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Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's shagarra Ebine here, and before we begin

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Speaker 1: this week's episode, I just want to give you all

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Speaker 1: a heads up. This episode contains discussions about sensitive subjects

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Speaker 1: that may be difficult for some listeners, including topics such

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Speaker 1: as violence and abuse. We want to ensure our audience

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Speaker 1: is aware of the nature of these discussions and encourage

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Speaker 1: you all to prioritize your well being. Listener discretion is advised,

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Speaker 1: and if you find these topics challenging, please please please

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Speaker 1: take the necessary steps to prioritize your mental health. Until

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Speaker 1: next time, everyone, love you deep and take care of yourselves.

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Speaker 1: In this week's episode, my incredible guest shares her journey

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Speaker 1: overcoming a traumatic chapter in her life tries to kill her.

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Speaker 1: We explore how society perceives survivors of domestic abuse, the

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Speaker 1: profound impact of witnessing violence during her childhood, and her

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Speaker 1: insights on the path to recovery in the aftermath, including

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Speaker 1: her dedication to sharing her story to help others. This

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Speaker 1: episode is the epitome of our model Tough times don't last,

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Speaker 1: but professional homegirls do. My ex fiance tried to kill

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Speaker 1: me starting now, so thank you so much for being

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Speaker 1: a guest on the show. So to my guests, how

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Speaker 1: you doing? How you feeling?

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Speaker 2: I'm good? How are you pretty good? Pretty good?

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're not nervous?

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Speaker 2: No more, No, it comes off pretty like quickly.

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Speaker 3: I go off to energies and it's like the energy

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Speaker 3: is okay, my nerves kind of go away.

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Speaker 2: I got good energy, right, you have great energy?

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Speaker 1: Okay, come on now, my fellow Aquarius.

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Speaker 2: Sister, a quarious sister, I love it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So what made you decide to share your experiences

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Speaker 1: with others and dealing with violence?

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Speaker 3: So what really made me decide to speak on it

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Speaker 3: was the fact that so many victims of domestic violence

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Speaker 3: stay And I figured like if I started like outreaching

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Speaker 3: and doing community work and speaking openly about it, I

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Speaker 3: would be able to help other survivors, other victims, and

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Speaker 3: other individuals who have just had similar stories experiences be

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Speaker 3: able to speak about it.

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Speaker 1: And do you think public awareness and educational domestic abuse

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Speaker 1: evolved in recent years?

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 3: It has definitely evolved, not at the speed I would

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Speaker 3: like for it, but I involved somewhat. I still feel

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Speaker 3: like I believe it's over thirty thousand people a year.

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Speaker 2: They're murdered.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or spouses, And it's crazy. The number is like

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Speaker 3: really large. I mean I could be off by some

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Speaker 3: that's like as maybe I don't know the exact numbers

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Speaker 3: so that on it, but I do know that it

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Speaker 3: is a big number. It's extreme and it's terrifying. So

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Speaker 3: the fact that it's still happening. There was an increase

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Speaker 3: in domestic violence during the COVID time because people were

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Speaker 3: just hon with their spouses more.

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Speaker 1: I was just going to bring that up. I feel

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Speaker 1: like the numbers have increased because of the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they have been inclosed spaces all the time. Usually

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Speaker 3: victims would have some type of escape to a point

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Speaker 3: to an extent, like they're spouses at work or they

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Speaker 3: go to work and they get to breathe for a

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Speaker 3: little bit. COVID shut everything down and everyone was working

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Speaker 3: from home. It caused an increase violence.

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Speaker 1: Now, how is domestic abuse portrayed in the media in

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Speaker 1: popular culture and what impact does this representation have on

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Speaker 1: the public perception and awareness? Like do you think it

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Speaker 1: helps the hearts.

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Speaker 2: Both but may hurts.

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Speaker 3: And the reason why I say this because individuals tend

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Speaker 3: to only think of domestic violence victims as women. And

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Speaker 3: I say this because we see a lot of shows,

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Speaker 3: a lot of music videos, a lot of like fake

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Speaker 3: proposals happening, or skits that are being put on of

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Speaker 3: the man doing something and the woman getting up and

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Speaker 3: slapping him. Right, that's a form of domestic violence. So

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Speaker 3: the thing is that we've become so normalized to that

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Speaker 3: type of domestic violence. We don't see it, but we

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Speaker 3: don't like see it as actual violence.

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Speaker 2: People laugh at it.

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Speaker 3: It's still being openly showed in shows as if it's.

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Speaker 2: Just a normal thing.

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Speaker 3: Right, in reality, it's violence, and if it were reversed,

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Speaker 3: it would be an uproar. So I feel like when

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Speaker 3: it comes to equality of how people are treated in

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Speaker 3: those situations, it is a bit unfair actually, and media

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Speaker 3: continually showing those aspects of it causes nothing but more

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Speaker 3: domestic violence in normalizing it to an extent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you think it's still a taboo, I.

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Speaker 2: Do again, to an extent. I feel like.

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Speaker 3: A lot of cultures are kind of literally it's a

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Speaker 3: cultural thing. It's become a generational thing that they've seen

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Speaker 3: repeatedly throughout families and friends, families, that it's something that

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Speaker 3: happens that does not is not talked about right, right,

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Speaker 3: and in a way that it is taboo. It's you know,

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Speaker 3: not looked at something that needs to be discussed openly.

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Speaker 2: It's a private family matter, and everyone else.

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Speaker 1: Is just supposed to stay out of it, especially within

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Speaker 1: our community, to say, is what happens in this house

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Speaker 1: stays in this house.

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Speaker 3: Yes, especially in the African American community, there is a

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Speaker 3: lot of and it's really unfortunate to say, and it's again,

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Speaker 3: it's like on both parts. So I don't want to

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Speaker 3: put it on either gender, right really or like try

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Speaker 3: to make either one as the attacker. But it happens

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Speaker 3: on both parts, and unfortunately in the African American community

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Speaker 3: it is normalized to the extent again that it creates

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Speaker 3: those generational curses where either the child finds love and

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Speaker 3: abuse themselves, yeah, or absent parent. They tried to find

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Speaker 3: that in a spouse and then that in mental abuse,

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Speaker 3: financial abuse, physical abuse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And you know what, you make a really good point

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Speaker 1: because I had a guest on the show, and she

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Speaker 1: endure a lot of trauma from her father, and because

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Speaker 1: of that trauma that she endure, she used to beat

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Speaker 1: up on her husband really bad. And so now it's

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Speaker 1: our ex husband. But she was saying how she had

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Speaker 1: to apologize to him because people didn't believe him that

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Speaker 1: he was in a domestic situation.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's more taboo than actual. I believe that's more taboo.

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Speaker 3: Under the umbrella of domestic violence is when men come

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Speaker 3: up and openly speak about it. And I also believe

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Speaker 3: that that's how a lot of attackers are created, because

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Speaker 3: they were victims themselves and because they're like, you know,

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Speaker 3: oh you're a man, et cetera, you know, sucked up.

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Speaker 2: Eventually they explode.

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Speaker 3: Not saying that's the case with everyone, but I do

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Speaker 3: believe that that definitely does play a huge part on

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Speaker 3: the development of a person's mind and their reaction to

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Speaker 3: certain things.

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Speaker 1: Now, how did you in your ex fiance first meet?

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Speaker 2: We met a job for and we were friends for years.

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Speaker 2: After that.

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Speaker 3: I went off to college and we just stayed in contact.

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Speaker 1: So did you go to I'm just curious.

