Speaker 1: She is my rock. I don't know what I will
Speaker 1: do without her. What happens if I lose her? And
Speaker 1: I've said that, I'm screwed. My kids are ruined. Daddy
Speaker 1: is looney. He has lost his mind. Why because he
Speaker 1: lost his rock and he didn't know what he was
Speaker 1: going to do without her, and then he lost her
Speaker 1: and guess what, he doesn't know what to do. She
Speaker 1: was my rock and I didn't know what to do
Speaker 1: without her, and now I'm lost. What's up? Everybody? Welcome
Speaker 1: to the podcast. Happy Monday. I hope everybody got their
Speaker 1: share of Thanksgiving. If you're watching this real time, if
Speaker 1: you're listening real time, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: It's just me today. I'm gonna do the podcast alone
Speaker 1: because of everyone traveling and because of the crazy schedules.
Speaker 1: I could have pulled a guest in here, and then
Speaker 1: I would have been getting them away from their family.
Speaker 1: So I decided to just do it myself. Eventually, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get amber. We're still trying to figure out how
Speaker 1: to how to watch the baby and the kids, and she's,
Speaker 1: you know, breastfeeding every sixteen seconds right now, so it's
Speaker 1: still a little tough, but I'm definitely gonna get her
Speaker 1: back as a guest. For those of you that are
Speaker 1: not familiar with this podcast, the way that we set
Speaker 1: this up is usually it's me and a guest and
Speaker 1: I'll go through your questions. If you have a question
Speaker 1: for me, email Graingersmith podcast at gmail dot com. It
Speaker 1: could be about any subject. I'll answer it for you
Speaker 1: and the best way that I know how. It's not
Speaker 1: always the correct answer, it's not always the wrong answer,
Speaker 1: but it's just a conversation as if I'm giving you
Speaker 1: advice in a normal campfire. Hey, can I ask you
Speaker 1: something that's really bothering me, or it's really been on
Speaker 1: my mind, or this is weighing heavy on me, and
Speaker 1: I walk through it with you as if you're my friend,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you are, if you're listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast and you've been on this journey for me
Speaker 1: for a long time, years many episodes that I feel
Speaker 1: like we're friends. I look just the other day and
Speaker 1: this podcast was on the Apple Charts, the Top Charts.
Speaker 1: It was number four, ranked number four in the music
Speaker 1: genre of all podcasts in the world in the music genre,
Speaker 1: Which blows me. It blows me. Away. I can't believe
Speaker 1: that this podcast has come so far to be consistently
Speaker 1: in the top You might think, well, we need to
Speaker 1: get it to number one. Well, what's important to remember
Speaker 1: is we're playing the long game here, so as you
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast episode after episode after I'm we're
Speaker 1: keeping it in the top charts week in and week out.
Speaker 1: We're not. What I mean is we're not pushing it
Speaker 1: to trying to push it to number one for one
Speaker 1: particular time frame. We just wanted to stay relevant for
Speaker 1: a long time frame, Like we just want to stay
Speaker 1: in the top fifty for a long time. That's the goal,
Speaker 1: not a quick number one and then it falls back
Speaker 1: to number sixty eight tomorrow. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Bottom line is thank you. I just it's it's I
Speaker 1: just got nothing but gratitude. I love this this platform,
Speaker 1: and I love being able to be able to speak
Speaker 1: in to your work or your truck or your traveling
Speaker 1: or wherever your workouts. Wherever you listen to this podcast,
Speaker 1: thank you, and whatever platform you listen to, whether it's
Speaker 1: YouTube or Spotify or Apple Music or whatever podcast app listening,
Speaker 1: just thank you. I'm gonna dig into these questions once again.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. And the first one. And I
Speaker 1: haven't really vetted any of these except for the first one.
Speaker 1: I just grabbed the first one because I was like, Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: this is this is a good way to get into it.
Speaker 1: It says who the heck is Earl Hi Grangeur. I've
Speaker 1: been watching your family YouTube videos for over a year now,
Speaker 1: and I listen to your podcast. Don't be mad at me,
Speaker 1: but I haven't been watching or listening from the very beginning.
Speaker 1: So your character Earl Dibbles is so weird to me.
Speaker 1: Can you explain where he come, where he came from,
Speaker 1: and why he's a thing? Thanks? This is Kelly from Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: I guess if you haven't been listening from the beginning,
Speaker 1: it's a legit question, Kelly, And I don't blame you
Speaker 1: at all. I'm not mad at you at all, because
Speaker 1: you're actually right. It is so so weird. It's so weird.
Speaker 1: So if you guys know this story, then you could
Speaker 1: just fast forward. But for Kelly, two thy eleven, I
Speaker 1: was coming out when I was working on an album
Speaker 1: called Dirt Road Driveway Now you gotta imagine in twenty eleven,
Speaker 1: I had maybe a small, very small following in Texas,
Speaker 1: but nothing outside of the state. And the following I
Speaker 1: had would be I could go to several of the
Speaker 1: major cities in Texas and pull about eighty ninety or
Speaker 1: one hundred people. That's what I'm talking about, small following,
Speaker 1: and that was great compared to five years before that,
Speaker 1: when I could pull five people maybe sometimes zero. So
Speaker 1: Tyler and I and my brother we were watching a
Speaker 1: lot of YouTube in twenty eleven. YouTube was still pretty
Speaker 1: new and not a lot of people used the platform,
Speaker 1: but we watched some comedy stuff on there. There was
Speaker 1: a channel called Balloon Shop, and we watched this and
Speaker 1: we laughed and laughed at these guys, these like guys
Speaker 1: in their twenties, and they would just make these skits,
Speaker 1: just funny skits, and Tyler and I laughed and laughed.
