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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we

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Speaker 2: have some rocking stories for you coming up. But before

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Speaker 2: you rock out with your socks out, I got a

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Speaker 2: quick chum in an ad break from a sponsors keeping

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Speaker 2: the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: My wife's Christmas gift was her affair and I saw

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Speaker 3: it coming.

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Speaker 4: Merry Christmas. Here's a divorce.

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Speaker 3: We started dating somewhere between fall nineteen ninety seven and

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Speaker 3: spring nineteen ninety eight. We've never been able to pinpoint

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Speaker 3: when the two of us became an official we. I

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Speaker 3: definitely kissed her in ninety seven, but we were pretty

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Speaker 3: loose for a while. We'd go out on dates with

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Speaker 3: each other, then other people, then back together.

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Speaker 1: By summer. There was definitely an us.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from mister Anonymous in nineteen

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Speaker 3: seventy eight, And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it and

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Speaker 3: I'm Angie.

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Speaker 1: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice goofully,

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Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

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Speaker 1: guess what we would do in this situation. But let

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Speaker 1: us know what you would do. In the comment, so

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Speaker 1: Op says she got an apartment across the parking lot

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Speaker 1: from mine in fall ninety eight, and because one of

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Speaker 1: the butt clowns I was friends with wouldn't move.

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Speaker 3: Out, I basically moved in with her that fall. My

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Speaker 3: clothes in bed were still in my apartment, but I

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Speaker 3: slept every night at hers. We were happy by fall

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Speaker 3: two thousand and one. I asked her to marry me,

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Speaker 3: and we married in two thousand and two. We had

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Speaker 3: our first child in two thousand and seven and his

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Speaker 3: brother in twenty eleven. We had been in a happy,

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Speaker 3: committed relationship for twenty one years, coming in on seventeen married.

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Speaker 3: We were realists. Marriage is never perfect. It has ties

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Speaker 3: and lows. We're both musicians and have always equated marriage

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Speaker 3: to a good piece of music with its forte moments

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Speaker 3: high ruckus and it's piani simo moments lows wrought with emotion.

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Speaker 3: We've always shared this sentiment with newlyweds. Just roll with

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Speaker 3: it and embrace it for what it is. If you

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Speaker 3: don't have the lows and fights, then you aren't really

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Speaker 3: living in an authentic relationship.

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Speaker 1: Well, we had it figured it out right?

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Speaker 4: Do you have any thoughts on that one. That's just

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Speaker 4: always such a weird thing to say to me because

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Speaker 4: I get that, like it's healthy to be able to communicate,

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Speaker 4: but like, to me, if you're properly communicating, you're typically

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Speaker 4: gonna avoid most of those fights in little right, Yeah, scuffles.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like you can have lows, sure, sure, but but.

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Speaker 4: We fight all the time that it's so healthy, and

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Speaker 4: it's like like you're actually like coming at each other

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Speaker 4: all the time. That's not yeah, exactly, we have communication time.

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Speaker 3: Right, right, Because I think a lot of people will

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Speaker 3: hear that and then be in like tough relationships and

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Speaker 3: be like it's okay, relationships are hard.

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Speaker 4: Right, You're supposed to fight like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like no. No. We had had recent stress.

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Speaker 3: After living our entire lives in one region, we decided

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Speaker 3: to move to another part of the country. This was

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Speaker 3: followed by a layoff within the first eighteen months, leading

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Speaker 3: to another move even further from home. We settled into

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Speaker 3: our new location and the company we moved here for

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Speaker 3: no longer had a place for us, leading to another

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Speaker 3: job chain. This was hard on my spouse. This is

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Speaker 3: where it all went wrong. I'd been that's just of

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Speaker 3: something going on for a while, and had begun losing

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Speaker 3: sleep over it. It started with an anecdotal story in

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Speaker 3: July of last year about a coworker on a work

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Speaker 3: trip in Vegas who had been sharing very intimate company

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Speaker 3: insider information with my spouse. Well, we know what we

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Speaker 3: say about Vegas, though, right it happened that the Vegas

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Speaker 3: stays in Vegas.

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Speaker 1: This doesn't count.

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Speaker 4: I actually can't talk about it.

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Speaker 3: Actually, yeah, she said he shouldn't have been telling her,

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Speaker 3: but he was wasted and perhaps a bit lippy. It

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Speaker 3: honestly sounded like pillow talk based on the nature of

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Speaker 3: their relationship. I pointed it out to her and was

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Speaker 3: prickly when she mentioned him again, but she passed it

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Speaker 3: off as a friendship and said there was nothing to

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Speaker 3: worry about.

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Speaker 4: Like, I like calling my emotion prickly. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: use that from I know.

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Speaker 1: I like that too.

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Speaker 3: Then as fall rolled around, there was more and more

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Speaker 3: as Hell's that something was off. Change in grooming habits,

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Speaker 3: some new fancy underwear, and other little signs. The biggest

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Speaker 3: was one night while we were having spicy sleep when

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Speaker 3: she began to cry. I couldn't figure out what was happening.

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Speaker 3: She mentioned she was going through some stuff and might

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Speaker 3: act a little strange for a while, and not to

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Speaker 3: take it to heart, just give her some space. All

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Speaker 3: of this added up in my mind, and I asked

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Speaker 3: her several times if there was something going on and

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Speaker 3: if she was cheating on me. The night of Christmas

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Speaker 3: Eve to Christmas, I decided I needed resolution and would

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Speaker 3: take matters into my own hands by looking at her texts.

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Speaker 4: Oh no, no.

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Speaker 3: I didn't plan for it that morning, but I ended

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Speaker 3: up with her phone while helping transfer our son's old

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Speaker 3: one to his new phone. I did a quick review

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Speaker 3: and found the text I hoped wouldn't be there. The

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Speaker 3: only words I remember seeing were I cannot take you

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Speaker 3: being all over me one minute and ignoring me another.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 3: Oh man, So first of all, she's cheating and it's

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Speaker 3: not with the good guy. Sounds like unless that was

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Speaker 3: him to her, but whatever, I was fa devastated instantly,

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Speaker 3: e being destroyed. I couldn't breathe couldn't stand, couldn't talk.

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Speaker 3: My son was in the room and said something like

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Speaker 3: you okay, Dad. I stumbled into the kitchen and told

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Speaker 3: her I found a message on her phone oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: confronting immediately. To her credit, we walked outside and talked

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Speaker 3: through it. She claims to have given me the blow

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Speaker 3: by blow and full disclosure. Three total events. The first

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Speaker 3: was in his apartment in another state where he had relocated.

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Speaker 3: She was visiting for work while her company was moving.

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Speaker 3: She went over to cook hot dogs for a restaurant concept.

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Speaker 3: What a restaurant concept? They're like, planning out a restaurant.

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Speaker 3: They're like, so, we're thinking weiener.

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Speaker 4: Dogs, thinking some hot dogs dog? Come on over for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: He came up behind her and she leaned into it

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Speaker 3: and kissed him back. They went into his bedroom and

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Speaker 3: made out. She claims they stopped before either one got unclothed,

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Speaker 3: and that there was no spicy sleep. The second was

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Speaker 3: two days later in the office andother state. The last

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Speaker 3: time was in the local office on a summer fourteenth,

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Speaker 3: eleven days before I found out about them. Later that week,

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Speaker 3: she let me read the entire text chain between them.

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Speaker 1: We both know this is only part of the story.

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Speaker 3: They were able to talk in person, email, and work

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Speaker 3: instant messages. I haven't seen any of these other communications.

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Speaker 3: From what I read, it appeared that the notion that

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Speaker 3: they hadn't had spicy sleep was confirmed. She told me

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Speaker 3: they were done. The intimate relationship was done, but through

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Speaker 3: work they would still be in contact. Initially, she indicated

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Speaker 3: they would work through intermediaries, but that clearly devolved and

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Speaker 3: they were rather quickly back to email and I am.

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Speaker 3: I told her I needed to know that they were finished.

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Speaker 3: She needed to take decisive action to end the relationship

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Speaker 3: so I could sleep at night and find a path forward.

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Speaker 3: Needless to say, I was crushed. I was hopeless and

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Speaker 3: in despair. I wasn't angry with her, but kept asking

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Speaker 3: why why did this happen? I've done nothing but love

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Speaker 3: her and be patient. She even admits she's not the

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Speaker 3: easiest to live with. We had fun together and knew

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Speaker 3: when to give each other space. It was a success

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Speaker 3: where others had failed. We returned from our trip to

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Speaker 3: the other coast to visit family for holidays, and after

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Speaker 3: a couple of weeks, we set up couples therapy. This

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Speaker 3: was surprisingly a chore for her. I picked out a

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Speaker 3: list of therapists and told her who I liked best.

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Speaker 3: She said she wanted a woman and took her time

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Speaker 3: picking one out. We went to our first session, and

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Speaker 3: it appeared we were in lockstep to find a way forward,

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Speaker 3: but we stepped on a landmine. When our therapist was

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Speaker 3: discussing the process, she said, this is what we'll do

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Speaker 3: if this is.

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Speaker 1: Really what she want. For some reason, that triggered my

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Speaker 1: wife to question what she really wanted. She needed clarity

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Speaker 1: on why she chose to act on her urges and

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Speaker 1: attraction to another man and in spite of her marital

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Speaker 1: relationship with me. She asked for a pause on the

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Speaker 1: couple's therapy, pointing out that each of us needed to

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Speaker 1: work on ourselves first. She mainly needed to answer the

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Speaker 1: question why, okay, just to pause really quick.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that does suck, But at the same time, like

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Speaker 3: I feel like that's important.

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Speaker 4: No, I feel like that's really important. Yeah, I almost

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Speaker 4: like I feel like it's so common that like a

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Speaker 4: cheater's excuse is always just like life, wasn't even thinking

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Speaker 4: about you, Like, yeah, it just happened, right, it just happened.

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Speaker 4: And getting to the root of like, well, why wasn't

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Speaker 4: I thinking about my like loving.

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Speaker 1: Right, Like why was I so open to another relationship

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Speaker 1: with someone.

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Speaker 4: Who's so easy with them kind of thing? Yeah, like Yeah,

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Speaker 4: get to the root of that, because you can't figure

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Speaker 4: that out. I don't want to get back in a

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Speaker 4: relationship with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And it's like it's scary because now it's like, oh, shoot,

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Speaker 1: she might be right, like she might realize that she

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Speaker 1: doesn't want me, but at the same time, like it

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Speaker 1: is necessary.

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Speaker 3: So this was crushing. How could she not know what

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Speaker 3: she wants? Couple that with the knowledge that, despite my

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Speaker 3: repeated and clear requests to end the relationship with him,

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Speaker 3: even if no longer physical, she was still carrying a

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Speaker 3: friendly relationship with him.

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Speaker 1: Then the further.

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Speaker 3: Blows came that absolutely crippled me. So now this is

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Speaker 3: third day, January seventeenth. Oh boy, we're getting a schedule now, okay,

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Speaker 3: a timeline. I was taking my kids to basketball practice

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Speaker 3: and asked her to join me, but she said she

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Speaker 3: was going to work late instead. I drove by the

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Speaker 3: office seeking a quick hugging kiss. I was needy in

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Speaker 3: this space, and her office was dark. She wasn't there.

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Speaker 3: I confronted her, and she claimed she had just run

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Speaker 3: out for a forgotten waxing appointment at night.

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Speaker 4: Yeah at nighttime?

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Speaker 1: What So now Friday, on the eighteenth, I found the

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Speaker 1: image of a text from him hide in the kitchen

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Speaker 1: if I promised not to kiss you, and her response

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Speaker 1: count to tent, count to ten. Oh my gosh. What.

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Speaker 3: I confronted her and told her to end it or

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Speaker 3: I'd move out the next day.

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Speaker 1: When we met up.

