Speaker 1: And our last tour, Jamila proposition like literally like put
Speaker 1: us on the meat market on stage and was.
Speaker 2: Just like who wants all? At three times tonight I said,
Speaker 2: I said, Whisper, Are you risk your will? Yeah? Whisper
Speaker 2: in your Unicorn? I had like five women like unicorn, Unicorn.
Speaker 2: Take your chance. One thirty five dollar ticket could get
Speaker 2: you a makeout with both of us. You might throw
Speaker 2: Orlando into Oh my god. Welcome back to Good Mom's
Speaker 2: Bad Choices.
Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Nila, And it is the first
Speaker 1: week of wait. It is the first Wednesday of May.
Speaker 1: Welcome to May. This month's theme is a Good Mom's
Speaker 1: Guide Too, and we will be unpacking all of the
Speaker 1: amazing stories and just inviting a few really amazing and
Speaker 1: dynamic guests to talk about motherhood, to talk about our book,
Speaker 1: which is officially on motherfucking sale right the fuck now?
Speaker 2: How do you feel? How do you feel you have
Speaker 2: been a published author for one day? I feel liberated.
Speaker 2: I do. I feel liberated. You guys, I know you
Speaker 2: think you know all our business, but you don't.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of shit in here that I haven't
Speaker 1: felt comfortable sharing on the podcast and for some reason,
Speaker 1: when I put pen to paper, I really felt like
Speaker 1: I could eloquently get it off my chest and be
Speaker 1: done with it. And I'm fucking done with it. And
Speaker 1: I really recently something came up in my life that
Speaker 1: really showed me that I'm done with it. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm really done, Like I'm not affected any longer by
Speaker 1: the people and the things that.
Speaker 2: Have hurt me.
Speaker 1: And and if you read the book, you'll know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. And if you follow social media, then
Speaker 1: you probably know what I'm talking about. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but anyway, I'm being cryptic because I want you to
Speaker 1: read the book.
Speaker 2: But I feel good. How do you feel? I do?
Speaker 2: I feel liberated? I feel that I think that for
Speaker 2: a very long time, we've been writing this book, and
Speaker 2: for a very long time, only you and I had
Speaker 2: read it, you and I and our and our editors,
Speaker 2: and you know, our editors are some of our agents
Speaker 2: are not moms, our editor is, and so you know,
Speaker 2: I was just really I was anxious about the feedback
Speaker 2: that we would get and how our community would receive it.
Speaker 2: And not that I don't think it's good, but this
Speaker 2: is a new this is a new format for us
Speaker 2: this is a new is what's what I'm looking for.
Speaker 2: We know if artists use different mediums, this is a
Speaker 2: new medium for us. And you know, I had my
Speaker 2: best friend read it and she read it in one
Speaker 2: day and I was like, you know, and she's like,
Speaker 2: I loved it. And then we've had a couple interviews.
Speaker 2: We get an interview with the Route and we had
Speaker 2: an interview with Essence and both of them well yeah,
Speaker 2: one of them read it and they really loved it,
Speaker 2: and she really resonated with it. So the more I
Speaker 2: get a little bit of feedback, I'm like, get feeling
Speaker 2: more confident, and I do. I feel liberated. I feel
Speaker 2: liberated in my truth. I feel liberated and this is
Speaker 2: what I'm here for. And you know, you may relate,
Speaker 2: you may not, but you go and get this book.
Speaker 2: And I hope that you guys have gotten it, because
Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys know this, but authors
Speaker 2: only can become best selling authors. They have one week.
Speaker 2: They have pre sales and they have a week and
Speaker 2: right now we only have about four more days until
Speaker 2: our sales are in. And if we've never asked you
Speaker 2: for anything, please please, please please, this is a huge project.
Speaker 2: For us, and we really need your support if you
Speaker 2: listen to us, if you just started listening, not a
Speaker 2: lot of black women get to become first time author
Speaker 2: and this was pretty divine. So if you're listening right now,
Speaker 2: stop bullshitting. Go to Good Moms, Bad Choices dot com,
Speaker 2: click the book link on the drop down and pick
Speaker 2: your poison. You can pick. You can order from Barnes
Speaker 2: and Noble, you can order from Target, you can order
Speaker 2: from Amazon, and you can order from a black owned
Speaker 2: bookstore Malik's, which are selling signed copies. And you can
Speaker 2: support two single black women moms first time authors. Yes,
Speaker 2: it's true.
Speaker 1: We are shamelessly begging just because you know, we have
Speaker 1: really put a lot of our business out here, a
Speaker 1: lot mostly for ourselves because it's cathartic. But I if
Speaker 1: any of the stories that we've shared have have helped you,
Speaker 1: have resonated with you, have assisted you through any part
Speaker 1: of your journey, like I really, really, I really just
Speaker 1: want to ask you to support us in this momentous
Speaker 1: moment for us, you know, and our tribe is really
Speaker 1: important to us. And we don't ask you just to
Speaker 1: say like yeah, yeah, just buy the book and that's it.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of offers for you. Offerings for
Speaker 1: you guys too. Once you buy the book, if you
Speaker 1: go on our website, which you can just click the
Speaker 1: link in this episode description, you get a ton of freebies.
Speaker 1: After you buy the book, you put your order number
Speaker 1: in and boom, you get a bunch of shit in
Speaker 1: your email address from Actually I'm not gonna put it
Speaker 1: all in yours, I mean in your email Jesus Christ,
Speaker 1: my brain. You have a lot of you gotta We
Speaker 1: get a lot of free stuff because we are all
Speaker 1: about reciprocity.
Speaker 2: Is that the word reciprocity.
Speaker 1: We're all about reciprocity, and we want to keep giving
Speaker 1: you the things that you need, the things that have
Speaker 1: helped us. And I'm just really excited for you guys
Speaker 1: to read this book. I'm really nervous, but I'm really
Speaker 1: really excited. We're also doing a giveaway. If you want
Speaker 1: to enter the giveaway, We're giving away a free trip
Speaker 1: to the Good Vibe Retreat in Mexico in July when
Speaker 1: you purchase the book. So we're going to select one woman.
Speaker 1: You do not have to be a mom, just a woman.
Speaker 1: Once you purchase the book, you can click the link
Speaker 1: in this episode description and upload your receipt to enter
Speaker 1: the giveaway, and we are announcing the winner on Mother's Day.
Speaker 1: So I'm just really excited to be able to offer
Speaker 1: you guys so many things, and in exchange, I am
Speaker 1: asking you for your support.
Speaker 2: And for those of you who already pre ordered the
Speaker 2: book and you got it in the mail yesterday, the
Speaker 2: deepest thank you. Please read it, and as you read it,
Speaker 2: please let us know how you feel about it. Send
Speaker 2: a story. Actually, I really want everyone to share their
Speaker 2: bad choices, like if you've if you've had any bad choices, like,
Speaker 2: please add us and tell us, because I just want to.
Speaker 2: I want to. I want to read it along with you.
Speaker 2: I want to, I want to feel how you feel.
Speaker 2: I want to know if it resonates and if it
Speaker 2: does resonate with parts, and that will make us feel
Speaker 2: really good and know that the work that we're doing
Speaker 2: is you know, being received. We really like you know,
Speaker 2: we get to hear from people in DMS. But if
Speaker 2: you're like hesitant to reach out or you think it's weird,
Speaker 2: it's not. We're friends, and I want to know. I
Speaker 2: want to know you're feeling and like what came up
Speaker 2: for you. These things are important to us. Please connect
Speaker 2: with us on our socials and let us know you
Speaker 2: know how you feel about the book and all that
Speaker 2: good stuff. Yes, all those things. Sorry, what nothing. I
Speaker 2: was just going to say, it's affirmation time, and because
Speaker 2: we have so many affirmations in our book and it's
Speaker 2: May and it's a good mom's guide, may, I am
Speaker 2: going to I have a couple. Well, fuck, I lost
Speaker 2: my I was going to just like scroll and see
Speaker 2: where it stops and then read that part. And I
Speaker 2: did it before we started, and now I lost it.
Speaker 2: I don't have to find it again. But I'm gonna
Speaker 2: do that for the affirmations unless you have a special afirmation, Okay, donkey.
Speaker 2: This affirmation is advocating for and keeping my peace is
Speaker 2: my birthright, and no one comes before me when it
Speaker 2: comes to my well being. Advocating for and keeping my
Speaker 2: peace is my birthright, and no one comes before me
Speaker 2: when it comes to my well being. Mm mmmm.
Speaker 1: I think that is like a major challenge for most
Speaker 1: moms is really advocating for yourself, you know, and not
Speaker 1: feeling guilty about putting yourself, pleasure, your self, love, whatever
Speaker 1: that looks like for you. First you know, society tells
Speaker 1: us that motherhood is a sacrifice, it's sacrificial, that we
Speaker 1: are sacrificial lambs. That is really the narrative that has
Speaker 1: been painted unfortunately, and you know, even in this book,
Speaker 1: we really challenge that aggressively and really advocate for you
Speaker 1: to change your mindset because you can't be a good
Speaker 1: mom when you are running on empty. You cannot be
Speaker 1: a good mom when you are giving everything to everyone
Speaker 1: else and putting yourself last. You know, these are things
Speaker 1: that seem really basic, right Like you see these things
Speaker 1: on social media. You hear people talk about this, but
Speaker 1: are you actually applying this to your life? Are you
Speaker 1: actually doing this? Are you totally burnt out? Are you
Speaker 1: totally exhausted? And granted it's not always perfect. There would
Speaker 1: be times where you will be there will be times
Speaker 1: where it will be hard to find the balance, but
Speaker 1: you have to remember this affirmation in those times to
Speaker 1: kind of come back to that idea, Come back to
Speaker 1: that not even idea, come back to that application in
Speaker 1: your life because it isn't just an idea. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times you hear affirmations and they just
Speaker 1: become ideas. Are things we say and then we forget them.
