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Speaker 1: And our last tour, Jamila proposition like literally like put

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Speaker 1: us on the meat market on stage and was.

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Speaker 2: Just like who wants all? At three times tonight I said,

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Speaker 2: I said, Whisper, Are you risk your will? Yeah? Whisper

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Speaker 2: in your Unicorn? I had like five women like unicorn, Unicorn.

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Speaker 2: Take your chance. One thirty five dollar ticket could get

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Speaker 2: you a makeout with both of us. You might throw

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Speaker 2: Orlando into Oh my god. Welcome back to Good Mom's

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Speaker 2: Bad Choices.

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Speaker 1: I'm Erica and I'm Nila, And it is the first

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Speaker 1: week of wait. It is the first Wednesday of May.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to May. This month's theme is a Good Mom's

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Speaker 1: Guide Too, and we will be unpacking all of the

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Speaker 1: amazing stories and just inviting a few really amazing and

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Speaker 1: dynamic guests to talk about motherhood, to talk about our book,

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Speaker 1: which is officially on motherfucking sale right the fuck now?

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Speaker 2: How do you feel? How do you feel you have

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Speaker 2: been a published author for one day? I feel liberated.

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Speaker 2: I do. I feel liberated. You guys, I know you

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Speaker 2: think you know all our business, but you don't.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of shit in here that I haven't

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Speaker 1: felt comfortable sharing on the podcast and for some reason,

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Speaker 1: when I put pen to paper, I really felt like

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Speaker 1: I could eloquently get it off my chest and be

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Speaker 1: done with it. And I'm fucking done with it. And

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Speaker 1: I really recently something came up in my life that

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Speaker 1: really showed me that I'm done with it. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm really done, Like I'm not affected any longer by

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Speaker 1: the people and the things that.

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Speaker 2: Have hurt me.

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Speaker 1: And and if you read the book, you'll know what

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about. And if you follow social media, then

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Speaker 1: you probably know what I'm talking about. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but anyway, I'm being cryptic because I want you to

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Speaker 1: read the book.

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Speaker 2: But I feel good. How do you feel? I do?

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Speaker 2: I feel liberated? I feel that I think that for

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Speaker 2: a very long time, we've been writing this book, and

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Speaker 2: for a very long time, only you and I had

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Speaker 2: read it, you and I and our and our editors,

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Speaker 2: and you know, our editors are some of our agents

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Speaker 2: are not moms, our editor is, and so you know,

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Speaker 2: I was just really I was anxious about the feedback

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Speaker 2: that we would get and how our community would receive it.

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Speaker 2: And not that I don't think it's good, but this

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Speaker 2: is a new this is a new format for us

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Speaker 2: this is a new is what's what I'm looking for.

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Speaker 2: We know if artists use different mediums, this is a

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Speaker 2: new medium for us. And you know, I had my

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Speaker 2: best friend read it and she read it in one

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Speaker 2: day and I was like, you know, and she's like,

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Speaker 2: I loved it. And then we've had a couple interviews.

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Speaker 2: We get an interview with the Route and we had

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Speaker 2: an interview with Essence and both of them well yeah,

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Speaker 2: one of them read it and they really loved it,

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Speaker 2: and she really resonated with it. So the more I

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Speaker 2: get a little bit of feedback, I'm like, get feeling

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Speaker 2: more confident, and I do. I feel liberated. I feel

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Speaker 2: liberated in my truth. I feel liberated and this is

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Speaker 2: what I'm here for. And you know, you may relate,

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Speaker 2: you may not, but you go and get this book.

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Speaker 2: And I hope that you guys have gotten it, because

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you guys know this, but authors

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Speaker 2: only can become best selling authors. They have one week.

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Speaker 2: They have pre sales and they have a week and

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Speaker 2: right now we only have about four more days until

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Speaker 2: our sales are in. And if we've never asked you

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Speaker 2: for anything, please please, please please, this is a huge project.

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Speaker 2: For us, and we really need your support if you

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Speaker 2: listen to us, if you just started listening, not a

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Speaker 2: lot of black women get to become first time author

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Speaker 2: and this was pretty divine. So if you're listening right now,

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Speaker 2: stop bullshitting. Go to Good Moms, Bad Choices dot com,

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Speaker 2: click the book link on the drop down and pick

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Speaker 2: your poison. You can pick. You can order from Barnes

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Speaker 2: and Noble, you can order from Target, you can order

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Speaker 2: from Amazon, and you can order from a black owned

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Speaker 2: bookstore Malik's, which are selling signed copies. And you can

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Speaker 2: support two single black women moms first time authors. Yes,

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Speaker 2: it's true.

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Speaker 1: We are shamelessly begging just because you know, we have

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Speaker 1: really put a lot of our business out here, a

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Speaker 1: lot mostly for ourselves because it's cathartic. But I if

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Speaker 1: any of the stories that we've shared have have helped you,

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Speaker 1: have resonated with you, have assisted you through any part

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Speaker 1: of your journey, like I really, really, I really just

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Speaker 1: want to ask you to support us in this momentous

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Speaker 1: moment for us, you know, and our tribe is really

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Speaker 1: important to us. And we don't ask you just to

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Speaker 1: say like yeah, yeah, just buy the book and that's it.

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Speaker 1: We have a lot of offers for you. Offerings for

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Speaker 1: you guys too. Once you buy the book, if you

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Speaker 1: go on our website, which you can just click the

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Speaker 1: link in this episode description, you get a ton of freebies.

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Speaker 1: After you buy the book, you put your order number

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Speaker 1: in and boom, you get a bunch of shit in

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Speaker 1: your email address from Actually I'm not gonna put it

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Speaker 1: all in yours, I mean in your email Jesus Christ,

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Speaker 1: my brain. You have a lot of you gotta We

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Speaker 1: get a lot of free stuff because we are all

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Speaker 1: about reciprocity.

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Speaker 2: Is that the word reciprocity.

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Speaker 1: We're all about reciprocity, and we want to keep giving

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Speaker 1: you the things that you need, the things that have

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Speaker 1: helped us. And I'm just really excited for you guys

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Speaker 1: to read this book. I'm really nervous, but I'm really

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Speaker 1: really excited. We're also doing a giveaway. If you want

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Speaker 1: to enter the giveaway, We're giving away a free trip

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Speaker 1: to the Good Vibe Retreat in Mexico in July when

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Speaker 1: you purchase the book. So we're going to select one woman.

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Speaker 1: You do not have to be a mom, just a woman.

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Speaker 1: Once you purchase the book, you can click the link

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Speaker 1: in this episode description and upload your receipt to enter

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Speaker 1: the giveaway, and we are announcing the winner on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just really excited to be able to offer

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Speaker 1: you guys so many things, and in exchange, I am

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Speaker 1: asking you for your support.

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Speaker 2: And for those of you who already pre ordered the

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Speaker 2: book and you got it in the mail yesterday, the

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Speaker 2: deepest thank you. Please read it, and as you read it,

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Speaker 2: please let us know how you feel about it. Send

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Speaker 2: a story. Actually, I really want everyone to share their

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Speaker 2: bad choices, like if you've if you've had any bad choices, like,

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Speaker 2: please add us and tell us, because I just want to.

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Speaker 2: I want to. I want to read it along with you.

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Speaker 2: I want to, I want to feel how you feel.

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Speaker 2: I want to know if it resonates and if it

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Speaker 2: does resonate with parts, and that will make us feel

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Speaker 2: really good and know that the work that we're doing

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Speaker 2: is you know, being received. We really like you know,

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Speaker 2: we get to hear from people in DMS. But if

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Speaker 2: you're like hesitant to reach out or you think it's weird,

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Speaker 2: it's not. We're friends, and I want to know. I

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Speaker 2: want to know you're feeling and like what came up

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Speaker 2: for you. These things are important to us. Please connect

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Speaker 2: with us on our socials and let us know you

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Speaker 2: know how you feel about the book and all that

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Speaker 2: good stuff. Yes, all those things. Sorry, what nothing. I

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Speaker 2: was just going to say, it's affirmation time, and because

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Speaker 2: we have so many affirmations in our book and it's

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Speaker 2: May and it's a good mom's guide, may, I am

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Speaker 2: going to I have a couple. Well, fuck, I lost

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Speaker 2: my I was going to just like scroll and see

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Speaker 2: where it stops and then read that part. And I

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Speaker 2: did it before we started, and now I lost it.

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Speaker 2: I don't have to find it again. But I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do that for the affirmations unless you have a special afirmation, Okay, donkey.

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Speaker 2: This affirmation is advocating for and keeping my peace is

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Speaker 2: my birthright, and no one comes before me when it

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Speaker 2: comes to my well being. Advocating for and keeping my

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Speaker 2: peace is my birthright, and no one comes before me

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Speaker 2: when it comes to my well being. Mm mmmm.