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Speaker 3: Later, she said I took care of it. I found

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Speaker 3: out just days later that she did not. So now, Monday,

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Speaker 3: the twenty first, she texted him and a group of

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Speaker 3: friends at work. I don't know the details, only that

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Speaker 3: she texted him. And on Wednesday, she returned early from

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Speaker 3: a business trip. This was unheard of from her. I've

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Speaker 3: been with her a long time. I might remember a

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Speaker 3: handful of times when she came home early from work,

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Speaker 3: let alone a business trip. And now on Thursday, she

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Speaker 3: went to a happy hour with work friends to celebrate

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Speaker 3: a peer who was leaving. She said in advance that

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Speaker 3: he might be there. She later admitted that he was,

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Speaker 3: but she ignored him and they didn't interact.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay. That night she turned off to find my

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Speaker 1: iPhone app on her phone. Okay.

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Speaker 3: I later found a text to two of the friends

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Speaker 3: going urging them not to flake out, saying she had

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Speaker 3: planned this happy hour only because he was there and

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Speaker 3: they needed to come too, So she put the happy

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Speaker 3: hour together just to make him come.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think that therapy is really working for her.

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Speaker 4: I don't think she knows what she wants.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 3: I feel like she probably isn't even in her own

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Speaker 3: individual therapy.

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Speaker 1: But she should be.

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Speaker 3: She should be, And yeah, she knows she wants to

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Speaker 3: sell the guy, not this BS story that he might

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Speaker 3: stop by. She planned the effing event expressly for him

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Speaker 3: to come. These events destroyed me inside. Not only did

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Speaker 3: she beat me down with the initial infidelity, but.

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Speaker 1: She continued to dig the knife into my heart with

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Speaker 1: repeated trauma. I've cried more than I ever thought humanly possible.

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Speaker 3: I knew what was happening, yet I did nothing like

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Speaker 3: an effing kitty. I told myself I loved her too

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Speaker 3: much and needed her in my life, that I must

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Speaker 3: find a way to trust and give space while she

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Speaker 3: sought out clarity with her therapist. So I guess she

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Speaker 3: is in therapy. This crucial insight is paramount to me.

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Speaker 3: I want her, I want to find out our way forward,

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Speaker 3: but she has to be one hundred percent in it,

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Speaker 3: not just there out of obligation or comfort with the

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Speaker 3: kids or me. I vowed to move out that weekend,

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Speaker 3: even reached out to a friend find a place to stay.

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Speaker 3: Then Friday, she let me know she had taken action

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Speaker 3: to end the relationship. She spoke to him in person

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Speaker 3: in the office on Friday and told him they could

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Speaker 3: no longer have contact. She said she was making a

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Speaker 3: choice and that they were no more. She even offered

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Speaker 3: me evidence in a text from him saying farewell and

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Speaker 3: that they had each blocked each other's number for texting.

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Speaker 3: I should be elated, I should be happy that there's

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Speaker 3: an indication of hope for a shared future together.

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Speaker 1: Yet I'm skeptical. She's still the captain of her own domain.

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Speaker 1: What stops her from acting out with him or someone

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Speaker 1: else again? Can I live with myself knowing I allowed

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Speaker 1: her to deceive and disrespect me? How can I know

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Speaker 1: she's not taking my love for granted. It's a long

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Speaker 1: path forward. I just hope we make it and there

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Speaker 1: is an update and we see the.

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Speaker 4: Title on there. I didn't see it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, goodding in mind, But what do we think so far?

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Speaker 4: Break up or divorce? I guess like I don't think

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Speaker 4: she's gonna change. Yeah, she clearly doesn't want to. She's

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Speaker 4: making no effort, she's planning events around him. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 3: It's like if this was just like a one time

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Speaker 3: thing or like it didn't physical, well.

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Speaker 4: She was like I messed up, Like I'll fix it,

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Speaker 4: I will cut him off, and actually did sure.

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Speaker 1: Right, right.

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Speaker 3: But then since we have the initial like betrayal and

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Speaker 3: then this further distrust, it's like, yeah, I just would

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Speaker 3: not be able to trust her at all anymore.

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't be able to Oh.

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Speaker 3: My gosh, that's so sad. But we have an update separation.

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Speaker 3: Been trying to struggle forward ever since she can't break

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Speaker 3: contact with her a fair partner, and despite being given

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Speaker 3: three months to figure herself out, now she wants a separation.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what the f that means.

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Speaker 3: I get it, we loosen our connection and only interact

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Speaker 3: about the kids, but otherwise we aren't married. How do

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Speaker 3: you cope with what one or the other does while separated?

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Speaker 3: This whole concept makes me want to vomit and is

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Speaker 3: really thing with my head. We do have some comments here,

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Speaker 3: but really quick, how would you cope with that if

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Speaker 3: you were married? First of all, you're separated. I mean,

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Speaker 3: what would you do.

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Speaker 4: I think it'd be really tough to get over that

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Speaker 4: initial point of like, she's probably gonna date this guy, yeah,

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Speaker 4: like you might have to see him. I think setting

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Speaker 4: good like boundaries and ground rules over like potential new partners, yeah,

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Speaker 4: both each other, and like the kids around. Yeah, figuring

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Speaker 4: out how you're gonna like talk to the kids about that.

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Speaker 3: Right, I know, because they're so young right now, they're

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Speaker 3: only like seven or something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, that just seems so hard.

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Speaker 3: Like I feel like, if that's what you want, then

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00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,840
Speaker 3: maybe just go straight to divorce. Maybe you don't need

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Speaker 3: to be separated yet, you know, or like I think separation,

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Speaker 3: you don't need to be separated.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can just go straight to divorce.

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Speaker 3: But whatever works for you. But we do have some

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Speaker 3: comments and a bit more to the story. One comment says,

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Speaker 3: full disclosure here. I was the cheater in my marriage.

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Speaker 3: My wife and I have been working on a reconciliation

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Speaker 3: for four and a half years. I'm not going to

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Speaker 3: defend your wife. It does mess with your head and

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry you're dealing with this. First, don't believe any

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Speaker 3: excuses your wife gives you about the affair. Cheaters rewrite

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Speaker 3: marital history to justify what they do. They compartmentalize guilt

321
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Speaker 3: by making you the bad guy, which justifies their choices.

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Speaker 3: Realize that you were in the same relationship, but you

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Speaker 3: didn't cheat.

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Speaker 1: That's actually such a good point.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so because so many stories that we've read do say.

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Speaker 1: Something like that, like, yeah, they were cheating.

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Speaker 3: But like they said that this is how they fell

328
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Speaker 3: in there relationship, like you know, right, But it's like, yeah,

329
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Speaker 3: I was in the relationship too, and I didn't cheat.

330
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Speaker 4: Like yeah, even though it was that for me too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, cheating isn't caused by relationship problems. It comes down

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Speaker 3: to bad boundaries and choices made by the cheater.

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Speaker 1: Nothing you did caused her to cheat. She chose to cheat.

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Speaker 3: Notice that until you discovered it, you were in the

335
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,520
Speaker 3: dark about her excuses. After D day, waywards spout things

336
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 3: about what was wrong with you and the relationship. This

337
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,160
Speaker 3: is blame shifting. It distracts you from the real culprit

338
00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:00,000
Speaker 3: the wayward themselves. Stop believing what they say and start

339
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,800
Speaker 3: questioning it. When you do that, they have to defend

340
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 3: the lies. Tell them things like why didn't you come

341
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,760
Speaker 3: and talk to me. They'll have to face the truth

342
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,320
Speaker 3: that they didn't come to you before and made this

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Speaker 3: decision all by themselves. Continue to point out that they

344
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,880
Speaker 3: chose to cheat and it wasn't forced upon them. When

345
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 3: the cheater is still in the affair and wants a separation,

346
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 3: it means they want to test drive the new relationship

347
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Speaker 3: without you interfering. This forces you into becoming plan beat.

348
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Speaker 3: If the new person doesn't work out, the wayward can

349
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,080
Speaker 3: always come back. This shows how strong the selfishness and

350
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,480
Speaker 3: self centeredness is.

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Speaker 1: With the cheater.

352
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,840
Speaker 3: It's always about their happiness, their needs, their once don't

353
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,240
Speaker 3: do the pick me dance. Many betrayed spouses believe they

354
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 3: have to become better spouses to.

355
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Speaker 1: Prove that they're the right choice.

356
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Speaker 3: This seeds power to the wayward and puts you into

357
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Speaker 3: competition with a fantasy person. You'll never win because your

358
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,960
Speaker 3: wife is in a dopamine soaked state where she only

359
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:58,200
Speaker 3: sees fantasy not reality. I'm not pro reconciliation or pro divorce.

360
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 3: I'm pro get the fut of infidelity. You need to

361
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,240
Speaker 3: decide if this is a deal breaker. Is the affair

362
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,600
Speaker 3: a deal breaker is the fact that she's still in

363
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 3: contact with the affair partner. A deal breaker is the

364
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 3: fact that she wants to separate a deal breaker. If

365
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,040
Speaker 3: any of this is a deal breaker, you need to

366
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,680
Speaker 3: take strong steps, find a good lawyer and get information

367
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 3: on what divorce will look like.

368
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,399
Speaker 1: Knowledge is power. Just because you see a lawyer doesn't

369
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,879
Speaker 1: mean you will divorce, but you need to plan for

370
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,400
Speaker 1: the worst case. Have them draw up divorce papers. Yes,

371
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,520
Speaker 1: it costs money, but better safe than sorry. This shows

372
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,440
Speaker 1: your wife you aren't playing games anymore. She either gets

373
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,040
Speaker 1: out of the affair or the marriage is over. Hang

374
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Speaker 1: in there and take care of yourself. And we do

375
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 1: have an update. But that was a great comment.

376
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Speaker 4: That was a great comment. Yeah, just putting into perspective,

377
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,840
Speaker 4: like it's never the person who gets cheated on's fault,

378
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 4: never matter what, yeah they want to say about.

379
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: It, Absolutely not.

380
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 3: And yeah, I mean it's good questions to ask yourself.

381
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,480
Speaker 3: I feel like OPI knows his answer to all of these.

382
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,880
Speaker 3: But yeah, this, that commentary is from a cheater who

383
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,440
Speaker 3: definitely went to therapy.

384
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,360
Speaker 4: Which is crazy because that's like, yeah, that the fact

385
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,480
Speaker 4: that that's coming from the cheating half of yeah, yeah,

386
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,919
Speaker 4: and you have that much insight.

387
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 3: Now right, and then comparing it to your wife and

388
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,879
Speaker 3: how she's acting towards all this versus this guy. The

389
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 3: minds of a cheater, I know, but we do have

390
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 3: an update. Update number two.

391
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,879
Speaker 1: Caught wife of eighteen years cheating.

392
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,160
Speaker 3: I posted on here about a month after D Day,

393
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 3: heartbroken and traumatized, but hopeful that we would find a

394
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,320
Speaker 3: path moving forward together. Despite the actions, I was understanding

395
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 3: and wanted it to work.

396
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,960
Speaker 1: I in many ways forgave.

397
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,239
Speaker 3: Her responses to the posts were unanimously to end it

398
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 3: and head for the hills. There was no recovery. I

399
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 3: remember how disheartening this was. I just wanted hope and encouragement.

400
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,119
Speaker 3: People were saying I was doing the pick me dance.

401
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 3: You know what, They're not wrong. She continued the affair,

402
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,360
Speaker 3: and despite thousands of dollars spent on.

403
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,959
Speaker 1: Therapy, she kept the relationship alive.

404
00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,920
Speaker 3: And now, after two years of heartbreak and a year

405
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 3: of separation, we're getting divorced.

406
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:10,680
Speaker 1: Oh wow, a year of separation. Oh my gosh.

407
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 3: So folks, I hate to say it, but a cheater

408
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 3: is always a cheater. I'm open to chatting about my

409
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 3: experience with anyone. I'd love to be the voice of

410
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 3: hope for you, as bleak as it may be. There's

411
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:26,640
Speaker 3: an update number three. But what do we think I've got?

412
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 4: Honestly, like no other thoughts, like you just tried the

413
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 4: separation and clearly she wasn't gonna change.

414
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, so here you are getting divorced. Sure does suck.

415
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,360
Speaker 3: So sorry, Oh so sorry for sure. But I think

416
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 3: you're setting a good example for your kids, honestly. Yeah,

417
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 3: and it seems like I mean, if your kids are

418
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 3: that young, then you're you're probably plenty young enough to

419
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 3: find more people. Obviously, you know you could always find

420
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,439
Speaker 3: someone else at any age, but might.

