Speaker 1: A.
Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome to Daniel's bus cooking show. Hey, what
Speaker 2: we're doing is taking on the leftovers. We got some
Speaker 2: sharred lobster tail and we're gonna feed my father in law.
Speaker 2: I hope it's best good Wayne.
Speaker 1: It's not too big.
Speaker 2: I just made it for you. What do he thinks
Speaker 2: it was good?
Speaker 1: It's good?
Speaker 2: How was lobster Tosh Tosh Shush show. Welcome to Tosh
Speaker 2: show there, I said it. Happy to be here. Just
Speaker 2: got back from the road with Eddie Gosling, a couple
Speaker 2: of road dogs, a couple road dogs. We're in the
Speaker 2: Midwest doing what Midwest comics do. What's that kill? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Murdering.
Speaker 2: No, we're in the Midwest. It was nice, just making
Speaker 2: good people have a good time. I want to thank
Speaker 2: everyone for coming to the shows. But before we get
Speaker 2: into it, let's delve into some of our fan mail.
Speaker 1: Fan mail, so, I don't think Daniel realizes that video
Speaker 1: games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's sadly common with people who don't play games. They
Speaker 1: just think herder nerds sitting in their mom's basement. Why
Speaker 1: they think it's just for kids? Meanwhile, the industry is
Speaker 1: a hole, makes more money than the entirety of the
Speaker 1: movie and television streaming industries. It's massive, with millions upon
Speaker 1: millions of regular normal people who play games.
Speaker 2: Okay, well you're wrong, but I'm glad you've felt compelled
Speaker 2: to write all that in the comment section. Beefy cool.
Speaker 2: People don't play video games. That's the way it's always been.
Speaker 2: It's the way they always will be.
Speaker 1: It's true. What do you get to rewrite the world?
Speaker 2: You can't change it?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: But how much to sponsor the show? How much to
Speaker 1: have Eddie do it in his dragon voice.
Speaker 2: To get Schneze gets on this show? I can't even
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't imagine it. It costs more than
Speaker 2: I mean, fifty thousand I think? Is here everybody? That
Speaker 2: what am I?
Speaker 1: What am I pitching today?
Speaker 2: I'm usually a catcher, if you know what I mean. Alright,
Speaker 2: we got to sing that away. We're gonna edit the
Speaker 2: singing out. I can't out what's the next one?
Speaker 1: Sorry? Your dad is daddy Eddie?
Speaker 2: Ah, you know that that's right in my wheelhouse. It's
Speaker 2: a combination of stupid and funny. Sorry, yeah, sorry, your
Speaker 2: dad is deady Eddie, you know what I say.
Speaker 1: Comment of the year, common of the year.
Speaker 2: Hit the bells winter Winter. Congratulations. You know you were
Speaker 2: You were being sincere, but you were also being funny
Speaker 2: to Eddie for his loss.
Speaker 1: Definitely a dark spot when I read that, and that
Speaker 1: did make me laugh. If this person gets.
Speaker 2: Don't care who passes. If somebody says sorry, your dad
Speaker 2: is daddy Eddie's, that's gonna tickle you for a second.
Speaker 1: You made a rhyme. That's good.
Speaker 2: You made a dumb rhyme. Yeah, I liked it. That's
Speaker 2: pretty good.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks a lot for m h w J. Three
Speaker 1: PK means a lot.
Speaker 2: That guy gets it.
Speaker 1: That guy gets it somehow realize that some of Eddie's
Speaker 1: laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit?
Speaker 2: No shade, no, no shade ed. They're not making fun
Speaker 2: of us. They just don't want you to see. That
Speaker 2: wasn't a real laugh. I'm looking at Eddie right now,
Speaker 2: right here, he sits right here. There's zero chance that
Speaker 2: we've editor ever edited Eddie laughing. We got three microphones
Speaker 2: on this show, we got three cameras. None of them
Speaker 2: are pointed at Eddie, but we do record his laugh
Speaker 2: when it happens.
Speaker 1: When is the last time you had to pull off
Speaker 1: the road at a construction site to use their portage.
Speaker 2: On I've already told my worst porta potty story on
Speaker 2: the show, which was when I left my daughter outside
Speaker 2: of it. I jumped a fence at night in Charleston,
Speaker 2: South Carolina, a city that I find repulsive, and used
Speaker 2: a porta potty. I think I think that was the
Speaker 2: most recent as well. You know, when my house was
Speaker 2: being built, I had a porta potty in the front
Speaker 2: of my house, and I found that many women in
Speaker 2: my neighborhood that go for walks just walk onto construction
Speaker 2: sites and use the porta potty. Seems crazy, And I said, Sergio,
Speaker 2: is that normally goes yep wow on construction sites all
Speaker 2: the time? Like walkers will just be like, yeah, we
Speaker 2: get to use it too. That's gross.
