I was like bartending in my early twenties,
Speaker 1: I would have, you know, I would. I was like
Speaker 1: hanging out with someone and we would see each other
Speaker 1: at work, and we weren't like officially dating, but we'd
Speaker 1: always hang out after work and should stay over. I'd
Speaker 1: stay over her place. So it's like that awkwardness that
Speaker 1: you would just always constantly see the person and and
Speaker 1: it would have you would always have to you know.
Speaker 1: But it's actually it's actually funny that you guys say that,
Speaker 1: because now when I think back on it, like I
Speaker 1: remember when I was going through law school, I told
Speaker 1: myself like I will not date anyone in this law school.
Speaker 1: There was one really cute guy, and I still I
Speaker 1: still wouldn't crack just because of that. I didn't want to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's this guy's name? What's he doing now? He's a lawyer? Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, he's out of the picture. He was
Speaker 1: cute at the time, he might do you do you
Speaker 1: still know what he looks like? Yeah, and he's really cute.
Speaker 1: He actually texted me the other day. I forgot to respond,
Speaker 1: forgot to respond. This is this. You might not need
Speaker 1: the Bachelor at this could be it. We'll see, we'll see.
Speaker 1: I don't know what a story, Jared. I gotta I
Speaker 1: gotta ask. I gotta ask, Jared, you, as a bartender,
Speaker 1: what was it like? Were you like winking at girls,
Speaker 1: like sliding your number over to them on napkins? Or
Speaker 1: were you starting numbers from girls? You gotta remember too,
Speaker 1: I was bartending a corrob Is Italian grill and war
Speaker 1: Rhode Island. I was like a big fish in a
Speaker 1: small pond, you know. So it was no, it was.
Speaker 1: I don't think I ever gave my number out, but
Speaker 1: I would. I would get the numbers occasionally, as everybody like,
Speaker 1: I mean, who hasn't left their number for the bartender? Um,
Speaker 1: it's just like almost a rite of passage through with it.
Speaker 1: Like did you ever like text or call a girl
Speaker 1: that hit on your the bar? Of course? You ever
Speaker 1: see your exes and Rhode Island now, um no, I
Speaker 1: mean luckily, like I don't have too many exes like
Speaker 1: xes X is. Like I've seen people that like we
Speaker 1: went on dates and it's super relaxed, and you know
Speaker 1: they're you know they're married. I'm married. It's just kind
Speaker 1: of like the way it is. But I never really
Speaker 1: see any There's only like one big X in my life,
Speaker 1: and and she doesn't live Rhode Island anymore. Um. But
Speaker 1: but yeah, of course I would follow it off with it.
Speaker 1: Damn I had something to saying now I can't remember it,
Speaker 1: but I remember one time when I was bartending, I
Speaker 1: went on a date with a girl who left their
Speaker 1: number at the bar, and it was the worst date
Speaker 1: of my life probably, Like, so I don't want to
Speaker 1: like get into too much detail in case she listens
Speaker 1: to the podcast, and like, she definitely listens to the podcast,
Speaker 1: but it's obviously she's one of our thirteen listeners. But
Speaker 1: It was just pretty much a day where I hung
Speaker 1: out with her friends because they were having a get
Speaker 1: together and so I went with them. But they got wasted,
Speaker 1: and it was the first time I was ever hanging
Speaker 1: out with her friends and her they were all wasted,
Speaker 1: all five of them throwing up like so, all right,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you. So we had to go on a ferry.
Speaker 1: So we went to Block Island. We went on a ferry,
Speaker 1: and on the way back from the ferry, they were
Speaker 1: all throwing up on there, like literally, I had to
Speaker 1: take care of her and her friends as they were
Speaker 1: like throwing up, passing out. After I knew them for
Speaker 1: like seven hours, I was like, this is horrible. This
Speaker 1: is a bad idea. What was I thinking? And then
Speaker 1: they were like we're gonna go have a fire back
Speaker 1: at my place, like do you want to come? And
Speaker 1: I'm like almost set. I'm just gonna head home, like
Speaker 1: you guys, who's I'll call you? You know? So was
Speaker 1: there a second day or was that the end of it?
Speaker 1: That was the end of it? Um? All right, I
Speaker 1: gotta ask too. So last week, Kelly, we talked about
Speaker 1: cuffing season. So there's this thing called dating Sunday Dating
Speaker 1: Sunday is trending on your social media feeds. Uh. It's
Speaker 1: one of the busiest days of the year for online
Speaker 1: dating apps. So it's like, basically, this dating Sunday is
Speaker 1: like the dating Sunday is like two black Friday. Whatever.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts on cuffing season, because we were
Speaker 1: talking about like the weather gets a little colder, all
Speaker 1: you want to do is like snuggle up with the
Speaker 1: partner whatever it is. What are your thoughts. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think cuffing scenes is great, sign me up, but
Speaker 1: it's gotta, like again, it's got to be the right person.