421
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 1: Be a little easier for you now.

422
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,680
Speaker 3: But hopefully you'll find someone that is much much better

423
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 3: for you and your children.

424
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 4: Oh so we do have a third update.

425
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,639
Speaker 3: She has not worked at the same company since last spring.

426
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 3: Outing her to the company is not an option. I'm

427
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 3: not informing the affair partner's spouse of what has taken place, because, oh.

428
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,560
Speaker 4: My godhead, they were both married, I guess.

429
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,200
Speaker 1: So at this point we were divorced.

430
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 3: Within weeks, it'll be final and it's not worth any fallout.

431
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,720
Speaker 1: I'm moving on.

432
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 3: If he wants to sort out his own marriage. That's

433
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,640
Speaker 3: on him, and that's the end of that story.

434
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 4: My fiance cheated on me and I regret taking her back.

435
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 1: Well, you can always leave her again. It's true.

436
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 4: My fiance twenty nine female at the time, cheated on

437
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 4: me thirty male at the time with her ex on

438
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:45,920
Speaker 4: my birthday.

439
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

440
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 4: And were it not for the two amazing kids we

441
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 4: subsequently had together, I'd questioned why I ever got back

442
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 4: together with her. That hurt still lingers more than two

443
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 4: decades later. By the way, this comes from Little min

444
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 4: six seven seven, And if you want usubmit your own stories,

445
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay, storytime separated it.

446
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: I'm Carly and I'm Angie, and.

447
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice. Goofully, but will We

448
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,119
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

449
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 4: would do. Let us know what you would do in

450
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 4: the comments, and Opie says, quite a few years ago,

451
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,640
Speaker 4: I got engaged to a woman I was head over

452
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,439
Speaker 4: heels in love with. We'd been dating for two years,

453
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 4: lived together, and our lives seemed to be heading in

454
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 4: the same direction. I proposed on the eighth of August

455
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 4: because the number eight was my girlfriend's favorite number.

456
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:33,680
Speaker 1: Cute.

457
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 4: All was seemingly good, and as far as I knew,

458
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 4: she was as excited at the prospect of marriage as

459
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 4: I was. We met almost three years earlier through a

460
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 4: mutual friend let's call him Bob, she was dating. At

461
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 4: the time. My band was playing with another band that

462
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,959
Speaker 4: Bob liked, so naturally he dragged his girlfriend along. Bob

463
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 4: introduced me to her and said, you two talk, I've

464
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 4: got to go see someone. I thought she was cute, funny,

465
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 4: and wondered why she was dating such a transparently awful

466
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,879
Speaker 4: guy who had a reputation for betting as many women

467
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:12,639
Speaker 4: as possible. Fast forward a few months later and I

468
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 4: was at a club with some friends. Bob came up

469
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 4: to me and said they'd broken up, but we're still friends.

470
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 4: She'd come to the club with him and some mutual

471
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 4: friends and she'd love to chat with me, but was

472
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 4: too shy to initiate. I put aside my self doubt,

473
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 4: walked over and struck up a conversation. She was wasted,

474
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 4: but still sweet, incredibly beautiful, wickedly witty, and quite flirty.

475
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 4: We exchanged email addresses and began talking. We shared our

476
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 4: first kiss six months to the day we first met.

477
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 4: We spent the entire weekend together and I fell head

478
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 4: over heels in love. I wasn't to know until much

479
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 4: later that she was confused about her feelings and slept

480
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: with another former boyfriend a week after that first kiss.

481
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:02,719
Speaker 4: But that's not what this stories about. It's not. There's

482
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 4: more for the record. It's still hurt when I eventually

483
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 4: found out, but it didn't devastate me or affect our relationship.

484
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 4: Fast forward to August eighth, two years into our relationship.

485
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 4: We'd talked about marriage and I thought she was utterly

486
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 4: in love with me, so I secretly bought the ring

487
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 4: she had admired as we were passing a jewelry store

488
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 4: a few weeks earlier. When I proposed, she was shocked.

489
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 4: A conversation much later revealed she actually went into a

490
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 4: panic and began questioning what she wanted. I was oblivious,

491
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 4: utterly besotted. I assumed she felt the same about me.

492
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 4: She didn't. Just over a week later, Bob's mother passed

493
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 4: away and he'd just found her.

494
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: Oh.

495
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 4: I drove my fiance to his mom's house and sat

496
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 4: in the car while she and a few university friends

497
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 4: comforted him on the street. I saw the way she

498
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 4: hugged him, and it made me feel uneasy. There was

499
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 4: warmth there. I dismissed it as her just expressing empathy.

500
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,239
Speaker 4: After about five minutes, she came to the car and

501
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 4: said I should go home. She'd get a lift back

502
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 4: with someone else. As I drove back to our house,

503
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 4: I felt like I'd lost something. It was a strange sensation.

504
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 4: Bob's mom's funeral was scheduled for the twenty second, my birthday.

505
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 4: My fiance had spent vast portions of the week prior

506
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 4: helping Bob with funeral plans, cleaning out his mom's house,

507
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 4: and generally comforting him. She's a highly empathetic soul, and

508
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 4: despite Bob generally being a lousy boyfriend, they still had

509
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 4: a close friendship, so I understood. The twenty second came

510
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 4: and my fiance arrived home from UNI early, got changed,

511
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 4: and left for the funeral. She called afterwards and said

512
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 4: she and her UNI mates were going to Bob's place

513
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 4: for drinks. She wouldn't be too long and she'd come

514
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 4: home and take me out to dinner for my birthday.

515
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 4: So I pottered around and enjoyed having the house to myself.

516
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 4: Six pm passed, no fiance, seven pm, eight pm. At

517
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 4: around nine pm, I figured dinner wasn't happening, so I

518
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 4: made myself something to eat and watch movie. The movie ended,

519
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 4: still no fiance. I began getting worried. Midnight passed and

520
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 4: I'd spent my birthday alone. Oh At three am, I

521
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 4: called her. I have no idea why I waited so long.

522
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 4: She answered, and sounded strange, like she'd been asleep or

523
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 4: was trying not to let people around her hear her conversation.

524
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 4: She said she'd had one too many drinks and couldn't

525
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 4: drive home and was trying to sleep it off. I

526
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 4: told her I could have picked her up. She said

527
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 4: she'd be home soon. About half an hour later, she

528
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 4: walked through the door, apologized for not doing something for

529
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 4: my birthday, jumped in the shower, then went straight to bed.

530
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 4: I was so incredibly sad and so incredibly hurt. Almost

531
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 4: immediately her behavior changed. There was a palpable distance between us,

532
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 4: and such an awkward reaction from her anytime I attempted

533
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 4: to show affection. I distinctly recall being sad at band

534
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 4: rehearsal a few days after the funeral and telling my

535
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 4: bandmates something was weird between my fiance in me. Once again,

536
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 4: I dismissed it as just me overthinking things. Six days

537
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 4: after my birthday, she woke me up before heading off

538
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 4: to UNI, and she was in tears. I immediately tried

539
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 4: to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She said

540
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 4: Bob kissed her that night and that she had kissed

541
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 4: him back. My heart sank in those brief, hazy moments.

542
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,399
Speaker 4: I tried to rationalize it. It was messed up, but

543
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 4: it was just a kiss. Rationalizing didn't work. I got

544
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 4: angry and told her to get the f away from me.

545
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 4: She left for UNI, still in tears. After the anger subsided,

546
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 4: a new feeling of her I'd never felt before began

547
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,360
Speaker 4: to overwhelm me. I sobbed like I'd never sobbed before.

548
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 4: I had my heart broken in the past, but this

549
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 4: was so much worse. She kissed him back. We broke up.

550
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 4: It was her decision. I wanted to work through it.

551
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,239
Speaker 4: It was just a kiss. Her mind was made up,

552
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 4: though the next month or so was awful. I moved out.

553
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 4: She began dating Bob again because she owed it to

554
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 4: herself to see if there was something there with Bob.

555
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 4: There were angry, hurtful texts, nasty phone calls, and I

556
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,919
Speaker 4: said and did a lot of things I'm ashamed of,

557
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 4: but I felt it was nothing compared to the devastating

558
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:17,639
Speaker 4: text from Bob in return that gleefully targeted my insecurities,

559
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 4: which my ex had clearly mentioned to him. But deep

560
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 4: down I knew Bob was a terrible guy and he'd

561
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 4: revert back to who he was, so I began to

562
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 4: let go. Bob would inevitably cheat on her or mess

563
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,239
Speaker 4: her around. He had form. I moved in with some

564
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 4: friends and started enjoying my life. I had some wonderful

565
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 4: encounters with great and beautiful people, got a job I

566
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 4: absolutely loved, and even started being somewhat of a comfort

567
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 4: to my ex when Bob inevitably turned back into the

568
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 4: lousy guy he'd always been.

569
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 1: Ohh this is like hard to watch.

570
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,439
Speaker 4: No, don't comfort her for this. She left you for

571
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 4: this man.

572
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: She has such a habit of like not closing off

573
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 1: her past relationships, and she's clearly doing that with you too.

574
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, she thinks that you'll be there when she's done

575
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 4: with Bob. You was done with her. Yeah, my ex

576
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 4: saw the change in me and asked if we could

577
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 4: meet up for a chat. She said I probably wouldn't

578
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 4: like hearing certain things she wanted to tell me. I

579
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 4: was fine them. I was so much stronger, so much

580
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 4: more comfortable with who I was. When we met up

581
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 4: at a little park near the first flat we moved

582
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 4: into together, she told me that she slept with Bob

583
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 4: that night. I kind of expected that's what she'd tell me,

584
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 4: so I thought I was prepared for it. I wasn't.

585
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 4: I don't believe in souls, but at that moment, I

586
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 4: felt whatever manifests itself as a soul physically sing. I

587
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 4: put on a brave face and told her it's what

588
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 4: I expected to hear. We talked a bit more, hugged,

589
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 4: and said our goodbyes. I walked home shattered. I sank

590
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 4: into a deep depression. I was still devastated, but I

591
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 4: got better. I pushed the herd aside, though never actively

592
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 4: dealt with it, and began moving on. My ex and

593
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 4: I began regularly communicating, and we ended up getting back together.

594
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 4: I approached the second phase of our relationship with a

595
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 4: lot of trepidation, and recall writing in my diary at

596
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 4: the time that I wasn't sure it was a good idea,

597
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 4: knowing that she felt more obligated to see if a

598
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 4: second shot with Bob would work rather than trying to

599
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 4: repair the relationship with a man she was engaged to.

600
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 4: Hung heavily. In my mind, I wasn't convinced she was

601
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 4: in love with me. I felt like her second choice,

602
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 4: the one she settled for. But we forged ahead. I

603
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 4: quit my job, the best job I've ever had, and

604
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 4: we moved interstate for her career. We were there for

605
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 4: six months. Her career wasn't panning out as well as

606
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 4: she had hoped, so we began trying for a child.

607
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

608
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 3: The reason you started trying for a child was because

609
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 3: her career wasn't working out.

610
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, that is like.

611
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: So opposite of what I feel like should happen.

612
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: Shouldn't you like a stable hitchhum? And yeah, a good

613
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 3: job before you have children, at.

614
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 4: Least for one of you, guys, I feel like, right,

615
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, turns out we're both ridiculously fertile. Oh

616
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 4: my god, so she got pregnant straight away?

617
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: Well, congrats.

618
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 4: We moved back to our hometown so we could be

619
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 4: around family for our first child. A little over a

620
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 4: year later, our son was born. Four years later, we

621
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,719
Speaker 4: had a daughter. They were and still are our world.

622
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: That's also really funny.

623
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 3: We caught we were very fertile, got pregnant immediately.

624
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: A little over a year later we had our child.

625
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 3: Huh, that doesn't make any sense, but I feel like

626
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 3: it's just still slip a just a yeah, just a

627
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 3: wrong explanation there, But that is funny.

628
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 4: They were and still are a world. Nothing will ever

629
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 4: change that. A couple of years after our second child,

630
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 4: she became Facebook and Instagram friends with Bob bro. I

631
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 4: expressed how hurtful that was and asked her to unfriend him.