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Speaker 2: I did not go to any because it's sad because

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Speaker 2: I not for my associates. I did for my bachelor's.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, good, good, good, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I went to an HBC for my bachelor So, okay.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you off the camera where you went,

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Speaker 1: because I think everybody should experience the HBCU. That's why

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Speaker 1: I asked, But go ahead with your story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So, and then we just kind of after a couple

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Speaker 3: of years, maybe like five years, we ended up in

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Speaker 3: a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Oh see, all was knowing each other for a very

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Speaker 1: long time. Wow. And what was your your impression of

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Speaker 1: him once I started dating.

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Speaker 2: I thought it was great.

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Speaker 3: He was He's very kind and soft spoken and gentle

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Speaker 3: to an extent, and I just felt like everything about

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Speaker 3: him was just wonderful at the beginning.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Now, can you share with me when you first

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Speaker 1: noticed a change in his behavior that made you feel

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Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable or you was like, he's not right.

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Speaker 3: That was the first time was we had an argument

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Speaker 3: and I was walking, We're walking past each other, and

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Speaker 3: he kind of like shoved me with his shoulder. I

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Speaker 3: was like, bro, check yourself right. And so that was

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Speaker 3: the first time. But again, like that's something that seems

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Speaker 3: so small and some people may not like it may

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Speaker 3: not trigger in their heads that oh that is actually

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Speaker 3: domestic violence, because you know, I was im produced or anything.

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Speaker 3: But it started with something so small a push. Then

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Speaker 3: a shove and then a slap, and then a joke,

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Speaker 3: and then it just spiraled from there.

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Speaker 1: Did you witness any domestic abuse when you was growing up?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I did. My father.

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Speaker 3: Not my father was an abusive to any of my

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Speaker 3: siblings or myself, but he was abusive to my mother

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Speaker 3: and we winessed it, and in return, my mother was

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Speaker 3: abusive to us, saying yeah, generational course, it just keeps

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Speaker 3: going and going.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, did I ever talk about that, like yeah later on?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we did.

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Speaker 1: Did your father apol?

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Speaker 3: She she held herself accountable for a lot of the

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Speaker 3: things that she did do, and I understood. I didn't

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Speaker 3: understand then, but I understood, like how she had so

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Speaker 3: much stuff going on and she was under a lot

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Speaker 3: of pressure herself although my father was there. My father

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Speaker 3: was also very absent drugs or prison, and she was

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Speaker 3: the one who had to work like two to three

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Speaker 3: jobs to support us. So although her reaction wasn't right

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Speaker 3: of where, I do get how it got to that point,

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Speaker 3: she had no intervention. And another thing that's considered like

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Speaker 3: taboo in the African American community is speaking about mental health,

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Speaker 3: yeah or yeah, especially yeah, our generation is pretty much

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Speaker 3: changing that she's great. Yeah, but so because of that,

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Speaker 3: it stopped her from getting, you know, the proper health

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Speaker 3: that she needed during that time and support. And so

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Speaker 3: I understood it and we spoke about it, and I'm

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Speaker 3: glad we did.

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Speaker 1: Now, when did he propose to you? Did he propose

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Speaker 1: to you after the first incident or did because I

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Speaker 1: know there was a situation where he strangle you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we were engaged prior to them.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: So he proposed to me after we had our first child.

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Speaker 3: M h And that's actually the same year I believe

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Speaker 3: I was strangled.

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Speaker 2: Hm. So that's interesting. But I was.

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Speaker 1: Proposed to Why is it interesting?

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Speaker 2: How it just like the cycle? I guess that's what

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Speaker 2: I meant.

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Speaker 3: Why, Like it's interesting how it's so good, it's great,

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Speaker 3: and then I'm just like thinking, like, oh wait, later

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Speaker 3: that year, you try to kill me, and then something

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Speaker 3: good would happen again, and then something bad.

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Speaker 2: So it's just interesting how it flowed that way mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: And then at that point, did you ever think about

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Speaker 1: like leaving him?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, I tried mm hmm. I called the cops

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Speaker 2: and everything. Oh wow, yes, because I was strangled to.

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Speaker 3: The point where I was knocked like I was unconscious,

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Speaker 3: Like I pulled the alarm.

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Speaker 2: I tried to run out the house through a window.

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Speaker 2: At one point.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he was really trying to kill you.

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Speaker 3: But when the police got there, what they said was

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Speaker 3: because he had marks on him, they would arrest us both.

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Speaker 3: Now he did he had marks on his neck. Because

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Speaker 3: I'm being I'm on the ground, someone's on top of me,

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Speaker 3: he's strangling me. I was literally desperately and I still

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Speaker 3: ended up, you know, going to sleep off that like

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Speaker 3: the scratches did not do anything. He was so focused

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Speaker 3: on it. And yeah, so the police left and that

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Speaker 3: was it. And I was like, okay, but I'm stuck

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Speaker 3: because my voice was not loud enough.

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Speaker 2: But I'm stuck.

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Speaker 3: So if I leave, if I call the police, something's

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Speaker 3: gonna happen. They can take my children, et cetera. Right,

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Speaker 3: And from then we just work together for I think

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Speaker 3: three years after that too, or two and a half,

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Speaker 3: and we had no other incidents where he because these

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Speaker 3: incidents were literally him hitting me. It was never me

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Speaker 3: hitting him.

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Speaker 2: But then, you know, I.

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Speaker 1: Think that's kind of not to cut you off. I

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Speaker 1: think that's kind of fucked up that that women even

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Speaker 1: have to say that, like these incidents, is him hitting me?

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Speaker 1: Like even if I did hit back, because I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to fight defend myself. Like I just hate that survivors

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Speaker 1: have to use that type of verbie to make it

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Speaker 1: seem as if they didn't, like antagonize the person, like

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, I think that's messed up.

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Speaker 3: It is, I get it a lot. Did you get

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Speaker 3: him first? Like you have to do something, like you

248
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Speaker 3: provoke him right, Like.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't think I have done anything to make anyone

251
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Speaker 3: so said their life half my face. I can't imagine

252
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Speaker 3: I could make anybody that upset.

253
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Speaker 1: When y'all was friends, did you notice anything about him

254
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:14,040
Speaker 1: prior to being involved with him?

255
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,840
Speaker 2: No? Not at the time.

256
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:23,600
Speaker 3: Now, older mature, more educated on the issues and the

257
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:28,520
Speaker 3: personalities and certain things about him that could could have

258
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Speaker 3: been like red flags, I suppose from looking from on

259
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Speaker 3: the outside looking in. But during that time I was

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Speaker 3: just like, oh no, he's just a quiet person. He's

261
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,560
Speaker 3: just a mixed martial artist.

262
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 2: Like he's a.

263
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,840
Speaker 3: Great person, just a little quiet, stays to himself. But

264
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Speaker 3: you know, lolder I got, the more I noticed.

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Speaker 1: So after three years there wasn't any any situation and

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Speaker 1: at this time that you have your twins or yes,

267
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Speaker 1: and my twins before, which I feel like me and

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Speaker 1: my guess is like I literally want her life because

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Speaker 1: I just told her. You know what's so funny, I

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Speaker 1: actually want twins. I want twins and I want them

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Speaker 1: to be born on Halloween. Well you know mine, Listen,

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Speaker 1: I might have to come and borrow us coupless second

273
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Speaker 1: I bring him back up. Oh yeah, I'm bringing back

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Speaker 1: for sure. I'mna bring him back.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: That's Can you share what happened on the days leading

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Speaker 1: up to the day of your assault? Did you notice

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Speaker 1: anything about him?

279
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Speaker 2: Yeah? He stopped talking to me for two weeks.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,840
Speaker 2: Wow. Like when I say, stopped talking to me, would

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Speaker 2: not acknowledge my existence, would not say a word.

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Speaker 1: Are y'all living in the same house, same house when.

284
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,360
Speaker 2: I say anything to me?

