1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:12,239 Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in 2 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers 3 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you 4 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands 5 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the 6 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments 8 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo cheriots to keep 9 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black, 10 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,720 Speaker 1: opal brown courts, bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of 11 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife, 12 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this 13 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: is at the ancestors told me that you would come 14 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: to give wisdom. Thus they said you would come. All right, 15 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Dropping Gym's podcast, 16 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: What's Stebbie Brown? We're at episode fifteen. Now. I know, 17 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: first things first, before I even get into this episode, 18 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: we got to talk about the hiatus. I got a 19 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: few festive d M s about when this podcast was 20 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: coming back. Very colorful, but you know, I really needed 21 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: this winter break. I have a lot on my plate 22 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: right now, so a little bit of catch up. I mean, 23 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 1: you know the obvious, he got your kids. I'm a 24 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 1: mom um, family stuff. But I have a lot of 25 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: things in the fire right now, a lot of things 26 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: in the pipeline for my business and myself. I have 27 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: officially started writing my second book. Really excited about that. Um. 28 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: This book, I truly feel has been a calling from 29 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: God and it just has taken over. This next book 30 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: is not going to have anything to do with crystals, 31 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: but it's more going to be a deep dive into 32 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: healing as women and into wellness as women of colors. 33 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited to share this with you when 34 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: I finished. More details will becoming, especially that pre order 35 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: but that you know that will be on the way. 36 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 1: But I've been working on that. Another facet of my 37 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: business is I do wellness consultation, specifically in diversity and 38 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: diversifying audiences for established wellness brands. So I have had 39 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: the beautiful opportunity to work with a lot of brands, 40 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: companies and people that I am very inspired by. But 41 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: that's work. So as we've been kind of working on 42 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: those things, there's proposals they're showing up. There's you know, 43 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: just lots of layers and lots of research. So because 44 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: I'm just to simple human, uh, just one person, I 45 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: could only focus on a few things at a time. 46 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 1: But I am excited to be back with you now 47 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 1: working on this podcast, dropping Gym's podcast, and this episode 48 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 1: specifically is one that you know, I kind of wanted 49 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: to do a check in episode. I have a rollout coming, 50 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,559 Speaker 1: um some cool things and cool announcements regarding this podcast 51 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 1: and potential acquisitions and new opportunities for expansion. But um, 52 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: I decided, instead of just waiting to roll all of 53 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: that stuff out, let me check in now and do 54 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: a little bit of a podcast episode about some of 55 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: the things that I've been giving a lot of thought 56 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: too lately, and some of the things that have been 57 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: affecting the world that we all live in. UM. So this, 58 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: you know, the past really week, maybe at this point 59 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: in the past two weeks or week and a half, UM, 60 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 1: I have been really navigating quite a bit of depression, 61 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: and that depression was very much kicked off um by 62 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: finding out about the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter 63 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: g G and seven other beautiful souls on that helicopter, 64 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: and I think that we have had a collective grief 65 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: going on with that, you know. Um. But for me, 66 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: it's you know, I'm an impas, I'm a deep feeler. 67 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: It's very rare that I can cry about myself, um, 68 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: and I should probably look into that, um. But I 69 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 1: don't really cry about things that affect me. But when 70 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: I see people in pain, it's really tough. It's really tough. Um. 71 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: The deepest part of me just really wants to find 72 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,719 Speaker 1: a way to help. And you just process the effect 73 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 1: of a life that big on the hearts of people everywhere. 74 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: You know, his life affected millions and millions and millions 75 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: of people. So, you know, whenever I feel like depression 76 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: coming on, I'm a very highly functional depressed person. I 77 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,719 Speaker 1: can get a lot done in that space. UM. But 78 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,840 Speaker 1: I really wanted to let myself just sit in it 79 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: and feel. The death of Kobe was triggering for a 80 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,039 Speaker 1: couple of reasons. For me. I felt, Um, I felt 81 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: really devastated obviously for his wife, Vanessa and his remaining children, 82 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,919 Speaker 1: especially the two babies that have not had a chance 83 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,479 Speaker 1: to live and know him. You know. Um, I was 84 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: very triggered by his death and being reminded of Nipsey's death, 85 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,160 Speaker 1: who I knew and loved very much. And the timeline 86 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:45,480 Speaker 1: of Kobe's death actually also fell onto the anniversary of 87 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: one of my best friends who was murdered when I 88 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: was eighteen. His name was Dwyane Winfield. He was an 89 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 1: amazing guy, and it fell right around the death anniversary 90 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: for him, and so it was just it was just 91 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: kind of a lot happening at one time. I'm you know, 92 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 1: the concept of grief is kind of omnipresent in our 93 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,799 Speaker 1: lives right now because we see more tragedy than our 94 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: brains and hearts were built to receive and endure in 95 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 1: two thousand and twenty, you know, so we are always 96 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: kind of navigating many griefs in our lives in ways 97 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: that I think we don't even societally fully understand the 98 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: ramifications of having this much access to things that other 99 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: people are going through at one time, right because you 100 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: don't have bandwidth or capacity to care about everyone and 101 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 1: everything at all moments. So even experiencing that desensitization to 102 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: some of um, the really horrifying things that we see 103 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: as we scroll, you know, it's a