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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 1: two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two

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Speaker 1: more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we

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Speaker 1: got some ads coming up. Just stick around. Stick around.

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Speaker 2: My husband has been ignoring me but giving my mother

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Speaker 2: his full attention.

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Speaker 1: Is he married to your mom? Didn't think so.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he struggles to listen to me at all, but

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Speaker 2: when my mother in here are together, it's like I

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Speaker 2: don't exist.

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Speaker 1: Immediate red flag. Yes, we struggles to listen to you

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Speaker 1: at all. Yeah, already he lost me there?

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Speaker 2: What This has been an issue ever since he was

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Speaker 2: first around her. She's very talkative and tends to talk

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Speaker 2: people's ears off. For whatever reason, She's zoned in on him,

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Speaker 2: speaking more to him than she ever has to me.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from professional stick three six

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Speaker 2: y three And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 2: just go to the our slash Okay Storytime suppreddit's easy peasy.

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Speaker 2: So he would get irritated by it, or so he claimed,

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Speaker 2: but he would still engage, he said he did so

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Speaker 2: because she would get upset if he didn't, which was

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Speaker 2: and is still true. When he spoke to me for

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Speaker 2: just a minute, she said that she was being ignored.

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Speaker 2: I would get upset because I didn't speak much and

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Speaker 2: most of what I was saying was important. I felt

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Speaker 2: like he couldn't tell her to hold on and prioritize

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Speaker 2: what I was saying. I tried to ask him if

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Speaker 2: he wanted me to order him something for dinner.

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Speaker 1: One time.

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Speaker 2: I was running out of time to order and he

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Speaker 2: kept looking over and then looking back at her. He

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Speaker 2: snapped that he couldn't talk to both of us at

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Speaker 2: the same time. I said, I felt like he was

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Speaker 2: ignoring me. I was already upset over other things that

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Speaker 2: had happened that day. When we got back to where

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Speaker 2: we were saying, I asked if I could talk to

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Speaker 2: him about it, doing so calmly, as he always said

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Speaker 2: that I didn't do that and that this was why

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Speaker 2: it led.

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Speaker 1: To an argument. I don't like this guy.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I really don't like this guy, saying like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you never do it calmly, starting an argument like with

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Speaker 2: this man like I guess could be true sometimes, but

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Speaker 2: I don't know if he was not buy it from him,

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Speaker 2: feels off well. Within seconds of me asking, he was

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Speaker 2: yelling at me, punting things and threatening divorce.

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Speaker 1: Divorce this man, Yeah, just do it literally first sentence,

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Speaker 1: divorce him. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We're like, we're on slide twelve out of fifty eight

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Speaker 2: in this story divorce. We're already so against this man.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing redeemable. I don't like him. When we were

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Speaker 2: last here, I didn't say much as usual, and whenever

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Speaker 2: I did, he would get frustrated. He would say that

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Speaker 2: he was overstimulated and couldn't talk to both of us

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Speaker 2: at the same time, that he needed to be left alone.

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Speaker 2: He's done the same on this current trip. Though I

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Speaker 2: am not the one causing his overstimulation, it seems he

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Speaker 2: takes it out on me anyway. I struggle to believe

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Speaker 2: he's experiencing it, because a while back he said he

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Speaker 2: was and that he had an headache, but then.

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Speaker 1: Immediately went back to speaking and joking with her.

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Speaker 2: When I got upset and said that I felt like

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Speaker 2: he was unfairly taking it out on me, that I

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Speaker 2: wasn't doing anything wrong, he acted like I didn't understand

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Speaker 2: his overstimulation. He refused to listen to me or acknowledge

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Speaker 2: what I was saying. When I said he gives most

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Speaker 2: of his attention to my mother, he said, can I

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Speaker 2: not choose how and who I want to interact with,

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Speaker 2: which would mean he is actively ignoring me. The crazy

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Speaker 2: thing is that he's a hypocrite as always every single sentence.

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Speaker 1: You don't like your husband. You literally don't like your husband,

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Speaker 1: and you shouldn't. I don't like your I don't like

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Speaker 1: your husband. But you don't like your husband, So why

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Speaker 1: are you with your husband? He sounds incredibly emotionally manipulative. Yeah, oh,

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Speaker 1: can I not choose always spend time with? Sure you

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Speaker 1: can choose, but why are you with a person that

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Speaker 1: you don't want to spend time with? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: It's always the people that are like, if you bring

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Speaker 2: up an issue, they immediately feel bit back on you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: It was days later that I snapped and told him

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Speaker 2: to hold on when she was speaking to me, overwhelming

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Speaker 2: me in the process. He told me not to say that,

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Speaker 2: not to take it out on him, and that it

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Speaker 2: was her bothering me.

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Speaker 1: This is literally what she told you, sir.

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Speaker 2: And that's the thing about people like this is that

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Speaker 2: since you've used this argument against them, they know how

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Speaker 2: much it means to you, and actually, like you know,

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Speaker 2: holds like value or wait, yeah for you, and so

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Speaker 2: then they know that that's gonna get you, and then

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Speaker 2: you're gonna be like, yeah, he said this twice, the

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Speaker 2: only times that I've done it. When I said he

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Speaker 2: was a hypocrite and asked why he couldn't acknowledge it

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Speaker 2: or apologize when I said it, he said that he

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Speaker 2: was sorry. Who knows, Maybe he was only saying it

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Speaker 2: because I had Either way, I don't like it every day.

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Speaker 2: It's the same thing whenever she's around when we all

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Speaker 2: go out together. I can only speak to him when

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Speaker 2: she's out of the car. Otherwise she will speak over

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Speaker 2: me or seem to get bothered that his attention isn't

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Speaker 2: on her. Dude, you need't leave your mom. Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: gotta talk to your mom about this too. Yeah, Like honestly,

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Speaker 2: just like, why are you still there? We gotta get

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Speaker 2: out of there tonight. We got dinner to cook it home.

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Speaker 2: When we got back, they were talking in the kitchen.

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Speaker 2: I asked if I could put the chicken out. I

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Speaker 2: had to keep asking, with him only responding after she

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Speaker 2: left and blaming his not listening on the fact that

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Speaker 2: she was talking to him. He was going to put

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Speaker 2: the rice on and asked where the pants were. She

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Speaker 2: had just shown me, so I told him. He didn't

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Speaker 2: take in what I was saying and called for her.

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Speaker 2: I left the kitchen and when I came back, the

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Speaker 2: rice was on. She was standing right in front of it.

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Speaker 2: Now this is an issue because she he spits when

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Speaker 2: she talks. It's something that bothers both of us. When

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Speaker 2: we go out to eat. I cover my food dank.

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Speaker 2: Last time we ate out, he got spit on. Now

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Speaker 2: he is reluctant to go out to eat because of it.

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Speaker 2: He would know that I wouldn't want her in front

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Speaker 2: of the food. When I commented on her being near it,

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Speaker 2: he said that she wasn't that close. I started stirring

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Speaker 2: the rice, which unknownst to me, had only been on

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Speaker 2: for a few minutes. Because I didn't know that, I

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Speaker 2: was confused as to why I wasn't getting hot. I

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Speaker 2: kept asking him, and it took several times for him

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Speaker 2: to say that it hadn't been long.

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Speaker 1: Dude, this is like if I was in as someone

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Speaker 1: who does get over stimulated, if I was in this space,

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Speaker 1: I would have her breakdown. Yeah, I'm just imagining this.

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Speaker 1: So you have you have oh P's mom who's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just spitting, and then OP He's like, hey, is

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Speaker 1: the rice on? Why isn't the rice getting hot? Why

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Speaker 1: isn't the rice getting hot? And then the husband is

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Speaker 1: like ignoring and talking to the mom and being like

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Speaker 1: blah blahlah blah blah. And then he's just like and

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Speaker 1: she's like, why isn't the rice cain. I'm a god,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'd have a breakdown. Yeah I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine being in a room with all three

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Speaker 1: of these people. Oh my gosh, that sounds so like

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Speaker 1: my nightmare, so painful. When it did get hot, I

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Speaker 1: started to smell something strange.

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Speaker 2: I was under the assumption it was a gas stove

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Speaker 2: and asked if it was gas something I again had

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Speaker 2: to ask more than once. It then started to smoke

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Speaker 2: and I asked him to turn it down. He didn't

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Speaker 2: listen to me, though I asked more than once. The

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Speaker 2: smoke alarm went off because of it.

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Speaker 1: What the rick this is due? If there was no

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Speaker 1: active fire, would you be like, hey, honey, there's an

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Speaker 1: active fire. We just not ignored you. We just ignored you.

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Speaker 2: The smoke alarm would have to be like ten times

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Speaker 2: like whoa, and.

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Speaker 1: It'll be like like.

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Speaker 2: I mentioned that Trump left the World Health Organization and

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Speaker 2: he responded to that. I tried to say more, but

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Speaker 2: before I knew it, they were in a debate and

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Speaker 2: everything I was saying was being ignored.

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Speaker 1: Again.

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Speaker 2: I asked for help again and he didn't respond.

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Speaker 1: What a shocker. This man doesn't like you. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: asked more than one, and.

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Speaker 2: He threw his head back through all his eyes, which

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Speaker 2: I thought was at me. When he came back and

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Speaker 2: started trying to help, I told him not that he

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Speaker 2: didn't want to help before he asked if he should

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Speaker 2: go away then, and I said, yes, good job. I

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Speaker 2: can't remember everything I said, by the gist of it

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Speaker 2: was that I was being ignored as I always am,

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Speaker 2: and I'm fed up with I said I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to be out with them, that I didn't want the food,

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Speaker 2: and that I was.

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Speaker 1: Going to order something.