Speaker 1: We'd watch it. No one else was really watching it
Speaker 1: at that time, and we thought, let's make some skits.
Speaker 1: It'd be fun and maybe if one of them goes viral,
Speaker 1: which not much was going viral in that time on YouTube,
Speaker 1: if one of them went viral, then maybe that would
Speaker 1: help the music and if anything, we're just gonna have fun.
Speaker 1: So we made we started many videos. One of them
Speaker 1: and by the way, this was in two thousand and
Speaker 1: about eight. Earl Dibbles didn't come to twenty eleven, but
Speaker 1: this YouTube conversation thing I'm talking about was like two
Speaker 1: thousand and eight. So we started making what we called
Speaker 1: video of the weeks. If you want to go down
Speaker 1: this rabbit hole of me on YouTube, sometimes we did.
Speaker 1: We actually did it with the band not too long ago.
Speaker 1: Because you can go down this crazy rabbit hole of
Speaker 1: finding me in these skits to two thousand and eight, nine, ten,
Speaker 1: and they just keep going and going, and then you
Speaker 1: keep discovering new things, even for me because I forget
Speaker 1: about them. But there's this there's these videos. We called
Speaker 1: them video of the weeks. And I had this single
Speaker 1: called Colorblind, and there's one called El Mattador. There's one
Speaker 1: called Where's the Radio Station, There's one called Don't Take
Speaker 1: Your Pants Off, There's one They just go on and
Speaker 1: on and on. These are little titles and these little
Speaker 1: skits that we did, and we were looking for one
Speaker 1: of them to pop, to go viral. And so the
Speaker 1: first character I did, I believe is called Don't Touch
Speaker 1: the Turtles, and that was just a random country character
Speaker 1: called Don't Touch the Turtles, and that was a little skit.
Speaker 1: And then I believe the second character we did was
Speaker 1: called Freddy's Enchiladas. The third character I believe was called
Speaker 1: Live with lionel In. The fourth character I believe was
Speaker 1: called Earl Dibbles Junior. So this is I'm trying to
Speaker 1: give you the timeline the evolution of these videos. And
Speaker 1: we were making skits and making not vlogs. They were
Speaker 1: someone else Filming vlogs wasn't a thing. Then Earl Dibbles
Speaker 1: was just another one of these characters coming down the line.
Speaker 1: It was his country character, and I had spoken in
Speaker 1: that voice. I'm Earl Dibbles Junior. I'm a country boy.
Speaker 1: I would use that voice, you know, because it represented
Speaker 1: half of my family and people we'd met on the road,
Speaker 1: and it was real easy to get into that voice
Speaker 1: and start talking real country like Earl Devils Junior. He's
Speaker 1: a country boy, So I would. It was a voice
Speaker 1: before it was a video. Then then we decided to
Speaker 1: make a video. So we were at my parents' house
Speaker 1: and I had these old overalls that I used to
Speaker 1: wear in my senior year in high school on game days.
Speaker 1: We wore them to school. And then I always wore
Speaker 1: red wing boots. I had those, and I put on
Speaker 1: this white tank top and this one of my dad's
Speaker 1: old farm caps, and then Tyler draws these tattoos on
Speaker 1: me with sharpie, and it was just we just didn't
Speaker 1: think that this was going to be something I was
Speaker 1: doing ten years from then that I still do today.
Speaker 1: We didn't think that that was gonna happen. We went
Speaker 1: out and made this video and I set up a
Speaker 1: tripod and I basically I sat in the tripod and
Speaker 1: I said, I sat in front of the tripod and
Speaker 1: I said this series of things just to whatever came
Speaker 1: off the top of my head. And then we went
Speaker 1: back and filmed the things that I said. So, for instance,
Speaker 1: I said, I wake up, put a good dip in,
Speaker 1: crack a cold, get dressed, and start the day. And
Speaker 1: then I went through that down this line of things
Speaker 1: where I would say and I was just making it
Speaker 1: up as I go, whittle a good stick, I do
Speaker 1: exploring in the woods, fix the tree, shoot the gun,
Speaker 1: and walk around, sit on logs. I mean, like the
Speaker 1: most random things, and then we played it back and
Speaker 1: then I and then I acted out that, and then
Speaker 1: I when I edited it that day, I put those
Speaker 1: those that that b roll what we call it, on
Speaker 1: top of the a roll literally threw it out. The
Speaker 1: next day wasn't it was no big deal and it
Speaker 1: went viral. So that is and then a lot of
Speaker 1: things happened after that, like ye ye was in that
Speaker 1: video that that's the very beginning, Kelly answer to answer
Speaker 1: your question. It's funny. It's really early in the morning
Speaker 1: right now as I'm recording this podcast, and so it's
Speaker 1: still easy even in the morning to talk it like
Speaker 1: Earl Dubbles Junior because he's counchy and he gets up
Speaker 1: when the sun comes up, all right time to get
Speaker 1: to something. I saved that one, but I think I
Speaker 1: think there's there's more on here that are more serious.