lot it's a 104 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: lot to navigate. It's a lot to deal with when 105 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 1: we think about our own many griefs of when we 106 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: are evolving into new versions of ourselves and the death 107 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: experience that comes with that in side of us, right 108 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,919 Speaker 1: like the death of different friendships or relationships, the death 109 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: of versions of ourselves that life has radically changed. You know, 110 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: it's not a better or worse than it's not really 111 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: a judgment of good or bad. It just is what 112 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: that is is very real, and we don't always have 113 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: a chance to process. So when the news came out 114 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 1: that Kobe passed, it fell right in line with me 115 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 1: leaving out on my family vacation, and I just decided 116 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: to completely unplug after that and focus completely on being 117 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: in my own head. You know, how often do we 118 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: get the chance to really do that. So I have 119 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: been um relaxing in my grief. You know, I think 120 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: something that really comes up in moments like this, and 121 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: certainly something that came up for me when Nipsey passed, 122 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: and I shared this on previous episodes, is it brings. 123 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: It brings to you, UM, quite a lot of thoughts 124 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: about the way that you experience God. And so that's 125 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: what I really want to talk about on this episode today. 126 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: I want to share some of the thoughts that I 127 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: have been having about God and what that means. So lately, 128 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: I've been allowing myself to sit inside my brain and 129 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: inside my heart, and I have been giving a lot 130 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:24,239 Speaker 1: of complex thought to the way that I experience God 131 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 1: and what God is in my life and what that means. 132 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: And you know, I really I think that I am 133 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: standing in the fullness of the understanding that none of us, 134 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: none of us, really understand God, because how could we 135 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 1: just like ourselves, just like our bodies, just like our 136 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:50,359 Speaker 1: earthly lives. Our faith is in a constant discovery process, 137 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,359 Speaker 1: and it's in an ongoing evolution, and how we actually 138 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: experience and no God and communicate with God is always evolving. 139 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,880 Speaker 1: You know. To exist, to be here is to continually 140 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 1: be in a state of confusion. Life is complicated. Faith 141 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: is very complex, and we have to give our faith 142 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: room to grow and to change, to redirect us because 143 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: sometimes fall out of to sometimes fall into I think 144 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: about God probably most moments of every day, and I 145 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,199 Speaker 1: have for a long time. And I didn't grow up, 146 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: you know, as we say in black culture, I didn't 147 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: grow up in the church necessarily, you know, but I 148 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: always knew God, and I always had a strong faith. 149 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 1: And in moments of some of my deepest, deepest, darkest 150 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: pain um and some of the moments where I've really 151 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: died to myself, God is the one that showed up 152 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: in every second and helped ushure me into a new 153 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: version of who I was. And even though you know that, 154 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:00,320 Speaker 1: you can still have moments where you feel confus used 155 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: by Him and angry with him. And I don't think 156 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: anything is wrong with that. And I would think that 157 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: one of the biggest misconceptions that people have about their 158 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 1: faith and about what it is to be grateful about 159 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: your life is that you have to be exuberantly happy 160 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: in every moment, right that every second it has to 161 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: be God is good, all the time, all the time, 162 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 1: God is good. I don't think that's realistic. And I'll 163 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: be quite honest with you, I think people that navigate 164 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: in that space there is a lot of communication they 165 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: may not be having with God. You know. To know 166 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:42,280 Speaker 1: God is to surrender. To know God is to be 167 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 1: soothed by the complexities of Him and the vastness of Him, 168 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: and the fact that no matter what your belief system is, 169 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 1: or who you are, or what you've been through, we 170 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: will never know at all until our day comes. We 171 00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,440 Speaker 1: never will you know. And surrendering to that unknown, especially 172 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 1: if you surrender to that unknown and still stand in 173 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 1: a space of gratitude and appreciation, is to me the 174 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 1: highest level of faith possible. I don't know anyone that 175 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: hasn't been through something, and it's really important, especially in 176 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: our relationships with God, that we lean into some of 177 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: the difficulties, you know, we lean into some of the questioning. 178 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: I'm a big believer that we should question God. Why 179 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: shouldn't we? He expects us to That's why we're here, 180 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: That's how we grow and refine. When you when you're 181 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 1: on the path of being a seeker, which I very 182 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: much consider myself to be, it is to be someone 183 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 1: that looks for truth right and the only truth that 184 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: I know for sure for me is that there is 185 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: a God, that there is a higher power, and everything else, 186 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 1: to be quite honest, is up in the air. We 187 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: can all come up with our theories, uh, we can 188 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: all follow various belief systems, but you won't know for sure. 189 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: We're just human beings. Our eyes, our minds. None of 190 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: it can fully understand or behold the complexities of a 191 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,319 Speaker 1: being like God and what he creates and why he 192 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,439 Speaker 1: creates it, you know. Um, So I also think it's 193 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: important to take that pressure off of ourselves completely. All right, 194 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,640 Speaker 1: let me backtrack, UM, because this is a check in episode. 195 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 1: So I am a little bit off the cuff today. 196 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,960 Speaker 1: I just really wanted to talk to you all. So UM, 197 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: I hooked at my microphone, so as I shared, let 198 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 1: me set the scene. As I shared, I'm on vacation 199 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 1: right now. One of my favorite places ever, Cabo Mexico. 