WEBVTT - Awakening Authenticity: Navigating Workplace Challenges with Areva Martin 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.720 Thanks to MasterCard for sponsoring this episode. Head to MasterCard 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.800 dot com Backslash Small Bids to learn how they're amplifying 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:09.000 and supporting black women entrepreneurs. 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:13.480 You know, know what you're getting into. Make sure it's 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:16.119 a reptible school that's not one of these you know, 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.880 fly by night for profit schools that's just out to gouge. You. 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:22.439 Try to get the best interest rate that you can 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:27.360 understand how much you're borrowing. Borrow just what you need. 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.640 Don't borrow for vacation. This is not you know, free vacation. 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:33.479 This is not free money because you don't have to 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:36.839 pay it back and then just plus interest and then 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.520 figure out, you know, the kind of job you gotta 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:42.440 need and get on a plant and you pay it off. 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:45.480 I mean, I've paid off thousands and thousands of dollars, 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:48.239 loens of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands, but it 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:50.160 was so worth If I had to do it again, 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:51.520 I would do it all over again. 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.640 You're listening to Money News powered by greenwayd a finance 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:57.520 podcast dedicated to dropping all the knowledge and gems from 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:01.760 the world's leading celebrities, entrepreneurs, ands and tech, business and more. 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:06.640 I'm your host, angel investor, technology enthusiast, and media personality 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:09.800 Tanya Sam. Each week we talk with guests who are 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.479 making significant strides in their fields and learn how they 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:13.959 are making their money boot. 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:16.640 If you're someone who's looking to make your money move, 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:17.880 You're in the right place. 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.360 So open up your notes app and lock us in 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:22.800 because this podcast will give you the keys to the 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:27.319 kingdom of financial stability, wealth and abundance you so rightly deserve. 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.160 Before we start the episode, I'd like to remind you 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:33.119 to check us out at gogreenwood dot com and follow 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.479 us on social media at Greenwood and me on all 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.800 Things social at It's Tanya. Time to stay locked in 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:41.000 to new episode. 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.160 Hey money Movers, welcome back. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:47.080 Today we continue our conversation with California super lawyer and 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:49.320 best selling author Areva Martin. 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:50.560 I have a question for. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:53.320 You, because this is something I've always wondered, you know, 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:58.040 as we look at building wealth, building legacy and investing 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:01.279 in ourselves. You went to Harvard Law School, without question, 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.559 one of the most prestigious How do you feel now 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.960 for folks that are considering law, you know, to change 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.320 their lives, change the lives of their families, but also 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.440 need to go into it getting student loans. There's so 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.040 much talk with student loans right now and whether or 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.399 not it's worth the investment. 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.400 Yeah, and you know, actually there are a lot of 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.480 people who now are saying that they're not encouraging their 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:28.440 children to go even to a four year college because 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.160 of the cost, because of the student loans. I don't 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:34.360 agree with that. Here's how I think about loans. I 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:39.560 think about a loan for education as an investment in yourself. 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:43.239 And if you were going to get ahead in life, 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:44.919 you've got to be able to invest in you, whether 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.639 it's a wardrobe or you know, whether it's getting your 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:49.600 teeth fixed. People get their teeth fixed. I mean, there 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.640 are all kinds of investments you have to make, depending 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:55.519 on the industry. And so student loans when taken out 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:57.840 for a school. Now, what we say a lot of 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.959 folks do oftentimes is get student loans and they're traveling 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:03.639 and they're finding those five thousand dollars bad eggs that 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:07.320 we're talking about, and then sometimes they don't even finish 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.640 the school and they're left with the debt and they 0:03:10.720 --> 0:03:13.160 don't have the degree, so they're not able to earn 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.960 the money that would allow them to pay the loans back. 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:19.679 So I came out of law school, college and law 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.920 school debt, so you know, a lot of debt. But 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:27.079 I was making the kind of money that would allow 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:30.520 me again on a budget and be frugal to pay 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:34.400 my student loans off. And the reality in this country 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:38.480 is there's evidence. You know, you've seen this. College graduates 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:42.080 over their lifetime make a lot more money than non 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.160 college graduates. And as a lawyer, or as a physician 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:47.960 or a nurse or any profession, you're likely to make 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:51.160 more money than that non professional personnel. You know, we're 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:54.280 setting aside all those you know, tech billionaires, and you. 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:57.000 Know there's athletes. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.720 We're not talking about the people that are going you know, 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:02.240 people are going to college. So I think it's a 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:05.640 tremendous investment. You know, know what you're getting into. Make 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:07.920 sure it's a reptible school that is not one of 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:11.240 these you know, fly by night for profit schools that's 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.600 just out to gouge. You try to get the best 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.880 interest rate that you can understand how much you're borrowing. 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:22.000 Borrow just what you need. Don't borrow for a vacation. 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.640 This is not you know, free vacation. This is not 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:26.560 free money because you don't have to pay it back 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:30.919 and then just plus interest and then figure out, you know, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:33.000 the kind of job you're gonna need, and get on 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.520 a plan and you pay it off. I mean, I've 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:38.400 paid off thousands of thousands of dollars of students, of 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:41.200 thousands of dollars, tens of thousands, but it was so 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.000 worth If I had to do it again, I would 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.200 do it all over again. So I think people loans 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:49.800 get a bad rep But the reality is if you're poor, 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:54.360 even if you're middle class, Unfortunately, the cost of education 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:56.120 in this country is what it is. I wish it 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.800 were free. I wish these colleges, you know, they have 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:03.000 billions of dollars and endowments, you know, would make college 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:06.800 more affordable. Summer starting to like USC universities of then California, 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:11.159 families that make over eighty thousand, under eighty thousand, they 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.960 offer to wish free for those kids. I know, Yale 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.520 and Harvard all of us, like top schools in the 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:21.760 US are starting to make tuition free programs available to 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:25.719 middle class and low income kids, so they're opportunities to 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.000 go to school and a lot of instances without all 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.480 of the loans, because there are so many great programs 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:32.000 out there. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.799 You know what's really incredible is you talk about these 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:38.880 beautiful and strong women that created this village. And I'm 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:42.640 fascinated even just in the story of you know your godmother, 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:47.160 I guess who was almost like you know the financier. 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:50.480 She worked as a janitor, but she had this ability 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.720 to save. I think people on the outside looking and 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:54.440 they'll be like, well, it. 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:56.360 Was easy for her, it was innate for you. 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.719 You know, you you're okay with sacrifice, but I want 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:00.880 the now bag. 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:08.120 Nor these wealthy kids. No, to the contrary, it was 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.320 not easy. I mean there was temptation all around. As 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.400 they would say, uh no, it took a lot of 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:16.800 and no, I am not perfect. And some years I 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:19.360 didn't save as much and I fell into a credit 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:24.360 card trap, which is, you know, the credit because when 0:06:24.400 --> 0:06:26.799 you get to college, oh my god, every credit card 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:30.599 company in the world starts sending you credit cards, and 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:34.720 you you know, there is attractive and seductive, and I 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:38.120 ended up in a huge credit card uh you know 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:42.839 mess where you are charging food and charging again, you know, tickets, 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:47.960 and a year later, still paying this exorbitant interest rates 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:52.600 for activities you did a year ago. We remember who 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:54.480 did I go to that dinner with? And you're still 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:57.000 paying for it. And that's a trap and the credit 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.880 card companies know it. And I hate this about our country. 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:04.600 Credit your credit. You need credit in order to have 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.800 a high credit absolutely, so that's what they tell young people. 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:09.800 You got to have You have to have credit to 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:13.120 have a high credit score. You have to show you 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.240 hold your card and you pay it every thirty days. 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:19.000 That makes a lot of sense except a lot of 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:20.840 you know, kids don't have that discipline to do that, 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.320 They don't have the financial resources to do that, and 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:27.160 they end up in this spiral and this trap around 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:30.400 credit card. So I've been there. So anyone thinking that 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:34.040 it was easy, No, it wasn't easy. Remember poor poverty, 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:37.000 no father, not living with my mother, grandmother in a wheelchair. 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:39.600 Nothing easy about it. So let's be clear about that. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:42.840 But you know, you do what you have to do. 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:46.400 And I did learn some lessons and I try to 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.840 remember those lessons in some days you know better at 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:49.480 it than others. 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:53.920 Well, you also wrote an incredible book called Awakening Ladies, 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:57.840 Leadership and the Lies we've been told, Yes, tell me 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.640 what it was like to sit down and put all 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:02.880 this into a book as an author, and what was 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.480 really the impetus for you to write it down in 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:06.640 kind of book. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:10.840 Yeah, the impetus was the conversation that we were having 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:15.280 in this country around race and systemic racism. And as 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:17.840 we're having the conversation, as a civil rights warrior, I 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:21.360 was really engaged in that conversation and really excited to 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:24.280 see for the you know, in this era that people 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:29.320 were willing to acknowledge and explore systemic racism. But you know, 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:31.320 I said, okay, but there's another piece of this too. 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.000 And as a woman, and as a woman of color, 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.640 I experienced not only racism, a great deal of sexism. 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.720 And you know, there are only five percent of the 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:48.200 lawyers in this country are African American, five very white, 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:52.520 male dominated profession. Even though now there you'll find probably 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:55.640 equal numbers of women and men in law school, so 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.320 you know, you'll start to see more women, but not 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:03.559 necessarily more black women. So when I started my practice, 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:09.120 I was always mistaken for the court reporter, or the paralegal, 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.880 or the secretary or you know, anybody other than the lawyer. 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:15.559 So and it was always in my mind, is it 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:17.600 the race or is it the sex? And it was 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.560 probably both, you know, oftentimes it was both. So I 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:24.640 wanted to also have an honest conversation not just about race. 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.880 Race is very important to me, but also about sex 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.160 and gender. And one of the hardest things in this 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:31.800 book that I had to do, because one of the 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:36.360 lies that I had to confront was the work ethic 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:40.360 that the lie and I call it a lie I'm 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:44.760 saying in a loving way that my godmother and grandmother 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:49.480 instilled in me about work because they suggested to me 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:53.200 that if I just worked hard, that I would get ahead, 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:57.040 you know. And they too had bought into, you know, 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:00.360 America as a meritocracy, so I don't you know, they 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:04.079 taught me what they knew, but I know better. And 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:07.080 so when you know better, you do better. And we're 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:11.000 not a meritocracy. And sometimes it doesn't matter how hard 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:15.079 you work, you as a woman, still may not get 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:18.880 on that job, the same salary, the same promotion opportunities, 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.640 the same benefits as that male. You may not get 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.679 the same clients, you may not get the same projects, 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:26.960 And that has nothing to do with your work so 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.880 here I am. I you literally cannot outwork me. I 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.800 mean literally, I'm like the artist working person. That's what 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:35.440 I was taught to do. And as I got to 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.160 be an adult and you know, started to realize, you 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:41.520 know what, in some environments, it doesn't matter how hard 0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:44.559 I work because it's not about me. It's about the system. Yes, 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.199 and the system is set up to advance certain people, 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:50.199 and those people don't look like me. So I had 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.120 to confront that, and for me, in some ways, it 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.079 was like challenging the women that loved me. 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:56.640 And raised me. 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.000 So that was a that was emotional for me. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:01.319 That's a big mine is I've lived my life. 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:01.920 Being this hard. 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:04.480 With I work hard, I'll get to where. That's a 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:05.040 big one. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:08.600 And you know, especially in law, I have a lot 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:13.040 of friends that are black women who are lawyers. And 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.160 what was fascinating to me is a lot of them 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.120 aren't practicing anymore. And again this it comes back to 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.559 whether or not it was gender or the fact that 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:21.840 they're black women in law. 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:23.199 They're just it's hard. 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:27.000 It's very difficult, and it's very disheartening and it's very hard. 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:28.840 Yes, and you know, there's so many of us that 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:30.640 have these conversations. They're like, you want to go to 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:33.880 work and work hard, but it's it can be just 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:34.640 a beat down. 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:37.720 Yes, And if you look in the legal profession, the 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.880 number of judges, you know, it's always the conversation about 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.360 the lack of black women in federal judge ships. You 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:48.400 look across the largest corporate law firms in this country, 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.600 firms where lawyers are making two, three, four five million 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:55.240 dollars a year in salaries, they're not I mean it's 0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:57.960 a handful. I can count them on two hands the 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.960 number of Black women that are in those positions. So 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.720 women often go into those jobs and they get churned out, 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:08.000 you know, the system just turns them out. So that 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:12.000 confronting that line was very difficult for me. But I 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:17.280 wanted to have conversations like this about women and the 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:22.199 things that we think we've been taught are the issues, 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.319 when really it's not us because we can't work any harder. 