Speaker 1: I went to the show in Minneapolis last Friday night
Speaker 1: with a good friend. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife was home
Speaker 1: having contractions. We live about an hour away, and after
Speaker 1: the show wasn't about to walk out of this masterpiece early.
Speaker 1: I drove home and got her to the hospital. The
Speaker 1: baby's heart rate was dropping so fast and she went
Speaker 1: in for an emergency C section. We had a little
Speaker 1: girl at one fifty three in the morning.
Speaker 2: Ah, look at that. I should have saved the comment
Speaker 2: of the year for this guy, but that's already that
Speaker 2: ship is sailed, so you don't get it. But this guy, well,
Speaker 2: what a fan. I mean, a horrible, horrible husband, probably
Speaker 2: gonna be a bad dad, But what a fan.
Speaker 1: To whom it may concern. Eddie's Apple watch almost blinded
Speaker 1: me at a show this weekend. If it doesn't clear
Speaker 1: up soon, I may pursue legal action. I thoroughly enjoyed
Speaker 1: the Milwaukee show, loved every minute of it.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna side with this person. I don't think you
Speaker 2: should wear an Apple Watch on stage. Do you shut
Speaker 2: off notifications?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because one time you told me you could see it,
Speaker 1: so I was like, oh, it was lighting up mode there,
Speaker 1: so I put that on. But this still does catch
Speaker 1: the spotlight and hit the people in the front row.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you don't need it. It serves no purpose. I've got
Speaker 2: a clock for you on stage. Sure you can be
Speaker 2: away from your family for a few minutes.
Speaker 1: But I take it off and I have such a
Speaker 1: like a bad sun tan thing happening. Maybe I'll put
Speaker 1: a bracelet on.
Speaker 2: You just never take a watch off. Huh. You just
Speaker 2: wear a watch all the time. You know what you do?
Speaker 2: Ed Okay, okay, here's what you do. You do what
Speaker 2: my grandpa did. Grandpa toash Okay, he always wore his
Speaker 2: watch with the watch on the inside. Makes sense, and
Speaker 2: because he always was like, well it's easier to tell
Speaker 2: time when I can see it this way. But you
Speaker 2: only do that just for when you're on stage. You
Speaker 2: turn it in right then we cover up your tan line.
Speaker 2: You still have your watch so that your wife Lord
Speaker 2: knows that Megan can't get a hold of your heads.
Speaker 2: Are gonna roll, say.
Speaker 1: What I'm doing it? I like this little just spin
Speaker 1: it around.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if you have to loosen
Speaker 2: it a notch or if you wear it loose enough
Speaker 2: that you can spin it.
Speaker 1: Well, just it's a velcrow so it's easy.
Speaker 2: You have a velcrow watch where it is?
Speaker 1: Child?
Speaker 2: All right? Well, let you know what, Let's give people
Speaker 2: a real breakdown of the tour. Yeah, and you Casha,
Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about the tour today on the show
Speaker 2: What Tour the World Tour? Oh, JT in the house. Now,
Speaker 2: I wasn't a world tour that I was on. I
Speaker 2: just went to the Midwest. I flew there with my
Speaker 2: kids and my wife and Eddie and Pete, and then
Speaker 2: when we landed, my in laws flew in. And then
Speaker 2: we met our bus driver and he was wearing a
Speaker 2: big cross. And you want your bus driver to be
Speaker 2: super religious. Yeah, you know when you're falling asleep on
Speaker 2: the highway at seventy miles an hour, you want to
Speaker 2: know that up front that guy knows that. Well, not
Speaker 2: everything's in his control. So we were in Kansas City
Speaker 2: for night one of the tour, and I was a
Speaker 2: little nervous for the first show, but it went fine.
Speaker 2: I'd do like an hour and a half. Did you
Speaker 2: enjoy Kansas City showy? I thought. I thought they were nice,
Speaker 2: and we had Q thirty nine barbecue afterwards. I wonder
Speaker 2: if people agree that that's one of the top barbecue
Speaker 2: spots in KC. It was good. Yeah, I thought it
Speaker 2: was great. They were out of sausage. I remember, hey, youth,
Speaker 2: I don't know if you're on a gold belly, but
Speaker 2: send me some sausage because I ordered I wanted sausage
Speaker 2: and then after the show. See Pete makes me order
Speaker 2: before I go on stage. Then when I get off stage,
Speaker 2: the food is there. But so many times he's like, hey,
Speaker 2: they didn't have blank so instead you're getting elk yea.
Speaker 2: Desserts are always the worst. I'll be like, oh, I'll
Speaker 2: take a cheesecake and he's like, oh, I got you
Speaker 2: Tara Masoux. I'm like, why don'd you go fuck yourself?
Speaker 2: Tara Masoux and cheesecake are not in the same family. Oh, okay,
Speaker 2: what do you want to I wanted to brownie? Okay,
Speaker 2: what'd you end up getting me? I got you a
Speaker 2: cheese tart. It's just all we it. It's weird. Anyway.