Speaker 1: And it's like, how often are we actually applying these
Speaker 1: affirmations that we read on Instagram to our life? Are
Speaker 1: we just saying them in the day and it helps
Speaker 1: us through? Are we actually applying these things? So I
Speaker 1: just want to be saying them once and actually not
Speaker 1: believing them. Yeah, and you might and you might, you
Speaker 1: might not believe them. And it takes time sometimes to
Speaker 1: believe that.
Speaker 2: You have to practice an affirmation repeatedly until it truly
Speaker 2: you believe it and it resonates and sometimes honest it
Speaker 2: takes like months or years. You know, there's been things
Speaker 2: programming I've been telling myself like and and to acknowledge it.
Speaker 2: The programming we tell ourselves is often negative and for
Speaker 2: so long that it takes an aggressive amount of positive
Speaker 2: affirmations to make it sink in.
Speaker 1: And you know, we've talked we were talking about this
Speaker 1: on I don't know what podcast it was because we've
Speaker 1: done it so many but just kind of you kind
Speaker 1: of have to go against yourself.
Speaker 2: You kind of have to.
Speaker 1: Just do the exact opposite of what you what you've
Speaker 1: been programmed to do. You know, like you have to
Speaker 1: get uncomfortable making other people uncomfortable with your new boundaries,
Speaker 1: with your new no's, with your new yeses, and and
Speaker 1: that's challenging, it really is, but it gets it gets easier,
Speaker 1: it does.
Speaker 2: And it really gets easy making setting boundaries and standing
Speaker 2: in whatever makes you happy or fulfilled when you are
Speaker 2: around people that honor you and your happiness and your
Speaker 2: peace and are there to help you and like not
Speaker 2: make you feel crazy for advocating for yourself. And sometimes
Speaker 2: it's hard to find those people because even as women,
Speaker 2: we judge ourselves and then we judge each other and
Speaker 2: then prevents us from like having deep connections and deep
Speaker 2: friendships and like finding a tribe. But if you, guys,
Speaker 2: are those moms or those women who are in the
Speaker 2: house all the time, sticking to your routine, not veering
Speaker 2: out of it, and not venturing out to do anything new,
Speaker 2: you're not going to find new friends. You're not going
Speaker 2: to find your tribe, and you're not going to be
Speaker 2: able to practice what you preach and practice you know,
Speaker 2: keeping boundaries and you know it's just being you authentically.
Speaker 2: And I feel like sometimes people feel like it's difficult
Speaker 2: to find women like that, women who are radically accepting
Speaker 2: of other women. And I think we are afraid to
Speaker 2: find that afraid to tell the truth. If you're one
Speaker 2: of those women, and you know, if you're on the socials,
Speaker 2: we are going on tour and all of our people
Speaker 2: come and all of our people are radically accepting. It's
Speaker 2: like we've definitely cultivated a community of like radically honest women.
Speaker 2: And I'm so proud and like, if you're in the
Speaker 2: New York area, we'll be in New York. I mean
Speaker 2: we'll be at City Winery on Friday, turning up. You know,
Speaker 2: moms and women need to take breaks. And if something
Speaker 2: like going to a live podcast show alone is not
Speaker 2: something you would typically do, this is your This is
Speaker 2: your sign, this is your challenge.
Speaker 1: This is I want to challenge you right now to
Speaker 1: get out of your comfort zone.
Speaker 2: Honestly, just be like fuck it, I'm gonna go. Like
Speaker 2: who cares if it's alone, Like maybe you have maybe
Speaker 2: you asked a friend to go or whatever. She might
Speaker 2: buy the ticket, he might not whatever, But like pull
Speaker 2: up and really like take a leap of faith, because
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, this is how we got here. Erica
Speaker 2: pulled up on me. This stranger bitch pulled up on
Speaker 2: me at the club in the bathroom and was like
Speaker 2: we're going to be friends and at the time, and
Speaker 2: I know it was awkward and uncomfortable for her, and
Speaker 2: but like thank god she did, because now we're delivering
Speaker 2: a message, you know, lots of messages, and it's it's
Speaker 2: a game changer, like doing something different from what you're
Speaker 2: used to doing could potentially be a life changing thing
Speaker 2: for you, a life changing decision. So a lot of
Speaker 2: times we get comfortable in our routines. We go to work,
Speaker 2: we come home, we feed the kids, we feed the husband,
Speaker 2: you know whatever, you bend over all the things, and
Speaker 2: we forget to say, like wait, hold up, like let
Speaker 2: me do something spontaneous, let me frolic, let me do
Speaker 2: a cartwheel very quick. Let me go down to the
Speaker 2: bar and meet these bitches that I've only listened to
Speaker 2: and now they're here, and this seems totally weird, but
Speaker 2: I'm going to do it. Like do something for yourself,
Speaker 2: Come get a drink, come hang out with us, dress sexy,
Speaker 2: because you know that's what we like to do. And
Speaker 2: like if you came to our last show, you already
Speaker 2: know it's it gets pretty like this is a production.
Speaker 2: We take this craft very seriously and we're extra ass bitches.
Speaker 2: So the show is always an extra, there's always special guest,
Speaker 2: there's always surprise components, And I guarantee you everybody at
Speaker 2: this show is going to welcome you with open arms
Speaker 2: because honestly, that's just the kind of click we roll with.
Speaker 2: And like I've seen it transpire time and time and
Speaker 2: time and time again, because honestly, like this, this friendship
Speaker 2: has like opened us up to just opening the arms
Speaker 2: and the love to other women and the like. It
Speaker 2: really is felt. So if you were just on the fence,
Speaker 2: if you usually don't do things like this, if you've
Speaker 2: never gone to a live show, please come kick it
Speaker 2: with us. It's going to have a really good time.
Speaker 2: We're going to drink It's synco to fucking'd maaya. You know,
Speaker 2: these two bitches love tequila. We've retired from from tequila
Speaker 2: and touring, but for this this launch, I think we's
Speaker 2: going to be It's going to be a tequila time. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Because I don't know if you've heard it.
Speaker 1: Listen to our episode Rockstar Moms, but a Bitch is
Speaker 1: we're falling apart on our last tour with the amount
Speaker 1: of drinking that was happening. I don't have it in me,
Speaker 1: but I'll say it to my own the fuck I do.
Speaker 2: It's not only is it SA good to mile, It's
Speaker 2: the first launch week of our book, our first book,
Speaker 2: and we're gonna be in the Today Show. We're gonna
Speaker 2: be Today Show.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on the Today Show tomorrow. So if
Speaker 1: you're listening to this on Wednesday when we dropped this episode,
Speaker 1: we are going to be on the Today Show in
Speaker 1: the nine am hour, talking about our book, talking our shit,
Speaker 1: really trying not to curse because we're not supposed to
Speaker 1: do that. So we're gonna have to wrap up those
Speaker 1: bitches and fucks. So just pray that a bitch figures
Speaker 1: it out.
Speaker 2: And then post us. I really want you guys to
Speaker 2: post us on the Today Show and then tag us
Speaker 2: so I could feel famous. I want to repost it.
Speaker 2: So if you're a Today Show watcher and you're up
Speaker 2: at nine am on the Eastern Standard time, you need
Speaker 2: to get your phone out, not only turn to the channel,
Speaker 2: get your phone out, tag us so I can repost
Speaker 2: it and tell my mom, lick, Mom, I told you
Speaker 2: I was famous. And then like maybe one of my
Speaker 2: salty ass ex'es that I blocked. Will see it. This
Speaker 2: is fact and be like, oh god, it shouldn't have
Speaker 2: been such a disrespectful dickhead. Look at that famous fine
Speaker 2: ass bitch. Now, okay, that's the toxic part of me talking.
Speaker 1: When you come to our show too, if you want
Speaker 1: to hang out with us, get the VIP ticket. The
Speaker 1: VIP ticket comes with a book, comes with comes with
Speaker 1: the book that we will sign right there and then
Speaker 1: write whatever the fuck you want. I love you, I
Speaker 1: want to look your titties. Whatever you want me to write,
Speaker 1: I'll write it.
Speaker 2: Don't say look your titties. I said, I'll write it.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do it. I might who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 2: I know you might. You'll never know unless you come,
Speaker 2: so you won't know if you get a little titty,
Speaker 2: like maybe one titty. How do you like liking titties?
Speaker 2: So it could happen. You never know.
Speaker 1: I've been because our last tour, Jamila proposition like literally
Speaker 1: like put us on the meat market on stage and
Speaker 1: was just.