Speaker 1: Some of y'all are, like I thought Earl Dibbles Junior
Speaker 1: was serious. Shoot, okay, here how about this one. It's
Speaker 1: called advice on cars, Hey Granger. I'm fourteen years old
Speaker 1: outside of Denver. I started to save up for my
Speaker 1: first car, and my parents said they will support me
Speaker 1: in whatever I choose to get I'm looking to get.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at Crownvix around two thousand era Mustangs. Crownvix
Speaker 1: and two thousand era Mustangs. When I told my parents this,
Speaker 1: they told me a car like that will tempt me
Speaker 1: to street race. You want a car like that because
Speaker 1: because they are more damaged and easier to have problems
Speaker 1: that I can learn to fix. What should I do? Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to read this comes from Nathaniel. What your
Speaker 1: question is? What should I do? Two parts? One, listen
Speaker 1: to your parents. Listen to your parents. Two. I think
Speaker 1: you're putting I think it's a good side project for
Speaker 1: you to be thinking about this, and it's definitely good
Speaker 1: to be saving money. But I think you're putting too
Speaker 1: much emphasis on this car at fourteen, when two years
Speaker 1: your your whole opinion could change. And so I think
Speaker 1: you're worried too much, especially if you want to right
Speaker 1: into this podcast about this. I think you're just you're
Speaker 1: just anticipating a little too early on a question like this.
Speaker 1: So I would say the answer is easy. Your parents
Speaker 1: said you're going to They're gonna support you in whatever
Speaker 1: you get. Cool, Just save the money, don't worry about
Speaker 1: telling them what you want right now, and then when
Speaker 1: when you have enough money and you're looking on Craigslist
Speaker 1: or wherever you're looking eBay whatever, use car lot and
Speaker 1: then you see that that two thousand era Mustang for
Speaker 1: fifty eight hundred dollars and you've saved sixty one hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Then you go to your parents and you go, look
Speaker 1: here it is. I've got this money, and it's it's
Speaker 1: a safe car, and it's it's a V six. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to street race in it, mom, And that
Speaker 1: conversation is very different. But the most important thing besides
Speaker 1: saving your money is is respecting your parents. Your parents
Speaker 1: are doing this out of love. They love you. Why
Speaker 1: do they not want you to street race? First of all,
Speaker 1: they probably maybe they see something in you that could
Speaker 1: be I have a tendency to be crazy, and so
Speaker 1: they want to protect you. They don't want you to
Speaker 1: get in trouble with the law. So there's a lot
Speaker 1: of they're not telling you to not do this because
Speaker 1: they just are bored and have nothing else to tell you. Nathaniel,
Speaker 1: listen to your parents, save your money, make this decision
Speaker 1: two years from now. That's my vice. Next up, it
Speaker 1: says The subject line says struggling. I have not read
Speaker 1: this yet. I'm about to read it right now. Hey Granger,
Speaker 1: I would like to remain anonymous, but I'm twenty seven
Speaker 1: years I'm a twenty seven year old girl from in
Speaker 1: I like to start off by saying thank you for
Speaker 1: everything that you do. There's always a lot of comfort
Speaker 1: in the words that you that you have from your
Speaker 1: friends and your family and the word of God. I
Speaker 1: feel like this is something I've always struggled with, but
Speaker 1: it seems like it's getting harder with time, and I'm
Speaker 1: not really sure how to put this into a question.
Speaker 1: It seems that every time I turn around, it's the
Speaker 1: cruel people around me that are the ones who win
Speaker 1: when it comes to time here on earth. There have
Speaker 1: been countless times where I thought about just giving up
Speaker 1: and being as harsh and mean as everyone else to
Speaker 1: see if it would change my luck or outcome. But
Speaker 1: ultimately that's just not who I am as a person.
Speaker 1: I love to love and I love to be kind
Speaker 1: to people. I'm just feeling overwhelmingly beat up. It just
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like this is a specific area of my life.
Speaker 1: But everywhere you're sorry again, it just doesn't seem like
Speaker 1: this is in a specific area of my life, but
Speaker 1: just everywhere I turn. Without really having a question, I'm
Speaker 1: just writing you to look for more, I guess advice
Speaker 1: on why not to be discouraged. Thank you, Anonymous from Indiana,
Speaker 1: twenty seven. Well, first of all, Anonymous, this is biblical.
Speaker 1: What you're saying is there. It's in the Bible. It
Speaker 1: says that you know, the sun shines on the wicked
Speaker 1: just as it shines on the righteous. So I'm paraphrasing here,
Speaker 1: but there is there's this idea that God's blessing, he
Speaker 1: will bestow his blessing upon the earth, upon mankind, upon
Speaker 1: his image bearers, and that that doesn't that doesn't reflect
Speaker 1: because of the person that you are. It doesn't. God
Speaker 1: doesn't put more blessings on the good people or the
Speaker 1: nice people. That's obvious, right, Like there's the the person
Speaker 1: at the biggest house on the street up on the hill,
Speaker 1: with all the with all the all the fences and
Speaker 1: gardens and workers and roads and pathways and stories and
Speaker 1: cars in the garage. That doesn't mean that they're a
Speaker 1: good person. This is not front page news. We just
Speaker 1: know this is how the world works. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: God doesn't doesn't choose blessings based on your actions. And
Speaker 1: that's actually a very important concept of the Bible because
Speaker 1: God doesn't show favor on us based on our works anyway.