Speaker 2: I did say the R word on stage right at
Speaker 2: the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have,
Speaker 2: but you know, in context, I'll let the audience here
Speaker 2: be the judge. I don't like to do material, but
Speaker 2: I congratulated Kansas City on winning the NBA Championship, and
Speaker 2: then you know, I make it made reference to you
Speaker 2: can't convince me Oklahoma City in Kansas City are different places.
Speaker 2: And if you do a punch in the face and
Speaker 2: then I know what you're saying. Is you shouldn't punch you,
Speaker 2: And then I said the R word. I'm like, but
Speaker 2: that's what you're calling yourself, so it's not you get it.
Speaker 2: I think I'm in the clear. I probably shouldn't have
Speaker 2: said it. My fault.
Speaker 1: Well, they said it in your head.
Speaker 2: In my head they said the word yep. So but anyway,
Speaker 2: we stayed the night in Kansas City. Did I like
Speaker 2: my hotel?
Speaker 1: Yeah? We did.
Speaker 2: It had a great you know what I liked about
Speaker 2: my hotel? Hold on, let me just give some props.
Speaker 2: This is almost gonna sound like a free play. The
Speaker 2: Crossroads Hotel had a restaurant in it, and the hotel
Speaker 2: was quirky, kind of funky industrial. I didn't have a
Speaker 2: good view out my room, that's for sure. I was
Speaker 2: looking into a parking garage. That was disappointing. But where
Speaker 2: you made up for it was your restaurant. They made pizza.
Speaker 2: Their pizzas were delicious. But they had a salad there
Speaker 2: that I'm and I don't get excited about salads ever,
Speaker 2: but this is just kind of a pre pizza salad.
Speaker 2: It was unbelievable. Yeah, I'm calling it one of my
Speaker 2: top three favorite salads. And I know if I know,
Speaker 2: if I get the the ingredients, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: get the ratios. Right. What was the salad I got?
Speaker 1: That was a charred cucumber salad.
Speaker 2: It was a charred cucumber salad. I believe it's tell
Speaker 2: me exactly how to make it crossroads so I can
Speaker 2: try to duplicate it at home. That salad was delicious. Okay. Anyway,
Speaker 2: so sorry for saying the R word. Q thirty nine,
Speaker 2: you forgot your sausages. It was my first show, probably
Speaker 2: went long because the first night I'm just trying to
Speaker 2: figure out, okay, what material am I doing? And then
Speaker 2: the next day we were going to Omaha. We had
Speaker 2: to leave Kansas City early because we wanted to get
Speaker 2: to Omaha by noon to go to the College World Series.
Speaker 2: Because the College World Series of Baseball is a bucket
Speaker 2: list item for my father in law, and I just
Speaker 2: keep looking at him every time he said you know this,
Speaker 2: you know, Daniel, it's my bucket list to I'm like, okay, well,
Speaker 2: I'm glad everything on your bucket list is obtainable, you know,
Speaker 2: in a two week period. I worry about his bucket list.
Speaker 2: First of all, nothing on it is out of reach,
Speaker 2: and I feel like we're going to be wrapped up
Speaker 2: with it, you know, any day now. Now. The theater
Speaker 2: that we were performing at, we just asked, hey, do
Speaker 2: you guys have any tickets to the baseball game? And
Speaker 2: they said yes. I'm not against paying for tickets, but
Speaker 2: they had tickets, and they go, well, we have a box,
Speaker 2: you know, a suite, but it's just you don't get
Speaker 2: the whole suite. It's a partial. There's another group in
Speaker 2: there that uses it. And then you guys can go
Speaker 2: and they've got food and TVs and and you know,
Speaker 2: you got some seating outside of your window and you
Speaker 2: get to watch. I'm like, oh, cool, we'll do it
Speaker 2: and bring the father in law there. Well, we go there.
Speaker 2: The other party is already there, and these people couldn't
Speaker 2: have been more confused at our arrival, like who are you?
Speaker 2: And I don't do well in those situations. I'm just like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're here. We have tickets here in my seat because
Speaker 2: you still actually had a signed seating. But she was like, oh,
Speaker 2: these are ours, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, well we
Speaker 2: got the She's like, well, what group are you with.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not with a group. And she's and
Speaker 2: I'm just I show her the phone. It's we're in
Speaker 2: the right place. And then she's like, Okay, okay, we
Speaker 2: welcome you. We well, and she's holding her hands like
Speaker 2: this and she keeps saying it over and over, Okay,
Speaker 2: we welcome you. I'm like, first of all, this you
Speaker 2: don't need to welcome me. I have, I have. I
Speaker 2: was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you
Speaker 2: where I got them from. But I'm sure she works
Speaker 2: for the same company that we got the tickets for.