285
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Speaker 3: So I was like, that's crazy. And the reason for

286
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,080
Speaker 3: that being was because I called off the engagement. And

287
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Speaker 3: I did that because the physical abuse turned verbal and

288
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Speaker 3: I was told I was useless and I was bes

289
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Speaker 3: and I was this and I was that I don't

290
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Speaker 3: care about anything myself, and I was like, this is

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Speaker 3: making my mental health deteriorate.

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Speaker 2: Probably I was really suffering, and I was like, Okay,

293
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,760
Speaker 2: I don't love you that much. I gotta love me more.

294
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Speaker 2: So he stopped talking to me for like two weeks

295
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:18,760
Speaker 2: and then leading and then the day that this happened.

296
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Speaker 3: Was on the twenty eighth of April. It was two

297
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Speaker 3: days before my youngest turned a certain age.

298
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Speaker 2: It was under five. I'm just not trying to like, yeah,

299
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,840
Speaker 2: not get it. Yeah yeah, And I ordered.

300
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Speaker 3: Her a birthday cake. And I asked for help because

301
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 3: I was decorating and stuff, and we were in the basement.

302
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,000
Speaker 2: They have a playroom.

303
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,640
Speaker 3: I was homeschooling too, so the classroom their playroom, and

304
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,280
Speaker 3: I'm an artist.

305
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 2: Everything was just set up and not to cut you off.

306
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 1: Your art and your art is fire.

307
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Yeah I try it. I love

308
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 2: I love painting. That's one of my biggest things.

309
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're to sell those pieces.

310
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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, So I do do commission I've stopped for

311
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Speaker 3: a while thinking that I just kind of lost the talent.

312
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,200
Speaker 2: But I can still paint, So back to commission work.

313
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Speaker 2: So if you need anything, let me know, I will.

314
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,600
Speaker 2: I will. But yeah, so I was ording a cake

315
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Speaker 2: for my kid's birthday and at him do something. He

316
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 2: said no. I told him he was annoying, because he

317
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,399
Speaker 2: was that's irritating that I have to throw like a

318
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 2: whole party by myself. And he was like, uh, he

319
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,399
Speaker 2: just need to go upstairs, which was fine. I didn't care.

320
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Speaker 3: But the way it happened was my son was using

321
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:35,399
Speaker 3: my laptop and he was sitting down on this couch

322
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,960
Speaker 3: that we had to the side, and he goes.

323
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Speaker 2: Up to my son and snatches it out of his hands.

324
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Speaker 3: My son's just a kid, like a babby at this time,

325
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,359
Speaker 3: not a baby, but elementary school, still a kid, Like,

326
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Speaker 3: why would you do that?

327
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Speaker 2: I snatched it back and I was like, I paid

328
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,240
Speaker 2: for this dirt, right, you can make my damn computer.

329
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Speaker 2: You can go upstairs. Get out of this.

330
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Speaker 3: It was crazy, and I gave it back to him

331
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Speaker 3: and I looked at his little hand because starts to swell,

332
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 3: and I turned back around and.

333
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,919
Speaker 2: To go back to my desk and I was hit

334
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:13,760
Speaker 2: in the back of my head. I think that's it. Well, Vin,

335
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,639
Speaker 2: I see you found out that he hid my body

336
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 2: in the back room. Yeah, so it's crazy because I

337
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:25,880
Speaker 2: don't remember the details.

338
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 3: So my story they can't. My story doesn't really like

339
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't know everything that happened. I do

340
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 3: know that I was moved into the laundry room the

341
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 3: basement to two rooms, went a giant room, and went

342
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 3: to a laundry room. And I know I was moved

343
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 3: back there because I woke up at one point before

344
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 3: I was knocked back out somehow, and then I know

345
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 3: that it was trying to clean stuff up. I know

346
00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 3: he changed his clothes. I know the kids sat there

347
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,240
Speaker 3: the whole time. Wow, And two of them escaped and

348
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 3: ran to get help, and he chased them. They made

349
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 3: it though, and they got helping and he was arrested.

350
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 1: I was that do you think this was Do you

351
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,760
Speaker 1: think this was premeditated? Like, do you think he was

352
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 1: like planning this?

353
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,920
Speaker 2: I think it was premeditated to an extent.

354
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 3: I don't think he meant for it to happen the

355
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 3: way it happened, but I do think it was premeditated.

356
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, And when you were going in and out, like,

357
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 1: what were your thoughts, Like, oh.

358
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I did wake up at one point and

359
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 3: because of the brain injury was so severe, like I

360
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 3: started I remember washing clothes, so I actually got up

361
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 3: and started functioning again, and I remember my son crying

362
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 3: and I turned around and I was like, why are

363
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:48,879
Speaker 3: you so sad?

364
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 2: Like how can I help you? What's going on? And

365
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 2: then I remember going back like just being knocked back

366
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: out somehow.

367
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 3: Wow, And the next time I was like, uh, I

368
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 3: was I think it was upstairs by then, but then

369
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 3: I was back unconscious. And the time I remember being

370
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,400
Speaker 3: like upstairs it was like police, paramedics, everybody was there.

371
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 3: But then and they were like, I remember hearing my

372
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,159
Speaker 3: eyeball was out of the socket.

373
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 2: I don't.

374
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 3: I just couldn't stay up though. I could not stay

375
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: away for nothing. For nothing, I just would not stay up.

376
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 3: So it was just in and out and just remember

377
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 3: little voices and crying.

378
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 1: So when it comes to your mom, I can only

379
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 1: imagine what the conversations were like now, because if it

380
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: wasn't for your son, he saved your life and he

381
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 1: ran upstairs to get your mom. So what does those

382
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: conversations like, Like does she blame herself?

383
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? She does, so I don't know. I've been telling

384
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 2: her that she should probably get therapy for it, but

385
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 2: she's like that generation in her sixties, so she's that Oh,

386
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 2: we're resilient. You know, we don't really rely on the counselors.

387
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 2: We're good, I'm good, everything's fine because you know you're here.

388
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 2: God save this. Everything's fine people.

389
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's but she does blame herself and she feels

390
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 3: really bad, and I know she has probably some form

391
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 3: of PTSD from it. But in all honesty, yes, my

392
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 3: son ran and his little sister actually followed the one

393
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,919
Speaker 3: whose birthday was two days later, she followed together with him.

394
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 3: But although they did that, if it weren't for my mother,

395
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 3: they would have most likely been dead. They would have

396
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 3: most likely been killed next. So my mom did more

397
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 3: saving that day than anyone. She was really brave about

398
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 3: what she did. And I heard part of her statement

399
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,360
Speaker 3: about what happened and how she had to like push

400
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 3: past him to go see me and make sure I

401
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 3: was okay, and she opened the door and yelled and

402
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 3: had all the kids locked, all the kids in the

403
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 3: one room upstairs, like she did so much to protect

404
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: and protect not only me but the children. So I

405
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 3: can't And she's only like five to three, I'm sure,

406
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 3: yeahs like six one two hundred. Training and mixed martial

407
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:32,199
Speaker 3: arts boxing, karate super fit, doesn't smoke, drink, no drugs,

408
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 3: so healthy.

409
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 2: So it was you know, she it took a lot

410
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,880
Speaker 2: for hern't imagine she was going through.

411
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 3: But yeah, she blames herself and I keep telling her

412
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be allowed it on her.

413
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you are the kids. God bless her because I

414
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: ain't no telling what she could have done to her

415
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: and tying to save her family.

416
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 2: And she put her own like herself really out there

417
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 2: for us. Yeah, I don't love my mama. I'mna call her.

418
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 3: After this, Yeah, I say, I call her like every

419
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 3: she'd be at work and I just annoyed her because

420
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 3: due to the disability, I can't work right now. Yeah,

421
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 3: so I call her every thirty minutes, so I feel

422
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 3: like giving her some space every fifty but just know

423
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 3: there's not an hour that doesn't pass that her phone.