Speaker 2: Like who wants to have a three times tonight.
Speaker 1: Basically, and I was like, bitch, what the fuck. And
Speaker 1: then we had hose, whispering in our ears at the
Speaker 1: meat and green.
Speaker 2: Like unicorn, I said, I said, a whisper.
Speaker 1: If you risk your yeah, whispering in your Unicorn. I
Speaker 1: had like five women like unicorn, Unicorn.
Speaker 2: I know you show up, I know you show up
Speaker 2: super fun and I'm censored. You know what I thought
Speaker 2: about this? Okay, So I thought about this recently because
Speaker 2: we went to we went to Mexico and they were like,
Speaker 2: you don't like we got these cards pulled before we
Speaker 2: did this ceremony and in preparation for our retreat that's
Speaker 2: coming up, which was a beautiful ceremony. But one of
Speaker 2: the cards was like, you don't have to be like
Speaker 2: held on to the parts of you that you used
Speaker 2: to be. And I was like, is God telling me
Speaker 2: that I no longer need to identify as a party girl?
Speaker 2: Is that what came to you? Is that what you
Speaker 2: identify us? No, not necessarily, but there have been a
Speaker 2: couple of times in my life. I went to therapy
Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't give a fuck what
Speaker 2: anybody thinks. And they're like, do you because you're saying
Speaker 2: that adamantly and I was like, you shut up. But
Speaker 2: I was just thinking about us, and I was thinking
Speaker 2: about I do think that they're I mean, we've heard
Speaker 2: it from other moms like I'm cool, but I'm not
Speaker 2: as party as you or like I think because we
Speaker 2: show up so honest and we tell a lot of
Speaker 2: party stories, a lot of entertainment stories, not entertainment stories,
Speaker 2: a lot of stories of our of our high funds,
Speaker 2: and I think that people have this perception or can
Speaker 2: have this perception of us that were like some wild
Speaker 2: moms or you know or whatever. And then I was thinking,
Speaker 2: like I hope like people don't hang out with us
Speaker 2: and then they're like they're boring.
Speaker 1: So is that why you feel like you got to
Speaker 1: like I keep this persona going. No, you told everyone
Speaker 1: to whisper fucking you to corny.
Speaker 2: No. I was just saying, like the growth and like
Speaker 2: the perception of us. And I had a show in DC.
Speaker 2: We were at the club with some like we we're
Speaker 2: those girls like there's an afterparty you meet us at
Speaker 2: the table and this girl came up to me and
Speaker 2: was like can I make can I I don't know.
Speaker 2: She said she could three way make out with us,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you have to ask my boyfriend.
Speaker 2: I was like, go ask Erica. I don't know, but
Speaker 2: I was actually and then she did. She came over
Speaker 2: and asked me, and I was like, no, girl, no, no,
Speaker 2: did I do it? I know? I asked Orlando. I
Speaker 2: was again the tequila and the touring. This is why
Speaker 2: we retired it because I got a little beside myself. Listen,
Speaker 2: there could be a chance I might put my tongue
Speaker 2: in your mouth. You never really know.
Speaker 1: Have I made out with a fan or not, or
Speaker 1: someone who listens to us, Yeah, yep, I have.
Speaker 2: Oh bitch, you were there who.
Speaker 1: Lando dying in the other room. Yeah, it's happened. You
Speaker 1: know it has happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you just you just never know what could happen.
Speaker 2: So this is so all that to say, don't expect
Speaker 2: us to be super crazy party all the time. But
Speaker 2: also you never know. I don't know. I can go
Speaker 2: either way. It's it's yeah, yeah, it's gone either way
Speaker 2: a lot of times. But don't don't hold us to that.
Speaker 2: But it could happen, especially on a Friday. And that
Speaker 2: is also the launch of our book that took two
Speaker 2: years to write. That is also the day after we
Speaker 2: were on the Today Show, which is also after it's
Speaker 2: also syncle to Maya. It's a strong possibility anything's happened
Speaker 2: and seem aligned. This is basically like we'll, we'll, we'll
Speaker 2: wait listen.
Speaker 1: You will get a free ship to Mexico. You will
Speaker 1: get free ship. We might lick your tea. We also
Speaker 1: might make out with you. You want a threesome, whisper
Speaker 1: Unicorn like, this is our shameless bag.
Speaker 2: This is making us seem like a prey, asperate asshole,
Speaker 2: a tray of me at a at a party, the
Speaker 2: pass around Trey. Just come take us so vulnerable, we'll
Speaker 2: be really happy and excited and friendly that day. Take
Speaker 2: your chance. One thirty five dollar ticket can get you
Speaker 2: a makeout with both of us. We might throw Orlando
Speaker 2: into Oh my god, oh my goodness. That doesn't support
Speaker 2: us turning a new leaf at all. But so basically
Speaker 2: you are still a party of all and I still
Speaker 2: might make out with you. So here we go. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, if you've been listening to the show for a
Speaker 1: long time, than you know New York is very dangerous
Speaker 1: place for us.
Speaker 2: It's coordinates are coordinates make me crazy? I don't you know.
Speaker 1: I never got my astro cartography writing from that hoe
Speaker 1: that kept canceling on me, bitch, if you're listening, who
Speaker 1: also took my money?
Speaker 2: But I would like.
Speaker 1: To say that I think there's something in my astrological
Speaker 1: chart as it pertains to New York City and probably
Speaker 1: yours as well. Maybe it's just bitches in general, because
Speaker 1: I find that most of my friends when they go
Speaker 1: to New York, they while the fuck out. I think
Speaker 1: it's because there's fun on every corner. Birds of a
Speaker 1: feather flock together, and you know, for the people that
Speaker 1: are from New York and live there, they're like, I
Speaker 1: don't like, it doesn't pertain to you because you're there
Speaker 1: all the time. It's the travel there that don't know
Speaker 1: how to act and you know, aka yeah. For much
Speaker 1: of my singleness, I spent time in New York and
Speaker 1: every single time, without fail, I was a hoe there.
Speaker 2: I'm having a flash. But I'm just saying this. It
Speaker 2: is stressing me out. I feel stress like I'm having
Speaker 2: a specific thought. And I was just like, am I
Speaker 2: a dumb bit? I had no?
Speaker 1: We're fun, bitch, I had to fun, so much fun.
Speaker 1: I've had so much fun in New York. It's just
Speaker 1: one of my favorite cities. It's just fun on every corner.
Speaker 2: There is a long I think I think that the
Speaker 2: like I think I thrive there too. There's like a
Speaker 2: there's an energy, there's an energy like I don't know
Speaker 2: the men there, they just they just fuck with this.
Speaker 2: They fuck with the scorpio energy. And there's like a
Speaker 2: few cities that have like like an endless amount of
Speaker 2: fine niggas. And it's New York, It's New Orleans. It's
Speaker 2: those two. Yeah, it's New Orleans. Ne Orleans has fine niggas.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they have jobs that they are
Speaker 2: fine and they have those accents that throw you off
Speaker 2: and you're like, you want me to come home with you?
Speaker 2: What'd you say? There's also a lot of bars in
Speaker 2: those cities and Atlanta too. Atlanta gets you crazy because
Speaker 2: every restaurant, even the regular restaurant, is the club the club. True.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Atlanta is confusing, you know what. I
Speaker 2: don't really know what you're gonna get there. I did
Speaker 2: so much partying in Atlanta that I have a lot
Speaker 2: of perpetrating in Atlanta, a lot. I'm all front I
Speaker 2: think I expired fronts, all types of fronts happening. When
Speaker 2: I went to Atlanta. This last time, I went out
Speaker 2: by myself because I had to get out of the house.
Speaker 2: And I went to meet cousin Chris, and we went
Speaker 2: to dinner dinner, which is always the club Hokah hookah,
Speaker 2: and then we went Then they're like, then they're like,
Speaker 2: come to MJQ. Shout out to Goddess Jresse. I was like,
Speaker 2: I must see my bitch. And they were also saying
Speaker 2: that MJQ was about to move locations, and everybody knows
Speaker 2: the underground locations, the epic location. So I was like,
Speaker 2: if it's the last time I can go, I have
Speaker 2: to go right because I have fomo like so bad.
Speaker 2: And then I went. I hung out and like I
Speaker 2: smoked and you know, I partied and then I got
Speaker 2: in the uber and I went home like a regular bitch. No, actually,
Speaker 2: let me tell you. Let me this is Eric was
Speaker 2: gonna get a kick out of this. I am so greedy.
Speaker 2: I just want everyone to know the level of greed
Speaker 2: that I go to. I take all my food home.
Speaker 2: I know people think it's like getto but like I
Speaker 2: if I literally it'll be a corner left on the plate,
Speaker 2: Like I'll take it home. I went to dinner with
Speaker 2: cousin Chris and his cousin who kept ordering shots, and
Speaker 2: I was like, bitch, you're trying to get me fucked up.
Speaker 2: I already got like erics like my mom like you
Speaker 2: have to record in the morning, so don't stay up
Speaker 2: too Like it's like, I'll be back. We get to
Speaker 2: the club. Weber to the club. I had my like
Speaker 2: doggy bag and I can't take it in the club.
Speaker 2: Do you guys know did you go hide it so
Speaker 2: you can get it? I hit it. I know you did.
