Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
Speaker 2: I feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then will always out way if you feel.
Speaker 2: It, but you are She'll some love to the hy
Speaker 2: have there. Take you one day and did you and
Speaker 2: die out.
Speaker 3: Way happy Saturday?
Speaker 2: Outweit.
Speaker 3: I am Amy Brown, I'm Leanne Ellington, and we are
Speaker 3: on part three of a mini series called Two Things
Speaker 3: Can Be True at the Same Time, and today we
Speaker 3: are focusing on how you can be on the journey
Speaker 3: to self love and self worth and still have really
Speaker 3: crappy thoughts about yourself show up technical term crappy thoughts. Yes,
Speaker 3: I mean it's not like a oh I am healed
Speaker 3: and my brain never goes down that road again. And
Speaker 3: I'm thinking, as it's July first, when this episode's coming out,
Speaker 3: if you're listening on time, if not, maybe you're listening
Speaker 3: on the second, third, July fourth is this coming week,
Speaker 3: and I feel like that's always a time for me.
Speaker 3: I don't know why, because I think in the past
Speaker 3: that's something I always is like, oh, barbecue, What am
Speaker 3: I going to eat?
Speaker 2: What am I going to do? Getting there? Yeah?
Speaker 3: What am I? Yeah? Am I gonna have to be
Speaker 3: in a swim zoo or whatever?
Speaker 2: Everything other than being present?
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, or maybe even just solely missing out that
Speaker 3: not even going staying home, because that's safer, yep, than
Speaker 3: all the thoughts that were in my head. And so
Speaker 3: if you're listening to Outweigh, I feel as though.
Speaker 2: You're on the journey because you're curious.
Speaker 3: So either you're already in some sort of recovery or
Speaker 3: maybe you're in the throes of some very disordered behaviors,
Speaker 3: but you're putting some tools in your toolbox and this
Speaker 3: is one of those things, one of many that you.
Speaker 2: Have access to.
Speaker 3: But just know that it's always a journey. Yeah, And
Speaker 3: like I still even I need to get the exact math.
Speaker 3: I know that it was twenty twenty, so we'll just
Speaker 3: say three years three months, probably three years three months, Yes,
Speaker 3: after I really committed to the work to be like,
Speaker 3: I'm done with this.
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted.
Speaker 3: I don't want to have these disordered behaviors or thoughts anymore.
Speaker 3: But guess what the behaviors have disappeared, but the thoughts
Speaker 3: still creep back up. Which if I were to entertain
Speaker 3: the thoughts more and more and more, then the behaviors
Speaker 3: would come back, because about the thoughts become the behaviors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're not our thoughts, you know, So I think,
Speaker 1: you know, first of all, coming back to the two
Speaker 1: things can be true at the same time. You can
Speaker 1: be on this amazing journey and still present day, like
Speaker 1: we're both raising our hands, have these crappy thoughts show up,
Speaker 1: because it's not this one and done thing, because you're
Speaker 1: a human twenty four hours a day, right, So I
Speaker 1: think setting ourselves up for the expectation that like healing
Speaker 1: and constantly having just human thoughts, they can coexist. But
Speaker 1: it's about having the tools to be aware when they're happening,
Speaker 1: not take you down rabbit holes, not send you down
Speaker 1: these downward spirals. Because the other thing that's really important
Speaker 1: to mention is we say we are not our thoughts,
Speaker 1: but like we feel a certain way, and it's our
Speaker 1: thoughts that are creating the feelings.
Speaker 2: Right, we have a circumstance.
Speaker 1: So for example, with my clients, you know, if they
Speaker 1: come to me and they're like oh, like I feel
Speaker 1: so badly about my body, or I've gained weight, or
Speaker 1: I'm the heaviest I've been. That's the circumstance. But their
Speaker 1: thoughts about their circumstance is what's creating the emotion that
Speaker 1: they're feeling, whether it's shame, comparison, regret, disappointment, embarrassment versus
Speaker 1: the same circumstance, same body, just having acceptance. And one
Speaker 1: of my favorite acceptance thoughts and beliefs is like, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't have to like this, but the sooner I
Speaker 1: can accept it, the sooner I can actually go do
Speaker 1: something about it. And just finding we don't have to
Speaker 1: go to roses and butterflies like, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: love my body. No, that's not real your self image
Speaker 1: isn't gona believe that if you're going from I hate
Speaker 1: my body too, I love my body, right, but the
Speaker 1: acceptance of just like, hey, I don't have to like it,
Speaker 1: but this is what I weigh right now, or this
Speaker 1: is what I look like, or this is the shape
Speaker 1: and size of my body right now, And the sooner
Speaker 1: I can accept that this is what's happening, the sooner
Speaker 1: I can move through it. Because as Byron Katie says.