Speaker 1: It's always based on our faith, and his blessing ultimately
Speaker 1: comes in salvation after this life after life here. So
Speaker 1: if you look back in the historical characters of the Bible, that,
Speaker 1: for instance, we'll start with Abraham, Abraham was blessed because
Speaker 1: of his faith, not because of his works, not because
Speaker 1: of things that he did, not because of his generosity.
Speaker 1: The generosity and the things that he did are an
Speaker 1: outcropping of the faith. They came afterward. They were the
Speaker 1: result of his faith. So what I'm telling you, Anonymous,
Speaker 1: is you can't just throw up your hands and go, well,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a good person here and God's
Speaker 1: not blessing me. That's not exactly what you're saying. But
Speaker 1: the Bible says that your works you're trying to be
Speaker 1: a good person is like dirty rags to him because
Speaker 1: you can't be good enough for God can't. So your
Speaker 1: question is basically, how do I not be discouraged? Should
Speaker 1: I just give up and be bad like everyone else.
Speaker 1: No by no means no no. But you you just
Speaker 1: need to realize the way that this this globe in
Speaker 1: the universe is turning. And and you will never you
Speaker 1: will never be discouraged because you decided to be good,
Speaker 1: a good person with integrity. Because at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, when you lay your head on your pillow
Speaker 1: and you chose to chose to be take to take
Speaker 1: the higher road, to have integrity, you will you will
Speaker 1: ultimately sleep better. And that's not gonna You're not gonna
Speaker 1: guarantee people are nice to. You are nice to in
Speaker 1: your return. But over time, the more integrity you have,
Speaker 1: and I'm talking integrity meaning honesty, trustworthiness, kindness, the ability
Speaker 1: to listen more than you talk. There's these attributes that
Speaker 1: over time you practice these things, over time, you're going
Speaker 1: to see the fruits of that from the people around you.
Speaker 1: And if you don't, it's time to change the people
Speaker 1: around you. So and I don't know where you are
Speaker 1: in this situation, but sometimes you need to change the
Speaker 1: people around you. And I would say, I would say
Speaker 1: that's most likely the case. Is what's happening with you
Speaker 1: is you're surrounding yourself with people that are angry and cruel,
Speaker 1: because I don't think you're talking about the lady that's
Speaker 1: serving you McDonald's. I think you're talking about your family
Speaker 1: or your friends that are immediately around you. And it's important.
Speaker 1: It's important that sometimes you need to put up your
Speaker 1: hands and go. Friend. I love you, but but I
Speaker 1: need some space away from you because because I can't
Speaker 1: be around this kind of negativity, because it is, it is,
Speaker 1: it's becoming a problem to me. So stay around positive people.
Speaker 1: Remember that your face that God's favor doesn't fall just
Speaker 1: upon the good people. Remember that you being good doesn't
Speaker 1: help you get closer to God. And remember that being
Speaker 1: around positive people will help you sleep better at night.
Speaker 1: And you could never be wrong with upholding your own integrity.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a break and be right back. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening to the podcast. I have a few
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Speaker 1: back to the questions here. If you have any email,
Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and I'm gonna pull
Speaker 1: up one it says subject line relationship break up at Vice. Hey,
Speaker 1: grangeur have been a fan for many, many years. I've
Speaker 1: even gotten the opportunity to meet you once through a
Speaker 1: meet and greet. Your drive, ambition, story and who you
Speaker 1: are as a person extremely expiring, inspiring to me. Thank
Speaker 1: you brother. I'm twenty three years old, he says, I
Speaker 1: have a great job, a college degree. My girlfriend of
Speaker 1: a year and a half broke up with me over
Speaker 1: a text message weeks after I bought an engagement ring
Speaker 1: and will not talk to me or even respond to
Speaker 1: me in any form. I moved out when she was
Speaker 1: not home and let me read that again. I moved
Speaker 1: out when she was not home and haven't even heard
Speaker 1: from her since it was random, out of the blue,
Speaker 1: and I thought everything was perfectly fine. What advice do
Speaker 1: you give me to help me get through this? Why
Speaker 1: do you think she would just want to disappear like
Speaker 1: a ghost from me without any conversation or communication? And
Speaker 1: what advice do you give for this? I'm trying to
Speaker 1: first of all, Brandon, he's twenty three, doesn't say where
Speaker 1: he's from, and I'm trying to understand this one part
Speaker 1: where it says I moved out. I bought it. My
Speaker 1: girlfriend over a year and a half broke up with
Speaker 1: me over a text message weeks after I bought an
Speaker 1: engagement ring and will not talk to me or even
Speaker 1: respond to me in any form. I moved out when
Speaker 1: she was not home and haven't even heard from her
Speaker 1: since does she Does he mean she moved out? I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure follow that. Okay, well, let me address
Speaker 1: that first. I can go either way either scenario. Man,
Speaker 1: guys don't live with her, don't don't live with their
Speaker 1: guys and girls don't live with them. Even if that
Speaker 1: means you're saving a ton of money an apartment, even
Speaker 1: if that means that you're getting a discount from your landlord,
Speaker 1: what whatever. Even if that means they're they're from out
Speaker 1: of ten and you're trying to make it convenient, it's
Speaker 1: just going to create problems. It's going to create problems.