Speaker 2: And she's like, we've used these tickets for like twenty
Speaker 2: years and we've never had anybody come into the box
Speaker 2: besides us. I don't care about the backstory. This is
Speaker 2: this is where our tickets are. And but she's kept going,
Speaker 2: we well, we welcome you, and I don't. There's there's
Speaker 2: That's what I hate when people talk about when they
Speaker 2: shit on California, but they say that the South is
Speaker 2: so sweet and nice, and I know this is omah,
Speaker 2: so I don't even know what that means. But I
Speaker 2: felt very unwelcomed. We will we welcome you. She's like,
Speaker 2: get out of my way. I'm gonna eat a sandwich.
Speaker 2: They had a spread of food in there. They had
Speaker 2: weird food too, and like pulled chicken, veggie patties, some
Speaker 2: guas chips. There's a salsa station and some bad popcorn.
Speaker 2: My son liked the popcorn. Whatever, we welcome you. So anyway, now, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, ever since the tour, whenever I see somebody,
Speaker 2: I just go, we welcome you, And then my daughter
Speaker 2: does it, and she's two, and she's and she does
Speaker 2: the hands too, and she goes, we welcome you. I
Speaker 2: just hope this somehow gets back to that lady, that
Speaker 2: that I was the one in your suite and your
Speaker 2: group was very unwelcoming, even though you said forty times
Speaker 2: we welcome you. And the game was dumb. I'm the
Speaker 2: base I stayed maybe an inning and a half. I
Speaker 2: watched the first in the Coastal Carolina put up six runs.
Speaker 2: I went and bought a couple of hats for my
Speaker 2: in laws. I'm like, here, you guys, go little souvenirs. Uh.
Speaker 2: And then I took both my children, jumped in an
Speaker 2: uber and left. And the people that are like, you
Speaker 2: can't come back in if you leave now, and I'm like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm I'm out of here. Good now.
Speaker 2: I took both the kids. I told my wife stay
Speaker 2: enjoy the game with the welcoming people, and I just
Speaker 2: brought the kids back to the hotel. We get in
Speaker 2: the pool, we order virgin pina coladas, and the bartender
Speaker 2: didn't even want to charge me. She's like, you don't
Speaker 2: need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can't tip
Speaker 2: you if you don't charge me, because it's you know,
Speaker 2: I gotta put on the room. She's like, okay, I
Speaker 2: might go to charge me. And then I go put
Speaker 2: fifty percent on for you. Look at that. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: was being welcoming.
Speaker 1: That's gonna say.
Speaker 2: And that was it. And we didn't even spend the
Speaker 2: night in Omaha. Just did the show and the show
Speaker 2: was good. The people of Omaha were welcoming. And then
Speaker 2: we just left that night to go to Minneapolis because
Speaker 2: it's a long drive. Now this is where things get ridiculous.
Speaker 2: We drive all night long to Minneapolis until about three
Speaker 2: in the morning, and I stay in the bus asleep
Speaker 2: downtown Minneapolis on the side of the road next to
Speaker 2: the theater, just me and the bus with two children.
Speaker 2: Everybody else gets out and goes into the hotel. Now,
Speaker 2: this hotel was like a couple blocks away in this
Speaker 2: area of downtown Minneapolis. I mean, I have to be
Speaker 2: honest with you, not the safest, sketchy sketchy yep. Okay,
Speaker 2: we'll point out some of the people that we saw
Speaker 2: ran into later. But my wife goes in to go
Speaker 2: sleep into the hotel, and then the next day when
Speaker 2: I go, I pass a hooker and not a good
Speaker 2: hooker either, like like pulling her skirt down because her
Speaker 2: big fucking gross asses like hanging out of it, and
Speaker 2: her pimp walking out of the front hotel door. And
Speaker 2: by the way, this hotel doesn't have a lot, just
Speaker 2: has a woman on a desk. It's almost like it
Speaker 2: felt like a youth hostel. But whatever. The room that
Speaker 2: we had was enormous, just a huge suite, I guess.
Speaker 2: But my wife was terrified. She went in there in
Speaker 2: the middle of the night, couldn't like find the bed,
Speaker 2: and I like walk in with the kids and I go, okay,
Speaker 2: we're leaving, and we just we just left and went
Speaker 2: to the Four Seasons. Now, why didn't they go to
Speaker 2: the Four Seasons in the first place, Well, that's because
Speaker 2: they said they were full a few months before, but
Speaker 2: apparently rooms had opened up and we just went down
Speaker 2: the street and now we're at the four. I took
Speaker 2: my in laws out. I said, Eddie, you're staying at
Speaker 2: this crack hotel. Pete, you're staying at the crack hotel.
Speaker 2: Bus driver, you're staying at the crack hotel. In Laws,
Speaker 2: you're with me, kids, you're with me, wife, You do
Speaker 2: what you want.
Speaker 1: I already impacked.
Speaker 2: Eddie didn't want to move because he was unpacked. And
Speaker 2: then Pete loses his mind because he didn't realize that
Speaker 2: Eddie every day on tour unpacks in a hotel and
Speaker 2: puts things in drawers. Love it.