200 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: This is my go to several times a year because 201 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 1: it's very close to l A. Yes, I do travel 202 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 1: other places, um, and I have had the beautiful, beautiful 203 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 1: opportunity to visit many different countries and see the world 204 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: in many different ways. But this is my quick, beautiful 205 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: destination where I like to just run here every chance 206 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: I go. Um. But so I also want to preface 207 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: that by saying, right now, I set up like this 208 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: little podcast lab um on the nightstand of my bed, 209 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: and you might hear quest run by at any moment 210 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: and yell, because that's the thing right now, that he's 211 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 1: doing is just looking at you and screaming. So if 212 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: that happens, I'll try to edit it out, but just 213 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: know what's coming. So let me let me get back 214 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 1: to some of the some of the things that I've 215 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: written down that I really want to make sure that 216 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 1: I express. Maybe about a year and a half ago, 217 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: I had the beautiful opportunity to be a part of 218 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: this incredible panel about faith and spirituality, both New Age 219 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,559 Speaker 1: and traditional Black Church spirituality. UM. It was put on 220 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: by the African American Smithsonian Museum in d C. Amazing 221 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 1: guy named Teddy Reeves asked me to be a part 222 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: of it, and he plays a huge part in the 223 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 1: African American Smithsonian Museum. Sorry from a little tongue, ted UM. 224 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: And they did this at the California African American Museum, 225 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,680 Speaker 1: which is in l A. And they had this discussion 226 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,439 Speaker 1: and it was a panel and I was on it. 227 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: I guess I was kind of representing more of the 228 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 1: New Age thought process UM. And there were also several 229 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: pastors and just a lot of really incredible viewpoints UM, 230 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: many of which I hadn't really taken time to see 231 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: her here before. So I learned quite a bit. The 232 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: content is online. I believe it's on my website if 233 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 1: you want to see it was beautiful, beautiful talk. Um. 234 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: But so when we did this, there was this really phenomenal, 235 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: dynamic woman named Candice Biinbo and she's on Twitter. She 236 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: has a podcast it's called Red Lip Theology. I really 237 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: enjoy it. I really love the way that her mind 238 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 1: works and the way that she expresses or expresses herself. Um. 239 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: And you know, she considers herself to be a black 240 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: feminist Christian and as you know, as if you are 241 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: woman right now or a millennial in general, especially a 242 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 1: person of color. Um. There are a lot of moments 243 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: that are being unpacked for us that have never been 244 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: unpacked before. We're having conversations we've never had. We're really 245 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: challenging the institutions that we generationally we're always taught to 246 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: believe in and to not question right, and we're demanding 247 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: different things. We're holding people accountable, especially in the church. 248 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: We are looking to really grow and change as a 249 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: generation in a way that I don't think any generation 250 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 1: ever has before. And that's part of the great thing 251 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: about being alive right now in this moment, right it's 252 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: I believe that we are in the age of Awakening, 253 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: and I think that the world is moving at a 254 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 1: very accelerated pace in a way that it never has 255 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: in human history, and a lot is being demanded of us. 256 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,040 Speaker 1: And I think that is why we are having these 257 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: really expansive conversations about everything from therapy to God, to 258 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 1: the Me Too movement right to systemic racism and the 259 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: role that it plays in our family, our family structures. 260 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: You know, all of these things are happening in ways 261 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: that they never quite have before, and we have access 262 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 1: to share our stories and to use our voice in 263 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 1: ways that has just it's unprecedented, It's never happened. And 264 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: all of that is not for nothing, right, All of 265 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: that is not just for our egos. All of that 266 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: is because I believe God is demanding radical change from 267 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: humanity right now, and these are the steps that He's 268 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: outlined to get us there, you know. And I don't 269 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: know if it's going to happen in my lifetime, but 270 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: it is going to happen in the next couple of 271 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: hundred years. So she back to Candice, have you going 272 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: on tangents? I don't have no notes today. Um back 273 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 1: to Candice, so she's beautiful, dynamic woman. She went viral 274 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: earlier this year because she baked a pound cake for 275 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 1: her neighbor and it was a really funny story. She's 276 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram, but she had tweeted something right 277 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: after Kobe died that I really loved, and she said, 278 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: God is big enough for you to be angry at him. 279 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: God is big enough for your sadness. God is big 280 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,360 Speaker 1: enough for your confusion. God is big enough for your questions, 281 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,640 Speaker 1: you know, um. And I thought that was really powerful 282 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:18,880 Speaker 1: because sometimes I think that religion and faith can be 283 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 1: very toxic in the way that some people feed it 284 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: to us, because they are demanding that you do this 285 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 1: spiritual bypass where you completely sidestep your feelings, you sidestep 286 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 1: any desire for accountability, you sidestep your own pain to 287 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 1: just rejoice and worship. And that's not what God wants 288 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: us to do. I don't believe because God grows inside 289 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: of us when we question him. That's how we build 290 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 1: our relationship with him. God grows inside of us when 291 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: we are hurting, when we're in pain, when we're seeking answers. 292 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 1: That's how He can speak the most clearly to us. 293 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: So it is moments like this I believe that can 294 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: ultimately help build your faith and not destroy it. Um. 295 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 1: But so when she when she sent that tweet out, 296 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: it really spoke to my heart. It really took some 297 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:16,199 Speaker 1: of the guilt away of being angry. You know, I 298 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 1: felt really angry at God last year when Nipsey was killed. 