Speaker 2: There was a fence. There was a fence like this,
Speaker 2: it was like somebody's house, and I like, I was like,
Speaker 2: hold on. I put the bag over the fence. I
Speaker 2: was like, it'll be fine. Went in the club, came
Speaker 2: back out. I was like, oh, come with me across
Speaker 2: the street. I gotta grab something. What is your food
Speaker 2: scarcity problem? I don't know, like like I don't have
Speaker 2: enough food as a child, Like I don't I gonna
Speaker 2: ask about that. I don't remember starving as a child.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if we were always like plentiful,
Speaker 2: but like it's extensive. And I took it home only
Speaker 2: to leave it in the refrigerator. Where we were.
Speaker 1: You always do this. You don't ever eat it. I
Speaker 1: barely ever eat it, So it's just a.
Speaker 2: But it's like that I'm gonna get high, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be looking for it and I'm gonna pissed and I
Speaker 2: don't have those four bites. But anyway, I need to
Speaker 2: get this. I needed to get as a psychologist about
Speaker 2: not a psychologist is a psychic about that shit? You
Speaker 2: need to figure out where you're supposed to thrive with locations.
Speaker 2: That's a cardio what did you call it? A cartography
Speaker 2: cartography reading? A cartography reading for those of you who
Speaker 2: know is it's gonna tell you your courded carto astrology
Speaker 2: about where you're supposed to live and we're supposed.
Speaker 1: To live, or like where your vibration is highest, like yeah,
Speaker 1: where places you should travel to.
Speaker 2: Where your vibrations as hoists. Maybe you might find your
Speaker 2: new future husband wife whatever lever. Yeah, yes, yes, I'm
Speaker 2: sorry I got so thrown off at my dumbass food
Speaker 2: story that I forgot I was talking about. Okay, anyway,
Speaker 2: I thought it would be, Oh, you didn't eat the
Speaker 2: food I forgot It was delicious of a shrimp and
Speaker 2: risotto and I forgot it and Samia's refrigerator, so I
Speaker 2: hope somebody ate it. Anyway, we thought it would be
Speaker 2: a really cool idea. Last week we had our kids
Speaker 2: come on for a little bit. If you guys didn't
Speaker 2: catch it, it was really it was really heartfelt. And then
Speaker 2: we extended the episode in Patreon, so if you didn't
Speaker 2: check out our Patreon, we're getting really we're dropping some
Speaker 2: juicy shit over there. We also have a lot of
Speaker 2: behind the scenes from the book that we'll also we'll
Speaker 2: talk more about on Patreon. So it's going to be,
Speaker 2: you know, a deep, deep dive. But I was thinking
Speaker 2: that we could like, just like you pull Taro, Taro,
Speaker 2: you should pull a card. But I was just I
Speaker 2: just like did one of those with the book, and
Speaker 2: then I just stopped somewhere and said, this is what
Speaker 2: God wants me to read. Okay, Okay, did you find it? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 2: this is actually my part. So those of you who
Speaker 2: haven't ordered your book yet but you're doing it right
Speaker 2: now as we speak, I just want you to know
Speaker 2: that the book is we're co authors. So each chapter
Speaker 2: you hear from me and then you hear from Erica
Speaker 2: or Erica than me. I don't remember switches sometimes. It
Speaker 2: switches sometimes, but it's we're going through the same parts
Speaker 2: of our lives, but a lot of it is separately
Speaker 2: because we didn't know each other for a long time motherhood,
Speaker 2: during during our pregnancies, and our books and after motherhood,
Speaker 2: and so it's kind of Someone described it as the
Speaker 2: A side and the B side to a cassette tape,
Speaker 2: which I really liked, and she said she looked forward
Speaker 2: to each story, and quite frankly, you can read each
Speaker 2: story simultaneously. You can read just Erica's and then you
Speaker 2: can read just mine. It's two stories in one. Anyway,
Speaker 2: it reminds me of the love below. I just don't
Speaker 2: remember that. Oh yeah, this is the love below of books,
Speaker 2: the love below of books. I'm I mean, no, I'm
Speaker 2: I'm Andre. That'll be a big boy. That's cool. Actually,
Speaker 2: before I get into this, let me light this backwood.
Speaker 2: I rolled my favorite vanilla backwood, drizzled and honey before
Speaker 2: I jump into this chapter. Because it gets a little
Speaker 2: bit real. Let me let me let me hit my
Speaker 2: my backwood real quick. I know.
Speaker 1: There's nothing like a good smoke to set the vibes.
Speaker 1: Because one thing about this book is it's tea, it's triggering,
Speaker 1: it's funny, and weed helps, so I support this message.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's it, let me hear it. Here you go. Oh, okay,
Speaker 2: story time, Okay, let's get into it. Okay. So this
Speaker 2: is this chapter is called fuck. I just had a baby,
Speaker 2: And if you guys are expecting or you just had
Speaker 2: a baby, this may resonate with you, or if you
Speaker 2: were thinking about having one. Listen closely, my DearS m
Speaker 2: About two weeks into motherhood, my baby daddy asked me
Speaker 2: for some head and I almost lost my shit. Was
Speaker 2: this what I had signed up to do for the
Speaker 2: rest of my life? Supply others with me? I was pissed,
Speaker 2: and suddenly all the type of a wife life felt
Speaker 2: more like the Twilight Zone. I'm gonna do sound effects. Okay,
Speaker 2: I think I used this reference twice because that's the
Speaker 2: only scary, scary one I know. The word forever began
Speaker 2: to ring and really sink in like a horror film.
Speaker 2: I couldn't escape. Fuck, couldn't this motherfucker see see how
Speaker 2: much I had just given, how my body and spirit
Speaker 2: had just experienced something out of this fucking world. At
Speaker 2: that moment I felt postpartum depression creeping in my back door.
Speaker 2: I tried to fight it by jumping headfirst back into
Speaker 2: my life. I literally took Luna to the mall at
Speaker 2: seven days old, and a random stranger looked over at
Speaker 2: me and said that newborn needs to be inside. I
Speaker 2: was mad and ignored the fuck out of that woman.
Speaker 2: Who was Who was this stranger? And was I already
Speaker 2: a terrible mother? I went back to work with Luna
Speaker 2: two weeks after giving birth. I even made it to
Speaker 2: a New Year's Eve party four weeks postpartum, again with
Speaker 2: Luna into and all of us in matching tuxedo outfits.
Speaker 2: I was determined to preserve my old life, and honestly,
Speaker 2: my my baby daddy mostly supported me in that. As
Speaker 2: long as he was included in all my activities, I'm
Speaker 2: a cool mom. You have to read. You have to
Speaker 2: get the book to hear more. You won't hear those
Speaker 2: sound effects. I know it's going to be devastating, so
Speaker 2: you can imagine where that story goes. Okay, is it
Speaker 2: my turn? If you're not watching on YouTube, you should.
Speaker 2: I'm giving the vibrations to the book to deliver everyone
Speaker 2: exactly the message they need to hear right now. Oh no,
Speaker 2: this is your? Should I read? It? Should be mine
Speaker 2: or yours? This is read You should read yours because
Speaker 2: I already read mine. No, no, yeah, okay, here we go.
Speaker 2: Her chapter is this is fuck. I just had a baby?
Speaker 2: Is the same one you're just running? Yeah? Okay, mmm hmm.
Speaker 2: Let's see.
Speaker 1: A week before my due date, we set the inducement
Speaker 1: for April twenty fourth, twenty fifteen. Doctor c Section said
Speaker 1: it was better to set a date to make sure
Speaker 1: a hospital bed would be ready for me. She told
Speaker 1: me that waiting any longer than seven days after my
Speaker 1: due date would make the probability of a natural birth
Speaker 1: much lower. Fear mongering was her specialty, and I felt
Speaker 1: myself falling into her trap. I went home that day
Speaker 1: and had a little talk with baby Girl in her
Speaker 1: new room. Over the past few months, I had meticulously
Speaker 1: prepared her space, and the final touch was the rocking chair,
Speaker 1: where I spent many days deciding what she.
Speaker 2: Would look like. My mom had told me that she
Speaker 2: did the same with me, and I came out looking
Speaker 2: exactly as she manifested, big curly hair, her daddy's eyes,
Speaker 2: chocolate skin, dimples, and my lips were what I imagined
Speaker 2: for Iri Jane. But this time, as I rock back
Speaker 2: and forth, I visualized my water breaking in the shower,
Speaker 2: me giving birth quickly and beady catching our baby. As
Speaker 2: I envisioned what I wanted, I felt overwhelmed with panic.
Speaker 2: Could I do this? I had spent so much time
Speaker 2: preparing everything else that I hadn't really thought about the
Speaker 2: details of my birth. Oh my god, this baby has
Speaker 2: to get out of me somehow, right? Will she break
Speaker 2: my pussy? What if I can't push her out? Maybe?
Speaker 2: Will they have to use that section thingy that makes
Speaker 2: newborn heads look like coneheads? What if she suddenly goes breach?
Speaker 2: Could I die during childbirth? Yep? Could she? At the time,
Speaker 2: I had no idea that black women are three times
Speaker 2: more likely to die during childbirth than white women. And
Speaker 2: thank god I didn't, because I would have spiraled even more.