Speaker 1: Especially two days I'm like, I'm living here.
Speaker 2: Eddie's like the accountant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: It just got everything all organized. So I and day
Speaker 2: one my family went to the Mall of America and
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, They're like, do you want to come?
Speaker 2: Do you want to? And I'm like, what, I've been
Speaker 2: in Minneapolis three hundred times. The Mall of America is
Speaker 2: possibly the worst place you could ever go.
Speaker 1: Like, I'll go to the airport first.
Speaker 2: The airport's nicer, but no, So they went there and
Speaker 2: it was miserable. But you know, I guess my son
Speaker 2: had fun. Yeah, my daughter slept in a stroller, that
Speaker 2: type of stuff. You know, Nickelodeon go on a few
Speaker 2: roller coasters or whatever they have in the middle. I mean,
Speaker 2: how many stores that you thought had gone out of business?
Speaker 2: Can you visit? There's a Toys r Us in the
Speaker 2: Mall of America. Aren't they out of business? Yes? I
Speaker 2: would think, no they are. I thought they like famously
Speaker 2: went out of business. Whatever. Minneapolis. First night was great,
Speaker 2: Second night was oddly not my it was second night
Speaker 2: wasn't my favorite, and that was my fault, not there.
Speaker 2: I got a little mush mouthed sometimes I get mushmouth
Speaker 2: on stage and words don't come out as perfect as
Speaker 2: I wanted them to. You don't care. They were. But
Speaker 2: near the theater was a big old banner of a tiny,
Speaker 2: tiny Asian man, mister Lewis Lee, owner of the Acme
Speaker 2: Comedy Club, which is a club that I got my
Speaker 2: start at, probably one of the first real clubs that
Speaker 2: ever headlined me. You know, it's like kind of it
Speaker 2: is in the Warehouse district, you go down below. The
Speaker 2: following day, I took my family for a walk and
Speaker 2: I made them walk by the club and then I said,
Speaker 2: let's go in, and there was nobody there. But then
Speaker 2: I saw an Asian woman cleaning, and I like knocked
Speaker 2: on the window and she came over and she unlocked
Speaker 2: the door, and I said, hi, I used to work
Speaker 2: here a long time ago. I'm friends with the owner,
Speaker 2: Lewis Lee. Can I come in and show my family.
Speaker 2: She doesn't say a single word. She just leaves the
Speaker 2: door open and walks away. And so we all walk
Speaker 2: in and we go back to the green room, and
Speaker 2: the green room leads right onto the stage, and then
Speaker 2: we walked onto the stage and she just immediately turned
Speaker 2: all the stage lights on, like from the booth. She's like,
Speaker 2: just made the place look beautiful. Still hasn't said a word.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, that was nice. And then we walked
Speaker 2: around and then we walked out, and she walked up
Speaker 2: behind us and I said, thank you so much, and
Speaker 2: she's locked the door. This Minneapolis was the first place
Speaker 2: on tour that I got violent diarrhea. Had I had
Speaker 2: some Mediterranean food at the time. It was delicious, but
Speaker 2: I I, you know, it didn't it didn't stay in
Speaker 2: me long, but I made it to a toilet.
Speaker 1: Good for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The funniest thing that happened in Minneapolis certainly wasn't
Speaker 2: me on stage. My father in law was walking around
Speaker 2: the city with me, and you have to understand, this
Speaker 2: man has never traveled outside of Florida, so everything he
Speaker 2: sees is new to him, and he tries to like
Speaker 2: give me like tidbits, like, oh, you'll find this one interesting.
Speaker 2: You see that building over there, that's US Bank's international headquarters.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, it's not. That's where the Vikings play.
Speaker 2: I kid you, not US Bank Stadium. It says stadium
Speaker 2: right underneath US Bank Massive. And then he spends the
Speaker 2: next thirty minutes trying to look up on his phone
Speaker 2: to see if I'm right, and then eventually he's like, Yo,
Speaker 2: it turns out you are right. But I know that
Speaker 2: international headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it
Speaker 2: probably doesn't say stadium on the side of it.
Speaker 1: The rest of the time of the bus, relentlessly pointing
Speaker 1: out any building and asking him what bank that was
Speaker 1: was so funny.
Speaker 2: Oh, we didn't let up any baseball field that we saw.