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Speaker 2: He called me a prick and I left, good on,

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Speaker 2: you get out of there, but like, also, please get

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Speaker 2: out of the relationship. Absolutely. He came into the room

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Speaker 2: and told me to come out. I reacted angrily, insulted

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Speaker 2: him a bit and told him I was done being

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Speaker 2: ignored by him. He acted like I was overreacting, like

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Speaker 2: I had no reason to be upset. He said that

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Speaker 2: he had listened to me. This isn't just a one

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Speaker 2: off instance, but something that happens every day. He seems

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Speaker 2: to listen to everyone but me, including my mother, who

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Speaker 2: primarily goes on about herself constantly and doesn't take in

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Speaker 2: most of what he or anyone else says. He acts

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Speaker 2: annoyed by it sometimes, but then engages with it and

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Speaker 2: encourages her to keep going. Right now, he's in the

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Speaker 2: living room and she's going on and on about herself,

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Speaker 2: about her life. He's not saying much, but he's asking

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Speaker 2: questions that would keep it going. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: he's taking in what she's saying, but if it were

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Speaker 2: me talking to him like that, he wouldn't even be responding.

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Speaker 2: I can't even ask him a question. And he's also

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Speaker 2: studying away to become a counselor, so he's going to

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Speaker 2: not only listen to strangers, but also listen to their problems.

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Speaker 2: And you know what you could listen to is full

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Speaker 2: episodes with more stories just like this one. Just go

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Speaker 2: to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever your favorite podcast app

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Speaker 2: is and search. Okay, storytime, you could always listen to it,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, there's a little bit more.

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Speaker 1: But how how hot is the fire in you right now?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm enraged, I'm but also I'm a little bit

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Speaker 1: annoyed o pee honestly, Yeah, for the insulting and stuff. No,

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Speaker 1: just like just like being in a situation where you're like,

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Speaker 1: like talking to someone who just literally doesn't talk back,

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Speaker 1: like you're talking to a statue. Why are we married

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Speaker 1: to a statue? Yeah, I mean I totally understand that

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Speaker 1: it's really hard to be in that situation and yeah,

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Speaker 1: not to get out and being like ah, and then

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Speaker 1: your mom is also seemingly on his side too, or

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Speaker 1: at least doesn't really see what the situation is. Right.

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Speaker 2: I am glad that OPI is aware of what's happening. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: weare enough of being like I am being ignored, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and it's like doing something about it, because I think

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Speaker 2: in a lot of situations, it's very easy for the

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Speaker 2: one being ignored is to just be.

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Speaker 1: Like, Okay, you're right, you're right. It's like no take action. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she is thank goodness for it. But I also think,

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Speaker 1: like I think of my steps that i'd give. One,

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Speaker 1: you need to start this divorce process, honestly, yeah, right away,

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Speaker 1: just like it's not even like something that you could

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Speaker 1: talk through because he's not willing to even talk to you.

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Speaker 1: And two, maybe we need to limit the amount of

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Speaker 1: time we're spending around mom because she also seems like

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Speaker 1: an issue. Yeah, why like do they live with her

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Speaker 1: or something? Why are you around her so much?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like always annoyed by her. Yeah, then also

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Speaker 2: are always getting food with her? And yeah, it seems

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Speaker 2: like she guys kind of hate her. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: I really hate the husband. I think that like even

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Speaker 2: if he woul right, and even if he like I

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Speaker 2: don't know, didn't hear, which we know is not true, Like, uh,

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Speaker 2: even if he was overstimulated or something like that, if

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Speaker 2: she's upset about it, his reaction should not be to

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Speaker 2: just belittle it. Yeah, immediately belittling and like discounting her emotions.

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Speaker 2: You know, they can like have a conversation about it,

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Speaker 2: you know. But I mean that's also something that he's

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Speaker 2: doing wrong. On top of being a hypocrite and like

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Speaker 2: making it clear that he can hear her.

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Speaker 1: Yep is making up all these excuses. There is a

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Speaker 1: little bit more.

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Speaker 2: He's done other things, like walking ahead of me with

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Speaker 2: her when going into stores a while back. He saw

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Speaker 2: that I was still at the car, but kept going.

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Speaker 2: When we are in public, he goes off with her

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Speaker 2: or responds to her whenever she speaks to him, even

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Speaker 2: when I'm already trying to talk to him. Sometimes I

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Speaker 2: feel like he's married to her. Sometimes I think he's

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Speaker 2: doing it on purpose to make me feel like I

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Speaker 2: don't matter, because a lot of the time I think

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Speaker 2: he actually doesn't like her, that maybe he's just trying

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Speaker 2: to make a good impression. I have no idea, but

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's normal. And there are some comments coming.

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Speaker 2: Number one says, no, but I think your mother is

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Speaker 2: around you guys too much. It sounds like an extremely

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Speaker 2: frequent occurrence. Have you tried taking space from her? Ohpi responds,

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Speaker 2: she is, as we are staying with her on this trip.

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Speaker 2: Don't on a trip that literally like go get a

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Speaker 2: new place, you stay a place, grab get a new hotel.

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Speaker 1: Not that she wasn't all the times of before.

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Speaker 2: Even when she's out of the equation, he struggles to

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Speaker 2: listen to me. And also, I don't think it's my

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Speaker 2: mother's stopping him from doing so.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so either. He has his own problem,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think I also think that your mom's

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Speaker 1: a problem. Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I do, however, think it's making everything worse. We have

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Speaker 2: gotten some days to ourselves, but not fully and that's it.

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Speaker 1: Wow. So yeah, I think it's.

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Speaker 2: Obviously the husband's and the mom has her own problems,

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Speaker 2: and so all of it coming together is like the

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Speaker 2: perfect storm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my partner is neglecting his nephew. It's ruining our relationship,

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Speaker 1: not the nephew anyone else. Four years ago I met

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Speaker 1: Bob forty Mail. Bob had recently become the guardian of

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Speaker 1: his nephew Ben after the past of Ben's parents in

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Speaker 1: a car accident. Ben is the same age as my

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Speaker 1: son Jason, eleven at the time, not fifteen. By the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Unique Emergency thirty four or zero seven.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 1: to our slash ok storytime supparate it. So at first

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Speaker 1: it seemed perfect. I was over the moon at finding

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Speaker 1: a man who was not put off by the prospect

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Speaker 1: of taking on as soon to be teenage step son.

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Speaker 1: Jason's father is not in the picture. Despite having very

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Speaker 1: different personalities, the boys got along from the beginning, so

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Speaker 1: Bob and Ben moved into my house within less than

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Speaker 1: a year. Ben was always a quieter, more creative kid,

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Speaker 1: whereas Jason is more athletic and boisterous. From the start,

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Speaker 1: I got the sense that Bob understood Jason's way of

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Speaker 1: being more than he did Ben's. At first, he would

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Speaker 1: take them both to sports games, but Ben obviously had

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Speaker 1: no interest, so pretty soon he just took Jason. At

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Speaker 1: the time, it seemed like a natural choice. Ben was

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Speaker 1: bored at the games, and Jason honestly reveled in having

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Speaker 1: all of Bob's attention. After that, things started unraveling. As

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Speaker 1: they grew older. The differences between the boys became more

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Speaker 1: obvious their choices of clothing, hairstyle, friends, He was at cobbies,

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Speaker 1: et cetera, and so did Bob's preference. He started making

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Speaker 1: little comments comparing them and encouraging Ben to be more

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Speaker 1: like Jason. No Ah, stop man is the thief of joy.

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Speaker 1: Stop stop eating my joy. At first, it seemed like

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Speaker 1: he was trying to be healthful thinking Jason's way of

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Speaker 1: being was healthier. He's more outgoing as a more active

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Speaker 1: social life, because that's what he remembered from his own

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Speaker 1: experience that after a while there was a clear sndness

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Speaker 1: which was impossible not to hear. My son has always

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Speaker 1: had a strong protective streak and a sense of fairness.

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Speaker 1: Despite their differences in the late age they were introduced,

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Speaker 1: he and Ben are very close. Jason's reaction to Bob's

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Speaker 1: remarks favoring him was to take Ben's side. He stopped

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Speaker 1: going to games with Bob and for a while became

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Speaker 1: openly hostile on Ben's behalf. That stopped once he and

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Speaker 1: Bob had a major argument. Jason back down at that

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Speaker 1: point because he told me he realized that if he

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Speaker 1: kept making himself unpleasant, Bob and I might break up,

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Speaker 1: in which case Ben would have to leave too. Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot burden to put on a fifteen year old, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: or by younger at the time. Since then, with a

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Speaker 1: few exceptions, he has been coldly civil. Meanwhile, Bob has

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Speaker 1: come to believe Ben is attract to the same gender

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Speaker 1: based on what I consider spurious evidence, not that it

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Speaker 1: matters to me whether he is or not. You wanted

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Speaker 1: to send him to a military style reform school, and

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Speaker 1: when I Vito that his behavior towards Ben escalated to

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Speaker 1: subtle kind of downright nastiness. Needless to say, all of

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Speaker 1: the above strain Ben in my relationship to the breaking point,

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Speaker 1: and then broke it. Seeing his ongoing behavior toward a

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Speaker 1: child who needs him, I can no longer look at

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Speaker 1: him with anything but disgust. The thought of him touching

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Speaker 1: me makes my skin crawl, and I desperately want him

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Speaker 1: out of my house or not married, and it's still

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Speaker 1: in my soul name, thank god. But now I have

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Speaker 1: the same problem Jason was worried about. If I end

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Speaker 1: the relationship and punt Bob out, Ben will have to

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Speaker 1: go too, since legally I have no tie to him whatsoever.

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Speaker 1: He's fifteen now, and although he has borne everything by

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Speaker 1: stoically ignoring Bob, I can't in good conscience let that

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Speaker 1: man be solely responsible for him. For what it's worth,

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Speaker 1: I have always tried to stick up for Ben and

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Speaker 1: get Bob to see that there are many types of

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Speaker 1: boys the world, and that all of them are equally okay,

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Speaker 1: not to mention, I don't think Jason would ever forgive

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Speaker 1: me if I let Ben go. I would happily take

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Speaker 1: guardianship of Ben if I could. Even if Bob made

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Speaker 1: no financial contribution, we could manage if we cut back

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Speaker 1: on luxuries. My concern is that I am far from

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Speaker 1: sure Bob would agree, however he personally feels about Ben.