Speaker 2: My thoughts started to go dark, and so I just
Speaker 2: stopped thinking about the birth and hope for the best.
Speaker 2: The well informed woman I am today wishes I could
Speaker 2: offer that previous version of myself a hug and tell
Speaker 2: her to keep going. To keep envisioning what she wanted.
Speaker 2: I wish I could tell her that manifesting and believing
Speaker 2: in her capabilities would be her superpower, and that she
Speaker 2: could do this exactly the way she wanted. Back then,
Speaker 2: I called b D nine one one and told him
Speaker 2: to come over immediately and fuck me nine one one.
Speaker 2: What is this the nineties? A beeper nine? Come fuck me, nigga,
Speaker 2: I need to get fucked take this baby out. That's
Speaker 2: actually a really good way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, you know it was. The fucking didn't help, No,
Speaker 1: sure did it. Neither did the salad that they told
Speaker 1: me I should eat with some sort of special ingredients
Speaker 1: or some shit. But yeah, I think about that time
Speaker 1: in my life often because I didn't get to have
Speaker 1: the birthing experience that I know for sure my body
Speaker 1: was capable of having. You know, I I was really
Speaker 1: robbed of that experience, and you know, I didn't have
Speaker 1: the where all to advocate for myself at the time,
Speaker 1: especially being the only mom in the group. I didn't
Speaker 1: know Jamie yet, so I didn't have my my friend
Speaker 1: who who had these these I guess these tools that
Speaker 1: she didn't even know. She had to just say, no,
Speaker 1: I'm this is what the fuck I'm doing? Even after
Speaker 1: doing the research, even after watching the business of being born,
Speaker 1: doing all the things, I still questioned.
Speaker 2: My body's capabilities. And it's it's one of my big
Speaker 2: probably one of my biggest regrets of my life, to
Speaker 2: be honest, is not staying true to what I wanted,
Speaker 2: because ultimately I was robbed at that experience. And I
Speaker 2: do blame my doctor for that. She was careless and
Speaker 2: she wanted to check period and she got it. I mean,
Speaker 2: and that's the thing I think people, I mean, thankfully,
Speaker 2: like you said in that chapter, it is like I
Speaker 2: didn't know that I was three times likely to die either,
Speaker 2: and thank fucking God, because it's already like so scary
Speaker 2: and there's all it's already the unknown. And we were
Speaker 2: pretty young, you know. I was twenty six, you were
Speaker 2: twenty seven. And when you get put it like when
Speaker 2: it's you're vulnerable when you're giving birth, you know, like
Speaker 2: think about an animal who like goes to take hiding,
Speaker 2: you know, goes to retreat when they're giving birth, except
Speaker 2: there's not a bunch of medical doctors intervening. But you know,
Speaker 2: you are vulnerable, and people tell you what they think
Speaker 2: is gonna you know, speed it up or whatever. And
Speaker 2: even for me, my birth didn't go exactly how I
Speaker 2: wanted to go. And granted I had to go into
Speaker 2: labor early and be induced, and I did get to
Speaker 2: deliver naturally because I finally just gave in with the epidoral.
Speaker 2: But I can only imagine how you feel, you know,
Speaker 2: because even I want to redo and I want to
Speaker 2: do it at home and like, you know, do it
Speaker 2: the way I want to do it. But I think
Speaker 2: ultimately to you guys, it's like having the tools is
Speaker 2: super important. Advocating for yourself and trusting your body is
Speaker 2: super important. But I always say this, but like birth
Speaker 2: can truly be orgasmic and it can truly be a
Speaker 2: rite of passage, and it's supposed to empower you. You know.
Speaker 2: This is like really like where like you transform your
Speaker 2: superpowers like Transformers, like the Power Rangers is because like,
Speaker 2: once you give birth and you get through that, you're like, bitch,
Speaker 2: I could do anything, And it really doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: you bring the baby, you know, to Earth's side, you know, vaginally, epidural,
Speaker 2: no epidural, scyrian, however way you do it. Motherhood is
Speaker 2: once you start on this path of motherhood, it's a huge.
Speaker 2: You know it is. It is a rite of passage.
Speaker 2: But I really hope that people hear our stories and
Speaker 2: understand how important it is to advocate for yourself and
Speaker 2: that you choose a partner that will do the same
Speaker 2: for you, and that you are really educated and empowered
Speaker 2: before going into the hospital, because it's a game changer,
Speaker 2: and they will they will trick you, and they will
Speaker 2: try you. And like even me, we had different Earth's experiences,
Speaker 2: but I had a very specific birth plan written out.
Speaker 2: I made them copy it, made xeroxes and give them
Speaker 2: to every nurse on fucking shift. I was there for
Speaker 2: three days and I one of the things I said
Speaker 2: is don't offer me medical any medicine, And what do
Speaker 2: they do for your medicine immediately? And you're vulnerable and
Speaker 2: you're like whatever, I took the time to meticulously write
Speaker 2: out this birth plan and you're fucking going against it.
Speaker 2: But it doesn't you know, in that time, people want
Speaker 2: you to get the fuck out the bed so they
Speaker 2: can make room for another one. And you know you
Speaker 2: it is a business, and I I just I hope
Speaker 2: that other black women, I hope this information doesn't scare you,
Speaker 2: but it empowers you to just you know, do what's
Speaker 2: right for you. And sometimes that's against what your partner says,
Speaker 2: it's against what your mom says, and you got to
Speaker 2: kind of like sit in whatever your intuition says for
Speaker 2: you and just reminder that our bodies are made to
Speaker 2: do this, and they can do this, and it's they're capable.
Speaker 2: And you know, the doctor will tell you a bunch
Speaker 2: of shit, the baby's too big, you too small, your
Speaker 2: pelvis is too tiny, but you know, look at this
Speaker 2: pelvis pushed out a baby, so you know, just keep
Speaker 2: that in mind.
Speaker 1: I also like something you said really resonated with me
Speaker 1: that I want more women, specifically mothers, to understand because
Speaker 1: I think that a lot of moms that have given birth,
Speaker 1: they're tired, They have all these things right where they
Speaker 1: feel like they it is a rite of passage, absolutely,
Speaker 1: but I think mothers oftentimes they don't feel empowered after birth.
Speaker 1: They don't feel like I can do anything.
Speaker 2: You can do anything.
Speaker 1: You literally created life. You can do anything. So if
Speaker 1: you right now are feeling stuck, if you're feeling ashamed,
Speaker 1: if you're feeling less than, if you're feeling unattractive, you
Speaker 1: can do anything. Literally you created life. And for the
Speaker 1: women that you know choose not to create life, cannot
Speaker 1: create life. Whatever the cases may be, it does not matter.
Speaker 1: We are women period. We are life creators, whether that
Speaker 1: is from the womb, from this womb, from this womb,
Speaker 1: from this womb.
Speaker 2: We are the creators. Don't you fucking forget that. And
Speaker 2: for those of you who are listening, she pointed to
Speaker 2: both our womb, our heart, and our heads.
Speaker 1: Yeah, these are all wombs. Shout out to Queen of Fua,
Speaker 1: who really pointed that out to me. It was something
Speaker 1: that I never even really considered. And it's absolutely true.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of shame too for
Speaker 1: the women that that can't have children that you.
Speaker 2: Know, they that they're they're broken. And that's not that
Speaker 2: they are less than.
Speaker 1: They are less than that, they are somehow less than
Speaker 1: in their in their womanhood and their femininity, and and
Speaker 1: there are so many other ways that we birth that
Speaker 1: are equally as powerful and a rite of passage in itself.
Speaker 1: So I just want I want you to really really
Speaker 1: know that, because a lot of people will tell you different,
Speaker 1: whether that is your partner, your mother, Maybe you've made
Speaker 1: some bad choices that have put you in a position
Speaker 1: where you feel fucked up.
Speaker 2: You create a life, bitch. You can get out of it.
Speaker 2: You can get out of anything. And then I think,
Speaker 2: you know, even for that that that chapter that I
Speaker 2: just read, I read a lot of books that empowered me.
Speaker 2: And that's why I kind of really I initially planned
Speaker 2: on giving unassisted home birth, like I did. I couldn't
Speaker 2: afford a midwife, and I was like, fuck it, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna do it with my friend's mama, and I was
Speaker 2: confident in that. And I mean, obviously there was fear,
Speaker 2: but like it was, there was less fear doing it
Speaker 2: at home unassisted than there was going to the hospital.
Speaker 2: And I ended up having to go to the hospital
Speaker 2: and I ended up getting an epidural, and I ended
Speaker 2: up like all these things like that interrupted the flow
Speaker 2: of what I wanted to have. They almost broke me.
Speaker 2: And to the point where you know, we're talking about
Speaker 2: feeling empowered in birth, which you know socially that's not
Speaker 2: what you're going to hear. You see, you see images
Speaker 2: of women crying and in pain and all these things.
Speaker 2: It's never anything a positive experience until after the baby
Speaker 2: is born. Like you don't we don't see birth associated
Speaker 2: with pleasure. We don't see birth associated with feeling empowered.