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Speaker 1: I think that is like a major challenge for most

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Speaker 1: moms is really advocating for yourself, you know, and not

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Speaker 1: feeling guilty about putting yourself, pleasure, your self, love, whatever

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Speaker 1: that looks like for you. First you know, society tells

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Speaker 1: us that motherhood is a sacrifice, it's sacrificial, that we

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Speaker 1: are sacrificial lambs. That is really the narrative that has

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Speaker 1: been painted unfortunately, and you know, even in this book,

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Speaker 1: we really challenge that aggressively and really advocate for you

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Speaker 1: to change your mindset because you can't be a good

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Speaker 1: mom when you are running on empty. You cannot be

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Speaker 1: a good mom when you are giving everything to everyone

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Speaker 1: else and putting yourself last. You know, these are things

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Speaker 1: that seem really basic, right Like you see these things

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Speaker 1: on social media. You hear people talk about this, but

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Speaker 1: are you actually applying this to your life? Are you

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Speaker 1: actually doing this? Are you totally burnt out? Are you

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Speaker 1: totally exhausted? And granted it's not always perfect. There would

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Speaker 1: be times where you will be there will be times

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Speaker 1: where it will be hard to find the balance, but

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Speaker 1: you have to remember this affirmation in those times to

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Speaker 1: kind of come back to that idea, Come back to

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Speaker 1: that not even idea, come back to that application in

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Speaker 1: your life because it isn't just an idea. I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of times you hear affirmations and they just

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Speaker 1: become ideas. Are things we say and then we forget them.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, how often are we actually applying these

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Speaker 1: affirmations that we read on Instagram to our life? Are

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Speaker 1: we just saying them in the day and it helps

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Speaker 1: us through? Are we actually applying these things? So I

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Speaker 1: just want to be saying them once and actually not

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Speaker 1: believing them. Yeah, and you might and you might, you

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Speaker 1: might not believe them. And it takes time sometimes to

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Speaker 1: believe that.

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Speaker 2: You have to practice an affirmation repeatedly until it truly

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Speaker 2: you believe it and it resonates and sometimes honest it

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Speaker 2: takes like months or years. You know, there's been things

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Speaker 2: programming I've been telling myself like and and to acknowledge it.

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Speaker 2: The programming we tell ourselves is often negative and for

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Speaker 2: so long that it takes an aggressive amount of positive

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Speaker 2: affirmations to make it sink in.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we've talked we were talking about this

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Speaker 1: on I don't know what podcast it was because we've

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Speaker 1: done it so many but just kind of you kind

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Speaker 1: of have to go against yourself.

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Speaker 2: You kind of have to.

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Speaker 1: Just do the exact opposite of what you what you've

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Speaker 1: been programmed to do. You know, like you have to

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Speaker 1: get uncomfortable making other people uncomfortable with your new boundaries,

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Speaker 1: with your new no's, with your new yeses, and and

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Speaker 1: that's challenging, it really is, but it gets it gets easier,

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Speaker 1: it does.

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Speaker 2: And it really gets easy making setting boundaries and standing

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Speaker 2: in whatever makes you happy or fulfilled when you are

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Speaker 2: around people that honor you and your happiness and your

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Speaker 2: peace and are there to help you and like not

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Speaker 2: make you feel crazy for advocating for yourself. And sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's hard to find those people because even as women,

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Speaker 2: we judge ourselves and then we judge each other and

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Speaker 2: then prevents us from like having deep connections and deep

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Speaker 2: friendships and like finding a tribe. But if you, guys,

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Speaker 2: are those moms or those women who are in the

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Speaker 2: house all the time, sticking to your routine, not veering

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Speaker 2: out of it, and not venturing out to do anything new,

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Speaker 2: you're not going to find new friends. You're not going

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Speaker 2: to find your tribe, and you're not going to be

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Speaker 2: able to practice what you preach and practice you know,

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Speaker 2: keeping boundaries and you know it's just being you authentically.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like sometimes people feel like it's difficult

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Speaker 2: to find women like that, women who are radically accepting

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Speaker 2: of other women. And I think we are afraid to

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Speaker 2: find that afraid to tell the truth. If you're one

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Speaker 2: of those women, and you know, if you're on the socials,

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Speaker 2: we are going on tour and all of our people

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Speaker 2: come and all of our people are radically accepting. It's

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Speaker 2: like we've definitely cultivated a community of like radically honest women.

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Speaker 2: And I'm so proud and like, if you're in the

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Speaker 2: New York area, we'll be in New York. I mean

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Speaker 2: we'll be at City Winery on Friday, turning up. You know,

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Speaker 2: moms and women need to take breaks. And if something

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Speaker 2: like going to a live podcast show alone is not

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Speaker 2: something you would typically do, this is your This is

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Speaker 2: your sign, this is your challenge.

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Speaker 1: This is I want to challenge you right now to

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Speaker 1: get out of your comfort zone.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, just be like fuck it, I'm gonna go. Like

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Speaker 2: who cares if it's alone, Like maybe you have maybe

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Speaker 2: you asked a friend to go or whatever. She might

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Speaker 2: buy the ticket, he might not whatever, But like pull

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Speaker 2: up and really like take a leap of faith, because

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Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, this is how we got here. Erica

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Speaker 2: pulled up on me. This stranger bitch pulled up on

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Speaker 2: me at the club in the bathroom and was like

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Speaker 2: we're going to be friends and at the time, and

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Speaker 2: I know it was awkward and uncomfortable for her, and

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Speaker 2: but like thank god she did, because now we're delivering

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Speaker 2: a message, you know, lots of messages, and it's it's

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Speaker 2: a game changer, like doing something different from what you're

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Speaker 2: used to doing could potentially be a life changing thing

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Speaker 2: for you, a life changing decision. So a lot of

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Speaker 2: times we get comfortable in our routines. We go to work,

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Speaker 2: we come home, we feed the kids, we feed the husband,

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Speaker 2: you know whatever, you bend over all the things, and

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Speaker 2: we forget to say, like wait, hold up, like let

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Speaker 2: me do something spontaneous, let me frolic, let me do

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Speaker 2: a cartwheel very quick. Let me go down to the

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Speaker 2: bar and meet these bitches that I've only listened to

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Speaker 2: and now they're here, and this seems totally weird, but

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do it. Like do something for yourself,

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Speaker 2: Come get a drink, come hang out with us, dress sexy,

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Speaker 2: because you know that's what we like to do. And

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Speaker 2: like if you came to our last show, you already

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Speaker 2: know it's it gets pretty like this is a production.

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Speaker 2: We take this craft very seriously and we're extra ass bitches.

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Speaker 2: So the show is always an extra, there's always special guest,

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Speaker 2: there's always surprise components, And I guarantee you everybody at

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Speaker 2: this show is going to welcome you with open arms

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Speaker 2: because honestly, that's just the kind of click we roll with.

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Speaker 2: And like I've seen it transpire time and time and

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Speaker 2: time and time again, because honestly, like this, this friendship

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Speaker 2: has like opened us up to just opening the arms

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Speaker 2: and the love to other women and the like. It

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Speaker 2: really is felt. So if you were just on the fence,

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Speaker 2: if you usually don't do things like this, if you've

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Speaker 2: never gone to a live show, please come kick it

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Speaker 2: with us. It's going to have a really good time.

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Speaker 2: We're going to drink It's synco to fucking'd maaya. You know,

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Speaker 2: these two bitches love tequila. We've retired from from tequila

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Speaker 2: and touring, but for this this launch, I think we's

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Speaker 2: going to be It's going to be a tequila time. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Because I don't know if you've heard it.

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Speaker 1: Listen to our episode Rockstar Moms, but a Bitch is

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Speaker 1: we're falling apart on our last tour with the amount

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Speaker 1: of drinking that was happening. I don't have it in me,

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Speaker 1: but I'll say it to my own the fuck I do.

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Speaker 2: It's not only is it SA good to mile, It's

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Speaker 2: the first launch week of our book, our first book,

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Speaker 2: and we're gonna be in the Today Show. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: be Today Show.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on the Today Show tomorrow. So if

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Speaker 1: you're listening to this on Wednesday when we dropped this episode,

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Speaker 1: we are going to be on the Today Show in

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Speaker 1: the nine am hour, talking about our book, talking our shit,

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Speaker 1: really trying not to curse because we're not supposed to

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Speaker 1: do that. So we're gonna have to wrap up those

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Speaker 1: bitches and fucks. So just pray that a bitch figures

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Speaker 1: it out.

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Speaker 2: And then post us. I really want you guys to

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Speaker 2: post us on the Today Show and then tag us

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Speaker 2: so I could feel famous. I want to repost it.

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Speaker 2: So if you're a Today Show watcher and you're up

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Speaker 2: at nine am on the Eastern Standard time, you need

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Speaker 2: to get your phone out, not only turn to the channel,

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Speaker 2: get your phone out, tag us so I can repost

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Speaker 2: it and tell my mom, lick, Mom, I told you

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Speaker 2: I was famous. And then like maybe one of my

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Speaker 2: salty ass ex'es that I blocked. Will see it. This

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Speaker 2: is fact and be like, oh god, it shouldn't have

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Speaker 2: been such a disrespectful dickhead. Look at that famous fine

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Speaker 2: ass bitch. Now, okay, that's the toxic part of me talking.

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Speaker 1: When you come to our show too, if you want

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Speaker 1: to hang out with us, get the VIP ticket. The

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Speaker 1: VIP ticket comes with a book, comes with comes with

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Speaker 1: the book that we will sign right there and then

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Speaker 1: write whatever the fuck you want. I love you, I

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Speaker 1: want to look your titties. Whatever you want me to write,

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Speaker 1: I'll write it.

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Speaker 2: Don't say look your titties. I said, I'll write it.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do it. I might who knows? Who knows?

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Speaker 2: I know you might. You'll never know unless you come,

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Speaker 2: so you won't know if you get a little titty,

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Speaker 2: like maybe one titty. How do you like liking titties?

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Speaker 2: So it could happen. You never know.

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Speaker 1: I've been because our last tour, Jamila proposition like literally

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Speaker 1: like put us on the meat market on stage and

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Speaker 1: was just.