Speaker 1: So she ghosted you after a year and a half
Speaker 1: after you bought an engagement ring. She will not talk
Speaker 1: to you or respond First of all, that is a
Speaker 1: clear message. She doesn't respond to you, is a clear
Speaker 1: message that you need to move on. That doesn't That
Speaker 1: doesn't mean there's a window of opportunity for me to
Speaker 1: keep messaging her. Maybe Facebook, maybe she'll check Facebook this time,
Speaker 1: or maybe maybe it's an email thing like, or she
Speaker 1: wants to just Okay, maybe she wants me to show
Speaker 1: up at her work because women I've seen movies and
Speaker 1: girls like girls like men that pursue them. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to show up at two am when she's getting
Speaker 1: off off of her waitress job at the end the
Speaker 1: parking lot at dark. No, don't do that. She is
Speaker 1: fully aware, fully aware that you are reaching out to
Speaker 1: her and trying to get a hold of her. Humans
Speaker 1: these days, it is no longer an excuse. They see
Speaker 1: their phones, they see the text going off, they see
Speaker 1: the phone calls, they see the email and the Facebook
Speaker 1: messages and the Instagram whatever. They see you. So it
Speaker 1: only takes one and you've done that. Okay. Good news
Speaker 1: is you've got an engagement ring that you could now
Speaker 1: either return or sell. They're going to hold their value. Okay,
Speaker 1: but don't don't hold on to her anymore. It's time
Speaker 1: to let her go. Do I know why she ghosted you? No?
Speaker 1: I don't know why, but there's many reasons why it
Speaker 1: could be, and you not being good enough for her
Speaker 1: is not something in your consideration. It doesn't matter, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You're young, you're twenty three, perfect perfect. This
Speaker 1: message is different if you're fifty three, right, just different
Speaker 1: if you're forty three, but you're twenty three. You have
Speaker 1: a great job, you have a college degree. You dated
Speaker 1: this girl for a year and a half so much
Speaker 1: so you liked her so much that you wanted to
Speaker 1: get an engagement ring. You did, and you lived with her.
Speaker 1: Pumped the brakes, she's gone. That's okay. It seems like
Speaker 1: the end of the world, But there's going to be
Speaker 1: another and the next one will be better because you
Speaker 1: will have learned you're better in a relationship. You have
Speaker 1: more to give, You have a better quality product to
Speaker 1: give the next relationship because of what you learn from
Speaker 1: the previous relationship. Does that make sense? Like you you're
Speaker 1: a better you're better package now to present because because
Speaker 1: you have been refined through the fire in a bad relationship. Now,
Speaker 1: we don't want to go out and seek bad relationships
Speaker 1: to help refine us. That's not the purpose. But as
Speaker 1: anything in life, as we as we're broken down, whether
Speaker 1: it's in the gym or whether it's whether it's in
Speaker 1: our career, but when we meet setbacks in adversity and
Speaker 1: we overcome them and we're broken down, then as humans,
Speaker 1: we grow back better, sometimes in the form of learning
Speaker 1: or resilience in the gym, muscles, whatever. But through a
Speaker 1: break up you build back better. It's interesting that it's
Speaker 1: called a break up, right because it breaks you down,
Speaker 1: not up. It breaks you down, and then from breaking
Speaker 1: down you build up better and you're better for the
Speaker 1: next person. Lucky for the next person. If you date
Speaker 1: someone that's had a couple bad relationships, good for you.
Speaker 1: You get to receive the benefits, hopefully of the fruits
Speaker 1: that they've learned from the breakdown. I don't know why
Speaker 1: they call it break up. It should be breakdown. They
Speaker 1: broke you down. So all this I say to you, Brandon,
Speaker 1: as an encouragement, I say this is encouragement that you,
Speaker 1: although you might not see it because you're in the fire,
Speaker 1: you're in the breakdown phase, will build back better and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be better because of it, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: have more to offer and you have learned, first of all,
Speaker 1: don't live with her and don't spend too much on
Speaker 1: that engagement. Thanks for your question, brother, All right, well
Speaker 1: let's uh, man, I have no idea what these say.
Speaker 1: I'm going totally blind. I'm gonna hit this one. This
Speaker 1: says question, Hey Granger, me and my wife got married
Speaker 1: in January, and I feel like we have lost our connection.
Speaker 1: We used to do a lot with each other, but
Speaker 1: now we just sit at home and do nothing. I
Speaker 1: feel like we've lost something. Thank you for your time
Speaker 1: and keep doing the things you're doing, Alex. Alex, let
Speaker 1: me reiterate. Let me see what you got here. You're
Speaker 1: saying you and your wife got married in January. This
Speaker 1: message came on Thursday, meaning that's this is current. So
Speaker 1: you are you haven't even hit the one year mark,
Speaker 1: so you lost your connection. This is this is not Alex.
Speaker 1: This is not devastating news. Yeah, I'm sure you've heard
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Maybe people told you in your
Speaker 1: engagement or on your wedding day. Even I bet you
Speaker 1: people told you. Remember, the first year is the hardest.
Speaker 1: And the reason they say that is because of you're
Speaker 1: getting all these first you know, and you're learning the
Speaker 1: person more than you ever did, and so it becomes harder,
Speaker 1: so that the first year. I think you need to
Speaker 1: reevaluate this question after January, after the one year is
Speaker 1: completely done. From when I'm reading this podcast, it's still November.