Speaker 2: And I felt I felt adequate in my body before,
Speaker 2: you know, even before going into the hospit. But those
Speaker 2: two days after, yo, I was like, oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'm broken. I felt like I just felt like a
Speaker 2: like a push, like a pin, like a a pincushion.
Speaker 2: I like, people come in and out the hospital, popping
Speaker 2: your legs open, push probing you, putting things to, connecting
Speaker 2: things to you, waking you up, giving you medicine. You
Speaker 2: didn't even know what it was that you didn't asked for,
Speaker 2: making you go to the bathroom like you Like I,
Speaker 2: if I didn't know better, I would be like, this
Speaker 2: is the opposite of a of a of a come,
Speaker 2: of a rite of passage. This is trying to break me.
Speaker 2: And when I went home even I was just like
Speaker 2: even with the baby, like I wanted to breastfeed and
Speaker 2: she would just it was just it felt overwhelming, like
Speaker 2: everyone was taking from me and I wasn't even human anymore.
Speaker 2: And nobody talks about that. And you know, to the
Speaker 2: point where I just talked about my baby daddy asking
Speaker 2: me for some head and I literally felt like that
Speaker 2: was the bottom. I was like, oh my god, I've
Speaker 2: fucked myself. Everyone expects me and I didn't have anything
Speaker 2: to give after something so incredibly life changing, and it
Speaker 2: felt draining at the time. And luckily I had the
Speaker 2: tools to kind of like rebuild myself up and even
Speaker 2: if it was a slow process, and you know, for us,
Speaker 2: it took us like starting this podcast, you know, I
Speaker 2: felt like like I felt myself wither away slowly, like
Speaker 2: everybody was taking for me. And I feel like a
Speaker 2: lot of moms feel that, you know, like if you're
Speaker 2: you know, running a household and being a wife and
Speaker 2: you're being a mother, and you have all these expectations,
Speaker 2: because God forbid, you don't suck dick and make dinner
Speaker 2: by eight, you're a terrible human being. You know. It's like,
Speaker 2: we there's so much pressure put on us to deliver
Speaker 2: in a certain, you know, pretty little box, and it's
Speaker 2: just not realistic. And I just I hope if anyone's
Speaker 2: listening to this and they're pregnant or they just gave
Speaker 2: birth and they're feeling alone and they're feeling like why
Speaker 2: do I feel this way? And everybody on the internet
Speaker 2: is smiling, looking happy as fuck. It's a lie. Okay,
Speaker 2: everybody goes through this. Motherhood is not some easy transition
Speaker 2: and a lot of times you will feel high and
Speaker 2: you will feel low, and that is normal. And I
Speaker 2: think there's a lot of guilt associated with feeling low
Speaker 2: because you're like, I just gave births to this beautiful bay,
Speaker 2: supposed to be happy and grateful, and it's like, no,
Speaker 2: you're a human, bitch, and that shit is a lot.
Speaker 2: It's some alien like shit that takes place, and it's
Speaker 2: and you know, even if you've done it multiple times,
Speaker 2: it's still huge. It's a huge. Not a setback, but
Speaker 2: it's a huge shift. And so honor that and give
Speaker 2: yourself grace and in space to feel multiple ways at
Speaker 2: one time. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And this is as you know, for mothers that have
Speaker 1: already that have had multiple children, or if you're just
Speaker 1: becoming a mom, like, this is where you this is
Speaker 1: where the boundaries come in. This is where you tell
Speaker 1: your partner, no, not today. And I really hope that
Speaker 1: we can encourage more men to do more research around motherhood.
Speaker 1: I want to encourage men to read this book.
Speaker 2: Give this to the new dads too, so that you.
Speaker 1: Know how to support your partner so that you know
Speaker 1: what questions to ask, so you know what the signs
Speaker 1: to look out for, and postpartum where you're like, why
Speaker 1: is my partner such a bitch? Why is she not
Speaker 1: want to have sex with me anymore? Like it's been
Speaker 1: a year, Like get over it, you know, Like these
Speaker 1: are things. There's a lot of things in here that
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to vocalize at the time. I
Speaker 1: did not know how to tell my partner certain things.
Speaker 1: I didn't know why I felt certain things because I
Speaker 1: thought I was supposed to be happy, you know, And
Speaker 1: and now looking back, I obviously have more tools now
Speaker 1: to express this. But it's just it's a beautiful, terrifying, exhilarating,
Speaker 1: life changing experience, is what motherhood is. And there's a
Speaker 1: lot of glory in it.
Speaker 2: But there is a lot of sadness sometimes, you know,
Speaker 2: and it does get better, It does get better. And
Speaker 2: you know, I think sometimes people, you know, look at
Speaker 2: our podcast or look at moms talking badly and I
Speaker 2: put them putting air quotes out about their kid or
Speaker 2: or the even you know, we had Jessica Rose on
Speaker 2: the show months ago and she was saying how she
Speaker 2: regrets motherhood. That she doesn't regret. She regrets the role,
Speaker 2: the role that.
Speaker 1: She's had to play in another hood, like this unexpected
Speaker 1: role that she as a woman has to play as
Speaker 1: a mom. And I think so many women resonate with that,
Speaker 1: but feel horrible for saying.
Speaker 2: That out loud. The anxiety that automatically comes that is
Speaker 2: inherited when you give birth. There's an anxiety that doesn't
Speaker 2: that exists that no longer, that didn't exist before. You're
Speaker 2: constantly worried about this other person and if you're doing
Speaker 2: a good enough job, and if they're getting what they need,
Speaker 2: and like even in the early stages of motherhood is like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, am I going to drop her and
Speaker 2: she's gonna die? Like these are regular thoughts. It's like
Speaker 2: almost preparing you to catch her if she falls. But
Speaker 2: it's there's no aftercare for moms that enter into this
Speaker 2: new phase of their life. Everything is poured into the child,
Speaker 2: the baby shower. You get tons and tons of shit
Speaker 2: for this baby. The mom gets nothing. This is for
Speaker 2: the mom. This book, this book that we wrote for real,
Speaker 2: This book is for the mom. This is for the
Speaker 2: pregnant mom. This is for the I'm thinking about maybe
Speaker 2: being a mom. This is for the I'm not having
Speaker 2: any more kids mom. This is for the I'm getting
Speaker 2: a divorce mom. This is for the married mom who
Speaker 2: feels alone. Like literally, A lot of mom books are
Speaker 2: basic and they tell you about how to care for
Speaker 2: your kid, but a lot of them don't tell you
Speaker 2: how to care for yourself. So if you're looking for
Speaker 2: a place to feel normal and whatever transition you're going
Speaker 2: in going through in motherhood or in womanhood, rather, this
Speaker 2: book is for you. This book is to say, drop
Speaker 2: all that shit and here's how you tap into yourself.
Speaker 2: You're welcome. Did you pull a card? I did? I
Speaker 2: don't know what this one means. It's a five of
Speaker 2: swords and there's a man facing the other way. There's
Speaker 2: a man facing the ocean that looks like a bay
Speaker 2: or an ocean. They're all facing away except this one
Speaker 2: man with his three swords looks like he's one. But
Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh no, I don't like it. I
Speaker 2: don't like it. Canys pick another one? No, you can't.
Speaker 2: This is not for us. This is for somebody listening.
Speaker 2: This is for someone listening. I don't resonate with this
Speaker 2: The Five of Swords turns up when you have had
Speaker 2: a falling out, disagreement, or conflict, and you're walking away
Speaker 2: with a sense of sadness or loss. You may be
Speaker 2: upset and resentful over the heated words you said and
Speaker 2: now wish you could take back bad blood, and a
Speaker 2: generally ickiness hang general general ickiness hangover as you, over you,
Speaker 2: as you are reallyations have turned sour. Even if you won't,
Speaker 2: won't if you wow, can ive you a wall? If
Speaker 2: you want wall, won't give it to me? Give it
Speaker 2: to me like I couldn't. I can help that. Even
Speaker 2: if you wanted the argument or came out of the
Speaker 2: apparent victor, you realize that you have lost as much
Speaker 2: or more than your opponent. This battle has cost you trust, respect,
Speaker 2: or dignity, and isolated you. As you try to pick
Speaker 2: up the pieces and set the conflict behind you, you
Speaker 2: find it's more difficult than you thought. Others have lost
Speaker 2: faith in you and are keeping their distance. You will
Speaker 2: need to decide whether your point of view is so
Speaker 2: important to you that you're willing to put your relationship
Speaker 2: in jeopardy, or if you can compromise and see ey
Speaker 2: to eye. Sometimes you don't need to compromise. I mean,
Speaker 2: this obviously is saying that maybe you went too hard,
Speaker 2: but you know, maybe it's maybe it's about the judgment
Speaker 2: of yourself. M you know, like really like you've you've
Speaker 2: betrayed yourself in ways. That's kind of like what I'm
Speaker 2: getting from it. Not necessarily, you know, outwardly, but inwardly.