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Speaker 1: Ben is still as flesh and Bud, and Bob feels

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Speaker 1: strongly about that. To be honest, I think that's part

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Speaker 1: of the reason he resents Ben so much. Ben is

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Speaker 1: the last of the line and isn't turning out how

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Speaker 1: Bob thinks his family should be represented. If I were

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Speaker 1: to start a conversation along those lines and Bob refused

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Speaker 1: to allow Ben to stay, it would be incredibly difficult

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Speaker 1: to roll back. The idea of having to continue to

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Speaker 1: play his supportive wife to stop him from leaving on

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Speaker 1: his own accord for another two and a half years

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Speaker 1: until Ben turns eighteen. Sounds like a nightmare, but the

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Speaker 1: alternative is worse. What is the best way to manage

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Speaker 1: and get through this? And there is an update? Ooh,

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Speaker 1: that's a drigging. That's a drigga man.

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Speaker 2: Suddenly I feel very underqualified.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. My first thought, which might be totally impossible,

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Speaker 1: is like, can you adopt Ben because I know, like

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Speaker 1: when you're in because it seems like they're married. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so true. I'm like, you know, sometimes we're able to

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Speaker 1: do that as long as the kid.

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Speaker 2: Agrees, because this is all This isn't their kids, right,

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Speaker 2: this is the nephew nephew, so it's Bob's siblings kids.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I don't know how that would work, but

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Speaker 1: I wondered if you could look into that if.

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Speaker 2: I take a while, because I'm thinking toom, like, even

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Speaker 2: if she could stay in contact with yeah, it's Ben

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Speaker 2: right that we Yeah, if she could even stay in

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Speaker 2: contact with Ben. But if things go poorly in this divorce,

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Speaker 2: then you know, Bob probably would not like that very much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he might not let that happen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so oh man, that's hard. But also he's fifteen,

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Speaker 2: so maybe you know they can have some at least

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Speaker 2: some sort of communication. Yeah, that doesn't need to be known,

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Speaker 2: I mean hopefully, but uh, there is an update, so

387
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Speaker 2: maybe someone gave better advice.

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Speaker 1: Please. I posted about my family problem about a month

389
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Speaker 1: ago and was bowled over by the amount of kind

390
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Speaker 1: and extremely helpful comments I got. Someone requested an update,

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Speaker 1: so I'm posting now to tell you what's happened since

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Speaker 1: to be honest, it's also to unburden myself. The boys

393
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Speaker 1: are really sweet, but I obviously can't talk to them

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Speaker 1: about these things, and there aren't a lot of people

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Speaker 1: in my life I feel comfortable sharing all the details with.

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Speaker 1: I suppose I'm embarrassed. The week after my original post,

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Speaker 1: I met with a family lawyer I know to go

398
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,399
Speaker 1: over options. I actually wrote down the legal suggestions posted

399
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Speaker 1: here to discuss with her. Unfortunately, after going over each

400
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Speaker 1: one and several others in detail, we ought to conclude

401
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,120
Speaker 1: that while some might technically be feasible, they would either

402
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 1: take too long to be practical or require things from

403
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Speaker 1: Bob or Ben that, for various reasons, were not ideal.

404
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,880
Speaker 1: Following the meaning, I was mulling things over and decided

405
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Speaker 1: to take a long, hard look at our finances to

406
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Speaker 1: see what might be affordable. As a compromise, I considered

407
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Speaker 1: sending Ben to a good boarding school and paying tuition upfront,

408
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Speaker 1: so that if I left Bob it would be easier

409
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 1: and cheaper for him to leave Ben there rather than

410
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Speaker 1: move him to a different school. Smart anyway, I went

411
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Speaker 1: over our financial records with the fine tooth comb and

412
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Speaker 1: that's when I discovered Bob was cheating on me. Whoa

413
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Speaker 1: new issue. Ah, it's a new issue, and I'm unfortunately

414
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Speaker 1: not shocked because this fan seems terrible. Yeah, and I've

415
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Speaker 1: been for the entirety of our relationship. Bang man. It

416
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,359
Speaker 1: turns out that prior to Ben's parents passing, Bob had

417
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Speaker 1: been about to move in with another woman. This woman

418
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 1: didn't want kids, so when Bob was suddenly faced with

419
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Speaker 1: taking care of Ben or seeing him placed in foster care,

420
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Speaker 1: she made it clear she would not be involved. For

421
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,520
Speaker 1: the record, I can't say I blame her. I love

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Speaker 1: my boys with all my heart, but asking someone who

423
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 1: never wanted kids to parent a bereaved eleven year old

424
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 1: she has never met is not in anyone's best interest

425
00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,479
Speaker 1: in my opinion. When I confronted him about the affair,

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Speaker 1: he didn't even attempt to deny it. He seemed ashamed

427
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Speaker 1: good and just asked what happened next. I told him

428
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Speaker 1: that next he was going to get a stuff and

429
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Speaker 1: get out of my house, but first he needs to

430
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Speaker 1: ask Ben if he wanted to go or stay, because

431
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Speaker 1: it wouldn't be fair to disdrop the poor kid's life

432
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 1: any further. Whoa, Ope, he's playing chess right now. YEA

433
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,959
Speaker 1: A good way to put it though. Yeah, it's like, well,

434
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 1: now you've done the wrong. Yeah, it's on you now,

435
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 1: So like terrible, terrible circumstances, right, but also maybe the

436
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 1: best way this could have gone to get Ben into

437
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 1: a safe place. Yeah for you, right, super But and

438
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,439
Speaker 1: then I think also using a kind of excuse of

439
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 1: being like, well, his life has just been so crazy. Yeah,

440
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,879
Speaker 1: and like finding out that you're cheating on me, Yeah,

441
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 1: it's like like guilt tripping. Maybe this could be a

442
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 1: way that his life can stay normal. Yeah for the

443
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,719
Speaker 1: time being. Ben quickly said he preferred to stay, and

444
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,159
Speaker 1: Bob seemed frankly relieved. Wow, like again, this is ropy,

445
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 1: but maybe the easiest way I could have gone. Yeah.

446
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,000
Speaker 1: He moved out that weekend and I haven't seen him since.

447
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 1: We've been in touch by text to discuss financial arrangements, though,

448
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: and last week he sent me money to cover Ben's

449
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: basic expenses. Nothing close to child support, but under the circumstances,

450
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: I'll take it and be glad. From his attitude, I

451
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 1: take it that he's seeing this as a long term thing.

452
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 1: But even if he doesn't, according to the family lawyer,

453
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 1: is leaving Ben with me, even for a while. Along

454
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 1: with Ben's age and the fact that Bob is his

455
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,679
Speaker 1: guardian rather than his father, would make it easier to

456
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: build a case for Ben to stay, even if Bob

457
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 1: does try to fight it. The lawyer is confident that

458
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: such a battle could be won, or at least dragged

459
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: out until Ben is eighteen and it doesn't matter anymore. That,

460
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,959
Speaker 1: as you can imagine, has been an enormous relief. That

461
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 1: makes it that much harder to admit that finding out

462
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 1: about Bob has still hit me hard. Of course it has.

463
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 1: I mean, like, even though you were trying to do

464
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: this for Ben, like you just found out your partner

465
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: was cheating on you.

466
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think even if you already know that he's

467
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 2: like not someone you want to be around, still.

468
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:49,480
Speaker 1: Finding out that he's cheating is like, yeah, just as heartbreaking.

469
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,880
Speaker 1: The fact is that even though I was absolutely done

470
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,720
Speaker 1: with him and wanted him out, there was a time

471
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: I truly believed he wanted to be with me and

472
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: that we could build a life together. I knew a

473
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,399
Speaker 1: relationship wasn't a romance for the ages or anything like that,

474
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,880
Speaker 1: but it was by far the best I'd had since

475
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 1: before my son was born, and I really thought we

476
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: cared for and valued one another. Now I realized that

477
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: all he ever wanted from me was a mother for Ben.

478
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 1: He as good as omitted it, and in retrospect it

479
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 1: makes complete sense. That's why he never wanted to get

480
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 1: married or buy into my house, even though I offered.

481
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: Though now of course I am grateful he wanted to

482
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: make it as easy as possible to split from me

483
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 1: once Ben was old enough to no longer require my services.

484
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: I think it might even explain why he was so

485
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 1: hard on Ben and grasping at straws for a reason

486
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 1: to send him away. I never expected it of him

487
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 1: based on what else I knew, or I never would

488
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 1: have been with him. But if he was blaming Ben

489
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 1: forgetting in the way of his life and simultaneously feeling

490
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 1: guilty for it, that could turn a mild mannered person mean.

491
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: I think maybe he even thought if Ben was away

492
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 1: most of the time, the other woman would be willing

493
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 1: to compromise for a few years. I don't know, I've

494
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 1: even been wondering whether he decided to pursue me before

495
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,959
Speaker 1: we even met. The boys met first through an extracurricular

496
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: where they became friends. It's possible that Jason mentioned my

497
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 1: being single and passing, allowing Bob to identify me astent

498
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 1: actually suitable before we ever met. By the way, I

499
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: think it'd be suitable for you guys to listen to

500
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 1: full episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,

501
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast Happen, search of books,

502
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 1: story time. There is a little bit left to this story,

503
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 1: but unfortunately it worked out in the best and also

504
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: worst way.

505
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, there are some months along the road, but at

506
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you got where you needed

507
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 2: to go.

508
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: You did. It was a bad journey, but uh, it's

509
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 1: only up from here, hopefully. I'm sorry this is such

510
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: a MOPI post. I truly am grateful for the way

511
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 1: things worked out. I think it's the best possible solution

512
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: for everyone under the circumstances, and not when I could

513
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 1: have achieved without Bob's help. And the boys have been wonderful.

514
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 1: They didn't know I was trying to get Bob out anyway,

515
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 1: so they've been treating me very gently or as gently

516
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 1: as you can expect teenage boys to be anyway, and

517
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 1: trying to pretend they aren't thrilled Bob is gone when

518
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: I'm in the room, I'm glad of that. To be honest,

519
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 1: I am so grateful he's gone and that Ben is

520
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,479
Speaker 1: still safe here with us. I just need a bit

521
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 1: of time to really remember it, I think, and that

522
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 1: is the end of that story. Wow. Wow, change. That's

523
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 1: just so hard on poor Ben.