Speaker 1: So you've been in You've been in this about ten
Speaker 1: plus months, so that that's the good news. That's where
Speaker 1: I'll start. But then secondly, if you feel like you've
Speaker 1: lost a connection with your wife now, I don't know
Speaker 1: anything else about you or her, or your age, or
Speaker 1: where you live, or if there's kids involved yet, but
Speaker 1: your wife is your first priority after God right now
Speaker 1: and she always will be until you die. That's what
Speaker 1: marriage is. Don't underestimate what marriage is or what she
Speaker 1: is to you. Don't underestimate that for the rest of
Speaker 1: your life. That's a commitment you made. That's the value made,
Speaker 1: and that's what marriage means. So if you're listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast on the other side of this conversation, and
Speaker 1: you're dating and you don't see the possibility of the
Speaker 1: person you're dating being in this role with you where
Speaker 1: they're first after God, then you should probably break up
Speaker 1: with that person. Should probably break up with the person
Speaker 1: in the relationship with you. That's not that But this
Speaker 1: is a different story for you, Alex, because you're in it.
Speaker 1: We heard on this podcast Brent last week say love
Speaker 1: is a verb. Love is a verb. I love that
Speaker 1: some of you might have heard that before, and you've
Speaker 1: also heard me say love is a decision. Sometimes in
Speaker 1: this culture we start to feel like love is something
Speaker 1: like fairy dust that just falls on us, and we
Speaker 1: confuse it with infatuation. That's what infatuation is. When you're
Speaker 1: all your pheromones or whatever, you start bubbling up and
Speaker 1: you just get this feeling like, oh my gosh, this
Speaker 1: is it. This is the one, you know. That's that
Speaker 1: phase of infatuation that goes away. We all have to
Speaker 1: be aware that it goes away. But love is stronger
Speaker 1: and deeper and last a lot longer. And it's a
Speaker 1: verb meaning you do it. You actively do love. You
Speaker 1: actively love, You pour out love, and usually what you
Speaker 1: pour out you get back, not in all cases, but
Speaker 1: in a lot of cases, and a pretty good chance
Speaker 1: that you will. You you out poor love, you act
Speaker 1: it out, and you get in return love. It's also
Speaker 1: a decision. Love is a mental decision. We want to
Speaker 1: feel like it's the heart and the gut and like
Speaker 1: I feel it, my stomach in it just like turns
Speaker 1: me and it's love. Oh my goodness, it's love. But
Speaker 1: you can't confuse that within the infatuation because so many
Speaker 1: times that will fade away, and your gut will lead
Speaker 1: you somewhere else. Your gut will take you down down
Speaker 1: the street and see someone else, and you'll get that
Speaker 1: gut twist like wow, that girl, look at that guy. Whatever.
Speaker 1: But love is different, it's deeper, it's stronger than that,
Speaker 1: and it comes from a decision in the brain to go,
Speaker 1: you know what. I love this girl. I remember that
Speaker 1: infatuation I had when I first saw her, and she
Speaker 1: has not changed somewhere deep down in her. She is
Speaker 1: that person I saw and she's beautiful the same way
Speaker 1: that I was attracted to her. And I will make
Speaker 1: a decision to love her, and I will make a
Speaker 1: decision to use love as a verb. Meaning in your question, Alex,
Speaker 1: you say we used to do a lot of things,
Speaker 1: but now we just sit at home. That means you
Speaker 1: make a decision and go, you know what. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to sit at home anymore. I'm gonna make a
Speaker 1: decision to make love a verb and act it out
Speaker 1: with my young wife that we've only been married for
Speaker 1: ten months together. Hey babe, I got something for you
Speaker 1: Wednesday night. I got reservations downtown. We're gonna go down
Speaker 1: there and then and then when she gets in the car,
Speaker 1: you got flowers for her. You rekindle that and you say, babe,
Speaker 1: get dressed up, I'm taking you downtown. We're going Wednesday
Speaker 1: reservations are seven point thirty. You act it out. You say, hey,
Speaker 1: on your way home from work, you're driving home and
Speaker 1: you're thinking, it's Tuesday night. I'm about to repeat what
Speaker 1: I do every night. We're gonna go in there and
Speaker 1: we're gonna sit on our phones at home and do nothing. No,
Speaker 1: I'm changing that. You go to the pet store on
Speaker 1: your way home from work and you pick up a
Speaker 1: puppy and you walk in and go, look, babe, a puppy.
Speaker 1: I'm just throwing this out there, but there's a million
Speaker 1: ideas A puppy and I got, and we're gonna me
Speaker 1: and you, we're gonna go and we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 1: start camping, and we're gonna we're gonna go to the
Speaker 1: the mountains and wherever you live. I don't know where
Speaker 1: you live, and we're gonna take this puppy and we're
Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna teach it to swim in the creek
Speaker 1: like Earl Dibbles Junior swimming in the creek with the
Speaker 1: bird dog. Hey, Alex, there's a lot of options here,
Speaker 1: but you will do nothing, and this will fizzle away,
Speaker 1: and this will die if you sit at home and
Speaker 1: lose this connection. But you have a decision to make
Speaker 1: in your mind, not your gut, not your heart. The
Speaker 1: Bible says your heart is deceitful, it is infinitely wicked,
Speaker 1: and your gut cannot be trusted. Do we not know this?
Speaker 1: We know this? The gut camp You can't trust your gut.