Speaker 2: We're like, oh, you've got to go to that bank
Speaker 2: it's so beautiful, like that bank is so nice. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we know we tease him pretty hard, but he commits,
Speaker 2: you know, he puts himself in those situations. Bucket. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then from Minneapolis we headed over to Milwaukee. Milwaukee
Speaker 2: was too hot, by the way, every place we were
Speaker 2: at was like ninety degrees. Oh, it's just miserable. In Milwaukee,
Speaker 2: who was it was Donut Monster. Thank you. They they
Speaker 2: gave us like four dozen donuts, which is not If
Speaker 2: you want to give me donuts, that's nice, but like,
Speaker 2: give me two. There's nothing I can do with that
Speaker 2: many dons. I just had to start giving them away
Speaker 2: to people and then people like I don't want donuts.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well it's it's they're free, and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I didn't think you were gonna charge me. Milwaukee, we
Speaker 2: did two shows that night, which is never my favorite,
Speaker 2: but it allows me to do laundry in the venue,
Speaker 2: which also isn't fun because I'm just down there in
Speaker 2: my underwear, shirtless, and like staff is just walking by,
Speaker 2: like what is going on? Is that the performer? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, it's just doing laundry.
Speaker 1: I think the first time I saw you do that
Speaker 1: just like, not wear anything other than you're washing everything.
Speaker 1: I'm like, huh, just wouldn't. I wouldn't pick you to
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't have any I didn't have any extra clothes,
Speaker 2: and I want all of them to be clean. I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna keep pair on. So I'm just in my
Speaker 2: underwear water and I'm watching everybody's stuff, like my mother
Speaker 2: in law. You ever fold your mother in law's unmentionables? Huh?
Speaker 2: Any of you?
Speaker 1: No, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I've done it so many times. I can't. I don't
Speaker 2: even care. I just you know, shake him out there.
Speaker 2: We go, put the fold there, and then Pete was like, hey,
Speaker 2: right after the show we're taken off, do you want
Speaker 2: me to fold the last load? I'm like, or put
Speaker 2: it in the in the bus. I'm like, no, I
Speaker 2: don't want you to touch I didn't want him touching
Speaker 2: my mother in law and my wife's, my daughter's panties,
Speaker 2: Pete's and he just kept on, I'll do it, It's
Speaker 2: no big deal. He kept pushing.
Speaker 1: Why what's going on?
Speaker 2: He kept pushing. He's like, I'll do it, no big deal.
Speaker 2: I don't yeah, I don't care. I'll close my eyes
Speaker 2: and do it. The hotel that I stayed at in Milwaukee,
Speaker 2: they had little ukuleles in the room, and my kids
Speaker 2: loved those so much that when I came home, my
Speaker 2: wife had bought two ukuleles, and I'm like, oh, I'm like, can't,
Speaker 2: can I couldn't. That just been like a moment for them,
Speaker 2: like a memory. Oh remember when we were playing with
Speaker 2: the ukuleles. Now I have to have two ukuleles, which
Speaker 2: eventually I will give to a guest. And then off
Speaker 2: to Madison, Wisconsin from Milwaukee. And that's a short drive
Speaker 2: and everyone loves Madison. But we had the same problem
Speaker 2: that most people have when you travel, where your hotel
Speaker 2: room won't let you check in till four o'clock and
Speaker 2: we're they're at noon, and I'm like, oh, this stinks.
Speaker 2: So now I'm stuck in the bus. My wife's like,
Speaker 2: we're gonna the girls are gonna grow Me and mom
Speaker 2: are gonna go run and get massages. I'm like, oh, great,
Speaker 2: I'll just sit in this bus while my daughter naps
Speaker 2: because I can't leave. Oh. And then then my wife
Speaker 2: came back and they're like, oh, the massages were great,
Speaker 2: so so me and my father in law went to
Speaker 2: get massages, and I'm gonna tell you something right now.
Speaker 2: I fell in love that massuse in Madison. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2: She had tiny hands and she was so she talks
Speaker 2: so softly, and when she massaged you, if she was
Speaker 2: going to go do something in the room, she never
Speaker 2: let a hand leave your body. She would like go
Speaker 2: get something, but still kept her hand. Ah, she was magical.
Speaker 2: She didn't. It was nothing, you know a John moment. No, No,
Speaker 2: it was nothing. There was nothing sexual. This was just
Speaker 2: just a good massage. Felt amazing. The problem with Madison
Speaker 2: it was Sunday. We're in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday, and
Speaker 2: we did two shows. And for whatever reason, now on
Speaker 2: tour on Sundays, if you add a second show, they
Speaker 2: put it before your first show. So I had an
Speaker 2: eight o'clock show and then I had a five o'clock show.
Speaker 2: And I don't care how liberal your town is. When
Speaker 2: you say the things that I say and it's still
Speaker 2: sunny outside, you feel kind of dirty. So I found
Speaker 2: that five o'clock show a bit awkward. Did you like it?
Speaker 1: It was No, they were tight. It was early. It's
Speaker 1: just so early.
Speaker 2: They were tight. You can't help it. If you're at
Speaker 2: a show at five o'clock, your body just knows that
Speaker 2: this is inappropriate behavior.
Speaker 1: What are we doing here?
Speaker 2: Yeah, then we've got two days off. We've got a
Speaker 2: Monday and Tuesday. I used to work Mondays and Tuesdays.
Speaker 2: But the reality is you leave a lot of money
Speaker 2: on the table when you perform on a Monday or Tuesday.