Speaker 1: She says, when we argue with reality, we suffer. When
Speaker 1: we argue with reality, we suffer. So again coming back
Speaker 1: to this idea of our thoughts. Yes, you're not your thoughts.
Speaker 1: But even when the thoughts come up, like not arguing
Speaker 1: with them, not making them wrong, not shaming yourself for
Speaker 1: having them, not shaming your shame even right, just being
Speaker 1: aware of when they come up, noticing what you're noticing,
Speaker 1: but also having the tools to not take yourself down
Speaker 1: these rabbit holes, or at least cut down the rabbit
Speaker 1: holes as they come up.
Speaker 3: I'm listening to for the second time, breaking the habit
Speaker 3: of being yourself Jodaspenza. Yes, yes, and a quote from
Speaker 3: that book is warning, when feelings become the means of thinking,
Speaker 3: or if we cannot think greater than how we feel,
Speaker 3: can never change. To change is to think greater than
Speaker 3: how we feel. To change is to act greater than
Speaker 3: the familiar feelings of the memorized self.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's such a good way of putting it. Memorized self.
Speaker 1: You know, one of my friends always says, feelings are
Speaker 1: not facts, right, They're not the truth. They're not always
Speaker 1: telling you the truth, right, They're just a memorized experience
Speaker 1: in our nervous system that get fired and wired off
Speaker 1: the back of these thoughts. And a lot of times
Speaker 1: of the thoughts are on repeat. Right, then we've memorized.
Speaker 1: We got a lot of fired and wired memorization going
Speaker 1: on there.
Speaker 3: They know, over and over and over. It's a great
Speaker 3: way to put it. Which you know, I've heard two
Speaker 3: your thoughts on this, Like, feelings they're part of our
Speaker 3: our being, Like they're going to feel them, but they
Speaker 3: write shotgun not in the driver's seat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they are an effect and a symptom of the
Speaker 1: thoughts that we're thinking, we are creating, like they do
Speaker 1: live downstream. Right, there's the circumstance and then there's the
Speaker 1: thoughts about the circumstance that are causing the feelings. But
Speaker 1: the other side of it, two things can be true
Speaker 1: at the same time, right, Like, feelings aren't inherently good
Speaker 1: or bad, right or wrong.
Speaker 2: They all have a place.
Speaker 1: So like, even when I'm feeling shame, that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it's an air quotes negative emotion, right, but it's labeled negative.
Speaker 2: It's just an emotion.
Speaker 1: It's just an experience that I'm feeling and that shame
Speaker 1: can also.
Speaker 2: Teach me something. It can Is it information? It's information,
Speaker 2: it's data. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think there's there's so many different, you know,
Speaker 1: angles to this, but you're right now. The question is
Speaker 1: is like, are are they riding shotgun and being like
Speaker 1: carjacked and somebody else's driving the car, or are they
Speaker 1: riding shotgun and you're mindfully and intentionally like learning how
Speaker 1: to drive and coming back to the two things can
Speaker 1: be true at the same time. I can't tell you
Speaker 1: how many times a client of mine has had just
Speaker 1: like such miraculous breakthrough in their emotional home, like living
Speaker 1: in an emotional home of depression, anxiety, sadness, shame, and
Speaker 1: then just living and again not like.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I bro, this is some butterflies, but just.
Speaker 1: Like peace and calm and freedom and acceptance and belief
Speaker 1: in themselves or just like the starts of it, right,
Speaker 1: and then they have something happen in their life aka
Speaker 1: a circumstance that causes a thought that causes a feeling,
Speaker 1: and then they come to me like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm back where I started. I thought I was doing
Speaker 1: so well, but I guess I really have it and
Speaker 1: I'm and one of the things I have to remind
Speaker 1: them is that just because you are like temporarily regressed
Speaker 1: or so to speak, regressed, doesn't mean that you have regressed.
Speaker 1: And so that's where it comes back to this, like
Speaker 1: you can be on the journey but also have really
Speaker 1: crappy thoughts come up for yourself because we're always creating thoughts,
Speaker 1: we're meaning making machines.
Speaker 2: And even you know.
Speaker 1: I've said this before on the podcast New Level, New Devil,
Speaker 1: that that quote because like you can, you know, have
Speaker 1: air quotes old problems and you're like, oh, I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't have that problem anymore. But as you're up
Speaker 1: leveling to the next level of yourself, you're gonna create
Speaker 1: new problems and therefore new beliefs and new feelings and
Speaker 1: all the things.