299 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,879 Speaker 1: I felt really angry when I heard about the Kobe situation, 300 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: and this go around, maybe not so much anger, but 301 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: I felt really confused. And you know, instantly, me and 302 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,879 Speaker 1: a lot of my friends, I'm in a bunch of 303 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 1: different group chats, we all start texting each other and 304 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 1: we're just like, oh my god, oh my god, oh 305 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 1: my god. What. And I remember when I heard the news, 306 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 1: I literally all I could say for hours. I was speechless. 307 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: All I could say was what, Like my brain could 308 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 1: not comprehend it because what kind of came up for me? 309 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 1: And actually Charlemagne and I had a long discussion about 310 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: this right after everything happened. You know, the first thing 311 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: that it does when you hear something like this with 312 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: Kobe and Nipsey is it's set you know, for inside. 313 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,440 Speaker 1: It makes you say, well, what's the point of being 314 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,720 Speaker 1: a good person? What what is karma? You know, if 315 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,239 Speaker 1: you think about karma in the sense that we all 316 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 1: kind of use it, or more so in the Veda sense, 317 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 1: you know, it's this idea that you're good and good 318 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: comes to you, right, and that is not really accurate. 319 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,879 Speaker 1: Karma simply means action and a cycle of action. Really, 320 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 1: And you know it's hard because when you are in 321 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: a peaceful and spiritual and God loving space, when you're 322 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,479 Speaker 1: not in pain, it's easy to say, yeah, everything happens 323 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: for a reason, or this happened, but it led me 324 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: to this or like I talked about at length in 325 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 1: one of my i G TV videos on my Instagram, 326 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: was finding the opportunity and every challenge and rejoicing even 327 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,840 Speaker 1: in your most painful moments. And all of those things 328 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: are true. But sometimes in the moment, you have to 329 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: take a beat, you have to take a step and 330 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: allow yourself to feel right. Um. But even in thinking 331 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: about this just really incomprehensible tragedy with Kobe, I also 332 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: saw immediately so much beauty, especially for men of color, 333 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:19,440 Speaker 1: and there was this just deeply inspiring space holding that 334 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 1: started to happen. Right. You're seeing men that may have 335 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: never cried bauling their eyes out. You know, you see 336 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 1: men who may have never done this before, setting up 337 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 1: their first therapy appointment, right finally beginning to dive in 338 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: and unwrap some of their complex emotions and perhaps laid 339 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 1: down some of their toxic masculinity, open their hearts, allow 340 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: themselves to feel. And once you learn how to do that, 341 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: you never forget it. So imagine all of these men, 342 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 1: probably millions of men around the country that we're breaking 343 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: down because their hero and his daughter were so tragically killed. 344 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: Now they know how to access those spaces in themselves, 345 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: you know. And I it's too soon to really talk 346 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 1: about it in this way, and I am in no 347 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: way trying to be insensitive to the enormous amount of 348 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: pain so many of us are in and seeing this happen. 349 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: But it's kind of like, what a gift. Also, what 350 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: a gift that Kobe's life has been, not just because 351 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,719 Speaker 1: of the way that he was such a great human 352 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:30,000 Speaker 1: um often on the court, but and not because just 353 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,879 Speaker 1: of his level of discipline, you know, and commitment to excellence, 354 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 1: but what an enormous gift that he shared himself with 355 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: the world in such a huge way that his passing 356 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: could be the catalyst for an expansion emotionally of so 357 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,640 Speaker 1: many men around the world, you know. And I'm sure 358 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,360 Speaker 1: as time goes on, you know, we're only a week 359 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,239 Speaker 1: it ha from moved. I'm sure as time goes on, 360 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: Will Considue can continue to see even more gifts of 361 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: his legacy. But instantly, that's something that I noticed, and 362 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: that's something that brought me a certain amount of peace. 363 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: You know. Um, I felt really proud of a lot 364 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: of the men that were expressing themselves and a lot 365 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 1: of the men that were allowing themselves to be seen. 366 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: So many guys and you know, I know it can't 367 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 1: just be me, but so many guys that I know, 368 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: and I'm sure so many of the men, many of 369 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,440 Speaker 1: you know, they bypassed their emotions, and you know, something 370 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 1: happens with oh, I'm I'll be straight, I'm straight. No, 371 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: my not no, and I's all good, you know, and 372 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,239 Speaker 1: they want to hurry up out of that moment and 373 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: never process and never feel, and that keeps them from 374 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 1: being able to have real intimacy emotionally or emotional intelligence 375 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 1: and all the facets of their life. Because if you 376 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,359 Speaker 1: don't let yourself feel, and if you don't find a 377 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: way to be gentle with you and love yourself anyway? 378 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: How can you actually show up in the lives of 379 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: the people close to you in a meaningful way, you know. 380 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: So to see so many men just be out of 381 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: sheer enormity of the grief, be forced into spiritual submission 382 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 1: and be forced to surrender and fall on their knees 383 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: and just let themselves hurt and let themselves fall apart 384 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,160 Speaker 1: and have conversations. Um, it was deeply inspiring. And I 385 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,920 Speaker 1: think that part of Kobe's legacy will be his passing 386 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: really aided in some emotional generational freedom for a lot 387 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 1: of people and a lot of families. At least, that 388 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 1: is my hope, you know. I think I shared this 389 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: story a few episodes back. I think I talked about 390 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,960 Speaker 1: this on the episode with Taras Martin. But something that 391 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: was really ringing in my mind quite a bit lately 392 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: has been this conversation that I had with one of 393 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,719 Speaker 1: my professors in this psychology program that I'm in. I 394 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 1: am back in school. I'm in