424
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I totally agree. And I also think that,

425
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 1: you know, especially in a situation that unfortunately you was in,

426
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,880
Speaker 1: like sometimes being with your family is all you need,

427
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 1: Like you need that love, like you need that support.

428
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 1: Because I feel like sometimes every day we're reminded of

429
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: how much it really matters. So maybe you're not getting

430
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: on her. Nurse she might like she I'm pretty sure.

431
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: I know for a fact she likes it.

432
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,959
Speaker 3: She answers all the time she's in the meeting, then

433
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 3: she texts, But you know, I don't care about her

434
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 3: little ass meetings.

435
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 1: I ain't say that, mam. Now, can you describe the

436
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: nature and extent of the injuries you sustain doing.

437
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: This so song out? So to an extent I can.

438
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 3: I can describe them, and that's because a lot of

439
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 3: them is an eye injury and I can't pronounce ninety

440
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 3: eight percent of the words, but it was mostly a

441
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 3: traumatic brain injury, which I still have. So sometimes I

442
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 3: put words where they don't belong, or I stutter over myself.

443
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of words and they don't like.

444
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 2: My brain doesn't.

445
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 3: Work as fast as my mouth wants it to or

446
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,640
Speaker 3: what I'm used to it. So, and that's something I'm

447
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 3: still dealing with. And I know I probably would do

448
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: some therapy or some type of speech. I don't know

449
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 3: what actually cures that, but I know it's a work

450
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 3: in progress, and a year out, I did have to

451
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 3: give my brain some time to hell and let's swell

452
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,360
Speaker 3: and go down before I could really focus on treatment

453
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 3: for it. But Okay, So it was the traumatic brain injury,

454
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 3: a broken nose. My lips were split in half, both

455
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 3: of them. They were sutured back together. I had staples

456
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 3: on both sides of my head, like in the front

457
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 3: appier and that's here we can see it, and there's

458
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 3: like a ball, yes, a bear it was. I had

459
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 3: sutures and they go back, and then in the back

460
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 3: of my head, I had stables. I had stitches on

461
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 3: my eyelid. My eyelid had to be like it was

462
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: also split open in a crazy way because the way

463
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 3: the eyeball came out, it ripped the eyelid.

464
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 2: I had.

465
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 3: Most of the bones on the right side of my

466
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 3: face broken. I have no like eye socket on that side.

467
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 3: It's held up by a titanium implant. I cannot breathe

468
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: out of my right nostril because of the facial paralysis.

469
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 3: And as you can see, like the eyelet doesn't open.

470
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 3: That's because he tore the nerve that connected to the marine.

471
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 3: It's just like completely clean gone, so it just doesn't open.

472
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: I hope he is getting his in jail, man. I

473
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: hope he is getting He.

474
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: Deserves it.

475
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 3: But wait, there's more so the bone fragments launched into

476
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: my eye. They tore my iris, so I am blind.

477
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,199
Speaker 3: I have brighten a detachment. I'm gonna have to get

478
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 3: the eyeball removed soon because it's dying. Yeah, and there's

479
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 3: no uh trying to figure out how they explained. I

480
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 3: just came back from the enthalmologists today earlier today, and

481
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 3: the cells don't regenerate in your eye, so you know,

482
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 3: like when you scrab a knee it, yeah, your eye

483
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 3: doesn't do that.

484
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: So it sounds dumb. Is the eye like an organ?

485
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 2: You know what? I can't tell you.

486
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 3: I do believe the eyes are organs, but I could

487
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 3: be completely wrong, and I don't want to.

488
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: Because I don't want to sound stupid, but I feel

489
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 1: like with certain organs they don't heal as easily as.

490
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 3: And I think it's the ones that are closest to

491
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 3: the central nervous system or have direct contact with the brain.

492
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 3: And since, yeah, the nerves and the eye are directly

493
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 3: contacted with the brain and not split off into like

494
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 3: other nerves are, I'm not sure if that makes sense,

495
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 3: doctor literally just yeah, but yeah, it doesn't regenerate and

496
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 3: that's cool, Like that's fine. It is what it is

497
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 3: you just you know, I still can see it all

498
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 3: the side. It's not as bad, but yeah, facial paralysis too.

499
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 3: He knocked out most of my back teeth. He my

500
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 3: jaw was moved, which I'm debating on surgery about. I'm

501
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 3: leaning towards the more so no.

502
00:27:55,720 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 2: Sounds painful and PTSD, which I guess. They also found

503
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 2: weird markings on my uterus.

504
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 3: Due to my me being unconscious, I could not consent

505
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 3: to a rape kit, and then when I was conscious,

506
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,480
Speaker 3: apparently I was just so out of it, like I

507
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 3: had no idea what happened, and I was asking for

508
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 3: him and because I didn't know he did this at

509
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 3: the time, So at no point could I consent to

510
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 3: any forms of rape kits done. I honestly would much

511
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 3: rather not know if anything happened. Yeah, I would just

512
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 3: rather not Now. I don't think it'll do me any

513
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 3: It wouldn't make me feel better, right?

514
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: Is it hard for you to talk about this?

515
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 2: Sometimes?

516
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 3: Not all the time, mostly because I am at the

517
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 3: stage that I'm at where I haven't fully processed it,

518
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: so I dissociate from it a lot. I detached myself

519
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 3: and instead of it being like, oh yeah, this is

520
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 3: really me, this happened to me. I think of it

521
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 3: as well, I saw this really cool show on Netflix

522
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 3: and it was wild and they had the greatest actors.

523
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 3: And that's just how my brain is perceiving it as

524
00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 3: in like, yeah, I get that it happened to me.

525
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 3: And sometimes it hits really hard and I break down

526
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 3: and I cry. For the most part, it's just like.

527
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 2: It's not real. Yeah, it's like I can't believe.

528
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 3: And I talk about it in a way that's so

529
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 3: nonchalant that I think it throws a lot of people

530
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 3: off m But it was also a severe brain injury,

531
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 3: so it is going to take me a while of

532
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 3: like intense therapy to really.

533
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 2: Process it right.

534
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 1: And not to get in your business or anything. But

535
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: who's paying for all this? Because this is this I

536
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: know this is not cheap.

537
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 2: So I have Medicaid, which is great because they pay

538
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 2: for some of it, but there is I do have

539
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 2: bills that they did not cover.

540
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 3: Then I've paid for some of them, and then I

541
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 3: just have some left. But I think I only have

542
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 3: like six hundred and forty one dollars left on a bill,

543
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 3: which is great.

544
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: And now listen, any of the listeners want to come

545
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: out and support our professional homegirl. Be a blessing.

546
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: Support me, yeah, but in all honesty, I mean support

547
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 2: me anyway. But but I do.

548
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 3: I think I'm doing well with like managing the bills,

549
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 3: because I always ask for out of what I'm going

550
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 3: to have to come out of cost first, right, and

551
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 3: due to like I don't know how much Medicaid is

552
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 3: going to pay now through my insurance, simply because a

553
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 3: lot of the stuff that I have left over mm

554
00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 3: hmm would be considered cosmetic to an extent. I still

555
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 3: need no surgery because the way it rehealed after it

556
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 3: was fractured, it completely blocked off the right nostril. Of

557
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 3: course they would pay for that. But then there's stuff

558
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 3: like my eyelid or the fact that half of my

559
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 3: face droops down, where that stuff is considered cosmetic. My

560
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 3: eyelid does not need to be open because I can

561
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 3: no longer see it of that eye right, and it

562
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 3: is technically cosmetic surgery. And at first I was okay

563
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 3: with accepting the fact that I may not be able

564
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 3: to get this. It's probably not going to be covered,

565
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 3: and I was able to deal with that. My problem

566
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 3: is that it does not matter where I go, people look,

567
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 3: and some people look and look away. The most respect

568
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 3: that get for this when someone's just curious as looking

569
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 3: is from kids little six and under.