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Speaker 2: Like who wants to have a three times tonight.

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Speaker 1: Basically, and I was like, bitch, what the fuck. And

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Speaker 1: then we had hose, whispering in our ears at the

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Speaker 1: meat and green.

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Speaker 2: Like unicorn, I said, I said, a whisper.

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Speaker 1: If you risk your yeah, whispering in your Unicorn. I

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Speaker 1: had like five women like unicorn, Unicorn.

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Speaker 2: I know you show up, I know you show up

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Speaker 2: super fun and I'm censored. You know what I thought

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Speaker 2: about this? Okay, So I thought about this recently because

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Speaker 2: we went to we went to Mexico and they were like,

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Speaker 2: you don't like we got these cards pulled before we

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Speaker 2: did this ceremony and in preparation for our retreat that's

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Speaker 2: coming up, which was a beautiful ceremony. But one of

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Speaker 2: the cards was like, you don't have to be like

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Speaker 2: held on to the parts of you that you used

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Speaker 2: to be. And I was like, is God telling me

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Speaker 2: that I no longer need to identify as a party girl?

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Speaker 2: Is that what came to you? Is that what you

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Speaker 2: identify us? No, not necessarily, but there have been a

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Speaker 2: couple of times in my life. I went to therapy

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Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't give a fuck what

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Speaker 2: anybody thinks. And they're like, do you because you're saying

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Speaker 2: that adamantly and I was like, you shut up. But

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Speaker 2: I was just thinking about us, and I was thinking

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Speaker 2: about I do think that they're I mean, we've heard

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Speaker 2: it from other moms like I'm cool, but I'm not

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Speaker 2: as party as you or like I think because we

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Speaker 2: show up so honest and we tell a lot of

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Speaker 2: party stories, a lot of entertainment stories, not entertainment stories,

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Speaker 2: a lot of stories of our of our high funds,

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Speaker 2: and I think that people have this perception or can

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Speaker 2: have this perception of us that were like some wild

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Speaker 2: moms or you know or whatever. And then I was thinking,

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Speaker 2: like I hope like people don't hang out with us

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Speaker 2: and then they're like they're boring.

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Speaker 1: So is that why you feel like you got to

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Speaker 1: like I keep this persona going. No, you told everyone

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Speaker 1: to whisper fucking you to corny.

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Speaker 2: No. I was just saying, like the growth and like

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Speaker 2: the perception of us. And I had a show in DC.

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Speaker 2: We were at the club with some like we we're

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Speaker 2: those girls like there's an afterparty you meet us at

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Speaker 2: the table and this girl came up to me and

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Speaker 2: was like can I make can I I don't know.

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Speaker 2: She said she could three way make out with us,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, you have to ask my boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: I was like, go ask Erica. I don't know, but

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Speaker 2: I was actually and then she did. She came over

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Speaker 2: and asked me, and I was like, no, girl, no, no,

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Speaker 2: did I do it? I know? I asked Orlando. I

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Speaker 2: was again the tequila and the touring. This is why

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Speaker 2: we retired it because I got a little beside myself. Listen,

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Speaker 2: there could be a chance I might put my tongue

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Speaker 2: in your mouth. You never really know.

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Speaker 1: Have I made out with a fan or not, or

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Speaker 1: someone who listens to us, Yeah, yep, I have.

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Speaker 2: Oh bitch, you were there who.

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Speaker 1: Lando dying in the other room. Yeah, it's happened. You

387
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Speaker 1: know it has happened.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you just you just never know what could happen.

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Speaker 2: So this is so all that to say, don't expect

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Speaker 2: us to be super crazy party all the time. But

391
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Speaker 2: also you never know. I don't know. I can go

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Speaker 2: either way. It's it's yeah, yeah, it's gone either way

393
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Speaker 2: a lot of times. But don't don't hold us to that.

394
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Speaker 2: But it could happen, especially on a Friday. And that

395
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Speaker 2: is also the launch of our book that took two

396
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Speaker 2: years to write. That is also the day after we

397
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Speaker 2: were on the Today Show, which is also after it's

398
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Speaker 2: also syncle to Maya. It's a strong possibility anything's happened

399
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 2: and seem aligned. This is basically like we'll, we'll, we'll

400
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Speaker 2: wait listen.

401
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Speaker 1: You will get a free ship to Mexico. You will

402
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 1: get free ship. We might lick your tea. We also

403
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 1: might make out with you. You want a threesome, whisper

404
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Speaker 1: Unicorn like, this is our shameless bag.

405
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Speaker 2: This is making us seem like a prey, asperate asshole,

406
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 2: a tray of me at a at a party, the

407
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 2: pass around Trey. Just come take us so vulnerable, we'll

408
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,640
Speaker 2: be really happy and excited and friendly that day. Take

409
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 2: your chance. One thirty five dollar ticket can get you

410
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: a makeout with both of us. We might throw Orlando

411
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 2: into Oh my god, oh my goodness. That doesn't support

412
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 2: us turning a new leaf at all. But so basically

413
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 2: you are still a party of all and I still

414
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Speaker 2: might make out with you. So here we go. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Also, if you've been listening to the show for a

416
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Speaker 1: long time, than you know New York is very dangerous

417
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Speaker 1: place for us.

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Speaker 2: It's coordinates are coordinates make me crazy? I don't you know.

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Speaker 1: I never got my astro cartography writing from that hoe

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Speaker 1: that kept canceling on me, bitch, if you're listening, who

421
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Speaker 1: also took my money?

422
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Speaker 2: But I would like.

423
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Speaker 1: To say that I think there's something in my astrological

424
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Speaker 1: chart as it pertains to New York City and probably

425
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Speaker 1: yours as well. Maybe it's just bitches in general, because

426
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Speaker 1: I find that most of my friends when they go

427
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Speaker 1: to New York, they while the fuck out. I think

428
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Speaker 1: it's because there's fun on every corner. Birds of a

429
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: feather flock together, and you know, for the people that

430
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Speaker 1: are from New York and live there, they're like, I

431
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Speaker 1: don't like, it doesn't pertain to you because you're there

432
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Speaker 1: all the time. It's the travel there that don't know

433
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 1: how to act and you know, aka yeah. For much

434
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: of my singleness, I spent time in New York and

435
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 1: every single time, without fail, I was a hoe there.

436
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 2: I'm having a flash. But I'm just saying this. It

437
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 2: is stressing me out. I feel stress like I'm having

438
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 2: a specific thought. And I was just like, am I

439
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 2: a dumb bit? I had no?

440
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: We're fun, bitch, I had to fun, so much fun.

441
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: I've had so much fun in New York. It's just

442
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: one of my favorite cities. It's just fun on every corner.

443
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 2: There is a long I think I think that the

444
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,399
Speaker 2: like I think I thrive there too. There's like a

445
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,919
Speaker 2: there's an energy, there's an energy like I don't know

446
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 2: the men there, they just they just fuck with this.

447
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 2: They fuck with the scorpio energy. And there's like a

448
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 2: few cities that have like like an endless amount of

449
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 2: fine niggas. And it's New York, It's New Orleans. It's

450
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 2: those two. Yeah, it's New Orleans. Ne Orleans has fine niggas.

451
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 2: I don't know if they have jobs that they are

452
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 2: fine and they have those accents that throw you off

453
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,199
Speaker 2: and you're like, you want me to come home with you?

454
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 2: What'd you say? There's also a lot of bars in

455
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 2: those cities and Atlanta too. Atlanta gets you crazy because

456
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 2: every restaurant, even the regular restaurant, is the club the club. True.

457
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 2: I don't know. Atlanta is confusing, you know what. I

458
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 2: don't really know what you're gonna get there. I did

459
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: so much partying in Atlanta that I have a lot

460
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 2: of perpetrating in Atlanta, a lot. I'm all front I

461
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 2: think I expired fronts, all types of fronts happening. When

462
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 2: I went to Atlanta. This last time, I went out

463
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 2: by myself because I had to get out of the house.

464
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: And I went to meet cousin Chris, and we went

465
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 2: to dinner dinner, which is always the club Hokah hookah,

466
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 2: and then we went Then they're like, then they're like,

467
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 2: come to MJQ. Shout out to Goddess Jresse. I was like,

468
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 2: I must see my bitch. And they were also saying

469
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 2: that MJQ was about to move locations, and everybody knows

470
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,480
Speaker 2: the underground locations, the epic location. So I was like,

471
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: if it's the last time I can go, I have

472
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 2: to go right because I have fomo like so bad.

473
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 2: And then I went. I hung out and like I

474
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 2: smoked and you know, I partied and then I got

475
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 2: in the uber and I went home like a regular bitch. No, actually,

476
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: let me tell you. Let me this is Eric was

477
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 2: gonna get a kick out of this. I am so greedy.

478
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 2: I just want everyone to know the level of greed

479
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 2: that I go to. I take all my food home.

480
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 2: I know people think it's like getto but like I

481
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 2: if I literally it'll be a corner left on the plate,

482
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 2: Like I'll take it home. I went to dinner with

483
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 2: cousin Chris and his cousin who kept ordering shots, and

484
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 2: I was like, bitch, you're trying to get me fucked up.

485
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: I already got like erics like my mom like you

486
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 2: have to record in the morning, so don't stay up

487
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 2: too Like it's like, I'll be back. We get to

488
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 2: the club. Weber to the club. I had my like

489
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 2: doggy bag and I can't take it in the club.