632
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 4: She told me I was being silly. Essentially, you got

633
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 4: the girl, So what are you worried about? Yeah, he

634
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 4: had the girl last time, and you still did it.

635
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 4: What do you mean what is he worried about?

636
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: Worried about you freaking cheating? Yeah, loosing the girl.

637
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 4: But she did eventually, and far more reluctantly than I

638
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 4: would have liked, but not before sending Bob a message

639
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 4: telling him the unfriending wasn't personal, that I was overreacting,

640
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 4: that she still cared about him and how he'd always

641
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 4: have a place in her heart. Bob's response was far

642
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 4: more respectful to my feelings than my partners. He said

643
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 4: he understood and that he'd probably feel the same. Where

644
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 4: the tables turned, I confronted her about it, and once

645
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 4: again I was made to feel like I overreacted. In hindsight,

646
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 4: it was another nail in the coffin of our relationship.

647
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 4: We fought on, nevertheless, trying to build our lives together

648
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 4: as partners and parents. We had many ups and downs,

649
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 4: separated a few times, had fleeting periods of deep adoration

650
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 4: for each other, but ultimately it was never going to work.

651
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 4: We began counseling last year, and at a session in

652
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 4: February this year, I had a moment of clarity when

653
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 4: we were asked who was more into the other person.

654
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: I answered that I was definitely more into her than

655
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 4: she was into me. She agreed without hesitation. My heart

656
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 4: sank again, and I realized that had been the case

657
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 4: for the majority of our relationship. A few weeks after

658
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 4: that session, my partner told me that she didn't see

659
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 4: a future with me. I'm grateful she did, because I'm

660
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 4: far too gutless. I didn't fight it at all. It's

661
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,640
Speaker 4: been two months and it's all still a bit raw.

662
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 4: I've moved out, and it's given me the time to

663
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 4: reflect on our nearly quarter of a century relationship. I'm

664
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 4: still deeply hurt by being cheated on over twenty years ago.

665
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 4: To this day, my birthday is the saddest day of

666
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 4: the year because it reminds me of the day of

667
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 4: Bob's mom's funeral and how lonely I felt. Knowing that

668
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 4: my fiance was in bed with another man that night

669
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 4: only disasturbates that loneliness and feeling of worthlessness. And there

670
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 4: were so few birthdays after that where she made an

671
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 4: effort to make it a special day for me. I

672
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 4: should have walked away back then, twenty odd years ago,

673
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 4: when I was in a better place and not convinced

674
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 4: of her love for me. I should never have tried

675
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 4: to rekindle what we once had. But I look at

676
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: her two children and hate myself for thinking those thoughts,

677
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 4: because she is an amazing mother and those two kids

678
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 4: are our world. I couldn't imagine my life without them

679
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 4: in it, and I really am grateful I didn't walk

680
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 4: away back them for them, and only them, But given

681
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 4: my time, again, not knowing the two utterly adored kids

682
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 4: I share with her would exist, I would walk away.

683
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 4: By now I'd have found love with another, with someone

684
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 4: as into me as I am into them, and we

685
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 4: probably would have had kids just as adored and amazing

686
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 4: as the ones I have now, and I probably wouldn't

687
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 4: be regularly reminded of the betrayal that's hung like a

688
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 4: cumulinimbus above me for two decades.

689
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

690
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 4: I just want to say that, despite appearances, I am

691
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 4: not blameless in the demise of our relationship, and despite

692
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 4: the overarching negativity in describing my ex, she is genuinely

693
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 4: a good person. I'm sure she'd have things to say

694
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 4: about things I did or didn't do that drove a

695
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,280
Speaker 4: wedge between us, but it's me that's been more hurt

696
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 4: by her than she's been by me. Nevertheless, I hope

697
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 4: she finds happiness with a new love. I just pray

698
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 4: it's not Bob or a Bob clone, and that I

699
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 4: find happiness in a new love long before she does,

700
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 4: because it would break me again if she gets there

701
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 4: first and we have an update. Oh my gosh, had

702
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 4: said title.

703
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: Oh no, but how are you feeling I feel.

704
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 3: First of all, I didn't realize that their relationship was

705
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 3: twenty five years long. I don't know why I like

706
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 3: didn't catch that before.

707
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 4: But we time jumped really quickly without like anyone.

708
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that time jump is crazy. That is so

709
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 3: long to be with this person. And ah, yeah, I

710
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 3: just feel.

711
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: So hurt for OP.

712
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 4: I feel so bad for Op.

713
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you're on the right track.

714
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,240
Speaker 3: You're fixing it because you know you have the regrets

715
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 3: and you're taking action now.

716
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 4: But it still sucks. Like you said, though, you'll find

717
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 4: love somewhere else, and your amazing kids that you love

718
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 4: will obviously still get to be a part of your

719
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 4: life of course. So it's almost like, now you get

720
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 4: that wonderful, hopeful new love that where you're loved back

721
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 4: just as much as you love them, and you get

722
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 4: these wonderful, amazing kids. Yeah, yeah, it could end up

723
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 4: really feeling great for you.

724
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 3: Right. It'll suck now, but there's still hope for that

725
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 3: future that you want.

726
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

727
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 4: Update, just when I was starting to feel a bit better,

728
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 4: she destroys me again. No. I just got back onto

729
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 4: Instagram and was trying to find some old friends to

730
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 4: follow my ex and I have some mutual friends. Was

731
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 4: only looking for friends from my circle, would never follow

732
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 4: her friends, So I went to her followers and I

733
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 4: noticed Bob was following her. Naturally, I checked if she

734
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,959
Speaker 4: was following him, and yep, she was. My heart sang.

735
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 4: It's been two months since we separated. I will say

736
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 4: I fully expected this, though I think we all knew

737
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 4: she was going to follow Bob.

738
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, not that surprised now.

739
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 4: That you guys are separated. It's like, I feel like,

740
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 4: not that it's the nice thing to do, but she

741
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,720
Speaker 4: doesn't really have that boundary of like not following Bob

742
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 4: for your sake. Yeah, exactly, because you guys aren't together.

743
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: So she's just gonna be like.

744
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 4: Wow, yeah, I guess I can do that now.

745
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm free. Yeah.

746
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,799
Speaker 4: I obviously have no idea when she reconnected him, but

747
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 4: either way, it breaks my heart. It's like she couldn't

748
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 4: wait to end things with me so she could get

749
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 4: back in touch with the one guy she knew I

750
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 4: had a problem with, or worse, reconnected with him while

751
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 4: we were still together. Yeah, dude, distance yourself as much

752
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 4: as you can. I know that.

753
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 5: Obviously, you guys have kids together, right, so it's gonna

754
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 5: be really hard to just be like I'm not gonna

755
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 5: talk to you, or but like, unfortunately you guys are

756
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 5: not together anymore.

757
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 4: So I feel like it's time to like not really

758
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 4: concern yourself with Bob or her.

759
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I agree.

760
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 4: The guy she slept without my birthday back in two

761
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 4: thousand and three, the guy who was responsible for the

762
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 4: darkest hours of my life. The guy she chose over

763
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 4: her fiance because she owed it to herself to see

764
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 4: if it could work with Bob, The guy who perpetually

765
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 4: made me feel like her second choice, made me feel

766
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 4: like the one she settled for when Bob turned into

767
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 4: the same crap bloke he always was. The amount of

768
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 4: disrespect and insensitivity she's showing is mind blowing. The fact

769
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 4: she absolutely knows how much this would hurt me indicates

770
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 4: she honestly doesn't give a crap about anyone but herself.

771
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 4: In my previous post, several people mentioned she wasn't a

772
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 4: good person to you people. You were right, and that's

773
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 4: the end of that. Sam.

774
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 2: Here we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

775
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: three of minutes bads from our sponsors.

776
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 3: My wife abandoned our family for the neighbor.

777
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:02,320
Speaker 1: Should I take her back? No, weve read the neighbor's house.

778
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 3: My wife thirty five female Xandra and I thirty four male,

779
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 3: married in two thousand and nine and had her baby

780
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 3: in twenty ten. In November twenty ten, while she was asleep,

781
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 3: a flirty message popped up on her phone.

782
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 1: I checked it and it was from our neighbor Aiden.

783
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 3: I went through every single message, which included spicy texting

784
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 3: and sharing nudes and even planned hotel meetups.

785
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

786
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 4: No.

787
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Throwaway thirty two fourteen six,

788
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

789
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay, storytime separated it and I'm Angie.

790
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 4: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give.

791
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,200
Speaker 3: Good advice Goofly, But we don't have all the answers.

792
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 3: We just know what we would do in this situation.

793
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 3: But let us know what you would do in the comments.

794
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 3: So oh P says this had been going on from

795
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 3: the first week of our marriage. Oh my god, Oh

796
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 3: my gosh. I felt like my world crumbled in front

797
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 3: of me. I took screen shots of everything and saved

798
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 3: them on my phone. The next day, I contacted Molly

799
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 3: thirty seven, female, and let her know about the affair.

800
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 3: Molly and Aiden had been married for four years and

801
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 3: had their first baby almost the exact time as we

802
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 3: had ours. I confronted my wife and told her I

803
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 3: was going to divorce her. She started crying, but I

804
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 3: didn't waiver. I also did a paternity test on our

805
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 3: son because the affair timeline mashed his conception date very conveniently. Ooh.

806
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 3: Two days later, when I came home from work, our

807
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 3: baby was crying in our bed and Xandra was nowhere

808
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 3: to be seen. I found a letter from her saying

809
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 3: that she didn't love me, that she had left with Aiden,

810
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 3: and not to contact them. I knew this was coming,

811
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,319
Speaker 3: but I didn't believe a mother could leave her six

812
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 3: month old child alone and run off with her lover.

813
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly, Yeah, everything else aside. I would never be

814
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 4: able to forgive. Solely the leaving the baby in the

815
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 4: house alone.

816
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 1: Yes, that's insane.

817
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 3: I went to Molly's house. She had received the same

818
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 3: letter from her husband. I felt sorry for her, as

819
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 3: she was dealing with postpartum depression had a baby just

820
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 3: a few months old and.

821
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 4: Was left alone.

822
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,280
Speaker 3: The paternity test came back confirming that he was my son.

823
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 3: I tried to contact Sandra's family, but they didn't know

824
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 3: where she was and were shocked by her behavior. Her

825
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 3: father even said that if she ever came back, she

826
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:23,919
Speaker 3: wouldn't be allowed in their house. They basically disowned her.

827
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 3: Mollie was very supportive. She began coming to my home

828
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 3: to watch the kids and even breastfed both of them.

829
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 1: Huh.

830
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 3: As time passed, we became like family. My son called

831
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,560
Speaker 3: her mom and had only known her as mom. We

832
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 3: decided to go on dates, got engaged a year later, whoa,

833
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,520
Speaker 3: and married in twenty thirteen.

834
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, wow, that's wild.

835
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 3: We had our first child together in twenty fifteen.

836
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: Wow.

837
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 3: We often discussed our exes and how we had been

838
00:40:58,800 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 3: disrespected by them.

839
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:01,480
Speaker 4: We were a happy family.

840
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 3: In twenty eighteen, when my son accidentally saw a picture

841
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,840
Speaker 3: of my ex a photo after birth that included Xandra,

842
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 3: me and him, we decided to tell him that his

843
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 3: birth mother, Xandra had passed away in a car accident

844
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 3: years ago, and Mollie took care of him since he

845
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 3: was six months old. Ooh, okay, I don't know how

846
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,720
Speaker 3: I feel about that, Like, I'm sure you could say something.

847
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 4: I'm sure there's a choice to explain child friendly, like

848
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 4: people leave that kind of thing.

849
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:32,280
Speaker 3: Fast forward to two days ago, I received an anonymous email.

850
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,479
Speaker 3: I opened it and it read, I want to see

851
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,319
Speaker 3: my son and want my family back.

852
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: We are not divorced yet.

853
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 4: What they're not divorced yet? How did he marry Mollie?

854
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I knew it was Xandra. I

855
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,480
Speaker 1: show this to Mollie.