Speaker 2: Your ticket sales just naturally fall off. I mean, unless
Speaker 2: you're just you know, at the peak of your popularity.
Speaker 2: But I have that ship is whoo, those days are
Speaker 2: long gone, so I need to wait till a Wednesday
Speaker 2: to start performing. So what am I gonna do with
Speaker 2: my two days off? I head up to Belgium Wisconsin.
Speaker 2: Ever even heard of it? Nope, none of us had
Speaker 2: plans really. Pete is like, I'm gonna go visit some
Speaker 2: family in Chicago. Eddie's like, I got some friends of
Speaker 2: the family at a lake house. I'm gonna go up
Speaker 2: there and go fishing. Did you catch anything cat one
Speaker 2: big pike, A pike? Yeah, I thought you caught walleye.
Speaker 1: No kid cut a walleye the night before. I got
Speaker 1: a pike. A lot of teeth on a pike.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna eat a pike.
Speaker 1: I threw it back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get rid of it. Do you eat that walleye? Nope?
Speaker 1: Everyone went back with them. No, we wants to clean them.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: Huh, you're not really fishing. There's torture and animals were fishing.
Speaker 2: We're eating. No, fishing's eating.
Speaker 1: Well, you're.
Speaker 2: We stayed in Belgium, Wisconsin on the lake on on
Speaker 2: Lake Michigan, and my son and I went into Lake Michigan.
Speaker 2: Tons of dead little bait fish everywhere. Is that normal?
Speaker 2: What is that? Why are there thousands and thousands of
Speaker 2: dead fish on the water anyway? Uh, we went in
Speaker 2: the water. It was frigid. I mean, one of those
Speaker 2: where cold shock is going to hit you and you're
Speaker 2: gonna die. I got panicked. I told myself, I we
Speaker 2: get it out. I can't do this any longer. I'm
Speaker 2: not a cold plunger. But we stayed at this house
Speaker 2: and it was cute. It's kind of a ghost town.
Speaker 2: Went over to Port Washington, had some ice cream a
Speaker 2: little airstream and they did it right because they gave
Speaker 2: kid ice cream and a cone this big, and then
Speaker 2: they just put like a spoonful on top of it,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, genius. Nobody needs more ice cream than
Speaker 2: that for a child went to a breakfast place at PJ.
Speaker 2: Piper's Pancake House in Cedarberg. I'm sure people love it.
Speaker 2: My daughter was being a so that was that was tough.
Speaker 2: I mean just she was just out of control. But
Speaker 2: I didn't love it. The town there seemed quaint. I
Speaker 2: was just in these quaint little lakes towns. It was
Speaker 2: nice enough, but I was over it. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I always say, oh, we could live here, this is beautiful,
Speaker 2: and then after like twenty four hours, I'm like, get
Speaker 2: me out of here, all right. Well, anyway, so two
Speaker 2: days in this little lake town and I was over it,
Speaker 2: Like let's get let's get back to work. We got
Speaker 2: to do our final big shows in Chicago at the
Speaker 2: Chicago Theater, a beautiful theater. Oh my goodness. Oh man,
Speaker 2: my father in law is impressed. If I ever actually
Speaker 2: told him how much we got paid to do shows,
Speaker 2: he would lose his mind. Uh. Anyway, we go to Chicago.
Speaker 2: We get dropped off at the hotel and what happens
Speaker 2: Immediately Pete and the bus driver drive to the venue.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And then the bus driver who Pete had been just
Speaker 2: the whole time, singing his praises like this guy, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm a fan of this driver, which is weird because
Speaker 2: he you know, Pete's Jewish and this guy's got a
Speaker 2: huge crucifix on his chest. It's staying away Pete. It
Speaker 2: seems like they would be at odds. But he's like, no, no,
Speaker 2: he's good. He's to himself. He's on time. He drives.
Speaker 2: He drives a little slow, but I'd rather slow than
Speaker 2: than you know, somebody where you're getting thrown around when
Speaker 2: you're in the back well. Anyway, the two of them
Speaker 2: leave the hotel and they're driving to the venue, and
Speaker 2: they go on a bridge and just shave the top
Speaker 2: of the bus off that all the AC units, all
Speaker 2: the satellite TV just shave just just a couple hundred
Speaker 2: thousand dollars off the top of the bus. This bus
Speaker 2: is easy. One point five million are over. I forgot
Speaker 2: what band is owns it? What's name? It's a country band, right,
Speaker 2: little big town's bus. That's the bus I rented. But man,
Speaker 2: I could stare up through the AC and look at
Speaker 2: the sky. After their little bridge, it got wedged under
Speaker 2: the bridge. They had to get police to like let
Speaker 2: them back out of the road downtown Chicago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I bailed out on foot. I just went
Speaker 1: to sound check.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Pete goes, hey, but I gotta go to a
Speaker 2: sound check. So he just jumped out and then got
Speaker 2: in a petty cab, which is also an I can't
Speaker 2: imagine that that was the right option, but it was hot,
Speaker 2: and Pete wanted to make a man huddle him to
Speaker 2: a venue. What it was an ee bike? Okay, I
Speaker 2: guess for some reason that's a little better. You're fine.