490
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 2: Do you guys know did you go hide it so

491
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 2: you can get it? I hit it. I know you did.

492
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 2: There was a fence. There was a fence like this,

493
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 2: it was like somebody's house, and I like, I was like,

494
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 2: hold on. I put the bag over the fence. I

495
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 2: was like, it'll be fine. Went in the club, came

496
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 2: back out. I was like, oh, come with me across

497
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 2: the street. I gotta grab something. What is your food

498
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 2: scarcity problem? I don't know, like like I don't have

499
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 2: enough food as a child, Like I don't I gonna

500
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 2: ask about that. I don't remember starving as a child.

501
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,880
Speaker 2: And I don't know if we were always like plentiful,

502
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 2: but like it's extensive. And I took it home only

503
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 2: to leave it in the refrigerator. Where we were.

504
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: You always do this. You don't ever eat it. I

505
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: barely ever eat it, So it's just a.

506
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 2: But it's like that I'm gonna get high, I'm gonna

507
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 2: be looking for it and I'm gonna pissed and I

508
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 2: don't have those four bites. But anyway, I need to

509
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 2: get this. I needed to get as a psychologist about

510
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 2: not a psychologist is a psychic about that shit? You

511
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 2: need to figure out where you're supposed to thrive with locations.

512
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 2: That's a cardio what did you call it? A cartography

513
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,160
Speaker 2: cartography reading? A cartography reading for those of you who

514
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 2: know is it's gonna tell you your courded carto astrology

515
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 2: about where you're supposed to live and we're supposed.

516
00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: To live, or like where your vibration is highest, like yeah,

517
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: where places you should travel to.

518
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: Where your vibrations as hoists. Maybe you might find your

519
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 2: new future husband wife whatever lever. Yeah, yes, yes, I'm

520
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: sorry I got so thrown off at my dumbass food

521
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 2: story that I forgot I was talking about. Okay, anyway,

522
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 2: I thought it would be, Oh, you didn't eat the

523
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: food I forgot It was delicious of a shrimp and

524
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 2: risotto and I forgot it and Samia's refrigerator, so I

525
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: hope somebody ate it. Anyway, we thought it would be

526
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 2: a really cool idea. Last week we had our kids

527
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: come on for a little bit. If you guys didn't

528
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 2: catch it, it was really it was really heartfelt. And then

529
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,880
Speaker 2: we extended the episode in Patreon, so if you didn't

530
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 2: check out our Patreon, we're getting really we're dropping some

531
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: juicy shit over there. We also have a lot of

532
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 2: behind the scenes from the book that we'll also we'll

533
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 2: talk more about on Patreon. So it's going to be,

534
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 2: you know, a deep, deep dive. But I was thinking

535
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 2: that we could like, just like you pull Taro, Taro,

536
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 2: you should pull a card. But I was just I

537
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 2: just like did one of those with the book, and

538
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 2: then I just stopped somewhere and said, this is what

539
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 2: God wants me to read. Okay, Okay, did you find it? Yeah? Okay,

540
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 2: this is actually my part. So those of you who

541
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:43,879
Speaker 2: haven't ordered your book yet but you're doing it right

542
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: now as we speak, I just want you to know

543
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 2: that the book is we're co authors. So each chapter

544
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 2: you hear from me and then you hear from Erica

545
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 2: or Erica than me. I don't remember switches sometimes. It

546
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 2: switches sometimes, but it's we're going through the same parts

547
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 2: of our lives, but a lot of it is separately

548
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 2: because we didn't know each other for a long time motherhood,

549
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 2: during during our pregnancies, and our books and after motherhood,

550
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,879
Speaker 2: and so it's kind of Someone described it as the

551
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 2: A side and the B side to a cassette tape,

552
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 2: which I really liked, and she said she looked forward

553
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 2: to each story, and quite frankly, you can read each

554
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,119
Speaker 2: story simultaneously. You can read just Erica's and then you

555
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 2: can read just mine. It's two stories in one. Anyway,

556
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 2: it reminds me of the love below. I just don't

557
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 2: remember that. Oh yeah, this is the love below of books,

558
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: the love below of books. I'm I mean, no, I'm

559
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: I'm Andre. That'll be a big boy. That's cool. Actually,

560
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: before I get into this, let me light this backwood.

561
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 2: I rolled my favorite vanilla backwood, drizzled and honey before

562
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 2: I jump into this chapter. Because it gets a little

563
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 2: bit real. Let me let me let me hit my

564
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 2: my backwood real quick. I know.

565
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: There's nothing like a good smoke to set the vibes.

566
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: Because one thing about this book is it's tea, it's triggering,

567
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: it's funny, and weed helps, so I support this message.

568
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's it, let me hear it. Here you go. Oh, okay,

569
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: story time, Okay, let's get into it. Okay. So this

570
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 2: is this chapter is called fuck. I just had a baby,

571
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 2: And if you guys are expecting or you just had

572
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 2: a baby, this may resonate with you, or if you

573
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 2: were thinking about having one. Listen closely, my DearS m

574
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 2: About two weeks into motherhood, my baby daddy asked me

575
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 2: for some head and I almost lost my shit. Was

576
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: this what I had signed up to do for the

577
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 2: rest of my life? Supply others with me? I was pissed,

578
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 2: and suddenly all the type of a wife life felt

579
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 2: more like the Twilight Zone. I'm gonna do sound effects. Okay,

580
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 2: I think I used this reference twice because that's the

581
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: only scary, scary one I know. The word forever began

582
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 2: to ring and really sink in like a horror film.

583
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 2: I couldn't escape. Fuck, couldn't this motherfucker see see how

584
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 2: much I had just given, how my body and spirit

585
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 2: had just experienced something out of this fucking world. At

586
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 2: that moment I felt postpartum depression creeping in my back door.

587
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 2: I tried to fight it by jumping headfirst back into

588
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: my life. I literally took Luna to the mall at

589
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 2: seven days old, and a random stranger looked over at

590
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 2: me and said that newborn needs to be inside. I

591
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: was mad and ignored the fuck out of that woman.

592
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: Who was Who was this stranger? And was I already

593
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: a terrible mother? I went back to work with Luna

594
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 2: two weeks after giving birth. I even made it to

595
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: a New Year's Eve party four weeks postpartum, again with

596
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 2: Luna into and all of us in matching tuxedo outfits.

597
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: I was determined to preserve my old life, and honestly,

598
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 2: my my baby daddy mostly supported me in that. As

599
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 2: long as he was included in all my activities, I'm

600
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: a cool mom. You have to read. You have to

601
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 2: get the book to hear more. You won't hear those

602
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 2: sound effects. I know it's going to be devastating, so

603
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 2: you can imagine where that story goes. Okay, is it

604
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 2: my turn? If you're not watching on YouTube, you should.

605
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: I'm giving the vibrations to the book to deliver everyone

606
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 2: exactly the message they need to hear right now. Oh no,

607
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: this is your? Should I read? It? Should be mine

608
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: or yours? This is read You should read yours because

609
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: I already read mine. No, no, yeah, okay, here we go.

610
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 2: Her chapter is this is fuck. I just had a baby?

611
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 2: Is the same one you're just running? Yeah? Okay, mmm hmm.

612
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 2: Let's see.

613
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: A week before my due date, we set the inducement

614
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: for April twenty fourth, twenty fifteen. Doctor c Section said

615
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: it was better to set a date to make sure

616
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: a hospital bed would be ready for me. She told

617
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 1: me that waiting any longer than seven days after my

618
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: due date would make the probability of a natural birth

619
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 1: much lower. Fear mongering was her specialty, and I felt

620
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: myself falling into her trap. I went home that day

621
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: and had a little talk with baby Girl in her

622
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: new room. Over the past few months, I had meticulously

623
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 1: prepared her space, and the final touch was the rocking chair,

624
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: where I spent many days deciding what she.

625
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 2: Would look like. My mom had told me that she

626
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 2: did the same with me, and I came out looking

627
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: exactly as she manifested, big curly hair, her daddy's eyes,

628
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 2: chocolate skin, dimples, and my lips were what I imagined

629
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 2: for Iri Jane. But this time, as I rock back

630
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 2: and forth, I visualized my water breaking in the shower,

631
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 2: me giving birth quickly and beady catching our baby. As

632
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 2: I envisioned what I wanted, I felt overwhelmed with panic.

633
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 2: Could I do this? I had spent so much time

634
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 2: preparing everything else that I hadn't really thought about the

635
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 2: details of my birth. Oh my god, this baby has

636
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 2: to get out of me somehow, right? Will she break

637
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 2: my pussy? What if I can't push her out? Maybe?

638
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: Will they have to use that section thingy that makes

639
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 2: newborn heads look like coneheads? What if she suddenly goes breach?

640
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 2: Could I die during childbirth? Yep? Could she? At the time,

641
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 2: I had no idea that black women are three times

642
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 2: more likely to die during childbirth than white women. And

643
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 2: thank god I didn't, because I would have spiraled even more.

644
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 2: My thoughts started to go dark, and so I just

645
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,960
Speaker 2: stopped thinking about the birth and hope for the best.

646
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 2: The well informed woman I am today wishes I could

647
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: offer that previous version of myself a hug and tell

648
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,959
Speaker 2: her to keep going. To keep envisioning what she wanted.

649
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,479
Speaker 2: I wish I could tell her that manifesting and believing

650
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 2: in her capabilities would be her superpower, and that she

651
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: could do this exactly the way she wanted. Back then,

652
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: I called b D nine one one and told him

653
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 2: to come over immediately and fuck me nine one one.