Speaker 3: So when it comes to recognizing the cycle, this loop,
Speaker 3: simply put, a situation arises fourth of July. Yeah, let's
Speaker 3: just bring it back, bringing it back to fourth of July,
Speaker 3: And then I want you to touch on what do
Speaker 3: we do when these thoughts pop into our head, Like, yes,
Speaker 3: they're going to happen.
Speaker 2: Two things can be true.
Speaker 3: I can still have these thoughts, but hey, what's the
Speaker 3: I don't want to sit with them for too long.
Speaker 2: And that's one thing too.
Speaker 3: When you're doing this work, what's really, really, really exciting
Speaker 3: is you can start to catch how quickly you recover
Speaker 3: from some stuff. Stuff that used to spiral me for days.
Speaker 3: Now I'm like, WHOA got over that in thirty minutes?
Speaker 2: What off?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I celebrate it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So recognizing the cycle simply put A situation arises and
Speaker 3: we have thoughts about the facts of that situation. Those
Speaker 3: thoughts trigger feelings, and based on those feelings, we engage
Speaker 3: in behaviors, which in turn impact the situation, either positively
Speaker 3: or negatively, and the cycle continues.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're always creating a result, but what changes the
Speaker 1: trajectory of it is your is your thoughts right?
Speaker 2: That changes the trajector Sorry, let's use fourth of July
Speaker 2: as a situation.
Speaker 3: Even though it's a podcast, some people might be listening
Speaker 3: into simmer right, but whatever it is that's coming up.
Speaker 3: Let's say I'm getting ready for the day, the event, whatever,
Speaker 3: and thoughts start to come in, and I know everybody's
Speaker 3: thoughts are all over the map. They could be totally different,
Speaker 3: and also everybody's aha, moment with it all is going
Speaker 3: to look different because again, we've worked for you may
Speaker 3: not work for me at all. But is there sort
Speaker 3: of a blanket we could put on this or a
Speaker 3: starting point from some for some people if they know
Speaker 3: that they're on the path to healing and they're confused
Speaker 3: by some of these thoughts. So when the thoughts come up,
Speaker 3: what's what's a cool thing to do with them?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And so come into the summertime thing. A lot
Speaker 1: of you know, body insecurity is a big one for
Speaker 1: summertime because skimpier clothes and hotter weather and all of that.
Speaker 1: So a lot of our body insecurities and you know,
Speaker 1: the body image stuff tends to come up.
Speaker 2: So that's a perfect example.
Speaker 1: But again just kind of actually coming back to what
Speaker 1: we talked about a few minutes ago about accepting the
Speaker 1: reality of what's happening and not sugarcoating it, but just
Speaker 1: moving through acceptance is really the first step. So I
Speaker 1: talk about this idea of the the data versus the drama.
Speaker 1: So the first thing is really just noticing the drama.
Speaker 1: For me, it showed up in the drama of oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I look fat, or I would call myself labels,
Speaker 1: I'd shame myself. Oh my gosh, everybody's gonna judge me.
Speaker 1: What can I have nothing to wear? Drama, drama, drama,
Speaker 1: fill in the blank, right, So, noticing the drama, bring
Speaker 1: yourself back to the data. The data is I feel
Speaker 1: uncomfortable in my body right now. The data is my
Speaker 1: clothes feel a little bit tight right now. The drama is,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? You're gross, You're discussing.
Speaker 1: Do you see the difference? So noticing the drama, bringing
Speaker 1: yourself back to the data is step one. The data
Speaker 1: is and we're not sugarcoating the data. We're just being
Speaker 1: truth tellers about it. And then the only thing that
Speaker 1: I invite people to do with it is not turn
Speaker 1: it into a positive, not fake it till we make it,
Speaker 1: not sugarcoat it, but move through acceptance, which is accepting
Speaker 1: what the new truth is. So I don't have to
Speaker 1: like the data. I don't have to like the fact
Speaker 1: that my clothes feel tight right now. I don't have
Speaker 1: to like the fact that I feel like I don't
Speaker 1: have anything to wear. I don't have to like the
Speaker 1: fact that I'm feeling shame about my body. Right now,
Speaker 1: but this is what's happening. And the sooner I can
Speaker 1: accept that this is what's happening and just breathe through it.
Speaker 1: The sooner I can actually go do something about it.
Speaker 1: Because what that does is it creates a pattern, interrupt it.