524
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be just kind of treated as this obstacle

525
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,640
Speaker 2: from Bob absolutely getting like a partner, Like, come on, man,

526
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: that's that's true. That's really really crappy. But I'm glad

527
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 2: that Ben is with Op and that they can be

528
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 2: a good little family and she can take care of

529
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 2: him because I know he's She's gonna treat him better,

530
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 2: so much better.

531
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: I just know it.

532
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: To know what my husband and mother in law made

533
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 2: a major decision without me.

534
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 1: Well, I think you need to decide to leave get

535
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: him out of it.

536
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 2: For clarification, I am beyond angry with both of them.

537
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 2: I know they both had good intentions, but my thought

538
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 2: process is currently how a thing dare you? I need

539
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: to know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm justified

540
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 2: before I approach a conversation about it. By the way,

541
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 2: this comes from Frosty Engine three five eights and if

542
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, just to go

543
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime at supper. So for context,

544
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 2: my husband is very nonsensical, a hard working provider type

545
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 2: of man. He is stubborn and will not do anything

546
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 2: he doesn't want to do. So it's not like he

547
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 2: was trying to please his mom. His mom is very

548
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 2: blunt and in your face honest. Neither of them are

549
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: manipulative or conniving in any way, and.

550
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: They're very good people.

551
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 2: I have an amazing relationship with both of his parents,

552
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 2: so this is completely out of character for them. I

553
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: know they had good intentions, they just did this all

554
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 2: kind of backwards. As for myself, I am anxious and

555
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 2: easily stressed. I've lived a hard life and had a

556
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: lot of choices taken from me in childhood, and now

557
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 2: I need to be included in decisions. I need to

558
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 2: feel like it's equal in order for me to be okay.

559
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 2: With that being said, I'm also very honest, blunt and

560
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 2: in your face I am not submissive by any means,

561
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 2: and I do not shy away from confrontation. I am

562
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 2: currently not in a stable work environment, and job loss

563
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 2: seems to be just around the corner. If you stay

564
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 2: up to date with the news, then you'll know what

565
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 2: I mean. But I have to be careful about what

566
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 2: I say regarding it. With that being said, our leasa

567
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 2: on our mental was coming up soon and we were

568
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 2: wanting to buy a house, But now just doesn't seem

569
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 2: like the time we were looking at other rentals when

570
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 2: his parents bought a rental house and asked if we

571
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 2: wanted to rent it. My mom messaged me about it first,

572
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 2: and I said I didn't think it was a good idea.

573
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: Later that day, I'm assuming, but I have no confirmation

574
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 2: on the timeline.

575
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: She called my husband and they both agreed that we would.

576
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 2: He messaged me prior to agreeing with her, and I

577
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 2: again expressed that I didn't think it was a good

578
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 2: idea due to our current circumstances.

579
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 1: I didn't outright say no.

580
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,919
Speaker 2: I left it open for discussion, but I made it

581
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 2: clear that I didn't think it was a good choice.

582
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 2: Well after they both asked me, they went around me

583
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 2: and agreed that we would move in. My husband didn't

584
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: tell me that this happened until a couple of days later,

585
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 2: and casually dropped it into conversation and he said, I

586
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 2: know you said no, but that was silly, girl.

587
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: What's a balerie? I'm sorry, I know you said no,

588
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 1: but that was silly and that was it? Girl? Please?

589
00:25:55,840 --> 00:26:00,159
Speaker 1: Uh uh uh uh. I'm fuming, raging, and shaking.

590
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 2: I want to revert back to lashing out, but I

591
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 2: know that I cannot. It has been two weeks and

592
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 2: I have yet to reach a point where I can

593
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 2: communicate healthily. But it needs to be addressed, So I'm

594
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 2: going to try my very best tonight.

595
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,719
Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? I feel like I was told you, silly,

596
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: little girl.

597
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 2: Let the adults make the decisions and just sit down

598
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 2: and be a submissive wife. Obviously that's not what was

599
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 2: said or what he meant, and I know that they

600
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 2: had good intentions, but I'm so angry I'm finding it

601
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 2: hard to focus on that.

602
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: So am I the a hole for thinking it's.

603
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely insane to bypass me, leave me out of the conversation,

604
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 2: and take my choice away entirely? In addition, how can

605
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,160
Speaker 2: I approach this in a way that won't destroy my relationship.

606
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: At this point, I'm feeling vindictive and petty.

607
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 2: I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm also

608
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 2: not entirely sure if I can bite my tongue once

609
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,640
Speaker 2: I let the damn loose.

610
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: There are some comments, But what would your answer be.

611
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 1: I think that you're you can go and have a

612
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 1: conversation where it's not like I'm definitely expressed that you

613
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: were upset and stuff, but you don't necessarily have to

614
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: come up with like trying to you know, belitt a

615
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 1: immour or something like that. But that's not gonna be

616
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: an effective conversation. Yeah, it definitely not. But I think saying,

617
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 1: you know, hey, we are in a relationship. We're not

618
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 1: in a relationship with your parents. They might have different

619
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: advice for you that you want to take, but when

620
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 1: we are making decisions for the both of us, we

621
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: need to be on the same page. And you can't

622
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: just you know, bypass me and not listen to my

623
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 1: opinion in the conversation.

624
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially if this is like a very valid reason

625
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: of their financial situation being a little uneasy right now,

626
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 2: Like that's something to be discussed on, something that he

627
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 2: should be worried about too.

628
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 1: Just tell him, like all of your feelings about this.

629
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, you could probably even bring up again,

630
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 2: like I'm sure he knows that.

631
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: Your childhood was full of decisions being.

632
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 2: Taken away from you, but you could probably bring that

633
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 2: up again if he already knows. If he doesn't know,

634
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: just tell him and be like, hey, this is super

635
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 2: important to me specifically.

636
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: And if he reacts not well, then you know you

637
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: know a little bit more about the state of relationship exactly.

638
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 2: But there are some comments. Coming Number one says, sounds

639
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 2: like a conversation must be had. You are a partnership

640
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 2: and with that decisions should be agreed upon or at

641
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 2: the very least discussed. Is renting your mother in law's

642
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 2: place cheaper? OPI response, it's more expensive, which was a

643
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 2: lot of my concern Coming Number two says, not overreacting,

644
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 2: especially as it's more expensive. Renting from family is a

645
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 2: bad idea to begin with. I would also be very

646
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 2: upset if they went behind my back with this decision.

647
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: I could maybe handle it a big maybe if the

648
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: rent would be cheaper. I do think it warrants a

649
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: discussion between you and Heppy, but maybe walk away if

650
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 2: things get too heated. I don't know why your heavy

651
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 2: thought increasing your house and costs would be a good

652
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 2: idea with your job worries and the economy in.

653
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 1: General right now.

654
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 2: And we do have an update. I think those are

655
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: very very good points. Yes, so for the update. Okay,

656
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: So thank you all for the words of advice and

657
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 2: the validation. I sat with my anger and hurt and

658
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 2: I had a therapy appointment that helped me immensely.

659
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: Okay.

660
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: I was able to get to a point of understanding

661
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 2: and started problem solving. I was very distanced in reserve

662
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 2: for the last two days, trying my best to separate

663
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 2: the hurt from anger, find the root of what triggered

664
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 2: that within me.

665
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 1: I was able to which to get to a point

666
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: where I can problem solve.

667
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 2: I came up with a solution for all of my hesitancies,

668
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: and then I told him I would like to talk.

669
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: I shared how it made me feel being excluded.

670
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 2: I told him why I reacted the way I did

671
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 2: and why I had to distance for a couple of

672
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 2: days while figuring my stuff out. I told him I

673
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 2: never want to get to a point where I let

674
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 2: my trauma hurt him. It was very apologetic, explain that

675
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: I never said no, just that I didn't think it

676
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: was a good idea, and that I would have appreciated

677
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 2: if he had come to me with his thoughts so

678
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 2: we could figure it out together. He apologized again and

679
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 2: expressed that he sees how it was wrong with him.

680
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 2: Explained in the moment that he didn't see it as

681
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 2: excluding me, but that he was trying to help. I

682
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 2: validated that and let him know that I appreciated him

683
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: trying to help and that I'm thankful for that, but

684
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 2: that I need to be included in these decisions. I

685
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 2: talked to mother in law, and apparently she threw the

686
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 2: idea to him to get his thoughts just like me,

687
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 2: and she wasn't aware a decision had been made. She

688
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: thought we were talking about it and we would look

689
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 2: at the house and let her know.

690
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 1: He must have.

691
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 2: Told me, yes, we're moving, and told her we would

692
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: figure it out and let her know.

693
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: Oh wow, so it's really just the husban. Oh so

694
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: he just is the problem. Yeah.

695
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 2: She said that she would help me with getting the

696
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 2: kids to school thirty minutes away for the last month

697
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 2: of school so that they don't have to switch schools.

698
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 2: So close to the end of the year, which was

699
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 2: a major concern for me. I feel reassured there and

700
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 2: very happy to know that my assumptions of her and

701
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 2: not doing things to go around me were correct. I

702
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 2: raised concerns of my potential job loss, to which he says,

703
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 2: you can work part time for a while to do

704
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 2: your schooling and focus on getting the kids too and

705
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 2: from and it'll be fine.

706
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: When you're ready, we can talk about you going back

707
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 1: to work.

708
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 2: But I see this as God giving us an opportunity

709
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: to let you follow your dreams, and I want that

710
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 2: for you. I want you to be free enough to

711
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 2: do your schooling. My goal isn't for you to contribute equally.

712
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 2: I will take care of us. You do you want to,

713
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 2: not what you think I want you to. We will

714
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 2: be fine if that happens. I cried, that's really sweet.

715
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 1: Am I gonna communicated any work? Yay? I was like

716
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: this man, he's gonna be like know And then he

717
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 1: did a yeah that was waiting dumb. Yeah he was

718
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 1: just assuming and it was just a little mistake. And

719
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: then he realized he was being dumb, and then he

720
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 1: fixed it. Look at that fixed.