570
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: They'll look and look away. It's perfect. Their parents will

571
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 2: look and stare.

572
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 3: It's crazy how the children will always know to not

573
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 3: like look and just stare at someone, but the parents

574
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 3: will always look. Unless I walk into a school. I

575
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 3: do have young kids, like I mentioned, so there are

576
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 3: times when I have to go into a school and

577
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 3: that's a lot of them and they're just really staring, right.

578
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 3: But you know, children are curious.

579
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: Right, So but grown ups y'all know better.

580
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 3: The grown ups, the adults, especially the ones with the

581
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 3: kids that don't look, don't stare, right, and they're just staring,

582
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 3: and it's just uncomfortable. I think that's really the reason

583
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 3: why I want the eyelet open in the first place.

584
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 1: Well, the reason why I ask about the cost of things,

585
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: because unfortunately, a lot of people can relate to being

586
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: a survivor of domestic abuse, and I'm just like, do

587
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 1: you need the state or somebody should have to like

588
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: assist those survivors because it can really add up. I

589
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: can only imagine how much this has cost you in

590
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: the insurance companies.

591
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, so to just to give a rough estimate, because

592
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 2: I've had like a whole other year of surgery now,

593
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 2: but just last year alone, it was ninety one thousand

594
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 2: from the two weeks I stayed at that hospital.

595
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: That's a lot of money, it was.

596
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's expensive. And luckily I have a brother

597
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 2: who is an officer.

598
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 3: Not only is he like a police not only is

599
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 3: he a police officer, he is an influencer and has.

600
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 2: A large following.

601
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 1: You want to fuck, did he fuck a boy up?

602
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 2: He did not, because this no one else was there,

603
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 2: like and he where he is is way too far

604
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 2: from but he got there that day. But what he

605
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 2: did was he set up a gofund me.

606
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: Oh God bless him.

607
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: Okay, that gofund me saved me. Like, and they say

608
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 2: that the state does offer assistance.

609
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 3: They do offer assistance again to an extent to stuff

610
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 3: that you know Medicaid won't won't cover.

611
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 2: You do have to go through a wait like we

612
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 2: waited months and again without that gofund me, we.

613
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: Would have went out wait.

614
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 2: It was months.

615
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 3: It was like four or five six months maybe before No,

616
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say about four or five months later when

617
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 3: we got paid back, and but that GoFundMe was the

618
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,720
Speaker 3: only way I did not have to stay in that house,

619
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 3: so we use the money for a hotel for the

620
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 3: I was still to the point like I would go

621
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 3: in the basement and then I would try to find him.

622
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,160
Speaker 2: Because I did not think that it happened. But then

623
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 2: I would see blood on the walls, and I'd have

624
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 2: these crazy flashbacks. And one night I was outside for

625
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 2: like I mean, I was sorry.

626
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 3: I was downstairs for like twelve hours cleaning blood off

627
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 3: the walls because they don't send prime seeing clean up.

628
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 3: I guess if the victim survives. My brother had to

629
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 3: do it, my youngest brother.

630
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: So I know that you was in the hospital for

631
00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: ten days and you have received, if I'm not really mistaken,

632
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 1: seven reconstructive surgeries. Yes, So how has your life and

633
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 1: recovery been since the incident, and are there any ongoing

634
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: challenges that you're facing.

635
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:17,439
Speaker 3: Recovery sucks because I thought it was going to be like, Okay,

636
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 3: this happened, but you're gonna make a full recovery and

637
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:22,919
Speaker 3: everything's gonna be great.

638
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 2: Granted, I guess I did make a full recovery. To

639
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: an extent.

640
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 3: I guess I just didn't make the full recovery that

641
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 3: I wanted to make where I would look like nothing

642
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 3: ever happened, you know, because I'm so used to any

643
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 3: other mark that he left on me fading, so I

644
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: assumed that this one would fade as well and I

645
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 3: would forget about it. It did not, and I think

646
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 3: that that's probably the most challenging part of recovery, is

647
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 3: the fact that some of the injury is permanent, and

648
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 3: I have to find some way of accepting that, as

649
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 3: well as accepting the fact that I still have a

650
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 3: lot of mental stuff that I have to work through.

651
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 3: And I think that's probably worse than the physical aspect

652
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 3: by far, is the mental that I have to get

653
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 3: out of and get out of.

654
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 2: My head, because like.

655
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 3: It's everyone gets to move on and everyone gets to forget,

656
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 3: and not only do I have to carry the marks

657
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 3: on my face, I still have to relive it. I

658
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,880
Speaker 3: resent the idea that even if people are like and

659
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 3: I'm not even I don't even know how to word

660
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 3: this where it was sound like everyone involved aside from

661
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 3: my family really because mentally, I know they're still going

662
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 3: through this, but doctors and officerious and just people like

663
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 3: this happened, and it's like, oh that sucks for them.

664
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 3: It might weigh on them for a bit, right, but

665
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 3: again they get to move on, like it doesn't leave

666
00:36:53,520 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 3: any like permanent scarring or permanent mental damage. And I

667
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 3: feel like that's probably the hardest part. And it's probably

668
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 3: a linear way of thinking too, because I really don't

669
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 3: know m the how this has impacted other people. But again,

670
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 3: it's just something that's in my head that I'm still

671
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 3: trying to work through. Although I was a victim, there

672
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 3: were several victims in this case, and I gotta realize

673
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,840
Speaker 3: to be all heal at different you know, broad in

674
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:27,960
Speaker 3: some stage of healing.

675
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, So do you plan on doing any counseling or

676
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: like going to any therapy, because I do feel like

677
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: talking to someone would definitely help you with your healing journey.

678
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 3: So I've been in counseling the whole time since this

679
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 3: has happened. I've been in trauma counseling and it has worked.

680
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 2: So well. Okay, but it didn't work in therapy. It's

681
00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 2: just this isn't something that is going to like fix

682
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: and just a year.

683
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, absolutely, it takes time, and I.

684
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: Be thinking that it's I'm like, well, day, we all

685
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 2: be reaching up on two years it's going on. I

686
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:14,919
Speaker 2: should be okay now, but it takes time.

687
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 3: PTSD is something that really takes time, and this can

688
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 3: be something that I don't actually.

689
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 2: Get better from. I just learned how to live with.

690
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, Now, how has your perception of your self image

691
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: and your self worth evolve?

692
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:41,879
Speaker 3: I feel like that's still evolving. I find that question

693
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 3: hard because I don't really find a lot of great,

694
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:51,919
Speaker 3: like theming qualities about myself, and that has to do Yeah,

695
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 3: I mean, honestly, I'm an okay person. Like I'm not

696
00:38:56,320 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 3: the best person. I'm an okay person. I'm the best

697
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:01,919
Speaker 3: parent for sure.

698
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, you're a great mother, thanks, and I just

699
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: met you.

700
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love being parent. I think that's probably one

701
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 3: of the best things about me is that I don't

702
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 3: have a very high self esteem or self worth. And

703
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 3: I don't even know that came from this situation, but

704
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,560
Speaker 3: I know it didn't help it and it has nothing

705
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: to it probably actually probably has everything to do with

706
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 3: how I was left after it, honestly, right, So, yeah,

707
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 3: I think most of the time I feel helpless and insecure,

708
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 3: But I do admire my strength to because I will

709
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,800
Speaker 3: be crying by myself and then I'll be like, Okay,

710
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 3: well look at the time, and it's Saturday.

711
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: It's pancake day. We about to go make some super

712
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 2: sugary sweet. Yeah. They did not need to be eating,

713
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 2: but it's Saturday, and we do this every Saturday.