my second year now 395 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,439 Speaker 1: of this three year program. In this program where we 396 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 1: really explore like non violent communication and spirituality and psychology, 397 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: I had got up to share about this breakthrough that 398 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,000 Speaker 1: I had had, and I share this probably on a 399 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 1: couple of episodes, But the breakthrough that I had about 400 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 1: how I had really been seeing that a lot of 401 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: the pride I took it myself and a lot of 402 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: my self worth was really rooted in what had been 403 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:14,720 Speaker 1: a coping mechanism. I found a lot of pride in 404 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,439 Speaker 1: how strong I was and how resilient I was, but 405 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,960 Speaker 1: it was really me just creating this false narrative that 406 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: my worth was based on how much pain I could 407 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: tolerate right now, that was huge for me. That was 408 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 1: huge for me to realize that about myself so that 409 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: I could really free myself of that. But when I 410 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 1: had stood up to share this with the professor in class, 411 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: I was talking about that breakthrough and then I just 412 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: kind of broke down crying, and it turned into two 413 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 1: things for me. First, I was crying for Nipsey, and 414 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 1: I was saying that I felt really confused because to 415 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: see someone stand so deeply in the fullness of their 416 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,480 Speaker 1: purpose and die at such a young age and in 417 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: such a cruel way, it made me feel, in that moment, 418 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 1: very irrationally, lie if I live my purpose, then I 419 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: might die young, because in my mind I had kind 420 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 1: of created this narrative around my grief that you know, 421 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,680 Speaker 1: God takes you once, once you've completed your work on Earth, 422 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: and even though to the human mind it may not 423 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: seem like your work is complete. You know, we would 424 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: have loved to see Nipsey and Kobe be our elders, 425 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 1: you know, be like the Ozzie Davis is of our generation, 426 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: fighting the good fight, being excellent and great and being 427 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: you know, these phenomenal role models. Um, God knows when 428 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,639 Speaker 1: the work is done, and their soul knows when the 429 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 1: work is done. Right. So I started crying because I 430 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 1: was saying, if I really stand in my purpose, if 431 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 1: I really give myself in the way that I believe 432 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 1: I'm called to, I might finish, you know, all the 433 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,159 Speaker 1: lessons I needed to learn, or I might wrap up 434 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 1: my karma, and then I'll die. And I don't want 435 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,879 Speaker 1: to die yet. I'm not ready. I want to raise 436 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: my son. And then that turned into me breaking down 437 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: crying about how much I love my son and how 438 00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 1: much that love has actually terrified me of moments, um, 439 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: because I love him more than I love my own life, 440 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,760 Speaker 1: you know, um, the love I feel for him is 441 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: not really definable. It fills me, it fuels me. And 442 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,359 Speaker 1: so then this fear developed that I want to live 443 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: for no other reason, forever, for as long as I can, 444 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 1: so that I can love him. So I say all 445 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 1: that to say I had stood up and I shared 446 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 1: those things, and I was I kind of looked a 447 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,880 Speaker 1: little ridiculous. I mean, I was just ugly crying at 448 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,239 Speaker 1: that point, just bawling in front of this room of 449 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: like a hundred and fifty people. And I remember the 450 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,159 Speaker 1: professor said to me, you know, he said, when you 451 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: reach a certain point in your spiritual development and in 452 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 1: your growth, there is nothing left but for you to 453 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 1: feel a constant, on bearable compassion for the world. And 454 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:51,880 Speaker 1: those two words together, unbearable compassion. I had to really 455 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,200 Speaker 1: sit in that. It was such a experience to hear 456 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 1: the wording of that, and that is how I feel. 457 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: And I think when you're an impact, that's really how 458 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 1: you field to. You know, the compassion that you have 459 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 1: for people, it almost feels like it's going to kill you, 460 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 1: to be quite honest, it feels unbearable how much love 461 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: you have for others and how much love you have 462 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: for the world. But him saying that also let me 463 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 1: kind of feel like, all right, I'm on the right track. 464 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,800 Speaker 1: I'm at least showing up. I believe as who God 465 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 1: wants me to be in this moment, you know. And 466 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 1: I think another thing that I've really been working through 467 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 1: in my mind when it comes to my thoughts on 468 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 1: God are I've always found religion to be restrictive. I've 469 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 1: always found a lot of the ways in which religion 470 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,720 Speaker 1: is showcased or used in a mainstream way to be 471 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: one that does not really share tangible tools of growth 472 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 1: and healing. It's kind of one that's like, keeps showing 473 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,359 Speaker 1: up and we'll fill you up. That didn't want you 474 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: to know that God can speak to you directly to 475 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 1: you know, God doesn't have to have a middleman. He'll 476 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,719 Speaker 1: talk directly to you too. But you have to be open, 477 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 1: and you have to do the work, you know, and 478 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 1: you have to want to heal and grow and change 479 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 1: and be christ Like and and serve. Um. So when 480 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: I was thinking about when I was doing a lot 481 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 1: of my thinking about God, um, I actually expanded on 482 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: that thought of what kind of what role I think 483 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 1: religion can be in a limiting way, and it really 484 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: boils down to this, I don't think that the Bible 485 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 1: is big enough to truly capture the fullness of who 486 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: God is. So I want to say that in a 487 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,640 Speaker 1: way that I am in no way really like criticizing 488 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,560 Speaker 1: the Bible or saying that you shouldn't read it. I 489 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: think the Bible is a tremendous, tremendously valuable and impactful tool. 490 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: But I think because the Bible was written by man, 491 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:50,800 Speaker 1: and written by so many men over centuries um and 492 