721
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 2: To imagine that that's really sweet.

722
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: By the way.

723
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 3: You know what else would be really really sweet is

724
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 3: if you listen to full episodes with more stories, just

725
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:24,239
Speaker 3: like just go to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, whatever your

726
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 3: favorite podcast app is and search Okay storytime check it out.

727
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 1: But there is a little bit more. Overall, everything is

728
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: okay and the world is not ending.

729
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 2: And I was able to self soothe and regulate by myself,

730
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 2: which may not seem like much for a lot of people,

731
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 2: but when I started my healing journey, I was told

732
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 2: that I had no emotional intelligence or capacity to regulate.

733
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 2: I have come so far and being able to express

734
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 2: myself in a healthy way was amazing.

735
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: Good job.

736
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 2: He commended that, said that he sees how hard I'm

737
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 2: working to heal my past and that he is so

738
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: happy for me. My husband is my biggest supporter always.

739
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 2: He is an amazing partner to me, and I appreciate

740
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 2: those of you who called me out on the pettiness.

741
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 2: I feel validated by my person by you all, and

742
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 2: I feel better after talking. Looks like it's time to

743
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 2: start packing. Have a great day everyone, Thank you for everything,

744
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 2: and there is a quick couple comments coming. Everyone says

745
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 2: I am a therapist and I see the work you did.

746
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: Amazing job.

747
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: I'm also glad to hear your husband and mother in

748
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 2: law sound like good people, and Opie responds, thank you

749
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 2: so much. It was super uncomfortable and really hard, but

750
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 2: oh my god, do I feel amazing and accomplished. This

751
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 2: was my biggest step towards progress yet, excluding actually taking

752
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 2: the step for getting help through therapy. They are both

753
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 2: good people. Their whole family is amazing. I am so

754
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 2: blessed to have them and to have my husband as

755
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 2: my biggest supporter.

756
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: He danced with me in the kitchen and.

757
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 2: Jumped up and down with excitement when we were talking

758
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 2: about how well I was able to handle the situation.

759
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: Oh that's so cute.

760
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 2: I am overjoyed with your validation as well. Thank you

761
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 2: so much. And there's a couple of comments left, but

762
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 2: OPI doesn't respond.

763
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 1: That's the end of it. An ending, What an ending?

764
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: I love that, and I just love it when people

765
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: take the healthy way out. Yeah, and it beautiful turns

766
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: out well, ain't that just the way? So much in

767
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: that communication, But that is the end of that story.

768
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: And we've got another one from no really no, well,

769
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: double check me on that. I think you're right, but

770
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: that is the end of the episode. Hey is John

771
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: og host? Were don't get back to the stories, but

772
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

773
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: My wife's frenemy revealed a controversial past, but I'm having

774
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 1: none of it. Don't take any of it. My wife

775
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: twenty nine female, and I twenty eight male, have been

776
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: together for four years and married for less than a year.

777
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: Let me also preface this by saying I have a

778
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: cold and am in desperate neat of sleep. By the way,

779
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 1: this comes from throw a wife a food and if

780
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to our

781
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,160
Speaker 1: slash Okay story time. Separate it. My wife, Katie and

782
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,239
Speaker 1: I started dating when I was in grad school. We

783
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: were in the same social circle. She was in a

784
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: relationship with a guy I will call Mike, and it

785
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: was clear it wasn't going to work long term. Mike

786
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: was a free spirit and had a lot of personal issues,

787
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 1: so none of us were surprised when they broke up.

788
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 1: He decided to go on a retreat slash road trip

789
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 1: with his ex girlfriend for six months and disappeared. She

790
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: got over the relationship and about a year later, we

791
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: started dating, it was an odd coupling. We're very different.

792
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: She's a lot more artistic and free spirited than I am.

793
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 1: We're on different levels in the looks department, and many

794
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 1: of the things that make us who we are are

795
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 1: seemingly opposite. I'm more buttoned up and traditional and she's not.

796
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: A couple of months in, we hit a rough patch,

797
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: but we worked through it. From then on, things were great.

798
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 1: We moved in together, I proposed we got married, and

799
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: that brings us to today, where we're trying for a kid.

800
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,920
Speaker 1: My wife's Frenemie, Danielle, has never really been supportive of

801
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: our relationship. They've been friends since middle school, but have

802
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: had several falling outs over the years. Recently, my wife

803
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: couldn't or didn't attend an event hosted by Danielle, which

804
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: prompted this recent outburst and along with it, the end

805
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 1: of the friendship. Danielle sent me an email saying that

806
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: when Katie and I got together, she was unsure of

807
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: which person to choose, so when Mike returns, she went

808
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: to him to talk about them. They met a few

809
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: times during the first two weeks he was back, and

810
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: apparently had spicy sleep once or twice. According to Danielle,

811
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 1: Katie ended it and never told me anything about it.

812
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 1: You confided in Danielle years ago, and I guess that

813
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: thought the matter was closed. I got the email this

814
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: morning at ten and was surprised. Danielle emailed me I

815
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: read it. Probably thirty minutes later. I got text from

816
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 1: my wife asking if I got an email from Danielle

817
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: and if I had read it. When I answered in

818
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 1: the affirmative, she sent me at deluge of long texts

819
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: explaining that it did. They had spicy sleep once and

820
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 1: had coffee three times, and she hasn't spoken to him since.

821
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to respond. I have a cold

822
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:50,840
Speaker 1: and have been trying to get work done so I

823
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: can rest when I get home. I don't even know

824
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: how to deal with this. Part of me wants to

825
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,879
Speaker 1: go home, get into bed, and sleep, pretending I never

826
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: found out. Another part of me is gurious that she

827
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: had this from me. I had a feeling she had

828
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: seen her ex, but then she came to me a

829
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: week or so later and wanted me to confirm we

830
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 1: were exclusive and that I wasn't seeing anyone else. Part

831
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: of me is also terribly mad at Danielle for dragging

832
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 1: this crap up years later. I don't know what to

833
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: do here. Is this that bad of a transgression. It

834
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 1: feels like it was so far in the past that

835
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond to my wife or Danielle.

836
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 1: And there are some comments, so let's get into it.

837
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: In my opinion, at first, she didn't know whether to

838
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,320
Speaker 1: stick with the familiar guy or new guy. She couldn't

839
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: make a decision and ended up briefly seeing two guys

840
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: at the same time. In the end, she chose you,

841
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: and you're happily married.

842
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:32,879
Speaker 2: Now.

843
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 1: Danielle dropped that bomb just to hurt your wife, and

844
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: you were collateral damage. Comment two, You don't need to

845
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: decide right now. You don't even need to decide tomorrow

846
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 1: or this week. Sleep it over your cold, think about it,

847
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 1: find someone to talk to about it, and maybe a

848
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 1: counselor figure out how you feel. Then start to talk

849
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 1: it out with your wife. But trying for a kid

850
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: on hold. No matter what reply says, endorse this one

851
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 1: hundred percent counselor trusted friend, probably one with some distance

852
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: from the situation, mentor whatever. Saying things out loud to

853
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,760
Speaker 1: another human is off quite helpful. Even if your audience

854
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,280
Speaker 1: has no useful advice, it helps you sort your own thoughts, feelings, reactions,

855
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: and priorities. Would also advise don't have further contact with

856
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: your wife's freenemy. Don't try to resolve anything with your

857
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: wife until you've decided what outcome you want. Also, just

858
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: a general guy hug for me to you sorry when

859
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: you get the rug pulled out from under you like this.

860
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 1: I know that feeling the nausea, the urge to do something,

861
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: but not knowing what. It's both emotionally and physically uncomfortable.

862
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 1: Take a deep breath and another repeat is necessary. Bomb

863
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: and three. No matter what happens between you and your wife,

864
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: get as far away from Danielle as humanly possible. She's

865
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 1: effing toxic. She destroyed you guys today for her own

866
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: sick pleasure. Yes, I know your wife majorly left up

867
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: and she will have to answer for that. If she

868
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 1: actually cared about either of you, she wouldn't have kept

869
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: the secret this long and then dropped a bomb when

870
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: it was convenient for exactly God. Some people are cancer

871
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: reply ech. At least Danielle did something useful and shed

872
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: light to an issue that the wife would have never confessed.

873
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 1: Is she toxic? Yes? Was she useful though? Also yes?

874
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 1: And there is an update?

875
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:01,919
Speaker 2: Wow?

876
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: Too many thoughts before we get into it.

877
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 2: I really want to know how the conversation went with

878
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: what is it Danielle and and because if OPI got

879
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 2: the email from Danielle and then immediately got a text.

880
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: Like, oh you got an email, right? I find probably

881
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 1: happened is Danielle and the wife were texting and they

882
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 1: had this big blow up fight and they were like,

883
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: you know what, we can't be friends anymore. And then

884
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 1: Danielle was like, you know what, I'm going to tell

885
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: your husband you slept with your AX And she's like, update,

886
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: Sorry for the delay, it's been crazy. So briefly I

887
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 1: did an update because I was really feeling crappy. I

888
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: took nighttime cold medicine really early and passed out and

889
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,800
Speaker 1: wound up taking Friday off. I binged Chernobyl and slept

890
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: flash recuperated. I didn't respond to Danielle, and my wife

891
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: sort of left me alone to recover as I felt

892
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:51,240
Speaker 1: like crap. She took care of me, but also didn't

893
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 1: bring up the topic until I wasn't on my back

894
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: once I started feeling better and could breathe through my

895
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: nose again. I tried to calmly approach this on the

896
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 1: table was a preg test we've been trying for a

897
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 1: little while, with a little bow on it. I had

898
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 1: previously noticed that she was late, but my wife and

899
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: I had a few very late periods and no pregnancy,

900
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: so I wasn't sure. What's what. I'm pretty sure I

901
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: mentioned trying for a kid in my op so that

902
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: adds a layer of complexity to all this. To answer

903
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: some of your questions, in general, things were great between

904
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 1: my wife and I and have been for years. The

905
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,479
Speaker 1: real problem we had was in those first few months,

906
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 1: which involved a number of issues about being in a

907
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 1: new relationship. We rarely fought, things were happy, We had great,

908
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: spicy sleep life, We openly talked about everything. I would

909
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: never imagine that I'd be sent something like this exclusive.