Speaker 1: Very like Picky and I would say I'm pretty traditional
Speaker 1: when it comes to like dating. I'm not all liver
Speaker 1: bit bored. I'm not. I usually don't really do many dates.
Speaker 1: If you want me to being honest and less, I'm
Speaker 1: like pretty into the guy. Um okay, So you're not
Speaker 1: like all over the dating apps like looking for someone
Speaker 1: to like snuggle up next to the fire with no
Speaker 1: And you know what, when I was recently with a
Speaker 1: bunch of e vachelination people, they like asked me, um
Speaker 1: before recently, like I haven't gone in a date in
Speaker 1: a long time, and they were like completely judging me,
Speaker 1: like completely judging me that I just didn't want to
Speaker 1: go and wake up with random people all the time.
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, you of course it
Speaker 1: was one of the guys. But he was like, I
Speaker 1: don't get it. You just want to be single. I
Speaker 1: was like, no, but I don't want to wake up
Speaker 1: to like a random person in my bed that I
Speaker 1: don't even like. Yeah, that sounds like it might be
Speaker 1: something a guy would say, is like, oh, you just
Speaker 1: don't want to have a bunch of one night stands.
Speaker 1: That's weird. Like I think he thought that he kind
Speaker 1: of had a chance to. So you go to be like, bro,
Speaker 1: I want nothing to do with you. Nice, we'll wait
Speaker 1: to put your foot down. I agree that cuffing season,
Speaker 1: it's it's a good time of year to find someone
Speaker 1: to like be cuffed up with, but not at the
Speaker 1: you know, I don't like lower your standards because of it, right,
Speaker 1: It's kind of what you're saying, Yep, not at that expense. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I also just want to say that the girl that
Speaker 1: I went on a date with, even though I did
Speaker 1: not say her name, was very sweet and she was
Speaker 1: very kind and it was not like it was just
Speaker 1: a one off thing, you know what I mean. I
Speaker 1: don't want to like throw her. You know, she was
Speaker 1: very sweet, very nice person, just like you know, we
Speaker 1: all had those days right alright. Anyway, Hannah Brown's brother Patrick,
Speaker 1: Hannah Brown, of course we know, was the former Bachelorrette.
Speaker 1: But Hannah Brown's brother, whose name is Patrick, is engaged
Speaker 1: to Jed Wyatt's ex, Haley Stevens. So Jed Wyatt is
Speaker 1: obviously the guy that Hannah picked on her season and
Speaker 1: then it ended up breaking it off because Jed still
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend back home who was Haley. And now
Speaker 1: Hannah Brown's brother is engaged to Jed's ex Haley, who
Speaker 1: was dating Jed while he was on the show with Hannah.
Speaker 1: That's how this is all playing out. I'm shocked. I'm shocked.
Speaker 1: And then I saw Jed respond and say something like
Speaker 1: does he know he's engaged? What does that even mean?
Speaker 1: Did you see that? I did not. Jed responded on
Speaker 1: what on his Instagram and was like, I just have
Speaker 1: one question, does he even know he's engaged? And I
Speaker 1: was like, what does that mean? What does that mean?
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. That's some sort of
Speaker 1: dig brought this up the other day. Kaitlin was like
Speaker 1: like knocked on her butt, blown away, like I can't
Speaker 1: believe this is actually happening. And I guess the more
Speaker 1: I think about it, right, like, it is pretty like
Speaker 1: it's a big world. How many people are there? Like
Speaker 1: seven billion? So yeah, one million people at least. The
Speaker 1: one person that you decided to choose is like so
Speaker 1: closely tied to an ex of yours. It's pretty crazy
Speaker 1: to think about. I wonder what those conversations are like
Speaker 1: around that household. Yes, I feel like there's like a
Speaker 1: lot of things that you can bond over in the
Speaker 1: beginning stages of the relationships. So maybe they were like
Speaker 1: like just found common ground because they had a lot
Speaker 1: of like you know, they knew a lot of the
Speaker 1: same people. Um, so let me get this straight. So
Speaker 1: it's Jed's ex is marrying Hannah's Hannah's brother. That's like,
Speaker 1: how do they crazy? How? I don't know, how did
Speaker 1: they mean? It's definitely crazy. I mean, I'm sure they're
Speaker 1: like talking about the situation sliding each other's d m
Speaker 1: s and yeah, but it's how like why would Hannah's
Speaker 1: brother slide into Jed's sisters d M or Jed's ex
Speaker 1: girlfriend excuse me, way worse because she's probably hot. I
Speaker 1: don't know. You know, sometimes life is that simple. It's
Speaker 1: actually funny because there's a lot of the times when
Speaker 1: the show's airing now and say, like there's someone that's
Speaker 1: like a quote unquote villain or like a bad person
Speaker 1: or manipulative or gaslighting or something, they'll slide into our
Speaker 1: d ms. And I don't know why they'll slide into mind,
Speaker 1: but they slide into mind a lot, and they'll just
Speaker 1: like tell me the deep gossip on this person and
Speaker 1: how they're actually a horrible person. You know. I wasn't
Speaker 1: really like asking for it in any sense, but I
Speaker 1: think like if people just feel comfortable, so you're saying, wait,
Speaker 1: so you're saying people slide into your d ms that
Speaker 1: are like perceived as villains to know, to like talk
Speaker 1: crap about like some of the contestants. Um, there was
Speaker 1: a guy on Katie season that was pretty like controversial
Speaker 1: or whatever, and um, I think one of his ex
Speaker 1: is like slid in to be like he's really not
Speaker 1: a good person. And I was like, oh damn, because
Speaker 1: I think I may I may have made a comment
Speaker 1: on like Instagram like oh my, and then uh yeah,
Speaker 1: and then it just starts like that, Hey, I know
Speaker 1: we talked about you being in the Bachelorette, which I'm
Speaker 1: all on board for. What about paradise though, it is
Speaker 1: paradise the thing that's possible for you? No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so this is Bachelortte or nothing. No,
Speaker 1: not even that. I just don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to put myself in like that stress. You guys get it,
Speaker 1: you guys beyond stressful, you know, And and like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, do I really think that my guy is
Speaker 1: going to be in Bachelor Nation? Like I don't know.