654
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: What is this the nineties? A beeper nine? Come fuck me, nigga,

655
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 2: I need to get fucked take this baby out. That's

656
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 2: actually a really good way.

657
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, you know it was. The fucking didn't help, No,

658
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 1: sure did it. Neither did the salad that they told

659
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: me I should eat with some sort of special ingredients

660
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: or some shit. But yeah, I think about that time

661
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 1: in my life often because I didn't get to have

662
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: the birthing experience that I know for sure my body

663
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: was capable of having. You know, I I was really

664
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: robbed of that experience, and you know, I didn't have

665
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: the where all to advocate for myself at the time,

666
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: especially being the only mom in the group. I didn't

667
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 1: know Jamie yet, so I didn't have my my friend

668
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: who who had these these I guess these tools that

669
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 1: she didn't even know. She had to just say, no,

670
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: I'm this is what the fuck I'm doing? Even after

671
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: doing the research, even after watching the business of being born,

672
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: doing all the things, I still questioned.

673
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: My body's capabilities. And it's it's one of my big

674
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: probably one of my biggest regrets of my life, to

675
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 2: be honest, is not staying true to what I wanted,

676
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 2: because ultimately I was robbed at that experience. And I

677
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,839
Speaker 2: do blame my doctor for that. She was careless and

678
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 2: she wanted to check period and she got it. I mean,

679
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 2: and that's the thing I think people, I mean, thankfully,

680
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 2: like you said in that chapter, it is like I

681
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 2: didn't know that I was three times likely to die either,

682
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 2: and thank fucking God, because it's already like so scary

683
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 2: and there's all it's already the unknown. And we were

684
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,839
Speaker 2: pretty young, you know. I was twenty six, you were

685
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 2: twenty seven. And when you get put it like when

686
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 2: it's you're vulnerable when you're giving birth, you know, like

687
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 2: think about an animal who like goes to take hiding,

688
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 2: you know, goes to retreat when they're giving birth, except

689
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 2: there's not a bunch of medical doctors intervening. But you know,

690
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 2: you are vulnerable, and people tell you what they think

691
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 2: is gonna you know, speed it up or whatever. And

692
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 2: even for me, my birth didn't go exactly how I

693
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 2: wanted to go. And granted I had to go into

694
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 2: labor early and be induced, and I did get to

695
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 2: deliver naturally because I finally just gave in with the epidoral.

696
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 2: But I can only imagine how you feel, you know,

697
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 2: because even I want to redo and I want to

698
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 2: do it at home and like, you know, do it

699
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 2: the way I want to do it. But I think

700
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 2: ultimately to you guys, it's like having the tools is

701
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 2: super important. Advocating for yourself and trusting your body is

702
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 2: super important. But I always say this, but like birth

703
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 2: can truly be orgasmic and it can truly be a

704
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: rite of passage, and it's supposed to empower you. You know.

705
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 2: This is like really like where like you transform your

706
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 2: superpowers like Transformers, like the Power Rangers is because like,

707
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: once you give birth and you get through that, you're like, bitch,

708
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 2: I could do anything, And it really doesn't matter how

709
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 2: you bring the baby, you know, to Earth's side, you know, vaginally, epidural,

710
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 2: no epidural, scyrian, however way you do it. Motherhood is

711
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 2: once you start on this path of motherhood, it's a huge.

712
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: You know it is. It is a rite of passage.

713
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 2: But I really hope that people hear our stories and

714
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: understand how important it is to advocate for yourself and

715
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 2: that you choose a partner that will do the same

716
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,959
Speaker 2: for you, and that you are really educated and empowered

717
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 2: before going into the hospital, because it's a game changer,

718
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,399
Speaker 2: and they will they will trick you, and they will

719
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 2: try you. And like even me, we had different Earth's experiences,

720
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 2: but I had a very specific birth plan written out.

721
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 2: I made them copy it, made xeroxes and give them

722
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 2: to every nurse on fucking shift. I was there for

723
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,839
Speaker 2: three days and I one of the things I said

724
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 2: is don't offer me medical any medicine, And what do

725
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 2: they do for your medicine immediately? And you're vulnerable and

726
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 2: you're like whatever, I took the time to meticulously write

727
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 2: out this birth plan and you're fucking going against it.

728
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: But it doesn't you know, in that time, people want

729
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 2: you to get the fuck out the bed so they

730
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 2: can make room for another one. And you know you

731
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 2: it is a business, and I I just I hope

732
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: that other black women, I hope this information doesn't scare you,

733
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 2: but it empowers you to just you know, do what's

734
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 2: right for you. And sometimes that's against what your partner says,

735
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 2: it's against what your mom says, and you got to

736
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 2: kind of like sit in whatever your intuition says for

737
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 2: you and just reminder that our bodies are made to

738
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:45,280
Speaker 2: do this, and they can do this, and it's they're capable.

739
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 2: And you know, the doctor will tell you a bunch

740
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 2: of shit, the baby's too big, you too small, your

741
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 2: pelvis is too tiny, but you know, look at this

742
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: pelvis pushed out a baby, so you know, just keep

743
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 2: that in mind.

744
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 1: I also like something you said really resonated with me

745
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,959
Speaker 1: that I want more women, specifically mothers, to understand because

746
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: I think that a lot of moms that have given birth,

747
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: they're tired, They have all these things right where they

748
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: feel like they it is a rite of passage, absolutely,

749
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:20,720
Speaker 1: but I think mothers oftentimes they don't feel empowered after birth.

750
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: They don't feel like I can do anything.

751
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: You can do anything.

752
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:31,399
Speaker 1: You literally created life. You can do anything. So if

753
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: you right now are feeling stuck, if you're feeling ashamed,

754
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: if you're feeling less than, if you're feeling unattractive, you

755
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: can do anything. Literally you created life. And for the

756
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 1: women that you know choose not to create life, cannot

757
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: create life. Whatever the cases may be, it does not matter.

758
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: We are women period. We are life creators, whether that

759
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 1: is from the womb, from this womb, from this womb,

760
00:38:58,360 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: from this womb.

761
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 2: We are the creators. Don't you fucking forget that. And

762
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 2: for those of you who are listening, she pointed to

763
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 2: both our womb, our heart, and our heads.

764
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, these are all wombs. Shout out to Queen of Fua,

765
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: who really pointed that out to me. It was something

766
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,760
Speaker 1: that I never even really considered. And it's absolutely true.

767
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of shame too for

768
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:20,399
Speaker 1: the women that that can't have children that you.

769
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 2: Know, they that they're they're broken. And that's not that

770
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 2: they are less than.

771
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 1: They are less than that, they are somehow less than

772
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: in their in their womanhood and their femininity, and and

773
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 1: there are so many other ways that we birth that

774
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 1: are equally as powerful and a rite of passage in itself.

775
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: So I just want I want you to really really

776
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,800
Speaker 1: know that, because a lot of people will tell you different,

777
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 1: whether that is your partner, your mother, Maybe you've made

778
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: some bad choices that have put you in a position

779
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: where you feel fucked up.

780
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 2: You create a life, bitch. You can get out of it.

781
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 2: You can get out of anything. And then I think,

782
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 2: you know, even for that that that chapter that I

783
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 2: just read, I read a lot of books that empowered me.

784
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 2: And that's why I kind of really I initially planned

785
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,280
Speaker 2: on giving unassisted home birth, like I did. I couldn't

786
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 2: afford a midwife, and I was like, fuck it, I'm

787
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: gonna do it with my friend's mama, and I was

788
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 2: confident in that. And I mean, obviously there was fear,

789
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 2: but like it was, there was less fear doing it

790
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,360
Speaker 2: at home unassisted than there was going to the hospital.

791
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 2: And I ended up having to go to the hospital

792
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 2: and I ended up getting an epidural, and I ended

793
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 2: up like all these things like that interrupted the flow

794
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 2: of what I wanted to have. They almost broke me.

795
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,479
Speaker 2: And to the point where you know, we're talking about

796
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 2: feeling empowered in birth, which you know socially that's not

797
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,720
Speaker 2: what you're going to hear. You see, you see images

798
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 2: of women crying and in pain and all these things.

799
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 2: It's never anything a positive experience until after the baby

800
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: is born. Like you don't we don't see birth associated

801
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:54,280
Speaker 2: with pleasure. We don't see birth associated with feeling empowered.

802
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 2: And I felt I felt adequate in my body before,

803
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 2: you know, even before going into the hospit. But those

804
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:05,759
Speaker 2: two days after, yo, I was like, oh no, no, no, no,

805
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 2: I'm broken. I felt like I just felt like a

806
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 2: like a push, like a pin, like a a pincushion.

807
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 2: I like, people come in and out the hospital, popping

808
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 2: your legs open, push probing you, putting things to, connecting

809
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 2: things to you, waking you up, giving you medicine. You

810
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 2: didn't even know what it was that you didn't asked for,

811
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 2: making you go to the bathroom like you Like I,

812
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 2: if I didn't know better, I would be like, this

813
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 2: is the opposite of a of a of a come,

814
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 2: of a rite of passage. This is trying to break me.

815
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: And when I went home even I was just like

816
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 2: even with the baby, like I wanted to breastfeed and

817
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 2: she would just it was just it felt overwhelming, like

818
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,400
Speaker 2: everyone was taking from me and I wasn't even human anymore.