910
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: We had never talked about it. It was never stated

911
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: one way or the other. I assumed we were, but

912
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: I guess not her ex. He's a writer, let me rephrase,

913
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: a writer who has never written. Mike and I have

914
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 1: met a few times, a few times by accident and

915
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: once because he was invited to a party we went to.

916
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: He's not really that interesting or threatening, and my wife

917
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: seems totally nonplussed with him. The last time we saw

918
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: him was in a bookstore, and she didn't at all

919
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,399
Speaker 1: seem interested. She said she was glad it didn't work

920
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 1: out and was happy without him in her life. Danielle,

921
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 1: Danielle and Katie have been friends for two decades, but

922
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: the last couple of years things became contentious. Katie and

923
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,439
Speaker 1: I got together and Danielle's marriage fizzled out. Danielle could

924
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: be a nice person, but is difficult, and I think

925
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: she's jealous that our relationship was until that point very successful.

926
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: She and I didn't really spend that much time together,

927
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 1: and she retreated from my wife's life when she found

928
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: out we were trying for a kid. In the wake

929
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,439
Speaker 1: of all of this, their friendship is ruined, that's for sure.

930
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: I was feeling crummy and watching back to back episodes

931
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 1: of TV and did nothing all day Friday. I literally

932
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: did nothing beyond getting up to take some medicines, lash, eat,

933
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: and pee. That's it. I didn't broach the subject or

934
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: even think about it. When my wife got home, I

935
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: felt better and could think a bit more cogently. She

936
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,480
Speaker 1: does errands after work, which is when she dropped the

937
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 1: test on the table and scrammed. A few people commented

938
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: that we should wait to have kids. Well, that's not

939
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 1: gonna happen. She got back and we talked. The story is,

940
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: and I have no reason to doubt her. She and

941
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: Mike were dating. He was studying away and he was writing.

942
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: He asked to go on a writing retreat with his

943
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:05,240
Speaker 1: ex girlfriend to a cabin somewhere so they could focus

944
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: on their work. She said no, that it wasn't a

945
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: good idea for him to be alone with his ex.

946
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: He went anyway. That translated into his leaving for some

947
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: prolonged road trip with his ex. They kept in contact,

948
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: but she and I started dating. We had been together

949
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,479
Speaker 1: three or four weeks when he returned, and they didn't

950
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 1: see each other first. My wife, like I said, is

951
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 1: different from me. I'm a lot more traditional, a lot

952
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: more formal, and very career oriented. When we hit a

953
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: rough patch, there was more than an insubstantial chance I

954
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: was going to have to move away and she was

955
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: going to have to decide whether to move with me.

956
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: After two and a half months to three months of

957
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: seeing each other or break up and move on. I

958
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 1: had applied for a program and it looked like the

959
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 1: local program was going to project me. But surprisingly, a better,

960
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: far more well known university was going to accept me.

961
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: When things went down between them, I had been formally

962
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 1: rejected and she had to make a decision. I was

963
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: too focused on mission to even notice or care. They

964
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: met up at a party and nothing happened. They just

965
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: talked in had drinks. The second time they met, that's

966
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 1: when the deed happened. You apparently regretted it immediately. The

967
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: final time was to tell him goodbye and that she

968
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: was moving. They had a few drinks, fooled around, and

969
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: then she left. Said she knew what it was a mistake.

970
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 1: She knew they had no future, and she knew they

971
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: had nothing in common anymore. Right around the time that

972
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: they fooled around, she and I had a mega fight

973
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,399
Speaker 1: about moving. It was a lot for someone to deal with,

974
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: I know, but in the end she said she wanted

975
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 1: to go. However, she was scared I was going to

976
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 1: get to the new city in my new program and

977
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: dump her for a classmate, stranding her. I told her no,

978
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 1: offered her whatever assurances I could. It worked and we

979
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: did live happily ever after. I would never have assumed

980
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: she had cheated. I mean, putting it down. We were

981
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 1: in a weird spot, and I fully understand why it

982
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 1: was a rough time, but the cheating was really not

983
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 1: something I could abide by. The whole exclusive thing came

984
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,320
Speaker 1: from us moving. I didn't put two and two together

985
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 1: at the time. I figure then that she wanted assurances

986
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: that moving with me wasn't a huge mistake, not that

987
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: she recently bonked her ex, who has frequent and unprotected

988
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 1: spicy sleep with many randoms. But again, it also makes sense.

989
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: From then till about a month after we moved, we

990
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 1: didn't have spicy sleep, not once. I asked if she

991
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: had been tested, and she casually remarked, of course. I

992
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 1: was still feeling crappy and didn't know what to do,

993
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: so I just kind of went back to bed. In reality,

994
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 1: for years, she's never strayed or been anything but open.

995
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 1: Has access to my phone and I can access hers.

996
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 1: He doesn't go out with unexplained absences and is more

997
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: of a homebody. She isn't flirtatious with people or cause drama,

998
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 1: So I just stopped caring I took the weekend to

999
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,240
Speaker 1: get over this cold and we did some baby shopping

1000
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:24,800
Speaker 1: online and plan for a follow up with her doctor.

1001
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 1: After that, we just didn't talk about it again, very

1002
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,280
Speaker 1: anti climac I did bring up the subject of Danielle

1003
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 1: and pretty directly told her I was done with her.

1004
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,439
Speaker 1: Asked if she thought it would be wise to try

1005
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 1: and talk to her, and I said no. We wrote

1006
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: her an email using my account and sent her a

1007
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 1: response basically telling her that we were done with her

1008
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: and not to bother us again. She responded by saying

1009
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: it was a joke and asked that we understand that

1010
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 1: she was being funny. No, actually no, it is funny

1011
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: listening to full episodes with stories just like this. Just

1012
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast. Stop

1013
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: in your bookstart. I found the block function on Gmail

1014
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: and added her. My wife noticed that she removed her

1015
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 1: from Facebook and inn and I guess that's it. Not

1016
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,919
Speaker 1: really a thrilling or interesting update, and a few people

1017
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: will be angry that I didn't take a stronger tone reaction,

1018
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,280
Speaker 1: but I did what I felt was best under the circumstances.

1019
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 1: Hopefully this is behind us and I can just move

1020
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: on and enjoy bringing a new life into the world.

1021
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: Your wife has built years of being trustworthy, and you

1022
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: have decided to leave the past in the past. And

1023
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: it's not up to the people who read it to

1024
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: be angry for you for not reacting the way they

1025
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: wish you would, and replies says, some of us are

1026
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 1: going to disgree simply because this seems rugswept more than

1027
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: left in the past. If it truly doesn't bother ape

1028
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 1: and he's over it, then perfect, I agree with you. However,

1029
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: if it does bother him not talking it through and

1030
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: maybe having some therapies, only going to slowly ester this

1031
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: in his head with random triggers about it and maybe

1032
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 1: even end up resenting his wife for it he considers

1033
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 1: a cheating. That's the key here. I just want to

1034
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 1: make sure he's really okay with it. If he isn't,

1035
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 1: he should go either to therapy together or alone, or

1036
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 1: if therapy is too expensive. I know we in the

1037
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 1: US in some states have marriage counselors or something similar

1038
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,439
Speaker 1: in different communities that are free. I know my ex

1039
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: and I went to one. A little not great, but

1040
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: they help by speaking together about things you may not

1041
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 1: when alone. You can just try working it on your own.

1042
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,879
Speaker 1: Just make sure it really is settled in Opie's mind

1043
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,279
Speaker 1: and not just rugsweb comment says, I'm sorry, but I

1044
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 1: don't understand how she has built years of being trustworthy.

1045
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,919
Speaker 1: On the contrary, she has built years of not telling

1046
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,759
Speaker 1: the truth. She's not trustworthy. Otherwise he would have heard

1047
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 1: this from her back when it happened, not from a

1048
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: friend many years down the line. He's a good liar

1049
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 1: or someone with no conscience. I I'm somewhere in the

1050
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,479
Speaker 1: middle with these comments to really quickly finish it off.

1051
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 1: I think that Opie is allowed to be, you know,

1052
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,839
Speaker 1: upset and kind of betrayed by this and also need

1053
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: therapy and stuff to work through this. But I also

1054
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: kind of disagree with that last comment of saying that

1055
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 1: she just lied this whole time. I think they've just

1056
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 1: kind of viewed it very differently.

1057
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that last comment has definitely been cheating

1058
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 2: on before.

1059
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. But that's the end of that. Hey,

1060
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 1: it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.

1061
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

1062
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 2: My wife claims she can't stand her ex, but the

1063
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 2: reunion looked like a romantic movie scene. They're looking a

1064
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 2: little too comfy. Oooh oh, hi 'all never done anything

1065
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 2: like this before. New account, because I don't know where

1066
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: this is going, if it's even going anywhere. My wife

1067
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 2: and friends, no, I read to user name. Maybe I'm overthinking,

1068
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 2: maybe I'm not. But something about this past weekend is

1069
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 2: just sitting weird with me, and I don't know if

1070
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 2: I should trust my gut or if I'm just getting

1071
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: in my own head.

1072
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: By the way, this.

1073
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,800
Speaker 2: Comes from a throwaway thirteen eighteen one, and if you

1074
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 2: want to submit.

1075
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:23,959
Speaker 1: Your own stories, just go to the our slash Okay

1076
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 1: storytime supreddit.

1077
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 2: So for some context, my wife Carla and I have

1078
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 2: been together for four years, married for five months. We

1079
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 2: have a solid relationship, no real trust issues or anything

1080
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 2: like that. She's an amazing person and I love her endlessly.

1081
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 2: Something about her that's important to the situation is that

1082
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 2: she's always been one of those people who holds grudges forever,

1083
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 2: Like she's still mad about a girl stealing her seat

1084
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 2: in ninth grade. If you cross her, she holds it

1085
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 2: against you forever. I think that's what makes this whole

1086
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 2: thing feel off. We were out shopping on Saturday at

1087
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 2: them All, about an hour from home.