Speaker 1: I could be, I could be totally off, but I
Speaker 1: just this is my perceptional the guys that go on
Speaker 1: the show, and this is like maybe PTSD for me
Speaker 1: or something. But when they go on, I feel like
Speaker 1: a hot girl is a hot girl. You know, she's
Speaker 1: gotten attention her whole life. But a lot of these
Speaker 1: guys I feel like they haven't. And then they come
Speaker 1: off the show they get this like fame where like
Speaker 1: every girl wants them, and you guys know how that fan,
Speaker 1: you know, bachel Nation fandom works. So all of these
Speaker 1: girls are all over them. They're not used to it,
Speaker 1: you know, they want to test the waters. So, um,
Speaker 1: I feel like the majority of these guys that come
Speaker 1: off the show, their their ego is just like driven
Speaker 1: so high that it's almost hard to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with them because their quote unquote at their peak. Right,
Speaker 1: I think I think I couldn't agree more with You
Speaker 1: nailed that right on the head. M hold on, it
Speaker 1: did one. And obviously we're being facetious when we say
Speaker 1: like bachelor or nothing. Obviously, you know, Kelly, do what's
Speaker 1: best for you. You have no problem finding guys I have.
Speaker 1: I have confidence in that. I've been struggling guys. I
Speaker 1: thought it'd be easier. Something something tells me that you're
Speaker 1: struggling because as of your own choices, which is good,
Speaker 1: you have high standards. Yeah. Um, so what Jed did
Speaker 1: say though, so he says, I guess the only thing
Speaker 1: I have to stay is more of a question? Does
Speaker 1: he know he's engaged? Question mark? I'm assuming that's that's
Speaker 1: some sort of dig my copy emergency coffee emergency should
Speaker 1: I pick up on on the on the podcast? Yeah,
Speaker 1: on just coffee house and lounge. They need extra melt.
Speaker 1: We're at Almond milk. We need work for that. We're
Speaker 1: open till ten o'clock. Thank you boy. All right, back
Speaker 1: to the podcast here. They just need to know what
Speaker 1: time we're closing, guys, that's all It's called Google. Excuse me,
Speaker 1: I know, right? Oh god? Uh yeah, So I guess
Speaker 1: maybe he said does he know he's engaged, because that's
Speaker 1: some sort of dig at he was engaged to Anna,
Speaker 1: and that was like the whole what started the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I don't think it was a very thought out dig
Speaker 1: Let me let me just say that. I don't think
Speaker 1: it really works if that's pertaining to him, Like how
Speaker 1: did he not know he was engaged? Like he got
Speaker 1: down on one knee, Like what do you mean? You know?
Speaker 1: That's the only thing I could think of. But it
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense to my head. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense I think in anyone's heads, maybe
Speaker 1: even not in his. I don't know. I've never got dad.
Speaker 1: He seems, you know, for all of his work, comes
Speaker 1: like an okay guy. So he is. He's very nice.
Speaker 1: He was very nice when I met him in person,
Speaker 1: And uh, I just I don't know that It's not
Speaker 1: a very good comeback, but maybe I'll have a better
Speaker 1: one in the future. Uh. So we are going to
Speaker 1: take another break before we get into emails. But one
Speaker 1: more question, because we were talking about dating Sunday cuffing
Speaker 1: season and how people are on more dating apps. So, Kelly,
Speaker 1: have you tried? Are you on dating apps right now?
Speaker 1: You know what I've I've been on one dating app.
