1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,240 Speaker 1: Buckle up, hold on tight, I have it for you 2 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: the straw Berry Thank you, nephew. Subject my husband pace 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: for sex dis Shirley and Steve. I am forty five 4 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,880 Speaker 1: and my husband is forty six. We've been married for 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: almost eighteen years and have four children. Sex between us 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: was really good and often. My husband wanted sex any 7 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: time he saw me. I thought it was borderline neurotic, 8 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: but my ego and my husband made me believe it 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 1: was all about me. For a few years, it was 10 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 1: every day, but eventually I got bored with it, and 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: kids came along and life required that I do other things. 12 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: This became a point of contention for us. I tried 13 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 1: to accommodate him as best I could, but eventually he 14 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: started cheating on me, and for the most part, I 15 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: forgave him. We remained together and then had our twins, 16 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,240 Speaker 1: but from that point forward, sex was something I did 17 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: because I had to, or when I felt the urge to, 18 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: but never when he wanted it, and mostly with an attitude. Recently, 19 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: I've found out that he was having sexually explicit conversations 20 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: with women on Facebook and exchanging naked pictures of himself. 21 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: Even some people who were friends with me. I never 22 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: expected that part, but here we are. In the past 23 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: few months, he has been having a lot of difficulty 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: paying his portion of the bills, but when I asked 25 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,559 Speaker 1: him about it, he couldn't explain where his money was going. 26 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,520 Speaker 1: Then one weekend, after he missed the payment for our 27 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: kids karate and dance lessons, we had a big argument 28 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: and he blurted out that he had been paying for sex. 29 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: I was floored. He blamed me for not satisfying him 30 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: like a wife as supposed to, and stormed out of 31 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,760 Speaker 1: the house. Under normal circumstances, this would be it. But 32 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: here is where I am confused. In the past few years, 33 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: I've become spiritual and a practicing Christian. I know I 34 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: took vows to be with this man, but that was 35 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: before God and Church and Christianity was really a part 36 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: of my life. I love Church and I love God 37 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,960 Speaker 1: in a way that I never did before, and I 38 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: want to do what is expected of me. But I 39 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 1: can't believe that God wants me to stay with this 40 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: man who has done this to our relationship. With my help, 41 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,239 Speaker 1: I guess anyway. I know I have to forgive him, 42 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: but I don't think I can ever sleep with this 43 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: man again? Do I have to stay and try to 44 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 1: work this out. I'm at my wits end. He barely 45 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: even acknowledged what he has done and still tries to 46 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: sleep with me every night. I'm hurt and insulted, but 47 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,120 Speaker 1: I want to do what is right in a faithful way. 48 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: Please help. You are married to someone really ridiculous. In 49 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: my opinion. He has no priorities, no loyalties, no appreciation, 50 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 1: no commitment to you, to the marriage, to God, to anything, 51 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: to nothing. I mean, this is just stupid. You forgave 52 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 1: him once it meant nothing to him. He just made 53 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:56,920 Speaker 1: everything worse. Uh. That's why forgiveness is really not for 54 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: the other person, It's for you, so you can move on. 55 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: This is a marriage on paper only, it's not a 56 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: real marriage because no husband would would, or even should 57 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 1: ever treat their wife like this. I mean, I say, 58 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,920 Speaker 1: get out of this mess. I know you're struggling with 59 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: being a Christian and getting a divorce. I know that's 60 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: what you're saying in the last part of your letter, 61 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 1: but I gotta tell you there are many divorce Christians 62 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: who have moved on with their lives. So if you 63 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 1: want out at this point, you know you you have 64 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: to get out. I mean, you deserve to be happy, 65 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: not only for yourself, but to show your kids a 66 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: better life too. Steve, you know you had a husband, 67 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: you always having six every single day for damn the 68 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:50,120 Speaker 1: eighteen years. What who got discuss somebody ain't working, somebody 69 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: somebody ain't doing nothing at going wrong? Eighteen year every 70 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: damn day. I mean, man, come on, kids came along 71 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: and you got boyed, because you know, when kids come along, 72 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: there's other stuff you gotta do. So you tried to 73 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: commodate Hi best I could, but eventually he started cheating 74 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 1: on me. For the most part, I forgive I guess 75 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 1: he explained to you that the reason he started cheating 76 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: on you was because you wasn't putting out no more. 77 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: We remained together and then we had our twins. From 78 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: that point on, sex was something I did because I 79 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: had to or felt the urge to, or when I 80 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 1: felt the urge to, but never when he wanted it, 81 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: and mostly with the attitude I don't won't no mad 82 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: sex angry. I don't like it. It's just looks like 83 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: what you're looking at me, like that fun. I don't 84 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: won't no mad angry sex. It's like having if if 85 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: you're if your sex life was a video game, it'd 86 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: be angry. You're just flying over there, they're knocking stove over. 87 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 1: I don't want no mad sex. Get your nails out. 88 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: My damn stop up like that. It's angry right here? 89 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: Why you slap me that damn hot? Hate you? Hen baby, 90 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: slap me in my mom? I slap you on your head. 91 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: We're wrong? Did you finish yet? What? Diday? No, I'm not, 92 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: but the hell I'm about to be forget it? Just 93 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,720 Speaker 1: forget it. Yeah, don't, no, don't, nobody won't all that. 94 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's get to part two of your 95 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: response to today's Strawberry letter. Let me explain to you. 96 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: Man pays for sex, spit your baby karate money. You 97 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 1: don't spend the baby's money though, Steve. Come on now, 98 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: I know, I know, but let me tell you what 99 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: the man what if me and you ain't kicking it 100 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: no more, then the baby don't need to be kicking. 101 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: If me and you ain't kicking, if your baby's gonna 102 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: be going, you are wrong. I spent the baby karate. 103 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 1: Here a part where to let a turk a little turn. 104 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 1: She tried to go spiritual. I become spiritual and a 105 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: practicing Christian. I know it took vials to be my man, 106 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: but that was before God, Church and Christianity was really 107 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: a part of my life. I love Church. I love 108 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: God in a way I never did before. And I 109 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: want to do what's expecting to me. But I can't 110 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,840 Speaker 1: believe that God wants me to stay with this man 111 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: who has done this time relationship with my help, I 112 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 1: guess anyway. I know I had to forgive him, but 113 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 1: I don't think I can ever sleep with this man again. 114 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,159 Speaker 1: Do I have to stay and try to work this out? 115 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: I'm at my what's end? He barely ever knowledge that 116 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: he's done, and and still try to sleep with me 117 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: every night. I'm hurting and saw it. But what do 118 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: I do that what is right? In a faithful way? 119 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 1: Please help? First of all, let me play something. Don't 120 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: drag the Lord in't it? Because see, the Lord wasn't 121 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: on Facebook, The Lord wasn't spending the kids karate money. 122 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 1: You know, the the the Lord wasn't having sex every 123 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: day for eighteen years. And that's that's that's let's let's 124 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: stop making him the easy because you didn't found him. Now, 125 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: listen to me. Voals get taken by two people. See, 126 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: two people take them vials, not just you. Two people 127 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: take them vials. So now as two people have got 128 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 1: to hold up the end of the deal. Now, if 129 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: he ain't gonna hold up his end of the deal, 130 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: then it ain't no deal uphold. Now what what? Whatnot? Now? 131 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 1: What they gotta do with you being a Christian? Or now? 132 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 1: And Charlot is correct about that. A lot of Christians 133 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: get divorced. I know ministers that get divorced. If you 134 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: don't pick the wrong one, you pick the wrong one. 135 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: What you wanna do? You wanna stay with him? Go ahead. 136 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: You have a mention in this letter that this man 137 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: a good husband because he ain't a good father. He 138 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: ain't got no time. You ain't really saying nothing. The 139 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: problem with this man is, oh, this man won't it 140 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: is oh no, alright, Steve, we gotta get out of here. 141 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: You can email us or Instagram. That's your thoughts on 142 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter. At my Girls, Shirley, you're listening to 143 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show.