Speaker 1: People want to say that all the time. Just trust
Speaker 1: your gut. It's whimsical. It comes and goes. You chase
Speaker 1: it all day long like a dog chasing his tail. Eventually,
Speaker 1: you have to make decisions and follow your brain. You
Speaker 1: have to follow your brain and make educated decisions based
Speaker 1: on information that you've collected. Your brain is an incredible thing.
Speaker 1: So the gut might get you there, it might might
Speaker 1: start the spark, it might get you in the infatuation.
Speaker 1: But love eventually becomes governed by your brain. So today
Speaker 1: you start. Today you hear this podcast, Alex, you go,
Speaker 1: I will no longer sit at home and do nothing
Speaker 1: with my with my wife and she I'm not going
Speaker 1: to wait for her to make this kind of decision,
Speaker 1: because maybe she won't come to this conclusion, but you will. Wives,
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and you're in the same
Speaker 1: situation from the reverse, don't wait on your husband. One
Speaker 1: of you two needs to act now, and don't look
Speaker 1: at it as if he ain't gonna act, I ain't
Speaker 1: gonna act. Don't look at it because it might not happen.
Speaker 1: Who's going to start at first? You might lose this marriage.
Speaker 1: People are so quick to give up on it. I
Speaker 1: think I've said enough, Alex, But but act on this.
Speaker 1: Do it now. They say the first year is the hardest.
Speaker 1: I get it, But that doesn't mean you don't waste
Speaker 1: this opportunity now to get this fire going again. Don't
Speaker 1: let it get down to Embers and go out on you.
Speaker 1: All right, let's go to I'm just going on the
Speaker 1: list here, guys, That's what I'm doing. If you got
Speaker 1: an email, send me one at Grangersmith podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com with your question. I'm just going to go
Speaker 1: down these It says, Hey, Granger I'm Daniel from Indiana.
Speaker 1: I have a few things I need help with. Number One,
Speaker 1: my grandpa passed away a few years ago, and I'm
Speaker 1: still struggling with it to the point that it's hurting
Speaker 1: some of my relationships. And I don't want it to
Speaker 1: be I don't want I there's a couple of misspellings, Sorry, Daniel.
Speaker 1: I don't want it to do. I don't want it
Speaker 1: to mess up my piece. I'll paraphrase it for you.
Speaker 1: Number two, my girlfriend will be leaving for college in
Speaker 1: a few months and I will be staying home, and
Speaker 1: I don't want her to go. I know it's for
Speaker 1: the best. I'm afraid of what this impact might have
Speaker 1: on our relationship. I don't want it to end. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I could handle the drive to see
Speaker 1: her with my work schedule in the distance. She's my rock.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do without her. She has
Speaker 1: helped me through so much of this difficult time in
Speaker 1: my life. How do you deal with distance between you
Speaker 1: and your wife and when your family is on the road.
Speaker 1: What could I do? Says I love your podcast, your
Speaker 1: YouTube channel, and i've seen you live in concert and
Speaker 1: Indiana and in Milwaukee. Wow, Dan, thanks for reaching out, brother.
Speaker 1: I see a lot of over and over you're writing.
Speaker 1: I don't want to I don't want to. I don't
Speaker 1: want to, and I want to just encourage you through
Speaker 1: this that there there appears to be I'm no psychologist,
Speaker 1: I'm no therapist, but there appear to be deeper issues
Speaker 1: in your questions. And I love your brothers is coming
Speaker 1: out of love? Right? You have a number one and
Speaker 1: number two. Number one your grandpa passed away and you're
Speaker 1: still not over it. Number two your girlfriend's leaving for
Speaker 1: college in a few months and you're staying at home.
Speaker 1: Let's go, let's dive into each one. What number one
Speaker 1: your grandpa? This might be hurting your girlfriend relationship too.
Speaker 1: You you admitted it that this might be hurting your
Speaker 1: relationships because you can't let go. Hey, a few years,
Speaker 1: let me let me be blunt. A few years is
Speaker 1: too long to be actively hurting after losing your grandpa.
Speaker 1: Some of you might go, what, No, it has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with your love. Okay, there's nothing to do
Speaker 1: with your your love. And you know I lost I've
Speaker 1: lost two grandpa's. Loved my grandpa's. I lost them. I
Speaker 1: miss them. I think about them all the time. I
Speaker 1: wish that I could have a conversation with one of
Speaker 1: my two grandpas about something, usually World War two. I
Speaker 1: I wish I could have conversations about that, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't that doesn't mean then I'm struggling with it. And
Speaker 1: so if you're struggling with it, you need to put
Speaker 1: this to bed. You have to put this to rest,
Speaker 1: because because the one thing we know for sure in
Speaker 1: life his grandpas are going to die. Right, do I
Speaker 1: need to say that again? The one thing we know
Speaker 1: for sure in life is that grandpas are going to die.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a bad country song, but most of us,
Speaker 1: ninety nine percent of us on this earth will lose
Speaker 1: our grandpa's because that's the cycle of life. So so
Speaker 1: we need to look back at Grandpa at the life
Speaker 1: that he lived, and we need those memories of what
Speaker 1: he taught us and how he lived and who he
Speaker 1: was as a great person. We need those memories to
Speaker 1: make a smile. Now after two years, I'm not talking
Speaker 1: about the first few months, but after two years, we
Speaker 1: need those memories to make us smile and not make
Speaker 1: us struggle and grieve and cry and hurt. So it's
Speaker 1: time to go to his graveside and have a conversation
Speaker 1: with that cold stone. You're not gonna have a conversation
Speaker 1: with him. I don't believe that that's possible, but you
Speaker 1: need to have a covert conversation with that cold stone
Speaker 1: and go, you know what this represents. Once again, I'm
Speaker 1: not I am so against talking to dead. I'm so
Speaker 1: against that, and I could feel the emails clicking against
Speaker 1: me right now. But the Bible said that the dead
Speaker 1: have no business on earth anymore. So you're not talking
Speaker 1: to him. But I want you to go talk to
Speaker 1: that ground and that stone and just say what this represents.