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: very often times for their own political gain, and also 493 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,560 Speaker 1: in a way that does marginalize women some, I don't 494 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 1: think that it could ever be big enough to after 495 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: the fullness of who God is. God is bigger than 496 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: your religion. God is bigger than the Bible. God is 497 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 1: bigger than any ancient script. God is God, and so 498 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: I believe that it's imperative that we are constantly exploring 499 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: our relationship to Him and constantly exploring the way He 500 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: moves in the world and the world that he created, 501 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: and we're constantly seeking to translate different understandings and different 502 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: roads to the truth. You know, I think that too 503 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 1: often we project quite a bit onto God the way 504 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,959 Speaker 1: we view ourselves and the way that we experience the world, 505 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 1: and that's not God. I think that's why too. You know, 506 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 1: the different versions of the Bible, or if you ask 507 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 1: people to all say something different about who God is 508 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 1: or what he stands for, because it's based on what 509 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 1: their life experience has been. Our parents were our first God. 510 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,320 Speaker 1: That was our first entry point to God. So depending 511 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 1: on your relationship with your parents or what your childhood 512 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: looked and felt like, how you view God's role in 513 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 1: your life will be different. And I think that's worthy 514 00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 1: of exploration for all of us, no matter what your 515 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: upbringing was. I don't think of God as being a man, 516 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 1: or being a woman, or having a sex. I don't 517 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 1: think of God is having traits of man. You know, 518 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: when when they say in scripture that we are created 519 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: in his image, that image is very specifically love. Being 520 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: created in his image is not physical. Being created in 521 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:29,320 Speaker 1: his image means we are the living energy of love. 522 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,520 Speaker 1: We are the frequency of love. That's his image. And 523 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,840 Speaker 1: I know you know I've said this quite a bit. Um, 524 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: I broke this down I think in one of my videos. Um, 525 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,920 Speaker 1: I love this book called Conversations with God and you know, 526 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: as as with anything that you read um or any 527 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 1: of the tools that you use for your personal growth, 528 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: you take what resonates and you leave what doesn't, and 529 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 1: you revisit, and the definitions evolved. But this book is 530 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,959 Speaker 1: really interesting, it's really fascinating, and I'll never forget. One 531 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: of the pages towards the beginning of the book, the 532 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,680 Speaker 1: man who wrote the book is asking God, um, you know, 533 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 1: why why are we here? What is the point? Why 534 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: did you make man? And in the book God responds 535 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: to him and he said, because I longed to experience myself. 536 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 1: If you're just God up there in the universe, there's 537 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: no time and there's no context, so there's nothing for 538 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,760 Speaker 1: anything to be compared to good or bad. So if 539 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: he creates man, and he sends all these chunks of 540 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 1: himself onto earth and throws them into these bags of bones, 541 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:40,080 Speaker 1: these these shells, he has the opportunity to experience himself 542 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:46,040 Speaker 1: and to understand opposites of things, understanding motion, have expansive 543 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,840 Speaker 1: expression that helped me feel closer to my faith, you know, 544 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 1: the idea that we are really just these chunks and 545 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: bits of pieces of pure energetic love trying to experience 546 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,760 Speaker 1: ourselves and to have any experience, and you have to 547 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: have something to compare it to, you know, and that 548 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 1: is the flow of life. That is why we have challenges. 549 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,200 Speaker 1: That is why there are these you know, perceived ups 550 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: and downs and perceived rights and wrongs, because if we 551 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 1: didn't have them, what would our experience actually be shaped 552 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: by and what would be the point? Those are my 553 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 1: thoughts on that. We'll get back to our regularly scheduled 554 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,280 Speaker 1: program in the next couple of weeks. I have a 555 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 1: really awesome interview lined up, lots of thoughts to share, 556 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 1: but I wanted to pop up before I officially came 557 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,640 Speaker 1: back with this episode because I just needed to get 558 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,160 Speaker 1: some of these thoughts out. These are the conversations that 559 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 1: I have with myself in my own head. So it 560 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,480 Speaker 1: was a little all over the place. Well, now you 561 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: know a little bit more about your girl, I wanted 562 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: to share two with you. I want to talk about grief, 563 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: just for these last couple of minutes before we close 564 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 1: out this episode. So I have a post on my Instagram. 565 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,520 Speaker 1: It is probably somewhere in the last ten posts the 566 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: images of me with a stick of Polo Santo and 567 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 1: I'm aging excuse me smudging and in that post in 568 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: the caption I give a lot of tips for navigating grief. 569 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 1: I want to share that for me personally, what I 570 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,680 Speaker 1: have figured out for myself, specifically with the passing of 571 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 1: my friend who I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, 572 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 1: who was murdered when I was eighteen. He was one 573 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 1: of my best friends, one of the most phenomenal people 574 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: in the world, just such a huge, open heart, amazing 575 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: sense of humor, one of the most supportive friends I've 576 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,560 Speaker 1: ever had in my life, and it's never quite been duplicated. 577 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:38,160 Speaker 1: He was so truly, deeply, deeply special to my heart. 