856
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: She started freaking out and asked me if I would

857
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 3: take Xandra back.

858
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:52,240
Speaker 4: Oh, Mollie.

859
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 3: I calmed her down and told her that Xandra was

860
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 3: an ugly past and I would never leave her. I

861
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 3: would never take Xandra back. I'm but now I'm confused

862
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,919
Speaker 3: about what to do. I will definitely not take her back.

863
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 3: But should I let her meet my son or not?

864
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 3: Should I take away my son's opportunity to have a

865
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 3: connection with his birth mother? And there are some comments,

866
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 3: but what do you think.

867
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 4: I would say that if if you don't want her

868
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 4: to have a connection, to get into some sort of

869
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 4: custody thing asap, because I feel like there is a

870
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 4: possibility that she could Oh my God, I'm custody on

871
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 4: this and fight for it. And now I think obviously

872
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 4: he's got a really good case.

873
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 3: You left yes, yes, wait six months old, you left

874
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 3: him alone in a house.

875
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 4: Right, I've been raising this child since six months on

876
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:43,280
Speaker 4: my own with Molly.

877
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 3: Right, there are some comments Coming. Number one says, absolutely not.

878
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 3: She was toxic ten years ago and obviously hasn't changed.

879
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,919
Speaker 3: She will end up hurting all of you so much

880
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 3: more than she already had. No coming from a child

881
00:42:57,440 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 3: abandoned by their mother who only showed up every three

882
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,799
Speaker 3: years because stepbrothers dad tried to convince her that she

883
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 3: needed to be a part of my life. Coming Number

884
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 3: two says one telling the kids that your ex passed

885
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 3: away is wrong. You should have never done that. Your

886
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 3: son and likely your other kids will need therapy, or

887
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 3: at the very least, you should consult psychologists to get

888
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 3: advice regarding how to tell.

889
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:17,280
Speaker 1: Them the truth.

890
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: The more you lie, the likelier he will eventually go live.

891
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 3: Go live with her, and believe whatever excuse she gives him. Two,

892
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 3: assuming you have an actual judgment that gives you full custody,

893
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 3: you can ignore her communication entirely or get a lawyer

894
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 3: to send her a letter saying visitation is not in

895
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 3: the child's best interest. You can then either wait for

896
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 3: her to file in court asking for visitation, or you

897
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 3: can proactively attempt to have her parental rights terminated, perhaps

898
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,759
Speaker 3: also having his actual mother adopt him. Child support doesn't

899
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 3: usually have an impact on custody, but a reminder that

900
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 3: she has not paid child support for ten years and

901
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 3: that there are still many years left where it should

902
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 3: be due can help as well. However, only through a

903
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 3: formal lawyer letter, not by responding directly three you might

904
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 3: not be able to prevent visitations from happening. At the

905
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 3: very least, ask for a very slow progression with short

906
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 3: visits supervised by a social worker or a psychologist.

907
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's yeah, I think that's good advice.

908
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it would be good to just get

909
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 3: custody for like the off chance that the son doesn't

910
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 3: trust you and wants to live with his mom. Yeah,

911
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 3: just get joined custody. So that's just not possible, And

912
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 3: we do have an update. Some people claim that she

913
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 3: would have no parental rights over my son as she

914
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 3: had abandoned us years ago. To confirm this, I contacted

915
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 3: my friend who was a lawyer. He confirmed that she

916
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 3: could face a heavy fine, termination of parental rights.

917
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 1: And jail time. Oh wow wow.

918
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 3: I told him about the time period of abandonment and

919
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 3: asked what the chances of winning my casework. He told

920
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 3: me that if a parent fails to physically contact a

921
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 3: child for over a year, ninety nine percent of the time,

922
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 3: they are given termination of parental rights. I had a

923
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 3: sigh of after hearing those words. I also joined therapy

924
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 3: with my son so that I could tell him the

925
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 3: truth about his biological mother.

926
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,399
Speaker 4: I wanted to find out why she.

927
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 3: Contacted me after ten years, so I messaged her father,

928
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 3: who was still a best friend of mine and gives

929
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 3: me good advice. I asked her whether Xandra had contacted

930
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 3: his family or not. Turns out that she had contacted

931
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 3: her sister for money from time to time over the

932
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 3: ten years, but now her sister wasn't willing to help

933
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 3: as Xandra was asking for a bit more money.

934
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: Oh no, gosh.

935
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 3: I asked him about her condition and whether introducing her

936
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 3: to my son would be a good idea. He answered

937
00:45:34,960 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 3: by saying she just has a minimum wage job and

938
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 3: lives in a small apartment with three roommates. Hearing this,

939
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 3: I felt bad for her, but she earned it. He

940
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 3: said that she would have a bad influence on our son,

941
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 3: so it was better not to introduce him to Xandra. Next,

942
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 3: I called her sister and asked what their conversations had

943
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 3: been like over the past ten years.

944
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 4: She told me everything.

945
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 3: Xandra contacted her for money, only for money, because after

946
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,279
Speaker 3: paying rent, she had no money left for groceries and

947
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 3: other utilities. Xandra never asked about my son, only for money.

948
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 3: I asked her about the relationship between Xandra and Aiden.

949
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 3: She replied, he is in prison since twenty fifteen.

950
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 4: Whoa, whoa Aiden's been in.

951
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: Prison for five years.

952
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

953
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,840
Speaker 3: I don't know why, but I felt happy upon hearing

954
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 3: this news. I asked her whether Xandra knew about the

955
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,919
Speaker 3: divorce or not. She said Xandra had no idea about

956
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 3: the divorce and still thought that we were legally married.

957
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 3: Oh interesting, so maybe he was able to divorce legally.

958
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

959
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 3: I asked her to tell Xandra about everything, the divorce,

960
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 3: child custody, my new family, and that she has no

961
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 3: right over my son. I told everything to Mollie and

962
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 3: she was a bit surprised by Exandra's behavior.

963
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 4: Yeah.

964
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 3: I wonder how Mollie's feeling knowing that her ex husband

965
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 3: is in jail now.

966
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:55,879
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Yeah, because she's finding that out too.

967
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

968
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

969
00:46:57,440 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 4: I also he was like, and I have no idea

970
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 4: for what I'd be good not so quick.

971
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 3: She never thought a mother could be so careless towards

972
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 3: her own child. She was shocked to hear the news

973
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,799
Speaker 3: about Aiden. It's been thirty days and Xandra has not

974
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 3: contacted us. Family counseling is going great, and we have

975
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 3: decided to legally adopt one another's kids.

976
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 4: Yay.

977
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: I don't think Xandra will contact us again, as her

978
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 3: sister might have told her about her position legally and

979
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 3: that she would just waste money by hiring an attorney.

980
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 4: And I feel like she was just reaching out for

981
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,280
Speaker 4: money from someone. Sure, that's what it felt like after

982
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 4: that point. Yeah, it's like weird that you're reaching out

983
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 4: right after your family cuts you off for money exactly. Yeah. Yikes.

984
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: And there are some comments coming.

985
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 3: Number one says, Wow, this is a really rare one

986
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 3: to read after ten years to wanting to come back.

987
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 3: Based on what you wrote, your ex is just looking

988
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:52,839
Speaker 3: out for herself, looking for a place to say she's

989
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,240
Speaker 3: so desperate that she was willing to contact you. Glad

990
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,919
Speaker 3: that you've done your research by contacting everyone that knows

991
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 3: your ex to understand what's going on with your ex.

992
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 3: Sounds like you have everything under control with a wonderful family.

993
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 3: Please don't ruin it by introducing your ex. Yeah, honestly, yeah,

994
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you still have a good relationship with

995
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 3: your ex's family, so you know you can get that info.

996
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,320
Speaker 4: It's kind of, in a way, a very sweet story

997
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 4: of finding Molly too, Like obviously, yeah, really terribly. But

998
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 4: then it's like, oh yeah, like rue something so terrible

999
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 4: for both of us, Like we've made this cute little family, right.

1000
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it worked out pretty well.

1001
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 4: But when you're the end of.

1002
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 3: The story though, yeah, coming number two says, wait, how

1003
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: can you legally divorce if she doesn't sign? I thought

1004
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 3: you had to serve them to divorce. Sorry, you never

1005
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 3: married or divorced, so it's strange that you haven't heard

1006
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 3: from her in ten years. She doesn't know that you

1007
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 3: guys are divorced. When I thought it had to be

1008
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 3: acknowledged by both parties of the intent, We had that

1009
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 3: question too, Opia replied, A divorce in absentia, But we

1010
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 3: have a few more comments here coming. Number three says,

1011
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 3: it's clearly supported by evident that the female ex of

1012
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 3: yours is not your son's mother, as proven by the

1013
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 3: fact that Molly was the one caring and being the

1014
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 3: parental mother he needed. Your connection is thicker than blood.

1015
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,800
Speaker 3: Just as you are also taking care of her abandoned child.

1016
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 3: You are the father. It is great that you two

1017
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 3: finally can be a whole family and the children are

1018
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:15,760
Speaker 3: legally yours.

1019
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 4: Your children will be.

1020
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 3: Raised by your values and they will be great children,

1021
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,840
Speaker 3: I'm sure. Be happy together and plant your wisdom to

1022
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 3: the children with truth, no sugarcoating, and make sure they

1023
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 3: take the right moral of the story instead of obsessed

1024
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 3: by blood relation. And that is the end of that story.

1025
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 3: Wow wow, wow, wow, so many questions. I know, I

1026
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 3: really want to know what Adrian went to jail for,

1027
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,319
Speaker 3: but but we won't know.

1028
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: We won't know.

1029
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,919
Speaker 3: But everything that we did here, you handled everything really well.

1030
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 3: So I'm happy with how that turned out. But my goodness, and.

1031
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 1: That's the end of this story.

1032
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 3: We're going on to the next one.

1033
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 4: My wife cheated on me in our future child's bedroom.

1034
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 4: Ew so disgusting God. A little background. My wife, twenty

1035
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 4: eight female, and I twenty eight male, have been together

1036
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 4: for thirteen years. We started dating when we were roughly sixteen,

1037
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 4: never broke up, and got married three years ago. We

1038
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,759
Speaker 4: had the kind of relationship that others were jealous of,

1039
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 4: and everyone was always expecting us to get married.

1040
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Angie, I'm Riley.

1041
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,799
Speaker 4: And we're here to give good advice. Goofully, but we

1042
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we

1043
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 4: would do, So let us know what you would do

1044
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 4: in the comments, and Opie says. Over the past year

1045
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 4: and a half, things started changing between us. Some issues

1046
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 4: came up with her family, and she became more and

1047
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 4: more distant, both emotionally and physically. She started being protective

1048
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 4: of her phone and grew closer with a male coworker.

1049
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 4: The signs no long story short. I snooped on her

1050
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:00,160
Speaker 4: phone because I had a feeling something was going on

1051
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 4: and found incriminating texts confirming she was having an affair.

1052
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 4: When I confronted her in early September, she owned up

1053
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 4: to it, saying it had been going on for a year. Oh,

1054
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 4: so they had been having an affair in our home,

1055
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 4: in the bedroom that would eventually be our future child's room.

1056
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 3: Oh my, that is like a twist of the knife.

1057
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 4: That's so extra disgusting.

1058
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1059
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, she apologized, saying it would never happen again. I

1060
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 4: told her that in order for us to move on,

1061
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 4: I needed her to have no contact with the person

1062
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 4: she cheated on me with. Two months later, they were

1063
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 4: still talking occasionally, with her saying it was unfair of

1064
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 4: me to ask her not to talk to someone she

1065
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 4: considered a close friend. I honestly didn't know what to do.

1066
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 4: I was trying to see if I could move on,

1067
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 4: but I felt like I could never trust her again.

1068
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 4: Were choosing to stay in touch with him showed me

1069
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 4: she was choosing their relationship over ours. She also told

1070
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 4: me not to tell any of our friends what was

1071
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 4: going on, so I didn't even have someone to talk to.

1072
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 4: We have a comment. Uh, but do you have any thoughts?

1073
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 5: Uh?

1074
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:18,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy.