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:30.120 And you've seen this statistic that women, particularly black women, 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:35.400 were amongst the most edueducated demographic in this country. Yes, 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:39.120 so why doesn't that translate? Why aren't there you know, 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.480 just hordes of black women in the c suites and 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:46.560 big corporations since, which is supposed to be a you know, demic. Yes, 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:49.200 but there's supposed to be this connection, right, a dotted 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:52.360 line between higher education, get your law degree, get your MBA, 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:55.320 get a PhD. And that should open up opportunities. Now, 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:59.480 of course it does, but there are still barriers once 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.760 you get to a or eployees, which is why you know, 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:05.079 on a good year we might have two black women 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:07.240 as CEOs. In most years we have zero. 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:07.920 You know. 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:14.400 Rosalind Brewers just was ask nicely. Yeah, so with zero 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:19.160 any given year is more often than not is zero. 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:20.880 She was only there two years. Yeah, I mean so 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:24.680 that was a really brief stint for her. So that's 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:25.920 what the book I wrote. 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:28.800 We still up to Sonda Asanda is still at TIA. 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.160 I was trying to think about, yes, there's one one 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.040 other because I was like, wait, every down to night 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:39.920 we lost fifty so what you know, I want to 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.680 at least sometimes there aren't. There's always encouraging words, yes, 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:48.560 but is there what do you say to you know, 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:53.520 women of you know that are working hard. We've been taught, 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:55.280 we just work hard, We're going to get there. And 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.560 these are the coffee table conversations I have with my 0:13:57.640 --> 0:13:58.880 girlfriends and stuff like. 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.000 How do we support each other? 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.920 You know, we know and I love this a loving 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.520 lie that we've perpetuated. But how do we support each 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:06.880 other and how do we make it through to the 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:07.480 other side? 0:14:07.600 --> 0:14:11.160 Well, I think we you know, we don't stop working hard. 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.400 We work smarter. Right, we use this knowledge that we 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.679 now have. We know it's the system. We know it's 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.760 not us. We can get over imposter syndrome because we 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:23.480 know there's nothing wrong with us. We know we are worthy, 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:27.200 we are available, we're talented, we're skilled, we can do 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:30.960 the job, and we've just got to affirm that for 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.560 ourselves and our circle of friends. We have to do 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:39.560 that all the time. Good Morning, gorgeous, Morning, gorgeous, Good morning, 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.320 gorgeous is such an important part of this. It's just 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.640 that affirmation, and we can't give up. You know, the 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:50.720 civil rights leaders in the fifties and sixties often would 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:54.560 remind each other and I think remind future generations show 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:59.320 equality is not one in one generation. It's every generation's 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:04.320 response ability to keep fighting. So we don't get tired, 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:06.480 we don't get weary, and you know, we have to 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.040 sit down and take a break. You know, we have 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:12.400 to sit back sometimes, but we have to just keep pushing. 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:17.800 We can't give in, you know, and we reject the patriarchy. 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.800 I say that the patriot we rejected, just rejected it. 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:25.600 It's hard when you've been agatting culcated with these messages. 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.360 Is easier for, you know, to rejected to start teaching 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.320 girls at ten and twelve years old to do that, 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:34.400 but for women who've been in the workplace and who 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:39.960 have been you know, witness to these structural barriers and 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.680 witnesses to the guy that you've trained, who now is 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:44.880 your CEO. I have a good friend. She's a white woman, 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:49.080 went to Stanford, has an NBA from Stanford, and she 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:52.600 tells me to this day she was like the smartest, 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.160 had the best grades with tutor, helped all these guys, 0:15:56.160 --> 0:16:00.720 these white guys, they're all CFOs CEOs. And she has 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:04.840 struggled because she took time off. She had kids and 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.680 she has a son. Both her sons have some disabilities, 0:16:08.720 --> 0:16:12.360 one with autism, and her husband was a lawyer. But 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:18.880 she Stanford MBA, became the main advocate care of the household. 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.480 And then she's trying to get back into the workplace. 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:25.040 She's looking at these guys, these guys that she tutored, 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:29.160 who are now at the heads of these companies, and 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.520 she's struggling to get back into the workplace. And that 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.360 is just such a common story. And when I wrote 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.520 the book, I interviewed her, and I interviewed so many 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:40.280 women like that who were either in a position and 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.040 found themselves out of a position, either forced out of 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:48.320 a job, left because it was such a toxic environment, 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.440 or in her case, left to you know, be the 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.760 primary caretaker for her two sons. 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:56.280 So there's a company in Atlanta. 