819
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 2: And nobody talks about that. And you know, to the

820
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 2: point where I just talked about my baby daddy asking

821
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 2: me for some head and I literally felt like that

822
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 2: was the bottom. I was like, oh my god, I've

823
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:01,360
Speaker 2: fucked myself. Everyone expects me and I didn't have anything

824
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 2: to give after something so incredibly life changing, and it

825
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 2: felt draining at the time. And luckily I had the

826
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 2: tools to kind of like rebuild myself up and even

827
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 2: if it was a slow process, and you know, for us,

828
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 2: it took us like starting this podcast, you know, I

829
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 2: felt like like I felt myself wither away slowly, like

830
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 2: everybody was taking for me. And I feel like a

831
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 2: lot of moms feel that, you know, like if you're

832
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 2: you know, running a household and being a wife and

833
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 2: you're being a mother, and you have all these expectations,

834
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,839
Speaker 2: because God forbid, you don't suck dick and make dinner

835
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 2: by eight, you're a terrible human being. You know. It's like,

836
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 2: we there's so much pressure put on us to deliver

837
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,919
Speaker 2: in a certain, you know, pretty little box, and it's

838
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 2: just not realistic. And I just I hope if anyone's

839
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,359
Speaker 2: listening to this and they're pregnant or they just gave

840
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: birth and they're feeling alone and they're feeling like why

841
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: do I feel this way? And everybody on the internet

842
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 2: is smiling, looking happy as fuck. It's a lie. Okay,

843
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 2: everybody goes through this. Motherhood is not some easy transition

844
00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 2: and a lot of times you will feel high and

845
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 2: you will feel low, and that is normal. And I

846
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,879
Speaker 2: think there's a lot of guilt associated with feeling low

847
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,279
Speaker 2: because you're like, I just gave births to this beautiful bay,

848
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 2: supposed to be happy and grateful, and it's like, no,

849
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,800
Speaker 2: you're a human, bitch, and that shit is a lot.

850
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 2: It's some alien like shit that takes place, and it's

851
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 2: and you know, even if you've done it multiple times,

852
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 2: it's still huge. It's a huge. Not a setback, but

853
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 2: it's a huge shift. And so honor that and give

854
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 2: yourself grace and in space to feel multiple ways at

855
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: one time. Yeah.

856
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 1: And this is as you know, for mothers that have

857
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 1: already that have had multiple children, or if you're just

858
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: becoming a mom, like, this is where you this is

859
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 1: where the boundaries come in. This is where you tell

860
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: your partner, no, not today. And I really hope that

861
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 1: we can encourage more men to do more research around motherhood.

862
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 1: I want to encourage men to read this book.

863
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 2: Give this to the new dads too, so that you.

864
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,759
Speaker 1: Know how to support your partner so that you know

865
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: what questions to ask, so you know what the signs

866
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 1: to look out for, and postpartum where you're like, why

867
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: is my partner such a bitch? Why is she not

868
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 1: want to have sex with me anymore? Like it's been

869
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: a year, Like get over it, you know, Like these

870
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 1: are things. There's a lot of things in here that

871
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,279
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to vocalize at the time. I

872
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: did not know how to tell my partner certain things.

873
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: I didn't know why I felt certain things because I

874
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: thought I was supposed to be happy, you know, And

875
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: and now looking back, I obviously have more tools now

876
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: to express this. But it's just it's a beautiful, terrifying, exhilarating,

877
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 1: life changing experience, is what motherhood is. And there's a

878
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: lot of glory in it.

879
00:44:54,320 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 2: But there is a lot of sadness sometimes, you know,

880
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 2: and it does get better, It does get better. And

881
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 2: you know, I think sometimes people, you know, look at

882
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 2: our podcast or look at moms talking badly and I

883
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,399
Speaker 2: put them putting air quotes out about their kid or

884
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 2: or the even you know, we had Jessica Rose on

885
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 2: the show months ago and she was saying how she

886
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 2: regrets motherhood. That she doesn't regret. She regrets the role,

887
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 2: the role that.

888
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: She's had to play in another hood, like this unexpected

889
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: role that she as a woman has to play as

890
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: a mom. And I think so many women resonate with that,

891
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,680
Speaker 1: but feel horrible for saying.

892
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 2: That out loud. The anxiety that automatically comes that is

893
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 2: inherited when you give birth. There's an anxiety that doesn't

894
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 2: that exists that no longer, that didn't exist before. You're

895
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 2: constantly worried about this other person and if you're doing

896
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 2: a good enough job, and if they're getting what they need,

897
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 2: and like even in the early stages of motherhood is like,

898
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 2: oh my god, am I going to drop her and

899
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 2: she's gonna die? Like these are regular thoughts. It's like

900
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 2: almost preparing you to catch her if she falls. But

901
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 2: it's there's no aftercare for moms that enter into this

902
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 2: new phase of their life. Everything is poured into the child,

903
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,760
Speaker 2: the baby shower. You get tons and tons of shit

904
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: for this baby. The mom gets nothing. This is for

905
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 2: the mom. This book, this book that we wrote for real,

906
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 2: This book is for the mom. This is for the

907
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 2: pregnant mom. This is for the I'm thinking about maybe

908
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 2: being a mom. This is for the I'm not having

909
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 2: any more kids mom. This is for the I'm getting

910
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 2: a divorce mom. This is for the married mom who

911
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 2: feels alone. Like literally, A lot of mom books are

912
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 2: basic and they tell you about how to care for

913
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 2: your kid, but a lot of them don't tell you

914
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 2: how to care for yourself. So if you're looking for

915
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 2: a place to feel normal and whatever transition you're going

916
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 2: in going through in motherhood or in womanhood, rather, this

917
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 2: book is for you. This book is to say, drop

918
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 2: all that shit and here's how you tap into yourself.

919
00:46:54,480 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 2: You're welcome. Did you pull a card? I did? I

920
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 2: don't know what this one means. It's a five of

921
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 2: swords and there's a man facing the other way. There's

922
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 2: a man facing the ocean that looks like a bay

923
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,839
Speaker 2: or an ocean. They're all facing away except this one

924
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,400
Speaker 2: man with his three swords looks like he's one. But

925
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 2: I don't know. Oh no, I don't like it. I

926
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 2: don't like it. Canys pick another one? No, you can't.

927
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 2: This is not for us. This is for somebody listening.

928
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 2: This is for someone listening. I don't resonate with this

929
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: The Five of Swords turns up when you have had

930
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,879
Speaker 2: a falling out, disagreement, or conflict, and you're walking away

931
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 2: with a sense of sadness or loss. You may be

932
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 2: upset and resentful over the heated words you said and

933
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 2: now wish you could take back bad blood, and a

934
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 2: generally ickiness hang general general ickiness hangover as you, over you,

935
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 2: as you are reallyations have turned sour. Even if you won't,

936
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 2: won't if you wow, can ive you a wall? If

937
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 2: you want wall, won't give it to me? Give it

938
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 2: to me like I couldn't. I can help that. Even

939
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 2: if you wanted the argument or came out of the

940
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 2: apparent victor, you realize that you have lost as much

941
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: or more than your opponent. This battle has cost you trust, respect,

942
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 2: or dignity, and isolated you. As you try to pick

943
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 2: up the pieces and set the conflict behind you, you

944
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,439
Speaker 2: find it's more difficult than you thought. Others have lost

945
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 2: faith in you and are keeping their distance. You will

946
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 2: need to decide whether your point of view is so

947
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 2: important to you that you're willing to put your relationship

948
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 2: in jeopardy, or if you can compromise and see ey

949
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 2: to eye. Sometimes you don't need to compromise. I mean,

950
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 2: this obviously is saying that maybe you went too hard,

951
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 2: but you know, maybe it's maybe it's about the judgment

952
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 2: of yourself. M you know, like really like you've you've

953
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 2: betrayed yourself in ways. That's kind of like what I'm

954
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 2: getting from it. Not necessarily, you know, outwardly, but inwardly.

955
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:11,480
Speaker 2: Choosing your battles wisely and in much way of the

956
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 2: battles wisely is a much better way of life than

957
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 2: engaging in every disagreement. Not only will it lead you

958
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 2: to more peaceful existence, but your interpersonal relationships are likely

959
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,040
Speaker 2: to come out stronger. I mean, I think sometimes it's

960
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:25,399
Speaker 2: like we pick ourselves apart. You know, everything is like, oh,

961
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 2: you said the wrong thing, and I do this like

962
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 2: you did the wrong thing, You're not doing it enough,

963
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 2: Like that inner voice is harsh and sometimes it's just

964
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: not that serious. Like you know, we fuck up. You

965
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: know we say this a lot, but beating yourself up

966
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: after the fuck up extensively is really not It doesn't

967
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 2: really shift anything or change or make anything better except

968
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 2: make you feel worse, and it's harder to get past

969
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 2: it and too the next point, so you know, I

970
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 2: think in motherhood is one of those things we're constantly

971
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 2: picking ourselves apart and how could we deliver, how could

972
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 2: we show up? And if you fucking got to the

973
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 2: soccer game, and like I spoil my kid just out

974
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 2: of just out of pure I don't want to traumatize you.

975
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 2: And I can like like she's throwing a fit. She

976
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,760
Speaker 2: wants ramen and or sushi, and it's fucking like I'm like, fine,

977
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:16,759
Speaker 2: fuck it, I'm gonna give you a sushi. Like you're

978
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 2: such a brat, Like okay, but it's just like sometime

979
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 2: like you're doing a good job. You're a human. Pick

980
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 2: the battles that you choose with yourself, you know, like

981
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 2: love yourself, love on yourself like so much so then

982
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 2: other people will know how to love on you and

983
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,320
Speaker 2: pick your battles wisely. Even when it comes to you,

984
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 2: stop obsessing over things that you cannot change. Boo. You

985
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 2: can't change some shit and sometimes you're not supposed to

986
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 2: change them. You're supposed to shift and be a different person.