1075
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 3: I feel like it just saying like, oh, it's not

1076
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 3: gonna happen again, because okay, I that's first of all,

1077
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 3: not enough of an apology.

1078
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 1: That's like I'm not gonna just take that.

1079
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 3: And then second of all, like Okay, Well, if you

1080
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 3: want me to move on, you're gonna have to like

1081
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 3: earn my trust back.

1082
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1083
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 3: And it's like in a normal friendship thing like, Yeah,

1084
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,840
Speaker 3: you can't dictate who has who's talks to who in

1085
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 3: a relationship. But if you already had an affair for

1086
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 3: a year with someone like yeah, I feel like the

1087
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 3: respectful thing to do with the very least is to

1088
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 3: not talk to them anymore.

1089
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's not going to change because she is not

1090
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 4: seeing any consequences at all. Tell your friends and family,

1091
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 4: especially because she doesn't want you to. You need support

1092
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 4: and she is preventing you from having it. After she cheated,

1093
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 4: She gets no say in who you can and cannot tell.

1094
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,160
Speaker 4: You need to serve her divorce papers and you can

1095
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 4: stop the process after if she shows true remorse and

1096
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 4: starts respecting you. The reason she should give up the

1097
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 4: friendship is because the man that was having spicy sleep

1098
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:29,160
Speaker 4: with her is not her friend and she obviously has

1099
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 4: no boundaries since she was effing him in your own house.

1100
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 4: I would honestly advise to break up with her because

1101
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 4: she is not remorseful and she cheated and continues to

1102
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 4: stomp on you after you found out. But if you

1103
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 4: truly love her, you need to scare the crap out

1104
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 4: of her and make her realize that her husband is

1105
00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 4: willing to leave. And we have an update.

1106
00:53:53,239 --> 00:53:54,319
Speaker 1: Oh boy, just.

1107
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:55,760
Speaker 4: Dive writing, dive writing.

1108
00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 1: I think those comments are spot on. Update.

1109
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 4: After posting a little over a month ago and reading

1110
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:04,080
Speaker 4: all of the advices, I called my lawyer, told my

1111
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 4: parents and some close friends what was going on, and

1112
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:11,240
Speaker 4: told my wife that I wanted a divorce. She begged

1113
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:14,399
Speaker 4: and pleaded, promising to make things better and cut off

1114
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 4: contact with the affair partner. We spent all weekend together

1115
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 4: with her, promising things and doing all the right things.

1116
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 4: I didn't fully believe her, but I was willing to

1117
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 4: give her one more chance to try to save what

1118
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 4: I thought we had. Things were fine for about a month.

1119
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 4: We were more or less just coexisting, but she was

1120
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:39,439
Speaker 4: on her phone less and being more attentive. Two weekends ago,

1121
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 4: she handed me her phone to show me something, and

1122
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 4: I suspiciously swiped up on her open apps. There she

1123
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,320
Speaker 4: was talking to her a fair partner on a messaging spot.

1124
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 3: Dude, Like, I just don't understand how she can think

1125
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 3: that she can just do this. Samm sorry, and then

1126
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 3: they could just move on. So it's like, that's not

1127
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 3: how it works.

1128
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:04,360
Speaker 4: She's just gonna get sneakier and hiding it. She's going

1129
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 4: to other places and just doing it there. I flipped out,

1130
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 4: and she promised. He just messaged her and she told

1131
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 4: him she couldn't talk. This was blatantly false. I read

1132
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 4: their conversation and they were discussing what they were each

1133
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 4: doing that night. I was again duped, lied to and deceived.

1134
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 4: She told me she would finally block him, but wanted

1135
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:31,240
Speaker 4: to say goodbye because he was a friend. I said

1136
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,799
Speaker 4: it was inexcusable and that she had to cut off

1137
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,240
Speaker 4: contact and block him right then what she said she would.

1138
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 4: Two days later, I asked if she had blocked him,

1139
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 4: and she hadn't. Yeah, that's over, buddy.

1140
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1141
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:46,560
Speaker 4: I told her right on the spot that we were

1142
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 4: getting a divorce and we could either go through mediation

1143
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 4: if she agreed to every single thing I wanted, or

1144
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 4: I could get my lawyer involved and I would get

1145
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 4: what I wanted. Anyway. She agreed to mediation and we

1146
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:03,719
Speaker 4: began that process shortly after. It took me some time

1147
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:06,759
Speaker 4: to get there, longer than it probably should have, but

1148
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 4: I finally had enough respect for myself to put an

1149
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 4: end to this and go find a life of happiness

1150
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 4: that I deserve. Here you go, that's what you should do.

1151
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 4: She still tried to make me feel bad, blaming me

1152
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 4: and telling me how awful of a situation I was

1153
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 4: putting her in. That was crazy, it's wild. I reminded

1154
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 4: her that it was her actions that caused this, not mine,

1155
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 4: and that she had to live with the consequences. I

1156
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 4: began telling more friends about what happened, along with the

1157
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:41,480
Speaker 4: rest of my family. This wasn't how I ever saw

1158
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:43,840
Speaker 4: my life going, but I knew it was a blessing

1159
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 4: in disguise and I would end up with someone who

1160
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 4: truly made me happy. And we have another comment.

1161
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:56,799
Speaker 3: But yeah, dude, yeah yeah, it's very very apparent. This

1162
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 3: is not just like they're texting and chatting as for

1163
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:02,880
Speaker 3: friends saying goodbye, right goodbye.

1164
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 4: The affair hadn't been going on, and you truly hadn't

1165
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 4: been talking to him, you wouldn't need a long goodbye, right.

1166
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 1: It's like these.

1167
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 3: Words mean nothing in situations like this, like you have

1168
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 3: to back it up with these actions.

1169
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 4: People are right, But we have a comment. First rule

1170
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 4: of successful reconciliation is always cutting the affair partner out.

1171
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 4: If that doesn't happen, it's destined to fail. I understand

1172
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 4: it's been a tough journey and it will be a

1173
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 4: tough journey when she's finally gone. But you're slowly gaining

1174
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 4: back control of your life. I think you're at the

1175
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,919
Speaker 4: point to realize that you'll never get good closure. Here

1176
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 4: on why I suggest minimal contact. Yeah, if she can't

1177
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 4: move out yet, move into another room away from her

1178
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 4: gray rock and one to eighty only discuss divorce proceedings.

1179
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 4: Oh wow, no more conversations about the relationship.

1180
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, I agree.

1181
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 4: If you know what she wants, I say, may her

1182
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 4: move in to your future son's room that you're having

1183
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 4: that's where you want to have your affair. You can

1184
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 4: go sleep there. I'm staying in the room. Oh.

1185
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: He did try to give her a chance to.

1186
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:14,720
Speaker 3: Totally and she she multiple times like proved that she

1187
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 3: should not be trusted.

1188
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 4: We have an update. After telling my ex that we

1189
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 4: were getting a divorce, the gaslighting went into overdrive.

1190
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: Wow, well points for divorce.

1191
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 4: She blamed me, told me it was my fault that

1192
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 4: I was giving up on our marriage, that it was

1193
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 4: sad I was letting our relationship end this way, and

1194
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 4: that I was going to take away the home our

1195
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 4: dog knew. I stood strong, didn't let her get to me,

1196
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,240
Speaker 4: and went through with divorce mediation.

1197
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:45,960
Speaker 1: There you go.

1198
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 4: Mediation was smooth. She agreed to everything I wanted, and

1199
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 4: I received notice from the courts yesterday that I am

1200
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 4: a freeman all right. We sold the house within three

1201
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 4: months of starting mediation. She out a month before closing.

1202
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 4: The gas lighting continued while we lived together waiting for

1203
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 4: the house to sell. She kept blaming me and telling

1204
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:11,320
Speaker 4: me I was mean because I refused to speak to

1205
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 4: her at all, along with countless other things that only

1206
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:18,560
Speaker 4: a true sick a truly sick individual would think to

1207
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 4: be true given the situation. Once the house sold, I

1208
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,440
Speaker 4: moved back to my parents for a few months to

1209
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 4: collect myself and figure out what to do with my life.

1210
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 4: I started weekly therapy and was able to reflect on

1211
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 4: the relationship, seeing how toxic and one sided everything was.

1212
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:40,480
Speaker 4: I was the one always putting myself second and sacrificing

1213
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 4: my happiness to try to tolerate her unrealistic needs and expectations.

1214
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 4: My therapist suggested that it sounded like she had borderline

1215
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:53,320
Speaker 4: personality disorder, which is a condition that runs in her family,

1216
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:56,959
Speaker 4: and made total sense. I was also able to work

1217
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 4: on underlying issues that allowed me to get into such

1218
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:03,560
Speaker 4: toxic relationship, and at this point, I feel like I

1219
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 4: can identify the warning signs. I recommitted to my physical

1220
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 4: health as well, losing fifteen pounds over the last three

1221
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:15,240
Speaker 4: months and getting back into running. I'm currently training for

1222
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 4: a ten k.

1223
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 3: Wow, dude, you're doing breakups right, Yeah?

1224
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 4: Getting super fit?

1225
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1226
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 4: Early this month, I moved into my own place in

1227
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 4: New York. I'm reconnecting with friends I lost touch with,

1228
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 4: and have started dating for the first time in my life,

1229
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 4: albeit pretty unsuccessfully at this point. And that's okay, op,

1230
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 4: take some time. Plus, I got a promotion at work

1231
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 4: a few weeks ago that I worked my tail off for.

1232
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:47,920
Speaker 4: I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially in a better

1233
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:51,560
Speaker 4: place than I have been in years, and her showing

1234
01:00:51,560 --> 01:00:54,480
Speaker 4: me her true colors by having this affair was the

1235
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 4: greatest favor she could have done for me. We have

1236
01:00:57,640 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 4: a little bit left.

1237
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 3: You thinking, I think you're doing everything right. I think

1238
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:08,200
Speaker 3: this was like huge news that you had to uh

1239
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:10,480
Speaker 3: like realize and deal with.

1240
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 1: And I think going to therapy is perfect.

1241
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, that makes sense that there are other like negatives

1242
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 3: to the relationship and there are other things that you

1243
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:19,040
Speaker 3: have to work with.

1244
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 2: They kind of pop up after you realize, Oh, they're

1245
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:22,640
Speaker 2: a bad person.

1246
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:25,760
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's so much more to this, right, Like.

1247
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 3: Maybe there are other bad things that this bad person

1248
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 3: see this second.

1249
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 4: Oh, we didn't have to put up with all.

1250
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 1: That, and I won't in the future.

1251
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. I still haven't told all of our mutual friends

1252
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 4: about the affair, as I was afraid she would get

1253
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:42,640
Speaker 4: angry and take and tank mediation. Now that the divorce

1254
01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:45,840
Speaker 4: is final, I will be notifying everyone in our lives

1255
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 4: as to who she is and what she did. I

1256
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 4: guess this was all just a long winded way of

1257
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:55,360
Speaker 4: saying that things will get better. There is nothing wrong

1258
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 4: with any of us because we were cheated on. Try

1259
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:01,480
Speaker 4: to use this as a law point for making yourself

1260
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 4: better and working to become the best possible person you

1261
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,440
Speaker 4: can be. This is going to be my last significant

1262
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 4: update here most likely. While I don't think my journey

1263
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:14,280
Speaker 4: of healing has come to an end, it's just come

1264
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 4: to a new chapter and dwelling on what this woman

1265
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 4: did to me isn't worth it.

1266
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:19,959
Speaker 1: There you go.

1267
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:21,440
Speaker 4: That's the end of that story.

1268
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful way to say it.

1269
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 4: This is a beautiful way.

1270
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, no, great therapy is working.

1271
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 4: If you went to therapy and was like, I'm doing

1272
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 4: everything perfectly.

1273
01:02:33,680 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, I have a sudden this is exactly what

1274
01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 3: I needed.

1275
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's great advice for

1276
01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 1: us all, honestly.

1277
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:46,920
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1278
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 4: to the next one.

1279
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, it's John Ogi host here. We're gonna get

1280
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:51,840
Speaker 2: back to the story. So but here's a quick three

1281
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 2: minute break from as for more sponsors.