714
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 3: So I admire my strength and my ability to hide

715
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 3: it because just because I'm stuck and I'm still stagnant

716
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 3: in that place a year ago, my kids are not.

717
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 2: And that's.

718
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 3: Those are the ones that I'm so happy that they

719
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 3: really like are thriving and they're not stuck. But like again,

720
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 3: to me, in my head, that's just where I am.

721
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 2: Like I feel like but I told my mom this,

722
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 2: actually it was in my witness statement, But I feel

723
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 2: like I was hit so hard in that basement that

724
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 2: my blood like literally sleep through everything, that a part

725
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 2: of me is stuck there, like when I died, even

726
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 2: though I'm back, or when I was close.

727
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 3: To death, like part of me did not come all

728
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 3: the way back. And I feel, well, that's how I

729
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 3: explain my mental block. I don't really think like my

730
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 3: spirit or anything is.

731
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 2: Like right.

732
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 1: Left, yeah, Are you still in the house of this happening?

733
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: Are you still in the house of this is happening?

734
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 2: Oh? No, oh no, no, no, okay, but absolutely not.

735
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, have these moments where I feel like I'm back

736
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 3: in that basement and I'm just waking up for the

737
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 3: first time. Yeah, and it's just like these weird flashbacks,

738
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: like there's it doesn't matter like how hard I tried

739
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 3: to escape that because I lost so much that day. Yeah,

740
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,719
Speaker 3: that's just where a part of my my brain is.

741
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:33,839
Speaker 3: That's where part of I am stuck at.

742
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 2: And that's a I like, I just a.

743
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 3: That's a mental block that I'm continually working through and

744
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 3: I have been. There hasn't been a single day where

745
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 3: I've woken up and I felt fully free from that situation.

746
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 1: I will say, you know, when I came across your

747
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: story and y'all, I was like DM and her like

748
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 1: NonStop because for certain people, I just know that, like

749
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 1: this person is gonna really be a blessing to people.

750
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 1: And you know, even though you have lost a lot,

751
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: I feel like you have gained a lot as well.

752
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: And I feel like, you know, you're really gonna help

753
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 1: a lot of people. And I feel like sometimes people

754
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: need to see a physical manifestation of hope, and I

755
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: feel like that is what you embody. And you know,

756
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna definitely pray over you because you know, what

757
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,800
Speaker 1: you endure would have broke a lot of people. And

758
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 1: the fact that he did not break your spirit or

759
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:31,919
Speaker 1: the little bit of spirit that you do have, that's

760
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: all you need. You just gotta take it day by day.

761
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 2: I appreciate that.

762
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, take it day by day. I think you're a

763
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: great woman, like you a great mother, like you know

764
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like you still you're getting up, taking

765
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 1: care of your responsibilities, like you're doing a damn thing.

766
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 1: Like you gotta give your stuff some credit because it's

767
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: not easy you. Yeah, of course we're gonna pour into

768
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 1: each other because I want you to love yourself the

769
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: way that you deserve to be loved, because you deserve it.

770
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: You deserve to be happy. Yeah, first strug, you got

771
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: me about the cry because I'm like, I don't want

772
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 1: to hear black women saying it, Like you've been through enough,

773
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: Like you deserve to be in a space where you

774
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 1: are happy, and happiness is a journey, so it's not

775
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 1: going to happen overnight. But I think that you're doing

776
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,239
Speaker 1: everything that you need to be doing to get on

777
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: their tracks. So give yourself some credit.

778
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 2: Thank you, don't cry. It's okay.

779
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 3: I feel like it's a good thing though. Yeah, yes,

780
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 3: it's good that I'm able to say it. And I'm

781
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 3: not the only I'm not the only black woman that

782
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 3: feels this way there. I know, in fact i'm not.

783
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 2: But I know a lot of us are scared to yeah,

784
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:40,439
Speaker 2: to be just really open and vulnerable because we're scared

785
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 2: of that feedback that we might receive. Not all that

786
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 2: is as sweet and as gentle and passionate as yours is.

787
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: So I'm grateful, which I think is very important.

788
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 2: Too on the receiving end. Who was filling me up?

789
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 3: Because some people do they don't have anyone to really

790
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 3: empty that out to, right And the I feel like

791
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 3: it's a good It's atin in the right direction for

792
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 3: me because I do know what I need.

793
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 2: I definitely do. I have to just and now that

794
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: I do know really what.

795
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 3: I work on what I need to work on, and

796
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:11,919
Speaker 3: I speak it into existing like yo, I am really

797
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: insecure about something and this needs to happen for me

798
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 3: to get over it. So I'm trying to intervene on

799
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,879
Speaker 3: my own mental issues because not only do I deserve

800
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 3: to be happy, but my kids deserve to see me

801
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 3: really happy.

802
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Now where's your ex fiance at now?

803
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 2: He is in prison?

804
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 3: Good?

805
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, the State of Maryland press charges he was held

806
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 2: a out bond and he is there for quite some time.

807
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 2: And that's what I'm either going to trial. I could

808
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:51,320
Speaker 2: not stand a trial due to a lot of stuff.

809
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 3: Actually I was not going to be able to stand trial.

810
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,320
Speaker 3: I would not have been mentally cleared to stand trial.

811
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

812
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 3: So they came out with the plea and I said

813
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 3: no to the first one, but I said yes to

814
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 3: the second one. And what I liked about this was

815
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 3: it's twenty years by the way, but so it was

816
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 3: fourteen years in prison, five years proparation, no chance of parole,

817
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,760
Speaker 3: and lifetime of never no contact.

818
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 2: So what I liked about this was that I still

819
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: did get to speak.

820
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:29,840
Speaker 3: I did get to say my part and let everyone

821
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: know what type of person like he really was during

822
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 3: the hearing or during the plea hearing. Yes, right, And

823
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 3: I still got to protect my peace in a way

824
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: because the defense attorney was an asshole. And she was like, well, well,

825
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,879
Speaker 3: she called me when I said no to the first

826
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 3: plea and was like, well, are you sure because you

827
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,879
Speaker 3: know this is his first defense. So I'm like, yeah,

828
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 3: because this is the first time I'm actually doing something,

829
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 3: or that the police actually.

830
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 2: Stepped in and did something for the first time.

831
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,120
Speaker 1: He probably to.

832
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 2: Agree to something lower.

833
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 3: And I knew that when I got on that stand

834
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 3: that she was going to throw so much at me

835
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 3: that I would have frozen, and I honestly probably would

836
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 3: have killed myself.

837
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:11,360
Speaker 2: That I probably would have.

838
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 3: Left and killed myself because I know the type of

839
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 3: things that they do, and I would have felt guilty

840
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 3: about every little thing that I've done, and at that moment,

841
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 3: I already.

842
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 2: Did want to die.

843
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 1: So do you think he did this before?

844
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 2: Pas not too a partner. I don't know if I

845
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 2: can release to who they are. Technically I probably can't.

846
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: I kind out to have an idea what you going

847
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: to say? Yeah, And I'm assuming this person has came

848
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 1: out and said this.

849
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 2: They all have m.

850
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 1: So can you share any changes in your children's behavior

851
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 1: or like do they remember anything, or like.

852
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,759
Speaker 3: My daughter just asked for him back the other day.

853
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 3: My youngest she remembers some, but she's blocked a lot

854
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 3: of it out. And I'm happy for that, right because

855
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,719
Speaker 3: I don't want her growing up remembering those images. And

856
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 3: I don't bring it up. I do not say what

857
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 3: he did, and she's like, but you know, I know

858
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 3: he's sorry, he won't do it again. But again, too

859
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 3: young and to really understand, understand or process it. So

860
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be like, well, your dad did this

861
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 3: and he tried to kill me, and don't you remember. No,

862
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 3: I just be like, well, when people do bad things,

863
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 3: they go away, and I'm sorry that you're hurting, and

864
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 3: if you ever want to talk to me about it,

865
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 3: let's talk about it.