987
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean that you beat yourself up over them.

988
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,320
Speaker 1: And even if it's even if it's not the battles

989
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 1: with you, it's so it sounds like this card too,

990
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: is like how do you react to certain things? Like

991
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 1: I think about my relationship with even like my mom

992
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: for example, and how it's it's shifted.

993
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 2: Over the years.

994
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: Like, yes, there's times in which I can you know,

995
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: moms where they know how to they know how to

996
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: trigger the fuck out of you, okay.

997
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 2: And they know how to do it.

998
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,240
Speaker 1: And I was telling this, I was having this conversation

999
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: the other day and I was saying, God, you know,

1000
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,879
Speaker 1: like I look at my daughter and there's some there's

1001
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 1: certain times, a lot of times where I'm just like,

1002
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to say mean to her, but like

1003
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is what it is like because

1004
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,839
Speaker 1: I said, so, that's why, you know, and I don't

1005
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: think that that idea and that energy always just changes

1006
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 1: as your child grows up. And I think a lot

1007
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: of times adult keep, adult kids and adult parents that

1008
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 1: dynamic still exists where that parent doesn't really give a

1009
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 1: fuck what they're what they're saying to you because they're

1010
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: your mom and they're going to tell you how the

1011
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: fuck it is, and doesn't they don't really give a

1012
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:48,799
Speaker 1: fuck about your feelings. Kind of like what we do

1013
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: with our kids, like, this is what it is. I'm

1014
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: telling you this because if I don't tell you, someone else.

1015
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 2: Is going to tell you, you know.

1016
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 1: And my reaction used to be combative all the time.

1017
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: And you know, me and my mom had this disagreement

1018
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 1: the other day. It wasn't even a disagreement.

1019
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 2: It was just like she said something that made me

1020
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 2: have mom guilt and go. We were in Mexico.

1021
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 1: No oh no, no, she said that maybe had mom

1022
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: like she said like she was going to take Iri home.

1023
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 1: And we just got back from Mexico and I was

1024
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:28,399
Speaker 1: home for one day and then my room was coming

1025
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 1: over and she was like, I'll take with Iri too,

1026
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 1: I'll take Iri.

1027
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 2: Do you want to take Iri? Do you want me to

1028
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 2: take Iri tonight? And I'll take her to school since

1029
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 2: he's coming. You haven't seen each each other in a

1030
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 2: long time. And I was like, okay, cool. So then

1031
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 2: we went to dinner and we were eating and then

1032
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 2: we're about to leave, and then she was like, you,

1033
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 2: you know, you've been gone a lot. You've been gone

1034
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 2: a lot, you were gone, you just were back and

1035
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 2: now like basically saying like maybe you should take her,

1036
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 2: Maybe you should take her. But I was like you're

1037
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 2: the one who even brought disgusted this. You know.

1038
00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 1: Oh, I know why because Iri had to sleep over

1039
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 1: the night before her friend's house. So I had had

1040
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 1: her for one night and then she went and had

1041
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 1: to sleep over at her friend's house and then my

1042
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 1: mom was going.

1043
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,959
Speaker 2: To take her. So I was just like, don't do that. Okay. Well,

1044
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 2: and so then I said I or do you want

1045
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 2: to come home with me? And she was like yeah,

1046
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: and I was like cool. So I just came home

1047
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 2: and she's like is she coming with me? And I

1048
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 2: was like no, No. She was like why and I

1049
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 2: was like it's fine, We're just gonna go home. But

1050
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 2: there any other time I'd be like, well, this is why.

1051
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 2: And then we got on. Then she texted me later

1052
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 2: like what what happened? Ah, and I was like, well, honestly,

1053
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 2: my mom guilt creeped in because of the comment that

1054
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 2: you made, you know, And so I decided to pivot,

1055
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 2: and she was like I could tell she wanted to

1056
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 2: like kind of like go back and forth with me

1057
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 2: about it, and I just like kept kept it as

1058
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 2: you know what, Mom, It's fine, it's all good.

1059
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 1: I figured it out, Like I didn't really appreciate that

1060
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:54,919
Speaker 1: since she offered to take her. But it's cool.

1061
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 2: We figured it out. And that was hard for me

1062
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 2: because I really wanted to say, like, what was the

1063
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:03,360
Speaker 2: what was the purpose of this? You just wanted to

1064
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 2: hurt my feelings? Like do you just want to hurt

1065
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,279
Speaker 2: my feelings? Or you just had this feeling and you

1066
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 2: just couldn't shut the fuck up, so you just felt

1067
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 2: the need to say it, you know. And and and

1068
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 2: that's what it is.

1069
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 1: A lot of times moms, not just my mom, I'm

1070
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 1: a mom as well, we just want to say what

1071
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: the fuck we want to say.

1072
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: We don't want to shut the fuck up because we're

1073
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 2: the parent, you know.

1074
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: And I have to remember that in these moments when

1075
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:28,120
Speaker 1: I re grows up, like trying to remember how this

1076
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 1: makes me feel and to not.

1077
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 2: Do that do that you know, yeah, yeah, my mom

1078
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 2: does that a lot. And you know, it's interesting, I

1079
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 2: think even in motherhood, you know, like happy birthday, you're

1080
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 2: an eight year old mom today, thank you. You know,

1081
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 2: eight years is not that long in the game, but

1082
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 2: there it takes. There's like a great there's a period

1083
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 2: that it to get confident in it and to really

1084
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 2: like be like, hey, that wasn't cool, like even to

1085
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,360
Speaker 2: your own mom, you know, and like even set boundaries

1086
00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 2: with your own mom and you know, and with your

1087
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,399
Speaker 2: kid and with other people, and there takes a time

1088
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 2: we're like, damn, do I even know what I'm doing?

1089
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 2: I should just blindly take this advice and then feel

1090
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:07,360
Speaker 2: guilty or harbor this guilt because my mom said this,

1091
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 2: you know, or my grandmother said this, or this person

1092
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:12,400
Speaker 2: said this, and it's just like a part of this,

1093
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 2: a part of this work as mom's is also shifting

1094
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 2: the things that you didn't appreciate or didn't contribute positively

1095
00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 2: to you as you were growing up. And you know,

1096
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm going through some shit with my

1097
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 2: mom right now. And it's just like I've had to

1098
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:31,400
Speaker 2: create a lot of boundaries and feeling bad about it

1099
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 2: in ways like it's it is your mom, and it's

1100
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 2: someone who's raised you and they fed you and they

1101
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:37,879
Speaker 2: cared for you. And it's just like even like we're

1102
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 2: all human and moms, I've really recognized how much I've

1103
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:44,280
Speaker 2: had to be the mom, be the parent to my parents.

1104
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:47,719
Speaker 2: Like you guys are immature, Wow, Like are you in

1105
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,359
Speaker 2: high school? And it's like maybe still meant like emotionally,

1106
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:55,719
Speaker 2: spiritually they may be, and it's just like it's it's

1107
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:59,879
Speaker 2: this again, standing in who you are and what you're

1108
00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 2: doing and recognizing that sometimes if you being the bigger person,

1109
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 2: is just being like okay, cool, all right, or like

1110
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 2: you know what, like she's not coming over there anymore.

1111
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 2: You're doing stuff that I don't do in my household.

1112
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 2: And I love you, and you know we love you,

1113
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,239
Speaker 2: but this is where we're going to pivot. This is

1114
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,319
Speaker 2: where this shit's going to shift, because you did this

1115
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 2: to me, and you're not about to do this to

1116
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 2: my kid, and you're not going to continue to do

1117
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:24,879
Speaker 2: this to me. So and you know, there's even guilt

1118
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 2: in that.

1119
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: You know, absolutely, And I think about I was thinking

1120
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 1: about this situation actually today and I was like, she

1121
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: didn't even apologize after I told her, like what you

1122
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 1: said like hurt my feelings and clearly totally shifted what

1123
00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 1: was the plan even though you offered the plan? And

1124
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, God, like that has been a

1125
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: theme in my relationship with my mom, is her lack

1126
00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 1: of apologies because she's not sorry, you know, and like

1127
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:53,800
Speaker 1: she's not gonna apologize if she doesn't think she's sorry.

1128
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: And I'm the child, you know, whether or not I'm

1129
00:56:57,640 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 1: in my thirties or not.

1130
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 2: And I think.

1131
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: About, you know, my daughter, and I'm just like man,

1132
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:07,919
Speaker 1: I am making a vow to myself that even when

1133
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 1: I am not sorry, if I see that my daughter

1134
00:57:10,640 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 1: was hurt by something, I will try to do my

1135
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 1: best to at least to acknowledge it. You know what,

1136
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 1: you know, it's not always going to be perfect.

1137
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 2: And this is not a slight to my mother. She

1138
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 2: has been a great mother.

1139
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 1: And I think that because I have shared my experiences

1140
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 1: in my childhood and like some of them have been

1141
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: difficult for me and my relationship with my with my

1142
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 1: father and and and even my relationship with her, she

1143
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:42,960
Speaker 1: has this kind of blanketed and like blanketed vision or

1144
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 1: perception that I think my childhood was shitty and which

1145
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,440
Speaker 1: is not the truth. Did I have shitty moments in

1146
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 1: my childhood?