1282
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 3: I tried to surprise my wife and fix our marriage,

1283
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 3: but she was hiding a dirty secret.

1284
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 4: Well did you have to fix your marriage?

1285
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 1: It was Labor Day weekend in twenty twenty one.

1286
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 3: My then wife was in Texas for Air Force training.

1287
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 4: Wow.

1288
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:10,919
Speaker 3: We both served and lived in Ohio at the time

1289
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:14,400
Speaker 3: with our kids, who were seven and three. During her training,

1290
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 3: she'd call the kids and me every day, staying on

1291
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 3: the phone for hours, just talking about anything. By the way,

1292
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 3: this comes from a lovely viewer. And I am Angie, and.

1293
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Riley.

1294
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:29,840
Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofily, But we

1295
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers.

1296
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 1: We just know what we would do in the situation.

1297
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:33,960
Speaker 1: So let us know what you guys would do in

1298
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 1: the chat.

1299
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 3: Then suddenly, as Opie says, she started talking less and less,

1300
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 3: still daily, but only for two minutes. Off that she'd

1301
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:46,080
Speaker 3: say she had to study for tests. Then she started

1302
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 3: missing days completely. After the third time, I called her

1303
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 3: later and asked what was going on, she was utterly wasted,

1304
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 3: extremely wasted on the phone.

1305
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:57,440
Speaker 1: I got mad and hung up.

1306
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 3: The next day she said she needed space, like was

1307
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:03,560
Speaker 3: I the bad guy here? We barely talked for two

1308
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:07,080
Speaker 3: weeks after that. So to backtrack a bit now, we

1309
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:09,280
Speaker 3: married when I was twenty five and she was twenty three.

1310
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 3: We had been dating for four years before that. When

1311
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 3: we were dating, she went to visit her friend in California.

1312
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 4: Her friend had married.

1313
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,600
Speaker 1: A marine and moved there well.

1314
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 3: During that time, she was also going to meet a

1315
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 3: guy she'd never met before, someone her friend wanted to

1316
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:27,680
Speaker 3: set her up with. For the entire two weeks she

1317
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:29,000
Speaker 3: was cheating on me.

1318
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:34,640
Speaker 1: My goodness, yeap. We broke up for about a year.

1319
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 3: I reconnected with her and we got back together. About

1320
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 3: two years later we got married.

1321
01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

1322
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 3: During our marriage she completely changed. She denied me intimacy

1323
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 3: and affection. When she rejected me, I would naturally get

1324
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 3: upset and say mean things to remind her of what

1325
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 3: she did, because I knew you hurt her.

1326
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:55,160
Speaker 4: No, No, that's the wrong thing to do. Terrible.

1327
01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 1: We don't want that.

1328
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 4: Don't like that one single bit, not one bit.

1329
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 3: If you are denying I had intimacy, you must accept.

1330
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 1: We had two children.

1331
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 3: Our marriage went on with hardly any intimacy or affection

1332
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 3: from her. I would ask her to kiss me, but

1333
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:11,480
Speaker 3: after our second child, we were pretty much roommates. I

1334
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:13,720
Speaker 3: was extremely depressed and it was difficult to get out

1335
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:16,360
Speaker 3: of bed and do anything. I realized I wasn't the

1336
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 3: father that I wanted to be, nor the husband, and

1337
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:21,280
Speaker 3: I sought mental health treatment back to the time after

1338
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,800
Speaker 3: we stopped talking following our argument, I thought the bark

1339
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:26,280
Speaker 3: had been missing in our relationship, and I blamed myself

1340
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,360
Speaker 3: for my depression and anxiety. So I got a babysitter

1341
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 3: for the long weekend. She had mentioned that she wanted

1342
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 3: to get away and go camping by herself, so I

1343
01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 3: took it as an opportunity to surprise her. We could

1344
01:05:36,720 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 3: spend the weekend alone, just trying to get our love

1345
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 3: back to what it was before marriage.

1346
01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 4: I fear she wanted to be alone, not with you.

1347
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like she had other plans, like she

1348
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 3: wouldn't have had another campaign partner.

1349
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:50,840
Speaker 4: Perhaps.

1350
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 3: I went to her hotel on base and talked to

1351
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:55,479
Speaker 3: the staff beforehand to let them know that I wanted

1352
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 3: to surprise her. Oh boy, they were okay with it

1353
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:01,400
Speaker 3: after I showed proof of who I was. I got

1354
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 3: an extra key card and went into her room before

1355
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:07,240
Speaker 3: she returned from training. Oh boy, I feel like a

1356
01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:10,680
Speaker 3: lot is about to happen when I turned the page.

1357
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:13,200
Speaker 3: When I got into her room, I saw a large

1358
01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:20,840
Speaker 3: box of silly rap on her nightstand spicy rap, if

1359
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:24,600
Speaker 3: you will, many empty booze bottles in the trash and

1360
01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:27,880
Speaker 3: on her counters. I also saw her wedding ring in

1361
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 3: her bathroom on the counter, as if it was stored there.

1362
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:34,440
Speaker 3: I was devastated and in shock as I hid in

1363
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:37,480
Speaker 3: the closet, and when she arrived, I jumped out and

1364
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:38,520
Speaker 3: said surprise.

1365
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:43,080
Speaker 1: I was still in disbelief that this was happening. Her

1366
01:06:43,160 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 1: response was.

1367
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 3: You're not supposed to be here, and then.

1368
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 1: She locked herself in the bathroom.

1369
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 3: She texted her school friend to come. The friend rushed

1370
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:54,640
Speaker 3: her to rush to her room, as if it seemed

1371
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:57,120
Speaker 3: like I was hurting her. To be clear, I have

1372
01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 3: never raised a hand or even gotten clo do it.

1373
01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 3: Her friend left and she came out of the bathroom.

1374
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:07,920
Speaker 3: I demanded an explanation. All she could say was I'm sorry.

1375
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 3: It wasn't in an apologetic way, more of I'm sorry

1376
01:07:12,360 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 3: you had to find out this way. I left immediately,

1377
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:17,480
Speaker 3: took a car to the airport and bought the first

1378
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 3: to get home. I could only do the bare minimum

1379
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 3: for my kids the entire weekend because I was crushed.

1380
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:25,360
Speaker 3: Monday rolled around and I called her. She said she

1381
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 3: wanted a divorce. Wow, you're the one saying you want

1382
01:07:28,240 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 3: a divorce.

1383
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 1: Yikes.

1384
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 4: I feel like it is wild to still hide in

1385
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:35,479
Speaker 4: the closet after you just walked in on do all

1386
01:07:35,520 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 4: of that in the room. Yeah, I think I would

1387
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:40,160
Speaker 4: just sit on the bed and be like hey.

1388
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would sit on the bed with like all

1389
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 3: the wrappers around me, and like.

1390
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:47,080
Speaker 4: What Isabelle? Yeah?

1391
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:52,440
Speaker 3: Bright crazy. I was just in disbelief and agreed without discussion.

1392
01:07:52,720 --> 01:07:54,600
Speaker 3: The only thing I could manage to get out was

1393
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:57,480
Speaker 3: I'm taking the kids and moving back home. I was

1394
01:07:57,600 --> 01:08:01,360
Speaker 3: medically retiring from the military, but she would return from training.

1395
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:04,800
Speaker 3: Her response was, okay, can you take the dogs too?

1396
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:12,040
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what that's crazy. After we split and

1397
01:08:12,120 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 3: I moved back, I did some digging. I checked our

1398
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 3: bank account and saw thousands of dollars spent at bars

1399
01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:19,640
Speaker 3: and other places during the time that she was in

1400
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:23,639
Speaker 3: training while telling us that she was studying. I also

1401
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:26,280
Speaker 3: checked the phone records. I couldn't see the messages, but

1402
01:08:26,280 --> 01:08:29,200
Speaker 3: I could see one number that kept coming up all day,

1403
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 3: every day, back and forth. That ended up being the

1404
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:34,120
Speaker 3: guy that she was cheating on me with.

1405
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:34,479
Speaker 4: OO.

1406
01:08:35,040 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 3: We finalized our divorce in February twenty twenty two without fighting.

1407
01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 3: Since then, she skipped her time with her kids twice

1408
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:44,679
Speaker 3: to go on many vacations with this guy. Yikes, that's

1409
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:45,840
Speaker 3: a crabby move.

1410
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:50,680
Speaker 1: Wow. He lives in DC, seven hours away from her. Wow.

1411
01:08:51,120 --> 01:08:54,400
Speaker 3: We live in Missouri six hours from her. In our

1412
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:57,320
Speaker 3: divorce agreement, she can come see the kids whenever she

1413
01:08:57,360 --> 01:09:00,360
Speaker 3: wants during the week, if she clears it with me first. Well,

1414
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:03,120
Speaker 3: she just did that for the first time two weeks ago.

1415
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,720
Speaker 3: Since February, that was the only time she had done that.

1416
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 3: When she calls the kids and they see she's in

1417
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 3: the car or at a place they don't recognize, they

1418
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:14,320
Speaker 3: ask her where she is, she admits that she's with

1419
01:09:14,479 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 3: her new boyfriends. Oh my gosh, she drives or flies

1420
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,559
Speaker 3: to see him instead of the kids. Last Thursday, she

1421
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:22,880
Speaker 3: called me and said she messed up. She missed the

1422
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,599
Speaker 3: kids and me and wanted to get back together. I

1423
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,559
Speaker 3: told her that she had to agree to go through

1424
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 3: therapy and marriage counseling. It sounded like things were going

1425
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:34,760
Speaker 3: to get better. Two days later, she sent me a

1426
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:37,040
Speaker 3: message telling me that she wasn't going to do any

1427
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 3: of that. Okay, this guy makes her so happy, and now.

1428
01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:43,240
Speaker 1: She's engaged to him.

1429
01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,240
Speaker 3: Well, does he know that you were trying to get

1430
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:47,480
Speaker 3: back together with Ope?

1431
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:49,120
Speaker 4: Does he know that she likes to cheat?

1432
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:50,280
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1433
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:53,320
Speaker 3: Well, I mean I'm gonna cheat on him too, Yeah, exactly,

1434
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:57,920
Speaker 3: or vice versa. Even my life was crushed again. The

1435
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:01,400
Speaker 3: entire year, I've been constantly crying and lying in bed.

1436
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:04,000
Speaker 3: Thank God for my family, because I couldn't do this

1437
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:04,559
Speaker 3: without them.

1438
01:10:04,680 --> 01:10:06,080
Speaker 1: I just feel so worthless.

1439
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:09,000
Speaker 3: I can't connect with anyone I try and date because

1440
01:10:09,040 --> 01:10:12,120
Speaker 3: I'm numb now and have commitment issues, can't find a job,

1441
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:13,640
Speaker 3: and I bought a house that I've now had to

1442
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:15,679
Speaker 3: tap into my savings to start paying for.

1443
01:10:16,280 --> 01:10:19,439
Speaker 4: I constantly have thoughts of being better off. Gone, oh

1444
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:20,200
Speaker 4: my gosh, No.

1445
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:23,120
Speaker 3: Then I hate myself more for thinking that, because I

1446
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:25,880
Speaker 3: have two amazing kids to care for. I feel like

1447
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,679
Speaker 3: nothing can go right and I'm going to lose my kids,

1448
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:30,760
Speaker 3: my house, and eventually myself.

1449
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:33,280
Speaker 1: I've been talking to a therapist, but I don't know

1450
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,320
Speaker 1: if I feel any different. I don't know what to

1451
01:10:35,360 --> 01:10:35,879
Speaker 1: do anymore.

1452
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:37,880
Speaker 3: I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I

1453
01:10:37,880 --> 01:10:39,640
Speaker 3: thought maybe if I got my story out there, it

1454
01:10:39,640 --> 01:10:41,000
Speaker 3: would bring some kind of relief.

1455
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:45,760
Speaker 1: And there is an update. But oh my gosh, that's

1456
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:46,320
Speaker 1: so hard.

1457
01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 3: It's so hard. What could you do? It feels like

1458
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:51,040
Speaker 3: he's trying everything.