1088
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 1: At this point, the day was winding down.

1089
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 2: And we were grabbing a bite to eat in the

1090
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 2: food court, and that's when we ran into Chris Sis.

1091
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: Now, oh, I understand.

1092
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:09,320
Speaker 2: Now, Chris is the X she was with from sixteen

1093
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 2: to twenty four day.

1094
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 1: That's that is the ex.

1095
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 2: Geez wow, He's the only ex she's ever really talked about,

1096
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 2: and every.

1097
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 1: Time she has it's been something negative. They fought a lot,

1098
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: and they had a messy breakup. They were toxic. They

1099
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:26,240
Speaker 1: cheated on each other the whole nine yards.

1100
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 2: We've lived in the same city as him, our whole relationship,

1101
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: and other than a brief blip while dating, we've never

1102
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 2: once bumped into him. But we run into him an

1103
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:37,240
Speaker 2: hour away from home on a random day at the mall,

1104
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 2: and her reaction just sent me for a loop. I

1105
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: was mid sentence when I saw her eyes just lock

1106
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 2: onto something behind me, and immediately she lights up big smile.

1107
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 2: Before he even turn to see who it is, she's

1108
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 2: already standing up to greet.

1109
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: Him, just beaming.

1110
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,240
Speaker 2: They hug, and it's not just some quick, oh hey hug,

1111
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,880
Speaker 2: like it felt like it was a so amazing to

1112
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:02,439
Speaker 2: finally see you again, kind of, and then suddenly I'm

1113
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 2: just standing there, completely shut out of the conversation while

1114
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 2: they start catching up.

1115
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: I didn't even know who he was.

1116
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 2: I haven't seen him in years, and I had to

1117
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 2: piece it together as they chatted. I thought she'd introduce me,

1118
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:18,280
Speaker 2: but nope, I'm just standing there while she's laughing, fully

1119
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 2: engaged with him, even some physical touching. At one point

1120
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 2: she shoved his arm playfully.

1121
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: Ah, y'all know what that means. Oh gosh.

1122
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,919
Speaker 2: I'm not a jealous person, and I honestly have zero

1123
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 2: problem with her being friends with whomever she chooses. But

1124
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 2: my impression of her relationship with him was different than.

1125
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 1: What I was seeing.

1126
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 2: I figured I was overreacting or reading too much into it,

1127
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 2: but I still felt a bit weird, like a third wheel,

1128
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 2: if I'm being honest. So I just tried to hint

1129
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 2: that it was time to go by picking up our

1130
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 2: trays and making it clear I was ready. Neither of

1131
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:54,320
Speaker 2: them noticed, so I walked off, tossing the trays, came

1132
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,319
Speaker 2: back still talking. They finally wrap it up after a

1133
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 2: few more minutes, and they hugged again, and then he

1134
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 2: was off, and then without a single word about it,

1135
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,439
Speaker 2: she just looks at me and goes, Okay, let's stop

1136
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 2: a Lula lemon, and didn't go Before we head out,

1137
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 2: I'd be like, can we.

1138
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 1: Talk about what just happened? Yeah, dang, that's crazy, and

1139
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, that's it.

1140
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 2: When he was saying then he walked off, I was

1141
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 2: really hoping that he just fully walked away and just

1142
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 2: waited until she noticed.

1143
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that, I would I might do that. Yeah,

1144
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 1: maybe not. I just like, you don't even don't even

1145
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:32,879
Speaker 1: introduce Yeah, that's and you're blocking out your husband out

1146
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 1: of a conversation. We're not like, this is my husband, yeah,

1147
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 1: and you've.

1148
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 2: Only like you just got married five months ago, Like

1149
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 2: that's that's something you could talk about when you're catching

1150
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 2: up with my husband. She said this like nothing happened.

1151
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 2: I kept waiting for her to bring him up, say

1152
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,360
Speaker 2: something about how weird it was, or at least acknowledge

1153
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 2: him or their conversation in some way, but she just

1154
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 2: acted like it was nothing. We shopped for another forty

1155
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,160
Speaker 2: five minutes like nothing happened. Once we got in the car,

1156
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 2: I waited to see if she'd bring it up.

1157
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: She did it.

1158
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 2: Small talk ended a few minutes after we got on

1159
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:06,760
Speaker 2: the highway and she was just glued to her phone.

1160
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: So I asked who she's texting. She says the group chat.

1161
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:13,760
Speaker 2: That's her three best friends, Shyanne, Darcy and Julia. I said,

1162
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 2: what's the topic of the conversation. She smiled and said,

1163
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 2: I'm telling thembut how crazy it is.

1164
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 1: I ran into Chris.

1165
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 2: I just say, yeah, that was pretty wild. She agrees

1166
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 2: and says insane. What are the chances? And then she

1167
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,280
Speaker 2: just kept texting. I kind of expected that to punt

1168
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 2: off our conversation about it, but it didn't. That night

1169
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 2: at home, after she'd been on her phone the majority

1170
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 2: of the night, with the girls still chatting about it,

1171
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 2: I decided to bring it up. I told her I

1172
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:40,479
Speaker 2: felt like a bit of a third wheel when Chris

1173
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: showed up since she didn't introduce me. Felt like I

1174
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 2: wasn't even there because she didn't introduce me.

1175
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,439
Speaker 1: She lightheartedly said, oh, he knows who you are, then

1176
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 1: gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Now, I

1177
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: didn't exactly handle this great.

1178
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 2: I brought it up in a very lighthearted and non

1179
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 2: serious tone. That's just how I deal with conflicts. So

1180
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 2: it's one hundred percent on me for not communicating where

1181
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:02,799
Speaker 2: my head was at, and I can't fault her for

1182
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 2: being so nonchalant about it. I left it there for

1183
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 2: the night and thought i'd take another stab at it

1184
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 2: the next day once I'd had some time to process.

1185
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 2: But it's been days and I still just feel really

1186
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 2: confused about this whole thing. I'm really struggling trying to

1187
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 2: process how I'm feeling about it all and judging if

1188
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 2: I even have a right to feel upset. I've never

1189
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 2: run into an ex before, so this is new territory.

1190
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 2: So I'm making my first Reddit post. Honestly, not even

1191
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 2: sure if this is the best sub for this. If

1192
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 2: you think this belongs elsewhere, let me know. And there

1193
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:31,879
Speaker 2: are some comments, but.

1194
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 1: What would you what would you do? I think you

1195
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,399
Speaker 1: have to have a conversation with your partner and say like, hey,

1196
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 1: I felt pretty weird about this. I felt excluded. Can

1197
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:42,800
Speaker 1: we talk about this? Yeah?

1198
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 2: Coming Number one says, Listen, you really need to start

1199
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,879
Speaker 2: communicating your feelings to your wife. I get that that's

1200
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 2: hard for you, but then that's something that you need

1201
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 2: to work super hard on improving. Without good communication, relationships

1202
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 2: won't last, you won't vocalize your feelings, and the resentment

1203
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 2: will just build.

1204
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 1: Tell her that this mall trip left you confused.

1205
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 2: You thought she didn't like the guy, she only spoke

1206
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 2: of him in negative light, and then it looks like

1207
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 2: she met a long lost best friend and then spent

1208
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 2: a whole evening talking about it to her mates. Tell

1209
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 2: her that that was confusing and makes it look like

1210
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 2: such a big deal.

1211
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 1: So why was it such a big deal? Does she

1212
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: still have some sort of feelings for him?

1213
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 2: Also, doesn't she think that that's kind of rude not

1214
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 2: to introduce you and bring you into a conversation that's

1215
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 2: universally rude. Whomever you are meeting. Ask her all of

1216
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 2: this and someone else responds this. Also, when you asked

1217
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 2: her about why she didn't introduce you, she said, he

1218
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 2: knows who you are, But you said that you.

1219
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 1: Had to deduce who he was. How does he know

1220
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 1: who you are? It seems yeah, oh yeah.

1221
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 2: I know, because that's what I always thinking, Like that's

1222
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 2: what I think we were on about, like with him

1223
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 2: with her possibly cheating or something like that, or just

1224
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 2: that being up in the air that she's done that before.

1225
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 2: It's like if they've talked about it before, if he

1226
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 2: knows who who the op is, then yeah when and

1227
00:52:57,560 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 2: like if this seems like the first time they've met

1228
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:00,760
Speaker 2: up and so long.

1229
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about it, why did? Yeah? I

1230
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 1: think that's a great point.

1231
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,480
Speaker 2: Commentaryooo, it seems like maybe they've been in some kind

1232
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 2: of contact later than you know about it. Either way,

1233
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 2: stop dropping hints and say what you mean. Hints are

1234
00:53:12,200 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 2: too easy to dodge.

1235
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 1: Good luck and update me.

1236
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 2: Another respond I never talk about my ex because I

1237
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 2: dislike a majority of them, even the ones I dislike.

1238
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: I just don't care.

1239
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 2: If I saw an ex in the mall, I'd pretend

1240
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,400
Speaker 2: not to notice in the hopes that they wouldn't see me.

1241
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,799
Speaker 2: If I was with my husband, I would totally use

1242
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:28,720
Speaker 2: him as the excuse.

1243
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 1: Hey, me and my husband.

1244
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 2: Are in a rush, we gotta go, and then I

1245
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 2: would crap talk about them for like fifteen minutes in

1246
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 2: the car.

1247
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: That interaction is a red flag.

1248
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 2: Another commentary says if someone comes up to you while

1249
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 2: you're with someone else and you don't introduce them, that's

1250
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 2: bad social form, period. It doesn't matter if it's your

1251
00:53:44,239 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 2: soccer coach, your mom. Unless it's like a super brief

1252
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 2: interaction like a passing.

1253
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 1: Hello, that's just a rude way to behave.

1254
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 2: That rule goes double if it's an ex it goes

1255
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 2: from rude to disrespectful. Your wife should have immediately introduced

1256
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 2: you and included you in the conversation. If she's touching someone.