1147
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 2: Yes?

1148
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,400
Speaker 1: Are there things that affected me in my childhood? Yes,

1149
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 1: that is life, That is any person's experience. Everybody's going

1150
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 1: to have trump. But we take motherhood, our mothering so personal,

1151
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: and I and I get it. And I'm only at

1152
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 1: the I'm only an eight year old mother. I only

1153
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 1: know as much as I know, so I can. I'm

1154
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 1: only in the very beginning of this journey, and she's

1155
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 1: much wiser than me, so she understands more than I do.

1156
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:17,920
Speaker 1: But I think about just like just being able to acknowledge,

1157
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,959
Speaker 1: being able to acknowledge when you've hurt your child, whether

1158
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 1: or not you mentor or not, and being able to

1159
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 1: at least have the conversation about it and not sweep

1160
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 1: it under the rug and just say, Okay.

1161
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 2: I'm the adult, the I'm the parent. But honestly, Erica,

1162
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 2: the truth is is like and to a lot of

1163
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 2: you listening too, is that for a lot of us,

1164
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 2: we have we have consciously evolved emotionally much more than

1165
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 2: our parents have. I think, you know, we're in a

1166
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 2: different time. We have access to a lot of there's

1167
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 2: a lot of mental health comparing, a lot more information.

1168
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 1: You have so much more so, many more options and

1169
00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 1: perspectives to choose and pick from.

1170
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 2: And and you know, some people take it, some people don't.

1171
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 2: I'm not saying we're perfect different like mom, like, no,

1172
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,160
Speaker 2: you know, and you know and Mom, you know a

1173
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 2: lot more than me, you do. I acknowledge that, But

1174
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 2: it's also just about even in it, like I've had

1175
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 2: to be soft with my mom in times like I

1176
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 2: wanted to be like bitch, bitch, you know, and like

1177
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 2: me and my mom have had like a very up

1178
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 2: and down relationship, and you know, like I don't want

1179
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 2: to be like cursing my mom out and I don't

1180
00:59:26,200 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 2: want to be cursed out by my mom. That's not

1181
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 2: what I expire aspire for. But you know, a part

1182
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: of it is just recognizing, like in ways that she

1183
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 2: hasn't developed, like emotionally, and it's harder for her to

1184
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 2: say sorry. She's come from parents who probably didn't apologize,

1185
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 2: and she hasn't had to do a lot of apologizing.

1186
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 2: And so even for me, like apologizing is not my

1187
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 2: strong point. And so I understand her in ways, and

1188
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:53,120
Speaker 2: I but I also understand that we are living in

1189
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 2: a space where we're constantly evaluating ourselves and constantly trying

1190
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 2: to show up as better versions of ourselves, even if

1191
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 2: we're not, you know, hitting all the points all the time.

1192
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 2: Because a bitch can go off the go off, you know,

1193
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 2: but it is it is very well possible that you,

1194
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:15,160
Speaker 2: as the child, can be the shift, even if it's gentle,

1195
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,160
Speaker 2: just gentle. They hear it, they hear, they see, they feel.

1196
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 2: She knows, she knows she did it, she knows what

1197
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:22,280
Speaker 2: she did. She And I think sometimes when you're not

1198
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 2: competitive and you're not snapping back and you they start

1199
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 2: to notice that you are reacting differently, then they don't

1200
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 2: have a choice but to also follow. The narrative is

1201
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 2: that I'm overly sensitive.

1202
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:36,680
Speaker 1: That's always been the that's always been the go to

1203
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:37,920
Speaker 1: whenever I have a problem.

1204
01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 2: You're, oh, you're so sensitive, you're sensitive. Yeah, you birth

1205
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 2: the sensitive child, like you did, and so now you

1206
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,760
Speaker 2: have to deal with it, and now you have to

1207
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 2: figure out how to parent me the sensitive child, you know,

1208
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:53,320
Speaker 2: And I think as parents, as parents, we often don't.

1209
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,520
Speaker 2: We're like, I don't want to deal with that. We'll

1210
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 2: figure it out, We'll like, stop being so sensitive, Like

1211
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 2: that's just not within my that's not who I am.

1212
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 2: I'm a sensitive person. I feel a lot of things,

1213
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 2: and I am considerate.

1214
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: I don't ever want to feel like I'm a burden

1215
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:11,800
Speaker 1: to anyone. That's Oh, it's been extremely challenging for me

1216
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 1: to ask for help.

1217
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 2: It's been extremely challenging me for to ask for help,

1218
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 2: even for my family.

1219
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: And and it's just like, you know, knowing these things,

1220
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:30,000
Speaker 1: it's like sometimes I feel sometimes I feel like they're

1221
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 1: used against me in ways they are.

1222
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 2: And instead of just saying okay, I don't really understand

1223
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:38,439
Speaker 2: where that wasn't my intention, Like I would have even

1224
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 2: accepted that, like, hey, that way, that wasn't my intention

1225
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,040
Speaker 2: if that's if that's how you felt, I'm sorry that

1226
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:47,000
Speaker 2: really wasn't. I just wanted you to acknowledge that you've

1227
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 2: been gone a lot and it seems like I wants

1228
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 2: to go home with you tonight. Done. It's simple as that,

1229
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 2: I'm not really looking for, like I'm so sorry, Erica,

1230
01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 2: Like you know, I like and to be coddled. That's

1231
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:01,040
Speaker 2: not really that's not I know, that's not what I'm

1232
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 2: gonna get, you know. So I don't know. I just

1233
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: it's a reminder to me as a parent too, to

1234
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 2: check myself, to check myself now, because these are when

1235
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:14,280
Speaker 2: habits are made. How you parent your child now is

1236
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 2: ultimately they're creating habits for how you're going to parent

1237
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 2: them as an adult as well. And when your kid

1238
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:21,960
Speaker 2: is grown and.

1239
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:24,280
Speaker 1: Doesn't want to fuck with you because now she doesn't

1240
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,600
Speaker 1: have to you can't be mad, you know, And I'm

1241
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 1: not even I'm not I'm always gonna fuck with my mom.

1242
01:02:29,560 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 1: That's not even, that's not that this is not that

1243
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 1: serious at all. But I'm just saying for the mom,

1244
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 1: for the parents that are listening that maybe have older

1245
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,360
Speaker 1: children that are don't fuck with them, or you know,

1246
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 1: or you are that kid like these these are the

1247
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 1: reasons why. It's because we get into these habits of

1248
01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 1: how we treat our children as kids, and then we

1249
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 1: don't grow from that, our motherhood doesn't grow.

1250
01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:54,080
Speaker 2: I mean, and let's face it, like it's easier to

1251
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,760
Speaker 2: take out things than the people that are closest to absolutely,

1252
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 2: so you're comfortable doing that. You know they're always going

1253
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 2: to leve you and they're not gonna We're not going

1254
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:02,480
Speaker 2: to stop being friends with you. They can't. They could,

1255
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 2: They could, They could, they could, it could and they do.

1256
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 2: But yeah, but you know, it takes a lot more though.

1257
01:03:07,640 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 2: It takes a lot more to cut off you know,

1258
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:17,960
Speaker 2: a parent or whatever. So yeah, healing, healing, healing in motherhood.

1259
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 1: Well, anyway, guys, I love you. I thank you for

1260
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 1: tuning in to this episode. Thank you in advance for

1261
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:28,960
Speaker 1: purchasing a Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices, now

1262
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 1: available everywhere on audible too. If you like listening to

1263
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 1: the sound of our voice, then you can also listen

1264
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 1: to the sound of our voice narrate our book, which

1265
01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 1: I think is really it's special.

1266
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, we do. We did our thing. We put our

1267
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 2: a little little.

1268
01:03:43,040 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 1: Spice on it named when I'm boring ass audibles that

1269
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 1: you hear and if again. If you're in the New

1270
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 1: York City area, we are coming to City Winery on

1271
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 1: May fifth, so come out, come up with your girls.

1272
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:58,040
Speaker 1: It's a Confessions of a Good Mom tour. So we

1273
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:00,680
Speaker 1: are confessing a lot. We want you you to confess

1274
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,480
Speaker 1: a lot, so make sure you call our hotline. We

1275
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: have a special Voice of Special hotline where you can

1276
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:10,080
Speaker 1: confess anything like anything. It could be that you don't

1277
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 1: fuck with.

1278
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 2: Your husband, or that your husband's dick is terrible, or

1279
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:19,040
Speaker 2: that you know you did something nasty this weekend. That's right,

1280
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:22,000
Speaker 2: you can die listen at eight one, eight, two, one three,

1281
01:04:22,160 --> 01:04:26,280
Speaker 2: twelve eighty seven and confess and we might just share

1282
01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 2: your confession at the show and it can be anonymous.

1283
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 2: Just don't say your name. Also, we have a show

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01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 2: in DC coming up on May twenty first, and in

1285
01:04:37,280 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 2: No Philly on May twenty fifth, and we are really

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01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 2: excited to connect with our people again. We had a

1287
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 2: lot of fun in both of those cities. You know,

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01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,400
Speaker 2: Philly is my hometown, so I look forward to, you know,

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01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 2: coming back through and saying hi to my peoples and

1290
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 2: having a good, jolly old time. So it make sure

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01:04:54,880 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 2: you click the episode description for all this information and

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01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:26,400
Speaker 2: we'll see you next week. Bye. I'm not solo record.

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01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 2: Las