Speaker 1: It's called I've been on Riya And I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys know, but I've never actually been on
Speaker 1: a date on ran And I'll tell you why. I
Speaker 1: had it before I went on the show. Um, and
Speaker 1: I'm not good on one on one dates guys, Like
Speaker 1: I'm being dead serious, Like I just think it's like
Speaker 1: too much pressure. I don't want to do it. I
Speaker 1: would rather get to know you, like your friend groups,
Speaker 1: see how you interact with your friends before, Like there's
Speaker 1: so much pressure for that one on one. So, um,
Speaker 1: I've always had it, and I thought like the best
Speaker 1: way to use it would be, like, you know, if
Speaker 1: there was a really cool guy and said he was
Speaker 1: in town, to like message him or he would message
Speaker 1: me whatever, and being like hey, like are you in town?
Speaker 1: Like I have a bunch of my girlfriends in town, Like,
Speaker 1: let's get a bunch of your guy friends in town,
Speaker 1: will all go out and kind of make make it
Speaker 1: more of like a group setting. But I've never even
Speaker 1: gotten there yet. And so just like in your in
Speaker 1: your fantasies, Yeah, so I don't use it. Um, I
Speaker 1: have it, but I don't use it. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's kind of contradicted what you're saying. Earlier, you said
Speaker 1: you like to get like deep down on personal level,
Speaker 1: but I guess maybe that comes later on, like after
Speaker 1: the after the introduction introductions are made, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just think, like again, I know that I'm very
Speaker 1: like closed off when I say this, but I just think,
Speaker 1: like my person is going to be like a friend
Speaker 1: of a friend that could vouch for them, because like
Speaker 1: sometimes you hear about these dates where this person is
Speaker 1: like a serial weirdo or like I just don't I
Speaker 1: just don't want to deal with that. So I will
Speaker 1: say I went on one riot date once back when
Speaker 1: I had the app. Right, is intimidating because you meet
Speaker 1: some people on there that are like, you know, Olympic
Speaker 1: gold medalists or like just like really successful people. I
Speaker 1: went on one day with this girl who was like
Speaker 1: super badass, like a professional skateboarder, skydiver, did all these
Speaker 1: things that like I enjoyed doing as well. And we
Speaker 1: went on one day and it was just like us too,
Speaker 1: and we had zero chemistry. And then ever since then,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just gonna stay off for Rya
Speaker 1: for the one it is in midating. Were you like
Speaker 1: intimidated by her? Dean, Oh my god, so intimidated? We
Speaker 1: like people like why, I feel like so many guys
Speaker 1: get like that, Like I don't know, Okay, I'll tell
Speaker 1: you why. It's because she was like I'm not feeling well,
Speaker 1: Like let's just like just come over to my place
Speaker 1: and we'll like watch a movie or something. So I
Speaker 1: like I was like, okay, cool, I'll pick you up
Speaker 1: some to go order some Chinese food or something. I'll
Speaker 1: bring it over. Brought it over, pulled up to her
Speaker 1: house and it was like an amazing There's like a
Speaker 1: mansion with like three cars in the driveway, like a
Speaker 1: decked out Hummer, a Lamborghini, and like a Maseratia. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is insane. Go into the house and I'm like
Speaker 1: she's like giving me a tour. She's got like a
Speaker 1: skate ramp in her backyard, like a pool over there,
Speaker 1: like all these things, and I'm like, wow, this girl
Speaker 1: is so freaking crazy, like she's a badass. And then
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think I like can live up
Speaker 1: to the expectation of someone that's like way cooler than me,
Speaker 1: you know, like, oh my god, I don't understand why
Speaker 1: guys think that way. Like, if anything, you should praise
Speaker 1: that and be like, hey, this girl's got her ship together,
Speaker 1: she's done great for herself. I applaud you, like I
Speaker 1: feel so many guys that get intimidated by that, and Kelly,
Speaker 1: it's because as a guy, we know, like a perfect
Speaker 1: example is what happened earlier today where it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm a nerd, I'm into philanthropy and travel, and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: when I think of a nerd, I'm like Spider Man,
Speaker 1: I am not worthy. She's going to find out that
Speaker 1: I actually am a loser. And that's what you guys
Speaker 1: think that like every love a loser, like I love
Speaker 1: a loser, Kleen loves a loser. I mean I actually
Speaker 1: super exactly. I do think Caln is is very cool
Speaker 1: in her own right, but this girl just like, like,
Speaker 1: I think part of what makes me so edgy is
Speaker 1: the fact that I, like, I'm not scared of anything.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, this girl is even more
Speaker 1: of yourless than I consider myself to be. So it's
Speaker 1: like very intimidating. Feel like, I feel like that's an
Speaker 1: insecurity of yours that you should like overcome instead of
Speaker 1: like looking at as a downfall. It's kind of like cool,
Speaker 1: I'm littered with insecurity is it's something that you'll learn.