1257
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 1: It should have been you. When she didn't introduce to.

1258
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 2: You, the subtext is that you aren't worth being introduced too,

1259
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,920
Speaker 2: even if it had been someone that you had met before.

1260
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:09,120
Speaker 2: The polite thing to do is say, oh, hey, you

1261
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: remember ope my husband or have you met before. This

1262
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 2: is like really basically social etiquette that every adult should know.

1263
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 2: And there is an update. Hi.

1264
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: Again.

1265
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,319
Speaker 2: Everyone wasn't sure if I should make a whole new

1266
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 2: post or edit and add here, but considering how many

1267
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 2: people commented update me, I think posting a brief update here.

1268
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: Makes the most sense.

1269
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 2: Carla and I sat down and had a long talk.

1270
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 2: She was experiencing some emotions similar to mine throughout the week.

1271
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:33,959
Speaker 1: How can that be? You might ask?

1272
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,959
Speaker 2: After sitting down and using a lot of the top

1273
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 2: comments here as a guideline to get my feelings out, namely,

1274
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 2: the feeling of being lost and confused.

1275
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 1: We were able to get a dialogue going and figure

1276
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: out my our feelings.

1277
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 2: The biggest realization I had while replying to comments, and

1278
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:50,880
Speaker 2: what was fully realized when Carla and I talked, was

1279
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 2: that I had felt abandoned and disconnected from her for

1280
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 2: the first time in our relationship. We have a little

1281
00:54:55,840 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 2: phrase we say book page to signify that our minds, emotions,

1282
00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 2: and hearts are on the same page.

1283
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: We say it a lot because that's just how we feel.

1284
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:05,319
Speaker 1: When Chris and Carla split.

1285
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 2: At the mall, and she just didn't acknowledge it or

1286
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 2: give any indication she was ready to sync up our

1287
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 2: emotions and experiences from that encounter, That's what really threw

1288
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 2: me for a loop and had me spiraling for days.

1289
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: She knew it was a mistake on her part and

1290
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 2: had every intention of talking to me and getting back

1291
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 2: on the same page. She was actually the one to

1292
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 2: initiate our talk when she got home yesterday. I was

1293
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,640
Speaker 2: planning to wait until after a bit later after eating,

1294
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 2: but she started it off almost immediately. She was and

1295
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 2: is incredibly sorry for how I was feeling. She didn't

1296
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 2: realize it was as severe as it was, which is

1297
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 2: why she had put off talking until she had figured

1298
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 2: out her own feelings. I can already predicate to the

1299
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 2: comments rolling in saying that we're both bad communicators, and

1300
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,520
Speaker 2: we both did the same unhealthy thing of bottling up

1301
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 2: our feelings instead of just talking to our spouse. If

1302
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 2: that was the norm, I would completely agree with you.

1303
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 2: This is the first time I've ever experienced this feeling,

1304
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,719
Speaker 2: as I've said, and it's the first time Carla has

1305
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:00,920
Speaker 2: done this as well. This was an outlier, not the

1306
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 2: normal rhythm of our relationship.

1307
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 1: As soon as.

1308
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,560
Speaker 2: We were able to talk about our thoughts, those feelings

1309
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:08,239
Speaker 2: of disconnection went away, and it immediately felt like a

1310
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 2: million pound weight had been lifted off my heart. We

1311
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 2: then started to compare our experiences and what happened and

1312
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:14,880
Speaker 2: our thoughts and feelings.

1313
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:16,120
Speaker 1: We went over a lot, so.

1314
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:18,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to just throw things out in point four

1315
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 2: because the conversation jumped around a lot, So I'm just

1316
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:24,319
Speaker 2: gonna throw things down in point For Carla feels a

1317
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 2: fun throwback type of excitement when talking with Chris and

1318
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 2: reminiscing about high school in old times. He added her

1319
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 2: on Instagram that night after they ran into each other

1320
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 2: at the mall.

1321
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:35,320
Speaker 1: She added him back and they started dming.

1322
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:37,760
Speaker 2: He had broached the idea of meeting up for coffee

1323
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:40,879
Speaker 2: to catch up when they were talking at the mall.

1324
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 1: She said that she might be open to it, but

1325
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 1: didn't commit. At that point.

1326
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:45,800
Speaker 2: She talked to the girls in the group chat because

1327
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,239
Speaker 2: they were all there during the Chris era and had

1328
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 2: talked in the past about what.

1329
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 1: Meeting up with him again would be like, I told her.

1330
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 2: I tried to check her phone to ease my anxiety,

1331
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 2: and she said that she was sorry the password had changed.

1332
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:58,920
Speaker 2: She changed it due to a misunderstanding with an instruction

1333
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 2: from her new works mail app. She changed her phone

1334
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,520
Speaker 2: passcode from my birth year, her birth year, our meeting

1335
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,399
Speaker 2: year to our meeting year, just a reorganization. She had

1336
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 2: changed it around November or December, and I just haven't

1337
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 2: had a need to touch her phone and try to

1338
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:14,360
Speaker 2: get in. She handed me her phone and let me

1339
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:16,000
Speaker 2: enter the new code to show me that she was

1340
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 2: being honest.

1341
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 1: The girls group chat was full of girl talk.

1342
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 2: There are a couple people that reached out to me

1343
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 2: via DM that I've already shared details with, and a

1344
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 2: few of them say that this girl's chat was extremely

1345
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,920
Speaker 2: inappropriate and not okay, while others said that it resembled

1346
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:30,919
Speaker 2: what their girls chat would look like under the same

1347
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 2: circumstances and with all the same history. In context, Carla

1348
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 2: does still have some lingering feelings for Chris. It's not

1349
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 2: something that she feels detracts or impacts her feelings from

1350
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 2: me at all. She was brutally honest and said it's

1351
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 2: more of a physical lust attraction, not feelings of love.

1352
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 2: Carla has a very dominant and assertive personality type, and

1353
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 2: so does Chris. They never worked as a couple for

1354
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: that reason, but they connected physically really well. Our relationship

1355
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:56,960
Speaker 2: works the opposite way, and she knows that I'm with

1356
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:57,720
Speaker 2: a puzzle.

1357
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 1: And that, like you dark that's even worse is she

1358
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 1: telling you? She's like and you get it because like

1359
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 1: our physical life isn't as good as it was with Yeah,

1360
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 1: but you know, yeah, she's just like planting the seeds

1361
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: of having a polyamorous relationship. It could be better, Yeah,

1362
00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 1: I mean we could, you know, spice it up by

1363
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: bringing another person in, Yeah, and someone already taking one out.

1364
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 2: Our relationship works the opposite way, and she knows that

1365
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:27,200
Speaker 2: I'm the puzzle piece for her heart and soul and

1366
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 2: that no matter anything else, she wants to spend her

1367
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 2: life with me, and I feel the same way about her.

1368
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,240
Speaker 1: A lot of the girls group chat dove into some.

1369
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 2: Details about mine, Carla's spicy sleep life, as well as

1370
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,600
Speaker 2: her history with Chris. I learned some things in the

1371
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:41,280
Speaker 2: chat that Carla had hinted at before to me in

1372
00:58:41,360 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 2: conversations or while being intimate that.

1373
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 1: Made things make a lot more sense.

1374
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 2: I can provide some additional details if people want, but

1375
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 2: I don't think that's really the point here. Carla said

1376
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 2: she wanted to meet up with Chris for coffee. She

1377
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 2: messaged him with me at the end of our talk

1378
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 2: and they confirmed it for today. It's one twenty two

1379
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 2: pm here. They met up for coffee at eleven am.

1380
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,959
Speaker 2: Check it with her and she said, it's going really well.

1381
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: But you know what isn't rough is the fact that

1382
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,400
Speaker 2: we have full episodes with more stories just like this one.

1383
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,920
Speaker 2: Just go to your favorite podcast app, whether that's iHeartRadio, Spotify,

1384
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,919
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, whatever you still choose, and search of Okay,

1385
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 2: story time. We've got so many more for you, so many.

1386
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's questions that have come up that I

1387
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 2: haven't answered. These details are the ones that come to

1388
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 2: the top of my mind when I sit and think

1389
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 2: about our talk and where we're at.

1390
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 1: Of the dozen or so people that reached out, and.

1391
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 2: I've already updated on this, a couple don't think I

1392
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 2: should bother updating because of where this ended up. I

1393
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 2: figured I owed it to everyone that seems so interested,

1394
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 2: and if we had our talk and how it went

1395
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 2: and that's it, what.

1396
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? I want to I want to

1397
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: know what the other people do. Come on, I want

1398
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:51,240
Speaker 1: to be okay, I want to freaking be with the people. Sorry.

1399
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: Well see, uh insane? Insane. That op went from like

1400
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 1: being like, oh, that was weird and disrespectful to literally

1401
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:01,000
Speaker 1: like finding out that our partner has full feelings for

1402
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 1: her ex. Yeah, and then she continues to hang out

1403
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 1: with him. Yeah, bonkers. That's bonkers.

1404
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:09,960
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's just me, but it's like,

1405
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 2: even if like my partner trusted me and stuff like this,

1406
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 2: and if I was in Carla's situation somehow, like if

1407
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 2: even if I knew my partner trusted me and I

1408
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:23,240
Speaker 2: trusted my partner, I would still want to like reassure

1409
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:27,439
Speaker 2: him yeah, that like it's this is like just about

1410
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 2: the situation.

1411
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:29,440
Speaker 1: About how I feel about it. I think that I

1412
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 1: write certain situations that you don't put yourselves in when

1413
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship because it's just disrespectful. Yeah, And

1414
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 1: it's like.

1415
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:39,120
Speaker 4: Your partner shouldn't be saying, don't ever put yourselves in

1416
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 4: that position or liked it, Like you can't do that

1417
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 4: because that's disrespectful to put down and be like oh yeah,

1418
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:47,720
Speaker 4: but it's just like having respect on both sides.

1419
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 1: It's like your partner shouldn't be forcing you to do it.

1420
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 1: You should want to not to do that. Yeah, you know,

1421
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 1: but that's the end of that story.