Speaker 2: You know, I couldn't use the bus anymore because there's
Speaker 2: just ninety degrees in there. Oh so hot. But thankfully
Speaker 2: it was the final shows, and the first show went great,
Speaker 2: Chicago crowd, amazing. Second show, second night, a little tight.
Speaker 2: That's how I like to end a tour with a
Speaker 2: show that's just like a little little tight. Hannibal Burris
Speaker 2: came out to that show. That was great to him,
Speaker 2: Chicago legend, just funny as always. As soon as I
Speaker 2: see him, I start laughing. He said he's running and
Speaker 2: owned his own or opened his own comedy club in
Speaker 2: New York. Good for him. I'm never I've never been
Speaker 2: that ambitious in Chicago during the day. Had to come
Speaker 2: up with an activity. So my children's museum. Chicago's got
Speaker 2: one of the greatest children's museum. Let's go over there.
Speaker 2: On the way there, we're all about to have heat
Speaker 2: stroke because we're walking along Lake Michigan. And then thankfully
Speaker 2: they have those not a water found by, like a
Speaker 2: splash pad. Kids could play in the water. You can
Speaker 2: smell that they put some chlorine in it. It's spraying
Speaker 2: every My kids are loving it, you know, they're they're
Speaker 2: going through it. It's the best part of the tour,
Speaker 2: I would think. And they're soaked. I'm like, take off
Speaker 2: your clothes and just you run around in your underwear
Speaker 2: and I'm trying to dry their clothes out in the sun.
Speaker 2: And then my son comes over to me and he's like, hey, Dad,
Speaker 2: I got I got a poop. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: but we'ren't a bad spot right now because you're in
Speaker 2: your underwear and there's no bathrooms around here our closer,
Speaker 2: your clothes are soaking wet. I'm like, we got to
Speaker 2: just hide and we just I basically just make them
Speaker 2: climb over this park bench and we'll buy this piece
Speaker 2: of machinery and I might just squat down here. And
Speaker 2: he's like, but I can see people. I'm like, they're
Speaker 2: not looking at you. I'm just trying to block for them.
Speaker 2: And he just drops like a fifteen inch or I'm
Speaker 2: my good god. It was terrifying.
Speaker 1: Chicago dog.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I put a pickle next to it. But I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: what are you gonna do? I had no I had
Speaker 2: no option. I mean, I'm sure I did. But that's
Speaker 2: what he did. He just he just pooped in Chicao.
Speaker 2: That's what you do in Chicago. If you can poop outside,
Speaker 2: you do. It was nice here, you got We got
Speaker 2: right back into the fountain, clean himself up, stood over
Speaker 2: a get. He loved it. He loved that fountain. What
Speaker 2: did I ate in Chicago? You know? I ate deep dish?
Speaker 2: What we have Geno's the East And by the way,
Speaker 2: we had it two nights in a row. Who deep
Speaker 2: dish two nights in a row? And then I had uh.
Speaker 2: They also have a deep dish brownie. You ever heard
Speaker 2: of such a thing. It's a brownie that's no different
Speaker 2: than every other fucking brownie. Whatever they get me, because
Speaker 2: they called it deep dish Brownie. So I was like,
Speaker 2: what I'll find it was? It was a first night.
Speaker 2: It was in the shape of a circle, good enough,
Speaker 2: we all survived, flew home the next day, and uh,
Speaker 2: here we are in the studio. Best tour ever? Absolutely not,
Speaker 2: but it was. It was enjoyable. Favorite favorite show Milwaukee
Speaker 2: for me? What about you? I didn't have one.
Speaker 1: You got tie.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't have one. I didn't have a B
Speaker 2: I didn't have a best show. Maybe I did. I
Speaker 2: don't remember it, though.
Speaker 1: I remember coming off Sudden you really liked the Omaha
Speaker 1: crowd Omaha.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe it was Omaha. I don't know. I'm glad
Speaker 2: it's behind me.
Speaker 1: Well, we just keep going forward. We don't look back.
Speaker 2: Did you have a worst show?
Speaker 1: Worst show? First show, Madison? I felt like it was
Speaker 1: just it was too early I had.
Speaker 2: I had a three way tie for worst show, and
Speaker 2: I'll just I'll just leave it at that. I don't
Speaker 2: want I don't want the people in the cities to
Speaker 2: be I feel like, oh, I was at that show,
Speaker 2: I thought it was good, and I don't want them
Speaker 2: to know that in my heart it was garbage. Well,
Speaker 2: I can't wait to go on our next tour ready
Speaker 2: and hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus.
Speaker 2: See next week