Speaker 1: You'll learn that over time. Um. Also to your point
Speaker 1: that you made earlier, like you like to be like
Speaker 1: lyddy and sarcast dick and like facetious all the time,
Speaker 1: I'm very much the same way, and I've noticed it's
Speaker 1: harder to have that, like, um, it's not like taking digs,
Speaker 1: but it's like being sarcastic and like, you know, like
Speaker 1: being like flirty, funny whatever. Uh. And she English was
Speaker 1: like her second language and she spoke it very well.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of that sarcasm is lost
Speaker 1: on people that haven't been speaking English as long as
Speaker 1: someone that has their whole life, you know. So I
Speaker 1: don't know that was That was my one experience with Ryan.
Speaker 1: All that to say, so, I'm sure if you find
Speaker 1: your person, it will be however it happens, you know,
Speaker 1: they won't let anyone from like vatchination on it anymore,
Speaker 1: no way. Yeah? Why? Um, Probably because they would be
Speaker 1: flooded with all of us too. Probably, that's a fair point.
Speaker 1: Every Yeah, And I feel like it would be guys
Speaker 1: from the show that would try to get in Ryan,
Speaker 1: but they would be like successful actors and actresses. And
Speaker 1: then Reality TV contested that the Reality of You contest
Speaker 1: that it's like there's a little bit of a disparity
Speaker 1: between the two. Let's uh, let's let's take a quick
Speaker 1: break and jump into emails. Kelly, are you gonna you're
Speaker 1: gonna answer these emails with us? And hell yes, yes, yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: so stay tuned, we'll be back. And Ashley from the
Speaker 1: Almost Famous podcast, it's that time of year where drama
Speaker 1: fills the air. The Bachelor was back with an all
Speaker 1: new season premiering January three. There's a new host, Jesse Palmer,
Speaker 1: and a brand new Bachelor, Clayton. Clayton is a Midwest
Speaker 1: boy that has that great smile, nice teeth, and he's
Speaker 1: really tall. Ash Let's call it what it is. He's
Speaker 1: a beefcake. Okay. Well, Clayton seems to be a good
Speaker 1: guy though, and he can't wait to find love, get married,
Speaker 1: and have kids. And he believes more than anything that
Speaker 1: his future wife is on this show. It sounds like
Speaker 1: a fairy tale but also a bit of an emotional
Speaker 1: world coaster because Clayton tells three different women he's falling
Speaker 1: in love with him. Technically, he told one, I couldn't
Speaker 1: be more sure that I'm falling in love with you,
Speaker 1: and another one, I'm falling in love with you, and
Speaker 1: the third one, I am in love with you. You
Speaker 1: don't miss a thing. It's your years of over analyzing
Speaker 1: everything that guys say. But his heart is in the
Speaker 1: right place, But other parts of him as we find
Speaker 1: out what he admits to two different women that he
Speaker 1: was intimate with both of them. Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's gonna go over well, we'll be breaking down at all.
Speaker 1: On the Almost Famous podcast, Ben is Married Now Well
Speaker 1: Ashley is a mom will change our opinions of what
Speaker 1: we think is acceptable single behavior. Good question. Listen to
Speaker 1: Almost Famous on the I Heart Radio app on Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: help by Suck at Dating. Of course, we have your
Speaker 1: listener emails listener questions. The first one comes from Matt.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to move past my partner's past.
Speaker 1: I was helping my girlfriend set up her new phone
Speaker 1: and was really not intending on snooping, but I came
Speaker 1: across old conversations with ex lovers that were never deleted.
Speaker 1: I found out she used to live with her ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend for a few months, and she told me I
Speaker 1: was the only guy she had ever lived with, and
Speaker 1: to top it off, she still had saved nudes and
Speaker 1: a sex tape video with her ex boyfriend. Oh wow.
Speaker 1: I get that everyone has a past, but now I
Speaker 1: can't stop overthinking everything and feeling like I got cheated
Speaker 1: on even though I didn't. I just can't look at
Speaker 1: her the same sounds so messed up. But I don't
Speaker 1: know if I can let go of everything I saw
Speaker 1: and red am I exaggerating? Would you guys be able
Speaker 1: to move past it? What are your thoughts? Right? I
Speaker 1: don't necessar sarily think like you know your past your past,
Speaker 1: That's one thing I think. What's probably eating him alive.