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.000 It's called Mom Courts, and it was started for this 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:02.960 exact reason, because they're so many women who are highly educated, 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:07.000 no I mean just the top echelon, right, and they 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.560 have kids, they take a break, they're managing a family, 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:11.240 and they want to go back. Yes, they might not 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.439 want to go back five days a week, forty hours, 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:17.160 but let me tell you, women, even at fifteen hours, 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:19.320 you know that what we give to our jobs, what 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:22.920 we give to our roles, surpasses a forty hour work week. 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:25.480 And they started this company to address that. How do 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:29.600 you help them transition back into the corporate workplace. Maybe 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.800 part time. Maybe this knowing that this and even that 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.560 company they were a sourcing. 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.760 And staffing company. 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.080 Even that company with this dedicated she had trouble raising 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.840 money because people are like, I don't know, is that 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:44.879 really feasible? 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:46.280 So this viable. 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:49.040 This part of the patriarchy is we're talking about it. 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:50.960 And I love using that word because it's strong, and 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:53.280 I think it makes men go, oh, why do we 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:53.680 have to. 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:53.920 Call it that? 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:55.960 I love it, so it does say that's such a 0:17:56.119 --> 0:18:00.600 bold word, and we are using it intentionally, yes, to 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.960 make people know, like we know what's up and we 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:08.360 are trying to break this down and having these conversations. 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:12.440 But I appreciate any other lies that you talk about. 0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:15.639 Yeah, I focus on five. Obviously, the book would have 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:20.479 been two thousand pounds articulated every lie that we've been 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:23.520 told as women. But I hone in on the five, 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.800 the five that I think most of us have been 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:29.000 told at some point in our lives. And the second 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.520 one it's not necessarily in this order, but one of 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:35.000 the other ones is about looks right. So this is 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:39.440 our country where the beauty industry, you know, is multi 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:44.639 multi billion dollar beauty industry, but yet women are often 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:49.160 told that a couple of conflicting messages about looks. Either 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:52.680 we're told looks don't matter, and it's what you bring 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:56.160 to the table. Again, it's your productivity, it's your you know, 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.399 your product that you produce, that's all that matters. Just 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:03.600 focus on at Or we're told that as black women 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:07.320 in particular, that our looks are not Eurocentric enough, like 0:19:07.480 --> 0:19:12.280 we can't wear raids or natural hair, or you know, 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:15.240 you can't look a certain way. You know, you're in 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.080 the media. I work in the media, and women have 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.720 to struggle with am I going on national television with braids? 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:25.040 Am I going with a wig or a weave? And 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:27.959 you know, all of these things that we have to 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.560 think about in terms of our looks. That is counter 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:33.200 to the message that your looks do matter. Right, it's 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:35.320 just your hard work, and it's your hard work, it's 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:38.960 your talent. But that is a lie. And we know 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:41.880 there's studies that have been the lighter skinned women get 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:45.840 privileges that darker skinned women don't get. Thinner women are 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:49.080 treated differently than heavier women. So all of these things 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:53.719 that women have to contend with, you know, around looks. 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:56.359 You know, now we're you know Lizo and women, you know, 0:19:56.400 --> 0:20:00.320 this whole focus on body positivity. Just be who you are. 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:03.439 And still people are like, well, you know, you know, 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:05.400 I really wish she would do this or I wish 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:08.399 she would do that. So you know, you can't win, right, 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:13.960 we can't win. And literally these stories people, Literally when 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:17.480 you're on TV, I use time to go and find 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:21.000 my website, get me find my email, to send me 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:23.600 an email. You know, your makeup is really too gray 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.960 for you. Makeup is really too dark? Is that your 0:20:27.000 --> 0:20:30.080 real hair? My aunt I have? And this is lovingly 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:34.120 again having a fight with her friends about my nickname 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:37.480 growing up was Reebe. Is that Reebe's real hair? Because 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:39.399 you know she always had really long, thin care. I'm like, 0:20:39.800 --> 0:20:42.000 what does it matter if I bought it as mine? 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:47.080 It's my hair. But again, those are the things that 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:52.239 lie that looks. You know, so many conflicting messages around it, 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:57.679 and we see it leads to a woman having eating disorders, 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:04.000 self doubt, the impostures, depression, anxiety, I mean, real mental 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:09.880 health issues. You remember the amazingly beautiful young woman who 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:15.320 was the beauty Queen NBA larwyor Chrisly. I had not 0:21:15.600 --> 0:21:17.800 I didn't meet her, but I had an opportunity to 0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:20.040 interview her mom a couple of times. I've gotten to 0:21:20.040 --> 0:21:24.280 know her mom, and she suffered from depressions. So she 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.439