578 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 1: Something I realized when I was thinking a lot about 579 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: Kobe and Nipsey this week was the fact that the 580 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,360 Speaker 1: grief never leaves you know, and I know anyone listening 581 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 1: to the show that has lost someone that meant a 582 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 1: lot to them, you have come to find, especially if 583 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: you do continue to try to grow through it, that 584 00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: grief never leaves you, but it does transform, transforms you, 585 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 1: and it itself also transforms into different feelings. You know. 586 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,280 Speaker 1: When I was feeling like really defeated with Kobe's passing, 587 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,840 Speaker 1: and as I shared um in other episodes, when Nipsey passed, 588 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,239 Speaker 1: I felt really depressed for quite a while, and I 589 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:20,880 Speaker 1: realized that it doesn't necessarily change, but you can change 590 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 1: your perception of what it feels like, and you can 591 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: change the way you use those feelings, because the fact 592 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:31,360 Speaker 1: of the matter is, my friend Dwayne passed. Perhaps um, 593 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: I think it was seventeen years ago now, and there 594 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 1: is not a day of my life that has gone 595 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 1: by that I haven't thought about him. And he is 596 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,800 Speaker 1: buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery, which if you're in l A, 597 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 1: you know that that is right off the one thirty 598 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 1: four freeway. And there is not one time that I've 599 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 1: driven past that freeway that I have not cried. And 600 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,879 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm on that freeway several days a week, and 601 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 1: what I do is I just take a moment to 602 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: feel it because I miss him and miss him and 603 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,400 Speaker 1: I wanted to know who he'd be. I was eighteen, 604 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,680 Speaker 1: he was twenty, and his life was taken and there 605 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 1: was never justice for his life being taken. And it's 606 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 1: okay that it still hurts, and it's okay to also 607 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 1: think that he is in a better place. And I 608 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: do very very much experience him in my life. On 609 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,560 Speaker 1: a daily basis looking out for me as one of 610 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 1: my angels and one of my guides. But it's okay 611 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: to still hurt, and so I do cry a couple 612 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,319 Speaker 1: of times a week about him. You know, Sometimes I 613 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 1: cry maybe just sixty seconds, my eyes will water up 614 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 1: and I'll be able to move forward. And sometimes I 615 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 1: might cry for fifteen minutes, thirty minutes. You know, I 616 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,600 Speaker 1: always think of him, and that doesn't change. But the 617 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,759 Speaker 1: way that you hold onto the hurt changes, you know. 618 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: I think when you get to a point in your 619 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 1: growth and in your grief, you can feel the feelings, 620 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,879 Speaker 1: but let them pass through you. Like you're kind of 621 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: like your heart is an open window. Things can freely 622 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:50,880 Speaker 1: come in and go out, but you still got to 623 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 1: let him pass. I wanted to share in closing um. 624 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,480 Speaker 1: It just came across this book, and I think some 625 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,319 Speaker 1: of you guys might really like it. Me and my 626 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: partner and amazing friend and Nicole Garcia, we're looking for 627 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 1: office space. We're thinking about expanding. I'm considering getting a 628 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 1: Karma Blist storefront um and doing some wall less work 629 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 1: out of it, and also an office space for us 630 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: to create. And so I have this vision for getting 631 00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 1: this off in space and the Topanga Canyons, which is 632 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,359 Speaker 1: like these this little like mountainous terrain that is in 633 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:24,000 Speaker 1: between Malibu and the valley like Woodland Hills and Malibu 634 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:28,239 Speaker 1: if you're familiar, and it's it's really this very interesting, eclectic, 635 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: hippie space, uh where it seems like you're in another 636 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: country or at least the middle of the US. Like 637 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,440 Speaker 1: it's just it's a special kind of bizarre little area, 638 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 1: but I love it. So there's a lot of like 639 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,520 Speaker 1: spiritual stores in that area, and we happened to like 640 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 1: pull over. We were checking out a building and we 641 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 1: wandered into this tiny, tiny store. The store was like 642 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: as big as my bathroom was so small, and they 643 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 1: had this stack of books. And there's this author. Her 644 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 1: name is Pixie Lighthorse. She's on Instagram Pixie Lighthorse, and 645 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,880 Speaker 1: she has books of prayers about all different kind of things. 646 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,200 Speaker 1: And this is actually um I found this maybe a 647 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,919 Speaker 1: week before Kobe passed, and I don't know what made 648 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,040 Speaker 1: me pick it up, but I did. This book in 649 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: particular is called Prayers of Honoring Grief, and the second 650 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,400 Speaker 1: I opened it, I about fell over. Um so I 651 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,600 Speaker 1: wanted to share with you two of her prayers, and 652 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:22,919 Speaker 1: I really want to encourage you guys to check out 653 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: not just this book, Prayers of Honoring Grief by Pixie Lighthorse, 654 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,320 Speaker 1: Let's also see um some of the other incredible books 655 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:36,480 Speaker 1: of really powerful mantra based prayers, affirmation based prayers that 656 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,520 Speaker 1: she creates in her heart and mind and she writes 657 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,120 Speaker 1: out and shares. So I would really love um if 658 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:44,360 Speaker 1: you take a second to honor her work check her 659 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,480 Speaker 1: out on Instagram. I do not know her, this is 660 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 1: not necessarily a personal co sign um, but the limited 661 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 1: knowledge I have of her through her books, I think 662 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 1: that she is a phenomenal pillar of light. So this 663 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,280 Speaker 1: prayer that she has in her book, it's in Prayers 664 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:02,880 Speaker 1: of Honoring Grief, page nine. It's called Honoring Confusion, and 665 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,920 Speaker 1: I would love to read it for you. Thank you 666 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 1: for this day of circling the drain. I don't understand 667 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,239 Speaker 1: what has been presented to me. Release my fixation on 668 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,600 Speaker 1: finding the gift in it. Tenderize my refusal of what 669 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: is in front of me. Tune me into my legs 670 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: when my heels dig in, so that I noticed the 671 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,520 Speaker 1: domineering pressure of my resistance. Help me admit what I 672 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: am likely to deny. Remind me that denial is a 673 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: critical part of the healing process when I fight what 674 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,360 Speaker 1: I'm being shown. Let me honor that it is natural 675 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:39,440 Speaker 1: to spin in the beginning when nothing makes sense. Dissolve 676 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 1: the haze of fury and help me be patient as 677 00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 1: a puzzle comes together over time. Show me the events 678 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,920 Speaker 1: and feelings that have led me into this unwanted cyclone. 679 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,840 Speaker 1: Show me my part. Show me where I am blaming. 