Speaker 1: In this ground and this stone, in this cemetery where
Speaker 1: I once stood for this funeral. I am gonna from
Speaker 1: here on look at this memory and look at the
Speaker 1: legacy of my grandpa. It's a good thing, something that
Speaker 1: makes me smile, something that made me the man I am.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be strong for him. And I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take what he taught me and I'm gonna teach it
Speaker 1: to the world and my future kids and my nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews and friends around me. I'm gonna bring in
Speaker 1: those old sayings that Grandpa said. I'm gonna show him
Speaker 1: how to work on the truck like Grandpa did. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna show him how to swing a hammer like my grandpa.
Speaker 1: But I'm not gonna let it drag me down because
Speaker 1: that's not what he would want in his legacy. Number two,
Speaker 1: your girlfriend. You are too attached to her. You are
Speaker 1: too Let me say it again. You are too attached
Speaker 1: to her, Daniel, You cannot say she this is your quote,
Speaker 1: she is my rock. I don't know what I will
Speaker 1: do without her. Boom problem, red flag. You are too
Speaker 1: attached to her. Hey, guys, I can't even say that
Speaker 1: about Amber. She is my rock. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I will do without her. What happens if I lose her?
Speaker 1: And I've said that, I'm screwed. My kids are ruined.
Speaker 1: Daddy is looney. He has lost his mind. Why because
Speaker 1: he lost his rock and he didn't know what he
Speaker 1: was going to do without her, and then he lost her,
Speaker 1: and guess what, he doesn't know what to do. That's
Speaker 1: a bad thing. You see what I'm saying. It's a
Speaker 1: bad thing. The only person you could say this about
Speaker 1: is God, and this would echo something you'd read in
Speaker 1: the Psalms by David God. You're my rock, You're my
Speaker 1: refuge for salvation paraphrase. I don't know what I would
Speaker 1: do without you, because guess what, You'll never lose him.
Speaker 1: He is always here for you. He is your rock,
Speaker 1: and you have to rearrange your thoughts that way. It
Speaker 1: has to be that way, because if she replaces God,
Speaker 1: if she becomes your idol in this and that's what
Speaker 1: it is. It's idolatry to think of your girlfriend as
Speaker 1: your rock and you don't know what you do without her.
Speaker 1: These words might be coming across harsh, but they are
Speaker 1: so true. And there's evidence in all the emails I've
Speaker 1: read over the last couple of years that show you
Speaker 1: that the result of what you're doing is eventually she's
Speaker 1: gonna leave you or die, or you're gonna fall out
Speaker 1: of love, and you're going to change your mind or
Speaker 1: your gut, and then you're gonna go. She was my
Speaker 1: rock and I didn't know what to do without her,
Speaker 1: and now I'm lost. Now I'm lost. So you have
Speaker 1: to fix that. And guess what a good way to
Speaker 1: fix this is, Daniel. She's leaving for college in a
Speaker 1: few months. It sounds like a good time for a
Speaker 1: little space, a little break, little distance might do you good.
Speaker 1: It should, and so I would use this time to
Speaker 1: go Hey, Babe, you're going away. I'm starting a new
Speaker 1: hobby or taking on an extra job, or I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna really pour some of my pour some of
Speaker 1: this time and effort into my buddies, my guy friends here,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna we're gonna do a lot more fishing
Speaker 1: now and it and see where this goes. Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: she says, you know, Babe, I was gone for two
Speaker 1: months in college and I just can't stand to be
Speaker 1: away from you. And that says something about the relationship.
Speaker 1: But the bottom line, you have to work yourself. You
Speaker 1: have to work this out with She's my rock. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'd do without her. She has helped
Speaker 1: me through so many difficult things in my life. You're
Speaker 1: setting yourself up for really bad news and really crushing heartbreak.
Speaker 1: People that listen right now or they know I mean,
Speaker 1: I've just read a question earlier. Is that the result
Speaker 1: of this kind of idolatry for your girlfriend or your
Speaker 1: boyfriend or your kids. Your kids could be this kind
Speaker 1: of idol. You can't look at your kids and go
Speaker 1: they are my rock. I don't know what I would
Speaker 1: do without them. Be careful with that that's coming from
Speaker 1: a guy that's lost his child. Be careful with that.
Speaker 1: You're setting yourself up for a devastation beyond understanding. Don't
Speaker 1: hear me wrong, y'all. This is not about loving your
Speaker 1: family less. It's not about loving your family or your friends,
Speaker 1: or your girlfriend or your boyfriend less. It's about loving
Speaker 1: God that much more. I appreciate y'all for listening. That's
Speaker 1: all we have today. We will see you next Monday.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Thank you for following this journey.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I will love to answer it.
Speaker 1: We'll see y'all next week. Gee, thanks for joining me
Speaker 1: on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email granger Smith Cast at gmail dot com. Ye m HM.