Speaker 1: Is the lying, Like I couldn't imagine if you're like,
Speaker 1: you're the first guy I ever lived with, and then
Speaker 1: you find out actually lived with a couple of other dudes,
Speaker 1: I would be like, why would you even lie about that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's the point of lying? Yeah? Hart agree, I think
Speaker 1: your past is your past, right, Like I would never
Speaker 1: hold anyone accountable for something that they did before they
Speaker 1: met me, aside from murdering someone or you know, like
Speaker 1: some same crime like that. But yeah, the lying about
Speaker 1: it really is is the frustrating part. And it's like,
Speaker 1: you like you don't stand to lose anything by telling
Speaker 1: them the truth. Like if they accept you for whatever happened,
Speaker 1: like that's great, and if they don't, then you know
Speaker 1: they're not your person. So my advice to Matt here
Speaker 1: is go ahead. You know what, I think I struggle
Speaker 1: with a little bit, Dean, And maybe this is like
Speaker 1: some PTSD, but like experiences that I've had is like
Speaker 1: I understand that people say like your past is your
Speaker 1: past and all that stuff, but I've also like just
Speaker 1: you know, dating around. It's also like it's really really
Speaker 1: hard to change someone and usually their past actions will
Speaker 1: most likely explain who they're going to be in the future. Um,
Speaker 1: and I know that I need to like kind of
Speaker 1: erase that mentality, but it's like almost too prevalent in
Speaker 1: my dating thing to be like, hey, this is who
Speaker 1: I was, but I'm not that person anymore. And then
Speaker 1: when you see them be exactly that person, it's like,
Speaker 1: why didn't I listen to my intuition a little bit more?
Speaker 1: Like you're not changing? Yeah, I agree, but I don't think,
Speaker 1: like these traits that Matt's girlfriend are projecting aren't necessarily
Speaker 1: bad things. Like it's not a bad thing to live
Speaker 1: with an X, it's not a bad thing to take
Speaker 1: nudes and send them or whatever. Um, the bad thing
Speaker 1: is lying, right, So it's like I I agree, Like
Speaker 1: there are negative characteristics of people that you don't want
Speaker 1: to see moving forward with them, especially if you're in
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, But like simple things like that I
Speaker 1: think are definitely worth just like being open and honest
Speaker 1: about you know. But I agree with you, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're going around and like you know, if you're
Speaker 1: if you're cheating on every single girlfriend you date, you're
Speaker 1: probably gonna end up cheating again at some point in
Speaker 1: your life. Like, I kind of agree with that, but
Speaker 1: I've cheated before, so I like to think it that's
Speaker 1: not necessarily the truest thing in the world. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: see your point. I I see that, like people can change,
Speaker 1: but I would just say the percentage that it actually
Speaker 1: does is it's hard. It's very hard to change as
Speaker 1: an individual, Like you have to literally want to enforce
Speaker 1: yourself to make those changes, and you know a lot
Speaker 1: of people aren't. Um that willing, right, I agree, you
Speaker 1: gotta put the work in. So what's our advice for Matt? Then?
Speaker 1: Given all that we know about his situation, UM, I
Speaker 1: would confront her. I would definitely be like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I get your past. Is your past. I understand that. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm not judging you on that. The issue that I
Speaker 1: have here is you're lying, Like, I don't understand why
Speaker 1: you had to sit here and tell me that you
Speaker 1: never lived with a guy before. I understand if you
Speaker 1: like try to like make it special and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: but you have to understand that's hurting me even more
Speaker 1: by you just not telling me the truth. And it's
Speaker 1: like a white lie. It's not even anything that I'm
Speaker 1: sure he would get really upset about but again, you
Speaker 1: just got your communication skills and truly tell them that
Speaker 1: you're hurt. Don't get angry with them, um and tell
Speaker 1: wire hurt and tell the exactly that what if someone
Speaker 1: snooped through your phone and found out something they didn't like?
Speaker 1: Would you be angry they snooped or would you be okay?
Speaker 1: And just have to like defend yourself. I guess you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm like fine with that, Like, if you
Speaker 1: want my location, go ahead, if you want to go
Speaker 1: through my phone, I'm not hiding, Like like, I'm pretty open.
Speaker 1: You'll you'll know where I stand on the majority of stuff.
Speaker 1: So if I'm talking ship, it's like, well, you pissed
Speaker 1: me off, you know what. I also feel like the
Speaker 1: person that's going to snoop through yourself to like try
Speaker 1: to dig up dirt on you is not the person
Speaker 1: that you want to be in a relationship with anyways,
Speaker 1: Like where is the trust? No, I hear you. There's
Speaker 1: definitely got to be trust there, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just try to give, like the person I'm with
Speaker 1: the most security that I possibly can so they don't
Speaker 1: feel that insecurity and have to like do that. And
Speaker 1: again like I don't know, go through my phone. I
Speaker 1: don't care, right, I'm I mean, I'm in the same
Speaker 1: boat as you. So I agree advice to Matt is
Speaker 1: approacher about the topic and just see if you can't
Speaker 1: iron it out, like especially early on relationships. I think
Speaker 1: like little little white lies are okay if you're like
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. But like, wait, why, I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like I think that people are just like like you said,
Speaker 1: you're trying to like romanticize things or like you're trying
Speaker 1: to like not necessarily put your best foot forward. But
Speaker 1: like it's just a weird time when you're transitioning from
Speaker 1: like dating casually to dating like seriously in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you know, So it's like you don't want to like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe you're right, maybe it's not the
Speaker 1: best thing. Well what what what type of what lie
Speaker 1: are you talking about? Well, like, for instance, like I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I'm just I'm talking to
Speaker 1: myself in circles here, and you're right, I'm back into
Speaker 1: a corner. I think that was wrong. No, that's not true.