866
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: And that's what we do, right.

867
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 3: This is why I could never be a child therapist.

868
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 3: But I couldn't imagine having to hear the stories the

869
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 3: pain that the children bearer from domestic violence they've seen

870
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 3: their parents go through, and it's it's really hard.

871
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 2: I can't imagine. Really, I don't even know.

872
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 3: How hard it is for her, honestly, or how much

873
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 3: she really knows, and she's really trying to just protect herself.

874
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 3: I does remember he has nightmare still, please added house name.

875
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: I didn't realize this.

876
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: God, you don't worry about it. I'm sorry, don't worry

877
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: about keep going. I'm going to end out his name.

878
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 2: Thank you.

879
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 3: He has problems regulating his emotions, nightmares for sure, issues

880
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 3: with me leaving, like he always wants to know where

881
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,320
Speaker 3: I am. Like, he feels like he has to protect

882
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 3: everybody now, like and I'm like, no, it's time for

883
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 3: you to be a kid now because there's no more danger.

884
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 2: You do not have to step up.

885
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 3: You are literally a child, like do children's stuff, and

886
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 3: you know everything's fine because I'm back now, I'm good,

887
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 3: and you do not have to carry any of that burden.

888
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 2: And so that's what he's doing now. He's learning how

889
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 2: to be a kid again.

890
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 3: And he's like, he's learning that the patterns and the

891
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 3: role that he's supposed to play in this family dynamic,

892
00:48:56,160 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 3: which is my son, not my emotional partner. I'm not

893
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 3: supposed to mostly depend on my children for anything. And

894
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 3: I don't want him to step into that role because

895
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 3: I'm now a single parent. I want him to stay

896
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,880
Speaker 3: in that role that eas in just a child child development,

897
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 3: normal child development for as normal as it you know,

898
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 3: can be with.

899
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 2: All the trauma that he's experienced. But that's also a

900
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:25,280
Speaker 2: generational curse.

901
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: That a lot of.

902
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,720
Speaker 2: Women go through. And I don't want to make anyone

903
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 2: mad by saying that, but especially in the African American community,

904
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 2: we do this thing where.

905
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 3: Man leaves and then our sons become the king. And

906
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 3: it's just why most of the time, our sons are

907
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 3: still babies. Yeah, and it's like we're passing on the throne.

908
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 3: I get that, I get the idea behind it, but

909
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:49,399
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, there's still just they're

910
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 3: still just kids.

911
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

912
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,839
Speaker 1: Would you feel away if they were to eventually want

913
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 1: to have a relationship with him, they would never.

914
00:49:56,239 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 2: Have a relationship with him. I did permanent protective order.

915
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 2: He has no way.

916
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 3: There's no way, like even if they're eighteen, there's no

917
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,800
Speaker 3: way that he would ever be able to have a

918
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 3: relationship with them, Okay, And I made like absolutely sure

919
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 3: about it. And if they want to, I mean, they

920
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 3: just might not like me for a while. I guess

921
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 3: that's just might not.

922
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 2: Like me for a while. That's it, you know, when

923
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 2: they're in the thirties and forties, I can't really I

924
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 2: can't do anything about that, right, but I can do

925
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 2: as for as long as I have that control, I

926
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,760
Speaker 2: will make sure that you know that they're safe.

927
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, how can we as a community support survivors of

928
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 1: balance and work towards preventing it in the future, Like,

929
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 1: what do you think we can do to stop it?

930
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:51,360
Speaker 2: Ooh, therapy?

931
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the sad thing about it, Like this is

932
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 3: going to take There's so much intersectionality with this, so

933
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 3: there is no one answer, Like, domestic violence is more

934
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 3: than just black and white and gray, Like even the

935
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:10,320
Speaker 3: gray area is not enough to cover the spectrum of

936
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:15,480
Speaker 3: mental illness, of detachment, of family disorder that is in

937
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 3: that umbrella of domestic violence, because there had to be

938
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 3: something that triggered it cognitively, there had to be something

939
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 3: to trigger that responds.

940
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 2: So due to that, there is like so many different

941
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,399
Speaker 2: aspects of it. For one, I believe that the ones

942
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 2: that do are caught.

943
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:36,840
Speaker 3: I don't think that the victims should be able to

944
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: drop the charges when there is enough evidence. I do

945
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:44,320
Speaker 3: believe that there should be an automatic protective order in

946
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:45,240
Speaker 3: place immediately.

947
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,600
Speaker 2: This is how people die. I'm sorry, I said women,

948
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:49,280
Speaker 2: men or women? People?

949
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 3: Yes, people, individuals. I don't believe that they should have

950
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 3: the ability to drop it. And the reason why is

951
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 3: because they get something happens. Person goes to jail, they

952
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 3: drop it, charges, drop something happened, Person goes to del

953
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 3: charges charges, then't drop something happened. The person dies.

954
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 2: Right. That's the only time the charges stick is when

955
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 2: you can't fight them anymore. Right.

956
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 3: I also think like mandatory counseling needs to be available

957
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 3: for the ones that do get caught and have to

958
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 3: go to jail.

959
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 2: I think there should be higher penalties. Why the fuck

960
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 2: is it a misdemeanor? Crazy?

961
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 3: They tried it for this, they try to charge them

962
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 3: with one felony and one misdemeanor. Wow, Felanie understood.

963
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: What a misdemeanor of.

964
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 3: And it was crazy murder yeah. The first charge was

965
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:54,320
Speaker 3: attempted murder yeah. And also a challenge misdemeanor in challenge

966
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 3: dangerment yeah, and then three counts of childe endangerment yeah.

967
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 3: And I was just like, okay, so the murder of

968
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 3: course is going to stick, But why the misdemeanor, Like

969
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 3: why would y'all? They need to make it so undesirable

970
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,440
Speaker 3: that people are forced to change because unfortunately a lot

971
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,359
Speaker 3: of abusers are narcissists and the only thing. The only

972
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 3: way that they will change if they know that it's

973
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:19,880
Speaker 3: going to impact them and force them to. Yeah, So

974
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,720
Speaker 3: like higher penalties for this. Domestic violence should off bucks

975
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 3: be a felony, like it should be a fell in

976
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 3: charge and it's not. There should be more counseling, shelters,

977
00:53:35,719 --> 00:53:42,399
Speaker 3: rescue places, mobile emergency services, help with sneaking people out,

978
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 3: kid arrangements for things like this.

979
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 2: There should be so much.

980
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 3: Different things that are in place because of it, Like

981
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 3: I said, because of the intersectionality, and because it does

982
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 3: take so much to escape. Attackers are usually not just violent,

983
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 3: but they're verbally abusive, they're financially abusive, and all of

984
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 3: these types of violence are fatal, like sex abuse, die

985
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 3: from anything from any of these It can literally drive

986
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 3: someone to just killing themselves because they can't handle it anymore.

987
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 2: So there needs to be a lot of things in place,

988
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:21,760
Speaker 2: and it's swept under.

989
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 3: The rug and they do these campaigns and say, well,

990
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 3: the money's going here and the money's going there, and

991
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 3: then when we asked to see where the money was

992
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 3: put into, we don't really see anything.

993
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 2: Right, So that's that was a long answer.

994
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:40,560
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but like so much on the community level,

995
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,240
Speaker 3: we can do support groups for victims.

996
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 1: I would just about to say that we can.

997
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 3: Look out for neighbors. I know that especially again in

998
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 3: our community, we don't. We like to mind our business

999
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 3: like that's just how we were raised, what we were taught.