680 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: Release the shame that I didn't or couldn't make a 681 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,200 Speaker 1: choice that would have made a difference. Let me gently 682 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 1: await clear which is sure to come. Still my mind 683 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 1: and calm my overprotective heart. Pause my spinning gears when 684 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:10,800 Speaker 1: trying to reverse what I cannot change. Let me slowly 685 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,440 Speaker 1: ponder the riddle and let the solving come later. Place 686 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: my hands in my lap, sent me down when I spiral, 687 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,839 Speaker 1: and help me care for myself. Show me your guiding light. 688 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,880 Speaker 1: Help me create the space I need to take the 689 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,319 Speaker 1: next step, knowing I can break down the logistics later. 690 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,080 Speaker 1: For now, just let me inhale and exhale my way 691 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,160 Speaker 1: through each moment. Teach me to keep breathing through the 692 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:39,080 Speaker 1: shock of disbelief. Receive my fists when they take to 693 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,080 Speaker 1: the air. Let me struggle and strain until I go 694 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,960 Speaker 1: limp with surrender while waiting for a fresher awakening. Let 695 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 1: me comprehend the lengths I am willing to go. That 696 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:55,319 Speaker 1: one was called Prayer of honoring Confusion, and as I'm 697 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,880 Speaker 1: sure you heard, that could be applied to so many 698 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,920 Speaker 1: things that have nothing to do with physical death, um, 699 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,680 Speaker 1: but maybe have everything to do with new chapters and 700 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,920 Speaker 1: disappointments and personal deaths, spiritual deaths. This last one that 701 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:11,919 Speaker 1: I'm gonna read for you, guys, thank you so much 702 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,359 Speaker 1: for hanging on through this, because I think that these 703 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,399 Speaker 1: words can really bless you. This last piece that I'm 704 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:21,239 Speaker 1: reading for you is called honoring Loss of a loved One. 705 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,640 Speaker 1: So this poem specifically, I think is really helpful for 706 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,560 Speaker 1: anybody navigating grief over the death of a law of 707 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 1: a loved one, and perhaps even grief over the death 708 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,399 Speaker 1: of Kobe, if that is what you're experiencing right now 709 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,000 Speaker 1: like many of us. So again, the author's name is 710 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,440 Speaker 1: Pixie Lighthorse. She is on Instagram. This is her book, 711 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 1: Prayers of Honoring grief. This last prayer is called honoring 712 00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,760 Speaker 1: loss of a loved one. Thank you for this day 713 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:55,239 Speaker 1: of profound mourning. Shroud me in the gloomy garments of brievement, 714 00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: trape me in a grain shawl of longing for the 715 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,919 Speaker 1: one who no longer or resides in this world. Make 716 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,919 Speaker 1: my spirit aware of the transmissions that take place when 717 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:09,080 Speaker 1: an earth body becomes light. Help me to honor my 718 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,799 Speaker 1: person and what they meant to me. Let me look 719 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 1: as shabby as I feel, releasing concerns of what others 720 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: may think of me. Help me embody the darkness I 721 00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,279 Speaker 1: feel over what has been lost. Show me how to 722 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,520 Speaker 1: make a ceremony for this occasion. Help me be present 723 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,279 Speaker 1: for these feelings in a way that is healing for me. 724 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,560 Speaker 1: Remind me that it is natural for one big blow 725 00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:35,000 Speaker 1: to unleash the hoarded sufferings of my past. Point me 726 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,160 Speaker 1: to demonstrations of how my people grieved their beloves for 727 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:42,200 Speaker 1: centuries before. Now. Show me what I can do for 728 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,040 Speaker 1: my familiars. March me to the mounded graves. Let me 729 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 1: make the sacred sounds of this great misery I carry 730 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,439 Speaker 1: blood curdling and guttural. Help me release my fears about 731 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:57,000 Speaker 1: future losses. But let me cling to loving life while 732 00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,160 Speaker 1: I am living it. Find me uncrippled by mistrust most 733 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 1: of nature's divine processes of reclaiming, but designate ample space 734 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:08,120 Speaker 1: to churn with agitation. When I've lost one I love, 735 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,320 Speaker 1: and I'm on my knees. Let me place my agonies 736 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 1: at your altar in the woods. Send in the winds 737 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,319 Speaker 1: to flurry my distress towards the source. Let me hold 738 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,319 Speaker 1: precious the memory of those who have crossed over by 739 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,760 Speaker 1: letting them be part of me. Ferry my house across 740 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,640 Speaker 1: the seas to connect with all those who are aching 741 00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:31,920 Speaker 1: with loss. Here are sorrowful voices mingling in one powerful 742 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: wailing song. Let the stars absorb my lamentations. Tonight, God, 743 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 1: I thought that was so beautiful. I hope that that 744 00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,520 Speaker 1: um blessed anybody listening, anyone that needed to hear either 745 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,120 Speaker 1: of those things. Pixie Lighthorses, author Prayers of Honor and 746 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 1: Grief is the book. Thank you guys for listening. If 747 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,279 Speaker 1: you get a chance, please take a second from your 748 00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:57,400 Speaker 1: day to go into the iTunes podcasts and give me 749 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:01,040 Speaker 1: a rating five stars, Please five stars. Leave a couple 750 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,279 Speaker 1: of lines um it means a lot to me, and 751 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:06,160 Speaker 1: I appreciate all the hundreds of the ones that people 752 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,279 Speaker 1: have done thus far. I do not take lightly that 753 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,879 Speaker 1: you're allowing me into your head to spend some time 754 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,480 Speaker 1: with you for the precious moments that you have in 755 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:17,600 Speaker 1: your day. I appreciate you. I'm grateful. All right, guys, 756 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:22,759 Speaker 1: I love you. Thank you, stay open, piece big. Thank 757 00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,800 Speaker 1: you for listening to this episode of The Dropping Gym's podcast. 758 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 1: This show is executive produced by Adrian Scott and me 759 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,839 Speaker 1: Debbie Brown. Our theme music was created by producer Day 760 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:34,600 Speaker 1: One and the poem that you heard at the beginning 761 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 1: of the show, well that was created especially for us 762 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 1: by award winning poet and I'm the oca for If 763 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,560 Speaker 1: you have a quick moment right now, please hit subscribe 764 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:44,279 Speaker 1: on the show, and if you like what you heard, 765 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,520 Speaker 1: take it a step further and give us a five 766 00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,160 Speaker 1: star rating. Soil next time you connect with me on 767 00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,319 Speaker 1: I g at Debbie Brown or my website Debbie Brown 768 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:53,720 Speaker 1: dot com, be blessed.