Speaker 1: First of all, stops the rabbit hole. It makes our
Speaker 1: brain acknowledge like, oh, I'm creating the feeling because of
Speaker 1: my thoughts, I'm creating drama. And it causes you to
Speaker 1: create a new thought, which is just data. And again
Speaker 1: we're not painting roses and butterflies on it. We're not
Speaker 1: saying like, oh, everything in my closet magically fits. But
Speaker 1: the thought that I have absolutely nothing to wear, that's
Speaker 1: drama because you could go in a robe, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, it's not true, it's not fully true.
Speaker 2: You have something right.
Speaker 1: But the data is I feel like I have nothing
Speaker 1: to wear, or my clothes feel tight right now, or
Speaker 1: I don't like how I'm feeling in my body, and
Speaker 1: just start being a truth teller instead of a drama
Speaker 1: maker to yourself and then moving through acceptance of that
Speaker 1: truth but not sugarcoating it, not having to like it.
Speaker 1: So again the go to I teach my clients is
Speaker 1: I don't have to like X. I don't have to
Speaker 1: like the fact that I'm feeling shame right now. I
Speaker 1: don't have to like the fact that my body feels
Speaker 1: uncomfortable right now. But the sooner I can accept that
Speaker 1: this is what's happening, and the sooner I can move
Speaker 1: through it, because you have to start with acceptance when
Speaker 1: you want to shift it right, And it does create
Speaker 1: that pattern interrupt to keep you from going down that
Speaker 1: rabbit hole. And it just like really takes some it
Speaker 1: takes it off the boil.
Speaker 3: And I would say celebrate every time you're aware of
Speaker 3: the crappy thoughts, because I think there was five decades
Speaker 3: of my life were crappy thoughts for the norm Yeah,
Speaker 3: so I barely even recognize them. That was just the
Speaker 3: way of living, right, And so once you get to
Speaker 3: a point where you and be like, oh, that was
Speaker 3: a crappy thoughts, yeah, I need to redirect, right, celebrate.
Speaker 2: That absolutely, and what it does.
Speaker 3: Then you're going to recognize them more and more because
Speaker 3: your brain celebration lean tell me.
Speaker 1: And what you just said of recognizing it, it enables
Speaker 1: you to hold space so that you can be emotionally
Speaker 1: available to yourself in those moments, rather than ignoring it,
Speaker 1: numbing it, like you know, pretending it's not there, or
Speaker 1: just take yourself down a rabbit hole. So when you
Speaker 1: say I don't have to like the fact that I'm
Speaker 1: feeling shame, what that does for your brain is it
Speaker 1: holds space for the fact that you're feeling shame.
Speaker 3: And also something that just came to mind. If you're
Speaker 3: a journaler, maybe if you're not, everybody can make a
Speaker 3: list whatever event it is that you have coming up
Speaker 3: or whatever party and maybe again maybe it's summer, maybe
Speaker 3: it's Christmas, but what are you looking forward to about
Speaker 3: that event instead of the crappy thoughts that come in
Speaker 3: and then spending time with those I saw this whole
Speaker 3: thing on anxiety, Like if you're flying in an airplane
Speaker 3: and it's really difficult for you to get on that
Speaker 3: the whole time, be making a mental note of where
Speaker 3: you're going, why you're excited to go there, who you're
Speaker 3: going to see, what it's going to be like, how
Speaker 3: much fun you haven't seen this person so long, and
Speaker 3: start going through that list of things that you are
Speaker 3: looking forward too.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, that positive anticipation versus negative anticipation is anxiety.
Speaker 2: Yeah, such a great point.
Speaker 1: You can literally choose what you want to project nice.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, you can be on the journey to self
Speaker 3: love and self worth and still have really crappy thoughts
Speaker 3: about yourself.
Speaker 2: And now you know about holden space for them.
Speaker 3: Leanne where can people find you?
Speaker 2: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: We talk about a lot of this stuff inside the
Speaker 1: Stressless Eating webinar. So if you are interested in learning
Speaker 1: how to you know, really influence your thoughts and heal
Speaker 1: your self image through your brain, you can check it
Speaker 1: all out at Stressless Eating dot com.
Speaker 3: And I am at Radio Amy on Instagram and we'll
Speaker 3: see you next Saturday. For part four, we'll be talking
Speaker 3: about healing from your disordered eating and having a healthy
Speaker 3: relationship with food and still loving food, sugar, pleasure, joy,
Speaker 3: and still having food stuff that you're continually working through
Speaker 3: all the.
Speaker 2: Three things at the same time. Part four is get
Speaker 2: a little risky with youth. We're going wild. We'll see
Speaker 2: for that Saturday. Bye bye
Speaker 1: MHM.