1000
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 3: But some things that we should just not ignore. And

1001
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,320
Speaker 3: again that's a whole nother fear that a lot of

1002
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,200
Speaker 3: people face is when they get involved, what happens to them?

1003
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 3: And that's a valid fear. Yeah, And there definitely needs

1004
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:10,000
Speaker 3: to be more local police support and outreads to these

1005
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 3: things because there's too many lives being lost due to

1006
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,320
Speaker 3: something that could have easily been prevented.

1007
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 1: Right, And there also need to be more open conversations

1008
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: about this fact. Yeah, I think that we need to

1009
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,759
Speaker 1: definitely be more vocal about this so you know, we

1010
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:29,879
Speaker 1: don't have to keep having these conversations.

1011
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1012
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. And last, but not least, is there any advice

1013
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: that you would like to share with others who may

1014
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 1: have experienced a similar situation or if someone is concerned

1015
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:48,440
Speaker 1: about someone who has ooh, so.

1016
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:51,360
Speaker 3: The advice for anyone who has experienced some things similar

1017
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 3: or it's still and well, if anyone is still in

1018
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:58,600
Speaker 3: a situation like this, I would advise that they work

1019
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 3: towards an escape plan because the cycle does not end.

1020
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 3: There may be years in between, it could be a

1021
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 3: decade in between, actually, but.

1022
00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: The cycle does not end. And for people who have

1023
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,560
Speaker 2: already experienced this are still growing from it.

1024
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 3: Talk to someone or find a hobby, do a diary, therapy,

1025
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 3: any type of thing that keeps you, like mentally grounded

1026
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 3: and understanding, like your worth is everything, and that you're

1027
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 3: not a victim anymore. You are a survivor. You've survived it,

1028
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,919
Speaker 3: and the next step is to just keep going, even

1029
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:35,839
Speaker 3: if that is just like one day at a time,

1030
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 3: sometimes one minute at a time and one second at

1031
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 3: a time.

1032
00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 2: But as long as you get through it, it'll be better.

1033
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 1: Right And on a positive note, speaking in light of

1034
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:50,839
Speaker 1: keep going, my guess is getting her NBA. So I'm

1035
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 1: super proud of you. And where are you getting get NBA?

1036
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 2: In ya want to say, I do not want to

1037
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 2: disclose any information.

1038
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 1: I'll tell you like you know, okay, well you told me,

1039
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 1: But I just want to share because I want to

1040
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 1: get people, let them know that there is light at

1041
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:08,240
Speaker 1: the end of the tunnel.

1042
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 3: There definitely is, and I wish I was comfortable because

1043
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 3: I know the information that I could share, like it's

1044
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 3: safe to share. Like I understand it's safe to share. However,

1045
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 3: it's just so much things going through mentally that it is.

1046
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 3: It changes the way I see, Like, yeah.

1047
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: Listen, if you're not comfortable, there's nothing wrong with that.

1048
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: But I just want to let people know, like you're

1049
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 1: doing a damn thing.

1050
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 2: And I got three point seven GPA. I took no

1051
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 2: breaks from this. Come on.

1052
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 3: I literally stayed in school this whole time and then

1053
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:46,560
Speaker 3: actually changed my concentration to trauma crisis.

1054
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:48,200
Speaker 2: It was addictions at first.

1055
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm gonna help some people, like

1056
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 3: I really want to work with a specific population minority

1057
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:57,960
Speaker 3: is actually I want to work in poverty, stricten areas,

1058
00:57:58,040 --> 00:57:59,959
Speaker 3: areas that have high crime.

1059
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,439
Speaker 2: I'm high domestic violent raids.

1060
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:04,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and really put myself and because I can talk

1061
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 3: about it all I want, you know, I can tell

1062
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 3: my story to everybody, but that doesn't reach everybody.

1063
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so that's that's the plan. Well.

1064
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: I thought this was an amazing conversation. I am so

1065
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 1: happy that I kept dming you.

1066
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:22,920
Speaker 2: No, thank you.

1067
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 3: I am so sorry and I appreciate you giving me

1068
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 3: space because when I said, like, mentally, I couldn't do

1069
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:31,120
Speaker 3: it after that first one I did, I didn't expect

1070
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 3: what I was getting back.

1071
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 2: And that's also a reason why, like I had to.

1072
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 3: Deactivate some stuff because it was so much of it

1073
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:39,960
Speaker 3: and it was so much overload for me and I

1074
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 3: was freaking out. And but you were the only one

1075
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 3: that was like, yeah, just let me know. And you know,

1076
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 3: when you did message me, it was like are you okay?

1077
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 3: Like you became like a friend in a way, and

1078
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 3: I appreciated that because I needed that and you did

1079
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 3: not rush my response and it was so kind and thoughtful.

1080
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 2: Could I still thank you?

1081
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 3: That's people that I know if I were to reactivate

1082
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 3: it after telling them I'm that it was from my

1083
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 3: mental health, so it'll be like, oh, but we'll pay

1084
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 3: you for this.

1085
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 2: And it's like, well, you know it's sad. Yeah, it's

1086
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 2: actually really sad.

1087
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: No, I care about your mental health. I feel like

1088
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:23,000
Speaker 1: you are you are a reflection of me. So once

1089
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:24,280
Speaker 1: you said that, I'm like, you know what, let me

1090
00:59:24,320 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 1: just get from some space, make sure she good, and

1091
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 1: when the time was right, it would happen.

1092
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 2: Yes, And that's what you did. And I came back

1093
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: and I was like, right, I'm sorry.

1094
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:34,280
Speaker 1: And when you said that, I was like, wait, so

1095
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: she's gonna do it because it just came out of nowhere, Like.

1096
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 2: I did some intense therapy, I'm telling you, Like I

1097
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,120
Speaker 2: was in that, I was really trying to figure it out.

1098
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 3: And it took my neighbor. Talking to my neighbor who

1099
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Speaker 3: was like, do you know many people you could touch

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00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 3: with this and do it?

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00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, your story. One of the

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00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: things I said about professional homegirls is you just never

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00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 1: know how your storyline can be someone else's lifeline. And

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Speaker 1: I know for a fact you are a blessing man.

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Speaker 1: When people see you and hear your stories, I can

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01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: only imagine how far this is gonna take you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, And you are a blessing as well. You

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01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 2: are doing the God.

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01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 3: You are doing God's work, like you're giving people a

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01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:24,960
Speaker 3: platform to speak about things like this, and that's commendable.

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01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 3: That takes an incredible amount of strength, and it puts

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01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 3: a burden on you to an extent as well, not

1113
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 3: sharing the story, but you know, sharing in that trauma

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01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 3: in the moment, and then you know that's something that

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01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 3: you carry with you, but you are able to find

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01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:41,480
Speaker 3: the strength of be like you know what.

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01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:44,480
Speaker 2: These people need this too, and I appreciate that. I

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01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 2: love that.

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01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. No, I appreciate you, and I'm

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01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 1: so happy we connect it and we're gonna stay in touch.

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01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,320
Speaker 1: And if anybody want to help my listener, I normally

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01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 1: don't do this, but it is on my heart. Y'all

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01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 1: want to help my listener with her medical bills, please

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01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 1: dm me, email me a hello at the PhD podcast

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01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 1: dot To my guests, thank you so much. We're gonna

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01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 1: definitely keep in contact. I'm gonna definitely have you paint

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01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,440
Speaker 1: me something that she's an amazing artist. And to the listeners,

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01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 1: if you have any questions coming some concerns, please make

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01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 1: sure to email me and hello at the psgpodcast dot com.

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Speaker 1: And until next time, everyone Later you're not gonna say bye.

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01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 2: I'm sorry bye.

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Speaker 1: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black

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01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

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01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 1: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,

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01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,920
Speaker 1: and you can connect with me on social media at

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01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 1: the PhD Podcast