1459
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:53,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like it's one of those things where

1460
01:10:53,240 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 4: you got to kind of just keep going through therapy

1461
01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:59,360
Speaker 4: and just know that, like, yeah, it's so cliche to

1462
01:10:59,400 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 4: be like and will get better, but you and your

1463
01:11:02,439 --> 01:11:05,920
Speaker 4: kids will fall into like this wonderful new life just

1464
01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:08,280
Speaker 4: the three of you guys, and you'll be so happy

1465
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,400
Speaker 4: that we're still doing the thing out there with them.

1466
01:11:11,800 --> 01:11:12,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1467
01:11:12,120 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 4: If you haven't find people, yeah, if you have.

1468
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:19,679
Speaker 3: Good friends, sorry, if you don't, like, that's place to start.

1469
01:11:19,880 --> 01:11:22,360
Speaker 1: Wait, place to start, Like, just find new friends.

1470
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:27,800
Speaker 4: And I say to like, still find time for you, Like,

1471
01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:30,800
Speaker 4: get a babysitter for your kids, go out for the

1472
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:33,280
Speaker 4: weekend with just your friends. You go on vacation, Go

1473
01:11:33,439 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 4: on vacation with your kids, like, go out and make

1474
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:40,559
Speaker 4: your own memories. And don't worry about what crazy cheating

1475
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:42,719
Speaker 4: ex is doing with her new fiance.

1476
01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:46,280
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly, But we do have an update. I tried

1477
01:11:46,479 --> 01:11:47,639
Speaker 3: very hard to resist.

1478
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:48,280
Speaker 1: I did.

1479
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:51,840
Speaker 3: In January of this year, she messaged me asking to

1480
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:52,719
Speaker 3: get back together.

1481
01:11:53,439 --> 01:11:54,000
Speaker 4: She and the.

1482
01:11:53,960 --> 01:11:57,280
Speaker 3: Other guy broke up, shockers. She called the kids and

1483
01:11:57,320 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 3: apologized for not being the mom they needed and for

1484
01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:00,839
Speaker 3: spending all.

1485
01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 4: Her free time with the other guy.

1486
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 3: She also told them that we were getting back together

1487
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:07,519
Speaker 3: without me saying we were what.

1488
01:12:08,280 --> 01:12:10,679
Speaker 1: She told the kids that you guys were getting back together.

1489
01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:12,919
Speaker 1: That's so crappy.

1490
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 4: Why are we doing that?

1491
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:15,800
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you can't do that.

1492
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:18,840
Speaker 3: I told her that she needed to seek therapy and

1493
01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:22,080
Speaker 3: many other things. This was the third time she had

1494
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:24,960
Speaker 3: done this. She even reached out to my family and

1495
01:12:25,040 --> 01:12:27,760
Speaker 3: apologized to them. The kids and I were going to

1496
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,479
Speaker 3: Slick City the following weekend and they asked her to come.

1497
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:34,439
Speaker 3: Friday rolls around and she tells them that she isn't

1498
01:12:34,439 --> 01:12:37,519
Speaker 3: feeling well and won't be coming, and they were okay

1499
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:39,400
Speaker 3: with it. Oh my gosh, they're probably so used to

1500
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:40,360
Speaker 3: stuff like that from her.

1501
01:12:41,040 --> 01:12:43,560
Speaker 1: I'm sure that's so disappointing.

1502
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:46,160
Speaker 3: When we arrived in the parking lot on Saturday, the

1503
01:12:46,240 --> 01:12:49,080
Speaker 3: kids wanted to call her again. We all video chatted her,

1504
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:51,720
Speaker 3: and she was totally fine. She was walking into a

1505
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 3: restaurant all dressed up. In the background, we heard the

1506
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:59,360
Speaker 3: other guy's voice. We were all pissed off, and my

1507
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:02,759
Speaker 3: oldest hung up on her. Two maybe three weeks later,

1508
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,080
Speaker 3: she calls and crying and apologizing.

1509
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:09,040
Speaker 1: She's asking for me back again. Is this is the

1510
01:13:09,040 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 1: fourth time of charm? No? No?

1511
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:13,920
Speaker 3: She explains that she broke up with him again because

1512
01:13:13,960 --> 01:13:14,960
Speaker 3: he's so controlling.

1513
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,800
Speaker 1: She tells me that he has all her passwords and

1514
01:13:17,880 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 1: key to her house. They joined bank.

1515
01:13:19,720 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 3: Accounts, and she's deep in debt because he maxed out

1516
01:13:22,560 --> 01:13:25,080
Speaker 3: her credit card after he maxed.

1517
01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:28,360
Speaker 1: Two of his yikes dude nikes. She said.

1518
01:13:28,439 --> 01:13:29,200
Speaker 4: He told her he.

1519
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,200
Speaker 3: Was flying to see her and that she'd better be

1520
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,280
Speaker 3: there to pick him up or he was ubering to

1521
01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:35,880
Speaker 3: her house. I told her to change her locks and

1522
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:38,640
Speaker 3: stay at a friend's house. Later, she calls and says that

1523
01:13:38,680 --> 01:13:40,759
Speaker 3: she got the locks changed and is driving to her parents'

1524
01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:43,160
Speaker 3: house six hours away in the same town that I

1525
01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:43,479
Speaker 3: live in.

1526
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:46,040
Speaker 1: She asks if she can have lunch with me the

1527
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 1: next day.

1528
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:50,600
Speaker 3: I stupidly agree. I then let her have dinner with

1529
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:53,080
Speaker 3: the kids and me that night. Then I let her

1530
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:56,559
Speaker 3: stay the night. No is spicy sleep. Though I felt

1531
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:59,680
Speaker 3: like everything was going great. It seems like we were

1532
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:03,799
Speaker 3: a happy family again. Oh poor Opeeve. She leaves Sunday,

1533
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:07,639
Speaker 3: then drives back Wednesday for her weekend. She stays over again.

1534
01:14:08,080 --> 01:14:10,920
Speaker 3: I know that I can see all the frustration brewing.

1535
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,200
Speaker 3: Things were not going great this time.

1536
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:14,719
Speaker 1: She seemed very distant.

1537
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:17,680
Speaker 3: Her communication wasn't as sweet as the previous weekend, and

1538
01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:20,320
Speaker 3: she barely said anything. She kept asking me if I

1539
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,679
Speaker 3: thought that we could do this. I was getting frustrated

1540
01:14:22,720 --> 01:14:24,960
Speaker 3: because I could see that she was pulling away. I

1541
01:14:25,000 --> 01:14:27,719
Speaker 3: told her this road would be extremely long and filled

1542
01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:30,639
Speaker 3: with counseling and therapy. I told her we needed to

1543
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:33,280
Speaker 3: not spend overnights together and stop letting the kids see

1544
01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:35,040
Speaker 3: us together so much, making.

1545
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:36,160
Speaker 4: Them think that everything was fine.

1546
01:14:37,320 --> 01:14:41,120
Speaker 3: She ghosted me all day Friday, and then finally called,

1547
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:43,160
Speaker 3: crying and said she didn't want to try to work

1548
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:43,639
Speaker 3: things out.

1549
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:47,200
Speaker 4: Okay, well this is such a headache. No, my goodness,

1550
01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:49,720
Speaker 4: stop going back to this girl, please.

1551
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:52,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. I asked her if she was going back to

1552
01:14:52,160 --> 01:14:52,719
Speaker 1: the other guy.

1553
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:57,040
Speaker 3: Her tears immediately went away, and she became furious, saying

1554
01:14:57,080 --> 01:14:59,240
Speaker 3: that he was much better than me in every way

1555
01:14:59,280 --> 01:15:01,360
Speaker 3: and that she'd never wanted to see or speak to

1556
01:15:01,360 --> 01:15:04,880
Speaker 3: me again. Oh my gosh, something's going on with her

1557
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:06,400
Speaker 3: like this is now.

1558
01:15:06,439 --> 01:15:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm just worried about her.

1559
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 4: I am getting a little bit worried with how back

1560
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:13,840
Speaker 4: and forth she's Yeah, this kind of seems like there's

1561
01:15:14,040 --> 01:15:18,840
Speaker 4: like maybe not like manic, but like something like maybe manic.

1562
01:15:18,560 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe manic. Maybe substances, like something is happening. It

1563
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:24,720
Speaker 3: was such a quick and odd behavior change when I

1564
01:15:24,760 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 3: calmly asked her a question such a bizarre lash out

1565
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:31,080
Speaker 3: and choice of words. My son comes home with a

1566
01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:33,320
Speaker 3: new phone from her and I see that she has

1567
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:36,439
Speaker 3: a new phone number. It looks like she's also under

1568
01:15:36,479 --> 01:15:39,400
Speaker 3: the guy's phone plan. I bet there's something on the

1569
01:15:39,400 --> 01:15:41,920
Speaker 3: phone so he has more control over her. I don't

1570
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:44,479
Speaker 3: know why I do this to myself. More importantly, I

1571
01:15:44,479 --> 01:15:46,639
Speaker 3: don't know why I put my kids through it. I'm

1572
01:15:46,680 --> 01:15:49,080
Speaker 3: still seeing my therapist and told him about it. I

1573
01:15:49,120 --> 01:15:51,880
Speaker 3: thought it was getting better, but was sucked right back

1574
01:15:51,920 --> 01:15:54,680
Speaker 3: into the circus. A few weeks after, I saw my

1575
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:57,320
Speaker 3: next door neighbor on a dating app. I jokingly swiped

1576
01:15:57,360 --> 01:16:02,000
Speaker 3: and we matched immediately. That's so funny. I told her

1577
01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:04,760
Speaker 3: that I was shocked and wasn't serious about matching. She

1578
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:07,559
Speaker 3: made it very clear that she was interested in me.

1579
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 3: She is gorgeous and has always been pleasant to my

1580
01:16:11,040 --> 01:16:11,519
Speaker 3: kids and me.

1581
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:12,799
Speaker 1: We started dating.

1582
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,519
Speaker 3: I made her fully aware of everything I'd been through.

1583
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,519
Speaker 3: She was okay with it, but of course worried about

1584
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:19,360
Speaker 3: me going back again.

1585
01:16:20,040 --> 01:16:21,200
Speaker 1: I am too.

1586
01:16:21,320 --> 01:16:23,439
Speaker 3: I'm confident to say no the next time the ex

1587
01:16:23,560 --> 01:16:26,559
Speaker 3: asks to get back together. This new girl is great

1588
01:16:26,600 --> 01:16:29,840
Speaker 3: and highly understanding. She's very interested in wanting to know

1589
01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:33,480
Speaker 3: everything I'm into and trying them if she's not okay.

1590
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:37,120
Speaker 3: She hasn't been trying to push me fast into something either.

1591
01:16:37,280 --> 01:16:39,880
Speaker 3: I mentioned that she was already great with my kids

1592
01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:42,320
Speaker 3: before we were dating, but I wasn't ready to let

1593
01:16:42,320 --> 01:16:44,879
Speaker 3: them see us in a different way than just being neighbors.

1594
01:16:45,280 --> 01:16:47,200
Speaker 3: I told them about a month or more later, and

1595
01:16:47,240 --> 01:16:50,720
Speaker 3: they thought it was an excellent idea. My time with

1596
01:16:50,800 --> 01:16:53,320
Speaker 3: her is helping me become a better version of myself.

1597
01:16:53,560 --> 01:16:57,040
Speaker 3: I'm starting to care about how I look more, completing

1598
01:16:57,120 --> 01:17:00,400
Speaker 3: DIY projects around the house, and most importantly, playing with

1599
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 3: my kids more.

1600
01:17:01,520 --> 01:17:02,639
Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story.

1601
01:17:02,640 --> 01:17:06,759
Speaker 4: Wow, that's a couple stories now of like the neighbor

1602
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:10,800
Speaker 4: yea for the win, after like a cheating scandal, right

1603
01:17:10,840 --> 01:17:11,479
Speaker 4: like I was I.

1604
01:17:11,439 --> 01:17:13,320
Speaker 3: Was cheating on and then like my neighbor has been

1605
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:14,040
Speaker 3: there all along.

1606
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:21,800
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, okay, I mean great, that's some hope and

1607
01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:23,479
Speaker 4: positivity for the absolut

1608
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:25,479
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story.