Speaker 1: I don't think white lies are the worst thing either.
Speaker 1: We both of y'all. Well, let's Okay, so um, this
Speaker 1: is really stupid. But like even complimenting someone right or like, um,
Speaker 1: when we talked about this a lot, somebody like if
Speaker 1: I went over a date's house and they cooked for me,
Speaker 1: you know, it was the first time they made dinner
Speaker 1: and it tasted like ass would I actually say it
Speaker 1: tasted awful? World, I say, no, it's really good, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Would that talk to it as a
Speaker 1: white lie? That's good? I like that. That's a good example,
Speaker 1: and I'm taking it as my own. That's a great example.
Speaker 1: That's a that's a good white lie. I think. I
Speaker 1: think that's like the the appropriate and then white lies.
Speaker 1: But also like but also usually I hear both of
Speaker 1: you guys, and that's totally fine on my end, I
Speaker 1: could agree with that. But at the same time, like
Speaker 1: Sam wearing an outfit, you don't like the outfit, like,
Speaker 1: I hope that you can tell me being like switch
Speaker 1: it up, you know what I mean? I would rather
Speaker 1: have someone be so blunt and honest with me than
Speaker 1: tell those white lies. Even on the first like, say
Speaker 1: it was the second date and the guy was like,
Speaker 1: I don't like that shirt, would you be like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll change it for you or would you be like,
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. I'm wearing the shirt, I think.
Speaker 1: I think like again, if you don't have anything nice
Speaker 1: to say, don't say like. If you don't like their outfit,
Speaker 1: just don't freaking comment on it. What if they what
Speaker 1: if you asked me, Yeah, that's hard like it? I
Speaker 1: like it? Back or into a corner, Jared, you're doing
Speaker 1: the Lord's work right now. All right, Well, let's get
Speaker 1: to the next email before we run out of time.
Speaker 1: From Nate. I feel like such a jerk even typing
Speaker 1: this out, but I need some advice from, of course,
Speaker 1: stuck Army. My girlfriend and I have been dating for
Speaker 1: almost three years. Just recently, she has changed to a
Speaker 1: different birth control. I'm not sure if it's her body
Speaker 1: getting used to it, but she's constantly having mood swings.
Speaker 1: She's been bleeding for three months straight. She gets in
Speaker 1: these depressive moods, She's been gaining weight, etcetera. Her moods
Speaker 1: have begun affecting me, and I don't know what to
Speaker 1: do or how to help her. Moods are really starting
Speaker 1: to drag me down. It's impacting our relationship a lot,
Speaker 1: and we are hardly intimate anymore since she has no
Speaker 1: sexual desire. I wanted to tell her that maybe she
Speaker 1: should get off of this birth control or we could
Speaker 1: try a different form of contraceptives. But I'm also not
Speaker 1: a woman. It's her body and her choice. How can
Speaker 1: I be supportive without ignoring my needs of expressing my
Speaker 1: feelings without hurting hers? Kelly, I'll go with this one. Um,
Speaker 1: it's actually funny because I've been there, and again I
Speaker 1: will Jared, you don't want me to go on rants
Speaker 1: about health and stuff like that, but I just think
Speaker 1: oral contraceptive of like things that are like throwing off
Speaker 1: your hormones, like feeding your body that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: To me, it's things that like I've tried, I've been there,
Speaker 1: I've done that. I've gone absolutely psychotic on it. Like
Speaker 1: I remember I was dating a guy and like if
Speaker 1: he huggs me, I'd be like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can hear something stupid like that. But um, I
Speaker 1: think that he should try to convince her to get
Speaker 1: off of it. It doesn't sound healthy. She's not reacting
Speaker 1: to it. Well, Um, you know some people have bad reactions.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work for everyone. And if that's the case,
Speaker 1: then you need to look for alternative choices. I won't
Speaker 1: be on birth control because I've tried so many different
Speaker 1: ones and that exact same thing happened to me where
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't be feeding my body these
Speaker 1: like fake hormones, Like I just don't react well to it.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. Yeah, I think female female birth
Speaker 1: control is so flawed in so many ways. Um, I
Speaker 1: will say that and it correct me if you guys
Speaker 1: think this is wrong. I gotta give props to Nate
Speaker 1: because it sounds like he's being respectful of the entire situation.