Speaker 2: Choosing your battles wisely and in much way of the
Speaker 2: battles wisely is a much better way of life than
Speaker 2: engaging in every disagreement. Not only will it lead you
Speaker 2: to more peaceful existence, but your interpersonal relationships are likely
Speaker 2: to come out stronger. I mean, I think sometimes it's
Speaker 2: like we pick ourselves apart. You know, everything is like, oh,
Speaker 2: you said the wrong thing, and I do this like
Speaker 2: you did the wrong thing, You're not doing it enough,
Speaker 2: Like that inner voice is harsh and sometimes it's just
Speaker 2: not that serious. Like you know, we fuck up. You
Speaker 2: know we say this a lot, but beating yourself up
Speaker 2: after the fuck up extensively is really not It doesn't
Speaker 2: really shift anything or change or make anything better except
Speaker 2: make you feel worse, and it's harder to get past
Speaker 2: it and too the next point, so you know, I
Speaker 2: think in motherhood is one of those things we're constantly
Speaker 2: picking ourselves apart and how could we deliver, how could
Speaker 2: we show up? And if you fucking got to the
Speaker 2: soccer game, and like I spoil my kid just out
Speaker 2: of just out of pure I don't want to traumatize you.
Speaker 2: And I can like like she's throwing a fit. She
Speaker 2: wants ramen and or sushi, and it's fucking like I'm like, fine,
Speaker 2: fuck it, I'm gonna give you a sushi. Like you're
Speaker 2: such a brat, Like okay, but it's just like sometime
Speaker 2: like you're doing a good job. You're a human. Pick
Speaker 2: the battles that you choose with yourself, you know, like
Speaker 2: love yourself, love on yourself like so much so then
Speaker 2: other people will know how to love on you and
Speaker 2: pick your battles wisely. Even when it comes to you,
Speaker 2: stop obsessing over things that you cannot change. Boo. You
Speaker 2: can't change some shit and sometimes you're not supposed to
Speaker 2: change them. You're supposed to shift and be a different person.
Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean that you beat yourself up over them.
Speaker 1: And even if it's even if it's not the battles
Speaker 1: with you, it's so it sounds like this card too,
Speaker 1: is like how do you react to certain things? Like
Speaker 1: I think about my relationship with even like my mom
Speaker 1: for example, and how it's it's shifted.
Speaker 2: Over the years.
Speaker 1: Like, yes, there's times in which I can you know,
Speaker 1: moms where they know how to they know how to
Speaker 1: trigger the fuck out of you, okay.
Speaker 2: And they know how to do it.
Speaker 1: And I was telling this, I was having this conversation
Speaker 1: the other day and I was saying, God, you know,
Speaker 1: like I look at my daughter and there's some there's
Speaker 1: certain times, a lot of times where I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say mean to her, but like
Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is what it is like because
Speaker 1: I said, so, that's why, you know, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that that idea and that energy always just changes
Speaker 1: as your child grows up. And I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times adult keep, adult kids and adult parents that
Speaker 1: dynamic still exists where that parent doesn't really give a
Speaker 1: fuck what they're what they're saying to you because they're
Speaker 1: your mom and they're going to tell you how the
Speaker 1: fuck it is, and doesn't they don't really give a
Speaker 1: fuck about your feelings. Kind of like what we do
Speaker 1: with our kids, like, this is what it is. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you this because if I don't tell you, someone else.
Speaker 2: Is going to tell you, you know.
Speaker 1: And my reaction used to be combative all the time.
Speaker 1: And you know, me and my mom had this disagreement
Speaker 1: the other day. It wasn't even a disagreement.
Speaker 2: It was just like she said something that made me
Speaker 2: have mom guilt and go. We were in Mexico.
Speaker 1: No oh no, no, she said that maybe had mom
Speaker 1: like she said like she was going to take Iri home.
Speaker 1: And we just got back from Mexico and I was
Speaker 1: home for one day and then my room was coming
Speaker 1: over and she was like, I'll take with Iri too,
Speaker 1: I'll take Iri.
Speaker 2: Do you want to take Iri? Do you want me to
Speaker 2: take Iri tonight? And I'll take her to school since
Speaker 2: he's coming. You haven't seen each each other in a
Speaker 2: long time. And I was like, okay, cool. So then
Speaker 2: we went to dinner and we were eating and then
Speaker 2: we're about to leave, and then she was like, you,
Speaker 2: you know, you've been gone a lot. You've been gone
Speaker 2: a lot, you were gone, you just were back and
Speaker 2: now like basically saying like maybe you should take her,
Speaker 2: Maybe you should take her. But I was like you're
Speaker 2: the one who even brought disgusted this. You know.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know why because Iri had to sleep over
Speaker 1: the night before her friend's house. So I had had
Speaker 1: her for one night and then she went and had
Speaker 1: to sleep over at her friend's house and then my
Speaker 1: mom was going.
Speaker 2: To take her. So I was just like, don't do that. Okay. Well,
Speaker 2: and so then I said I or do you want
Speaker 2: to come home with me? And she was like yeah,
Speaker 2: and I was like cool. So I just came home
Speaker 2: and she's like is she coming with me? And I
Speaker 2: was like no, No. She was like why and I
Speaker 2: was like it's fine, We're just gonna go home. But
Speaker 2: there any other time I'd be like, well, this is why.
Speaker 2: And then we got on. Then she texted me later
Speaker 2: like what what happened? Ah, and I was like, well, honestly,
Speaker 2: my mom guilt creeped in because of the comment that
Speaker 2: you made, you know, And so I decided to pivot,
Speaker 2: and she was like I could tell she wanted to
Speaker 2: like kind of like go back and forth with me
Speaker 2: about it, and I just like kept kept it as
Speaker 2: you know what, Mom, It's fine, it's all good.
Speaker 1: I figured it out, Like I didn't really appreciate that
Speaker 1: since she offered to take her. But it's cool.
Speaker 2: We figured it out. And that was hard for me
Speaker 2: because I really wanted to say, like, what was the
Speaker 2: what was the purpose of this? You just wanted to
Speaker 2: hurt my feelings? Like do you just want to hurt
Speaker 2: my feelings? Or you just had this feeling and you
Speaker 2: just couldn't shut the fuck up, so you just felt
Speaker 2: the need to say it, you know. And and and
Speaker 2: that's what it is.
Speaker 1: A lot of times moms, not just my mom, I'm
Speaker 1: a mom as well, we just want to say what
Speaker 1: the fuck we want to say.
Speaker 2: We don't want to shut the fuck up because we're
Speaker 2: the parent, you know.
Speaker 1: And I have to remember that in these moments when
Speaker 1: I re grows up, like trying to remember how this
Speaker 1: makes me feel and to not.
Speaker 2: Do that do that you know, yeah, yeah, my mom
Speaker 2: does that a lot. And you know, it's interesting, I
Speaker 2: think even in motherhood, you know, like happy birthday, you're
Speaker 2: an eight year old mom today, thank you. You know,
Speaker 2: eight years is not that long in the game, but
Speaker 2: there it takes. There's like a great there's a period
Speaker 2: that it to get confident in it and to really
Speaker 2: like be like, hey, that wasn't cool, like even to
Speaker 2: your own mom, you know, and like even set boundaries
Speaker 2: with your own mom and you know, and with your
Speaker 2: kid and with other people, and there takes a time
Speaker 2: we're like, damn, do I even know what I'm doing?
Speaker 2: I should just blindly take this advice and then feel
Speaker 2: guilty or harbor this guilt because my mom said this,
Speaker 2: you know, or my grandmother said this, or this person
Speaker 2: said this, and it's just like a part of this,
Speaker 2: a part of this work as mom's is also shifting
Speaker 2: the things that you didn't appreciate or didn't contribute positively
Speaker 2: to you as you were growing up. And you know,
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm going through some shit with my
Speaker 2: mom right now. And it's just like I've had to
Speaker 2: create a lot of boundaries and feeling bad about it
Speaker 2: in ways like it's it is your mom, and it's
Speaker 2: someone who's raised you and they fed you and they
Speaker 2: cared for you. And it's just like even like we're
Speaker 2: all human and moms, I've really recognized how much I've
Speaker 2: had to be the mom, be the parent to my parents.
Speaker 2: Like you guys are immature, Wow, Like are you in
Speaker 2: high school? And it's like maybe still meant like emotionally,
Speaker 2: spiritually they may be, and it's just like it's it's
Speaker 2: this again, standing in who you are and what you're
Speaker 2: doing and recognizing that sometimes if you being the bigger person,
Speaker 2: is just being like okay, cool, all right, or like
Speaker 2: you know what, like she's not coming over there anymore.
Speaker 2: You're doing stuff that I don't do in my household.
Speaker 2: And I love you, and you know we love you,
Speaker 2: but this is where we're going to pivot. This is
Speaker 2: where this shit's going to shift, because you did this
Speaker 2: to me, and you're not about to do this to
Speaker 2: my kid, and you're not going to continue to do
Speaker 2: this to me. So and you know, there's even guilt
Speaker 2: in that.
Speaker 1: You know, absolutely, And I think about I was thinking
Speaker 1: about this situation actually today and I was like, she
Speaker 1: didn't even apologize after I told her, like what you
Speaker 1: said like hurt my feelings and clearly totally shifted what
Speaker 1: was the plan even though you offered the plan? And
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, God, like that has been a
Speaker 1: theme in my relationship with my mom, is her lack
Speaker 1: of apologies because she's not sorry, you know, and like
Speaker 1: she's not gonna apologize if she doesn't think she's sorry.
Speaker 1: And I'm the child, you know, whether or not I'm
Speaker 1: in my thirties or not.
Speaker 2: And I think.
Speaker 1: About, you know, my daughter, and I'm just like man,
Speaker 1: I am making a vow to myself that even when
Speaker 1: I am not sorry, if I see that my daughter
Speaker 1: was hurt by something, I will try to do my
Speaker 1: best to at least to acknowledge it. You know what,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not always going to be perfect.
Speaker 2: And this is not a slight to my mother. She
Speaker 2: has been a great mother.
Speaker 1: And I think that because I have shared my experiences
Speaker 1: in my childhood and like some of them have been
Speaker 1: difficult for me and my relationship with my with my
Speaker 1: father and and and even my relationship with her, she
Speaker 1: has this kind of blanketed and like blanketed vision or
Speaker 1: perception that I think my childhood was shitty and which
Speaker 1: is not the truth. Did I have shitty moments in
Speaker 1: my childhood?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Are there things that affected me in my childhood? Yes,
Speaker 1: that is life, That is any person's experience. Everybody's going
Speaker 1: to have trump. But we take motherhood, our mothering so personal,
Speaker 1: and I and I get it. And I'm only at
Speaker 1: the I'm only an eight year old mother. I only
Speaker 1: know as much as I know, so I can. I'm
Speaker 1: only in the very beginning of this journey, and she's
Speaker 1: much wiser than me, so she understands more than I do.
Speaker 1: But I think about just like just being able to acknowledge,
Speaker 1: being able to acknowledge when you've hurt your child, whether
Speaker 1: or not you mentor or not, and being able to
Speaker 1: at least have the conversation about it and not sweep
Speaker 1: it under the rug and just say, Okay.
Speaker 2: I'm the adult, the I'm the parent. But honestly, Erica,
Speaker 2: the truth is is like and to a lot of
Speaker 2: you listening too, is that for a lot of us,
Speaker 2: we have we have consciously evolved emotionally much more than
Speaker 2: our parents have. I think, you know, we're in a
Speaker 2: different time. We have access to a lot of there's
Speaker 2: a lot of mental health comparing, a lot more information.
Speaker 1: You have so much more so, many more options and
Speaker 1: perspectives to choose and pick from.
Speaker 2: And and you know, some people take it, some people don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying we're perfect different like mom, like, no,
Speaker 2: you know, and you know and Mom, you know a
Speaker 2: lot more than me, you do. I acknowledge that, But
Speaker 2: it's also just about even in it, like I've had
Speaker 2: to be soft with my mom in times like I
Speaker 2: wanted to be like bitch, bitch, you know, and like
Speaker 2: me and my mom have had like a very up
Speaker 2: and down relationship, and you know, like I don't want
Speaker 2: to be like cursing my mom out and I don't
Speaker 2: want to be cursed out by my mom. That's not
Speaker 2: what I expire aspire for. But you know, a part
Speaker 2: of it is just recognizing, like in ways that she
Speaker 2: hasn't developed, like emotionally, and it's harder for her to
Speaker 2: say sorry. She's come from parents who probably didn't apologize,
Speaker 2: and she hasn't had to do a lot of apologizing.
Speaker 2: And so even for me, like apologizing is not my
Speaker 2: strong point. And so I understand her in ways, and
Speaker 2: I but I also understand that we are living in
Speaker 2: a space where we're constantly evaluating ourselves and constantly trying
Speaker 2: to show up as better versions of ourselves, even if
Speaker 2: we're not, you know, hitting all the points all the time.
Speaker 2: Because a bitch can go off the go off, you know,
Speaker 2: but it is it is very well possible that you,
Speaker 2: as the child, can be the shift, even if it's gentle,
Speaker 2: just gentle. They hear it, they hear, they see, they feel.
Speaker 2: She knows, she knows she did it, she knows what
Speaker 2: she did. She And I think sometimes when you're not
Speaker 2: competitive and you're not snapping back and you they start
Speaker 2: to notice that you are reacting differently, then they don't
Speaker 2: have a choice but to also follow. The narrative is
Speaker 2: that I'm overly sensitive.
Speaker 1: That's always been the that's always been the go to
Speaker 1: whenever I have a problem.
Speaker 2: You're, oh, you're so sensitive, you're sensitive. Yeah, you birth
Speaker 2: the sensitive child, like you did, and so now you
Speaker 2: have to deal with it, and now you have to
Speaker 2: figure out how to parent me the sensitive child, you know,
Speaker 2: And I think as parents, as parents, we often don't.
Speaker 2: We're like, I don't want to deal with that. We'll
Speaker 2: figure it out, We'll like, stop being so sensitive, Like
Speaker 2: that's just not within my that's not who I am.
Speaker 2: I'm a sensitive person. I feel a lot of things,
Speaker 2: and I am considerate.
Speaker 1: I don't ever want to feel like I'm a burden
Speaker 1: to anyone. That's Oh, it's been extremely challenging for me
Speaker 1: to ask for help.
Speaker 2: It's been extremely challenging me for to ask for help,
Speaker 2: even for my family.
Speaker 1: And and it's just like, you know, knowing these things,
Speaker 1: it's like sometimes I feel sometimes I feel like they're
Speaker 1: used against me in ways they are.
Speaker 2: And instead of just saying okay, I don't really understand
Speaker 2: where that wasn't my intention, Like I would have even
Speaker 2: accepted that, like, hey, that way, that wasn't my intention
Speaker 2: if that's if that's how you felt, I'm sorry that
Speaker 2: really wasn't. I just wanted you to acknowledge that you've
Speaker 2: been gone a lot and it seems like I wants
Speaker 2: to go home with you tonight. Done. It's simple as that,
Speaker 2: I'm not really looking for, like I'm so sorry, Erica,
Speaker 2: Like you know, I like and to be coddled. That's
Speaker 2: not really that's not I know, that's not what I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get, you know. So I don't know. I just
Speaker 2: it's a reminder to me as a parent too, to
Speaker 2: check myself, to check myself now, because these are when
Speaker 2: habits are made. How you parent your child now is
Speaker 2: ultimately they're creating habits for how you're going to parent
Speaker 2: them as an adult as well. And when your kid
Speaker 2: is grown and.
Speaker 1: Doesn't want to fuck with you because now she doesn't
Speaker 1: have to you can't be mad, you know, And I'm
Speaker 1: not even I'm not I'm always gonna fuck with my mom.
Speaker 1: That's not even, that's not that this is not that
Speaker 1: serious at all. But I'm just saying for the mom,
Speaker 1: for the parents that are listening that maybe have older
Speaker 1: children that are don't fuck with them, or you know,
Speaker 1: or you are that kid like these these are the
Speaker 1: reasons why. It's because we get into these habits of
Speaker 1: how we treat our children as kids, and then we
Speaker 1: don't grow from that, our motherhood doesn't grow.
Speaker 2: I mean, and let's face it, like it's easier to
Speaker 2: take out things than the people that are closest to absolutely,
Speaker 2: so you're comfortable doing that. You know they're always going
Speaker 2: to leve you and they're not gonna We're not going
Speaker 2: to stop being friends with you. They can't. They could,
Speaker 2: They could, They could, they could, it could and they do.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but you know, it takes a lot more though.
Speaker 2: It takes a lot more to cut off you know,
Speaker 2: a parent or whatever. So yeah, healing, healing, healing in motherhood.
Speaker 1: Well, anyway, guys, I love you. I thank you for
Speaker 1: tuning in to this episode. Thank you in advance for
Speaker 1: purchasing a Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices, now
Speaker 1: available everywhere on audible too. If you like listening to
Speaker 1: the sound of our voice, then you can also listen
Speaker 1: to the sound of our voice narrate our book, which
Speaker 1: I think is really it's special.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we do. We did our thing. We put our
Speaker 2: a little little.
Speaker 1: Spice on it named when I'm boring ass audibles that
Speaker 1: you hear and if again. If you're in the New
Speaker 1: York City area, we are coming to City Winery on
Speaker 1: May fifth, so come out, come up with your girls.
Speaker 1: It's a Confessions of a Good Mom tour. So we
Speaker 1: are confessing a lot. We want you you to confess
Speaker 1: a lot, so make sure you call our hotline. We
Speaker 1: have a special Voice of Special hotline where you can
Speaker 1: confess anything like anything. It could be that you don't
Speaker 1: fuck with.
Speaker 2: Your husband, or that your husband's dick is terrible, or
Speaker 2: that you know you did something nasty this weekend. That's right,
Speaker 2: you can die listen at eight one, eight, two, one three,
Speaker 2: twelve eighty seven and confess and we might just share
Speaker 2: your confession at the show and it can be anonymous.
Speaker 2: Just don't say your name. Also, we have a show
Speaker 2: in DC coming up on May twenty first, and in
Speaker 2: No Philly on May twenty fifth, and we are really
Speaker 2: excited to connect with our people again. We had a
Speaker 2: lot of fun in both of those cities. You know,
Speaker 2: Philly is my hometown, so I look forward to, you know,
Speaker 2: coming back through and saying hi to my peoples and
Speaker 2: having a good, jolly old time. So it make sure
Speaker 2: you click the episode description for all this information and
Speaker 2: we'll see you next week. Bye. I'm not solo record.
Speaker 2: Las