Speaker 1: Like even to ask these questions, I think is a
Speaker 1: pretty respectful thing to do, Like he wants to figure
Speaker 1: out what's best to do about the situational that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, and a lot of guys I think would
Speaker 1: get angry or you know, just break up or do
Speaker 1: whatever it is. So I think he's handling it to
Speaker 1: the best of his ability, which is I think commendable. Dina.
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree more with you because I've been there,
Speaker 1: and I remember just like how psychotic I was going
Speaker 1: with this, like extra pump of hormones in me, Like
Speaker 1: I did not feel like myself at all, and it
Speaker 1: was just like it made me like go crazy. Um
Speaker 1: so I feel his pain. I feel her pain because
Speaker 1: I don't think she's doing it on purpose either, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like so stupid. Why can't like you know
Speaker 1: they're saying where it's like why would you like why
Speaker 1: would why would you shoot out a bullet proof vest
Speaker 1: instead of just taking the bullets out of the gun,
Speaker 1: Like there should be like a male birth control oral
Speaker 1: contraceptive or contraceptive is that what it's called. What is
Speaker 1: it called? Where you take it killed by mouth? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know. It's crazy to me. I
Speaker 1: think that there needs to be some some pictures with it.
Speaker 1: I think maybe, Um well, I've thought about the idea
Speaker 1: of getting a vasectomy. What do you guys think about that? Really?
Speaker 1: Do you want kids? Ever? Well, I could like freeze
Speaker 1: my sperm or something, but like, would you ever do that, Jared?
Speaker 1: After you have like one or two or three or
Speaker 1: however many kids you want? Sure, But you can also
Speaker 1: reverse the vasectomy, can't you. My dad has that reverse
Speaker 1: reverse one. I can't remember. No, I can't remember if
Speaker 1: you got one, I mean after six kids? Like or no,
Speaker 1: you know what my mom got her tubes tied. That's
Speaker 1: what it was, I think, because I'm pretty sure a
Speaker 1: friend of mine got a vasectomy and then they changed
Speaker 1: their mind and wanted kids again, and then did the
Speaker 1: reversal and they ended up getting pregnant. Yeah, so I've
Speaker 1: done some research on it. It It seems like a pretty
Speaker 1: painful process, and like pain that can linger for a
Speaker 1: long time. And why explain, explain to me, Well, I
Speaker 1: would do for Kalin's sake, Like I don't want her
Speaker 1: to always have to take um birth control, Like why
Speaker 1: wouldn't I just take care of it in that way
Speaker 1: she can be free of all that stuff, you know,
Speaker 1: And like she she's getting her hormones tested, uh, to
Speaker 1: see if she even is able to bear children. So
Speaker 1: I guess we'll know one way or the other. But like,
Speaker 1: also we you know, we've talked about kids. We like
Speaker 1: maybe we'll have one, We maybe we'll have to whatever um.
Speaker 1: But it's like, but we could just adopt. I don't know,
Speaker 1: we need to figure that out. But I just think
Speaker 1: it should be more standard for men to take care
Speaker 1: of it on their own right instead of leaving it
Speaker 1: up to the women to like do all that stuff.
Speaker 1: You know, if you if Dean, if you have a kid,
Speaker 1: you have to change your Instagram handle. You can no
Speaker 1: longer be Deanie Babies with a child. What would I be?
Speaker 1: Danie Deanie daddies daddies, it's not it's not that I'm
Speaker 1: a baby. It's a playoff of beanie babies. No one
Speaker 1: ever understands that. Come on, it is very adorable, Dean.
Speaker 1: You really are a beanie baby. Just all You're so sweet.
Speaker 1: You're so sweet. All right, that's gonna do it for
Speaker 1: this week's episode the Helm I suck at data. Um two,
Speaker 1: Let's have a hell of a year. Huh. What's do
Speaker 1: you guys? Have any resolutions for yourself leading into this
Speaker 1: new year? Having a successful business? I think mine just
Speaker 1: taking care of my health, slow things down and focus
Speaker 1: on me. You know. Yeah. I think you're in a
Speaker 1: good place. And you're turning thirty and what two months,
Speaker 1: So don't remind me thirties are great. Join the club,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Come over to the dark side. I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: I'm nervous, guys. It only gets better, I promise you
Speaker 1: that much. There has been the best year in my life. Um.
Speaker 1: My resolution is very much the same. Take care of
Speaker 1: my mental health specific well and physical because I've kind
Speaker 1: of put on a little bit of weight, but that's
Speaker 1: neither here nor there. Um. All right, well, I wish
Speaker 1: us all the best of luck, and all of you
Speaker 1: listeners as well. Keep emailing us I suckon Dating at
Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. Thanks to Matt and Nate for
Speaker 1: sending in the emails. Kelly, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1: We hope to we hope to have its like a
Speaker 1: constant staple in this podcast. Fun. I had a lot
Speaker 1: of fun. Well perfect, We're gonna keep doing it then. Um, alright, guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week, where maybe we suck just a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast